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#because everyone in the notes was confused: yes that is winona ryder
misandriste · 3 years
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Winona Ryder and Sadie Frost in Bram Stoker's Dracula 1992 | dir. Francis Ford Coppola
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Stranger Things season 4 release date, likely cast, and that amazing fan theory
By Henry Leger 06 October 2019
The Netflix hit is officially returning with additional cast.
(Image: © Netflix)
Image Credit: Netflix
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As ever with Stranger Things, the moment the third season has finished, the question on everyone’s lips is: will there be a Stranger Things Season 4 on Netflix? And, when can I get my tiny telekinetic hands on it? Well, we now know the answer to one of those questions at least.
 Netflix has renewed the hit sci-fi series for another season – although, there's no mention of a Stranger Things season 4 release date at this stage.
According to Engadget, Netflix has also signed the show's creators, Matt and Ross Duffer, to "a multi-year film and series overall deal". 
Does that mean the fourth is the final season? In an interview with Vulture, Ross Duffer suggested the series would be "a four-season thing and then out." Series producer Shawn Levy clarified that "The truth is we’re definitely going four seasons and there’s very much the possibility of a fifth. Beyond that, it becomes I think very unlikely" (via Entertainment Weekly).
While the mega-hit sci-fi / horror / adventure show was originally intended as an anthology series, much in the vein of American Horror Story, the popularity of its adorable child actors ensured that Netflix fans would get more than just one helping of the cast.
Read on below for everything we know about Stranger Things Season 4 so far, or check out our guides to The Witcher TV series (also coming to Netflix) and the Game of Thrones prequel show.
What is it? The fourth season of Stranger Things
Where can I watch it? Netflix
When will it be released? Late 2020 / early 2021 seems likely
Stranger Things first landed on Netflix in 2016, and has been one of the biggest Netflix Originals series ever since.
Steeped in 80s nostalgia, the show takes influence from countless iconic films and genres from the period, including the works of Stephen King, John Carpenter, and Steven Spielberg – with a killer synth soundtrack underscoring the action.
In a Hollywood Reporter interview, co-creator Ross Duffer noted that "With the kids it's more, yes there's the Spielberg stuff, but that's where it gets a little confusing, because part of it is the Spielberg stuff like E.T. – and because with adults, we really wanted that Close Encounters feel with Joyce and stuff, or Jaws."
Dealing with inter-dimensional beings, telekinetic teenagers, Dungeons & Dragons lore, and all sorts of out-there sci-fi that only gets more fantastic with each season, it's not hard to see how the show has gripped the public's imagination. 
Along with the renewal announcement, Netflix has released a creepy teaser video that proclaims "we're not in Hawkins anymore" – possibly referring either to the Upside Down realm or adventures further afield in the real world (Russia maybe?). As the teaser progresses, a sign saying "Welcome to Hawkins" is swamped by creatures from the Upside Down.
Stranger Things season 4 release date
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Stranger Things Season 2 was set at Halloween
(Image: © Netflix)
The Duffer Brothers' show tends to angle its release date around public holidays such as Halloween for Season 2, or the 4th of July for Season 3 – depending on the time of year within Stranger Things itself. 
We wouldn't rule out a Christmas edition, though we think a Spring season seems more likely – that is, if current plot threads end up leading the show's story to the Chernobyl disaster, which occurred April 26, 1986, which isn't long after the 1985 setting of Season 3. (Yes, this theory is from Reddit, but it's pretty legit, okay?)
There tends to be 1-2 years lead time between each season, so we wouldn't expect Season 4 to be released before late 2020 anyway, and an early 2021 release may be more likely.
Cast of Stranger Things: who's returning?
Brett Gelman plays Murray Bauman in Stranger Things
(Image: © Netflix)
Despite the face Stranger Things has now been officially renewed, there are no official casting announcements, but you can be sure you'll get a lot of the same faces as Season 3 – including Finn Wolfhard (Mike), Millie Bobby Brown (Eleven), Caleb McLaughlin (Lucas), Sadie Sink (Max), and Joe Keery (Steve Harrington). We don't expect to see Keery in a sailor suit for the whole season again, but it was wonderful while it lasted.
Maya Hawke (Robin), a newcomer for Season 3, also quickly became a fan favorite, and will almost certainly be a big presence in the season to come – while Caleb's younger sister Erica (played by Priah Ferguson) will likely continue to enjoy a larger role in the show.
Who won't we be seeing? Spoilers ahead (obviously), but we don't expect to see Dacre Montgomery (Billy) or Alec Utgoff (Alexei) again, though the showrunners could always surprise us. Heck, why don't you bring back Barb while you're at it?
David Harbour's character (Chief Hopper) may well return too – despite seemingly having been killed off in the Season 3 finale.
With the Byers family moving out of Hawkins at the end of Season 3, it may be that series regulars Winona Ryder (Joyce) and Charlie Heaton (Jonathan) decided to back out from a further season, or will have smaller roles.
However, that's probably not the case if we take Matt Duffer's interview with Entertainment Weekly as gospel, in which he said: “I think the biggest thing that’s going to happen is it’s going to open up a little bit, not necessarily in terms of scale, in terms of special effects, but open up in terms of allowing plotlines into areas outside of Hawkins.”
What are the latest rumours?
The biggest question is: what's happened to Hopper? 
Although it looked like he was destroyed by an explosion, there's a chance he managed to jump through the wormhole/portal to the Upside Down – it might be up to Mike, Eleven, Lucas and the gang to save him.
But even if he's not in the Upside Down, he might still not be gone for good. We also know an "American" is being kept locked up in a Russian jail somewhere, and Hopper is a likely bet.
Even though he appeared to have been killed off in season 2, some online rumours are hinting that the "American" might be Matthew Modine (Dr Martin Brenner), which is less likely but an interesting theory.
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One Reddit userhas been causing a stir online with a new theory: season 4 will be to do with the Chernobyl disaster. Sure it's an "out there" suggestion, but the thinking is that the past three seasons have followed a pattern: "‪Season 1: Winter 1983‬ (Christmas) Season 2: Fall 1984‬ (Halloween) Season 3: Summer 1985‬ (Independence Day) Season 4: should be Spring 1986 ‬(Easter and probably goes into spring break)." There's also another theory that causing a stir online with regards to this picture.
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(Image: © Netflix and daily express)
You are seeing two yellow circles pointing some hints. According to some fans it might be a new character or a return of a character.
The post-credit scene was in Russia and the Chernobyl disaster happened in the Spring of 1986. Is this going to be a huge fight between Eleven and the Upside Down that'll be covered up by a story of a nuclear reactor? It's bold, but we buy it.
For more evidence (both for and against Hopper's return), fans have been turning to David Harbour's Instagram account. He initially posted a photo about shaving his beard off, which had people speculating he can't possible by the "American" as he'd need a long beard. But then, as news broke about season four, he changed his profile picture to fan art of him and Eleven and they're upside down. What does it mean? Could he be trapped in the Upside Down?
Where can I watch Stranger Things season 4?
(Image: © Netflix)
Winona Ryder, back in Season 1
Stranger Things is one of Netflix's hottest properties, and, like the previous seasons, Season 4 will almost certainly only be on the Netflix platform.
Netflix is a paid-for online streaming service for browsers, TV streaming devices, and mobile and tablets apps. Even the cheapest Basic Plan on Netflix offers access to the whole catalogue of titles for £5.99 / $8.99 / AU$9.99 a month. However, you'll need the Premium Plan to watch the show in the highest video quality possible. You can see a breakdown of all the subscription options in our Netflix plansguide.
Which Netflix plan is for you? Every plan compared
Will Stranger Things season 4 be in 4K / HDR?
(Image: © Netflix)
The neon-lit shopping mall of Season 3 was a highlight of Stranger Things
If you're interested in Stranger Things' good looks as well – as you should be – you may be wondering what video formats the next season will be filmed in.
All three seasons so far have been filmed in 4K Ultra HD resolution, meaning anyone with a 4K TV and a strong enough internet connection will be able to watch in a huge amount of detail. Seasons 2-3 are also in HDR (high dynamic range), meaning an expanded range of colors and enhanced contrast – important for a show awash with bright colors, dazzling neon, and moody skies – though again you'll need an HDR-compatible screen to make the most of it.
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Netflix also uses the Dolby Vision HDR format, rather than the competing HDR10+ standard – we know this is a lot to think about with your next TV, but some only support one format over the other.
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wigwurq · 6 years
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WIG REVIEW: STRANGER THINGS 2
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Unless you have been living under a rock for the last week, you already know that STRANGER THINGS SEASON 2 DROPPED AND OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!1 It’s been a week and somehow the internet hasn’t imploded over this show so I guess it’s time to talk about the wigs. As with Twin Peaks, I’ll be reviewing each episode as I watch them and adjusting whether the season as a whole wurqs. Let’s get demogorg-going! 
CHAPTER ONE : MADMAX
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The Duffer Brothers live and breathe 80s nostalgia (obvs) so we open with a rando car chase in Pittsburgh because THE 80S (if the Duffer Bros really wanted to make this 80s accurate, it should have been Detroit or Chicago - THE DEMOGORGON IS IN THE DETAILS, isn’t it?) Anyway, some rando punk burglars are staging a getaway - with the help of some chick who is basically an older, more ethnic Elle. And she’s got a #008 tattooed on her arm. DUN DUN DUN.
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Back in Hawkins, it’s a year after Will and Barb (RIP) got trapped in the Upside Down and everyone is doing JUST GREAT AND DON’T HAVE PTSD LET’S JUST LISTEN TO DEVO THANKYOUVERYMUCH. Oh and go to the arcade, where we meet our wiggiest non-wig in this dude eating cheetos and creepily demanding sister dates from Mike. 
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We also meet Winona Ryder’s new boyfriend, RUDY RUETTIGER (aka Sean Astin)! No wig, but dang HE LOVES MR. MOM AS MUCH AS ME. YES!
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Speaking of Winona Ryder, girlfriend got a MUCH better wig than last season. I still don’t know why she needs to wear a wig at all, but I mean…sure? Clearly the wig budget is bigger than last season (if they can afford to license every song of the 80s to play during the episode, they can throw a few bucks at Joyce Byer’s mane, so amen). 
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Over at the high school, Nancy Wheeler got herself a haircut! She is clearly trying to channel some Jennifer Grey action but much like her body, this hair has no body (get this girl and this hair a sandwich). 
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Just sayin’…she should have had more of that KFC. Joe Keery’s epic hair remains flawless. 
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We are also introduced to the major wig of this episode (and likely, this season) in the form of a mulletted new bad boy, BILLY. I love that his name is Billy in a clear homage to Rob Lowe in St. Elmo’s Fire…but only time will tell if he can wail on a saxophone. This wig is…fine? It obviously looks like a wig so already that is a negative. Also I’m guessing everything about this guy is a negative.
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Meanwhile, Nancy and Mike’s mom got herself a new ‘do! Welcome to the 80s, GIRLFRIEND! Bye bye Farrah waves, hello BANGS! Mama like. Damn fine wig. Still, why are you voting for Reagan (but of COURSE you are). BOO. #GeraldineFerraro4Ever
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Meanwhile, Elle lives! But of course she does. And Millie Bobby Brown got herself a PERM just as the 80s intended. 
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And she’s living with Sheriff Hopper who took time out of his busy schedule of looking at “poisoned” pumpkins (which is clearly a job for Moana, duh) to take care of Elle. He got hisself a daughter and she got herself a dad! SOBBING.
CHAPTER TWO : TRICK OR TREAT, FREAK
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It’s Halloweeeen and of course our favorite foursome dressed up as the Ghostbusters (and NO ONE WANTS TO BE WINSTON). Sadly, they go to the lamest school ever where no one else dresses up for Halloween. BOO indeed!
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Will is still seeing some pretty effed up Upside Down visions but more scary: this poor kid had to have a bowl cut in the show and in life! This is the ultimate commitment to your art! Pure terror!
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Rudy Reuttiger continues to be our favorite dad, fully committing to vampire hair and teeth and then slow dancing with Winona Ryder to “Islands in the Stream.” DREAMBOAT.
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Meanwhile, Elle is getting cabin fever from watching Susan Lucci on TV all day and her hair is looking bigger and curlier than ever! Still, sorry you couldn’t go trick or treating, gurl.
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Over at the most 80s teen Halloween party ever, new badboy Billy is suddenly a popular beer chugging sweaty bohunk (who listens to Ted Nugent - yep, this guy is the worst!) Also of course his new pal is dressed as the bad guy from The Karate Kid. 80s VILLAINS CONVERGE! 
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 Meanwhile, Will’s older brother, a so-called purveyor of good musical taste, thinks this chick CLEARLY DRESSED AS SIOUXIE SIOUX is a member of KISS! BLASPHEME! YOU ARE DEAD TO US, JONATHAN!
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Oh and Steve and Nancy OBVIOUSLY had a couple’s costume, and one of the most confusing ones EVER. It was confirmed to me later that they were Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay from Risky Business (and not Johnny and June Carter Cash as I had suspected)…but if that is true this costume is AN EPIC FAILURE. Why isn’t Steve just wearing a white shirt and no pants? Why is Nancy’s hair all bouffanted out like June Carter Cash? WHY ISN’T SHE WEARING A BLONDE WIG?!?! WIG FAILURE x100000000. BOO ON YOUR HORRIBLE ATTEMPT AT A POP CULTURAL HALLOWEEN PARTY, DUFFER BROTHERS! THE DEMOGORGON IS IN THE DETAILS! BOO ON YOU!
CHAPTER THREE: THE POLLYWOG
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Dustin found a new friend in a trashcan (where all the best friends come from!) and quickly decided that he has discovered a new species which DEFINITELY WON’T MESS ANYTHING UP. Kids, amiright?
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Meanwhile, it should be mentioned that Dustin’s mom is played by Netflix MVP Catherine Curtain (our favorite former guard from OITNB). This lady loves cats as much as I do and knows her way around a good Midwest mom wig. Amen.
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This episode also gives us some flashbacks to explain how Elle came to live with Hopper. And we get some flashback wigs! As with all men’s wigs, this one sucks. The texture is a nightmare and the back flips up with little assist from this shearling coat.
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Elle is definitely getting cabin fever and busts out to see Mike, which she does in the very 5 minutes he happens to be talking to Max (isn’t it always the way?) then totally makes Max ruin her ollie in a jealous rage and hightails it out of there. We’ve all been there, gurl.
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Speaking of Max, her awful brother Billy makes some mention of her not actually being his sister . Oh god. HES NOT HER DAD, RIGHT? UGH. Also he continues his reign as a new sweaty bohunk always as he plays mullet basketball with Steve (and of COURSE he’s ‘skins’ not shirts. UGH). Also if you’re gonna be an 80s villain, I guess you should be a pro-sports 80′s villain, right? The demogorgon is in the details (I have a quota to say this once during every episode recap).
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Meanwhile, through the power of 80s home video consumerism, Winona Ryder and her slightly better season 2 wig realize that Will’s effed up Upside Down visions might be for reals (thanks, wax paper!) Oh, and thanks for the terrible advice to stand up to demogorgons, RUDY REUTIGGER.
CHAPTER FOUR: WILL THE WISE
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Whilst trying to stand his ground against demogorgons, Will gets possessed by one (again, way to go, RUDY!) Winona Ryder’s season 2 wig got a wurqout trying to figure out what the eff is going on with suddenly coldblooded Will and his effed up vine illustrations.
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Meanwhile, Nancy and her Jennifer Grey minus the body perm and Jonathan who apparently listens to the Clash (ugh) have staged a stakeout in the most effed up public park ever and it totally worked - bitches got hauled away to Hawkins Labs immediately! There, they totally got Paul Reiser on TAPE saying some shady shit. Side note: is this show just a big commercial for RadioShack?
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Back at the high school, apparently the only class is SKINS VS SHIRTS and Billy is king! His horrible mullet wig got a shower which did nothing for it but did lead to some pretty fabulous homoerotic dialogue. Ooh la la. As always, the demogorgon’s in the details.
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Billy’s dried off coif looks HORRIBLE IN BACKLIGHTING - major 80s hair fail. This wig blows. Also, NICE CANADIAN TUXEDO.
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Oh and Billy is a complete racist who likes to control everything his sister (?) does. Continuing in the long tradition of 80s villains who are just evil for the sake of being evil, Billy joins their lexicon. What are his motivations? WHO KNOWS?! HE’S JUST LIVIN TO BE AN ASSHOLE. Similarly, I would totally approve of this dude playing the James Spader role in a remake of Pretty in Pink. ALSO I TAKE IT BACK: NEVER REMAKE PRETTY IN PINK, PLEASE. 
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In the end, Elle finds the secret file about her actual family and teleports to see her mama (SOBBING). And, as predicted, that pollywog Dustin found turns out to be a mini demogorgon who eats his cat. (DOUBLE SOBBING). I know y’all are still mourning Barb, but the death of Mews the cat might be the worst thing to ever happen on this show. RIP.
CHAPTER FIVE: DIG DUG
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After Mew the cat’s tragic demise (known only to Dustin at this point), his mom continues her frenzied search for her beloved feline and her wig is as frazzled as she is. Still, Dustin’s mom is officially my favorite mom on this show not only because of her kitty love, but because she has a damn Mondale/Ferraro sign in her front lawn (and is apparently the only Hawkins resident not voting for Reagan). The demogorgon is as always in the details. #GeraldineFerraro4Ever 
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Speaking of demogorgons, note to self: don’t go investigating them in a creepy vine/tunnel by yourself because you’ll probably end up being trapped there alone.
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Great work, Hooper. 
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Luckily Will’s art therapy home installation is about to get the cartographical analysis it needs from Rudy Reuttiger who is back in our good graces after his abysmally bad demogorgon advice. 
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Winona’s season 2 wig remains shook but hopeful.
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There remains to be no hope for Billy’s mullet wig, which took a brief break from skins vs shirts to drive his sister (?) to the arcade where Lucas gave her the 411 on Hawkins’ demogorgon problem. 
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Speaking of truth quests, Nancy and her no-body perm is on one with the help of Jonathan and apparently their little road trip is so long that they had to spend the night in a hotel for the sole purpose of having this awkward “we’re not gonna do it” scene. Just drive through the night! You’re teenagers! 
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Speaking of road trips, Elle found her mama! Buuut her mama remains to be a catatonic shell of her former self as does her hair. 
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I guess if you’re catatonic, hair is the least of your problems, but this coif definitely needs some self-care. 
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We do get some flashback wig action, and apparently even after having her child stolen away during a Twilight Sleep delivery, Terry Ives was looking pretty fierce in the 70s! 
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Her sister, Becky, has a much bigger perm than last season and also a much bigger creepy factor. She doesn’t really question Elle’s sudden appearance or the faulty electrical work in her house, or Elle’s Poltergeist TV static communication skills. Maybe she’s just super trusting…or there is a Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? scenario afoot…
CHAPTER SIX : THE SPY
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Good news: with the help of Rudy Reuttiger, Hopper got saved from the demogorgon tunnel! Bad news: Will is still possessed/his insides are burning/he has selective memory loss/he might be dying imminently. And Winona’s season 2 wig is PISSED ABOUT IT. She goes into full on Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment mode and demands Hawkins Labs fix her son. Hey, you break it, you buy it. 
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Meanwhile, Nancy and Jonathan’s super unsexy roadtrip suddenly gets sexy with the help of….a rando crazy wall journalist, and ton of underage vodka drinking, and a bunker with a french-doored guest room. Beyond the inappropriateness of serving copious amounts of booze to teenagers, this creep/amateur Francis Ford Coppola impersonator also fully pimps out his pad for late-night teenage sexcapades. And the following morning has the nerve to ask Jonathan “how was the pull-out?” THIS LINE IS OFFICIALLY THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN ON THE SHOW. YUCK.
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Meanwhile, Dustin has gone code red with the disappearance of his now huge pet demogorgon and the only person at his disposal to help is: Steve?!?! Sure. This is bromance is actually the perfect antidote to any Nancy/Jonathan romance grossness. Not only should these guys be bffff, but Steve shares his hair secrets with Dustin and they include Farrah Fawcett hairspray. The demogorgon is always in the details and this one is pure happiness. Never change, you guys and #TeamSteve ALL THE WAY.
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Lucas finally gets the code red message and hightails it over to Max’s house for help. Max’s house is basically an extended weight gym for Billy who is pumping iron while blasting Ratt with no adult supervision in sight. ALL 80S VILLIAN STEREOTYPES CONVERGE. Also Billy’s mullet wig is getting sweatier and curlier by the episode but not any better as a wig. However, this week we get a glimpse of one dangly earring which confirms his homage to Billy in St. Elmo’s Fire. We still need for him to wail on a saxophone and make jokes about Mare Winningham’s underwear for the homage to be complete, however. Oh also, Max’s big family secret is: her parents are divorced! DUN DUN DUN. 
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Anyway, back at the old junkyard, Dustin, Steve, Max and Lucas spread around a ton of raw meat and gasoline and wait and see what happens (WHAT A PLAN!) Steve, the most popular guy in high school until that sweaty bohunk Billy showed up, seems unfazed by hanging out with two nerdy middle school guys and a “random girl” but does get a little too cocky when he breaks out of the bus to confront the demogorgons hisself. Also I’m pretty sure the Duffer Bros are trying to turn Steve into Michael J. Fox this season because he’s definitely wearing the same Nike shoes he does in Back to the Future and also OF COURSE THEY ARE.  Also between Steve’s nail bat and Negan’s barbed wire bat on The Walking Dead, baseball is officially dead to me.
CHAPTER SEVEN: THE LOST SISTER
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Our girl Elle who is now going by her birth name, Jane, explains to her weird Aunt Becky what she saw in her Poltergeist shapeshift into her mama’s subconscious and while weird Aunt Becky finally decides to call someone about the rando tween that showed up at her house, Elle/Jane stole some dough and booked it out of there in search of her “sister”, another stolen girl who was experimented on at Hawkins Lab. Cue your least favorite Bon Jovi song and some POV shots of Chicago at night and suddenly we’re in every 80s teen movie ever shot in a city (the city was always Chicago).
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Just beyond that building from Adventures in Babysitting and some trashcan fires (the demogorgon is always in the details) she is reunited with her “sister” Kali who you might remember from Chapter One of this season and her gang of misfit PUNKS!!!!!!!! 
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Basically these randos are every stereotypical punk who was featured in 5 seconds-50 minutes of any 80s teen movie. White chick with a pseudo Cyndi Lauper ‘do, oversized bow and faux prep school look: CHECK! Kinda angry black chick still rockin’ a power ‘fro and 70s military duds: CHECK! Super angry white dude with an x-treme dyed mohawk, face piercings, dog collar, and a switchblade: CHECK! Looks angry black dude in black bomber coat described as a “teddy bear”: CHECK! Ethnic chick with tons of black eyeliner, asymmetrical half-shaved hair wearing an oversized coat, combat boots and fingerless gloves: CHECKCHECKCHECK! This is a perfect assemblage of PUNKS that would fit in perfectly at the most 80s punk party EVER. The Duffers outdid themselves here. As for wig quality? I mean….it’s about as good as the hair in that punk party link so I’ll give it an amen.
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But what is the deal with these PUNKS anyway? Turns out that they’re not just stealin’ stuff to buy hair products and living in a cool warehouse that could easily double for the digs on any season of Real World. Led by Kali, they track down and murder former employees of Hawkins Lab (and also steal stuff - hair products ARE VERY EXPENSIVE!) Kali helps Elle/Jane tap into her rage so that she can move stuff and whatever. Here, Elle/Jane totally moved a big train for no reason! Way to go?
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Most importantly, these PUNKS give Elle/Jane a PUNK MAKEOVER! Thanks to a gallon of black eyeliner and hair gel, a pop-collared oversized coat, french-cuffed jeans and white kicks,  she magically transforms into Dave Vanian (lead singer for The Damned duh!) While she could easily use her newfound LEWK to front a cool band, she instead leads the PUNKS to one of the former labworker’s houses. 
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There, the sisters in their cool duds debate whether to let this dude live or die (Elle/Jane says nope after discovering the dude has some kids). And honestly, maybe y’all should just…go start a band instead? In the end, the cops bust in on the PUNKS’ digs and Elle/Jane buses it back to Hawkins.
The internet super hated this episode for a number of reasons: it’s pointless, it feels like one of those episodes where a popular show tries to incubate a spin-off of new characters (never to be seen again!), Elle/Jane is helped by her cool ethnic sister only to leave her behind, thus fulfilling the “magical negro” trope, her sister also helps her tap into her anger to better fuel her skills only to abandon them when it counts so all in all…it’s pointless. These are all valid points and I get it but I still liked this episode because any opportunity to enjoy silly 80s PUNK stereotypes is an hour well lived. 
EPISODE EIGHT: THE MIND FLAYER
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Back in Hawkins, the lab is undergoing a teeny weeny bit of trouble ever since Will’s shadow monster tricked everyone into letting all the demogorgons loose and basically everyone is maybe about to die. Winona Ryder’s season 2 wig is NOT ABOUT TO LET THAT HAPPEN so just like FIGURE IT OUT, PAUL REISER.
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Paul Reiser does NOT really figure it out but Rudy Reuttiger is ON IT because he knows basic (in the computer sense that is). Pretty soon Rudy is realizing that admitting you know basic is like admitting you can type - DON’T DO IT OR YOU WILL PROBABLY BE KILLED BY A DEMOGORGON. 
Bob is absolutely killed by a demogorgon (after saving everyone!), thus fulfilling the internet’s need for Bob to be the new Barb. #RipBob #RipBarb
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Meanwhile, everyone’s least favorite skins vs shirts player, Billy, is gettin’ hisself ready for a hot date (who is the lucky lady????) He sprays some random hairspray on this disgusting mullet (definitely NOT Farrah Fawcett hairspray), sprays some cologne down his pants and he’s READY! This dude’s wig looks worse every single time I see it but I do have to throw some respect this character’s way for having a TANK poster in his room (the demogorgon is always in the details). Also why does every room in this house have a fireplace?
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No time for questions! Billy’s dad is home and he is every 80s villain dad combined - an abusive, violent, terribly mustachioed monster. And now we get it! Villains beget villains; violence is learned at home. It’s all a cycle. Demogorgons, please kill this dude first. 
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Back at home, Winona Ryder’s season 2 wig is an EFFING MESS and so is she. Shadow monster, get out of Will already! 
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The only solution seems to be making a hostage barn for Will’s Shadow Monster and we learn two important things: interrogation lighting makes Will’s bowl cut look shiny and lustrous and also Will knows morse code! CLOSE THE GATE, Y’ALL!
WHO ON EARTH CAN CLOSE THE GATE?!?!?!
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Oh, right: Elle/Jane. Duh. 
CHAPTER NINE: THE GATE
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Elle/Jane’s sudden appearance RIGHT AT THE PERFECT MOMENT leads to a bunch of mushy reunion hugs, all of which are delivered while Elle/Jane still has a bloody nose. If you really loved her, GIVE HER A DAMN TISSUE! Anyway, after everyone has a lot of FEELINGS, a plan is made: Elle/Jane and Hooper will go to the lab to close the gate and Winona Ryder’s season 2 wig will take Will and Jonathan to Hooper’s cabin to break Will’s Shadow Monster virus with all of the heat necessary. Sounds legit!
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Steve, our new favorite character and sudden nice guy apologizes to Nancy and her new curly up-do for abandoning her drunken ass at the Halloween party and tells her to go to Hooper’s cabin with Jonathan. If this means more time for Steve and Dustin’s bromance, so be it!
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Meanwhile, Nancy’s mom is taking some time out of her busy schedule of allowing her kids to disappear for days on end while she daydrinks white wine to have some ME TIME in a bubble bath reading a romance novel. Calgon, take me away! This up-do is even better than Nancy’s and the best Nancy’s mom’s wig has ever looked. Sadly, someone has the audacity to ring her doorbell just as she’s truly weewaxing and her good-for-nothing husband is out-cold sleeping in the study! UGH. WHO ON EARTH COULD BE AT THE DOOR?!
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OOH-LA-LA! Don’t you love it when you’re reading about an oily bohunk and then one just shows up? And uses the dumbest line ever and asks if you’re Nancy’s sister, not mom?
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I think Nancy’s mom got her groove back! Does this mean she’ll finally abandon her Reagan supporting, constantly napping older husband? Only time will tell but girl, your wig looks GOOD.
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Thanks for the cookie, Nancy’s mom. Billy’s mullet still looks TERRIBLE.
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Billy’s mullet then hightails it over to the Byers residence where he and Steve have a skins vs shirts rematch battle thus ensuring that Winona Ryder’s house is completely trashed at least once every season of this show. Steve puts up an admirable fight but he’s no match for Billy’s violent assholery. Also way to go doing nothing: Mike, Lucas and Dustin! The only one able to stop Billy is his sister (?) Max who sedates him with some of Will’s conveniently accessible sedatives and then threatens him with Steve’s nail bat. Max is the new Negan! All hail! Also Billy’s character never amounted to ANYTHING and we never got to see him wail on a sax so: missed opportunities all around.
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Over at Hopper’s cabin, Winona’s season 2 wig is getting all kinds of swampy in the sweat lodge they’ve created to exorcise the shadow monster out of Will. What a MESS.
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Meanwhile, Steve comes to in Billy’s car which is being driven by Max (and yes, we see the Indiana Jones reference, Duffer Bros!) and despite probably having a concussion from being wailed on by Billy, goes into the demogorgon vine tunnel to burn out some demodogs. This is where Stranger Things achieves peak Goonies status. 
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Anyway, back at Hawkins Lab, Paul Reiser is totally still alive (yay?) and Elle/Jane is able to harness her anger just like her sister helped her to do and close the damn gate. Now will someone PLEASE GET HER A TISSUE?!
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A month later, it’s Christmastime (because just like now, the 80s skips straight from Halloween to Christmas). Everyone is doing GREAT YOU GUYS. Dustin’s mom got a new cat (Mews 2.0) and he got hisself some Farrah Fawcett hairspray! Can this show actually bring back this product? I feel like it has the power to do so. 
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Anyway, the hairspray of hairgod Steve transforms Dustin into THIS! YES! I have no idea why Steve drives Dustin to the Snow Ball but logic went out the window years ago with this show. I guess they just still have a bromance, which does warm my heart and #TeamSteve always.
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Anyway, inside the Snow Ball, Lucas successfully dances with Max, who is wearing a striped velour shirt and burnt sienna corduroy PANTS to a semi-formal - ok gurl you officially won me over. Also some rando girl asks Will to dance and even though she calls him zombie boy, it’s nice. 
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Sadly, no one wants to dance with Dustin and his duckie shoes (officially best 80s movie reference - the demogorgon is always in the details). Dustin 4Ever and all you Hawkins Middle School girls can fall into the upside down for not wanting to dance with him!
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Luckily, Nancy is inexplicably chaperoning the dance and comes to Dustin’s rescue. Her up-do HAS NEVER LOOKED BETTER! Her no-body perm FINALLY GETS BODY! HALLELUJ! Also just look at the meeting of these two hairdos. Magic.
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In the end, Jane (who is officially Jane now because Paul Reiser gave Hooper some official birth certificates about it - vegetable mom be damned!) shows up to dance with Mike because OF COURSE SHE DOES. Her hair is sort of a gelled down combo of curly and sleek and...ok? All these Snow Ball hair lewks are wigless anyway since no one wants Billy’s mullet to chaperone anything. And it is because of this awful mullet and Winona’s season 2 wig that I have to say.....
VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ
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