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#because !!! i honestly have so much muse for sonic and hella feel like writing him i just have no idea where to start with this lil nugget
mynameisanakin · 2 years ago
Quotes from the Cryptid-Double the Cryptid
I’m about that futile excess.
Me: hell yeah if I can be excessive you know I gotta  I don't make the rules
Raven: XD You just break them?
Me: I do, I do
Raven: Lol
Me: sometimes, I then tape them back together so I can break them again with slightly less satisfaction
Cat: XD truuuuth there Sweet murder boy lol
Me: lol perfect description honestly
Cat: Hehe
Me: immediate response to everyone but Nat: murder immediate response to Nat: please, have my soul it's kinda' gross, but I can try to wash it off and febreeze it maybe
Cat: lmao
                                                      I mean...
Actual conversations I have with my parents, y’all. 
My dad: could’ve been worse, I could’ve been the BTK Killer
Me, deadass: and I could’ve had an automatic book deal, thanks.
dad: Well, I’m not dead yet.
Describe your muse in one sentence:
“so worked up, so, so, so worked up man”
These ultimately too real moments:
“I was interested...but like...fuck I'm tired right now, I can't google“
“when your dog is Elton Jon for Halloween and not a single person there has a shitty thing to say about it, your dog is tres queenie“
“look some people need to be choked“
“I’m just pretending it’s a positive development in our relationship. lmao  I have an emotionally abusive relationship with my dog”
“my fingers are crossed...I can't feel them, but they are crossed”
Pet advise of the week:
“Cats are notoriously impossible to dress, so fuck that, cat safe temporary dye on her ears as devil horns”
This tale of my actual first week as a Freshman in High School, in case any of you think I’m fuckin around about how wildly uncool literally every phase of my existence has been:
but I did specifically say "does this appear to be ringworm or something I'm going to catch?"
general consensus? no it was, it was so I had ringworm on both arms, my stomach, my neck, and one leg, it was a killer freshman year in high school
I also got glasses and was fat winning
Pro-tip, if the kitten is nude it probably does has ringworm.
Random and/or delightfully out of context shit!
“apparently all things with the word mix or mixed = nuts in my mind”
“if I feel sparky, I'll go start some shit or remember to take my drugs for that”
“Right? Every now and then I'm vaguely disappointed but then I'm like eh, I'm Tired™”
"and that is a Fabric Softener Thread"
-licks ops salt ring-
“meanwhile, let me choke you until you die :)”
“some of you wanna fuck mermaids and it shows”
“well guys, I'm suicidal today, sonic got my tater tots wrong”
“it's actually on ID so I assume Marcia is murdered by James I bet that doesn't make it into the rp sadly”
me, very convincing semi-jaw drop, eyes widening, slight gasp "Really?!  A TRAILER PARK?!"
“your neck vagina is perturbing the lady, Master, she feels ill, we must go.”
“when the Monty Python Grim Reaper shows up to your party with a hot chick, takes your seat, and sits down like yeah, bitch”
“from now on my fave hat is gonna be the hat of the moment“
“Padme's probably like, well...I should probably just own this, as it is mine anyway“
“Can literally pull a star destroyer out of orbit and throw it at you, but also... do not dislike you and..“
“Anakin, no one needs to know your every emotion or that dream you had about the space waffles”
“shit son, someone needs to hit you with a newspaper”
“there are at least three of the more sensible parts of his brain that are like that gif where everything in the apartment is on fire and shit when the dude comes in with the pizza”
“not because I care, but because it's not very interesting if he splats them like flies in under a minute”
“the Force is like a 13 year old girl writing fanfic and by the Force I mean George Lucas yes”
“We like this Jedi specifically but he did kind of get murdery”
“I want to see it and have wanted to see ti! ti...I don't want to see offense ti, you're not one of my rappers”
“we're "wintery mix" all weekend and I dunno why that makes me laugh every time but it doesI picture like mixed nuts but weather“
^This legit keeps coming up 
“so it's icing again out there and not the cupcake variety, which arguably might be worse now that I envision this”
“maybe I will record myself and talk about how sexy and deep my voice is”
My purpose for wanting to jack with space-time and teleport: “imagine the possibilities for an easier time Vitaly wants to crap in the wheat field when it's raining and -15. There you go little buddy”
“there was probably an informal Imperial group chat like: so, where are we testing the um...thing we don't talk about? Palpatine: lol Alderaan”
“Global Warming changed to Unsustainable Global Temperature Disarray”
“the Jedi and people up the Jedi's collective asses: people would panic though okay but like...they SHOULD be concerned, you actual fucking dumbasses”
“like Anakin jfc what even the fuck man maybe, just maybe don't be a spaz”
“he just thinks it makes sense because Anakin Logic never sleeps”
“I'd just downplay shit, make dick jokes, and probably dislike half of everyone while wanting to take one person home and save them”
“fucking um...god what was that shit called...juan of the dead”
“Kittanee is apparently a major ginger hating douchebag”
“I am always totally happy to give people my salty nuts if you're gonna be this salty, you should really share the joy of your salty nuts salty nuts for everyone”
“brain injuries for the win fuck yeah”
“as someone with no self control, I support that”
“obviously like who fucking knows, it's a god damn space ship it could smell like fabuloso smell it up man definitely the original fabuloso tho not that green shit wtf lol I have Opinions ok omg now I am never NOT going to visualize that tho every time fucking sw is on it's some dramatic ass moment on the bridge of an Imperial ship and...fabuloso Darth Vader smells like purple fabuloso“
“I had lizards in my shirt”
These thoughts on how hopeless Luke and Leia’s Drama Genes were...
Like yeah, their father is...that hot mess over there, but their mother literally wore pearls and a tiara to bed while like 8 months pregnant did they stand a chance?  it's never not going to kill me and it's far from the only moment I have of yeah no, she's in no way less dramatic Padme: climbs a penis pillar and beats a space tiger from hell in the face with her own chains totally the least dramatic person in the room Matching wardrobes to re-invade my capital lemme thank this astromech by removing the dirt from him I probably will have to have neck surgery by the time I'm 30 due to my insane headwear...that's not a joke but now it is
and have I mentioned lately how much I loathe Yoda and won’t miss a single second to drag him? No? Well then! Let’s go there with Dagoba Yoda and Luke.
I had to start laughing the last time that shit was on like what a fucking troll he's just omg Luke why are you not running off to go kill the psychotic murder cyborg like I'm telling you to wtf is wrong with you Luke you're just like your father, you wouldn't share your sandwich with me either
Storytime, featuring Taco Bell and the NOPD circa 2004
lol it was a 1/2 pound of GLORY!
I ended up in a cop car for that burrito granted...
I also casually sat my ass in there lol
they pulled my ex over in that car I bought her lol that's passenger side door I had to weld shut because it kept coming yeah we wanted to taco bell at 3 am as one does, and none of us but her thought to bring an id and I was pretty drunk, thus I did not drive obviously, so I crawled out the window after they didn't get my name right for the 5th time and were like getting agro about how I was lying to avoid a warrant like no y'all just fucking dumb lemme type that in for you and sat in the passenger side and typed that shit in lol and WOW look I existed and was like "so may I procure my half pound burrito, bean not beef, now sir?"
we were literally across the street from the taco bell it was wildly unfair
you know that asshole was like OMG SHAYLA I CANT NOW WE HAVE TO GO HOME! like bitch I will kill you, I am getting that burrito no
I got the burrito...she was still a bitch for the next eleven years.
This moment...
Cat: How is good ol'Buttercup and her lover son these days?
Me: I think they ate the son...or he finally wandered off forever, not sure. But he did breed his mom so now there's a hella inbred calf lol
Cat: Aaah the circle of life XD
Me: lmao in OK yes. fitting it's SO cute tho
Cat: Until it gets weird
Me: yeah I'm waiting to see like two extra eyes on it's legs or something
Cat: omfg Well and ya know, it could probably most likely happen again
Me: thankfully it's a heifer so no
Cat: Miracles lol
Me :unless it's a hermaphrodite which I mean...possible
Cat: XD OR the son isn't dead and comes back Bovine Soap Opera
Me: LOOOOL round two yes!
Cat: -dying-
Buttercup: "Son I've missed you, come to Mommy." Son: "Mom... I met my sister daughter and well... you're going to be a Grandma"
Me: -fucking ded-
Cat: XD Having fun trying to talk to your Mom XD
Me: oh I am lol
Cat: hehehehehe All while I'm making you laugh about As The Pasture Turns
In the continuing theme of Anakin Skywalker, Asshole Cat
Me: I'm sorry I was picturing Anakin rubbing things on Luke to get rid of the offensive Obi-Wan smell like a fucking cat and was dying
Raven: XD
Me: Why...are you rubbing that blanket on our child?
Raven: Rey is just shaking her head and like "Anakin.... you are aware he has to go back with him right?"
Me: no all..."yes" doing it more vigorously
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