#because he’s an unapologetic capitalist and I’m not

[hello-god-its-me-sara]

Petition to let Spider-Man unapologetically mooch of the billionaires he seems to attract for reasons that are usually poorly explained

I’m fucking tired of people complaining that Tom holland’s Spider-Man isn’t as good because he keeps running to Tony Stark

I’m tired of both tv shows and fanfics making him too stubborn to accept any type of financial support from Harry

Are we still in this economy upholding the capitalistic and corrupted values that we need to make our own way and not accept hand outs

Peter magically attracts billionaires like flies to honey and we’re not cheering him on for taking their money?

Let 👏 Peter 👏 Parker 👏 take 👏 money 👏 form 👏 billionaires 👏

#look if you don’t like mcu spidey fine #if you think Peter’s reliance on Tony makes him weak fine #that’s not invalid #but let the boy take Tony’s money #let him take Harry’s money #in this economy? #we’re still pull yourself up by your bootstraps bullshit #let Peter Parker take money #peter parker #spider man #tony stark #irondad #harry osborn #Parksborn

[geneetos44]

I have just watched Wonka (2023), and really loved it. Obviously, spoilers for Wonka (2023) under the cut.

One aspect of the film that I enjoyed in particular was the obvious socialist leaning. It was probably one of the most unapologetically anti-capitalist films I’ve watched, covering corruption in both the police and church. An unfortunate side effect of this was, after Wonka destroys the personal fortune of a cartel of corrupt billionaires, I whispered “praxis” to the person with whom I was watching the film, and then had to give a stuttered definition of the term after it had ended.

The casting also delighted me. I am, unfortunately, British, so pretty much the entire cast was recognisable to me. Rowan Atkinson as the corrupt priest I particularly enjoyed, in part because Mr. Bean = funny, but also because he genuinely fit the role really well.

The music. Omg the music. The little nods to other Charlie and the Chocolate Factory musical adaptations, the beautiful voices of the cast, the references to other musicals. I am in awe.

Overall, a brilliant film. Though I’m intrigued to see how the Wonka portrayed in the film goes on to become the slave-owning god-capitalist portrayed in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

#wonka 2023 #an actual post of mine for once

[anotherghoul666]

i saw the ask about being bi and i just wanted to get some perspective on my situation since you have such good advice!

i’m going on 5 years into a relationship with my boyfriend and i’ve been kind of freaking out about my gender lately. i’ve been struggling with it for as long as i can remember but i had a lot of shit going on and there was never really time to think about it seriously until recently. i’m realizing now that i’m non-binary leaning masc. i just can’t bring myself to tell my boyfriend. we’re very serious, living together and all but i know that he isn’t attracted to guys and i feel so stressed about doing things like binding and asking him to not use feminine words for me. but it also makes me sad thinking that i might never come out. sorry about the rant i just really don’t have anyone to talk this through with so i’ve just been ruminating about it for a while

Oooh, ok, this is touchy. Because I don't know you and your situation and the nuances of it. Because this is a very nuanced thing. I can't judge based on just this ask how strongly you feel about your gender identity versus how strongly you feel about your relationship. This is a decisional balance situation. You'll have to weigh your options against one another. And the weight of each thing can and will change over time. It's a tricky thing to do. I can only give you some perspective and talk about my own experience with my gender and my primary relationship.

Tough love incoming. If you're not ready to take it or hold space for it, feel free to not read. Or let me know in another ask to delete, and I will delete this message for you.

My main thing in regards to relationships is and will always be this: if you can't be yourself, truly, completely yourself within said relationship, why are you in it?

Now, I recognize I'm an all or nothing person. I see the world in black and white. I handle being alone and solitude very well. I'd much rather be on my own and happy about myself, then in a relationship where I can't be myself. I'm saying that now, today, in my current headspace, as a 31 year old with lots of therapy and self care and growth behind me. And lots to come still. I don't know how old you are. But. Ten years ago, would my answer have been the same? Absolutely not. Ten years ago I stepped all over myself and bend myself every which way people asked to fit in their tiny little uncomfortable boxes of what they wanted me to be. I DESTROYED myself doing that over decades. Destroyed. Wrecked. Reconstructed. Rebuilt. I will never do that again. I am me. I am unapologetically me and, as much as I recognize in situations like work etc. I do have to conform into societal norms, those are not relationships I chose. Unfortunately in our capitalist society you cannot choose to not work and still survive. But relationships like a couple, a partnership, friendships, family, etc. I choose fully. I refuse to choose to be in a partnership where I won't be able to be myself.

If you're scared to have these conversations with your boyfriend, to me that's a red flag. That's a bell that needs to ring and be heard. Why are you scared? Is it inner anxiety? Or did he react in the past negatively or aggressively towards similar subjects? Is it your brain assuming he won't like it, or did he clearly state he doesn't believe in gender or some shit like that? There's a world of difference between what your brain tells you and what may be the truth. A lot of times we assume and project emotions and thoughts onto people, and it turns out to not be their emotions or thoughts at all. Be wary of projection. Ask yourself why is it that you're afraid to tell him about your discoveries, your pronouns. Why are you afraid to bind. Find the source of the fear. From you, or from him. If it's a fear from within, evaluate that. Sit with it. Ask your boyfriend directly. Have the difficult conversations. You will never know for sure unless you ask and talk it out. Get his real feelings out in the open. Now, if he did say transphobe things for example and that's why you're scared, maybe he's not a great partner to keep, you know?

You have the right to come out. You have the right to be recognized as who and what you are. You have the right to be fluid and change in your identity, and anything else. By the sheer nature of your existence you have this right. Your boyfriend has the right to his own opinions and beliefs too. You'd need to know what those are tho. Not assume. Ask and know for sure. Then you have to decide.

There's four ways I see this conversation can go. 1) he's actually more fine with it that you thought and you two can flourish and continue your life path together with acceptance and love all around. 2) he's not down for the NB shit and you choose to sacrifice yourself and your identity for the sake of this relationship. That might last a few years. My prediction is you'll self destruct eventually because of the repression and it'll be a worse break up in many years than it would have been at 5 years in, because you'll have harmed yourself immensely in the process of denying who you are. 3) he's not down with the NB shit and you decide that the relationship is not what you want to continue living in. It doesn't matter if you live together and have life plans, you'll know in your heart if your identity is worth more to you than to move out and start over. 4) then there's the option of, maybe the gender discovery was not what you thought, because gender is messy as fuck and it fluctuates so much. That I can't answer for you, you have to know within if NB is really what you are or if you're just trying out pronouns and a label, see if it feels good, feels better. You have the right to try labels and pronouns in spaces other than the home if home doesn't feel safe for it. With friends, while going out, in queer spaces, online, etc. See how it feels. Does it feel strong enough and a big enough part of you to turn your life upside down for it. It might. It might not. That's up to you to decide. But live your truth.

Never settle. Settling, swallowing it down, brushing it under the rug, that might seem like the best option right now. It's the easiest. It's the avoidant option. It will catch up to you I can guarantee it. Under the rug is where things go to die and rot and fester. The pungent smell of rot will catch up to you. It will be unavoidable one day. If you ignore stuff for months or years even, I can guarantee one day, ten years from now maybe, this gender shit will come back up with a vengeance and it might harm you. Where are you gonna be in ten years? What if you ignore your gender today, ignore who you are, buy a house with this boyfriend, get married, maybe have kids if that's something you want. What then? When in ten years, what you've been repressing this whole time comes back to kick your ass. Are you gonna be able to destroy everything then to live your truth? Its gonna be way more difficult if you have legal attachments like a marriage contract, a mortgage or a kid. 5 years is a long relationship, but honestly in the scope of your life it's not that long. To stick with something that's not right because of how much time you've invested in it is not a good reason. It sounds like one. That's called the sunk cost fallacy. Or fallacy of time invested. "The human tendency to stick with endeavors in which we've already invested time, money, or other resources even when changing course would be the more logical choice." Look it up.

My sincere hope for you two is that it will go better than you assume. I was scared to tell my partner too when I started to understand what I'd felt all my life towards my body was disphoria. When I started to realize how I relate to gender was different than most people. When I wanted to see if I was trans (I don't consider myself trans, tho some NB people do and that's absolutely valid too) and I tried the masculine pronouns and identity for a while. Didn't fit perfectly right. Some things and words fit, some days it fit more than others, but some days it didn't feel right at all. The journey to land on NB she/they with a preference for they and gender neutral words was a long one and I'm honestly still not sure about the label or the identity. The only things I know for sure after two years of exploration of gender is I'm not just a woman, and I'm not just a man. That's it. It will change.

When I told my partner about the disphoria and my inkling that I had some gender fuckery going on, she still identified as a lesbian. My partner is a cis woman and for decades her identity was very very rooted in the "I am a lesbian" thing. My gender identity made her reconsider things too. I was worried that she wouldn't be into me anymore because she was such a lesbian back in the day and I wasn't a woman anymore. But the thing is, I was never a woman at all. She fell in love with me and we agreed on a life partnership and a life path together while I wasn't a woman. Because I never was. I just didn't have the right terms to describe myself with before. I didn't have the vocabulary, the knowledge. My partner had to evaluate for herself was she in love with a woman, which would have made us incompatible, or was she in love with me. She figured out she was in love with me. She was supportive about all my pronouns try-ons and label changes through the years and to this day she's my absolute rock and most supportive cheerleader ever. She takes it in stride, makes a point to ask which pronouns I want for that day, asks how I want her to refer to me to specific people, etc. She asks permission before she outs me to someone as NB by using gender neutral terms. She cares. Cause she loves me. And I love her. And we choose every day that we're gonna build our life together. If one day something incompatible comes up, and either one of us wakes up and cannot make the choice that day, cannot choose the other that day, then we'll talk about it. Have the gut wrenching conversations and decide what happens with the relationship there. But I know for a fact if she wasn't down with my gender exploration, I would have brought it up. Assuming she would have been super closed minded about it and refused my gender identity, I would have had to talk about breaking up. Cause I'm not gonna live my life with someone I'm afraid of. I will not share my life with someone whom I can't be my true self with.

Will you?

#asks #AnotherGhoul's confessional booth #long ass advice but like shit this was needed I feel

[pallanophblargh]

I’m currently facing a second exposure to covid via another coworker I was just working with, and I’ll be seeking a test shortly. But In other news, Xmas gifts have officially been exchanged via zoom, and, if I do indeed have covid during this would-be vacation, I can do some reading, courtesy of this Xmas haul.

Next: good introduction book(s) for entomology. Additionally, more books on trees.

Speaking of reading, I intend to get (back) into Discworld, but I’m not yet sure of where I want to begin. Suggestions welcome!

#booooooks? books! #needed entry level books on botany evolution and digital photography #haven’t read any of these before so hope they hold up to my expectations #I’ve been unable to make time to read much these last few years and I know that’s terrible #but all my hobbies require eyes and hands and I will need to try out audiobooks sooner or later #only covid like symptom is my back aches #but that could just as well be my normal #survived a virtual visit with the family but OF COURSE my dad had to start an argument #because he’s an unapologetic capitalist and I’m not #yeah that’s a problem #anyway help me feel not bitter about it by giving discworld suggestions

[mt-words]

Can we get some dream smp fandom positivity posts? As someone who posts mostly analysis and has never once had someone say anything rude in response, I think we perceive the fanbase as more toxic than it is because of a few outspoken individuals. Y'all are pretty chill and I like you.

In no particular order-

I love that Eret’s fans come up with such cool theories, I swear she could give you two sentences of lore and I could see three five page essays on what it could mean about their character within an hour and each of them is unique, intricate, and makes logical sense.

I love the compilations Foolish fans make of him doing ridiculous things on stream, he’s a fun guy that never fails to make me laugh and everything I see from them embodies that energy to me.

I love how creative Hannah’s fans are, you take the awesome ideas she has and turn them into the most amazing designs and concepts.

I love that Techno’s fans might write a ten page essay about his character or just say they enjoy watching him do crime, and you never know which it will be because both come from the same people.

I love how Philza’s fans embrace everything he does with so much enthusiasm. His chat is a flock of crows? Excellent, they can work with that, you will see fifty incredible pieces of art and a hundred theories in the first hour and they’re just getting started.

I love that Niki’s fans are so careful to pay attention and not miss any details. It has been ages and I still see occasional mentions and theories about the “Dear Friend” letter.

I love that Fundy’s fans are very empathetic, they love to find and elaborate on the connections between characters and that’s pretty cool!

I love Tommy’s fans for their energy. They seem passionate about making things right and hopeful that no matter what your situation is things can get better. I’ve seen so many breathtakingly emotional art pieces from this side of the fandom.

I love that George’s fans unapologetically simp for him but then catch me off guard by making deep insights about his character.

I love how Bad’s fans are as genuinely sweet as he is, they’re willing to really look at everything that makes up a character and see the tragedy of it and have compassion about things. And some just want to see an egg rule the server, c'mon, it would be funny.

I love the running gag with Skeppy fans of making Skeppy critical posts, y’all are hilarious.

I love how Purpled fans play up his lack of lore as him being an incredibly powerful cryptid, and they’re right. He totally carried the wither fight on Nov 16th.

I love the balance Quackity fans have between a love of humor, justice, and darker topics. I think like Quackity they are often underestimated and thought of as the jokester side of the fandom to an extent, and then I start reading things they write and it’s well thought out and insightful.

I love that Tubbo’s fans love chaos, cute things, or both to an unhealthy extent. Seeing anything from them reminds me of princess unikitty in all the best ways, and then they turn around and throw a super in depth meaningful analysis at me in the next breath.

I love everything about Sapnap’s fans. Y'all are perfect. The writing and art from the born in fire line? Gold.

I love how Jschlatt fans are generally chill and just enjoy whatever they want to. Their favorite Manburg president was the one who publicly executed his right hand man and gave Dream a resurrection book for firepower, and he looked good doing it.

I love that Callahan has fans. You people are dedicated and I respect it. The fact that Callahan was one of the first names to pop up when everyone was trying to figure out who Harpocrates was even though he rarely involves himself with plot? Your influence knows no bounds.

I love that Alyssa’s fans are simply too powerful. She hasn’t played on the smp since way before I started watching and there are still people defending her barn and drawing pictures of her.

I love that Antfrost’s fans have taken so many ideas and just ran with them and made them awesome. Like him practicing magic? Perfect, he now carries potions and gets a wizard hat.

I love that Dream fans look at a character who has been portrayed as pure evil from many points of view and understand that Everyone has motives based on their situation, even if it isn’t handed to us in an easily understood way.

I love how Jack’s fans are so ready to support any action he takes. Crawling out of hell? Incredible. Killing a child? Good for him! Go team Rocket. Grieving the same child? Learning healthy coping, he’s the coolest.

I love that Connor eats Pants fans are the most reasonable people in this fandom. This is terrifying. Thank you for your service, you always make me smile.

I love that Punz fans unapologetically just love their capitalist mercenary. As they should, his presence always tips the scales and everything he does brings more depth to the characters and plots he interacts with.

I love how much Ranboo fans love complexity. Most of them aren’t afraid to admit that their favorite characters are flawed, because aren’t those flaws what make them interesting and relatable?

I love the variety of Hbomb fans. Half of them may be embracing the cat maid bit while the other half goes on about how impactful and cool L’cast is, but they’re all super chill.

I appreciate that Puffy fans take the time to understand so many perspectives. So many posts I see involving her tie in lore from other characters and find interesting ways to connect them and build them together, kind of like Puffy herself.

I love that Wilbur fans seem to approach the story like they’re solving a puzzle, carefully piecing together details from months apart to figure out how and why everything goes down.

I love how hard Ponk fans work to spread awareness of how awesome he is. Ponk says and does wonderful things and is very fun to watch. I never would have tried his content without them.

I love that Karl fans saw him wanting to be involved and started coming up with such cool ideas around his character that they actually made them canon. Correct me if I’m wrong, wasn’t the time traveler thing a fan theory at first?

I love the creativity Sam fans have with his design and their willingness to discuss complex moral issues. Sam is involved in some heavy lore stuff but he and his fans keep things entertaining and calm.

I’m sure I missed some things, please feel free to add on!

#here’s a little platonic love letter to you #this fandom may have a few toxic people #but it’s also so creative and kind and inspiring #dream smp fandom positivity #eret #foolish gamers #technoblade #philza #niki nihachu #tommyinnit #georgenotfound #badboyhalo #skeppy #purpled #purpled bedwars #quackity #tubbo #sapnap #callahan #connor eats pants #punz #ranboo #hbomb #captain puffy #wilbur soot #ponk #awesamdude #dream smp #hannahxxrose #mt's words

[bangteamhyuk]

Seesaw (II)

Genre: Mature/Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Neighbors with benefits/Fuck buddies, Producer! Min Yoongi, Fuck girl! OC Y/N, Neighbors AU (a Spin-Off to “Moving On”)

Warning: (NSFW! 18+) Car fingering while Yoongi drives, handjob, blowjob, cum licking/ spitting, Producer! Min Yoongi practicing SAFE SEX and ya’ll kids should do it too, mentions of bullying, suggestive abuse of power/ office boss being a d*ck, alcohol drinking and getting hammered, mention of sexist remarks, Seokjin being damn handsome AF just by walking in OC Y/N’s life like it’s okay because clearly it isn’t (I’m Jimin bias btw, I know you aren’t asking but I’m serving still) OC Y/N basically being unapologetically herself (living life in debauchery) and Yoongi knowing exactly what he needs in his damn life and he isn’t taking no for an answer.

Word count: 10,977k

SYNOPSIS: For months, you’ve been trying to hide your little crush on your neighbor who lives on the 18th floor. Until one night, you saw him drunk on the elevator with an empty bottle of Scotch, you asked if he maybe wants to have more of those in your place. And he did more than just agreeing.

Also thank you to these wonderful people: @flowerblu00​ @milkyshoooky​ @sugaaddiction​ 

“Of course, I’d love to….” you spoke low while taking a glass of water to drink. From the rims of the glass, you swore you could see Yoongi trying his best not to smile, playing it cool by pretending to struggle in picking the cooked meat from the grill. You bit the chopsticks to fight a smile, you must admit, that was pretty cute.

--

But Rush Hour. Of all the days you two choose to get laid was on Friday evening—a time where, unfortunately by default, everyone collectively decides to get laid as well. Thus, getting stuck in a sea of red lights. Needless to say, you two were bummed.

The traffic was so terrible, that it sucked you dry… literally. It’s as if a Dementor went around Yoongi’s car, found its way in, and unfashionably sucking you from underneath your seat. (Which by the way doesn’t look sexy at all. Seriously, who gets turned-on from that idea? Clearly not you) You were damn fine damp a minute ago, and now it felt uneventfully dry.

“You know what? This is ridiculous. I can see a motel nearby, why don’t we go there in the meantime?” you dramatically lamented from your seat. Yoongi, who was drinking iced coffee, almost choked to hear you declare your frustration so casually.

“Well, um…” he peered through the windshield “I can see the cars are moving in the next lane…”

“The motel is right over there” you pointed, emphasizing the short distance between the car and the building to his left.

He gulped “I uh-- I don’t like to take you to some sleazy motel. Besides, we have our own place” he starts counting by the finger “One, we don’t have to lie down on dirty sheets. Two, won’t clearly hear people moaning next door, and lastly no one’s gonna charge us by the hour…” facing you and concern

“Tell that to your friend who’s waning by the minute…” you pursed your lip pointing in his nether region. He instinctively closed his legs at your retort and chuckled “It’s fine, we’ll be fine… thanks for the genuine concern. Oh look, the light turned green! See, we’re moving?  I think the next lane is pretty lax...”

You can only huff as your dry reply.

As much as he wanted to leave with you right away and get to the nearest subway station the very moment you agreed, he couldn’t.  Because of all the days he decided to feel horny, he chose to go out with his car. He shut his eyes and dropped his head on the steering wheel to express his blowing resentment towards the cars, gradually becoming stationary on the said next lane. Thus, extinguishing any glimpse of hope that you two would arrive at his place, at an earlier time.

With an aching face, he wished that he could turn back the time and just to leave his damn car at the apartment building. Just so he could save his own balls from turning blue by the minute.

It was obvious that he was frustrated too, like you. Who wouldn’t? Being jammed in almost half an hour already? Still on the city street, barely moving? You had to deal with it.

Then it hit you: Yeah, why not deal with it?

However, you quickly realized that this may be a hit or miss. Not all people share the same interest or kink, but you were dying to have your back scratched, and so is he. So fuck it, you’re doing it.

You began to move your legs, slowly brushing it against Yoongi’s hand which was resting on the gear. He reacted, naturally. In fact, when the traffic light changed colors from red to green, he accidentally stepped on the gas pretty abruptly which partly shoved you down from your seat “Sorry…” furrowing his eyebrow apologetically, deep enough to find your pardon.

“It’s okay” fixing your hair from the center, and tucking it securely on your ears. Thankfully, you didn’t forget to put on a seatbelt, or else the plan you had in mind would have backfired. He sighed in relief, grateful that you accepted his apology.

Uncontented, you then pressed your hand on top of his. His hands suddenly turned cold as he tightened his grip on the gear, right before your touch. While you were certain that most men reacted positively to it, being open to a semi-public tryst, your expectations were not met. Instead, he cleared his throat and held your hands... held your damn hands.

He gently hit the brake as he approached another mob of halted cars on the next lane. Obviously flustered, he quickly moved his head to the side taking glimpses of whatever there was on his side mirror while withholding his smile. He momentarily pulled his hands away from you to shift his gear to neutral, then held your hands back. He even pushed his own finger in between its gaps and locked it. Locked your damn hands.

Slowly you closed your eyes and took one deep breath, not because your heart started to flutter, but because of your utmost disappointment at his response. This is clearly different from what you wanted to happen.

You took a mental note of the events and Yoongi’s actions, concluding that he was clearly a man who disliked beating around the bush. So, for the sake of being clear on your intention, you aggressively pulled his hand, opened his palms and let it slowly brush the skin hiding underneath your skirt.

He froze. Now you got his attention.

Nervously, he coughed on impulse. While his one hand remained clutched on the steering wheel and his eyes still focused on the road, the other hand was busy grazing your inner thigh. Surprisingly, he didn’t budge. He lets you take control, directing him where you want him to be while touching you gently. You then took his wrist, and guided his fingertips towards where you wanted it from the very beginning.

“Y/N, I just think it’s better if we wai---” for a moment, he had forgotten what he wanted to say to you next, because suddenly he felt his finger move to a place where he is afraid you'll lead it to-- your wet slit.

He swallowed, his mouth left ajar and brows lifted in absolute surprise. “Oh shit” was the only thing he could say.

Whining softly from your seat, he reluctantly moved his head to watch you introduce his fingers to the pleasure of your flesh. You then extended your arms, cautiously reaching for his legs and caressed it intently. His eyes blinked rapidly, as he turned his head back to face the road, refusing to look back. His mouth is still hanging from the air, as his head floats in uncertainty mixed with pure ecstacy.

No one asked but, really, this is what you meant by taking matters into your own hand.

It took him a minute to process what was happening, and as such, he began to return the favor. Now free from your control, he started pressing his finger on your sensitive bud and stroked it gently. He bit his lip right after he heard you moaned, “...Yoongi”

“Fuck” he suddenly saw the traffic light turn red to green. He slowly stepped on the gas pedal,  careful enough to prevent you being thrown from your seat again. He was now steering the wheel with one hand as he flicked your clit with the other at a steady pace. As acknowledgement on being gratified, you opened your legs wider.

He was game.

Yoongi briefly pulled his hands away from you to maneuver the car smoothly on the highway. He grunted at the view of another sight of flooded red lights. He wanted to get home so bad. All he could think of was to get on the bed with you with his cock finally warmed. But the highway had led this poor man’s dreams down in an instant.

Though, you refused to concede to the situation. You are willing to put up a fight against the status quo, ready to deny the world from preventing yours and Yoongi’s happiness from dying each second. Thus, like a good employee of this capitalistic world, you turn this deplorable event from liability to an asset: making this a great opportunity for you and Yoongi to bond closer. (Albeit, a different kind of bonding, that is)

As soon as he stepped on the brakes, you pulled out your seatbelt and moved towards his direction “Your car is heavily tinted right?” you asked while probing the cars around you from your window.

“Yeah, why?” He asked while putting back his hands to your slit, continuing to flick your bud, now significantly fast. You decided to turn it up a notch as you reached for the button of his pants. Slowly, unbuttoning it and pulling his zipper down. He started to pant, nervous to hear you reply.

“Safety first…” You then helped him shift the gear to neutral, and began pulling his pants and boxer roughly half way.

He groaned as he watched you grasp his stiff length, stroking it slow. “Is this what you meant when you asked if my car is tinted?” he quickly jerked his head up to check if the vicinity is safe, then briefly saw you nod your head to a ‘Yes’.

He choked when he sensed his tip poke on to your lips. It didn’t take a while for you to hear him moan when he felt his tip finally pressed the entrance of your mouth, gradually moving down on your tongue and on to your inner cheek. The warmth and wetness you’re giving him puts him in immediate joy.

He hissed at the sight of you taking him whole, and helped you fix your hair by putting it to the side, letting you breathe easy while you bob your head “Nngh… Y/N”

“Like that?” you part a bit and kissed his tip.

“Why do you keep asking the obvious?” he faintly chuckled as he tossed his head from his seat, right when he felt your tongue move from the bottom shaft and up to its head. Then quickly downed on him entirely again. His eyebrow creased automatically, as if contemplating today’s wisdom from the universe that all ‘good things come to those who wait’. He concentrated on that note like a mantra, as he shut his eyes tight.

Even when you were giving him a head, he was still kind enough to help you keep your hair away from your face. Holding it fairly light, trying not to pull. If this isn’t a gentleman thing to do, then I do not know what is.

“Y/N” He began sliding his two fingers in, which left you half giggling and panting at the immediate contact.

“Mm, you are doing me good hm?” you asked while stroking him slowly and watching his eyes closed, barely breathing as he mentally called to thank the universe for being blessed by you “You can add another finger if you want…”

“Damn, you are so hot…” His eyes then lit up, biting his lip and grinning with pride, thus displaying his perfect gummy smile that takes you to greater heights every time he does. “Yeah… I really appreciate your honesty, thank you for telling me you are horny” he replied as he prods his fingers in, progressively fast. Candidly making you clench and moan his name at the same time.

And like a good co-worker, you went back to hustle. Starting from the bottom to his top.

The tightness of your mouth in his shaft, the smell of your sweet perfume, the sound of his fingers squelching inside your very core, and the sight of you taking him whole, like a prized lollipop. Oh, and the fact that he pulled his (now) three fingers out from you to have a little taste…Yes, he nodded to himself. Licking every side of his fingers as if eating at KFC. Indeed, ‘it is finger licking good’.

It became apparent that all his senses were being satisfied when you finally felt him start to shiver. Everything was met, everything was good, everything became so overwhelming for Yoongi that even with his lids close, he can still see the light shine from heaven.

He gasped, leaving him marveled at your greatness by giving him a very good head. In fact, he found it so admirable that you start to feel him throb. Evidently, he is coming.

You were so good, that he barely withholds himself from coming. Along with the fact that he became unaware that his elbow accidentally hit the switch to dwindle down the window. “Fuck!” he writhed, thrusting his hip up spurting hard in your mouth.

“Yo, Casanova! Your windows are down!” The driver on the other side shouted.

His eyes widened, still sporadically shuddering from his high. “Shit!” He quickly pushed the button to raise his windows while his other hand pulled his pants and boxers up (at the least he managed to put his boxers up while in hurry, now 80% covering his ass) only it was too late.

Resisting to swallow his cum, you began to pull yourself up from your seat and look for a tissue stashed somewhere inside your bag. Upon seeing your head pop from below though, it didn’t take long for the other driver to discern what just happened.

“Nasty” was the last thing Yoongi heard from the grinning stranger before he finally put his window back up. Now completely shielded from his embarrassment.

Just then the traffic light turned red to green. Yoongi quickly hit the gas. Staying in this traffic was definitely the last thing he wanted to be in. He then thoughtfully swore to be mindful of his surroundings next time when another opportunity like this came, or maybe he would never (It’s too soon to decide)

But one thing is for sure, he swore he can never drive and see this road the same way ever again. Thanks to you.

--

A lilac lacy bra resting on his lampshade, matched silken panty hanging on the side of his headboard, black pants stuck in the middle of his bedroom door, an empty packet of condom on the edge of the bed, and his brief dangling, which managed somehow to reach on top his his TV.

Sitting with his legs crossed, his back resting on a pile of pillows with his hands supporting your weight. He happily watched you grind on him with great effort for a full whole blown minute. “Y/N” humming your name, in between his grunt.

“Yoongi” you recited his name in return like litany, hands gripping on his bare shoulders as you tossed your head back in trance.

“Fuck…” he began to propel his hips against you, meeting your every movement. One of his hands sneaked its way to your breasts cupping each and kneading it gently.

“Yoongi” you repeated, calling his name, spreading your legs wider to find your balance and continuing to roll your hips in synchrony with his. For a moment, the sound of slapping skin was all you could hear until it syncopated by his heavy breathing. He pushed himself close to you, hands now reaching towards your clit. Stroking and flicking it concurrently in full earnest.  

His head suddenly fell on to your shoulder, his gasp becoming audibly clear sending you into utter frenzy. In response, you pulled yourself back and began nibbling his ear, light and soft. He moaned. Yes, the kind that reverberates, delivering you to the edge. Thus reaching your high.

He snickered after hearing you whimper “For someone who initiated everything, I honestly thought you could last. I didn’t know just the sound of me moaning can send you to peak?”

With your mouth still open, you grimaced at his snide remark “Lie down, why don’t you? Let’s see if I can take you with me?”

“No need to, I’ll come any time soon” he tilts his head to the side and kisses you, simultaneously thrusting in haste. His sudden reflex jolts you in another course of delirium. As his movements became erratic, you held on tight to his shoulders taking it as a cue to give each other one final push to reach both your climax.

“Y/N…” He gagged as he squinted his eyes hard. Together, you both curse at the sensation, and deeply sighing together after hitting the zenith. You both lie down at the same time, panting. For a while it was silent, as if both of you were taking time to ponder on life in general like a hermit sage.

“…. Is this going to be a regular thing?” he suddenly asked, shifting on his bed to face the ceiling. Finally, he was asking the important question.

“Sure. You mean no strings attached right?” moving your body to face him.

He then pursed his lip to say something but quickly retracted. He figured he needed to ask it, so he just let it roll. A necessary query, he thought. “Is this going to be exclusive or….”

“Let’s not kid ourselves and make things easier for us, so no. Exclusive is quite foreign territory for me. Although I can still be monogamous, that is if you want it to… but don’t push okay? I can only go for a short period” you stretched your arm and rolled to the edge, taking the liberty to take his bottled water from the bedside table and drink.

“No, no, it’s okay. As long as we keep using protection, I guess that’s fine. We can see other people on the side, while we keep in touch? I think it’s a pretty fair deal…”

“It’s a good deal” you pointed out as he nodded in agreement.

“But what if one of us isn’t up for it any longer? Do we tell or do we not tell? Because honestly I’ll hope you’d pick the forme-- ”

“Latter” you quickly replied before he finished the word ‘Former’

He chuckled, and shook his head in disbelief with your reply.

“Fine, I can adjust. I totally understand that this isn’t just about me, so in all fairness, I’ll agree to your demands. But you have to agree with mine”

“That is?” He sat back up and pulled out his soiled condom, knotted it first before throwing it in the trash bin.

“Give me your number” you opened your palm to his direction

“Well, I thought you’d never ask” he picked up his cellphone he left from the edge of his bed, while you combed down on the floor to find yours. You two then exchange phones and enter each other’s number, and return it back. “That was easy” he raised one eyebrow smirking at you.

“With that, we can um… reach each other wherever, whenever” you pressed your lips together and gave him a smile.

He nodded “Sure, but only if you wanted”

“Only if you wanted it too” you replied, cordially mimicking his head.

“Everything sound’s good to me” he shrugged “So, Deal?” he stuck his hand out to you and you took it. “Deal” you both shook it, sealing the agreement.

--

Seesaw. It is one of your favorite playground activities. You enjoy the momentary high and the unpredictability of being dropped down. Although more than anything, you adore the power play. You get the euphoria from being intrigued, guessing each time who gets to take the upper hand.

You love taking predictions, you love calculating, but above all you love to wager. You wanted a brief scare from losing, only to shift the leverage to your favor. For you, Seesaw is a game of dominance. And in the game of dominance, of course you like to be the one in control.

Even when you were little you were so engrossed at that thought, obsessing to declare yourself to be the winner. You were so competitive, that it made you fall on a sandbox one time, when you were playing with your next-door neighbor, Hee-joon.

Seeing from afar, your father quickly ran to you and held you close for comfort. Although when he was dressing your bruises, you remember vividly how he warns you not to cry in front of boys, because little boys always relish seeing a weak girl cry. You always have to emerge as the victor at all times. Hence, you never did. Even now as an adult. You fight back, you always do.

That’s why Hee-joon grew up hating you, because the last time you two played Seesaw again, you managed to put him up above and watched him revel in the air. Until he realized you refused to put him back down, not until he cried. You watched him weep and plead above you. Only then you decided to put him down when his mother came. To say the least, your mother was upset with your action, but your father felt proud.

Seesaw is the game that taught you how to take the highs and lows, but more than anything, it taught you how to be the one in supreme.

Every time you deal with men, you remember every word your father told you. As such, when you reached the epiphany that love is nothing but just an illusion, you decided to take things to the sheets instead. You’d rather be engulfed with pleasure rather than unnecessary emotions under the guise of romance.

And yet, somehow deep within you, you were too scared to admit the rationale why you vehemently refuse to lose. Because at the time when you fell and your father ran to you, you saw it in his eyes. He was looking at you, fearful to see someone he loves dearly be in so much pain. He was terrified to let you know how far the depths of a wound can go, until you can no longer feel… and you’re afraid to know it too.

It is the precise reason why, right now, you are watching Yoongi cover his face on a Sunday morning. Leading him to his high, watching him revel in absolute bliss, under him… literally. Yoongi pleaded for you to stop giving him another god-tier head, and let him breathe easy, before you could deliver him any further to his overdrive. While you indeed followed his plea by halting, you decided to tease him a little by pulling yourself up from the covers and went on top of him. You took his wrist and pressed his palms against your bare chest.

“Wait” he paused as he sat up and furtively looked for a condom in his drawer. “Thank God, we still have one last…” he pulled out the shiny foil packet. You took it from his hand and helped him put the rubber on.

And just like that, Yoongi again was on a roll. For the past few weeks, neither of you resisted sex. Monday night? On your couch. Wednesday? On his kitchen counter. Friday after work? Inside his car on a dark alleyway. Saturday night? Inside his shower. Now Sunday, back on his bed.

Sex with Yoongi is great, but you already expect that.

But just like a play of Seesaw, you know that this kind of arrangement will definitely have some highs and lows. You know that one day, you and Yoongi’s sex drive will decline, frequent calls will become rare, until it’s gone. So, keep them coming right? Not that you are worried, but really what is there to lose? Especially if the sex is good and you two are on an equilibrium, like that in the game.

Well, not until Friday.

---

“Hey, good work!” someone tapped your shoulder lightly after closing the meeting room, you turned around to see who it was.

“Oh, Hoseok. Thanks!” you grinned, happy to see one of your best friends attend your team’s presentation for a Cereal Company. You’ve known Hoseok since college, and even worked with him on your first job. Even if both of you left and went to a different company now, you two still find time to catch up. It just so happens that you two are now working on the same project.

Dipping your head a little low, you whispered to his direction “I was genuinely surprised to know you work for this company, I thought you hated their cereals?”

“Unfortunately, beggars can’t choose” he replied softly as you nodded in agreement, while walking with him on the office hallway towards the elevator lobby “Great to know they promoted you as the Event’s Manager huh?”

“As long as they pay me well, I can manage whatever shit the world throws at me,” you said, twitching your lip to the side and shrugging, making Hoseok hysterical.

“Cheers to being a slave for money”

“Cheers” you both tossed an imaginary goblet from each of your hands when suddenly, you heard your phone buzzing, so did his. Both of you stopped from the elevator lobby to read the message. You rolled your eyes “Seems your boss and my boss are going to announce their engagement?”

He chuckled, “I’m pretty sure they’re straight, Y/N. But I can’t come to this ‘Night After-Work Drink’…” he put his phone back in his pocket after reading it.

“Aw, C’mon it’s going to be the weekend tomorrow! Plus, I’m going to introduce you to my colleagues, we’ll have fun! Just come, let’s go Hoseok! Don’t leave me alone, please?” you whined before him, trying your hardest to convince one of your closest friends to come by using your pleading charm.

Hoseok just stared at you and breathed.

“Why? Have you not forgiven me for that time I accidentally left my hairbrush on your car and your ex thought you were cheating on her? Hence, leaving me now on my own to suffer?”

You stepped forward to face Hoseok before he could enter the elevator with you.

He rolls his eyes “Still dramatic as always. I told you, that’s been long forgotten. Besides, I am dating someone new”

“Oh” you said inaudibly, finding Hoseok slightly displeased with your overly critical reaction.

“Hey, I know that face!” he narrowed his eyes while expressing his distaste to see your silent retort “And no, I have no plans in introducing you to her… Yet! Not until we’ve established whatever we are” he continued while pressing the elevator to the ground floor.

“Hm, still sounds trouble to me”

“We’ve only known each other for a week, Y/N. Give her some slack.”

“Then why are you cancelling extra working hours? When can you drink to your heart's content, hm? Beer will taste good, especially if you’re not the one paying” you bobbed your brows and smug “Just admit it Hoseok, she got you wrapped around her fingers. I told you, you can’t do this on a regular. Women like a little chase…”

“First of all, we’re not paid to kiss ass. Second, you also hated the idea of having to go there too and third, she’s not like you…”

You opened your mouth, clearly taken aback to hear his remark. Hoseok quickly clarified “I meant to say, you’re frighteningly the almost perfect girl…but she’s not the fooling type.”

“That’s what we all say, that’s what we all want you to believe Hoseok...” You retort incredulously “it’s better be uncompromising forthright than give you false hope. Go choose!”

Hoseok sighed deeply “Look, one day you are going to meet someone who will probably prove to you that not all men are shit.” he said while crossing his arms and stared at you, admonishingly.

“I already did. I have you” you pouted. The elevator stopped as Hoseok waited for you to step out first then followed.

“Besides me” leading you now to his car in the parking lot. His eyes flickered as he remembered something… or someone “Know what? there’s Seokjin-hyung”

“Oh, you mean Seokjin the half-god from the Film Department, in our Uni? Seokjin is infinitely out of question. Have you seen his latest drama on TV? Park Bo-gum even sent a coffee truck to congratulate him” You sighed resentfully.

“How’d you know?”

“Instagram. Okay don’t judge”

Hoseok chuckled, stopping at his car to turn it open with his car keys “I clearly am doing it right now”

“Technically, he is untouchable. You’ve seen how the girls reacted then when they saw me and him together on a couch? When we were literally just talking about Chinese Philosophy class during that frat party. And like some teen-romcom movie, rumors started to fly the next day and they multiplied by the hour” You opened the door to his passenger seat and secured yourself with a seatbelt.

“Easy A. It’s Easy A.” He stressed as he entered and adjusted the side mirror’s on the driver’s seat .

“The difference between you and Seokjin are that we’re friends… and he and I just happened to be in one class”

He starts the engine of his car, offering to drive you all the way to the bar where your team is having this week’s celebration “My point is… theoretically speaking, that there are men who are as nice, like he is. Plus, he knows those nasty rumors weren’t true. Won’t you forgive those girls?”

“They’re basically my creators? Shouldn’t this present slut thank them instead?”

“You and I both know you were once a college prude, and you never slept with any of those rumored men… Seokjin-hyung knows the truth. Even if he was conscripted to the list, unlike other men who took advantage of that, he fervently denied”

“Because that’s the truth. We never slept, Hoseok. Above every one, you know I didn’t have the guts. Wow, I am still not sure whether to feel offended or happy about it. Am I not worth it?”

“Y/N, seriously? Seokjin’s a true gentleman, that’s it. That’s the tea. I can even swear he was into you that time, until her groupies held an emergency meeting to evilly conspire against you… I’m actually glad they’ve been dealt with. This is why we can’t have nice things”

“Hoseok, okay, granted that he and I ended up dating each other back then… It is still going to fail because lov-- ”

He started to turn on the radio, loudly “What? I can’t hear you! Know what? Have a talk with your pessimism when you get to the bar. Here, I’ll even give you extra money so you could offer it a few more drinks” he pulled a few coins from his pocket and handed it over to you.

You chuckled, batting your eyes to his direction “Aw, ever the romantic Hoseok. Well, keep them I’ll collect it soon enough”

“She is going to be great, Y/N. Don’t jinx it!”

--

“Fuck capitalism!” your boss shouted.

“Fuck capitalism!” you all repeated and shouted it while drinking another shot all together.

“Y/N! Lara! Do that soju bomb thing together!” Your boss suddenly made his way to sourpuss the night by ordering you two to do a party trick which is gravely against your will.

Lara gave you a look and you just shrugged, telepathically and ironically accepting defeat from capitalism itself, by giving in at your boss’s request. You two were compelled to act normal as if nothing happened. Honestly, no one really needs to know about you, her, and canker Joe. As a matter of fact, you don’t want anyone to know that you tried to sleep with canker Joe from your office. Besides, didn’t Lara hide the fact that he was seeing Joe too? Maybe she was too embarrassed about him as well. Regardless, he is definitely a thing in the past and should be kept inside a box, six-feet underground for good.

“Hey!” Lara plastered a smile and handed you the glasses, as usual, to prepare both your famous tricks.

“Hey, hey!” you faked cheered as well as you helped her open more beers to spray on each glass, half filling the glass. Lara then filled each shot glass with a fair amount of soju, while you meticulously placed them strategically close so by the time you shove one, the other shot glass would follow like dominoes (dropping to beer glass like a bomb).

This never fails to amaze your boss for some reason, to see you two do it each time, much to you and Lara’s chagrin. Truthfully, if you’re being asked, you two would wish you weren’t forced to entertain anyone outside office just to have a favorable treatment by the day.

“Y/N” your boss called as he pulled out a newly opened bottle of soju to your direction, handing out your glass politely to him as a reflex. “You really did a great job with your presentation; I really like it! Don’t be too shy alright? You deserve to celebrate!”

“Thank you, sir,” you turned away from his direction and downed the alcohol in one go, respectfully showing everyone on the table that you’ve accepted the harsh reality of the need to kiss ass so you could get cash.

“Too bad, Hoseok’s not here. He’ll probably have fun” Hoseok’s boss, who joined your team, commented while watching you have another at your boss’s behest. You nodded to his direction, to feign agreement. Considering the amount of alcohol he could bear in a single night, of course not, he definitely would not have fun.

“Y/N” someone murmured on the table, after your boss moved his attention to the recently hired employees. You turned around and saw Lara staring at you “Y/N” she repeated.

“Yeah?” you raised an eyebrow clearly befuddled to hear her and have your attention.

“I know you can’t handle alcohol well, just gently decline next time he offers. He has more people to oppress now” she lowered herself so you could hear her clearer and puck her lips subtly to point at the poor new recruits.

“Oh, I thought you said you didn’t want to be friends with a slut like me? Are we also going to pretend I didn’t hear that too?” you whispered back

“Whatever, just don’t come hurling at everybody and then throw up”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you”

She was right. She’s always right. By the time you downed an nth shot of soju or whatever it is they gave you (and add that fancy cocktail you wanted to try on their menu) your surroundings gradually revolve and appeared hazy. Somehow, you decided to take drunken shots of the bar and record random moments for you to post something on your social media account. Nothing too wild or nasty, just enough to flash for your friends online that you were having a great time on another Friday night.

“Y/N, is it okay if you come with me to the restroom and help with something?” Lara asked distinctly from her seat, loud enough to hear your superiors to cut you lose from drinking.

You nodded submissively, plopping down from the stool and followed Lara. By the time you two arrived at the girl’s restroom you quickly went into the nearest cubicle and threw yourself against the toilet and vomited.

“I told you so, even Hannah Montana can’t get the best of both worlds. Y/N, stop acting tough.” She crouched down and held your hair up while patting your back.

“I’m feeling fantastic Lara!” you deadpan reply while wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Okay, you are welcome” she rolled her eyes while burrowing something from your bag, then you heard something thud. Suddenly everything went blank.

--

The smell of musk, leather and a little bit of smoke. The feeling of the heat of a skin nudging on your nose. Your hands pressed against someone else’s chest, and the air breezing under the soles of your feet, as if you were levitating. You blinked your eyes twice and opened it wide from your stupor… finding yourself in the middle of the busy street of Itaewon.

You shook your head a little and realized you were resting on someone’s back. “Don’t move too much, you are starting to get heavy?” said someone in a timbre filled with objection.

You knew that voice, and you knew that scent too well too “Yoongi?” you asked weakly.

“Are you gonna throw up? Just tell me…”

“Yoongi, why are you…” you shook your head, that wasn’t the right question “Why are we here?”

“You butt-dialled me, it’s been so long since you called so I thought you’d invite me over but I only heard random noises then it ended… Until you began sending me weird pictures in the dark. So, I was kind of worried and called… But it was your officemate who answered and just told me to come pick you up”

“My what?” you asked, trying to process everything you heard.

“Know what? You’re too drunk to have this conversation and so I’m just going to take you home. Don’t move too much, you are slipping” he paused for a moment while he jerked to keep him adjusted to the weight that he is carrying. “Cutie from the 18th floor huh?” you heard him snickered as he asked.

“You saw my phone?”

“No, your officemate told me. Actually she asked me if I was ‘Cutie from the 18th floor?’ She apologized instantly because she didn’t know how to address me when I came to the bar to pick you up”

“Okay, that’s it. Put me down!” you tried to shimmy your body away from him

“Are you sure about that? She took your shoes from you; said she’ll leave it on your desk tomorrow”

“God…Must be Lara…”

“Is she the best friend you told me about before?”

“Yeah…”

“She’s worried about you”

“Mmm. Right.” You shut your eyes from the blinding neon lights passing from your sight.

“…Hold on to me tight” he reminded, as you reluctantly wrapped your arms around him while he trudged with you on his back.

In clear disorientation, right in the midst of the crowd, you wonder—why above all things, he is carrying you home without any question. Slowly, you closed your eyes and sighed while clutching on his chest a little bit tighter. You rest your head again on his shoulder, burrowing your nose on the fabric of his shirt. (Not to be weird, but if someone demanded what you’re doing at a gun point you wouldn’t think twice confessing that he genuinely smells so good, and that’s the whole reason) Somehow, whatever this was, it made you feel at ease.

And he wasn’t complaining.

--

“Y/N…Y/N” Yoongi rouse you from your mini-slumber “We’re here, we’re at your front door” He gently put you down on the floor and help you stand upright, waiting for you to enter your apartment so he could drop you home with his conscience at peace.

You crouched down and narrowed your eyes while pressing on the numbers on your door lock, offering it with great effort.

‘Access Denied’ it buzzed.

“Shit!” cursing on your poor concentration to get it right.

Yoongi sighed “Whisper me the number code, and I’ll do it for you”

“What? And enter any time while I’m sleeping?” you replied while unnecessarily glaring at him.

“Okay, that’s it… I can leave you here or you can stay at my place…” he put his waist on each side of his waist, like an old lady giving you an ultimatum.

“Fine... it’s wait…” You pointed a finger to Yoongi and pulled out your phone, pressing down the number sequence on the screen but in full labor. Yoongi, who was losing the endmost ounce of his patience, finally pulled you up to drag you back to the elevator lobby of your floor.

“Okay, okay, it’s 5991!” you spoke harshly, demanding him to put you down. Yoongi quickly turned around, to see if anyone heard. Fortunately, no one was around your hallway to hear you blurt your code so casually. He then swiftly pressed the numbers and opened your door and pulled you in.

“Oh! I forgot my RFID is on my wallet” you raised your hand belatedly after being dragged by Yoongi inside your apartment “Wait, what? You could’ve told me this earlier!” he groaned in utmost frustration, while helping pull your blazer off and beginning to question his choices in life.

“Yoongi” you grin at him with your eyes barely open “it’s been a while yeah? I miss your cock! Let’s have sex!” you squeaked quite happily. He then dropped you pretty harshly on the bed, not that you mind since you were too inebriated to care. “Mmm. Are you into rough play tonight Mr. Hit-song Producer, sir?” You reached for him, tracing your fingers against his shirt.

“I’m not…” he replied directly, rejecting your advances while he turned away from you busily searching for something. “… unfortunately for you miss, I don’t get turned on with drunken girls on the bed. Scurry over and try to seat on your back on the head board”

Obediently, you followed his demands despite not making sense, or at least because you are too drunk to comprehend anything. You shut your eyes waiting for him to do something to you until you felt something damp on your face “Yoongi?” you slowly opened your eyes.

“I am taking the liberty…Close your eyes” he asked sternly. It was beginning to make sense now.

“Are you helping me clean up?” you asked, feeling him gently brush your eyes with a damp facial cotton. “How’d you know which one is a makeup remover?”

“I’m not dumb, Y/N. I can read” he adjusted himself to mildly take your mascara off you. Flustered, you begin to turn your head slightly away from him. As if in a snap, the effect of alcohol was beginning to wane. Just because of the thought that Yoongi was doing things for you that you never expected. “Y/N, look I’m trying!” he clicked his tongue by pressing his thumb and index finger on your chin, securing you steadily “I heard, it’s not good to sleep with a makeup on… there’s a good chance you’ll turn blind from bacteria build-up if this is left unclean for hours”

“Says, who?” trying to dissipate the towering feeling of being embarrassed. “Your ex?”

“No, the idols I get to work with who came in late. They were trying to justify their tardiness because of their face after a night of drinking. Honestly, who cares? They have a lot of fans who love them”

“It’s a girl thing, you’ll never understand”

Smoothing another batch of damp cotton on your cheeks, he finished the conversation by telling you “Well, I do. You are pretty even without it…” he said while dabbing one last time on the side of your lips until you felt his thumb pressed on the edge of your lips.

Yoongi froze, did he just? He started to wonder. You slowly opened your eyes to see his face close to yours, just a few inches away from each other's lips. He cleared his throat and immediately shifted himself away from you again, keeping distance. “Good night, Y/N”

You watched him turn his back and dimmed the lights off your room, leaving only with a soft glimmer from your bedside lamp. Feeling stunned at the chain of events, you cowered down to see your clothes still on and your chest beating heavily. You jerked and shook your head reminding yourself that ‘No, we refuse to be your victim, Yoongi’. Then you felt it, clearly your body is still jaded, realizing on its own that you still had too much alcohol in your system. So, you tried to hurry over to your bathroom, only to find your face falling flat on the floor.

Gratefully, Yoongi hasn’t completely left you yet. When he heard, he abruptly went to check on you in your room. “Just how many have you had?” he helped you up and hiked you over to the toilet. You immediately hurled yourself to it and threw whatever you had in you. He groaned mournfully, while patting your back. He knew the answer to his queries, he’s going to need to stay by your place for the night.

And he did, but on your couch. He thought, it would be awkward to be placing himself beside you on your bed if you two are not having sex. Thankfully, your couch had enough space for him to lie down, yet he couldn’t seem to find his sleep. Not when he began questioning himself as to why you had him worried for the night, he shifts to the side staring blankly on your ceiling deeply sighing at the thought. He wished he knew.

--

The sound of fizzle, the touch of your dried lips, and the scent of butter, emanating from the kitchen towards your room. All of those, woke your senses. You looked at your phone and find it’s 7am on Saturday. Normally, Hoseok would gladly walk into your apartment to send you over hung-over foods, but guessing at the fact that he’d be with a lady friend you assumed he’d be unavailable for you in a time of need…. And cooking? Hoseok cooking? For the longest time you two had been together as friends, he never once attempted to put himself in the kitchen. So what changes?

You took your satin robe and swiftly wrapped it around to see who it was in your kitchen. You ran out of your room with a pillow on your hand and shrieked at the familiar figure. It was Yoongi cooking in your kitchen

He pulled out his airpods and asked “What, were you calling me?”

“No, I just… I didn’t expect you’d still... be here…Are you cooking?”

“Um, yeah, why are you always asking the obvious?” he knitted his brows, eyes darting from left to right, perplexed to even answer your query. “Look, why don’t you sit down and let Chef Min do the cooking for today”

You silently sat on your island stool and watched him prepare food. “Is this what you do to everyone you sleep with?”

He stifled a smile and pursed his lips to think. “I wish I did. Unfortunately, no. Just you, for now”

You folded your arm and poked your tongue from the inside of your cheek “Well you can’t do this…”

“Huh?” He asked with his back to you, busily chopping more onions and garlic then mixing it to the cooking pan.

“Rules.”

“Rules? What part of the agreement is cooking prohibited? If my memory serves me right, you failed to mention it, so I guess this is pretty legal”

“Okay, fair point. Then why are you doing this? On my apartment, on my kitchen, on my food? Is it all for me?”

Yoongi was taken aback, but he needed to answer promptly “What, you think I’m starting to like you more than a neighbor… with benefits?” he scoffed “Such confidence, woman” he turned around to snicker, playfully flailing his arm with a cooking chopstick on hand.

“I’m sorry but I can’t help it” you merrily bemoan in retrospect and shrugged. “Didn’t you say you’ve always fancied me?”

“Naked, I fancied you naked” he corrected.

“I don’t know, sounds the same to me” You watched him perfectly toss the food while cooking, like a pro. “Hmm, impressive. Are you trying to make me weak on my knees?”

“Well, are you?” he asked stoically, as he turned the stove off and finally served you a hung-over breakfast he made out from the ingredients available in your refrigerator.

“Almost, but not quite” you playfully bite your lip, fretfully eating your smile.

“You’re welcome for the breakfast Y/N” he winked, putting his share on a plate and sat on a stool right in front of you.

“Thank you, Chef Min Yoongi” you ducked your head, to tamper down whatever you were feeling in the morning. You weren’t a prayerful person but today you decided to whisper one from your seat. You needed it, a whole of it, before chowing down your freshly cooked food made by the Chef himself in front of you. Testing you by the minute.

He watched you while you shut your eyes and chant something inaudibly, and without you knowing-- he smiled.

--

“Min PD nim?” one of the staff knocked on his door. Yoongi, as usual, was busy listening to the tracks he made from last week now that it is back to being Monday again.

“Han Young-woo-ssi said he wanted to talk to you sir…”

“Oh, what about?” He abruptly stopped and turned to face her.

“It sounded like it’s a personal matter sir… so I didn’t ask him any further. He is waiting outside your office sir, would you like me to tell him to come back after lunch?”

He shook his head “No-no, it’s fine. I am a little bit stressed too, I was just looking for the right lyrics to the melody but maybe talking to him might help” he went out from his seat and decided to see his visitor from the same company but in the Accounting department. Was it about his demands against the company for paying for his daily coffee needs? Or was it about denying his request to fund him for another set stereos?

“Yoongi! My friend!” Young-woo delightedly extends his arm to give him a quick hug and pat on his back.

“Hey Han!” he sat on the couch and Young-woo followed, sitting on a chair adjacent to Yoongi.

“What brings you here?”

“Well, I saw you last Saturday night in the streets of Itaewon”

He chuckled “Yeah, I decided to do some carrying as part of my daily workout routine”

Young-woo nods solemnly “I know the person you were carrying. She’s bad news…”

He furrowed his eyebrows, pausing for a moment to comprehend the sudden change of his tone.

“I knew her from college, she’s been sleeping with a lot of men... maybe until now. Just avoid her if you can. She might give you STDs or something… Just stop Yoongi. I don’t know if it’s because she slept with Seokjin? Which probably made her impertinently bold and decides to slut around”

Yoongi thwarted him from finishing his sentence. “Seokjin? You mean Kim Seokjin?”

“Yes, your high school best friend and my frat brother, Seokjin. Did he never tell you about her?”

“He mentioned a few girls, but I don’t remember her being mentioned at all.”

“Well, I guess it’s because she’s not worth mentioning”

Yoongi pressed his fingers on his temple “Do you really see girls that way, Young-woo?”

Young-woo was left fazed at his question “I-Uh…”

“Cut to the chase Young-woo, I have a lot of things on my table. It’s not my cup of tea to entertain sexist conversation especially during working hours…”

“I’m just warning you. As friend, that’s it”

“Well, if that’s all there is” He stood up and tilted his head, locking his gaze against Young-woo fervently “I’m an adult who knows exactly what I’m doing. It’s none of your business who I want to deal with day and night, unless it’s about work. I appreciate you being worried and all, but clearly at the end of the day I’ll be responsible with who and when I’ll be fucked and who gets to fuck me over.”

Young-woo conceded and sighs from his seat “I love your tenacity, my friend. But she is different from the girls you used to date, especially your ex” he stood up and walked towards the hallway

Yoongi just nodded. “Okay, but that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Past remains in the past. Live in the present brother, worry about your future... not mine. Well there goes the exit door, if that’s really all you have to say to me. I don’t like entertaining sexism as a visitor” he points him through the exit door as he watches Young-woo leave.

He rolled his eyes, regretting the fact that he gave Young-woo his precious time so conveniently, just to listen to a back story he was clearly uninterested in. What’s the point really? If everyone is living now in the present, what’s there to huddle over in the past? One thing’s for sure, he’s going to spend a few more minutes at the receiving area to look at his phone and find some inspiration over his social media.

Randomly scrolling, he ended up in Seokjin’s profile, entertaining himself with his random pictures with witty captions, illustrations of cute alpacas and his daily dad jokes on his Instagram stories. His eyes suddenly widened when he shifted it to the next photograph and saw a familiar face from Seokjin’s story.

“Was it true?” he breathed.

--

“Yeah, that sounds about right, I assure you Madame Song. Tomorrow is going to be epic” you nodded.

“I’m looking forward to it Ms. Y/N” she giggled, standing up from her seat, ready to leave.

You did the same and bowed before your client, displaying your gratitude and respect. You took a quick glance from the window beside the seat and saw the sun glaring hard on the pavement “Are you sure, is it really okay if you leave right now? Didn’t you say you just had your facial? The sun is pretty hard. Do you at least have an umbrella?”

“Oh, do you? Sorry I forgot mine, can I borrow? I promise to return it to you tomorrow” she asked a bit warily. Of course, they never do.

“Sure” you pulled out your foldable umbrella from your bag and handed it to her.

“Thanks dear. Oh, if you must, bring your plus one” she winked.

You dropped your head and chuckled “C’mon Madame Song, you know I don’t do plus one. I’ll ask Lara to cover that for me instead”

She paused. Her attention was momentarily stolen by something, or someone in front of the cafe window “Well, why don’t you go ask him?” she puckered her lips and pointed out towards the man entering inside the café from its door way.

“What?” you chuckled in disbelief “I can’t just go ask a random stranger and tell-- ” you turned around to see who she was referring to, until you stopped mid-sentence choking on your words.

A man in black shirt, black leather jacket, and a black baseball cap? It must be….

“Seokjin?”

He turned around to see who was calling him “Y/N?” He raised both his brows in genuine surprise.

“Mm...Seems, everything’s pretty planned out now don’t you think?” Madame Song whispered to you close before leaving you on your own. Grinning from ear to ear, knowing she made a lucky guess to find you a prospect date, who isn’t after all a stranger.

“Hey, it’s been so long! It’s nice to see you here!”

“Must be cupid’s work, huh?” Madame Song winked at you both as she left the cafe with your umbrella. You shook your head a little, embarrassed to hear her tease. Then faced the half-god handsome man before you.

You sat back on your chair and offered Seokjin the vacant seat on the front.

“Hm, I honestly don’t know what to say to that, are you working? Was she a client?” he watched you write something down on your planner for a moment.

“Yeah, and we just finished” you clicked the pen and threw your arms up to stretch “and now I can relax. What’s up Kim?”

“Ikseon-dong is where I usually take my walk for coffee and look for inspiration.I like it here, it’s traditional and yet still a very relevant place” he turned around to look at the menu board, attached above on the counter.

“Ah, I see you’re working too…” you nodded. “You know their dirty chai latte is pretty good.” You pointed it out. “So, how’s your agency treating you? I’ve seen you in TDN channel the other night, and got to the scene where you were crying after being left by Park Shin Hye… that was pretty moving”

He laughed with his eyes wrinkling, charming as always. “It was hard convincing myself to cry over a fictional argument revolving over me leaving a Peanut Butter open for long...”

“In her defense, she thought you were cheating on her over Yoon Eun Hye. But before replying to that, tell me who you will end up with, is it her or Yoon Eun Hye? Because if you asked me Yoon Eun Hye might be evil, but I totally understand where she's coming from. So yeah, I’m Team Yoon Eun Hye all the way!” You lowered yourself on the table and leaned towards him.

He squints his eyes and went forward “Not if you watch until the last episode, or you could bribe me with the most expensive thing on the menu”

You shot at him and sighed “Fine, you leave me no choice Mister Celebrity, sir. One Eggs Benedict and House Coffee, on me” he chuckled, knowing fully that those were the cheapest on the menu.

“It’s nice to know you didn’t change at all, Y/N” he gulped and smiled at you.

“Oh yeah? Don’t be disappointed if you found it to be untrue.” You stood up and ordered something for your old flame, well almost… or so you would like to think, if it wasn’t for his groupies who extinguished before it even began.

You two tried to catch on a lot of things, while taking a few photos together. Seokjin has an insane amount of following, compared to the number he had back in college (but was still considerably huge). Yet he wasn’t bothered at all, he still posted whatever he pleased.

Although he was now hyper-aware of everything online, especially the fact that some things might get him in trouble or even getting others into trouble. He made sure to explain things about what was happening in his caption before posting anything. Just to spare them from unnecessary and unfounded hate from his fans.

“Fancy bumping to a college friend *insert smiley emoji*” he said out loud while mindlessly typing it as he hit the post button.

“Why didn’t you put a sticker on my face?”

“Why should I? I already spare you from being tagged. That way, you can still keep your identity hidden, but this face?” He pouts “Too pretty to be kept away”

You blushed, abruptly shaking your head ready to say something as your defense retorted “Is this your way to get in my pants, now that you’re some big shot?”

He folds his arms and twitches his lips to the corner “You thought so lowly of me, I could’ve dated you. Should’ve asked you out 11 years ago, but I didn’t because I was afraid you’d get in to trouble because of me… yet, still you did”

You paused for a moment. “Seokjin. I—”

He batted his eyes and smiled “That night at the frat party, I was about to ask you... but chickened out last minute. I should be the one saying sorry, Y/N. I wish I was there for you; I could only imagine what your college life might have been. How are you holding it?”

You croaked, left momentarily speechless at the sudden revelation that was gradually unfolding before you “I—I’m fine. Thanks to Hoseok, my life from there became bearable. I’m sure he’s the one who shut all the people who were spreading rumors, he just wouldn’t tell”

He nods. “What if he truly wasn’t? Like maybe, somebody other than Hoseok did it for you?”

“You?” you opened your mouth in disbelief.

“It’s the least I could do. Besides, I’m partly to blame '' His phone suddenly buzzed as he pointed a finger to excuse himself for a moment to receive it. “Hey baby, yeah. I’m just here in Ikseon-dong? I’m in “Flower Yard Cafe” Meet? Where?... Okay. I love you, see you in a bit”

You lump on your lips, suppressing a chuckle. For a moment you thought you had a chance with Mr. WorldWide Handsome himself, but man you were eons late. Certainly, there are many times you want to hurl yourself over him regardless if he actually wants you too.

You were then so close to not giving any more damn to the ladies who would build a fort to push any of his prospects away. Yet maybe that’s how the world works, maybe you don’t deserve all the nice things because that’s how you were designed to live your life… or maybe it’s how the world chastises you for choosing to live a life in debauchery. Either way, You and Seokjin will never happen. That’s pretty much engraved in your destiny, if that’s not obvious enough.

“I’m sorry I got to go, my girlfriend’s having a fit”

“Hm, maybe you should delete your post about us?”

“Girl, you think I’m doing this for you? I want to annoy the girls who shit on my chance with you…”

You laughed. “Hm. Openly flirting with me still? You are playing on dangerous water, sir… How about we try next life Kim, yeah?”

“Ofcourse, just don’t get swoon with my face alone when that happens.”

You nodded in between chuckles as you bid goodbye and watched him leave the cafe. You began fixing your things and putting everything on your handbag when suddenly you heard the sound of drizzle.

“Ugh, should’ve known! That blaring sun definitely looks like it’s gonna invite rain soon... I gave my umbrella to Mrs. Song!” you complained to no one, whining softly from your seat.

Not wanting to spend another hour inside, especially when you needed to send a few paperwork to your boss for a report, you decided to just throw yourselves over the harsh rain “Know what? Fuck it, let’s just run and get wet again” you pushed the door away from you, ready to run while holding on to your handbag that was barely covering your head.

As the door swiveled far, you began to notice that the rain that was supposed to be falling over your head wasn’t just…there. You turned around and found Yoongi. His arms extended to you, holding an umbrella for you. You watched him smile despite slightly getting showered.

“Yoongi?”

“Why are you always asking the obvious? Hey Y/N” He scooted over inside the umbrella, arms pressing and pulling you close to him. His free hand held on to the handle slightly tilted, making sure you remained dry than he is. You stood there, completely frozen. Too stunned to see him at a time when you needed someone.

“You certainly like to get wet often, huh?” he snickered, trying to diffuse the momentary silence.

“It depends on the situation… I-uh… what are you doing here?”

“I was just having a walk. The weather looks good” he subtly gulped, eating his lie. After seeing you on Seokjin’s instagram, he immediately called and asked where he was. Seokjin, knowing Yoongi fully for years, did not bother to ask any more questions as he simply answered where he is currently located.

“Oh yeah?” you tilt your head to look at the dark sky.

“Well, it was, until it suddenly started to rain. Where are you headed?”

“Back in my office, just a few blocks from here. You?”

“What a coincidence, I am too”

“You also work there?” you chuckled

He rolled his eyes and sighed “Okay you got me, just let me take you there unscathed. I’ll go back to strolling around the city  looking for inspiration for the song I am working on. But until then, I have to see you get there, so that I could put myself at ease knowing you went to your work completely dry.”

“Aw, that is so gentleman of you. You better credit me when you find that inspiration you were saying” you playfully teased, knowing fully well you’ll give zero contribution to his work.

He chuckled. Making you suck an air to see another gummy smile from him, which he is very frugal of him to do.

“Perhaps I will,” he shrugged, smiling weakly as he faced the street. You swiftly turn to face him, bewildered to see his sincere intent. Will he really? Thoughts were starting to run around your head.

Clearly, when was the last time you’ve been held by a man? Was it yesterday during sex with Jinyoung a fellow regular from the cafe next to your office? Or was it during a dodgeball game during 8th grade where Taecyeon, your crush pulled you away from getting hit by a ball? Or perhaps the time when your father took you in his arms when you got bruised? You could no longer remember, because right in the middle of the rain, underneath the transparent umbrella, you watched the rain fall while Yoongi was there holding you in his arms…and that was all you could think.

For the very first time, you felt safe and secured. It was warm and seemed full of ardent affection. You failed to put words into what you were feeling, because evidently you had nothing on it from your catalog for inner feelings. Yoongi remains to hold onto you close, while continuing to walk on the streets under the heavy rain... And you yielded unto him.

The feeling was so foreign and novel that you were starting to feel scared. You are so afraid of the feeling of this unfamiliarity, and perhaps the thought of it that it might one day become … too familiar.

Suddenly it dawned on you, in this seemingly game of feelings like seesaw, he was now taking the leverage because you were starting to get your high.

And for the first time in years, you were unsure how this would turn out.

A/N: Ahhhh THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GIVING TIME! I can finally share my song inspo for this  chapter. I know the lyrics isn’t appropriate to the story, but I was just vibing to this while I was watching this video when I was doing my cardio on a machine. I quickly thought of THAT scene and I was all too UwU the whole time. Anyway, hope you all have a great day! THANKING MY BETA READER FOR GIVING HER PRECIOUS TIME FOR THIS 🙃 love you! you know who you are 😉

#bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #Min Yoongi #min yoongi fanfic #min yoongi fan fiction #Min Yoongi x reader #bts min yoongi x you #Min Yoongi neighbors #fuck buddies to lovers #min yoongi x y/n #suga x reader #suga fanfic #bts suga x reader #suga x y/n #yoongi x reader #BTS smut #min yoongi smut #Yoongi smut #bts yoongi #bts smut #min yoongi x you #min yoongi x reader #suga x you #neighbors to lovers #Suga smut #Yoongi car sex

[brujahinaskirt]

@missn11​ says:

Ask and ye shall receive, fellow neonate! <3 Bear with me, because I’m about to hammer out 2000 words very quickly...

This massive rant by its topic nature is sort of Nines-critical, so lemme start by saying that, in my own way, I love Rodriguez. (I was partially self-burning in the shitpost that ignited this rant because I SEVERELY exaggerated Nines’s canonical shadiness levels in my ancient fanfiction, and for no other reason than because I was a teenage edgelord. I am appropriately embarrassed, but only by my excess and melodrama, not by Troika’s characterization. I think the writing behind VTMB’s Nines is superb.)

When it comes to Bloodlines, I think he’s one of the most psychologically interesting profiles in the game. In fact, I could never get into LA by Night because they so de-toothed Troika’s vision of him. Not to say LA by Night’s Nines was a poorly-developed character in his own right, ‘cause he wasn’t at all, but “my” Nines will always be unapologetically and only Troika’s: boiling angry, viciously pragmatic, a survivor who doesn’t let anyone too close lest they see through him, whose over-the-top confident façade cracks a little more every time his back’s against the wall. Troika’s Nines is the epitome of greater VTM’s “fallen rebel” archetype, and even though we don’t get to see it on all playthoughs, that makes it even better and more believable.

But as with all characterization in Bloodlines, we have to read between the lines and between our own play styles a bit to piece the truth of the puzzle together...

Besides the direct evidence Troika gives us—i.e. the music cues, which are a bit overbearing if I’m honest (sorry, Troika! ilu); the absence of Nines in Rosa’s prophecy re: people you can trust; and the overt warnings Camarilla-aligned characters give us about him—the biggest red flag about Rodriguez, imo? It’s twofold:

the way the characters he surrounds himself with talk about him and the type of vampire he chooses to fill his den. Namely: Nines exclusively recruits angry, spurned, mistreated people who are younger and far less experienced than he is

those messy, ugly, fleeting moments where you see his toughguy everyman personality crack

So! Starting with point one:

THE PERSONALITY CULT ITSELF

We can’t deny that Nines does not surround himself with peers. He surrounds himself with followers—people who don’t challenge him in any way, who are fanatically loyal, who openly profess their worship of him and their conviction he could never/would never do anything wrong. If you listen to how Damsel and Skelter talk about him, it’s with frightening adulation, often repeating Nines’s lines word-for-word without truly understanding the argumentation behind them. (Damsel’s the main offender here with her “IT’S A PYRAMID SCHEME… it just makes sense, you know? It just makes sense!” And then, of course, she gets pissed and refuses to speak to you when you push her into elaborating.)

Nines has clearly made himself much more than just a friend-figure or a Sire-figure to them. He’s utterly and completely mythologized by the LA Anarchs, held up next to other politically mythologized names like George Washington and Ho Chi Minh. His followers love him… but there’s a pecking order, and like good body shields, they believe their lives don’t matter as much as he matters. And they love that, too. They want to die for Nines. They’re not just willing to or resigned to it; they’re eager to die. Damsel will volunteer this information the first time you meet her. She just can’t wait to prove herself by taking a bullet for goddamn Nines Rodriguez. It’s literally how she introduces herself to new people.

And yet Nines deliberately withholds his attention and time from his followers. He uses his attention as a reward, as incentive. He rations some care and reassurance and help—makes you feel good and gives you reason to crave his attention—and then he pushes you away, back into his adoring ranks until the next “two minutes” you earn from him in which you’re special enough for such an exceptional, important, cool guy to talk to. That’s a classic manipulation tactic, and a classic personality cult tell.

And Troika is so damn fuckin’ brilliant about it because they don’t stop at showing us that an Anarch-aligned fledgling might feel this way—no, they make the PLAYER also feel this way. On our first playthrough of Bloodlines, we’re desperate to talk to Nines. We want the reward. “Let me finish the plaguebearer quests… let me run to the Elizabeth Dane… I hope Nines talks to me again now! Quick, to the Last Round! Maybe if I say the right thing to make him like me, he’ll give me another free EXPERIENCE POINT!” (iirc he’s one of two characters who will do so, and the only one who gives multiple points.)

But at the end of the day, Nines is indisputably the leader of the Anarchs, and even fledgling figures that out. (“Sounds like you’re the Prince of the Anarchs.”) He’s very much the Baron of Downtown LA, even if he won’t use that language. As for the grating day-to-day management and leadership stuff that might make him somewhat unpopular among the Anarchs, though? He fobs all that stuff off on Damsel!

Damsel, his Minion No. 1—whom a lot of players will hate on their early playthroughs, because she assigns tough missions with little to no reward. Damsel, who has no real power role in the Anarchs and functions only to serve Nines. You help Damsel, and you do Nines’s work—i.e. you do the work of the Barony of LA—and he doesn’t even have to take the admiration hit by having to ask you himself.

There’s only one non-follower of note around Nines. It’s Jack, and by his own words, he’s not one of Nines’s people; he disparages them, in fact. And we’ll notice that Jack—who is stronger, older, and wiser than Nines—very much doesn’t talk about Nines the same way Nines’s followers do. While Jack doesn’t directly insult him and occasionally defends him, Jack also has a downright shocking response to the announcement of the Blood Hunt. When fledgling desperately asks what they can do to help Nines—Jack says, word-for-word: I could give a damn.

Something ain’t quite right about this place.

Moving right along:

NINES IS A FAKE ALPHA MALE WHO KNOWS HE’S GOING TO DIE

Part of why Nines is so attractive to someone scared and weak like our fledgling (or Skelter or Damsel) is that he seems utterly fucking untouchable—like nothing scares him, and that must be reassuring when two of your age-old enemies are moving into town. But Nines’s tough, cool, Devil-may-care persona outs itself as a protective shell, too… and this is another thing I think Troika handled so subtly and so well.

You’ll notice that even Nines’s voice is dramatically different in a couple different situations: when Ming Xiao is borrowing his body, when he’s afraid, and when he’s distracted or deeply disturbed. (A successful Malkavian mind read will really slam a crack in his coolguy persona. For a second, the nonchalance shatters and he childishly screams SHUT UP!)

But whether you Malk him or not: In those isolated moments, the Coolguy Nines Rodriguez we normally see frays. Physically, even! His accent loses its burr (that ballsy rural American everyman accent), shoots up to a higher register—and reveals a much softer voice than the one he uses in front of other people. No wonder; part of Nines’s charisma comes from his performance of masculine confidence, and even if it’s not a toxically patriarchal masculinity in the way we often picture it, the fact this performance cracks at all shows it’s not his genuine self. He’s acting. In the way a lot of toughguy men do—but for Nines, whose survival depends upon attraction now, he’s acting toughguy for his very life.

I think those little fray-under-pressure moments are the “real” Nines, or as close as we’re going to get: scared, desperate, worn-down, and very aware of his doom.

Now, all that said…

BLATANT FALLEN REBEL CONCEPT APOLOGISM

I don’t think we can quite throw Rodriguez into the same Mean Monster Morality Dungeon for Evil Vampires as other Big Bads in LA. This is where motivation comes into play, at least for me. We know Nines can be merciless and violent, and he doesn’t hesitate to sacrifice his own soldiers (namely, um, US!) to protect his holdings. But he does seem to have a twinge of genuine anger over injustices wrought upon “little people” (look no further than Nocturne)—one that seems like it stems from a sense of right v. wrong rather than sheer pragmatism. This stands in stark opposition to the rationed pacificism of characters like LaCroix, who simply doesn’t want the headache of cleaning up a pile of dead humans on his nightly to-do list.

Nines also, of course, just doesn’t have the same kind of disaster reach other Bloodlines Big Bads do in how much harm he can cause. When LaCroix gets up to some bullshit, he crashes the national economy. Nines, like, crashes a car into a corporate office window or takes over a street or something. Can’t really compare the two when it comes to the scale of damage done.

And even Nines Rodriguez is, for all his strategy, still an honestly angry person. Not all of him is fake—what’s troubling about him is what he’s willing to sacrifice and do to satiate his anger-passion. It’s the standard Brujah emotional-moral struggle. Even though I agree with much of what he says about bloodsucking late capitalist vampires (tbh he seems to hate vampires in general!), one wonders if it’s not partially the anger-passion that’s warped him into the façade of a noble leader he’s become. It’s not a pure anger anymore; he’s weaponized it in selfish, unhealthy, destructive ways.

But if he’s a fallen rebel—and since he is still apparently capable of some genuine anger and sadness—then we can infer he wasn’t always like this. He fell, and narratively, that’s key to understanding Clan Brujah. Maybe he fell in a way all of us angry rebel-types risk falling if we let our hatred of the bloodsuckers in real life outgrow and consume our care for the real-world little people.

I think we also have to appreciate that—as far as we know—the shady shit Nines does, he primarily does to prolong his power. But for a threatened Anarch like Nines, power doesn’t mean expansion or accumulation as it might for an ascending Ventrue; it primarily means survival. The Camarilla and Kuei-jin incursions into LA have numbered his days, and he can’t possibly have any delusions about this, no matter how much he swaggers. So he does what he can do with the skills and limited resources he has. He corrupts vulnerable, angry, abused people by giving them the appearance of friendship, family, and hope they can become stronger—much like effective gang leaders do.

If he’s morally nastier than other power-players like LaCroix in some way, imo, it’s here. It’s the intimacy with which he manipulates the people around him. LaCroix may lie to you; Strauss may withhold information from you; Ming Xiao may double-cross you. But none of them ask that you love them. That’s not their goal; that’s not how they operate. None of them expect or encourage anyone to happily die for them of their own free will. If they get you killed, you’ll die resenting them—resenting that you had to die, at all.

But when you die for people like Nines Rodriguez, you do it willingly, if only because you believed he cared somehow and that he’d fight tooth-and-nail for you, too. You believed that you were a member of his little outcast family—or that you would be, if you just proved yourself a little bit more. If you just fought a little harder. If you were just a little happier about having the chance to die for the cause. Maybe if you die for Nines, then Nines will love you, too.

I don’t think he does. I don’t think he will. If he’s a true fallen rebel archetype, I don’t know if he can anymore.

That’s enough Anarchs for now! I’m gonna peace out with some copy/pasted lyrics from the theme song of Nines’s den: the ballad of the charming and vengeful Lecher Bitch. Stay sharp, my little Bloodlines fanatics!

Tell me your story Don't worry, I've been there Crown me your savior Don't worry, I'll be there

[Chorus] I said hey You're coming all the way I've got some hell to pay I'm diggin' all the way All the way down I said hey You're coming all the way I've got some hell to pay Gonna rip you every way On the way down again [Bridge] Don't belong lording above me Won't be hard to pull you underground It won't be long 'til you love me And I'll be coming at your back To break it down

#vtmb #vampire the masquerade bloodlines #nines rodriguez #tune in next week for my 5 page essay on why Wong Ho is the only nice person in Bloodlines! #not really #but maybe really #in conclusion nines ain't shit [drops mic] #[is mauled by damsel]

[politijohn]

Why I support Bernie Sanders

Preface - I’ve followed Bernie since 2015. I’ve also studied politics, psychology, and sociology for over 7 yrs. 2015 was the first presidential election where I was eligible to vote. Needless to say, I payed incredibly close attention to him back then, and have kept up with progressive politics ever since. What I’ve studied and what I see in politics are directly related to my support for Bernie.

1. Consistency - Since 2015, I’ve never seen a presidential candidate so consistently dedicated in their fight for progressive causes. What’s great about Bernie’s age is you can go back and see just how long he’s been fighting for things like affordable housing, racial justice, ending endless wars, etc. This quality is hard to come by in contemporary politics. We need his dedication if we’re going to successfully tackle the climate crisis, economic inequality, and other social problems.

2. Integrity - Related to his consistency is Bernie’s honesty. You know he’s genuinely committed to a cause or a bill after you’ve looked at his track record on the issue. When Bernie says he will fight for the American people, you know he means it. A key reason why many Americans don’t vote and aren’t engaged in politics and why congress’ approval is embarrassingly low is because no one trusts anything politicians say. Bernie stands out here. He’s consistently rated the most popular U.S. Senator. This isn’t by chance; it’s not a coincidence. He listens, and people trust his word.

3. Unapologetically progressive - Another reason why Bernie’s so popular and why I support him is because he is not playing around with big money BS. A year ago, I researched all the companies he has personally taken on. I couldn’t finish the list because it just kept going. He isn’t afraid of corporations and he’s not afraid of the 1%. At the same time, Bernie is also not afraid to take on both Republicans and Democrats when they refuse to work for Americans (most of the time). Imagine taking on the entire political arena - the mass news media, both major parties, corporate America, and the wealthy - all at the same time to make sure society works for everyone. That’s Bernie. If you don’t think that’s noteworthy, you haven’t been paying attention.

4. Political Revolution - Everything Bernie stands for is embedded in a fundamental overhaul of US politics as we know it. His movement - the political revolution - rightfully calls out capitalism, denounces both political parties for enabling it, and demands that we dramatically take on problems like health care, climate change, and big money politics so we (literally) survive. Now is not the time for incremental change. Now is not the time to simply be a “player in the game”. Now is not the time to say “I’m a capitalist to my bones.” We will never achieve the necessary changes if we conform to the very system that got us here in the first place. Bernie’s push towards social democracy is exactly what this country needs as a first step towards a more equitable society.

5. Not me, us. - I can’t emphasize this enough. Electing Bernie isn’t about him; nor was it ever. When your campaign is founded in a movement, not a person, that’s when you get things done. Question - Can you honestly tell me why your preferred candidate is running for President? If you can’t, that’s a problem. I’ve already said this, but it’s so so important - Bernie is running so the government, the economy, and society works for everyone. It’s long overdue for a progressive overhaul and this is only attainable through mass mobilization. Most importantly, no other campaign has this. It’s hard to find because most politicians don’t really care. Take a look at who young voters, who have traditionally disaffected by mainstream politics, are gravitating towards. It’s not old school establishment politicians who caused the abysmal status quo. It’s Bernie, and there’s a clear reason why.

#Bernie 2020 #Bernie Sanders #Consistency #Vote #US elections #election 2020 #democratic primaries #not me us #our revolution #psychology #sociology #political science #political #us politics #politics #racial justice #climate change #economic inequality

[thefeastandthefast]

Hyena eps. 14-16 thoughts

I actually finished this last night at 2:30am, so I’m a little fuzzy on all the convoluted investigation stuff. But even in my late night binge-watching induced brainfog, I could tell that logic was starting to get very messy. But it’s fine- I’m not watching this show for watertight and accurate courtroom proceedings. I don’t care about the nefarious evil overlords of the various corporations and their garbage-fire scions battling it out. Just in it to see how the pieces fall for hyena mama Geum Ja and hyena daddy Hee Jae and their pack of hyena babies.   

So I just have to say, I NEED A SECOND SEASON. PLEASE LET THERE BE ANOTHER SEASON. Because everything is set up perfectly now for more subtle character growth, more professional challenges to face, more heart-stabbingly beautiful romance. I NEEEEEED IT.  

One of my struggles watching Hyena is that the particular brands of moral bankruptcy exhibited by the male and female leads are especially abhorrent to me in real life: the willingness to act as swords for capitalist and state powers in actively creating a world good only for the rich and powerful. 

For GJ, her attitude is one shaped by a mess of psychological and emotional damage. But she does see the work honestly for what it is, because she had to study it by heart to survive. She sees the filth around her and doesn’t mind rolling in the mud, if it will get her what she thinks she needs in order to heal and never be hurt again. She feels no responsibility or loyalty to the nebulous idea of society at large (why should she, since she was alone when she was most in need, she thinks.) In the beginning, GJ is only loyal to a small number of specific individuals that have proven themselves worthy of her trust and care: her childhood friend Ju Ho and Ji-eun. That’s it. 

But by the end, Hee Jae has broken down enough of her walls to join this group and along with him came the hyena babies: Na Yi-joon, Attorney Kim, and my best girl Boo Hyeon-a. I think it was when this community started slowly coalescing around her that she began feeling a small sense of responsibility and interest in the wellbeing of strangers, even if it was still heavily tinged with self-interest. Helping out the pastor’s daughter Baek Un-mi, for example, and trying to figure out the real reason and culprits behind Seo Jung Hwa’s death. Very much a Chaotic Neutral who remains a Chaotic Neutral, but with love and friendship around her in the end. And honestly? Love and friendship and community can go a long way to change people’s minds about what they think they need in order to heal. Maybe at some point Geum Ja will realize that buying the building that represents her pain won’t bring her real long-lasting relief. That’s my headcanon at least. 

Hee Jae starts out as someone who fully buys into and is complicit in the filth, the hierarchy, the corruption, the nepotism. He was enthusiastically Lawful Evil, with occasional twinges of conscience. He doesn’t even realize that he’s in the mud, because that’s what he had always known and never questioned. But this show has been about destroying his unexamined sense of self and his acceptance of a certain order to the world. I really wish the show had spent more time on his disillusionment and complicated relationship with his actual father rather than all the convoluted bullshit with his mentor-father Mr. Song. Especially after those devastating attempted suicide and courtroom scenes. So many unresolved issues there. Ugh, why did the show focus so much on bringing down the Big Bad, when it’s the emotional stuff that’s more interesting??? HELLO, SECOND SEASON. 

Not to say that I think Hee Jae became woke or anything like that. He’s still an unrepentant asshole. But I think Geum Ja helped the scales fall from his eyes and nudged him closer to Chaotic Neutral like her. He sees that he had been wallowing in filth without even realizing. Now he can start to have a little more control over where he stands in that filth. Hee Jae finally questions and abandons the well-trod, well-lit path of success through nepotism. It’s a very small step, but given his Lawful Evil positioning in the beginning, it’s a crucial one that may lead to further growth later. My headcanon for him is that maybe he’ll continue to question the order of the world. 

I’m happy with the show ending by showing that growth for both Geum Ja and Hee Jae didn’t mean growth into a moral awakening or even regret for past mistakes. To take them from self-interested and unapologetically moral-free to legal crusader for the weak or something would require a lot more than 16 episodes could cover. SO HELLO, PLEASE LET THERE BE A SECOND SEASON.

And finally, Geum Ja and Hee Jae’s swagger outfits were truly a glorious sight to behold. Such a fitting end! I could have used twenty more makeout scenes though. 

#hyena #sbs hyena #kdrama #kim hye soo #ju ji hoon #contemporary drama #wow I had a lot more to say than I thought #my commentary

[dirt-grub]

So this is a little outside my normal range of posting but I’ve mentioned Jim Sterling in passing and I think its really important right now to give them support. 

Jim has been on the front line of video game journalism, continually exposing abuse and exploitative late-stage capitalist bullshit in the industry for years, decades even, on The Jimquisition (his weekly show, for those who don’t know) with very blunt and, well, colorful commentary that directly addresses those responsible. They’ve had problems with publishers and video game companies for a long time, because they do not stay silent. They continually point out the outrageous and disgusting practices of the industry, even when it’s become normalized, when it’s considered beating a dead horse, because without that voice, those companies win. These companies silence their critics and continue getting greedier and greedier, more and more morally bankrupt. I’ve watched Jim for years now, and I’ve seen the evolution of depravity from AAA publishers. This normalization of awful harmful practices is very real and very serious. Jim is providing an essential narrative in a world where video game journalism (and I’d go out on a limb and say many other types of journalism) are reduced to an extension of the PR companies of these hulking corporations. His news is not tainted by the companies he’s reporting on. They can’t be paid off or told off by anyone, and that is something I’ve respected for years, and why I stuck with The Jimquisition even after I largely stopped following games media as a whole. 

The reason I’m making this post is that about a month ago, Jim reported on the gigantic abuse scandal at Ubisoft, and how the entire company structure basically exists to protect abusers and silence countless victims. It’s incredibly serious, and the corruption goes to the very top of Ubisoft and most likely plenty of other companies. Countless folks have come out with extremely credible testimony, and the abuse goes very far back. I won’t go into explicit details because it’s disgusting and upsetting, if you want more details click the link, but viewer discretion is advised of course. In Jim’s most recent video, (which I also recommend- its about Ubisoft literally using the black power fist as the symbol of an evil terrorist group in a recent mobile game) they say that the video covering the abuse has been one of their most shared in years, but had initially gotten some of the lowest views. 

YouTube is hiding his content and burying this story, the same way the games media as a whole has. It is specifically effecting The Jimquisition, and newer videos since then have been performing poorly as well.

I’m begging you guys, DON’T LET THIS STORY DIE. THESE PEOPLE NEED TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. As Jim and many others sadly expected, this story is on its way out of the news cycle, and now Jim’s channel is suffering as a direct result of refusing to be silent and demanding these people be held accountable. I was shocked that something this huge managed to vanish so quickly, and I’ve hardly seen any outrage about it. This is bigger than video games. I know it seems niche on the surface, but this is not a video game problem. This is an abuse problem, this is an exploitation problem, this is a capitalism problem.  

Please do what you can. Learn about the situation, watch Jim’s videos if you’re interested in that kind of thing (I really do recommend them, I’ve never seen another video game journalist be that unapologetic towards AAA companies) or just spread this for people who are. Don’t let this die. Don’t let this person’s channel suffer because they dared to call out abuse and demand justice.

Ubisoft spent years protecting mental and physical abusers. Don’t let them fucking forget it.

#i know this isn't my style but i havent seen anyone talk about it especially here so hey you want something done you do it yourself #please share this #abuse tw #jim sterling #the jimquisition #ubisoft

[homosexualcolombus]

christopher loses his marbles (or why i’ve decided to start blogging)

even though prodonktivity is a social construct, my irls on social media seem to be obssessed with it, so i found myself subscribing to this mythical school of thought because the hive mind is real for dumb bitches like me who are unable to think for themselves. since then, i wasn't able to do something without me questioning myself whether it's actually productive or not. which is annoying, because really, who the fuck cares?

and anyway, what constitutes an activity as productive? what exactly are the parameters of "productivity" and how the hell do you quantify that shit?

i had so many questions.

i have this much needed break from being in the academe and yet here i am figuring out how to spend my time in a way that would be deemed acceptable to the capitalistic zombie society who's wired to do nothing but work, work, work. by no means am i being held at gunpoint to actually *BE* productive, i've just been a tiny bit brainwashed, but in the end it is still my prerogative to participate. the onus is on me to deal with how to go about it.

so why blogging? one might ask, and the answer is incredibly simple: i like to write... even though the process is an incredibly stressful, aggravating, and frustrating experience. be it that i may have read too many books during my adolescent years and had no one to tell me writing is not as therapeutic as i thought it would be, then maybe i wouldn't have considered doing this today. however, i have been putting my foot on the gas pedal of this writing thing for too long that i have honestly no idea how to stop it without it ending in a fatal crash. years and years worth of works ranging from cringy softboy poems to fanfics of heterosexual korean boybands whose sole career focus is to capitalize on queerbaiting naive, innocent pubescent teens prove that fact. i AM in this for the long haul.

yes, i could have chosen to churn out another 20k words worth of abo smut of kim junmyeon and oh sehun but what exactly does that achieve? (except deposit more material for depraved faggots like me's spank banks?) i would like to believe i could contribute something more important to society than writing about suho getting rawdogged in some department store fitting room because he conveniently "forgot" to take his heat suppressants. i would like to think i'm better than that (i am NOT, but a boy can dream).

but as i sat down to write what i hoped would be a movement-inspiring blog post, my brain immediately went blank. dumb and dumber refused to cooperate. as much as i would have loved for this blog to be filled with revolutionary political thinkpieces, dumb and dumber's outcries of needing a space to be unapologetically stupid was too enticing.  twitter is all well and good a platform for the same purpose but of course, i am a hag who cannot keep things concise.

so here we are.

if at any point in reading do u feel like an old hag is rambling at you, you're right and that is absolutely valid. despite my initial intentions of what these blogs are supposed to be, in the process of writing i have discovered the nirvana that is the catharsis of letting my thoughts stream freely onto the page. contrary to what i used to believe, writing is indeed therapeutic! hallelujah, i have finally seen the light. no more ass-clenching nights spent trying so hard to write junmyeon being knotted by 8 different men and pumped full of cum as descriptively as possible. AND it gets better because i even get to post these useless stuff under the guise of being productive because the "collective" thinks blogging is acceptable!

let's be real, not many people will read my blogs, and the few that will, will certainly have those that cannot fully comprehend the whole mess. for the most part, these will be enshrined in vague, unclicked "new blog" instagram story posts, facebook statuses, and tweets that serve to solidify my status as an upstanding, productive member of our society. each post will be my "fuck you" to all the karens who say "fake it till you make it" after peer pressuring you by subtly flexing everything they've achieved during the quarantine. you can all suck my fat productive cock.

#blogs #nonsensical rambling #ew #prodonktivity

[marginalgloss]

san andreas fault

The first thing worth saying about The Mars Room by Rachel Kushner is that although it is set in a prison for women, it is really nothing like Orange is the New Black. It is also not exactly a ‘prison novel’. Perhaps any description of it ought not to be centred on a prison at all; if we call it instead ‘a novel about a woman who had a rough childhood, who becomes a sex worker and whose life takes a bad turn through circumstances beyond her control’, that would be another way of talking about it. But it could also be called a ‘a novel about the post-industrial American landscape’ or ‘a novel about how capitalist ideology came to occupy unquestioned every aspect of what had previously been the prerogative of the state’. There’s a lot going on here.

Most of the chapters follow a woman named Romy Halls. Hers is one of those names which seems at first almost too Dickensian to be real, but which somehow concedes its own sort of authenticity. Romy is sent to jail after killing a man; after they met in the strip club where she was a dancer, this man began stalking her. Owing to an ineffectual public defender, this was no defence at all in the eyes of the judge. Romy is sent down, separated from her young son, with little hope that she will ever see him again. 

Prison is relentlessly awful. Every pointless, inhumane, degrading, exploitative detail is noted by the author — everything from the arbitrary rules that determine what can be worn to the expensive bureaucratic monopoly of the prison telephone system. OITNB at times suggested a camaraderie between the prisoners, and reminded its audience that the reasons women tend to end up in prison are often quite different to those of the opposite sex. The Mars Room does a little of the same, but it’s far more bleak and violent. By comparison it maintains a certain distance from the other prisoners. Many of them are nasty people: murderers, baby-killers; they throw boiling sugar-water in each other’s faces. The novel seems to concede that a certain kind of person here exists beyond the understanding of a novelist.

It is a bad place and the world outside is not much better. This is California in the early 00s, a blasted landscape of decaying malls, vacant lots, fast food forecourts and dubious strip joints. It is an infinite suburbia, radically decentred, deprived by design. This is where Romy grew up; the novel opens with a long bus ride that takes her out that world and into the prison-world, somewhere nameless out in the vast west coast wilderness. Geography is notable in this novel, but most of these places seem to exist beyond names. You couldn’t point to them on any map. In this regard, prison seems like the ultimate kind of placelessness. Incarceration involves a deliberate separation of the inmates from the natural world — the barren panopticon of the yard and the running track could barely be called nature. Eventually the prisoners come to feel a kind of dread at the sight of the mountains and orchards in the distance. They are only symbols of failed escapes, can only suggest slow suffering in the wilderness. 

But there are other aspects to this novel. From time to time a chapter will be written from another perspective, typically a male one. There is Gordon Hauser, a fairly average middle-class professor who runs classes for the inmates in Romy’s prison; and there’s Doc, a bent cop serving time for murder(s) in a separate facility for sensitive inmates (i.e. those most at risk from violent recrimination). Part of Hauser’s role is to stand in for the naivety of the expected audience of this book. He is educated, liberal, lightly contemptuous of the other staff, and mostly convinced that his role is to rehabilitate women who must have suffered some terrible evil to be where they are in life. He is confounded when some of the women tend towards exploiting his generosity. The reader might be inclined to be more generous towards the inmates. Even this doesn’t seem like an especially unreasonable thing for them to do, given the circumstances. 

Doc, on the other hand, is one of a handful of characters here who are almost entirely without redeeming features. (Kennedy, the man who Romy killed, is the other; the single chapter dedicated to him is a portrait of entitled, predatory masculinity that is grim without reservation.) Doc is simply awful — a sneering shell of a man — uncaring, unapologetic, universally contemptuous. These chapters throw into relief a broader problem that the book has with the voice of its characters: all of them are too much of their own type. If Doc and Kennedy are villainous, Hauser is mostly just an object of pity. Romy, on the other hand, is nothing but sympathetic, and at times her voice seems less like her own and more like an authorial surrogate. The problem is not so much that she’s literate, or that her voice is devoid of an ‘accent’ that we might associate with poverty in the Dickensian sense; it’s that there’s something in it which stretches the confines of first-person narration a little too far, until it feels almost like the narrator has herself become omniscient. She reads like a person commenting on their own life as if it had been lived by someone else. (Perhaps you could argue that this is the point.)

Hauser, meanwhile, does not spend all his time in the prison. We see a good deal of his life outside, underlining the kind of everyday freedom he enjoys in the wider world. Sometimes he retreats to a cabin in the wilderness to read, to live amongst people totally unlike him and to think great thoughts. Other authors are invoked — Thoreau, naturally — but also Theodore Kaczynski, who was once known as the unabomber. A handful of extracts (notably uncredited) from Kaczynski’s diaries are blended into the chapters here. I wondered about this. Those chapters emphasise his violent reaction to the industrialised destruction he saw all around him, which was apparently so at odds with the measured quality of his prose. 

Is that contrast as surprising today as it once was? I’m not sure. The Mars Room seems circumspect about the purpose of these passages. There’s a reluctance in the text to say what should be obvious: that Kaczynski went too far. Perhaps the novel is only trying to suggest that the impulse to tear it all down, by any means necessary, is still compelling. Who amongst us hasn’t been irritated by the sound of loud motorcycles, or appalled at the sight of logging in familiar patch of forest; who hasn’t felt the urge to do something? 

Fifteen or twenty years ago it was the thing to hold up Kaczynski’s writings as being philosophically sound — worth reading, even if the ultimate results of his methodology were beneath contempt. I wonder if this is still the case. The outsider logic of the unabomber — the man who would set himself apart from the rest of humanity, in his cabin, with his rifle — has almost become the new normal. I say ‘almost’ because Ted thought we should do without, while the angry white men who came after him saw no reason to chase the same asceticism. But some of them were happy to take up rifles and to build bombs regardless. They saw something of the same threat in the world around them.

#books #rachel kushner #the mars room

[i-breathe-therefore-i-read]

Beautiful Bastard Series by Christina Lauren

An ambitious intern. A perfectionist executive. And a whole lot of name calling. Whip-smart, hardworking, and on her way to an MBA, Chloe Mills has only one problem: her boss, Bennett Ryan. He's exacting, blunt, inconsiderate—and completely irresistible. A Beautiful Bastard. Bennett has returned to Chicago from France to take a vital role in his family's massive media business. He never expected that the assistant who'd been helping him from abroad was the gorgeous, innocently provocative—completely infuriating—creature he now has to see every day. Despite the rumors, he's never been one for a workplace hookup. But Chloe's so tempting he's willing to bend the rules—or outright smash them—if it means he can have her. All over the office. As their appetites for one another increase to a breaking point, Bennett and Chloe must decide exactly what they're willing to lose in order to win each other.

*What I thought: 4 out of 5 stars

read: 6/19

It’s so trashy and a bad representation of how a relationship works but I couldn’t stop reading it. I was addicted to it. lol

There was definitely some things Bennett did, I was not okay with. He’s the type  of man I want to stay far away from. Chloe doesn’t put up with his BS so I guess that’s why they work. It’a such a weird relationship. I mean there was cute moments between them but mostly it was just mainly panty ripping sex. What’s up with that fetish anyway? Cute underwear is expensive and I would be pissed if someone kept doing that!

I liked how it ended. Their relationship was a lot better than how it started. 

Just when Chloe’s career starts to take off, Bennett wishes it would all slow down long enough to spend a wild night alone with his girlfriend. But after he refuses to take no for an answer, Chloe and Bennett find themselves with two plane tickets, one French Villa, and a surprising conversation that, predictably, leaves them wrestling under the covers. 

*What I thought: 3 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I thought this was just okay. Honestly I wished I didn't buy it or read it because I don't think it added more to the characters. I did like it showed a glimpse of Max.

Escaping a cheating ex, finance whiz Sara Dillon’s moved to New York City and is looking for excitement and passion without a lot of strings attached. So meeting the irresistible, sexy Brit at a dance club should have meant nothing more than a night’s fun. But the manner—and speed—with which he melts her inhibitions turns him from a one-time hookup and into her Beautiful Stranger. The whole city knows that Max Stella loves women, not that he’s ever found one he particularly wants to keep around. Despite pulling in plenty with his Wall Street bad boy charm, it’s not until Sara—and the wild photos she lets him take of her—that he starts wondering if there’s someone for him outside of the bedroom. Hooking up in places where anybody could catch them, the only thing scarier for Sara than getting caught in public is having Max get too close in private.

*What I thought: 4 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I didn’t think anybody could top an underwear fetish but boy was I wrong! Max and Sara were some exhibitionists! I liked Sara’s whole mentality of just having fun because her ex-fiancee was a douche canoe. I loved the moment when Sara realized that he wasn’t a stranger that’ll she’ll never see again. lol

I really liked Max. He was a perfect match for her kinkiness. lol I like that it was Max that was pursuing for more unlike most stories it’s the girl. 

Overall I like the growth of both the characters and their relationship. The only thing that I didn't like was how come password protection was not put on devices?!? Private things wouldn’t have gotten out!! Gah the embarrassment! lol

When Max, Henry, and Will steal Bennett away for a weekend of shenanigans and strippers in Vegas, the first stop of the night doesn’t go at all as planned. With their scheme for a Guys Weekend completely derailed anyway, Max and Bennett begin to play a wild game of stealth and secrecy in order to have their bombshells all over Sin City.

*What I thought: 4.5 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I really liked reading their shenanigans in Vegas. Bennett and Max were hilarious with trying to sneak out to find their ladies to have some fun. ;)

A bombshell bookworm. A chronic Casanova. And a lesson in chemistry too scandalous for school. When Hanna Bergstrom receives a lecture from her overprotective brother about neglecting her social life and burying herself in grad school, she’s determined to tackle his implied assignment: get out, make friends, start dating. And who better to turn her into the sultry siren every man wants than her brother’s gorgeous best friend, Will Sumner, venture capitalist and unapologetic playboy? Will takes risks for a living, but he’s skeptical about this challenge of Hanna’s…until the wild night his innocently seductive pupil tempts him into bed- and teaches him a thing or two about being with a woman he can’t forget. Now that Hanna’s discovered the power of her own sex appeal, it’s up to Will to prove he’s the only man she’ll ever need.

*What I thought: 5 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

So far this is my favorite one! I absolutely loved Hanna and Will. I loved Hanna’s blunt, no filter personality. There was so many things she just spouted out that had my eyes bugging out. I laughed so much at what came out of her mouth lol. I loved how much she tried to do things she normally wouldn’t have.

I couldn’t wait to read about Will because in the past books, he wasn’t really in it. Just little bits. So I was super excited to see how he works. I liked that he wasn’t a complete man whore like his buddies were. He’s a schedule man which I never heard of.

I really loved reading how their relationship blossomed from his best buddy’s kid sister until them getting all hot and heavy. I laughed when Hanna’s family became suspicious of their relationship by calling her by her name and not her nickname. lol

Overall, two thumbs up.

An exasperated bride who just wants to elope. A determined groom whose only focus is getting to the wedding night. And—of course—a whole lot of name calling.

*What I thought: 4 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I liked it though Bennett and Chloe are my least favorite of the couples so far. They’re just too intense and angry for my romantic heart lol. I like the shenanigans with Chloe’s aunts lol. I’m so glad I don’t have any ladies like that in my family lol. I laughed so much with what Bennett told them to do. Now after reading this....I really need a story with just George. He’s probably my favorite minor character in any book. He’s so hilarious and I want him to have something too! Whenever he’s in the scene, I wished there was more of him. Give my George!

When Ruby Miller’s boss announces he’s sending her on an extended business trip to New York City, she’s shocked. As one of the best and brightest young engineers in London, she knows she’s professionally up to the task. The part that’s throwing her is where she’ll be spending a month up close and personal working alongside—and staying in a hotel with—Niall Stella, her firm’s top urban planning executive and The Hottest Man Alive. Despite her ongoing crush, Ruby is certain Niall barely knows she’s alive…until their flirty overnight flight makes him sit up and take notice. Not one for letting loose and breaking rules, recently divorced Niall would describe himself as hopeless when it comes to women. But even he knows outgoing California-girl Ruby is a breath of fresh air. Once she makes it her mission to help the sexy Brit loosen his tie, there’s no turning back. Thousands of miles from London, it’s easy for the lovers to play pretend. But when the trip is over, will the relationship they’ve built up fall down?

*What I thought: 3.5 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I really liked that Niall was the least experienced out of all the boys in the series. Kinda refreshing when the main guy in the story isn’t a playboy. Every time I read stories of men getting around, all I think of is that they're walking std’s. lol

While I liked Ruby, I also got weirded out on how obsessive she was towards Niall. It got awkward at times. I like how she’s understanding with how Niall is because his ex-wife messed with his head but then at times, she’s pushing for more than he is ready for. Like girl we know you’ve married him in your mind since meeting him and writing his name in your notebook but give the man some time to come to terms with a failed relationship he had for half of his life! 

Completely off topic but why do most romance stories the couples never wear condoms? Like most of these couples in this series seem like they never heard of them or they mention I’ve never done this before with others but want to with their partner. I guess that’s how we know ‘it’s true luv 4ever’ 🙄

One Player tamed. One nerd girl satisfied. And one more major life decision to make. When Will fell for Hanna, her quirky sense of humor and fierce dedication to her career were part of the attraction. (Not to mention her coy newbie attitude toward sex and her willingness to let him teach her everything.) But when the job offers start rolling in for her—and oh, they do—Hanna has trouble deciding what she wants, where they should live, and how much she should burden Will with the decision. Magic between the sheets is only one part of a relationship...getting on the same page is quite another altogether.

*What I thought: 2 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I was a little disappointed with this because I love Will and Hanna. I really liked the beginning with them getting married but quickly got bored with reading about Hanna being indecisive with where she wants to work at. I ended up skimming the book.

Oh wait, there was a one scene where the group all drinks together and there was this one part with George getting a kiss he’ll remember forever, that was the best. lol

#beautiful bastard series #beautiful bastard #beautiful bitch #beautiful stranger #beautiful bombshell #beautiful player #beautiful beginning #beautiful secret #beautiful boss #my bookish thoughts

[toycarousel]

missmeltdownmakeup:

i personally don't like this troll but you always do a good job scotch~ keep up the good work~

Yeah, he’s definitely not meant to be likeable (and he isn’t, imo, ahahaha~!) I like him as a character though, because the way he’s written is so unapologetically horrendous, ngl.  But if I met someone like this irl, I’d avoid them like the plague.  (And, I mean, I actually kinda have met ppl like this -- barring them having marginalized people working as indentured slaves in their homes), but ppl who, like, do not practice what they preach and use the language of social progressiveness in order to manipulate others and gain status in certain circles.  One of the most capitalist things imaginable.

I’ve fallen into that snare before, unfortunately, so I think it’s cool how he’s written in order to point out everything wrong with that cycle and those viewpoints (but yeah, he’s not a Good Person in canon, by any means).

And thank you so much, I’m happy you like the vocal interpretation~!!!!! <3 I’m glad I’m doing alright, and though there are some tweaks I need to make, I’m enjoying the process~!!! : D

I always end up voicing the morally ambiguous or downright morally reprehensible characters, aaaahhhhhh.  :’)

#thank you!!!!!!! #reply post #homestuck mention

[allthebrazilianpolitics]

Libertarians Forged an Alliance With Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro. Was It a Deal With the Devil?

Free market reformers and authoritarian nationalists battle it out to reshape Brazil. 

On the morning of March 14, 2016, in a tiny office in Rio de Janeiro, a libertarian businessman named Winston Ling met with Jair Bolsonaro, a right-wing congressman running a longshot campaign to be president of Brazil. Some of Ling's closest associates had pleaded with him not to sit down with Bolsonaro, who was infamous for public comments praising torture and dictatorship and denigrating women and minorities. Just associating with him, they feared, would tarnish Brazil's libertarian movement, which was drawing new followers at an astounding pace and winning mainstream recognition.

Three years later, Bolsonaro is president. Ludwig von Mises scholars, free market think tankers, and even anarcho-capitalists now occupy top-level positions in his administration, where they hope to slash the government bureaucracy of the nation ranked as the absolute worst by the World Economic Forum in the category of "burden of government regulation"—a country that goes beyond regulating the number of hours that workers spend on the job to micromanaging the size and make of the punch clocks used to record their arrivals and departures. "I'm losing all my guys to government," says Hélio Beltrão, founder and president of the Brazilian Mises Institute, with a grin.

But other prominent libertarians are outraged over their former comrades' willingness to ally themselves with a politician The Intercept has called "the most extreme and repellent face of a resurgent, evangelical-driven right-wing attempt to drag the country backwards by decades."

Bolsonaro is not a libertarian; in many ways he is sharply un-libertarian. He has been working to make it easier for police to kill civilians with impunity. He has repeatedly praised the military dictatorship that ruled Brazil from 1964 to 1985. He has flatly declared himself "in favor of torture." And in 2002 he said, "If I see two men kissing in the street, I will hit them."

"It shows that their commitment to individual liberty is actually not that strong," says Joel Pinheiro da Fonseca, a libertarian columnist at Folha de S.Paulo, Brazil's largest newspaper. They want "a more authoritarian style of government that can bring about their economic policies more easily."

Continue reading.

I have some beefs with this article. One is how they painted Free Brazil Movement (MBL) and Mises Institute Brazil in a positive light and implied they're socially liberal, which couldn't be further from the truth. My problem with the Mises think tank is that they very often spread distorted information and have already published translations of bigot US guys who were at Charlottesville "Unite The Right" rally. And they're sometimes quite paranoid. Now MBL is quite honestly total bullsh*t, unapologetically spreading completely false or distorted news, of sexist and LGBT+phobic panic, and are the epitome of the "liberal in economy and conservative in morality" crap, which is very far from the concept of libertarianism used here. And they did not support Bolsonaro a little later in the elections with apprehension because they didn't want the Workers' Party and were worried about his social policies. That may apply to the New Party, but MBL were hardcore apologists from the very start of the elections. And when the article said that the word "liberal" retained its meaning I admit I chuckled. That term has been hijacked by "economic liberals ultra-conservative moralists" who very often flirt with ultra-nationalism, bigotry, and authoritarianism, who very often go against the illuminist values that are the core of original liberalism. Hell, Brazil's Liberal Institute has published a text saying that quantum physics and statistics are complicated because of a leftist plot for mind manipulation. This article itself mentions later on in the absurdity of so-called liberals chanting praise to a dictatorship torturer, so I really don't know where the "'liberal' retained its meaning" came from.

And there's also the praise for Chile's current pension system. While Brazil's system is indeed unsustainable, the Chilean social security system makes elders' lifes themselves unsustainable - it barely reaches the minimum wage and has made many elders homeless. So that should not be the model we should look up to at all. And there's also that there's no way for a truly entrepreneur-friendly environment to exist without progressive social policies sometimes deemed as leftist, such as affordable health coverage, day-cares, conditional income-transfer programs, and progressive taxation (some which were present during the Workers' Party governments and some which were not).

That all said, this article is still overall a quite interesting read (my comment was huge but the article is very long too). Its last sentence gives a taste of that: "Brazil needs economic freedom, but it needs human rights too."

-Mod Nise da Silveira

#brazil #brazilian politics #politics #jair bolsonaro #economy #mod nise da silveira

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Sorry To Bother You

You need to see this movie - even if you don’t like it. Normally I try to be a little coy in my reviews, leave my assessment until after the cut just to hook the people in, y’know, basic marketing stuff. But this review is different. First, there will be spoilers a-plenty because it’s tough to discuss the biggest themes of the film without getting into some big reveals. Second, this movie is WILD, y’all. LIke Being John Malkovich had a baby with Get Out and that one scene in RENT where Idina Menzel is doing the mooing. You think you know where it’s going and then IT GOES A WHOLE OTHER PLACE. But...it’s still a Hollywood movie with a roster of established stars. Writer/director Boots Riley can’t really be that audacious, right? Well...

It depends on how shocked you are by a coked-out Armie Hammer gleefully (and unironically) uttering the phrase, “You’ll have a horse cock.” 

A basic plot summary - Cassius Green (Lakeith Stanfield) is struggling to pay the rent for the garage apartment he lives in with his artist girlfriend, Detroit (Tessa Thompson). He gets an entry-level telemarketing job at RegalView, but doesn’t have much success until an older, wiser employee (Danny Glover) advises him to use his “White Voice.” Cash does, to his sudden and great success - so much so that he gets promoted to Power Caller, and steps into the world of RegalView’s elite, led by Steve Lift (Armie Hammer). But Power Callers aren’t selling encyclopedias over the phone...no, they’re selling WorryFree, the company Steve Lift started that encourages people in poverty to sign a lifetime contract so they can have guaranteed housing, meals, and work for the rest of their lives at no cost...and also no pay. And the housing is shared bunk beds. And the meals are cafeteria-esque prison food. And the work is slave labor. Cash is uncomfortable with this but hey, he’s finally making some real money, so he goes along with it and even gets invited to a party at Steve Lift’s house! And that’s where he discovers Lift has found a solution to the pushback he’s getting for WorryFree. He’s found a way to turn his laborers into human/horse hybrids, or Equisapiens. They can work twice as long for half the cost as all these whiny humans, and Lift just needs Cash to agree to become an Equisapien and become their Martin Luther King, Jr - to lead the Equisapiens in the direction that Lift and WorryFree have decided is best. Cash is horrified and exposes Lift’s evils, which just makes WorryFree’s stock prices skyrocket. Cash decides to stand with the striking workers in front of the RegalView offices, and in the ensuing riot, the Equisapiens escape and they help the striking workers win against the militarized police force that’s come to stop them. All seems like it’s back to normal until the next day when a horrified Cash begins to turn into an Equisapien. He and a couple other Equisapiens break into Steve Lift’s house and as we see Lift’s terrified face, the movie cuts to black.

Some thoughts:

This movie is getting compared to Get Out a lot, for a multitude of reasons: Lakeith Stanfield, a visionary first-time black director, a bonkers third act. These are surface level comparisons, but the feel of watching something new, and crazy, and so dark but also scarily-almost-maybe-plausible is similar enough that I think the comparison fits well.

Steven Yeun of Walking Dead fame kills it in the major B-story as Squeeze, the leader of striking RegalView workers who are fighting for a living wage from a company whose founder is literally making millions off of slave labor. It’s interesting to me that most of the striking workers appear to be white, and Squeeze is the sole person of Asian descent in the bunch. There’s an insidious tendency for East Asians especially to be seen as “white-adjacent” or a “good minority” - POC who are non-threatening to white people. Squeeze wants the telemarketers to unionize in order to negotiate for a living wage, and unions have almost overwhelmingly been organizations accessible only to the white working class. I think it’s telling that Squeeze, the “safe” POC, is the leader of this fight, rather than Danny Glover or Tessa Thompson, who are also employees of RegalView.

OK but I really don’t understand Tessa Thompson’s performance art piece. She is also using specifically a British White Voice when she’s talking to the people at her art show after she’s gotten angry at Cash for his White Voice.. This makes sense because the bulk of the show is about reclaiming images of Africa, and that voice reeks of colonialism. But when she allows spectators to throw cell phones, bullet casings, and balloons filled with sheep’s blood at her, is that because she knows she lives in a world where her body will be subject to violence? Because violence inflicted with her consent somehow gives it less power? Or is she just as complicit as Cash in trying to leverage white people’s racism to her own financial gain in an evil capitalist system?

I wish we had gotten more time with Danny Glover. Where did he come from? How does he know about the White Voice? Was he once a Power Caller? This is a character I wish had been fleshed out more.

The scene in which Cash is forced to rap at the party thrown by Steve Lift in front of a huge group of white people is one of the most cringeworthy, horrifying things I’ve ever seen on film. He tells them he can’t rap and they keep pressuring him until finally he just starts screaming “N****R SHIT” over and over again - and the crowd enthusiastically repeats it back to him. It’s “Scott’s Tots” level of brutal but covered in a thick gloss of racism, and it made me want to crawl out of my skin because I know this exact phenomenon happens to black people in real life.

Even though it was hysterical, I’m not certain I understand what was going on with the battle of niceness that Cash and his friend Salvador (Jermaine Fowler) got into when Cash abandoned the strike. Was it just because they were still genuinely friends and weren’t really that mad at each other? 

Shout out to David Cross, who perfectly plays Cash’s dubbed White Voice, and to Patton Oswalt who is the White Voice of Mr. _______, Cash’s Power Caller boss. Both of them inject a sly, self-aware note of performance into their voices because they know that this kind of whiteness IS a performance. 

This is the most I’ve liked Armie Hammer in a role since he played the WInklevosses in The Social Network. He is perfection as the smug, richer-than-God, hedonistic power player who genuinely thinks that the logical next step in his cure for poverty is turning people into horse hybrids.

Ok, the Equisapiens. I know this is the part that loses people. They think the film goes off the rails here, or that the horses aren’t necessary to make the point. That now everything the film is saying just feels ridiculous. But anyone who’s studied the history of labor laws can see that this doesn’t feel ridiculous at all. Unchecked capitalism is EVIL, y’all, and it’s also all tied up in the racism we’ve been seeing at play in the movie. The system cares about profit and nothing more - and anything that can yield more profit, no matter how inhumane, is fair game. Boots Riley is using an allegory, sure, but the satire only works because Jeff Bezos is the richest person to ever live in human history and his Amazon warehouses have been accused of various human rights violations on a regular basis. We’re talking sweltering heat, no bathroom or meal breaks, freezing cold, vermin...and N-O-B-O-D-Y C-A-R-E-S. Prime is just too convenient, amirite? To people that make decisions that privilege profit over human lives (especially the lives of the poor, which just so happen to usually be POC), Equisapiens makes a lot of sense. 

There’s even more to unpack here than I can get into because I can’t fit it all into my brain. This movie is brilliant, unapologetic, and vehemently anti-capitalism in a way that no media I’ve ever seen is. You need to see it, your friends need to see it, and your family needs to see it, even if they hate it, because we need to confront the evils Boots Riley is tackling here, and that starts with recognizing them. 

#118in2018 #sorry to bother you #sorry to bother you review #boots riley #lakeith stanfield #tessa thompson #danny glover #armie hammer #david cross #patton oswalt #steven yeun #movie reviews #film reviews