#because guess fucking what! telling someone to ''try harder'' NO MATTER WHAT is ableist

[verzaenian]

I’m so tired so I’m just gonna say I fucking hate every single allistic who tries to “understand” us autistics like we’re some kind of animal I fucking hate allistics who provide performative “accommodations” that they literally say “won’t work for everyone” (by which they mean they’ll only help people who can easily pass as allistic without even trying) and most of all I fucking HATE autistics (and allistics) who don’t need that much help or accommodations who act as if their experiences are the norm and tell other autistics that our experiences are fake, not real, invalid, overreactions, ridiculous, and stupid just because we can’t fit into the perfect little box of “sweet uwu girl who just likes to talk about her special interests sometimes and displays barely any autism symptoms” (no hate to people like that. but it’s so so SO fucking tiring to see people act like they’re being “progressive” by acting like every autistic person is a young white teen girl who displays like 2 autism symptoms at the most and only shows them when it’s convenient)

Above all, I fucking hate every allistic who has ever said “just try harder I don’t mind if you mess up” and then proceeded to guilt trip and get upset at autistics for not being able try harder because autism is a disability, not something we can just turn off whenever it’s causing problems.

#i am SO SO SO tired of ableists #because guess fucking what! telling someone to ''try harder'' NO MATTER WHAT is ableist #idc if the person is autistic and can't use neopronouns. yes i am talking about this in specific #i will literally fucking. strangle you. i am so tired of allistic bullshit #and its even worse when other autistics say it because you KNOW theyre just trying to appeal to allistics and go ''no no dont worry im not #like the BAD autistics i swear i can do everything in a normal neurotypical way!!'' #stop throwing other autistics under the bus because allistics hate us #every time an allistic says ''just try harder'' or some bullshit like that i get closer and closer to reaching my limit and just blocking #every allistic i know #''just try harder'' oh ill try harder. ill try harder to smash your fucking face into a wall #-Kiyo (he/him) #sorry for so much swearing and negativity i am just so pissed off right now #cw negative #cw rant #cw ventish #actually autistic

[rogerina-deacon]

Could you write hcs of how the boys from Queen would react to your scars? I'm feeling real bad rn and idk.. you don't have to, obviously, but if you do, thanks!

A/N: So I’m not completely sure what type of scars you mean, but given some context clues I’m going to guess self harm scars? If not, let me know and I’ll rewrite this (don’t pay attention to requests being closed for this, if this isn’t what you wanted I’d be more than happy to redo it for you). Also, if anyone reading this is struggling with depression, self-harm, or any unpleasant thoughts along those lines, please seek some form of help and treatment. If you need someone to talk to and relate to, I’m here. I’m not a proper therapist, but I’ve been in therapy for years and am a good listener. But of course, if you can, seek help from a therapist. They can do a much better job than I can.

WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM

Brian (Three years clean)

When Brian found out you used to harm yourself, it felt like his heart sank into his stomach

His eyes softened and welled as he took your hands in his, moving them to show your inner forearms

“Love, I can’t see them” he noted, squinting to see anything

“It’s been years and they were never that deep, but you can faintly see them if I point them out” You said, and he released your hands as you brought your right index finger to your left wrist and pointed to one

“This was my first, oldest yet most noticeable” You said, pointing out a pale line two inches down from the bottom of your hand

“Holy shit, I can see it… Y/N, love, why did you do this?” He asked, almost pleading as he brushed his calloused thumb over the faded scar, a lone tear escaping his eyes

“Brian, don’t worry about that, it’s all behind me, and I don’t really want to rehash that. I just… figured you should know this part of it, I guess”

“So you don’t want to do this?” He asked, wondering if he needed to be worried about you more than he already was

“No, oh God no! Brian, I’m pretty much over what happened to me. I’ve got coping mechanisms now that work, and my meds control the depression when I do have it. Trust me, babe, I’m fine.” You assured him, making sure he knew that you were doing much better than you were when you created those scars

“Okay, love. But you can talk to me about anything, okay? I am always here for you. Always.” He said, now holding your hands again and lightly shaking them for emphasis

“I know, Bri. Thank you.” You said, nodding your head as it hung, your forehead resting against his

“Any time. I love you.” He said, moving his head to an angle where his lips could reach yours to connect them in a sweet kiss

“I love you too” You replied once he pulled away, and he led you to the couch where you two spent the rest of the day cuddled up together

John (Six months clean, thoughts of relapsing)

When you and John met, it was autumn, so you had an excuse to constantly wear a hoodie

He figured you just got cold easily and never pushed it, and that whenever he tried to take things further and you wouldn’t take it off, he thought you just weren’t ready

And he never brought it up, wanting you to not feel pressured

But months passed, and it was the warmest day yet and there was no way you could survive the day in long sleeves, especially when he had planned a picnic in the park to celebrate the weather

So you figured it was best to tell him that day, and so you invited him inside your flat when he picked you up so you weren’t springing it on him in public

Especially since you were having some thoughts you haven’t had in a while and were planning on asking him for help, and you didn’t exactly want to cry in the park

You were wearing your hoodie, of course, and John was a bit confused, especially since your AC hadn’t been put in yet

“Dear, why are you wearing your hoodie inside?” He said, slightly chuckling as you led him to the couch

“Um, well I don’t normally, but I, uh, I need to tell you something.” You said, and he was concerned right away

“What is it? Have I done something wrong?” He asked, worried he had fucked things up with you

“No, no, John you haven’t done anything wrong. But, um, I did a while ago…” You trailed off, and he seemed confused about this but watched as you peeled off the cotton hoodie, slowly revealing the scars littering your arms

His eyes widened as he stared in disbelief, almost studying them as he looked at the reddened skin, some smooth, others the slightest bit scabbed over as they healed all these months later

“Wait, did you- did you do this to yourself?” He asked, his hand reaching out tentatively, wondering if he could touch them

Nodding, you gave him the okay to brush his fingers along your skin before responding

“Yeah, I um, I was in a really dark place, and this was my way to cope. I haven’t done it in half a year but…”

“But? But what, Y/N?” He asked, noticing the way your eyes seemed distant as you pondered what to say next

“But, um, I’ve been having some thoughts, and I’m kind of scared, John. I feel like I might relapse and I’m scared that I will, that I’ll fuck up six months of progress, that I’ll-” You rambled, but he cut you off, pulling you close into a tight hug, a few tears falling from your eyes and onto John’s t-shirt as he rubbed your back and soothed you

“You won’t. Not with me here to help you. Not with my love and support, not with the love and support of the guys. But if you do, that’s okay. Recovery isn’t perfect. But I will always be here, love, okay?” He said, and you nodded, sniffling a bit as he wiped away the tears from your cheeks

“Now, are you ready for that picnic?” He asked, and you chuckled as you got up with him and made your way to his car, without your hoodie.

Roger (Eight years clean)

“C’mon, love, we’re gonna be late!” He called to you in the bathroom from the bedroom

You were currently sat on the toilet just staring at your arm, squinting as you looked at the just barely present scars

“Love, what’re you doing-” he started, entering the bathroom

“What’s so special about that arm that you have to stare at it while you use the toilet?” He teased, walking closer before crouching next to you

“Oh, nothing, just let me wash my hands and we can go.” You said, rushing to stand up and pull up your underwear

“What’s going on? Why are you acting so strange?’ He asked, moving to stand behind you at the sink, his hands trailing down your arms from your shoulders, trying to gently move your forearms so he could see what was so interesting

“I don’t see anything, love. Have you finally gone mad?” He joked, smiling at you in the mirror

“Rog, don’t joke about that.” You warned, and his face turned into that of a confused puppy

“What’s going on with you?” He asked, and that was the straw that broke the camels back for you

“What’s going on is that I’m not a fan of when people use ableist slurs in their jokes, okay.”

“Ableist… what? Love all I’m saying is I don’t get why you were staring at your arm, no need to-”

“Rog, I have depression. You know this. ‘Mad’ is a term used against people with mental illness. I don’t like when it’s treated lightly.” You explained, though you were still all over the place to him.

“I don’t get how this explains your arm-”

“I used to cut myself, Roger.” You said, face blank and tone cold, your words shocking your fiancee into a state of shock

“Y-you, you what? Why did I never know this?” He asked, stepping towards you

“Because it’s a part of my past I’m not proud of. I did it, but I don’t like that I did it. I’ve been trying to suppress it, but I could still see the scars on my arm so I guess I just froze.” You explained, plopping down onto the bed with a huff

Roger just did the same, laying next to you at the edge with his legs hanging off the edge

“You know I love you, right?” He said, and you just dryly chuckled, taking his hand

“I do, Rog.”

“And you know I’d never intentionally say something to upset you, right?”

“I know, Rog.” You said, squeezing his hand in emphasis

“Wanna spend the night at home?” He suggested, his thumb reassuringly brushing your hand

“What about Freddie’s party? You know he’ll throw a fit next time he sees you if you don’t show tonight.”

“Well screw him, I want to spend the night alone with my girl and he’s just gonna have to deal with him. Besides, it’s been awhile since he’s been mad at me for something besides my drumming, so I guess I’m due for it.” He said, the two of you laughing as he pulled you into his side, your leg throwing itself over his waist to get as close as possible

But he soon adjusted to to lay at the top of the bed and dragged you with him, the two of you not caring to change out of your party clothes and opting to just cuddle and fall asleep like that.

Freddie (platonic) (Struggling to get clean)

Keeping secrets from best friends is always hard, but it’s even harder when your best friend is so good at reading people you’d think he’s a mind reader

He could tell your mood as soon as he saw you, so of course you couldn’t hide your depression

But luckily no matter what you wore he couldn’t see the scars on your upper thighs, all your jeans, dresses and skirts covering them

Until one day he wanted to catch his friends in candid moments with his new camera, and decided he wanted to give you a Marilyn Monroe moment, turning a fan on that made your skirt fly unexpectedly, giving Freddie the perfect view of fresh cuts from the night before

“Darling, where did you get those?” He asked, putting the camera down

“Oh, um, you know how my cats get-”

“Cats aren’t that persistent, dear, nor are their claws that wide. Now, care to tell me the truth?” He asked, sounding like a disappointed mother who just smelled booze on her child’s breath.

“I, um, well-” You started, not sure how to tell him

“I know you did this to yourself, though to be honest I din’t know why.” He said, alleviating some pressure from you

“I guess I just feel like I deserve it…” you said, looking down

“No one deserves that, and you know it. Only the most horrendous people do, like rapists and murderers, and you are neither, my dear.”

“I know, I just-”

“No need to explain, I understand that your depression gets the best of you. But now that I know how shitty it makes you treat yourself I’m gonna keep an eye on you. Every day, you’ll show me your thighs, and I’ll-”

“Fred, that’s not necessary-”

“Y/N, you are cutting yourself, it’s necessary. Why don’t you come live with me? That way I can-”

“I don’t need that, Freddie! I don’t need you hounding me and guilting me into stopping! What I do need, though, is your help and support in getting clean. Can you do that?” You asked, taking his hand

“Of course I can, darling. I just worry, you know. I don’t want to get a call from some hospital and think I didn’t do everything I could.” He said, tears ready to fall from his eyes

“You won’t, Freddie.” You assured, tears ready to fall from your eyes as well

“Now, I think I have another idea for a candid photo of you. Just, stay there.”

“Freddie, don’t-” You said, but it but then he already had the camera up to his face and was adjusting the exposure before taking the picture

The shot he had gotten was of you, sitting on the couch, hand up blocking your face, skirt of your dress pulled up, revealing you scars

“I think I might have an eye for edgy photography, love” He announced before going back to the couch to sit with you, where you just sat and talked for the rest of the day.

If you liked this, check out my masterlist!

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @thewinchesterchronicles @queen-irl-af @deacytits​ @punkgeekchic @the-holy-black-hole @radiobribri @deaky-deacy-denky @queenbbarnes @brianprobablywill @nyikondlovu​ @thatswhatiam-lovernotafighter

Send me an ask or a message if you wanna be added to my taglist!

#tw: self harm #tw: depression #brian may headcanon #brian may x reader #john deacon x reader #john deacon headcanon #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor headcanon #freddie mercury x reader #freddie mercury headcanon

[xxlovendreamsxx]

do you support pain-somnia

Yes. 1000%. Because that fucking thread about them on twitter is absolute bullshit, full of lies and also putting words into their mouth that they never said. I’ve been absolutely livid about it since I learned about it, had half a mind to make a twitter account just to counter all the lies on there.

Day’s original thread earlier wasn’t manipulating anyone, it was advising people to watch what they say because these jabs at fan content have been bothering fan content creators. What sort of jabs? Things like saying you’ve been so deprived of content for the ship and how this novel is “so much better” because it’s not a fanfic. It’s discouraging for fan writers to hear, and they were trying to warn people about the effect these kinds of comments were having on fan content creators. Because in the end, after the hype dies down for the novel, all you have left are these creators. Where is the manipulation? It’s a boldface lie that they manipulated anyone. 

And then comes the matter that they apparently do not support small creators. What the genuine hell? Because they don’t read and reblog from them? Readers all have preferences, standards. Some topics they can’t stand to read about, some that immediately have them clicking out of a fic, some writing level they can’t tolerate. I can’t stand first POV anything, for example, and it sends me running. Same for cliche bad tropes like playboy Sasuke or super jealous Sasuke--we all. Have. Goddamn. Standards. And. Preferences. Day has never said their ideas were superior. They have said to be icked out by some subjects or tropes that had them exiting the fic, which is understandable. Does that mean they have to reblog from small creators anyway? Just because they are more popular? 

Newsflash, but when you do that as a popular creator, you tend to fall into a hole that never ceases to deepen where literally every small creator comes to you asking you to read and review and reblog their stories which can be exhausting and time consuming to anyone who is busy like they are. Getting attention and an audience takes time--there are no shortcuts. Don’t get angry because popular creators don’t always promote your works--it’s not their job.  

And god. The other zine. The other fucking zine. Man have I never been more pissed off in my life about all those accusations with that goddamn zine. 

Let me tell you something: I was in there for a while. Trying to paint them as the poor little victims? Oh boy is that ever laughable. Without getting into details, let’s just say it wasn’t the greatest time in there. The environment was toxic as hell. I quit. Many other people quit. Participants who stayed and were only in their zine were paid double while others who were in both were only paid half “to be fair” (where’s the fairness in that? there wasn’t any--there were just being petty.)

These accusations of trying to sabotage them is absolutely fucking ridiculous. Asking them not to announce their zine? All that other bullshit? Like what on earth? I don’t even know where to start. They (the other zine) did mistreat their creators. They laughed about how Seasons wasn’t going to make it and were never going to have enough money to actually go through with the realization of the project. Begged a creator who wanted out of their zine to stay by offering them MONEY (sketchy much?). Did not listen to any advice Day and the other mods gave to them because they were noticing the bad choices they were making. They were not kind, they were not angels--they were not remotely damn victims. Day was a dedicated and available mod, which is more than I can say for the other zine who were barely present and got offended if you had a problem with anything. 

I was never going to talk about my bad experience and the ones I know many other creators had with them because that was the mature thing to do, and karma would speak for itself when the time came. But accusing Day in that thread of all these things when they and the others mods have made the experience of a being in a zine 10x better than the other team? When Day told us many times of the advice they had tried to give so they would not make such mistakes but the team simply ignored it or got pissy about it? Give me a goddamn break, they were the better person here. Better than those people have ever been to their contributors and to Season’s team.

Lastly, this whole thing about only wanting to make money is just... god I’m exhausted thinking about it. Writers spend hours and hours of their time making content, yes? Just as artists do, we take a considerable time of our day to provide the fics you read. Artists have commissions, and a good 99% of the time, no one has a problem with that. But as soon as a writer dares to request money for their work, that’s somehow a big problem. Do any of you realize how largely silent the reading community is? How many people read, possibly like, but don’t say anything? How many readers feel entitled to have the next chapter as soon as possible when this writer isn’t even getting paid? No?

Then how, good gracious, in the fucking world is it so offensive that a writer would set up someway to get a little money for the extensive time they give the fandom, and rewards these willing patrons with earlier updates? Especially a writer who is disabled and doesn’t have the same privileges that able-bodied people have when it comes to work? But somehow that makes them money-hungry? You are helping them make their lives a little easier by offering just a little money for something they love to do and dont feel they are wasting their time doing. They have explained many times how patrons are the only way they feel people are still interested in their works because people are so fucking silent and never bother to leave a comment. 

So much of the fandom takes its content creators for granted. So many get offended when there is an opportunity for them to get a little money because they don’t want to pay them for content they could have for free. For content they have been getting for free for so many years. It makes them feel entitled. But guess what? No reader is entitled to anything if you don’t pay the creator. You don’t pay us. Write the goddamn subsequent chapters or stories you want yourself if you are so entitled to have content. 

Have some fucking respect and stop getting so enraged at creators who choose to take this opportunity to get money if they can when chances are they probably fucking need that money. Day is an amazing person. They are one of the kindest people I know, hardworking and dedicated to the fandom. 

Anyone who tries to imply otherwise is a blinded idiot. And that person specifically who made the thread? A special fuck you to your ableist ass. Literally cannot get over how you would tell someone you don’t even know at all that your life (and a dozen other people as you so sweetly put it) is harder than theirs.

Find someone else to spread your stupid lies about.

#i will go off on anyone who tries to pain them in a bad light #you have no idea how much they try and are good to the fandom and the people they work with #absolutely no idea #these lies are absolute bullshit and i shame anyone who believed them #Anonymous #asks

[sagemoderocklee]

Oh what's this about "the only valid fic that’s ever going to be written for gaalee"? You don't have to tell the name of the fic I'm just curious about what happened? Like what's the deal with this fic?

oof… well, this is a conversation I’ve had many a time, but be forewarned, I have a lot of feelings on this matter and this will… not be short.

I’ll just use [redacted] but in all honesty whether I give you the name or not, I promise, it wouldn’t be difficult to know what fic I’m talking about (not least of which because I’m one of the few people who has been vocal about that fic and when asked I make it known I have No Interest in it). But literally everyone in the GaaLee fandom knows about this fic that was written–after careful research–just over 13 years ago. THIRTEEN! That’s quite a long time for a fic to maintain such acclaim, but the GaaLee fandom is small and a bit of a fic desert when it comes to content, and in a way, I think that’s to blame…. 

From my perspective, this fic–which published it’s first chapter in September of 2005 on Livejournal, then posted in April 2006 to a lesser known fic hosting website–has remained a staple in this fandom for so long because it was, by and large, one of the only decent novel length fics in the fandom at the time. And that time was a long time. If you look at the GaaLee tag on any fanfiction hosting website, you won’t have an easy time finding novel length stories with quality writing, characterization, plot, etc. 

[Redacted] was, ostensibly, the first GaaLee fic with any real substance: it had good pros, and, seemingly, it had a plot (though if you ask me the plot was “get gaara and lee together, and forget about any and all conflict outside of them once they bone down”, but I digress). 

People loved this fic. So much so that there are a number of depictions of scenes from this fic drawn by talented fanartists, there are podfics, there are probably translations, there’s a fucking TV Tropes entry. But the real impact this fic has had on the fandom? The reason I always vaguely complain about it?: “I won’t read anything if it’s not [Redacted].” 

As a writer, myself, I’m sure it’s obvious why I might have grown bitter about this fic over the course of my time in this fandom. Unlike other fandoms I’ve been in, such as the Harry/Draco fandom, which upholds the classics that helped shape the fandom but still allows for new, fresh takes, the GaaLee fandom holds on to this singular fic as the Pinnacle Fic. According to this fandom, you will never come across a greater gaalee story–never mind that this fic is 13 years old, is ableist in its depiction of Gaara, actually does forget the plot partway through, not to mention the gross ‘sand rape’ scene, and of course doesn’t hold up 13 years later with canon specifically because of mischaracterizing at least Gaara (it’s been a while since I read it, so I’m sure I’m missing things). Never mind that we, as individuals and communities, should be able to look at something more critically and say “yes, this was good at the time, but now I see that it is not perfect. Yes, this helped shape a small and lacking fandom, but it does not have to be the be-all end-all.” 

The GaaLee fandom, as indicated by the shit I was fielding thanks to daring to call out homophobia in the fandom, does not like change. It has certainly changed, even grown I’d like to think. But the fandom itself is stagnant in many ways; it does not want to let go of its old ways which is easily seen by some of the GaaLee–oh, excuse me, LeeGaa blogs out there (it’s very important to remember exactly who is putting it up whose butt, because heaven forbid we treat these characters genuinely and not depict mlm couples with gross fetishistic tropes like seme and uke–i hope that the tone of “i’m rolling my eyes” comes through strongly here). 

Now, I haven’t read this fic in about 4 years, roughly. I put off reading it for a very long time while working on Alliance because I, like so many people in the fandom, held it up on a pedestal. I worried over comparing myself to the author, I worried over the potential to be influenced in a way, that Alliance would seem too much like [Redacted]. Then, in the midst of depression and wanting desperately to read a GaaLee fic, I re-read it. I hadn’t touched it in four years–at that time–and thought “what the hell”. So I read it. 

And I didn’t like it. The pros are good, I’ll give you that. But other than the pros, I wasn’t moved. In fact, I felt only relief. “My fic is nothing like this. I don’t agree with this author’s interpretation here and here–oh my god that’s rape what the fuck” and so on. Now, it has been a long time since my last read through, so I may be missing things about the fic, but ultimately it’s not really about whether or not I like the fic, it’s not about whether or not the fic is good. It’s old. It shouldn’t really matter anymore because we should all have matured enough to say “This fic was good, it did a lot of good for the fandom, but looking back I realise it’s not what I thought it was and has some gross elements which we will not allow to continue to propagate in our fandom.” 

But unfortunately, this fic is still relevant; unfortunately this fic still matters and still shapes this fandom in far too many ways. If the common theme of this fandom wasn’t “oh my god, have you read [Redacted]” “[Redacted] is the best fic and the only one I’ll read” then maybe I’d never say a peep about this fic. It would fall to the back of my mind, a fic I read and enjoyed once upon a time, when I was young and less rounded as a person. But unfortunately, the fandom does not take the stance that other fandoms take–it is not ‘a classic we appreciate for what it did for this fandom’, it is now a weapon used against new authors. I don’t think it’s necessarily intended to be, but it is. Who wants to write a fic for this pairing when all they hear is “I’ll never read anything but [Redacted]”? Who wants to write anything when they know people won’t give them a chance? Hell, who will read things when they’re told that the only thing worth reading is [Redacted]? When they’re told that everything else in this fandom is trash? And listen, I know there’s a lot of trash in this fandom–and I don’t mean writing skill, I mean actual trash. Writers who manipulate minors into a cult following while their writing features a relationship between a 16 and 25 year old; writers who write A/B/O; writers who write ‘soft stalking’; writers who turn Shukaku into “a voice in Gaara’s head”… The list is long and ugly. But that doesn’t mean write off every writer, that doesn’t mean refuse to move past a fic that’s 13 years old.

How are we supposed to overpower the gross, ugly content if we as a fandom community refuse to give new writers a chance? How can fandom grow and change and get better, if we hold on to something from 13 years ago? (Trust me, it shows that this fic was written thirteen years ago. It is Very Obvious.) 

Yet here we are, holding on to a 13 year old story. Who else do we know in this fandom who writes? Who else has that much acclaim? Who else writes good, quality stories and gets art and a goddamn TV Tropes entry and countless people raving about their work? Do you know what happens when I say I want to read a gaalee fic? I get a number of people asking if I’ve read [Redacted] as if I haven’t been here for 11 years. It was literally the first GaaLee fic my friends told me to read so that I’d understand why GaaLee was a good ship. I read it when I was all of 18 and so new to the fandom. I read it again when I was 21. And again when I was 24. I guess the third time was the charm. 

There is a post that floats around sometimes visible in the gaalee or leegaa tag that says “guess it’s time to go reread [Redacted]” or something to that effect with something like 350 notes. 350 notes. This tired comment from years ago that suggests there’s nothing worth reading in this fandom, that’s been put out there for writers and readers of fic to see. Listen, I won’t lie, it IS hard to find good fic content! It is, but it’s even harder when you don’t give people a fucking chance. 

Do you know what conversations I’ve had with people about fanfiction in this fandom? I literally had someone, point blank, say to me and the other writers on the GaaLee discord “I don’t read anything but […] [Redacted].” 

How disheartening. How unsupportive. How insulting. Saying that to people who you know are writers, who work hard and want support. That’s ugly. That’s not cute. That’s not community. 

There are fresh new takes on Gaara and Lee, and I know that for a fact because I have worked tirelessly to help create some of these fresh takes. I know my fucking worth as a writer, I know I’m good at what I do. I’ll always be learning and refining my writing, but I am a good fucking writer and it is a slap in the face to me and every other writer out there, who dedicates any amount of time to trying to produce good written content for this pairing. We don’t need the fic tags for this pairing to be filled with the trash mentioned above (pedophilia, rape, ableism, etc). We don’t need to be a fic desert. But if people only ever read one 13 year old fic, then that’s what we’re gonna keep having. 

I’m obviously not going anywhere. I’ve got plenty of GaaLee fics to write (something like 20+), regardless of the “I’ll only read [Redacted]” people in this fandom. But who’s to say if it’ll matter in this fandom? Who’s to say it’ll change how people feel about [Redacted]? Who’s to say if I can help make a trend of supporting fic authors other than [Redacted’s Author]? I mean, the person who made that post with 350 notes, far as I know, has never read my fic content. If someone is so desperate for content that they’ll re-read something from 13 years ago, then why aren’t they also checking the GaaLee tag on tumblr or Ao3 for new fics? Like people actively complain about the lack of fic in this fandom and then… do nothing about it. And I don’t mean they should write fics necessarily. Like yes, if you’re a writer and you want to see fic content in this fandom, I absolutely urge you to write! But first, we need more people who are willing to read fics. Who will go out of their comfort zone and just give us a chance. We need these people who are always complaining about the lack of fic content to do something about it, make other authors feel better about themselves, lift up other authors, share their works, comment like your life depends on it. That’s what we need. Because there are a handful of people out there who want to write and want to keep writing for this pairing. But without support…??? They disappear. They give up. They lose interest. 

There will probably be some people who feel like personally attacked because they’ve said these things and not supported other authors, but honestly, if you feel that way then please take that and prove me wrong. Be more proactive. Find a new GaaLee writer, find a story you haven’t given a chance. Prove that this fandom can change and grow; prove that fic writers have a place in this fandom. 

Because right now, fic writers don’t have a place.

Anyway, I’ve spent the last like hour going on and on about this, and I have things to do and I’m sure you didn’t want me to write something this long, Anon. Please, just blame my Aries Mercury ass for being a passionate talker lmao 

#otp: the ultimate otp #gaara #rock lee #naruto #shippuden #gaalee #this is like a call out post in good faith essentially #so it's going in the tags because i want ppl to start being more supportive of other writers in this fandom #give gaalee fic writers a chance 2k18 #this got out of hand im so sorry #i feel very strongly about this i can't help it #and tbh i think this is part of why this fandom doesn't have the popularity other pairings have #like god so many ppl have like no concept of this pairing like they just do not Get It #and i think it's partly this #partly the fujoshi bs but also partly this #because where are the stories that explain to ppl why they work???? #i mean you can paint a pretty picture but at the end of the day where's the story? where's the foundation? #Anonymous

[gillzilla]

*Spoilers for last season of BoJack Horseman below*

I’m having a lot of thoughts and feelings about the ending of BoJack Horseman that I really just need to share. I’m feeling angry and annoyed about how the series ended because of comparisons to how Ben Solo/Kylo was treated, even though the characters and stories they’re in are obviously also quite different. I’m annoyed that the show didn’t go deeper into pointing out how the rehab industry didn’t help BoJack at all and that he never even saw a real mental health professional. Wouldn’t that be the solution to so many of the issues he’s gone through? I guess that’s considered a boring solution in stories, especially movies and shows. But I don’t think it sends a good message to ignore something that can actually help someone to heal when a story has done such a good job thus far showing mental illness, trauma, abuse and addiction so honestly and fully. There’s a strongly individualistic message in how BoJack is treated at the end of the final season that I think is a bit victim blamey. BoJack made lots of bad choices and he did hurt a lot of people, but the show has been so great up to this point at showing what happened to him throughout his life that led him to where he is now, including the inter-generational trauma within his family, his extremely abusive parents, and just how shitty celebrity culture and the Hollywood sphere are generally. I feel a bit played with honestly because, similarly to Ben’s story, I spent years following Bojack’s really well-executed story of inter-generational trauma, mental illness, and addiction, and growing to love the character, when in the end he was kind of victim blamed and basically told he didn’t pull himself up by the bootstraps well enough, even though society and culture, particularly celebrity culture, failed him so many times.

For a show that has been so excellent at analyzing difficult and important societal and cultural issues up to this point, it didn’t address stigma against, lack of education on, and access to mental healthcare nearly well enough. The show seemed to end on just blaming BoJack for continually “making too many wrong choices.” That is an ableist message because mental illness and addiction are illnesses, they’re not things that can be overcome with individual willpower. Additionally, the message that the show almost went with, that the character could only be “redeemed” through suicide, is a very harmful one. This is the same message that was sent with Ben’s death. This goes against my value of restorative justice, which some people might be averse to, but really, we have a big question hanging in the air right now of, when people make mistakes, are they supposed to just be thrown away like trash? Is there any space for people who make mistakes to repent and go on to lead healthy lives? People who believe in retributive justice probably say, they should just be thrown away. This goes down to the fundamental ideologies that we believe in at this point, but I honestly do believe in the dignity of every person and the right of every person to be given the chance to change.

I think that’s better for society too, because it says that there is always hope for people to change and it brings more complexity to our definition of what “bad” or “evil” is. Even in the damn second to last season of BoJack, Diane tells him that there isn’t such a thing as a “good” or “bad” person, it’s our actions that matter. That’s exactly what I believe in, and it gives all of us a chance to change every single day. Supposedly “good” people can do really messed up things that they then aren’t held accountable for because they’re too “good” (or too privileged) to do something like that, while a lot of supposedly “bad” people have often been directed down that life path due to the effects of systemic oppression and trauma. Similarly to Ben, I saw myself in BoJack, so these messages upset me. Even though I never did anything as “extreme” as either of them, I went through a lot of similar shit. I hate the message that people who aren’t the perfect victims are irredeemable.

Also, these characters both being male has something to do with this as well. Trying to figure out how to deal with male perpetrators of abuse and/or violence has been a big issue the last few years particularly. I absolutely believe that men who are abusive need to be held accountable for their actions, but what does accountability really mean? Do we throw these men in prison and leave them to rot or do we do the braver thing of treating them as humans, giving them the space, opportunities and resources to heal, and engaging with them about what brought them to that point where they committed those acts? Yes, individual choices and actions absolutely matter and I’m not trying to be an apologist for abusers, but I think it also matters to determine what led abusers to that point, because often societal and cultural issues play a role. Perhaps that person went through a lot of trauma, abuse, poverty, etc. in their life. Even if people don’t care about the individual abuser and just fully condemn him, wouldn’t it be better if society was more focused on preventing people from getting to the point where they commit those acts by helping them resolve their struggles than dealing with them retroactively after they’ve committed the acts and harmed others? Also, we have to admit that patriarchy fucks up men too, even as it gives them privilege. It is an inherently dehumanizing system that causes them a lot of trauma. Perhaps by diving into that more, more men could recognize the toxicity that patriarchy brings to their own lives and focus their energies on dismantling it.

Additionally, I don’t like the message that a lot of media outlet reviewers seem to be spinning that they liked that all of BoJack’s friends parted ways with him in the end because that was what he “deserved.” On one hand I understand that it’s important to show people setting healthy boundaries, since they felt he was just too toxic for them and that was the healthy thing to do. However, how is BoJack ever supposed to heal from all of the tremendous trauma he’s been through and bad choices he’s made without anyone to support him? Isolation is a major issue for people with mental illness and it makes recovery much harder. This adds to the series finale’s message that people going through mental illness can just be thrown away like trash, mainly I think because the show didn’t deal enough with the stigma against mental health conditions that often leads a lot of people, especially men, not to seek therapy. Honestly, the show didn’t promote therapy at all really, it kind of gave the message that therapy is silly and useless since it never resolved the idea from prior seasons that BoJack thought therapy was useless, and Diane didn’t seem to really benefit from her time in therapy during prior seasons at all either.

I found that I disagreed with some aspects of Diane’s story in the last season as well. It is important to break down stigma against taking antidepressants, but it’s also important to show that medication is usually paired with therapy to really get the help one needs. Sometimes medications can just help to manage symptoms rather than really getting to the root of the problem, which one can really only do in therapy. Obviously, everyone’s treatment plan should be individually tailored to what they’re going through (and they should have a say in that with their mental health professional), but I think this society is often obsessed with “easy fixes” for mental illnesses by just giving people medication, but doesn’t recognize that mental health conditions are different from physical conditions in the sense that they are more complex to fully treat (and therapy gives space for working through that complexity). Diane even worries whether she’ll have to be on antidepressants for the rest of her life, which alludes to the fact that medications can sometimes just manage symptoms for people rather than get to the root of the problem, which I really think you can only do in therapy. But that issue was never fully taken up in the show.

In sum, these are just some of the thoughts I’ve had since finishing the series yesterday. I’m sad because I feel that this ending is going to taint the way I view the whole series going forward. Similarly to Ben, BoJack has been shown to have suffered quite a lot throughout the series and to have been failed numerous times by our society’s lack of understanding about addiction and mental illness and by Hollywood culture. For someone that related to him, even though I never thought I would when I first started watching this show years ago, it’s sad for me to see this character and the complex themes that were addressed around him being treated this way in the end.

#bojack horseman #ben solo deserved better

[curb-stomp-for-charity]

tumblr mobile isn't allowing me to insert a read-more break but

i'm rethinking my feelings on this ambrose-rollins feud and here's why

so the trailer for the new Dean Ambrose documentary-style video covering his post-injury return came out today.

of course, everyone everywhere seems extremely excited and hype about this because, hey, it's (the guy who keeps his personal life private) Dean Ambrose!

but one twitter user got my mental gears going. this user commented that while they're excited about the video, they're confused by the wwe's timing. i read the discussion that followed with other fans, and everything they said made sense to me.

so the main point of confusion regarding the release is that features like these are usually geared towards enhancing public appeal of a figure. and not just any kind of public appeal, but positive public appeal. now we all know that Dean Ambrose is already wildly popular, but a feature like this, a chance to see the vulnerabilities and human qualities of the man behind the character, is guaranteed to increase not only admiration for an already-popular superstar, but respect for the athlete and entertainer who exists when the lights go out. in other words, this is an appeal-enhancing feature that would suit a face.

and to the chagrin of those twitter users, Dean Ambrose, at this current moment, is not a face. Dean Ambrose is currently being presented as the most selfish heel (according to the colour commentator) who isn't even "man enough" to properly relay his reasons for betraying his brother. the twitter users expressed that they are annoyed that the wwe can't seem to get that releasing this feature will only make us /like/ Dean Ambrose more. and that's not okay because Dean Ambrose is a heel, the bad guy you most definitely do not want to like. the guy they want the crowd to boo out of the building.

in short, releasing this now will probably only make people more likely to cheer for Ambrose and weaken the villainous air his character is currently swathed in.

so, of course, the users chalked this ostensibly poor timing up to the wwe's gross misunderstanding of their own product and not knowing what they want to achieve in their storylines and them not even knowing how to go about getting the responses they want.

while i was inclined to agree wholeheartedly with the thread of tweets, being the overthinking and zealous fan i am, i started wondering if maybe i've got this storyline a bit wrong.

until today, i assumed that the wwe wanted me to hate Dean Ambrose for what he did to Seth Rollins. i assumed that the wwe was just stringing its usual heel-face storyline and wanted me to boo Ambrose and cheer for Rollins. and while i have actually been more supportive of Ambrose since his turn(because Seth Rollins can be a dick and he hasn't handled this situation maturely AT ALL), i've accepted that Ambrose IS the bad guy in this storyline. i've accepted that creative wants me, as the viewer, to see Dean as an asshole who just wants to screw with someone who trusted him. and they've even got the crowd to start screaming at him that he "Sold Out" (to what, idk).

with that assumption, i have been trying my best to see what little good there is in Rollins' character (i love him, he's great, but as i said, he can be a Grade A asshole). and it's been hard to accept him as the face in this feud because Rollins has already guessed at Ambrose's reasons for actions, and they all include Seth Rollins' OWN past actions being at the centre of them. he stabbed his brothers in the back (VICIOUSLY, i might add), and unapologetically tormented them for MONTHS, cheating his way to the top of the company almost overnight. Seth Rollins tried to kill Dean Ambrose in their feud (that curbstomp through cement blocks???? no one can tell me permanent brain damage wasn't Rollins' aim. i hated that man for a solid month) and frequently made Roman Reigns' life a living hell (which he's now sworn to do to Ambrose, even while being a kayfabe face).

but if the wwe wants me to hate ambrose and love seth....why release a feature that will only enhance admiration and respect for the supposed "bad guy" you want me to boo? unless the video includes actual footage of Dean Ambrose being an insufferable asshole to everyone in his life (highly improbable), then like my fellow twitter users, i am utterly confused, and the point of the timing of this release eludes me.

Unless.

unless this storyline strays from the wwe's formulaic presentation of their characters as either "good" or "bad". i might be giving creative too much credit here....but maybe the wwe is using two of its most talented athletes to present a story that is so complex and layered that it is almost impossible to really frame their characters as we normally would. because maybe they understand that no one is truly "good" or truly "evil". everyone possesses good and bad traits. everyone is human. so maybe they understand that regardless of what Dean Ambrose has done, he's not a "bad" guy, and presenting this personal look at his recovery will make the audience understand how his experience has shaped him and his motivations. and how his struggles and successes have informed his decisions up to this point. so the aim may not be to make me like Dean Ambrose, but instead to present his character in such a way that his motivations are understood. and with that presentation, his heelish actions may seem more justified and make it harder to classify him as a heel. but he still can't be a face because the presentation of his character thus far has made it clear that in some ways the wwe wants us to be disappointed in Ambrose and his recent actions.

so if he's not a heel or a face, then what is he?

it's quite simple. he's human.

Dean Ambrose is human.

he was faced with challenges and overcame them. he struggled with feelings of abandonment in his absence (i mean, neither of his brothers really checked up on him? damn, i'd harbour feelings, too) and he seemed to try to work through those negative feelings. he supported those he loved even when they didn't support him as much as he wanted them to. he tried his absolute best to be there for his brothers and he was doing well.

but he faced an emotional stressor, that being roman vacating the title, that he couldn't seem to deal with healthily. so whether he just took the opportunity to lash out at seth and repay him for stabbing them in the back in 2014 because he couldn't deal with roman's absence, or he just didn't see the point of continuing the shield without roman and couldn't bear to pretend it was okay and so decided to end it himself, it doesn't matter. he didn't react healthily. but his response WAS human. because some people just aren't emotionally healthy. and that's okay, because that's only human.

with Seth Rollins, i don't know about anybody else, but i have had the hardest time convincing myself that Rollins is the face in this feud. and so with this theory, it's easier to accept him as neither a face nor a heel. he's just human. an extremely flawed human being who's done some fucked up shit in the past but who seems to want to move forward and do better. Rollins has spent the last two weeks basically condemning Dean Ambrose to hell; he's called him names (some of which are ableist) and has sworn to make Ambrose's life a living hell. now, that's not very becoming of a face. and maybe that's why he's been so insufferable these past 2 weeks; why he's been talking shit and not reeeallyy trying to listen to Ambrose, but instead just choosing to approach the situation aggressively which ANYONE can tell you is not the way to approach any situation with Dean Ambrose (like, has Rollins learned nothing from Roman Reigns?). i've just resigned myself to thinking that this guy is such a good heel that he's the most heelish face in this gotdamn company. but that's the BROKE speaking. the WOKE is saying to me that Seth Rollins is not the face. he's just a (sometimes selfish) human. and that's okay. he can scream and curse all he wants and i can try to understand his motivations and tolerate his behaviour but i don't have to automatically frame him as "the good guy" in this storyline. he's just a silly human facing silly human problems with another silly human also facing silly human problems, and together they are creating one of the most convincing storylines i've been blessed to witness.

i don't even know if anyone will read this but TL;DR i'm rethinking my feelings about this Ambrose-Rollins feud. Basically: maybe neither of them is a face or a heel, and they're just humans trying to deal with their problems. Reason for the rethink: the question of why the wwe is releasing this dean ambrose video feature which will probably just make people like him more even though he seems to be the heel in storyline. The conclusion: dean ambrose isn't a heel, he's just human. and the reason seth has been so insufferable and hard to like in storyline is because he's not a face, he's just human. and all of that is okay.

#wwe #seth rollins #dean ambrose #it's not a thinkpiece it's just me expressing my thoughts on this oddly timed release of dean ambrose's documentary-style video #why does tumblr mobile still not have a read more function jeeesus h christ #i'm sorry this is so long #i could also be wrong and the wwe is just confused and not consistent with their actions and intentions who really fucking knows anymore #if one person gets through this wow thank you so much