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#beach bod
gymandcoffee12 days ago
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still waiting for my new suits to get here 馃ズ馃
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donidoodles2 months ago
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Artfight attack this year for @sweet-tweeties. Kat knows exactly what she鈥檚 doing here. Bennett? Not a thought in that sweet head of his.
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acelessthan35 months ago
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Step 1: 3 mile run to the beach
Step 2: ass out on a log
Step 3: low-flying aircraft
Step 4: fuck I have to run to get home too
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horseypete11 months ago
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Uhm if I didn鈥檛 like Adam Lambert enough already - yes. Please.
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channeln06 months ago
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Purple Eduardo Perez from "Despicable Me 2".
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oisinwrites2 months ago
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A Sizzling Simpsons Summer - A Summer-themed Simpsons fan-fiction
(PS. I recommend seeing the film 鈥渆nter the dragon鈥 starring Bruce Lee to get the reference in this fan-fic, it is available on Netflix.)
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It was a beautiful summer鈥檚 day in Springfield. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Ms. Hoover was giving her class some last-minute revision on geography before the end-of-school bell. 鈥淢s. Hoover?鈥 said Ralph, raising his hand, 鈥淚s Mr. Dwayne Johnson an igneous, a sedimentary, or a basalt?鈥. 鈥淔or the last time, Ralph,鈥 said Ms. Hoover, 鈥淢r. Dwayne Johnson is not actually a rock. It is just a wrestling title鈥. 鈥淪o... Mr. John Cena is a sedimentary?鈥 asked Ralph. Ms. Hoover sighed. She wished that for once she could teach geography without the class being distracted by wrestling. Yes, nature had many great under-takers, like how sand was really rock that had been undertaken by the force of the water, but that had nothing to do with Dwayne Johnson or the Undertaker. This was why she regretted explaining erosion by calling it a "great undertaker". Nature also had many powerful forces of great mightiness, but that had nothing to do with the might or power displayed by two wrestlers in the ring. neither did the arctic or the tundra have anything to do with "stone cold" Steve Austin. 聽
聽 When Ms. Hoover鈥檚 back was turned, Ralph was hit on the head by an actual rock which came in from the window left open. 鈥淲aaahh Ms. Hoover!鈥 sniffled Ralph, 鈥淢r Dwayne Johnson hit me!鈥. 聽鈥淕oodness gracious!鈥 gasped Ms. Hoover, her back still turned, 鈥淪urely Dwayne Johnson wouldn鈥檛 hit a child!鈥. 聽She then turned around and saw what was really happening. 鈥淗aw-Haw!鈥 jeered Nelson, as he leaned in through the window and pointed. 鈥淵ou got kissed by Dwayne Johnson! You鈥檙e gay for Dwayne Johnson!鈥. 聽Nelson was on punishment and was meant to be assisting Groundskeeper Willy, but kept finding ways to distract himself and make mischief. 鈥淵ah wee runt!鈥 came the Groundskeeper鈥檚 shrill Scottish accent. 鈥滱h鈥檒l challenge ye to a wrestlin鈥 match o鈥 me own, and ye鈥檒l be pebble-dashed!鈥. 聽But the match was over before the Scotsman had even suggested it; Nelson pulled a rope hanging from a tree which released a bee-hive, landing on Willy. 聽 Martin got up, picked up the literal rock and correctly identified it as igneous. He then went on to say that although it deserves a place on the nature table, it is nothing compared to the great Rock himself. 聽A cynical Lisa told Martin that WWE wrestling was 鈥渃horeographed鈥 and 鈥渓ame鈥, but that Japanese sumo wrestling was more 鈥渃ultured鈥 and 鈥渁uthentic鈥. 聽Good grief, thought Ms. Hoover, even the very clever pupils like Lisa and Martin were obsessed with wrestling. 聽Being obsessed with how fake wrestling is was still an obsession with wrestling and sumo was just another form of wrestling to be obsessed with. great, thought Ms. hoover, this little girl is obsessed with wrestling and Japan too.聽聽
聽 Ms. Hoover then heard the sound that made her wonder how much time had been wasted, the end-of-school bell. No hurricane, no tsunami, no geographical force of any kind could compare with the torrent of happy children bursting out of the classrooms and all through the corridors while exhausted teachers wondered if their pupils had learned nothing from all those fire-drills. The teachers in Springfield elementary also looked forward to summer break, but not for quite the same reasons as the kids.
聽 All around Springfield, lots of happy children were running merrily home, to find out from their parents what the plans for summer break were going to be. Rod and Todd were delighted to hear from Mr. Flanders that they were going to Bible Camp, but it wasn鈥檛 simply called 鈥淏ible Camp鈥. It was 鈥淏aaaiiibuhl Caymp鈥, and it was always spelled that way on every sign. 聽As Ned drove his two sons on the long road-trip, passing many signs saying 鈥淵ou are now *this distance* from Baaaiiibuhl Caymp鈥. 聽The boys asked repeatedly, 鈥淎re we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?!鈥. 聽Normally their favourite game was the Sit-Still-and-Be-Quiet game, but when it came to this summer camp, they couldn鈥檛 contain themselves. Ned reminded his two sons about parts of the bible where patience was mentioned. At last, they reached the archway entrance which read 鈥淏aaaiiibuhl Caymp鈥. 鈥淗ere we are boys鈥 announced Mr. Flanders. 聽鈥淵aaaaaayyy!鈥 cheered the brothers, as they made fists and put their arms out through the car windows.
聽 Meanwhile, the Simpsons, who lived next door to the Flanders鈥 residence, were getting ready for the beach, but Homer was having a falling-out with an old friend he thought he had been getting on well with, the mirror. 聽He did talk about it with his wife Marge. 聽He would lean over to her, in a way that made it look like he was trying to be discreet, but was very dramatic, and speak in a voice that sounded like it was meant to be whispering but was quite loud and say 鈥淧ssst... I don鈥檛 think the mirror likes me, it鈥檚 not being very flattering鈥! Now that the mirror was seeing Homer in his swim-suit, the mirror didn鈥檛 have anything nice to say about how his swim-suit suited him. 聽The mirror told Homer that he was fat, ugly, middle-aged and bald. 聽鈥淥h, why does the mirror hate me?鈥 moaned homer, 鈥淲hat did I ever do to you?!鈥 he wailed. 聽In a fit of rage, Homer pounded the mirror with his fists, the mirror cracking slightly with each pound. 鈥淲HAT DID I DO TO YOU?鈥 he screamed. 鈥淗mmm, be careful, Homer" cautioned Marge, 鈥淭hat鈥檚 a fragile mirror鈥. 聽As Homer gave it one more pound, the mirror couldn鈥檛 take any more and it all fell to the floor in a heap of glass shards. 聽Overcome with grief and remorse, homer fell on his knees and sobbed. 鈥淲hat have I done, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!鈥 he wept.
聽 When he had pulled himself together, he ran into the bathroom, grabbed the box of band-aids and ran back to the broken mirror. He was now figuring out how to fit the shards together like a jigsaw puzzle and using band-aids to stick them together. When he was finished this, he examined his hands which were cut and bleeding from the glass he鈥檇 been handling, and said 鈥淣ow for some band-aids... DOH!鈥. 聽It had just dawned on him that he had used up the band-aids in fixing the mirror, so he ran into the bathroom again and covered his hands in toilet-roll. 聽鈥淒OH!鈥 he grimaced again, when Marge pointed out that the mirror was now useless, as it was so covered in pink band-aids that you could barely see anything in it.聽聽
聽 All in one big hurry, Homer kissed Marge goodbye, put the broken mirror in the trunk of his car, and drove off. 聽 Homer stopped in the middle of a bridge, looked around to make sure no-one was seeing him, and dumped the mirror in an already polluted and rubbish-filled river, before driving back home again. 聽His driving was a bit hap-hazard, as it was a little harder to drive with hands wrapped in toilet paper, but he just about managed not to crash the car. 聽He was still convinced that no-one had seen him, but he hadn鈥檛 seen the two Native Americans crying on each others shoulders.
Back at Baaaiiibuhl Caymp, one of the camp leaders was preaching to the kids that sex, drugs and rock music were bad. 聽鈥淲hen you鈥檙e old enough to do it, don鈥檛 do it!鈥 she said. rod and Todd shocked the very religious children they were grouped with 聽when todd stood up, pointed 聽and said 鈥淗ey, why are you preaching abstinence when it鈥檚 clear from the look in your eyes what you鈥檝e been doing last night?鈥 and Rod chimed in with 鈥測eah, we may be just kids, but we're not stupid!鈥. their group all turned around at them and gasped. At this camp, no-on spoke to a camp leader this way, or said the word 鈥渟tupid鈥. Her boyfriend came over, who was an equally woozy and bloodshot-eyed camp leader, and said 鈥淵eah kids, when you鈥檙e old enough to do it, don鈥檛 do it, now its time for a wholesome camping song with Christian themes that鈥檙e better than rock music!鈥. After this shocking moment, commotion spread like wildfire among the religious Christian community and the parents of children attending Baaaiiibuhl Caymp were getting very shocking phone calls.
聽 Meanwhile, the Simpsons were looking for a new mirror and paying a visit to the grand mirror emporium at the Springfield mall. 聽They were amazed by how many shapes and sizes of mirrors there were, and how many times they could see themselves reflected with mirror in mirror in mirror. 聽Bart made some gurning faces that were reflected so many times that an extremely posh lady fainted with shock. 聽A suspicious-looking Chinese man with shifty eyes hid himself among the mirrors and said 鈥渉aw-haw, he鈥檒l never find me here!鈥. 聽Another Chinese man, topless, bushy-haired and wielding a nunchaku, came in and said, 鈥淎h-hah! The enemy uses mirror images to hide their true intentions, the key is to destroy the mirror images!鈥. he began kicking, punching and swinging his nunchaku, striking each mirror in quick succession. He was soon caught by the mall cops for breaking all the mirrors, and as they forcefully pushed him out, he screamed 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 understand, that man is a super-villain!鈥.
鈥淭hese mirrors are still not being very nice鈥 complained Homer. 聽鈥淔or goodness鈥 sake, you鈥檙e just self-conscious because you need to lose some weight,鈥 truth-bombed Marge. 鈥淏ut Marge, nothing motivates me!鈥 moaned Homer. 聽Just then, an ad came on a TV-screen, where McBain appeared and said 鈥淲at does your mirror image say abaht you? Are you ready to get into MCSHAPE!?鈥. 聽鈥淗i, I鈥檓 Troy McClure,鈥 began 聽Troy McClure, 鈥 You may remember me from such rude interruptions where I don鈥檛 belong as...鈥. 鈥淗ey, dis is mah commercial!鈥 yelled McBain, as he picked up Troy with one hand and hurled him off the screen. 聽He then went on to tell you about the convertible, multi-purpose, high-tech MCSHAPE fitness machine. 聽鈥淗mmn, this must be good product if its endorsed by an action movie star,鈥 mused Homer. 聽鈥淟ook, its in the shop just opposite this one鈥 said Marge. 聽鈥淥h, I have to walk鈥 cried Homer, but as the ad ended with McBain saying 鈥淵ou can also buy my new book, the MCSHAPE diet and fitness regime鈥 Homer felt a new wave of motivation.
聽 The Simpsons went home with a new mirror, the MCSHAPE fitness machine and McBains new book, but not before Homer鈥檚 butt-crack being reflected many times caused the same posh lady, who had just recovered from barts gurning, to faint again. Homer did get into great shape and got lots of compliments, especially from Apu at the kwik-e-mart. 聽At the beach, Homer made new friends who he played volleyball with, and was now strong enough to use the kids as volleyballs, but Marge tried to tell him politely that they didn鈥檛 like being hurled in this way
聽 At home in the Flanders鈥 house, Ned didn鈥檛 believe what he was being told on the phone. 聽He kept insisting that Rod and Todd are such good little boys. 聽Surely they wouldn鈥檛 make such speculations, or say the word 鈥淪tupid鈥. 聽While Maude writhed in horror, saying over and over again 鈥淪omeone please think of the children!鈥, Ned slammed the phone down and turned on TV. 聽Ned and Maude thought a bit of the Christian channel would help them forget the ordeal, but its regular programming was interrupted by Kent Brockman reporting from the scene of Baaaiiibuhl Caymp with breaking news about the sex scandal. They were shocked to see the pictures and hear the names of Christian Christenson and Angelina Engel, as they knew them to be camp leaders, and thought they were more godly people. Kent asked Reverend Lovejoy for his comment, but the surprisingly un-religious priest made comments like 鈥淥h who cares?鈥 and 鈥淒id I drive all the way here for this?鈥 without actually commenting on the situation. 聽
聽 Annoyed by the lack of responsiveness, Kent switched his attention to Chief Wiggum who said, 鈥漊m... it鈥檚 not technically a crime, but it鈥檚 a very major scandal, which is why we, the Springfield Police, are here.鈥 聽While Homer was working out in his front yard, Ned leaned over the fence and cried 鈥淗omer, the un-thingly-inkable has happened!鈥. 聽鈥淲hat is it?鈥 said Homer, pausing his crunches. 鈥淏y the way, you鈥檝e gotten in darn-doodly great shapily-ape!鈥 complimented Ned, 鈥淏ut there鈥檚 a more pressing matter, um, I don鈥檛 know how to say this but,鈥 he dropped to a whisper, 鈥淚ts a sex scandal in Baaaiiibuhl Caymp!鈥. 聽鈥淎re you planning to drive down there and see what鈥檚 going on?鈥 asked Homer. 聽鈥淧retty much what I was going to doodly-do,鈥 said Ned, 鈥渂ut I wanted to know if you鈥檙e willing to come with me? 聽You see, it would be good of you, but I can鈥檛 make you鈥. 聽鈥淗mm... I鈥檝e never been very religious or believed in Jeebus,鈥 considered Homer, 鈥渂ut maybe, just this once, I鈥檒l go with stupid Flanders鈥.
聽 Ned thanked Homer as they hopped in Ned鈥檚 car and began a long drive, eventually reaching Baaaiiibuhl Caymp. As it was dusk, Ned led the way with a flashlight and they were accompanied by the Springfield Police. 聽Their search led them to a tent pitched separately from the others. 聽As Ned鈥檚 flashlight and the police searchlights shone through the tent, two shadowed figures could be seen embracing each other. 聽Homer got down and lifted the tent from the bottom up. As the tent-pegs became undone, Homer flipped the tent from one side to the other, revealing the two camp leaders under one big duvet. 鈥淪o it鈥檚 true!鈥 gasped Ned 鈥淎nd wow Homer, you鈥檙e as strong as Samson!鈥. 聽鈥淣o, I鈥檓 Simpson鈥 said Homer. 鈥淣evermind鈥 sighed Ned.聽 鈥淗ey, my private life is private!鈥 said Angelina Engel. 鈥淵eah, bugger off!鈥 said Christian Christenson. 聽鈥淵ou both should look in a mirror鈥 scolded Homer, 鈥淓ven by my standards, you鈥檙e heretics!鈥. 聽Without anyone knowing what he was doing there, Nelson came out from behind a bush, pointed at the unscrupulous pair and laughed 鈥淗aw-haw!鈥. 聽He wasn鈥檛 even in this camp.
聽 The next day, Kent Brockman reported the sex scandal being resolved thanks to Homer鈥檚 great strength, and these two camp leaders were now banished in disgrace from Baaaiiibuhl Caymp. 聽Ned and Maude were greatly relieved watching the news report. 聽鈥淲ell I鈥檓 darn-doodly glad to see them cast out of Eden鈥 said Ned. 聽
聽 As the Simpsons saw the same news report, Bart said 鈥淲hat鈥檚 the big deal? They鈥檙e just pitching a tent!鈥. 聽"Bart, watch your language!鈥 said Marge. 鈥淏art, nothing鈥檚 really a big deal鈥 said Homer, 鈥淚t鈥檚 all just a buncha-stuff that happened, that鈥檚 all life is鈥. 聽鈥淗omer, isn鈥檛 it significant to you that you not only burned off that belly, but gained it back in muscle and now have this new bod?鈥 asked Marge. 聽鈥淲ell, except how sexy I am now鈥 said Homer, admiring his own biceps. 聽鈥淭he mirror and I are in agreement that my sexiness is a very big deal!鈥. 聽 聽 Both the Simpsons and the Flanders鈥檚 were looking forward to more of a great summer. The sex scandal in Baaaiiibuhl Caymp was resolved, the Simpsons were enjoying the beach life and homer had gotten in shape, but we all know he鈥檚 just going to go back to being fat in the next episode, as if nothing had ever happened.
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moonch-lda year ago
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Fun days in the sun 鈽锔
@irrevocable-exposure @silentfilmsincolor
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Volume 1 & 2 of the Blacksmith's Circus Series are free today and tomorrow!
Volume 1 & 2 of the Blacksmith鈥檚 Circus Series are free today and聽tomorrow!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CJeIdTZgP3W/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CJeFps2ANEH/
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eorzean-capitalista year ago
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Should I go with outfit 1 or 2?
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psykabraa year ago
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hergyschmergy2 years ago
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Dropping these here bc it鈥檚 summer and I like attention :3
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