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ultra-raging-ghost · 4 months

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Just saw your post about demon trio GAAAHH they are my Roman Empire. The moment when Mouse approached Bad when he was brain resetting in a little patch of flowers he placed down, how close they shifted to each other, it felt so ALIEN and and and cool and I’m so NORMALLL. And when Tina splashed herself with perfume and when she had that role play moment when (idk if it was canon or a character) she was SO OBSESSED with going to heaven, I think she was born a demon, and SOMEHOW acquired religious trauma along the line probably as a child. Born a demon left at an orphanage door idk and they made all the kids go to church or something and Tina was OBSESSED because it gave order and meaning to her life but she was a demon and-

Ok right questions. Sorry, gah I love demon trio. I need an arc where Mouse and Bad get together and try to help Tina. Love how Bad hides the fact he’s a demon not because he hates himself for it (maybe a little) but because he’s a recognizable wanted fucking criminal. Where was I going with this again?

Do you have any thoughts on them? ;v; (sorry for rambling in the ask D: )

AAAA I LOVE LONG ASKS LIKE THIS

okay i TOTALLY agree with you have so many thoughts, i was literally just thinking the same thing last night!!! The absolute difference in upbringing as far as the demons really shows in how they act and i have sooooo so many thoughts about it!!!

So first off, i dont really know how old mouse is in terms of her lore but as far as BBH is concerned hes fucking weird and is constantly alluding to his existence extended FAR before the universe even existed, hell even time and space, we dont actually know what the fuck his deal in full is actually!!! What we do know is he was summoned to Earth roughly eleven to fourteen thousand years ago!

Mouse gives us not as much age-wise from what ive heard but she has expressed that she considers two thousand year olds to be "baby" not quite baby but like VERY young! (I have a personal HC that bad's summoning let loose a new age of demons, maybe not all at once but very quickly so mouse would probably be over ten thousand years old)

Tina gives us absolutely NOTHING she doesnt like talking about her demon ancestry aside from hiding it (when bagi said mouse taught her how to smell demons tina quickly panicked and doused herself in perfume, etc etc. nothing super explicit from what ive seen but im relatively new to her lore). But i personally have a hc that shes roughly three thousand years old, coming into existence around the Middle Ages in 1000 CE. That might seem extremely young but honestly thats what im going for for her!!! super extremely young!!! and born around the time when Catholicism was popular!

In my mind, they all have very much different reasons for acting the way they do and im soooooo ill about it

As a BBH main i have the most information on him so ill be talking about the lore i know from him first before getting into the other two lovely ladies!! So what we've heard from BBH is that he prefers to "hide" his demonic features and "blend in" with humans as much as possible if he can, obviously he doesnt do very good at this but hes old as shit and very powerful so like who's gonna tell him??? From what we've heard of his lore, Bad is the cause of a LOT of minor and major disasters in history; Mt Vesuvius (who he named after a dead lover) exploding, the plague taking out most of europe (which he was a plague doctor for), and alongside other major things theres some minor events as well! Small wars he's been present in such as the HG war he was in with cellbit very recently, various other wars he eluded to that he recalled "blended together" because there were so many, that time he went to medical school for 15 minutes just to do brain surgery on that president on a boat.... he also knows a lot of major historical figures and hes been EVERYWHERE, we actually have a rough timeline of where he's been and when just based on who he knows. He knew not only the fucking guy who created the study of viruses, HIS ASS KNOWS ISAAC NEWTON..... and i think once he alluded to knowing goddamn adam and eve, maybe even being the snake in the goddamn garden. Considering its cannon to his lore that he was the angel locked beneath the euphrates river i wouldnt be surprised at that point.

All this to say: Bad has been present for and had an active hand in a LOT of major and minor disastrous historical events, and hes repeatedly talked about how people would chase him with torches and pitchforks - even referring to that activity as "therapy" and said thats the reason he doesnt believe in therapy, because it hurts and doesnt do anything for him except get him running.

Bad does not personally feel shame about his demonic features, he's used to hiding them (or at least intending to.... hes doing a bad job at it) for his own personal safety, because his role as >>>>A) a demon and B) the fucking ferryman of death<<<< brings him a LOT of negative attention. Negative attention that he's had to deal with ALONE for a majority of his existence, up until about fourteen thousand years ago.** (**A major event i feel caused a new era of Demons, we will talk about it more through the post)

Moving on to Mouse; i mention bad's role as a demon having an affect on negative things around him because i honestly think that applies to all or most demons. I don't know much about mouse's lore, but i do know shes proud of her heritage to some degree, is unashamed to tell people shes a demon, and will even actively teach people things about her species (Bringing back Bagi again - We know in cannon Demons smell like Sulfur, its been stated pomme and dapper and bad and mouse and tina all smell like it, and we can assume empanada also does or is starting to).

I, to some degree, think the beginning of her existence was much more accepting and inviting, while bad dealt with his negative experiences alone, and tina had her own upbringing we'll get into, Mouse came into existence during a "Dark" age, when bad was summoned to earth there was a wave of the newest generation of demons being spawned into this world(not in a "father of all demons" way but more in a "large expressions of magic often lead to a ripple affect of more magic" way). A lot of shit probably happened, im not insane like badboyhalo im not gonna research what happened but theres probably some kinda major event that happened. Demons born around that era probably had some kind of support system or way of existing that was underground enough for them to not be wiped out, but they had enough freedoms that mouse and others probably felt comfortable enough to express demonic traits.

I like to think this was the era of her life that had the most influence over her existence, that she was created with pride and will ALWAYS have that pride in her species, it may be dampened but it will never go away fully!*

*I like to think shes experienced maybe some shame over her species when it comes to minor historical events that shes contributed to by just being present, but it very rarely lasts longer than the event itself.

Tina, as far as im concerned, is the youngest of the demon trio aside from their kids. I kinda write her akin to Amethyst from SU, her existence was very recent and she was alone with very little or no initial support system, she was brought up thinking she was "wrong" in some way, her teeth and nails were too sharp, and she has horns and sometimes her skin has a purpleish hue to it that make other people think theres something wrong with her. She has a VERY obviously christian/catholic upbringing which was brought to light recently in one of her conversations with foolish. She's always felt shame about her species and she probably would have continued if it wasnt for mouse and bad, but ESPECIALLY if it wasnt for Empanada.

I have my own thoughts on the demon babies that we'll get into later, but after gaining her daughter who is very much going to be a demon (two demon parents, obvious demon child lol) i cant help but wonder how tina's planning on pushing aside her feelings of shame to make Empanada feel welcomed and loved regardless of her species?

Tina's very young, of course shes seen some major events in history but shes never been raised in community, she probably didnt even know thats just something that comes with the horns until very recently! I can imagine bad and mouse joking and giggling about that town that they stayed the night in that caught fire the next day that they got chased out of a couple hundred years ago, and i can imagine tina being confused as to why they found that amusing, is that normal? Tina's always had minor disasters follow her, her home town very likely burned down or got sick following or preceding a major milestone in her life, and thats probably continued to happen over the thousands of years shes been alive! Being a demon brought up in a very anti-demon environment, whos to say she even knew there were other demons out there really? She was a curse from god, she brought nothing but poor luck and sickness to her household (which i agree with you she was probably residing in an orphanage), she brought it everywhere she went. I cant help but ask myself "did she feel relief that it wasnt just her, or even more shame finding out this is a common occurrence for demons?"

Now thats most of what i have regarding the parents but i have a few notes on the demon kids. I think all the eggs have some sort of demonic features, obviously bads a huge influence on all of them and they care about him as their tia so i draw most of the babies with horns and tails of some kind, but i am particularly focusing on Dapper, Pomme and Empanada, the three demon babies whos actual official parents are the demons.

I dont have anything too specific for them, but i do believe they will grow up to have an attitude towards their species akin to how Mouse acts.

Unlike other demons or even their parents growing up, they have a support system and parents to explain to them things that will happen to them as they get older! They'll have someone to come back to, who will explain "Yes, that village got the plague because you walked through it and the sulfur you spread supernaturally brought illness and bad luck. No, its not your fault in particular. No, you shouldn't stop going into towns and villages, its the 21st century and if they cant stop the plague by now then they were gonna die anyway"

When they inevitably get shunned by humans for their species, they have someone to come back to to let them know that that wasnt right, but its a part of what happens to people like us. Maybe some day we wont have to experience that anymore, but right now the most important thing is to not get caught, and come home to your Mama so we can give you bandaids for your knees and treat your wounds.

I'm so very invested in how the demon babies will be brought up by their parents, i hope we get more demon lore in the future </3

This turned into an essay, hope thats alright njkbhjvgchfg i have so many thoughts on them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#qsmp #asks #q!badboyhalo #q!mouse #q!ironmouse #q!tina #qsmp pomme #pomme the egg #qsmp dapper #dapper the egg #qsmp empanada #empanada the egg #demon trio

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missmaywemeetagain · 2 years

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Pink Scarf - PART 16 (Elvis/Austin!Elvis x Reader)

Character/Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)

Requested: kinda

(Read more here--Pink Scarf Series Masterlist!)

Prompt: You are part of Elvis Presley's coveted inner circle, and the currently-disgruntled wife of one of the members of Elvis' famous entourage, the Memphis Mafia. After Elvis' dynamite first performance in Vegas, you find yourself in deep water when his magnetism finally gets to you after all these years. [ Fem!Reader ]

TW: Rough SEXXX. Restraints. ANGST. Cussing. Infidelity. Historical inaccuracies in the Vegas timeline. Priscilla doesn't exist in this timeline.

Rating: Explicit/Mature (NSFW, 18+, so minors Do NOT Interact) || Word Count: 7.2k

A/N: Woo, boy, y'all. Get yourselves ready, cuz the snowball is rollin' and the shit storm is comin'. This part is a little bit of everything--a little sweet, a little salty, a little smutty. It's what y'all deserve!

For the flashback, I had E's 1960 It Feels So Right playing in my head on repeat, so if you are one who likes music to set the mood, then you might give it a listen before/during/after you read that part!

As always, to all my babies, honeys, and lil' mamas supporting me out there, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and your reactions, reblogs, messages, asks, and comments you've given me have been a blessing beyond expression. You all are the best community a writer could ask for! Thank you so much for your support. I am loving getting to know y'all better! I love every single reaction and comment and ask, and I'm sorry if I don't get back to them all as soon as I'd like but know that I love you all and am so excited to be making new friends! And a big "Hey, Y'all!" to our friends from Elvis Twitter, Elvis Discord, and Elvis Instagram--I see and appreciate you coming over to join us! 👀💋

If you feel so moved, please let me know what you think or how you're feeling (or send me asks)! I think I put everyone on the taglist who requested it, but please let me know if there are any issues or if I missed anyone. There seem to be some issues with tagging that I can't seem to fix, so please know I'm not leaving you out intentionally! Also, if you comment on a previous part that you want to be tagged, I might not always see it, so feel free to message me if I miss you!

I imagined this with Elvis in mind, but Austin!Elvis works here, too, whatever floats your boat!

Apologies in advance if there are any grammatical errors or TW that I didn't catch.

(I did start cross-posting Pink Scarf to my long-neglected AO3 account (which some of you already discovered!), so if you are so inclined, you can check it out over there!)

Graceland, Christmas 1960

The mansion is finally quiet, or at least you’ve managed to find a quiet part of it in the midst of all the holiday revelry. Elvis loves Christmas, and this is his first one home in two years. And the first one without Gladys.

You had thought that maybe his grief would make the holiday a more solemn affair, but he’s gone in the opposite direction. It’s as though his loss has fueled him to make Christmas as joyful as humanly possible. Even though he’s been away filming for most of the month, he still directed the mansion should be decked out in all the Christmas finery for his return. And so it is.

You wish you were more in the spirit to enjoy it. Usually, you would be—Christmas is one of your favorite times of the year—but this year it sits heavy for you. Heavy because if all had gone well, you’d be sharing it with your newborn baby.

The thought brings you to tears again.

You’ve been hiding your grief as much as possible, sliding on a quaint smile, singing carols, and making cookies with the rest of them, but in these solitary moments, you grieve. You cannot help it. You know it’s futile and silly. How can you grieve someone who barely even existed, someone who was never born? And yet, here you are, alone, sitting in a quiet corner of the house at the piano, a couple of glasses too many of champagne in, being sad over what could have been.

So you begin to play. You know practically every carol and hymn by heart, so you just close your eyes and let the music take you away. It doesn’t erase your grief, but it does help you let it out in some way. You barely notice the tears rolling down your cheeks as you play Away In A Manger and What Child Is This?. You let the dramatic chords of O Holy Night linger in the air at the push of the pedals.

And after a bit of playing, that image of a baby in your arms feels fuzzy and faraway. Or maybe that’s the champagne. Maybe it’s both.

The air shifts. You notice it but play on anyway. You’re not sure how, but you are able to sense him, his presence, his essence, as it pushes in around you. But he remains quiet, and your eyes remain closed as your hands continue to fly over the keys.

Elvis does not interrupt, he only watches. You’re not sure why. You feel as though he barely speaks to you anymore. Yes, he is away and busy and all the usual excuses. But he used to seek you out when he returned. He’d bring you silly little trinkets and sing to you and tell you stupid, off-color jokes.

Now, since that horrible day in March, it’s as though an invisible wall has come between you two, and you don’t understand why. It’s nothing overt—he treats you kindly in the group and doesn’t outwardly ignore you. But something significant has changed, you swear it. Perhaps it is your ultimate failure as a woman that has turned him away. Or maybe with the explosion of his stardom since returning from Germany, he just doesn’t have time for you anymore. Maybe it has nothing to do with you at all; maybe he’s just a different man now.

Your tears of grief now include the loss of him, too. Losing your friend is heartbreaking in its own right, much less coupled with the loss of your child, of your fertility. It doesn’t help that Jack has been gone with Elvis on his travels and feels distant, too. You’d initially thought the space would be good for you two, but instead you just feel achingly lonely.

God, you wish you’d never been pregnant at all, as all it seemed to bring you is heartache.

You stop playing and open your eyes. The room is dim, lit only by one of the many Christmas trees in the house, but when you turn towards the door, Elvis is still there, his blue eyes shining with emotion as he leans in the doorway. The man looks ready to weep, which takes you by surprise, as he’s only shown enthusiasm and excitement since being home. You recognize the look though: it’s grief and melancholy, similar to your own.

Then Elvis looks at you unabashedly for a moment, almost like he is really, truly seeing you for the first time in months. The air sits heavy and silent. You don’t bother wiping the tears off your cheeks, though your heart races a bit. Must be the champagne, you think. It certainly isn’t the way he is looking at you now, how you are being laid bare and vulnerable by his intense gaze.

Something builds between you, though you are not exactly sure what, and he suddenly straightens and crosses the room to you. He towers over you now at the end of the piano bench and an overwhelming need to be near him comes over you. It’s as though you are both magnetized to each other, so when he holds out his hand, you cannot help but take it. The warmth of his hand surrounds yours as he pulls you up and into his waiting arms.

You fold into him, your arms tucked into your chest and your head buried into his collarbone as he wraps his arms around you. His spicy, distinct scent surrounds you and his warmth engulfs you and you cannot help the sob that escapes you at the comfort of it.

Elvis holds you close and lets you cry, and you feel his chest shudder and his breath hitch as though he is as emotional as you are. His mother, you think; he’s been hiding his grief as you’ve been hiding yours. You can feel the wetness of his tears against your temple as they run down his face and onto yours, and this prompts you to unfold your arms and wrap them around his torso, comforting him as he is comforting you.

He sways you, moving to the unheard music you assume is always playing in his mind, and pressed against him like this, you can feel the quick and steady beat of his heart pounding in his chest. You don’t remember the last time you were this close to him. He feels bigger, broader than the boy who went to Germany, but is no less Elvis. His sensitive spirit is the same after all.

You are not sure how long you sway there, crying in each other’s arms at your respective losses. But you know it’s more than just that. You know because as your tears start to ebb and you move back the slightest bit, he grabs your hand and pulls you in close, unwilling to part with you. He dances with you now, slowly pulling you back into his silent rhythm.

And you let him. You let his hand clasp yours and he draws it over his heart, holding it there. His heart beats quicker, you think. It’s too intimate now, the way his warm, damp cheek presses to yours, the saltiness of your tears mixing and binding your grief together. The air shifts again, still heavy and thick, but with a million unsaid words hanging there in the silence.

Your heart skips, flutters, and your breath catches. You’re not exactly sure what is happening. But you still let him hold you and sway you in slow circles. His hand splays hot on your lower back, burning through you, setting your body aflame in a way you don’t understand.

But you are a few glasses in and on a roller coaster of emotion and right now the feel of his strong, lean body pressed against yours makes you feel alive in a certain kind of way. You’ve been lonely and you’ve missed him more than you thought. It’s almost as if this is a silent plea for forgiveness from him.

Yes, that’s all it is.

You feel hyperaware of him and his closeness, so when Elvis nuzzles his head against the side of yours, you feel breathless. Your mouth pops open with a puff which, considering his proximity, he must feel, but he does not stop, and you cannot help the way you return the gesture in kind.

His breath is warm in your ear, and you can feel the softness of his lips brush against it, sending a decidedly inappropriate cascade of shivers dancing through you.

Oh, god.

Involuntarily, your hand contracts in his, your nails scraping lightly at his button-down shirt. Elvis presses your palm down onto his heart in response. You feel out of control, completely at his mercy, knowing this is too much, too close, too intimate but you can’t seem to stop, intoxicated by his strength, his affection, his essence.

Elvis’ still-damp cheek lingers against your own, and he presses his forehead gently to yours with a soft sigh. Then he pulls back slowly, just far enough to look at you, and you feel knocked over by his pure beauty. Honestly, you feel absolutely heady as you threaten to tip over and lose yourself in those churning, deep blue eyes of his. And, boy, they are churning, with things you can’t quite grasp. You watch as they search your face, his impossibly long lashes punctuating their every slow move. Holding your breath, your heart speeds up ever faster, and you wonder what it is he seeks in you.

Your sadness and grief feel far away now as he plunders your soul, his gaze so alluring that you cannot even begin to piece through what is going on in any sort of logical way. You don’t understand any of it. All you know is you want more, and that feels forbidden in every way.

As if reading your thoughts somehow, his lips part. His eyes flutter down your face and land at your mouth. A shock runs through you as you think Elvis just might kiss you, and that terrifies you, not just because it would be crossing a line but because in this moment you want him to.

You want to feel his lips soft and sweet against you, then crushing into you. You want his body passionately pressed into yours as you cling to each other in the sparkling light of the Christmas tree. You want his large hands roaming your curves. You want to feel the strands of his dark hair between your fingers as you tug him closer. You want him to make you forget everything but the taste and feel of him.

These wants flash through you in an instant, shocking your system because he is so close that you almost can taste him and panic shoots through you. Never have you let your thoughts truly drift to that place with him, and opening that door feels very dangerous. Suddenly, with a wave of absolute certainty, an intuition you cannot explain at all exclaims that Elvis wants you more than anything in this world.

And that makes you gasp and pull away.

That cannot possibly be true. Nothing about the way he’s acted this past year supports that but something inside you screams that it’s real. It makes no sense. None of it makes any sense.

Elvis blinks and shakes his head as though snapping himself out of a daze. His hand falls from your waist, the spell broken. The soulful look in his eyes flashes with what almost seems like hurt, then apology, then regret. Without a single word, he turns and leaves.

Your heart plummets for reasons you don’t understand.

You must be confused. You are drunk. You are emotional. You couldn’t possibly have read the situation correctly. And yet the feelings awakened in your body surprise you and the look in his eyes haunts you as you sink back onto the piano bench, left alone in the silence.

Your eyes pop open at the memory. You had been very drunk that night and hadn’t remembered that moment until this very minute, yet another hidden facet of your long and suddenly complex relationship with your friend making itself known. Elvis had continued to keep his distance from you after that Christmas and had never even alluded to such an intimate moment happening, so you’d had no reason to think anything strange had happened at all. In hindsight, it seems awfully significant and feels like yet another thing he’s keeping from you.

Running it through your mind again, you swear he’d almost kissed you that night or at least had wanted to, which is shocking to you because 1960 was a long time ago. Still more shocking was that certainty you’d had about him wanting you more than anything, which couldn’t possibly be true.

Could it?

You shake off the thought. Emotions were high for both of you that night, and he obviously had thought better of it, but still…that prickle at the back of your mind keeps gnawing at you, those pieces of the puzzle attempting to slot into place. Maybe if you weren’t so damn tired and emotionally spent, you’d be able to figure out what your mind is trying to tell you. Maybe if your body wasn’t still aching with the memory of losing your child and almost dying, you’d be able to think clearly.

And your conversation with Sandy also sits uneasily in your mind. Running away ain’t gonna solve anything, her voice echoes in your head. You wish you had the strength she hoped you did, the strength to tell Jack to fuck off, to tell Elvis how you really feel, but it all feels so overwhelmingly insurmountable that you can barely even entertain the thought.

Heart pounding and wheels turning, you know sleep is out of the question and sit up in the bed. You get up and busy yourself instead. You feel as though you are racing the clock. It doesn’t take long to pack your bag, and while you are not frantic, you are determined. Mentally, you are ready to go. You have to go.

Unfortunately, things are not working out as you hoped they would. When the concierge calls you back with your fight arrangements, he informs you that there are no flights out of Vegas until 7:30am tomorrow morning. It being a Sunday night and with such short notice, there were no seats headed back east to be had. You thank him and reply that of course the morning flight would be acceptable before you set the receiver back on the hook and let out an aggravated scream.

You need out now. You are half inclined to rent a car and drive back to Memphis, but you know that is a terrible idea for a variety of reasons, namely being that you had no idea how to get to Memphis from here and being alone on the road for so long with no preparation sounded dangerous.

Fine, you think, I can make it through the night. I should tell Elvis in person anyway.

The thought makes your stomach churn because you know he will not be happy with this development. You’d rather not see the look on his face, but you also know it is the right thing to do. You just need to steel yourself to see your decision through and not be swayed by his charms.

Easier said than done.

And it doesn’t help that you are running on fumes and adrenaline. With everything that happened last night, the only sleep you’ve had was on the roof and that was short-lived and filled with nightmares. You took a shower after getting back to the room, but your mind is spinning too much to sleep, plagued with returning memories and creeping doubt.

You decide to get ready for the show as originally planned. It’ll be easier to gain access to Elvis between shows to talk if you do so. You dress accordingly, carefully putting on your makeup and doing your hair up nicely to give yourself as much confidence as possible. After repacking your toiletries, you grab your clutch and see the silky pink scarf folded neatly inside.

It takes only a moment for you to decide to put it around your neck. It’ll guarantee that Elvis will make time to see you, and you try not to shiver at the fact that the last time you wore this scarf, it led to a decidedly different outcome than it will tonight. The thought sends both warmth to your core and dread into your heart. You don’t want to leave him.

But I have to.

You shift your thoughts instead to Red, wondering and fearing whatever he might have planned. You don’t know if he is planning to sit on the information he gleaned from your leaving Elvis’ suite this morning, or if he is looking to cause mayhem immediately, though considering Jack has not burst in angrily, you don’t think anything has been said yet.

Either way, you have to warn E, and you have to get the hell out before the shit hits the fan.

The afternoon quickly turns to evening, and you pump yourself up on the way downstairs, despite the nausea in your stomach, the exhaustion in your body, and the ache in your heart. Now that you are somewhat a part of the show, it is easy to get backstage, and while you’re not sure how you are going to be able to wait the few hours the show will take, you continually remind yourself that this is what you must do. You have no choice.

But I do, I do have a choice, a pesky little voice chimes in. Stay.

Shut up.

By the time Elvis makes his way backstage, you feel like you’re about to jump out of your skin. The way his bright eyes light up when he sees you and then how they flash heat when he sees the pink silk knotted around your neck fills you with both desire and anxiety. Being near him weakens your resolve because his charismatic energy rolls over you even from this distance, and he just looks so damn good in that white suit of his, but you knew that this would test you. You force what you hope is a normal a smile, but you see a look of confusion flash over his pretty face before his usual pre-show nerves take over. But he does not come over to you, for which you are grateful.

The show begins with the usual fanfare, and you are surprised that even with everything going on in your head (or perhaps because of it), you still get swept up in the music, still sing the parts quietly that you have so diligently practiced. Regret hits you from another angle, one you did not anticipate. In leaving Vegas, you’ll also be leaving this—the show, the music.

Doubt creeps in in earnest throughout the show, putting your nerves even more on edge. You don’t really want to leave this opportunity, but the problem is you don’t think you have the fortitude to stay and to be able to resist Elvis.

The curtain closes and Elvis is surrounded, soaked with sweat, riding that post-show high that makes him nearly glow from the inside out. He wipes his face with the towel someone has draped over him, and you watch as he pulls Jerry aside with a glint in his eye, presumably to arrange your meet with him. But Jerry leans back and whispers something into E’s ear and that handsome face clouds with dark emotion. Then Elvis finds you past the crowd and his eyes lock on and you know. You know he knows by the hurt and angry look in his piercing blue eyes.

Sandy.

Goddammit.

As Elvis stalks over to you, pushing through musicians and instruments, it’s evident that Sandy has betrayed you. She told Jerry. And whether she meant for him to tell Elvis, you do not know, but your heart speeds up as Elvis crosses the backstage area in long, quick strides, with a wounded and feral look in his eyes that frightens you. It is not at all the same as the jealousy from the night prior; no, this is damage done on another scale.

You cannot help but back up as he approaches, nearly falling back over your chair, but he is on you in an instant, grabbing your arm firmly with one hand and your waist with the other, seemingly uncaring of the confused looks of his entourage that has been left behind so uncharacteristically. Luckily, Jack is nowhere to been seen, but you catch Red’s smirk before Elvis manhandles you into the hallway.

He doesn’t speak, not yet, though you see his brewing temper play over his face. Your heart drops because it is so obvious how you’ve truly hurt him, and he practically carries you back to the dressing room so quickly that you barely have time to register what that means. Once inside, he releases you and you tumble forward before he slams the door with too much force and flicks the lock.

As you straighten, you attempt to brace yourself for what you think you know is coming. Your nerves are on pins and needles, and you can’t help the lightheaded feeling that comes over you as you watch him fume. His chest heaves with both the exertion from his performance and his building fury, which makes for a dangerous combination.

You realize too late that perhaps you didn’t think this through.

“Is it true?” Elvis growls, rounding on you. “Are you trying to leave?” The pain is palpable in his stormy eyes and is layered with indignation.

The words catch in your throat. You finally force yourself to nod, attempting to find your voice in the meantime.

“What the fuck, y/n? What the fuck do you think you’re doin’?” his voice raises, as he paces the room like a caged animal. His eyes are icy now, glaring at you in such a way that you feel it to your toes. His white suit clings to him with the moisture of his sweat, which gleams off his tan skin, distracting you.

You finally find your voice. “I’m leaving, Elvis. For my sake and for yours,” you breathe out. Your heart threatens to shatter at the words.

“The fuck you are,” he flips back at you.

“Excuse me?” you huff.

“You ain’t goin’ nowhere, honey,” he points at you sternly.

“That’s not up to you,” you sputter, blinking rapidly.

“The hell it ain’t,” he glares.

Elvis’ eyes flash and he advances towards you. Your heart thunders in your ears and you counter backwards until he has your back against the wall. He grabs your chin with his hand, his rings cutting into you.

“I thought I fucked some sense into you last night, but it seems I fucked it out of you instead,” he purrs dark and low, but it is laced with threat.

You hold back a groan at his words. The sound of his voice and the look on his gorgeous face as he rakes his eyes over you sends both dread and heat through you all at once. You should have known he’d put up a fight. This is why you’d wanted to leave right away. Resisting him feels insane and futile.

“E, Red knows. He caught me coming out of your room this morning, and I just know he’s gonna make trouble,” you ramble out, trying to skirt around him. He boxes you in with his arms.

“Fuck Red. I’ll take care of him,” Elvis spits, eyes flashing but barely giving it a second thought because his sole focus is you. Then you see him eyeing his scarf around your neck. Wordlessly, slowly, he unties it, his calloused fingers brushing the skin of your neck and making you shiver. “Now tell me why you’re really leavin’, honey,” he commands, but the lilt in pitch betrays his sensitivity to those who know him well enough. And you do.

Oh, god, the way his smokey eyes bore into you, intoxicate you, has you frozen and your mouth dry. All the words you prepared to say are gone in an instant. You can’t tell him everything (you can’t), but his hurt and his need to dominate you because of it drives his actions, and you know he won’t stop until he gets what he wants.

“Hmm,” he shakes his head, a darkness overcoming him. “Guess I gotta find another way to get it out of you. Give me your hands,” he orders. You are caught in his gaze and feel powerless to deny him. Begrudgingly, you obey, holding out your hands.

You watch as he ties one end of the silky scarf to your left wrist. It’s tight, but not uncomfortable. Your brow furrows in confusion as he pulls your arms up, and it is then that you notice the bar, which must be used as a clothing rack, attached to the wall above your head.

Your eyes widen and your heart thunders in your chest. “Elvis, what’re you doing?” you squeak out as he wraps the scarf over the bar and attaches it tightly to your other wrist. Your arms are loose and your feet remain planted on the floor, as the bar is not that high up, but you are effectively trapped.

“Well, honey, you keep tryin’ to run away from me and I need answers,” he glowers, amusement playing under his anger.

“Goddammit, this isn’t funny, let me go!” you say shrilly, yanking your arms but only succeeding in making the scarf tighter around your wrists.

“No, you’re right, it ain’t funny at all. Were you just gonna steal away in the dead of night without talkin’ to me?” he asks, the hurt back in his voice.

“No, I…no, that’s not what I wanted…” But it is almost what you did, and he seems to know it.

His eyes flash with realization at your unspoken words, then narrow as he moves closer. You look away, shamed. He grabs your chin again, his rings cold against your skin, and forces you to look at him.

“You are all I’ve been able to concentrate on, ya know that? You’re all I fuckin’ think about. I want you. I want you to be with me. Be with me.” He says it like a pleading promise and a stark demand all at once.

Oh, Jesus, it makes you ache for him in every way. You can feel your resolve crumbling around you, all your reasons for leaving melting into a puddle at your feet.

“We can’t Elvis. We can’t keep doing this. I’m losing my mind,” you say but Elvis has his head buried in your neck now, his lips and tongue dragging across your skin and setting your entire body aflame. Resisting him is like resisting gravity—an impossible feat.

“Why would you do this to me, lil’ mama?” he whispers in your ear, his hand brushing away your hair so his breath tickles against you. The sensation immediately has your body at attention, like a switch has been flipped. Your nerves tingle, your nipples stand at attention with just the temptation of that raspy baritone.

Despite yourself, despite the angel on your shoulder screaming at you, once again, that this is a bad idea, your mouth pops open with a sigh. His other hand cups your cheek as his lips travel over your face, so close that those long, dark lashes brush against you in their wake. This sends another thrill of sensation through you.

It’s agonizing that you can’t touch him, which you know is exactly the point.

Elvis presses you against the wall, and his thumb is dragging slowly over your bottom lip. It takes everything you have to not disintegrate right there and then. The way he makes you feel—it’s like you have no sense of reality when around him like this. He is your drug of choice. And you keep coming back to him again and again.

“Tell me why you don’t want me,” he asks in a boyish whisper, his bedroom eyes deadly serious, filled with anger and hurt and need and lust. All for you. Only Elvis could look so entirely innocent and completely sinful all at once.

His words cut you, as you think he intended. You wish you could make him understand, but your breathing is fast, too fast. You are dizzy from the scent of him, all sweat and musk. He’s dripping with it. Your eyes roll back.

“Dammit, E, of course I want you,” you breathe, “but when we get caught, which we are seconds away from, I’m the one who’s life blows up. I’m the one who’ll have to face the consequences. It all comes back on me, and…I don’t have anything without Jack.” You can’t let yourself forget it.

The way Elvis looks at you now is fierce. He grabs both of your cheeks roughly, his hands like fire against them.

“Baby, you have me, you’ll always have me. You’re mine, and I’m yours, and I’ll take care of you, no matter what happens.”

The sentiment hits you sideways, flooring you. He’s staring at you so intensely you feel completely gone, weak. There is nothing else but him.

“Let me take care of you,” he breathes seductively, nuzzling your nose. “Let me be your everything.”

Oh, sweet lord…

“Elvis…” His name escapes you like a hushed prayer. You are defenseless against him, your heart fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird, stealing your breath away completely.

The temptation of what he is saying is so strong that you want to give in to him immediately. It’s almost everything you want to hear, which is the problem. You think he’ll say anything to get what he wants. You love him, but you know he’s a master at manipulation—it’s how he’s so damn good at his craft. It’s how he so effectively hypnotizes the masses. You think half the time he doesn’t even realize what’s he’s doing, but knowing him as you do, you know he is too shrewd for ignorance.

But part of you refuses to believe him, what he’s saying, even now. Part of you is still reeling from the pain and the fear of your recently uncovered memories. And the fact is, he is still hiding things from you, and you are still married to Jack.

Elvis bows his head, his soft lips now mere millimeters from yours, his hot breath mingling with the heat of your own. But he does not close the gap. He’s waiting, waiting for you to decide. He’s impatient, nearly shaking with anticipation.

You came here to end it, you did (didn’t I?), but he’s like the sun, pulling you into his orbit. Desperate, you find your voice, doing your best to be strong.

“Elvis, I am still married. You know as well as I do how complicated it is with Jack, and he’s not going to take kindly to this when he finds out. And he will. We both know he will. He’s your friend. You can’t have it both ways, and neither can I. But I can’t be near you without wanting you, so something’s gotta give. That’s why I have to go. That, and all the secrets, the lies…It’s tearing me apart inside,” you plead with him. And I know you’re keeping something from me, but those words don’t make it out of your mouth.

His brow furrows and you can practically see the wheels turning in his head. Then something significant shifts, that dark look clouding his eyes once more.

“Jack ain’t shit. Fuck him. And, baby, I’ll tear your marriage to shreds and throw it in the trash, just like that,” Elvis snarls, snapping his fingers in your face, his endless eyes burning into yours. His vehemence has you shaking, your eyes going big. “I don’t care what I have to do or who I have to pay off. I thought I told you, honey—I always get what I want, and I think I’ve made it quite fuckin’ clear who I want.”

Holy shit.

A shocked beat, your breath held in a pause before it quickens again. Elvis is choosing you over Jack. Elvis wants you to end your marriage for him (or more accurately, wants to end it for you). This means that he is much more serious about this, about you, than you thought. Your heart plummets into your stomach and warmth blossoms over your body. You are both elated and terrified by what he is asking of you. All words escape you.

“Still need a little more convincing, huh?” His lip curls into a smirk, sending a coil of desire into your belly. Pushing you up against the wall, he grinds his hips into you, your arms straining against their bonds. You know now that this is his way, his way of proving to you the truth of his words. A whimper escapes your lips, causing him to grin even more. He has you right where he wants you, which is infuriating and exhilarating.

Elvis gets close, his full lips so tantalizingly near that you can almost taste their pillowy sweetness, but he still does not kiss you, only tempts you as his breath blends with yours. As much as you want to, you do not submit, you do not close the gap, your stubbornness and lingering doubt dampening your near-consuming desire.

All your churning emotions of the past few days keep you silent. Confusion, fear, anger, shock, love—all of it only fuels your passion for him, a love so consuming it eats you alive. But you also don’t want him to have the satisfaction of you giving into him. He’s right: he does usually get what he wants, but that doesn’t mean you have to make it easy on him.

Elvis watches your reaction carefully as he yanks your dress up over your hips. Then he groans, a deep, carnal sound as he grinds into you once more, his arousal evident and the metal of his ornate belt biting against your pelvis. You bite your lip to keep from making the noises that threaten to escape you, but your breathing is starting to become even more labored. There is an element of calculated control in his flaming eyes, combined with power and need. He doesn’t let you look away.

Elvis grabs the back of one of your thighs, pulling it up to his hip, running his hand over your bare flesh from your knee up to your panties, his fingers dancing just under the elastic. You hold back the hiss that wants to escape you. God, you want to touch him, to claw at his bare chest, but the scarf holds you fast and you grip its strong silk for dear life.

When he lets go just long enough to pull the zipper of his fly, pulling out his cock, your eyes widen, then fall closed. You feel as he tugs your underwear to the side, his fingers swiping through your folds. You bite your lip at the feel of his fingers prodding at you so roughly. But with your churning emotions desperately trying to keep your desire at bay, you are not nearly wet enough to take him yet.

“Look at me,” he demands, and you do. You are powerless not to.

Reaching his hand up, he looks you right in the eye as he spits in it, then reaches down to cover his cock, lubricating it fully. You gulp. A shiver of anticipation races down your spine. Taking a long moment to gather more saliva, he spits in his hand again before snaking it between your thighs to smear your pussy with it, watching your reaction carefully. You can’t help but moan at the sensation of the warm slick.

True to his word, nothing stops him from taking what he wants as he brusquely lifts your legs around his waist and enters you with a quick, hard thrust and a deep grunt.

You gasp loudly at how Elvis fills you so completely, both with surprise and with pain of the pleasurable sort. You are so tight, too tight, and while your arousal pools, it has not yet coated your walls, making his saliva the only lubrication to ease the friction. You claw at the silk scarf, trying to push back against the wall in retreat, but he chases you, pausing for only a moment as you attempt to adjust to him. He starts rocking into you, but his thrusts are not gentle—they are powerful, claiming. You continue to hold back the noises that want to escape your mouth, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of hearing your pleasure.

“Why ya gotta be so fuckin’ stubborn, baby? You really makin’ me take you this damn hard to remind ya just who ya belong to?” he growls seductively into your ear as he drives into you harder. Your head falls back onto the wall and your eyes flutter. This shouldn’t be so satisfying, but you can’t deny how it makes you feel, how he makes you feel. Your arousal pools around him at his words, at his audacity, and it gives you away as he slides more easily in and out of you. Then that damn lip of his dares to curl up again into a knowing smile.

His baritone rumbles in your ear as he fucks you more vigorously, each thrust punctuating his words, as if driving them deeply into your body and mind. “I’m not lettin’ you outta my sight after this little stunt of yours, honey, not for one damn minute. In fact,” he chuckles darkly, “you’re going on stage with me for the rest of my shows, starting tonight. Your debut performance.”

You can’t hold back your choked gasp at that.

“You’re all mine now.” Elvis’ hand comes up and wraps around your throat, just tight enough to let you know he means it. “Now, be a good girl and say it for me.”

Your brain fights against him—possession is not love! Sex is not love! it screams at you—and you don’t want to give him this, but you know the truth of it: you are his. You’ve been his for a while now. And you relish in it. You want so desperately for it to be more than that, but you are too weary of denying yourself of the obvious.

“I’m…y-yours,” you gasp out. He fucks it out of you.

The corner of his mouth briefly lifts in satisfaction before returning to his relentless railing of you and his ongoing, heated diatribe: “You’ll stay in my room, my bed, and we’ll fuck whenever we damn please, honey. I don’t care who fuckin’ knows. Let Jack try and come for you…see what happens,” he threatens, grunting as his thrusts become more erratic.

You don’t even recognize the moan that comes from you at that. The fact that he will take Jack head on for you sends an inexplicable rush through your system. The coil in your belly tightens rapidly now, but Elvis is too far ahead of you, too consumed with his lust and his need to claim you as his own.

“Tell me you’ll stay,” he says in your ear. It comes out more needy, breathless, pleading, than you think he intended, which tugs at your heart, telling you what you need to know, at least for now.

You have no choice, not anymore. Neither your heart nor Elvis’ will allow it.

“I’ll stay,” you whisper, finally conceding.

“There’s my girl,” he groans, then plunges in so deep and fast that the wind is knocked out of you. You both cry out as he pulses again and again, filling and coating you with his need, his teeth digging into your shoulder as he climaxes.

You both gasp for breath, him from his release, you from the shock of his words as they settle within you. After a moment of recovery, he unceremoniously pulls out of you, sets you gently back on the ground, and unties your hands. Your legs feel wobbly and your hands tingle with a burning sensation, rubbed a little raw at the wrists. Elvis kisses each wrist softly, making that unrelieved coil in your belly cinch even tighter as he wraps the scarf around your neck. You wince at the pins and needles in your arms as you shake them to regain circulation.

You wait to see what he has in store for you next, but he just looks a little jaded, uncharacteristically making no effort to alleviate your need. He turns and walks all the way back into the bathroom, and you follow silently.

You look at him questioningly in the mirror as he cleans off, that coil in your belly poised and ready, but unfed. He’s never left you unsatisfied before. But you also don’t want to push him right now. Things still feel too tenuous.

He finally acknowledges you in the mirror, looking over your mussed and flustered state and immediately gleaning the reason for your hovering. “Honey…I’ll deal with you later,” Elvis tuts in a reprimanding tone, his left eyebrow raising, his blues still chilly towards you.

He’s being petty, but you suppose you deserve that to an extent. You resist the urge to pout, instead choosing to wrap your arms around his waist from behind, pressing against the sweaty heat of his back. You want him to forgive you, want to be in his warmth, want him to love you as you love him. But for now, you’ll accept the relief of not having to leave him.

Let me take care of you…Let me be your everything.

The memory of his words sends warmth radiating through your chest, even if he just said it to get you to stay. Even if he didn’t really mean it.

“I’m sorry,” you say quietly. And you are.

Elvis doesn’t move for a moment, just letting you cling to him. Then he turns, bringing you close, and he finally kisses you, his pliant lips pressing hard and fierce and wanting against yours.

“Don’t ever try to leave me like that again, baby,” he says, pulling away, looking deeply into your eyes. He is trying, you think, to be as possessive and demanding as before, but the edge of his anger has been tempered, quelled, and has turned into something more imploring. Then, with that quintessentially Elvispuppy-dog look on his face, he blinks slowly and quietly adds, “I need you,” as though just realizing it himself.

And, with that, you realize for the first time that despite all your doubts, despite what he is hiding from you, despite every obstacle that wants to pile against you, the shitstorm that is coming is still going to hit hard, but it will hit you two together.

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mermaidsirennikita · 1 month

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I read both contemporary and historical romances and I feel like ice queen heroines are extremely underrated. Do you have any recommendations? Thank you!

I loooove an ice queen! Like, I honestly prefer ice queen heroines to sweet heroines.

Historical:

When a Duke Loves a Woman by Lorraine Heath. This heroine isn't so icy to her family, but she is icy to men otherwise because she basically thinks they're trouble who just want to love 'em and leave 'em (often with consequences for the woman) and tbh? She ain't wrong. But then she rescued the hero after he's mugged and cares for him and he sees her tits and the rest is history

Any Duke in a Storm by Amalie Howard. This is a PIRATICAL ICE QUEEN (but she's also a spy). She has a hero who's like a dangerous rakish borderline himbo and he's like "yes? we do sex? we do sex and kiss and things?" and she's like "NO WE DO NOT" (they do)

Lord of Temptation by Lorraine Heath. This is of the "aloof because she's trying to be a lady and also her heart is hurt" variety. She meets the hero (another borderline pirate but also a lord) when she's on a trip to visit her fiancee and he's VERY rakish and VERY seductive and yes there is sex on a boat and later a lot of scenes where he climbs into her room to tear it up by via a tree.

Joss and The Countess by S.M. LaVioelette. One of my favorite ice queen heroines! Alicia is twice-widowed and is exploring London to try to find a lover who actually pleases her (because neither of her husbands did). She's basically been fucking the wrong dudes and so she thinks she's frigid, until the servant she's been using as a bodyguard, Joss (who is a former sex worker) basically sticks his hand up there one night and is like "YOU WANT A BIT O' ROUGH?" because Joss is very dominant and can sense that what Alicia really wants is to be tossed around a bit. (How true of her.) It's actually kinda tense at first because he thinks she just wants him to service her and he's catching feelings but gasp she's catching them too. Also an older heroine/younger hero book (she's 39 I believe and he's around 27). Melissa and The Vicar comes before this and also features a frosty heroine (who is older than her virgin hero) but Magnus is more sweet and Melissa isn't quite as icy as Alicia, just super jaded. Both books, I should add, have discussion of past sexual abuse.

For My Lady's Heart by Laura Kinsale. And WHAT an icy heroine. Melanthe is a widowed princess who's known for having a heart of stone (and being a manipulative backstabber). She ends up being escorted on a perilous journey by a knight who idolized her for 13 years and developed this romanticized idea of her from afar and is quite... disappointed in her true personality lol. At first. Until he gets to know THE REAL HER. TW for medieval-accurate discussions of sexual assault, etc. Kinsale makes her characters have very accurate attitudes, and that can be intense but it's SO worth it.

The Dueling Duchess by Minerva Spencer. This heroine, who is a sharpshooter in a circus of women, has a very traumatic French Revolution-related backstory that leads her to being super aloof and jaded, which is hard because the hero, with whom she used to have a casual situationship, is a lovable rogue who reeeeally wants her back and For Srs.

Private Arrangements by Sherry Thomas. This heroine is known as this sort of jaded icy vamp, and she and her husband have been separated for ten years (basically since the day after the wedding). She asks for a divorce so that she can marry her lover, and he's like "hmmm give me an heir first", so they agree to fuck it out until she's pregnant and the baby is born. Very emotional.

Once More, My Darling Rogue by Lorraine Heath. This book has an ice queen who's really also just a brat lol. She treats the hero like shit because he's a former street kid who was adopted by a duke and duchess. Then he fishes her out of a river and she has amnesia, and he has the bright idea to wreak revenge by telling her she's his housekeeper lmao and making her wash his back and shit. But it's only supposed to be for a week! Then he'll tell her the truth... (If you've seen Overboard, this is that but historical.) TW for past sexual abuse.

The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes by Cat Sebastian. This heroine is aloof and icy because she was married to an asshole. Little does she know that the guy sending her blackmail letters is that asshole's secret son. Also, she doesn't realize that the blackmailer is falling in love with her through their back and forth letters (because she's like nice try dumbass and it turns into a correspondence). Adventure ensues. She also has a baby, and I like that though she loves the baby, it doesn't diminish her ice queen-ness? Like, she is still rather aloof and caring but not cuddly.

Waking Up with the Duke by Lorraine Heath. Lorraine does love an ice queen and Jayne is one of her best. She's kind but has sort of been made frosty by trauma. Her husband had a carriage accident that rendered him impotent, and she miscarried shortly after and has been caring for him since. The issue is that he doesn't give her any romance or really affection. But then he asks his best friend, a NOTORIOUSLY GREAT IN BED MAN to sleep with Jayne and get her pregnant so that he can have an heir and Jayne can have the baby she's always wanted. She agrees reluctantly... BUT NO KISSING. Such an amazing melting ice queen book.

Between the Devil and Desire by Lorraine Heath. Another all time favorite, and another fabulous heroine. Really, one of my top heroines. Olivia is another one whose husband was nice but not emotionally or physically there for her, and now she's widowed with a young son. But then, notorious gambling hell owner Jack Dodger is named as her son's guardian in her husband's will, even though he barely knew this man! It's so great to see this haughty ice queen get turned into an emotional mess by like, the first man who's ever gotten her going. It's really a sexual awakening book in a lot of ways because Olivia goes from being "GET AWAY FROM ME POOR" to drunkenly telling him that HE MUST NOT KISS HER knowing that her always does the opposite of what she asks lmao

When a Rogue Meets His Match by Elizabeth Hoyt. This heroine, who I kid you not is named Messalina, hates the hero a lot because he's her evil uncle's fixer. The evil uncle knows he wants her, so he's like "do this last job and you can have her". But she's determined to have her revenge. I read this when I was first getting back into romance and I really need to reread because I remember it being bonkers lol

Duchess by Day, Mistress by Night by Stacy Reid. Icy renowned widowed duchess with a young son hires this lowborn fixer type to find her son's governess after she goes missing. And he's like "okay.... but I don't want money in return....." Cue BIG awakening.

Sweetest Scoundrel by Elizabeth Hoyt. TW big time because the heroine is known as an ice queen and this is part due to her trauma surrounding childhood abuse. It is another huge favorite of mine, however. The hero is trying to start a pleasure garden, and the heroine basically sweeps in like "oh no you fucking don't" because her brother is his patron (I think) and she's handling her brother's affairs. The hero, a major rake type, is like "you bitch" but gradually gets to know her and realizes what's going on and starts helping her get comfortable with sex and men. It's honestly both very hot and VERY sweet, and it's this very gradual escalation that begins with a lot of mutual masturbation lol. And also a scene in which they're in a moving carriage and he realizes she's looking at his dick and he's like "I mean I can jack off in front of you if you want" and she's like "I WANT". One of the hottest scenes I've ever read tbh.

Contemporary:

The Hot Shot by Kristen Callihan. The hero is a rookie phenom quarterback, and the heroine is the photographer in charge of shooting this nude calendar starring the team. She's very frosty to him, but they become friends and then ROOMMATES and then slowly they work towards acknowledging their own trauma and stuff. TW because this is one deals with things like infertility, and especially his own trauma about a later-term pregnancy loss he experienced with another woman. I was actually really impressed with it tbh, because you rarely see pregnancy loss discussed from a hero's POV.

Salt in the Wound/Salt Kiss by Sierra Simone. Salt in the Wound is the prequel novella (kind of a long novella lol) from the heroine's POV, whereas she's majorly present in the back third of Salt Kiss but it's from the hero's POV. Would recommend reading in order. Isolde is a total ice queen, but she has this secret dark side... and a kinky, masochistic side. This is MMF, I discuss it a lot lol, but I really like the contrasting sides of her with Mark, who's similarly icy and very dominant, and Tristan, who's submissive with Mark but kinda like... dominant in the bedroom with Isolde, and soft out of the bedroom with her. Tristan also calls her "honey" DURING. A lot. And boy did that unexpectedly work for me.

Jana Goes Wild by Farah Heron. Love this one, the heroine had a fling with the hero in the past before finding out he was married (!) and then she turns out to be pregnant. Flash forward five years and they're polite coparents who end up in the same destination wedding party. She's understandably QUITE cold to him, but.... feelings arise.........

Lush Money by Angelina M. Lopez. This is the one with the billionaire heroine who offers to bail out the prince hero's tiny country in exchange for him marrying and impregnating her. Roxanne is a fabulously difficult, icy heroine who slooowly begins to melt.

#romance novel blogging #romance novels #book recs

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schmirius · 5 months

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okay but what if... a different ofmd s2

I tried several times to make a less tl;dr version of this post, but it's not happening. BEHOLD: a season I just like better. It fixes things that I personally didn't like (and I have a strong Ed and Izzy bias). I wanted to do a few major things:

Keep 2x01-2x03, because I love them so damn much. this unfortunately sets the stakes *really high* for the rest of the season, so...

Rework the characters that canon s2 introduced, to be able to focus more tightly on the Revenge's response to the 2x01-2x03 atom bomb.

Give Ed and Stede more focused arcs (individually and as a couple). Ed and Stede were, emotionally, at completely opposite poles in 2x01-2x03, and in canon I think they didn't connect much after that. So in my version, they'll do basic work to understand why their s1 meet-cute failed and how they can move on to having a real relationship.

Address Ed's very vividly depicted violence from 2x01-2x02. I found the amends depicted in canon somewhere between "unsatisfying" and "horrifying." Jesus did I need to fuck around with that!

the three major acts in the season:

ACT 1 (2x01-2x03) – Trauma! These episodes remain largely the same as in canon.

ACT 2 (2x04-2x06) – Recovery I've edited these episodes so Ed + Stede are entirely separated from Izzy + the Crew. This gives the OTP space to work on themselves and their relationship. Likewise, Izzy has space away from Ed to go through his arc of self-discovery and consider if he wants to reconcile with Ed. Izzy and the Crew all get a chance to recover from The Trauma on their own, together as a community. ACT 3 (2x07-2x08) – Reconciliation Act 2 has given everybody time to process Act 1 and how they might come out of it as better versions of themselves and a stronger community. Now the OTP and the Crew reintegrate and, in the 2x08 climax, prove all their work has been worth it by fighting together against an external menace. (It's Hornigold. It's got to be Hornigold. This is so obvious to me.)

* * * THE CHARACTERS:

Each crew member is talented brilliant incredible showstopping spectacular, but in the interest of brevity, the characters in the imaginary episodes are going to be:

Ed and Stede → The OTP – Ed and Stede as a couple. Color-coded red so you can follow their arc.

Izzy

The Crew, who begin in Act 1 as three separate crews: → the Castaways (everybody Ed marooned/tossed overboard at the end of s1) → the Breakup Boat (everybody from canon s2 on the Revenge with Truly Insane Ed → the Girls (introduced below)

THE BOATS:

Most episodes are going to have two plots running, taking place on two ships:

The Revenge

The Pearl Diver (again, below)

Last terminology note: I'm going to be comparing "canon episodes" vs. "imaginary episodes" or "new episodes" a bunch.

Ready? Alright, let's kick it.

* * *

ACT 1 – 2x01-2x03 – TRAUMAAA

Ed + the Breakup Boat: The action on the Revenge remains basically the same, with the torture and the murder-suicides and all the crimes. Stede + the Castaways: I'd cut the Republic of Pirates in 2x01. Instead, I'd start with everyone at sea on the ship that rescued them (which also creates an atmosphere of everyone still being trapped by the awful shit that happened in 1x10). What ship? I think introducing Zheng the historical pirate is a really cool idea, but I also think it's one idea too many. Zheng's objectively cooler and more successful ship is always, implausibly, overshadowed by the lovable misfits on the Revenge, since the Revenge is the workplace that the show is about. This is annoying to me (and probably Zheng). Instead I'd make the rescue ship one of equal goofiness: Mary and Anne's ship. I'll call it the Pearl Diver, just because I can. We can lift the formula from Ed's ship in s1:

s1: gay men // s2: lesbians!

s1 power couple on the ship is Ed+Izzy // s2 is Mary/Anne

s1 crew members who later join Revenge are The Boys, Fang+Ivan // s2 will have the Girls, a surgeon and her competent sailor girlfriend. one of them is a trans woman, I said so

the set is just the Revenge with different props on, lol

Okay, that's our lesbian ship set up. It'll last five episodes and be a very easy foil for the Revenge. Stede: His 2x01-2x02 bit seemed to be "I love Ed, I'll get back to him no matter." I'd push that harder. New s2 will open with Stede as a brave romantic adventurer sallying forth into true love (the same way he was a brave romantic adventurer sallying forth into piracy in s1). So: "I love Ed, I'll get back to him no matter, and the force of our newfound love will be what straightens this all out." The OTP: Ed and Stede are both hopeless romantics, of course, but they're coming at it from opposing genres. Ed thinks he's the doomed villain in a big-R Romantic novel. Stede thinks he's the little-r romantic hero in a bodice-ripper. Their job in new s2 is to shift ideas of self & genre to meet somewhere in the middle.

ACT 2 – 2x04-2x06 – RECOVERY

I think a lot of what s2 tried in mid-season succeeded, but it didn't really add up to anything. In order to advance Ed and Stede's arc(s), I'd isolate them from the Crew. This gives everyone space to start clearing up the Act 1 wreckage.

(quick 2x03 note:) The major change I'd make here here would be moving the Breakup Boat crew off of the Revenge sometime mid-episode so they can recuperate on the Pearl Diver instead. They get to leave the trauma boat, which gives them and us the audience some breathing room as we transition out of the murder-suicide portion of the season. In the Pearl's infirmary they meet the Girls – surgeon and girlfriend – and reunite with the Castaways. There's a palpable sense of each group feeling isolated from the others.

2x04 – really intense cleanup

Time skip: The Breakup Boat crew have been declared physically recovered enough to start repairing the Revenge (and therefore prepared to grit their teeth and return to the scene of their trauma). The Castaways offer to help; the Girls come along in solidarity with their new friends. The Revenge: (this is also 2x04 in canon) Izzy never left the wrecked ship, is doing Bad. The three separate crews do ship repairs, but then come together as one Crew to declare Izzy their unicorn.

The Pearl Diver: (this story has no equivalent in canon)

Ed: never leaves the Pearl's infirmary, is doing Bad. He's trying to come to grips with the fact that he did all that shit, the kind that his dad and Hornigold used to. Stede: is focused on telling Ed about their true love rather than trying to understand how awful Ed feels, to the point that he's telling his newfound love~ story super loudly to avoid talking about Ed's pain.

The OTP: They have a moment where they stop talking past each other.

Ed hears Stede when he says that he really does love Ed. (Ed doesn't necessarily believe it, but he's willing to listen.)

Stede hears Ed when Ed says he feels trapped worse than ever (though he's weirded out Ed thinks he's a doomed villain). (Stede, our favorite Ed stan, literally doesn't care what Ed did except as far as how Ed feels about it.)

2x05 – letting loose

Time skip! Again, everyone looks slightly less haggard. The Revenge: (this is 2x06 in canon; I've moved it to 2x05) The Crew: have Calypso's birthday, paid for with the treasure they wouldn't throw overboard in 2x01 because it's their treasure and not Ed's, ffs. Joyful, queer, "we're surviving, we're getting through this together." Izzy+Ed: I'm aiming to untangle the shitty parts of their codependency and eliminate Ed's outright domestic abuse. I read canon s2 as Izzy fully untangling himself from Ed and then presenting Ed as a gift to Stede, and I did not like that for anyone. I'm aiming to conclude new s2 with Izzy+Ed acknowledging how bad it was at the end (with a little more emotional insight than they might have been able to do in s1 – maybe this huge event in their lives leads to self-reflection and growth!) and how they could move forward maybe as very complicated friends. Izzy's going to be taking the lead on this one, because the codependency very much ended in Ed doing violence to him. He gets to decide what the fuck happens. So: Izzy: is finally somewhere without Ed, first time in 30 years. Now that he's been unicorn'd (feels supported), he has room to unwind and start discovering what he might like to do. So he does drag. And also sings about his complicated feelings for Ed, come on, Izzy has love for him. In new s2, Izzy still gets to bloom, but he remains closer in personality to his grumpy cunty s1 self, not quite consciously understanding how he's changing. The Pearl Diver: (this is 2x04 in canon; I've moved it to 2x05) The OTP: have the bonkers Mary/Anne dinner party (their f/f co-captain counterparts). They do their awkward exes bit. In canon s2, they see Mary/Anne as "these guys are so weird, wtf"; in new s2, they're more like "these guys are so weird, omg. remember how weird we were last year? that was so fucking great." Conclusions:

Ed and Stede have more in common than they'd feared (since, like, 1x10)

They see they can be dramatic assholes in love like these bitches and that's great.

But also: maybe they need to be less self-centered than "burn down your ship which is your entire livelihood without considering that this might kill your crew." Maybe Mary/Anne rowing off cackling in a boat together (to, say, China) isn't the W they thought it was.

also also: caught up in the adrenaline of understanding they're mad lads, Ed/Stede do the impulsive "taking it too fast" (canon: 2x06) and BONE.

Lastly: The OTP ask to reboard the Revenge now that there's no Pearl Diver, mentioning hopefully that they've learned a lesson. The Crew are not convinced. They maroon Ed/Stede on land at close of ep.

2x06 – restucturing

The Revenge: (this plot is similar to Izzy+Stede's story in canon's 2x05)

Haven't thought of a frame story I like here, honestly. But the point of the episode is that Izzy helps Crew to be better pirates. This does two things:

Izzy's getting a chance to choose to manage people for himself, rather than as Ed's minder or Ed's goon.

Crew are getting competent advice from someone who genuinely gives a shit (Stede or Ed do not fit the bill). This allows them to keep running things in a fairly democratic structure where they do make decisions based on actually, for real, Talking Things Through.

Crew: consider what they're going to do about Ed and Stede – who maybe have had time to sort themselves out a bit? – replete with silly company restructuring metaphors.

Izzy: probably does shirtless swordplay considers how he wants to deal with Ed. Talking to Crew he decides that he, too, can try airing grievances with Ed in workplace metaphors. (It doesn't take much to convince him. Izzy will always love being a professional.)

On Land: (this episode has no equivalent in canon)

The OTP: in true OFMD style, they attend a modern couples retreat that has 18th c trappings. It is run by the straightest dude ever (Steve Carell levels of Kinsey 1 in 18th c khakis).

This dude is obnoxious, but he does remind them to strike a balance between demonstrating their love by talking through their needs (e.g. 2x04 infirmary, 2x05 dinner party) and by taking action (which will always be bonkers for them, like 1x09 act of grace, 2x05 impulsive boning). I'm thinking of it like: Ed/Stede realize they're whim-prone (as in canon 2x04), and also there's this tool nearby.

They're like, hey, actually I really love you, and make out sappily for a while then wonder, bemusedly, why they didn't do that before fucking a bunch. ("but the fucking was still good?" "oh yeah mate, we should definitely always be fucking")

Unfortunately: The retreat ends abruptly when they spot pirate hunters closing in on the B&B and have to make a run for it.

ACT 3 – 2x07-2x08 – RECONCILIATION

I really couldn't tell what canon was going for at season's end, starting from about "Stede kills Lowe" at the end of 2x06. I found a lot of it contradictory and kind of ass-pull-y. Major divergences to follow.

2x07 – reintegration

(this episode is similar to canon episode 2x05)

The Revenge: Having spent 2x06 thinking about what they want to do next, the Crew decide they can take on Stede + Ed on their flight from pirate hunters. Everyone's back on the boat. I'd probably make the frame story here something silly and light-hearted like the Cursed Red Suit. Everyone can mingle in groups that are different from the ones they started out in during Act 1 – permutations of people from the three distinct crews, Stede and Izzy and Ed thrown together with people they haven't seen in a while. These different groups can brainstorm deeply stupid solutions to this probably fake problem. I'd probably make the frame story here something silly and light-hearted like The Cursed Red Suit. Everybody can mingle in different groups and brainstorm deeply stupid solutions to this probably fake problem. Ed/Stede: Crucially, Stede and Ed aren't together in any of these groups. They separate and see everyone and understand that they're not, actually, in charge of Crew anymore. It's weird but okay. They both have to legitimately listen like they've been practicing all season. Ed doesn't apologize but he at least doesn't fuck with anyone, so that's... fine. Izzy+Ed: They haven't seen each other since the murder-suicide farrago in 2x02.

Izzy: "You can do the big gestures but you're a shit captain, Ed. You can't be there on the everyday stuff." (with subtext: you need to give a shit about me all the time, not just when I can be convenient to you.) It's not any kind of forgiveness, and Ed can't offer an apology because he still doesn't understand them. But this is Izzy saying he'll talk to Ed (with more pushback than canon's 2x06 "oh look it's scowly face").

Lastly: This has been a monster of the week ep where the first five minutes were like, there's a problem which will affect us in the future! and then the middle of the episode is, but it's not affecting us right now so let's do interpersonal stuff! Sadly, whoever they dump the Suit on at the end of the episode reminds them the problem still exists: the pirate hunters are worse than they thought. Hornigold is on their trail.

2x08 – IT'S REAL PERSONAL

(this episode has no equivalent in canon.) And here we reach the locus of all my frustrations!

Nose Guy doesn't exist in new s2, so we don't need to blow up the Republic with no foreshadowing as in canon 2x08

Zheng's awesome fleet doesn't exist in new s2. The foreshadowing that she was planning something incredible doesn't have to come to nothing like it did in canon 2x08, when her fleet also blew up with no foreshadowing. (what was that badass montage from canon 2x02 of her crew portaging ships thru the jungle even for ;_;)

Canon s2's sudden decision to make the stakes of the entire season "oh, uh, everyone wants to destroy piracy?" and completely ignore all the interpersonal problems set up in Act 1 – that doesn't happen!

Probably nothing in imaginary s2 will be as intense as 2x01-2x03 were. But new 2x08 will be a claustrophobic, high-pressure situation where everyone will have the resolutions they made in Act 2 tested, in a situation as dangerous as the worst of Act 1.

HERE WE GOOOOO Cold open on the Revenge:

A scene that looks about as bad as Ed's storm in 2x02: Izzy is dead from a headshot, Crew are panicking, Stede is alone and can only shout to Ed that he loves him from far away.

Ed is kitted out as Blackbeard at his worst – makeup and all – and seems ready to, again, blow the whole ship up. Viewer is perhaps worried that Ed has, again, lost it. We balance on the precipice!!

TITLE CARD!

Chronological start of ep:

Wind back the action!

Time skip from 2x07: The Revenge has been running from Hornigold for weeks, hiding themselves in ever smaller spaces as they get jumpier and jumpier about the pursuit. (Think on deck → main cabin → galley → the secret fucking deathbed under the galley.)

Ed, off by himself, is beside himself at the thought of meeting Hornigold for real once more. He failed to kill him all those years ago – what must he do now to solve the problem for good?

Intercut with Hornigold's ship:

Hornigold is chasing them, being a dick in his sumptious cabin. It's light on the action, heavy on letting us know who he is.

He's cruel and violent, like Act 1 Ed, except (a) he's less concerned about covering up his awfulness with charm and (b) he's perfectly open about "I hate this guy I used to own and I want to kill him" (about Ed) in contrast to Act 1 Ed not being able to say anything of the sort about Stede or Izzy.

We already know what kind of evil shit Hornigold used to pull because mostly-dead Ed told us in 2x03, so, you know, good enough.

Ed has to kill himself and also his dad again, lol, we get it

Climactic stuff on the Revenge!

Hornigold catches up to them; there's some fighting or whatever; it leads us up to the cold open. But then it pushes through to: it was all a fuckery!!

(do not ASK me what kind of fuckery. they are hard to write, they are both deeply psychological and incredibly goofy. This is just an outline of a fake season LEAVE ME ALONE)

Ed was a distraction, acting how Hornigold expected him to act! It works: Stede kills Hornigold!

The OTP: The murder addresses how each wants to deal with violence in their respective genres:

Ed, when he did patricide on behalf of someone he loved (mum) got caught up the cycle of dreadful murder and trauma he wanted to escape. And now he sees that he can – he's not the doomed Romantic villain!

Stede, in doing step-patricide on behalf of someone he loves (Ed), commits in a real way to ruthlessly murdering bullies. He's a swashbuckler! He definitely likes it! Finally, he's found a way to express romantic love in a grounded* way. (*by OFMD standards.)

It's a deranged pirate sitcom way of turning their tentative courtship into a healthy adult relationship.

Ed + Izzy:

During the fuckery: Izzy is playing murdered-by-Ed, so he's "dead" on deck (vulnerable) amidst the chaos.

Ed throws himself over Izzy to save him from getting shot.

This doesn't erase all the shitty things Ed did! It's a big gesture instead of an everyday thing, just like Izzy was complaining about! But it's definitely an indicator that Ed would prefer not to drive Izzy to suicide and Ed does, even, ask if Izzy's okay afterwards, checking him over, before someone else points out that Ed got shot.

Lastly:

With final approval from Izzy – after a lengthy pause where Izzy looks at Edward panting and bleeding on the deck – the Crew decide to journey forth to find Super Good Medicine to save Ed.

THERE ARE HINTS THAT s3 MIGHT SHOW US:

Blackbeard's historic raid on Charleston (who is playing Blackbeard at that point? who knows!)

Ed and Izzy working on being weird-ass friends again, but without so much murder-suicide

Stede and Ed finally talking about how they want to spend their life together: what's between retirement and piracy?

This is all pretty okay because new s2 ends in a hopeful place where nobody FUCKING DIED jfc where everyone's grown a bit but, as always, still has room to grow more.

the end!

#ofmd s2 #some fic #imaginary s2

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moonshynecybin · 2 months

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do you have any books recommendations? 🙏

okay usually i like to know a general vibe for recommendations bc this is INTIMATE!!! and im actually in a weird place in my reading journey where im trying to branch out and try a bunch of different books in a bunch of different genres bc i got lowkey sick of what i was reading all the time so this is all over the place. whatever fuck it. here are some recent ones in no particular order that ive enjoyed OR at the very least found interesting. most of these are pretty famous i'll be real im not breaking the wheel here. under the cut bc she is long

our wives under the sea by julia armfield. was this book good hmm i dont know. was it kind of fucked up and interesting. YES. some of the prose is legitimately sooo gorgeous and the portrait it paints of the central relationship is intimate and oftentimes heartrending i still think about it which is kind of what you want from a story tbh... a really slow plot (kind of nonexistent) thats frankly more about grief than anything. theres some spooky body horror here so beware

slaughterhouse five by kurt vonnegut. shes a classic for a REASON. do you ever pick up a book that is very beloved and famous. and then get genuinely and pleasantly surprised that it actually rules. happened to me. legit kind of life changing and also made me laugh out loud. if you havent read it get on it

the kingdoms by natasha pulley. read this over the summer and i vividly remember sitting in the basement at my job hiding so i could read one more page i was RIVETED!!! its historical fantasy its time travel its amnesia it is. on a boat. basically like what if fucked up gay love and also magic made france win the napoleonic wars would that be crazy or what!!! and it was!! also read some of her other stuff which is VERY similar and it was like. fine to good. but i LOVED this one

carrie by stephen king. read it around halloween and i enjoyed it more than i thought i would ! some category 5 stephen king sexism but its an interesting 200 page scifi novel with epistolary elements and some great characters i can see how it launched his career into the stratosphere... really good one to start off with reading stephen king if you wanna dip a toe in but are wary of the 1000 page doorstop novels. i say give it a try !

demon copperhead by barbara kingsolver. recent pulitzer prize winner. its a retelling of david copperfield with a distinctly southern appalachian lens which im always interested in because i am from southern appalachia and frankly the way we get treated in fiction is wild. like hillbilly cannibals who are illiterate coalminers wild. if i ever catch the guy that wrote hillbilly elegy we are throwing hands. but i liked this ! the region does have a long history of poverty and it was interesting to think about that in conversation to the social commentary with a victorian vibe from david copperfield. i mean this is decidedly unvictorian but that was floating in the back of my head at all times reading it so it made me THINK.

giovanni's room by james baldwin. another one where i was like do you see this shit?? this shit is crazy. and the shit in question is one of the most acclaimed and beloved novels of all time. anyways another life changer get on it.

even as we breathe by annette saunooke clapsaddle. another southern appalachia moment ! this one rings VERY true for me actually, despite being a historical novel... written with a lot of love for the area and made me cry a bit cause i was homesick at the time... great mystery and cool local history. also! one of the better representations of the cherokee people ive seen in fiction. which usually im hesitant to like. pin that as a THE major reason you should read it bc the story is ALSO very good but its a central theme of the novel so i thought i should mention it. plus the author is cherokee so she's coming at it with knowledge and care

in memoriam by alice winn. recommendation from a tumblr mutual so i thought id continue the tradition! read it in literally a day so im fuzzy on the details but its about rich eton style english schoolboys getting their spirits basically destroyed in the trenches of ww1... also a gay love story... lots of poetry very tragic but not overly so and certainly very readable... a competent historical gay romance if thats ur thing youll probably enjoy it

the poppy war by r f kuang. interesting bc it initially feels like a historical fantasy novel with a young protagonist going to a magic school and overcoming the odds slash beating the evil enemy story thats been done one billion times. but it is DEEPLY not that. takes the conventions of the genre and kind of refuses to make them reducible or easy to package. deals with war (read the warnings etc). deals with genocide. deals with race. wrestles with the ethics of all of its characters and comes down with some nuance. kind of a slay

and then here's some all time faves that are just GOOD and im reasonably sure anyone would have a good time with:

jane eyre. i have quoted this enough on this blog cmon. also if youre following me youre probably a fan of fucked up relationships so you should go. be with the OG. fly. like its foundational to the GENRE babyyyy

dracula. yayyyyy epistolary novelssss... another "fun" classic along with dorian gray... read em both they slap

the book thief. took me a year to read. made me cry lots.

daisy jones and the six. look at me look AWAYYY from the amazon series look at ME. this is a fun book. and if you are in a reading slump i frankly HIGHLY recommend it bc it is done in the style of like. a documentary autopsy on a fleetwood mac esque band implosion so its told in 100% dialogue as if they are being interviewed. you can read it in a DAY and its FUN and sometimes they CONTRADICT each other which i LOVE

the queens thief by meghan whalen turner. GOD!!!!! all time. all time. straight relationships in fiction that make you crazyyyyyyy and also genuinely delightful twists at the end of each book i LOVED them. i read them all in the pandemic they slayyyy

howl's moving castle. delightful. if you like a silly time in a fantasy world that makes you laugh a lot i would recommend. also the sequel its fun

any terry pratchet novel thank you goodnight

#rapid fire ones: circe by madeline miller. piranesi by susanna clarke. the underground railroad by colson whitehead. the things they carried #also and i am beign so serious. if you have never read ella enchanted you should. it is fun.#callie speaks #asks #staring down my tbr and waiting for my brain to get better. torture.#next up is house of leaves. lfg.#the tonal whiplash on this list is so funny im realizing. 50% fun fantasy and 50% THE HORRORS OF WAR.

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cromulentbookreview · 3 months

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Fun with Fungi!

Huh, what's this? *cleans away dust* oh, yeah, this blog is still a thing. I probably should've written more reviews, but...

I mean, I could come up with an excuse, but I'm too lazy. Just as I am too lazy to continually update this book review blog that nobody reads. I mean, I just wrote a review *consults calendar* uh. In 2022. Dang, I have been lazy. Oh well.

I'm like a rug on valium, I'm talking lazy.

And by that, I mean: let's have a dual review of the Sworn Soldier series: What Moves the Dead and its sequel, What Feasts at Night by T. Kingfisher!

Those covers, man. They're awesome, but at the same time: poor bun bun. Poor horsie.

So technically, what I'm doing here is not one but two reviews. So I'm actually being really, really productive right now and not lazy in the slightest.

This is a legitimately true story, I swear. Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away...by which I mean, four or five years back or so, I'd never heard of T. Kingfisher / Ursula Vernon in my life until I got into a fight with her on Twitter* on whether or not the fruit of the hazel tree should be referred to as Filberts or Hazelnuts.

For the record, I am firmly team hazelnut. I mean, they're nuts from a hazel tree. Hazel+nuts = hazelnuts. Who in their right mind wants to eat something called a filbert? But, terminology varies as T. Kingfisher is firmly on team filbert. My parents also call them filberts on occasion which is weird to me as we live in an area lousy with hazelnut farms.

Mmmm, Hazelnuts...

Anyway! I had no idea who this person was but I got into a tongue-in-cheek gif fight on Twitter with them regarding hazelnut v. filbert. Feeling bad that I got into a fight with a random person online on their hazel tree fruit name preferences, I went to their profile, saw they were an author, looked up their books and bought the two books of the Clocktaur Wars series. I tore through them, and continued on, reading all of the World of the White Rat series (I just saw that we're getting a new one in January and I might have let out a bit of a fangirl screech), and the absolutely delightful A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking and Minor Mage. So far, every single one of T. Kingfisher's books that I've read has been awesome. Nettle & Bone? Amazing. Thornhedge? I'm a very slow reader, but I devoured it in an afternoon.

T. Kingfisher writes amazing fantasy novels and I absolutely love them. She also writes horror. Which is where I hit a brick wall because I'm a baby who doesn't handle horror well. I don't like horror movies. I don't often read horror books. Because the world is scary enough without ghosts and poltergeists and demons and jump scares. Also I watched The Ring when I was 12 and it scared the shit out of me. Anyway! Oddly enough, I've always found myself drawn to horror-type stories. I mean, horror fits so well in fantasy and sci-fi (looking at you, Doctor Who episodes that gave me nightmares). As an adult, I've found myself more and more willing to dip my toe into horror fiction. Season 1 of The Terror, one of my favorite-ever TV series is considered horror (maybe because it's not jump-scare scary, it's existentially scary. Also it's set in the past. Also it's got dudes-on-boats, my favorite genre). Part of me really, really likes horror stories set in the past - no horror like 18th/19th/Early 20th century horror, amirite?

Right?

Well, whatever, I just like horror to be ye olde timey horror, OK? Like Crimson Peak, The Witch, The Death of Jane Lawrence, Mexican Gothic, The Woman in Black, The Hacienda, Vampires of El Norte, The Hunger ... spooky-scary Gothic-y-Romantic-y-type stories that have a historical element to them. Those are awesome. I'm slowly - very slowly! - getting myself to read more contemporary horror stories. I understand that The Twisted Ones and A House With Good Bones are really, really good, but....what can I say, I'm a wuss. And contemporary stories aren't really my jam. I read to get away from the contemporary world, damn it!

(Me, too scared to read contemporary horror but not too scared to listen to 900,000 true crime podcasts).

Right, where were we?

Oh, yeah. The review(s). I'm starting to understand why no one ever read this blog and why I let myself be lazy.

In What Moves The Dead we meet Alex Easton, a Gallacian ex-soldier on their way to visit their old friends, the Ushers, at their delipidated estate in the rural countryside of Ruravia. Alex had word that Madeline Usher was dying, and they wanted to be there for Madeline and her brother, Roderick. Roderick had been a fellow soldier with Alex back in the day and -

Wait a minute, Roderick and Madeline Usher? Delipidated mansion? Unspecified 19th century middle of nowhere...

Yep, this story is, indeed, a retelling of Poe's The Fall of the House of Usher, and it does a much better job than certain series you might find on Netflix.

Moving on:

Alex, Roderick and Madeline were childhood friends, and Roderick and Alex even fought together back in the day. Alex is a "sworn soldier" - something unique to their home country of Gallacia, a small, backwater country located somewhere between Bulgaria, Hungaria and that other -Garia, a vaguely Central/Eastern European nation with a language somehow structurally worse than Finnish, Hungarian and Icelandic combined. The Gallacian language has seven sets of pronouns: there's one set used only when referring to God, a set used to refer to children before puberty, one set specifically for inanimate objects...and, as the Gallacians are a fierce warrior people (though they're not exactly great at it), there's a special pronoun set just for soldiers.

So, in Gallacia, anyone, regardless of gender, can waltz up to the nearest military recruitment post, declare themselves a soldier, and be given a sword and a new set of pronouns within the hour. Hence the term "sworn soldier."

Anyway!

Prior to arriving at the House of Usher, Alex encounters an Englishwoman, Miss Eugenia Potter, a mycologist studying the local mushrooms, and there are some gnarly-looking (and smelling!) mushrooms. In fact, the whole landscape around Usher House seems...off. Everything seems dead or dying. Random hares will stand up and just stare right at you.

And not in a cute way, either.

As if the landscape weren't bad enough, once Alex gets to the Usher House, Roderick himself barely resembles the soldier Alex once knew. His skin has gone bone-white and he's as thin as a skeleton. He seems terrified by something but can't quite articulate what. Madeline is still alive, but in bad shape. Not even Roderick's friend Denton, an American doctor, can say what is wrong with her and Roderick (Catalepsy? Anemia? Hysteria? Roomis Igloomis? Who knows?). Denton and Alex immediately figure it's something to do with their environment - the house is both rotting and falling apart around them - but Roderick insists that Madeline can't leave, and if she can't leave, he won't leave.

Determined to find out what's happening to their friends, Alex resolves to stay. But things in the House of Usher are starting to get weird. For one thing, Madeline sleepwalks far more than a dying woman should, speaking in a strange, child-like voice, there's a lake outside that seems to pulse and shine with odd lights, there's a legion of undead hares wandering around and, seriously, what is up with those mushrooms??? With the help of Denton, Miss Potter, and their trusty batman, Angus, Alex must figure out what the hell is going on with the House of Usher...before whatever it is starts to spread.

What Moves The Dead is short and sweet and the perfect book to read when it's cold and dreary outside - and definitely not one you want to read before eating a giant bowl of mushroom risotto. If you're looking for a fantastic, spooky-type read that reads like if Edgar Allan Poe and The Last of Us joined forces with an army of undead bunnies.

But!

Luckily for all of us, Alex Easton's adventures don't stop with the events at the House of Usher.

It's late in the autumn and poor Alex would much rather be in Paris. Unfortunately, Angus has successfully guilt-tripped them into a trip to Alex's family's old hunting lodge back in the Old Country, aka Gallacia. Nothing like good old Gallacia in the winter where everything is damp, cold, cold, and, you guessed it! Damp.

But the redoubtable British mycologist Miss Eugenia Potter wishes to study some Gallacian mushrooms, and Angus, who is absolutely sweet on her, pretty much voluntold Alex to come along to act as Miss Potter's translator and use their hunting lodge as a home base.

So instead of a beautiful late Autumn/Winter in Paris, Alex is stuck back home.

*Sigh* looks nice, doesn't it?

As much as Alex sulks at the thought of spending several weeks back home, it's not like they're going to say no to Angus and Miss Potter. Not after everything they went through with the Usher House *shudder*.

Unfortunately, when Angus and Alex arrive at the lodge to help get it ready for Miss Potter's arrival, the caretaker, Codrin, is nowhere to be found. A quick trip to the nearby village reveals that Codrin has been dead for the past two months. But the locals are being very cagey about what killed him - Codrin's daughter is very insistent that it was just a lung infection, nothing else, no further questions, goodbye.

Finding a replacement for Codrin proves difficult, as it seems none of the villagers want to go near the lodge because there's a rumor that Codrin wasn't killed by inflammation of the lungs, but by a creature called a Moroi - a woman who sits on your chest and quite literally steals your breath. And the rumor is, a Moroi has taken up residence at the Hunting Lodge.

Yikes.

After some effort, Alex manages to hire a new housekeeper: the ill-tempered Widow Botezatu, who brings her grandson Bors along with her. The Widow immediately hates Alex, thinking them a wastrel, but Bors is nice enough. Miss Potter arrives, complete with terrible Gallacian phrasebook, but it soon becomes clear things aren't quite right at the Lodge. Alex begins to experience strange dreams - dreams in which a woman is kneeling on their chest because, yep, the Moroi is very real, and it can get to you in your dreams, just like Groundskeeper Willie in Treehouse of Horror VI.

Which is to say like Freddie Kruger, but still.

When it becomes clear that the Moroi is after the residents of the lodge, it's up to Alex, Angus and Miss Potter to figure out how to defeat a creature that can infiltrate your dreams.

What Feasts at Night is just as creepy, eerie and atmospheric as What Moves the Dead - there is plenty of non-fungal body horror and, mercifully, no zombie bun buns. Kingfisher is fantastic at capturing the terror of having your ability to breathe taken from you, and of the dread of having to fight something you can't grasp while awake. How she manages to pack so much into two short novels, I have no idea.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone in the mood for some short, sweet spooky horror.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who gets easily queasy, someone in the middle of eating a nice mushroom risotto, someone who really, really, really loves bunnies being alive and living their best lives, anyone who might wake up in the middle of the night with their cat on their chest staring directly into their eyes...

RELEASE DATE FOR WHAT FEASTS AT NIGHT: February 13, 2024

RATING FOR BOTH: 5/5

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SWORN SOLDIER BOOKS: Chigori

#book review #horror #t. kingfisher #what moves the dead #what feasts at night #edgar allan poe #mushrooms #zombie bunnies #Gallacia #sworn soldier #Alex Easton #Angus #Miss Potter #Mycology #Moroi #Dream monster

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marzley · 1 year

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condolences and death; a sunshipduo fan au

created by @kawabeloved @marzley and @gardentoms

s!guqqie is the eldest daughter of seven to the king and queen of merfolk. she loves all her sisters dearly and often lets herself be pushed into their shadow. on her 18th birthday guqqie, as the royal firstborn, must complete a historic tradition to prove she is worthy to inherit the throne. the oldest sibling must kill the youngest. but she refuses and is banished to a frozen ocean where time moves differently.

s!aimsey is the youngest child of a wealthy and successful family. each of their siblings names are known around the world for a variety of different accomplishments. aimsey isnt like them even if he wants to be. his parents and siblings didn’t think he had what it takes. she wants to sail the world and adventure alongside her best friend and first mate s!michela. so he does. one morning the two pack what he can, buy a boat, and set sail.

guqqie makes a home for herself in the ruins of an abandoned sea temple. she’s completely alone for 4 years.

aimsey and michela travel for 4 years. they make friends, faced enemies, camped on beaches beneath the stars, drank, and even placed bets on who would perish from the adventures first. or at least they did until a sudden storm in the middle of frozen waters crashed their ship.

after michela gained consciousness she searched for her friend day after day after day. it had been a month until michela and the mysteriously undamaged ship return home to ask aimseys family for assistance in finding xem.

guqqie didn’t know if it was curiosity, stupidity, or loneliness that caused her to investigate the crash. but after pulling a mysterious two tailed(?) creature ashore she realized it was a mix of all three.

when aimsey woke she immediately started searching for michela. she was no where to be found and their ship had lodged itself halfway into an iceberg.

guqqie hesitantly introduces themself to aimsey and asks him “what are you?”

“uh,” he stutters out, “a human? what the hell are you?!”

then it clicks for her. “a human. i-i’ve never seen a human before. merfolk prefer the deep ocean anyway but occasionally travelers would return with stories about the ones with nets. because of the whole war with the guardians we decided to just leave them alone, this is amazing!”

“wait, mermaids?“ he steps closer to the water and guqqie splashes her tail. it reflects a multitude of silver, purple, and blue hues.

“holy shit. you’re a mermaid.”

the two continue talking and their conversations flow in such a natural way. aimsey talks about michela and his shipwreck. he needs to rebuild his ship and find her but they don’t mind spending a little time with the pink haired mermaid. the pit stop would give him plenty to write about in their adventure log. guqqie doesn’t really understand why aimsey is so desperate to find their friend but she doesn’t question it at first.

on day two guqqie helps search for supplies to fix aimseys boat with. while at work aimsey takes the opportunity to learn more about merfolk.

“so the other day you mentioned a war.”

“mhm. merfolk and the guardians have been at war since I was a child. it’s been so long I think both sides don’t even remember what their fighting about anymore. the temple-“

“hold on, did you say guardians? man I haven’t heard that name in forever.”

“what do you mean?”

“those things are fucking ancient. went extinct like 30 thousand years ago.”

guqqie went silent. she had been here four years. it wasn’t possible for guardians to be extinct before she even arrived. unless time moved slower here…

she wasn’t a fool. over the next couple of days guqqie began asking aimsey just as many, if not more, questions about his home. specifically the past.

after a full week they share the first kiss. aimsey continues to write in her adventure log and work on the ship.

"what's your greatest wish?" s!guqqie asks one night as s!aimsey works on fixing his boat, s!guqqie keeping him company into the late hours.

s!aimsey laughs. "i'm a sailor, darling. i've told you this already."

"that's not what i meant," s!guqqie frowns, tail fluttering in the low tide. "i didn't ask what you Are, i asked what you wish. what's the one thing you've always wanted?"

s!aimsey's teasing grin falls away as he pauses, his brow furrowed in thought. "i guess what i want most of all-" he finally says. "- is to be remembered. to feel like my time here meant something, yknow?"

s!guqqie frowns. "i remember you. isn't that enough?"

s!aimsey laughs again and presses a kiss to s!guqqie's temple. "of course, darling. what else could i need?" (italics above written by kawa @kawabeloved)

—

“i bet michela’s lookin’ for me,” s!aimsey remarks, “i should find a way out of here so i can tell her i’m alright.”

it’s been a few weeks since he’d become stranded in s!guqqie’s temple - for the two of them, at least. but time passes differently here, and the siren knows it.

“i- i don’t know if that’s a good idea,” s!guqqie replies, warily.

s!aimsey’s brows furrow. “the ship seems to be in much better state, guq. people are probably wond’rin where i am.”

“i just…” the siren begins, “i don’t know if you’ll like what you find.”

“what?” the sailor asks, a pit growing in her stomach. “what do you mean?”

“time is strange here,” guqqie explains. “a short time in here, in my temple, is much longer out there.”

“what?!” aimsey splutters, “why didn’t you tell me that before?”

“i- i didn’t think it mattered!” guqqie exclaims

“things like that don’t matter to me, to my people. so i- i thought it would be okay, at first. sirens live forever. time isn’t of any concern to us. but you’ve told me so much about humans…” the girl trails off, unable to meet the sailor’s eyes.

silence weighs heavy on them.

aimsey grits his teeth, shaking with sadness and anger and grief and regret. “you thought it would be okay?” he all but snarls accusatorially, “you didn’t care to ask? didn’t care to tell me? did you do it on purpose, because you didn’t want me to leave?!”

“i-”

“no,” aimsey interrupts, tone dark and biting. “no, no. you did it on purpose. you couldn’t stand bein’ lonely in your little temple anymore with no one to care about you and nowhere to belong. you wanted me to be trapped here with you forever, didn’t you?”

guqqie trembles.

“no,” she breathes, “no, aimsey, i never meant to hurt you i promi—”

“well it’s a little late for that!” aimsey snaps. “what are you going to do now, force me to stay?”

a part of guqqie breaks when they hear those words.

“no,” she croaks. “i would never do that to you.”

all aimsey does is laugh, bitterly. “might as well,” he replies, “you’ve already done enough.”

“aimsey, i-” guqqie calls, but aimsey has already walked away. (italics above written by lua @gardentoms)

the sailor returns home. the first grave he finds is his mothers. next to her in the rest of his family including generations he would never know. he also found michela’s grave. deep down he knew she spent the remainder of her life looking for him.

the mermaid waits on the very iceberg her lover crashed. she was so terrified of aimsey leaving so she erased that option. and now he's left her forever. maybe her real punishment wasn’t being alone but rather being without him.

after learning everyone he loved, expect for guqqie, had died aimsey didn’t know what to do. he couldn’t stay but he couldn’t go back to guqqie. he wouldn’t be able to face her. he writes his final journal entry, grabs a bottle of whiskey, finds a cave, and waits as he withers away.

guqqie i’m still on the iceberg. she’d be there the rest of her immoral life staring west as the horizon. the direction she last saw his boat. west, where day after eternal day she watches their sun settle over the water.

sirens and sailors were a cautionary tale that everyone knew.

their song lures you in, so beautiful that you are unable to turn away. so beautiful it’s deadly. but if you listened close enough you’d realize the melancholy medley wasn’t actually singing…it was sobbing.

it’s not a song that lures you in, it’s the story behind each wail. the sound fills sailors ears with unbearable sadness that they all end up jumping overboard.

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jaskiersbard · 9 months

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Chapter Eight - Unable To Stay, Unwilling To Leave

Guess who finally pulled their shit together and managed to upload?! This girl!

I apologise for the delay but I've been ridiculously busy with work and other things unfortunately - but come on, let's be honest, I was *never* going to abandon a fic about Titanic, let alone a Newtina Titanic one! :D It just takes a while to write chapters sometimes due to life and other things getting in the way - I hope that it means the chapter is better for taking the time to work on it instead of just rushing!

Fun fact: I went to watch Titanic the Musical about a week and a half ago, and it was amazing! I had no idea that it was a thing until I accidentally saw an advertisement for it a couple of months ago while perusing pamphlets at my local inn while having dinner with family, and I'm so glad that I went to see it! Honestly highly recommend it for anyone interested in the sinking, even though it's not strictly 100% historically accurate (but it's a musical so we'll allow it some artistic license there), or anyone who loves musicals! It apparently premiered on Broadway six months before James Cameron's movie came out, which I thought was interesting - two different forms of entertainment about the same shipwreck releasing/premiering on the same year is such a coincidence!

This chapter features the scene with the soundtrack that this whole fic is named for, so I highly recommend you listen to the song "Unable to Stay, Unwilling to Leave" during *that* scene. I really hope I did the scene at least half the justice it deserves because it's one of the most emotional scenes, it's probably one of my favourites, and I cry every time I watch it - you can watch the scene HERE if you're unfamiliar with it (or if you just fancy checking out one of my favourite scenes)!

Unlike the other chapters, this one isn't named after one of the chapter names on the DVD - mostly because the scenes involved all had scene names like "Cal Spurned" and "Get on the boat, Rose" XD I figured it might be an idea to just name it after the piece of soundtrack the whole fic is named after, so here it is!

This chapter is, as always, not beta read and there are probably errors but hey ho!

A quick warning that this chapter features a few deaths - including an important side character.

Anyway, without further ado, enjoy the chapter!

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calekinnieplus · 8 months

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It is time to sleep and also time to recount what I've read today. I have read quite a bit today as well. 6 ½ hours. Not bad, right? Heh. I've reached chapter 673 and my reading app says I've read 48% of the novel. Very encouraging! ...or not. I won't be able to finish it this month, it seems. Pity. Either way, it's recap time!

The best news first! Sequence 5!! Our boy is a Nimblewright Master! He's a powerhouse! After all that hard work, we see results! He's on the threshold of demigod, oh wow. It's actually insane. And the corresponding abilities are also terrifying. On the surface they're scary, but used by our sharp, experienced Klein, I can't help but feel pity for his enemies.

Next, what also intrigued me was the appearance of Queen Mystic, Bernadette! Really didn't expect her to have had a hand in Gehrman Sparrow's fake identity. And all the other stuff was also surprising. Like, in no way would I have connected new Tarot Club member, The Hermit, Admiral of Stars Cattleya's teacher and mentor with the only other transmigrator Emperor Roselle's daughter, Bernadette. It just seems to be a part of two different stories. And she figured out who Hero Bandit Dark Emperor was, too! She's quite smart. I like her

The third thing I wanted to talk about was the whole night and dream world that happened in the... Sonia Sea, I believe? I can't remember the actual name. Where the mermaids are. Anyway, that whole thing is so... mysterious and historical, to some extent, my gut says we might return here later. Like, the similarities between this "world" and the Forsaken Land of the Gods make me raise an eyebrow, ya know?

But honestly, idk if it's because I'm unfamiliar with Chinese novels or if that's just the way LOTM is, but my predictions don't really seem to work 8 out of 10 times lol. It's great, it keeps me on my toes lmao

Fourth thing! Derrick’s exploration into Afternoon Town! We actually learned about another King of Angels and some snippets that could be clues to the downfall of the Kingdom of Silver. Like, initially when we got into it, I was more impatient to get back to Klein’s storyline, but then shit went down, and I got completely sucked in lmao. Like?? I commend Derrick’s bravery and knowledge to deal with that situation properly. The fact that he's also not as naive as before is also very enjoyable for me. It doesn't make my heart wince in discomfort when I realize he made a decision that could have horrible consequences later. It's not his fault. His circumstances are shitty, yet he's still a ray of sunshine. But! I gotta say, I'm so proud of the fact that he's learning from his mistakes. He's so lovely. I hope the City of Silver will get out of their miserable situation.

Moving on, I gotta talk a lil bit about unlucky Anderson! Honestly, the fact that he survived his ordeal would make him the luckiest of his crew, I suppose. His personality is so funny tho lmao. Whenever Klein’s Gehrman persona is paired up with a chatty person, I am thoroughly entertained hehe. The dynamic is just hilarious! Also, I gotta admit, at first I was as sus of Anderson as Klein was lol. He really had to start off the interaction with a joke that could be horribly misunderstood, huh? Poor guy lmao

Hmmm what else... oh yeah! Frank Lee! Funnily enough, right before his introduction, I saw a post about him and something about milk, with comments being like "I can never look at milk the same way again" and I was so confused. Until the milk scene. BAHAHAH he's so INSANE, what a madlad. And they call GEHRMAN crazy. Like, if it was just some crazy thoughts, sure. A lot of people have crazy thoughts. But that crazy f*cker is actively experimenting, on a boat in the middle of the sea, with his crewmembers as... test subjects to some degree?? I did Not expect him to be like That, LMAO

Well. A lot of unexpected things happen in this novel, I noticed.

And uhhhh yeah, this seems like most of what I wanted to chat about.

Side note, I was scrolling on tiktok and stumbled on a slideshow with the last scene from volume 1, the one where after Klein... "woke up" (revived), he automatically headed to Daffodil Street - home. But unable to go back there, he went and bought a ticket to Backlund. While waiting, he was struck with the need to see his siblings one last time, realizing that's the reason he took a ticket for such a late time. And there he went, stealing a glance at the people he cares about. Seeing them grieve him. After watching on helplessly, he got an idea. The siblings saw a clown running towards them, with colorful face paint. He had a Chrysanthemum, which represented happiness. All they saw... was a happy smile, an exaggerated smile, a ridiculous smile...

AH MAN, I BAWLED LIKE A BABY AGAIN WHEN I WAS READING IT EARLIER TODAY. LIKE, GIVE ME A BREAK, MAN T^T

Yeah. *cough* until next time!

Praise the Fool!

#vertigone rambles #lotm #lord of the mysteries #binging lotm #lotm volume 3 #lotm spoilers #klein moretti #gehrman sparrow

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necromancy-savant · 7 months

Note

Multiples of 3 for book asks!

3. what is your preferred genre?

My preferred genre is the stuff you find in the nonfiction section that's all myths and poems

6. do you track the books you read? if so, how?

Nope; never occurred to me

9. do you have a favorite author?

John Milton \m/

12. which book will you read next?

Probably The Two Towers bc I read Fellowship, loved it, and then got distracted by like 5 other books. I need to finish reading Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion

15. have you been/are you in a book club?

I was in a Shakespeare club in grad school! I brought in the production of David Tennant's R2 for us to watch that @skeleton-richard introduced me to

18. do you have any rules if you loan someone a book?

I mean don't write on it or like intentionally be rough on it?

21. do you prefer to read or listen?

Read. I watch everything with subtitles if I can

24. what book to movie adaptation to you dislike?

I mean one time I saw some Iliad adaptation that didn't even have the gods and was boring af but I don't remember what it was. And one time I saw about 10 minutes of some CGI Beowulf bc it was so ugly I had to turn it off

27. is there a book that scared you?

Yes. Well, recently I was having a bit of trouble sleeping thinking about the demons in Camp Damascus, but also I used to stay up late in high school reading my giant Edgar Allan Poe book and then I could never sleep. I don't even remember which ones were the scariest. There was one about a coffin on a boat that fucked me up and wasn't even that scary.

30. is there a book that changed your life?

Phantom of the Opera, then Paradise Lost, then Richard III, and I think now The Locked Tomb

33. what was your favorite childhood book?

Redwall

36. what’s the most you’ve reread a book?

I literally have no fucking clue. I've memorized all of Richard III's lines in that play. I lost count of the number of times I've read Paradise Lost about 10 years ago. I can predict the next words in my translation of Phantom and read it in its original language just because I know what it's going to say, I know all the words to Earnest and Julius Caesar, I have no clue how many thousands of times I've read Enuma Elish or Ishtar's Descent to the Underworld or anything else I've every tried or had to translate. Basically I read the same few books and stories over and over and over and over and

39. favorite quote from your favorite book?

Be then his Love accurst, since love or hate, To me alike, it deals eternal woe. Nay curs'd be thou; since against his thy will Chose freely what it now so justly rues. Me miserable! which way shall I flie Infinite wrauth, and infinite despaire? Which way I flie is Hell my self am Hell; And in the lowest deep a lower deep Still threatning to devour me opens wide, To which the Hell I suffer seems a Heav'n.

42. do you buy new or secondhand books?

I have so many books I got for free from the grad school English department that they were literally just giving away. I got a whole Faerie Queene that way. I got a complete Chaucer's works that way. One time I went in and some students were going through stuff and I was like "yo is that a fascimile of Poetaster??!!" and my classmate said, "here, it's yours: it should go to someone who will love it" and I was in Heaven

45. thoughts on separating the author from the work?

So...this gets into so much internet discourse and so much discourse within critical theory over the last like 40 years. Basically, yes, historical context matters and knowing who an author was as a person can give some insight into a text, but I'm also not going to give a currently living author money whom I don't want to support. You should read problematic stuff from hundreds of years ago to learn your history; hell, I'd venture to say that if you can do so without giving them money, you should read problematic shit written recently and today to know what it looks like and learn to draw your own conclusions

48. what book would you give someone if they wanted a glimpse into your psyche?

Richard III

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sweetbillwriting · 9 months

Text

This Is Bad, Billy

Part 5 - The Gray Building

Characters: AU Bill Skarsgård, here called Billy. He's inspired by real life Bill but also the character Clark Olofsson in the Netflix series Clark. AU Landon Liboiron.

Setting: This story is set in the 60s L.A, New York, and a smaller town close to L.A.

Warnings: 18+, historical preferences, mental health problems, mental illness, abuse.

Why did I invite him? Why did I think it was a good idea to take the car with him? Hang out with him alone for two days?

Landon sat next to me and played on his harmonica. He had done so for several hours after his nap. Before his nap he had played on his ukulele.

"Landon? Landon?" I said to make him stop playing. It was soon his turn to drive and I wanted to do something to make the time go faster. He stopped playing and looked at me with tired eyes.

"How long have you known Billy?"

"Ehh… Like twelve years?"

I looked at him a bit shocked. I didn't know why, but I didn't think they had been friends for such a long time. Landon smirked at me, he probably saw what I was thinking.

"He had just been in America for like six months when we got to know each other. Being extras in a movie together."

I glanced at him quickly while he looked out from the window.

"How was he then,” I asked carefully. “Did he miss Sweden?"

"Hell no!" Landon laughed. "And he was cocky. Didn't take any shit."

I furrowed my brows, sure Billy was a fighter, probably a bit cocky when I wasn't around but hearing it from Landon it sounded like he was untameable.

“Can't you tell me more?" I asked with caution. Landon smirked at me and hit his harmonica against his thigh.

"I thought you two had an amazing love affair?"

I gave him an irritated look.

"We did! But there were so many other things that happened that we never had time to talk about our background!"

"Or you were just a groupie? Maybe I shouldn't let you meet him? Maybe you're dangerous?" He joked and gave me a teasing smile but I wasn't amused. He didn't know anything about Billy and I’s relationship. Landon gave me a friendly smile when he realized I took offense.

"Sweden wasn't fun for him either. Sweden is a fucked up country," he said, taking out a cigarette from the pocket on his shirt.

"How?" I just knew what Daniel had told me and then it sounded like the socialist democratic dream.

"We can say they don't like people that are different. They had more contact with Germany in the war than they want to confess. In a perfect country there isn't a place for criminals and sick people."

I swallowed hard because I didn't know Sweden was like that.

"It's better now, the young don't tolerate it but when Bill lived there… They wanted to sterilize him."

I reacted in shock and was afraid I would lose control over the car.

"Why? Why? I mean… Billy isn't…"

"His whole family is a bit wild but the police started to watch him. That was when he took the boat to America."

I sat quietly for a while. It was heavy stuff. Private stuff.

"What does he think about you talking about this?"

Landon made a sound of indifference.

"I don't think he cares, he has been locked in a looney bin for ages and you obviously think he's charming even if he has hundreds of diagnoses."

I nodded and thought about a question I had thought earlier but was too private to ask.

"Has he been with many girls?"

"Like slept with them? Hundreds. Threesome, foursome, oral, anal…"

"Stop, stop, stop! I don't want to hear that!" I interrupted him.

"You asked!" He said with a laugh.

"No! I didn't ask what he did to them!"

I looked out with a pissed expression. I really didn't want to know. Billy was still the most exciting lover I have had and I wanted to believe the lovemaking with me was special. Landon made me feel unspecial and mediocre.

We sat quietly for a while until Landon started to play his harmonica again.

"Hey! Stop playing!" I said annoyed and hit his arm. He continued to play with a teasing gaze.

"Tell me more about Billy instead!" I said to make him stop playing but also because I wanted to know more. Landon stopped playing with a sigh and looked at me, waiting for a question.

Landon told me little by little about Billy while we drove to New York. About his bohemian Swedish family, his crimes in Sweden, mostly car thefts and drunken fights. He told me about Billy's love for food, spirits and girls. About the fiance he had when he was 23.

She was rich and beautiful, only nineteen but they broke up the day he got locked up in a mental hospital. They locked him in after he had been in a drunken fight with a director's son and then finding out about his background in Sweden. They also claimed they had victims saying he acted strangely while filming, probably had the director told them so. After that he was going in and out from different institutions. A short while he was even in prison but his manager succeeded to hush everything down.

Billy did sound at all like the guy I've met and I was mostly impressed that he was so collected after everything that had happened to him. Most would have had a breakdown from everything he had been through instead Billy seemed to be the most sane person I've heard of.

When we were almost in New York Landon turned towards me. He sat behind the steering wheel now while I had just woken up next to him. My neck was sore and I felt uncomfortable when I realized I smelled of sweat.

"It was your father, right? That had him locked up for good?"

I looked down at my hands, I wanted to denying my own part in the story but it was my father who had accused him of raping me.

Landon gave me a look but probably understood why I behaved like I did.

"Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you protest?" I heard in his voice he was forced to control his anger. Landon wasn't the person to hold a grudge against someone but there was anger towards me he hadn't shown before.

I just sat with my head low and felt my chest hurt and how a burning feeling grew in my throat. It wasn't me you should feel sorry for. There weren't any sympathies to give, I knew that but still I felt like Landon didn't need to ask me that.

"Huh?" He said with even more annoyance. If he could he would stare me out but was obligated to look at the road.

"You will not understand…" I swallowed my tears back.

"No! I don't understand! And now you think you saving him will make up for that? Fucking hell, like yeah! You owe him to do that but you owe him so much fucking more!"

I laid my hands over my face and cried. I didn't want to cry because that would make Landon believe that I just felt he was mean but I couldn't stop it.

Landon sighed and scratched his scalp and down to his beard.

"Do you want him? Do you want him romantically?" He asked calmly and it made me take my hands away from my face. I looked at him with red eyes and wet cheeks and nodded carefully. Landon nodded as an answer but didn't say anything else. I could only guess what he thought of me but I hoped he could understand I would fight hard for Billy.

×××

When in New York we asked around to find the way to the mental institution. There weren't a lot of people who knew where it was and most of the people gave us strange looks. Maybe they believed Landon would be admitted, I couldn't believe they thought that about me. Even though I have been dressed in the same dress since we started the trip I was meticulous with my makeup and hair. I had learned in my years as a model that everything was easier for you if you looked clean and healthy. Even better if you were good looking. Landon was good looking but didn't really look that clean.

After many questions and a greasy burger we had finally found the institution. It was a big gray stone building with fences located on the outskirts of the city. It looked sad even if there actually were patients outside who smiled. They didn't look at all as sick as the ones who had been at the ward I had worked at and I wondered if any of them were sick for real or were just being punished for not being able to fit into society. A nurse in a white dress and blue cardigan looked at us when we walked up to the gate but lowered her gaze again like she wanted to pretend she didn't see us.

"Hello little lady?!" Shouted Landon towards her and I hushed him down in panic. It was important to act collected, like they could trust us.

"Eh, excuse me? We would like to talk to someone in charge?" I said with a loud but polite voice. The nurse looked at me but then looked towards another nurse who sat on a bench with an old man. I hadn't noticed her before but she looked up at us with a strict face and stood up with a sigh.

"Now you let me talk, okay?" I said with a low voice to Landon who nodded. He also probably had understood it was better that I spoke. I could feel how the nurse looked at us, Landon's jeans, my mini skirt. We probably didn't look like people she wanted to talk to. She walked up to us without giving us a smile.

"Yes?"

She was in her late forties but looked older because of her unmodern updo and tired expression.

"Are you in charge here? We want to talk with someone in charge?" I tried to sound like I was a person of importance but the woman just looked at me with a hard gaze.

"What is it about?"

"One of your patients. I have new information that I think is important for you to know."

"Who?"

"Mr. Skarsgård."

Her tired face changed when I said his name but I couldn't say how, only that her eyes looked bigger. She was quiet for a few seconds and looked down at her shoes. She seemed to have lost some of that strictness after I had said his name.

"Come with me, we will see if the chief is here."

She locked the gate behind us and Landon gave me a triumphant expression but I didn't feel as sure. There was something strange with how the nurse had reacted to Billy's name.

We walked up the pavement to the building behind the nurse, discreetly I looked at the patients outside. It was just men, men of different ages but all of them looked healthy and sane. Or at least it looked like it with an unaided eye. I walked closely to Landon to be on the safe side.

The nurse took us through gray but bright corridors. We could hear sounds but it was hard to say if it was loud voices of happiness or anger. It sounded like it could be a fight.

"It's just guys here?" Landon asked as he looked around.

"You’re wondering if there are just male patients here? That's correct. All of them are here because they have a mental illness but also have committed a crime."

The nurse sounded authoritative and walked fast through the corridors. It felt like she wanted to make herself more important than she actually was.

She locked up a door and then one more after a short corridor. Then she walked up to a door and carefully knocked. It looked like her whole demeanor had changed while standing in front of the wooden door. I looked around the room we were in. To the left stood a desk and a typewriter, probably for a secretary but the chair stood empty. When my gaze left the desk I saw a man at the door. He was dressed in a white doctor's jacket and looked neatly dressed underneath. He reminded me of Humphrey Bogart and I wondered which one of his characters would this doctor remind me of.

"They want to talk to you about Bill Skarsgård," said the nurse with a low voice, like she was excusing herself for her existence. Humphrey Bogart looked at us and stopped with his eyes on my legs.

"You mean the rapist?" He said shortly as he played with his gray tie.

The nurse nodded a little and looked down at the ground.

"Or should I say… The lover?" He said and smirked. The nurse continued to look down at her feet then she turned around and walked away without looking at us. Landon looked after her then at me with raised brows. I knew what he was thinking. I thought the same but with other emotions. One more nurse.

"Come in, come in. Let us talk about Mr. Casanova," said the doctor jokingly and sat down behind his desk. He pointed towards the chair in front of him to Landon but Landon made a move towards me to say that I could sit down so I did with wobbly legs.

"My name is Joan Woods. I think you can find that name in your journal for Billy, I mean Bill." I really tried to sound self-assured but calm. Landon stood next to me and I was both annoyed but also comforted.

"Never heard that name," said the doctor and continued to play with his tie. I cleared my throat and read the sign in front of him. Dr. Coltrane.

"Dr. Coltrane, can you maybe read his journal?"

The doctor sighed like a bored child and stood up from his chair and moved to the cabinet on the left side of his desk. With a bored expression he took out a journal and started to read it standing up. His bored expression morphed slowly to a confused one and he dragged his hand over his mouth and jaw over and over.

"The victim…" he said to himself but I chose to answer it anyway.

"I was never a victim. My dad made that up."

The doctor looked up at me and yet again, my legs.

"You're saying…" he said with furrowed brows.

"That he had consent. Yes. I wanted to… be close to him." I felt my cheeks heat up but I wanted to sound determined even if I obviously felt ashamed talking about my lovemaking with Billy. I didn't look at Landon but I heard him exhale deeply. The doctor sat down by his desk again and looked through the journal.

"I think you should get a lawyer in that case. I can't just let him out," said the doctor with a softer voice, it actually sounded like he maybe believed us.

I nodded and tried to come up with how to solve it all.

"Can we see him? Bill I mean?" Landon suddenly asked. I looked up at him. He looked hopeful but nervous.

"I'm afraid not… He has electroconvulsive therapy today. Maybe he didn't rape you but Mr. Skarsgård still has his problems…" It sounded like the doctor wanted to defend their treatments. Landon and I looked at each other and took in what the doctor said. What kind of treatment had he gotten over the years he had been locked in?

×××

Landon and I sat on the hood of the car. Neither of us said anything and instead had an inner conversation with ourselves. What was the next step?

A lawyer. After that? Contact a judge. Present my evidence that my father had lied. It wouldn't be easy. I was a twenty six year old model while my father was a man, a doctor.

"Do you have money for a lawyer?" Asked Landon carefully. I sighed and looked down at my feet. One more problem.

"You know, Billy has money. I don't know where but he has money."

I gave him a look and he looked back with the same thinking expression.

"So we must talk with Billy first? What if they don't let us?"

"They will. I read a sign in the doctor's office and they see themselves as a new sort of institution where health and social interaction is important. They even have real therapy."

I nodded a little and felt a glimmer of hope.

"Maybe they are good to Billy?"

Landon hadn't time to answer because a man next to us cleared his throat. I couldn't believe my eyes when an older but healthy looking Samuel smiled towards us.

"I wondered when you would come and save him," he said to me and walked up to us. He laid a hand on my shoulder but I hugged him instead. He had helped Billy before, maybe he would do it again.

"What are you doing here?" I said accordingly and to my surprise Landon hugged him too.

"Samuel, buddy," he said and hugged his shoulders. Samuel smiled warmly towards us both and looked towards the institution.

"I work here. I moved to be close to my children and by accident I started to work at the same place Billy had moved to."

I nodded happily and heard Landon say a low "awesome".

"Is it good here? Is it a good place?"

"It's better than the one you work at. In a way… He has more freedom."

"But in general?" Asked Landon.

"It is good for him. Just that some of the doctor's are evil men."

I swallowed hard and didn't dare to ask further but Landon did.

"They do it while he is awake… Otherwise he seems to have less anxiety."

"Who fucking cares? Everyone has anxiety!" Landon exclaimed but Samuel just gave him a fatherly look.

"Billy has his problems. He isn't completely mentally stable but he shouldn't need to be locked in for it. It isn't such a problem."

I bit my lip and crossed my arms. I wanted to ask more but Landon asked the same question I had.

"What kind of problems?"

"Anxiety, he is paranoid, imagining things, can't control his impulses, shows lack of understanding for others feelings. But he is a good man. A really good man." Samuel said it with a big smile like he wasn't worried but to me it sounded like a bonafide mental patient. For a few seconds I felt that we should turn back around, that Billy should be at the mental hospital but Samuel's words made me think differently. Samuel, who had worked as a caretaker for a long time didn't think Bill should be there, he just thought he was a great man.

"Is it worth trying to get him out?" I asked Samuel and looked towards the big building.

"Absolutely. I can say hello to him, from you."

"Can you say that we need money for a lawyer? I know he has money," said Landon excitedly. Samuel nodded slowly in deep thoughts. He was quiet a bit too long that made me start to worry.

"I can help you with that. If Billy says yes. I know where his money is."

×××

After another night sleeping in the car we met Samuel the next day with a thick pile of cash. I had never seen so much money at the same time and wondered where Samuel had it. Or was it hidden somewhere else?

We walked New York's streets until we found a lawyer's office and got a lawyer with the unfortunate name of Tom Thomas. He was tall and skinny and looked through my evidence.

"Oh, this will not be hard to win. Your words will absolutely have people interested but the other evidence will make them believe you. How did you get this?"

"It wasn't me, it was my mother. She sent it to me," I said with a hammering heart. This would maybe affect my father's life forever but I couldn't think about that when an innocent man, my first life, was imprisoned because of his lies.

"I will contact a judge and present it to him, if you don't want a trial to get compensation for his time imprisoned. Landon shook his head.

"Just solve it fast."

"How long have you had those papers?" Landon asked while we were walking towards the car. He still had the same clothes on as he had when we left L.A. but I had changed and freshened up. I didn't think the lawyer would take me seriously if I smelled like sweat and fried chicken.

"Like a year. I didn't know what to do with it until now, when my husband wanted to go to L.A. I felt forced."

Landon didn't say anything, he probably thought that I should have done something sooner but it was my dad, it wasn't that easy.

"Why did your mother do it?"

I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at my baby blue flats.

"She has always been a good person. Always wanted to do the right thing but with a husband that cared more about success…" I didn't say more, I didn't know how to phrase it and Landon probably understood anyway.

When we sat in the car Landon turned to me with furrowed brows.

"How do you think Samuel got that money?"

I looked at my makeup in the rearview mirror and thought about his question.

"They are friends?"

"So close friends? So close friends he would give his money to him?"

"Are you accusing Samuel of something?” I became upset and turned to him.

"No! I just… I don't know, it feels like Samuel didn't tell us everything."

×××

We met Samuel in the evening outside of the institution. He had just ended his shift and would take his pickup home to Brooklyn. He walked slowly towards his car, playing with his keys but didn't say anything to us. Just as Landon I started to have a bad feeling and in the darkness it felt even more worrying.

"I think you can meet him tomorrow. I take him out for a walk after lunch, so be here then. But he is… Fuzzy in his head. He has lost some memories of his treatment." Samuel said when he had unlocked his car. Me and Landon nodded a little.

"Is there something we need to know?" Landon was obviously trying to get him to talk, to tell us something he didn't want us to know. Samuel shrugged his shoulders and sat down inside the car.

"I think Billy will tell you everything you need to know."

"Do you think there’s anything more we should do? Something we should bring to him tomorrow," I asked and scratched my back, the polyester my yellow dress was made of itched against my skin.

"Nah, just talk with that judge and get him his freedom."

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