Eurovision 2024: 38 songs, first impressions
Wake up, bitches, it's that time of the year again.
No, not Christmas. It's Eurovision time, aka the time when we can verbally destroy each other and call our neighbors "filthy traitors", but in the end we would still be united against the real enemy: the jury.
As we all know, last year Sweden won but Finland caught the Snitch or, to put it simply, Finland won our hearts, but since the newly crowned King of Europe Käärijä was too busy being majestic and Finland was too busy being precious, Sweden graciously offered to host the competition for its neighbor.
Yes, this is what happened. No, you don't remember something different.
And yes, I ultimately decided to follow this year's competition. As someone said in some old post, Eurovision is a bit like that toxic relationship you can't escape from. And maybe you don't really want to escape from it.
So, since we're trapped in this hellhole, at least let's enjoy our time together with a heavy dose of sarcasm and a sprinkle of wholesomeness. Eurovision might have flaws, but nothing is perfect in this world after all.
As per every year, I always do my first listening while doing my chores, so the songs are in the background and I have no idea who sings what or from what country they're from. I just let them flow and see if something gets my attention.
And this year a lot of them did! I couldn't identify a clear winner, but I found a ton of small, beautiful gems everywhere. Oh, this year seems very, very promising.
As always, this is my first listening: many more will follow and my opinions may drastically change. So please, don't take my comments too seriously: this is all for fun.
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ALBANIA
Pretty nice song and pretty nice rhythm, I really like it.
But also... I've been to Tirana in January and I've listened to the songs they have there. And even if this one is very good, I would've loved more true Albanian rhythm.
Still, this will probably end in my personal playlist, so that's a plus for me.
Vote: A Titan in disguise? *Greek mythology intensifies* *Cronus intensifies*
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ARMENIA
We all stan a song in Armenian and if you don't, you will start doing now because yes, we have Armenian and yes, it sounds great.
So let's all thank Armenia for bringing its beautiful language - along with some nice Balkan rhythm that kept slapping me in the face.
But you know me, I'm a simple Mediterranean: I hear Balkan rhythm, I love it.
Vote: I will always be a slut for Balkan rhythms
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AUSTRIA
If Armenia slapped me with Balkan rhythm, Austria bitchslapped me with the whole 1990 decade.
But you know me, I am a simple Millennial: I listen to something that seems to come straight from the 90s, I dance.
Vote: We! Will! Rave!
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AUSTRALIA
This was... good. Just good. And the singer is good too. Maybe even too good.
Sigh, Australia forgot again that this is Eurovision. Please, someone, remind them this is the show of fire, sparkles and insanity.
Vote: "What ya gonna do in the real world?" Easy, WE! WILL! RAVE!
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AZERBAIJAN
Luckily Azerbaijan remembered that hey, they're the country that delivers good stuff! They should bring a good song!
And so they did and delivered us a good song, with good verses and a wonderful chorus in Azerbaijani.
The only problem is that the chorus is much better than the verses and if the song was entirely in Azerbaijani, it would've been a banger. Unfortunately, it's just good.
Vote: great job, Azerbaijan. Next time, ditch English entirely
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BELGIUM
"Are you still playing the game?" If you mean The Game, I think we all lost it.
Vote: +1 for the power move of making everyone lose The Game
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CROATIA
As soon as I started listening to it, I was assaulted by a sick rhythm. Then by a guy who tells me he's a big boy. Then by his anxiety. Then by more sick rhythm.
Then by what is probably the greatest line ever said in the history of music:
One last thing: the singer's name is Baby Lasagna. Baby Lasagna. He's speaking to my Italian heart and, even more importantly, to my Italian stomach.
And you know me, I'm a simple Italian: food is mentioned, I vibe.
Vote: my cats will vote for him
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CYPRUS
Oh no, please help this young lady! She forgot she's from Cyprus and she should send sick bops in Greek!
Vote: it's not a bad song at all. It's just not Cyprus-worthy
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CZECHIA
Oh, sorry, I didn't know this was a therapy session. I'll wait in the hall.
Vote: it's not bad, it's just... nope
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DENMARK
After a lot of disappointing years, finally Denmark brought a great song! The singer is good, the rhythm is good and it deserves a place in the final.
Vote: it's not in Danish, but we can't have everything
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ESTONIA
This song is an instant favorite. Native language, sick rhythm, adorable weirdos, all in one package.
And let me repeat that: Estonian! Beautiful Estonian language! It was such a wonderful surprise to listen to it! I literally stopped what I was doing and perked my ears because mmmh, it sounds like Finnish, but it's not exactly Finnish... what's that? And it was Estonian.
I am in love <3
Vote: pure Moldovian spirit in Estonia? I approve.
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FINLAND
So, let's recap:
we have a singer named Windows95man.
He wears a blurred Windows logo and no pants.
He comes out from an egg made of jeans.
The other singer isn't always in tune and he's dressed in pieces of jeans that make him look like a paperman.
He has the balls to ask if there's anything wrong with how he dresses.
The song screams of the 90s.
And then, during the performance, a pair of shorts literally fell from the sky.
With fire.
If that's not pure Eurovision, I don't know what it is.
(And before you ask: of course they cannot use Finnish, only Käärijä can and only the next Käärijä will be allowed to use it.)
Vote: Even if Finland sent the worst, most boring singer ever, for this year I would've given it a free pass. But Finns are such bosses, they decided to send this. Respect only
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FRANCE
And here on the right, you can see the French Frenching harder than ever.
Vote: a song named "Mon Amour". Seriously. Seriously. What will be the next one about? La Tour Eiffel? Oh wait, you already did that
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GERMANY
I'm mad because I already know this song will get zero points just because "iT's GeRmAnY", even if it's actually good.
Vote: thank you Germany for still sending good songs. You deserve more
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GEORGIA
You're "rising from the ashes like a phoenix"? Well, now I remember Conchita Wurst with Rise like a phoenix, which is way way WAY better than this song.
And since Conchita is Austrian, I also remembered the memo we got this year, which is one and one only: WE! WILL! RAVE!
Vote: more rave, less this
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GREECE
What? What? What do my ears hear? Greek rhythm? Greek language? And it comes together with a more modern vibe?
See, Greece? SEE? This is how you do things well. This is how you choose a good singer to represent your country. Thank you, Greece, for finally picking someone competent and not the umpteenth child.
Vote: finally, a song Greece-worthy
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ICELAND
I don't know why, but this song reminds me of another, more famous song. Can't exactly pinpoint which one, but it's way too familiar and I don't like it.
Vote: as soon as it was over, I forgot it
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IRELAND
And here on the left, you can see Ireland coming back to their roots, aka the most insane, batshit crazy stuff they have, stuff that will make you question what the heck happens on that island and if everyone's okay.
Vote: not a favorite, but it's definitely something I've never heard before. So that's a plus
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ISRAEL
I still have no idea why Israel is here, but I suppose that some have a free pass for killing innocents.
The singer isn't bad either, but the rhythm keeps reminding me of another, more famous song. Just like Iceland, I don't remember exactly which one, except that the famous one was better.
Vote: you shouldn't even be here
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ITALY
I already made a post commenting the Italian songs from this year and told a couple things about Angelina Mango and this song's meaning.
Here I can only reconfirm that this song is still a huge bop, the southern rhythm is still my Roman Empire and we may still have some chances of winning this year's Eurovision.
Vote: her southern accent my beloved
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LATVIA
The rhythm isn't so bad, but it's just so. Very. Forgettable.
But hey, I suppose it's good for re-listening, because I listened to it twice and both times it was like listening to it for the first time.
I didn't like it both times, but that's a detail.
Vote: just as forgettable as the Icelandic one
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LITHUANIA
You know, I respect Lithuania. Their songs are not my favorite, but they keep using their own beautiful language. Hence why, they deserve a place in the final.
Vote: keep showing us the beautiful Lithuanian language, I believe that one day I will find I song I like
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LUXEMBOURG
Do you know what I feared the most this year? That Luxembourg came back after 30 years and the song was shit. That they showed us something stale and boring.
But Luxembourg stepped in like the queen of the party and said: "Please, hold both my French and my English, because I can and I will drop something sick". And so they did.
Amazing rhythm, amazing singer, amazing return.
Vote: Luxembourg is back and wants to win
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MALTA
Malta is my personal Sweden. Even when they send a song I don't really like (like this one), it's just weak. I don't remember a song coming from them that I considered truly "bad".
I don't know what kind of sorcery Malta does, but it works on me every year.
Vote: Malta has too much power on me
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MOLDOVA
Don't worry, Moldova: you can't always be the best every year. You deserve to relax once in a while and this year you've been covered by a lot of other countries.
Vote: it's not the huge bop you would expect from Moldova, but that's okay. I'll let it pass, because Moldova always does great things for Eurovision
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THE NETHERLANDS
This song has a lot of amazing things.
First, the language: thank God, the Netherlands are still sending songs in their native language as it should be. It's beautiful to listen to it and I love to hear words that kinda remind me of both German and English.
Second: despite what it seems, this song isn't a satire/parody of Europe. On the contrary, it's a celebration of how open Europe is and how easy it is to travel without borders.
And it may seem normal for us because we're used to it now, but I visited Albania this January and there were a shit ton of controls and checks to do. While last time I went to Greece, all I had to do was walk down a corridor, show my ID card and everything was fine. The open borders truly are a victory for everyone who likes to travel - and a sign of how much better Europe is. So a song celebrating them is very much appreciated.
Third: the song isn't just about open borders! It's about a man remembering his parents, about how much he still misses them. And it's about his victory. In the end, he's literally telling them: look, dad and mom, I finally made it to Eurovision.
And these soft, wholesome things always get me in my cold heart <3
Vote: top of the final chart, no questions
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NORWAY
Let's all thank Norway for bringing the folk theme, along with their beautiful language.
I don't know what happened this year, but we are blessed by so many beautiful languages it truly seems like Eurovision and not Englishvision.
Vote: a bit too many screams, but I appreciate the enthusiasm of speaking in your native language
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POLAND
Poland learned from last year and instead of bringing another ball of nothing, they brought a song more fitting for their vibes.
It's in English tho, and that's very sad because Polish is a nice language. But at least the singer is good and in tune.
Vote: She built the tower. If it's the one from Stephen King's series, then we should have a chat
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PORTUGAL
Portugal did a miracle last year, by bringing a song I actually liked. So in order to be coherent, this year they brought another boring, forgettable song.
Vote: nothing good lasts forever
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SAN MARINO
Don't worry, people, San Marino will bring all the party vibes we need. It will take them some time to come, because they took a detour to Spain, but the vibes are still great.
Vote: maybe this year they won't be the usual traitors and give us 12 points
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SERBIA
Serbian lyrics? Yes, please!
And even if this song has some ballad vibes, it's not the umpteenth boring ballad. It's a very nice, soft song and the singer's voice is good too.
Vote: great job, Serbia
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SLOVENIA
A song in Slovenian? We stan! We all stan!
I'm not sure I like the "rrruaph!" sound, but the use of a native language and the dark vibes are very appreciated.
Vote: all these countries are spoiling us with their beautiful languages and I'm here for it
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SPAIN
Spain rarely disappoints and once again they proved it: instead of bringing the umpteenth young gal, this year they chose a more mature singer and not only she has a wonderful angelic voice, but she sings in sexy Spanish and her song is perfect dance material.
Vote: We're all zorras
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SWEDEN
Since Sweden refuses to bring something else besides the same generic pop music in English, I want to start a new trend: the Swedish Suggestion Box. Here we can all suggest much more interesting Swedish songs (or artists!). There's only one rule: they shouldn't be boring, nor generic stuff you can hear on the radio 24/7.
This year, I would like to suggest Nanne Grönvall: she's a pop singer, but she mostly sings in Swedish. I particularly recommend the songs Håll om mig, Den Vilda, and Vi är dom tuffaste.
If you have other Swedish artists or songs worthy of attention, please recommend them in the comments/reblogs! Even if the songs are in English, they're still fine! As I said, the only rule is that it shouldn't be generic and boring.
And I know Sweeden can do better than generic and boring.
Vote: Suggestions are open!
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SWITZERLAND
Switzerland is my second Sweden: even if other people might hate the songs it brings, I've rarely hated something coming from it. And if I did, it was with fiery passion. Yes, I'm looking at you, devastatingly boring 2022's entry.
So I'm very happy that this year we can all agree this is a great song, because wow. WOW. Mixing electropop with opera singing made something truly amazing to listen to and I can't wait to see if the singer manages to do it live. If he can, it will be magnificent.
Vote: fine, Switzerland, I'll forgive you for the 2022's entry. But only if you keep sending amazing stuff like this
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UKRAINE
Ukraine = quality and no one can deny it. I'm not a huge fan of this mix rap/Ukrainian rhythm they have been brought in these last years, but as long as I can listen to some nice Ukrainian language and some new vibes, I am all for it.
Vote: thank you, Ukraine, for always bringing amazing stuff
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UNITED KINGDOM
And here it is: the only country (with Ireland) that is legally allowed to use English in a song. Even if I dream that, one day, the UK will send a song in French and blow up the entirety of Europe.
The song per se isn't bad: very 90s' vibes, very dancey. But if I have to choose something with 90s vibes, I prefer the rave.
Vote: not bad UK, but could be better
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