#because I woke up this morning and realized that my insomnia was probably because I was about to start my period

[luvvixu]

dazai x reader (she/her)

🏠🧵home sweet home pt. 3

series

genre: fluff, domestic au

synopsis: just another day at dazai's household. but the difference is, your daughter is preparing to go with you in your work because you are finally back on track after giving birth to you and dazai's little princess.

warning: none

word count: 2.4k

a/n: yey, another update about this series hehehehe. ive been very busy preparing for the new school year and i suddenly got inspired writing this by dreaming of having a child of my own :(

song: daisy. by wave to earth

a few months later after emi was born, your life had changed drastically because you had to keep up with baby schedules. but you're not complaining tho, you love this life.

you have a silly yet caring husband and a very adorable little bean beside you. they are the puzzle that completes you and this is the life you have been waiting for after all these years.

as of the moment, you are preparing the necessities like diapers, baby formula, clothes, towels, toys, and other stuff for your cute baby emi. you are happily humming your favorite song when a pair of arms wrapped around your waist.

it was your sleepy husband, dazai osamu.

"good morning, my little insomnia." you greeted him with a smile as dazai just replied with a yawn and nuzzles deeper in your neck, planning to go back to sleep.

"yah! don't fall asleep there!" you gently nudge him. and after a lot of small hits, your husband emits a groan before detaching from you.

"you're up so early. what are you doing?" his husky voice vibrates down your spine. so deep and so hot that it felt like your knees were about to kneel.

"i'm preparing all the things emi need." you simply replied.

"for what?" he asked, and you stared at him weirdly. looks like his soul was still sleeping, with his eyes trying to lift his heavy eyelids down to consecutive numbers of yawns. it looked so funny and adorable at the same time.

"we were bringing emi to our workplace, remember?" you reminded him and something in his eyes tells that he finally remembered.

your husband let out an 'o' in realization. "oh right, right…and you're running an errand with the president?" he pulled you harder on his embrace, showing his upcoming concern.

"yup," your first mission was to accompany fukuzawa on a meeting with the police officials of yokohama to hear the current issues and give possible mend to them.

"will you be alright?" being the worrisome husband he is, he is concerned for you. dazai temporarily releases himself from you.

you turned your gaze to him as he was there, leaning on the kitchen counter while crossing his arms. "darling, i've been on maternity leave for like almost a year now. not to mention, emi is now eight months old and can barely walk. besides, i've been dying to go back to work." you patted his cheek playfully.

"on the contrary, i should be the one asking you that, will you be alright? emi is becoming quite a handful now. she's really cranky over the little things she doesn't like. i think you spoiled her too much." you added.

"hey, it's not my fault that emi is so irresistible." dazai defends himself while he raises his arms in defeat.

a chuckle escapes from your lips as you give him a peck. "i know, and i'm not even blaming you." his lips are a bit dry because he just woke up and probably didn't brush his teeth, yet. "now move, i'm going to cook us some breakfast." you shove him away but dazai cage you in his arms again.

"osamu, let me go! i need to cook." you wriggle but still fail due to his grip is heavenly strong.

"kiss me more." dazai puckered his lips and you granted him with your kisses.

"again." chu…one kiss.

"again." chu…two kisses.

"again—"

"haha, nope. that's enough. i really need to cook." you block his face with your palm as you let out a giggle. you could even feel his lips and tongue teasing your palm.

you immediately moved your hand away as it was becoming ticklish. dazai was pouting at you, a smile broke upon your lips and decided to ruffle his messy bed hair.

"go and wake up emi instead. it's now seven o'clock in the morning and she needs to follow her schedule." you said.

"but kisses…." he mumbles like a child who lost his balloon.

"i'll give you as many as you want later." you rolled your eyes playfully and shooed him to wake up his daughter. dazai let out a little cheer before happily skipping his way towards the nursery.

you just chuckle at your husband's silly action before deciding to officially start the day with cooking breakfast.

meanwhile, dazai enters the nursery quietly with a big smile on his lips. waking his daughter up was his favorite thing everyday. he got to see the adorable yawn and the way emi would cuddle her little head on his shoulder if enough to make his day complete.

dazai approaches the crib silently, and there he sees his little princess still sleeping peacefully. a burst of happiness engulfed his whole chest, emi is so adorable.

and as much as he doesn't want to wake her up because emi looked so peaceful while sleeping, he has to follow her schedule. leaning on the crib, he gently rubs her head and belly to wake her up.

"emi-chan~ wake up, my little princess." dazai called softly. he watches emi slowly stretching up her limbs along with a cute yawn.

his smile widens when emi opens her eyes and looks at him. "good morning, emi! did you have a good sleep?" as a response, emi just looked at him with wide eyes and tilted her head slightly.

"i'll take that as a yes." dazai giggles like a child before picking up his daughter gently into his arms. emi immediately planted her little head on dazai's shoulder, just like every time he would pick her up.

dazai kisses her chubby cheeks. "let's go and meet mama, hmm?" emi just rubbed her eyes at him, dazai smiled once more and grabbed her hands. with that, he started to head downstairs with emi in his arms.

"mama! we are here~" dazai jogged his way towards you with emi giggling in his arms, laughing how she goes up and down while her father is running.

you arch your neck to their direction with a smile as you are busy flipping the eggs. "there's my little princess~" you cooed. dazai knows his job and just stays a bit far away from you so that emi wouldn't get splashed by the hot oil and damage her silky smooth skin.

"i already made her baby formula. it's on the kitchen counter." you pointed the baby bottle in front of him. your husband grabs it before proceeding to the couch to feed her.

"who's hungry? who's hungry?" dazai playfully bounces her as emi's eyes sparkles at the sight of her baby bottle. she also tries to grab it with her adorable arms hanging in the air.

"it's emi!" he let emi suck the bottle with a smile on his face. he loves watching his daughter silently drinking her milk while playing with his hands.

his eyes soften to its extent, only you and emi are able to make him do that. the way his furrowed expression would go loose at the sight of his family is something that could be seen as wholesome.

a sudden weight shifts beside him. looking, he saw you, his wife smiling dearly at them. your heart is pumping happiness against your chest, dazai is a great dad despite his traumatic backstory.

"now i know, i don't have to worry for you and emi." you said.

"what's that even supposed to mean?" dazai lifted up his head with a laugh as he looked at you.

"nothing." you sing-sang, standing up once more to bring his coffee.

"anyway, you should go and get yourself ready for work…or do you want to bathe emi first?!" you yelled at the kitchen.

"of course i'll go with the second option!" dazai replies.

"alright, i gotta prepare her clothes then!"

seconds later, you came back with a coffee and egg toast in your hand. "at least take this coffee first before you need to have some breakfast." you placed his food on the coffee table.

your husband gently passes you your little girl so that he could eat his breakfast. when emi was finally in your arms, you showered her with a lot of kisses and giggles. dazai smiled at you two, his morning was complete just by the sight of his family.

"wah~ emi's getting adorable each day!" you said through your kisses. emi was laughing about the ticklish sensation your lips brings on her cheeks. those totally adorable laughs ascended the both of you through the bliss of life.

"are you excited for your first trip at the agency?" you asked your daughter, only to receive an undistinguished babble as her response.

"me too! i can't wait to show emi around. oh, and papa will take care of you for a meantime at the agency. mama and grandpa yukichi have some errands to do." you continued to sweet baby talk, and emi was just looking at you innocently all the time as you talk.

"where was the place you're going, again?" your husband asked.

"i'm not sure. the president did not provide me with any information. i think the agenda is still in process, but my hunch is it's just somewhere near here in yokohama." as you are talking, emi was trying to put her hand on your mouth like a little mischief she is. she would giggle every time you would playfully bite her hand.

"nevertheless, you don't have to be worried, 'samu. i've got fukuzawa-san beside me." you continued, intentionally giving him some comfort against his worried denouement.

dazai finished his breakfast and now he's excited to finally get ready with his baby. "let's get you ready, my little belladonna!" he raises emi up and pampers her with kisses.

"i already prepared her bath. her clothes are also on our bed." you reminded him before going to the kitchen and cleaning the dirty dishes.

"careful, emi. i don't want any water to go inside your ears." dazai hums softly as he bathes his daughter who is busy playing with bubbles.

"don't try to eat the bubbles, okay? soap doesn't taste as good as milk." he joked. emi just looked at him innocently before she was about to put her handful of bubbles into her mouth.

"ah! ah! what did i say? no eating soap bubbles!"

"what's going on here?" you peak your head at the bathroom door just to see your husband and daughter both looking at you. you are fully dressed and ready to go to work. now, it might be a wonder how come that you are the one to finish first when it was your babies who got in the bathroom first.

simple, motherhood. you learned how to act fast according to the time on your schedule and that makes you even more cautious of time since you have a little child and your husband is not always at home due to his work. sometimes, you reminisce about some things like how fast you were to eat, shower, and do the household chores while emi was sleeping (your baby is a light sleeper, sadly).

"what's with that look?" you giggled at his childish expression, a look that looked like he just got his lollipop stolen.

"emi was eating the bubbles!" dazai pouted like a toddler.

your laugh slows down. "you know her, everything looks like food to her. a-are you sure you don't want my help?"

"our little princess might be stubborn just like her mama and papa, but i'm more stubborn than her." dazai gave you a thumbs up.

"alright, just call me if you change your mind. i'll be taking a shower for now." you skipped your ways towards the other bathroom to get yourself ready for your first job after maternity leave.

within a few minutes, emi was finally done and fully dressed. she was napping peacefully in her mother's cage as they were waiting for dazai to finish preparing himself.

time check, it's now nine o'clock and only half an hour left before they go to work. right now, you are busy scrolling from your phone while emi is drinking your milk. a notification popped in your phone, a message from fukuzawa.

<I apologize for the late notice but I'm afraid we might finish the meeting late. They add another agenda by patrolling on the vicinities with high crime rate here in Yokohama.

<Good morning, y/n.

there's something in his typings that makes you laugh. you try not to voice it out loud in front of him, but he's a boomer in terms of digitized chatting. also, was it greeting a good morning should come first? damn, what an old man.

<oh it's alright, president! i'll just inform my husband about this so they could go home early.

<Oh right… Little Emi is going here today, am I right?

<yes. osamu and i have decided to bring her with us since i'm coming back to work and we're still unable to find a very trustworthy nanny.

<will that be alright? you know, bring our daughter while working.

<Of course. I'm sure the people here wouldn't mind having a little company. By that means, they would be extremely happy to see your baby and this place would be very lively.

<Although, I am quite worried that this may attract some thugs and plan an ambush.

<it's better for her to go there since not only osamu was there, but also the whole ada themselves.

<You got a point.

<anyway, i am going to drop this conversation for now. my husband just finished taking a shower, we might be there in the next 20 minutes.

<Very well. I'll see you later. Be careful on your way here.

<will do. thanks dad!

<🙂👍

it was no surprise that fukuzawa was fond of those old emojis. it was also no surprise that he lets you call him dad. i mean, he was technically your dad after all.

when you were younger, he took care of you after his former colleagues–who were your parents, unfortunately got killed. you were there when he formed the armed detective agency. especially, you were there when the current members got recruited.

"shall we head out now?" a voice calls for your attention. looking up from your phone, you saw your husband smiling at you, wearing his signature beige trench coat that is so hard to wash since it's too heavy when it gets wet.

"took you long enough, emi is now asleep."

"figured."

with that, he helps you situated in the car. he made sure that all of emi's necessities are complete. he made sure that emi was comfortable in her mini bed and was safe and secured. and of course, he made sure that you're also comfortable, safe, and secured.

"buckle up, baby. our little emi's going to have a lot of fun today."

©luvvixu2023

#dazai x reader #fanfic #anime #fluff #bsd dazai #fanfiction #luvvixu #bsd #bungou stray dogs #dazai fluff #domestic dazai

[beneathashadytree]

Hello there I found your blog and was wondering if you still do KnB requests been a bit sad lately with all sorts of different situations. Mostly because of insomnia and depression probably a bit of the jitters if you know what I mean. I would like request comfort headcanons Idk anything easy and convenient for you with the Takao or Midorima (whichever is easier for you to write) mostly cause I want to sleep so maybe I can read them lull their SO to sleep you know that fluffy goodness to help cheer me up. Does that make me weird? Idk. Sincerely Anon.

SOOTHING - MIDORIMA SHINTAROU X READER

Warnings : none I believe, this is set during college, Midorima is a pre-med student, this is not proofread, reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : comfort and fluff <3

Word count : 1.2K words (oops hehe)

Additional notes : So sorry for taking so long, nonnie! I’m sure by now you know how things have been for me. I was halfway through this when I realized that you’d asked for headcanons, and by then I was in far too deep to stop🫣 Given how soft I am for Midorima, I decided to choose him! I hope that—despite being so late—this request offers you some semblance of comfort 💗

Requests : Are closed for the time being.

Want to support me financially? Here’s my CashApp!

Masterlist

A groan came from their right, causing them to still in place and awkwardly twiddle their thumbs around their phone. Though they hoped that they hadn’t woken Shintarou up, they could tell from the stirring that it was too late to lament that.

“It’s not the brightness,” he mumbled, before they could apologize for their phone’s screen. “Just didn’t feel you close.”

“Aha,” they quietly said, knowing that their lover was referring to the way they usually curled into the warmth of his chest and never let go—something that they haven’t done in over a month, maybe. That was something they ought to remedy now.

Really, it was completely out of their hands. After all, they couldn’t even remember the last time they’d gotten a good night’s sleep while cuddling Shintarou. That was partially owed to the fact that he was too much of an early riser to wait up for them in bed, and was almost always found passed out under the covers before the clock struck 10.

The other reason (that also contributed to the former) was that they simply could never fall asleep so easily anymore. No matter how much they tired themself out, how many glasses of warm milk and chamomile tea they had, how many damned sheep they had to count behind closed eyelids, sleep just never came to them. Only when they’d bored themself halfway to death did their body sometimes give up on resisting the urge, and they woke up a disoriented mess a couple of hours later. Needless to say, it was never enough.

Their growing insomnia seemed to drag along with it a whole bunch of other symptoms that made their overall day-to-day life all the more tiring. Constantly feeling weary, they barely trudged through their daily routines and ran on 2-4 hours of sleep a day, if any at all. They couldn’t pull themself to brush their teeth in the morning without a sigh, nor could they shower without feeling their muscles ache from disuse.

And what probably pained them the most? Their tired, tired heart. There was a certain desolation in every chamber; some sort of numbness they just couldn’t fight back. It threatened to choke them every single time they gasped around its cloaked darkness, and struggled to stay afloat under its influence.

God, how they wished that Shintarou was around more often. To their disappointment (that they tried their utmost to shove below the surface), ever since the new college year had started, his time had been split between spending it studying as hard as it took him to maintain his excellent scores, and at strenuous basketball practices—trainings hard enough to have him barely conscious as he walks through the door at night.

It’s not like he was neglectful. If anything, he was just as (to some, surprisingly) wonderful of a boyfriend as he’d always been, but he just seemed far too drained these days to notice much changes in his partner. He’d greet them with an “I’m home,” before helping himself to a belated lunch that they’d prepared for him. He was an awful cook, so he never offered to help out with that, but he did always contribute to the rest of the household chores despite how exhausted he always was.

Really, Shintarou wasn’t just thoughtful in that subconscious way. Though he still struggled with receiving and doling out the affection he felt deep in his heart in direct ways, he made sure to softly kiss them at least once or twice a day, with that subtle quirk of his lips that they happened to love far more than his rather cocky smirk on the court.

As always, he was ever-so-attentive over meals, tired eyes still trained on his sweetheart as he listened to whatever stories they had to tell, pitching in every now and then with his commentary. And when they turned to him with an encouraging sweet smile of their own, he’d be flushing to his ears and haltingly retelling some events of his own, encouraged by the love he knew awaited him.

So really, it wasn’t his fault that they’d suffocated every terrible thought and feeling in front of him, and that they took advantage of his early sleep schedule to hide their insomnia. But they did feel guilty that he had to find out in such an irritating way like this: abruptly woken up by his partner’s phone screen lit up in his face.

Shintarou didn’t bother to wear his glasses, probably knowing that he wouldn’t last long. He never was the type to stay awake during the night, so he simply resigned himself to leaning over, gently taking their phone and setting it on their bedside table. His body was warm against their back, and they couldn’t help but involuntarily lean into him—something he clearly encouraged, as the distance between them became all that much smaller.

Pressed into his chest like that, they could feel something thawing deep inside of them. Something rock-hard melted in the pit of their stomach, and for some reason it felt a little easier to breathe. They couldn’t stop themself from twisting around and facing him, tired eyes meeting his bleary ones.

He cleared his throat twice, before asking, “Can’t sleep?”

After a few seconds of contemplating their options, they decided that there really was no point in hiding it any longer. They nodded. “Yeah. Haven’t been able to sleep since… I think it was the start of the season.”

A crease formed between his eyebrows as he put two and two together. “That’s been more than a month.”

Shrugging, they just opted to wrapping their arms around him and indulging in his warmth. With careful, steady hands, Shintarou began to finger through their hair. It was a little awkward, given how stiff his approach was, but it was endearing nonetheless. If nothing else, they could feel the love at his fingertips.

It was surprisingly soothing, and almost like magic, they could feel the knots in their muscles come undone. “Tell me what you took in class today.”

He gave them a skeptical look. “Are you sure you want to know about something so boring like that?”

“‘S exactly what I need to fall asleep,” they replied, pausing for a second to press a kiss to his sternum above his sweatshirt. “Besides, nothing’s boring when it comes from you. I could honestly listen to you read an IKEA table instruction manual.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” came his muffled reply from above, though they could barely see out of the corner of their eye the faint blue on his cheeks and the half-smile on his face as his hands trailed to their hips. Still, as they knew quite well, he could never refuse any request of theirs.

So, with a resigned sigh and a squeeze to their hips, he pulled them just the tiniest bit closer, close enough so that they could smell his perfume they always said they liked. Already, they could feel their eyelids drooping against their will, driven into a cocoon of comfort and familiar heat that lulled them to an easy sleep in the arms of the man they loved so dearly.

“First class of the day was Chemistry, with an advanced approach to sulfur and its derivatives…”

Taglist: @mrsgiovanna

#imagine #oneshot #anime #fluff #domestic #knb #kuroko’s basketball #kuroko no basket #kuroko no basuke #midorima shintarou #midorima shintarou x reader #midorima shintarou fluff #midorima shintarou comfort #comfort #midorima #midorima x reader #midorima fluff #midorima comfort #midorima oneshot #midorima shintarou oneshot #generation of miracles #gom #shuutoku #knb midorima #knb midorima shintarou #kuroko no basket midorima #kuroko no basket midorima shintarou

[lokifanatic1]

I had another idea, a story where the reader stayed up late watching anime and followed the twilight saga. This is because she has insomnia at night, she doesn't tell anyone because she doesn't want them to get mad at her, however Loki, being a very good observer, realizes this problem but instead of bothering with the reader, he decides to tickle her without pity her until she is tired enough to fall asleep.

Thank you, mari2akary! I don’t watch/ read anime or Twilight but I’ll do my best!

You loved anime and the Twilight movies. They helped relax you at night, but the problem was that you also suffered from insomnia. You watched all these different movies and anime shows that you could probably recite them word for word.

One night you can’t sleep and you decide to do your regular thing and go down to the lounging area, pop in one of the Twilight movies as it was your favorite franchise, to see if that would help you sleep like so many nights before. Sadly, this time it did not work and you ended up staying up the whole night. One thing you didn’t know, was there was another person who had trouble sleeping watching you from the shadows. It wasn’t a scary monster, but Loki, going about his night trying to find a book to read to lull himself to sleep.

He knew something was wrong with you because all those nights you stayed up watching Twilight and anime, he could see the sleep deprivation ravage your face. His heart broke when he caught you one day nodding off in an Avengers meeting, looking less that your peppy, cheerful self. You never said anything to the team because you didn’t want them to get mad at you for missing crucial sleep. Loki wanted to help you but he didn’t know how until a few days later.

It was a Saturday and the team had the day off and the compound was buzzing with activity. Except for you. You were still up in your room, asleep from the insomnia stricken night before. Not even Thor’s loud laugh and booming voice woke you up. You were dead asleep.

Finally, after a few hours you awoke to a soft knock at your door. “Darling? Are you up yet? I’ve come to check on you,” the sultry baritone voice said on the other side of the door. It was Loki, concerned yet again that you stayed up all night. No answer. He then opened the door quietly and stuck his head in your room to see your still sleeping figure tangled up in blankets. Your t.v. showing the main menu of an anime movie you had been watching the previous night. He crept over to your bed and switched the t.v. off with his magic as to not disturb you. However, you stirred a little bit as you were awake enough to know the young Asgardian prince was in your room checking in on you. He was so sweet, as he was just that attentive to you. His princess.

He walked over to your bed and patted his hand against your arm. “My lovely. You need to wake up. Everyone is downstairs waiting to see your smiling face,” he said quietly with a small smile. You didn’t reply for a good few seconds, so Loki acted like he was leaving your room when you shot up and yelled, “Loki! Wait! I’m up! I’m up!” He smirked again. “Works every time.” You giggled and shot him a look as you playfully told him to shut up. He then laughed again and left you alone to get changed.

Finally, you were awake. Well, as awake as you could be, given the circumstances. You dragged yourself out of bed, threw on a t-shirt and comfy pants and headed down to say, “good morning” to everyone. You looked a mess and you knew they would all notice, but to your surprise, no one said anything in case it upset you. They were all so cheery and peppy that you wished it was you as well, laughing and joking with everyone. But you were exhausted. Your eyes had bags and dark circles around them and your hair was still somewhat messy from all the tossing and turning.

All through the day, you were caught sleeping intermittently, but the group was not mad at you at all. They knew you suffered from insomnia and tried to be as comforting as possible. They explained missions, etc. in ways you’d still be able to understand and let you lay your head on their shoulders if you feel asleep. They were the best family you had. Especially your boyfriend, Loki who doted on you every second to make you feel more at ease with the situation. The day rolled on so slowly that you didn’t think it would ever end so you could get some much needed sleep. But Loki had a plan that night to help tire yourself out so you could have sweet dreams. He wasn’t going to say anything and just let it play out as evening finally came around.

That evening, you were right back in the common area watching the same Twilight and anime movies as before, but as you watched, you felt someone lift your feet up and sit on the other end of the couch. It was your prince, Loki, come to stay up with you and comfort you. You appreciated this so much as you snuggled in close to him to continue watching the movie. Once it was over, Loki looked over to see you were still awake. “Darling, you’re still awake? I would’ve thought you’d fallen asleep during the movie. However. I think I know a way to help you sleep.” You were really intrigued now. What knowledge did he have that would help you fall asleep?

All of a sudden, you felt Loki’s fingers make contact with your sides as you jumped and yelped, trying not to wake anyone up. “Loki! What was that for?” He looked at you with that mischievous grin and said, “I think I have a way to help you sleep. In fact, you’ll laugh yourself to sleep.” You looked confused and then saw Loki wiggle his fingers close to your body. “No!” You shouted in surprise. A small smirk playing against your lips. “Yes! You see, I’ve found a way to tire you out that’s sure to get you to sleep.” You backed up on your bed until you felt your back hit the wall. He smirked evilly as he came closer. Hands outstretched. “Time to see if my theory works, love.” You tried moving away but Loki was too quick for you and grabbed you, laying you down on the bed. His hands raising your arms slowly as your breath began to quicken. “Come on, love. I knew you were ticklish from the moment I met you. Or did you forget I can read minds?” He then bound your wrists to the bed with a quick flash of green light.

You were trapped with no way out. Loki was going to tickle every inch of you in order to help you sleep. He knew your most ticklish spot, but of course, he had to drag your torture out to make you laugh. And laugh you did. He tickled under your arms and all over your belly with precise scratches and feather light touches that you immediately went insane with laughter. Your belly was the most ticklish spot on your body and he knew that would ware you out quicker than anything. He skittered his fingers over your sides as he again, laughed evilly. Spewing ticklish teases along the way. Finally, your laugh became silent and Loki let you have a break. “How are you feeling now my love?” He said sweetly. You tried to reply but a yawn stopped you. “I see,” he replied to himself as you once again snuggled up to your boyfriend and for once, slept through the night. This would be your nightly ritual with Loki from now on. You’ve never slept so well in your life.

#loki tickle

[jamboarbs]

Big crazy day journal post time

So, woke up this morning for work.

Gotcha! That's already a lie, I woke up well before my alarm because I've been having chronic sleep issues. I have a history of sleep apnea and insomnia, but lately I've had a whole new issue. To put it simply, once I've been woken up I can't get back to sleep. Doesn't matter if it's just to go to the bathroom, or a loud sound. This has been an ongoing problem for weeks, and I knew by the time my alarm went off I would not make it through today ok. So I took DECISIVE ACTION and called out from work. If you're reading this and don't know me that well, yes that is DECISIVE for me. Immediately knew I had to arrange a doctor's appointment to get a note, but once I had set out to do it I realized this something I should have been more prescient about in the first place, with my appointment to get my HRT dosage upped this Friday especially. So I got my exhausted boans out of bed, set up with a local urgent care, and had a nice morning talk with my beautiful girlfriend ^w^

It took me a bit longer to get going than I would like to admit, but once I finally got myself going I felt determined. Like I was about to take on something big, how ironic. I get dressed, order an Uber and head on out. The ride was nothing significant. made me very glad that even though I skipped breakfast, I still took my allergy meds. My city is getting ass blasted by a dust storm atm.

Get to the clinic, immediately realize how different it is. I thought I was heading to an urgent care, I had actually went to an ER. Apparently they do operate as standalone setups outside of hospitals. This turned out to probably be for the best.

I immediately get seen by a doctor and two nurses, the place is dead empty somehow even though it's one of maybe 3 Urgent care/ER's open on Sunday here. I start to get nervous progressively as I get brought in, until finally I get the question. So I'm dreading it, but of course with my health in mind I bring up my HRT when I'm asked about my medication. This is when my anxiety kicks into gear. The doctors don't do anything that makes me feel so, it's just my default state because of the conservative state I live in.

All things considered I said it with very little hesitation and continued on the screening. The doctor seeing me joined us by this point. After going over my symptoms, the sleep loss, chronic gut pains, etc. he immediately decided to put me on a I.V.

This quite stunned me, and for all intents and purposes this is the turning point of our story.

It clicked with me in this moment, I called out of work thinking I was doing it for my health. Yet up until right then I was only there to get a note. I thought I was playing this up to make sure I had an excuse to skip. Only after listing all of my very real symptoms, and seeing the look of concern on these men's faces did it hit me.

I had been ignoring my own health to get by for weeks.

So while still processing this, they guided me to the bed, briefed me on what they were going to give me and prepped the IV. I could immediately tell this doctor was good, he tried to reassure me by saying it was mostly because I seemed dehydrated. I knew what he really meant, he saw straight through me and all the friendliness to how haggard I really was. The nurse began the IV and I warned them I was going to look away because of my past with needles. The doctor held my hands to calm me.

After setting everything up, the two men left to get me a cocktail of at least three meds. Even though it was for such a short time they were gone, it was enough. All of this hit me, I looked down at my feet in the hospital bed, inspected the new hole in my arm. I ended up here thinking I was just subduing my anxiety by getting a stupid work note. I had actually needed medical attention and was too busy surviving to stop and realize.

So whether through sheer coincidence or subconscious push I was here. All of the gravity of the sleep deprivation, stomach problems and chronic pain hit me at once. I started crying so much I hid my face in my hat. I only barely got to start by the time my nurse came back with the IV bag. Being able to tell how upset I was, and knowing I would be on the IV for a while; he very clinically, yet kindly assured me. Explained the meds, got me tissues, even a drink. As swiftly as he arrived, he left. Closing the door to the room, killed the lights and drew the curtain for me.

Knowing what this man, who seemed wholly uninterested initially interpreted, it all hit me.

I began sobbing

Tears streaming down my face

Deeply saddened by how I had let myself get like this. Maybe my level of shame here is hard to understand. I only recently feel like I have gotten true love in my life. Both platonic and romantic. I have people who care about me so deeply now. I want more than anything to see what they see in me, and at the very least take care of myself. To love them back.

Realizing I got so wrapped up in my own mental comfort blanket broke me a little. I had gone back to just surviving again.

So I spent the next hour roughly, resting, fretting over my IV, drying my tears.

I calmed down a good while before my nurse came back. He removed the IV, and the doctor came to brief me. The good news is my samples came back fine. Like the doctor easily intuited, it was all the stress. I was prescribed some anxiety meds alongside stomach meds to control the gastritis symptoms.

The doctor the whole time was unbelievably sweet, asked me for my pronouns as soon as he knew about the HRT. Kept telling me about his stepson and his experiences. I even got called young lady (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

It really helped pick me up after all the crying.

By the time I'm all put together and ready to set up my ride home the weather has worsened exponentially. It takes a while to get a ride because of the dust and wind, but I am so glad I got who I did ^w^

I ended up being picked up by a sweet guy, we went on our way to my pharmacy to get my meds and had a lovely conversation on the way. I cracked him up with some bad mu-metal jokes lol

When we get there, I tell him I'll be in and out to drop them off so we can go back to my place and finish the Uber ride. Unbeknownst to me this was not going to happen.

So in order I:

Found out my CVS no longer takes my insurance.

My HRT meds I got through them were probably also not insured and I wasn't told then

It would be a minimum of $70 I didn't have for the meds

And it would be a 45 minute wait because they didn't start prepping one

So I start to panic a little. I go back to my driver and explain the situation. I tell him I'll just have him take me home and I'll come back. Instead, he insists on waiting with me. Random guy I just met, doesn't mind an hour of his day gone. I'm floored at this point. Here begins a tedious, uninteresting back and forth. Where I run from the pharmacy counter and back to his car with updates multiple times. Eventually after they had dropped the ball so many times, and changed medicine prices on me at least twice.

This guy.

This fucking guy.

He offers to take me, off his own dollar to the pharmacy that will take my insurance. If I wasn't already this tired I would have started crying again.

So after a very awkward exchange with the CVS pharmacy rep, I cancelled my prescriptions through them and headed out

We chat the entire way to the pharmacy, It's one of the kind inside a Walmart. We hit it off just incredibly well considering I'm running off maybe 9 hours of sleep over the last 3-4 days. Enjoy our conversation the whole way. When we get out there, he even agrees to join me inside, wait for my meds with me and everything.

At this point I almost can't believe this guy is real. He straight up tells me he's writing the time spent off working as his good deed for the day. All dedicated to his grandma who raised him. Absolute fucking legend.

He makes me so comfortable I start telling him about my family. About being kicked out, and not even bothering with telling them about my transition.

He acted surprised when I told him I was trans, but he seemed to have already been cautious about gendering me, so I think he was just being nice.

We ended up spending half an hour just chatting in the kitchenware section. Talking about our lives, like we were old schoolmates or something.

Eventually I get my meds, he dotes on me the whole time. Reinforcing how obviously drained I must look. It was incredibly touching though, none of it felt forced, and made me feel seen.

We leave the store and he offers to take me to go get some food ( I had casually mentioned not eating yet today while at the pharmacy counter)

We grabbed a quick bite and headed to my apartment, still chatting the entire way. By the time we got there it felt like we were already friends. While part of it is definitely how amazingly friendly this guy is. I also feel comfortable saying it wouldn't have been anywhere near as friendly if this was the old me. Even with the shame of letting myself neglect my health still fresh, I can feel how much I've opened up. No matter how corny it sounds, people can recognize whether or not you're genuine. Be yourself.

By the time we make it back I'm starting to feel the exhaustion creep back in, but we say a very happy goodbye and exchange contact info.

So that was my day ^w^

I prolly could have shortened it down a bunch, made it more interesting to read, blablahblahblahblah...

If you made it this far and are thinking any of that, while you do have a point you are missing mine.

Today more than anything was a learning experience for me. It started with asking my girlfriend for comfort, and ended with making a new friend. Even when it seems hard. Even when you feel like a burden. Reach out. You're worth it. Whether that's directly to your loved one, or expressing your troubles openly so kind souls can lend a hand, it doesn't matter. Just learn to lean on people a little, even if you've got burned in the past like me.

Thank you if you read this far, I don't expect anybody to but my mutuals but who knows.

Special thanks and love to:

Vera, my wonderful girlfriend

Charlie, my support goblin

Cecil, because I know you'll read this

Skylar, for helping out a stranger

- Jen

#Probably the longest journal post ill ever make #you have been advised #i am on no sleep and cannot be trusted to uphold brevity #jam yaps

[hailieshapedbox]

my younger cousin has a lot of mental health issues and its really affecting everyone in the house n we dont know how to help him help himself/: its a bit tormenting on everyone. ive tried to help a lot but i had to stop bc it was affecting my mental health and he started be really mean, now i see why everyone has to minimize how much they can help and be around. i just gotta vent real quick though bc i cant take this sometimes. my uncle missed his psych appointment with his main dr. twice and had me reschedule it bc his assistants that fuck everything up, had it all fucked up. i made my uncle buy a whiteboard to keep track of all his shit bc i have enough projects for myself, i texted him multiple times throughout the week about the appointment and helped with other reminders on top of other things for his business (and his friends jewelry start up). i texted him the day before and the day before that about the appointment, i put a post it note on the coffee maker that his friend just let fall aside and got coffee all over (but still it was right on the counter), and he still woke me up to ask me what time it was at and even had the nerve to tell me to get ready in an hour to “help get him going and get him over there”. bruh i went back to sleep, i was up for 2 hours tryna sleep laying there like a dead fish or whatever they say n barely got a couple hours. ive told him so many times ive been dealing with insomnia and he just thinks everyone has trouble sleeping and doesnt understand n ive told him im underweight and how i have no energy and its like nobody ever hears me when i ask for help. hes woken me up probably 10x now n i started hurting myself tbh bc my peace was being too intruded. i got handle and control of that though, i dont wanna hurt myself you know. but only coping method that ever helped. whatever when i got up i did knock on my cousins door n ask if he heard his dad and i texted him bc he didnt say anything. i went to go work out. when my uncle got home he saw me working out and tried to get me to go with and ik its only bc he wants me to sit in the office so he can nap in the car. i even made a joke about it and he agreed laughing and went to go take a nap. instead of going to tmobile to get this kid a new sim card that hes been needing and begging for for going on two months. lmao bruh i try

this was just one morning i could write books of diary entries accumulating my emotions but i dont have time for that tbh im procrastinating n finally writing out bc i just want this week to be over i want it to be monday i want it to be next month when my brothers getting here and my mom comes over and imma make ed come back in town.

idk if yall noticed but until valentines day, i hadnt posted anything the entire month of february. took this long being single to realize valentines day is my favorite holiday and i couldnt missy opportunity to share my heart. i even posted on iG for the first time in like a year. i love love, its all i am, its all i need.

ive had so many post ideas too, but everyone is asking so much of me. its crazy because a few months ago i fucking begged the universe for more responsibility and god damn did i get it, im really trying hard to manage and stay aligned any way i can. im getting close to getting really good. im tryna get there so soon bc i see it through so clear but i just cant. even stopped drinking and cut back on weed a bit bc i just dont have time for it.

i had a whole other thing to rant about and i could have so many others, does kinda help to vent it especially writing. i forgot what it was once i started writing about valentines day and happier things. its funny how easy it is to flow into different emotions, yet so hard to control that and discipline that. even when i then after put myself into my happiest spaces, just doesnt always work. thats why when i see the opportunity for happiness i take it and thats why i dont get stuck on things easy, i hate stagnacity (wrote a song about that the other day). not easily influenced, but easily inspired. music actually usually does it. well imma go see if it still smells like campfire in the shower n do that or something else productive n try to make the most of whats left of the day. fuck i usually post this kinda stuff in the middle of the night so not to many people see it, i try not to be a bother or negative. love you all always

#hailieshapedbox

[incarnateirony]

Okay so, you guys know I went from some pretty recent highs to a series of unfortunate lows as disability onset. But as I see the finish line clear as day, and things actually getting REAL GOOD HERE SOON, I really got no choice to ride it instead of stress--and I've been laughing.

So enjoy the story of:

"Man, you guys think autistic executive function is bad? Let's try Autistic Executive Function With Effectual Narcoleptic Disorder.", which I'm actually now laughing at myself the last few months.

Because god DAMN is it debilitating to pass out all the time.

So anyway, some months back, monnnnths back I got REAL sick. It used up most of my PTO. Afterward, I started passing out, which they wanted separate notes for, for any kind of leave. But I have my funky medical history and my clinic was backed up and by the time I got in, it was too late basically. I mean doc has on file I'm basically screwed, so there was that. Weird silver lining but okay.

My bosses were great, apologized, said if I ever felt I could do the old 9-5 style again they'd take me back in a heartbeat rehire policy be damned, but that was a pretty big limiter. And like that, poof--my insurance, including my disability insurance I was trying to file for at the same time which would pay me about 1200/mo forever even BEFORE federal SS--boom, gone.

So at this point, you're probably like, wow, I'd be panicking. But really I was too tired from falling asleep over and over through the day to care? I was like. well i have some savings and I can pull my peasly lil one year 401k i'm good.

So at this point it's like early november. You know you're an industrious person and can make this work. You got time, and a variety of side income options. And. You fall asleep. And--you know you're an industrious person and-- you fall asleep.

Yo okay this rebooting shit is getting wild. Is today tomorrow new zealand? Wait, what day is it. Oh shit how did I lose a week?

So around then it's like. Mid November suddenly. You're not sure when that happened somewhere in the last 100 times you passed out but it sure the fuck did. In that time you've been getting up to do various processes that need done. Like dishes. Or trash. Or posting online. Or stuff. But there was zero concept of time much less ability to prioritize by it. THINGS WERE ACCOMPLISHED SUCCESSFULLY, BUT NOT NECESSARILY AS NEEDED.

So in this time you're like, trying to fill out paperwork and shit, like disability and all that good stuff. Only this also falls in the various miscellaneous life tasks pile, complete with passing out a few times at processes like 'get a copy of id' or whatever. So somehow this only gets in at like. End of month. But now it's holidays anyway so god knows ain't nobody opening it until today when I'm making this post, if I'm lucky.

So. Like. Somehow you just had to pay out not just October and November, but December from those spare funds and you realized, wait. When's the last time I paid my FUCKING utilities. FUCK. FUCK I DIDN'T PUT THAT ON MY LIST.

Even while I was working, I realized my passing out schedule; what I didn't think about was why it was a passing out schedule. I spent months, these many months, fighting it. Like, maybe if I try this diet thing or cutting coffee or doing whatever, I can do... something. It has to be something I can adjust. But no.

And some point around early december I got an insomnia bit, it shifted my schedule half a day, and I slept through what I can only call peak passout period. And yeah I woke up groggy like mornings and took a while to get moving but... I really only passed out like once in a few weeks, and that was while figuring out this could, in fact, be a schedule.

But you know. That's in a few weeks. So basically, Merry Christmas, go you, you figured out How To Fucking Function Again.

So this last week has been primarily that, and I've even scouted out a WFH job that might suit even these limitations, though still letting other things pend. I got stressed from the roomies being late on shit and went full middle class suburban housewife in panic for a second there. And yeah I'm in the red bad this month, but I can just post another garage sale in the basement if I really gotta push just enough to hop ahead.

For what it's worth, the doctor literally put on file that he can't figure out what's causing it, just that it's clearly debilitating. But my health is so complicated the simplest thing demands minimum 12 blood panels because, for most people, it's usually X thing, but for me, it could be 100 things, something he's literally said. He has to treat me like an episode of House whenever I come in, only instead of being an asshole, he's quirky and gay.

not all doctors get a zebra in their lifetime, but the ones that recognize they ARE there instead of regular ol horses tend to end up REAL keen docs.

But that said, that IS why I pushed my patreon and stuff a bit this month, to help bridge the gap if you will, but I brought myself down like. Nono, LET them bring this to court, this will go so bad for them. I show up with my 1700 receipts from THEIR negligence they've been dodging and they come at me over being a few weeks late once like their weird autotrigger threat emails. Nawwww. open that can, assholes. So I'm good. Got what I need for the second, and know over the next week I got enough liquid cash coming in to do whatever it is i need to do.

So now that I'm sitting here realizing I'm 100x better than good just Not Right This Second, but finally in relative mastery of my schedule as long as I stop trying to conform, I can't help but look back at the lunacy of the last 3 months.

Like sure, in life I was always more nightowl aligned. But I could snap into Adult(TM) schedule. With the random passouts, I couldn't. I literally couldn't. And for some reason the heat of them came pretty much during normal 9-5 work hours. Then, duh, I decide to sleep through the worst period of my flares after a few months instead of Trying To Make It Work, and omg, I'm mostly functional.

Who woulda thunk if I didn't spend all my spoons fighting my body just to fit Normie Shit, I'd be able to hold coherent days.

That's where I've been since the holidays roughly, though the last week is realizing I HAVE finally found a tempo that works for more than a few days, this is NOT a temporary resolution. Now it's just working in those constraints.

But what a wild timeless dream ride like October through December were, jesus christ. Goddamn groundhog day. I feel you, Sam, I feel you buddy.

For what it's worth, finding that schedule has you know, given time meaning, instead of floating through Just Being In The Cosmos But Somehow Paying Rent In It or whatever that was for a season there. Jesus christ.

Literally none of it was lack of effort. The effort was there, it was just in a million tasks I could never finish before passing out again. Or at least not in the necessary order. WILD shit to experience.

#not spn #me

[aprayerforclarity]

5/21

Card: Six of Pentacles - Reversed

I've been feeling really really bad these past few days. As per last post, I've been feeling pretty off since I got back form my trip to California. But these past two days really started when I woke up at 4 am two nights ago and I decided that I was just going to get up. My body always likes to wake up around 3 or 4 and I really don't know why. I googled it and one of the results told me that it's just a naturally more light sleep cycle part, and waking up at these times could be caused by a number of factors. Stress, low exercise, pain, insomnia. I'm not really sure what it could be, but I got so annoyed and fed up with my body that when I woke up at 4 am, I told myself "You know what? If you really want to wake up then, then lets fucking wake up then!" I drank an espresso and started my day on the computer watching a history documentary and browsing the web. Probably not the best way to look to start the day, now that I'm looking back on it. But, I was determined to stay up all day and try to get to sleep back in a normal cycle.... But I made it about 6 hours or so. Around 10 am I fell back asleep and slept for an hour or two. I just had a headache all day and felt like shit. I really felt depressed again, and I told myself that I would just allow myself to do whatever it was that I wanted to do. That included watching tv and YouTube, which I did almost exclusively yesterday. I knew that I would be restless, so in order to get some sleep last night I took a Benadryl. I had hoped that it would keep me totally asleep throughout the whole night last night, and it definitely did help. However, I did feel myself wake up late in the night. I didn't look at the clock, but I knew it was probably around 3 or 4. I kept my eyes shut and rolled back over in the bed, and tried to drift back off to sleep. I successfully did so, and I think that was on account of the Benadryl. I woke up this morning feeling groggy from the Benadryl, but that was a foregone conclusion. I just woke up still feeling like I had no energy and no focus, and that's when I realized I was death-scrolling on my phone all yesterday and this morning,

I have deleted facebook off my phone, but I would still constantly check it on my chrome browser. It is ridiculous how addicted I had become to Facebook and I just needed to get off of it so I downloaded a Stay Focused app to block me anytime I try to go to Facebook.com URL. since I've downloaded it I think I've tried to access Facebook like three or four times, and each time it successfully blocks me from entering the page. It is amazing, and I think I'll keep it on for as long as I can. FUCK FACEBBOOK AND ADDICTIVE SOCIAL MEDIA WEBSITES.

Another thing I realized is, before I had my insomnia spell, I decided to cheat and ate a Wendy's burger and fries for dinner the night before. I think I finally broke down and got fast food because I had a low-lying hunger in me for the past 3 days. I had done a good job "eating clean" and not trying to overeat, but I just felt like I could eat a horse at all times. So, after battling low-level hunger for a few days, I decided that I would stuff myself and get a burger. Well, that was a horrible solution.

First of all, the fries weren't very good. Secondly, the burger wasn't that good. It tasted bland for about half of my eating of it, then the second half was definitely good, but not as good as the time I first recently had a Dave's double in the DT van on the way home from Richmond. I feel like I've constantly been trying to live up to that time of eating the burger. I don't know if that burger in particular was just really well made, or is it just the classic heroine "chasing the high" syndrome.

Anyways, I felt like shit for the rest of the night, my stomach bulging and I was constantly farting. Terrible decision all around, and now I'm kind of glad that I made it. I just realized how terrible it made me feel, even though my mind wanted to eat it so bad. It once again, after countless times, proves to myself that I can't trust my brain and it's cravings. It's for that reason that yesterday I chose not to eat too much. I had a good lunch of steak, shortly after I ate some nuts and a couple pickles, but for the rest of the day I didn't eat anything.

I think I just want to get back onto fasting. Whenever I have large and intense cravings for food, I need to remember that I can curb my hunger pains with saltwater. I need to go to the store and buy more mio, because just drinking saltwater straight-up is not very good. I need to remember that I can't trust my own mind, which makes me very sad but also I realize it is part of the reprogramming process. I have set certain neural pathways in my brain that have trapped me or put me in addictive and negative situations. I need to live like that ascetic, deprive myself of just SOME of the MANY things I'm addicted to or think I need, and I will reach a better state. So much of life is suffering and delaying gratification, and I just always always always have to remember that, almost only exclusively view the world through this lens. Because we are humans controlled by brains, and that is literally all I know about who I am and how we are all driven to do things in our lives.

Oh yeah, I also almost forgot one of the most important things I experienced this morning. At the worst of how I felt, I decided I needed to meditate. I did a more length 35 minute mediation, and when I was finished almost immediately I felt better, without even trying!!! When I feel like I'm just doom scrolling, I need to remember that I can meditate to reset my brain and it is an absolute solid strategy!!!!!!

[sluttyten]

I love that I had to come into work today and so far it’s been very, very slow like there’s nothing for me to do except stand around and try to find nonexistent things to do to take my mind off of how tired I am because I could not fall asleep last night and also trying to take my mind off the cramps that are starting

#because I woke up this morning and realized that my insomnia was probably because I was about to start my period #and first day is always the worst and of course it had to be today #to be fair if my schedule at work was normal like it has been Mother Nature would have been right and I would be able to lay in bed or take #a warm shower or you know go to the bathroom when I actually need to #but no I have to stand here and try to put on a happy face if I ever get any customers #like I was just standing here bent over doodling bc I have nothing else to do and I realized my cramps were starting #I still have 6 hours left in my shift 😭😭😭 #also I lowkey feel sick but I think I might just also be hungry on top of having cramps #d I better get a break today 😭😭 I need it pls

[hangovercurse]

Until You Fall Asleep

After moving in with the crew to help cure your quarantine boredom, you find a new way to deal with your insomnia.

Request: “Could you please do a Colson fanfic where you're a friend of the gang and you move into their house for quarantine so you're not alone. Colson finds out you have terrible insomnia and starts staying up to keep you company and you gradually start sleeping in his bed because it's the only place you seem to actually sleep. You start to get really close through these late night chats, watching films, sharing stuff and opening up to each other... Friendship starts to develop into something else. I need some fluff to see me through these sleepless nights! 🙏😘 Thanks!”

Colson X Reader

Warnings: cursing

Word Count: 3487

Living with your best friends during a nationwide quarantine seemed like a good idea when you agreed to it, but after the 5th night of wandering the huge house late at night because you couldn’t sleep, you were starting to think you should’ve stayed where you were. At least at your own place, you didn’t have to worry about sneaking around so as not to wake anyone up.

Luckily, no one seemed to notice that you woke up earlier than everyone else in the house or went to sleep later. Or if they did, no one said anything.

Day five

Tonight hadn’t been going so well. You had tried showering, you hadn’t eaten for at least a few hours before trying to sleep, you turned your lavender diffuser on, you’d even tried yoga. Nothing helped, and you were left staring at your ceiling.

Frustrated and uncomfortable, you rolled out of your bed, sock clad feet pattering across your room and slowly pulling your door open. You made your way through the house and out to the pool, letting the cool night air wash over you. A deep breath fell from your lips as you began to pace around the deck, hoping to tire yourself out enough to sleep.

After a few minutes, you heard the sliding glass door open, looking up and finding Colson stepping out with a blunt in his hand. He smiled tiredly at you, “you’re up early.”

You raised an eyebrow, “what time is it?” You figured it was 4, maybe 5 am.

“Almost 7,” he looked concerned, “you okay?”

You were trying to figure out how you managed to stay up until 7 am without a wink of sleep, “yeah, just couldn’t sleep. It’s cool though. Why are you up?”

Colson lit the blunt as he spoke, “couldn’t sleep either.”

Day eight

You found yourself curled up on the couch, reading a book at 5:30 in the morning after hours of trying to fall asleep. You swore if you stayed in your room a second longer, you’d break something, so you snuck out to the TV room with the most boring book you could find.

“Do you ever sleep?” Colson’s voice surprised you, making you jump lightly in your seat. The man chuckled at your reaction, taking a seat next to you.

You pouted at his glee, “I could ask you the same thing.”

He shrugged, “sleep is for the weak.”

A sarcastic chuckle fell from your lips, “oh yeah, I feel so strong and cool right now.”

The man laughed with you, but soon turned serious, “serious though, are you good? Both nights this week I haven’t slept you’ve been awake, and I know you don’t take naps.”

You sighed, “it’s just insomnia, I’ve been dealing with it on and off for a couple years now. It’s not a big deal.”

He cocked his head in curiosity and worry, “how much sleep have you been getting?”

You ducked your head in embarrassment, “I slept for an hour at like 3, hopefully I’ll fall asleep again at some point tonight.”

Colson frowned, “can I help at all?”

A small smile fell upon your face, “sometimes talking helps, but honestly not much else. It’s not that big of a problem, though. I’ve been dealing with this for a while, I’m used to it.”

He looked shocked, “dude, you sleep for a few hours every night! That’s a problem. I don’t even know how you’re still alive.”

“Like you’ve never gone a couple days in a row without sleeping,” you said sarcastically.

“No! I go to sleep late as fuck, but I sleep eventually most nights. You’re on a whole different level.” His tone was slightly defensive, if not concerned, “do I need to get you some pills or something? I can do that.”

Your eyes went wide, “Jesus, Kells, no. I have enough to deal with, I don’t need another addiction on my hands too.”

He chuckled, “I’m just saying it might help. I’m assuming weed does nothing?”

You sighed sadly, “it did for a while, but I think my body got used to it. I just have to wait it out until I inevitably pass out.”

“Well, guess I’ll just bother you until you fall asleep.” He relaxed further into the couch, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Colson, you really don’t have to-“

“You won’t let me get you drugs, so I’m gonna stay up with you. It’s the least I can do.” He smiled widely, knowing he would get his way.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that, right?”

Day Twelve

“You think that Captain America has the best character arc? Seriously?”

Your nightly chats with Colson had moved into his room after Baze was woken up by Colson’s loud laughter during a conversation about what type of dogs you’d both be. So, you were sat cross legged on his bed, facing each other in deep conversation.

The man tried to defend his stance to you, “okay, I know everyone loves Tony’s whole asshole to hero thing, but Captain America went from this goody two shoes to this badass criminal and he still got the girl in the end.”

You shook your head, “you’re just wrong in every way. I’m not even saying Iron Man had a better story, but literally every other character developed more than Steve. He wasn’t that badass in the end, and the fact that he went back to get the girl just proves he never really changed all that much. He was static.”

“So, you’re telling me, if we watched every single movie with Captain America in it, you wouldn’t be entertained?” He crossed his arms and leaned backwards, eyeing you challengingly.

You scoffed, “the movies are fine, I just think that Marvel has produced better superheroes with better plotlines.”

“New plan, we’re going to watch every marvel movie in order and then you can tell me that I’m right.” He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV across from his bed.

Rolling your eyes, you moved back to lean against the headrest, legs spread out in front of you, “you’re not right, but I’ll watch them just to see the look on your face when you realize you’re wrong.”

Colson flopped down on the bed next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you so that you were leaning into his side. A yawn escaped his mouth, “if you get tired, let me know.”

You giggled, “I’m always tired, I just can’t sleep. I won’t get offended if you fall asleep though.”

He pulled a face, “I’m not falling asleep.”

About an hour into the movie the slow rise and fall of his chest indicated differently. You chuckled to yourself once you realized he had fallen asleep, turning further into his chest, and allowing yourself to get more comfortable.

Somewhere between 4 and 5 am, you found your eyes finally closing of their own accord, unconsciousness washing over you.

Day 17

Since starting your marvel movie binges with Colson, you’d found yourself getting more sleep. You couldn’t tell if it was from the movies or from Colson, but either way something seemed to be working.

Tonight, however, even your new routine wouldn’t lull you to sleep. You tried every breathing exercise in the book, but nothing seemed to work. Colson had fallen asleep a while ago, his arm wrapped around you as per usual, so you couldn’t talk yourself to sleep.

So, you decided to take a stroll around the house, hoping the small form of physical activity would help. But in order to get out of bed, you would have to find a way out of Colson’s embrace without waking him up.

You slowly and gently grabbed his hand and removed it from your side, laying it on the bed next to you. Then, you sat up slowly, only to be pulled back into his chest, “where’re you going?”

His voice was deep and gravelly, sleepiness very evident. You responded with a whispered, “I can’t sleep, was gonna go walk around.”

He pulled you in closer to him, nuzzling his face into the crown of your head, “but you’re so warm.”

You chuckled, cuddling into the man, “fine, I’ll stay.” You tried to close your eyes and find sleep, but again, none came. Sighing, you accepted that you would be stuck in your current position, realizing there were worse things than being wrapped up in a beautiful boy’s arms.

Day 25

“I know aliens probably exist, but do you think they’d ever take one of us to study?”

Colson chuckled at your question, “like a human in general or, like, you and me?”

“Like you or me. Do you think we’re important enough to be studied?”

He squeezed your waist, “I think you are in desperate need of sleep.”

Laughing, you responded, “I’m serious! And I have been sleeping, thank you very much.”

“Okay, fine. I think if aliens ever came to Earth, they’d probably be more interested in, like, genius billionaires or really dumb people, like people from Florida.”

You slapped his arm, “don’t be mean to Florida.”

You could feel the vibrations from his laughter, making you giggle. “Fine, but my point is they wouldn’t be interested in us unless they’re really into music.”

“Darn,” you huffed.

He raised an eyebrow at you, “you want aliens to take you and study you?”

Balancing yourself on his chest, you lifted yourself up to look down at him, “yes! That would be so fucking cool.”

He shook his head with a laugh, “you’re crazy.”

“Think about it, who else would be able to say they got studied by aliens. And then you’d know that you were important to someone, even if it is just alien scientists.”

Rolling his eyes, Colson pulled you back down into him, your hands still resting on his chest, “I don’t need aliens to know I’m important.”

“Well not all of us can be ubertalented rock stars with millions of fans,” you joked, a teasing smile on your face.

You glanced up to find his eyes trained on you, holding a softer look in them than you had expected, “I didn’t mean that.”

It took a few moments for his words to get processed by your brain, but you immediately dismissed the thought that he could be talking about you specifically. More than likely he was referencing his family in general, which you could be included in.

Day 31

To celebrate a full month in quarantine, the guys had decided to throw an in-house only party, which just meant that everyone had an excuse to drink together more than normal. You were staying mostly sober, knowing that otherwise the boys would most likely break something, most likely themselves.

You watched from your place on the kitchen counter as Rook, Baze, Slim, Dre, Irv, Dub, and Colson played a round of King’s cup.

“Y/N, you have to drink,” Rook called from across the room, “it’s a six.”

“If there’s no women playing then you just skip that card, Rookie.” You called but took a sip from your cup anyways.

Colson whined, “this is boring.” You chuckled as he moved away from the table to come stand by you, the rest of the guys continuing without him. He leaned against the counter next to your dangling leg, letting you run your fingers through his blond hair, “parties are boring now, Y/N.”

You could tell that he was gone, the alcohol having almost full control of him. “When we get out of quarantine, we’ll throw the biggest party ever, Kells,” you said, letting your hand fall to rest on his shoulder. The man grasped your hand in his and moved it back up to the top of his head, silently begging for you to continue. He turned into a cat, practically purring as he leaned into you, “hey, Kells, you tired?”

He shook his head, “no, ‘m gonna stay up with you, remember?”

You laughed softly, “it’s okay, Kells. You should get some sleep; I’ll be okay for a night.”

His arms wrapped around your middle, head burying into your stomach, “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

“You gotta let me off this counter for that.” This was a side of Colson you rarely saw; the drunk, very cuddly version of Colson. Occasionally he’d cling on to you when he got really tired, but that was in the privacy of his room. Here he was hanging onto you in front of all his friends, though granted they were too drunk to notice anything unusual.

You hopped off the counter, taking on some of Colson’s body weight in order to get him up the stairs and to his room. Truthfully, you planned to leave him in his bed once you got him there, but he had other plans. As soon as you moved to walk away from the bed, he grabbed your arm sleepily, “why are you leaving?”

Running a hand along his jaw softly, you softly said, “I’m gonna go to my room.”

He whined, “you never sleep in your room, stay.”

You bit your lip, unsure how to respond to that, “Kells, you’re drunk, you need some sleep.”

“I can’t sleep without you.” His eyes were glazed over, making his pleading look even more appealing than normal.

Sighing, you muttered, “yes, you can. I’ll be right down the hall,” but he wasn’t taking no for an answer, hand still firmly around your wrist.

“No.”

You rolled your eyes, climbing into the bed next to him, “I’m only doing this because you need to go to sleep.” He hummed in response to that, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you tightly into him, leaving no room for you to escape even if you tried.

Day 37

Nights with Colson had slowly turned into every moment with Colson. You woke up together, ate breakfast together, spent time together. You were rarely separated for long, not that either of you minded.

At some point, the line between friends and whatever lied next had gotten blurred, but not fully crossed. You and Colson were touchy and cuddly during the day as well as at night, and everyone in the house was starting to notice it.

Part of you just wanted to kiss him and see what happened, but you knew messing with a situation like this could go very wrong very fast. So, you just left it up to him to figure out where this thing would go, knowing he probably wouldn’t make the first move either.

But as you laid in his arms, listening to his midnight ramblings, you couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if you took matters into your own hands. You watched his lips move as he spoke, wanting nothing more than to lean up and press your own against them. Of course, you would never actually do it, but it was nice to dream.

There was a lull in the conversation which was spent with your eyes dancing across each other’s face, trying to figure out what to say next. Suddenly, he blurted out, “can I get your advice on something?”

You nodded in response, a soft smile on your face. He continued, “this sounds so stupid, but there’s this girl I’ve been talking to recently and I can’t figure out if she ‘s into me or we’re just really good friends.”

You sat up slightly, perking an eyebrow up, “well what signs has she given you that she’s into you?” Your heart burned, hoping he was talking about you. It was a feeling that had been happening a lot recently whenever you were around him, which was almost all the time.

He sighed, “I mean, we talk like, all the time about everything. And I think she flirts with me, but I’m not completely sure if she’s flirting or she’s just being friendly.”

“Well, what signs say that she’s not into you?” You ask, biting your lip to hide the grin forming on your face.

Colson hesitated, “I mean, none, really. I’m just scared of messing up our friendship, you know?”

You nodded, “well, you’ll never know if you never ask her. I’m sure it’ll work out.”

He was quiet for a long time, clearly turning the advice over in his head, “I would but, with quarantine and everything, I just don’t think it’s the right time. We wouldn’t be able to actually, you know.”

Your heart fell, realizing that there was no possible way he was talking about you. It felt like every bone in your body turned to Jell-o at the realization, a lump forming in your throat. “Right, well, maybe you could invite her over to the house. Or do a cute facetime date or something.”

He nodded but stayed quiet. You fully sat up, swinging your legs off the bed. “Where are you going?” he asked softly.

Something inside of you was slowly crumbling, and you needed to get yourself out of his presence as soon as possible, “I just need to take a walk, I don’t think I’m tired enough to get any form of sleep.”

Colson let out a small “oh,” as you stood up and swiftly left the room, tears forming in your eyes.

You felt silly for letting yourself fall so easily and for thinking that he might have felt the same way. But you could’ve sworn there was something forming between you two.

And how had you never heard of this new girl? How long had that been going on?

So many thoughts swirled around in your head as you made your way downstairs and out to the empty pool deck, pacing the familiar space. You tried to convince yourself that your feelings weren’t as strong as they actually were so that this could somehow be easier, but you knew it wouldn’t work.

The sound of the door sliding open caught your attention, your eyes meeting those all too familiar blue ones. “You okay?” he asked, leaning against the wall of the house. You flashed him a fake smile with a nod. “This doesn’t have anything to do with what I just-”

“No, no,” you cut him off, “I’m just restless right now, needed to get some energy out.”

He nodded, watching you cautiously, “I’m actually super tired, so I’m gonna get some sleep. I’ll see you in a few?”

You nodded, knowing full well you had no intention of getting back into his bed, “yeah, goodnight.” You turned your head to the ground, studying the cement below your feet.

The door opened and shut, but when you looked back up, Colson was still standing outside, watching you. “I don’t know why I said that. There isn’t a girl in quarantine. Well, I mean, there is, but we wouldn’t not be able to see each other.”

Your head was spinning, trying to make sense of whatever he was saying. He kept talking, “I got nervous and chickened out and then you left and I felt like an idiot.” You looked up to him, confusion evident on your face as he continued on the borderline of rambling, “so I’m just gonna throw this out there and whatever happens, happens.”

You stared at him blankly, not fully processing his words or what was happening.

“Would you wanna go on a date with me? Or, like, whatever kind of date we can pull off here?”

Your eyes went wide in shock, the rollercoaster you had just been on emotionally twisting your mind. You didn’t speak for a few moments, making Colson nervous, but you finally got out a stuttered, “yes.”

He sighed in relief, “god I feel like such a teenager right now.”

You came back to your senses, narrowing your eyes at him, “do you realize the emotional turmoil you just put me through? I feel like I’m crazy!”

He chuckled, moving towards you, and wrapping his arms around your waist, “I know, I’m an asshole. But it was worth it, right?”

“I was literally rethinking my entire life out here,” you pouted, leaning into his touch.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

You rolled your eyes, “look who’s all Mr. confident now.”

The vibrations of his laugh shook your own body, “well, you said yes. This would be a completely different story if you had said no. Then I would be the one rethinking my entire life.”

You smirked teasingly, “I could always change my mind.”

He shook his head with a chuckle, “shut up.” His lips met yours, one hand reaching up to softly hold your jaw. You melted into the kiss, your arms moving to wrap around his neck loosely.

You pulled away slowly, a smile spread on your face, “this almost makes not being able to sleep worth it.”

Tag list:

@bakerkells​ @elviablo​​ @iambashfulperson​ @sunflowerbebe107​ @crystalbaby12​ @stormrider505​ @ticketstomydaydreams​ @mvrylee @daddyavesxx​​ @pettyvxbes​ @prettydreamboy​

#mgk #mgk imagine #mgk fluff #machine gun kelly #colson baker imagine #colson imagine #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #Colson baker #colson x reader #colson baker fluff

[storiesforallfandoms]

way too hot ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1608

request?: yes!

“heyyy, I love your writing. do you think you could please do a mgk imagine based off of his and yungbluds new song acting like that? thanks <3″

“Heyyy. I love your writing and I was wondering if you could maybe do a Colson Baker x reader based off of the song he and yungblud did, acting like that? I would really appreciate it if you did. Love your account so much btw!!”

description: in which she comes back to her ex way too often, and he finally decides to confront her about it

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing

based on this song

masterlist (one, two)

The sound of loud knocking woke Colson from his deep sleep. He checked the time on his phone to see that it was 4am. Normally, Colson’s insomnia would have him awake at this time anyways, but he had been attempting to fix his sleep schedule now that he had some time off, and he was succeeding for the most part.

The knock came again, causing Colson to groan and throw his warm blanket off himself to venture out into his cold house.

He wasn’t shocked to see his ex-girlfriend stood at his door, nearly stumbling into the house.

“Shit,” she breathed. “I-I didn’t mean...I told the cab driver the wrong house. I’m sorry, Colson, I - ”

Colson could smell the alcohol basically wafting off her, mixed with the sweet, familiar scent of her perfume. He sighed and stepped aside. “Come in.”

As he had numerous times before, he gave her a change of clothes and set up the couch for her to sleep on. He helped her to the couch and gave her water and an Aspirin to help with her inevitable hang over in the morning.

(Y/N) drifted off to sleep within seconds. Colson looked down at her, a million things running through his head to say to her. He decided it would be best to wait until the morning before saying anything, when he was less tired and she was less drunk.

After another moment of just gazing down at his once love, he finally made his way back up to his room.

~~~~~~

When he finally came down the next morning, (Y/N) was still sound asleep. Colson knew he should be annoyed, that he probably shouldn’t have even let her stay there that night. But he wasn’t annoyed, far from it. Part of him was almost happy to see her asleep in his house again.

Although, this wasn’t the first time she had stumbled her way to Colson’s place since they had broken up. Colson had lost count of how many times it had happened, and each time she would swear it was the last only to show up again about a week later.

Colson and (Y/N) had agreed to break up nearly six months ago when they found their relationship was starting to struggle due to Colson’s busy schedule. Colson had been trying to move on when she showed up on his doorstep first, so drunk she could barley speak and tears running down her face. Colson had brought her in and allowed her to stay the night, both of them sure it was going to be a one time thing.

He still loved her, he couldn’t deny that, but her constant drunk visits followed by her insistence that it was the last time felt like he was being stabbed in the heart repeatedly. He either wanted to make things work between them again, or to move on from the relationship.

Colson sighed and approached the couch. He gently touched (Y/N)’s leg, and when she didn’t stir he shook her a little. Her eyes slowly began to open, but she winced from the harsh sunlight beaming in from the living room window and groaned.

“Sorry,” Colson said. “Forgot they were open.”

“Colson?” (Y/N) mumbled, her hands covering her eyes as Colson moved to shut the blinds. “Shit, I did it again, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Colson confirmed. “Take the Aspirin I left you, it’ll help with the headache.”

(Y/N) moved slowly as she sat up and reached for the Aspirin. She moved too suddenly once and hissed in pain, which caused Colson to wince himself. He went to the kitchen as to not have to watch her agony much longer. He threw some leftovers into the microwave, enough for the two of them to share, and brought a plate of food to the kitchen for (Y/N).

“You don’t have to do that,” she told him, although she took the plate anyways. “I probably shouldn’t be here long, anyways.”

“You’re still nursing a hangover, no way I’m letting you go anywhere any time soon,” he decided.

Silence fell over the two of them as (Y/N) took a mouthful of her food. Colson snuck a quick glance at her when he was sure she wasn’t looking. Even just awake with a hangover, she looked like the most beautiful girl in the world.

He could feel his heart racing with delight at just having her there, and he realized he couldn’t let things go much further without addressing the elephant in the room.

“Why do you keep doing this, (Y/N)?”

She looked up at him, a fork full of food paused midair towards her lips. She placed it back down on her plate, averting her eyes from Colson. “I...I’m sorry. I’ll stop, it’s just - ”

“I don’t necessarily want you to stop,” Colson cut her off, although that wasn’t really the truth. “I just...I want to know why you keep getting drunk and coming here in the middle of the night. I wanna know why you do that and then you leave immediately and say you want to pretend like nothing ever happened, only to do it all again. I don’t mind helping you sometimes, but fuck (Y/N), you do make it hard to try and move on from our breakup.”

Tears were starting to form in (Y/N)’s eyes. She looked away from Colson in an effort to hide them, but he could see her lip quivering and could see the trail of water running down her cheek.

“Because...I have a hard time letting you go, too,” she responded, her voice soft.

“What?” Colson asked, although he had heard her.

“I have a hard time letting you go, Colson!” she repeated, much louder this time. “I understand that our relationship wasn’t great, but I wanted nothing more than to try and fight for it; for us. I wanted to be the perfect girlfriend who sat by and waited for her rockstar boyfriend to come home so she could shower him with the love and support he deserved, and I wanted to be cool with the constant partying even when you were home, or the guys always being over and never giving us alone time. I tried so hard to be that way. I...I had hoped you weren’t noticing the relationship going south, too. I hoped I could just fake things being okay until they were again.”

He ached to reach out and take hold of her hand. He hated to see her cry and wanted to hold her and comfort her, but he knew that was inappropriate to do in that moment. So, he just sat, watching the girl of his dreams cry over her love for him.

“Why didn’t you say that when we decided to break up?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I figured it was for the best. I felt that we weren’t how we used to be, you were unhappy. I thought we’d both be better off if we broke up.”

“I wasn’t unhappy.”

She looked up at him. “What? Yes you were, you said - ”

“I said I was unhappy that I couldn’t be with you how you deserved. I wasn’t unhappy with the relationship as a whole, I was unhappy with how I was holding up my end of the relationship.”

(Y/N) was shocked into silence. All these months she had believed that Colson was unhappy in their relationship. She had convinced herself that it was her own doing, that she hadn’t been good enough to keep up with his lifestyle. He had never told her he was unhappy with himself.

“You never told me that,” she pointed out.

“I guess neither one of us was really good with communication then.”

(Y/N) smiled a little at this. She had placed her food aside, no longer feeling able to eat. Colson reached for the plate and was about to make his way back to the kitchen when (Y/N) stopped him.

“Do you think there’s any way we could start again?”

Colson paused in the living room doorway before turning back to look at her. “You mean...from the beginning?”

(Y/N) shrugged. “Maybe...I don’t know. At least start from back before your career blew up and we were both trying to navigate these new waters we were unfamiliar with.”

The corner of Colson’s lips tugged up in a slight smile, his heart fluttering with excitement. “I definitely think we could try. As long as we both promise to be open with one another. No more of this thinking we know what’s best for the other. We lay everything out on the table and we talk through our problems.”

(Y/N)’s smile mirrored his own as she nodded. “Yeah, I like that plan.”

Colson nodded as well. He didn’t want to walk away now, he just wanted to go back and join (Y/N) on the couch. He wanted to smoother her in kisses and cuddle her until her hungover headache went away. He wanted to have his girl back in his arms again.

“I’m glad we decided this,” he finally said. “While I love how adorable you act when you’re drunk, you’re truly way too hot to be acting like that.”

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh yeah? Acting like what?”

“Like a crazy drunk ex.”

He began to laugh and ducked out of the room just in time to miss a pillow (Y/N) threw at him in retaliation for his words.

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker #colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #mgk #estxx #imagine #one shot #request #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

[hizashiiis]

Bakusquad + “Why are you awake” Part Two

PART ONE HERE

So here’s part two! Fun fact, the song Jirou plays you in her part is actually a song I wrote! I didn’t include any of the lyrics though because its lowkey really cheesy :/

I hope you like this! This one is for Sero, Mina, and Jirou.

Warnings: insomnia, depression kinda

Sero Hanta

- Sero is very much a hypocrite when it comes to getting enough sleep

- He’s constantly up at all hours, even sending you random texts if he can’t sleep

- But when you aren’t going to bed at a normal time?

- He’s so sad

- He looks like you kicked his puppy and then him in rapid succession. 

- It’s crazy because he seems to just instinctively know when you’re awake

- Like he bolts up in his bed all, “they ain’t in bed. I’m abt to beat some ass.”

- He’s never sure if he’s right though, so he texts you a meme he made specifically for you being up too late

- It’s probably really cheesy and outdated, but the effort is there

- If you respond to it (because you will) he knocks on the wall between your dorms and talks to you 

- Often, you both just stay up like that

Sero’s body is awake before his mind, moving him to sit up in bed before he can think. He was having a really intense dream; something about talking mice. He didn’t mind it, but he woke up as if he’d had a nightmare. 

Faintly, from the wall beside him, he can hear low music playing, but he can’t make out what song it is. It’s coming from your room, though, so he’s concerned. 

The sky outside is dark, clouds drifting across his windowed view of the moon. It must be pretty late; all the noise is gone, leaving nothing but static air, and the music. He leans over his bed to look at the time on his phone. It’s around 2 am. The song you’re playing ends, and he recognizes the next one. It’s on your sad playlist. 

He sends you the meme, as well as an invitation for a hug as soon as it’s morning. You respond almost instantly, assuring him that you’re fine, you just couldn’t sleep. But he knows you better than that. 

Knocking on the wall between you, he hears the music stop suddenly. He calls out to your wall. 

“Mi amor? What’s keeping you awake?” He’s met with silence for a moment before your shaky voice responds.

“I’m okay. I just kinda got hit with some sad, y’know?” He does know. He knows that this happens sometimes. It happens to him, too. But he hates hearing your voice sound so lost. You almost sound hopeless, and he can’t bear it. 

“I understand.” He places his hand up to the wall, wishing he could hold you. Unfortunately, you had both been told off by Iida for sleeping in each other’s rooms more than enough times lately, so he couldn’t just go see you. He opts instead for hugging a stuffed giraffe you had gotten him after the Sports Festival. 

“Do you want me to distract you, or do you want to talk about it?” He asks, stroking the giraffe’s head as if it’s your hair, not knowing that on the other side of the wall, you’re holding a stuffed lion the same way. 

“Distract me?” Your voice comes out only just loud enough for him to hear you, but he understands. He begins to tell you a story. He’s told it before. It’s about a great hero, one who fights crime valiantly, and his partner, also a fantastic hero. He ad-libs parts of it, making pretend villains say silly slogans, and recounting how the heroes save the day. 

As he reaches the end, he hears you giggle a bit. “Oh? Did it work? Are you smiling over there, my sweet?” He calls to you, a teasing lilt to his voice. 

“A little bit.” You respond, playing with your stuffed animal. “If you keep talking, maybe I’ll even smile more.”

He laughs, eyes bleary with sleep, but happy to talk to you the whole night.

Mina Ashido

- Honestly, she’s no better than you about staying awake

- She tries to sleep, but her thoughts are always racing

- Sometimes it’s thoughts of you, sometimes of new things she wants to try in training, or things she wants to see if she can convince her friends to do

- But she wants you to get adequate rest, even if it’s hard for her to do the same

- She used to get told off for sneaking to your room every night, but then Momo and Iida saw how much better you were performing in school on the days after she’d been there, and they started letting it slide

- It’s nicer for her, too, because she has someone to ramble to as the two of you fall asleep

Mina skipped down the hallway toward your room. It was a bit past midnight, and usually, you would be asleep by this time. It was well past lights out, and classes had run long that day, not to mention the endless exams that were happening at UA right now. So when she reached your door, she was surprised to find you watching a movie on your phone instead of snoring. 

“Hey bug! Why are you still up, don’t you know what time it is?” She says, throwing a grin your way as she puts her blanket down next to you. 

You shrug, yawning. “I could ask you the same thing, love.” She pouts at that, tossing her arm around your shoulder and pressing a kiss to your temple.

She watches you watching your show for a few minutes before saying anything. It looks good, she supposes, but she has a better idea of what to watch. “Scoot over.” She pushes you lightly, giggling as you scrunch to the side to give her more room. “Do you wanna watch something with me?” She asks, holding up her phone. 

You look at her for a moment. “That is what we are currently doing, is it not?” You hold up your phone in return, showing her the paused screen. 

“But I have a better movie!” She insists, unlocking her screen and shoving it above yours so that you can see her pick. She’s right, it is a better movie. You guys have watched the entire Studio Ghibli filmography, but even you know that her favorite, “When Marnie was There,” is the better option at this particular moment. 

You toss your phone to the side, pulling her in to lay next to you. “Fair enough, bubs, I guess yours is better.” You feign reluctance, watching her excitedly press play and tuck the blanket in around the both of you. Her arm curls tighter around your shoulders, and she giggles as the opening credits start. 

“Hey Minari?” You use her favorite nickname, looking at her through hooded, sleepy eyes. She hums in response. “Why is this one your favorite?”

Hearing the question, she pauses the movie, turning to look right at you. She’s quiet for a moment, thinking about her answer. “I guess because they remind me of us! Like I’m Marnie, and you’re Anna, and we’re having this great adventure together!” You feel your face heat at her words, thinking about the movie more critically now. Mina continues, “It’s like…” she pauses, finding the right words. “Like Anna is learning how her friendship with Marnie can make her feel more right, as a person. And I feel like that about you!” 

You’re tearing up now, unsure how to respond. Mina is so many things, and being with you is that important to her? It’s a new feeling, but certainly a welcome one. You pull her down, giving her a kiss. And then another kiss. And one on her nose. 

“Press play, Mina.”

Kyoka Jirou

- Lol u think she sleeps?

- She does, but not at night

- Were it not for classes, Jirou would be essentially nocturnal

- So you try to remind her to go to sleep

- Sometimes you’ll walk past her dorm at night, and you hear her guitar, softly playing her favorite songs

- Before you got together, sometimes you would sit outside her door and listen to her play

- Not in a creepy way, there’s just a little common area right outside her room and you like took a book there, you weren’t like ooh it’s late i think i’ll sit outside someone’s room and listen to them

- You aren’t Mineta. 

- But anyway

- Now that you are together, Jirou thinks it’s really sweet that you listen to her play

- Sometimes she leaves her door cracked open so you can come in

It’s 4 o’clock in the morning, and the light is on in Jirou’s room. You had come out to go to the bathroom, but you noticed her guitar, and decided to stay. The soft strumming is pretty, and you’re glad to be one of the few people allowed to hear it. 

Opening Jirou’s door just a bit more, you nod toward her desk chair in a silent question. She nods, so you go sit down. 

She’s playing a song you don’t recognize, and the lyrics are sad. Even still, it’s beautiful, and your eyes seem to naturally close, taking in the melody of her voice. She used to tell you her voice wasn’t anything special, but she seems content now to let you listen. 

The guitar resonates with the last few chords, and the ending note is held for three beats. When she’s finished, Jirou opens her eyes and looks at you, waiting for your thoughts.

“It was beautiful. Did you write that?” You ask her, your hands fidgeting with the urge to hold her own. She nods, but doesn’t say anything. 

You don’t acknowledge the sad theme of the song. She’s told you before that sometimes sad songs are easier than happy ones. That the melody is clearer. You don’t mind. All her songs are beautiful, and they reflect her in them, and isn’t that what makes a piece of art?

“I have another one, if you’d like to hear it?” She looks nervous; something you never see on her.

“I’d love to!” Your exclamation seems to snap her out of the anxiety in her eyes, which narrow a little. 

“Just…” She starts, looking away from you to adjust the capo on her instrument. “Don’t freak out, okay?”

Confused, you nod, and she starts playing. 

The song starts out with a few chords repeating in a loop, and then she begins to sing. The lyrics are confusing to you at first, and you still aren’t sure why she’s told you not to freak out. But then she gets to the chorus, and it begins to make more sense. 

Lyrics, in essence, are a poem, and this one is a love poem. Her thoughts, written out, are so sweet and loving, that you’re sure you don’t know what to think. She sings elegantly, like someone who’s never known how to dance, and yet is waltzing perfectly across a shining floor. 

She finishes the song with a declaration of loyalty, and you realize your eyes are watering. She looks at you, waiting for your thoughts. 

You say nothing. You don’t know how to say anything, so you stand, cross to her, and pull her into a hug. She’s not usually one for physical touch, but she holds you tightly. 

“It’s about me, right?” You laugh, leaving a kiss on her calloused fingers. She rolls her eyes. 

“Obviously.”

She smiles at you, pulling you to lay on her bed as she puts her guitar in its case, taking the capo off the strings. “You should sleep. It’s like, morning now.”

“You should too.” You retort, still holding her hand. 

“No.”

#mha fluff #mha x reader #mha imagines #sero x reader #sero hanta #sero hanta x reader #mina ashido #mina x reader #mina ashido x reader #jirou x reader #kyoka jirou x reader #mina ashido fluff #sero fluff #jirou fluff

[sicjimin]

Sashimi Chain of Sickness 🍣

A.N : askjdbskd ok so the cat is out of the bag, finally me and @spence-sickfics can post our babies here :D a chain of sickness in bangtan’s dorm ! idk what else to tell, but we have a fun time working it and i hope you guys enjoy this story as much as we enjoy writing it ! :D here we go for the first day ~ it’s a long ride but i hope you like it :] ((you can read it on @spence-sickfics blog too!))

Sickie : Namjoon and Jungkook // Caretaker : Yoongi, Taehyung 

TW : emeto 

Day One:

(by sickyoonminie)

Namjoon curled his body smaller. He’d been awakened early by a series of cramps seizing through his stomach. He pressed his palm deeper into his stomach, hoping that the pressure might alleviate the cramps.

But it failed.

He rolled onto his back and let out an exhausted groan. His right hand mindlessly stretched to his phone on the nightstand. He squinted when the bright screen hit his eyes. 7AM.

He let the phone plop down before nuzzling himself deeper to the pillow. He tried to sleep again but nothing was working, so he got up from his bed, stretching his arms high above his head.

After a quick shower, he put on fresh clothes, and headed downstairs.

"Joonie, why are you up so early?" Seokjin greeted him from the kitchen, his hand busy with the toast and scrambled egg. For some reason, the sight of food made Namjoon’s stomach swirl. He feels full, despite not eating anything since last night.

"Can't sleep again", he mumbled as he set himself to water. Gulping it down in one go. He frowns when it feels heavy on his stomach.

Something is wrong with him.

But he shrugs it off. Maybe it's his nerves, or maybe he's too exhausted.

"You want some?", Seokjin asks, placing the scrambled egg on top of the toasted bread. Namjoon shakes his head, taking another gulp of water.

Seokjin takes one for himself before sitting next to Namjoon.

After that, it’s silence between them. But the members started going downstairs one by one, and it didn't take long before the kitchen became “lively”.

Namjoon tries to fall into conversation, but he just—didn't have the energy for that.

" You okay, Joon-ah?", Yoongi slides quietly beside him as they walked to their car.

"Huh? What do you mean hyung?"

Yoongi shrugs, "I don't know. You look a little off today, or maybe that was just my feeling"

Namjoon hums, glancing at him as they get inside their car. They sit in the middle seat.

"I just, don't get enough sleep", Namjoon sighs and leans on the window.

" You should stop caved in your studio", Yoongi mumbles, gaining a scoff from the younger, "Says you hyung"

Yoongi chuckles, "Try to sleep for few minutes"

And maybe Namjoon will comply.

—

It's Namjoon's fault that he just brushed off the uncomfortable feeling in his body this morning. As a result, he just feels worse by now.

He curled on the couch in his studio. He's shivering, despite the air conditioner being off. His hand settled on his stomach that has been so upset, like nauseous, but at the same time it feels bloated too.

Everything just felt off for him.

A sudden knock interrupts his thoughts. He groans before getting up. His muscles ache.

"Hyung! Are you busy? We want to get dinner!"Jungkook's doe eyes and bunny smile is the one who greeted him as he opened the door.

Namjoon leaned on the door, feeling tired.

"We? Is everyone coming?"

Jungkook nods, "Yes! Even Yoongi-hyung"

Namjoon contemplates for a second. Maybe he just needs to eat to make everything that has been going on in his body go away. If he thinks about it, his appetite hasn't been the best as he was too busy with the album preparation.

He sighs before mustering a smile "Tell them to wait for me. I'm coming"

Jungkook nods before giving him a thumbs-up, "Thank you, hyung!"

—

"Woah, this place is .. crowded", Hoseok chimed in, throwing his arms around Namjoon's shoulder as they stepped into the restaurant. Namjoon wants to bat it away, as it pressed his sweater to his skin that had been prickling uncomfortably because of his fever. But he's too lazy to do it.

" Don't worry, we had booked a secluded place", Seokjin says from behind.

Taehyung walks alongside Namjoon as they all walk to their table. Taehyung grabs the chair closest to the door before he sits down, while Jimin sits beside Taehyung. He scoots closer to Jungkook in the corner, as Yoongi takes the seat directly across from Jimin and beside Namjoon. Seokjin and Hoseok settle on the remaining orders, and Namjoon orders the same dish as Jungkook and Seokjin. Sashimi. It suits for dinner as it's not too heavy but enough to make him full. The waiter leaves as soon as their order comes. Namjoon lets out a breath as he relaxes.

They were having a nice meal, talking, and laughing. Namjoon can see that they're having fun. And the food is nice. He even got three servings, hoping that eating more could somehow drown out the pain in his stomach.

It was just as he finished his third plate when he felt an odd sense of pain in his tummy, and for some reason, the sashimi tasted funny too. He glanced at Seokjin and Jungkook. They seem fine, munching happily. He shrugs, maybe it's only his tongue messing with him. He had been felt off the whole day anyway.

He decided to just let it go. He'll think about it later.

—

"Hyung", Jungkook calls him when they are seated on the couch, everyone was retreating to their room. Ready to go to sleep.

" Hm?" Namjoon hums, not opening his eyes. He's tired. He's full. It feels like energy just sucked out of his body. And he could feel his fever going worse too.

"Um, are you feeling fine?", Namjoon tilts his head, looking at the younger with a frown, "What?"

"I mean. The sashimi .. it was fine, right?", Jungkook bites his lip, fiddling with his fingers. His eyes were wide, afraid of what Namjoon would say.

"What?", Namjoon blinks, "Yeah. Yes, it was".

"Oh."

Namjoon opens his mouth. Then closes it.

"Then maybe my tongue is just being funny", Jungkook said. A slight grin on his face. It looks more forced than usual. " Okay then I will get ready for bed, hyung. Go to bed soon, you look tired,", he adds, giving a squeeze on Namjoon's shoulder before he retreats to his and Namjoon’s shared bathroom.

Namjoon looks at the younger's retreating figure before looking at his hands. There is a dull pain in his stomach which started to hurt right after Jungkook asked him that. He doesn't like that. And he doesn't like the suspicion that comes after.

He stands up, heading towards his bedroom. Freshens his body and downing a Pepto-bismol along with some fever medicine that Seokjin bought a few months ago.

Maybe, it was just him being paranoid—in addition to his off-ish body the whole day.

It will be fine after he sleeps. Right?

—  — 

Night One:

(written by spence-sickfics)

Jungkook hadn’t been able to go to sleep until almost midnight. It seemed all the other boys had agreed on going to bed early, as everyone was most likely preparing for another long day at the studio. Jungkook, however, was too uncomfortable to sleep. Uncomfortable, mostly in his head. A nagging worry about Namjoon’s quietness throughout the day. Another worry, that the sashimi tasted kind of off. A bigger worry, maybe that Namjoon was sick or hurt and that’s why he ate so much. After knowing the leader for ten years, Jungkook was familiar with Namjoon’s tendencies to conceal any sort of discomfort he felt physically. And Jungkook also knew that the leader liked to eat a lot at meals that he didn’t want to talk at. To keep his mouth busy, probably. Maybe Namjoon was sick from the sort of strange-tasting sashimi? No, that didn’t make sense. He was acting weird before that. And if that was true, then both Jungkook and Seokjin should be sick by now. Come to think of it, though, Jungkook was noticing a dull ache in his belly as the hours ticked by.

Speaking of the hours, he’d lost track of time by around eleven pm. Namjoon was asleep in bed beside him by that point, in fact, he assumed everyone was asleep except for him. Jungkook had tried to go to sleep for around thirty minutes, but to no avail as the pain in his upper stomach grew. He’d taken a single painkiller at around 10pm, going back to bed and looking at his phone. But whatever he had taken wasn’t doing much to cover up the twisting sensation he experienced. He’d been able to distract himself, though, dully scrolling through social media and wishing he could fall asleep. He wondered if it’s what Namjoon had been feeling like every night recently, he’d overhead Seokjin and Yoongi expressing concerns for the leader’s insomnia. Whatever it was, though, Jungkook was able to fall asleep upon taking the painkiller. It hadn’t done much, but it had fogged up his brain enough to let his worries fade away.

Jungkook woke up again at around two in the morning, to a sharper stabbing pain in his stomach that made tears well up in his eyes. He sat up quickly, placing and arm over his middle and realized how sick he felt. His stomach looked horribly bloated, it felt like the contents were fighting to get out and it was making too much noise. He felt nauseous, not in a particularly heavy way, but more the feeling of disgusting sickness. He felt Namjoon stir, but not wake next to him. Jungkook needed his hyung’s comfort badly, but didn’t want to wake up Namjoon as he knew how tired he must be. His stomach was rolling as he let a quiet burp escape him and moaned quietly, putting his head in his hands. He hiccuped, and a wave of vomit splashed in the back of his throat. Before he could even process what was really going on, Jungkook clamped a hand over his mouth and ran out of the room, into his and Jimin’s shared bathroom. At that point, he bent over the sink and let the surge of vomit come out from his mouth. He winced at the sight of barely-digested sashimi. It must have been bad, he thought before his stomach cramped and he was sent into another wave of throwing up. He kept feeling his throat constricting with gags, feeling fearful for a minute until he felt a warm hand on his back and saw the lights turn on.

“You’re okay, Kook,” Namjoon whispered, his voice hoarse from sleep. Jungkook panted, then turned on the water to wash the sink out. “You all done?” Namjoon asked, and Jungkook nodded. He still felt terrible. Lucid. He knew he didn’t have a fever and he didn’t feel like throwing up again but his stomach was killing him.

“Yeah, sorry Joon, I just feel really sick all of the sudden. I think it was the sashimi. Do you feel sick too?” Jungkook asked as Namjoon guided him to a seated position on the ground together.

Namjoon swallowed, and Jungkook saw how pale the older looked. “No, not really,” Namjoon said lowly. His words were punctuated by a low gurgle from his stomach, and Namjoon paled further.

“That didn’t sound ‘not really sick’, Joon,” Jungkook offered.

“Yeah, says you,” Namjoon mumbled, “Worry about yourself.” Namjoon hadn’t meant to come off so sharp, but being distracted from what he felt like was his job to take care of Jungkook was the worst. The pain in his stomach had gotten worse too, making him more irritable and a sense of nausea was now bothering him too.

Jungkook frowned. “I’m sorry, hyung.” He looked sad to be scolded, and Namjoon instantly felt terrible for speaking to him in such a way. He wanted to apologize, but he felt nausea rising in his chest along with the guilt. He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a gag and he leaned over the toilet, shutting his eyes tight and breathing heavily while waiting for it to come. Jungkook’s eyes went wide before he went over to put a hand on Namjoon’s back, and patted gently as vomit came rushing out of Namjoon’s mouth and splashed into the toilet. His body was shaking badly, likely a product of fever. It looked more than painful.

Jungkook felt himself get nauseous again just watching Namjoon and had to stand up before gagging again and throwing up a bit more into the sink. Namjoon was heaving, probably too loudly to hear Jungkook getting sick anyways. When Jungkook was done, he returned to Namjoon, who finished up a few seconds later after a few quiet dry retches.

“Namjoon,” Jungkook whispered, “Shit, you are sick. Lay down, please.” Namjoon obliged and lay as far as he could, upper body resting on the edge of the bathtub and hands over his face.

“Jungkook, can you please get Hoseok or something? I feel awful,” Namjoon admitted and Jungkook looked at him. His stomach was bloated, face pale and sweaty. He looked awful, and Jungkook almost said yes. But he was suddenly feeling really nauseous again, and his stomach was hurting worse.

“Uhm, I’m not sure if I can--huhghh--” Jungkook tried to speak but was cut off by a violent gag as he went back to the sink and threw up again, more undigested food pouring out in a thick stream from his stomach. It was Namjoon this time to stand up shakily and put a much-too-warm hand on the younger’s back, still feeling feverish but wanting to help Jungkook badly. He rubbed the back gently, until Jungkook was reduced to dry gags. His face felt sweaty as Namjoon pulled back the overgrown black hair into a ponytail to avoid getting it stuck in vomit. Namjoon’s hands were shaking badly, and Jungkook swore he could feel the body heat radiating from the older.

“Ughh, Namjoon, I’m so sorry,” Jungkook muttered, sliding a hand up under his shirt to put on his stomach, “My stomach hurts so bad, hyung.” He turned around to look at Namjoon, who still looked pale. Eyes half-shut, not able to pay attention to whatever Jungkook was saying. The singer gently placed a hand on Namjoon’s forehead and frowned when he felt how warm it was. “Oh, gosh, hyung, you feel warm.” Namjoon hummed in agreement, opening his eyes slightly. Jungkook was unsure what to do, still feeling sick himself when he saw Taehyung walk through the door. His eyes were puffy from sleep, but he could still see the situation at hand and was concerned immediately.

“Jungkook-ah? Namjoon-ah? Are you guys sick?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

Jungkook nearly cried from relief. “I was sick a couple times, and he was too, I think he has a fever, thank you for coming, Tae.”

“Huh? Why are you sick? How is Namjoon even standing up, his eyes are closed?” Taehyung’s brain was too foggy from sleep.

“I think the sashimi, but maybe Namjoon-hyung was sick from something else too, he has a fever. He’s falling asleep right now, at first he was holding me up but now I’m holding him up, as you can see.” Jungkook responded, and cleared his throat. “Can you please get him some fever medicine? I can’t take care of him, my stomach still feels so sick.”

“Yeah, of course, please lay him down for a second. He needs some rest. I’m gonna get some medicine, and, uh...Seokjin-hyung. I’ll get him too. You don’t have a fever?” Taehyung responded.

“No, I feel really awake and lucid actually. My head is clear, it’s just my stomach, which --” he paused to inhale shakily as a worse cramp wracked his stomach “--could you get some medicine for, please?” Jungkook said.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be right back.” Taehyung left the room. Jungkook spoke gently to Namjoon.

“Hey, let’s sit down for a second, Joon. Just rest a little and we’re gonna give you some medicine,” he said. Namjoon nodded and sat down, resting his back on the wall. His eyes were open, but glossy and not really looking at anything in particular. “Gosh, Namjoon, it really seems like throwing up made you so much groggier, yeah?” Jungkook tried to joke, but no response. Namjoon just closed his eyes slightly. Jungkook frowned in worry and felt the leader’s forehead again. Somehow, it felt warmer than before. And crap, he’d forgotten to ask Taehyung to bring a thermometer. He’d probably remember it anyway, though. And Jungkook was looking forward to nothing more than being able to rest. He could still feel the cramps twisting in his stomach, and he’d been able to bear through them for the past few minutes but now he wasn’t sure if he could do it anymore. He was beginning to feel sicker by the second, too. His lower stomach was churning as well, and it felt almost like there was a rock sitting in his stomach. He wanted to feel better so badly. His fingers played with his small ponytail, as they always did when he got anxious. The worst part of this was he knew what food poisoning felt like. He knew that this would last much longer than just a few hours, and he hated nothing more than feeling sick and useless. He needed more than anything a few cuddles from Taehyung once he got Seokjin taking care of Namjoon. Jungkook sighed to himself as he thought about it. A cuddle and a stomach rub from Taehyung was the best thing he could possibly imagine. Just a few more minutes.

A few minutes went faster than Jungkook predicted, and it felt like no time had passed when Taehyung came through the door again, followed by Yoongi this time. Jungkook stood up, “Tae, why is Yoongi here? I thought you were going to get Seokjin,” Jungkook asked.

Taehyung shook his head. “Yoongi said that Seokjin was complaining that his stomach hurt really badly before he went to bed. He ate the sashimi too, so he’s probably sick.” Taehyung paused. “Jungkook, let me take you to my room and get back to bed. You look really pale.”

Jungkook nodded. “Be gentle with him though, Yoongi, he’s so tired.” Yoongi nodded in understanding and kneeled down close to Namjoon as Taehyung helped Jungkook stand up. They were halfway out the door before Yoongi spoke.

“Taehyung. He has a fever of nearly 101 degrees (38.5 celsius). Should I call the staff?” Taehyung turned back around.

“101 isn’t too high. Just let me know if it gets worse. I’m bringing Jungkook to my room, and since I don’t have a roommate right now we won’t wake anyone up. You should bring Namjoon back to your and Seokjin’s bed. Keep an eye on them both, okay?” Taehyung responded, still gently using his hands to stabilize Jungkook.

“Sounds good,” Yoongi said, and Taehyung walked off with Jungkook. "Come on, Kook-ah. Let's get you to rest, hm?"

Yoongi kneels down as well in front of Namjoon who looks in pain, brushing his damp hair slightly, “Joon-ah, let’s rest too?”

#bts sickfic #bts emeto #tw emeto #tw vomit #sick!namjoon #sick!jungkook #caretaker!taehyung #caretaker!yoongi #ryu's collab first part

[burntmcnuggies]

My Sweet Love

Dabi x Sweet Reader

Request: Hey!💗Сan I, please, have a girlfriend for Dabi who likes sweets? Candy, cakes, berries, stuff like that. And she always leaves some sweets for Dabi, because she knows that he will come to her apartment, even if she is not at home. And basically she leaves quite a lot of food for him. Thank you💗

warnings: none, just a fluffy story with a bit of angst at the end inspired by the latest manga chapters! Also my apologies for making it a bit angsty, I was in a mood haha

Word Count: 2.8K

There they were again.

The endless amount of sweets stacked upon the kitchen table for the flame-quirked villain.

Why you left so many sweets out for him was beyond his own comprehension. He couldn't even understand why you weren't a human cupcake by now with how many sweets you’d been leaving him lately. He's seen those videos you’ve shown him of 'is it cake?' and sadly watched people stab each other with forks or some other stupid shit. He's warned you before that if you ever approached him with a fork, he would burn you to a crisp. A sigh escaped his soft and wrinkly lips once he noticed there wasn't any real food around for him. The ebony-haired villain approached the pile of sweets for him, carefully picking up the small little note beside it, cringing at the silly nickname he loved but hated at the same time.

'Hey dabeebee! I left you some sweets because you are the sweetest thing in my life! :3 I know you'll probably complain looking for real food, I have hidden all of it outside just for you! If you want soba I left a pot out on the stove for you to use and put some water in it.

I love you so much dabeebee! <3

~(Y/N) : )

"Cheesy little shit..." He mumbled, searching around for some cheap booze. Of course, you had none in your possession, judging by you were only 21 and an innocent cautious adult. He sighed and finally stumbled upon a pack of instant ramen, forgetting the pot for soba on the stove deeming it too much work. He put it in the microwave and heated it up, watching the little plastic cup spin around. He took it out and slurped the noodles in the cup, savoring the flavor in his mouth. The heated food made his whole body slump in relaxation. Working for the league was tiring, and he’d lazily complained multiple times to you about it. He’d groan Shigaraki was being a spoiled little child, and get angry when he was forced to work with Geten. Ever since he came to you after their first battle, he had despised the ice-user.

Winter was when he became the most sensitive. Emotionally.

For whatever reason the villain would come visit you more often in the winter, struggling to concentrate whenever he was with you. It was like his mind was somewhere else, somewhere that made him sad. Hot cocoa always cheered him up in the slightest, something warm to melt the ice slowly starting to grow around his heart. Every time he saw you though, it all melted already, your soft voice and gentle touches taking away his pain. You were too sweet. “Stupid idiot...” He mumbled and finished his little cup of instant ramen. He strolled lazily up the stairs, a blank look on his face as he approached the door to your room. He stopped in front of the door and looked inside, pleased with the sight of you sleeping peacefully, unaware of his presence.

He stared at blankly, not a single thought running through his head as he began to shed his blemished jacket, letting it fall to the floor. Next came his shirt, pulling it over his head to reveal more of the scarred flesh everyone always claimed to be disgusting. He easily removed his boots and pants, only left in his boxers. Pulling the covers back slightly, he eased himself into bed beside you, turquoise eyes burning holes into your slumbering form. His hand reached out towards your face, gently caressing it with what little was left of his humanity instead of scarred dead skin. “I hate you.” He whispered, not even bothering to speak the words he knew you already knew. A smile graced your lips feeling his touch, instantly knowing it was your lover due to the warmth radiating off of him.

His unspoken words lingered in the air as he pulled you closer towards him, refusing to let you go.

‘I hate you, because I love you so much.’

——

When you woke up and found Dabi in your bed, you couldn’t help but smile ear to ear seeing your handsome boyfriend snuggled against you. He barely got any good sleep, so you wanted him to sleep as long as he could. He was a light sleeper, like extremely light. He briefly mentioned something in his past always kept him alert and on edge, having problems with insomnia and pain. You weren’t stupid. You knew the aspect of Dabi’s powerful quirk, and how much spreads through his body when he over uses his terrifying flames. Carefully easing yourself out of bed, kissing his head very very softly, you tip-toed down to the kitchen to see if Dabi had eaten any of your little experiments.

They were all sadly still there.

“Damnit! If he doesn’t eat something then I won’t know what to get him for his birthday... it’s in a couple days...” You announced to yourself, sighing heavily. It was true, putting the candy out was to get Dabi to reveal what kind of candy he liked, or flavor of cake, anything to give you the slightest hint on what he would enjoy! That was why you hid the food, you were hoping he would settle and eat what he wanted to. That wasn’t the case. “Tonight I’ll put some cake slices out and label them... maybe then! Maybe then he’ll choose one!” A sweet smile spread across your lips, putting all the candy away and putting all the normal food back. All the while unaware of a pair of ears that had been listening the whole time.

——

Dabi left early that morning, going off to do some villainous work before he approached your house in the middle of the night. It was around at least 2am when he arrived. His body ached, skin burning and smoking. Today had been especially rough, but the cool air that gently blew against his hot skin made him feel better. But the aching in his heart made him feel all the more hot with rage and anger. His memories plagued his mind briefly before he remembered what laid waiting for him at your house. That’s right. It was his birthday in a couple days. And the extremeness of your efforts was to figure out once and for all what his favorite sweet was. He just wasn’t a fan of sweets and preferred spicy foods.

“That idiot. Always such a hassle. Possibly worse than that crusty bastard.” He mumbled to himself, rubbing his scarred up neck gently. He didn’t understand himself how he could love someone who’s blood was probably 100% sugar and had a personality sweeter than that. He found your spare key easily, slipping the key into the lock and letting himself inside. As per usual, there were sweets on the table, cake to be exact. There were 5 different slices laid out, each labeled. He approached the neatly cut slices, bright pink flowery post it notes under them.

Vanilla! :D

Chocolate! :D

Red Velvet! :D

Lemon! :D

Cheesecake! :D

‘Good morning Dabeebee! :3

I’m sure it’s like past 1am or 2 or something, so good morning! I hope your day was okay <3 I missed you! I didn’t hide the food this time because you still found it last time! >:( But please try these cake slices! I made them all myself! I loooooove you! >///<

~(Y/N) :)

The dark haired villain rolled his eyes, sighing heavily as he shrugged off his heavy navy coat. He hung it up lazily so he wouldn’t make a mess or wake you and crossed his arms staring at the slices. His turquoise eyes observed each slice, lips set in a firm line as he thought about the textures and icing. His calloused hands grabbed onto the metal of a fork, hoping it wouldn’t melt at the heat his body was still emitting from his hard “work” of the day. A bite of each would be sure to satisfy you right? He dove the fork into the first slice, chocolate, and carefully placed the spongy sweet into his mouth. He recoiled. ‘It’s too sweet.’

As Dabi continued trying the sweets, the vanilla/yellow cake was probably his favorite, but he still didn’t want a cake. He didn’t really want anything for his birthday. Well, maybe to be dead, but that seemed unrealistic now. He sat down on the couch, mind now becoming hazy and foggy with depressing thoughts. His hands clasped together, blunt nails slowly digging into the top parts of his hands that weren’t scarred. The stables began to burn, almost like the first time they were in. His hands grew shaky, eyes blankly staring at the ground in a horrific daze. He didn’t even notice the way his breathing had turned unstable. The scars increased in heat, even though there were no more flames there to hurt him. His hazy eyes cast upwards and his whole entire world almost shattered.

The villain shot up and punched the TV in front of him as hard as he could, beating the screen senseless, panicking as he tried to rid his brain of the reflection that glared back at him. The mere sight and thought of red flames coming near him made his stomach sick with anxiety and fear, especially in the safety of your home. His eyes began to burn with tears, but sadly his tear ducts burned almost with his sanity a long time ago. His fists became bloody and bruised, body becoming numb to the sound of his name being called loudly. As soon as a hand made contact with his arm, he jerked around and swung at whatever had touched him, fearing the worst. That was when his heart shattered, eyes wide in fear once he realized he had just knocked you down to the floor.

“(Y/N)? Ah, shit.” He quickly kneeled down beside you and raised his shaky hands, scared to even touch you. There was a large mark on the side of your cheek, tears already built up in your eyes. Dabi’s chest heaved in and out heavily, eyes burning hard as blood leaked from under his stapled skin. Choked and held in sobs racked through his body like thunder. It hurt so much, it hurt that he couldn’t cry, it hurt to have a constant reminder of his past, reminders of his failure, and it hurt to know that he was unwanted and incapable of being loved by another human being. People saw him as a monster, a freak with no heart.

“You’ve failed me as a son, it’d been better if you weren’t even born.”

He let out a loud cry for help, even though the words never came from his mouth, the simple scream of pain was enough to convey his silent plea. His heart, his eyes, his skin, his stomach, his head, his chest, his lungs, everything hurt, a pain he couldn’t handle by himself. “FUCK!!” He shouted, blood dripping onto the floor with the crack of his broken voice. His whole body recoiled and flinched once he felt your soft hands gently caressing his scarred forearm. Why weren’t you leaving? Why weren’t you yelling at him? Why didn’t you hit him back? Why did you take his small abuse so quietly just like he did? Why were you just silently comforting him in the smallest way? “(Y/N)-“

“Shh, it’s okay now Dabi.” He flinched at your voice, firm yet soft, unwavering, no fear or disgust present at all. Just a loving tone for your significant other. Your hands gently pushed his forearms away from him, and you pulled him Into a tight hug, head buried into his neck. “There’s no need to cry, or fear anything... I’m here, Dabi... it’s okay... I’ve got you, honey.” His eyes widened at your sugary words, comforting him even though he’d just hit you. He inhaled your scent, shaking hands slowly resting against your back, squeezing you close with blood still dripping from his scarred cheeks. “Shh... there, there sweetheart, I’ve got you, and I’m never going to let you go okay...? I love you, Dabeebee.”

Love.

Such a big word you throw around so carelessly with him. Hearing such words always made him feel warm and happy inside. Something he missed out on, and had never experienced until he met you. Your poor excuse to cheer him up worked only a little, when he mumbled out an insult. “You’re so fuckin’ stupid you know that? I’m honestly shocked you’re still alive and I haven’t incinerated you yet...” His meaningless insults warmed your heart, your Dabi was slowly coming back. You ignored the harsh stinging of your cheek and focused solely on Dabi, and making him feel better. His breathing was slowly calming down, sniffling and wiping the blood that leaked from his abused burnt up tear ducts. “Do you feel better, Dabeebee?”

“What a stupid question to ask.” He mumbled and pulled away, composing himself briefly before he stared at you longingly. His beautiful turquoise eyes linger to your cheek stained red and he felt his heart break all over again. “Fuck, I’m... fuck I’m sorry... I’m so sorry, (Y/N).” Now that was a rare sight to see, the Dabi apologizing to you? The man who swore to take out the super human society, the man who taunts heroes and kills, apologizing to you? A lowly civilian with a mediocre quirk not good enough to be recognized by society. “This isn’t like you, Dabi... what’s wrong my love? Does it have something to do with your birthday?” He didn’t reply, turquoise eyes just staring down at the floor with a dull gleam. It answered your question as you continued. “I’m sorry... you should’ve told me.”

“Shut up you sweet-loving psycho. It happens every year... this year’s just especially worse.” The villain lowly mumbled as he embraced you. The house was silent for a moment, the only sound that could be heard was the wind rustling outside and the heater turning back and forth. He finally spoke up after his racing heart had calmed. “...I promise, I’ll tell you everything one day. Now isn’t the right time.” That sent a small pang to your heart, after 2 years of dating and he still didn’t open up to you about his past. But god did you still love him with all of your heart. He slowly pulled his blood soaked face away from you, touching the streaks of irony red that flowed from his patchy purple scars. The next thing you knew his eyes were locked with yours, staring intently as if you were the only thing in the world to him. “Just know I won’t let anyone hurt you. I’ll burn them alive and see them in hell to kick their ass again. You’re... the first person to ever see me this vulnerable. Be lucky.”

You smiled. “That’s my Dabi...” Once your lips locked gently with his, the night faded away. Dabi held you tightly in his arms, not wanting to let you go, not wanting to let you slip through his fingers. His heart was still eating him alive at what he had done to you. He had never loved anyone more than he loved you. No one else would’ve accepted him, stayed with him, appreciated his company, love the way he looked even though he hated himself, and loved him for who he was. You didn’t see the evil in his heart, only the pain and rage that wouldn’t stop surfacing.

He hated doing this to you.

The city was in a panic, all evacuated from the Dangerous parts that villains had raided. Dabi had made sure you were somewhere where no one could hurt you. He’d told you to visit your parents a bit farther in Japan, promising he’d return. Of course your protested with a pout, you always did. He loved that too, always wanting to spend time with him. The inky black drops of dye fell off his naturally red hair stained white. His turquoise eyes burned with rage and excitement as he stared down at the man who’d ruined his life. He thought back to you, how you were witnessing his confession, his pain in the television, learning his identity. It hurt to not be there to comfort you, but he needed to do this. He was just happy he’d told you before he ended everything. To finally have closure in his heart.

His staples burned again, blood slowly falling from his scared skin.

*static*

“Now that you all know the truth...” His eyes locked with the camera. “I love you (Y/N). My Sweet Lover.” A pure loving smile. “Ill see you again.”

*static*

#dabi x reader #dabi fluff #touya todoroki #dabi is touya #dabi angst #my hero academia #slight spoilers #dabi #mha dabi #bnha dabi #dabi bnha #boku no hero x reader

[giorno-plays-piano]

Not good enough

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, implied stalking and kidnapping, kinda home invasion, reader is struggling with anxiety.

Words: 2055.

Summary: The stranger you had been texting for a few months is worried about you not taking care of yourself.

P.S. Yes, some more soft!dark!Steve because I need it 😣

__________________

“Tell me you love me.” 

Rubbing your eyes and trying to wake up, you stared at the screen of your cellphone, reading the message Cap sent you at 3 am. You hadn’t heard from him during last two weeks, but you knew it had something to do with his job, as always. Even if it wasn’t though, it was none of your business. He was just a stranger you had been texting for the last few months.

“Good morning, Captain.”

You hit the send button and sat in bed, yawning and stretching. You still felt exhausted, but mornings were always much better than evenings. Then you typed one more message, thinking whether the man (you supposed he was a man) had time to sleep tonight.

“I love you.”

Watching the three dots appearing on the screen, you realized he probably had insomnia or was forced to go to work despite returning late. You smiled, waiting for his reply before finally leaving your bed and absentmindedly dropping your phone on the desk when you headed to the shower. When you returned with a big white towel wrapped around you, you saw three more messages - Captain wasn’t really patient, but you couldn’t blame him for that.

“I love you too, little star.”

“How have you been doing? Are you taking good care of yourself?”

“I missed you.”

Your lips curled in a smile when you read all his messages. No, you weren’t taking good care of yourself, but you could do little about it. Your anxiety and panic attacks were still making your life pretty difficult. Well, not that Captain needed to know about it, considering he probably had a handful of his own problems just like everybody else.

You didn’t reply him right away, getting dressed first and applying some makeup before heading to the kitchen with a phone in your hand. Despite being hungry, you didn’t have strength to cook something, so you simply cracked two eggs into pan and turned the stove on, proceeding to make yourself some coffee after that. You were still proud you started eating any breakfast at all.

As you finally settled, a plate with fried eggs in front of you, your phone buzzed again.

“Please send me photo of your breakfast, honey.”

You laughed at that but did as he asked you before proceeding to eat. A part of you was happy at least someone still cared. Sure, sometimes Cap could be a bit weird and maybe even controlling, but he was the only one who wanted to see what you ate, not your naked boobs or ass. This was probably one of the reasons why you still kept in touch with him after all those months.

“No fruits or vegetables? This is not good. Your doctor wanted you to eat better.”

True, you thought, sipping your coffee. You couldn’t tell Cap you just had no strength to go shopping because he definitely wouldn’t like it. You simply needed to get yourself together and order delivery this evening after returning from work.

“I’m sorry, Captain. I’ll try to do better.” You sent him after finishing the plate.

“Are you alright, little star?”

No, you weren’t. But he didn’t need to know that.

“I am, thank you. I hope you are alright, too.”

With that you left your empty plate and cup in the sink, heading to the hallway and grabbing you bag before leaving for work. With or without Captain, it was just one more useless day you had to get through.

The office was busy with people making thousand phone calls, talking to each other about that new marketing campaign or a contract with an advertisement agency or what they brought today for lunch. This constant noise didn’t bother you anymore as you sat at your desk and put on your headphones - you didn’t have to deal with people as your job was to finish that damn sales report you’d been struggling yesterday and the day before. If only your boss was willing to buy a better software, you’d be done in a matter of two hours the most, but the man was the cheapest cheapskate you had ever met. 

Well, you were grateful to have a job, anyway.

“Are you taking your meds?” Cap probably had the day off today as he kept messaging you again.

“I do. Thank you for asking.”

He was really lucky he didn’t need any, though, of course, you didn’t know whether he lied or not. You knew well some people weren’t comfortable talking about such private things. Actually, you weren’t either, but Cap had somehow gotten pretty close to you comparing to all those strangers you were talking on the web from time to time. You knew you had no reason to trust him, yet again he had no reason to gain anything from it. You were no one. You had no money, no valuable possessions, no network, nothing special at all. You were just one more no one.

In fact, Cap was the only one generally interested in you and your wellbeing, and it was the one and only reason you kept messaging him despite his long absences. You suspected he had some kind of a hero complex because you had no other explanation whatsoever. 

“Thank you for everything, Captain. I really missed you.”

“I’m glad you did, little star.”

With that you hid your phone in your bag and tried concentrating on those endless numbers in Excel columns. Your eyes were already hurting from just a quick look on the report.

By the end of the day you were totally drained again, barely having strength to take a ride home. Did you promise yourself to order food from the nearest store? Nope, not today. You thought you couldn’t even lift your finger when you threw your bag to the floor along with your shoes and went to lay on the couch, not even taking off your clothes. It felt like you ran a marathon - despite the fact you weren’t doing any sports for at least a year, your body failing to engage in whatever activity but just get you moving from one place to the other.

Captain once mentioned he needed to be in a pretty good form to keep doing his job, and you were a bit jealous. You really wanted to be able to just wake up and not feel like you were working the whole night, so remembering him talking about jogging in the morning was making you jealous. Why couldn’t you have what he had? 

“I feel like you’re not completely honest with me, honey.”

You barely smiled, looking at your phone. Cap was always so perceptive.

“I’m sorry. I’m not good, but I’m trying my best.”

“I know you do. Can I help you? Do you need money?”

Huffing, you rubbed your nose. It wasn’t the first time he offered to help you, though you had never accepted this kind of help. You felt like it would make you obliged to him, and you wanted none of that. 

“No, thank you, Captain. You’re too nice, you know? I’m worried someone will eventually take advantage of you.”

“I promise to be careful.”

Laughing, you got up and went to your room: you never knew whether he was joking or dead serious. Captain admitted once he just didn’t get how to use emojis. Thinking of him writing something like “I’m too old for all this”, you burst out laughing again.

“Are you sure I can’t help?”

“Yes, thank you. You’re already helping me. Sometimes I don’t even know why you keep doing it since I’m not the most responsive person on the Internet.”

“Because I love you.”

Dropping your phone to the bed, you just pushed your face into your pillow. You wished he was serious, but your knew he wasn’t. Anyway, who would? He had never even seen or met you. Only teenagers believed they could truly love some strange dude they’d been talking to on Twitter.

You wished there was someone, anyone, who would be by your side. Maybe then it would be easier to go through all this and finally recover. However, you couldn’t be sure Captain was as good as you pictured him. It could be all a lie.

Forgetting to take your meds again, you drifted off to sleep still wearing your suit. It was only 7 pm, and you were so tired as if you were carrying rocks on your back the whole day. 

Nonetheless, you weren’t given time to sleep properly - in an hour you woke up from your door chime ringing and hurried so much you almost fell of your bed. Damn. Who could it be? You didn’t remember inviting anyone. Hell, you didn’t even have anyone who would want to visit you now. 

Forgetting about how you looked in your wrinkled suit and blouse, you ran to the door, opening it without even checking who had come. It must have been a mistake, you thought. Or could it be your neighbor who came to talk to you about something?

But it wasn’t an elderly man who lived in the apartment next to yours. It was someone else. Someone you only saw on TV and a few promotional posters you stumbled upon in the subway.

“Hello.”

Steve Rogers smiled at you as you struggled to understand whether you were still sleeping or awake. Steve Rogers? Captain America? At you door? Oh, you should have taken your meds.

Staring at him with your mouth half open, you couldn’t utter a single word. It just didn’t feel real, you thought when he watched you with such kind expression it could make you cry. Why was he here? What for? Looking at him glowing with a euphoric grin on his face, you suddenly realized you were still dressed in that suit, and your makeup was probably smeared by now. Damn, what a great coincidence.

“Why are you looking at me like that, little star?” The man asked joyfully, entering your apartment and almost pushing you away, a big grocery bag in his hand. “Are you alright?”

Little star. It was a username you had when you started texting Cap a few months ago. You had changed it multiple times after that, but he always called you that, saying it really suited you. But how did Steve Rogers know about that, and, more importantly, why would he need to know that?

Cap. Captain. Captain America.

Oh shit.

“It can’t be.” You muttered, gripping your phone in your hand. “This just can’t be happening.”

Watching the man smiling at you, you felt nauseated and starting slowly losing control over your body, sliding onto the floor. Captain left the bag full of fruits and veggies immediately to help you to stay on your feet and guide you to the couch. Feeling his strong muscular arms holding you carefully, you started chewing your lips: apparently, Steve Rogers standing in the middle of your living room was real, and your meds weren’t at fault.

“You’re making me worried.” The man said as he helped you lay down on the couch and loomed over you, watching your face. “I see you’re not taking care of yourself at all. Do you want a glass of water? Do I need to call the doctor?”

You shook your head, staring at the hero intently while he bowed lower, touching your forehead with his lips.

“No fever, that’s good.” He mumbled and made you open your eye wide, then got back a little, giving you space. “I know you’re not talking your medication properly. Little star, this is no good.”

“How did you find me?’ You whispered, rubbing your eyes and smearing what was left your makeup completely.

Steve smiled. “It’s not as hard as you think, but you shouldn’t worry about it. I hope you are sorry for lying to me all this time.”

“W-what?”

“I see you can’t look after yourself like you should. Don’t worry, I’m not mad. I know it’s very hard for you, so I’ll be taking care of you instead. Give me just a minute to gather your belongings, dear.”

With that he smiled again and disappeared in your room as you stared at the ceiling in horror.

You certainly should have taken your meds.

_____________________

Tags: @finleyjayne​​​ @alexakeyloveloki​​​   @helenaeisenhower​​​ @villanellevi​​​ @hurricanerin​​​ @void-hoechlin​​​ @abyssaint​​​ @heeeyitskay​​ @chris-evans-indian-fanfic​​​ @navegandoaciegas​​​ @rosalynshields​​​ @brattycherubwrites​​​ @sllooney​​​ @angrythingstarlight​​​ @lovelydarkdaydream​​​ @soleil-dor​​​ @lookiamtrying​​ @buckysbunny​​ @stargazingfangirl18​​

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #dark steve rogers x reader #dark steve rogers #yandere #captain america #mcu #mcu fanfiction

[darkacademicfrom2021]

Away. So, so far away.

<<Previous part Masterlist Next part>>

Warnings: fuckin' angst, arguing, alcohol.

Word count: 3,3K

2

“This is just where I draw the line, you know?”, you said to Bucky over your fifth drink. He was still sipping from that goddamn bottle of beer, as if one more drink would make him talk more. You appreciated his silence, but sometimes he was just unnecessarily quiet. You needed a friend to bitch about your in-laws and he kept staring, and staring, and —fucking staring like a mannequin. If he wouldn’t stare so much, you would even say he was shy. “I can’t believe they actually will reject me over not being a good companion for the King because I wouldn’t carry his child. Do you understand how obscenely sexist and, just… plain gross, that is?”.

“He is a prince, after all”.

“They just don’t like me. They raised Loki making him think he’ll be King, then they stripped it away, and now they did just the same and blame it on a stupid reason like I wouldn’t want to have kids. It’s idiotic, right? Besides, I’ll live much less than him. He could just be with me a while, then I die and then he gets someone else who would want his kids. It’s not that hard”.

“Damn”, he muttered. “You do have a lot to say about them, don’t you?”.

“You’re supposed to be my friend here”.

“I thought Tony Stark played that role for you”, he chuckled. “He’s all about playing roles, isn’t he? The hero, the playboy, the genius… I wonder what of them all he really is”.

“Oh, so you do have opinions”.

“Fuck you”.

“No thanks, I don’t like me that much”.

He laughed loudly. In comparison to every laugh and chuckle you’ve managed to pull out of him so far, this one was the loudest. You laughed with him. He had a very contagious smile.

“A kid is… too much. When you’re fucked up, you fuck up the kid too. When you don’t want one and have one anyway, the kid senses it. They’re sponges, you know?”, he said, asking the bartender for another round with a hand gesture.

“To be friends with Steve ‘Language’ Rogers, you curse a lot”, you chuckled, and he downed the drink in a few gulps, trying to catch up with your drunken state. “But yes, exactly. It’s not only that I think I’m fucked up, because that’s not the only thing that would stop me. I would have kids and work through not being a shit parent, if I wanted to”.

“But you don’t want to. That’s the point”.

“Yeah. And I’m not sure Loki doesn’t want one either. He joins kids that play in the park and lets them toy with his many different animal forms. He loves playing with babies, most of all. He is an innate dad, and I’m… not. And I feel like I’m depriving him of too much. The throne, the kids… He… he deserves better”, your eyes started watering, and Bucky frowned, awkwardly placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Hey… sometimes things just aren’t meant to be. It’s not that you’re a bad partner. You’re great, for what we all see”, he tried to help you feel better. “It’s just that maybe you’re not meant to be with him. Maybe you need someone who wants the same things that you want”.

“I don’t want anyone other than Loki”, you assured him. He nodded, his eyes still fixed on you as if taking them off would lose your interest. “I’m the problem, I’ll always be”.

“No, you are not”, said the knowingly deep voice that pulled you off your insecurities and brought immediate light to your eyes.

“My Loki!”, you greeted him, cheeks hotter and your hair—so sticky, was it always this sticky?

“My love”, he smiled fondly.

“My fucking God”, Bucky rolled his eyes. Loki didn’t pay any mind to him.

“Come on, little darling. Let’s get you some rest”, he said, placing a hand in the nape of your neck, caressing your skin softly. You got up, and just then realized how drunk you were. All the blood from your body went straight to your head, and grabbed him to not fall down. “How much did they drink?”, he asked Bucky.

Bucky raised his shoulders and pressed his lips in a line.

“A bunch”.

Loki sighed and thanked him for keeping you safe. You walked together from the bar to the parking lot. The lights of the city brimmed over the wet pavement —it had just rained. Shame you were so focused on getting drunk, you would’ve loved to stay under the fat drops.

“How long have you been listening?”, you asked as he clicked your seatbelt on. He sighed and curved his lips in a smile you knew he only used when he lied.

“Not more than the last few words”.

He had obviously listened to it all.

“I’m sorry I keep bitching about it. You really do deserve better”.

“Nonsense. If I wanted kids I would be with someone who wanted them”, he lied again. Was it love, this constant lie? Love sometimes was about keeping your thoughts for yourself. In this case, you weren’t so sure it was. Love wasn’t keeping him from the throne, from kids, from a future he wanted to have. “The only thing I want…”, he started, knowing you would finish the answer.

“...is me, right”, you chuckled. “Can I drive?”.

“Definitely not”.

“Yeah, probably for the best”.

You chuckled, your cheeks reddening at everything and anything. You felt your whole body warm, and wanted more than anything for Loki to place one of his long hands on your thigh —that hot thing he did where he drove with one hand, eyes on the road and half a smirk to your side. Maybe you’ve had too much to drink.

“The thing is, Loki”, you kept talking and he sighed. He didn’t want to listen to you like this. He knew you’d say things you didn’t want him to hear. You never were the kind of drunk that slurred on their words and couldn’t walk straight. You just lacked filters. And you had so, so many filters when sober, that Loki felt like an invasion to listen to you like this. “I know you enough, and I’m afraid you’ll…”.

“Look, love”, he interrupted you, pointing somewhere through the windshield. “That’s your favourite iced yogurt shop, is it not? I’ll get you some, you just wait here in the car, alright?”.

You smiled, looking down to your feet. He got out of the car and in a matter of minutes came back with a package. He drove in silence back home and you didn’t say anything else, understanding the motives behind the iced yogurt stop.

Love was somewhere around listening and not listening. You were too drunk to even think about it now.

You could see it in him. That lit off glitter in his eyes —he could have all of that sweet power he always longed for in the tip of his fingers and he got it stripped away. You could see the grief—no, the anger, the insomnia. Whatever his mother told him, it fucked him up for a whole week, if not more. Maybe he just learnt to hide it better after seven days.

You’d cuddle him to sleep, and when you woke up in the middle of the night because your feet were cold, or your mouth was dry, or your bed felt lonely, he wasn’t there. He left in the middle of the night to be somewhere else, and you couldn’t bring yourself to even ask.

You wandered around the apartment after the first three nights. Looking for him to find it emptier than ever. He wasn’t in any other part of the compound. Not in the common kitchen, the common room, the common anything. Not in his brother’s room, and you didn’t even have to check, but he certainly wasn’t in any other room. He wouldn’t, right?

You went back to bed with a feeling of unease. You didn’t call anyone, didn’t say anyone your lover wasn’t there, because you hoped he’d be there in the morning.

You couldn’t close your eyes until the door opened slowly and Loki sneaked his way back to bed, not realizing you were awake. You pretended to be still asleep, without a clue of his night trip to God knows where. He got undressed. He unfolded the sheets and blankets and wrapped himself around you, planting a kiss on your bare shoulder. His body was cold —so much colder than usual. Externally cold, as if he would’ve been somewhere not even his Jötun skin could keep up with. You sighed in relief, but not so much.

You needed to know if he was wounded. You pretended to turn around in your sleep and passed your hands through his bare chest, as if you were greeting him half asleep. He didn’t seem to realize you were wide awake.

No wounds. Good.

Still cold.

You couldn’t figure it out, and groaned. Loki gasped ever so slightly, and then sighed.

“Awake?”.

You opened your eyes, defeated. His eyes didn’t show guilt. They reflected an emptiness, a treasure that he seemed to have found and lost at the very same hour. Whatever kept him up at night, he went looking for it and now it was gone—and he was disappointed in himself for that. He looked disappointed.

“Where do you go when you leave?”, you whispered. You weren’t accusing him, and he knew. You wanted to know. Not demanding, just asking. If he didn’t want to tell you, you would’ve accepted it. Should you? You would. You felt powerless in these situations, now that he had given everything up for you. You shouldn’t.

He rolled off the bed and sat on his feet, looking down. Only the blue shine of the moon illuminated his features, his body, his sore muscles from all the fighting he has gotten involved into lately —missions, more and more training, verbal fights with everyone and himself included, except you—you were always his exception. Was that a good thing, now? It was. You were sure it was.

“Jötunheim”, he said. The word weighed on his tongue, and he clenched his jaw right after saying it. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I might have ruined everything”.

“What do you mean?”.

“I… I really hope nobody notices. I really hope… Heimdall keeps it to himself. I’ve been rejected, and now the war is all against me. I hope only me”, he muttered, his gaze drifting off everywhere and anywhere. “I hope only me. If I brought you too into this… oh, no”.

“What do you mean, love?”, you asked quietly, firm eye contact on him, grabbing both his arms with so little space left between you. Such a nice comparison with the arm-length grab that still resonated on his shoulders. “What happened?”.

What happened? you asked him, and he thought that’s such a pure and raw form you showed his love to him. You weren’t asking what have you done even if he left all hints that he did wrong. You wouldn’t accuse him of wronging anything or anyone unless he himself would hand you the hard evidence proving that he was wrong. Was that love? Or blindness?

No, you weren’t blind. You understood he was wronging something. You noticed every quirk of his lips and eyebrows when he lied—and you ignored it. You acknowledged every bad he ever did to anyone—and also acknowledged his apologies. You weren’t blind, you didn’t see past it. You saw so much through it, that you understood his motives. And, for you, his motives were always enough.

That, right there, was love, Loki thought.

He was exhausted. All he had to do in there, did it hiding from Heimdall’s eye. And that form of magic left him drained as ever. He was tired from the fights and the bargains, from hiding, from showing himself too much, from having to do so many things and getting none done. He laid on bed and put his head over your abdomen. You caressed a few strands of his almost frozen raven locks, wet with melted snow. His hand trembled ever so slightly.

“Let us sleep and I'll tell you in the morning, alright?”.

When you woke up that next morning, the bed was empty again. But your heart relaxed as soon as you heard the kettle boiling on the small kitchen, a knife hitting against a plate —the sound of the fruit being cut, the bread getting toasted flying over the fire of the stovetop.

You got on your feet and walked there, lingering in the way in. He was barely dressed—a black boxer, that one with the grey lines that made his ass look amazing, a cotton sweater with a lit off tone of blue that made his eyes glow. His hair in a messy low bun that hardly got the curled hairs that fell shamelessly over his face.

He moved his hand and the toasts flew to a plate, right by the fruit. He served the water carefully on the teapot and just as he left it over the countertop again, you reached for his waist and planted a kiss on the nape of his neck.

“Morning, dear”.

“Morning, sweet”.

And there it was—that silence again. It lasted all breakfast, except for the innocuous what will you do today and his voice reading the papers out loud. He didn’t say what he did in Jötunheim but he seemed to remember it vividly. That emptiness in his eyes was now filled with terror. You remember him being terrified at the mention of one name, and one name only. And you were afraid the Mad Titan had something to do with it —once again.

He closed the paper over the table and looked at you fondly. Smiled softly, and grabbed your hands, drawing small circles with his thumbs. A halo of green lights surrounded you two, and you understood he was now hiding from Heimdall, again. He took in a gulp of air and got ready.

“I went to Jötunheim to claim my throne”.

You nodded, unable to hide surprise in your expressions. With raised eyebrows, your lips parted to form a,

“Oh?”.

“I had to take the chance. I messed up”.

“Why?”.

“I got rejected”.

That didn’t seem like it. He never got rejected in these things. He got defeated. He bargained with words and threats and what not more, with all the things he knew how to bargain in these situations, sharp as a knife, sharp as only he could be. He was terrified, of what? What stopped him in place? What froze the frost giant?

“What are you scared of?”, you asked in a whisper.

“They might take something or someone away”.

Freedom. He was scared of getting locked up again. He was scared of getting you away from him. He was scared of a million other things that seemed irrelevant in the face of those two options.

“They can’t lock you up, my love, you’ve done nothing wrong”.

“It’s treason to the crown”.

“Oh”, you nodded. “How would they find out? How are you hiding it?”.

“I spared my share of threats, enough for Laufey’s predecessors to not say a word”, he said lamely, “if they were wiser than they are. They’re a sack of oafs”.

“Alright”, you said, looking out the window. “Seems like there’s not much else for you to do, other than worry”. He sighed and came back to drawing circles in the back of your hands. “Join me on a mission, take your head off these matters”.

He smiled, and kissed your knuckles.

"We'll see".

“You’re being so stubborn”, you sighed, sitting on the couch. “We’ve talked about this over, and over, and over”.

“We talked about things over and over and not even once you have been completely honest”, he said, with that composed facade of him. “Not in this, not in anything”.

“I’m the one not being honest here, now?”, you inquired, looking up at him. He was standing in front of you. He frowned.

“What does that even mean? I’m always honest with you”.

“You’re either dishonest with me or with yourself. But we both know very well that you have no intention of…”.

“Oh, Norns. Again with that”.

“You brought it up”.

“I’m listening, then. Will you finally tell me what you actually think of it? Or will you melt your desires and adjust them until they solidify around whatever you think might please me?”, he spat with sarcasm.

“What are you even complaining about with that?”.

“I want you to be true to yourself, not some… Not some…”, he gestured with his hands, and you furrowed your brows.

“Not some what?”.

“Not some idiotic worshipper of some kind. You sound like a teen with a crush, rather than an adult partner building something here”, he said, and he regretted it as soon as it left his mouth. You got up from the couch.

“That’s what you truly think of me?”, you tried to keep your voice down. Anyone could hear you from the hallway. You tried —but you weren’t very successful. “I’m ready to give everything up for you and you think of it as a desperate attempt to worship you? You really think I think of yourself as a God who casually decided to be with me?”.

“No, that’s not…”, he rolled his eyes, but you kept talking.

“We worked so well together because we knew exactly what the other wanted and tried to get there without crushing the other one. And now…”.

“Worked?”, he scoffed. “We work. We might argue some time, but we work, my love. And that’s the point. We just have to find a way out of this mess, that wouldn’t get us even deeper in this disaster”.

You looked at him, looking for any trace of a lie. He wasn’t. He was truly calm, even though he had gotten on your nerves so well. He could have the same calmness to tell you how much he loved you and to tell you you were crushing his dreams with your thumb.

“I get what you say. I really do. But, is it really important to do whatever you’re thinking of doing to solve this? Or is this just your general… power thirsty blindness guiding you through?”.

He scoffed.

“Power thirsty blindness”, he repeated, incredulous. “I thought you understood every motive behind my actions”.

“I do. But you can’t deny half of the motives are wanting to rule the realms”.

“Half of the motives are you”, he raised his voice.

“That’s not true”, you matched his tone. “You’re playing a weird limbo where you say you’re giving up every dream you’ve ever had for me, letting the guilt eat me alive, and then just… going off somewhere to still try and get what you want. That’s not a relationship-guided motive. And it’d be okay if you could just come to terms with it. And then, and only then, we’d be able to talk through it better and find a better way to make it work. But so far, you haven’t been honest at all about it”.

“Why the need of being honest if you can apparently read me like a children's book?”, he said sarcastically. “Oh, and don’t even get me started with honesty, because…”.

“Because what?”.

He took a deep breath and composed himself back again, denying with his head, eyes closed as he figured out the right words or the right actions. He sat on the couch and asked you to sit by his side with a hand gesture.

“You know what? I think we’re really, really tired. This argument is getting nowhere and we’ll just feel bad afterwards. Can we talk about this in a more civilized way after we get some rest?”.

You sighed and sat by his side, still tense.

“Yes. Alright”.

(Taglist: @lucywrites02 , @louieboo87 , @the-departed-potato , @jesuswasnotawhiteman , @idontknow296 , @beksib , @spythoschei , @geekwritersworld , @whatafuckingdumbass , @mysticunicorn7 @shadowolf993 , @joscelyn02 , @t00-pi , @selfship-mishaps , @sallymagnoliaposts , @deadgirl88 , @enderslove)

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki odinson #loki fic #loki x gender neutral reader #loki x y/n #loki x reader #loki x gn reader #avenger!loki #loki fluff #loki angst #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #loki x you #loki and bucky barnes #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes

[willgrahymn]

Two Love

I’m not gonna lie, this is probably some of the gayest shit I’ve ever written.

Summary: In the silence of the night, it feels like there's nothing but them. Loving oneself is not an easy task, and loving another takes work. If we can't love ourselves now though, we can at least love each other. Maybe then we will realize our own worth. Virgil and Roman know this well.

Word count: 2019

Tags: romantic prinxiety, (domestic) fluff, light angst, human au, living together, non-sexual intimacy, cuddling, communication, and marriage proposal ✨

As always, I’ll reblog with a link to this on ao3 :]!

-

“I wish you knew how lovable you are,” Virgil whispered into the silence.

Roman didn’t respond, biting his lower lip and not once opening his eyes. Virgil frowned, lightly tracing the tattoos on the other man’s chest, stopping to place his palm against the beating of his heart.

The room was quiet besides the sound of the heat coming through the vents and the occasional car passing by outside. Virgil sighed, laying his head against his love. He was warm, too, and he wished he never had to get out of bed again. It wasn’t like the way he wished during a depressive episode though. This was different; it was cozier, and more like home. He closed his eyes as he felt a hand begin to play with the hair at the base of his neck, and made a mental note to trim it later.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his lips ghosting against his boyfriend’s skin. He thought watching the rise and fall of his stomach, breathing in and out, was what made him want to say it.

“I know you do,” Roman responded, and Virgil could hear the tired smile in his voice, “I love you too. You’re perfect.”

“I’m anything but.”

“Then you’re perfect for me.”

Virgil decided he was happy to settle for that.

Roman continued to play with the dark strands before kissing the long magenta bangs that normally covered his boyfriend’s eyes. And he smiled because his hair smelled like the same raspberry-scented shampoo that he washed his hair with not long ago. If there was anything Roman believed he could do well, it was making his boyfriend feel cared for. He deserved it, and the way Virgil always leaned into his touch like a cat receiving ear scratches whenever he rubbed the shampoo into his scalp was something he simply couldn’t pass up when the opportunity arose.

He was beautiful now in Roman’s arms, and he would be beautiful when he woke up in the morning with his hair messed up going every which way. He would be beautiful when black makeup stained his face in tear tracks and he asked Roman if they could go home after a failed night out. There would not be a time when he was not beautiful, because he never gave Roman a reason to see him as anything less than that. He was a work of art. Frayed at the edges, sure, but he remained invaluable nonetheless.

Blinking slowly, Roman watched as his love shifted to meet his gaze. Dark eyes shining in the moonlight that seeped in through their window blinds. They were as gorgeous as the rest of him, he thought.

“What is it, my Night Light?”

“Oh, nothing,” he smirked, “I was just admiring.”

Roman rolled his eyes, a mix of fondness and instinctual doubt settling in his gut. “You see me every day, you’ll tire of me eventually.” He tried.

“We already went through the phase of being sick of each other when we first met, you’re not getting rid of me now.” Virgil teased, and before Roman could think of something else to say to distract from his statement, he started to speak again softer this time. “I meant what I said earlier, about how you’re so much more lovable than you know. I care about you.”

Virgil took a deep breath. He didn’t consider himself good at this sort of thing, but the weight of Roman’s fingers lacing between his own and pulling him closer was reassurance enough.

“I love you, Roman, and I… I just hope that one day, you’ll fall in love with yourself in the same way I did. You deserve to feel like you’re worth it.”

Roman stared at him, his mouth barely open as he replayed the words in his head. He knew Virgil, knew that he was always more on the pessimistic side, and didn’t try to get his hopes up about things to come. Still, he hoped for him. A hand rested against his cheek, thumb brushing lightly against his lips. Virgil smiled, and his heart felt full.

“Thank you,” he said. “I hope that one day you’ll wake up and face yourself in the mirror, and be able to value yourself as much as I do. It’s only fair.”

He took his partner’s hand, kissing his palm. Even in the darkness of their room, he could still see Virgil’s eyes go wide before hiding his face against his chest. It was cute, but he could tease him about that later. For now, though, he just felt lucky that he was allowed to see him like this. No walls up, and no fake dark persona to make sure others would leave him alone. He was just honest, authentic Virgil, and that was all that Roman wanted.

“I could spend a thousand lifetimes with you and it still wouldn’t be enough.” He admitted. “I would relive all the bad days where we didn’t get along, all the bad days where we doubted ourselves, as long as I knew it would bring me back here just like this with you.”

Virgil stared at him, curious and adoring. “You’re a madman.”

“Nothing compared to my brother,” Roman laughed, “but I guess you might be right. If I didn’t think straight before I certainly don’t now.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his lips. He pulled himself up, face to face with the hopelessly romantic man he’d fallen in love with, dark eyes staring through thick lashes.

With some hesitance, Roman asked. “Have you ever thought about wanting to get married someday? It’s okay if not, I know right now might not be the perfect time to bring it up, but… it came to mind, I guess.”

He held his breath as Virgil considered. He didn’t want to be pushy. All he knew was that if asked, he would accept that commitment, and not dream of another. Because Virgil wasn’t like any of the partners he had known before. He was gentle and rough, sweet and sour, and Roman loved his contradictions. He loved to be loved in a way he could understand.

“Maybe not right now,” Virgil finally replied, “but I’d be happy with that. With you.”

Roman nodded, kissing him on the nose and appreciating the way Virgil’s eyes crinkled when he did.

“That’s okay,” he smiled, and it was the truth. “I just need you to know that if you’re ever ready for that, I’ll be here. I’d love to call you my husband if you’d let me. One of us can surprise the other with a proposal someday, but before that, I want us both to be ready.”

Virgil blinked, slow like a cat. Maybe these kinds of conversations were better left until morning.

“Thank you. I’d uh, I’d like that though, eventually.”

Smiling, Roman closed his eyes. He always dreamed of grand fairytale weddings and proposals, but this, this was good too. Fitting for them. It wasn’t Disney, but they made it work.

Pulling the blanket further over them, Virgil kissed his prince’s cheek only to be pulled into a proper one right after. Soft and slow, Virgil felt Roman’s lips quirk as his hand grazed the rose tattooed at his hip.

Then, he asked. “Of all the people you could choose to love, why me?”

“I think you’re the only one who really gets me,” Roman said, nuzzling into his lover’s shoulder and breathing in the faint scent of lavender. “You smell good.”

Virgil laughed silently, and Roman felt his body shake against him. He could feel that same butterfly-like sensation in his stomach from when he first started thinking of him as more than a friend.

“I think you’re the only person who can understand me though… not in an edgy teenager way, but like with my issues. People see me, but not in the way you do. You’re the one who drove halfway across town to drag my sorry ass out of bed after my ex dumped me and helped me realize it was a good thing. You helped me get out of my comfort zone and experiment with makeup too. I guess in a way, you make me better. And if you can love me with all the flaws that I have, then I can love yours too.”

“Oh,” he whispered, “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, you deserve to. You may be as dark and gloomy as a live-action Batman movie, but you still make my world a little brighter.”

“You’re a dork.”

Roman gasped, pulling back and holding his hand to his chest as if he had just touched a hot stove. “You’re so mean!”

Virgil shrugged, and Roman could practically hear the unspoken ‘it’s what I do best.’ It seemed that in all the years he had known him, he figured out how to decipher the mystery of a man hidden under all that black and purple emo attire.

It was 12:27 AM, at least that’s what the clock sitting on their bedside table told them. Virgil was used to being up late, insomnia and all, but since they started living together Roman insisted he come to bed at the same time every night. He appreciated it though. He liked getting ready for bed together and the weight of Roman falling asleep against him. He didn’t want to admit it, but it helped.

The room was nearly silent, the heat turned off long ago. The quiet sounds of rustling pillows and blankets were the only thing to be heard. Warm breaths lingered on Roman’s skin making his hair rise as soft lips met his jaw. He wondered if Virgil remembered watching him scrub violet lipstick off his face in the theater's dressing room while he giggled like a kid at a carnival. If he asked, Virgil would have told him there was a reason he preferred darker shades.

“Do you think we’ll have kids someday?”

“Don’t push it, Princey. You haven’t even decided if you want to adopt a cat or a dog yet.”

“Still! Could you imagine us as dads? We could have Disney movie nights. We already do that, I know, but we could do it with our kid. I’m perfectly fine with just being pet parents, but could you imagine?”

“I can, actually, and now I’m going to be worrying about our non-existent child and their not yet existing future until I fall asleep.”

Roman glared at him before rolling onto his side. All too familiar with the silly things he did, Virgil waited in anticipation and was pleasantly surprised when Roman finally lunged back over, attacking him with a kiss and laughing against his lips.

“You said not yet existing,” he grinned, “which implies that there will be one eventually.”

Virgil sighed, running his fingers through his partner’s hair. “You’re not getting me to agree to adopt a child in the middle of the night, Ro.”

Humming, Roman nodded an ‘okay’ and let the subject go for now. Virgil didn’t even think before he spoke again.

“I want a future with you, Roman, you know that.”

The softness in his eyes was one Virgil would do anything to protect, and he smiled as Roman snuggled into his chest. He loved him, and with the sound of his heart beating in his ears he was sure that he would do anything it took to keep him safe.

“Get some rest, Sleepy Beauty,” he whispered. “You deserve it.”

In the morning, they would both wake up with their legs intertwined, knowing that they could stay in bed all morning because neither had work that day. Roman would get up first, and Virgil would admire him as he stretched. When Virgil finally did pull himself out of bed and found his future-husband in the kitchen making french toast, he would slump against his back and leave a kiss between his shoulders.

And maybe life was never going to be easy, but that could be okay. Step by step, stroke by stroke, they’d make it through as each other’s sword and shield.

#Sanders Sides #Sanders Sides fic #Roman Sanders #Virgil Sanders #prinxiety #Virgil's Volumes #my god these bitches gay... #reblogs and comments/tags are always hella appreciated but u didnt hear that from me #I FORGOT TO PUT THIS AS ROMANTIC PRINXIETY WHEN I FIRST POSTED THIS OOPS <3 #I guess it's a given but shh