#because if you related or saw yourself in the story that everyone seems to be agreeing

[215-luv]

AKAASHI & TSUKISHIMA WHEN YOU’RE IN AN UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION

(tw: cursing, attempted assault)

AKAASHI

it was really unexpected of him to act this way—not when everyone sees him as a composed person especially with the way he handles the volleyball team’s team captain, bokuto kotaro. so, when people saw the way his calm demeanor drops the moment his eyes take sight of some third year dude being handsy with you, it’s over.

keiji was in the middle of volleyball practice with the team and as usual, you were there to watch him from afar. your peace, however, was interrupted when a senior who you were kind of familiar with approaches you out of the blue. you recognized him as the student council president, however, you couldn’t recall his name. since you were the only person in the gym who seemed approachable, he asked about the coach and told you he was practically there to talk to the team captain about some collaboration for all clubs in the school. since almost everyone in the school knows that you frequently visit the gym, he knew you were someone who was familiar with the ropes of the team, so he initiated a conversation with you.

to be honest, the whole interaction with him didn’t stain you with a bad feeling at all. he was actually really polite and didn’t show any ulterior move towards you. soon enough, the initial topic of the conversation regarding the clubs slipped away as it turned to a talk about your similar interests. he was an easy going guy, and he introduces himself to you with his name, kento, and to your surprise he already knew yours before you could introduce yourself.

too basked in your conversation with the council president, the both of you seem to didn’t get a hold of the time. you were pulled out of your conversation when you hear the cheers of the team, signaling the end of practice, and you were oblivious to the unusual look your boyfriend has been giving you from across the court.

and, well, it seems the team has noticed the distant look on keiji’s face as he eyes the seemingly fun interaction you’re currently having with kento. he swears it’s been like that the whole duration of the practice—but it’s not like he’s jealous about it, of course. there’s no way he’ll act irrationally about some little conversation you’re having with the student council president. he might have approached you about something related to school, of course, he wouldn’t think of any other reason why kento would approach you other than that. but why are the two of you laughing so much? why are you smiling so brightly? oh dear god, this is driving him crazy. the gears on his brain were rapidly functioning with a feeling of discomfort in him that he couldn’t fathom why he’s feeling that way. his overthinking was eating him alive and he so desperately wanted to push it all away because he feels like he doesn’t have any reason to feel uncomfortable at all.

“isn’t that yamazaki kento? the student council president?” keiji hears konoha murmur to komi, who was nodding in response, eyes suspiciously eyeing the boy you were still talking with.

bokuto’s eyes practically widens, “yamazaki kento? so his last name is yamazaki? i swear i heard him introducing himself by his first name to keiji’s s/o a while ago.”

what?

keiji didn’t hear that right, did he?

“huh? they’re that close already?”

no, what the fuck—because why is keiji feeling this way? why does he feel his stomach churning in discomfort. he shouldn’t feel this way at all. you were simply talking to someone, let alone making new friends. he didn’t want to make you feel like he’s stopping you from doing so simply because he’s getting a bad feeling about all of this.

the side glances and stares from the team doesn’t make things much better for keiji. his mind is full of endless thoughts, but the blank look on his face tells another story.

he tries to keep his composure, he swears. he’s calm, he promises. he’s okay, you’re okay. he trusts this yamazaki kento, he’s the student council president for pete’s sake.

everything felt so odd for keiji that he could barely register his feelings or how he should feel about the situation. from the look of his teammates, however, this was a bad thing. and honestly, he already knew it was from the beginning.

“well..” bokuto trails off, eyes pointing towards you and yamazaki kento with a frown, “not sure what to feel about that, but it looks like they’re having fun so i guess there’s no harm in that.”

konoha snorts, “psh, yeah, too much fun.”

“konoha, shut the fuck up.”

yeah, konoha, shut the fuck up. keiji practically screams in his mind—an unusual thing of him to do. a bitter taste lingers in his mouth as he glares at the wing spiker.

moments of awkward silence passes, as if the team is waiting for any reaction from the setter. and finally, keiji sighs, thinking that he should put an end to this conversation before things get worse.

“i have no idea why all of you are making unnecessary comments about this. it’s really nothing to make a fuss about, honestly.” he says, eyeing the team with a cold gaze that greatly hides the uneasiness he’s feeling deep inside.

“gee, he’s a good actor” komi murmurs next to konoha with an amusing look. bokuto hears it and hardly nudges his torso in panic.

bokuto clears his throat with a dry laugh, “well, yamazaki kento is an honorable council president, after all! it’s no doubt he’s talking to your dear s/o because of their amazing and outstanding role in this school—“

“yeah, well, you might want to think about that again,” konoha cuts him off with a cough, lowly pointing a thumb at the other end of the court where you’re located at. everyone swiftly turns their head towards that direction.

and as if keiji is met with his worst nightmare, to his horror, he sees the so-called honorable student council president subtly holding your arm, his body stepping closer towards you—as if the distance between you isn’t enough.

okay, what the hell? keiji is damn sure that you and this guy just met, so why is he being so touchy with you? why is he letting you call him by his first name? is he that dense? is his head okay? doesn’t he know that your boyfriend is literally standing a few distances away, eyeing him with a glare?

and there, keiji sees it. he swears it’s his breaking point.

you took a step back, trying to put some distance between you and yamazaki kento.

but then this prick takes a step forward, knowing damn well you’re trying to distance yourself from him.

there it is. keiji notices, you’re uncomfortable. your body language says it all. now, the endless thoughts in his mind is replaced with pure anger.

keiji’s pissed.

“okay, what the fuck?” bokuto comments, “first, he’s on first name basis with akaashi’s s/o, now, he’s being all handsy wi—wait, akaashi, where are you go—oh, shit. holy shit! it’s happening. he’s pissed alright. konoha, go get your damn camera!”

from the other side of the court, resided you and yamazaki kento.

you swore things were going well. you and the guy had a lot of things to agree on. but why is he suddenly being all handsy with you? what’s the purpose of him holding your arm as if he’s known you for years? you just met him! hell, you didn’t even know who he was before he introduced himself.

also, it was so weird of him to know your name beforehand. the feeling of ease has been eaten away by anxiety as you did your best to kindly give yamazaki the hint of your discomfort.

your lips forms into an uneasy smile, “u-uhm, would it be alright for you to move away a bit? we’re too—“

“too close?” yamazaki kento continues with a smirk plastered on his face and your stomach churns.

the guy now raises both his hands, subtly holding the sides of your arms while he eyes you intensely and you panic.

your breathing turns uneven, “w-what are you do—“

as if the air was knocked out of your lungs, an arm aggressively pushes the guy away from you, creating as much distance between you two. the air suddenly feels lighter—all the more when you see your boyfriend standing infront of you, his warm hands replacing themselves on the sides of your arms. his hold on you was much more gentle, more comforting and warm. you never felt so relieved your whole life.

“keiji,” you breathed out with a relieved look on your face. and keiji was quick to pull you in his arms to an embrace, not giving a damn about the student council president on the floor from the impact of his push.

“it’s okay,” he whispers, his lips lingering on your forehead, “you’re okay. i’m here. you’re safe with me, darling.”

thank god keiji’s intuition was always right.

TSUKISHIMA

kei is always one who has a lot of things to say—most especially the mean things. it’s simply who he is and he doesn’t give a damn if he attracts a lot of enemies because of that trait of his. when it comes to you however, he doesn’t seem to get himself to act mean towards you—his significant other. he’s head over heels for you, it’s a fact. and it’s sure as hell that the whole school knows about that. the infamous, cold-hearted guy falls inlove with a down to earth, kind person. how cliché—but it’s cute, isn’t it?

it was training camp, and karasuno, along with other teams from different regions in japan were present. you were one of the people who volunteered to help with the team since this year’s training camp would involve more schools to join, therefore they needed the help.

and so, as the kind person you are, you willingly joined the team for their training camp. plus, you would be able to see kei more. the idea of traveling afar and meeting a lot of people gave you the feeling of excitement—the complete opposite of your boyfriend, who thought of everyone else but you a nuisance.

you barely were able to recover from shock when you’ve arrived at the destination. the gym was huge, filled with so many faces that some you were familiar with, but most of them you don’t recognize at all. kiyoko was snickering at the shocked look you and yachi had while some of karasuno had their jaws on the floor.

you were too busy gaping at the huge gym in awe that you weren’t able to register a tall presence approaching you. his fingers raises to flick your forehead with a tiny sound—the action nearly scaring the wits out of you.

you tilt your chin up to meet eyes with your boyfriend. you give him a glare and he replies with a tiny smirk.

“are you surprised?” he asks you, his tone giving off the vibe that he’s teasing you.

you huffed, “of course i am, kei. it’s my first time after all.”

“well, you’re going to be met with even more surprises the longer you stay.” your boyfriend says, raising a hand to place it at the top of your head, “good luck with that.”

“yeah, sure. thank you for your concern, kei.”

you have your regrets.

a day has passed and you realized you wanted to take back your insincerity when you thanked him for wishing you a good luck.

“what’s a ‘lil mouse like doin’ you here? are ya lost?”

fuck. scratch all that, you needed to escape. now.

it’s a funny situation, really. kiyoko has instructed you to fill up the team’s water bottles. and you’ve successfully done so, your mission was done. everything was going so well. you thought you wouldn’t come across any problem along the way because you were just simply told to fill the bottles with water.

however, as you were on your way back, you bumped into an unfamiliar face—a tall guy who you assume to be one of the players from some school based on the shirt he’s wearing.

you apologized for bumping into him, and the basket filled with bottles that you were holding were so heavy you wanted to rush back to the gym as much as possible.

the guy, on the other hand, had other plans.

as soon as you were about to walk past by him, he raises his arm to block your away, and your head swiftly faces him in surprise. suddenly, the basket on your grip feels heavier.

you gulp, “y-yes?”

“what’s a ‘lil mouse like doin’ you here? are ya lost?” the guy smirks, eyes moving up and down your body. suddenly, you feel sick in the stomach.

you try your best to get out of here as soon as possible, making sure not to offend the guy because god, he looked like he could do something to you any second.

you released a forced laugh, “haha, just doing some duties for the team. i have to go now—“

“hol’ up. why are ya leavin’ so soon, darlin’?” the guy now blocks your way with his whole body, his tall figure blocking the light from you as you’re covered with his shadow. you wanted to cry, why is he being so persistent? you should have asked kiyoko or yachi to come with you.

you sure are met with a surprise. kei was absolutely right and you’re surely damned. dear god, where’s kei when you need him?

“where are they?”

kei agitatedly questions the team managers as soon as the team gets back to the bench after ending another match. it has been nearly twenty minutes and you haven’t returned—which worried kei although he tried his best not to cause a huge fuss about it.

“i asked them to fill the bottles for the team,” kiyoko answers, “however, i’m not sure what’s taking them so long. i’m starting to get worried.”

kei immediately furrows his eyebrows, “they went there alone? you mean to say no one accompanied them?”

fuck, he’s mad. the whole team screams in their heads. they all inwardly panic. all of them stood there stiff while glancing at one another, unable to say anything as it might fuel the anger inside kei even more.

yachi shudders, “w-what if—“

“don’t.” kei glares at her, stopping her from whatever she’s about to say because he’s sure it would only make the discomfort he’s feeling even worse. poor yachi squeaks at the glare he sent her, but he couldn’t care—not when you’re taking too long to go back. he swears his heart begins to beat rapidly every second he doesn’t see you.

“tsukishima..” sugawara tries to console him, he had an uneasy look on his face while slowly approaching the middle blocker.

“we’ll find them right now, we don’t have any matches lef—ah, and there he goes,” suga trails off, watching as the blonde walks out of the gym without a word to find you.

“no need to tell him what to do, i guess.”

the rest of the team then decides to split up to find you, hoping that you’re safe and sound.

back to where you were, near the area of where the water fountain was—you still stood there frozen, holding the heavy basket of water bottles.

the guy who’s practically towering over you lowers himself so he could get a better glimpse of you—the action making you take an immediate step backward as the close distance between you two made you uncomfortable. you gulped, refusing to look at him in the eye. he was so close that you could feel the sensation of his warm breath, making you feel nauseous.

“pretty bird.” the guy chuckles.

from the corner of your eye, you could see his hand raising itself to the side of your head. you flinch when his fingers were close to hover themselves over your hair strands.

and then, in a swift motion, a hand grabs the guy’s wrist, halting him from touching you. you jump in surprise.

“wh—“

“touch even a strand of their hair, and i’ll make sure you won’t have the hands to do so.”

that voice. your eyes widens, the uneasiness in your stomach dissipating as soon as you see your boyfriend standing close next to you.

kei quickly squeezes himself between you and the guy so he’s blocking sight of you from the weirdo. he grabs hold of your hand from behind, giving it a tight squeeze in assurance—then he takes the heavy basket from your grip. you couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh of relief. you were practically shaking, and you hadn’t realized that until kei came to the rescue.

“you’re here.” you whisper quietly under your breath, only for your boyfriend to hear, “thank you, kei.”

once again, you feel your boyfriend squeezing your hand, the action giving you the right amount of warmth and comfort. despite his gentle advancements towards you, it was evident that he’s practically fuming.

kei was overflowing with anger.

the veins on the side of his neck were popping and evident. his eyes were narrowed and his lips were turned to a tight frown.

“so?” kei looks at the guy infront of him, his golden eyes piercing and cold, “do we have a deal?”

and just like that, the guy walks away with a huff.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #akaashi x reader #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu comfort #akaashi fluff #tsukishima fluff #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey guysss! A lot of people have been asking for me to make a challenge for a while now. I honestly didn’t want to, not because I’m against them or anything but because the law will be different for everyone. Sometimes, it feels like tumblr needs a reminder - you are the only person who knows what you need to do to succeed. I wish I could imprint this realization on everyone's minds. I’ve also gotten so manyyyy asks about things that genuinely just feel like your doubts repeating in your mind constantly so I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs bc y’all are spiraling really hard. I get it you want your desires for Christmas and new years. It’s okay take a breath, you're alive and will be okay.

Firstly: at the beginning I used to spend countless time spiraling into depression, constantly changing my methods every time I saw a new success story, and every time I found a new foolproof' tumblr method. Methods that were supposed to guarantee results in a day so when they didn’t I felt rlly useless. It was annoying, to say the least, and I don��t want to help others do the same thing, but really all I can do is reiterate what I always say and hope you apply it to everything!!

A lot of you guys wanted something that didn’t involve the void state, so that’s what this will revolve around! But feel free to make this void orientated if you desire, and I’ll also add a void section so all my babies can eat!

Ok so you’ve over consumed, you have dropped the void, and now have switched to just assuming and knowing that you would wake up with your dream life - embracing states. Great! At first, it will seem like you're doing nothing but you aren’t! For example, I knew I was dwelling in the state of wish fulfilled when I went to work without shedding tears, when I looked in the mirror and didn't think I was ugly because, well, I'm beautiful! I didn't care abt not performing well on a test because I could revise my past etc. this isn’t to say ignore the 3D: don’t do that, please try and make sure you’re safe and okay. But know life is malleable. Slowly, things that used to bother me—my parents, grades, anxiety, self-deprivation—started to fade away. Even though my dream life hadn't reflected in my 3D yet, I felt the switch. That's when I decided, I know what to do.

I also remember finding this cute website a long time ago that I want to share that summarizes it in such a great and simple way.

So Before I knew or understood what LOA was, I found this gem of an article on I am Love'- "How To Shift Into A State & Stay There". I think I have a post abt it somewhere on my blog but I’m too lazy to find it so here it is again.

Basically it explains that the essence of shifting into a desired state and staying there. What resonated with me was her choice to dwell in the state of knowing that her desires are hers, no matter what.

The way she used colloquial language made the content relatable and easy to understand. It's like having a conversation with a friend who's guiding you through hard concepts with “dumbed down” language because at the beginning states made 0 sense to me.

Posts like this really helped me particularly because when I discovered Neville, it required three attempts on my part to not only intellectually grasp his teachings, but also to truly comprehend him as a whole, given his non-contemporary speaking tbh.

I recommend it if you find yourself stuck or not really grasping the law yet (which is more than okay) but, if you're looking to understand the loa better or just learn more give this article a read.

There’s also a particular quote from Neville that really got me to dive into his work after finding this article and it was- “The being that you really are, descended to the weakness of the flesh, causing you to experience the state you are now in. Contemplate another state, and the same being who brought your present form into being will restore and make alive the other state, the state desired. This he will continue to do until his purpose is fulfilled. That purpose is to follow a certain pattern back into the unity of being. You see, in the beginning we were drafted. We did not volunteer to fall into these states. We were made subject into futility, not willingly but by the will of him who sent us. But when we return we will discover that we are the very being who subjected us. We are now the sons, destined to return as God the Father!”

Now that you understand and are ready to apply state, Here’s a routine I’ve created to hopefully help you guys! It is very simple and not time consuming at all.

Scripting and writing: I love writing and feeling like the author of my own story, literally bringing my creation to life. I would write when I felt like it. Whenever I wanted to dwell in my state, I would simply write, "I have my dream life." It's so simple, yet it embodies everything I need. If you’re more of a picture girl, use Pinterest instead. Or both if you prefer it doesn’t matter.

Edward arts' "I am creator meditation": Again, do this whenever you like it. It's one of the few meditations that didn't bore me to death and seemed to work with my ADHD. I also love reading, so I would read his pdf whenever I felt like it and take mental notes. Reading his work was a reminder I was doing everything right, it resonated with me very well.

During doubt and overstimulation: When things get overwhelming, close your eyes and let the emotions pass. They’re just thoughts! repeat the words "I am" until your heart returns to its normal rhythm. It's a simple yet powerful way to ground yourself amidst the whirlwind of emotions. And guess what? You can use this technique for doubt too! So the next time you're feeling overwhelmed, remember the power of "I am". It's a gentle reminder of your existence, your resilience, and your capability to be whatever you want despairs any emotional turmoil.

Thank god: (yourself!!) When reminded of your desires. Thank you god. When you see your desires, (eg:Pinterest, online or you’re just reminded) thank you god! When you see an image of your desires, thank you god! When you dream or think about your desires. Thank god! Always thank the person fulfilling it aka you ;)! If you’re religious just thank the god you actually follow.

Nightly reflections: At night, ask yourself , "What would I do if I woke up in my dream life right now?" repeat this question throughout the night. Then, imagine whatever scene you want. What would you do if you could not fail? What would you do if you had all the money in the world right now. What if you looked in the mirror and saw the most ethereal being and it’s just you? What about if you woke up in your dream house with your dream family and pets? This is inspired by one of the first shifting methods I created that helped me fulfill my imagination before I knew what that meant. When you’re ready to sleep just remind yourself it is done, and drift off into your desires.

As I've always said, I've been a great daydreamer. I knew exactly what I wanted my life to look and feel like. I envisioned my walk-in closet filled with luxurious outfits, waking up in my dream room on a soft mattress with my pets purring nearby. I saw the decor reflecting my personality in every corner of my large, and pretty room. I imagined walking into my bathroom, seeing all my cool Sephora products lined up for my skincare and shower routine. I love taking care of myself because I know I deserve it. I saw myself looking in the mirror, knowing I'm "that girl" who turns heads wherever she goes.I visualized going downstairs in my boujee dream house,and seeing my family stress-free, smiling, and eating well. I saw plans being made on my phone, my friends were excited to see and talk to me. I went to my kitchen, filled with expensive ingredients ready for me to cook meals for my loved ones - because I love cooking. I saw myself checking my bank account and seeing multiple seven figures in my savings, checking, and investment accounts and opportunities easily presenting myself to make more if I wanted. I saw myself running errands in my car, shopping, getting Starbucks, having expensive lunch with friends, and making a trip to Target. Despite the simplicity of the day, I would come home and be like, "Ugh, what a long day!"like that one khloe kardashian meme. What if all this happened today? Visualize and feel the scenes so clearly that it felt like it's already happening.. not just in your imagination.

Most importantly: Define the law for you! Stop parroting bloggers and intertwine your own beliefs with the law. The only principle of the law is that through persistence assumption will harden into a fact. Other than that anything goes except for facts that are wrong.

Here’s old notes I found in my phone lol just so you know what I mean by define the law for you: ignore the writing I was kinda dumb and new to the law 😭😭

Now this is for my void babies if you made it this far.

Read this post.

This is it copied bc the links are wonky sometimes

“My previous method is based on the persistent assumption, which a lot of people don’t know how to do right and it might take some time even for those who have the right self-concept and the mindset, so today I was in the process of manifesting this method.

And I was successful!

This method is for everyone. It’s the easiest Void method.

Do you know that you get into the Void state at night automatically? At that time the whole perceived world disappears for you. Every single perception and assumption you have disappears while your consciousness in the calm and natural Void state.

Use it to your advantage. Now that you know about the Void that you enter when you sleep, the perfect state to manifest anything that you wish to perceive, with no “resistance”, no illusions of annoying solid things around, you only need to remember your scripted starting point in your DR and practice watching it all coming out of the Void.

Practice that scene with your eyes closed, say to yourself:”That is what I perceive. Next time I’m in the Void, I’ll experience this”. You won’t even need to be fully aware of yourself that way when you get into the Void while you are asleep. Your subconscious would do all the work as it now would have the instruction and a clear image of you expecting it.

Personal experience: as I was receiving information on this method, I almost stepped into my DR! I wasn’t even in the absolute void state, I was only creating the scene for this method and I felt it materialise with my senses!

I have great feeling that it’s going to give fast results for others! Try it, teach your subconscious what it needs to bring forth while in the Void, let it do your work for you!”

Lastly, I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs real quick bc the fear of shifting vs manifesting makes me sad for y’all. I understand you don’t wanna leave behind the people you love and that’s not fear to feel ashamed of having! I personally hate the npc mindset a lot of have people have adopted. The only thing we know for sure is that assumptions create realities, and consciousness is the real reality. Everything else boils down to assumptions, except for principles. For example, shifting is not lucid dreaming, even if you assume it to be. That is the principle. I’m just going to copy what I told my mutal bc I’m lazy and need to finish Christmas stuff 😭😭 but Our imagination and the 4D realm are products of our consciousness, which is indeed real. Our view of reality is shaped by our consciousness, since we can't experience everything all at once.

Unless, of course, you shift into a super omnipotent god. Even then, you’d probably still struggle with the concept of infinity because, well, infinity is infinite. And it’s constantly a never exnding expansion. As humans, we're finite beings, and our understanding of the infinite is naturally limited. Because you can’t and won’t ever experience everything at once, infinity is always expanding. Our awareness can be thought of as fragments of consciousness; it's like being a drop of water in a massive ocean. Even though our perception is limited, the infinite is always there, always existing. We simply adjust our awareness to perceive this infinite reality.

And through our consciousness, we are able to tap into other realities or 'multiverses', which give us a broader understanding of existence. This exploration of consciousness and the multiverse is a significant part of my journey into the world of manifestation.

The law of consciousness explains why, when you "shift" or change your perspective, you don't physically move. It's all about altering your state of awareness. This is also why time doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. You can become aware of any time or day you want, as long as you choose to be aware of it. It's like having a mental time machine. This law is why infinite universes exist. As long as you can be aware of it, you can assume and embody the state of that person. Whether that's someone with a billion dollars on Earth, or a person who lives in the Attack on Titan world, it's all about your awareness.Our awareness is just a fragment of the larger consciousness – hence the idea of the multiverse. Each universe is a different fragment, a different state of awareness. And we have the power to “shift” into any of these states, therefore shifting into any of these universes.

I’m telling you this bc there’s no need to be afraid of manifesting or being in a reality with robotic versions of the people you love. Ariana grande and Marilyn Monroe for example talk about loa without acknowledging it and we see their success. Neville Goddard and his followers saw each other’s manifestions and I manifest for my friends and they mnaifest for me.

Take a deep breath and let go of the tik tok clone mindsets y’all have they don’t exist. You can manifest and assume anything you want in your imagination. Y’all literally want to manifest things like millions of dollars, revising deaths, living in new countries, having immorality in your waiting rooms, and never aging which is all possible of course. So be for real, why assume and know that you can achieve all that, but it won't manifest exactly how you want? I've also wondered about what happens to the "old version" of people when they manifest their dream life. As far as I'm concerned, they dont exist because you choose not to be aware of them.

I really want to talk about this too, as I've received similar questions and, oh my god, I thought I was alone. I've always been a bit delusional and lived in my head, but when I became conscious of the law, did anyone else feel a sense of self-embarrassment? I don't know what that was, but I'd genuinely feel my soul wanting to throw up envisioning my desires that aren't mine, even though I've always been a daydreamer. It's kind of like when you feel you can't have them or it's strange to envision yourself with something you can't have, so you just purge yourself. 😭

I was thinking back to why that happened and laughing at myself because we need to be serious right now. Why are you getting sick by your own mind? Imagine if Van Gogh, anytime he pulled out a canvas and held a brush, was jump-scared by the brush. Picture him holding out the brush and just staring at the canvas crying because "well, the painting is going to suck 😐," "I don't know what to paint☹️☹️," "I already know it won't be like what I envision in my head 😡😡." Like, bro, the canvas is blank, just fucking paint. That’s why I really like his quote that's like...

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” So If you’re scared of failing, if you’re scared of your desires, or scared of how it will come to fruition, for that reason alone is more so to and manifest it anyways.

But happy holidays guys! make some tea, scroll through Pinterest, read a good book and watch some Christmas films and remember if you can imagine/think your desires you can embody them bc where are you getting it from??

Here are some helpful documents I have read plus a cute vid I saw on insta reels : (let me know if the links are being weird)

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #my asks

[steddieas-shegoes]

Eddie had heard plenty of stories about Steve losing fights.

He had the concussions to prove it.

But what Eddie saw with his own two eyes was far more impressive than whatever version of Steve had let Jonathan Byers and Billy Hargrove win.

He’d seen how quick he was to defend the kids, defend Nancy and Robin, even defend Eddie when he barely knew him. He’d thrown himself head first into the mix, nail bat in hand or not.

So when Eddie asked about it, Steve shrugged it off.

“Everyone loses fights.”

Sure, everyone does. But he’s seen Steve win against literal alternate dimension monsters.

No way a human teenage boy or two could be harder to beat.

But he let it go. If Steve insisted on it being a couple of genuine losses, so be it.

But Eddie doesn’t let things go. Especially not when it comes to Steve.

“I guess I just don’t understand how you lost to Jonathan. I mean had he ever even been in a fight before?”

“No. But neither had I.”

“But you should’ve won that fight with no effort. No offense to Jonathan, but he’s scrawny and doesn’t even punch right.”

“I don’t know. Why are you so hung up on this?”

Well, because this wasn’t simple. Eddie could tell Steve was hiding something, he just didn’t know what.

“I guess because no one else ever asked you.”

Steve stared at him, probably trying to figure out how to avoid answering.

“No one seems to ever ask you about you.”

Steve looked down at the floor.

“They don’t need to.”

“You deserve to have people care. So I’m gonna care for now and then I’m gonna have a chat with your idiot kids about relational reciprocity.”

“What?”

“They have to show they care about you as much as you care about them. That’s kind of the deal with friendship.”

“Oh.”

Oh? Did Steve genuinely not know that?

Jesus Christ.

“So?”

“I think I just wasn’t good at fighting.”

“Nah. That’s not it.”

Eddie could see Steve thinking.

When he finally spoke, he wasn’t making eye contact. Eddie reached his hand out towards his face, cupping his chin and lifting his face so he had to look at him.

“Try again, Stevie.”

Steve took in a shaky breath.

“I wasn’t good at fighting for me.”

Eddie nodded. “Why’s that?”

“Just didn’t seem like I deserved to win. I deserved the hits I got.”

“Why?”

“Because I was awful. I said shitty things or did shitty things. Or with Billy, I knew I had to let him take it out on me and I guess I thought I deserved it. I dunno.”

“Mm.”

He released Steve’s chin, watching as his head dropped back down and he seemed to curl in on himself.

Eddie couldn’t allow that to happen.

So he pulled Steve into his lap, smirking to himself just a little when he let out a yelp of surprise at the manhandling.

“So all this time, you’ve put your body and mind and future on the line for everyone else without a second thought, but when you had to protect yourself and only yourself, it’s not worth the effort? Am I understanding correctly?”

Steve didn’t respond, but then again, Eddie hadn’t really expected him to. He was too busy hiding his face in Eddie’s chest.

“That’s what I thought. So who taught you that you’re not worth fighting for? Who told you that anything you’ve done wrong should be considered a debt owed to whoever wanted to raise their fists? Who made you believe that your mistakes could only be absolved if you let them get punched out of you?”

Steve was crying; He could feel the cold wetness seeping through his shirt.

“You tell me who it was and I’ll make sure they know how it feels to lose a fight.”

“Just me.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

He let Steve sit with the words for a few minutes before speaking again.

“You did some not great things as a teenager, as many teenagers tend to do. Have you seen the way Mike talks to people? He’s a shithead. But do you think he deserves to get concussed from a punch to the temple?”

Steve shook his head.

“Dustin gets an attitude anytime we don’t immediately bend to his will and calls us names all the time. Do you think he deserves to get a plate smashed over his head?”

“Of course not.”

Steve’s voice was quiet.

“You have more than made up for any mistakes you may have made in the past, even without the punches being thrown at you. If I have to tell you that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect every day, then I fucking will. Hear me?”

“Hear you.”

Steve was staring at Eddie, tears still silently and rapidly falling down his cheeks.

Eddie wiped them away and gave him a small smile.

“You have no idea how special you are. But that’s gonna change.”

“Okay.”

Eddie placed a kiss on his forehead before he wrangled him against his chest again, moving his legs so he could relax completely.

“Just relax, okay? I got you. You’re worth protecting.” Eddie sighed softly. “You’re worth everything.”

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #this was literally typed on my phone in the 15 minutes it took Liam to change out of his hockey gear #so it’s not substantial and may have mistakes #just thought a little brain worm needed an escape #headcanon #stranger things

[pinkchrissysposts]

"I can manifest anything and enter void that's a *fact* "- my future anons💅

Don't try just be without questioning,without any doubt and without worries. I've been testing law just for fun and I must say that being worried ruin everything. When you make assumption you have about yourself like "I can't manifest"you just accepted that as a FACT,you persist in that assumption without realizing it.

Here is an example from my personal experience,I unintentionally hold this assumption that "college is no different then school it's all same the teacher and professor complain about us to the parents",it's jus a random assumption I held,and not even a day later I saw this tiktok and insta reel saying school and college is no different,I know I manifested it at that moment cuz every time I held some kind of assumption about college or school I see this relatable pov videos. And me getting relatable videos is also an assumption.

So the whole point is don't try, just become that version of yourself. You can go and be like "Oh I can manifest with 24 hours" and accept that as a fact BOOM💥 there it is your new story. You wouldn't doubt it,you wouldn't question or worry about your facts.

Here is a weird assumption I have about myself I never EVER doubt it,so every time I start liking underrated singer or bands they just somehow become famous😀like BTS I've known them since "I Need You" Era 2015 and suddenly a year later they are become worldwide popular😀the way i was gatekeeping them from everyone but my assumption come to reality🙃 there are more,if I like some trend it becomes popular💀. Also notice how I had those assumption as a kid I was literally 12 or smth. Be as stubborn as a child when it comes to manifestation.

If such weird assumption can be a fact then why not getting free money be a fact,being a Shifter,always getting free food,anything can be a fact it if you hold and assumption and persist.

Even when you affirm,affirm them as FACTS,well cuz they are facts right.

Also you are not gaslighting yourself,you can give yourself your desires in your imagination and become that version of yourself in imagination which is your actual reality.

We should treat our assumptions as facts when we are manifesting because our assumptions are the seeds that we plant in our subconscious minds, and they are the foundation of our manifestations.

When we treat our assumptions as facts, we are essentially creating a strong impression in our subconscious minds that our assumptions are true. This makes it much more likely that our affirmations and visualizations will be accepted by our subconscious minds and that our manifestions will reflect on the 3d. Therefore, it is essential to treat our assumptions as facts when we are manifesting.

Edit: I'm still editing it,I can't seem to keep it in draft it post on own it's own💀

#affirmations #desired reality #law of assumption #neville goddard #manifesting #manifestation #placebo effect #self concept #law of manifestation #law of attraction #states #barbados #desire self

[vikkirosko]

Hello, it is alright if I request Charlie, Vaggie, Alastor, Angel Dust with a fem reader who acts very cold, closed off and very pessimistic about her life in general and acts aggressive and gets angry easily, she also has fire manipulation powers which evidence by the small fire engulfing her hair bow and since she gets angry very easily, her fire powers would engulfed half of her dress and her hair turning into fire, fem reader is also seen wearing a burnt wedding dress as her casual clothes which she doesn't want to speak about why but then she eventually warms up to them and opens up on why she acted like that towards them and it was all tied to her past, when she was alive, she was a runaway bride who ran away from her arranged marriage after poisoning her fiance and her controlling yet emotionally abusive family before meeting her demise and after arriving in hell, being in a unfamiliar place after death, fem reader doesn't want anyone to hurt or control her again so she started acting very cold, pessimistic and aggressive towards everyone she encountered and why she still wears her wedding dress and how she got burn scars(platonic)

Platonic headcanons Fire of Rage

🌈 Charlie Morningstar x fem!Reader 🎶

You and Charlie met when you came to her hotel. You intended to stay there and she was only glad to have new guests at her hotel, but something was bothering her. You were quite cold in communication, withdrawn, did not talk about yourself and lost your temper very easily. You flared up like a match from the slightest irritation and literally began to burn

Usually when you were angry, your hair bow lit up, but this time you were much more angry than usual and Charlie was very scared that you could get hurt. She was not worried that a fire could start in the hotel, because the health of the person she cared about was more important. She saw how your hair became a real fire, but there was something strange. The fire consumed part of your dress and she saw that instead of it you were wearing a wedding dress, clearly damaged by the fire. Charlie tried to find out about it when you calmed down, but you refused to talk about it. At least not until you trusted her

One evening when you volunteered to help her with the documents in the office, you told her that before your death, you lived with your family who had been emotionally pressuring you all your life. They wanted to control you so much that they found you a fiance you didn't like and tried to arrange a wedding of convenience, but you couldn't let that happen. You poisoned your family and your fiance and then ran away, but your free life ended pretty quickly, because for what you did, you were going to be executed. After you ended up in Hell, you decided that you wouldn't let anyone control you and hurt you anymore. That's why you behaved so towards others

Your story made it clear to her why you were wearing a wedding dress and why you tried so hard to keep your distance from the others. She understood that the flame that flared up when you were angry meant your determination. Your determination to live your life, even if it left you with scars. She was ready to support you no matter what

❌ Vaggie x fem!Reader 🎀

When Vaggie first met you, she couldn't figure out what your problem was. You were quite cold in communication, you had a gloomy outlook on life, and it would seem that no one would be surprised in Hell, but even in relation to Charlie, you continued to be cold. She was even more surprised by your temper. You were angry because of the slightest irritation and literally lit up. Your hair bow was starting to burn and you could manipulate fire, both on your hair bow and in principle

Every time you were angry, Vaggie tried to stop you, realizing that you could have started a fire in the hotel. It was during one of your outbursts of anger that she saw something unusual. You were more angry than usual and all your hair was on fire, as well as part of your clothes, instead of which she saw something like a wedding dress that had suffered from the fire. Vaggie didn't know anything about your past and you refused to talk about it

Only after some time, when the relationship between you became warmer, you told her about your past and about that wedding dress. You told her about the family that controlled you all your life, about the groom they chose for you, about how you poisoned them and ran away, shortly after which you died. This wedding dress with traces of fire and burns that were visible through the holes in the dress was a reminder to you that once in Hell, you decided not to let anyone hurt you and control you

Vaggie knew what it was like when people controlled you and understood your anger. You had different ways to fight for control of your own life, but it was Vaggie who understood you like no one else

🕷Angel Dust x fem!Reader 💖

From your first day at Hotel, Angel thought you were strange. You were cold, sullen, and distant. He tried to establish contact with you, but you didn't want to get close to anyone. Quite often you were angry. Even his jokes could make you angry and then you started to burn. Your hair bow lit up with a real fire and you easily manipulated the fire

Angel has witnessed your intense anger. He didn't know what exactly made you so angry, but he knew for sure that he wouldn't want your anger directed at him. Your hair was on fire, as if there was a real fire instead, as well as part of your clothes. The fire didn't hurt you, but he was able to notice that instead of your clothes that were consumed by the flames, there was a burnt wedding dress. It made him curious, but you refused to talk about it

Your relationship has gotten better after a while. You became more open towards him and once told him about your past. You told me about the controlling family that decided for you how to live, including they tried to arrange your wedding of convenience. It was the last straw for you. You poisoned your family and the groom, ran away, but pretty quickly your life was cut short, leaving a wedding dress and burns for you as a reminder

Angel understood well what it meant to have a controlling family. He remembered his father well and remembered how he tried to go against him. Now he was in Hell and for him it was partially in the past, but for you this internal struggle continued. You weren't going to let anyone control you, that's why you behaved like that, and Angel was ready to help you

📻 Alastor x fem!Reader 🎙

Alastor has always treated everyone the same. Seeing your frowning face, he decided to find out what could cause your smile, but you did not make contact. You were cold, withdrawn and quite pessimistic. Alastor didn't know the reason for this, but there was something that amused him. Your temper

You lit up like a match from the slightest irritation, which quickly turned into full-fledged anger. At such moments, your hair bow was on fire, but at one of these moments you got more angry than usual. This caused not only your hair bow, but also your hair to catch fire, as well as part of your clothes, instead of which you were wearing a wedding dress. It made him even more curious, but you refused to talk about it

Your relationship got better after a few months. It took you a while to trust him and only then did you tell him about what happened to you before your death. About your family, their desire to control you, a wedding of convenience, about how you poisoned the family and the groom, about how you ran away and how you died. Once in Hell, you decided that you wouldn't let anyone control your life and hurt you. That's why you were so cold and distant from the others

Alastor was pleased that you became more open, as well as your determination. He respected your desire to live your life and he supported you in this

#Hazbin Hotel #Hazbin Hotel x Reader #Hazbin Hotel headcanons #Charlie Morningstar #Charlie Morningstar x Reader #Vaggie #Vaggie x Reader #Angel Dust #Angel Dust x Reader #Alastor #Alastor x Reader

[voltronisanobsession]

You know what, I’m going to warn you from now, you’re going to get a lot of Percy x reader requests form me (not that I can blame myself) so without further ado… Can I request a Percy x Melinoe!reader?

Everyone knows how Nico is the ghost king, but can you imagine Percy meeting and falling head over heels for a daughter of Melinoe? She may as well be a living ghost queen because of her control over ghosts.

I imagine she shows her love for him in strange ways since regular lovers give each other flowers and chocolate, what the reader does? She shows up in his nightmares and battles off any monsters giving him trouble. She also did something weird for Valentine’s Day, but I’ll leave that up to your imagination 😉

Maybe she even has magic, to smaller extent to the Hecate cabin? (Blame Hades II and my love for magic for that idea), I don’t know, I can just see her having a lot of tricks up her sleeves.

(I’m sorry for making this so long.)

Percy with a Child of Melinoe

I’m always ready for these Percy jackson requests, keep them coming😻😻😻 you literally be dropping the most COOLEST REQUEST LIKE DDAAMMMNNN I LOVE UR BRAIN

Also I’m so SORRY it’s super long, always write too much but I can’t help it😭😭 for some reason I need to have some loose story when writing anything😭😭😭

Ok so I headcanon any child related to any underworld gods/goddesses usually have like dark eyebags, so Percy meeting Reader for the first time kinda freaks him out. A lot.

Reader just emerges from the darkness of the forest with shadowy figures following close behind, bro really believes that his soul was chosen to be reaped because the way they would look at him with dead eyes LMAO💀💀

But you were just walking around. In the dark. Lowkey talking to yourself until you saw Percy

I think Percy would find reader very odd at first, considering all the other people he’s met

Their dark eyebags and dull appearing skin makes them look like a walking corpse, and the way that they would just be lurking in the shadows, kinda talking to themselves would make him raise an eyebrow

But he didn’t know that you were just talking to the ghosts surrounding you, all of them yapping about ‘unfinished business’ they have

Reader would often be seen around camp looking a bit jittery, almost like they’re hiding from something but you’re just trying to avoid the ghosts that won’t leave you alone

“Shh shh, fine I’ll help you Jonathan. But later, people are looking at me again. Now leave me alone, oh gods Percy is walking over, leave leave!”

Since no one can seem these ghosts reader can see, Percy genuinely thinks you’re just off your rockers

Until you reveal how you’re mother is Melinoe, goddess of ghosts (he would be confused at first since he probably had no idea who that was💀💔)

OMG WAIT

Imagine Melinoe!Reader can like allow people to see ghosts if they’re touching them in some way!!! So to show the poor boy that you’re not crazy, your cold ass hands touch his arm and BOOM! Percy cannot believe all these ghosts just SURROUNDING reader

After that the rest is history

They both would grow so much closer since Reader finally chooses to fully trust in Percy as he accepted them and all their weird and scary abilities!!

Percy starts tagging along with reader when they go to take ghosts to the underworld, though Hades isn’t happy to see him most of the time

“It’s fine uncle, Percy’s just helping me.”

“How can he help you if he can’t even see the ghosts grabbing him?”

“Wait they’re grabbing me?!”

“He’s messing with you Percy.”

Reader and Nico would also be pretty close too

Since they’re able to summon ghosts, Nico sometimes asks if he can see Bianca, and they all sort of just have random get togethers in the middle of the night

Family reunions we love ‘em😍😍

Nico and Reader also shadow travel together whenever he needs someone to talk to

Melinoe!Reader would be a BIG gift giver, but they aren’t the most conventional gifts 💀

While some would gift flowers or plushies, reader would probably give him like wilted flowers and trinkets they claim would ward off unwanted spirits, and maybe even an authentic dreamcatcher too!!!!

Reader might even give him bones of small dead animals, which he accepts with a grimace on his face

“Wow ok! Um where did you find these exactly haha!”

“Oh you know, I was walking around the forest and began finding these small bones! Then I went further and found larger ones and then even larger ones! I would’ve taken one but it was too heavy, so you get the small ones.”

He would keep them in a glass jar that’s next to his bed though because it’s the thought that counts <3

He would also bring you SHELLS he finds whenever he’s by the the beach, sometimes even going to deeper waters to find the prettiest ones for your own collection🐚

Percy definitely carries a bag so you and him could put bones and shells in it to take home if you’re out of camp

I also would think that sleeping around reader would give anyone in their vicinity nightmares so they usually appear in Percy’s dreams to fight off any nightmarish monsters

At first he thinks he’s going crazy that he keeps seeing you in his nightmares until you explain that you can travel through dreams, hence why you’re basically in his brain now

Totally normal😁

AND FOR THAT VALENTINES DAY THOUGHT

I think Reader would think a good idea date for both of them would try summoning some kind of powerful ghost during the night for fun😭

Like at first Percy thought it was a cute picnic date and was like aww they’re so cute🥰 until he sees the ritual circle and is like what😀

He’s like super worried that your soul is gonna get possessed or something so he just keeps holding your hands to keep you grounded to the living world while you continue chanting and smiling

This dude can’t catch a break with you

During battles is when everyone around experiences what readers true power and magic is

While they may appear weird on the outside, them summoning ghost after ghost and making them solid life forms sends shivers and chills throughout every living persons body

It’s a really unsettling feeling tbh

So while Nico can summon the undead, you’re able to summon ghosts which makes you guys the perfect duo when fighting together

And they’re able to make their opponent hear the whispering voices of the ghosts around them which usually drives the fear factor up by a LOT

They could also sap any energy in their opponents body but they need to be touching the person which involves fighting in close range

I think Reader could also possibly drag out the soul of a living persons body, but it’s a theory since they haven’t fully tried going through with it

Also random thought but Melinoe!Reader loves going underwater with Percy because it’s the one place ghosts can’t follow them

So it’s just like, they can finally breath and not have a million voices demanding things from them

Percy is just super happy to help them in way he can

Plus it means he gets to spend more one on one time with you without having to worry about any ghosts watching their every move

Reader and Percy have matching rings that ward off any evil and vengeful ghosts

OH ANOTHER THOUGHT TO FINISH THIS OFF

Readers hands are super cold and I like to think Percy’s hands are super warm, so whenever they hold hands it’s like a clash that they both like

And when they hold hands, Percy is able to the world through Readers eyes

Which means that Percy kinda bullies the ghosts into leaving Reader alone for a while and getting some kind of privacy💀😻😻

Percy is super in love with this reader despite the unsettling vibes they can sometimes radiate

Reader is just happily digging up more bones to add to Percy’s growing collection :D

#Percy jackson x reader #pjo x reader #percy jackson and the olympians x reader #percy x reader #percy jackson and the olympians #Percy jackson #pjo headcanons #x reader #pjo x you #pjo percy #pjo

[skz317cb97]

Movie Night

Han Jisung x thick female reader

Word count: 9.6k (yowza)

A/N: 18+ only! So, I wanted to write this story after the Chan's room comment on his last vlive. I was already working on a Jisung fic and when this idea hit me I HAD to rework the plot because I needed to write this. I hope people that relate to this story know that their worth is not based on their appearance or weight. Everyone has insecurities, fat, skinny, whatever. The content of your heart is what matters and how you treat others. I hope everyone always remembers that. I hope you enjoy reading and if you do, please leave a comment, like, reblog, shoot me an ask, I love the feedback! As always warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: MDNI 18+ ONLY! Strong language/cursing, Weight and body image issues are a big part of the plot in this fic, if that can be triggering for you, you might skip this one! Dry humping, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected piv sex (please don't do this, use protection), cream pie, overstimulation, cum eating, hella praise and pet names (baby, jagi etc), squirting, Jisung get a little possessive but not in a toxic way, mentioning of coming on breasts, mentioning of oral sex (m receiving) and coming in mouth. I think that's everything but if I ever miss a warning, please let me know and I'll add it immediately.

You and Jisung loved having movie nights together. The other guys enjoyed watching movies too but not the way you and Jisung did. You would over load on snacks and sugar and throw popcorn at each other or the screen when the main character of whatever film you were watching did something predictably stupid. It was forty percent watching the movie, sixty percent critiquing, and one hundred percent fun. You were a two-person episode of MST3K minus the robots. Movie nights with Jisung were the highlight of your week.  

It was probably pretty obvious to anyone with eyes that you had a crush on Jisung. Regardless of how obvious it was you would never admit that. Not to him, not to anyone. You weren’t his type and you knew that. You were heavier, perhaps a bit more than beauty standards would consider ‘aesthetically pleasing’, at least that was the view you had of yourself. You knew that didn’t mean you weren’t pretty but you were bigger and you also had eyes. You saw the kind of girls Jisung went after on the rare occasions you had gone to clubs together and they most definitely did not look like you. You also could see what HE looked like. He was not only beautiful and fit but funny and kind. Guys like him didn’t go for girls like you and it was fine. That was fine.  

You cherished the friendship you had with Jisung and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that no matter how strong the feelings you had for him were. What you didn’t realize was that Jisung was trying to deal with the fact that he had feelings for you too. At first, he didn’t see you as any more than a good friend that also happened to be a girl. You weren’t the type of girl he would typically go for. After being friends with you a couple of years now he had become endeared by you and after your last movie night Jisung had come to realize he was completely bewitched and he had absolutely no idea what to do or say now. He was sure you felt the same but he still was holding onto some reservations about perusing something with you and he wasn’t sure why he felt that way when you both were so clearly perfectly matched.  

You and Jisung loved movie nights together. So, it wasn’t unusual for you to be snuggled up on the couch under a blanket at the dorm with Jisung on a Friday night with three or four movies on standby. What was unusual this particular Friday was the awkward air hanging between the two of you. Everything seemed fine the week before and nothing seemed out of the ordinary that night so far. You had agreed on horror movies and you were well into your second one. The first had actually been pretty scary, making you jump a few times gripping Jisung’s arm and hiding your face, cuddling in closer to him under the shared blanket. The movie you were watching now hadn’t been as bad until it was. One of the main girls was slinking through a dark decrepit house and was suddenly snatched from behind by the crazed killer, practically sending you sailing out of your skin. Jisung tensed up when you buried your face in his shoulder for the umpteenth time that night.  

You hadn’t realized it but every time you pressed your plush body closer to Jisung his posture had stiffened as well as other parts of his body. He was very happy for the blanket or hiding his hard on might not have been so simple. There had been something out of the ordinary that night, for Jisung at least, and that was your choice in attire for movie night. You both always opted for pajamas because comfort duh, but you had come out of the bathroom that night after changing into pajamas Jisung had never seen you in before. A crop top with matching fuzzy shorts. His throat went dry the moment he saw you. It was the most of your skin he’d ever seen. He knew you were self-conscious about your body so you usually kept pretty covered up, even now the crop top wasn’t particularly revealing and the shorts weren’t that short but seeing your silky thighs and the fact that he could tell you weren’t wearing a bra under the crop top had Jisung ready to burst.  

When you noticed his tense body language you realized you were practically laying on top of him. Even though you loved being close to Jisung you backed off of him a little, worried you might be making him uncomfortable with your weight on him like that.  

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to... I mean... I’m sorry if I’m crushing you.” Jisung hated hearing you say that. So you were bigger, it didn’t matter, not to him. Even if he had thought you weren’t his type before because of that. He was an idiot. He knew now no matter what size you were you were he thought you were fucking gorgeous. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. He didn’t want you to move further away. He looked at you, his gaze soft and shook his head. He wrapped his arm around your waist under the blanket and pulled you close again. 

“No, you’re not. It’s fine. You’re fine.” Your face felt like it was on fire and your cheeks turned pink. You bit your lip, an unconscious nervous tick and Jisung’s eyes darted towards them. You looked away unable to keep eye contact. Not when he was pulling you close, not when he was holding you, not when his fingertips were grazing the soft flesh of your waist where your shirt had ridden up a bit, not when he was looking at you like... THAT. 

“y/n?” Jisung’s voice was just above a whisper and even though you heard him call your name clearly you still couldn’t meet his gaze and you pretended to focus on the movie. He hooked his finger under your chin and tilted your head up towards him. Was this really happening?! Jisung slowly started to lean in closer. 

“Ji... I...” He only shook his head and focused on your lips as he closed in. You closed your eyes and you could feel Jisung’s warm breath fan across your face, the warmth of his lips hovering so closely to yours. You held your breath waiting to feel just how soft his lips really were. Finally. 

“Han-ah! Do you know whe-” Changbin came around the corner and stopped short when he saw you and Jisung jumping, catching you just about to kiss. 

“Oh! Shit! Sorry I didn’t mean-” Jisung backed up practically pushing you away when he realized Changbin was also in the room and he started stuttering. 

“You didn’t! I mean there was nothing... we’re watching movies.” You swallowed the lump that had quickly formed in your throat and scooted further away from Jisung which did not go unnoticed by either of the men. Changbin cleared his throat. 

“Yea, okay, well do you know where the protein shaker is? I wanted to hit the gym tonight.” Jisung popped up from the couch quickly. 

“Yea. It’s in the kitchen. I can show you; I need a drink anyway. Y/n? Do you need a drink or anything?” You had started focusing on the movie again trying to ignore the feeling in your chest. You glanced quickly at him and then back at the screen slightly shaking your head no. He bit his lip knowing your feelings were hurt by how he’d reacted when Changbin walked in, when you had just been so close to kissing, and he felt guilty. He didn’t want you to think it was because of you, it really wasn’t. When he came back, he’d explain.  

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” You could feel your eyes sting, the familiar burn of tears wanting to surface but you kept your eyes trained on the tv and nodded. Jisung and Changbin went off into the kitchen leaving you in the living room alone, where you took some deep breaths and composed yourself. Maybe it was best Changbin had interrupted. He’d just kept you from making an absolute fool of yourself and ruining your friendship. You went to take a drink of your soda only to find it empty. You kicked yourself for not just telling Jisung yes when he asked if you needed a drink, you pushed yourself up off the couch and headed towards the kitchen. Once Changbin and Jisung had gotten to the kitchen Changbin turned to him with an eyebrow quirked and his nose scrunched. 

“OOoookay what was THAT?!” Jisung played stupid like he had no idea what Changbin was talking about. He just wasn’t comfortable with the topic of him and you just yet, not when he wasn’t sure what to do about his feelings. It was awkward for him to admit to Changbin how he felt about you when he hadn’t even told you yet. It would be with any of the guys, he wasn’t completely sure why. 

“What?! What was what?!” You had made it just outside the of the kitchen when you heard Changbin scoff. 

“Y/n!? Come on... I didn’t think you were into girls like... her...” Jisung’s brows furrowed, he didn’t know what to think about what Changbin seemed to be insinuating. 

“Wh-what do you mean?” Changbin rolled his eyes. 

“You know... bigger.” It was just a word and it was trued but the way Changbin said bigger made you feel absolutely disgusting and the tears you had managed to fend off in the living room were fighting back with a vengeance. It had already been awkward and now Jisung felt embarrassed so he lied when Changbin insinuated again that Jisung was into you. 

“No, I mean what do you mean into? I’m not into y/n?” Changbin scoffed again. 

“Oh yea? What was all that I just walked in on then?” Jisung rubbed the back of his neck thinking of an excuse; but why? Why couldn’t he just say that he did like you? Why couldn’t he just say he WAS about to kiss you? What was so terrible about that? Why did he feel so awkward about it? Why did he feel like Changbin would laugh at him or make fun of if he told him? He just wanted to make a quick excuse, whatever would end the conversation. 

“Dude, she’s got a crush on me. She was all over me but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She isn’t really MY type...”Jisung was still and idiot. You thought the inflection Changbin had put on bigger made you feel like garbage, that was until you heard the way Jisung say you weren’t ‘his type’. You knew that but it didn’t make it any easier to hear. You hadn’t even realized the tears were trailing down your cheeks at that point. You didn’t need or want to hear anymore. You quietly grabbed your overnight bag, put on your slides and left. 

Jisung had heard the front door click closed. All the other guys were still out so it could have been any one of them coming in but when a couple of minutes had passed and no one had walked through the dorm Jisung walked back out into the living room to check on you and found it empty, the movie paused and the blanket you had been sharing in a heap on the floor in front of the couch. 

“y/n?” Jisung walked towards the bathroom to check and see if maybe you had gone in there. He knocked but the door creaked open and the bathroom was unoccupied. 

“y/n?” He decided to go back and check his room although it wasn’t likely you were there and Jisung could feel anxiety creeping up on him. He thought back about the look on your face when he’d left you in the living room. He opened the door to his room and as he had suspected, you weren’t in there. He made his way back through the living room on a mission and Changbin tried to stop him. 

“What’s up? What’s going on?” Jisung moved Changbin out of his way and walked towards the foyer, seeing your bag and shoes were gone. 

“FUCK.” Changbin walked up behind Jisung. 

“What? Fuck what?” Jisung spun around and Changbin could see the worry on his face. 

“You... you don’t think she heard us, do you?” Changbin’s face softened when he realized you were what Jisung was worried about. He gave him a sympathetic look and shrugged his shoulders. 

“FUCK!” Jisung slipped on his shoes and jacket and ran out the door hoping you weren’t too far ahead of him. It was the time of year that it was starting to get a bit chilly when the sun was down and tonight was the coldest it had been yet. It wasn’t freezing but definitely too cold for you to be walking off in what you were wearing, not to mention not safe. When Jisung got out to the street he looked up the sidewalk one way and then the other but didn’t see you. He ran in the direction of the closest bus stop and when he rounded the street corner, he saw you under the florescent lights of the bus stop enclosure. You had your big bag by your feet and had your arms wrapped around yourself, hugging your body, clearly trying to keep warm as you waited for the next bus on the line. Jisung ran up towards you. 

“y/n!? Hey! Why’d you take off? It’s fucking freezing out here, take my jacket. Let’s go back inside and finish the movies...” Jisung took his coat off and went to put it around you but you pulled away and tightened your grip on your arms. 

“No, I’m going home. Sorry I was all over you. I know I’m too... heavy... for that. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m just... I’m just gonna to go home.” You did your best not to choke on your words and Jisung winced at them knowing you weren’t only upset about how he’d reacted to Changbin but you had heard everything they had said in the kitchen as well. 

“y/n... I... please come back inside you shouldn’t be outside dressed like this.” Of course, he meant he didn’t want you catching cold only wearing shorts and a crop top. You looked away not wanting Jisung to see the fresh tears that were pricking your eyes. 

“I knew I shouldn’t wear stuff like this. I’m only going to bed when I get home so I’ll just deal with the stares on the bus.” He bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood and shook his head. 

“I... I didn’t mean it like that y/n... it’s cold out you’re gonna get sick. Please, come back to the dorm.” You finally looked at Jisung and he could see just how hurt you were, your tear rimmed eyes that were already getting puffy and red. That was the final straw, he was a complete asshole. 

“Just... go finish the movies without me Jisung. I’ll... I’ll see you the next movie night.” He sighed in defeat knowing you were definitely not going back to the dorm with him tonight. 

“Look at least take my coat so you don’t catch your death out here and let me wait with you until the bus shows up.” You let Jisung put his coat over your shoulders this time and huddled into the left-over body heat from Jisung having it on. 

“I’d really rather be alone right now Jisung.” You knew you weren‘t going to be able to get a hold of yourself and stop crying if he stayed. He shook his head, sliding a bit closer to you on the bench wanting to be close to you again and hoping some of his body heat might warm you. 

“It’s not safe for you to be out here at night alone.” You slid away putting distance between you again and looked at your feet like they were the most interesting thing in the world and Jisung’s chest felt tight. 

“I’ll text you when I’m home Ji. Just... please...” Your voice started to faulter and Jisung didn’t push any further. 

“Okay. Alright. Please let me know when you’re home safe?” You bit your lip and nodded still looking down as tears welled up in your eyes again. 

“Good night y/n.” Jisung wanted to lean over and hug you, give you a kiss on your forehead, SOMETHING to comfort you. Instead, he just gave a little nod and headed back to the dorm to give you the space you asked for. When Jisung walked back inside Changbin was on his way out to the gym. 

“Hey, everything cool?” Jisung looked distracted but then it registered that Changbin had spoken to him. 

“Oh, uh. I talked to her... she’s going home.” Changbin nodded and headed towards the door but stopped and turned back. 

“Look, Han-ah, there really isn’t anything between you and y/n?” Jisung really didn’t want to talk about it and didn’t want to deal with Changbin messing with him about it anymore but after you hearing him and Changbin in the kitchen and the way you looked at him down on that bus stop he was certain you’d never want anything to do with him, he’d be lucky if you still wanted to be his friend, so he shook his head. 

“No Bin, we’re just friends.” Changbin nodded and cleared his throat. 

“So, it would be okay if say, I wanted to ask her out on a date?” Jisung’s eyes flashed in Changbin’s direction instantly. 

“What?!” Changbin rubbed at the back of his neck and looked a little sheepish. 

“Well yea, I mean she’s really cute man and she’s nice and like I was saying in the kitchen before I know she’s not really YOUR type but you guys are super close so I just wanted to be sure you weren’t interested in her and see if... you know... if you were cool with me asking her out.” Jisung was at a complete loss for words as Changbin waited for a reply. He wondered how many times in one night he could think to himself that he was an idiot. He’d thought Changbin was being judgmental with his line of questioning in the kitchen but he was interested in you. Even if he had been being judgmental why, WHY did it matter?! It fucking didn’t. Because it didn’t change the way you made Jisung’s heart race just thinking about you. Changbin saw the look on Jisung’s face and knew the answer before he even spoke. 

“I... you’re right Changbin she isn’t like the type of girls I’ve dated in the past but...” Changbin wasn’t dumb and wasn’t one to pussy foot around so he just came out with it. 

“Look Jisungie just say you’re into her, it’s alright. I already caught you almost kissing; what's the big deal? She’s into you too. What are you holding back for?” He didn’t know what to say. 

“Sung, is it that maybe you’re a little worried about what people might be thinking if you date a thicker girl?” Jisung looked at Changbin and his eyes said it all. Changbin had hit the nail on the head. Jisung did think you were gorgeous and what other people thought shouldn’t even matter for that reason alone. He didn’t care what some stranger on the street thought of him and you being together but the guys, like Changbin, for some reason, he thought maybe some of the guys would give him a hard time. Of course, none of the guys had given him any reason to think they would tease him about such a thing because none of them would. Jisung had been in his own head too much. Realizing his feelings for you were deeper than friendship had really sent him through a loop. He was worried about the wrong things; he didn’t know how to act around anyone when it came to you and because of that he was epically fucking up. 

“Jisungie...” He focused on Changbin again. 

“Sort your shit out. If you care about her man it doesn’t matter. She deserves better than that Sung, and you know it.” Changbin slapped him on the shoulder, grabbed his gym bag and left to go work out. About twenty minutes after Changbin had left Jisung got a text notification. He sat up quickly in bed and grabbed his phone. 

You laid back in your bed trying to process the whirl of emotions you’d been put through that night. Hope, excitement, disappointment, pain, confusion. It was all too much to process in one night and there was no way you were going to be able to talk about it with Jisung right then, so you cut him off when he tried. Wasn’t he going to kiss you? Had you read that wrong? If he was going to; why would he if he didn’t like you like that? Pity? You hated all the thoughts racing through your head. You just wanted to forget and fall asleep, after a while your mind slowed down and you were finally able to get some rest.  

Jisung had gone all week not hearing from you. He sent a good morning text every day and then a meme or two with an accompanying caption that would say something like ‘laughed and thought of you’ or ‘remember that one time...’ All of his texts went unanswered and he understood why. He’d hurt you in the worst possible way. It didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try to make it right still. Friday morning, he finally got up the nerve to actually call you. He honestly thought you would ignore the call just like you had his texts but after three rings you answered. 

“Hey Jisung; what’s up?” You sounded drained. All the more reason for you to come over, relax and watch movies with him just like you usually would. 

 “Hey! Uh... I hadn’t heard from you at all this week so I just wanted to make sure we were still on for movie night.” You closed your eyes and chewed at your lip as the memories of the last week’s movie night came flooding back. You had been totally swamped at work, you really hadn’t had time to process a thing, which is why you had been ignoring Jisung’s texts. You had just pushed it down and carried on during the work week because you had to. Now here you were and the feelings were racing head on at you again and you didn’t know if you were ready still. 

“Ji... I... I don’t-” Before you could give any excuse as to why it wasn’t a good idea Jisung interjected. 

“I got comedies like you asked for and all the snacks already. You just have to come over. Will you... come over y/n?” You took a deep breath. Maybe if you just went and kept up with your old routine things would just go back to normal. You didn’t have to talk, just watch movies. 

“Yea, I’ll be over Ji. Is seven okay?” His smile was beaming on the other end of the line, hopeful about the fact that you agreed to come, that maybe, he might be able to fix his fuck up still, even if that meant in the end only being your friend. He would be fine with that. It would be more than he felt he deserved from you. 

“Seven is perfect y/n. I’ll see you then. Bye.” You gave a small hum. 

“Bye Ji, see you.” For you the day seemed to fly by and before you knew it, it was time for you to head to the dorm and you didn’t know if you were really ready to face Jisung again yet. For Jisung the day had seemed to drag on forever. He had finally been honest with himself and the guys and told them all how he felt about you. He asked if he could have the dorm for the night while he tried to smooth things over with you. The guys, of course, were all supportive and agreed to be gone for the night. Jisung frantically cleaned the dorm and staged the living room carefully for your movie night. Snacks spread out, blankets to snuggle up in, all typical staples of your movie nights. Not typical was the dim lighting from candles he’d put out around the room and the lavender oil defusing that Felix had set up for him before he left.  

Just a bit after seven Jisung heard your knock at the door. He opened it and greeted you with his wide toothy smile, the one that reached his eyes and made them scrunch up. If you were exhausted from the work week he couldn’t tell, you looked amazing. He couldn’t help but notice your attire this week was back to the usual pair of sweat pants, t-shirt and a big hoodie over that. Jisung’s smile faltered a bit but he caught himself and moved out of the way to invite you in. 

“Hey! Come on in!” You gave Jisung a small smile and walked in towards the living room. Jisung closed the door and followed closely behind.  

“Do you want me to take your bag or hoodie?” You shook your head. 

“Didn’t bring an overnight bag, I can’t stay this week, and I think I’ll keep my hoodie on for now, I’m kind of chilly. Thanks though.” You looked around the living room as you walked in and noticed the few candles Jisung had lit and could smell the fresh scent of lavender. He walked past you and sat down on the couch grabbing the remote and patting the cushions for you to join him. You swallowed the anxiety and tension you were feeling down and walked over to the couch. Jisung had lifted the blanket he’d thrown over himself so you could sit by him and share, like you usually did, but you opted to sit on the far end of the couch with your feet tucked up underneath you and your knees pulled into your hoodie. You missed the disappointed expression on Jisung’s face because you were trying to look anywhere but at him. Just from the time he had opened the door, your heart had wretched every time you did look at him. He set the blanket back down, making like he’d just been adjusting it a bit and started the first movie of the night, unsure if he was going to be able to focus on the screen at all with the elephant in the room with the two of you. 

You both had managed to get through the first movie. You had chuckled a time or two and even though it wasn’t your usual boisterous laugh Jisung was glad to see, somewhat, of a smile on your face. You were still curled up into yourself on the far end of the couch though and you hadn’t eaten anything. Jisung went to put in the next movie. 

“Don’t let me eat all the snacks y/n. Make sure you get some before I inhale it all and really look like a quokka.” Jisung smiled and puffed his already chubby cheeks out further trying to make you laugh but you just smiled at him weakly. 

“I’m okay Jisung I already had dinner and it probably wouldn’t hurt for me to lay off the snacks a bit.” Like an arrow straight through his heart. His idiocy made you feel this way. That there was something wrong with you that needed changed. He had let his own insecurities about your relationship bleed onto you instead of dealing with his own shit. He fucked up he knew it. He should have been trying to talk things out with you instead of ignoring it. He was just joking around acting like nothing had happened, like he didn’t hurt you. He was trying to make you laugh, but it wasn’t time for his antics, this conversation couldn’t be put off any longer when you were saying things like that about yourself. He couldn’t let it continue. 

“Don’t say that! There’s nothing wrong with the way you look!” You looked up at him a bit surprised by his sudden outburst but your eyes faltered and were cast down again just as quickly. 

“You can say that all you want but it doesn’t change the fact that I need to lose weight. No one wants to date the funny fat girl...” Your voice started to quiver a bit and trailed off, the last thing you said was almost inaudible. 

“... least of all you.” It was so quiet Jisung almost didn’t hear it. 

“What?!” You looked up at him like you’d been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. You hadn’t even meant for it to come out at all let alone for him to hear it. Oh well, what did it matter now. Your feelings had already ruined everything anyway. Might as well lay it all out on the table. 

“Well, it’s true...” You whispered. Jisung sat closer to you on the couch and you shrunk down into your hoodie as you tried to make yourself smaller. 

“y/n. No, it’s not.” Who was he to say that to you when he knew you had heard him. Your voice came out with a bit more venom than before. 

“Jisung, I HEARD you and Changbin. The way you both talked about me...” Jisung went to interrupt you but you put your hand up, stopping him. 

“Let me finish!” He nodded and shut his mouth. 

“When I heard the way you two talked about me, the way he described me, how you said you felt about me, I was disgusted with myself.” You choked back tears and Jisung hated himself at that very moment. If he were any other guy and you had told him about this situation happening, he’d find him and kick his own ass. 

“That night I had finally worked up the courage to wear those pajamas. I’d had looked at them for 3 months before getting the nerve up to wear them in front of you. I hoped that maybe you might see me in them and think, ‘wow y/n is actually kind of pretty’ maybe even sexy. Then we were on the couch and I don’t know I guess I was delusional and thought you were going to kiss me, I read it wrong, obviously. I’ve seen the girls you take home from the club Ji, I’m two of them easily so I wasn’t shocked you weren’t into me but then I heard you in the kitchen. When I looked down at what I was wearing... if I hadn’t been crying Ji, I would have laughed for actually letting myself think for even one second that someone like YOU would ever want to be with someone like me. That YOU would ever think I was pretty or sexy for that matter.” You pulled your knees from your hoodie and stood up as the tears started to fall from your eyes.  

“I... I can’t Ji... I... I have to go. This was a mistake.” You went to go for the door but Jisung grabbed your wrist and stopped you.  

“Wait PLEASE!” You paused in place but didn’t turn to face him. You couldn’t. 

“I’m so sorry. Please, I’m sorry I said any of that stupid stuff, especially since I didn’t mean a single word of it! I... I WAS going to kiss you and then Changbin walked in and I got nervous it had nothing to do with you or how you look I swear. Then when Changbin asked about you in the kitchen I thought he was giving me a hard time about how you weren’t my ‘type’ and then I was embarrassed but it turned out he was asking about me and you because HE wanted to ask you out and he wanted to make sure you and I didn’t' have a ‘thing’ going on. He told me when I came back in that night and I told him... I told him that I did have feelings for you, that I cared about you... more than just a friend.” Now you turned and faced Jisung, your eyes were narrowed but still filled with tears and your voice was weak when you spoke. 

“You AND Changbin have feelings for me? Well, you both have a very shitty way of showing you care about me. Be sure to let Changbin know too.” You pulled your wrist from Jisung’s grip and turned to go walk towards the door again. Jisung ran to stand in front of you, blocking the way, panicked that if you walked out, he may never see you again. 

“Wait! Wait, wait! Don’t go! I... I think I'm in love with you y/n...” You stopped, turned and suddenly slapped Jisung in the face. You didn’t want to hurt him but you just snapped. 

“How dare you! How dare you talk about me behind my back the way you did, make me feel like I was desperate and crazy, like I was undesirable, now you tell me you only said those things because you were embarrassed by me! Embarrassed for one of your friends to think you were interested in a fat girl! Then you have the AUDACITY to say you’re in love with me! Fuck you Jisung!” You started beating against his chest with your fists as you sobbed and cussed at him. 

“Fuck you! FUCK YOU!” He grabbed your arms trying to calm you down. When you realized he was stronger and easily holding you back from hitting him further you did the only thing you could do and fell into his chest, hysterically crying. Jisung wrapped his arms around you and you both sank to the floor. He held you and rocked you, softly humming until you were letting out little gasps and hiccups trying to get control of yourself. 

“No one has ever hurt me like you did Jisung.” He flinched at your words. Knowing that hit him harder than the slap in the face. 

“I won’t ever be able to say how sorry I am and sorry’s will never be enough but if you’ll give me a chance, I promise I’ll never hurt you like that again. If you give me a chance y/n I’ll love you like no one ever has before.” Jisung’s hands cupped your face and he looked into your eyes with so much conviction it was impossible not to believe him. 

“Jisung... I...” More tears gathered and fell and Jisung swept them away with his thumbs. 

“Please.” He pleaded with you and you gave him a small nod, then he leaned in and softly kissed your lips. It was so warm, inviting, pulling you in for more but instead you pushed against Jisung’s chest and he pulled back and looked at you. Your eyes flicked between his as you searched for any uncertainty but you only saw love. You gripped his shirt where your hand had been resting on his chest and crashed your lips back into his. The kiss was so heated this time, so needy, you had wanted Jisung for so long and now, now you had him. You straddled his lap but didn’t sit your weight on him as your hands cupped his soft cheeks and you continued to make out. Jisung’s arms wrapped around your midsection pulling you close, your chests pressed together. He wanted you as close to him as possible. He pulled away from the kiss and pressed his forehead against yours, his eyes closed tightly, out of breath from kissing you. 

“Jagi, I want feel every bit of you, want to make you to feel as beautiful as you are...” Jisung toyed with the hem of your hoodie and t-shirt silently asking permission to remove them. You lifted your arms and allowed him to, although you were extremely nervous to be in only your bra in front of him, even in the dim lighting. Jisung lifted the shirt and hoodie over your head and tossed it aside taking in the expanse of skin in front of him. He wanted to touch you everywhere but instead his hands gripped your hips and eased you down so that your full weight was on his lap and your clothed heat was pressing into his hard on. When you opened your mouth to protest putting your weight on him Jisung silenced you with his lips. He gripped your soft hips tighter, fingers digging in to your plush skin as he helped move you back and forth over his erection, finding a rhythm. You pulled away from the kiss panting as Jisung started to meet your grinding with his own. 

“J-Ji... Ji... I don’t want to hurt you...” He stopped, removing his hands from your hips and holding your face so that you couldn’t help but look him in the eyes. 

“Does it look like you’re hurting me?” You bit your lip and softly shook your head no in his hands. Jisung grabbed one of your wrists guiding your hand to grab his hard on underneath you. His eyes closed and his mouth fell open, letting out a breath when you gently squeezed. 

“Does it feel like you’re hurting me?” You were breathless still as you shook your head again. 

“No Jisungie... it feels... good.” You finally breathed out the word. 

“It does feel good jagi. YOU feel good. God keep riding me please!” His hands grazed a soft trail down your full breasts back to your hips urging you to continue your movements. You wrapped your arms around Jisung’s neck and rocked your hips over him again, this time with more vigor and the broken moan that fell from his mouth made you soak your panties. You gripped his broad shoulders and rotated your hips grinding against him with more confidence the more he moaned and panted. 

“Fuck! I’m gonna cum in my pants if you don’t stop jagiya...” You stopped your movements but cupped Jisung’s soft cheeks and continued your assault on his lips. You sat there lazily making out, tongues sliding in and out of each other's mouths, teeth tugging at lips, hands exploring, caressing, until Jisung was forced to pull away to take a breath. His hands ran up your arms and he dragged his fingertips gently back down causing goose bumps to rise in their wake. You looked into his eyes and him into yours, both of you breathless, trying to read the other’s mind. 

“Jisung?” He pressed his lips together giving you a nod and a small smile as his hands found their way to your hips again. 

“Will you... can we...” You knew you wanted Jisung and even though you were on his lap, in your bra and had been kissing and touching each other for quite a bit at that point, you were still self-conscious and scared to ask him what you wanted. You let out a frustrated huff of air, closing your eyes and Jisung cupped your jaw and ran his thumb along your cheek and you looked at him again. 

“Take a deep breath. Whatever you want, whatever you want to ask, it’s okay.” You closed your eyes and took a deep calming breath like Jisung had told you to. 

“Please take me to bed? I want you Jisung, I need you.” You looked down at where you gripped his shirt tightly as you told him exactly what you had been so scared of saying. Jisung dipped his head down catching your eyes in his again. 

“Jagi...” Jisung’s gaze darkened suddenly and before you could think he had his arms wrapped around you and shifted you both so that he was now slotted between your legs laying over you kissing down your neck reaching for the waist band of your pants.  

“Wish you’d worn those shorts again...” He peppered more kisses across your throat and took the fleshy part of your ear lightly between his teeth. 

“You were so fucking SEXY in them I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.” You pushed against Jisung’s chest stopping him then slowly slid out from under him and stood up. He was confused at first, worried maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned the week before but before he could stress out you pushed your sweats down and stood there in your bra and panties. Jisung stood up quickly and took in every inch of skin you were offering up to him. All of it soft, plush, curvy and so inviting. You beckoned him over to you. 

“Come here, touch me Ji.” He didn’t need to be told twice. He invaded your proximity immediately, his hands running along your smooth skin pulling you closer. 

“Fuck you’re gorgeous, don’t know what to touch and kiss first.” Your skin flushed at Jisung’s words and you felt your core throb for him. Jisung’s lips ghosted over your neck before raking his teeth across your collar bone and pulling the prettiest moan he’d ever heard from you. He grabbed your hips and pulled them forward into his. With only his clothes creating a barrier between you, aside from the thin, lacey, boy shorts you were wearing, you could perfectly feel his hard cock pressed against you. Jisung’s eyes closed and his head tilted back a little, he bit his lip and hummed enjoying the warmth of your soft body against his and then he looked at you with a mischievous smile.  

“Come to bed jagi...” He kissed your neck again before pulling you, leading you towards his room, towards his bed. You could feel your nerves starting to come back once you walked into his bedroom. It was still dimly lit but it was brighter than the living room and you felt a bit more exposed and self-conscious. You pulled your hand away from Jisung and went to cover yourself. Jisung grabbed your hand back and pulled you close wrapping his arms around you and pressing his forehead against yours.  

���No. Please? Don’t? You’re perfect,” He peppered soft kisses over your shoulder trying to comfort you and you let out a soft sigh. Jisung pulled away and pulled his shirt off exposing his broad chest and soft tan skin. You would think him evening the playing field by removing some of his clothes would make you feel less nervous but it only made it worse and you went to cover up again. Your hands were slightly shaking when Jisung pulled you close again, his warm skin pressed against yours and you could feel his breath on your neck as he whispered in your ear. 

“You’re so fucking sexy. Please don’t hide.” He pressed soft kisses down the side of your neck again. You could feel tears pricking your eyes and you were so mad at yourself that you were about to ruin this moment. You wanted to believe what he said but you just didn’t feel sexy. Jisung could feel that you were still tense, he pulled back and saw your tears. 

“y/n... what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?” You shook your head no. You scoffed at yourself and wiped your tears away. 

“No Ji, it’s okay really, I just need a second. I’m feeling...” You looked down at yourself and Jisung knew. 

“Hey, take a second, take ten, it’s alright jagyia.” He rubbed soft circles on your hips with his thumbs and it started to help your heart rate slow down a bit. When you looked at Jisung again his face was so soft and laced with concern. You leaned in and pressed your lips against his, your fingers threading through the hair at the nape of his neck. It was soft at first but as you felt his skin under your fingertips it became more frenzied. Both of you gripping, squeezing, roaming, moaning into the other’s kiss. You felt a sudden rush of bravery and reached into Jisung’s sweat pants grabbing his dick firmly and stroking it like you had done it to him a hundred times before. It was gentle but not too gentle and the way your thumb brushed that sweet spot under the head of his cock was sinful as you stroked him just fast enough to make him want more.  

“FUCK y/n! Yes, JUST like that.” Jisung lead you towards the bed as you continued to stroke him. When the back of your knees hit the bed you removed your hand from his pants and fell back on it. Your hair spread around your head like an angel and your chest was rising up and down rapidly as you laid there breathless from your desire. Jisung slid his sweats and briefs down at once, his cock springing free and standing firm. It was long and not too thick and curved up. He was gorgeous so it wasn’t surprising that he had a pretty cock too. Feeling it in your hand had been one thing but seeing it now, your mouth watered for him. 

“Jisungie...” You whined for him and he came to kneel between your legs on the bed. His hands traveled up your sides their destination being your breasts which he cupped firmly before grabbing the center of your bra with both hands and ripping it open, your big breasts bouncing free as you gasped in shock. 

“HAN JISUNG, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH A BRA LIKE THAT COSTS!?” Jisung leaned down sucking a nipple into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue and teeth until it was perked and hard effectively stopping your complaint. He let go and smirked at you. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I’ll buy you a new one jagi.” His lips wrapped around your other nipple and he sucked on it gently as you melted underneath him. Jisung kissed his way down your body until his face hovered right over your clothed core. He gripped your panties and looked up at you. 

“These expensive too?” He said quirking his eyebrow at you. You rolled your eyes at him playfully. 

“YES. And my favorite pair so DON’T rip them.” Jisung pouted and then gently slid your panties over your ass and down your legs.  When his face was lined up with your naked, dripping, cunt you started to feel your heartbeat pick up. Before you had a chance to let your nerves get the best of you again, Jisung spread your lower lips open and licked a broad stripe from your entrance to your clit, sucking the bundle of nerves between his pouty lips and drinking in every bit of you. Your hands gripped Jisung’s hair as he licked, kissed, and sucked on your clit. He was messy but with finesse and between your arousal and his spit and drool you were certain there had to be a puddle forming underneath you. 

“Ji... oh my god! I’m... I’m...” He hummed in satisfaction that he had you unable to form words and the vibrations from his mouth against your pussy sent you reeling into a mind-blowing orgasm. Your thick thighs clamped around Jisung’s head as you thrust your hips up grinding against his tongue and face. Only when your body relaxed back onto the bed and you were a shuddering mess did Jisung stop kitten licking your sensitive clit. He climbed on top of you and started kissing you, first all over your face, then by your ear, down your neck and shoulder. His lips left your skin and he looked at you for a second thinking about how he’d almost fucked everything with you up, about how he could have lost you but now here you were underneath him panting and glowing still trying to recover from your orgasm. When you opened your eyes and looked at Jisung he leaned down and softly kissed your lips as he slowly pushed the tip of his cock inside you. 

“Fuck! So wet, so soft!” The further Jisung sunk into the faster your soft puffs of breath came out and when he bottomed out inside you, you gasped. He looked at you quickly. 

“Are you okay jagi?” You nodded biting your bottom lip overwhelmed by the feeling of him inside you after just coming down from your first orgasm. Jisung rolled his hips testing to see your reaction. Your eyes went wide and you gasped again.  

“Jisungie! Oh, my fucking god! You feel so good inside me! Please don’t stop!” Jisung started giving you steady hip rolls fucking you slow and deep. He thrust his cock deeper into you, his pelvic bone adding pressure to your clit as well. Your body was buzzing with excitement and your fingers and toes felt like they were going numb from the pleasure. The sound of your drenched cunt and Jisung’s hips slapping against your soft thighs egged him on and he started to fuck you faster, pulling out further and pushing back into you harder each time. 

“FUCK jagiya you take my cock so well beautiful. Look at how well we fit together jagi FUCK!” You looked down where Jisung’s dick, coated in your juices, disappeared inside you and clenched at the sight. 

“Fucking perfect just like I said baby, your pussy was made for me, this is mine now.” Jisung spit on two of his fingers and started rubbing your clit quickly pushing you towards your next orgasm that much faster. 

“God YES Ji please... please... please...” Jisung smiled down at you, sweat dripping down his face. 

“Please what gorgeous, what do you want?” You gripped Jisung’s hips, his soft skin warm under your touch. 

“PLEASE FUCK ME HARDER! MAKE ME CUM JI! FILL ME UP JAGIYA!” Jisung lost his mind hearing you say that, call him that. He gripped your hips and started railing you as hard and fast as his body would let him. The sweat from his face and hair dripping down his chest and back now his teeth clamped onto his bottom lip. 

“You’re gonna let me cum in this tight pussy right jagi? You’re gonna take my load and let me mark what’s mine yea?” You moaned out your approval. 

“FUCK yes! Ji fuck fuck! Give me your cum fucking make me yours Jisung... I’m yours!” You came hard around his cock as he continued to drive into you chasing his own climax and prolonging yours. Your body rolled and your hips chased his as you rode out the best orgasm you’d had in your life. 

“FUCKING beautiful! God you’re gorgeous when you cum y/n... FUCK I can feel your pussy quivering on my fucking cock, you feel so good jagi!” You started coming down from the high of your orgasm, body still buzzing like a million bees lived under your skin and you started begging Jisung. 

“Fuck Ji you’re gonna give it to me right? Fuck I want it so bad! Please cum inside me please! It's gonna be a big load yea? Fuck I hope it’s a big load jagiya, need you to fill me up good, need to feel you dripping from my cunt.” Jisung’s head tilted back as his hips stuttered and he unloaded inside you. 

“FUUUUUuuuuuck jagiya FUCK! Fucking take it! You wanted a big load baby there you go! FUCK! Take my cum like a good girl yea?” Jisung stayed buried inside you until his cock started getting soft. When he pulled out a huge trail of cum came dripping out after. Jisung took two fingers and scooped up the mixture of yours and his cum and sucked them clean. 

“Fuck beautiful...” He ran his fingers through the trail of cum still leaking from your hole collecting more of your mingled juices and he brought his fingers to your lips this time. 

“Taste.” You opened your mouth and sucked on his fingers, swirling your tongue around his digits and humming in delight. 

“Good yea jagi? We taste perfect together.” Jisung scooped the remaining cum dripping from you up and pushed it back inside you pumping his fingers slowly in and out. 

“J-Jisung... I... I ca-” 

“One more jagiya, just one more, you can give me one more yea?” Jisung’s fingers picked up speed and he fucked them into you harder, curling them and easily finding your g-spot. 

“FUCK JI! I... I... FUCK JI!” That was exactly what he was looking for, he plunged his fingers deep into you only bringing them out a millimeter or so and pushing them deeper, then leaned down and sucked your cum glazed clit into his mouth, slurping on you as he fucked your hole hard with his fingers, the cum he filled you with coating them and dripping down your asshole, causing you to clench around his fingers that seemed to find that delicious spot inside you with precision. 

“Squirt for me jagiya, fucking cum on me baby.” He whispered against your pussy before diving back in and devouring your cunt like a ravenous animal. Between Jisung’s fingers and mouth the taut string inside you snapped. 

“MMmm FUCK FUCK JI OH FUCK I’M COMING I'M COMING!” You had never squirted before in your life but suddenly you were soaking Jisung and his sheets. His fingers, still deep inside you, gently massaging your g-spot, giving your clit tiny little licks with the tip of his tongue as you finished coming on his face and started twitching and shuddering from the overstimulation. When Jisung removed his fingers and sat up you saw your cum dripping from his chin and glistening on his chest. 

“Oh my god, did I?!” Jisung smirked and leaned over kissing your lips softly before giggling against them. 

“Cum all over me? Yea baby you did and it was sexy as fuck!” You blushed and tried to push him off as he buried his face in the crook of your neck and tickled you with his kisses and love bites. You pushed harder and he finally sat up, he got very quiet and looked down at you softly smiling. The longer Jisung’s eyes roamed your naked body the more uncomfortable you got. Now that you weren’t caught up in the heat of the moment and lost in the pleasure Jisung had been giving you, the little negative voices in your head came back to put you back in your place. You grabbed a throw blanket he had at the foot of his bed and went to cover up feeling far to exposed in the moment. Jisung thought you looked so beautiful; you didn’t need to cover up. He wished he had never said the things he did, that he’d never made an insecurity you already had worse. He had looked at you laying there your full breasts, the soft tummy rolls, the plush love handles just over your hips, your thick ass and thighs, FUCK you were perfect but when you saw him staring at you like that you only felt overwhelmed by your doubts about your body. 

“Why don’t we go take a shower yea? Get cleaned up and go to bed?” Jisung’s suggestion sounded so tempting, a nice hot shower after getting fucked senseless but it also meant standing under florescent bathroom lights where he’d be able to see ever stretch mark, every dimple of cellulite, every flaw. He could see you having an internal battle with yourself over it. 

“Hey...” You looked up at him like you’d been startled from your thoughts. 

“I know whatever is going on in that gorgeous noggin of yours is my fault right now...” You pressed your lips together. 

“Jisung no...” He shook his head and put up his hand stopping you. 

“y/n yes, it is. It might have been something you were self-conscious about already but I only threw fuel on the fire. I PROMISE I will do whatever I can to prove to you that you are a beautiful human being, just the way you are. I PROMISE I’ll always make sure to tell you how absolutely stunning you are and how you are leaps and bounds out of my league and yet for some reason you slum it for me.” He winked at you and you laughed. 

“So... shower?” He suggested again. You smiled and nodded. Jisung stood up and offered his hand to help you off the bed. You headed to the bathroom with Jisung fused to your back kissing whatever his lips could find. 

“You know if we fuck in the shower I could cum all over these and clean you right up.” His hand squeezed your breasts tightly before roaming over your tummy, your hips and ass. You were barely up the hall and Jisung was already trying to slide his fingers through your folds again. When you got to the bathroom door you turned and pecked his lips. 

“That’s true jagiya, or you could cum down my throat and I could just swallow it and have no mess at all.” You licked up his lips to the tip of his nose and went into the bathroom as he stood there speechless for a moment before chasing after you.

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

@ughbehavior @chansynie @jquellen27 @caroline-ds-world

#stray kids fan fic #skz fan fic #han jisung fan fic #han fan fic #jisung fan fic #stray kids angst #skz angst #han jisung angst #han angst #jisung angst #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #han jisung fluff #han fluff #jisung fluff #stray kids smut #skz smut #han jisung smut #han smut #jisung smut #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #han jisung fanfic #skz317cb97 #cal 🖤 #skz317cb97 thick reader series

[samieree]

Could you write a fic of Heimdall and the reader who is his shy servant girl? Maybe smut?

Yes, of course! 🥰 I hope you gonna like this, enjoy <3

!MATURE CONTENT! !MINORS DNI!

For a long time your main occupation during the day has been to keep Heimdall's chamber in order and to attend to various related tasks. It bothered you at first, especially since Heimdall was… Very specific, everyone in Asgard knew it, much less every servant.

Although, on the other hand, sometimes, for example, while washing, you gossiped with other servants about how, despite his nasty nature, he looks very good... He dressed in a certain style in which he looked very good, always combed his hair impeccably and, unlike other Gods, always kept his beard shaved.

He shaved it every morning, you know that from the time you once walked into his room to put freshly laundered clothes in the closet and saw him in front of the mirror, lather on his face, razor in hand and most importantly... Shirtless. You still remembered what he'd said before he went back to shaving: ‘If you're going to faint because you've never seen a man without a shirt, at least put my clothes down first or you'll have to iron them again.’

You were red as a beetroot as you put his clothes in the closet with your legs like jelly, trying not to think about the state in which you had just seen him. And surprisingly, you didn't tell anyone about this situation, you guess you were afraid that Heimdall wouldn't want you to spread such things and, Gods forbid, add some story to them.

But that wasn't the only time you walked in at the wrong time. One evening you came to make the bed. You knew you were maybe a few minutes late, but it wasn't his bedtime yet. But still… When you entered the room, he was lying in an already made bed, reading a book. And without even looking at you, he declared icily: ‘Next time I'll feed you to Gulltoppr.’

To this day, you don't know if he was serious or not. And honestly, you didn't want to know. From then on, you came even earlier to prepare everything.

In addition to your usual maid duties, sometimes Heimdall had special assignments for you… Which often took up a large chunk of your time.

For example, he once sent you to pick up some items he ordered from the blacksmith. Only it wasn't a few... It was two sacks of stuff, and when the blacksmith handed you the first one, it overpowered you right away and you fell over. There was no way to throw them over your shoulders and carry them. Halfway through the city you dragged them on the ground, and halfway you found Thor, who was kind enough to carry them for you. And not only them. He had both sacks slung over one shoulder and placed you on the other.

You were red on the face the whole way, you didn't even know if it was from the exhaustion of dragging sacks or from the embarrassment that Thor was carrying you effortlessly on his shoulder.

Despite those moments when Heimdall seemed to annoy you, you learned to… like him. Especially since you've seen the version of him that no one else sees. Instead of malice, you began to see humour and truth in his words. When you thought about it for so long, he might have been a dick a lot, but he never said anything that wasn't true. The whole ‘problem’ lies only in the choice of words.

But okay, a few people must have seen him shirtless, shaving or tying his hair, some girls who had been his servants before, since he never made a fuss about it (although maybe he just didn't care). But certainly no one watched him sleep, which you had several times.

Every time you were afraid that he would wake up and make a fuss in the middle of the night. You kept telling yourself that you'd only come in for a moment, put down the book he'd told you to find or just take the clothes to wash, but you ended up staring at him for at least a dozen or so minutes, just standing over him and admiring his beauty. Normally you wouldn't be able to do that because you couldn't stand his piercing eyes, but when he was sleeping...

He looked cute, his hair down, relaxed, sometimes with a slight smile on his face, if he was dreaming something pleasant...

But then you were very careful not to accidentally think about it in front of him, lest he read it in you and find out. Because what excuse would you have? That you wanted to cover him with a duvet? 

Now, after a long day of hard work, you were finally going to bed. After a long day in which thankfully not much happened.

But as soon as you laid your head on the pillow and closed your eyes, you instantly remembered something. You forgot your chemise.

When you were dusting in his room you got hot and you hung your shirt on the chair, and then you forgot to take it from there when you left... 

You quickly got out of bed, pulling slippers on your feet. Heimdall should be asleep by this hour, so it's pretty easy for you to get in, grab what's yours, and leave unnoticed.

As you thought, so you did. You didn't even change out of your nightgown, after all, who would see you in your sleeping clothes at this hour?

You quietly entered Heimdall's chamber and… You met his gaze.

He was sitting on the bed in his shirt, his typical trousers and even shoes on his feet.  He was sitting and untangling his braids, or rather he was just starting to do so. At that hour, when he was usually asleep…

“I don't think it's work clothes.” He stated, looking at you, wearing nothing but a nightgown, with your hair down, standing in his doorway. “But if you're leaving all your clothes with me like that, maybe you've run out of clothes.”

“I…” You felt it, your cheeks red. “I just came for my chemise…”

“Just?” He asked as you closed the door behind you.

“And do you have any wishes?” You replied with a question, walking slowly over to the chair on which your chemise was hanging.

“Leave it.” You heard as you reached for your clothes. “Actually, I have…” He deigned to answer your earlier question. “Untie my hair, I don't want to deal with it.”

You were a little surprised at the request, because you've never done that before. Even though you thought about how his hair felt to the touch, you never thought that he might ask you to take care of it.

And now, right now, you were sitting behind him on the bed and slowly and gently began to untangle each braid one by one. You felt soft strands slide between your fingers, the small amount of light from the candles in the room reflecting off them.

You felt a bit irrational at the moment. You were sitting behind him in your nightgown and untangling his hair, which you thought he liked. All in all… Looking at the work you do for him, you're not much different than a typical wife.

“Say it out loud.” You instantly felt faintly. Well, you forgot yourself a bit, and here are the results... “Come on. Say it.”

“Say… What?” You didn't know if you were deluding yourself that he would let you go or maybe that you would manage to play dumb, even though it was obvious that he didn't let go that easily. And this time it was the same.

“If you're not ashamed to think it, then don't be ashamed to say it.”

It's over, there's no turning back. Either you say it or he will make you say it in some way you don't know yet. Anyway, he already knows what you were thinking, so you might as well say it out loud, right…?

Right?

“I'm like a wife to you…” You said softly, finishing your work on his hair. Now his hair was flowing down his shoulders and partly down his back. You dropped your hands to your lap and looked there too, embarrassed of your thoughts.

“You're right.” He replied. This surprised you, rather you expected him to scold you and tell you not to even think about him like that ever again. And he just admitted you were right… “Only one aspect is wrong.”

He turned to you, staring at you for a few longer seconds before grabbing your hands and pushing you onto the bed, pressing your wrists into the mattress. Instantly your breath quickened as you felt his body against yours, no matter that you were only in your nightgown, you could feel the warmth of his body. It was impossible to ignore this. Not when your heart raced at the mere meeting of your eyes, let alone such close contact.

He leaned down slowly to your ear, his loose hair teasing your neck. Only then he finished his earlier thought, whispering it right into your ear.

“Wife is the person you also sleep with.” You felt your cheeks turn red again.

 You started to wonder if it was a suggestion, if he really meant it.

“So?” He moved away from your ear so he could look into your eyes. “Do you still want this role?”

“Yes…” You replied quietly, no longer escaping his gaze.

He didn't say anything else, just leaned in and placed his first kiss on your lips. He was very gentle, or his lips were so soft… You returned the kiss, emboldened that he had made the first move.

When he released your wrists to put his hands on either side of your waist and move them along your body, you moved your hands to his shoulders. Then you slowly slid them down to the buttons on his shirt, undoing them all one by one. Then you could put your hands on his warm, muscular chest.

You could finally touch what you had only seen before and it made you blush. His skin was smooth, strangely not covered with any tattoos like other Gods. You felt him tremble slightly under your touch, just like your body reacted when he touched you.

He lifted himself off you for a moment to throw off his shirt, then returned his mouth to your neck, giving it many kisses and occasionally teasing it slightly with his teeth.

You felt as if your heart was about to jump out of your chest just to be as close to him as possible.

His hands landed on your thighs, just under your nightgown. As his hands moved higher, they uncovered more and more of your body. Eventually the shirt went over your head and landed on the floor, leaving you completely naked.

Your first instinct was to cover yourself, to hide your breasts from his gaze and touch. You weren't so sure about your body, you didn't know if he'd like it, and that uncertainty only filled you with shame.

“You're beautiful, there's nothing to hide.” He said calmly, smiling at you. He ran one hand through your hair and with the other he held one of your hands that you wanted to cover yourself with. “All beautiful.” He added just before kissing both of your breasts in turn.

Feeling him so close, feeling his touch on the most sensitive parts of your body, your body responded with a burning desire. You wanted him now, all of him, as close as possible, to feel it as much as possible.

It wasn't long before he pulled away from you just for a moment to kick off both his shoes and his pants. Immediately after, all his attention returned to you, to kissing your breasts, to touching your thighs, between which he found a comfortable place.

Your hands didn't stay in one place for long, they wandered as far as they could, relishing the opportunity to touch his soft, fragrant skin.

The longer you were close to each other without any obstacles in the form of clothes, the more you wanted to feel him inside you. The tension that was building up inside you, the desire, became unbearable as he continued to touch and kiss you in every place except the one that craved his attention the most, which was between your legs.

“Please…” You said softly, moving your hips against his.

“Please... What?” He repeated, biting your earlobe lightly. “Tell me what you want and maybe I'll give it to you…”

Of course he knew what it was about. He wanted it like hell, but at the same time he wanted to hear it from your lips, it turned him on even more. He saw how much you wanted him, he felt it, but he still wanted to hear it. To hear you ask him for more and then moan his name under him because all you can think about is the pleasure he gives you.

“Please take me... I want to feel you inside me.” You almost groaned, closing your eyes as his lips trailed over yours, his tongue lightly brushing against them.

It was just waiting for him to finally enter you. You moaned as he felt his cock stretching you, slowly moving deeper and deeper, as if conquering you inch by inch.

Your fingernails were digging into his arms and would leave marks, but it didn't matter. Especially not when he started moving.

All the excitement that has gathered in you so far was not going to let go so easily, with each thrust you wanted more and more, desperately wanting to relieve this tension accumulated in you.

Fast, hot breaths, chaotic touches, moaning, passionate kisses - this filled the room. And it was filled with it until you both came, only then having a chance to catch your breath.

It was only when the desire for the other body brought a wave of pleasure that hearts began to slow down and breaths to even out.

Heimdall rested his forehead against yours, watching you with a smile on his face.  He seemed to enjoy what you did just as much as you did, about what simply coming to pick up a forgotten chemise had turned into.

“You've just expanded your responsibilities.” He said, turning on his side.

“If that includes rest after, I don't mind.”

“Includes.” He replied in one word, pulling you with his arm. With your head on his chest, you closed your eyes and fell asleep to the melody of his beating heart.

~

-> general masterlist -> God of War: Ragnarök masterlist

#heimdall #god of war ragnarok #gow heimdall #god of war heimdall #heimdall god of war #god of war #gow #heimdall gow #heimdall x reader #heimdall smut

[heliza24]

Ep 5, rage, and time

This was a FASCINATING episode. We’ve got a lot more questions than answers right now— about exactly the nature of Fig’s curse (we know it hopped to her from Gilear, but how does the armor of pride play into it), the exact nature of what happened to Cassandra, and what kind of big bad god (???) was talking to Kristen after the fight— so I don’t have a snappy thesis about this week’s ep. But I have some themes buzzing around my head like persistent flies. So let’s talk about them.

I saw someone earlier point out that rage and anger seems to be a dominant theme of the season, after Kristen got advantage for leaning into anger at her parents, and I think we know for sure now that that’s true. I refreshed myself on what happened to Lydia— she sealed a dangerous demon inside a soul gem and embedded it in herself to keep the demon from escaping. She was in a permanent rage to keep herself alive, and the impact of that disabled her. As a disabled fan I have always loved this rep, because the gem functions like a chronic illness, and I personally have used anger at the medical system and the ableist world to survive being chronically ill. (She also refused to have the gem removed and risk releasing the demon, which is a great refutation of the magical cure trope). Anger is a dirty fuel though, and if you burn too much of it you’ll end up burning yourself, and compromising your own mental health, in the process.

That reminds me of the kind of things we were circling from the beginning of the season— burnout, exhaustion, being past where you can fight. And if people heap enough stress on you (from schoolwork or otherwise) a kind of natural response to that is to break into rage at some point.

I don’t exactly understand the mechanisms of the star bursts that originated within Cassandra and then made her monstrous. Were parts of her anger embedded in them like the demon was in Lydia’s soul gem, and then when they re-entered her they turned that rage into something uncontrollable? Why did they affect Kalina that way and why did she mention Ragh’s name? I’m really not sure, although I do hope that this means that Lydia will play a larger role this season and we’ll see more of her and her cool wheelchair soon.

The other things that’s bouncing around my head is the theme of time (a recurring Elmville theme; chronomancy is the greatest magic of all after all). I think this season is concerned with time, and what it means to run out of time, even more than freshman and sophomore year. We have Arthur and Ayda traveling through time and the quadrangle situation. Now we have the Synod clock and a verifiable time loop (side note: I did ABSOLUTELY burst out laughing when Brennan exasperatedly said “anyone can roll arcana to understand time loops” when the PCs were confused, like GOD haven’t you all seen this in a million science fiction stories by now??? A deeply relatable moment when the players aren’t picking up the lore you’re putting down). But maybe more importantly, we’re seeing the consequences of not having enough time this season, or maybe what happens when the clock keeps running after the adventure is supposed to be over. No one has enough time to do all the assignments on their plate. Everyone missed out on fun, school planning, and relationship stuff over the summer because they had to be fighting the night yorb and didn’t have enough time to go home. (Also, side note, the night yorb turned everything to night therefore eliminating a way we have to tell time. No more days, just one long bleed of an adventure). And everything we’re doing right now feels like we’ve somehow hit the end of time and then kept going— Cassandra was never supposed to turn back into something akin to the nightmare king again. Kalina was never supposed to come back in the same form and taunt Riz again. The whole thing feels like a lesser, diminished time loop. Even the main high school antagonists, the rat grinders, are like a weird version of the bad kids who are stuck just looping over and over again, grinding out xp and repeating themselves infinitely.

I don’t really know how these two themes are going to hook together yet exactly, but I have a feeling they’re going to. Whoever was on the phone with Kristen feels like a hook for underlying plot, if not an outright big bad, which I honestly wasn’t sure we would get at all this season. So I’m gonna be so interested to see how these themes coalesce as the season goes on.

PS- I think The Seven is also extremely concerned with time (especially that sequence in the penultimate episode, which is my favorite in all of D20 I think. No spoilers if you haven’t seen it, but it is truly transcendent), and especially what it means to grow and change. I love that this theme keeps popping up in Elmville- it’s such a lovely frame for the kind of coming of age stories that get told there.

#dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high #d20 fhjy #episode analysis #my meta #if anyone has additional thoughts on these themes I would love to hear them!

[sunflower-lilac42]

✧𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝 | sturniolo triplets ♔

summary: y/n's fantasies to create scenarios started with a library card (and a shitty life but that's besides the point). books shaped how y/n sturniolo thought about life and herself, for worse and for better. or y/n's journey with books and two scenarios she wanted to happen.

warnings: sad, being lonely, crying, the usual from this series.

notes: part of the 'behind the lens' series. the scenarios are all fake! they never actually happened they are just things that y/n wished to have happened. i also lowkey hate this so I'm sorry if you do too :/ also add yourself to the tag list! ➺ taglist form

series masterlist | celebrities masterlist | main masterlist

At the age of seven, y/n Sturniolo asked her parents for a library card well more or less begged. She had always loved reading, escaping to a reality that seemed to be made just for her. She read books such as Curious George and Froggy with her mom when she was younger. Then she read those to her brothers.

When she grew older she read the Magic Tree House series and 13 Story Tree House, which led her to ask her parents for a tree house. That idea was quickly shut down seeing the books their daughter was reading and their knowledge of her imagination. 

Gaining the library card and the release of all new books, she read Harry Potter and Dork Diaries, and all other classic series middle schoolers read about. She was a sucker for new books and new series because that led to new realities, new topics, and a larger imagination. 

Escaping to these realities was the only thing that kept the girl sane. Everyone’s attention was set on the triplets since they were born and these books were her lifeline. They protected her from being lonely, from talking to people - which was hard for her, and even protecting her from recess. 

These books assisted in her desire to become an author. The need to create realities that could help others, the need to create a reality where she was the main character, the need to create a reality for people to relate to, and the need to create a reality where she belonged.

She always created these scenarios in her head like most people her age did. She wanted people to be able to read these scenarios and for them to feel wanted.

✧༺✎༻∞

Scenario 1: A Brother’s Comfort

Y/n had been sitting in her room at her house, it was a Saturday night in the middle of June. She was sixteen.

She had received a text and when she saw who it was from, her boyfriend of 7 months, she squealed a little. Yet when she saw what the message contained, she cried. 

He had broken up with her, over text. Her first boyfriend, her first hope of well, hope. She was numb at first until the message really sunk in, and then the tears slowly trailed down her face.

The triplets were 12 when this happened. They kind of knew that their sister was in a relationship but didn’t know all of the details. They never met the boy, but they knew he made her happy and that’s what mattered to them. 

They had been messing around in the living room and were sent to their rooms after breaking one of the lamps. They were trekking through the hallways when they heard the small sobs of their older sister.

They were too scared to go in but were too worried that it overshadowed that fear. Nick took the lead, not wanting his younger brothers to take the wrath if she got mad. He placed his hand on the doorknob and twisted it. Opening the door, the brothers saw their sister on her bed, a blanket drawn all the way up and over her head, with her phone sitting across the room all cracked. 

They exchanged looks and walked closer to her bed. Nick tapped on her and she muttered a ‘go away’ in hopes that whoever it was would take her advice and actually go away.

Her brothers were as stubborn as her and they shook their heads and asked what was wrong. She didn’t answer and just kept crying. Matt had gone over to her phone and turned it on to see the message from her boyfriend. He grew angry and showed his triplets. The three had obviously figured out that y/n did not want to talk about it and just all silently and collectively decided to lay on her bed with her and stay with her until she felt better.

Nick sat at the edge while he let the younger two curl up around the girl. Matt placed her head on his chest while Chris held her hand and took the covers off of her so she could breathe. Nick rubbed his hand up and down her calf in a way of comfort.

Their mom had noticed the odd silence in her house and went to check on everyone, she saw her daughter’s door ajarred and peered in. When she saw her eldest son sitting there, she was prepared to yell at them for not listening to her but when she saw the look on y/n’s face, her hair disheveled, and the boys comforting her, she smiled and turned away, closing the door all the way.

✧༺✎༻∞

Even though books were great to y/n and what got her through most of her younger years, she couldn’t help but relent them just a little. By the time she hit high school, a small part of her wondered why she wasn’t allowed to get a happy ending like those in her books. She kept reading, although the books were geared towards the adult age range and her taste had differed from when she was a little girl. 

The books had lost their magic somewhere between the ages of 16 and 21. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint the moment but she knew in those four to five years she started to dread picking up a new book that had a focus in romance, even if it was a very small sub-plot. 

She compared these books to her life, trying to find out how these characters always had a way to move on, chapter to chapter while her’s was stuck on a chapter of feeling lonely and forgotten. She accepted but never really understood why she was the one chosen to bear all of these emotions and feelings. She didn’t wish this on anyone, not at all.

✧༺✎༻∞

Through the years she read more romance books that were angsty, with little to no happy ending, yet every so often she’d be reading a cozy, cliche little romance book that she could always dream of but never have. She had always set her expectations too high for men, nonetheless people in general.

High school was when her eyes opened up and saw that no boy would ever want her. She didn’t know why, she considered herself to be smart, somewhat pretty, funny, and a nice person, so why did they always choose the popular ones who had fake personalities and always used people?

Finding this out, she hid more than she ever had before. When she was in middle school, she never really cared what anyone thought about her. Half of these people she would never see again in high school or ever really. 

She quickly learned that she was no protagonist in any story unless it was one about a sad little girl who never belonged. Why couldn’t she be the one who people wanted to write about in stories, the one who got the boy, the one who didn’t care what people thought, the one who shined and thrived in any situation?

At 21, her life had begun, she thought. She had friends at college, if anybody talked bad about her she didn’t know it. It was a large campus with a shit ton of people that once again, she probably wouldn’t see that much or at all, and some she probably hadn’t even met. 

She was still stuck on that previous chapter of how her emotions got the best of her, how she was the one who would always have to carry these emotions, and how she could never escape. She was slowly beginning to ignore this however, she was slowly beginning to believe in another fantasy where she could be who she wanted to be, where she could be free.

She had no happily ever after.

✧༺✎༻∞

Scenario 2: The Love of Her Life

One sunny afternoon, as golden rays streamed through the bookstore's window, y/n found herself reeling in the fact that a coffee shop had opened just across the street. She loved the smell of coffee more than she loved the taste of coffee. It was a comfort scent for her, and that mixed with books and art, it was like her own heaven.

As she stepped into the coffee shop, the soothing hum of conversations and the gentle clinking of cups created an all too familiar sound. Y/n ordered her favorite drink and found a cozy corner to settle into, her sketchbook in hand. Lost in her own little bubble, she began to draw, the pencil strokes effortlessly capturing the scene and comfort of the cafe and the people within it.

Unbeknownst to her, a boy around her age sat at a nearby table, sipping his own cup of coffee. Intrigued by y/n’s hobby he couldn't help but watch her bring the café to life on paper. Not being able to help himself, Ollie gathered his courage and approached her, striking up a conversation about her art.

Something that didn’t happen often with y/n was an easy conversation yet with Ollie it was effortless. Talking about their hobbies and interests, finding random things to bond with. She felt a sense of hope rush through her. Maybe Ollie was the one for her.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and the bond between her and Ollie deepened. They became inseparable, sharing sunsets and stargazing nights, exploring hidden gems in their little town, and supporting each other's dreams.

✧༺✎༻∞

Like some of her friends, she started to believe that happy endings were overrated. The guy gets the girl, they live in this tiny little house or in a big and grand castle with all of their family surrounding them. Or the protagonist in some way, shape, or form got rewarded with love, family, money, etc. and the villain/antagonist was cast away even if their only purpose was the make fun of the main character, even if their only purpose was to exist to continue the story and the character development.

She was used to getting hurt and so were her friends. Her family noticed a shift in her friend group especially in the later years of high school and the beginning years of college. They were more negative, a bad influence to say the least. Her parents were worried, they didn’t want her to turn out like them, they wanted her to succeed and break these habits of picking the wrong friends. 

Her dreams of wanting the perfect reality faded too soon. She wanted that reality, dreamed of that reality but could never figure out how to get there. It would never work. 

She broke away from these friends when she expressed her feelings for her own little fantasy. They made fun of her, and gave her a “reality check”. She knew they were right but deep down she wanted them to be wrong. She wished they were wrong. She apologized for wanting to stay in her own little universe. 

She wanted to be alone, she wanted to be the girl with hopes and dreams that came true. She wanted to be seen, she wanted to be careless and free.

✧༺✎༻∞

Y/n’s college years brought a mix of emotions and even started to get back into reading, finding solace in the familiar corners of the campus library. In high school and even middle school, the library was a sanctuary of endless possibilities that seemed to echo the sentiment of her life - an endless search for something more. 

She found a book, hidden on one of the back shelves, in between other old, dusty, forgotten books. This book soon became her favorite, somehow this author wrote about her life in a beautiful way. She thought no one could understand the pain that she had been through, the years of staying silent and to herself. 

She finally realized that the pages she read as a child weren’t a realistic destiny, maybe this was the reality check she was looking for. The library was once a portal to different realities to aid her in her childhood, but now it was where she sought inspiration for her own life. 

Now, she couldn’t really remember what those books were about, she just knew that she was thankful for helping her in those tough times.

#sunny lune writes #sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x reader #sister!reader #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo x you #behindthelens #sunnylunebehindthelens #Spotify

[plush-rabbit]

Loneliness Back at Home

TW: self-degradation

Word Count: 2.2K

A/N: Can yall guess the feelings that im going through rn

Of course they were going to move on with their lives. What became frequent and everyday text messages, slowly turned to once a week, and then once every two weeks, and then once every month, and then you were given a meme, and a reaction, and you should have seen it coming. You should have prepared yourself for the breakup of a friendship.

You were a fool to believe that you would still be adored after months of separation. Even Lucifer had warned you about it when you asked for your D.D.D. to accept calls and messages from the Human Realm. He had only scowled and told you that it would be a waste, that human relations hardly ever last long distance and you fought with him, tears burning in your eyes, and shame on the tips of your ears, telling him that it wasn’t going to be like that, arguing with a man older than you could ever comprehend about something childish in his eyes. He had only relented when you threatened to ask Lord Diavolo yourself for a connection plan to the Human Realm. You cannot fathom how smug he’ll be when you tell him to cancel the phone line to the Human Realm. 

Tears well up in your eyes and it’s becoming difficult to swallow whatever is lodged in your throat. The crown of your head hits the back of your headboard and you dig your nails into your palms, forcing for the tears to stop. 

No, you are not going to cry over them. Friendships come and go. You always told yourself you were the least liked, the one who they felt like they had to invite, the one who didn’t really fit in, the one who thought of everyone as a close friend but no one else thought the same. You were only there to fill the gaps, nothing more. You had to prepare yourself because you knew the truth, because the others were too kind to ever tell you otherwise.

And yet, it did nothing to soften the pain of rejection and abandonment.

In the loneliness of your mind, you told yourself that when you went back to the House of Lamentation, you’d be quieter, you’d be less of a nuisance- you’d be likable. 

Your friends were sitting around you, laughing and talking, and every conversation that they had were about moments when you weren’t there. They had jokes that were unknown to outsiders, and you sat there, as an outsider, as someone marring their meet-up, as an onlooker and nothing else. They dropped you off, and later in their stories, you saw that they went out without you. 

It wasn’t that you wanted them to have fun without you- you much prefer if they showed the world how happy they were rather than hide their happiness to spare your feelings anyways- but it was them ignoring you, looking the other way. You’d speak up and your words would be drowned by others, and your sentence would be snuffed before it had even begun to light. 

You let the sting last throughout the night and in the morning when you went to the store, you saw them at the self-checkout, and they were smiling. Their contact lit your screen and you thought about calling them, about giving them a cheeky, “look up” and waving at them- a final outreach of friendship- but you stopped yourself. They hadn’t invited you, what would make you think that they would want to say hello to you. No, you saved yourself from that humiliation, from your own desperation and walked further into the store. You walked away, buying time to make sure that they left the store so you could save each other from the awkward hellos. 

Everyone that you passed in the market seemed content in their life, as you walked alone, clutching your items awkwardly in your hands. You saw the back of their clothes as they walked out the store and you replaced them where they once stood in line.

Love echoes in the walls, and you miss the way that you were once loved. 

There is no notification from your phone- no goodbyes, no concerns. You’re gone from their lives, nothing more than a memory, something for them to smile about when they remember something that you once said. To you, they are still everything, you weren’t ready to say goodbye, and all the love you have for them leaks from your heart and spills itself on the collar of your shirt and stains your hands.

“Hey-” he walks into your room,eyes closed and a sort of upturned nose type of attitude, with his phone and charger, held tight in his hand- “you promised that when you got back we’d-” he looks up at you, and stops, falling silent. “Shit,” he curses under his breath, “you okay?” 

You roll your lips into your mouth, nipping at the bottom, and your vision is getting blurry, the light from your lamp streaking in the corner of your vision. You hum, nodding your head, and it sounds painful- high-pitched and forced, and when he says your name, closing the door behind him, you cry. 

The comforter wrinkles under you, and any of the high and mighty acts of him not loving you, crumbles as you do.

“Hey, hey,” Mammon mutters, “you okay? Who- What happened?” His arms wrap around you, and you’re pressed to his chest, the warmth burning against your cheeks. 

“The trip was a total bust,” you spat out in tears. Your hands twist into the fabric of his shirt, and you try to calm down. You told yourself that you would be likable- that you would be quieter than all of this needless wailing.

“What happened?” He asks, running his hand under your shift, manicured nails running up and down your spine. Your chest shudders with every breath that you take, and you try to bury yourself deeper into him. “You can tell me-” at another pitiful attempt of choking back a sob, he quickly adds- “or not. There’s no pressure. Just uh- know that I’m here for ya, all right?” His hand stops in the middle of your back, and he traces loops and circles down your back. 

“It’s like we weren’t even friends,” you murmur. “They were laughing and going out, and having fun without me and- fuck!” Your legs twist and rub themselves over each other, begging for something to swallow you whole, to have you disappear from sight. “It sounds so selfish when I say it outloud. I- I just wanted them to have fun with me.” You wish you cried in the shower where he wouldn’t have been able to see you.

“That doesn’t sound so bad. Everybody’s selfish around here, ya know.” His other hand has sneaked to hold onto your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles. “We must’ve rubbed off on ya or somethin’.” 

“At least people like being around you. I mean- fuck,”  you whimper, twisting yourself further into him. “Is it me? Like it has to be me, right?” You croak out, eyes wide with horror, and nails clawing into your skin as a repayment, because of course it is you, and of course you have to pay for it- for being so annoying, so demanding, so unlovable.

“No, no,” he coos, twisting himself to hold you, his arms snaking around you, legs intertwined with yours, trapping you beside him, subjecting himself to his own torment. “It isn’t you,” he tells you. 

“But it’s me that they’re leaving,” you say in a hushed voice. “It’s not the other way around. I’m the one that’s being left behind. Even at work, I don’t have friends- like sure they tolerate me, but they don’t like me.” Your voice starts to give, it’s uneven and wavers with each syllable. “Even with my friends from the Human Realm, they’re laughing and talking and I-” your heart breaks, and you feel the sting of rejection burn and sear itself across your body. “I felt alone. I felt-” you stop yourself. You felt like you were a child again, picked last for a group project, sitting alone at lunch, begging that the teacher would assign groups, stomach twisting and turning at the thought of gym, desperate to keep your friends by sacrificing every bit of yourself. Your tears stop for a moment, and your lungs are filled with air, expanding and too much to bear. “I felt pathetic.”

“Don’t say that,” he says softly.

“But I am. I really thought they were going to miss me the way that I missed them. But they were done with me. I was the one begging for the meet up. I was the one initiating conversations.” You let out a sigh, and rise, pulling away from him. “I- I thought I was at least someone’s favorite- that maybe they still considered me a friend.” A sob breaks through your ramble. “I held out onto some stupid hope that someone could tolerate me.”

“I tolerate you,” he adds quickly.

You let out a breath, pushing it out of your body. “You didn’t before,” you counter and he winces. “You were forced to like me and fuck, Mammon.” You intake a large breath and you’re unable to keep it in your body. “I’m sorry for how annoying I was.” You dip your head down, and feel your tears drip down. 

“You weren’t,” his voice is low, and his hands cup at your cheeks, and lift you up. “I was just annoyed at Lucifer- it was never for you; it just had to be or Lucifer would’ve had my ass swinging from the ceiling.” You snort, rubbing at the tip of your nose and sniveling. Your forehead meets his shoulder, and his warmth isn’t as suffocating as it was moments before. “There ya go, got you smilin’. That must count for somethin’.

“Counts for a lot,” you mutter, turning your head to rest your cheek over his shoulder, your nose ghosting over the side of his neck. There’s a moment of silence, of you reaching your arms around him and bunching up the back of his shirt and stretching in downwards. The tag of his shirt peeks out. “I can’t believe I have to tell Lucifer that he was right,” you moan, pressing yourself closer to him. 

“Yeah,” Mammon breathes out, his fingertips dancing along the line where your shirt begins along the nape of your neck, “he’s never gonna let you live that down.” His head knocks softly against yours, and you let out a humorless chuckle.

“Great,” you say with sarcasm twisted into your words. You pull away from him, and he sits tall, watching as you sit on his lap, hands sliding from the back of his shirt, across his chest, and resting over his shoulders. “What if I don’t tell him? Just you know-” you loll your head to the sides a few times- “let him waste money.”

“He’d kill ya,” Mammon says without a smile. He leans forward, the tip of his nose pressed against yours in a faux bunny kiss. “And who would I have backin’ up my ideas?”

Your eyes close and a smile stretches softly. “You could always bribe Beel, and after that Belphie would follow. Asmo would join for the heck of it, and if you twist Levi’s arm enough, he’d join too.” You pause. “Satan would just need the excuse to piss off Lucifer.”

“Ha!” He pulls away and you lean back into him, the labor of crying and self-pitying finally catching up to you. “You think about leavin’ my side often or what?”

“Or what,” you say in a whisper that ghosts over his neck. “I like thinking.” 

You feel the smile on his lips as he presses a chaste kiss against yours, letting his lips flutter against your tear-stained skin. “Funny-” his lips kiss your skin once more. “Anyways,” his chest pushes out as he exhales, and you’re grateful he’s warm, or else you would have buried yourself under blankets while you cried yourself to sleep. You hum in response, and let a hand of yours fall to the mattress, and toy with the end of his shirt, your knuckles brushing alongside his bare skin every now and then. “You feelin’ better?” He asks in a soft voice. “I helped?” You smile at how eager he is to hear how he helped, and you wished he asked earlier so you could praise him and kiss him, and hold him in your arms as if he were a lifeline in the middle of the vast sea. 

You nod. “You helped,” you agree, placing a gentle kiss where the soft of his skin gives away his emotions. “You helped plenty, Mammon. I’m not crying myself to sleep, so I’m counting that as a win.”

The bed sinks and you feel the dip even as you lay on him. Something soft covers you, and you don’t have the strength to open your eyes and see what it is. “Good, good,” he says quietly, turning his head to place a kiss against the side of yours. “‘S what I’m here for.”

#obey me #obey me mammon #obey me mammon x you #obey me mammon x mc #obey me mammon x reader #mammon #the great mammon #mammon x you #i lost a friend!! #and it sucks!! #and ill always love her but like damn #years of friendship gone!! #and then i saw two friends of mine at the store and that made me feel awful #emotions are disgusting!!! #anywyas #guess whose car is fucked again #<:] #i need comfort #anyways i have like three gross shiggy fics #and im on spring break #with assignment #so #ill see how it goes #i wanna be gross!!

[enihk-writes]

[日久见人心]

characters: present!chung myung + afab!she/her!reader

baek cheon x afab!she/her!reader (implied and one-sided from the reader's end because they are not the main plot point for this fic lol)

summary: old habits die hard, even when you are born in a new body. to his credit, he does try not to seem like he is the reincarnation of the plum blossom sword saint, but his subconscious actions said otherwise. he didn't think you of all people would notice.

word count: 3.85k

author's note: the phrase 日久见人心 (rì jiǔ jiàn rén xīn) is part of the full saying 路遥知马力，日久见人心 (lù yáo zhī mǎ lì, rì jiǔ jiàn rén xīn) and i vaguely remember it was something my mother tongue teacher back in secondary said we could use in our composition essays or whatever,,,, and recently i saw it on those cringey rise-and-grind motivational crypto bro ig pages my ex-classmates are reposting on their stories which kinda gave me an idea lmao.... anyways the meaning of the quote is that we need to take time to understand a person's character (also the fic is the result of my caffeine overconsumption lol and not related to my previous cmxreader because i needed a break from all that angst romance i've been writing wwwwwwww)

═══════════════

chung myung has been starting to think that you were cut out from the same cloth as yu iseol.

quiet, aloof and always watching.

if someone said that you both were twins, he wouldn't be surprised. but then again, there were differences. the most obvious one was that iseol had more talent with the blade than you did, and the other was that iseol had no talent in actually taking care of herself. you were barely managing, but compared to your senior sister? it was far more decent. the two of you had tang soso to thank for not dying as fast as you could have.

chung myung. bowl.

he looks up to see your hand outstretched, waiting to pick up the empty bowl he'd cleaned off long ago. chung myung grunts and hands it over, propping his arm up and resting his head on it as he watched you go around the dining hall to collect the dinnerware.

you lived in mount hua, sure, but you weren't the fighting sort. maybe because anything you did could get you sick — if the weather dropped or rose a little too quickly, your body would tremble and shiver. did you move a little too much today? did you happen to sleep later than you were supposed to that night? by the next morning you were down with a terrible fever that kept you in your room for the rest of the day. but now that tang soso was here, she would drag you down to the medicine hall, grumbling under her breath, all while you looked at her teary-eyed and apologetic.

maybe it was out of shame or embarrassment that made you try to be yourself useful in other ways, though you would often fail and cause more trouble. everyone would just sigh and pick up after your mess, ushering you out to do something else.

during those days, he'd find you hunched behind the baths, sobbing in frustration. chung myung didn't know what to do or say, he'd always talked more with his fist before his heart, so he'd end up hiding in the trees to watch over you instead. and once you've cried it all out, you would stand, wash your face and go to bed. trying something else tomorrow.

chung myung gives credit where credit was due. for a sickly kid, you sure had a thicker skin than the others.

eventually, you stuck with being the cleaner. your weird, meticulous habits somehow working well in this job. the cups and plates were wiped till it shone, silverware were polished until you could see your own face and that hard-to-scrub dirt on the grout would be pristine and white when left in your hands. chung myung wonders secretly if maybe you'd picked this talent up from that neat freak baek cheon.

what are you thinking about?

he almost hits you out of instinct. you really were cut from the same cloth as yu iseol.

he lets out a shaky breath as he turns to face you, who had been sitting behind him. you look at him owlishly and he would have thought you weren't breathing if not for the movement of your nostrils. crossing his leg over the other, he juts his chin at you in acknowledgement.

what is it?

you're quieter, and thinking a lot more than normal today.

ah... this kid... how does everything that comes out of that mouth sound like an insult? chung myung tries to reign in his short temper, he didn't want to hit a frail person for no reason, and he knows that you just happen to always talk like that.

hm. i was thinking about you.

woah. pervert.

ah... maybe he should hit your head just once. just once and he'll never hit you again.

i'm kidding.

really? were you now?

i'm really kidding, don't go and look like you're going hit me like you do with our senior brothers.

okay, you were off the hook. for now.

hmph. you shouldn't tease your elders.

what elder.

chung myung forgets that you were the same age as him. well, in this body, not spiritually. but if he were to talk about life experience and reincarnation, he was the older one but fuck! you didn't know that! he didn't tell anyone he was the plum blossom sword saint ugh!

chung myung, are you going to have an aneurysm?

shut up!

═══════════════

winter in mount hua was really cold. and chung myung, surprisingly, didn't do so well with the cold. though, he would rather die than let anyone ever find out about that.

he wakes up early to train as usual, but the cold this morning was so biting, he was tempted to just stay in bed, it wasn't easy being an old man. ah, but the other disciples would be celebrating if he didn't appear for morning practice and that was no good. after all, the future of the sect still depended on him, didn't it?

he got dressed and stepped out of his room —

chung myung.

fuck! couldn't you talk to people like a normal person? why do you love to sneak up on people like this? cheong mun sa-hyung please, please, please give him patience and strength.

you look cold.

he was! great observation! chung myung wants to yell that to you with gritted teeth. he was still, unfortunately, very unnerved by how he couldn't feel your presence.

follow me. i have something for you.

you didn't wait for him to reply, instead grabbing his hand as you dragged him to the kitchen. he didn't try to resist, letting you pull him wherever, like a parent going to see what their child just found.

the two of you walk across the training grounds that had been buried under a blanket of pristine snow, the dim light of your paper lantern showing you the way. treading past and leaving two sets of footprints behind.

you push him into the kitchen, hanging the lantern up on a hook in the wall. chung myung notices the fire in the stone stove, you had already started it before going out to find him, probably because you were boiling something in that pot standing over the fire. chung myung sits on the ground, huddling before the blaze, it felt warm and comforting in the kitchen. the sound of water boiling in the pot and the crackling of the charred wood its heat blowing across his frigid face was, unsurprisingly, giving him a boost of energy.

you carefully move the pot to the side, removing the lid to check the contents in it. looking pleased with the result, you take out a bowl still steaming into your hands and placed it on the ground between you and chung myung as quickly as you could.

he looks over curiously. it looked like some kind of pudding, he doesn't think he's seen it before —

it's milk pudding, with lotus seeds and almonds

oh? he pondered, eyeing the bowl as you handed him a spoon.

aren't these ingredients used to make mooncakes?

chung myung asks, folding his arms. he notices that you were avoiding his gaze. don't tell him you...?

did you steal these from the warehouse?

hey! steal is a strong word!

oh i'm sorry, your highness, did you perhaps take the ingredients from the fucking warehouse?

he scoffed mockingly, exaggerating his manner of speech in mild irritation. he laughed at your grimace and pouty expression. ah, he feels like he's making fun of a toddler, he should be ashamed for bullying a kid at his age.

hm, he hasn't done something this juvenile in a long time. it was oddly nostalgic, in a way. he mused, digging into the soft and smooth surface of the pudding with the spoon, trying to scoop up the lotus seeds and almonds in it too.

mmh. 's not bad.

wow, i didn't know you knew how to compliment people

should i take that back then?

i'm sorry.

═══════════════

you had been working hard in cleaning the floors for spring cleaning. but the boys were so heavy-footed and honestly far too uninterested in their surroundings that the well-polished wooden floorboards you were really proud of was always dusty.

should you just barricade the entrance of the dorms until nightfall? just so they wouldn't walk all over your hard work?

you sit on the steps, your hair tied into a scarf, head resting on the propped broom you held between your legs. thinking long and hard over your predicament while looking over at the training grounds where chung myung was drilling down on everyone else.

the sun hung high in the cloudless afternoon sky, its rays casting down on the compound harshly. you were beginning to feel dizzy and closed your eyes, hoping to relieve the pain growing in your head.

you didn't hear anything outside the constant ringing in your ears, so one can only imagine your surprise when the reddish tint you saw while your eyes were closed grew dark.

who?

you cracked open your eyes to try and make out the person standing before you, wincing when the bright light nearly blinded you.

a familiar chuckle graced your ears as the ringing grew quiet. ah, it was senior baek cheon.

he taps the bamboo flask against your forehead, the water in it swishing against the walls. you take it, grateful, chugging down the contents, choking on it a little when a few drops went down the wrong pipe.

hey, hey... slow down... no one's going to take it away from you...

you cough, turning away in embarrassment. baek cheon sits down next to you on the steps, watching your antics in quiet amusement. you didn't want to look at him, not when he was practically topless, with his hair tied up high and swept over his shoulder.

chung myung looks at the scene from afar, not really clocking anything in his mind until he sees the way you were trying to scoot a little further away like a snail touching salt and your hands covering up your cheeks.

oh.

oh?

so you and baek cheon huh?

chung myung feels the cogs in his brain turn. at times like these he wishes he had someone to talk about this with, maybe tang bo. he would have loved to hear about petty gossip like this, and they could have teased the kids like the old men they were.

so you think something is going on between her and baek cheon sasuk too, huh?

jo-gul's voice comes up from behind, and chung myung didn't need to look over to see the guy's eyes trained on his targets.

if you have so much free time to discuss other people's love lives, i think we can continue with our training right, sahyungs?

chung myung called out loudly for everyone to hear.

jo-gul you fucking bastard!

you and your big mouth...

ugh... i can't get up...

the poor guy could only hang his head in quiet embarrassment. baek cheon laughed at the antics of the others, getting up to walk back to the training grounds. but not before he reached out to tuck a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

if you're going to rest, do it in the shade. i don't think you want to fall ill again tomorrow, do you?

he asks, and you shake your head in response.

mmh. i'll see you around?

see you...

you wave meekly as he left, your insides going through an entire acrobatics routine. wondering what that short exchange was all about. it couldn't be that he liked you back? or did he catch onto your growing crush? you wanted to throw yourself off the cliff.

═══════════════

i didn't take you for a guy that had habits like this.

chung myung gulped down the last of the warm water in his cup, setting it down on the counter, and looked at you quizzically. your elbows were propped up over the edge of the counter and you were perched on the stool in a rather un-ladylike manner.

it's good for your health you know.

psh... isn't that an old wives tale?

he scoffs and shakes his head.

haah...

he sighs.

the young people these days.

you look at him, head tilted in confusion. humming for a bit, you let your thoughts simmer before you decided to pose the question.

hey, why'd you speak like that?

chung myung pauses.

like what?

you know... like an old man?

he sucks in a quick breath. there was no way you of all people would have figured it out, right?

he felt like he was spiralling into a bit of a panic.

hey.

you snap your fingers in his face, moving to stand beside him while he was deep in thought.

earth to chung myung?

he looks at you.

he takes a good look at you.

you were not the brightest bulb in the bush, or however that saying goes, at least when compared to him. there was no way you connected the dots and figured out he was the plum blossom sword saint. yeah, this was for sure a case of the right formula and the wrong answer.

he had to divert your thoughts before you start to think deeper.

i think i hear baek cheon sasuk coming over.

huh?

it was your turn to panic a little, and he darts out of the kitchen to escape what would have been your incoming torrent of scrutiny. you realise just then that you had been completely bamboozled by the bastard chung myung.

running to the door, you yell out a string of curses at the run-away instigator. ah, your blood pressure...

═══════════════

you think chung myung might have been raised by old people. because there was no other plausible reason that he acts the way he does.

sometimes he walks with his hands behind his back, and while most people your age would stand straight and position their arms in a stiff way, chung myung puts his hands on his lower back — like he was supporting it. you know who else does this? the sect leader and the other elders. and it doesn't help his case that he was always slouching a little.

another thing you notice was how his taste in food was a few notches blander than the rest of you. he wasn't fond of anything too salty or sour or anything undercooked. he'd always pick out the softest parts of any cooked meat, saying it was the juiciest, which was somewhat believable. but then wasn't it also nearest to where the animals organs used to be before it was gutted? wouldn't it taste bitter?

speaking of bitter, chung myung liked to eat food that made you squeamish. he'd nag at the nutritional value of them and when nobody wanted to try it out, he'd mumble something about kids these days not knowing what's good for them and scarf it down by himself.

that was another thing about him, why was he always calling you a kid when you were the same age as him? it wasn't that big of a deal for you. but calling the other seniors kids? you wondered if it was his way of showing his martial superiority in a twisted way, or if it was another underlying reason.

surely, it must be because he was raised by the elderly.

god, you were so smart, weren't you? connecting the dots like that?

═══════════════

chung myung was sure you were dropped on the head as an infant.

you had cornered him in the toilets. broke down and the door and everything, just to ask him who he was raised by. it was ridiculous, the scene that was folding out right then and he chooses to ignore that your weak body had somehow broken down a fucking wooden door. he has to ignore that, for his own sanity.

you were on the walls, hands clawing and feet digging on the rough surface. chung myung shirks away, exasperated. somewhere in the afterlife, he thinks he could hear the loud cackle of his friends at his predicament.

chung myung.

he tries to evade eye contact.

chung myung.

oh man, look at that spider on the ceiling spinning a web.

hey where are you looking? i'm over here.

he finally looks at you turning his head slowly.

uh... i think... you might be a bit too close...

a bit too close was a forgiving statement. your head had craned forward far enough that your face was almost less than a centimetre away from his.

you lean back at his reply. still not keeping your eyes off him. after all, he still hadn't answered your question.

you know that i'm an orphan... right?

yeah. so am i.

i wasn't raised by anybody...

oh.

you step back, pondering for a moment. chung myung feels the breath he was holding leave his lungs. you caused him so much anxiety. remember when he thought you were cut from the same cloth as yu iseol? he stands corrected, but you were insane in the opposite direction.

okay. so who raised you?

chung myung feels his eye twitch. why were you asking the same thing? he already told you!

i'm telling you—!

nuh-uh. that's not what i want to know. i want to know if you grew up with old people.

then you should have asked that from the beginning!

i panicked, okay?

he sighs, deeply, and covers his face in his hands. he feels his miraculous second life leaving his body at this exchange.

to answer your question. no, i didn't.

huh. i see.

you answer simply.

chung myung peeks at you through his fingers, surprised at your unusual silence. you, on the other hand, had grown more confused by his answer. if he hadn't been raised by the elderly, then how would anybody act the way he did? not to mention, he had knowledge of niche historical facts that nobody other than a person living in that time would have known of.

can i go now?

huh? oh yeah... sure...? oh! wait—!

you had answered too absentmindedly! you weren't done questioning him! shit! the slippery bastard had gotten away!

you jog out the door, only to bump into someone when turning a corner. a pair of arms catch you from falling. looking up you were met with baek cheon's worried gaze, which morphed into confusion when he realized at the same time as you did that you had ran out of the boys' toilets.

uh... wait... i can explain...

you wondered if a lighting bolt could strike down in broad daylight.

═══════════════

you were sulking in the kitchen.

the guy you had a somewhat infatuation with caught you in an embarrassing moment. you had convinced yourself all chances you had with him were ruined. this was all chung myung's fault. every time you had the slightest inconvenience you would secretly curse him out a little in your heart. you used to feel bad when you still had a working conscience, but not anymore though.

speak of the devil, and he comes walking in.

chung myung came in to ransack the cellar behind the kitchen for wine. he had been craving it for the past few days after his own stash ran out. he had waited for everyone else to be asleep before sneaking in as quietly as he could.

so one can only imagine the shock he felt, even though he swears he had already seen it all, when he finds your shadowy figure sitting crossed-legged on the counter and your two eyes staring right back at him in the darkness.

keugh—!

chung myung bites back a scream. fuck! can he please have one, one. peaceful day where you didn't fuck around with his psyche?

you didn't know he was coming in so soon. but you didn't care much since you had something to give him anyway.

shoving the lacquer box engraved with floral designs into his chest, you motion for him to take a look inside. chung mying complied, hesitantly lifting off the lid to find rows of thin mooncakes, without the egg yolks probably, and another layer under that was filled with a flaky-looking biscuit.

it's called tau sar piah.

he hums, taking the round ball out to inspect it. shrugging, he popped it into his mouth and chews down on the pastry. the flavour, it was familiar. he thinks, was it—?

dried mung bean paste?

you nodded, grinning.

what's this for though?

don't tell me you forgot.

forget? what did he forget?

it's your birthday you goon. well, in a few hours but still.

oh. he had forgotten, momentarily. you really were a good kid, remembering this old man's birthday and making something for him. shit, chung myung thinks he might tear up. was this what it was like to have grandchildren? he thinks he understands why cheong mun sa-hyung might have suggested he take on disciples of his own, or well, trusted him enough to babysit the children of the sect back then. ugh, he was a grandfather after all, and you were somehow his most troublesome child.

he sniffles. closing the lid on the box and grabbing the wine. well, it would be lonely to eat all of this on his own, and waking up the others would be too much of a hassle. suppose you would make do as his drinking buddy tonight. hooking an arm under your knees, he slings you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. the other grabbing the food and drink.

he jumps on the roofs until he brings you to a spot where the moon felt the closest. he drops you on your feet as you balance yourself on the uneven shingles. chung myung plopped down, leg crossed over the other, as he began to down the wine straight from the bottle.

he hands you the lid of the box, picking out the mooncake and biting into it.

wow. tastes kinda ass.

ugh, ungrateful much?

i never said i wouldn't eat it.

can't you just say your appreciation like a normal person?

a pause.

...thank you.

chung myung replied in a softer voice.

hmph. see? that wasn't so hard?

you huffed, teasing him.

chung myung only scoffed and rolled his eyes.

the night drudged on, and you spent the time talking about everything and nothing. things that happened that week, gossip you've heard, events that had happened in the past, antics of the other sect members...

chung myung feels his eyelids grow heavy. was it alright to rest his grieving heart for a while on his birthday? cheong mun sa-hyung and the others' surely wouldn't mind.

and as he feels himself drifting off to sleep, your voice quips up.

hey, do you think i should confess to sasuk?

psh—!

chung myung spits out the wine in his mouth, choking on the liquid that went up and out his nose. it felt as though he was vomiting out blood from that question alone.

you were really his most troublesome kid.

#enihkwrites #return of the mount hua sect #return of the blossoming blade #return of mount hua #cheong myeong #chung myung #rotmhs #rotbb #can yall tell who my favourite hwasan boy is lol #i have another chung myung x reader fic that im currently marinating (angst possibly no comfort) #all i can say is that its a “what if?” scenario where he survives his injuries but chooses not to go back to mount hua #btw my cycle started... i guess that explains all the angst ive been cooking the past few days huh #reader's health issues might have been my self-insert unconsciously djhfsfkjsjklhsadkkkkk #i read scholarly articles for the history of almond imports #this is how i choose to cope with project moon news #im so drained i can't have shit man

[antianakin]

In response to your previous post, why do you think people still love Anakin despite all the selfish and violent things he has done?

Just for archival sake, this is the post I assume you're responding to.

I love when you guys force me to drop the bitter old hag act and be more legitimately analytical about characters I dislike lol.

The somewhat less analytical response to this post is that people like him due to protagonist bias, Hayden Christensen being considered attractive, and Darth Vader having a lot of nostalgia from the OT.

However, while I think those things are always a major aspect in why people like the character, the more analytical version is that Anakin is a character created to be relatable. He's got flaws that most of us can look at and recognize in ourselves and even though he does become a monster because of them, he is also capable of saving himself in the end and doing something heroic despite that, he is allowed to get better and stand next to confirmed good guys like Yoda and Obi-Wan as what seems to be equals, he is capable of being loved by someone as kind and good as Luke Skywalker DESPITE his many flaws and heinous choices. And like... that's an impressively compelling character journey, to see someone become the worst version of themselves it is possible to be and still be loved enough to make the choice to be better.

And it's not like I haven't enjoyed my fair share of selfish characters who do heinous things in my day, even within Star Wars itself. Some of my favorite characters include people like Saw Gerrera and Luthen Rael and Cassian Andor and Reva Sevander, ALL of whom made some pretty nasty choices or acted selfishly at some point or another. Reva is literally built to be a parallel and then foil FOR ANAKIN.

So it's not like I don't necessarily see the appeal of Anakin as this massively flawed character with sympathetic motivations for his immensely awful choices, someone who wanted to be good and, for a little while, WAS good, but who was led towards a dark path that he knew he shouldn't take but took anyway because he let his fears control him. Anakin making the mistakes he does is literally a cautionary tale, you're SUPPOSED to relate to him and see yourself in him, the story kind-of doesn't work if you don't in some ways.

So I think a lot of people who like him probably just see a lot of themselves in him, both good and bad. They project onto Anakin and sympathize with his motives and his struggles and, even though they know he's a screw-up, they root for him. They want him to get better because if someone like Anakin can get better, then so can they, so can we all. Anakin is a cautionary tale saying that even those of us with the best of intentions can lead ourselves down a road of selfishness if we aren't careful about our motives, but he's also a hopeful tale saying that even the WORST of us can lead ourselves back to a road of selflessness if we're willing to put in the effort. So you can feel sympathy for the first half and take strength from the second half of his story, depending on where you are in your life.

This is obviously all sort-of said in like the best faith interpretation of why people might like Anakin. There's plenty of people who like him as a power fantasy, people who see Anakin as this impressive strong character who takes down his abusers and takes control of his narrative by defying the prophecy and killing the Jedi. And, you know, everyone gets to take what they want out of stories of course, but boy do these people and I take VERY different things out of Star Wars. I curate my internet experience so I never have to have anything to do with these people, but they absolutely exist.

And at the end of the day, all of that is wrapped up in a character who, in one trilogy, is played by a very classically attractive actor who gets to kiss Natalie Portman and is occasionally funny, and in the other trilogy, is represented as this cool-looking villain in an imposing black costume with a skull helmet and cape and some memorable quotes. So while the deeper reasons for people's enjoyment of his character definitely exist, the surface-level ones are still there and can enhance that enjoyment a lot.

And I'm sure there's any number of other, smaller things that impacted people's reactions to Anakin. He was introduced as a child in TPM and so people who were expecting this young adult character already in the throes of darkness might've ended up seeing him very differently and relating to him on a whole different level. People might've ended up rooting for him because the representation of the Jedi was so far away from what they THOUGHT Jedi would be that they ended up liking Anakin simply because he's pitted against the Jedi they didn't like. Maybe some people didn't like him until TCW and they really appreciate THAT version of Anakin quite a lot, maybe especially his relationship with Ahsoka. Maybe some people just really fell for the doomed romance plotline with Padme. Maybe some people like him because Obi-Wan and Luke like him and those dynamics are intriguing to them.

But for me, Anakin has just never felt all that compelling. I was introduced to the Prequels first as a kid and I was far more invested in Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon (who were way funnier than Anakin ever was) and Padme (who had really pretty costumes). I didn't HATE Anakin by any means, but he wasn't all that funny, he didn't have the cooler action scenes for the first two films, and the romance plotline didn't hook me. I didn't mind Anakin as an accessory to Obi-Wan, but that was about as far as I went.

As I got older and more into the fandom, though, I started learning a lot more about the Jedi and why they WEREN'T the true villains of the Prequels the way everyone said they were and what Lucas's messages had actually been intended to be, and the romance with Padme just kept aging like milk, and my investment in the Jedi often meant defending them AGAINST people who saw them as no more than Anakin's abusers at worst, or a repressive society that unintentionally led Anakin to darkness at best. Arguing FOR the Jedi usually meant arguing AGAINST Anakin and pointing out all of the places HE was wrong and selfish and why the Jedi were RIGHT not to trust him. And the more passionate I got about defending the Jedi, the less and less I ended up liking Anakin. I wasn't overly invested in him in the first place, so it wasn't hard to take me from neutral to decidedly negative. Had I enjoyed him more as a kid, either in the Prequels or the Original Trilogy, maybe I would've landed in a different place with him, but I didn't. It didn't feel like any great loss to decide I didn't like him that much anymore. By comparison, I liked Padme a lot more as a kid and so even though I often find her just as selfish as Anakin, I like her a lot more usually.

So I get why people find him compelling, I really do, but he just doesn't speak to me. I highly doubt he ever will anymore.

#star wars #anakin critical #anakin skywalker critical

[fiction-box]

To End Where You Started

GN!Reader x Dimitri

This is a response to a request for a GN!Reader who was childhood friends with Dimitri before switching sides once it came time for the war. This one took me much longer to write because I wanted to better establish the circumstances of the work. Hopefully, you love it all the more! If you like this, there is another I wrote for the same prompt with Felix on my page!

Requests are open. The story will continue under the cut.

You’ve always valued human life. 

So when you saw Dimitri in the Holy Mausoleum, his mind lost and his lance bloody, you weren't sure what to do next.

It seemed no one knew what to do next. Felix was standing in front of Annette, glaring daggers at the blond. Mercedes slowly shifted toward her friend as Sylvain and Ingrid exchanged worried yet knowing looks. Dedue stepped forward, though he had no words. Even the professor seemed to be at a loss.

Dimitri, however, just began laughing again and shouting nonsense.

“No one will rest until Edelgard and the rest of the Empire force are burning in hell.”

“Your Highness-”

“Did I stutter, Dedue? Or perhaps you are considering turning your back on me now?”

 “Snap out of it, Boar!” Felix growled. “We’re not going to-”

“Then leave! If you no longer see me as your leader, why not go join her?’

Silence.

You could only watch as Dimitri’s eyes scanned the faces of your allies, daring your friends to take a step in either direction. No one spoke, but there was a palpable tension in everyone’s body. In the way that Mercedes and Annette clung to each other, in the way that Felix kept his hand by his sword, Dedue kept silent and steady, and Professor Byleth did not intervene. In the way that Sylvain grit his teeth, Ashe pursed his lips, and Ingrid practically strangled the pole of her lance.

In the way that you stepped forward, quiet yet resolute.

“I won’t be treated like this.”

Dimitri scowled, “You’re a soldier, aren’t you? You signed up for this the moment you joined the Blue Lion house.”

“I signed up to fight in the hopes of protecting Faerghus and its people! I signed up to honor my family and keep the ones I love safe!” you shouted over him before bringing your voice back down. “There is no honor in this.”

“And you would not serve your future king? Where is your honor in running away?”

“I would not bow to those corrupted by their emotions! No one who would act in such a manner ought to represent Faerghus!”

“Then go to her! Run off and join the scum of the earth that march under that woman’s name!” he spat. “But mark my words, when we do meet again, I shall meet you with the fate of a traitor. There will be no mercy even should you beg for it. Do not expect remorse from any of us when your head, too, rolls upon the dirt.”

You did not allow your face to betray any emotion at all. You would show no sign of anything, despite the way his words cut through you. How could someone you practically exalted, someone you had become so close to over the past several months, turn around and talk to you like this.

Maybe your friends weren’t strong enough to stand up for themselves. Maybe they had too much to lose; people to protect and family to remain with. Ideals, relations, and possessions that could only be secure if they sided with Dimitri. A few had said as such, declaring their belief in Dimitri as their future king.

You loved them dearly, but there wasn’t a single one among them that you would allow yourself to be treated this way for. Especially not now, when none cared to stand up for you.

Finally, you clenched your teeth. If that was how he really felt, and if your friends were letting him speak for them, then that truly was the end of it.

“Maybe I will go. Edelgard would at least pretend to care whether I live or die, and the Black Eagles are actually bold enough to stand up for what they believe.”

Spinning on your heel, you left the Mausoleum alone. 

In truth, you had no intention of joining the empire. At least not at first. Once you arrived back home, you informed your parents of the prince’s delusion. They seemed to be proud of your decision, and as proof of their support, chose to become a neutral faction in the war. 

The amount of prestige and connections that came with that sacrifice…you were torn between being moved and remorseful. While it was true that your family had not lost too much power, as crest wielding houses tended not to do, there was still a great sacrifice made in keeping you safe from the Kingdom’s demands.

That was not the only change, however. It turns out that news travels fast when the family of a veritable noble house defects from their allies. People were stopping by left and right, bargaining troop stations, land usage, resource management, and all the other things that would keep your mother and father busy. You chose to focus on defending your land, though it did not consist of much work while both the Alliance and the Empire found it so valuable.

Needless to say, you were more than curious the day your mother called you into one of the drawing rooms to meet with one of her guests.

“Mother, what is this about? You know I prefer not to attend these sorts of things.”

“Oh, I know very well, darling. This one is a bit different, though. Someone has requested to confer with you directly, and I would have been in a bit of a tight spot to say no.”

“What do you mean?”

“It is no secret that we have been both opening up to and prospering from negotiations from several sides of this war. There have been enticing offers to nullify our neutrality and pledge allegiance here or there. You know this.”

“Oh,” you were beginning to catch on. “So then someone must have made an offer that you liked?”

“Just…promise me you’ll keep an open mind.”

“Of course.” 

With an odd tension about you, you braced yourself for whatever would be found in that room. Your mother was not usually one to be so cryptic. A quiet sigh left your lips as you turned around.

The doors opened in front of you.

“Ah, I see you made your way here without much trouble.”

…what?

“Lady Edelgard? What are you-...Shouldn’t you be heading the war effort somewhere?”

What was this, really?

Remembering yourself, you lowered yourself in greeting, “Forgive me, your Imperial Majesty.”

You rose, trying to process the image in front of you. The Emperor of Adrestia sat poised on the sofa with a cup of tea your mother had no doubt been the one to offer. At her side stood Hubert, dutiful as he was so often described.

Soundlessly, she set down her cup, “Everything I do is for the future. For this war to end. I took notice that you were not among your former classmates’ ranks and grew curious. Needless to say, I did not need to look far to find you.”

“It was not my intention to run and hide,” you stated, taking a seat on the couch across from Edelgard.

“I never meant to imply as such,” she began. “On the contrary, I believe you still have a place in this war. If you left for the reasons I believe you did, that is.”

The conversation that followed consisted of platitudes and ideals; the type of which you both seemed to agree upon. You found your own ideas of the values of talent and human life to be eerily similar. It was decidedly reassuring that she had come to you directly, so that you could see them reflected in the leader of the Empire firsthand.

In time, you would join the Empire’s ranks under a woman named Cornelia while your house remained neutral. It would not have been in the best interests for a house so distant from the Empire to declare fealty, after all.

~~~~~~~

Several years later, you would be uncertain of your decision.

After everything you had witnessed Edelgard do up to this point, you weren’t so sure she viewed your ideals in the same light. Crest beasts, experiments, secret treaties, and deals made in the dark of night…you couldn’t get behind it, but your family had already made its decision.

Even so…

I agreed to fight for the empire, you reminded yourself, not for this woman.

Right now, you were being assigned to defend the Kingdom’s capital in an effort led by Cornelia. Ironically, the sorceress seemed to be the epitome of everything you stood against, yet here you were as her ally.

How far you had come from home.

She had positioned you between a pair of horrifying machines; two technological terrors known as viskam.

How low you must have come from your initial meeting with the Emperor.

You watched as your previous house leader’s army dispersed. Some soldiers veered left, others went right, but Dimitri’s main force charged up the middle, directly at you and the mechs Cornelia had placed.

Watching diligently, you noted how the Kingdom soldiers would take on multiple of Cornelia’s fighters while Dimitri would sneak past.

Well, as sneaky as someone with a bright fur cape and a target on his back could be.

A thought came to mind with every step forward he took. It came slowly, not sudden in the slightest, but sure.

If I were to kill Dimitri, all of this would end.

It was true, you knew. You were unsure how you felt about it, though you deduced that part of that uncertainty came from your past friendship with the prince. But had he truly reverted from the monster you left in the Holy Mausoleum?

There was only one way to find out, you supposed. You would face your past friend head-on. If he turned out to be the same man you saw that day, you would not hesitate to kill him. Anything to end this war.

Just as he made his way to the staircase, you walked forward, blocking off the top.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Dimitri’s eyes went wide, but you didn’t buy it. He had a clear view of you positioned just below Cornelia since the moment he walked into her sight.

So what, then? Were you to believe his surprise came from the idea that you were actually trying to stop him? You’d be lying if you said that wasn’t the slightest bit insulting.

“It’s you…but why-”

You threw a dagger at him, which whiffed as he sidestepped, “That’s all I get? It’s you? After all those years, not to mention the amalgamation of everything you said and did once the Flame Emperor unmasked herself, you cannot even say my name?”

His eyes softened as though hurt, “I didn’t think I had the privilege, anymore.”

“Then fight me! You have always given yourself the privilege to take the lives of others,” another dagger, this one closer to hitting its mark before Dimitri barely moved out of the way, “Do not let mine be any different.”

“I’m sorry,” he approached you, climbing the stairs, “I understand why you left, but know now that I do not wish to hurt you. Just step aside so-”

“And then what? Let you kill Cornelia? Condemn thousands of others in some future conquest?”

What were you doing? This version of Dimitri was worlds apart from the boy you left in the Holy Mausoleum.

So why were you still fighting him?

A loud noise disrupted your thoughts. You turned to face it, noting that Dimitri paused, as well. Farther away, Cornelia let out a dark cackle.

“Wonderful job getting the poor princeling right where I need him. Your death will not be in vain.”

You did not allow yourself to fully process her words as a bright light shot out of the viskam that had made that awful noise, earlier. With the future king just paces away, you could guess where it was going to land.

But Dimitri had turned to face Cornelia.

It appeared you had a choice to make.

“Don’t resist,” you closed the distance between yourself and the Kingdom's rightful heir. He had grown since your last encounter; holding this grudge could only do more harm than good.

Maybe that meant you would not survive this, but in that moment, what was your life next to his?

So, in the second before he could react and before the viskam struck, you pushed Dimitri down the stairs.

And it was when the world went from bright white to pitch black that you knew your death would not be in vain.

~~~~

“A…ing…rk?”

“We…bre…ag?”

“I bel…sh…wake up in…!”

Everything ached, and you couldn’t move. It would probably hurt if you tried, anyway.

At least you could feel something, right? At least you were alive. Though if you had to go through life like this, then perhaps you were better off dead.

But then a cooling sensation began to make itself known throughout your body. It was strongest in your head, torso, and legs, though you could feel it spreading and connecting in your arms and neck.

Tentatively, you allowed your eyes to open.

“Oh, thank goodness! Mercie, we did it!” Annette beamed from her position at your head.

Felix scoffed, “About time.”

“How do you feel? Are you alright?”

“I can’t feel my legs,” you managed, surprised at the strength of your own voice, “and…I cannot move.”

Scanning the area with your eyes, you realized you hadn’t been moved, either. You were still lying on the floor by the stairs; exactly where you remember being struck down.

“Is Cornelia…?”

“Dead,” Felix confirmed.

“And I remember pushing his Highness down the stairs. It was the best I could do with my own strength…” you had known you weren’t strong enough to normally push him far enough out of the way nor to pull him far enough before he instinctively resisted, ”but he isn’t hurt too badly, is he?”

“Oh goodness, no! Annie told me she saw the whole thing. Apparently, Dimitri caught himself rather quickly.” Mercedes reassured you.

Annette frowned, “I’ve never had to spend this much time on an injury, and certainly not while working with others. I’m surprised it’s taking this long.”

“I’m surprised you’re alive.”

“Felix!”

“What? You and I both saw that thing,” he turned from Annette back to you. “If you had sustained any other injuries before getting hit by that thing, you’d have been dead on the spot.”

Annette and Felix continued their banter as you shut your eyes and listened. Finally, you began to feel your body coming back to life; stronger and back into your control.

“Okay, I think that should do it! How does that feel?”

Annette waited another moment for your response before calling your name in confusion.

“Oops,” Mercedes giggled, “I think the magic might have lulled them to sleep. We did go a little overboard, I suppose.”

“Is everything alright?”

The group turned, looking up at the new voice that joined them.

“Prince Dimitri! Yes, everything is fine. They should be all better upon awakening.”

“Ah, that’s good. I am sorry to have left you all here for so long. Sylvain, Ingrid, and myself were working on reconciling with the remaining soldiers.”

Felix raised a brow, “Then where are they?”

“Once the issue of alliances was out of the way, Ingrid told me they could handle the rest,” Dimitri directed his eyes down to you. “Sylvain…said it might be best if I came to check on them.”

The swordsman’s expression didn’t change, “Well that doesn’t make any sense. There’s already three of us-! Hey!”

Dimitri balked as he watched Annette get up and drag Felix with her. Mercedes followed close behind, smiling back at him. 

“Let us know if they need any more help!” 

“Y-Yes of course…” he stammered, confused.

“Of course what?”

Shocked to hear your voice, the Blue Lion’s leader dropped his gaze unto where you had been resting on the floor, “Ah! You’re awake!”

You made a small noise, blinking against the light of the sun as you began to sit up.

“Mercedes told me to fetch her if you were having any issues. Are you alright?”

Methodically, you tested each of your limbs, “Yes…Yes, I think so.”

“Good,” he sighed, and you swore you saw him relax the slightest bit.

The ensuing silence was uncomfortable, to say the least.

“Forgive me for this. I know you’ve just recovered, but I’d like to thank you for saving my life.”

“You're welcome,” you said, “but why are you apologizing for that?”

He maintained eye contact with you, “Because I would also like to ask you why you did that.”

At first, you didn’t really have a response. The more you thought about it though, the more clear everything felt in your head. There was really only one answer.

“I just did what I thought was right.”

“But I was terrible to you!” Dimitri didn’t hesitate, “I said horrible things to you, and I treated you like…”

“Like I was worthless?”

It was as though all the words left Dimitri's mouth. After another moment of silence, he finally averted his gaze, “I do not deserve your forgiveness.”

“No, you really don’t, do you?”

…no reaction. So he was telling the truth.

“But, if you were to apologize, I might forgive you.”

He looked to you slowly, a look of timid surprise written on the blond’s face, “Surely, it would take more than that…”

“It should not take more than that if you are genuine,” you painted your face with a small frown, in conflict with yourself, “You’re not the same person you were 5 years ago, Dimitri. I am not about to make a habit of forgiving people just because some time has passed, but I know that many more people can be helped if we clear the air right now.”

“Right,” he swallowed, extending his hand down to you. “In that case, know that I am truly sorry for the way I treated you, both within the Holy Mausoleum and the several days before. I also apologize for the effect it has had upon both you and your family, though it seems you have found a way to make the most of your situation.”

You laughed a bit at that, accepting his offer to help you to your feet, “I suppose you could say that.”

Now it was the prince’s turn to frown, “I am being serious. This will not happen again. I promise to respect and honor both you and all that you do for the Blue Lions.” He paused, suddenly unsure, “If…you do choose to come back, that is.”

Turning away to hide the small blush that appeared at his phrasing, you looked at the stairwell, “It would be thoughtless not to join, seeing how I almost died for you.”

At the feeling of his hands on your arms, you turned back to him, surprised.

“You must promise to never do that again. Do you understand me?”

“I…you know I could never promise that. You’re too important.”

“Swear it anyway,” he pleaded. 

How uncharacteristic, you wondered.

“Really, Dimitri-”

“I don’t care if it’s a lie,” he let go of you, taking a step back while never wavering his gaze, “Just…”

He seemed to have run out of words, and all the two of you could do was stare at each other. Eventually, you broke first with a sigh. You couldn’t bear to maintain eye contact knowing you could never rely on your words alone to determine your future. Regardless, you spoke.

“...I…promise…that will not happen again.”

A grimace appeared on Dimitri’s face out of the corner of your eye, but the two of you spoke no more after that. Wordlessly, you left to go find Mercedes and the others. Where Dimitri went in the moments following, you had no clue, but the conversation would stay in your mind throughout the rest of the war.

Only time would tell if your promise was kept.

#fire emblem #fe3h #fire emblem three houses #fiction #fe x reader #fe3h x reader #fire emblem x reader #x reader #fe dimitri #fe3h dimitri #dimitri fe3h #dimitri fire emblem #dimitri x reader #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd

[k-s-morgan]

Hi, I hope you are safe and sound

I've been meaning to ask you a question about asexuality but was afraid it would be too personal. Your recent post is about, so I guess it's ok to ask, but if not, feel free to skip

I'm still young enough, going through my university years, but I've never felt attraction towards anyone. Even as a teenager at school. (Now, I'm not even sure if I can love anyone as a partner) Though I like reading romantic stories and do understand when a person is 'attractive' or not. So, the question is how/when did you understand that you are asexual and do you have any tips perhaps? It's just so upsetting for me to feel pressure from not only society but also my parents who expect me to find a lover and have a family

Hello! Oh, please don't worry, I don't mind any kind of personal questions as long as they are not deliberately offensive!

Asexuality means a lack of sexual attraction to anyone, but there is such thing as aesthetic attraction, meaning that you find some people aesthetically pleasing, very beautiful, etc. From what you said, you might be referring to it. Asexuals are perfectly capable of evaluating the general attractiveness of a person and they might even have their preferred ideal of beauty.

In my case: for a long time, I was confused because I felt aesthetic attraction., and like, I adored reading and writing and watching romance stories. It's my favorite genre. All of this made me think that I’m bisexual, and I identified as such. But even when I admired a person’s beauty, it was more like admiring a painting. I felt no desire to do anything sexual with them (or anything romantic). When I saw a great character, I wanted to ship them with someone instead of seeing myself with them.

When I read about asexuality, something finally clicked, and I was thrilled with understanding who I am. I never doubted it since I found my label around 23, and I knew at that point that I’m just not attracted to people, neither romantically nor sexually. If you live that long and you never experience what other people do, to me, it's a clear indication that you're different in some way. I was excited to find the source of this difference.

The most important thing is what and how you feel. You can find a definition that describes you best and makes you feel comfortable; you can change your mind later. Many people dislike labels in general; I felt pleased when I found one, but we all have different experiences. Just try not to push yourself into something you don’t want or don’t like. Even if others don’t respect your sexuality/preferences, respect them yourself and I think (and hope) that you’ll be happy.  

I understand about feeling pressure, and I'm sorry. I wish I knew what to say here. My immediate family is very supportive, but everyone else is often annoying. I’ve never dated anyone, I never felt romantic or sexual interest to anyone; I had my first kiss + sex out of curiosity when I was 22, and it didn’t change anything in me - it was just a weird, very mechanical activity. But my friends and most of my relatives still say stuff like, “Oh, honey, you just haven’t met the right person yet! Have you tried therapy? I hope this year, you’ll find the love of your life! Would you like me to set you up with my friend?” My Mom tried to explain to her co-workers why I don’t plan on getting married, and they all refuse to accept that asexuality exists. They think I must be hiding some trauma. This is extremely offensive and infuriating. 

Sexuality is a part of who you are. I try to make people around me understand it, but they just blink at me in confusion. I ask heterosexual folks, “Why are you so sure you are straight? Maybe you just haven’t find the right man/woman.” When my aunt wished me to find a partner for the 100th time, I waited for her birthday and wished her to become a surgeon (she never had any relation or interest in medicine). She seemed to understand something, but a few months later, we were back to where we started. Still, maybe something like this could help you?

I'm comfortable and happy with myself, so while other people are a source of occasional frustration, their opinions don't really affect me.

I don't know how aggravating your situation is or might get, so the only thing I can say is that I hope you remember that your happiness with yourself matters most. You might figure out what label fits you best, you might start/keep changing them - as long as you’re comfortable with who you are, it’s all fine!

#personal #asexuality #aroace #asexual aromantic #sexuality

[dreamingcloudie]

hii! 💐 anon here! wanted to apologize for not being active, school has been really stressful 😭 anyways could i req, child reader with dottore where dottore reads child! reader a bedtime story , ( I imagine child! reader being in Arlecchino's orhpanage. And was tired from training that day so they asked Dottore to help them sleep by reading a bedtime story ) don't forget to take your time when writing and get some rest ! :D also back with platonic! Dottore cause that's just my favorite 💓

❛❛ Brave Little Warrior ❜❜

✎ ❛❛ You're an interesting one, aren't you? ❜❜

Pairing(s): Dottore & Child!GN!Reader (PLATONIC)

Genre/Format: Fluff (oneshot)

wc: ~1.2k

Notes: School sucks anon 😔 I hope you're taking good care of yourself! Anyways, Dottore as a big brother figure? Yes please 🙏 I love this request, so wholesome 😭💕💕 I hope you'll like this one!

The House of the Hearth, an orphanage to train children to become fierce warriors. And of course, they had set up an education system as well.

By Arlecchino’s request, Dottore, albeit was reluctant, would come by the orphanage every so often to teach the children. He taught mostly anything science related. If he had to face these kids for hours on end, then he would need to talk about something he enjoys to keep himself sane.

When he first came to the orphanage, his ominous aura and intimidating form would strike fear into the hearts of the children, which he was thankful for because he didn’t want any of those brats to come up to him. All the children were afraid of him, they’ve heard rumors of how a mad scientist would come and take naughty children to a place much worse than the confinement room.

And that man pretty much fitted the description of the rumored mad scientist—that he has strange toothpaste-coloured hair.

So luckily for him, he didn’t have to worry about these kids to cause trouble in his classes.

They wouldn’t dare.

Though, he would admit it could get a bit boring when he taught them. The classroom would get so quiet when he talked, but oh well.

“So, can anyone tell me why lemons conduct electricity?” He asked.

And as expected, no one raised their hand, afraid that they might get the answer wrong and they would be faced with something worse than detention. However, a voice spoke among the crowd before he could continue.

“Because they have citric acid!”

He looked to where the voice came from and saw a bubbly kid with a grin on their face.

How interesting, a child who isn't afraid to speak up. He thought.

Then he recalled that Arlecchino mentioned something about a new kid was brought to the orphanage a few days ago… (Y/n), was it?

So it was them it seemed, he had never seen them before.

An amused smile took over his usual scowl when he heard the answer.

"My, you are a smart one, aren't you? Correct."

Everyone was scared of him and would not get close to him willingly, let alone even looking in his way. This was the first time a kid would talk to him on their own accord.

What an interesting soul you were.

He was sure that the other kids had told you about the 'mad scientist' rumors already. But when the lesson came to an end, to his surprise you walked up to him and tilted your head up to look at him.

"Mister harbinger, can we do the volcano experiment for the next lesson, please?" You asked.

To which he only responded by staying silent for a few seconds before he huffed and made his way to the exit.

With that response, you assumed he rejected your suggestion. Feeling dejected, you blew at a strand of your hair before going to the bedroom you were assigned to.

---

The next time you saw 'Mister harbinger' was a week later. When he came into the room, you gasped excitedly at what he was carrying. Some baking soda, a bottle of vinegar…

And a volcano model.

He put the items down onto the desk and as usual, the class stayed quiet to listen to what he had to say. He scanned his eyes around the room and spotted you with the silliest wide grin on your face.

You were a breath of fresh air to him. And so he decided to indulge you in your request.

"Today, we'll be doing the volcano experiment."

---

It's been a month since you've been in the orphanage.

As class ended, it was now time for combat training. You made sure to say your goodbyes to The Doctor before leaving for the training ground, and he nodded in return.

For a few hours, you and the other kids were paired up to go against each other. But to your dismay, you ended up losing every duel.

Among the other kids, you didn't excel in battle. Your stance was sloppy and you had trouble controlling your stamina usage. For that reason, the kids who won against you would make fun of you for being weak.

However, you did have a gifted mind to make up for that, in which The Doctor took interest in.

As you laid on the ground exhausted, you could make out the silhouette of the harbinger leaning against the wall. He was there as Arlecchino’s second pair of eyes. Making sure none of the kids fool around.

When he saw how exhausted you looked, he felt a tiny spark of pity in him.

He would not admit it, not in a million years, but he might have a little soft spot for you. The moment you first talked to him. Right then and there he decided that you would be the only kid he could tolerate.

When the training finally ended, everyone other than you scurried to go back to their rooms, not wanting to be in the presence of the second fatui harbinger any longer.

And you were just laying on the ground panting, sweat was rolling down your face. 

"Why are you still laying there, brat?" Mister harbinger spoke, strolling over to you.

"I… I'm tired." You told him.

"Let's get you to bed then," he said. Holding a hand out for you to take.

You grabbed a hold of his hand and he got you back up, leading you to your bedroom.

Before he could leave the room as you settled down on the bed, you called out to him, "Wait!"

He halted in his tracks, tilting his head a little at you.

"Can you, um, read me a bedtime story, please?" 

"You are training to become a Fatui member, you want me to read you a story?" He scoffed.

"Please, Mister! I'm too tired and I want a story to help me sleep…" You pleaded.

He stood still for a while before sighing and sitting down on a chair next to your bed.

As he did so, you got under the covers and laid down, hugging your teddy bear with a silly grin on your face again.

He observed you for a while, thinking back to how the kids would make fun of you for not being great at combat. You didn't show it but he could see the shame and sadness in your eyes.

And so he made up a little story, secretly wanting to cheer you up.

"Well, once upon a time, there was a… little warrior who wished to become stronger—"

As he continued, his soothing voice was making your eyes heavy, but you were too invested into the story. And you wanted to wait until it was finished.

"—they trained every day so they could beat down foes and the others would stop making fun of them—"

When it finally came to an end, you were still wide awake and you asked him, "What happened next? Did they become a better fighter?"

He looked at you and smiled a little to himself, patting you on the head.

"Not yet, but they worked very hard and I know they will one day. They are a brave little warrior, after all."

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #genshin x yn #dottore #genshin impact #dottore x reader #dottore x y/n #dottore x you #genshin dottore #il dottore #fatui #fatui harbingers #fatui harbingers x reader