#because he thinks the dentist stole his teeth

[rimouskis]

this is going to be a weird take on tipsiness and non-sobriety but as someone who drinks &smokes weed occasionally, I actually don't find either of them to effect me much asides from the physical symptoms. like I'm not any looser or out of control. granted that might be because I don't get heavily drunk or high but I usually get to the point where I feel it in my head and I still act the same way I would. in fact there are times where I've been stone cold sober and had people thinking I was wasted so I guess my point is that my behaviour is more dependent on how I'm feeling that day instead of how intoxicated I am.

I still enjoy getting buzzed, I just feel like it doesn't impact me too much mentally, mainly just physically

see I've always felt the same way about getting high! though I've actually never done that, for the same reason: potentially feeling out of control. (also i hate the smell and very much would have to go the edibles route, which is stronger, which is more dangerous).

funnily enough, I've wondered to myself a few times that if I could take shrooms (like, the psychedelic ones or whatever that will make you experience ego death), I'd do it, but ONLY if I had a magic button I could press that would get me out of the "high" immediately. since no such thing exists, I would never do it (again, it's all back to Control), but I've thought about it before. I'm curious!

#and I agree that like... my behavior is very much my behavior #but I like to keep myself in check #fun fact: I still haven't gotten my wisdom teeth out in large part because I do not want to be put under #all those videos of poor teenagers crying hysterically because they think the dentist stole their tongue??? #or like a dude coming out of surgery and he hits on his wife because he forgets they're married? #that is like MY PERSONAL NIGHTMARE #not having my wits about me is my worst fear #I feel like that says WAY too much about my character lol #alcohol tw

[luna-lovegreat]

AY YOO IVE GOT MY STUPIDEST ZELDA THEORY EVER

OK SO THE SWCRET STONED

These fruit gummy fuckers everyone agrees Lonk would eat on sight

I THINK THEY TURN PEOPLE INTO FURRY GODS- I MEAN ZONAI

So let’s look at the hair, those godly locks

AWWWW YEAH

HE A GHOST AND GOAT DADDYS STILL GOT IT

But there’s two other not originally Zonai peeps with secret stones who need a special barber

But Ganondarfr didn’t have long hair before he got jelly and stole Sonia’s fruit gummy

SO WITH THE PICS OF SONIC AND GARFUNKEL THE FRUIT GUMMIES GAVE THEM LONG HAIR

And there’s another Zonai God Gal for reference the one the only MINERUUUUU

And the thing about my bestie Minnie is she’s got short hair which seems like a plot hole in my theory

But if you look at Minnieerus hair from the back it shows just as much volume and potential to be long enough to weigh her ears down so my theory is my girl just chops her hair like every day so she looks cool with her short hair and floaty scarf thingy

Btw heres my favourite pic of Zeldie with her adoptive lumps of hair

But what does that mean for Sonia?? Girl changed species???

Well looking at the other Hylians of the era it isn’t just a time difference between her and Zeldao

Here’s some of her Hylian besties and guess what their hair doesn’t reach to their ankles

Even in the murals Soniar stands out with way different features from the normal Hylians

SO I THINK GOAT DADDY I MEAN RUAUR GIFTED HER A STONE SO THEY COULD BE TWINSIES AND HER HAIR STARTED GROWING AND THEY WERE LIKE OMG WE MATCH!!!!!

Anyways that’s the hair Zonais got long hair and Soniie babe and Goofandoofle both got long hair not native to their species that they didn’t have before the fruit gummy evolution

SO SAUNA AND GANONDORK GREW LUSCIOUS LOCKS TO THE FLOOR WHEN THEY STARTED WEARING WELCHS FRUIT SNACKS

But we can’t just assume the stones turn people into Zonais on just hair alone!!!!!!!

SO LOOK AT SOME EARSSS

It’s a pretty distinct thing for goat gods I mean Zonai to have pretty long hearing flesh sticks

Once again looking at the pics and murals from before Sonnia’s Hylians of the time don’t have those long features- they do have a bit longer ears than our Zelda but Sonar’s still different my babe got a stone and her ears were growing and she was like huh cool

AND MY QUEEN (LIKE SHES AN ACTUAL QUEEN OK LIKE ROYALTY SHES MY QUEEEEEN) SONNA GOT LONGER HEAD ACCESSORIES I MEAN EARS TOO WHEN SHE GOT THAT STONE

BUT WAIT !

GABONDARFLE didn’t get longer ears!!!

(But with ears he also had different ears to begin with ewww round)

But all his features from the edible rock are also different than Sortias

WHY IS THAT?’!

Well you know what I think

I think the little transformation crap depended on how they used the power

Sonia didn’t really use it much, at least not enough to transform her in seconds like Demon Ding did

BUT WE SEE GANNONDORFLE TRANSFORM IN LIKE TWO SECONDS WITH HIS RED SKY AND ANGRY GROANING

GRRUUUUUUGHHHH

So I think my dude got different transformation features because he poured all his power at once and grew it like crazy instead of being a normal god furrie

BUT THEN WE GOT THE TEETH

They didn’t know they were gonna need a new dentist when they got stoned but they do they really do like look at those fangs

The Original Zonai tm got goat teeth but then so did Ganonfqorf when he did the Demon Ding dingy

BUT THEN GUESS WHAT THEY ALSO GOT?!

HORNS!!!!!

When Gonandorcl turned himself into a whatthehell he got himself some horns

And most everyone’s like oh he just got some horns because he’s like a demon king thing now

BUT GUESS WHO ALSO HAS HORNS?!??!

AWWWWWW YEAREAASHHHHHH

RARFU GOT HORNS TOOOOOOOOO HE AND GANONSFORE ARE TWINSIIESSS

But then we got their nails

DAMN GIRL! MINIIERROOO FOR THE WIN with her purple nails, once you’re a goat god, a Zonai, a Zoat if you will you never have to get a nail job again just look at those CLAWS

And again my queen Soneyoe (MY QUEEEEEEEN) doesn’t have those dumb features like horns and teeth and nails cause she didn’t feel like screaming like she was in labor to squeeze all the juicy power from her fruit gummy

BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR MY GIRL ZELDA SHES GOT A SECRET STONE TOO IS SHE GONNA BECOME A ZOAT I MEAN ZONAI

Well I think she’ll be fine cause she doesn’t know her strength enough to go bonkers fucking wonkers and go full out ape god mode (same for all the sages from past and present)

But I know you fan artists and writers and comicers (love y’all you’re great Ok) have been doing some shit about Lonk turning into Zonai when he got that arm well this is your invitation to have Zeldo get her BOTW hair back and maybe some bigger ears or something idk

SO THATS MY DUMBEST ZELDA THEORY TO DATE THOSE SERCET STONES TURN PEOPLE INTO THE ZONAI LETS GOOOOOOOOOO

#guess how high I was when I made this #the answers not at all I’m just ADHD #I like this theory so I might make an actual post of it later #but I’m never spelling ganondunkle’s name right again except sometimes #loz #zelda #link #legend of zelda #tears of the kingdom #totk #loz totk #totk spoilers #Zelda theory #idk man #man #this is cringe and I think that's ok. existence is meant to be embarrassing ya know? I might delete this at one point I reserve the right #lol I love me she's such a dumbass

[myfemininerageisbeautiful]

Wisdom Teeth

A Tolya X Reader Fic

"Tolyaaaa," you whined through a mouth full of cotton as he half led half carried you to the car. "They took my teeth!"

He chuckled and opened the passenger door. "They did," he replied calmly. "Because your teeth were hurting you, remember?"

"But, but they didn't pay meee!" You began crying as your boyfriend buckled your seatbelt for you. Memories of staying up late to catch the tooth fairy were swirling around in your clouded mind.

"What do you mean?" Tolya fought not to laugh, but he couldn't hide his amusement.

"They were supposed to pay me!" You sobbed. Those stupid dentists had conned you!

"I don't think that's how it works, honey." Tolya patted your head and went around to the other side of the car to get in the driver's seat.

"They stole my teeeeeth!" You cried about it all the way home, despite Tolya holding your hand and doing his best not to laugh too much.

By the time he pulled into the driveway, you had mostly exhausted yourself. All you wanted was to be held.

When Tolya opened the car door for you, you tried to communicate telepathically that you wanted to be carried. That didn't work, so you made grabby hands. That worked. It always did.

"Aw," he cooed at you as he picked you up. "So cuddly." You did your best to burrow into him as he carried you

Tamar was in the kitchen, eating a sandwich while sitting on the counter. She had her own key to the place and would frequently let herself in like this.

She grinned when she saw you. "Hey, Y/N. How's the anesthesia treating you?"

You ignored her. There was a mirror in the hallway, and you wanted to see what the inside of your mouth looked likr. You wriggled out of Tolya's hold. "They're high off their ass," he informed his sister as he let you down.

You walked up to it and opened your mouth. You could now see the bloody gauze packed in there.

They were like little pillows. Maybe the dentists left the money under them, like the tooth fairy. That made sense.

You reached up to grab a piece, but Tolya caught your wrist before you could. "That needs to stay there, Y/N."

Your lower lip wobbled. "But..my money."

"What are they talking about?" Tamar asked.

"Y/N thinks the dentists owe them money," Tolya answered for you. To you, he said: "Come on honey, let's get you in bed. Tamar, get the ice cream for them.'

"They do owe me money!" You protested.

Tamar laughed, but Tolya just picked you up again and started walking to your bedroom. "If you want, I can heal the wound right now."

"First I want my money!" You demanded indignintly as he crossed the threshold to your room.

"I'll give you some money, okay?" Said Tolya. He deposited you on the bed, which took up almost half the room. It had to be big to allow him to stretch out fully at night.

You held out your hand. Tolya fished some change out of his pocket and put it in your palm. You looked at the coins.

"You bitch, my teeth are worth way more than that!" You cried as you threw them at him.

Tamar erupted into laughter as coins bounced off Tolya's chest.

"I'm a bitch?" He asked. "The sweet, caring boyfriend taking care of you is a bitch?" The corner of his mouth twitched upward, betraying how funny he thought this was.

"Yeah, Tolya!" Tamar backed you up. "Their teeth are worth way more than that!"

"I'll write you a check," the tall man said. "But right now I think you should eat something. Would some ice cream make you feel better?" You nodded.

As it turned out the only kind of frozen treats you had were grape popsicles. "Those are gross," you murmered, now feeling sleepy from all that had happened. "I want the orange ones."

"We don't have any," Tolya cooed as he patted your hair.

"I think you need to change the gauze," said Tamar, who for some reason was still there.

"Oh, right," Said Tolya. "I was gonna heal it, but I should probably soak up that blood first. Honey, open your mouth for me."

By now, you were more than a little tired. You wanted to go to sleep. You didn't care about taking care of your wounds.

When a yawn pried your mouth open, Tolya reached in and pulled out the blood soaked cotton in seconds. "Okay, now we can replace the gauze."

"My mouth is on it's period," you mumbled. Tolya burst put laughing.

"I'm on my period," said Tamar.

"Oh, you are?" Tolya turned to look at her. "Do you need anything?"

"Nah, I'm good. "

You leaned back against your pillow and closed your eyes. You let out another yawn. You were really tired. It had been a long day.

Tolya got out a new piece of gauze from the bag the dentist sent home, and started mopping up the blood in your mouth. "I'm gonna heal it now, okay?"

"Tolya, I don't think-"

Keeping your mouth open seemed like too much effort to invest in. You let your jaw fall shut around your boyfriend's fingers.

Tolya chuckled. "Y/N, I need you to keep your mouth open."

You yawned again and let your mouth shut once more. "Wanna go to sleep," you murmered. You were starting to feel rather pissed off.

"Come on-HEY!"

Tamar shrieked with laughter. "They really bit you! I knew it would happen eventually!"

"Oh, well I'm glad you think this is funny Tamar," said Tolya sourly.

"Want me to fix this for you? Because I can resolve this in seconds."

Then your head started to feel foggy and a sense of calm washed over you. You didn't object as Tamar opened your mouth and replaced the gauze. When she was done, the weird feeling left you.

"You slowed their heart?"

"It worked, didn't it?"

#tolya yul bataar x reader #grishaverse #tolya yul bataar #tamar kir bataar #fanfiction #tolya x reader fanfixtion #tolya and tamar #wisdom teeth #wisdom tooth extraction #x reader #tolya yul bataar x reader fanfiction

[magnificentstrangerchaos]

‘To Do’ List (Summer of 2022)

So, I found the ‘To Do’ list I made at the end of June/start of July. It was shoved /as I anticipated it would have been/ among my other sheets of paper haphazardly thrown into a folder. 

I’ll go through all of the points and talk about how things have been going, adding things I have done along the way to make it look like I actually did more than I planned for my own pleasure. 

1. Fix Laptop

At the start of December 2021 my laptop started getting really sad. Like, bluescreens and tells me there is no Windows installed kind of sad. I took it to a place my dad usually fixes his laptops and I got a new HDrive and a new battery because the old one said “Goodnight” one evening and stopped working. It’s pretty good, well... better than it was before, faster too.

I might have to take it to the same place again. I tried installing Genshin on it once and it BS-ed. I uninstalled it and commenced with my work but it seems that ALSO if it overheats it bluescreens again. It’s been manageable, I have a fan and everything. All data is backed up. 

(Side note I have this USB flash disk that is really messed up and all my art files/refs are there. I need to fix it and get them OUT or else I’m going to cry. I didn’t have time to back it up before the last drive died and this was the only storage unit that could suck up all 200K of my files.... Don’t ask, I’m a hentai writer and draw-er)

I don’t want to push for a new laptop of any kind because a dream for a ‘FUTURE’ experience is to have an actual PC. Doesn’t matter gaming-intended or not (probably not) that inevitably means I need to find a permanent place to stay since it’s a hassle to carry an entire PC around. Two-to-three more years this buddy needs to survive. 

Might get a new keyboard though, literally anything side-bought so far would be implemented into the new boyo anyways. And as I name all my PC periphery, I will call the new keyboard Antoine (current one being called Antonio). Guess A’s run in the family C:

2. Fix tooth

At the end of my exams I thought I found myself a cavity. Turns out my teeth are perfect (according to the dentist) and it’s one of those small cavities that is fixable with good toothpaste and mouth-wash. To be fair, the mouth-wash I got (rec by the doctor) freaking does a whale of a job but it also tastes like every medicine you will ever taste at the time time. I’m 1/3 way through the bottle and it’s SO COOL because it’s the type that comes with a pre-installed cup. You squeeze it, fill it up, sip, do your thing. I’d buy it again. 

3. Herbarium

...

I mean... I got a couple new flowers to add. 

Petals of a rose a friend of mine got me over a sleepover we had; A tiger-rose from our garden (side note, I need to go pick some of its leaves because I only managed to harvest the blossom); A damascene rose; Two types of orchids

I think I’m going to spend a while just going through the entire book sticking rice paper between the pages where the flowers would go, just to have it over with. I’ll concentrate on it over spring when everything blooms anew.

4. Go out at least once a week

...

...

This is a personal attack

5. Go paint the seaside

Will do, that’s probably what I’ll be doing for the three or four days I’m there other than reminiscing stories/fics. 

6. Paint the mountains

I took photos of places I’ve been, so that will happen in the future as well. 

7. Finish the ZhongChi fic (Ch. 3)

Listen here, you little [redacted].

Alright, okay. So, I TRIED. ‘Dragon Gazing At a Sea Of Clouds’ was a great story, I really enjoyed writing it when I was in my Childe rut days a little before getting him in Genshin. Chapter 2 - ‘The Fox That Stole The Dragon’s Heart’ was also a success that I don’t even know how I came up with. 

This entire thing was a gag, a meme I saw someone post on twitter about regarding Zhongli’s magic portable onahole (it’s a fleshlight) being connected to Childe’s backside while he’s in a meeting with the Tsaritsa. I got invested. And then pretty much slipped out of it. 

I WANT to finish it, I absolutely do. I have an outline of what will happen - their Chinese-themed wedding, their wedding night, both tied up to each other, ears, tails and horns all out in display. HORNY hours, you know?

So, I really need some stimuli to get going. I’ve been unable to play Genshin for a couple months and while I’m obsessed with KNOWING about the game (I have it on my phone), it’s been hard to get inspired. I’m doing my best, I want it to be good. It just feels like I’ve been repetitive in other fics or I somehow accidentally wrote what I intended for ZhongChi other places. 

Call it deja-vu of an unfortunate writer. 

8. Edit ‘Aster Tataricus’

That’s a future project honestly. I wrote it in December/Over Christmas and the responce was SO GOOD. The person who inspired me, Wiann on Twitter is a gem and they still follow me. I also adore watching their works in general, they have their own writing done as well and it’s *bites fist*

9. Write Ch. 2 of ‘When The Owls Cry’

I still can’t decide if I want to make it ‘Owls Cry’ or ‘Owl Cries’, both have a meaning for me.

Haven’t gotten to that part YET either, but I did go back to Chapter 1 and I redid it after the event to feature the whole eyepatch secret and sending letters.

10. Finish ‘Lullabye For My Feeble Heart’

I usually never outline works and just write them out in one breath when I figure I want to, but this one is indeed outlined. I have the entire plot ready, each chapter sorted. All I need is to execute it, but as you can see if you read everything so far - I want to finish those that are on the VERGE of completion and then latch onto longer works.

11. Finish ‘Wish Whispered Upon A Star’ 

Aye... I recently posted the chapter before the last, so we count that as progress. I’ll force myself to finish writing out my missing lectures this week, so I can spend Saturday and Sunday on that (27-28/08)

12. Take part in 2022 MXTX BDSM week

I DID, but the last story is missing, because I took a hiatus due to personal reasons. You can find the series here days 1 to 6 available.

(Can you feel how happy I am for the easy access to hyperlinks? I borderline was forced to code to figure out how to insert stuff in AO3.)

13. Make the FengQing threadfic

Mmm... I wrote like.... two additional pages for it in my google doc and then scroll past it as if it’s a scratch that I want to itch but I just hover it instead.

14. Draw the Izora mural digitally

Haaahahahahaha.

I have to if things with CSP are getting as serious as they look. I can’t decide if I want to push around with art or press on with fics. Maybe I will take until December to complete whatever I have WITHOUT (lies) adding any new ones, so I can then concentrate on drawing again. It’s a pre-drawn thing on paper, but I want it digitally, because colouring would be so much easier.

15. Make new sketches for CandleHeart and Nyrian Thantis

I’m rather proud of those honestly. I want more portraits so I can use them on the different accounts. 

16. Write at least one fic with mermaids

I accidentally forgot about this and when I read it I was like “!!!” 

It’s on twitter, but you can check out the teaser here, because while it is complete in the sense of a thread fic, there is more that will be included in the final version that’s going to AO3.

17. Work on the VN maybe?

Yeah, this was a ‘maybe’ since the Visual Novels I have planned will be absolutely pushed back for until this problem with CSP has come to an end so I can know which programs to use and which tools to pick out.

18. Play League of Legends with M

WE DID AND IT WAS SO FUN, I love her. She’s a sweetheart. That’s all you need to know.

19. Read MDZS

I’m at... Book 2 maybe page 130. Book 3 came out not even a week ago, so I’m waiting to see which website is going to offer me that sweet, sweet money-sucking service of delivering it to me. 

20. Things I HAVE done as a side-project include

-I got to stock up on clothes I’ve been ignoring my need for.

-I ordered amazing stuff off Aliexpress and while you may think ‘How amazing CAN it be’, I’ll do a little show of them when they arrive. I’m really excited, most of all for the pins I ordered, because I want to stick out like a sore thumb with them.

-I finally bought my brother his birthday present. He’s been waiting for it for SO long. After I finish with my work tomorrow I should zoom to the other tech-shops I know are around town so I can get two more things I need and then I can proudly go back home.

-I set a goal to hit 40 fics by the end of the year, currently we’re at 34, so finishing the stuff above will probably skyrocket me above that number.

-I finally got a new phone case, needed that because the other one was falling apart.

-Got two new wrist-watches because I’ve had an itch to wear one since Autumn last year.

-I’m getting a third piercing on my ear in October.

[glorioustimeswithdrew]

Drew and the Dirty Lies of John Cusack

Originally published August 5th, 2013

I was spraying my shoes with a fire hose when 6-^8Y approached me.

"Hey there, 6-^8Y!" I enthusiastically shouted.   "Look, I stole another fire truck!" "LIKE, TOTALLY LOL," 6-^8Y computed in its cute little robot voice.  "OMG LOOK AT JOHN CUSACK'S FACEBOOK STATUS."  I could feel my teeth grinding, which the dentist said I shouldn't do.  John Cusack.  If my blood was made out of glitter and rainbows, John Cusack would give me cancer.  I hated that guy.

"What did that no good so-and-so do this time?" I hissed as 6-^8Y lit up the screen on his stomach.  I read the status.

"Like lol ya'll, totally just went to Mars, yee-haw tell me I am cool please?"

I could feel my fists clenching, which the dentist said I shouldn't do before I punched her box of floss.  "There's no way he went to Mars!" I shouted.  "John Cusack isn't an astronaut!" "LIKE LOL, I TOTES THINK HE IS GAY COOL.  LOOK AT HIS LIKES, HE IS 100% POPULAR."

I looked at who had liked the status.  15,000 people, and counting.  I was so mad that I could purchase a modestly priced box of jelly beans, and then put anthrax in the jelly beans, and then light the store that I bought them in on fire, and then put out the fire with the fire trucks I stole, and then feed the survivors my jelly beans.

"6-^8Y, I think it's time I exposed this John Cusack knucklehead for the phony he is," I said with a purpose. "LIKE WTF, DREW, THAT IS AFFIRMATIVE DUMB AS HELL.  GTFO U R A VAGINA." "Shut up, 6-^8Y!  You're adopted!"  6-^8Y started to cry and I didn't even feel bad about it.  I pulled out my magic whistle and gave it a majestic toot.  Within seconds, a giant group of butterflies came to my aid and grabbed me by my clothes.  Soon we were airborne. "Onward!" I shouted.  "Onward to wherever John Cusack is!"

I was lucky that the butterflies had a people GPS with them because they were able to take me right to John Cusack's exact location: Times Square.  What a dunce, I thought.  Prancing around in Times Square?  What does he think he is, a Prancing Person?

I hopped off the butterflies and presented them with a small infant girl as payment, which they graciously accepted as a delicious sacrifice. "Thank you, Drew," said the butterflies, "But where's our payment for last time?" "Don't worry, butterflies.  I'll get you your fix." "You have one week, Drew!" the butterflies merrily chirped, and with that, the group flew off.  I looked around.  For Times Square, there sure weren't that many Indians.  That's when I noticed a very peculiar sign.

"Mars 2112 Restaurant"

I took out my rocket launcher and shot it at the building.  Unfortunately my rocket launcher was actually a ballpoint pen and nothing exploded.  I took out my notebook and wrote "Stop mistaking rocket launcher for pen," then I bolted toward the entrance.

I crashed through the door, shattering the glass.  An alarm went off.  It was the late afternoon, but nobody was inside the restaurant.  Except for John Cusack.

"We meet again, Drew!" he said while sipping a Yoohoo at the counter and wearing a really ugly shirt. "Fuck you, John Cusack!" I shouted, picking shards of glass out of my face.  "You're a giant liar and you know it!"  John Cusack chuckled darkly as he twirled his dripping greasy hair. "Oh, Drew.  That's not what the people think," he cooed. "You're just sitting in a restaurant that has Mars in the title and misleading people into thinking you went to Mars!" I shouted as I tried swallowing the piece of glass that had went down my throat.  It was actually one of my teeth, and I started to regret punching my dentist’s floss box while she was drilling inside of my mouth.  John Cusack just sat there, jirating his body in an empty seat.  I noticed a sign leaning against the counter that I had knocked over while bursting through the doors

"Closed since January 2012."

"What the firetruck, John Cusack?!  This place has been closed for two years!" I exclaimed. "I know!" said John Cusack.  "And there's nothing you can do to stop me!"  With that, he removed his giant ugly shirt and revealed a jetpack.  With the push of a button he began propelling toward the open ceiling.  Not today, I thought.

I used the sign as a makeshift ramp, sprinting onto the counter and running across it. I leapt in John Cusack's direction--and managed to grab hold of one of his untied shoelaces.

John Cusack scowled down at me, trying to shake me loose as the jetpack took him past the ceiling.  I clung tenaciously to his stray lace and began climbing up his body.  John Cusack kicked himself about, but I continued to climb.  The jetpack continued to propel him upwards, though spiraling in a haphazard way.  He scratched at my face, deepening some of the cuts I already had from glass shards.  I grabbed at his hair and pulled, struggling to keep a grip as his hair was so moist with grease.

"You will not win!" he screeched as he sank his teeth into my neck.  I howled in pain, releasing his hair.  I tried gripping onto other parts of his body for support, but my hands were too slippery from handling John Cusack's grungy mane.

John Cusack released his jaw and I began plummeting toward Earth.  Freefalling to my death was not nearly as fun as the Bible had made it sound.  I was going to die.  For reals this time.  But even though John Cusack was soaring above me, I would not let him win.  With one last breath, I blew ferociously into my special whistle.

"Now I'm tweeting about how I discovered the cure to AIDS, Drew!" John Cusack shouted as he punched into his phone.  "Because this jetpack is AIDING me!  Get it?!"  But before John Cusack could send the tweet, a group of butterflies surrounded him and began devouring his body.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" said John Cusack as butterflies devoured him from the inside out. "You debt is paid!" said the hungry butterflies.

I was happy, but I was also about to die, so I was kind of not happy.  Out of nowhere, I felt a spank reach my fundament.  I thought it was a death spank, but it turned out it was something else.

6-^8Y  had caught me, rocketing through the sky with its built-in rockets.

"6-^8Y!" I stammered, overwhelmed with disbelief.  "I'm sorry I said you were adopted--" "DON'T SPEAK, MY FRIEND," 6-^8Y computed.  I felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside, and it wasn't because butterflies had devoured my internal organs. "6-^8Y, deploy one of your space helmets," I commanded. "WHY DO YOU WISH FOR THIS?" 6-^8Y inquired. "Because," I said, "We're actually going to Mars." 

[falsebooles123]

Diary of a Horror Buff 8.26.22

Ok so I did some car shopping and we've definetly clarified a few things so thats good so lets relax and watch a bunch of short films because we cool cool like that.

Whistle and I'll Come To You (2010) dir. Andy de Emmony

Ok so this is probable one of my favorite adaptations so far. If you haven't ever whistle and I'll come to you then your in for a treat.

Also Please Read this Great adaptation if you want a taste.

the basic story is that a man goes to investigate some ruins and finds a strange whistle, he in jest blows in it but soon he is haunted

BY A SPECTER WHO COMES TO HARINGUE YOU FOR YOUR cRiMeS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

This version is a modern adaptation which is honestly kinda refreshing. In this one an old pensioner checks his catatonic wife into a nursing home and spend some time at a seaside hotel that they had previous spent time in in there youth. He finds a curious ring in the sand and the story plays out roughly the same with nightly visits by a mysterious specter.

I loved this because it touched a bit close to home. I have been a caretaker for both my mother and grandmother and caretaker horror if it can called that calls apon a very poignant level of emotion that goes into that dynamic.

Watching somebody you love slowly die before they ever truly stop breathing is the real horror. Being Trapped in a failing body and mind is the real horror. why should we care about life after death when we have to live with death during life.

Ok so thinking of this movie made me sad again so lets watch somebody saw there head off of something.

Midnight Story (2017) dir. Jinanavin Veerapatra, Chaloempong Balpala

Ok so I kinda love how her mother like look at all these scary pictures of you being scared by monsters under the bed lol.

oh god did that get fucked up real quickly.

so we go from a third person perspective to a first as the little girl creeps down the stairs. Her parents are fighting and that fighting becomes violent. The parents morph into hidious creatures and began fighting again until they see there daughter and start chasing her.

this is an absolutely amazingly shot film and it is terrifrying and fucked up thank you for that.

Woman Who Stole Fingers (2010) dir. Saori Shiroki

CW: Body Horror, stealing peoples joints

ok so this is a animated short film about a women who steals a little boys fingers and toes and as you can imagine kinda fucks up his life cause he kinda needs those to balance and grab things.

I'm not really sure what this movie is about child abuse??? but it is definetly bizarre and uncanny.

Be Your Own Dentist dir. Jon Sims

Oh god I think I might be sick.

CW: Teeth gore.

Ok so this is a 7 minute meditation track were Katya, the only high-class russian whore, teaches us how to pull out our own teeth with a surgical grade titanium pair of pliers.

It makes me gag it makes me choke and as someone who has had very bad teeth in my life hits way way way to close to home.

100.000 Acres of Pine dir. Jennifer Alice Wright

so as a PNW Bitch you know I love a good spooky forest vibe.

In this one a ranger goes farther in the woods while struggling to understand the mysterious death of her brother.

Shenanigans, (eldritch forest locations), ensue.

I of course love everything about this, the PNW Forest Aestetic, The Sap Blood, the music, the Casette Tapes. This is everything I love in movies and they are serving it.

Uncle Josh's Nightmare (1900) dir. Edwin S. Porter

OK I mean I kind had to look at that name.

So this is a pretty straightforward. Uncle Josh wakes up one night and Mephistopheles, (are favorite stock character), shows up to hang out. Uncle Josh aint much for wise guys so he trys to give old splitfoot here a pugilist potion. Mephi didn't care much for that so he pulls some Melies Jump Cuts to fuck with him and then reappears everything???

Honestly its not anything we haven't seen before to be honest. But not to be a bitch but its not like Edwin S. Porter has shown a large amount of originality in these shorts.

Uncle Josh in a Spooky Hotel (1900) dir. Edwin S. Porter

This time its a sequel and this time it involves some ghosts and some slapstick. the more i watch these the more I'm convinced that Porter had a Gay Ass crush on George Melies and this was his way of getting his attention.

The Pit and the Pendulum (1913) dir. Alice Guy-Blaché

Ok so another poe adaptation.

so the original story is pretty simple some dude gets inquistitioned and is casually tortured by the spanish catholic church by a giant axe blade on a pendulum that swings back and forth and gets ever slightly lower and lower. Oh and by the way this is told in first person.

but no serious its pretty fucked up.

also this was hard to get into because it has a really fucking famous clasically piece playing over it which is a little weird cause this is a horror movie and this shit is very clearly Waltz of Flowers which is such a fucking bizarre choice like out of all the classical music out there your gonna play some shit called a waltz of flowers.

anyway in this one some dudes fight over some chick and one of them is a doctor or a monk or something. to be honest I have no Idea.

Sredni Vashtar by Saki (1940) dir. David Bradley

ok so I was not famalier with this story which is a literally ironic giving the font of knowledge that I have been with these things. So Saki was basically a british dude and here is the synopsis from wikipedia.

"Conradin, a sickly 10-year old boy, lives in the care of his despised, overbearing and controlling cousin Mrs De Ropp. He relies on his vivid imagination not only to keep him strong enough to survive, but also to serve as his escape from the real world. Rebelling against Mrs De Ropp's oppressive care, Conradin secretly keeps two animals in an unused garden shed: a hen, which he adores, and a polecat-ferret, which he fears and keeps locked in a hutch. Gradually, Conradin begins to venerate the ferret as a god, naming it Sredni Vashtar. He worships it weekly, bringing offerings of flowers and berries, and stolen nutmeg for special occasions."

So yeah this is the story of a sad lonely boy who worships a ferret. honestly based.

David Bradley is a rather unknown figure to me but apparently he also directed THEY SAVED HITLERS BRAIN, which we all know is a wonderful and not problamatic film.

This was honestly a lovely little gothic story and I'm glad that old crone was a lovely sacrifice.

Porky and Slyvester in Claws for Alarm (1954) dir. Chuck Jones

so this is a much later looney toon short. We've seen early porky pig and honestly the production is so much higher. we have full voice acting, its in color and while for me very little ever truly manages to match the whimsy of the fleischer shorts this one is alright.

Basically Porky and Slyvester find a mysterious hotel but instead of some spooky japes these ghosts are here for blood. like they little ar trying to hang, shoot, slit there throats. Like these ghosts don't fuck around there serving H.H.Holmes realness.

Also porky pig is kinda an asshole for no reason in this short. Slyvester keeps literally saving his life and hes like what are you a Schizo, (which is totes not chill just saying.)

The Alphabet (1969) dir. David Lynch

Ok so it turns out that David Lynch has actually made quite a few fucked up short films goody for me.

Do I understand anything about this absolutely not but am I glad that it exists of course.

OK Whores thats everything that I have for today. thanks for watching with me.

#Diary #Youtube

[retiredguyinpa]

Adult Humor

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”

“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.

Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

“I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?” The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

An old woman walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, “I think you have the wrong room.” “You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them.”

Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!

What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.

How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor!

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off!

What did the leper say to the sex worker? Keep the tip.

What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam!

#adult funny jokes

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

tony : so peter got his wisdom teeth out the other day and they had to give him the really strong stuff for the pain because of his metabolism , right ?

tony : when they were done and he was awake , he started crying because they , and i quote , ‘ stole his teeth ‘ and he wanted them back

peter : you promised you wouldn’t tell anybody !

#can u imagine tony comforting a sobbing high spider kid #because he thinks the dentist stole his teeth #peter parker #tony stark #incorrect quotes #incorrect marvel quotes #incorrect avengers quotes #incorrect spiderman quotes #iron man #spider-man #rdj #robert downey jr #tom holland #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe

[deactivated-account-3577]

Haikyuu Boys after a wisdom teeth removal: Setters

Part 1 part 3

Sugawara

He finds the mole on his face and spends the whole drive home trying to pop it until you have to grab his damn hands and hold them until you get home and put a bandaid over it.

He wants to have tea but since there’s a GAPING HOLE IN HIS JAW he cannot and he’s very upset about it, you find him boiling water multiple times and you have to drag him away from the kitchen nearly every 20 minutes.

Kageyama

Man is running on his basic functions, which means he’s practicing setting within the first few minutes of waking up, he also turns to the door, points, and yells “GET THE FUCK OUT HINATA”

He stops functioning once you get in the car again and nearly opens the door ON THE HIGHWAY. And you have to pull over and put him in the back so he falls asleep without killing either of you.

Atsumu

Another one who thinks he’s flirting well but it’s more just him asking you to touch him. Like just “babbyyyyy I’m your babbieeee phleahse hold me, I’m sad and I need youuuuu”

Since he’s basically high off his ass he says the dumbest things ever. The doctor is in the room and talking about aftercare and he looks at you and goes “Id break every chair in the room to have you sit on my face” BUDDY. THIS. IS. THE. DENTIST.

Kenma

His eyes HAVENT adjusted and he continues to try to play on his switch. He goes into a cycle of playing, getting a headache until he stops, and then starts playing again.

He’s also become a human ragdoll so you’re gonna end up with him in a wheelchair or carrying him around anytime he needs to walk. Your cats do enjoy him being stuck in bed once you get home because he pets them whenever he stops playing.

Akaashi

Poor man is exhausted and immediately knocks out in the car but if you pass somewhere with food he snaps up, grabs you, and goes “Hungry.” Man literally almost ran you off the road.

You know that video of Ozzy Osborne asking who stole his beer? That’s how he is. He ate all the food you got him and then asked your dog if it stole his food.

Beer theif vid

https://youtu.be/WEKsHcFgDTg

#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #suga x reader #suga fluff #tobio x you #atsumu <3 #atsumu x reader #atsumu fluff #kozume kenma #kenma fluff #kenma x reader #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi keji x reader #Kageyama x reader

[shotomyheart]

Kirishima headcanons + drabble

some kiri x gn reader, mostly character hcs

warnings: mentions wanting a family in one hc

-when he first got his quirk, he chewed on rocks for fun

-had to stop tho after he came back from the dentist and was told if he kept doing that he’s gonna lose all of his teeth

-is an above average surfer and feels the most relaxed while waiting for a wave

-says the word ‘gnarly’ more often than he’d like to admit

-finds sea creatures super cool, his favorite is a stingray or a shark

-when he was born he was given a teddy bear which is later named Mr. Fluffkins. His parents once mentioned getting rid of it when he was accepted to UA and he freaked out and begged them not to. He now sleeps with it every night despite it now being ratty and old.

-sings performs in the shower!!! Uses the conditioner as a microphone and everything!! Some days you find it adorable, other days you want to throw a shoe at him bc its so early in the morning

-loves pancakes and its his favorite breakfast

-literally does all the heavy lifting at his house so his parents don’t ever get hurt by accident

-wants a girl and a boy and wouldn’t mind more if you wanted

-had a magician phase when he was 10

-when he doesn’t have his own car, his mom allows him to use her mini van, he drives it proudly

-wanted to start a band when he was 14

-hardens when he’s scared during horror movies

-occasionally plays rugby (esp with his cousins)

-when he wasn’t sure he could become a hero, he had briefly entertained the idea of becoming a doctor

-on every formal date, he brings you flowers without fail

-likes to put weird spices on his popcorn

-wants a big enough dog to wrestled around with

-builds houses for charity

BONUS: drabble

Kirishima didn’t understand the concept of money. And, like many small children, Kirishima at the age of 5 loved collecting acorns. Sure, he may not understand credit scores or debt, but he did know if you want something, you should trade it for something of equal value; his mom taught him that, and his mom is always right.

For example, when his mom made him soup for lunch, he’d hand her three of his finest acorns with a large toothy smile. His mother would laugh and thank him. Unfortunately, this would inadvertently lead him to accidentally stealing 14 items; ranging from a pack of gum to the newest pokemon game, only a few acorns left in their place.

When he was eventually caught (after all, he didn’t think he did anything wrong so he never hid the items he stole), he explained with teary eyes that he promised he gave them only his best acorns and he had stopped a month ago because it turns out: he’s broke.

#daydream.headcanon #daydreaming.fluff #kirishima fluff #mha kirishima #kirishima x y/n #bnha kirishima #kirishima x reader #my hero academia #kirishima eijirou #bnha eijirou #bnha eijiro x reader #kirishima eijiro fluff #fluff #bnha #kirishima x you #gn reader #gender neutral #kiri x reader #kirishima headcanon #kirishima hcs #bnha headcanons #headcanons #hcs

[donutloverxo]

Bedtime stories

Summary - Steve has the perfect cure for your headaches and sadness - some tickles and bedtime stories. Requested by @thehumanistsdiary

Word count - 780

“Honey?” Steve’s hoarse voice broke the unnerving silence, “you’ve been tossing and turning for hours...” he sighed when you didn’t respond, switching on the bedside lamp, squinting his eyes to adjust to the dim light.

“Sorry, Stevie,” you mumbled in your pillow, turning around on your side to look at him, smiling at his messy bed hair, his perfect shirtless form, damn you really slept with a Greek god every night. “Did I wake you?”

“It’s alright, doll,” pulling you into him by hugging you around your shoulder, “what’s on your mind?” he asked, drawing patterns on your shoulder.

“I’m just tired, I have to go to the dentist every two weeks, which takes hours, and then it’s just so much pain...” your voice wavering as you tried to hold back your tears, “and all that for at least two more years, I mean I have no doubt it’s worth it but still... Not to mention, I don’t imagine kissing someone with braces must be fun for you,” you let out a nervous chuckle.

“Hey,” he tipped your head up by your chin, giving you a boyish smile, “I’ll never not have fun kissing you. It’s one of my favorite things to do,” he promised and as if to prove it, brushed his lips over yours.

You giggled, slapping his chest, “You’re just saying that. But thank you anyway. It’s a relief.”

“I never lie, doll,” he kissed your forehead, “I’m going to be coming with you to the dentist from now on,” he told you as you rested your head on his chest wiggling around to get comfortable.

“I can’t ask you to do that,” you shook your head.

“Are you in pain right now?” he brushed you off. And you were sure he’d make you bring him along on your next visit, there was no telling him no once he set his mind to something.

“Yeah my head hurts a bit, and my teeth.”

He hummed, bringing his other hand up to massage your head, “Would some aspirin help?”

“Those things make me sick,” you sighed in content, his fingers applying the faintest bit of pressure on your forehead, soothing you so wonderfully.

“If it’s too much then you’re taking one,” he instructed and you nodded.

“You’re such a mom,” slapping a hand over your mouth to hold off your snickers.

“What’s that?” he teased, pinching your hip causing you to squeal, “I couldn’t hear you, I’m such a what?” he smirked.

“Steve, stop,” you giggled as he kept squeezing your sides, lightly poking your soft belly, “that tickles!”

“Well, you need to be punished! For making fun of me for taking care of my girl. That’s my duty,” he admonished you, his hand kept on the assault to your belly.

Tears welled up in your eyes from laughing, “We all know how serious you are about your duty!”

“You’re damn right I am,” he finally stopped, but not before blowing a raspberry in the crook of your neck as you squirmed under him, “Although, my duty as a boyfriend comes before anything else.”

“Even saving the world?” you blinked up at him. Regretting the words as soon as they escaped you. Because you didn’t really want to know the answers.

“You are my world,” he said as if it was so obvious, cupping your cheek, “you come before the shield, the whole universe.”

You couldn’t stop the tears streaming down your cheeks, “You’re my world, too,” you told him because it was the honest truth.

“That’s good for me then, now try to go back to sleep,” he tucked your head in the crook of his neck.

You closed your eyes, his fingers back to massaging your head, as you tried to ignore the pain and will yourself to sleep. “Could you maybe tell me a story?”

“Let me think... once upon a time there was a man who found himself in a strange new world he didn’t recognize. With all his friends gone he decided that family and stability weren’t for him so he’d be alone forever and live for his duty - ”

“Steve,” you interrupted him, “I don’t like where this story is going.” Because if this was his way of telling you he didn’t want a family...

“But then,” he ignored you, “he met a beautiful girl with a pretty crooked smile that stole his heart and hasn’t given it back since. So he changed his mind and thought that maybe, there is a reason he was frozen for so long. Maybe this is where he was meant to end up all along...” he grinned as he heard your soft snores. “Good night, sweetheart.”

#berrys drabbles #berry writes #steve rogers x reader #chris evans x reader

[reallyhardy]

regent’s open air theatre LSOH (2018) breakdown

act one. herein, two years later, i try to remember as much as i can about this production with the help of gifs i took from the trailer and shutterstock images. let’s go!

THE BEGINNING. i went to see a matinee so it was daytime, but the stage set was all black-and-white very newspaper aesthetic. my sister and i were very close to the front, five rows back:

and here we are, excited for everything to begin. (note my giant tooth earrings. was really hoping they’d catch matt willis’ eye.) soon enough crystal, ronette and chiffon took the stage for the prologue, belted their faces off and got me hype from the first moment. their costumes were kind of punky, street style (my favourite look was on the girl with the green jacket and shiny leggings:)

skid row was great. the grey set really highlighted the colourful costumes, and for this first number the set stayed black-and-white so the only colour were the main characters and urchins, and the ensemble wore black-and-white costumes.

and i remember being so thrilled by the costumes - in this photo seymour is wearing yellow socks but by the time i went to see it they were pink (to match audrey’s hair!) and audrey is wearing fluffy slide slippers in the promo photos but when i saw it she wore a pair of blue open-toe kitten heels.

once the song ended we got to see some character personality: marc antolin as seymour was adorable. he was (for most of the first act at least) very goofy and beamed a lot, he had a very cute smile. his voice was quite high and nasal and silly and i honestly had a really big crush on him. jemima rooper as audrey was equally sweet and adorable - she had a cotton candy pink wig and started off in kind of a sexy-ish outfit, with a sheer off-shoulder top over a bra. her eye makeup was light blue (and the bruise bright purple) and she was really short compared to seymour. mushnik was super tiny and greasy looking.

every interaction seymour and audrey had was just! so cute. at the start where audrey and mushnik discuss orin (the ‘you don’t meet nice boys on skid row’ conversation,) seymour is stood behind them kind of goofing around and he flips his shirt collar up pretending to be orin and acting macho but at the end of the scene audrey goes quiet and carefully fixed his collar back down before she left and it was!!! emotions.

da doo i can’t remember anything about how things looked :( during grow for me it really highlighted how…cute seymour was. he beamed the whole time, and the plant puppet in its baby form was fantastic, (the pod head at the top opened up and had little human teeth lmao) and they used like… household objects painted green for plants. the roses were red toilet brushes:

with red ink on them so when seymour touched the bristles there was visible blood on his finger which was fun. lots of attention to detail in this production.

seymour on the radio i think happened off-stage? so we just hear him being interviewed while we watch mushnik and the urchins listen to the radio together. the choreography during you never know was really fun too, with seymour and the urchins dancing together, seymour did a lot of hip wiggles and kept trying to stop audrey ii from trying to bite at the urchins as he danced. one of the green ping-pong balls fell off the puppet but nobody slipped on it so it was fine. also GOD the voices of the urchins were just so good in this one.

somewhere that’s green is a song that makes me cry most of the times i listen to it or watch any versions of LSOH, but this is the first time i’d seen a version where audrey was also crying. during this number the actress climbed up onto the top of the mushnik’s store prop and she still had the bright purple black-eye makeup on as well as the cast on her arm so she looked so beat down and sad and it was just toward the end of the song at ‘i’m his december bride’ where her singing started to break down and she started crying, and covered her face by the time she got to ‘far from skid row’ with her voice breaking oh my god the tears were flowing VERY much from my eyes.

and as a note the actress did not have this beautiful wig on when i saw it, she wore one with much less volume - it could have been the same wig just styled differently, (tucked under/trimmed to be just sort of...round?) but it was just... so much less cute lmao, you can just about see it here in this cast mirror selfie:

anyway. then it was time for closed for renovation! this one was fun, audrey and seymour i think were just...arranging plants and other things? the ‘mushniks’ shop prop might have expanded a bit? they turned it around?

there were some cute little dancey bits with the three of them together:

then audrey & seymour talk a bit. audrey gives seymour the kind of advice that she also needs to be taking herself -- seymour asks audrey if she’d go shopping with him, and then orin arrives on the scene.

dentist was amazing. i’ve seen a lot of bootlegs of kind of lackluster orin scrivellos but… well, me and my sister decided we were absolutely going to see this production when we found out matt willis was playing the dentist. (we were big busted fans lol) he wore this insane painted leather jacket with this tooth-themed biker gang design (he and his backup dancers all had hell’s teeth on the backs of their jackets) and his dentist coat underneath had the sleeves ripped off to show his tattoos… they gave him white foundation to make him look i guess more ill/joker like? it totally worked. he honestly kinda stole the show and he totally exceeded my expectations (which is saying something because my expectations were that he’d be perfect for the role and that i’d enjoy his performance thoroughly!!!)

then he comes into the shop, comments on the plant, poses around, treats audrey terribly. and not only does he abuse audrey in front of seymour who iirc was watching horrified (as you would) but also poor seymour gets his junk grabbed twice by villains in this production too lmao, orin grabs and squeezes seymour’s junk while he’s yelling at audrey. it’s a theme i guess???

(hell of a promotion image, that one.) then orin and audrey leave and it’s time for mushnik and son. they did a lot of the usual ‘awkward-tango’ choreo and it was just excellent really. there’s nothing i didn’t enjoy about the number, plus mush was quite a short guy but had a real big voice.

you get a good view of all the fun things they used to represent plants here too: cleaning brushes, feather dusters, hairbrushes, a small fishing net, a bubble wand...

so feed me was great because it starts off of course with the plant puppet prop:

but then by the second verse (when it comes to ‘does this look inanimate to you’) they opened up the puppet’s leaves like a mouth and audrey ii in drag queen form emerged (to thunderous applause). [i found a short clip someone got on instagram a while back, you can watch it here!] she was holding a microphone in her hands so when it came to seymour’s responses she held out the mic to his mouth and it was :’) really funny. and seymour gets his junk grabbed again:

because he can’t catch a break. staging wise i think i remember this was very bisexual - it’s important to note that the first wig audrey ii wears strongly resembles the wig that OG audrey wears - and at times during this number audrey ii acts quite flirtatious with seymour and he seems receptive to it and has to visibly shake himself out of it.

audrey comes back for her sweater (iirc it was a VERY jazzy 1990s looking one in aqua green and pink) and seymour and audrey ii make up their minds about what to do with orin.

so seymour heads out - the dentists chair was just a beat-up shopping trolley with various things stuck on (see there’s what looks like a plunger, wrist restraints too lmao) and orin had a bunch of bloodied weapons such as a power drill instead of a dentist drill:

anyway i usually don’t enjoy now(it’s just the gas) as a number when i’ve seen it in bootlegs but again matt willis had tremendous feral energy and he pulled it off. plus the gear was quite retro-futuristic very cool looking:

it was also especially funny just after ‘now’ because after seymour runs off with orin’s body in the trolley he comes back in with it all chopped up and he was pushing dismembered limbs (the arm was even painted with matt willis’ tattoos and nail polish which was a GREAT detail) into the windows of the prop mushnik’s building that audrey ii was inside of, and he even threw up into the audience which was :’) gross but funny. it was yellow. i didn’t see if it splashed anyone.

then... intermission. will continue this in [part 2, which is here!]

#LSOH #little shop of horrors #regent's park open air theatre

[hargrove-mayfields]

Ooh, okay, "defensive bills" please, and "self indulgent B w/ braces"? (Oh, and if it's not too many, "Billy’s H&M hair" and "broken necklace oops" and "role swap au" please??")

defensive bills- this one is like a sibling bonding thing. Max is autistic bc that’s my favorite ever, and Mike calls her a slur (not maliciously kids are just like that, especially in the 80s), and her heart is broken. She initially doesn’t tell anyone about it because she feels like she’s overreacting, but she lets it slip what’s bothering her after the next time it happens. She makes Billy promise her however that he’s not going to be nasty to the kids to make them stop, so instead he goes above the kids’ heads to Karen, since he’s already got some pull there, and gets Mike in trouble.

Max trusts Billy a teensy bit more, and he benefits from this too because he’s learning like, rational solutions to life’s problems instead of just freaking out and attacking people. After a long time of this apprehensive trust thing they’ve got going on, Billy admits to Max that he had a little sister that his momma took with her when she left, and that’s why it was so hard for him to get along with her, and why he still was so aggressively protective of her even though they didn’t get along.

self indulgent B w/ braces- I had this thought about like, what if Neil had knocked a couple of Billy’s teeth out when he hit him as a kid. They were baby teeth so they came back, but maybe too many come in at once, so there wasn’t enough room and there’s one up in his gums causing trouble.

Years and years down the line, he’s living with Joyce now after being removed from Neil’s custody, and she makes Billy go to all his doctors and dentists appointments because she’s actually a responsible mother. But at the dentist they’re like holy hell kid your mouth is messed up, so he has to very begrudgingly get braces to get everything back in order before his wisdom teeth come in and knock every thing crooked, which would be a worse problem so he agrees to let it happen.

Basically the entire fic is Billy being nasty to everyone around him because he’s A) constantly irritated by the constant pain in his mouth B) afraid that if he lets them, people are going to make fun of him C) not allowed to smoke anymore because of yellow spots and D) already struggling to adapt to the new environment that is living with the Byers’. Also features Max poking lots of lighthearted fun at him for being a metal mouth, and an exploration of the root of his self confidence issues/why he holds so much value in his appearance!

Billy’s H&M hair- so I got to thinking about how his hair looks mostly unstyled in that shoot, and I took inspiration from that to write a fic. There was almost a fluffy reason for it, but you know me, I love angst, so instead, Billy’s hair is a mess, all frizzy and loose and greasy, because Max ran away again and he was told not to come back home without her. He’s been at it forever, so he’s exhausted and just too busy looking for her to take any care of himself.

He ends up at Scoops looking for her because he knows that’s where the kids flock sometimes, and when he asks Steve if he knows where they are, he forget about the black eye and the scab in his eye brow put there by Neil, and pushes his sun glasses up. Steve is like dude, what happened to your face, and Billy just doesn’t even have it in him to lie anymore, so he tells Steve all about Neil and everything that’s happening with Max right now.

Max is found, but before Billy can take her home, Steve slips him his number, thinking he’s being nice and offering him help if anything like this were to happen again, but Billy takes it in that way, so even though he looks like a total disaster right now, and he definitely cried when Max came back, he winks at Steve and makes a little I’ll call you later gesture. Steve is more than a little flustered by the mix-up but definitely not opposed to it!

broken necklace oops- Billy fidgets a lot with his necklace, which was his momma’s, just running the pendant across the chain over and over again, but then it snaps one day. Him and Steve were hanging out when it broke, and Steve offers to help fix it, but Billy is so upset that he takes it the wrong way, thinking that Steve wants to fix him, and they get in a big fight over it.

Billy storms off and ends up getting flayed, so when Steve doesn’t hear anything from him in the next few days he thinks it’s just because they’re done, broken up after the things that were said when they fought. Except he still has the necklace, Billy had thrown it at him and he kept it for a few days hoping he’d come back, but he gives up and he goes to return it at the pool, but he walks in on the sauna test. Cue a little bit of panic, a lot of arguing, and Steve helping to save Billy before it’s too late.

role swap au- This is a super long fic, it’s basically a rewrite of all three seasons with Billy and Steve switching places!

So Steve is the rich kid from California in big trouble with his parents for being rebellious and a pinch of homosexual galavanting, so he gets sent to the small town his father grew up in as punishment. Billy’s already the King of Hawkins High, but his status at the top of the high school hierarchy is slipping because he’s too busy for parties now that his kid sister got him caught up in this monster hunting nonsense.

Bratty Steve arrives in town, and Billy is somewhat interested in this new kid and what he has to offer until he starts to steal his attention away. They have their little pissing contest with Steve coming out on top because Billy refuses to fight him, but Billy can’t be bothered with picking up the pieces of his social life because Max says the monsters are back and she’s making him take her and her friends out to some junkyard and shit.

The summer of ‘85 rolls around, Billy’s been officially kicked out by Neil for being a mooch and his friends have all abandoned ship for the new Cali boy who stole his thunder, but honestly, he doesn’t really care because he’s got a super cool new best friend working at Scoops anyways, and he’s pretty sure they’re done with the monsters.

But then Steve, who is working as a lifeguard and who Billy bumps into after a party, gets flayed, and Billy is the one that’s concerned, because Steve’s friends aren’t really loyal nor do the kids know or care about him. The stuff with the Russians goes mostly (emphasis on mostly) ignored because Billy’s making the kids help him with Steve, but they aren’t able to get the mind flayer out of Steve because a distraction with Dustin trying to handle the transmission himself comes up.

In the end at the battle of Starcourt, Billy decides to try to step in because he was supposed to be taking responsibility for Steve, and he’s screwed everything else up and he realizes in another world, they could’ve been friends, so he tries to push Steve out of the way. They both catch a couple of the little stabs and they definitely still need medical attention but nobody get impaled so they all live!

#answered #ihni #ej writer #ejs wips #thank you! I’m so excited that people are interested in my wips!

[zwiezraczek]

Could I get No. 9 with Ben Hardy in BohRhap as Roger Taylor? I'm female and use the pronouns she/her. Thank you!! 😍 Ps: also really like the numbers with 1D references 😅

Don't Blame Me For Falling [Blurb]

Note: First of all I missed writing so much like aaah and thank you for this request! I hope that you like it and that I managed to do what you expected! 💕 Ps: Thank youuuu! 😘

~~~~

Roger has always been the one. You couldn't truly put your finger on it, but your heart and soul always knew that he would be there for you in every situation. And he indeed was, since the very beginning. Since the cradle and right after the kindergarten. It always made you smile when you thought about this little boy with his blonde bowl cut running all around, holding your hand and being the girls' lover, all the girls' one of course. But at the very beginning, you didn't even seem to care about the fact that he was this popular around girls, and even boys sometimes, because you were his best friend and at the end of the day you knew that you would share your lunch while sitting on the sidewalk. And these were the best memories you had of Roger and you, the sidewalk and first the cookies, then the cigarettes when you were twelve and alcohol when you were seventeen.

But mostly first and foremost he was a drummer, and probably the face of every band he was playing in, and you couldn't blame his colleagues for taking advantage of it. You didn't mind it either, or at least you thought that you didn't. Then, he had told you that his mother wanted him to become a doctor, so he started to study in order to become a dentist, still pursuing his drumming hobby, a hobby you liked very much especially when you looked at him squinting his eyes – because he absolutely refused to wear glasses, it wasn't “rock 'n roll” enough as he used to say – and focusing on every beat and every sound he was leading. And you liked watching him play, you liked how he bit his lips while hitting the drum with all his energy, radiating a sunny light behind his drum kit and being the one everybody wanted to see and not even Freddie – the new addition to Smile – could compete with his angelic look and his beautiful eyes shining bright under the spotlight.

He couldn't blame you for falling for him, him and his laugh, his smile and everything he radiated. But you could blame him for focusing more on the groupies than on the actual gigs he was doing. As much as he loved playing music and began to hate his studies, having girls around him seemed to become his favorite hobby when their group Smile that morphed into Queen became more and more famous, attracting people from the whole town in order to listen to them. You knew it was because of the music they were playing, this organic sound that seemed to come from nowhere but was to be expected from four so different people – an art major, an astrophysics one and an electrical engineer and a dentist to be – but Roger's charm was playing a huge part in their success, at least everyone in the band seemed to think so. And you couldn't let this little crush ruin everything you had with him, because you didn't want him to break your heart as he seemed to break those of the girls around him craving for attention and for a kiss on their lips. A kiss you wanted too, but a kiss you refused to ask for.

“Where's Roger,” Brian asked as you entered the backstage with a bottle of water for them all, somehow you ended up helping them during their gigs or at least to bring him some food or water from the bar they were playing in.

“Probably found another group of girls to hang around with,” you bitterly answered as you put the bottle on the table in front of the couch they all were sitting on before sitting on its armrest.

“What's wrong darling,” Freddie asked as he put his arm on your tight with a genuine smile, “you don't seem well right now.”

There was something in Freddie's eyes that made you like him from the very start, him and his open-mindedness and the fact that he didn't hesitate to befriend you, and treat you as family because he saw that you were almost family for Roger. And you looked down at him, sighing.

“You know... Roger,” you said rolling your eyes and Freddie just pat your tight a few times.

“Unbearable little blond one, I know. I still don't know how you manage to put up with him after all these years... You must be a saint darling!”

“I wish I was,” you replied with a lighter mind. “He was always around, so I worked with it.”

“You should teach us how to survive with him,” Brian jokingly said and John simply nodded and you began to laugh.

“Is this the laugh of my favorite princess,” you heard Roger's voice coming from the door and you turned around and saw his pretty still sweaty face facing you, his eyes locked on you.

“Depends if you're talking about the blonde that was around you tonight or me,” you wittily replied with a smirk.

“Oh y/n, don't be so jealous,” he teased you and put his hands on your shoulders, resting his chin on the top of your head.

“Y/n's a saint for being your friend, honestly, she is truly a saint,” Brian repeated and winked at you as you smiled.

“She understands me better than you Brian, even if you're here for a long time, she has the benefit of the time.”

“Of the cradle and the kindergarten, and I have some pictures of Roger having a bowl cut,” you added and you felt his hand becoming a bit more tense around your shoulders and his chin leaving your head.

“No way,” Freddie almost screamed, “we absolutely need to see this!”

“Don't you dare y/n” Roger said and you turned around again, looking up at him and sticking out your tongue. “You won, you absolutely deserve my pouty face, absolutely.”

“Roger has a pouty face,” John asked, breaking his silence and making Freddie laugh.

And he proceeded to not pout, but to be salty about it instead as Freddie made fun of him while drinking some water and other things that some of the staff had brought them during the night. You promised them to help them pack their things at the end, and usually you ended up helping Roger with his drum kit, and usually it took you longer than it should because of the fun you always had with his cymbals as he was telling you to stop. But this time, you stole one of his cymbals, and began to run away in every direction, like a child, like when you were both four and he tried to catch you after you had stolen his favorite toy as you were running for your life. And there you were, both in your twenties, running around a place you barely knew, you with a part of his kit, and him chasing you in order to gather his things. You were giggling, laughing, and the others knew that your games with Roger always ended well so they only smiled when they saw you passing by.

And this time, he cornered you. Technically, it wasn't the first time, knowing that he was always the one who knew better the places where they were playing than you did. Which was pretty much obvious. You faced a wall, with your cymbal, or his cymbal instead. You closed your eyes, and sighed; you couldn't hear footsteps behind you because you knew he had stopped running and was standing behind, looking at you, waiting for you to capitulate. So, you turned around, facing him instead of the wall, with a forced smile because you knew that it was the end of your journey there. You waved at him, faintly as he began to walk towards you.

“In my defense, your honor, I was just trying to learn how to play the cymbals,” you said as he approached you with a smile and your back began to touch the wall right behind you.

“With only one cymbal?”

“I call this genius.”

He sighed, with his face really close to yours, and you blamed the hotness of the place for the redness on your cheeks. You were drowning in his beautiful eyes, as you did often but now particularly you couldn't resist them. The silence between the two of you became quite peculiar, soothing but also tense with an unknown feeling. A feeling you tried to repress for a long time. His fingertips touched your cheek delicately and you looked at him, a bit taken aback.

“I’d like to kiss you,” he whispered and your eyes became wider than the sun. “Joking… Unless?”

“Unless I'm the blonde girl,” you managed to say, with your sparkling witty eyes.

“No, like for real, y/n,” he whispered with his raspy voice and you had to fight yourself to not let yourself go.

“Like for all the other girls that you kiss after gigs, am I right?”

“What can I say, I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch,” he told you jokingly and you rolled your eyes

“Your mom wouldn't be happy to hear that,” you told him and he shrugged, “and I'm not neither.”

“I want truly to kiss you, y/n,” he repeated, “I just want to know if... I can.”

“Depends if you mean it,” you replied as you were truly about to kiss him, feeling your teeth on your lower lip, “depends if it's not only a game, like the other girls.”

“You're not the other girls, you're my princess and I want to be your prince.”

He sold it all. You dropped the cymbal as you pulled him closer by the shirt, pressing your lips against his. You had always wondered what his lips tasted like, it seemed they were made of vanilla and cigarettes and they were gentler than you thought. His hands wandered on your hips, as yours made their way to the back of his head, playing with some strokes of his hair while you kissed him, passionately, lacking air from time to time, losing yourself and everything around.

He probably was an arrogant son of a bitch, but it seemed that he was your arrogant son of a bitch.

#roger taylor #ben hardy #ben!roger #blurb #bohemian rhapsody

[plush-anon]

SCOOB! Stream of Consciousness Review

Here we are folks - I finally review the originally cinematic, fully CGI animated Scooby Doo Movie (one year later... I did not queue this as I thought I had last June - damn you, Tumblr. I’m not changing much here, so enjoy as it was intended).

Created by a team who have professed their affection for this mystery team and their meddling dog too, will this be a lush experience fit to satisfy any Hanna-Barbera fan? Or will it be a hot garbage cash-grab, littered with Easter eggs and references that do nothing to hide a meatless mess of outdated memes and shallow character development?

LET’S

FIND

OUT

Below this cut is my entire stream-of-consciousness review on the SCOOB! Movie, as experienced. SPOILER warning here - I’m digging into everything, no plot points spared. 

Here we go~

And we start off with a decent shot of the California coastline (looks like the kids backstory is front and center), some 90s hip-hop synthwave song about California, and OH SWEET JESUS THESE MODELS LOOK TERRIBLE

Ahem

Yeah, this is a problem right off the bat - some of these people in the opening shots look remarkably unfinished - think three shades above “Rapsittie Kids: Believe in Santa” level - and the animation on them is less than stellar. 

On the plus side, we do see a fantastic variety of ages, sizes, and races - there’s a brief blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Sikh man on roller skates playing a sitar - but when the designs look rushed in the opening shots, it’s not a fantastic sign. At least they’re brief, but it’s hard to see if this is a lower level of the film’s style due to rushed animation, or if they didn’t care to polish it up as much, given that it’s maybe a 30 second scene. 

Still, kudos to actually going for variety in the crowd shots. Minus kudos to making most of the clothes look like Play-doh draped over a Barbie doll. I’m not even kidding on that one, the clothes are super basic and barely have any sign of texture or creasing or even fabric/cut variety. Almost reminds me of the first Toy Story movie’s design for human clothes, yeesh. 

----

Ahh, our first introduction to Scooby Doo at a Greek gyro food stand. That’s foreshadowing right there folks! 😉

Sadly, he is really weirdly animated in his run sequence - he looks out of proportion as he’s running on his hind legs, and the human animation has really bad consistency - some background characters are really janky, while others actually move really nicely. The characters we immediately focus on seem to be pretty smooth at least, but that’s still very strange.

On a side note: Ruby and Spears Sub Sandwich shop. Nice 😁

----

They are reaaaally pushing the super over-the-top dramatic music for a bike cop chasing a dog that stole gyro meat

Why

It’s not even interesting chase music, just generic super-hyped-up chase music

----

And now we finally get to see a young Shaggy, standing next to a tie-dye food stand called Casey’s Confections that… sells meat. Hm. Guess WB hasn’t learned after all these years 🙄

Unfortunately, I’m not a huge fan of the kid they got to play him, Iain Armitage. He’s not a bad voice actor by any means, but he just doesn’t sound right for Shaggy. I know that as a kid he’d be much less likely to have a cracking/squeaky voice, but he sounds… it’s hard to pin down a word, but - precocious? Darling? Either way it doesn’t quite match, especially given how Shaggy sounds when he grows up via Will Forte. Just… no connection there. 

I tie it down to the particular vocal twangs and nuances the gang usually has. I’ll touch base on that note later I think, once we hit the teenage versions of the gang, but for now I’m just not feeling it. 

----

On the one hand, I empathize deeply with Shaggy and his Spotify’s unsettling ability to pinpoint his insecurities with song choices, and also deeply enjoy that one small gesture where his fingers kind of shake & tighten around his phone while he takes a deep breath to calm himself- it’s a very nice, subtle sign of frustration

On the other hand we just passed two guys with no nipples and an unerring likeness to a Ken doll in those Barbie movies, so I’m distracted by that now

(between this and Fred’s no-nipples in Happy Halloween SD!, is WB just terrified of giving men nipples in animated movies now? what gives?)

Also distracted by the thrifty lesbians who bought those two shirts that come together to make a heart in the middle, on the store’s 2 for 1 day

happy pride y’all!

---

Finally got context for the two sand piles!

Very, very sad context, but still! Progress!

Basically Shaggy’s practicing talking to people in order to learn how to make friends, since he either has no idea how, or has never had a friend before. So he’s trying to learn the right way to do it since his own attempts have failed

And him talking to these sand piles not only counts as practice, but he’s using them so that his mom thinks he’s spending time with friends like he told her

Ow :)

---

So ketchup leather is apparently a thing that exists

I’m learning so much today!

---

Given that Shaggy has no friends at this stage, but he’s still called Shaggy, I’m kind of wondering if that was a mean nickname that everyone called him, but he was just grateful for the interaction/pretended it was from friends, so he kept it 🤔

Actually, take it back, his mother is calling him that. Family nickname, maybe…?

----

Shaggy has Blue Falcon (classic) and Dynomutt funko pops

noice

---

Oof, you can reaaaaally hear the age in Frank Welker’s Scooby voice. Can we get Scott Innes back? He sounds almost identical to his performance 20+ years ago :/

Also talking waaaay too much - even SDMI Scooby wasn’t this wordy, and he NEVER shut the hell up 

----

Okay wait

So Shaggy met Scooby on Halloween day - then met the rest of the gang hours later?

Huh. And here I was thinking it would have been a few weeks minimum 

Although I have to say there is a lot here to work with, if it paces out how I think it does

Shaggy meets Scooby. Bare hours later, he buys him a collar (instead of his mom? weird) and asks him to stay with him, despite not really knowing him. Then, only a couple hours after that, he finally makes some friends… but only when Scooby is with him. 

Given that it looks like the gang are all around the same age in the same neighborhood, there’s a solid chance that they’ve taken classes together at the same school. If none of them met/knew/made friends with Shaggy then, but only did so AFTER Scooby came into the picture, that might lead to the argument we know about later when they split up; afterwards, S&SD go to the bowling alley, then get abducted by the Blue Falcon, plot continues. This could make it seem like they were only friends with him at the start because he had a dog. 

And the brief scene earlier with the music device shows that he tries to tamp down on his anger/doesn’t really address it - could lead to something more later 

hmmmm 🤔

---

Wait what

These two kid bullies just came out of nowhere, stole Shaggy’s candy… and then started on about how Halloween is only a marketing ploy to get companies to rot your teeth and go to the dentist more, before throwing the bag through a window and telling the two that ‘your blood sugar will thank us for it!’

Are - are these the brainwashed children of a Karen? Is that what I’m seeing?

I mean we could have had a Red Herring cameo, but apparently informing children about candy conspiracy theories is more important :/

----

Daphne: It’s Halloween - no one should go home without their candy

FD&V: *none of them have candy/candy bags*

???????

(Wouldn’t it make more sense if the bullies had stolen their candy too? What the hey man)

----

I do find it neat that we actually get to SEE the wires the ‘ghost’ uses to fly in full effect - that’s actually pretty cool, and not really something we get to see up close in older Scooby shows. Most of those just have the bad guy randomly flying about, and the wires revealed after the fact 

---

Actually, given how FD&V react to this ghost almost immediately… have they already been solving mysteries? It seems like it, given how smoothly they move together to capture him

That’s kind of odd in kids. Like, even in PNSD they weren’t perfectly in-sync on stuff

This then leads to the gang solving mysteries together… in spite of the fact that all Shag and Scoob did was hide in the wardrobe that had the stolen goods, while FD&V captured the dude 

Granted, they do ask Shag and Scoob if they wanna join in and say yes, but that seems like an strange jump after what could have been a one-time deal

I just find that a touch odd - esp when they could have had a five minute scene or so of them wandering around the house, touching on some old SDWAY traits. Heck, show that they’re SCARED in some way, and don’t immediately move to tackle what looks like a murderous spirit at age 8-9 or so. Even just showing the kids learning about each other would be enough, but what do I know. I’ve only watched Scooby Doo everything since I was 4 🙄

---

Ahhhh, and now for the updated rendition of the theme song

Where they’re all still kids doing everything the teenage gang did in the theme song

It doesn’t look as good as the OG, though - kind of like a computer game simulating the SDWAY intro using the PNSD kids in CGI. It’s honestly strange to see, and a little jarring - especially when we then transition to the older teenage gang right in the middle

Like, we don’t get to see you guys age through the song as you’re chased by/catch different monsters? That could have been pretty neat honestly - shows how long they’ve been doing this

Tho I gotta admit, seeing the Spooky Space Kook with his OG sound effects is pretty awesome, brief as it waoH MY GOD FRED WHY ARE YOU HAVING A ROMANTIC BEACHSIDE DATE WITH THE MYSTERY MACHINE 

THAT WASN’T IN THE ORIGINAL AND NO ONE ELSE GETS A CHARACTER INSIGHT SHOT LIKE THIS

WHY

----

Huh, looks like Ruby & Spears gave up their subway sandwich shop for a coffee shop

That apparently the gang goes to in order to eat malt shop food

okay?

----

Ah, and here’s where we finally look at the voice acting of the older teenage gang. Buckle up folks, cause I gotta lot to say

We’ll start with Fred, bc honestly? I think Efron actually fits him pretty dang well. He’s got a different cadence from Welker, true, but as far as an update goes? I think he’s a solid fit. Very much in line with the all-American kid that Fred’s kind of been slated as for the past 50 years or so, but updated more for the modern perspective. I call it solid (and possibly a replacement for whenever Welker decides to retire). 

Next? Oof. Velma is, IMHO, the weakest casting. Velma, no matter her voice actress, has ALWAYS had some form of nasal twang to her voice - that’s part of what makes her Velma to begin with, and helps her stand out. Nicole Jaffe, Pat Stevens, BJ Ward, Christina Lange (PNSD), Mindy Cohn, Kate Micucci, Linda Cardellini -heck, even Haley Kiyoko from ‘The Mystery Begins’ and Sarah Gilman from the ‘Daphne and Velma’ movie understood this! They all had that nasal twang to their voice - differing between actresses, of course, but still recognizable as Velma. Gina Rodriguez though? Honestly, it just sounds like she’s acting it straight. Not bad acting at all, by any means - she just doesn’t sound like Velma, and doesn’t seem to be trying to. (Honestly wondering if she was only hired bc she voices Carmen Sandiego in the reboot cartoon for the lolz fun reference! type connection) 

Daphne is sort of similar in voices, but hers is more of a pitch her voice hits - Heather North, Mary Kay Bergman, and Grey Delisle Griffin all have that pitch they hit naturally when speaking. Amanda Seyfried? Does not - in fact, her voice is actually deeper than I was expecting - but it’s not quite as big a difference as it is for Velma. It fits her character type okay, and she does well with it overall.  

And finally, the most controversial one: Will Forte’s Shaggy. 

I’ll go ahead and say this: he’s not Scott Menville levels of bad Shaggy voice acting. If I were to place him on a list, I’d probably put him around Billy West level - kind of sounds similar via vocal tics (voice cracking, likes and zoinks, etc), but his own voice just overtakes the impression he’s seeking to hit. When I hear him speak, I don’t really hear Shaggy; I just hear Will Forte trying to do an impression of Shaggy. 

In comparison: when Scott Innes took over for Shaggy, it was like Casey Kasem’s, just a touch more of a twang to his voice and just a dash over-the-top - but it was still Shaggy, and you didn’t doubt that for a minute.

Same thing for Lillard, but maybe moreso - he was pretty much the most perfect casting for a live-action Shaggy there could be at the time Scooby Doo (2002) was made. Him taking over for Kasem from there made perfect sense: he was honestly the best cast Mystery Inc member of the live-actions, and a lot more recognizable to the general public as Shaggy than Scott Innes was. He could also do different emotions with Shaggy that not a lot of the other voice actors had the chance to do (mainly bc script), so for future stuff they have that flexibility, if they wanted to play around a little more. 

With any luck Forte will get better over the course of the movie, but honestly the casting could have been so much better with Matt Lillard and Kate Micucci. 

----

Shaggy Rogers, evading taxes since 2020

----

siMON COWELL??!? 

WHAT THE

WHY?!?!?

ALSO HIS CHARACTER DESIGN STYLE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF THE GANG WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?!!?

IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SD CELEBRITY CAMEO

LIKE

IF YOU WERE GOING TO DO A CAMEO FROM AMERICAN IDOL WHY NOT RYAN SEACREST 

HE TOOK OVER FOR CASEY KASEM ON THE AMERICAN TOP 40 WOULDN’T THAT MAKE MORE SENSE

aaauuuggghhh

---

Also he’s there as a potential investor in Mystery Inc as a detective agency

A music industry professional… is interested in funding a detective agency.

Like… did he miss out on Josie & the Pussycats? Is that why he’s here?

----

Wait a minute

Oh noooooo

I know why he’s here

I remember this spoiler

Shit

-----

And once again, here is your reminder to tell Simon Cowell a great big fcuk you

Only this time it’s for making Shaggy and Scooby feel worthless and saying that friendship is worthless and cannot be counted on for anything worthwhile

Simon Cowell: Professional Dickhead

---

Welp, at least this gives a solid reason why they leave: Simon Cowell was being a professional dickhead, and the gang didn’t really say anything against him or interrupt him on his whole ‘Shag and Scoob are worthless spiel’

Or, well... Daphne stepped up some, but more to say ‘they’re our friends!’ rather than ‘that’s entirely wrong, our friends aren’t worthless!’ Better than nothing, but yeesh

----

Ahhh, Takamoto Bowling - the emptiest bowling alley in the evenings this side of Coolsville 

(no seriously, the past few times my dad has taken my sister and me bowling pre-pandemic, no matter the day or time? it’s ALWAYS got more than 6 lanes of people there, what the heck)

Also Scooby wears three bowling shoes, which honestly makes more sense than I thought it would - that pup goes spinning and sliding every which way on a normal floor, bowling alley floors would be like ten times worse

----

here’s a nice little detail - when Scooby sees one of the bowling pins peek out with red eyes and he yells that to Shaggy, Shaggy actually squints and walks closer to see if it actually does have eyes

aww

----

Huh, okay 

Panicked Will Forte Shaggy actually sounds more like a good Shaggy voice than normal talking Will Forte Shaggy

I can dig it

---

Still kind of underwhelmed by the Shag and Scoob disguise scene - wouldn’t it make more sense to have them like, dish up hot sauce or something on a plate that nonsensically makes the robots overheat before they discover their ruse?

Idk, maybe they’re off their game after Simon ‘Dickhead’ Cowell

---

Carlton Way - must be named after Fred’s only other voice actor, Carlton Stevens of PNSD

Also Hanna’s Barber Shop is next to Barbera’s Pizza! Cute.

And… Pitstop’s Pink Perfume ad. Wait, who is that? *assorted googling noises*

...ahhh, Penelope Pitstop from Wacky Races! Who, according to Wikipedia, was revealed to have Greek ancestry in the 2016 Wacky Raceland comic book, having been born on the island of Aegina

Now I’m wondering if we’ll see her in this too, given Cerberus...

----

Honestly kind of fascinating to see the gang with a police radio in their van

Also fascinating to see that only main characters are allowed clothing variety and texture/creases/folds

---

it’s actually really sweet to see Fred, upon hearing that Shag and Scoob are likely in danger, immediately makes a 90 degree turn in traffic

---

It looks like they changes Dee Dee’s name a hair - now it’s Dee Dee Skyes, instead of Sykes

It works well for the Falcon aesthetic, so that’s cool

----

Shaggy, after Dee Dee tells them that Dastardly’s trying to kill them: Scoob, someone thinks we’re important enough to *mimes slitting throat*!

Scooby: It’s nice to be wanted.

Excellent! This movie has captured Shag and Scoob’s blasé attitude towards death! Now we’re onto a solid Scooby film :D

Dee Dee: Hmm, I hear that!

And they even have a friend to share in their attitude! Splendid!

----

Christ, I can work photoshop better than Blue Falcon can, and I don’t even know how to use photoshop

I will give major kudos on his costume tho - it maintains the important elements of the OG Falcon, while still updating it with more bird-related aesthetic, like the feathered appearance of parts of his costume, the split cape resembling the tail feathers, and the talon gauntlets & boots. neat!

---

Yooo, Dynomutt, I thought secret identities were still a thing with Superheroes, what the hey are you doing giving it out to a duo you literally just picked up behind a bowling alley

Ngl, I’m kinda hoping we get some scenes where Dynomutt messes up a little like in the OG cartoon - this one feels really serious, which is kind of strange

---

Okay now I want to see older!Blue Falcon come in for a cameo

Mainly bc I’m getting the feeling that this one is a major dumbass, and not in the fun and friendly himbo kind of way 😑

---

Wait, THAT’S our first look at Dastardly? That’s a bit abrupt, isn’t it?

Also his ship must be pumping thousands of gallons of toxins into the air, that smoke cloud looks hideous. Forget logging into his mom’s Netflix account like the trailer said, EPA should probably be hunting him for sport with a laser cannon, jesus fcuking christ

---

Honestly kinda want a plane you can pilot like a motorbike now

---

Welp, it looks like we have a fun, mustache-twirly, puns-aplenty, loves-to-be-bad kind of villain on our hands folks! This is gonna be FUN AS HECK

---

Eurgh, this scene - the super-stiff-but-stretched-out ‘yeeurgh’ faces really squick me for some reason, but I can’t really pinpoint why

---

I have decided I highly dislike the Brian Blue Falcon, or Brian Falcon for short, and would like to see Dastardly tie him to some railroad tracks

---

North St for Heather North, and… wait… Funland Carnival? Like where Charlie the Robot hung out?

Apparently that’s in Romania.

A very yellow-greenfilter Romania at that.

 Like, I’ve seen blue washes on movies trying to portray evening in the middle of the day so they don’t actually have to shoot at night, but yellow? That’s normally used for deserts and hot days and uhhh 

NOT for evenings in a country with landscape like THIS

odd

(I mean I guess they got the mountains and trees right, but still. Yellow filters make a place look arid, which Romania is Not, to my knowledge)

----

Dude, Brian Falcon is such an idiot even Shaggy and Scooby, commonly portrayed as the idiots of Mystery Inc, look at him like he’s a moron.

(They are Not Amused.)

Also Brian Falcon is an absolute coward. That’s new. Even Shaggy and Scooby face off against the robots directly in a Whack-a-Mole game and destroy some. Dude, get your head in the fcuking game already, yikes

--

Woah, Laff-a-Lympics, Wacky Races, Hex Girls, The Banana Splits, Penelope Pitstop, Space Stars, Posse Impossible, and Hong Kong Phooey easter eggs in one shot

Geezus

--- 

Another nice moment: when cornered by Dastardly, Shaggy moves to stand in front of Scooby to protect him

---

Dastardly (to Shaggy): I don’t care about YOU. You’re not REMOTELY important!

*proceeds to shoot Shaggy THROUGH the ceiling and up into the highest car on a Ferris Wheel where Brian Falcon is hiding like a man baby*

Welp, so much for a fun and zany villain. Time for this Plush Anon to kill a bitch *cocks shotgun*

I will, too - kudos to the animators for hurting me so badly with the face Shaggy made right before being shot because

OW

---

Ehehehhehe, yess, the infamous ‘Dick’ scene

Dastardly: No, I’m a DICK. With a D!

You sure are, you sack of dildos with a D!

This scene had to be put in on purpose - if this had been released in theaters, I just know the adults would be dying in laughter 🤣🤣🤣

----

Shaggy: Brian, do something! 

Brian Falcon: Like what?

Shaggy: Like, drop some F-Bombs!

love it 😂

---

Is it like movie law now, that if there’s an action scene with a Ferris Wheel in the background, it has to fall off and roll down a mild incline like a wheel? Because it kinda feels like it

---

Aha! Dastardly said his drats! Perfection.

Now to shoot him through a ceiling to make them matter even more :D

---

OOF. 

Well that hurt. 

Poor Shaggy - basically internalizing now that he’s the worthless one and weak link of the group now that Scooby is considered more important

---

Holy fcuk I’m crying

Shaggy just broke Brian Falcon down to his deepest insecurities without even trying while talking to him

He even used the words ‘imposter syndrome’ 

Shaggy hon, you’re the best

----

Oh hey, Fred, Daphne, and Velma! It’s been a while since we saw you guys again, what are you doing?

Arguing about the metric system and realizing that Shaggy and Scooby reminding them to eat periodically helped them keep a clearer head...

And using the word ‘hangry’.

But then looking through a ridiculously cute photo album of the two and a video the gang took together (the video is honestly really heckin’ cute, 10000/10 would recommend)...

And then getting pulled over so Fred can have a brief ‘oo-la-la’ montage about the pretty blonde cop who honest-to-gods looks like a Barbie doll.

Where Daphne then describes how ugly Dastardly is...

Right before the petite blonde cop who’s maybe like 5’7” at best rips off her outfit to reveal it was Dick Dastardly this entire time, all 7ish feet of him.

And then kidnaps them all along with the Mystery Machine while he makes terribly fun dorky puns

…

...SO BACK TO SCOOBY AND SHAGGY...

---

...where Scooby is making kissy faces in the mirror while wearing his Blue Falcon uniform

Hrm, that’s not really better is it

We actually see Shaggy reading (OG) Blue Falcon’s autobiography, and making hurt but snide comments about Scooby’s ego

Which are actually pretty clever tbh

-----

Cooooooongratulations, Fred Jones! You are now officially a full-on himbo!

----

Alas, poor Daphne. While your knowledge of the tropes of your show might have served you well in other places, this was to be a theatrical release once upon a time, and so such knowledge falls to ruin.

----

You know, I just realized - we’re never really told HOW the Cerberus skulls work, both in how each skull can be used to find the others,  and, presumably, in releasing Cerberus itself. We’re given a brief glance-over of Scooby’s ancestry (and I mean REALLY damn brief), and a quick mention that these are supposed to be Cerberus’ skulls being stolen, but… that’s it. Nothing else is given. 

Now, I read the first few chapters of my SCOOB! Junior Novelization, and it actually went into further detail about the skulls themselves and what Dastardly’s initial plan was early in the book - open the gates of Hades and obtain the seas of treasure therein. It acted as an introduction both to the climatic endgame we’ll face at the end of the movie, and to Dastardly, who uses the same disguise trick he used as the Barbie cop when he stole the first one in South America. 

(They actually DID plan to use this as Dastardly’s intro, but cut this… 3 minute scene for time. Yeah. See below video for the details - honestly think they should have kept it in. Saves time later and definitely more show than tell, compared to what we got)

I feel like that would be a better introduction to him than the one we got - hell, it would have fit in quite neatly after the revamped theme song montage. They could have the scene with Dastardly finding/stealing the first skull as an introduction (as above), then have him answer a call or something. Exposit openly “You found the key! Excellent! Now where are we going next?” 

THEN cut to the diner/coffee shop scene we had earlier. We still wouldn’t know exactly what the key was/entailed off the bat, and they could still have FD&V find out on their own - maybe by hacking the little robot instead? IDK.

---

The final skull is on Messick Mountain.

Cute.

On a side note, I do love how Dastardly’s ship interior looks - very dieselpunk

---

Velma just hacked into Dynomutt… somehow, and I finally get my wacky Dynomutt shenanigans!  Hazoo!

...sadly that was really dang brief. Realistic, yes, but still too brief. 

---

Eyyyy, we finally get the whys of why Scooby is needed! … really dang fast. 

Also Fred says Jinkies. 

----

Hey, Muttley popped up! In a shrine… to his demise… that we find out he reached when Dastardly pushed him forward into the Underworld to steal the treasure of Alexander the Great in a portal he rigged up… only for both of them to find out it was a one-way deal unless they used the key to be able to come back. The key, of course, being Scooby Doo, descendent of Peritas, Alexander’s dog. 

Eh, workable enough-ish. It’s interesting to see that Dastardly, despite how much he disliked Muttley in the older cartoons, still cares about him to a certain extent. 

---

Pfff, Fred’s a poor man’s Hemsworth XD

---

Sweet, we’re in ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ now!

---

Um

O W W W

You guys really had to do the ‘me or them’ thing with Shaggy and Scooby… and tHeN hAvE sCoObY cHoOsE tHe FaLcONs?!? Just because they said he was important as “the key” and gave him a spandex costume.

Over at least 7 years of friendship. 

Booooooooooooo

---

actually no I’m Not Done Yet

This whole scene is a mess.

Like

Shaggy’s turn was really dang fast… but I can still see how he gets to it. It’s at least a day between Scooby being chosen as a pseudo-sidekick and the island arrival, during which Shaggy’s talk with the main adult (who has taken up the mantle of his favorite superhero) essentially confirms his feelings of worthlessness and leaves him to stew for HOURS on end (on top of another adult, Dastardly, who also calls him “not even REMOTELY important” at the carnival before freaKING SHOOTING HIM THROUGH THE CEILING NO I AM NOT OVER THIS). Tie that to a teenager who also believes his only friends have come to think he’s meaningless baggage, and suddenly his entire support system is vanishing underneath him to one of his former idols without ANY sign of hesitation from Scooby’s part (with the exception of the collar scene, but I don’t think that that means the same to Scooby, given how quickly he bounces back)

Scooby tho… hrm. It could be that he’s clinging to the good feelings Brian Falcon inspires in him (by choosing him as the next possible Dynomutt), as a way to overpower how FD&V hurt him, while also building on how he came to love the duo because SHAGGY loved them so much. But the movie doesn’t frame that up… at all?? At least compared to Shaggy. 

Idk, maybe I’m missing something, but this scene is a mess through and through

Boooooo

----

Scooby: *tries to leap into Brian Falcon’s arms like he did with Shaggy but falls*

Brian: Uh, what are you doing?

Scooby: Rhaggy never missed. 

Damn straight he didn’t

---

oh hey, it’s Captain Caveman

I was wondering when we’d see him.

---

AAAUUGGHH

It’s that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene from the trailers I sobbed over - the one with Shaggy holding Scooby’s collar

Fun fact it actuALLY FADES INTO THE FLASHBACK

THAT WAS NOT A TRAILER THING THAT’S ACTUALLY HERE IN THE MOVIE

OW

---

Oh No

Fred is here, alone, after that whole scene with Dastardly saying he had a use for Fred

...while that’s likely Dastardly in a Fred suit (that sounds creepy just typing it), I’m still going to enjoy this brief but absolutely lovely hug Shaggy and Fred share...

(seriously tho, look at this, it’s a genuinely close, squish-your-lungs-out kind of hug, I love it)

...as well as Shaggy, who's still hurt from his fight with Scooby, immediately gearing up to go help him after hearing Dastardly’s trying to kidnap him.

----

Brian Falcon and Scooby Doo now have to take on Captain Caveman in gladiatorial combat in order to claim the final skull of Cerberus

I love cartoons sometimes

----

Captain Caveman just put the smackdown on Brian Falcon and punched him into the ground up to his CHEST

Then smacked him so far into a wall he cracked the stone around him!

GodDAMN is this satisfying 😆 altho minor question here: how did he gain the rank of Captain? Do cavepeople have a naval force?

---

He just whirled Scooby around his head, then spun him so fast his costume broke off

I may have to look into some Captain Caveman stuff now, that’s fantastic

---

Shaggy and Fred - sorry, “Fred” -  just smashed through to the colosseum in the Mystery Machine

And Dynomutt just fired missiles at Captain Caveman to smash him into an Amigara-shaped hole of himself

I REALLY love cartoons sometimes

---

Oh No

Just as Shaggy starts trying to apologize, “Fred” kicks him in the back, rips off his disguise to normal Dastardly self, and kidnaps Scooby atop the skull, before revealing he destroyed the Falcon Fury jet

New tagline for this movie? Shaggy Rogers and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

...at least the rest of the gang is back together?

---

Brian Falcon: *Immediately tries to blame Shaggy for inadvertently leading Dastardly to them, while storming up to get in his face*

Fred: *upon realizing BrianF is blaming Shaggy for everything, without a SINGLE moment’s hesitation, immediately leaps in to defend Shaggy and physically push back Brian Falcon several feet*

We stan one Himbo, theydies and gentlethem

Also?

Velma (sneering): What kind of hero blames other people for his problems? *Walks over to comfort Shaggy with Daphne, while Shaggy looks dumbfounded they’re defending him bc he also blames himself for Scooby’s kidnapping*

This. This right here, is the kind of Mystery gang content I wanna see.

I don’t care how the rest of this movie goes now, this scene right here is ambrosia to the Scooby fan’s soul, and therefore makes this entire movie worth it, outdated memes, lingo, and all

---

Cackling rn - Fred and Brian Falcon are in a point-off a la the Spiderman meme 😂

or, more specifically, the post-credits sequence of Spiderverse where they’re arguing about who started pointing first

It gets better when Velma and Daphne try to pull each other off of their pushing fight, and Velma grumbles “Toxic Masculinity” I’m crying

---

WOAH

More super Shaggy stuff here (apart from being flung through a building roof without a scratch) - he pushes apart both groups effortless, and even knocks them back several feet

If we estimate Dynomutt as… we’ll say 450 since he’s made of metal, Falcon at 220, Dee Dee at 160, that’s about 830 lbs on one side

Then Fred, Daphne and Velma on the other (hmm, 180, 150, 130?) would be around 460 lbs

Dang boi

---

Oh honey no, it’s not your fault

But dang if he didn’t get a good message from it, one I’ve done my best to transcribe here:

“I was afraid that... things were gonna change. And they did change. But like, that’s okay! People can grow. But it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that Scooby Doo is my best friend! Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he’d never leave him no matter what. And I’m gonna keep that promise! Now it’s time we stopped that mustachioed menace from opening the gates to the {underworld} and letting loose that fearsome {Cerberus}. So what do you say we get out {of here}, and go get my always-snacking, never-lacking, often-napping dog back? Who’s with me?”

Honestly not a bad message for kids. Things will change, people will change, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends. (Obvs real life exceptions apply, but that’s not a bad note honestly)

...shame that that conclusion comes right the FUCK outta nowhere

Like

How, exactly, did he come to this conclusion? WHEN? What inspired him to realize this, what was the impetus for this specific line of thought, that it’s okay for friends to change?

It kinda feels like this should have been either the happy ending speech given after they’ve saved the world, or one at the start of the third act, like if Shaggy arrives when Scooby thinks he’s chased him away and ruined everything, and Shaggy & the gang still save him. And Scooby asks him why he did that - when Scooby tried to change himself to fit what Brian Falcon wanted, instead of treasuring the friend he still had, or maybe why Shaggy reacted the way he did. THEN Shaggy gives the speech we hear, a la:

“I yelled at you because… like, because I was scared. I was scared that... things were gonna change. And they did change. But like, that’s okay! People can grow. But it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that YOU’RE my best friend! Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he’d never leave him no matter what. And I mean to keep it!” 

At least that would make a little more sense to me. Again, not a bad speech, but a little rearranging would help to really hit home. 

---

Okay, now we’re back with Dastardly in Greece, and suddenly the background people all look MILES better than the ones at the start of the movie. Did they just forget to polish the first two minutes of film, what the heck?

Also, Dastardly’s ship is literally the entire length of the Greek ruins presented o_O

---

HOLY SHIT THE SKULLS TURNED BACK TIME AND MADE THE RUINS INTO AN ENTIRELY RESTORED PALACE WITH THE GATES OF THE UNDERWORLD BEFORE THEM

They’re also colored a very atmospheric neon arrangement that’s surprisingly quite tasteful ^.^

----

The Mystery Machine can fly now!!! eeheeheeeheeheeheeheeee

----

And so we finally see Cerberus, a massive, towering figure with sharp teeth and pffffffhahahhahaa why are all three heads wearing Spartan helmets

To its credit, they’re also wearing basic body armor, wrist guards, tail spikes, etc, but the helmets are killing me 🤣 who thought to stick that onto the dog? Did Hades forget to remove the armor after winning the Gods’ Pet Costume Contest, or was it like that horse in the ATV costume - it felt safer so it didn’t let anyone take it off?

Or was this a precaution against Herakles coming back? These are questions - hilarious, hilarious questions 😁

---

Awww. Scooby immediately runs to the battered Mystery Machine to rip the doors open for the gang!

And… wait. THIS is where that wonderful hug was in the trailers? I thought that was at the end of the movie when everyone was safe!

This now does not bode well. But we’ll worry about that later. Time to enjoy this gorgeous wonderful hug of the entire gang, and Shag and Scoob apologizing to each other for fighting 🥰

Yet another scene to make the rest of this movie worth the rest

(halfway wanna frame this shit and put it on the wall, it’s that lovely)

----

Fantastic! Dastardly is now in Hell, where I’ve been wishing him this entire movie! :D

And dang… he actually apologizes to what he believes is a dead Muttley. Who is, naturally, snickering at all of this. The two bicker predictably, but eventually hug and make up, too happy to see each other to resort to old habits. Honestly a nice little scene, all-in-all. 

---

Back to the gang and they’re doing the glowy eyes in the dark bit! I actually haven’t seen that in a Scooby movie forever, it’s neat.

Also Fred is now going full Liam Neeson over his van, war paint and all, using the tire cover as a shield and… holy shit. 

HOLY SHIT

THE ASCOT IS BAAAnnnnnd it’s gone. Boy, that was… short. 

Fred just ran full-tilt at Cerberus, screaming like a mad man, before getting flicked away by its big toe, and losing the ascot and makeshift shield. It punched so hard his facepaint came off

It was fun while it lasted y’all

---

Heyyy, Shag and Scoob just came up with the plan, and it’s actually solid! I’m so proud, and so is the rest of the gang! Also willingly going to distract Cerberus while the rest figure out how to close the gate and stuff Cerberus back in

I love my boys 😊

---

Annnnd there goes Brian Falcon like the coward he is

To… call his dad? And admit he isn’t a hero.

Only for Dynomutt to point out Shaggy and Scooby are taking him on and are terrified. 

This then cuts to Shaggy and Scooby running around in a chariot and gladiator wear, running back and forth a la the door gag from Cerberus to the OG SDWAY theme

I think I love this movie

(although they’re hinting at Dynomutt being resentful of OG Blue Falcon essentially abandoning him to his incompetent son, and I really wish it had been touched upon more

that’s actually rather heartbreaking, when you stop to think about it, and there’s a lot that could be done with an additional two minutes of screentime) 

---

Huh, another good message for kids: it’s okay to fail and be scared, so long as you keep going and try to do what’s right.

Two good messages for kids in one movie. Not too shabby, on the whole. 

---

Brian Falcon just flew in and punched the three-headed dog, then jumped into its mouth as it tried to eat Scooby, resisted the MASSIVE JAW STRENGTH, and got them out of there safe and sound

Finally, something heroic!

-- 

I was wondering where Dastardly and Muttley got off to - apparently they’re off to take a money bath.

Aight

---

Shag and Scoob have now convinced the Rotten Robots to turn into bowling balls to knock Cerberus off their feet a la the classic marbles pratfall back into the underworld

That is a sentence I just wrote

----

OH FCUK NO

NO

ABSOLUTELY NOT NO

YOU ARE TELLING US THAT AFTER ALL OF THIS - ALL OF THIS - ONE OF THEM HAS TO STAY IN THE UNDERWORLD TO LOCK THE GATE

THAT OCTOBER LEAKER WAS RIGHT WHAT THE HELL

LITERALLY SO

I mean i know its a kids film specifically Scooby Doo so happy ending but what the literal FUCK

---

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGHHH

SHAGGY NOOOO

“Buddy, back when we were kids, you saved me. Now, it’s my turn.”

and he dOES THIS WHILE HOLDING SCOOBY’S HEAD TENDERLY IN HIS HANDS

AND WHEN EVERYTHING REVERTS IT’S JUST RUBBLE AND RUIN AND SCOOBY’S LEFT SOBBING OPENLY AT NOTHING

AND THE GANG ALL COME TO CLING AT HIM AND CRY OVER THEIR FRIEND WHO THOUGHT HE WAS WORTHLESS MOST OF THE MOVIE AND THOUGH THAT THE GANG THOUGHT THE SAME ABOUT HIM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH

---

WELP, TIME TO COPE WITH INAPPROPRIATE HUMOR

Shaggy: I yelled at my dog, got him kidnapped, and ended up helping the bad guy to open the gates to Hell. Guess I’ll die. 

Dee Dee: Well actually, this is more Dastardly’s fault because -

Shaggy, yelling as he slams his hand against the lock: GUESS I’LL DIE!!!

----

Ah, so the writers wrote themselves into a corner, and the only way out was a Deus Ex Machina (at least, I think I’m using that term correctly…) 

Because to get Shaggy back, a giant statue of Alexander the Great and Peritas appears out of nowhere - literally, since it definitely wasn’t there before - with an inscription Scooby has to read to get Shaggy back.

This would have been a lot more effective if we’d seen it when Dastardly arrived in Greece - maybe even as the marker for where the gate to the Underworld was. Have Alexander facing one way, and Peritas facing the other. You open the gate on Alexander’s side, and come home on Peritas’ side. Having this unfold into the gate gives it more purpose than “magically appears right the fcuk outta nowehere” and you could have a pun with the “backdoor” escape. Everybody wins!

And if that’s too good for ya, how about a brief lingering shot by it at some point as Dastardly flies into Greece, behind where the gate materializes, or directly across from it on the plaza? Maybe have one of the gang kick it after Shaggy leaves, and say ‘This is all your fault! Why would you make something like this?’

It’d still be a magical contrivance, but at least it would make some fcuking SENSE.

(Granted it DID lead to this hilariously ominous shot, so maybe I shouldn’t complain:)

---

Velma: I finally figured out what you guys are! You’re the heart of Mystery Inc.

Me: YEAH BABY! *flips over table* I’VE BEEN SAYING THAT SHIT FOR YEARS AND NOW, I’M FCUKING VALIDATED AT LAAAAAAAAST!

----

Shaggy: *rips off Dastardly’s face to reveal…*

ALL: SIMON COWELL??!?

Me, choking on food: I’m sorry WHAT?!?!?

Velma: *takes off mask again to reveal*

ALL: DICK DASTARDLY?!?

Dastardly: Drat! No one ever goes for the double unmasking. 

So I was right all along - Simon Cowell truly was a Dick this entire time.

-----

And so we close on the gang unveiling a Mystery Machine paint job on their official detective agency building, Brian Falcon living the good life as the DJ at their party, the Falcon team gifting a sleek new Mystery Machine to the gang (which honestly looks pretty unique - it’s not the classic, but it is something new that isn’t awful, so kudos there), and the gang on their way to another mystery.

So, at the end of the day is this a good Scooby movie? 

Meh? *waves hand in meh motion* But it definitely had its moments. 

This Scooby film is flawed as heck, no doubt about it - the plot has a MAJOR problem with telling instead of showing, some parts feeling out of order or WAY too short, and of course the deus ex machina ending. I honestly would have loved some more time for their first mystery as kids, where we actually got more character moments/bonding from Fred, Daphne, and Velma as they solved it the more traditional route, as well as not framing FD&V as super duper mystery solvers right off the bat??? 

The stuff with Blue Falcon isn’t AWFUL, per se, but it is ridiculously satisfying to see him get smacked around. Captain Caveman was honestly one of the funniest bits in the movie, same with Dynomutt. 

As far as the character stuff? It all felt fairly natural, progression-wise. Shag and Scoob don’t have this big break-up with the gang - they’re hurt by the literal Dickhead’s comments the gang don’t speak up against, and go to blow off some steam together. Shag and Scoob don’t have this giant blow-up argument - it builds over the film into a hurt spat they both recognize they overreacted to almost immediately. The gang (FDV) go looking for them almost as soon as they leave, and, upon hearing they’re in danger, turn and head towards them to save them, realizing how important the two are to Mystery Inc along the way. They defend each other, help each other, have some of the Best Dang Animated Mystery Inc hugs I ever did see - THIS feels more like the Gang I’ve been waiting for forever to come back to DTV (and in a rough sense, did). While I do wish we’d gotten more screen time of FD&V, what we got wasn’t too bad. 

Weirdly enough, at the end of the day, I’ve actually grown more accustomed to Forte’s Shaggy - it feels like it fits this different style a touch more than I originally thought, and holy hell if I didn’t come close to tears at that ending gate scene, he knocked that one out of the park.  Velma still doesn’t feel much like Velma, but I did get used to it by the end. I kept cracking up at Efron’s Fred, and no complaints on Seyfried’s Daphne.

Jason Isaacs as Dick Dastardly absolutely killed it. Blue Falcon Crew was okay (excepting Mark “The Racist” Wahlburg - it was just him talking, no real effort. You could recognize Wahlburg right off the bat, acting as a goofy douche) and freaking Captain Caveman was awesome. Apparently they combined both Billy West and Don Messick’s recordings for Muttley (awesome!!!), so this may very well be Don Messick’s final role in a Scooby Doo film. 

It got off to a rough start, but ended well enough. The animation was solid, the writing has some unexpectedly clever and funny moments sprinkled throughout, with some pretty fun action sequences on the side. Watching this, I really do believe that the people working on it love Scooby Doo and all things Hanna-Barbera… at least in their own way. 

I ended up buying this instead of just renting it ($5 more, why not) and I am honestly glad I did so. Despite its flaws, it has some great moments with the gang as friends, and I have been Craving That Shit for DECADES

And if these writers/directors ever did another Scooby film? I think I’d be up for giving them a chance - at least so long as we got some more absolutely BEAUTIFUL hugs with the gang

I hope you enjoyed this stream-of-consciousness reaction to SCOOB! (2020)... a whole ass year LATER, admittedly (I didn’t switch my Save Post to Queue, curse my hubris), but hopefully y’all’ve been entertained. Good night everybody!

#scoob! #scoob 2020 #scoob #scooby doo #plush reviews: final thoughts #note to self: never use queue for the big posts