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gaiathemexicanbeauty · 1 year

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leon kennedy with autism headcanons

warnings: mentions of some triggers (crowds, lights, etc) but everything else is good! :3

we pretend the events of re2 never happened and that he actually got to officially join the force with his prettyboy face

or i could be normal and just say pre-outbreak lol

and we’re also gonna pretend that everyone on the force is either unaware that he’s autistic and aren’t assholes to him

i saw someone post some clips from the games and it’s literally just “leon kennedy autism compilation” and considering i finished my first re2 leon run yesterday, you already know i have to contribute

BTW THIS IS ALL JUST MY OPNION feel free to correct me or share your own headcanons in my chat box or in the comments :3

i don’t think he would get an official diagnosis? just doesn’t have the time to think about it or doesn’t really consider anything that he does is weird, no one points it out either because they’re like “that’s just leon! XD”

in more fun news, i don’t really think he stims, at least not super noticeably this is kind of a lie actually idk

like he stims but he doesn’t even realize that he’s doing it but for reasons that he can’t begin to understand, he has a spot in one of the cabinets of his desk where he just keeps stress balls or things like that

the specific scenario where he just feels too crowded somewhere or he can hear the sounds of the fluorescent lights and it agitates him to no end

if he has any vocal stims, he snaps his fingers (does that count??) or clicks his tongue but its not repetitive either

projecting here but i think he likes to blast music really loudly in his car or in earbuds depending on where he is

he’s so cute, in his car, he blasts rock music and stuff and drums his fingers against the steering wheel before he starts driving, he gets super into it

at the station, when he has to write up his reports, he’ll blast music on his earphones loud enough that he doesn’t hear anyone or any background noise

it’s to a point that people have to tap him on the shoulder to get his attention

he’s a pencil twirler, when he’s anxious, really focused, or even just talking to people, he does it almost on instinct

he also bounces his leg a lot, all the time and if he’s not doing that, he reverts to the pencil lol

but when he gets into that routine of bouncing his leg, twirling his pencil, and listening to music, people will ask what he’s doing and some other officer will joke that “he’s in the zone”

he is pretty much phenomenal at masking on good days but on days where he gets overwhelmed or too frustrated, he works out until he drops from how tired he is

of course he has a special interest, it’s something like pokemon and/or star wars

he like video games A LOT, he has entire collections under his tv set or his bed and they’re mostly fighter games; mortal kombat, street fighter, etc (looks at my shelf full of k-pop albums and sighs in defeat)

when he’s not home, only someone who REALLY knows him would see the look in his eyes of him getting excited when he hears someone talking about his special interests or sees something in a store that catches his attention

at home, he completely lets loose, takes whole weekends to just indulge and if he’s with someone, he can spend hours talking about the stuff he likes but he’ll give the occasional “sorry, i kind of geeked out? ^^;”

like he physically lights up but he’ll get all flustered unless someone tells him that he’s alright (WHICH YOU WILL SAY YES TO. LET HIM RAMBLE.)

he hates crowds, he isn’t an introvert or anything and doesn’t actively avoid crowds but if he gets caught in one, he is just in the WORST mood and he needs to go home and recharge

he does go nonverbal sometimes but not a lot of people pick up on it just cus it’s just normal for people on the force to have off days and maybe he doesn’t want to talk about what’s wrong so they just let him be until he reaches out

me and my one of my best friends (welcome to another post where you featured damien) were talking and established that his skin is strangely flawless so at the end of a long day (when he’s alone) he puts on a face mask and just enjoys how cool it feels on his face

some people ask him if he has a skincare routine and he’s just like “no? why do you ask? :D” but he just doesn’t realize that he has one until he counts just how much stuff he puts on his face

he loves touch!! but only from people he really trusts so strangers he can shake hands with and stuff, friends is a lot more than that but s/o’s is who he’s closest with

he likes to feel them laying on him and the pressure and just :333 likes to feel as close as possible and will squeeze you

not autism related news but things about his health that my friend and i made up but that we think is funny is that he’s lactose intolerant and allergic to cat fur but he’s too kind to say anything

the rare chance that he has to rescue a cat, he gives the cat back but is sneezing like crazy

and if someone offers him food he can’t eat or he’ll die, he just runs to take lactaid really fast and comes back like nothing happened so he always has allergy and lactaid on him no matter what

（<｀▽´）―━━☆⌒*. BAM ITS OVER

YEEHAWW I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THAT :3 this is my first time publishing about something as sensitive (? ig) as this so pls let me know if i inadvertently used any problematic language or anything like that and i will be more than happy to edit! :D

i’ve been super enjoying the franchise even though im kinda sorta only playing bc of leon rn lol but i am going on summer break soon (with one college class X_X) and am gonna have all the time in the world to discover all the other games

but for now thank y’all so much for reading and i hope that you stay safe, stay kind, and have a good day/night/afternoon wherever you are! :3 (to anyone working on finals, good luck and don’t forget to take a break!!)

#leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil #resident evil 2 #resident evil leon #leon kennedy resident evil #re2 leon

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paradoxgavel · 8 months

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You’ve taught me so much. I can now say I understand a little bit bette why people love this series so much. It really is good. (i was just in it for Sun/Moon but I guess I should look into investing in a timeshare)

Ah, heh. Yeah, they're in the Pizzaplex, which is kinda a whole different part of FNAF from all the stuff I talked about in that post. I did say I'd do a summary of the Pizzaplex era lore, too, so! Here goes!

Also, for Sun and Moon specifically, there's this really great document where folks have compiled all of Sun and Moon's lore!

Fazbear Entertainment - still its own company though not run by William or Henry anymore - at one point, tried to improve their reputation by, in-universe trying to make it seem like all the events of the company's past were just fictional. In an attempt to do this AND profit off of this, they started developing the Freddy Fazbear Virtual Experince (Help Wanted VR). The company they hired to develop the game was sent a box of old animatronic parts recovered from the burned down Pizzeria - including some old circuit boards that they were asked to scan, digitize and upload into the game to help development along. It would seem that one of those circuit boards may or may not have come from William's body, Scraptrap, where William's soul still existed, as he was being tormented by Cassidy. Because, soon, a glitch began to appear in the game - looking like a man dressed up in a golden rabbit suit. Glitchtrap.

In Help Wanted VR, you play as a beta tester for the game named Vanessa. By playing through the game, she winds up allowing Glitchtrap to manifest himself in the game more and more until he's able to communicate with and, eventually, possess Vanessa - making her dress up as a bunny and go by the name Vanny. And he had her set her sights on the newest Fazbear location - the Pizzaplex.

Now, the Pizzaplex is kinda odd. It's the first Fazbear Entertainment facility that was built without Afton being involved. As such, the animatronics aren't (as far as I can tell) powered by Remnant - but really are basically sentient AIs in super high-tech robot bodies. There's the main performers - the Glamrocks: Glamrock Freddy, Glamrock Chica, Roxanne Wolf, and Montgomery Gator.

There's also a Glamrock Bonnie, but… he's out of commission. There's evidence to suggest Monty attacked him, buuut there's also evidence to suggest Monty was framed. Either way, though… Freddy and Bonnie were best friends, possibly in love, and poor Freddy misses him horribly.

Then, there's the Daycare Attendant - Sun and Moon! Two AIs who share a body, switching back and forth based on lights on or lights off.

And, in the arcade, there's DJ Music Man and his little mini Music Men. There's not a lot to him but he's big and cool and I like him a lot, hehe. And there are the Staff Bots - humanoid bots that can be programmed by the staff to hand basic tasks like handing out maps, cleaning floors, fetching animatronics for repairs, things like that. There's a LOT of Staff Bots rolling around the place. They seem to have largely replaced the human staff.

The place is still dangerous in that Fazbear Entertainment is a shady fuckin company that doesn't abide by OSHA regulations and could really not care less about child endangerment, but… the animatronics themselves actually don't seem possessed or evil or powered by Remnant or anything initially. In fact, they're generally apparently nice to be around, and can form emotional bonds to each other and to humans. They're just kinda. people. living a good life of chilling out and entertaining kids and having a fun time. And things are good. (It IS built on top of the site of the old Pizzeria, but like. it's fine. it's cool. there's a big, melted amalgamation of animatronics from the pizzeria called The Blob that exists bc of that, but. that's probably fine. whatever the hell that thing is.)

But things go south when Vanessa, possessed by Glitchtrap, becomes a security guard at the Pizzaplex and begins infecting the animatronics with Glitchtrap, who turns them most of them hostile and dangerous. It all comes to a boil one night when a kid who is likely homeless and may have been living in the Pizzaplex, Gregory, gets trapped in there after being chased by Vanny. He spends the night getting chased down by the corrupted animatronics. The only one who isn't corrupted is Freddy - as he glitched out and switched to safety mode right as the infection was taking place. Gregory explains to him that kids have been going missing lately, and that if someone doesn't do something, they'll keep going missing. So, Freddy spends the night trying to keep Gregory safe and help him get to the bottom of things.

There's some evidence to suggest that one of the first animatronics Glitchtrap infected and turned dangerous was Moon. It seems to be the case that Sun and Moon both used to be really excellent Daycare Attendants - Sun handling playtime with the kids when the lights were on, and Moon handling naptime and bedtime when the lights were off. And it sounds like Moon used to be really good at his job - gentle with kids and good with putting them to sleep. But… things started to go wrong because of Glitchtrap. Some sort of accident must have happened with Moon, because now, when we go to the daycare in the game, there are bright lights on at all times, backup generators to keep those lights on, and Sun basically begging us to never, ever turn the lights out - so it seems to be implied that after getting infected, Moon wound up attacking someone, and so, the Pizzaplex just kinda… tries to keep the lights on at all times so that he can't be active anymore.

So, Gregory spends the night trying to survive with Freddy, dodging the animatronics, and trying to figure out what's going on and stop it. He winds up attacking Chica, Roxy, and Monty, both to keep himself safe from them, but also to obtain special upgrades they had that would make Freddy more capable of helping him survive and get where he needed to go. Namely, he took Chica's voicebox, Roxy's eyes, and Monty's claws, leaving them all destroyed. But, at some point, Freddy winds up being taken out of the picture - either infected by Glitchtrap as well, or torn limb from limb by Staff Bots, depending on the ending, leaving Gregory to sort things out in the end.

Eventually, one of two things happen, depending on the ending. In one, he goes down through a sinkhole into the Pizzaplex to what seems to be the remains of the Pizzeria underneath. There, he discovers an endoskeleton covered in the remains of a corpse and wearing part of a rabbit costume - known as Burntrap. It was, at first, assumed that Burntrap was what was left of William Afton's body because. that would make sense. That doesn't seem to be the case, but I'll get to that in a bit. In this ending, Gregory also discovers the Blob, who attacks him as he tries to stop Burntrap. Gregory winds up escaping, and the Blob turns on Burntrap and grabs him, dragging him away, back into the depths of the ruins. This isn't what seems to be the canon ending, but it is still relevant!

In the other ending, the one that seems to be canon, Gregory discovers that, in order to keep her posssessed, Glitchtrap has trapped Vanessa's consciousness or soul has been trapped inside an arcade game - Princess Quest, in arcade cabinets all across the Pizzaplex. Gregory plays through all of these games and, in doing so, eventually sets Vanessa's consciousness free, and Glitchtrap loses control of her. The two of them find Freddy - or, what remains of him. His head. And the three leave the Pizzaplex together, leaving all the infected animatronics behind.

Eventually, either way, the Pizzaplex burns down, and falls into ruin.

Buuut... there's this thing called the Mimic. So, long story short - the Mimic was built by an inventor named Edwin Murray, to be a playmate for his son, David. The Mimic was designed to copy any behaviors it witnessed, could copy voices as well, and could stretch or shrink to be able to wear any animatronic suit it came across. David and the Mimic were best friends until David, one day, got killed in a car accident. Edwin, stricken with grief, was left with only the Mimic as a reminder of his son. And when it started mimicking some of David's old behaviors at Edwin to try and communicate with him, Edwin lost it and lashed out at the Mimic, attacking it and tearing it apart, leaving it for dead. But Fazbear folks learned about the Mimic eventually, and decided something like that could come in handy, so they sent folks to go collect it. And it used what it learned by being torn apart by Edwin to, well, tear them apart.

This went on for a while before they eventually managed to capture it and bring it back to the Pizzaplex, where they planned to mass produce it so that they could use its ability to mimic witnessed behavior as a shortcut to bypass having to program each and every endoskeleton they wanted to use. However, one employee, who was tasked with dismantling old endoskeletons, decided to borrow it to get it to do the work for him. He taught it how to dismantle the endoskeletons - rip off their heads and their arms. And you'll never GUESS what it started doing to humans!! So, they scrapped the idea of mass producing it, and planned to destroy it, but they weren't quite able to catch it. So, it went around, causing mayhem and continuously learning and adapting, watching the whole fiasco with Gregory over the security cameras.

And it seems?? like the Mimic was Burntrap. The corpse it was wearing wasn't William's - it was a lady it had attacked and crushed inside a suit in the books. But it does, at least, seem like the Mimic was also being influenced by Glitchtrap. So, Gregory and Vanessa escaped, and I'm guessing Vanessa explained the situation with Glitchtrap and how he was the thing behind everything and that he's still influencing the Mimic, making it even more dangerous than it already was to begin with. So, Vanessa finds a way to trap the Mimic in the ruins of the Pizzaplex, using a security system she's designed to scare, chase off, or attack any intruders that might potentially be lured into setting the Mimic free. The security system is called MXES!

But… the Mimic finds a way to reach out to one of Gregory's friends, Cassie, by mimicking Gregory and asking her to come save him from where he's trapped in the Pizzaplex. She's given a mask - Vanny's old mask - to wear, which implants a chip in her head, allowing her to interact with the virtual world, and the security system Vanessa set up to keep the Mimic trapped. Cassie ventures into the ruins, where she meets all the destroyed animatronics that were left behind. She winds up helping some of them. She gets Chica a new voicebox, and when she gets to the Daycare - where Moon is still in control due to it being all dark in the ruins, and is desperately trying to stay in control after being kept inactive for so long - Sun, reaching out to Cassie through her mask, begs her to reboot them. She manages to do so, which brings them back online as Eclipse - a combination of their two AIs, that seems to exist when they're in safety mode and works to keep things safe and tidy and fix whatever necessitated them being put in safety mode. It seems like Sun and Moon are both stable and in control now, Eclipse gently shoos Cassie out of the daycare so they can clean, and Sun thanks Cassie for helping them.

And Cassie used to come to the Pizzaplex a lot as a kid, and Roxy was always her favorite, and she has a happy memory of celebrating her birthday with her. Roxy remembers her, and in doing so, manages to snap out of Glitchtrap's influence and try to help her, but… the Mimic eventually tricks her into shutting Roxy down. And eventually, Cassie goes down to where the Mimic has been leading her and she helps it shut down MXES and set itself free. And she's horrified when she realizes that it was never Gregory she was following down there. The Mimic chases her, and there are a couple of endings. She either manages to get it into a Scooping room, where it gets scrapped, or… it pretends to be Gregory again to make her think Gregory is betraying her and hacks the elevator she's trying to escape in, making it fall, and trapping down there with it.

Annnd… that brings us up to the present, really! There's still a lot that's kinda not super clear in the lore right now - there's debate over whether Glitchtrap really is William or if it's the Mimic's AI, and it's not clear if Glitchtrap still has any influence over the animatronics after the Princess Quest ending and into Ruin, but... this is just how I've come to understand things!

#fnaf #pardon my infodump

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laufire · 2 years

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[ID: gif from Supernatural. It blends Meg dressed as a nurse with Castiel tilting her head when she says, sardonic, that she doesn’t like poetry. The gif includes the title “Megstiel Winter Fest, sign-ups” in winter-themed letters, with snowflakes, in light blue.]

SIGN-UPS ARE OPEN!

ETA: the event is suspended, because I’m going to be too busy due to RL stuff to do it, and nobody elseso is everyone else that might be interested.

If things change in the future, I might organize something eventually. we’ll see

For any doubts or inquiries (like if you’re in need of an ao3 invite), CONTACT ME IN MY INBOX.

The sign up form includes an explanation of the rules for requests and for offers, and in the collection’s profile you can find the schedule, the rules and the FAQ. I’ve followed up the same guideliness as last year for the Halloween Fest, but just to put the main things here:

Sign-ups are open until September 30th at 23:59 CET. The assingments are due on December 28th at 23:59 CET. I also ask that, if anyone thinks they won’t be able to fulfill theirs, they contact me on December 23th AT THE LATEST so that I can find a pinch-hitter. The works will be revealed on December 31st (12:00 CET), and its authors on November 2nd (12:00 CET). After the authors are revealed, you can post your works anywhere else you want (tumblr, fanfiction dot net, etc.). Feel free to mention me in a post or tag them with #Megstiel Winter Fest 2022, so I can add them to compilation posts later on.

Requests will be visible after the sign-up period, so that anyone can fulfill extra requests (AFTER they’ve finished their assingment) or for outsiders to participate in the fest. I will also publish a list of those prompts here on tumblr, setting it as my pinned post and linking to it in ao3, for anyone who might have it easier with these page’s format, and to publizice it.

Works must center around Megstiel as a romantic pairing in its own right, and not as a stepping stone for any other ship. Anything less won’t be allowed, period. Polyships are allowed IF your recipient requests them specifically, but there will be limits to how many prompts can include them, so the author can choose to create something else and focused exclusively on Megstiel, if that’s not their cup of tea.

If you’re creating a personalized gift (for the exchange, or on your own), you must respect your recipient requests (i.e. ratings, warnings, etc.) and Do Not Wants. If you’re creating extra gifts or participating on your own (by fulfilling a prompt or even by posting a work on your own), that’s not required, but in that case, don’t put it down as a personalized gift. It’d be a gift for the entire Megstiel community. Archive Warnings must be tagged regardless, with other warnings left at the discretion of the author, with the request that they tag (or warn in the end notes, for those writers and readers who don’t want spoilers) anything potentially triggering in their works.

There are no limits (high or low) to the length of the fanworks. However, I’d ask, in case of personalized gifs, that authors put their best efforts in it. There won’t be an official Halloween/Horror theme either, but requesters can add in the description whether they’d like it added to their gifts, as a bonus, and the authors can choose whether to comply.

Following these rules, any kind of content is game. I’d ask that, if you’re including background pairings, you put them on the Additional Tags category or even the notes, as to not make fans of those ships encounter it in the tags when they’re looking for fanworks about them on their own right.

AO3 allows only up to 10 requests. Per the rules of the exchange, you can also only ask up to 3 requests of each category of gift. Those are selected in “fandom”, and are five in total: fics, fanvids, fanart, poetry, and graphics/gifs/playlists (take into account that your author might only want or can do one of those three when you formulate your prompt). There’s up to 5 offers, one per each category as well.

Use the description in your requests to include any stipulation, Do Not Wants, etc. You can also link to your tumblr if you want your gifter to anonymously contact you with doubts, or even link to a “dear author” letter that you want them to read.

There are links to explanations on how to embed audiovisual content to the page, as well as lists of compatible hosting sites, and a link to a list of tropes for inspiration for your prompts. For the audiovisual content, it’d be great if you added captions and image descriptions (it would certainly save me time when I reblog them over here lol).

I’m tagging a few people that might be interested to boost it. Under the cut there’s also a banner I’ve used for the collection, and that you can use to promote the event anywhere else (twitter, etc.), should you want to.

@inkbleeder @angelfishofthelord @casa-neurotica @heaven-ecologist @loverofdemoncorns @xtexboyx @captain-sodapop @elasticella @thevoidwouldbecalling @spncreatorsdaily @archivistsammy

[ID: screenshot from Supernatural. It blends Meg with dark blood on her face and a knife pointed at her, with Castiel holding a skull. It includes the title “Megstiel Winter Fest” in light blue winter-themed letters with snowflakes, and large white borders almost shaped like a heart around them. Click for better quality and full size.]

#spn fan event #spn events #megstiel winter fest #megstiel winter fest 2022 #megstieledit #megstiel #megcas #meg masters #castiel #castieledit #megmastersedit #spncanongifs #spncreatorsdaily #spnedit #spn prompt fest #captioned

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fragilecapric0rnn · 1 year

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I posted 4,202 times in 2022

That's 4,182 more posts than 2021!

125 posts created (3%)

4,077 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gothbat99

@greenlikethesea

@gingerbreadmunson

@hotcocoaharrington

@gullbones

I tagged 2,123 of my posts in 2022

Only 49% of my posts had no tags

#stranger things - 323 posts

#steddie - 297 posts

#fanart - 130 posts

#steve harrington - 84 posts

#eddie munson - 65 posts

#fic - 62 posts

#sen writes - 54 posts

#writing - 45 posts

#steddie fic rec - 41 posts

#steddie fic - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#obviously so i can send them a quick lil ‘ur story ruined me thank you’ message but to also rb their posts abt it/rec their fics on my blog

My Top Posts in 2022:

you can take your heart from your chest to use as a compass when you are lost

The Steddie Missed Connections AU || Chapters: 6/6 || Complete

Thanksgiving 2009.

Steve, who is about to host the brood of children (who somehow aren't children anymore) in a cabin for the long weekend, after a semi-bad week, all while batting off Dustin's attempts at playing matchmaker and dodging phone calls from his mother. And at some point some strange man on the internet broadcasts his worst public moment for the other Craigslist freaks to see.

What could go wrong? Or right?

Steve is finding his life to be very different than he thought it would be. He’s also finding that maybe that’s okay.

59 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

It’s Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day and there happen to be some writers that I appreciate and want to show my love to them for sharing their talents with us!

(Steddie Edition bc they are on the mind 24/7)

The Steddie brainrot has led me to reading a TON of fic. So, I am finally making a rec list of all of the fics that have not been able to leave my brain since they walked into my life.

As I was compiling this list I noticed a running theme and that is that these are all future fics and what can I say? I’m just a simple girl who’s a sucker for Steve/Eddie in the 90s/early 2000s. I think it has something to do with my love for romcoms from this era and thinking of them as older just makes me want to fall to the floor.

So here they are, in no particular order:

1. the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you by @greatunironic;

Sixteen years after the world didn't end for the last time, Max Mayfield showed up on Steve’s doorstep and said, “You gonna walk me down the aisle in May or what?”

Or, it’s 2002 and Steve Harrington attends a wedding, a funeral, and a birth. (Word Count: 34,990)

The way that this fic bore into my soul, I seriously can’t think about it for too long without getting emotional. This one feels like a given considering the fact that I am now getting TikToks my fyp of people out of context referring to this fic, which is how I stumbled upon a recommendation of it. If you haven’t read it yet, PLEASE DO. It’s a national treasure at this point.

2. Let us Dwell in Fair Ithilien and There Make a Garden series by @sparklyslug and @greenlikethesea (Word Count: 61,151) (Description from Three Weddings and a Funeral)

Steve Harrington falls in love and gets married. Not in that order. Some other stuff happens along the way too. But those are the two big things. That first one especially.

(Or: celebrations of life)

This series, much like aforementioned most remarkable thing, is set mostly in the future with the gang as adults, and Steve and Eddie dancing around their feelings for each other for nearly 15 years. That is a gross oversimplification in my opinion because it is honestly so much more than that! Like, it’s set in the future, but there is time jumping, and references to previous parts of the series, its just it’s own universe within the ST universe! Ugh, I got flustered trying to put coherent thoughts to how much I fucking love this series and the way that these two have crafted am entirely new canon for me to latch onto. Go read this. Like right now. I also suggest reading it in the writers’ suggested hard mode!

3. Keep It for Me by @stereobone;

It's 1993, and Steve is attending Lucas and Max's wedding. It's 1993, and no one has seen Eddie Munson in seven years. (Word Count: 9,741)

For one thing, the little NorCal girl in me was foaming at the mouth at the thought of a chunk of the party living in The Bay Area as adults. This one has the meeting again years later element, which is just so good! This also has writer!Eddie which made my heart burst, and the pining and reunification of it all. Again, I have a hard time putting words to how much this fic has nestled its way into my heart! Repeat: GO READ IT!!!

4. alone again, or by @pizzaqueen;

It’s 1991 and Steve is still in Hawkins, still living with his mother, still single, and still working at Family Video. At least he’s the manager now, for whatever that’s worth. But he’s stuck here while Robin and Dustin and everyone else have moved away. Moved on.

Well, everyone except for Eddie.

They're best friends, spend most of their time together, and it's nice to have a friend like that. But Steve is still looking for love with a capital "L". At least, he thinks he is. (Word Count: 20,765)

This one is definitely different than the ones I talked about above. But, this one is still fucking fantastic! More of a coming-of-age vibe in a we’re twenty somethings and life looks a lot different than we thought it would and I think thats okay kind of way. Which spoke to me in a way that I also kind of need right now as a twenty something who feels just like that :’) Also love the character of Steve’s mom, which is something we don’t see a lot of, Steve having a supportive parent, and it is very sweetly written. This fic felt like a popsicle on a warm day. READ! IT!

Again, happy Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day! Let’s keep showing our favorite writers love every day of the year!

107 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

Steddie Fic Rec #2

Like most, the Steddie brainrot is still very much active. I’ve also discovered that I love making rec lists, so here is another! There’s not much cohesion to these ones other than the fact that I just really enjoyed them, so you should enjoy them too!

In order by word count:

Up the Punks by @sparklyslug

Steve has good intentions, but does not realize that punks and metalheads are natural enemies

Explicit. Completed. (Word Count: 5,505)

Oh, sparklyslug, how you’ve managed to steal my heart with your Steve and Eddie in only five thousand-ish words. As if I could expect anything less from ½ of the brains behind the Fair Ithilien series, it makes perfect sense for their solo work to be fantastic!

This fic is perfect if you’re looking for something short, sweet, and hilarious. Like the dialogue and characterization is just so *chefs kiss* I could basically see the interactions very clearly in my head and it’s just too good too perfect.

the boys of summer by steveharringtoned

(Steve knows Eddie’s alive. Wayne’s the only one who believes him. So they team up to save him.)

Not Rated. Completed. (Word Count: 19,926)

A very creative fix-it fic and like a very interesting and creative way in which Eddie is saved. I am honestly such a sucker for Uncle Wayne being included in the plot of fics, especially in the context of him being like ok sure there’s another dimension being hidden by the government, so how the hell do we save my boy. And Steve. He is just so stupidly brave and the characterization of him and his grief in this fic is just so good and different than what we typically see in fics from his POV. The dude is hurting and sometimes being hurt can be ugly and the way the writer shows that is just sooooo gooooood.

all the missing girls are hanging out without us by @greatunironic

“Here is a riddle: the answer is one.” Eddie Munson lives, and dies, and lives again.

Mature. Completed. (Word Count: 20,761)

Another instance in which greatunironic does THAT. I have seen people call this a kind of feminist take on the ways in which the D*ffer Bros treat their women characters as plot devices and dispose of them at ease for the sake of the plot, and I couldn’t agree more. I don’t want to give too much away in this, but I will say this: Eddie’s characterization in this is SO GOOD. He spends the first chunk convincing himself that he’s tripping balls and if that isn’t an Eddie mood than idk what is.

Quick note: the Steddie in this fic is more implied and is not the central focus of this fic.

Not Exactly Napa Valley by @twiceasfar

The fake relationship AU that literally no one asked for. Featuring Steve and Robin as platonic soulmates, a destination wedding to a winery, and a thrilling quest to piss off Steve’s parents.

Robin lets out an exasperated sigh. “Eddie would be the perfect date for the wedding!”

Steve freezes.

“Whose wedding?” Eddie asks.

Mature. Completed. (Word Count: 28,900)

This fic reminded my how much I love the fake dating trope. I always find it interesting to see everybody’s different takes on what Steve’s parents are like, and how we just all agree that they’re awful. Despite that, this fic was very fluffy and had me blushing and giggling like a child. The buildup was so good and the pace was perfect and I honestly love this fic so much.

The Spaces In Between by @indibdraws

Steve Harrington, ex-lifeguard and babysitter extraordinaire, happens to be blessed with knowledge of first aid. Eddie is the recipient of this aid, and as he recovers he must learn to live with the fact that he owes his life to a prom-king with a 12 step haircare routine. This would be easier if he didn’t find said prom king so uncomfortably attractive.

And if the world would stop ending for five minutes.

Geez.

Explicit. Not Complete. (Word Count: 80,210)

Typically, I try not to read fics that are unfinished, but this one ended up on my dashboard 5 times in the span of an hour and my impulse control is bad and THANK GOD IT IS BECAUSE HOLY HELL. THIS FIC. This writer should be in the writer’s room for s5 and it is honestly a crime that they aren’t. Like yes, this is a Steve/Eddie fic, but it is also SO much more. The use of canon to create an ending that was satisfying to the store and gave the characters their justice. I cannot explain how much this fic has ended up imbedding its way into my heart and soul. As soon as it's completed, I'm going to reread it again and again and even when s5 premieres I am probably going to prefer this over canon until the day that I die.

See the full post

150 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

How it feels when I see new photos of Joe Keery

332 notes - Posted December 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

LISTEN. I was ready to ride the Steve Becomes A Teacher train all the way home. It’s in my fics, it’s in my planned fics. But but but LISTEN.

Steve becoming a first responder?

A little bit post-S4, Steve is driving home to Hawkins after moving to Indy/Chicago/a major city that’s still within reasonable driving distance for him to come see the kids. Eddie is in the passenger seat and they’re zooming down the highway, one of those picture perfect moments where they’re singing along to a Madonna song, that Eddie was complaining about just moments ago.

Steve, always striving to be the safest driver on the road, mostly because he is almost always transporting precious cargo in the form of his loved ones, isn’t the one who sees it at first. It isn’t until Eddie loudly gasps and points out a pretty horrific car accident unfolding before their eyes in the next lane over.

Steve pulls off to the side, a fair distance behind wreck. One of the cars is turned completely around in the other direction, the front smashed in. The other cars are also damaged, but the passengers are getting out. No one has gotten out of the turned around car.

Without a word, without questions from either of them, the two get out of the Beamer. Eddie goes up to the other cars, a woman who’s crying her eyes out and a young family all looking spooked out of their minds, but all seemingly alright. All of this is happening in Steve’s peripheral because he is now sprinting toward the car that no one has gotten out of. He sees the shape of the driver, head laid back on the headrest, unconscious.

“Don’t move her!” “We need to wait for help!” Bystanders yell at him. Steve doesn’t respond, the driver door now open, as he checks the girl, who looks so young that mental images of one of his kids being in her place flash across his brain, tug at his heart.

“Eddie!” He yells past the lump in his throat, but it looks like his boyfriend was already reading his mind, as he runs over with the first aid kit that’s always stationed in the trunk of his car.

He finds her pulse as Eddie settles beside him. He’s checking for broken bones as the girl comes to. He’s telling her to sit back and that everything is okay as Eddie is yelling at the crowd forming around them to back up, he knows what he’s doing.

Steve gets the flashlight out of the kit, shining it in her eyes, asking her what her name is, what day it is, who the president is, she hesitates to answer but answers all the questions.

Eddie isn’t sure if this first aid knowledge is from all the times Steve’s been assessed after all the Upside Down shit or if it’s because of his own research, though he realizes as watches Steve keep the girl calm and gently keep her from moving around at all, it’s both.

Eddie continues to watch when the ambulance gets to the scene. He watches Steve tell the EMTs that the girl is concussed and has no other visible injuries. He watches as they assess her themselves and as they ask Steve if he’s off duty, motioning to his extensive first aid kit. Steve just says he’s had his fair share of emergencies and he knows what he’s doing.

After the ambulance leaves, Steve and Eddie walking back to their car, even though traffic is backed up all the way to their apartment it seems, Eddie can’t stop thinking about how easily Steve fit into the “hero” role. How, sure, it’s residual Savior Of The World shit, but can’t it also be more now that the world is saved?

When they’re back on the road, hours later, and close to home, Eddie asks,

“Have you ever thought about becoming a paramedic?”

Steve doesn’t say anything. But he’s thinking. No, he hasn’t thought about it. But maybe he should start thinking about it.

738 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#pretty good for someone who started posting regularly again in June #nothing surprising to see here akdjk #all ive done is read fic post abt the fic i like and write some of my own #also my fic recs!!! love that my favs are in my top 5 posts <3

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madhogthymaster · 1 year

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Madhog’s Top 10 Games of 2022

Do you remember that popular coping mechanism that took root on the Internet in 2016? That time we were all shocked and appalled a Fascist demagogue was elected ruler of the so-called Free World? When some people on the more privileged end of the living spectrum came to the sudden realization that the Neoliberal sociopolitical establishment wasn't as "cool" as they thought it was, that the excesses of Capitalism begot the rise of Fascism, that Life wasn't "fair" under the rule of parasitic billionaires with the intellectual quotient of a 4chan forum? That last part is more of a recent collective realization but the point still stands. 2016 was a turning point for a lot of people, a fundamental shift in the manner by which they beheld the world around, above and below them. It was certainly traumatic to see the facade of Democracy crumble in front of our very eyes as History repeated itself. As such, new ways to deal with this experience had to be created on the spot.

This brings me back to my initial question: do you remember the trend of blaming individual years for how bad things were? This understandable yet profoundly flawed take that all of our deeply rooted societal maladies, the result of decades (if not centuries) of systemic injustices designed to keep the powerful in power, could be magically blamed to just one nasty solar cycle and not, say, literal human greed and widely platformed bigotry? I certainly remember it. I recall when "2016 was the worst year ever" and I remember when "2017 was actually the worst year" and I certainly have not forgotten how 2020 became the "ultimate worstest year" because of that pesky pandemic we all know and loathe.

Afterwards, the trend just stopped. Its existence became moot as the world never truly left 2020: there was still a pandemic, there were still the same sociopolitical issues, the spectre of all out Authoritarianism still hung above us, more vile and dangerous than ever before, with a new war on the horizon and human rights getting stripped away little by little, piece by piece. It became clear that "X is the Worst Year" wasn't working anymore as a coping mechanism, that the dark times would not suddenly go away at the break of dawn and that every single day felt a little more bleak, a little less hopeful...

So, anyway, 2022 sure was a bad year, uh? It was quite terrible on almost every possible front to the point that the pandemic felt like the least of our troubles - and that is, indeed, saying a lot. However, I will tell you it was actually a great time for videogame releases. I mean, the game industry as a whole is still wretched and dehumanizing as all facets of our corporate-led existence but, purely in terms of interactive videoludic titles we could actually play and enjoy, 2022 was one of the better times. As such, I have endevoured to write my own completely arbitrary, subjective end-of-the-year list of games I have liked the most, according to my own personal sensibilities which do not, in anyway, reflect anyone else's taste and opinions. This ranking shall be only comprised of games I played, not games some of you might have played, and it will not be based on any "objective metrics" taken from "professional review compiling websites" that some people on the Internet take as the Word of God. Essentially, this is my list and I do what I want with it. Is that clear? Splendid!

As an addendum, most entries in this article will come provided with a link to my original set of posts, impressions and sporadic thoughts I compiled on the various subjects in review over at the "Free Speech" website.

I am going to start this venture with the obligatory special mentions, titles that were almost good but didn't quite make the cut for different reasons. The "Close But No Cigar" category, if you will.

Digimon Survive (Hyde/Bandai Namco)

The disappointment is strong with this one: it stings my skin, envenomates my bloodstream and slowly kills the inner child living inside me, his corpse rotting within the deepest recesses of my blackened soul. Poetic license aside, the latest interactive entry in the classic "Monsters of the Digital Persuasion" franchise is the evident produce of a much troubled history as it very much feels like its narrative is the confounding result of two distinguished directions clashing with one another in a bid to deny each other's existence.

At its (gameplay) core, Digimon Survive is a perfectly fine, sufficiently engaging Tactical RPG, one that's uncharacteristically easy and accessible for a series usually lacking ease of access for newcomers. The tragic irony is that the meandering, messy, incoherent story of this game is decisively aimed exclusively at veteran Digimon fans: it builds itself off the original anime from 1999 and one's own nostalgia for it as a means to subvert expectations. It establishes all the familiar elements only to pull the rug from under the intended audience, to separate itself from the source material as much as possible, to take the franchise in a more perceived "mature" direction. That, in itself, was not the plot-destroying issue that plagued this game; what actually killed it was its bewildering decision to perform a 180° turn on its rug-pulling antics, place the carpet right back beneath our feet and pretend all of its tonal, thematic and narrative stakes made up to a point didn't matter. The attempted deconstruction of its own legacy effectively defaults to just a dull reconstruction of said legacy, thoughtlessly aping the happenings from the original show sans the necessary context to make any of it work. Whatever vision Digimon Survive might have had was systematically quashed by its unwillingness to commit to the bit. It's the kind of cope-out, faithless writing that I cannot condone. As the intended audience for this game, my heart weeps at the loss of potential.

Unhappy Raccoon (XD Inc.)

In many ways, the bizarrely named Unhappy Raccoon is very close to be my favoured Roguelike Action game experience. It is stylish, colourful, fast and approachable in terms of its difficulty. Unfortunately, it's a mobile title what comes with a certain amount of predatory in-game purchases and, as such, I cannot in good faith recommend it to anyone. That is a crying shame for I would have pleasurably shilled money to buy it had it been a release bereft of such unconscionable features. It also would have not hurt being able to play it with an actual controller, I'll tell you that much for free.

Sonic Frontiers (Sonic Team/SEGA)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

If I were a sodding believer of quantifying the value of Art through an arbitrary numerical score, then Sonic Team's latest "cute" effort would have been the embodiment of a 6/10 - and I am being generous here. It sports a solid core gameplay that lures you into its world with the promise of free roaming fun but it's ultimately burdened by too many terrible ideas, gimmicks and time-wasting nonsense to properly live up to its promise. My positive first impressions dissipate into unadulterated frustration as I am forced to stop playing a "Sonic" game I enjoy in order to herd a bunch of exploding critters, solve tedious puzzles or beat the world's worst pinball machine in order to earn "The Privilege" of fighting the area boss, all of which being close to unwieldy experiences at the best of times. The so-called plot isn't up to snuff, either. It's a title that feels simultaneously unfinished and overly designed, wrapped in a well-meaning yet misguided attempt to bring "depth" to its characters in a manner I would define as wholly unsatisfying. Its potential was limitless. Its execution, mediocre.

Fasten your seatbelts and hold on to your unsolicited opinions, oh dear readers. The real list begins now.

10) Lil Gator Game (MegaWobble/Playtonic Games)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

The most precious, adorable little gem with a deceptively clever shine to it. Lil Gator Game is built around a child's imagination as they play-pretend their way into a Zelda-esque adventure, with friends and strangers alike, in an elaborate scheme to convince their busy older sister to join. They waddle around wholesomely in a well-designed sandbox, wholesomely smashing cardboard monsters, talking to wholesome NPCs who are in on the "Lil Game" and generally exuding pure vibes of wholesomeness - with but a tinge of subtextual melancholy as the dreaded "grown up time" looms on the horizon. The strength of the conceit informs the execution of its themes, both mechanically and narratively.

The core design philosophy aims to break down the formula of its obvious inspirations (classic Nintendo releases from both the past and the present) to their fundamentals, resulting in a title that both plays as a child's idea of a heroic adventure and it's actually about the making of a child-friendly heroic adventure, literally. In other words, it's a videogame about making videogames which is presented through the allegoric lens of the titular gator building their titular game with their many pals, learning how hard yet fun it is to create, and reconnecting with their sibling who inspired them with her own game-making skills. Moreover, it is a celebration of childhood, its fun memories associated with playing (or gaming, if you will) and how they all inspire us to make our dreams a reality as we grow older. It's an utterly delightful experience and I might have wept openly by the end.

9) Beacon Pines (Hiding Spot/Fellow Traveller)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

We open on a dimly lit room, a dark and thunderous night, the perfect atmosphere to immerse yourself in suspenseful literature. As Luck would have it, there is a book on the table... The world in the said "book" comes to life, exuding an aesthetic of childlike innocence teetering at the edge of Change (the scary unknown, the adult realm) but still literally confined within the pages of Fate. Also, the animal characters are cute.

Beacon Pines is a branching path narrative game: it is presented as an old fashioned storybook with its setting sprouting into existence in the style of a Winnie the Pooh animation, lending credence to its Choose Your Own Adventure framing. This is, after all, a story about Change - as the narrator helpfully explains. Grounded in its thematic exploration yet increasingly more absurd as the stakes ramp up to eleven, the story does not have a single dull moment. You have yourself a solid Coming of Age tale juxtaposed to a Mid-Western town mystery. A classic recipe for gripping drama and comedy, in other words, enriched by its light choice-based gameplay to drive the point home. Did I mention the cast being cute?

8) Evil West (Flying Wild Hog/Focus Entertainment)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

Do you find yourself in the mood for a cheesy yet gratuitously violent action game from fifteen years ago, which was in itself trying to emulate the energy of a Hollywood Summer blockbuster from up to twenty-five years ago? Do you think you would have enjoyed the strategic mayhem of DOOM Eternal more if it had a bigger emphasis on melee combat and it was in third person? Well then, the mad lads responsible for this next title have made a game specifically for you and it's about repelling blood-thirsty vampiric abominations in the old Wild West.

The plot is irrelevant, the writing is lackluster and the characters are flat but none of that is actually important. All that matters is the enticing gameplay, the crunchy action, the surprisingly luscious environments, being able to uppercut a guy into a wall of dynamite and the gallons upon gallons of gore. It's a viscerally good time.

7) SIGNALIS (Rose Engine Games/Playism/Humble Games)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

An unrelenting descent into a realm of madness filled with horrors beyond imagination - and a savvy injection of android anime babes, for good measure. SIGNALIS is a queer diegesis of "polygonally scarce" stylized 3D graphics with a coating of pixelated artistry, shaded just right, dragging you down to a figurative (and somewhat literal) Hellscape of the Mind. A morose narrative conveyed through Mood, Atmosphere. The design sensibilities display a subtle understanding of Horror as a genre: instilling a sense of claustrophobia and paranoia onto the player by limiting visibility, conjuring intrigue by revealing very little of its narrative and by fiddling with the sound design. The imagination is stimulated by the need to fill in the blanks, to find a sense of familiarity within the Unfamiliar, which in turn keeps you in suspense. It's the good old philosophy of "Less is More" competently applied to Survival Horror in ways I've not seen in a long time. I would best describe it as Ghost in the Shell meets Lovecraft in a John Carpenter's nightmare as told by David Lynch, all of which whilst still somehow being a Resident Evil game.

Now, I wouldn't go as far as to claim this title revolutionized the recipe for both its genre or the concept of metaphorical storytelling but it does add its own flavour to it, one that definitely leaves an aftertaste. You will be plunged into a world of sensorial deprivation that makes you fear the Unknown... and, perhaps, even the Known. SIGNALIS is quite good, indeed, both as a tribute to PS1-era spooky polygons and as a standalone horror diegesis that elevates its source material. Well, except for the obligatory puzzles for they are quite obnoxious, as per tradition. Other than that, it's a gripping tale of terror and the best version of itself. If this prospect appeals to you in any way then I simply cannot recommend it enough.

6) Inscryption: Kaycee Mod (Daniel Mullins Games/Revolver Digital)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

Developed by Daniel Mullins (of Pony Island infamy), this title was released last year to much "indie darling" acclaim and it is easy to see why. Mullins has a penchant for messing with the artifice of his medium of choice, deconstructing its foundations with layers upon layers of meta-text, games within games within games, which typically results in something memorable. If you already know what to expect from his creative vision then, in many ways, Inscryption is just more of the same soup: an explicit level of self-awareness, a conceit revolving on a specific gameplay loop that slowly expands and falls apart at the seams the more you explore it, to the point in which the world as we know it is obliterated. Right from the start, as in from the moment the game is booted up, one can tell something nefarious is at play as it coyly gestures towards a larger meta-narrative. You do not start a New Game, you "continue into a pre-existing save file", and that's merely the beginning. Like I alluded, I expected this loosely defined game to play out in a specific manner and, in a sense, I was not proven wrong about it. What's actually remarkable and unquestionably brilliant about it was the aforementioned core design loop, namely the deck building Roguelike experience that represents both the fictional and meta-fictional centrepiece of the entire onion-layered diegesis.

I'm going to go out on a limb and state with the utmost confidence bestowed upon me by my status as a white man on the Internet that Inscryption's card-based gameplay is more fun and addicting than Slay the Spire's, on the principle that I can actually beat it! Even more impressively, Mullins didn't simply design the best electronic card game imaginable, he went and remade it several more times in the course of the same playthrough. His opus presents some prescient questions about the player's engagement with the interactive medium of videogames, our emotional connection to the text, the escapist and possibly addicting nature of it, how it all reflects back on our psyche. As such, what better way to drive the point home than to create the most engaging, addicting, all-around rewarding core gameplay loop imaginable?

As if to be proven absolutely right, the author released a free DLC titled Kaycee Mod, which is essentially more of the same excellent deck building action but with added features, challenges and unlockable items. The "story" from the main game might have concluded in decisive fashion but that shan't stop us fans from wanting to play it until our eyes bleed and our fingers drop, firmly proving our unhealthy addiction to it. I've got to say, that new mod coming out this year makes for the perfect excuse to include Daniel Mullins' little masterpiece in an article about the best videogames of 2022. I have no shame and I'm technically right. Hurray!

5) Cult of the Lamb (Massive Monster/Devolver Digital)

(Link)

A functional, if somewhat uneven mishmash of Roguelike Hack/Slash gameplay with some direct, specific references to The Binding of Isaac and the Survival meets Tycoon Management Sim elements from a generation's worth of indie titles, yet its charm cannot be denied. In this game, you are a small critter tasked by a sinister god with a dubious agenda to take down all the other sinister gods with a dubious agenda, which is something you will only be able to accomplish by founding your own sinister cult with a dubious agenda - as it was the style at the time.

Its direction as well as its narrative, defined by the juxtaposition of "kid-friendly" aesthetics and cosmic horror, is evocative of a religious propaganda cartoon aimed at children, framing The Lamb as a heroic figure who fights the "Heretics." It helps contextualize the satire of organized religion, indoctrination, the sociopolitical use of Faith or a given set of beliefs as a means to gain and maintain Power - which can be easily applied to how Society operates at the highest, wealthiest levels. The way the player can "edit" and "upgrade" their respective cult may lead to the formation of a Fascist state controlled by Fear, a Capitalist dystopia, a Charlie Manson's murder hippie family or even a one-to-one recreation of the Catholic Church. Personally, I created a society where everyone is emotionally co-dependent to their beloved leader and are all too happy to work hard, pray and die in my name. When you step back and look at the big picture, the message of this game becomes distressingly poignant.

None of the little animals recruited in the cult are characters, merely a means to an end, a form of sustenance (literally, in some cases) to be feasted upon in order to endlessly accrue power until the day they perish, or even beyond. Simply put, cult-like mentalities and tactics don't exist merely within factual cults... Anyway, it's a fun game! The Lamb is legitimately adorable. The combat system is solid and the simulation aspects are involved, as described. You should definitely play it.

4) The Cruel King and The Great Hero (Nippon Ichi Software)

(Link)

As a more than worthy successor to The Liar Princess and The Blind Prince, this game holds a tight grip on my heart, squeezing it for every ounce of blood and feeling. Unlike the previous game in the "series", which was a snazzy puzzle platformer, The Cruel King and The Great Hero is a classic turn-based RPG with a cute gimmick to it: you take control of Yuu (get it?), a small, enthusiastic child who dreams to become a legendary hero - a real one, mind you, unlike the make-believe flight of fancy in Lil Gator Game. Yuu's parent is a big dragon who secretly checks on her to make sure she's safe and sound whilst adventuring. He even provides special skills to help her in battle once she "unlocks them." This all serves a narrative purpose as well since he's trying to teach her what it means to be a kind warrior but still worries about her wellbeing, understandably. It's the sort of diegetic synergy between gameplay and plot that enhances one's experience with an interactive text, you see... So, anyway, this game is the cutest thing in the universe.

The deceptive simplicity of the artistic direction communes a deeper study behind the characters' presentation and their environment: a homage to illustrations from Western children's storybooks with its own twist. There is an understated insidiousness to the manner in which these adorable designs, drawn by hand, command such instantaneous affection on my behalf that cannot be expressed with words. Unlike said predecessor, the game has a much more ambitious scope and production but its narrative philosophy remains intact and focused. Cruel King plays around subversively with well-known fairytale tropes in order to craft an enjoyable, wholesome story for children and adults alike; it makes for a sort of "reverse-engineered" take on the Dragon Quest formula, I would say. The superb character drawings, the gorgeous background and overall aesthetics, the engaging plot as well as the gripping soundtrack, all converge together to form an emotionally enriching experience. In short, the game is neat. That's my review.

3) Kirby and The Forgotten Land (HAL Laboratory/Nintendo)

(Link)

The experience of playing this game washes over me like a relaxing wave on the beach during a lazy summer day, unexpectedly stirring me up inside with childhood memories that are not mine. That is to say, Kirby and The Forgotten Land is so good it makes me cry tears of joy. I feel particularly drawn to the pink ball's universe due to its deceptive, duplicitous nature as both childlike and horrifying. There is a wondrous, nostalgic feeling juxtaposed to a much darker subtext. Parallel to a personal favourite of mine, Klonoa, it too lures the unsuspecting player with its bubbly cuteness, only to pull the rug from under them when it matters the most. Except, this title doesn't even bother to hide the existential dread beneath the narrative: the setting is literally a "colourful" post-apocalyptic, post-humanity world. The game only goes harder on it as it progresses. By the time you get to the final boss, and then the post-game final boss, and then the super-duper-ultra final FINAL Mega-Boss, the stakes couldn't possibly get more cosmic and the implications more dire.

I shall now state in the strongest possible terms that Forgotten Land is a close-to-flawless, and long overdue, transliteration of the classic 2D "Kirby" formula into a 3D landscape, oozing with charm, personality and the most fun gameplay I have experienced all year - these were merely my first impressions after beating the first world, mind you! To call this the best, most enriching, most enjoyable 3D platformer I have ever touched would decisively sound like a loaded statement, one burdened by several asterisks. You could theoretically argue this game feels more like a very happy medium between Character Action titles such as Bayonetta and a core Nintendo IP of the precision jumping variety rather than a Platform experience in the "purest" sense but I am not here to indulge into that kind of hair-splitting logic. So, I will just proclaim once more that this is my favourite entry in the genre: the manner of onto-a-league-of-its-own videogame bonanza that leaves me reeling after almost breaking my controller during the last fight.

It features the tight, polish gameplay and level design one would expect from a (non-Pokemon related) Nintendo release jointed with the darkly charming, unabashedly bizarre creativity HAL Laboratory brings to the table with its adorably gluttonous mascot and its many game-altering power ups. I love this title, sincerely and desperately. It's everything I have ever wanted out of this series but never knew I craved.

2) Xenoblade Chronicles 3 (Monolith Soft/Nintendo)

(Link 1; Link 2)

There is so much to say about Xenoblade Chronicles 3 and yet so very little time, so little light of day. I am going to take a page out of Monolith Soft and categorically refuse to bury the lead: this game is a condemnation of the Military-Industrial Complex, the endless machine of war sustained by the lives of those "who die for a cause." It's exemplified by the premise of genetically-engineered child soldiers made for the purpose of fighting in a senseless conflict which is perennially sustained by the literal life energy of the many people who die in it. War economy in a nutshell. This is not a spoiler as the game slaps you across the face with this commentary pretty much immediately. The second title in the series had the "courtesy" to lure you in with sassy cat girls and anime high jinks before revealing it was actually about Cultural Genocide. You simply do not get the luxury of ignorance with this entry.

It also unmistakably points its righteous anger towards the sociopolitical establishment, the wealthy conservative elite, that's directly profiting from the Status Quo, keeping the world stuck in an aptly-named “Endless Now.” On that note, the villains of the piece are a gloriously detestable, pretentious and opulent bunch, the kind you just cannot wait to smack around in an epically orchestrated boss battle - which the game is keen to provide with a certain amount of glee.

Thematic relevancy aside, allow me to emphasize how spectacular the “Xeno eXperience” can be! I am referring to the painstakingly animated, meticulously choreographed, expensively mo-capped action cutscenes that occasionally graced my astounded visage. There is nothing else that looks as slick and bombastic in all the land. The predecessor might have already set the benchmark for quality in that regard but the newest game takes said benchmark, shatters it with one finger and uses the sharp remains to stab God himself!

As far the gameplay is concerned, it is the most refined and polished the series has seen thus far even if it still requires an inordinate amount of tutorial tips in order to grasp its basics. A savvy combination of turn-based and real time elements make for both a strategic and high octane romp, one that requires your full concentration.

In essence, Xenoblade Chronicles 3 is the rare diegesis that manages to excel at everything it sets out to be: it's a foundationally strong JRPG with a vast, gorgeous world to explore, an emotionally resonating plot, viscerally effective theming, well-written characters and all the big anime fight scenes your heart may desire. It shoots for the Moon and it doesn't just stick the landing, it incinerates several celestial bodies in the process. Under normal circumstance, this would have easily been my GOTY. Alas, circumstances happened to differ a tiny bit in 2022.

1) Klonoa: Phantasy Reverie Series (MONKEYCRAFT/Bandai Namco)

(Link)

It was the year of 2009 and I happened to own a Nintendo Wii. I caught wind of the then freshly released-into-obscurity remake of Klonoa: Door to Phantomile, a title for PS1. I, much like a lot of people, had never heard of such an odd curio but I found myself enticed by its design choices, its 2.5D aesthetics, its peculiar style of side-scrolling platform mixed with original puzzle mechanics and, most importantly, its adorable protagonist. Armed with but a few spare coins and a healthy dose of curiosity, I purchased it on its release day. It changed my life.

Later on, I hunted down the rare copy of the PS2 sequel Lunatea's Veil, a game that blew me out of every possible body of water on this planet. Several moons down the line, I bought the original first game as a digital download for PS3. Nowadays, I play it on my PSP whenever I'm overcome by a sudden wave of depression and every single time, I cry. Every variation of these games provided its own unique, emotional experience. They have indelibly coloured my perception of videogames as an art form, what they can bring to the table in terms of narrative and theming. I am incapable of conveying through words how much these games mean to me and how much they have broken and rebuilt me from the ground up with each new playthrough.

Klonoa is a multi-layered allegory disguised as a cute, Mascot Platformer from the late '90s. It uses genre expectations and its available language to pull the rug from the under the player, conveying a subtler thematic journey. It likens the idea of "gaming" to the idyllic memory of childhood and to the ethereal nature of dreams, which are all linked by their brevity and finality. The first game is about Nostalgia, the reminiscence to a time of childlike innocence inevitably broken by the specter of Change, part of growing up. Depending on one's read, it might also be about Trauma. The sequel takes everything that was established in the first one and builds itself upon it, bringing the journey to a satisfying conclusion. On the surface, it's a new story with new characters but that's, once again, part of the deception. If Door to Phantomile covered Childhood and the bittersweet, possibly traumatic memory of it, Lunatea's Veil is about what comes next: Adolescence, growing up, figuring yourself out and healing. These themes are brilliantly reflected both by the story and the settings themselves. Both games would work well as individual experiences (as they are both fun and engaging) but they truly achieve greatness when viewed as a unified piece, a masterfully made, emotional ride into the Dream of Childhood and onto the Wake of Adulthood.

And now, you can finally experience them both in the newly released HD collection, Phantasy Reverie Series. This is my game of the year. This was always going to be my game of the year. It was preordained, predetermined, predestined in the moment, the second, its existence was made public in that one legendary Nintendo Direct. It didn't matter whether this was going to be a consistently good or terrible period for game releases, the mere fact that Klonoa was going to be included in the 2022 calendar makes this the best year for gaming by default. That is how much these titles, these stories, mean to me. The world is a slightly less awful place for having the fluffy boy in it. That is my final word on the matter.

At long last, here we are: the end of the list, the end of the solar cycle. In spite of everything that's wrong within society, struggling under the thumb of Capitalism, having to endure the abusive aura of hypocritical “Holyday Cheer”, dealing with many blows Life throws at your general direction, you have still made it. You have survived. You are still you. There is still good to be found beneath the apparent hopelessness of it all. Just remember to hold on to what's most dear to you and please, for the Love of God, do not buy the Nazi Potter game. I will find you.

Happy New Year!

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andy-clutterbuck · 3 years

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8x02 | The Damned

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jeriafterdark · 2 years

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The Ring Saga: Part 2/4 - The Rings to Rule Them All

Part One - setting up CP and homophobia in entertainment

Here is the 2nd part of the Ring Saga, my treatise on JunZhe and How I came to believe they're a real couple. All of the following are compiled from tons of sources, and are our own fan observations.

1. Background on accessories for events:

It’s not unusual for actors/idols to wear rings. Many times their clothing is sponsored and/or their stylists will choose a variety of clothing for them to try on and wear. It also depends on their particular studios and how they want to represent their employees. Luckily, ZZH and GJ have a lot of autonomy over their choices because ZZH was under Zhao Wei’s company, which invested a lot in him specifically and gave him a degree of autonomy. GJ has his own studio, so he could effectively make his own clothing choices. Most red carpet events will have stylists who choose clothing for their clients. However, accessories are a different story. Artists can use their own personal accessories and/or sponsored ones.

In ZZH’s first mini concert in October 2020, he wore his famous red suit + stacked rings on his ring fingers. It’s likely that his red outfit was chosen by a stylist, but the stacked rings may have been his own choice.

He also wore these stacked rings again in other photoshoots. Normally, if you want to cultivate a fanbase, you’d stay away from things that make it look like you’re in a relationship, i.e. having rings on your ring finger. ZZH flouted this by boldly wearing STACKED rings during his mini-concert, where he famously invited GJ to attend 3 times, poor boy. He was really smitten wasn’t he? (still is)

Tasaki, a Japanese jewelry company that ZZH was very fond of and has worn jewelry from before, announced ZZH has its brand ambassador on August 2, 2021.

So he actually wasn’t sponsored by them during the May 4-5, 2021 concerts. Now that we have that done…. LET’S GO TO THE CONCERTS.

2. May 4-5: Youku tried to hide the rings, but only made it MORE suspicious.

The Concert is where the ring CPN really took off because people could compare an accidental broadcast of the rehearsal (concert ring 00) with the actual released BTS later.

Apparently, Youku had some technical malfunction and accidentally broadcasted the rehearsal live, and many people recorded it/took pics of it. Then a month later, Youku released the BTS footage of the concert in its ~20 minute special. Fans compared the two versions and noticed an odd discrepancy…

By the flowing text across the screen, it was a recording of this accidental stream? I think. And fans noticed that GJ was playing with a ring in his hand. This ring actually was EDITED OUT in the final BTS version.

GJ playing with ring (below)

SUSPICIOUS. Meanwhile ZZH was allowed to wear his ring, the famous hexagon rings from TASAKI. People also call it the “nut” ring because the hexagon resembles a nut as part of a bolt/nut combo.

If you’ve seen the unreleased BTS of this, there’s one moment where ZZH is threatening to kiss GJ if he goes off-key, and GJ says, let’s just kiss first! And then a staff member runs over and whispers to ZZH and points at the camera - reminding them to keep the gay down. Clearly, the staff also asked GJ to take off his ring, but he just keeps holding onto it without even putting it in his pocket! So the poor editors had to go in and delete it frame by frame. It didn’t work. It was JUST MORE SUS.

He’s so clearly still holding it! And in the 2nd image above in the blue shirt, there's a mark on his ring finger o.o.

He even posted on his social media a pic of him getting ready, and on his left hand? His ring finger? A SUPER OBVIOUS blur. This man is very loud and didn’t want to hide that ring lol.

MMMM? What is that? Is that my heart growing two sizes in realization that true love really exists and JunZhe is IRL wenzhou??? Hello? I've hit my picture limit, so I will continue in ...

Part Three: Youku Antics to hide the ring continued & a Lone Gong's Journey to show he's married af

#the ring saga #the ring #junzhe #lld #langlangding #word of honor #shan he ling #wenzhou #woh concert #deleted bts

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thehomothings · 3 years

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Analysis of Kite's conflicting moralities, relationship with death, and the toll reincarnation may take on one's psyche

So, today I decided to compile all the thoughts I have had about Kite's interesting worldview since the first time I saw him into one post, mostly for my own sake, really. If you're familiar with the few posts I've made, you know it's gonna be a mess, but hopefully a comprehensible mess.

A heads up, this is going to be spoiler-heavy, and very much deal with subjects of death and dying as a whole. Also, some of these conclusions are drawn from my own experiences and close brushes with death, I'm not going to go into much detail but it might get personal and definitely dark. I'm not even sure if I can call this a meta-analysis, and I'm obviously no expert, so mayhaps take all of this with a grain of salt.

Been getting into drawing lately, and during the more simple and mindless part of the painstaking process of dotting every single star in this, I let my thoughts wander through the latest part of the fic I'm writing, and I got a better grasp on what exactly made Kite such an elusive character to me.

I'm not quite sure why I got so attached to Kite. Perhaps it was the air of tragedy surrounding him, how despite his sordid past he remained still open and gentle even if outlined by a healthy dose of cynicism.

But sometimes, I think it's the fact that he is so paradoxical. He's brave, yet fears death to such a degree that creates a whole Nen ability around it, is a pacifist yet will not hesitate to spill blood for his own sake or someone else's. Despite the many ultimatums and warnings of 'I will not protect you', he gave his arm and then his life to save Gon and Killua. He approaches each hunt and battle with a clear plan of action in mind, but his Hatsu takes the form of a roulette that gives him random weapons which are never what he wants, but what he seems to need for that exact situation, which he cannot dispel without using. When he draws a weapon, the decision is locked in and his or his opponent's fate is sealed. That's why each time he dubbs his weapon a bad roll. Every time he has to gamble, he sees himself as having run out of luck. When it comes to having to choose between himself and somebody else...well, there had never been a choice. In fact his aversion to using it may feed into its sheer power that we, unfortunately, saw too little of.

Let's go over his very first appearance when he saves Gon from the mother Foxbear.

It's not hard to see the strain searching for Ging has put on him; he's rash, prone to anger and punching a child for daring to get into trouble. In his mind, he's failing at his most important task, has not yet earned the right to call himself a hunter despite being in possession of his very own hunter license.

After killing the mother Foxbear and raging about having done so, he says this interesting line:

So yes, he finds killing for any reason rather irksome as most would do, yet I think something deeper caused him to absolutely lose it in this scene:

He had not been aware of Gon's identity, and despite being an animal lover and a naturalist, he made a choice to save the human instead of allowing nature to run its course. In fact, he says: 'No beast that harms a human must be allowed to live.'

How does one weight one life against another? How is the worth of it determined? The value of life... an impossible choice he's faced with and a choice which he seems to regret to some degree.

The Foxbear cub.

Here, he's speaking from experience, a tangible loss he has felt himself, and a hard and bitter life he does not want to impose on the cub.

His backstory is exclusive to the 2011 anime adaptation but there are hints alluding to it in the manga, for example, the fact that he does not seem to know his birthplace, or:

The choice of words is chilling.

Reading between the lines, one could draw the conclusion that he is an orphan. Something supporting this hypothesis is how he visibly deflates after Gon tells him his parents have (presumably) died.

So we see he is willing to go against his own moral code of not killing as to not doom another living being to the life he led, a lonely, hopeless existence that could barely be called one. He saw it best to put down the cub rather than leave it to die a painful, slow death.

The reason Kite himself isn't as cynical and cold-hearted as one would be after witnessing cruelty in its rawest form is those small crumbs of human kindness which he may have found in Ging.

It was not only a chance at an honorable life being Ging's apprentice gave him, but it also 'saved' him from being broken and twisted into what he hated and worst of all, death.

If we take that one minute of backstory as canon to his character-which I find myself inclined to do- these quirks of his make much more sense. He lived on the run. He lived on the knife's edge between giving up or pushing forwards. He lived as so a wrong move could be the difference between survival and the end.

Between rock and a hard place creates a mentality of black and white, absolute good or extreme evil, this or that. Except in reality, it's much harder than that. Deciding who to save and who to strike down is a heavy burden to bear.

It's almost easy to see how struggling to keep surviving could lend itself to a crippling fear of death and subsequently developing a Nen ability which once more goes against his own moral code in order to give himself a second chance...yet something about it strikes me as unlikely when I look at it this way.

Living life knowing it could end at any moment has the opposite effect, at least for me it did. One comes to accept that it is fleeting and while not eager to let it go, when death eventually and inevitably does come, there is no fighting it.

Especially when there is no hope that tomorrow will be a better day than this one.

Frequent near-death experiences numb one's fear in a way, even if it drives them to take precautions that render it unlikely to happen again and results in c-PTSD, but still, it does. It sparks a certain nihilistic view of 'if it all can end so easily, then what's the point of it all?'

Unless there are things to live for, a sure promise of a better future, and Ging gave Kite that. When he faced the threat of losing his second chance at life:

Really, what else could lead someone to develop the ability of 'the hell I'm going to die like this'?

I think a separate event, an even more brutal near-death experience that almost cost him his life as the hunter he so strived to be set him off to develop the secret roll of Crazy Slots, what I call Roll No.0, Ars moriendi. Unlike other weapons, it cannot come up in random and is directly summoned by him, or better said, summon by his overwhelming will to keep going and hopelessness of fighting a losing battle. I don't believe roll No.3 was the weapon that allowed him to reincarnate. I've named that one Wand of Fortune, a sort of armor instead of an offensive weapon since I find it hard to believe Kite, a Conjurer, would not focus on defences as well, and I will go into both mechanisms of these weapons hopefully in his backstory.

Despite knowing this battle to be a pointless one and being acutely aware of his soon to be demise, he did not immediately draw Ars moriendi, no, he stayed back and fought for the sake of the boys, kept Neferpitou occupied until they could reach safety. We can see evidence of this in the aftermath of the battle that seemed to have gone on until dawn, a torn apart landscape only signaling a fraction of the devastation that was Kite's power unleashed. It still wasn't enough.

In the anime sub I watched, when Gon apologizes to Ging about Kite's death, Ging said a sentence that infuriated me, because it belittled the utter suffering of the NGL trio.

"He would not die in your place." (No screenshot, sorry)

And I remember practically shouting at the screen, screaming 'how could you possibly say that? Of course he did. He absolutely did die in their place. How could you not know your own apprentice? Why-'

It was only last night that it hit me why Ging would say that.

Once upon a time, maybe Kite would not have given his life for anybody under any circumstances, even if he had a way out of it all. He would still need to die to come back to life.

His Thanatophobia could be attributed to the (possibly untreated) PTSD of the near-death experience in his later life, being so certain of dying that finding himself alive afterwards drove him to never want to go through that again. He quieted his fear by creating a sort of a loophole, that even if he lost the battle he would remain. Ging remembered that, but as evidence shows, something changed. Maybe he healed a bit, perhaps growing up dulled his fear to a certain degree, but eventually when it came down to his life or another's, he didn't choose himself.

Now, I can hear you saying 'but he didn't die, so what are you going on about??' And so I reply: Yes, he is alive, but he did die. He experienced that painful, horrible moment of staring death in the eyes and thinking 'This is it, this is the end', went through the actual process of having his soul removed from his body. And that moment stretches into infinity, ten lifetimes condensed into the mere seconds before oblivion.

Dying isn't so hard if one stays dead.

It's not so easy to open one's eyes and find oneself alive again after that, no matter how much that is the heart's desire. It's difficult, nigh-impossible to reconcile with life and walk amongst the living when everything had been so final, when death had been accepted to its fullest.

So Kite awakens, the twin of Meruem and back from the dead, his mind and identity both intact and fractured. In that he is Kite is no mistaking, yet he is not the same gentle pacifist whose first reaction upon sensing a monster's aura was to shield two kids from it at the cost of his arm.

I don't think many of you are familiar with Zoroastrian ideology, but Togashi is known for loving his religious imagery, and it's not only Christianism he derives inspiration from (evidence of which can be seen all over Kite's character and resurrection).

In Zurvanism-a branch of Zoroastrianism- there is talk of the twin spirits: Ahura Mazda -epitome of all that is good- and Ahriman -epitome of all that is evil-, the parent god Zurvin decides that the firstborn may rule in order to bring "heaven, hell, and everything in between."

Upon becoming aware of this fact, Ahriman forcibly tears through the womb to emerge first. Sounding familiar yet?

Zurvan relents to this turn of events only on one condition: Ahriman is given kingship for 9000 years, and then Ahura Mazda may rule for eternity.

Meruem ruled for 40 days, his death leaving the throne vacant for ant Kite, wearing a dead girl's face and seeming to be brewing some nefarious plan. No more is there any sign of that unrelenting pacifism and the sanctity of life he held so high, losing his own may have only served to show him how meaningless the pain and suffering he went through had been, dying only to be reborn as a member of the species that killed him. It may be that he has no desire to rule over the remaining Chimera ants or create an army of his own-

Yet I dread to think what a broken mind possessing limitless power might do to the world.

And that's it. If you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you found it interesting, stay tuned, as I think a lot and I will make it your problem.

#Cw: talks of death and PTSD #When I say I unknowingly projected onto him #I can't tell if writing this was cathartic or torturous #and I gave myself heart palpitations so this is enough for today #And yes I refer to ant Kite by he/him pronouns because misgendering him on the account of his body being afab is just ignorant #even if I think skrunkly's genderqueer af and actually wouldn't mind she/her #still i wanna push the trans ant kite agenda #So yes this is how I unknowingly picked up Kite as a coping mechanism even if out attitudes towards death are practically opposites #don't mind your grandpa trauma dumping #What I'm saying is get ant Kite therapy before he sinks the world #I love reimagining Kite as a villain and I don't know why #Kite hxh #hxh kite #kite hunter x hunter #kaito hxh #hxh #hunter x hunter #meta analysis #theories #fic rambles #Icarus waffles #Kitkat #gon freccs #Ging freecss

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unhealthyfanobsession · 3 years

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Master Post of things I wanted to post while reading ACOSF- mostly humour/ crack lol (Spoilers... Duh...)

First, general opinion: I liked the book generally. I knew it would be very Feysand friendly and I was prepared for that. Not my first choice but I get it. I really had to take a few hours off with the whole hiking scene. That really fucked with me to see Cassian so pissed and militant despite already knowing where Nesta was coming from and how betrayed she felt (ESPECIALLY once I learned that he had guessed they were mates already). I know that self loathing was a major theme but I do think it was laid on a little too thick for too long. I also think there was so much Nessian interaction when things were angsty and then when they were happy I was just WAITING for that full chapter of soft happiness and I feel like a lot of that got lost to Nesta’s relationship with her sister. Above everything though I gotta say that it BREAKS MY HEART that Cassian never actUlly says I love you to Nesta at any point in the book. I know it’s meant to be that he’s always loved her and it’s his actions that show it etc etc but it’s still kind of a blow for him to never say it... never even outright think it in his own perspective (go back and look the closest he gets is saying he’s acting like a lovesick puppy. We only get to see Cassian loving Nesta from her perspective as she realizes it which I get and is beautiful but maybe ONE DECLERATION THANKS). Anyway, I am hoping that opportunity arises in future books. Although.... I don’t think I will read the future books. Maybe I will, but honestly this was just SO MUCH. Like... I think there was too much in the book. Each of these quests could have been its own book and I was happy to keep going because I’m obsessed with Nesta, but I just don’t think I’d be interested enough in the other characters to read something so convoluted again (like I’m sorry the blood rite started with basically 100 pages left that is WILD). It was also so clear that so much of this book was setup for future books and that’s fine but it was kinda messy just being honest. ANYWAY onto more specific thoughts/ jokes:

Chapter 2:

Cassian: I just hope that Nesta knows we are doing this for her benefit, because we care.

Feyre: I don’t care this shit ends now. I’m burning your apartment to the ground.

Also Cassian: *Let’s Nesta fall down a flight of stairs*; *calls Nesta pathetic every day*; *tells Nesta everyone hates her*; *walks around slamming doors all pissy as if he’s the one being held captive*

Chapter 11:

Nesta:Rhysand is an asshole

Me:

Cassian: well everyone fucking hates you

Me:

The way that Cassian thinks about Russet Potato is just straight up not healthy. Like I get looking up to a sibling or whatever but I’m starting to think that Rhys is Cassian’s one true love. Cassian being THAT blind to every one of Rhysand’s flaws is a character flaw of his own. Even Feyre isn’t THAT blind.

Chapter 11 Pt 2:

Nesta from day one: I’m not training in that camp. I hate that camp. I’m not training there. Fuck that camp

Cassian: this is because you hate me, isn’t it?

Me:

Like I’m sorry did we really need Feyre to show up to help him crack that code???

Chapter 10 (and beyond):

My OTP? Nesta and the House of Wind.

It’s a solid enemies to lovers story (chapter 6 she says even the house hates her then later it’s her only friend and ally. Great love story.)

It reveals its heart to her before Cassian does

It knows what she needs

Gave her water on the steps instead of watching her fall down them

Pushes Nesta gently by keeping the fire so Cassian can see that she is afraid and haunted instead of empty and broken. Encourages her to go to dinner with people by barring the library but doesn’t FORCE her to go. The house does not judge her.

Spoils her and is silly with her while she has her sleepover.

Takes an active interest in something important to her and shares one of her hobbies

Side note- this book even has me pissed at the IC about how they treated a damn house!! Like how dare they say no one likes going there! How dare they be so rude to my new #1 favorite book character??? The house just wants to give you cake and books and run you a bath. Perfect partner IMO.

Chapter 17:

Me when Cassian does the bare fucking minimum and tells Rhys to calm the fuck down and stop threatening to kill Nesta:

Chapter 21:

When Rhys said that Nesta always has a choice here I said, out loud, “that’s fucking rich rice ball”. My dog looked up. That’s all.

Chapter 21 (and beyond) pt 2:

Prythian: mating bonds are very rare

Archeron sisters: survey says that was a lie

Prythian: fae fertility is very difficult. Conceiving can take decades

Archeron sisters: survey says that too was a lie

Prythian: No High Fae can survive the birth of an Illyrian winged baby

Archeron sisters: once again, the survey is not on your side here

Chapter 42:

Rhys: this is a bad idea

Cassian: that should be written on the Night Court’s crest

Me, wine glass raised to mouth, scoff more bitter than necessary: yeah it Fucken should”

Chapter 42 pt 2:

Yknow I was genuinely shocked by one thing in ACOSF. I was shocked that Rhysand and I agree on something.

He absolutely fucking shouldn’t be High King.

The mere SUGGESTION that Nesta’s power and fight and trauma and depression and war and entire FUCKING STORY has all been so that Rice cake and French fry can be a high king and queen literally set my blood BOILING at exactly the point in the book that I was starting to VIBE

Side note- Can we please just Fucken stop with the stars blinking in and out of existence in Rhys’ eyes. Like calm down. Rice pilaf has purple night eyes we get it. Just like... simmer please.

Chapter 46:

I GET that it shouldn’t have come out like that and that Nesta’s reasons weren’t right, but get ABSOLUTELY FUCKED RHYSAND for thinking that it is your right to HIDE THE DANGERS OF LABOUR FROM A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT KNOW YOUR SPECIES!!! This had me truly wildin and I think it was a disservice to Feyre’s character too that she didnt lose it more.

Chapter 55 (and earlier):

Cassian: *bows to death as Nesta emerges from the black depths on a throne to rule her undead armies*

Cassian: *watches bleeding as Nesta plucks the harp and wields her Made sword of death to murder Lanthys and claim the ability to stop time itself*

Nesta: So, now I go after the crown

Cassian:

Chapter 57 (and earlier):

Kelpie: You shall be my bride before you are my meal

Helion: *rides enchanted horse up to shoot his second shot with Nesta*

Lanthys: Tries to seduce Nesta into being his Queen even as he attempts to kill her

Eris: I’ll give you anything in exchange for Nesta as my bride

Cassian watching every male being in the universe trying to get with his mate:

Chapter 60:

Emerie: we’re not entering the blood rite, are we?

Cassian: Only if you want to

Brialynn:

Chapter 80:

Nesta: *Saves Cassian’s life in the war*

Rhys: I still hate you and will never forgive you for what you did in not hunting as a child.

Nesta: saves Feyre and Nyx

Rhys: I bow before no one and nothing but my crown and now I shall fall to my knees before you oh mighty saviour queen of all

Side note- can someone please compile a list of all the things that Nesta Archeron had done/retrieved/gone through for the Nigh Court because that shit is astronomical at this point and I really need everyone to start sipping their Respect Nesta Archeron Juice RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!

Anyway I’m emotionally wrecked but shoutout to anyone who made it this far into my ramblings!

#nessian #acosf spoilers #a court of silver flames spoilers #a court of silver flames #nesta archeron #cassian #anti rhysand #a court of thorns and roses #nesta and cassian #a court of mist and fury #nestaxcassian #sarah j maas #a court of wings and ruin #acotar

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ryunochie · 3 years

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RAY-MMD lighting tips: a translation by ryuu

The following tutorial is an English translation of the original one in Japanese by ngreeed. (WARNING: the website is NSFW)

Let’s get started? If you just landed on this tutorial for advanced MMDers and is wondering what the hell is going on, there are beginner Raycast tutorials in Learn MMD! Also, if you feel like reading more about rendering tips, I suggest taking a look at my other tutorial: advanced MMD rendering tutorial (and why you should care).

Content Index:

Introduction

Lighting: introduction

Lighting: basics

Fog

Other Tips

Final Notes

Introduction to Lighting Content Index:

Directional Light

Rectangle Light

Sphere Light

Point Light

Spot Light

Spot Light IES

Disk Light

Tube Light

Basics of Lighting Content Index:

Ambient

Shadow

Fog

IES

LED

IBL

GIF

Fog Content Index:

Atmospheric Fog

Ground Fog

Volumetric Cube And Sphere

1. INTRODUCTION

This compilation was brought together by the MMD community and contemplates ngreeed’s own experiences with fog and lighting usages. Every picture shown in this translation can be found in the original documentations on Iwara and GitHub.

It was translated from Japanese to English by ryuu with written permission from the author to share it on my blog and add information. The translation was done with the aid of the online translator DeepL and my friends’ help. This tutorial has no intention in replacing the original author’s.

2. LIGHTING: INTRODUCTION

By learning lighting, you’ll have more freedom in directing your videos, but it’s only for those who are confident that they understand how to use Ray-mmd, because it’s a pre-requisite and an additional part of understanding how to use skybox and materials. If you’re unsure about the other two items, start by reading this wiki.

Originally, surface lights in a 3DCG software are characterized by their ability to create soft shadows, but the surface lights used in Ray-MMD are very difficult to handle and don’t provide much benefit, so we recommend using point lights or directional lights.

Translator’s note: for those wondering what lights are available in Raycast, there’s a translation below of the wiki’s list.

2.1 Directional Light

Directional light simulates lighting hitting an object from an infinite distance. The angle of each ray reaching the object is negligible and the rays will always be parallel to each other, so it is also called sunlight.

Directional light doesn’t take into account the coordinates of the light source and won’t affect the lighting effect when placed in any position of the scene. Only the rotation will affect the lighting, because of the nature of directional light requires shading calculations for the whole scene.

Therefore its computational overhead is the largest among all multi-source shadows, and its shadow quality is only suitable for lighting characters at very high quality, which you may use when you want to attach a bone to the main light source.

2.2 Rectangle Light

The light source will shine from a plane towards a fixed range. It’s used to simulate monitors, screens, smartphones, etc.

Since the light source of the area light needs to consider the volume of the light source, the real calculation of its shadow in real time is very difficult to do. It’s recommended to use spot light shadow instead.

2.3 Sphere Light

The light is emitted from the location of the light source to the surrounding area and the volume of the light source is taken into account to illuminate all the objects within the range.

Since the light source of the area light needs to consider the volume of the light source, the real calculation of its shadow in real time is very difficult to do, so the point light source shadow is used instead.

2.4 Point Light

Light source from a point, uniformly emitting light to the surrounding area, all objects within the range of light.

The point light source needs to calculate the shadows of objects within the range and will lead to a large shadow calculation overhead, while its shadow quality isn’t suitable for character lighting.

2.5 Spot Light

Spotlight dosn’t take into account the volume of the light source from a point, in a fixed direction to a certain range of cone angle irradiation object. The brightness of the edges of the ball will gradually fade and the angle of the ball can be controlled by the (Angle +/-) morph.

It’s used to simulate lampshade, flashlight and a car high beam. The quality of shadows is the best of all light sources, so it’s very suitable for irradiating the character on the simulation of stage lighting.

2.6 Spot Light IES

Sampling IES textures simultaneously on the behavior of the spotlight.

IES defines the luminous flux of its light at different angles, so that certain areas will be brighter or darker, thus simulating light coming through certain places and shining around the scene.

2.7 Disk Light

The light source will be irradiated from a plane object towards a fixed range. It’s used to simulate light from afar, because the light source of the area light needs to consider the volume of the light source.

The calculation of its shadow in real time is very difficult to do, so use spotlight shadow instead.

2.8 Tube Light

Uniform illumination of the surrounding objects. It’s used to simulate the light source of a lamp, because the light source of the area light needs to consider its volume

The calculation of its shadow in real time is very difficult to do, so use a point light source shadow instead.

3. LIGHTING: BASICS

Before explaining the parameters, let's start with an explanation of how to use the Lighting folder.

In the Lighting folder of ray-mmd, there are 10 different .pmx's to load into the MMD and their respective folders. Basically, the MME of the light will assign the .pmx's in the Default (Ambient/LED/GIF/IBL) folder of the respective light folder to the light’s .fx. .....lightning.... .fx is assigned to the LightMap tab of MME, and ...fog... .fx is assigned to the FogMap tab of MME.

Translator’s note: a fog .fx can be assigned to LightMap, but it’ll produce only fog.

Once you know this, you can play around with the lights and learn what you can do with them.

This spreadsheet shows the parameters and .fx available for each light, along with a brief explanation. The explanation of the terms is pretty much a translation.

3.1 Ambient

Reference: twitter.com

Assign the .fx in the Default Ambient folder to the LightMap to create a light without reflections or highlights when a material with high parameters such as Specular is lit. It is good to use it when loading multiple lights.

DirectionalLight is located in the Default folder, not in the DefaultAmbient folder.

3.2 Shadow

There are four types of shadow: low, medium, high and very high. If you assign it, when light (or fog) hits the model, it won’t shine on the model beyond it. Rather than increasing the shadow, it’ll stop when the light hits the model. In other words, it isn’t attached to the initial light, the light will be brightened nonetheless.

Default spot light.

The same spot light with shadow (very high).

3.3 Fog

When fog is loaded, light streaks are created at the location of the light emitted by the light. There are also special parameters called MiePhase and MieDensity, but be aware that other parameters aren’t isolated. The godray may or may not be displayed depending on the angle and position of the camera. So be careful.

Godray representation using volumetric fog and disk light.

3.4 IES

Reference: unrealengine.com

Simply put, it’s a light which displays the distortion caused by the reflective surface of the lighting fixture, the shape of the bulb, and the lens effect.

It can express a light closer to the one you have at home than a straight spot light like the ones used on stage. You can think of it as basically spot light with just a little distortion in the shape of the light. A point light IES is also spot light.

3.5 LED

Reference: twitter.com

The light source itself is the same as rectangle light, but it can display AVI images or screen images.

In order to display images on the LED light source, load DummyScreen.x in the Extension folder and set the Background (B) in the upper left corner of MMD to ON mode. You can also load the background AVI and change the mode to display any image.

If you just want to display the image, you can set the material of your favorite model to material_screen, but you can use the LED as a light source for the image.

Translator’s note: in practice, it looks like this. In a more straight forward way to explain this, load the LED light and add main.fx to it. Then, load the dummy and select any AVI file or just enable the capture mode. The LED will start capturing the screen and emit light. You can play with the RBG sliders and all. I added a volumetric cube for the dark room effect and Sugiura-san for you to see how the panel behaves. Whenever there’s a change in the captured screen, the light behaves accordingly i.e. a red screen emits red light; a mostly white screen with green details emits white-ish.

3.6 IBL

This and the GIF sections were writen by the translator, ryuu, as the original author requested information about it.

IBL stands for Image Based Lighting, which is what Raycast does! The image is projected into a sphere and it samples the data to light the objects. All of the skyboxes we use have images in the .dds format for easier rendering.

According to the spreadsheet, the only light capable of using IBL is sphere. To activate it, head to the Default IBL folder instead of the default one that opens when loading light properties. You’ll notice the sphere reacts with weaker lighting, you have to increase the intensity.

The following images are color tests with sphere IBL. The most visible differences are in how RG and RBG react: they produce shades of red and yellow, then white and pink respectively.

Now with disabled IBL, this making the sphere another common light. The default is very strong compared to IBL, Zhao-san hand’s shadow is even huge on the door behind him.

The .dds used was the default one in the Default IBL folder. I haven’t experimented with a different one yet, plus I believe it isn’t any .dds image that’ll work there. If we follow the logic of how custom skydomes are created, a HDR image is needed and you have to “craft” them.

3.7 GIF

A rectangle light can load .gif images and project them on their light, Just load the .fx inside the Default GIF folder to activate it. The default GIF is the following. However, when loaded as light, it doesn’t animate and has some distortions on the edges.

For now, the only advantage I see in using a GIF light is to mimic a projector effect at the cinema. You can use custom images by renaming the default one to rance1 and the new one to rance.

The projection’s size depends on the rectangle’s, so a small rectangle will show a small GIF. Also, keep in mind that the projection is a mirror of the original image.

4. FOG

The fog can be used to create realistic perspective, smoke, and air, and it can also be used in conjunction with fog lights to change the atmosphere. It’s important to note that when the fog is loaded, it’s rarely displayed in Model Edit mode, so be sure to check it in Camera mode. In this case, you may need to tweak the model display order a little to get it to show up.

There are four types of fogs: atmospheric fog, ground fog, volumetric cube and volumetric sphere.

4.1 Atmospheric Fog

If you don't know what you're doing, but want to use a fog, just load this to get a sense of perspective (or rather, fading in the distance). So if you have a stage that extends far into the distance, you can use this to get a certain atmosphere.

Also, only the atmospheric fog has multiple fog maps, which can be found in the AtmosphericFog folder with a godray .fx file. You can apply godray to the lighting (sunlight) in MMD and, by assigning a fog map with ...without sky... .fx, you can disable the fog effect on the skybox.

You can also disable the fog effect for skyboxes by assigning a fog map with ...without sky.... .fx.

The number of parameters is overwhelming and difficult to adjust, but it may be easier if you think that the parameters with Mie are related to the lighting (sunlight) in MMD.

Without fog.

With atmospheric fog and changed density and range values. The farther away the image is, the lower the saturation and lightness become. The perspective is clearer. It’s rare to see much difference, but the atmosphere changes quite a bit with and without the atmospheric fog.

4.2 Ground Fog

When loaded, the fog is displayed based on the ground, and its color and height can be adjusted using morphs. The number of adjustable parameters is small, but if you adjust them, you can use it in the same way as the ground-based atmospheric fog.

Without ground fog.

With ground fog.

4.3 Volumetric Cube And Sphere

Unlike the other fogs, these two are only loaded and not applied to the entire room. At first, they only appear small at the foot of the screen and need to be resized to fit the room. By the way, they are basically the same, just round or square. The advantage is that it can be assigned to a limited space only.

Without light.

With light.

With light and volumetric fog. It might be good for a dusty atmosphere in a closed room.

5. OTHER TIPS

If you feel that your PC can't handle it, you can lower the shadow to low and get by.

The skybox time of day can be used as a second atmospheric fog which is easy to handle since it is built into the skybox. If you turn off EnvLightMap, Main and MaterialMap, it won't interfere with other skyboxes. It's pretty easy to use, but not for everyone.

Turn on Bokeh (DOF effect of Ray-MMD) and pull the MeasureMode morph of ray-controller to the right to bring the ray.x accessory into focus.

It's a good idea to set the SSAOMap of eyes and face to 0.

6. FINAL NOTES

Stages shown in this tutorial: P.T by G_Wuuuuu, warehouse by hiro K, skyscrapper by 化身バレッタ and abandoned city by NOB.

Models by SEGA.

I tried to keep the translation as faithful as possible to the original documentation. Thank you, ngreeed, for allowing me to share your tutorial with non-Japanese speakers.

Also, I absorbed many knowledge from this tutorial and rendered a new image using the improved technique. Only the sphere light had fog. The colors were applied after adjusting all the lights in their black and white counterpart. Retouched in GIMP.

#mmd #MMD Tutorial #MMDC #tutorial #mikuMikuDance #mikumikueffect #raycast #translation

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sgtjbbhasmyheart · 3 years

Text

Drunk Texting Is(n’t) Bad for Your Health- Chapter Six (part 1)

Series Summary: Talk about your unconventional meet-cute! Bucky receives a text by mistake requesting he prove he's not Reader's sister. The easy dialogue between Reader and Bucky sparks a natural friendship, but could it lead to more? Bucky still deems himself unworthy of any form of affection or love. Reader is hellbent to prove him wrong. With the help of some (meddling) friends along the way, Bucky may get his happily-ever-after after all.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 3293

Warnings: ANGST, bad language words

A/N: Tumblr sucks. It forced me to split this chapter up because I exceeded the text block limit. That’s just how I write! Link to part 2 at the end.

A/N 2: Thank you again to everyone for showing this story so much love! And thank you to everyone for your patience and support as I struggled to put this out. As you can tell from the multiple parts, it was a doozy. 🥰 divider credit- @firefly-graphics

In case you missed the update, I will be publishing a new chapter every other Saturday from here on out. Schedule is in the Masterlist in my header.

DO NOT copy or replicate without my permission.

Monday morning rolled around, and your good mood from the weekend followed you into the office. Spending all of Saturday and the majority of Sunday texting James had lent to this early morning cheerfulness. You couldn’t help the smile on your face. You had even managed to arrive before most of your team.

You hummed a sweet melody as you booted up your computer and organized a few files for Timmons to peruse. They were statements intended for the press needing his approval about a particular prominent CEO or A-list celebrity client. The firm was not confirming nor denying any knowledge of said client’s whereabouts the previous week or why there was photographic evidence of them coming out of FlashDancers NYC. Other files included those seeking rebranding approval for existing companies looking to revamp their image.

Most importantly, today was contract signing day for Stark Industries.

You had compiled the document from a generic template the company used for all its clients, manually plugging in Stark Industries’ information in the correct spots and changing or omitting any services rendered or not. E-signing contracts were not only environmentally responsible, but they also saved a lot of your time from printing out numerous copies of a single agreement.

All you needed now was Timmons’ go-ahead to email the contract, and Pepper Potts could plug in her Jane Hancock.

Seeing Timmons enter the workroom, tweed coat draped over his forearm and attaché in hand, you rose from the seat behind your desk. You shuffled into his office after him.

He hung his jacket from the coat rack in the corner near a bank of expansive windows and placed the small, leather case he’d been carrying on the sturdy oak desk. He pulled out a stack of papers and tapped the pile against the desktop to straighten them before setting them down. Looking up at you briefly, he tugged out his laptop next.

You positioned a mug of coffee on Timmons’ desk, turning the handle just so, making it easier for him to grab. You cleared your throat gently. He glanced up at you again.

“Here’s the media statements for today,” you said, handing him a group of manila folders. You smoothed down the hem of your cardigan, smiling at the reminder of Bucky. You wished there had been a way to apologize to him again. He had left your apartment with such a pained look on his face. Maybe you could ask Peter. “And the Stark contract pdf is ready to go. I can email it over to you for final approval.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Timmons replied absent-mindedly, lifting the organized piles on the desk as if looking for something.

“Oh, okay,” you returned, nodding your head diminutively. “Do you want me to forward the contract on to Ms. Potts, then?”

“Ah-ha!” Timmons exclaimed, plucking a pen from underneath a stack of envelopes. He twirled the writing implement in his hand and peered at you, finally taking in your presence for the first time that morning.

An uncomfortable feeling washed over you as he evaluated you from head to toe. What was he looking at? Your hands tensed into fists as you continued to wait for his answer, growing impatient.

“Should I go ahead and do that, then, sir?” you asked, folding your arms across your chest like a protective suit of armor to deflect prying eyes.

“Yes, yes. That should be acceptable,” Timmons answered.

It threw you off balance. What had gotten into him? Timmons always had to have the final say on everything. It was so unlike him!

“Just so we’re clear- I will be sending the Stark Industries contract via email to Pepper Potts to e-sign,” you said, seeking clarification. You wanted to dot all i’s and cross all t’s because you weren’t going to lay your ass on the line for a misunderstanding. Especially not with something as crucial as the Stark Industries account.

“What? No, there’s been a change of plans,” he corrected.

You stared at him dumbfounded. Was he purposely trying to give you mental whiplash?

“Change of plans,” you affirmed. “Has Stark Industries decided not to use the firm, sir?”

“Oh, no. They’re still going with us,” Timmons said, rearranging the clutter he’d made on his desk.

You dropped your arms to your sides, although inside, you felt like throwing them into the air in frustration. Why was he so vague? He was usually wholly transparent with you. “Would you mind explaining it to me, please?” you asked, borderline annoyed. “Last time I checked, Stark Industries’ contract signing was still on the calendar for today’s agenda.”

“And it still is,” Timmons acknowledged. “It’s moved to an in-person signing.”

Your stomach plunged to the floor. Shit! You hadn’t printed out the contract! When was the appointment? How much time did you have? So many questions flew through your head.

How could Timmons keep something like this from you? Your heart hammered in your chest. You practically wobbled on your feet. Were you going to be sick?

I’m going to get fucking fired over this, you thought, trying to steady your breathing.

“Will you be ready to go in twenty minutes?” Timmons questioned, sitting down in the comfy desk chair and opening his laptop.

“Go?” you squeaked, attempting to recall how much you had in savings. You shook your head, trying to understand his words. Was he already asking you to clear out your desk?

“Yes. The car will be here at nine,” he said, keyboard clacking as he typed something.

“Car?” you asked, finding great difficulty comprehending the situation. Your head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

Timmons regarded you in bafflement. “Have you been drinking?”

“What? NO!” you declared. You didn’t need that added to “the inability to perform required tasks” as a reason for your firing. “I’m-I’m just really confused, sir.”

“About what?” Timmons asked, sitting back in his chair, folding his hands in his lap.

“Well…” you started. “What do we need a car for?”

His chocolate brown eyes shone with what you imagined might be excitement. “To drive upstate, of course.” He smirked as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desktop.

Upstate? What was upstate?

Timmons’ smile broadened as realization crept across your face. “Are we-”

“Yup!” he interrupted gleefully. He was like a child in a candy store. “We are headed to the Avengers Compound with a personal invitation from Tony Stark himself!”

You blinked several times at your boss, not entirely computing what he’d said. You were usually a lot quicker on the uptake than this. Why were you having such an off-day?

“We?” you asked, shaking your head clear of the cobwebs. Why on Earth would he bring you along?

“I need someone who knows the ins and outs of these contract signings,” he said, fiddling with his pen again.

Wasn’t that his job?

“I’m just the schmoozer- the people-person,” he admitted, shrugging. “You’re the real brains behind this whole operation.

You nodded your head in agreement. He wasn’t wrong. The office would collectively collapse without you, and it felt good to hear your actual boss say it out loud.

“You better not forget it, either. Especially when my job performance evaluation comes around,” you asserted.

Timmons swiftly saluted you as if he was the subordinate. You huffed a laugh at him while shaking your head with incredulity. You took a step or two toward the office door before looking over your shoulder at him.

Timmons had turned back to his laptop screen already and started typing again. “So, twenty minutes?” he asked with an air of levity.

You faltered, nearly tripping over your feet. “Wait? You were serious about that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Timmons wondered, looking up hurriedly from his laptop.

“I need to print out the contract and make copies, for one thing,” you mentioned, almost accusatory. Maybe if he had warned you ahead of time, you wouldn’t be so defensive.

“Already taken care of,” he soothed.

“What do you mean it’s ‘already taken care of’?” you asked, raising your hands to make quotation marks with your fingers.

“I had one of the other grunts do it last night.”

You gaped at Timmons like a goldfish, mouth popping open and closed. Did you hear him correctly? Timmons did something to make your job easier? You could hug him right now! You felt like pinching yourself to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

Once you gathered your wits again, you glanced to your feet bashfully. “Oh,” you spoke, absently fingering the bottom button of your cardigan. “Thank you.” You smiled gratefully.

Timmons returned the smile with one of his own. “You’re welcome.”

“Nine o’clock, then,” you agreed, moving further toward the doorway.

“On the dot!”

Words couldn’t even begin to describe the Avengers Compound. You’d seen it on the news, sure, but that didn’t compare to seeing it in real life. It was grandiose, imposing. You felt dwarfed in size looking up to the high rooftop.

It was almost ostentatious in a way. Much like the man who designed it. Larger than life.

Tony Stark.

Tony had insisted he take you and Timmons around on the tour of the compound. You still hadn’t seen the need for a tour.

“When Tony Stark invites you to tour the Avengers compound, you don’t say no,” Timmons had said in the car-ride up when you questioned why it was necessary.

It was all superfluous, really. Like Tony was trying to woo the firm to sign them, not the other way around.

A headache was forming at the base of your skull as you waited in line at the reception desk to return your visitor security badge.

The tour of the facility seemed to have been drug out longer than it needed. Tony had appeared overeager to show off every little gadget or trinket. Or maybe he just liked to hear himself talk.

When Timmons excepted the lunch invitation after the tour was completed, you felt the urge to run down to the armory, grab a gun, and shoot yourself in the foot. You were kicking yourself for ever agreeing to come on this dumb tour.

As the line slowly dragged forward, the muffled noise of men’s voices caught your ear. It sounded like an argument. Your line of sight followed to where the altercation originated.

Standing twenty feet away was Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, clearly disagreeing.

Your breath stilled as you watched the two super soldiers quarrel in a near-stage-whisper. What could they be fighting about?

From your place in line, you saw Bucky shake his head adamantly, his chestnut hair swishing about his shoulders. He might have even stamped his foot like a child, but you were too preoccupied with the look of abject horror on his face. He turned away as if to flee, but his friend caught him by the shoulder to stop him.

Were you causing this reaction from him?

You looked to your right to see if there was possibly someone else. All you noticed, though, was an empty space. Had you hurt Bucky’s feelings that badly? Your stomach clenched. The last thing you wanted was to be on an Avengers’ shit-list.

Glancing back to the two men, you caught Steve gesturing Bucky forward with short sweeping motions of his hands. Bucky shook his head again, stubbornly.

Even at this distance, you could feel the frustration rolling off Captain America.

Like a sucker-punch to the gut, you suddenly became very aware you were eavesdropping on Captain America and his best friend.

Your cheeks heated instantaneously, embarrassed of your staring. You shouldn’t be spying on them, you admonished. No matter how much your curiosity is piqued.

It was none of your business.

You turned away from them, facing the reception desk again.

As hard as you tried not to pay attention, you could still see what looked like wild gesturing from the corner of your eye.

What if they started fighting? Shouldn’t you be conscious of your surroundings for your own safety? You fidgeted in your spot as you debated your moral compass.

Fuck it, you thought.

As you peered over to the two super soldiers, Steve shoved Bucky forward gently, causing the latter to trip over his booted feet. Bucky glared back at his friend, his hands clenching into fists. Steve shooed him further. You could barely make out the word “Go!” on his lips.

As if in slow motion, you eyed Bucky taking step after step toward you. Was he coming over here?

Once you realized what was happening, your heart plummeted to your knees as your head whipped around to the front of the line.

Bucky Barnes was definitely walking over to you.

Had he noticed you staring?

You tried to stabilize your heart rate with slow, easy breaths, but Bucky was beside you much sooner than you could imagine.

A waft of aftershave hit your nose- woodsy and deliciously masculine. Your stomach swooped.

God, he smelled good.

Without having to turn your head, you could feel his brawny mass hovering near you.

How do you play this?

Perplexed?

“Oh, my gosh! I had no idea you’d be here!” Of course, he wouldn’t believe that. This is where the Avengers lived. He’d probably think you were a stalker.

Apologetic?

“I’m so sorry Peter and I made fun of you! Will you ever forgive me?” Nah, too needy or clingy.

Or--

Before you could think of any other ways to portray the situation, you heard a large gush of air escape from Bucky. Was he nervous?

“Hey-hey, (Y/N),” he said, voice shaky.

You gazed to your left. Bucky looked as white as a ghost. Had his ego taken that big of a hit?

At that moment, you wanted to do nothing more than wrap him in your arms and tell him sorry, and everything would be okay. You couldn’t, of course. You didn’t know the guy. So you settled for the next best thing.

You smiled at him beatifically. “Hello, Mr. Barnes.”

Like a veil had been pulled, his demeanor changed instantly. He returned the smile. “Ja-” he started but scrunched his nose as if he’d made a mistake. “Please. Call me Bucky.”

“Okay, Bucky,” you replied.

Timmons turned around, ahead of you in line, and eyeballed you. You gave him a dismissive look, praying he wouldn’t butt in.

“So, you here visiting?” Bucky asked, observing the badge in your hand.

“Sorta. It’s a work thing,” you remarked, waving the plastic fob in the air. “Stark Industries has hired my firm as their PR representative. It was signing day.”

“Ah,” Bucky said, nodding in understanding.

“And I got the tour and lunch courtesy of Tony Stark,” you added.

“Oh, yeah?” Bucky’s eyebrows raised in interest. “What did you think?”

“Honestly?” You watched Bucky shake his head in agreement. “It was extremely overwhelming. How do you not get lost in this place?”

Bucky laughed. Crinkles appeared in the corners of his eyes, yet he looked so boyish. He was beautiful.

“When I first got here, I did several times,” he huffed. “Every hallway looks exactly the same!”

“Right?!” you exclaimed. “I kept thanking my lucky stars that I had a tour guide!”

Timmons rolled his eyes and pivoted, facing front.

“Steve had to draw me a map to help me find my living quarters after the third time,” Bucky confessed, running a hand through his hair.

“Oh, no!” you empathized, bringing a hand up to cover your mouth. “That must have been so embarrassing!”

“Bird brain caught wind of it and gave me shit for weeks,” he lamented.

You gave him a confused look, not understanding who or what he was referring to.

Realizing his mistake, Bucky corrected, “Sorry. Bird brain is Sam.”

“Because he’s Falcon?”

Bucky bobbed his head yes, looking a little sheepish.

“It’s clever,” you grinned. “I like it.”

Bucky reciprocated the smile, and your chest warmed. It was a feeling you usually felt while texting James. Light and airy.

Finally making it to the reception desk, you relinquished your security badge to the pretty blonde in the too-tight sweater set. She handed you a clipboard to initial and fill out your departure time.

While signing, you surveyed the blonde as Bucky stepped closer. Her eyelashes fluttered rapidly, and she bit down on her bottom lip. Was she giving him bedroom eyes?

A new kind of warmth flooded your body. It felt a lot like jealousy as it snaked its way up to your ribs and circled your collarbones, which was absurd because you had no claim to this man. You’d met him one other time. Why would you feel this way?

Shoving the clipboard back at the receptionist, you spun toward Bucky. He regarded her politely and nodded, “Ma’am.”

Her shoulders slumped, and a frown slithered onto her painted lips. Somehow you felt triumphant, but not sure why. Bucky hadn’t picked you over her.

Your heart thumped harder in your chest as you walked side by side with Bucky, nearing the exit. You were suddenly overcome with the feeling of apologizing. What had you told James if you ever saw Bucky again? Apologize profusely and ask him to coffee.

You smiled at Bucky once again as he rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. The sound of a throat clearing resonated nearby. It wasn’t until you glanced up did you register Timmons standing so close. You had nearly forgotten about him.

Trying to gather your courage, you glimpsed between the two men. Bucky was squinting suspiciously at Timmons, and it made you chuckle lightly. “Easy tiger,” you assured. “That’s my boss, Roger Timmons.”

Bucky’s blue eyes widened a fraction, and he raised a hand in hello. “Sir.”

Timmons raised his chin in acknowledgment before looking down at his watch. You took it as his way of telling you to hurry up.

Okay, it’s now or never.

“Would you like to go to coffee with me?” Bucky blurted out, cheeks coloring pink.

Your eyes roamed across his handsome face. The boyishness was back, along with a touch of uncertainty. He was sweet, regardless of what the media claimed about him. Your lips curled up into a broad smile. “You read my mind,” you revealed, then winced. “That’s not one of your superpowers, is it?”

Bucky tittered. “No, no mind-reading.”

“Good,” you said, relieved.

“Whaddya say? Coffee?”

You dipped your head in a slow yes. “It’ll have to be after work, though.” You motioned over your shoulder with your thumb. “The slave driver over there is taking me back to the office to put me to work.”

Giggling, as you heard a scoff come from behind where you were standing, you reached into your purse and pulled out a pen and an old receipt. You quickly jotted down your work address. Handing it to Bucky, you began moving towards Timmons. “I get off at five,” you called. “I’ll meet you in the lobby.” You waved goodbye.

Bucky smirked. “Don’t work too hard!”

You flashed him one last smile before disappearing through the exit door.

You had a coffee date with Bucky Barnes!

You couldn’t believe it! The giddiness swelled inside you.

You gazed at Timmons’ profile as you walked to the waiting car parked at the curb. He had that look on his face.

It was a long drive back to the city. There was no way you could endure it if he started up now.

You gave a stern look before you stated, “Whatever you’re thinking, keep it to yourself.”

Timmons threw his hands up in mock surrender. “I wasn’t thinking anything.”

“Uh-huh,” you said dubiously. Timmons smiled smugly as you both climbed into the town car.

Chapter Five | Chapter 6 (part 2)

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the-dead-sea-trilogy · 3 years

Text

a major update on the series

i have news that is both good and bad. [the fic is not getting cancelled, don’t worry].

after a lot of deliberation - and i mean going back and forth for over a year now trying to write Icarus and the Blistering Sun, the prequel to The Devil and the Dead Sea - i have made the difficult (but i think really important, for reasons i will get into) decision to postpone Icarus and rearrange the order of the series.

Mother Earth and Her Infinite Sky, the sequel to the Devil and the Dead Sea, will be the book to be released next. NOT Icarus, as I have previously been stating.

This is good because I think it is a better, more cohesive choice for the series from a narrative standpoint. This is good because we get to see our boys being in love on a team right away once it’s out. This is good because I am excited about writing a story about our boys being in love on a team to immediately follow DATDS.

This is bad because it means I have to put the prequel on hold (again) and full publication will be pushed back, again. My life is super hectic rn, so at this current time, I’m not able to offer an estimate on when Mother Earth will be released, but I do have the first few chapters written already.

Read below the cut if you want to know some more reasons, both from a narrative and personal standpoint, on why i made this decision and why it was actually really hard for me to do.

if not, all you need to know is the series is not getting abandoned. the order is just getting rearranged, which means publication is being delayed again.

i intend to help this along and keep you guys interested (and myself accountable) by continuing to occasionally post WIP updates and writing updates like these, as well as a tiny one shot compilation like i’m doing for my Legend of Zelda series, if you follow that.

until then, stay safe, love yourselves, and two wishes remain.

-jirachi (silv)

Narrative and Personal Reasons The Dead Sea Trilogy is Getting Rearranged

I work really hard on making a cohesive story with thought, poetry, and themes that I can hand to you guys, and I want to use this time to give you some insight on that and why it’s taking so long. The narrative reasons are the easiest to explain and kind of go hand in hand with the personal reasons, so I’ll approach it from that angle.

The Narrative:

Ever since I started writing Icarus in November 2019 after DATDS, once NaNoWriMo was over (yes, I tried it), I just kept hitting walls. And stopping and starting. And I couldn’t understand why I was hitting so many walls, and I realized it maybe had to do with the narrative structure of the series not being as cohesive as it could be yet. What I came to realize is that:

A big thing in this trilogy is the idea of the cycles of Birth, Death, and Rebirth.

“And y’know, that’s like, the nature of the beast, inn’t it?” Archie said. “Night and day. Water and fire. Land and sea. Birth, death, rebirth—”

“And we’re in the death stage right now…”

“Then one day we’ll be reborn.”

There was a pause. Archie was right.

-Epilogue, DATDS

Icarus was always intended to be the Birth story. Archie and Maxie meet, have their first sparks of inspiration, first sparks of their relationship, and first sparks of their rivalry. It’s all supposed to ignite there, I mention a couple times in DATDS there being a “spark” in Maxie. That was intentional.

Devil is the Death story. They literally say this in the Epilogue. Archie and Maxie purge all the bad blood between one another, die to their pretenses of themselves so that they can kickstart the process of building things new. In dying to their own egos and having an exorcism of sorts (oh you mean a literal exorcism?) they saw into one another and realized how much they really loved one another the whole time.

Mother Earth is the Rebirth story. Archie and Maxie build their new team, learn about what it means to love each other and what they need to do to make their relationship work. (Among other things that have to do with rebirth).

The issue:

When I started writing DATDS many, many years ago, I never intended/anticipated there to be a prequel, let alone a sequel. But I fell in love with this story, fell in love with these characters, and it just kept growing and growing and I love it so much. However, this means, as it stands currently,

I started the cycle with Death.

That isn’t a bad thing - DATDS works as a beautiful introduction to this story. However, this means in order for the cycle (and narrative) to make any sense, it just flows so much better to have Mother Earth be next. Because otherwise, I’m going

Death (Devil) -> Birth (Icarus) -> Rebirth (Mother Earth)

And that just.. doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense when you look at it like that?? Having two “birth” moments in a row seems really wonky, and this is probably the source of one of the (many) issues I was having with it.

Not to mention the strange time jumping that would be happening between

ORAS Canon PRESENT (Devil) -> 15 years PAST (Icarus) -> 1-2 Years FUTURE (Mother Earth)

The solution? Simple

Death/Present (Devil) -> Rebirth/Future (Mother Earth) -> Birth/Past (Icarus)

It loops back around from both a timeline and a narrative/symbolic standpoint.

The bottom line:

Devil set up a rebirth story beautifully. The stage is set for Archie and Maxie to walk down from the mountain and start their new lives. It just doesn’t make sense for me to put that on hold. Especially when things in Mother Earth will end up making it easy to loop back around to Icarus.

And, as much as I didn’t want to end the series on a “sad” note, the fact of the matter is Icarus ends in a moment of “Death,” where Archie betrays Maxie and sets up the spiraling chain of events that lead up to Devil, closing the cycle and making it all a complete circle.

That, and it will be incredibly easy to end Icarus with another Epilogue where things suddenly aren’t as sad anymore, even though they ended sadly once long ago, and it can all come together in a reflective way.

There are other reasons I was hesitant to remove Icarus from its second slot, ranging from “I didn’t want to end on a ‘sad’ book” to “I took a lot of creative liberties with Colress as a character and throwing him in at full force in Mother Earth without any sort of warning is gonna be.. strange, to say the least, and at least introducing him slowly in Icarus wouldn’t make him seem like a complete psychopath” but also Colress is.. just kind of like that.

But also ultimately, even though I love Colress as a character and he does have an arc I’m interested in, this ain’t about him. Much to his dismay, I am sure.

[he already robbed me of valuable covid writing time once by holding me hostage and forcing me to write 120,000+ words about his Team Plasma hot girl summer so he can die mad about it i guess]

What I’m trying to say, ultimately, with this, is that I put a lot of thought and work into what I do. I’m putting so much effort into this story because I care about it, and I want to give you guys (and myself) the best story I can possibly make. That is just, now gonna require more time than I anticipated, especially with this change. And I wanted to give you guys some insight into why delays are happening and why such changes are being made.

Because to be completely fucking transparent, I was really struggling with Icarus. And once I made this realization, it all kind of made sense why. And I think once Mother Earth is complete, things in Icarus with start coming together for me.

In the meantime, stay posted, keep an eye out for the other updates, and I absolutely cannot wait to share Mother Earth with you.

#datds #the dead sea trilogy #icarus #mother earth #icarus and the blistering sun #mother earth and her infinite sky #the devil and the dead sea #hardenshipping #fic news #fic updates

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courtlandmcintosh · 3 years

Text

[Hafsanur Sancaktutan, cisfemale, she/her] who’s that? oh it’s [Courtland McIntosh]. i hear they’re [19] and are known as [The Wallflower] around [Ohio]. they’re also a [Freshman] at [OSU], and are part of [OSU’s art club & McIntosh Orchards]. they’re known to be [caring & thoughtful] and [prying & an overthinker]. some people say they remind them of [the soft glow of fairy lights, bundling up on a cold winter’s morning, journaling & the first stroke of paint on a new canvas]. only one way to find out! [Bee, 21, GMT]

BASICS

Full Name: Courtland Ariane McIntosh

Nickname: Courtland, Court

Birthday: May 27th

Age: 18

Zodiac Sign: Gemini

Hometown: Manhattan, NY.

Sexuality: Bisexual? (Still questioning)

Grade: Freshman

School: OSU

Occupation: Managing the family orchard

Activities: Art club

LIKES/DISLIKES

LIKES: Wildlife, sunrise, art in all its forms, journalling

DISLIKES: Being alone in a crowd, bullies, being underestimated, overheating

TL;DR BIO

Courtland McIntosh took a long time to grow into herself, and her family’s legacy. Between her solitary hobbies and general shyness, she was always reluctant to stretch herself beyond the social reach of her twin. However, after a sudden life-change on her sister’s part, she realised she couldn’t hide in her shadow forever. Now, Courtland is studying at OSU and running her family’s new orchard, determined to prove that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

FULL BIO

Courtland’s life has undeniably been one of privilege. Being descended from the self-proclaimed “reigning emperor of apples” himself comes with a swathe of perks, both nutritionally and financially. Along with her twin sister Braeburn, Courtland grew up in the lap of luxury and the heart of Manhattan. In every sense aside from literal, the two were always attached at the hip as kids. Their dynamic shone through even in their early years; Braeburn

Out of the pair, Courtland was always the most introverted. She held no active disdain for other people outside of her family, but she struggled with approaching others socially. Whenever the choice was provided, she would opt to stay at home and work on her hobbies rather than going out to play. She established an early interest in art, especially painting. Her parents had very polarised reactions to this; while her father was mostly indifferent and concerned for their furniture, her mother was all-in, to an off-putting extent. While in her own mind she was providing unwavering support and motivation, to a young Courtland, she was offering up unsolicited criticism and pressure to improve even her most whimsical finger paintings, constantly. While she couldn’t know it at the time, these attitudes from her parents would prevail as she grew up, no matter what the pursuit was. Cello, her studies, writing - it was all or nothing from either side. She internalised both of these responses, but art would remain as her escape for years to come.

Braeburn was the one who made sure of that. No matter where they went or what they did, Braeburn was the driving force behind what little confidence Courtland had. Outside of arts and crafts, a young Courtland could credit each and every new venture in her life to her twin; her dependence wove itself into existence early on. Because she was quieter, Courtland saw herself as weaker, and during her childhood that didn’t present itself as much as a problem. It was a fact she was willing to accept. She didn’t need to be popular in her own right at school - Braeburn was extroverted and charismatic enough to attract a healthy crowd to their elementary school lunch table, and she was content to linger quietly in the corner. That isn’t to say she offered nothing to her sister - she was perceptive, and observant. From her slightly removed perspective, Courtland was happy to offer her sister a fond ear and often pertinent advice. Beneath their contrasting surfaces, their bond was always one of give and take.

Their coexistence held strong all the way through middle school, and the early beginnings of high school as well. Courtland had a few people she met through Braeburn that she would call friends, but none of them were close. Braeburn remained her idol, and the centre of her world, and so when her sister began to shut her out, she knew something was seriously wrong. Courtland couldn’t understand it. Looking back, she cringes at the way she made her sister’s struggle about herself over those months, but until her sister eventually came out she had herself convinced that she had done something wrong. For a while, nothing could get through to her. Not the hushed knocks and whispers from outside of her bedroom door, nor the drawings softly worded letters slipped beneath her door.

For a while, the world became a faded version of itself. Her art lost its spirit, and in turn so did Courtland; she had no idea how to be herself without her twin. This, combined with the already messy maelstrom of feelings that came along with puberty, made for a difficult time in Courtland’s life. When Braeburn was finally ready to come out, the relief was incomparable. She had her twin back, and her twin had herself back. It was all Courtland could ever ask for - and a wake-up call, all at once. She had to be stronger, and more independent. Of course she would always be there for Braeburn, and she would still count on her in the same way, but she wanted to be able to stand on her own two feet.

It took a little while, but between helping her sister run lines for Little Shop Of Horrors and helping here and there with the set design, she realised it was time to branch out. The school had a small, but open art club, and with encouragement from Braeburn she eventually plucked up the nerve to sign up. She loved it. School was no longer just a place to accrue accomplishments - the was a small part of it that became a second home. She made friends there, ones all of her own, and although it took her a little while to open up she took her new, individual social life in stride. Braeburn was still her best friend, but for the first time she could confidently say she had friends she wasn’t related to. For once, other people were looking up to her - the other members of the art club respected her, they valued her contributions, and by the end of her junior year she took over as its president. As it turned out, she liked being a leader.

This, in turn, fed into a growing interest in the family business. Braeburn had started college prep in her junior year, with a range of schools in mind - some Ivy League, some not, but all fitting into schools her father referred to as ‘The Apple League,’ AKA any school he personally approved of. At the same time, her confidence grew. She was a smart girl. She held her own in several AP classes, and from her time in art club she realised she had ideas. Here and there, she began to pitch some ideas to her father over the dinner table when he brought up business concerns. For several months, he either brushed or laughed these off - but Courtland had changed. For once, she didn’t want to shy away from confrontation. She took her time, compiled her ideas, and worked them all into a presentation she was rather proud of. After several run-throughs with Braeburn there to offer pointers, she sat their father down, and finally asserted herself. To her surprise, he was enthused. So much so that, when her college acceptance letters eventually came in, he encouraged her to head to OSU so that she could oversee the launch of their newest orchard while she studied.

Going to college so far from home and so far from Braeburn would be her biggest challenge yet, but Courtland was ready for it. She packed her bags, and with a steadfast promise to facetime her sister as often as possible, she set off for Ohio to kickstart a new chapter of her life.

HEADCANONS

As young children, the twins developed in very different ways. While Braeburn’s speech came to her rather quickly, Courtland dawdled far behind in that area. She didn’t speak until shortly after their third birthday. Instead of talking, as soon as she could grasp on to a crayon for more than a few seconds, she started to draw. It made her so visibly happy that her parents provided her with all the art supplies a toddler could dream of. Her mother encouraged this as much as possible, hoping for a child prodigy, while her father was a little more wary of the mess. He did, however, have a couple of her first paintings of apples framed for his office. Her love for art only grew exponentially from there.

Throughout Courtland’s childhood, her sister was her idol. Her hero. She was always more reserved, keeping to herself and her hobbies unless somebody actively invited her to participate in social activities. More often than not, that invitation came from Braeburn. This pattern never really faded, and during the brief period before her sister came out where she withdrew into herself, Courtland became more aware than ever of how dependent she had let herself become. Even when Braeburn came out and their bond gew stronger than ever, she remained cognisant of her growing need to branch out as her own person.

When Braeburn first came out to her, Courtland wanted to offer up the best possible advice to her sister. To prepare herself for this, she bulk-bought as many contemporary fashion magazines as she could get her hands on. After holing herself up in her room for several days with those after school, she found herself hooked, and still enjoys flicking through these magazines on occasion, even though she rarely goes for the products advertised in them. They provide a range of pose references and jolts of inspiration every now and then for her art.

Throughout high school, Courtland began to feel a need for a little independence, although she wasn’t sure how to establish herself. She wasn’t bullied, but she was rarely included - sometimes she felt like an afterthought, hanging off the edge of Braeburn’s social circle. Eventually, with enough support from her sister, she finally joined the school’s art club towards the end of her sophomore year. For the first time she made her own friends, completely of her own merit, and the club became her passion. Before too long she was its secretary, and then its treasurer, and finally its president by the end of her junior year.

Courtland was always fascinated with the family business. While Braeburn was always expected to eventually take on their father’s legacy, Courtland was the only one who actively wanted to enter the world of apple farming at all. Her pitches for their orchards were rarely taken seriously, until around her senior year of high school. When Biff let the family know he was planning on opening a new orchard in Ohio, she saw an opportunity. With her gradually bolstering confidence she put together a presentation complete with elaborate slides, detailed infographics, and a laser pointer. She rehearsed the speech for weeks on end, mostly with her sister as the sole audience member, until she eventually cornered their father in his office and delivered the whole thing. By the end, he was impressed enough to request that she oversaw the project during her time at college, running that small branch of the business under his remote supervision.

#crhq:intro

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babyboy-bangtan · 4 years

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By Chance Chapter 12

A misunderstanding gone viral puts you on BTS’s radar, which leads to a series of events that finally culminate with you meeting them for the first time.

✚ Pairing: Sub!BTS/Female Reader ✚ Word Count: 5.4K ✚ Rating: M ✚ Warnings: None. ✚ A/N: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of my imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Dialogues spoken in Korean when English is also being spoken will be bolded and italicized. Read on AO3 / Chapters 1-4 / Chapters 5-8 / Chapters 9-10 / Chapter 11

The Meeting: Part 2

Thanks to some good, old fashioned bribing with tickets to the premiere of your next movie, you managed to get your hand on a couple of the pictures from BTS's SNL shoot, and you were able to have your assistant get you a custom made card for them. It's a pretty simple design, but you think that makes it look just perfect; it's one of their group photos, with 'HAPPY SNL DEBUT DAY' written at the bottom. It's a cute, well-made card that they can open to see what you've written inside— the problem only being that you don't know what to write just yet.

As you delete yet another sentence you've written on your notes because it doesn't feel right— this has been going on for at least half an hour— an incoming call from your assistant suddenly startles you.

"Fuck." You say, clutching your chest before answering it. "Hey, what's up?"

"Hey, I'm right next in line at the flower shop— do you want me to give the phone to the florist when it's my turn?"

"Yeah, please do. I'll just wait on the line. Thank you!"

"Okay, no problem." She says, while you distract yourself by trying to come up with a nice, not too personal message to write to the boys.

They were absolute sweethearts when you met them, much more so than you thought they were going to be, not to mention much more breathtakingly beautiful in person than on screen— and that truly is saying something. It was a bit hard to keep yourself together while they were around you because of how stunning they looked, and when they told you that Jungkook and Jimin were actually your fans you almost lost it. Jungkook was especially adorable— he got so shy around you that it made you want to hug him and tell him it was okay, but you knew that would've been an invasion of his personal space you doubt he would've welcomed.

You almost made a fool of yourself when they asked you what your favorite video of theirs was; you answered Blood, Sweat and Tears so quickly that you were sure they would realize why it was your favorite. You ended up covering it up by saying it was because of how artistic it was— which is not a lie per se, only a partial truth— and they seemed to fully believe you. You couldn't go ahead tell them the true reason was because seeing them hanging from swings, being tied up and blindfolded while kneeling or wrapping their hands around their own throats makes you want to go wild— because they would've rightfully run for the hills.

So, because of how lovely and sweet they were, you want to give them something that might ease their nerves even if it's just a little bit. You know what it feels like to be nervous on SNL for the first time as a host— but they are the first South Korean band to ever perform there and you can't imagine how much pressure they must be feeling over that.

Since you don't know them that well, you went for the safest bet you could think of: a nice arrangement of flowers. You would've loved to go into the shop yourself, but if word got out that you were in a flower shop buying a arrangement with 7 different types of flowers, it'd be only a matter of time before someone put two and two together and fucked up your gift by telling some news outlet desperate for any kind of celeb gossip.

"Hi, sir." You hear your assistant say. "Would you mind speaking with my boss over the phone? She couldn't come here but she wanted to order an arrangement herself—"

"Sure, no problem." You hear a male voice say, a bit further away and muffled. "Hello?" Now his voice is perfectly clear.

"Hi! Thanks for accepting the call."

"No problem, ma'am. What can I help you with?"

"Okay, I wanted to order an arrangement that I need to be ready by... let's say Saturday at noon—"

"Uh, that's very soon—" He says, but you interrupt him because you knew this was coming. The flower shop is quite famous— and that fame is well earned because their work is stunning— but you know from someone that it's not impossible to get them delivered in a couple days, if you're willing to pay the price. Which you are. That's the reason you sent your assistant— so she would try to persuade him if in case you couldn't yourself through the phone and to avoid the possibility of him hanging up on you before hearing you out.

"I know— but I'll pay whatever it costs to get it by this Saturday."

"It's going to be a bit expensive, ma'am—"

"I know." You repeat. "Money won't be an issue."

"Uhhh... okay, then." He says. "What kind of arrangement do you have in mind?"

"I need a big arrangement that must have 7 different types of flowers— and I need it to be noticeable that they are 7 and they're different, and they all need to be given the same importance. I don't want any sticking out more than the others."

"Right, do you have any type of flowers in mind?"

"No because I don't really know anything about flowers— except that they have meanings. It would be perfect if you choose flowers that symbolized greatness, success, longevity, beauty, elegance— that type of things."

"Got it. Any particular color combinations, maybe warmer colors or...?"

"Oh, yes. I want the color you notice first to be pink. Maybe different types of pink? And if you need to add other colors, they should be pastels. But pink has to be the main color. I just want it to look really beautiful. I want the people getting it to feel valued when they see it."

"That I can do, ma'am. Anything else?"

"No, that's all. Thank you so much, my assistant will take care of the payment."

"My pleasure."

"Hi, boss." Your assistant says, always careful to not say your name out loud, just in case. "I got it from here."

"Oh, wait! Did you get the vase already?" You almost forgot to ask.

"Yes. I picked it up before coming here. It looks just like you wanted it. I'll text you a picture later."

"Thank you! See you soon!"

You also had her order a custom made glass vase inspired on the cover of their latest album, but you don't know yet if it's going to look good or clash with the arrangement the florist will make for you. If it doesn't look good you'll just discard the idea, even though you really hope it does. You want them to know you just didn't ask for a generic arrangement of flowers, you want them to be able to tell that you put some thought into this so they know they're appreciated. You know a thing or two about feeling like an outsider, and you also know the relief you can get from knowing that someone from the other side is on yours too, supporting you.

When you hang up, you suddenly have an idea for what you want to write. When you went down a rabbit hole of BTS compilation videos that ended up with you laughing so hard that your stomach hurt and there were tears streaming down your face— who would've thought that the same guys who look like sin personified on stage and music videos were so damn goofy and hilarious?— you noticed there was a word they kept saying, but you forgot to search what it meant.

You open your browser and search 'what does fighting mean in kpop', because even though you're pretty sure that based on the context they used it you understood its meaning correctly, it still doesn't hurt to make sure.

"... a Korean word of support or encouragement. It is frequently used in sports or whenever a challenge such as a difficult test or unpleasant assignment is met. It derives from a Konglish borrowing of the English word "Fighting!"

You were correct.

화이팅— you will definitely use that. You start typing again, and for the first time you actually feel like what you wrote is appropriate for the situation.

You just hope the boys will actually like it, instead of thinking it's too much or that you crossed a line.

Much to Jungkook and Jimin's displeasure— although, to be fair, after meeting you the rest of them wouldn't have minded to spend more time with you either— they had to wait until Saturday before they could see you again. Sadly, even though the day is already upon them, they're now too focused on being completely prepared to really think about anything else. That's the reason why they hoped to meet with you again before the day of the episode; they hoped to interact with you one more time without having to worry so much about giving their best for their performances just yet.

To tell the truth, apart from Jimin and Jungkook who already were very aware they liked you and were really looking forward to meet you, the rest of them hadn't really had any set expectations when it came to you meeting them. Namjoon had been worried about Jin maybe getting flustered— which he didn't because he didn't really talk to you at all to make sure that didn't happen— and Yoongi was hoping to see Jin getting flustered, but he just settled for enjoying how shy and nervous Jimin and Jungkook got when you paid attention to them. What Hoseok loved the most was how quickly you made them feel at ease with you— like you'd known each other for a long time. Taehyung loved that too— and he also loved that you shared your experience with them to make them feel better. It really helped him feel a bit less nervous about their performance.

They had known you'd be nice— how could they think otherwise with Jungkook constantly reminding them about your kind personality— but they felt they weren't really prepared for how easy it was to be around you, even if there were embarrassing moments for several of them. Embarrassment was unavoidable, but any sort of awkwardness was nonexistent. You made them feel comfortable and welcome immediately, and they really appreciated it and were thankful for that.

After you shot the promos you had to leave and gave them all a hug goodbye, which was more than Jungkook ever thought he was going to get. And when you told them you were dying to see them perform live on Saturday, Jungkook felt like he was going to melt into a puddle on the floor. You kept telling them all how amazing and talented they were, and at that point they were all blushing and feeling embarrassed at your praises, not knowing what else to do but saying thank you as you rambled on about how incredible their choreographies and voices were. Namjoon got so shy when you told him his English was incredible that he could barely say another word after that.

When you finally left and they returned to their dressing room, Jungkook had to sit down to process everything that had just happened. He met you, you hugged him twice and to top it all you said they were great and told them how much you loved their songs and music videos.

Both him and Jimin got a good amount of teasing from the others on their way back to the hotel because of how flustered they'd gotten when you talked to them— Yoongi said he thought Jungkook was going to faint when you told him to sit next to you and Hoseok laughed at how charming Jimin tried to be and how immediately shy he got by you just talking to him.

"Namjoon-Hyung got shy too when she said his English was good!" Jimin had blurted out, trying to divert the teasing to someone else while the others laughed.

"Why are you dragging me into this? I didn't say anything!" Namjoon had complained, blushing deeply.

The teasing went on through the rest of the day, and by the time they had to go to bed, Jungkook started daydreaming about the possibility of you and all of them becoming actual friends. After getting to spend time with you and because of how nice you were, it slowly stopped feeling like something unreachable.

Now, the day of the show is finally here, and even though their performances are at the forefront of their minds, knowing that they'll get to see you again is also something that makes them feel excited. Some more so than others, but they're all excited nonetheless.

When they arrive to the studio the feeling of anticipation starts to truly settle in, and with it nervousness and excitement as well. They are well prepared— they've rehearsed the songs over and over again— but the possibility of something going wrong and affecting the performance negatively is always a worry.

Namjoon walks into the room first, but he suddenly stops his movements when he catches sight of what's on the table.

"What? What's this?" He asks, shocked, looking around their staff for answers. "Who left this here?"

There's a beautiful, huge flower arrangement waiting for them.

"Wooooow." Taehyung says right behind him. "Is this from the SNL people? It's so pretty." He smells the flowers, closing his eyes as he enjoys their lovely perfume. Someone from their staff answers that someone from the SNL crew left it a little while ago without saying anything else.

The rest walk in and marvel at the arrangement as well, but it's Hoseok who finally realizes there's actually an envelope positioned between the flowers.

"Oh, guys, I think there's a card." He opens the envelope and smiles at the image on the card, showing it to the others."Cute."

"Who is it from, Hyung?" Jimin asks, going to smell the flowers as well while Taehyung takes a picture of them.

"It's from [Y/N]-Noona!" Jungkook suddenly exclaims, reading over Hoseok's shoulder.

"She wrote a message." Hoseok says, handing it to Namjoon, who quickly reads it and translates it for the rest of them.

It's normal to be nervous, but remember you're here for a reason: You already made it. Don't worry, you're gonna kill it! 화이팅! [Y/N]

"She wrote 'fighting' in Korean, that's so thoughtful of her." He says with a smile, handing the card to Jimin when he asks for it.

"Ah, [Y/N]-Noona is so nice." Taehyung says as he reads the card with Jimin, who nods in agreement.

"Ah, wait—" Yoongi suddenly mumbles, crouching down slightly to take a better look. "The vase looks like the cover of our album."

"What, really?" Jin says, resting his hands on Yoongi's shoulders and crouching as well. "Oh wow, it does." In the middle of the soft pink of the glass vase, they can see the distinct heart shape of their album cover art. "This looks very expensive." He finally adds, standing upright again.

"Hyung, we don't have anything like this for her!" Jungkook suddenly says, almost panicking.

You got them this incredibly thoughtful gift, and he worries that you might feel they are ungrateful because they didn't get anything for you. How did it not occur to them to get you a flower bouquet as well? It's such a common thing to give, even if it still would've been a smaller gift than the one you gave them. It would've been something, at least.

"Well, we've got the album to give her." Namjoon says, scratching the back of his head. Until Jungkook mentioned it, he hadn't really considered that they might look rude for not getting you something like this as well.

"Don't be silly, she obviously didn't get us this because she was waiting for something in return." Yoongi interrupts them before Jungkook starts to have a meltdown. "You can tell she's not the kind of person who'd do something like that."

"He's right." Hoseok agrees. "I think she just wanted us to feel welcome."

"I think so too." Jimin says, with Taehyung nodding at his side. Jin and Namjoon also agree, and Jungkook can't really argue against that. You're too kind to be bothered by something like that and you definitely wouldn't get them something because you wanted something from them. You did this because you wanted to, and that's it.

When they start getting dressed for their Boy With Luv performance, Jungkook can't help himself and keeps glancing at the TV on the wall to check if you're there already, even if he knows the show hasn't even started yet. In your first SNL episode you were hilarious, and he knows this time will be no different.

Once you do appear, Jungkook's eyes are firmly glued to the screen. He's vaguely aware a stylist is working on him, but he's just letting her do whatever she needs while enjoying your monologue. The rest of the boys end up watching it as well, even though they don't all understand what you're saying on the same level. Namjoon, however, is laughing so hard he's almost crying.

"Oh my god, she's hilarious." He says, clutching his stomach. Jungkook had mentioned more than once that you were funny, but he had no idea you were this funny. The way you deliver every line you're saying makes it just perfect. As far as he knows you're not a comedic actor, but looking at you so at ease standing there, he feels like you definitely could be.

Jungkook grins at him, nodding in agreement.

After that, the there's not much more to do than practice the little details and wait for the time of the performance to come.

When you were told that you only had to be at the main stage a couple minutes before you needed to present BTS, you have to admit you were a little disappointed. You wanted to see the boys again before that, but work is work and you needed to do several outfit changes through the night. You're now dressed in regular clothes again, but after their performance is done you need to rush out of there and start getting ready for another sketch once again. So far everything has been going smoothly, except for one moment where you almost broke character and started laughing, but you managed to work it out pretty well and continue without much trouble.

Once you finally get there, the boys are already waiting on the stage and you manage to wave at them with a smile before a makeup artist pulls you away and starts fixing your face, and soon enough you're standing in front of the camera, ready to introduce them.

"Ladies and gentlemen, BTS." You say, moving away to the side so the camera can focus on them instead.

You, of course, are immediately enraptured by their performance and can't take your eyes off of them. Your brain still has a hard time processing that the boys who got so shy while just talking to you are over there now, being incredibly sexy and seductive like it's the way they are 24/7. They absolutely know what they're doing, and they know how to do it perfectly. They own the stage, and they love it.

You find yourself mouthing the "oh my my my" part of the chorus and dancing on your spot, because it's too catchy not to. The song is great, and you know for a fact it's gonna be a hit, and the performance is even better. You'll definitely be listening to it over and over again after this.

When the song is done, you only manage to give them two excited thumbs up when they look at where you are, before you are ushered away to get dressed for your next sketch. Things thankfully continue to go by without a problem; the audience's response is very positive and you feel quite confident about how everything is turning out to be.

It's not long before you're having another wardrobe change to present BTS's second performance of the night, and you're even more excited about this one than you were before. This song is actually one of your favorites, it's so fun to listen to and you can't wait to see them perform it live.

"Once again, BTS." You say, smiling widely as the camera moves away from you and goes to them.

You can actually sing this one— except for the parts in Korean— so you're really enjoying yourself this time. Dancing to their songs is pretty much unavoidable, and you can't help but mimic some of the easy parts of their choreography as well. They take your breath away through their entire performance— those damn hip rolls could give you a heart attack— and when they finish you start clapping and cheering for them like there's no tomorrow. They do get to see you right before someone takes you away so you can change again, and you manage to give them another thumbs up as you walk away to the dressing room.

When you're finally done with the last sketch, you feel the tension slip away from your body almost immediately. The last thing you need to do is get out of your costume and wrap up the episode with BTS and the cast, and you'll be finally done.

Your final outfit is a simple, not too tight dark blue suit with a white shirt and high heels, and the moment your makeup is fixed up you go back to the stage to get on position for the ending.

The boys are already there when you arrive, and you quickly greet them before someone from the production team starts to place them in the spots that work best for their height in relation to yours. When the cameras start rolling again you deliver your words of thanks for the opportunity to have so much fun with the SNL cast again and thank them, BTS and the amazing production team before saying your final goodbye so the credits can roll in.

You waste no time in hugging the boys one by one, immediately telling them how absolutely amazing their performance was, and then move on to the SNL cast who compliment you and tell you that you did a great job, which you say right back at them. They invite you to the after party, but you politely decline because you actually have a flight to catch in a few hours— and also because you're tired and don't really want to go.

Before you can start saying goodbye to them, Namjoon stops you to speak to you.

"Hey, would you mind to come by our dressing room in a bit? We have a little gift we wanted to give you—" He says, and you suddenly remember your assistant had told you that someone from their staff had asked her that already, and they told her they were going to film it.

"Oh, yes! Of course." You nod. "You guys go ahead and I'll be there in a sec." You want to switch your heels for something more comfortable before that.

They go in the direction of their dressing room, whereas you go find your assistant so she can give you your sneakers and take your high heels from you. Once you're done, you ask someone to lead you to where BTS's is staying.

"Come in, [Y/N]!" You hear Namjoon say when he sees you at the door, and you walk in and bow slightly to their staff before greeting them.

"Annyeonghaseyo." You say, and they reply the same to you. "Hey guys!" You say, waving at them. You hold yourself back from touching them too much because you don't want their fans to react negatively to this interaction, or maybe take it the wrong way. They all greet you with bright smiles, and suddenly Namjoon asks you to stand in the middle of them so they can take a picture.

"Oh, of course." You position yourself between Jungkook and Jimin. "You guys were so great tonight!" You say once the picture is taken.

You hear a chorus of thank you, and before you can leave Namjoon stops you and hands you a copy of their own album.

"We wanted to give you this—"

"You guys!" You say, genuinely touched at the gesture. "That's so sweet, thank you so much!" You clutch the album to your chest. "I love it."

You have to leave the room shortly after, and you wave at them as you walk through the door while they all yell goodbye to you.

You look at the album on your way back to your own dressing room; they all signed it, and even wrote little messages like 'thank you for the support', which you find to be absolutely adorable. Your assistant is waiting for you with yet another change of clothes— never in your life you have changed so often in such a short period of time, including your previous SNL appearance— so you can be actually comfortable once you're on your way to the airport.

Today was a long day, but a really fun and exciting one nonetheless. You just hope you'll be able to get some sleep on the plane, because otherwise you'll be fucked tomorrow.

It's not until after they are done filming the ending of their episode that Jungkook has a sudden thought, and waits no time to blurt it out to everyone in the middle of the room, startling even their stylists.

"We didn't thank [Y/N]-Noona for the flowers!" He cries out, looking like the world is about to end. He was just staring at the arrangement thinking about what a nice gesture it had been and how happy it made him, when he realized they never even did so much as mention it to you— and you didn't say anything about it.

"Oh shit." Namjoon says, realizing he's right and feeling angry at himself for not realizing it sooner. He had the entire night already planned in his mind and he did everything he had to do meticulously— but your gift was something he hadn't expected at all and his own nerves and excitement made him forget about it with everything else going on. "Do you think she's already gone?" He turns to their staff. "Can you find out if she left?"

God, they wasted so much time changing into their clothes that it's a very big possibility that you already left the building.

"She's still here, her assistant said she would make sure she doesn't leave yet, but you have to be fast because she has a flight to catch." Someone from their staff says, slightly breathless.

"Come on, let's go. We can't leave without thanking her." Namjoon says, and Yoongi frowns from his place on the couch.

"Do we all have to go? I'm sure it will be fine if only you go and thank her for all of us—" He complains, not wanting to get up.

"We're all going, Hyung. Get up." Namjoon says, leaving no room for discussion for anyone.

"I didn't really forget to thank her, I just thought they had decided not to and didn't say anything." Taehyung whispers to Jimin as they walk, who covers his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"Don't tell them that." He manages to whisper back.

When they finally arrive to your dressing room, they find you sitting there scrolling through your phone without a care in the world.

"Guys, hi!" You greet them with a smile, standing up once you see them enter. "What happened? My assistant told me—"

"We are so sorry!" Jungkook blurts out, looking very apologetic. You look at him like you have no idea what he's talking about— which, to tell the truth, you probably don't.

"Huh?" You say, frowning in confusion. "Sorry about...?"

"We forgot to thank you for the flowers." Namjoon quickly says, taking the reins of the apology. "We were very grateful when we saw them, and the message on the card was very thoughtful."

"The flowers— that's what this was about? You are very welcome guys, but it wasn't necessary to come all the way here, I promise." You laugh, lifting up both of your hands as if to make sure they understand you don't mind.

"No, no, it is. You went through all the trouble of getting them and it would be very rude to not thank you for them." Namjoon argues while the rest of them nod in agreement, and you bring your hands to your chest.

"That's incredibly sweet guys— I'm very happy you liked it. I just wanted you to know you are very welcome here. I know there are some people here that can be— how do I put this?" You look like you're trying to find the right words for a couple seconds. "Literal pieces of shit when it comes to talking about you." They all laugh at that, they can't really help it because of the deadpan way you say it. "But so many people here love you and appreciate you, and I hope you never forget that even if sometimes the worst people seem to be the loudest, they're not the majority. Not at all." They are all really touched by your words once Namjoon translates for them, but when he's about to reply to you he's interrupted by your assistant.

"[Y/N], the car is here. You need to go." She says, speaking from the door.

"I'm so sorry, I have to get going." You say, and they all nod in understanding. You sling your bag over your shoulder and start hugging them goodbye, but as you let go of Jungkook who is the last one, you suddenly say something that surprises them. "We should keep in touch."

"I can give you my number." Jungkook says immediately, pulling out his own phone so fast the others don't even see the movement. Jin has to look down in order to not burst out laughing right there, while the others do a slightly better job at hiding their reactions. "Or you give me yours." He unlocks his phone just in case, as he feels his ears starting to get hot. He doesn't care about embarrassment right now, this is more important.

You take the phone from his hand with a smile and quickly type your number, leaving it like that for him to save it himself.

"[Y/N]—" Your assistant calls for you again.

"Sorry guys, gotta go." You say, smiling apologetically. "Text me so I can save your number." You tell Jungkook with a smile right before walking away, leaving him just standing there looking down at the phone on his hand.

Jimin has his own phone out, quickly copying the number for himself before saving it as [Y/N] 누나.

"She gave me her number." Jungkook says, looking down at the screen in a daze.

"Yes, she did." Namjoon says, squeezing his shoulder while trying not to laugh at his reaction.

As they go get their things to finally go back to the hotel ,Jungkook's mind is focused only on the fact that he got your number, but not only that— he got it because you were the one who wanted to stay in touch with them.

He doesn't think he'll be able to sleep tonight.

While you relax and try to enjoy the car ride to the airport, your phone suddenly vibrates on your lap.

Is this [Y/N]?

It's a message from a number you don't recognize, so of course you assume it's Jungkook.

Yes. Who's this?

What you get in response is a selfie, but not from the person you were expecting.

It's Jimin. He's giving you a finger heart and has a puppy filter on, and you can't deny that your heart skips a beat at how adorable he looks.

Looks like someone stole my number.

Your phone vibrates immediately after, but this time it's a new number.

[Y/N]? Jungkook?

Much like Jimin, he sends you a selfie to confirm his identity— but unlike Jimin he has no filter on and is just looking at the camera with a grin instead. You feel your heart skip a beat again, and this time you send a picture of yourself in response, smiling as well.

Before you can even lock your phone it vibrates again, and this time it's Jimin.

Fuck.

He just sent you a selfie of himself pouting.

I don't steal :(

You have no doubts anymore. These boys will be the death of you.

This is the final chapter of the first arc of the story! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

#sub!bts #sub!idol #bts x reader #kim namjoon x reader #kim seokjin x reader #min yoongi x reader #jung hoseok x reader #park jimin x reader #kim taehyung x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #my work

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