Word Count: 1667
a/n: This wasn’t requested but I was really in my feels listening to Olivia so here’s this kinda angsty piece. Also, this is no hate to Zendaya.
Brown guilty eyes and little white lies, I played dumb but I always knew
Her heart ached, an ache that could be felt even though the rest of her body was numb. Her hands were sweaty, her shirt rumpled and hair a mess, she was a shell of who she used to be. She knew she shouldn’t let this ruin her, shouldn’t let this shatter her world. But here she is, staring at the pieces of her once happy self. The worst part? She knew the whole time.
The little friend dates that became more frequent, the staying longer in LA when he wasn’t filming, the posts on his Instagram story. All signs pointed to Y/N losing him. She never said anything, always responded with love, because that’s who she was, a lover not a fighter.
Although she wished she had fought for Tom, or maybe she wished he had fought for her. After 4 years she’d thought he would, or at least not cheated on her. Maybe it was the time apart, maybe it was that Zendaya was better than her, or maybe he just didn’t get lost in Y/N anymore, not the way she did in him.
That you’d talk to her, maybe even did even worse, I kept quiet so I could keep you
The bathroom door closed louder than she wanted it to behind her, but she was too focused on keeping her breathing normal to noticed. Why did she look? Why did she have to be curious? They were supposed to have a good night after so many bad ones. They had shared a nice dinner and watched a movie on the couch, holding eachother like they used to before everything changed. Then they had gotten into bed and Tom had turned over onto his other side to check his phone. Which was fair, they had both been radio silent for the last three hours and she almost followed suit. Until his text messages caught her eye.
She had promised herself she would never be that person, the significant other that would read messages over their lovers phone, but she couldn’t help herself. The red from the heart emoji had stolen her attention away from her own phone, at first she thought it was just his mom, she had been using the red heart for the past couple months constantly. But the capital Z as the contact name completely decimated those thoughts. Can’t wait to see you next week ❤️.
And ain’t it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits? Ain’t it funny how you said you were friends now it sure as hell don’t look like it
Her day had been filled with nothing other than tears, sad romcoms, and ice cream, as clique as that sounds. At least Tom had waited to break up with her until it was Friday, now she didn’t have to go into work and pretend everything was okay, she had a two day grieving period, hopefully that was long enough for her to get her emotions in check. 4 years down the drain, the happiest years of her life with what she thought was the love of her life. She didn’t know what to do, should she delete his number? She had almost done it right after the phone call, along with all of their pictures, but what if he called back? What if he wanted her back? She couldn’t lose that much of their relationship, all the happy times.
But now she knew he didn’t want her back, he wasn’t going to call or come home, he had everything he needed now. The pap pics of Tom and Zendaya kissing had reached Y/N, and it was crushing her even more. How could they do this? Zendaya was supposed to be her friend, Tom was supposed to be her forever. And here they are locking lips, trying to rub it in her face that they’re happy and she’s miserable.
Loved you at your worst but that didn’t matter
She remembers the last minute flight she took to see him last December, the one she almost lost her dream job for. But it was worth it for him. Tom had called her the Monday before and had cried on the phone to her about how stressed he was, how much he missed his family, how much he missed her. She had done her best to comfort him, but she was thousands of miles away.
After he had fallen asleep, her phone adorn with his perfectly handsome face, she had booked the flight, one that had costed a pretty penny. And then she was off, on her way to New York, where he was filming his new movie. The hug and kiss they had shared when they saw each other made her feel as if she was on cloud nine, lost in the sky but somehow grounded in his arms.
Usually after they had spent some time together, winding down from the day and rememorizing each others bodies, Tom would be fine, happy even. But the bags that hung under his eyes and the paleness of his face told a different story, he was exhausted.
He broke down that night, telling her everything that had been bothering him. How he wished he could just leave the movie, go home and see the people he loved most. He said he hated acting, something she never would have thought he would ever say, this was his passion, everything he had worked so hard for. She held him close, did her best to sooth him, and let him get everything out.
Now you bring her around just to shut me down, show her off like she’s a new trophy
When Nikki had invited her to the friends and family grill out, she had said no, before she even knew Tom was going to be there. Yeah, her and Harry hung out and maybe she took Paddy out for ice cream a couple times, but that doesn’t mean she’s still family. If anything she was an aquantince.
But of course Nikki had convinced her, along with the help of the youngest Holland brother, and here she stood, outside at one of the high top tables talking with Sam about a new cook book she had gotten. Sam was going on and on about why yellow onions are better than white ones when Tom and Zendaya walked in, looking as perfect as ever. Her breath had caught in her throat and her head had snapped back to look at Sam, his eyebrows drawn in confusion.
She gave a sorry excuse as to why she had to go, something about needing to grab a spice from the store before it closed. She hurriedly pushed through the crowd of people standing next to the door, spewing out a quick excuse me and a soft smile at them. She knew Tom had seen her, she had made direct eye contact with him.
When she finally made it to her car parked down the road, she felt helpless. There’s no way Tom didn’t know she was going to be there, she knew Sam had texted him about her being at the party. And he still brought Zendaya. Her world shattered all over again.
Remember when I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid
Memories flash across her eyes whenever she closes them, good and bad, ones she never wants to forget and ones she can’t seem to get rid of. Like the one where she had asked Tom if he would stay home instead of going to LA for the weekend for Zendaya’s birthday.
“I have to go, she’s my best friend,” He had said, a smile on his face as he looked at her, “I’ll be back by Tuesday, and you’ll have me all to yourself.” He kissed her on the forehead and ran his fingers through her hair lightly. “Don’t make a big deal out of nothing, yeah?”
Her eyes closed as she leaned her head against his shoulder, “You’ve spent so much time there recently, please just stay.” She knew this was an ultimatum and she hated it, choose me over her, she had thought. Every two weeks like clockwork he’d find a reason to end up in LA.
“I love you darling, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Don’t be so paranoid.” He was teasing her, his hands had slid down to her sides and tickled relentlessly until she burst out into laughter, “There’s my favorite smile.” Her heart sored.
I know you’ll never feel sorry for the way I hurt
She sat on their bed for the last time, looking at the picture of them at a friends wedding that sat on their bed side table, she had caught the bouquet that day. They had planned to change the picture when they got married, to a picture of their whole family at the wedding. But those plans were torn apart along with her heart.
As she went to leave she couldn’t help but pick the picture up, examine everything about it, they looked so in love, more than the bride and groom did. How could she have let her forever slip through her fingers.
She pulled the photo out of it’s frame and turned it over, she had almost forgot the note she had written on the back, to us, and the happy newlyweds, January 2019.She grabbed a pen from inside the drawer and scratched out the words that once resided on the page, she wrote a new note, one she hoped he would find. She wanted to hurt him.
God I wish you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.
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