#because im not actually sure if things like these count as intrusive thoughts too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

writingmeraki · 2 months

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gents in dilemma.

a park sunghoon drabble !

pairing : rich!boy!sunghoon x gn!reader, teasing classmates to ???

genre : fluff/humour (?)

warnings : nothing just sunghoon using his privileges as a pretty rich boy lmao also no actual knowledge os spider-man comics im sorry if it's inaccurate <3 !

author's note : wooo! a double update ?!? who is thisss mayhaps very random but i told ya'll ( if u read my recent mingu drabble ) it's been a while since i realeased anything enha :( this was sort of a warm up to get back into writing for them! if you have any ideas pls send them in!! i rlly want to write for them again hehe <3

sp dt to my enha moots ! @blue-jisungs ; @lheebra ; @haknom ; @odxrilove ; @hsgwrld ; @quaissants ; @enluv ; @hannie-dul-set ; @tqmies ; @byuqi ; @urszn ; @flwoie ; @tranquilpetrichor ; @hqrana ; @shuamorollss ; @strxwberry-skiess !! just to let you know i love u guys and think of you when i open this app 💌 !! i am ia a lot but i truly am grateful for you and your works 🩷!

word count : 1.2k

You were stuck there anyways. Your brother wouldn’t come pick you up earlier enough and all your friends left already so you found no point in wanting to leave and sit outside in the hot and humid weather where you’ll probably just end up with mosquito bites and sweaty skin.

The song played in your earphones as you lazily flipped through the Spider-man comic. It was your newest hyperfixation and you had difficulties getting copies but you were getting there.

Suddenly an intrusion popped in front of you as you got to the good part, but you paid no mind to whoever it was.

Besides, who in their right mind would want to make small talk with a stranger in the damned detention room?

The music was dull but you could hear the sound of someone clearing their throat. Sighing, you put down the comic and looked unamused at the boy in front of you.

Park Sunghoon. Rich, smart, pretty boy who lived up to all the stereotypes that clung to his personality while also hanging out with the same sort of people. Not a stranger you thought.

You wondered how you missed seeing him and…Park Jonseong? (If you remembered correctly) walk in. Perhaps you indeed were too focused in your daydreams.

Now amusement flickered in your gaze as you looked up at him.

He definitely did live to his pretty boy name you mused as you took in the moles on his face, the shade of his pink lips, the messy yet perfectly sitting hair of his.

He gulped under your calculating gaze, not knowing why he felt nervous all of a sudden when it was his idea to tell you not to say anything to Mr.Kim for when Jay and him would ditch the detention they got that day. He confidently told his friend he would threaten you if you didn’t comply, perhaps maybe bribe you a bit and surely it would do the trick.

But how his words seemed to bite right back at him because suddenly his mouth felt drier and tongue heavier under your gaze. For a brief moment, he wondered how he had never seen you, otherwise, he knew he wouldn’t be able to forget a face like yours.

“Now now,what ever have I done to have the Park Sunghoon right in front of me?” You grinned teasingly at him and fuck you had dimples. He swore he might have died in that moment and reached heaven.

He felt a shove that snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Uh-yeah um we- wait you know me?” You raised a brow at his words, the amusement only growing as you saw the tip of his ears getting red.

Was he flustered…by you?

“ ‘course I do, it would seem weird if I didn’t at least to you people.” You murmured the last part, darting your eyes to his friend who seemed to roll his eyes.You weren’t sure if it was because of you or because of Sunghoon.

“Can you get to the point idiot-”

“Hey! Shut up, yeah? I’m talking-”

“All I see is you acting like a huge fucking si-”

They whispered to each other, almost making you giggle at the way they both seemed to be arguing over something, you figured you were somehow involved.

“Well see- the thing is we’re going to ditch this.” You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, tilting your head a little as you leaned forward in your chair, placing your head on one hand.

“And? Does that concern me?”

“We don’t want you snitching, that’s what he meant. You can ditch too, Mr.Kim’s known for never coming back to his detentions once he leaves.”

You shook your head, “I’m fine here, I have to wait anyways, you can-”

Suddenly a thought occurred to you, “Hmm, the snitching on you both part sounds tempting, I might even get brownie points, struggling with his class anyways.”

No,he was not supposed to find your smirk cute, nor the mischievous glint in your eyes.

“What’s in it for me?”

“Wha- what’s in it for you?! You can ditch too! Didn’t I say that already-”

“Wait. I might have something.”

Jay stared at Sunghoon in both disbelief and annoyance while you looked at him curiously. He set his bag down and opened it, pulling out something.

“Here.”

You couldn’t believe your eyes. The newest edition of the Spider-man series. You’d been trying for ages to get it, but held yourself back when you saw the triple digit price point.

Of course he’d have this.

You gasped in disbelief, looking in awe as you grabbed it and flipped through the pages. Sunghoon found it absolutely cute the way your eyes lit up.

He was concerned about how enduring he already found you in the span of approximately 10 minutes.

“It’s too expensive, I can’t-”

“Who said I am giving it to you? I’m letting you borrow it so you won’t rat us out.”

It seemed the tables turned and it was your turn to be flustered under his teasing gaze and he did in fact have a cute grin. Shit-eating one but adorable.

“I’ll take it to my grave.” You hugged the comic to your chest and did a zipping your mouth motion, throwing away the pretend key. He let out a chuckle at your actions and the sound absolutely did not do something to your heart ( You think it might have burst ).

Jay had been observing the interaction and he knew why exactly Sunghoon did what he was doing. Seems like the supposed ‘ice’ prince was melting at your mere presence. Oh he was so going to spill everything to the rest of his friends and tease him for the life of it.

Sunghoon’s gaze moved towards your phone, seeing it was still unlocked he took it while you yelped in alarm, “Hey! I said I won’t say anything!”

You had stood up from your chair and now only realised just how much taller he was than you when he began to type something with his hands raised above you.

“Here. My number and I rang it to have yours. Call me when you’re done reading, I expect to get my comic back soon enough.” He held your hand and plopped your phone in it, while you remained frozen at his bold moves. Even the blonde next to him was surprised at his actions, that probably said a lot to you.

He swung his arm around Jay who had an amused grin as he shook his head, waving bye to you, pausing for a moment when he realized something as he looked back at you.

“What’s your name?”

“Uh-oh um,” You were still in a trance at what just happened as you said your name, not as confidently as you wished and you cursed yourself mentally for already being so hung up on his actions.

He repeated it as if testing it out, “See you soon then,” He grinned at you as you just chose to wave back, thinking you might just say something stupid.

Looking down at your phone, you saw his number and back at the comic book that laid on the desk, you grinned bashfully, shaking your head as you laughed.

Maybe just maybe, Park Sunghoon wouldn't have to wait until you finished the comic for you to see him.

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

feedback is always appreciated 💌

links : main navi ! | enhypen masterlist !

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287aus · 1 year

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for write_or_write: photos - day 8 - brown

— #kaiyong ੈ♡‬༉ ‧ library/bookshop au

wc: 1587 | rating: g | progress: flash fic - 1/1

tags: fluff, intrusive thoughts, awkward!taeyong

taeyong desperately want to talk to the librarian but is unsure how to approach him

note: for sam, my little book spine who holds onto me and keeps me together while i am the messy world and sputters of words i am. happy birthday my biggest love im super happy to have you around.

Taeyong lost count of how many times he’s wandered amongst the endless rows of shelves. A better way to put it is, he lost count of how many times he has visited the library in the last two months. Sure, he gets immersed in books and can finish one book in a couple of days. But crossing out his reading queue isn’t the only reason for his dedication at the library.

It’s the librarian who works the evening shift.

Taeyong doesn’t mean to impose. He doesn’t act like a suspicious stranger, looking through the crevices and cracks in between book gaps. He would enter the library, wrap himself in its warmth and the scent of mildew, then stalk over to his usual desk where he rests his bag and bottle. He would steal a glance at the library desk as he makes his way to his favorite section, then do one more glance behind himself before turning into it. Then he would talk himself into talking to the librarian. He hasn’t been successful at actually doing so.

It’s not weird until someone makes it weird.

Taeyong is here for the books.

So, it is definitely not strange at all.

It is not strange for Taeyong to have just moved in town, in love with the scene for books, visit his local library, basically fall in love at first sight, then visit the guy three times a week without actually having an encounter with him.

So, maybe it is strange.

But Taeyong swears he is in love.

He isn’t following the librarian to his car after shifts, he isn’t invading his personal space. He keeps his thoughts and touches to himself. Of course, the thoughts get a little out of hand as he quite literally touches himself. But, there’s no harm when he makes it nobody’s business but himself. He hardly thinks the librarian notices his crush, which makes Taeyong compelled to believe it is harmless.

He knows.

People find it creepy or stalker-like that there is a stranger staring at someone who is a stranger to them. Taeyong knows nothing about this guy besides his work schedule, and he keeps his intentions strictly at the library. So, again. Is it normal?

Taeyong adores his plush lips and timeless, chiseled jaw. He dreams to introduce himself, let the librarian know that he likes the way he tucks his vests into his corduroy pants. He wants to engage in a conversation on Jane Austen because he knows the librarian always has a classic book when he is not tending to visitors. He wants to have a conversation, have the libarian recommend a book, and then maybe good places to eat around here. Taeyong is new after all, and a libary is a community space. It seems appropriate to ask someone such a thing.

But Taeyong doesn't know how to do this. As time passes, he finds himself being more and more creepier. He thinks his moment has come, and it’s way too late to approach the librarian. For all he knows, the librarian will find it very off putting for Taeyong to approach him after all these weeks. If Taeyong would’ve properly met him on the third day, it could’ve been fine. But now that he’s been here over twenty times in less than eight weeks, working the same routine without ever letting the librarian familiarize himself with taeyong, it feels so wrong.

Better late than never is not appropriate when it comes to this situation.

The librarian might know him now, might think he’s a seasoned visitor. So if Taeyong were to approach him with a random question about the library, it could seem very suspicious.

Taeyong feels defeat with every new visit.

It isn’t until he’s actually working on an assignment—and not actually reading—does he have somewhat of a reason to talk to the librarian at the desk. Taeyong needs to print a few pages for his comprehensive english essay, but the printer seems to be out of paper. Finally, he thinks, a normal situation to talk to my crush. He leaves the printing station to fetch his savior and is immediately shut down when his favorite librarian is no where to be seen.

“Hi…” he murmurs in obvious disappointment, “…the printer needs a refill on paper. Could you please prepare it?”

The librarian with the name tag Jaehyun gives him a frown and reaches for a walkie-talkie. “I am a newbie who doesn’t know tech, yet. But I will have someone look into it right away.”

“Oh, that’s okay. Thank you,” Taeyong says, then proceeds to stand awkwardly by the desk.

It’s not just his favorite librarian. He is a mess with just about everyone, which is why he loves his books and the worlds they provide him with. They say the things he never could for himself.

“Geez, you left for one minute and I was completely helpless,” Jaehyun groans in distress.

“I had a feeling the paper was about to run out. So, not all is lost, stop pouting,” says a new voice.

Taeyong looks up and is in utter shock when his eyes land on his total dream guy—Mr Teddy Librarian. Teddy because of his dull, brown outfits. But something about his basic fashion makes him cute. Forget the fact that his crush is standing in front of him, and forget that he just might help Taeyong with the printer. What is most important is that the librarian's voice is so entrancing. It’s deep, but subtle. Very romantic, even. Taeyong can’t put his finger on it, but the librarian's voice is absolutely honey and dewy.

“Whatever, you could’ve said you were going to get paper,” Jaehyun argues.

“I—okay, okay. You win. But technically I was one step ahead of all this.” The librarian turns away from the main desk, attention now averted towards the guest—Taeyong. “You need paper?”

“Uh, yeah. Printer #4,” Taeyong announces.

Taeyong walks first, expecting to be followed. The sounds of keys clinking behind him is confirmation. In the midst of their path towards the printing station, he can’t seem to muster anything up. Anyone would think this is the perfect chance to talk to someone attractive, but Taeyong’s got nothing.

How was your day so far? How did you know the printer paper was low? Do you professionalize in refilling paper? It’s simple! They are at a library, how hard is it to ask about any book or the library’s free provided services? Taeyong is an idiot—a smartie with 4.0 GPA, but a major idiot when it comes to love.

“I’ve seen you around.”

Taeyong freezes—still walks, but body tense and heavy, trudging with each and every step. At least his curiosities have ben confirmed. The librarian is aware of his presence, and potentially inappropriate behavior.

“Oh, really?” Taeyong says with a forced chuckle.

“Yeah, do you go to school around here? You probably have a lot of classes.”

“I do. I prefer the public library and not my campus one,” because of you.

“Any reason?” the librarian asks politely.

Taeyong shrugs. “The view is nicer.” He is not lying, he likes the desk just a few desk spaces away from the window. As he comes in the evening and the library is two stories high, there is always a remarkable sunset.

They make it towards the printing stations and Taeyong tries not to ogle at the man’s arm with his white sleeves rolled up above his elbows. He wonders what kind of brand of watch he is wearing because it makes him look more masculine.

The librarian plays with a few buttons and then the sound of the internal engine can be heard. Taeryong’s papers fly out and the librarian retrieves it for him, raising it vertically to stack against the desk and straighten them out. He takes a glance at Taeyong’s papers, almost invasively but of course Taeyong doesn’t mind, then reads, “Social Ques: Does Infatuation Staring Make Good Intentions?”

“I—it’s an english paper with some research,” Taeyong adds quickly, taking the stack of papers away and stapling them.

“Yeah..?”

“Mhm, yep. Thanks. I should put this away.”

Taeyong’s path leads to nowhere, not when he collides with another body. His crush’s to be precise.

“What are your thoughts on that?”

“I think there is no harm so long as one party is not crossing the line.”

“What kind of lines?”

“I mean I’m not out here taking pictures. I’m just admiring from afar. I have tried to come up with respectful scenarios, but I think I ran out of chances a long time ago. It was hard to write.”

The librarian's eyebrow raises and Taeyong hates the position he is in. It’s not fair of him to look this wondrous. “I?”

“I, what?” Taeyong says with a head tilt.

The librarian—his dreamy, attractive crush he’s been dying to talk to—smiles at him. He smiles. Is it actually directed at him?! “Nevermind. Listen, I’m Jongin. If you’re going to be a regular, don’t be a stranger from now on, okay?”

Taeyong bites his lip so hard, he swears it bleeds. “Okay.”

“Good, then I will see you on Friday, Taeyong.”

Taeyong sees the turn of his shoulders, then immediately realizes, “Wait, how do you know?”

“Friday? Like I said, I see you. Always.”

Taeyong knows his face is red as a crimson rose, he can feel his body warming up with every lasting second that Jongin stares at him. “My name..?”

“It’s on your paper, silly.”

#fics #exo #nct #superm #projects #write_or_write #287aus #ekzxo #kaiyong #I wrote this in less than 1:30 i think #gift #sam #jongin #taeyong #<5k #fluff #cute meet

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fairyoftbz · 3 years

Text

insecurities | l. juyeon

🧸 pairing: idol!juyeon x (insecure) fem!reader 🧸 word count: 2.7k 🧸 genre: angst, fluffy end 🧸 tw: mentions of insecurities, doubts 🧸 a/n: sorry i forgot to post, i had a busy day and im exhausted, i hope it's gonna be enough! 🧸 requested: yes! thank you, it is very cliché but i hope this is what you had in mind! 💝

╰☆☆☆☆╮

Juyeon came home tired but happy, excited to see you again after a long day of intense practice and a show where he participated as an MC. You, on the other hand, were not as happy as he was, but you were for sure tired of something.

You couldn’t deny it, dating Juyeon had positive points, he was everything you could ask for in a man, but there were just as many negative points. He was an attractive, sweet gentleman, and it was almost impossible for him not to attract other girls, not even doing it on purpose. And it was one of your many insecurities even if you considered yourself pretty, you couldn’t help but get insecure every time he talked to someone else.

Because let’s be honest, in the Korean music industry, every single woman looks like an absolute goddess. So, when he interacts with someone, and they’re a bit too friendly, your heart pinches in pain as he gives them the smile he keeps for you and you only.

You think that they are more interesting, prettier and funnier than you, which has the ability to send your thoughts to the dark side of self-consciousness, not feeling pretty or enough next to those women. And tonight, it was hard to watch on National TV your boyfriend being extremely friendly with the other MC.

You had tried to comfort yourself that it was just a mask, that he had to look friendly and handsome on TV. However, you couldn’t help feeling disappointment and anger as he gave attentive eyes to the other MC as she explained something, his eyes falling on her lips pressed against the mic.

Juyeon walks through the main door, tossing his keys on the chest of drawers, getting rid of his jacket and shoes before joining you in the living room, happy to see that you were watching the same channel he appeared on. Eyes glued on the screen, your thumb rubbed against your lips, feeling the skin of the cuticles you scratched while watching your boyfriend feeling rough against your lips.

“Hi love,” he said as he sat next to you, pressing his lips on your cheek. You didn’t react, only emitting a slight hum as he sat comfortably.

Juyeon frowned but didn’t raise your bad mood, trying to think what was going on inside your head. Maybe you had a bad day, or you were just tired, despite scratching his head and think, he couldn’t pinpoint what had brought you in such a bad mood.

“Did you have fun?” you bitterly spat, and Juyeon’s eyes widened, surprised by your tone, the wrinkle on his forehead deepening as his brows furrowed at your attitude.

“I did. Are you mad or something?” he bluntly asked, and you sighed, taking the remote to turn the TV off, falling in an unpleasant, uncomfortable silence.

“Oh no, I’m super fine. I really enjoyed my boyfriend giving heart eyes to another girl on national TV, it was such a nice thing to watch,” you bitterly chuckled, and Juyeon’s eyes widened even more, not expecting you to pull out the jealousy card on that.

“Babe, what are you talking about? You know-”

“Please, spare me your fake confusion and lame excuses, I clearly saw what I saw. My eyes never deceive me,” you said while standing up, but Juyeon was quick to imitate you and grab your wrist to prevent you from walking away. You tried to free yourself from his grip, but he only tightened his hand around it.

“Juyeon, let me go,” you said through clenched teeth, trying to prevent the tears from escaping your eyes. Breaking down was the last thing you wanted to do in this situation.

“Not before you explain to me what this fuss is all about,” he said, irritation replacing confusion in his eyes. You let out a mocking scoff, your eyes filled with anger and disdain boring into your boyfriend’s, holding eye contact for a few seconds.

“You really think I’m this dumb? I clearly saw the eyes you gave to the other MC when you were both animating the show. Cracking jokes, giving her smiles that could outshine the sun, your eyes ogling her lips when she was talking or smiling. Did you really think I wouldn’t catch that?” you raised your voice, letting anger take over your body.

“I never did all of that, I don’t know what you are insinuating,” he spat, trying not to show it, but your words hurt him, hating the fact that you could imagine him cheat on you or fancy another girl.

“Go on social media then, you will see what I am ‘insinuating’! Everyone is already talking about how whipped you are and how cute of a couple you would look together. Some fans are even starting to make edits!” you shouted, shoving your phone in your hoodie’s front pocket.

Juyeon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose to calm his nerves a bit, a gesture that had the ability to enrage you even more. Your family used to do that when they found you annoying or wanted to belittle you, and now seeing Juyeon doing the exact same thing as them really made you even more insecure about this whole situation. Your family made you feel like a real burden during your childhood and teen years that it hurt you to think that Juyeon was probably agreeing with that thought right now.

“Y/N, I don’t know what you are talking about. I was just trying to be nice, I can’t be rude or it’s mine and the group’s reputation that I’ll take down with me-”

“No it’s okay, no need to explain yourself, the message was very clear,” you said, and you finally freed yourself from his grip, your heart breaking as Juyeon sighed in annoyance again, seeing him almost roll his eyes.

“It’s not what I meant, and you know it. Don’t react like that, please,” he started, but you waved your hand in front of you.

“No, no, I got it, you-”

“Y/N, for the love of God, stop being so fucking insecure, it’s getting so fucking annoying at this point! I can’t do anything without you getting fucking doubtful, start having faith in me and in this relationship, dammit!” your eyes widened as Juyeon eventually snapped, his mouth slowly closing as he stared at you, realisation hitting him that his words and tone made a lot of damage once he saw the tears gather in your eyes and roll down your cheeks.

The couch separated the two of you, creating the illusion of a painful wall that made you shiver, feeling like your apartment had lost all of its warmth on the spur of the moment. His words were brutal, and they bounced around your skull, your head turning towards the corridor to swallow the lump forming in your throat, trying not to break down in front of him.

“Y/N, I’m-”

“Leave me alone,” you replied, voice wavering as you walked out of the living room, slamming the bedroom door shut before locking it.

Juyeon sighed and carded his hands through his dark locks, closing his eyes as he thought of the words that had escaped his mouth too quickly. He cursed under his breath as the living room fell into a deafening silence, his hands linked at the back of his neck as he thought of what just happened.

“Why did I say that,” he muttered under his breath and collapsed on the couch, unlocking his phone and scrolling on social media to try and momentarily forget your beautiful face painted with a hurtful expression because of him, but it was to no avail.

He saw what you saw; the fiction, the edits, the collages, he saw and read everything. He already hated seeing you cry and being hurt, but he actually loathed himself for being such an idiot and not comfort you about the whole situation with what was happening on every social platform.

His heart shattered in millions of pieces as he pictured you crying in your shared bed, holding the stuffed animal he got you for your anniversary tight against your chest, letting you drown in your insecurities and intrusive thoughts. He loved you very much, but despite him trying to remind you every single day, your intrusive thoughts always managed to get the upper hand when you found yourself hanging out on your own or with some friends. It was as if your brain shut out everyone who tried to reassure you or make you feel better, letting you drown and struggle in your sorrow.

Yes, the other idols were pretty, but they were nothing compared to you. Juyeon had only eyes for you and cared about you and, of course, his members, but never had he thought about leaving you for someone else. His intentions were just to sound and appear nice and welcoming on TV because he knew that some fans, antis and media wouldn’t hesitate a second to bash him on different platforms and articles for his rudeness and insensitivity towards his idol colleague. And not only would he break his reputation, but also the group’s, and that’s the last thing he wanted.

However, he also understood that it was something hard to watch for you, even if he reminded you every single day that you were the only one that mattered in his eyes.

Sitting on the couch, he started reflecting, putting himself in your shoes for a second. How would he have reacted if he saw you being super friendly and affectionate to another man? Someone more handsome, nicer than him, cracking jokes here and there to see you smile and laugh.

He tossed his phone on the couch space next to him, where he wished you were instead of crying yourself in your shared bed, watching the device bounce, collide with the armrest and fall on the ground. He didn’t even fret checking if the screen cracked, head too high in his thoughts to bother.

Resting his elbows on his knees, he pressed his joined hands against his mouth, tongue poking his inner cheek as he realised he had really messed everything up. His knee started bouncing at the disgusting thought of losing you, perfectly knowing that he had to do something before you could slip through his hand like grains of sand.

Juyeon stood up and knocked on the bedroom door, softly calling for your name.

“Y/N?” he asked, and you didn’t respond, faintly hearing you cry on the other side of the wall. “Go away, please,” your strained voice barely making it to his ears, his fingers drumming against the surface of the door in frustration.

From your side of the bed, still holding that teddy bear close to your chest, you let your tears damp the top of its head, feeling the exhaustion of crying kicking in. Juyeon didn’t knock another time, trying not to push your buttons too much to save his chances to talk to you.

You heard a small thud on the lower part of the door, frowning as you wondered what it was. Deep breathings filled in the silence lingering in the corridor, selfishly feeling a bit relieved that you weren’t the only one hurt in this situation. Juyeon was a smart, tolerant man, he knew when to put his pride aside and not blame you for something you said or did. Well, it’s not the case for this time, and it’s probably exhaustion that spoke for him, and that, of course, doesn’t excuse anything, but he wanted to apologise and make up for everything.

“I know you probably don’t want to see me or hear my voice after what I’ve told you, but I really want to apologise for what I’ve said,” you held your breath to hear his faint, low voice on the other side of the door. You sat up and felt dizzy for a quick second, still holding the teddy bear against your chest, your face buried in its head as you let the tears keep rolling on your cheeks.

“I know it’s hard to date me, and I’m really sorry, I wish we had a simpler life, where we could hang out and go on dates like two normal people. It’s also hard for me to not be the type of boyfriend everyone wishes to have, but I’m so damn grateful to call you mine.” Juyeon marked a pause and ruffled his hair, pushing the front pieces away from his hair while thinking of his following words.

“I… you don’t know how much I’m sorry for using your insecurities against you. I shouldn’t have, it was the dumbest move I could ever do, but I just didn’t know what to answer. You are so pretty, so beautiful, amazing, and absolutely wonderful to have around to me, so seeing you this insecure makes me mad every time you compare yourself to someone you think looks prettier, thinner, or more perfect than you. It’s... really frustrating because I try my best to make you feel like a goddess and worth it every day, but those unrealistic society standards and god damn social media make you feel like you are not worth an ounce of love,” he took in a big breath and raised his knees upwards, letting his forearms rest on them.

You slowly opened the door behind him and dropped the teddy bear by his side, letting him know of your presence. He was quick to notice it and turn around to hug your legs tightly, your hands finding their way in his hair and started massaging his skull.

“I’m so sorry, Ju,” you faintly whispered, and he breathed in deeply against your skin as if he finally found you again after being separated from you for years.

He grabbed your cherished stuffed animal and stood up, holding it against your chest with a tender smile. He sat you down on the bed and gave you a proper hug, mouth pressing loving kisses on your forehead and temple as his hand caressed the back of your head, holding you as close to him as possible.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, I really am. I love you so, so much, I’m really sorry for all the stupid words I’ve thrown at you,” he said, and you shook your head, squeezing your arms around his middle tightly as an answer.

“I guess I have to accept that you have eyes only for me. But you know, it’s hard to acknowledge it and believe it when you find everyone around you ten times more beautiful than you are,” you mumbled against his chest as you sat on his lap, and he nodded, feeling a lump rising in his throat.

“I know Y/N, I know. I wish I could rid you of those insecurities, my heart breaks each time I see you so unsure of yourself. You're just so beautiful and amazing, it honestly kills me to see you like this,” he whispered, and you bitterly chuckled, gently pulling away to look at him with pearly eyes, his arms around you holding you still tight, making sure that you wouldn’t go too far from him.

“You can’t do that, but maybe you can help me soothe them by keeping loving me the way you’ve done since day one,” you mumbled, and he smiled, his eyes shining with tears just like yours.

You both cupped each other’s face and sadly smiled at the other, Juyeon feeling comforted at the sensation of your thumbs wiping the tears away from his cheeks and vice versa.

“We just need time, love, but I promise I’m going to help you realise how much you mean to me and how beautiful you are. And how much I don’t care about other girls,” he mumbled, and he gently drew your face closer to his, your lips grazing against his mouth. You closed your eyes at the proximity, feeling so much love and passion in his kiss that it was getting hard to breathe.

“I love you so much, Y/N,” Juyeon pulled away from your lips and whispered against your mouth, his hot breath mixing with yours.

“I love you too,” you smiled, burying your face in his neck, your boyfriend kissing the crown of your head while hugging you tight.

You giggled as Juyeon applied pressure on your waist, making you fall on your side on the bed. His hand gently cradled your cheek, thumb caressing your cheekbone with a soft smile on his face. You closed your eyes and pressed your forehead against his, feeling him chuckle and gently press his lips against yours.

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hes-writer · 4 years

Text

Ruin

Summary: im not sure how to summarize this without spoiling the story

Warning: angst, bits of fluff here and there

Word Count; 4158 words

A/N: the long-awaited part 6 of the Tarnish series! A collab with @devilinbetweenthesheet-s. My attention span is short itself so I've decided to split it up into two parts.

UNEDITED

___

Harry tried to see the brighter side of the situation because it truly was something to look forward to. Having the chance to get to know Halo was something that he should be grateful for. As Y/N said, Harry did not deserve to be a part of her life, despite the fact that he was the father. And somewhere, somehow— he understood where she was coming from.

Harry honestly wouldn’t know what he would do if the roles were reversed; if Y/N were the one to have been cheating on him. He would not have a clue if Harry would be as kind to her as she was with him. If an outsider were to assess the situation between Harry and Y/N, they would definitely choose her side to be in favour of. So far, Harry still wasn’t able to pinpoint what exactly Y/N had done wrong for him to be swayed by an illicit affair. Was there even a moment in time that he could vividly see where he made the decision to just up and betrayed her trust? Because if there was; either his memory has gone to shit or Harry was more of a jerk than he served himself.

To put things into perspective, Y/N was the perfect partner and Harry had somehow lost sight of that by cheating on her. Don’t get him wrong; Camille was good, great, even. Yet Y/N was an amazing woman who knew exactly what she wanted. Coincidentally, those were the same type of things that Harry needed, too. As much as it pained him to say it, Camille’s rejection of their own little family made him rethink his decision-making process. Harry has learned more about himself in these past few months than he did in his entire lifetime.

For starters, he cleared it up that he had absolutely no excuse for cheating on Y/N except the fact that his retention span lasted a good few years before he was in search of something fresh; something new and exciting. Maybe it scared him just how serious she was in having a family in the future that his subconscious thought that Harry needed one last hurrah to get the infidelity out. Besides, divorces are more complicated when there are children involved.

Secondly, being with Camille was an infatuation that lasted for a long, three years—beginning while Harry was in a relationship with Y/N. Feelings were still there for sure, but he just didn’t know if it was enough to make him stay, especially when Y/N and baby Halo were right there waiting for him. They actually weren’t; Harry just liked to pretend that they were so that he could justify the consequences of his actions.

Camille was trying to make things work with him; Harry could see that. However, there were only so many things that she could do to improve their relationship before she had to change the choices that she had made years prior. Camille really didn’t want to say that she had refuted the idea of not having kids for the sake of making a relationship prosper, but maybe it was what she had to do to make him stay. She wanted a happy life with someone who wanted the same things as her. Harry wasn’t the man who shared a mutual agreement and she was pushed to question her options.

Nonetheless, Camille and Harry stuck with each other because they were all they knew for the past three and a half years. It was definitely ironic for Harry to say that he couldn’t just leave a three-year relationship behind for another woman; because he had done that before. Now, he was a hypocrite too? His ego cannot take it.

____

Connor wrapped his arms around Y/N’s middle as she washed the dishes in the sink. Their water heater was broken so the stream that came from the faucet sometimes teetered from freezing cold to extremely hot. Right now, she was scrubbing the sponge on the porcelain as quickly as possible while the water was at the right temperature.

Y/N turned her head to the side, pressing a kiss on Connor’s cheek. He rested his chin on her shoulder, bobbing up and down as she moved her arms.

“Is this really a good idea, baby?” Connor asked, staring at the way her lashes fluttered in a pregnant pause, taking a deep breath.

She nodded, reaching over slightly to rest the wet dish on the drying rack. “Halo deserves to at least know her real father,”

And it was true. What kind of mother would Y/N be if she kept a secret like that from her own daughter? The past two years was a constant ping-pong battle of reaching out to Harry and sharing the news to him; then, Y/N would be hit with a shot of realization, wondering if this would ruin his current lifestyle.

“I understand. What if he leaves again? Hate to remind you but Harry left you once before, don’t think he’ll hesitate to do so again,”

She froze at Connor’s words. Y/N was aware that he only said that in good faith, to remind her of how hurt she was at the time and just how long it took for her to be able to finally breathe again.

One side of Y/N urged to still defend Harry. She wanted to turn and around, yell at him because Connor doesn’t know Harry as she does. Harry wasn’t the type to build a child’s dreams up only for him to personally manhandle the heart and crush it in his fist. There was a reason why he was a godfather to so many kids; Ruby, Arlo and Jackson—because he was capable. Harry was a nurturing father who put himself on the back burner in favour of making sure that the little ones were safe and secured. He had no problem being third if it meant that the kids were first, then Y/N, then him.

It all sounded so good in Y/N’s head; so well-rehearsed and very well thought out. The monologue that had somehow stuck in the sides of her brain like a script taped to the wall, ready for the time it needed to be recited. The shredded pieces of paper also reminded her that Y/N might’ve known Harry before, but she certainly doesn’t anymore. In fact, she knew just as much as Connor did.

Just like Y/N had grown and evolved into a new person, Harry was not the same guy he once was when they were together.

“I told him the consequences if he did,”

Connor pulled back, stepping away from her. “But wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t take that chance? Who knows what he might do. . .” He trailed off, grabbing a dry rag to wipe the water dripping from the dish.

Y/N took a leap of faith in letting Harry in. He was a wild card. He could promise one thing but would mean another. Or he could recite a vow and completely annihilate the person as he did with her. Yet somehow, Y/N couldn’t resist the opportunity to give him one chance. Maybe it was because a small part of her craved to re-create a happy family that they had always wanted.

“It’s a risk. I know that” Y/N rinsed a cup, swirling the water in circles. She felt like that whenever Harry was around.

“So why are you still doing it?” Y/N opened her mouth to answer, “And tell me the truth this time, yeah?”

Her boyfriend stared at her with an unreadable emotion in his eyes, lips drew taut in a straight line and arms were crossed over his broad chest. The pressure was immense on Y/N’s shoulders. She was torn between admitting what she had buried deep below the sand or simply glossing over it like a figure skater. Nonetheless, Y/N was on thin ice.

For years, she had flicked away the remaining feelings that stayed with her. But they were persistent in sticking by her side. It wasn’t like Y/N could completely erase Harry from her life--from who she was. She still dressed like him, evidenced by the matching pair of Gucci loafers she chose not to wear for the night in fear that he would coincidentally be sporting the same footwear.

Furthermore, they had a child together! Halo was the spitting image of him. It was hard not to be reminded by a man she once loved when their little baby was both of them mixed in one. So did Y/N still love Harry? She couldn’t deny how much her heart fluttered seeing him stutter over his words at the park. Y/N just wasn’t sure if it was from anxiety and nervousness or excitement and anticipation.

Unbeknownst to the couple, Harry had sneakily closed a sleeping Halo’s bedroom door. His trek back to the kitchen was slow, slightly afraid of the awaiting talk he and Y/N--and possibly Connor-- have yet to have. Harry wanted to be there for Halo and for Y/N every step of the way, but he knew that Y/N would not allow him around if his intentions were to cater to a relationship with her. She was already tolerating him as is.

Standing behind the thin wall that acted as a partition from the hallway to the kitchen, Harry carefully placed his hands against the barrier to steady himself. He didn’t know if his legs could take whatever answer would spill from Y/N’s mouth. If she admitted her true feelings, he would stumble and melt into a puddle. He would be confused, but Harry wouldn’t be opposed to it; he was in a relationship after all. If she denied it--which was the more likely option--, his heart would break silently in his chest.

Harry numbed himself of the guilt raking at his ankles. He was well aware that this was a private conversation but hey; it was not his fault that he had ears straining to listen to Y/N’s reply.

“Do you still love him?” Connor followed up, voice grim. Almost fearful to find out the truth. Harry was, too.

Y/N paused her thoughts as well as her actions, flinching at the sudden intrusion of Connor’s question. She flinched, yelping a little and jumping backwards when the broken water heater subdued the filtering liquid into a burning hot splatter on her skin. Connor picked his feet up in alarm, grabbing at Y/N’s wrist to see the minor injury on the back of her palm.

“Ow!” Y/N whisper-shouted, soothing the ache by situating it between her thighs before shakily showing it to Connor; the doctor.

“Let me see, baby,”

Harry peeked his head around the corner, almost losing his cover with the way his feet instantaneously wanting to move towards a hurting Y/N. Good thing he caught himself. Surely they would put two and two together and realize that Harry was eavesdropping.

That decision came with a laceration to his heart. Harry got a first-class ticket to register that the couple was everything he and Y/N were. The pet names, the domesticity of their actions. The caring glances and constant check-ups.

Deciding to come out of hiding, Harry almost had a heart attack when he turned the corner and was met face to face with Connor. His brows had dipped in worry, face determined to grab some cream to apply to the burn from their first-aid kit in the bathroom. Harry guessed that his whizzing thoughts failed to hear the quiet instruction.

The man jolted in surprise, stopping quickly in his tracks, “Oh hey! Is Halo asleep?” Connor gave him a smile despite the confusion etching in his forehead. Harry nodded dumbly, lips pursing like a fish. “Y/N’s just burned her hand, nothing too serious though,”

He looked over his shoulder to see Y/N eyeing the both of them suspiciously, still clutching the burnt skin close to her. “Oh, I see,”

Connor smacked a firm hand on his shoulder, stepping around him to grab the cream. Harry walked towards Y/N, noticing that she was soothing the painful ache with ice wrapped in layers of tissue. She was softly hissing through her teeth once in a while.

“You okay?”

She tilted her head at him, appearing to be dazed out in her thoughts. “Yeah, uh, nothing too bad,”

Harry kept his distance, leaning on the other side of the counter. He started off by saying, “Thank you for giving me this chance,”

Y/N graced him with a smile, standing up straighter when Connor appeared with a tube in his hand. Harry watched as he unscrewed the cap, placing it beside her. He squeezed a bit of the cream unto his fingertip before applying it directly on Y/N’s skin. She winced, wanting to pull her wrist away from his grip but Connor didn’t let her, “It’s gonna be fine, baby,”

He pressed a kiss to her temple, continuing to rub circles on the burn until Y/N visibly relaxed through slouched shoulders and less shaky breaths.

Harry was staring at them like a kicked puppy. He was fussy and frustrated all in one. He wanted the attention that Y/N was giving Connor. He wanted to be Connor, but both of them were too wrapped up in their little love bubble to notice Harry’s squinted eyes and pinched brows.

He was frustrated because even if he wasn’t the direct cause of her pain, Harry had somehow found a way to continue hurting her and Connor was always there to pacify his wrongful actions. Harry hated that this was how fate had planned his life.

Harry cleared his throat, raising a fist to his mouth, “Think I should go,” His thumb pointed over his shoulder, “Uh thank you again,”

Y/N snapped her head to him, gaze lowering in a timid manner as if she forgot that he was even there in the first place. Connor was the first to reply, “Alright, man. See you whenever,” He capped the tub, shoving it in his back pocket to return to its place.

She leaned on her tiptoes to press a kiss on his lips, muttering something in his ear that had Connor teasingly wrapping his hands on her hips. Harry looked away, taking long strides to the entryway instead.

“Harry, wait!”

He shuddered at the memory of the words that had changed his life when Gemma told him the truth. Harry’s shoe was half-way one when he turned around. “Yeah?”

Y/N was holding a folded brochure, “Halo has a recital this weekend for her dance class,” She handed it to him, “Maybe you’d want to go? You can bring Camille if you want but I think it would be better if you didn’t. She’s still new to this and I don’t want her asking too many questions until she can unders--,”

“I’ll go,” Harry cut her off, unfolding the folded paper. The venue was about twenty minutes away from his place. It was only an hour-long considering the skill set of two-year-olds but it was a fun way for parents to cheer on their little ones. Harry’s previously sour mood was now replaced with giddiness at the sight of his daughter in a pretty pink tutu, twirling on her feet. He was sure that Halo was born to become a performer like him.

She sighed in relief, puffing her cheeks out cutely, “It’s a private dance class. Pretty high end so the security should be okay,”

And there it was again. The constant reminder that Harry was otherworldly to some people. As much as he loved living his lifestyle, he sometimes wished that he was a normie. That was a lot to ask for considering his current situation with his daughter, but a man can dream.

“Got it,”

Y/N leaned over to show him the back of the leaflet, “Just show them this ticket and security should let you in. Halo wanted me to give that to you because she was too shy earlier. I know it’s short notice but I guess she was comfortable enough to ask you,”

Harry blushed at the admittance, mentally patting himself at the back for making his daughter feel at ease in a short amount of time.

“I’ll be there,” He pushed his heel to adorn his sneakers. Y/N bit her lip, she looked hesitant, “It’s okay if you don’t want to go, by the way. I can explain that you’re busy. She’ll probably understand,”

He placed a hand on her shoulder. Harry wasn’t going to ruin his progressive relationship with his daughter on ‘probably’. “Y/N, s’alright. No problem, yeah? I’ll be there,”

___

Where was he?

It was two days after the dinner and Harry’s promise of attending Halo’s recital was vanishing with each passing second. Every time the hand of the clock ticked to indicate that another minute had elapsed. Harry still wasn’t jogging through the carpeted middle of the small theatre to where Connor and Y/N were seated. Two empty seats were left at the end of the aisle to aid Harry--and possibly Camille--a smooth arrival without creating any distractions.

There were only five minutes left before the stage crew were to dim the spotlights illuminating the room. Y/N was checking her watch what felt like every second, clicking her phone on and off once in a while worried that something may have happened to Harry. Maybe security wouldn’t let him in. The gnawing feeling at the pit of her stomach suggested that Harry just forgot the event tonight but Y/N would cross the bridge when they got to it. Regardless, her nerves were left unsettled as swallowing proved to be more difficult with the way a sip of her water had her gulping audibly. Connor wasn’t there to lend a soft hand on her upper back to help her breathe.

Speaking of, Connor had taken the initiative to visit Halo backstage. The ballet teacher was growing weary of the way the little dancer ran out from beside the stage to stop in front of her parents, asking, “Where’s Hawwy?”.

Halo had done it three times in hopes of receiving an answer aside from, “He’s not here yet,” Y/N tucked a fallen strand of hair from the otherwise sleek bun from beside her cheeks. Her daughter’s form slouching as her pretty eyes watered slightly, “He’s not coming? You told me he was coming, mama,”

Y/N glanced at Connor nervously, being met with an ‘I-told-you-so’ look which didn’t really help the situation. Luckily, the teacher had approached them with a clipboard on hand, searching for the ballerina. The teacher had suggested that one of them stay with her behind the curtain until the show began. Connor volunteered.

“Better hope he comes or else we’ll have to deal with the consequences. I really don’t want to see her heartbroken before of a promise he couldn’t keep,” Connor muttered, following the woman but not before thumbing circles on Y/N’s flushed cheek.

Y/N knew that he meant well. She also didn’t want to comfort a heartbroken Halo because Harry failed to show up where he promised he would be. And now, with a little less than two minutes before showtime, Connor was sent back beside her. Parents were being ushered to find their seats before the lights dimmed and it would be difficult to maneuver through knees and legs.

“Is he here?” Connor questioned, draping a hand on her shaking knee. Y/N shook her head, casting another glance at the auditorium doors. He waved at Halo who peeked her head between the silk curtains, wandering eyes looking at the empty seat beside Y/N.

“No. Hasn’t texted or answered his phone either,” Y/N was about to dial Harry’s contact once more in a desperate attempt to reach him. However, the dimming lights indicated that it was too late. Connor laced their fingers together, offering apologetic eyes and a tight-lipped smile; they would have to nurse a broken heart later tonight.

_____

Harry was in the middle of buttoning his patterned shirt, staring at his reflection in the mirror to silently judge his fashion choice for the night. Was it too much for a kids’ ballet recital? He deemed that it was, stretching his arms to remove the fabric adorning his chest, moving to grab the pink, flamingo patterned shirt instead. He took his time, granted that he had about an hour before the recital started.

He smoothed the fabric over his broad shoulders, pausing when Camille walked in. Harry locked his green eyes at her through the mirror as she walked to their shared bed, sitting at the foot of it.

“What d’ya think?”

She hummed in response, absentmindedly nodding in agreement when Harry asked if it was good. Both Camille and Harry had talked about his relationship with Halo as soon as she landed at the airport. He didn’t want to keep any secrets from her. Fortunately, Camille was very understanding of his situation, offering him support and encouragement to build a bond with his daughter.

What Camille didn’t reveal was that she was a bit antsy of Harry’s relationship with Y/N. She meant everything she had said to him, but it was no guarantee that Harry would ignite another connection with his ex-girlfriend. Not that Camille didn’t trust him. It was just a bit concerning because she believed that how a relationship starts is how it will end. Harry certainly had a history of straying away from his present partner.

Harry was currently in their walk-in closet, finding a pair of slacks that weren't too formal or casual. Camille mulled the thoughts in her head. She loved Harry dearly and would do anything for him. Well, anything except having children of their own. He had mostly accepted her decision, only wincing a little when the topic of a family was brought up by mutual friends and family once in a while.

Truth to be told, Camille was scared. She was afraid that Harry would leave for Y/N because she had Halo. They were the family that he had always wanted and although Camille wasn’t too keen on giving him the same; she was debating on it.

“How’s this, Cam?” Harry retreated with two pairs of pants. On one hand was a pair of straight-leg skinny jeans that he hadn’t worn in years. The other held brown, corduroy, striped slacks. “Or this one?”

She bit her lip, standing up slowly, walking over to him. “What do I think?”

He nodded, innocently jutting his bottom lip at her as he looked back and forth.

Camille swathed her hands on his shoulders, ghosting her mouth over his ear, “I think I like you better without them,” Her finger traced his collarbone, swirling at the dip of his throat. “Without anything,”

Harry gulped harshly. He felt Camille unbuttoning his shirt, gliding her palms downwards until she was cupping his bulge, “Camille, wait,” He flicked his watch to check the time. It took twenty minutes to get there, maybe even more with traffic and parking.

She dragged him to the bed by the ends of his opened shirt, locking her lips with his plush ones. He rested a knee on the mattress, his hands at the back of her head as Camille continued to pull him down.

Pulling away, Harry panted, “What are you doin’?” He laid his creased forehead on hers.

Camille supported herself on her hands, moving her face back until she was able to get a clear view of his perplexed expression, “I was thinking that maybe we could. . . try having a baby, H,” Her voice was soft, almost timid and she was doing her best not to break eye contact to show her sincerity.

Harry gasped in surprise, “Wha--? Really? Are you serious?” His tone gained a pitch as excitement enthralled his senses. The smile on his face was wide and reached his bright eyes. “Baby, are you sure?”

Camille nodded, grinning softly. “Yes,’

“Oh my--this is. . .,” Harry pulled at the locks of his hair, pacing around the room. “This is great! Our own family. Jesus. I can’t believe it,” Tears sprung on his corneas.

He kneeled between her legs, taking her wrist and pressing a gentle kiss on her skin, murmuring ‘I love you’ repeatedly.

“Are you going to keep doing that?” Camille asked, spreading her legs rhetorically. Harry observed her position, nodding enthusiastically.

Another glance at his watch indicated that Harry was absolutely pushing it with being late to Halo’s recital. Yet one enchanting kiss from Camille wiped his thoughts clean. He was getting what he wanted; a family of his own.

___

Let us know what you thought! The seventh part of the Tarnish series will be uploaded on Patreon on Sept 29!

___

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moonbeamoclock · 3 years

Note

i hope you get of writers block soon, im in an art one right now :/ soo, could i request some fluff with our queen mikasa? like some kissing and making out or just being intimate with each other (ʃƪ＾3＾ )

Loved (modern!mikasa x fem!reader)

pre-note: thank you so much for the ask, i appreciate you 😘

Warnings: internalized homophobia, just a pinch of angst, just a dash of heat, a sprinkle of fluff, pining, awkwardness

Word Count: 2.0k

Rain had been steadily beating against the windows of the small third-floor apartment the entire afternoon. Inside her room, the (y/h/c) girl was sat at her desk fruitlessly attempting to do her school work. No matter how much she tried, she just couldn’t seem to focus; her mind kept drifting to her roommate.

The intrusive thoughts were almost overwhelming at this point, pictures of imagined intimacy between herself and the girl she considered her best friend kept floating around in her head. At that moment, the daydream of a featherlight brush of Mikasa’s lips against hers felt so real that y/n’s breath caught in her throat.

Embarrassed at the way she got so worked up just imagining a kiss; her face started to feel hot. She let out a tired sigh and tried yet again to go back to her work when she heard the sound of the door opening and slamming shut in the next room. Perking up, she moved to the hallway and watched as a very cold looking Mikasa shed her layers in the living room.

“Hey, Mikasa! How was class?” Y/n greeted.

“Fine, it’s just so cold out there,” Mikasa replied.

Giggling she replied, “Yeah I bet. It is Autumn you know, you shouldn’t be so surprised.”

Ignoring the teasing, Mikasa asked “Do you want to watch something with me? I’m gonna shower first though.”

“Oh, yeah. Totally. Yeah.” Y/n sputtered out.

Excitedly sitting on the sofa, she pulled out her phone and began mindlessly scrolling through her social media while she waited for the raven-haired girl to finish.

After a few moments, she registered the sound of the shower running, and the image of Mikasa naked in the shower flashed through her mind. The thought made her entire body go hot, she sat frozen in her seat trying desperately not to think about her best friend naked with soap suds wrapping around her body, hands roaming on their own, lower and lower….

Abruptly standing up, her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest.

Oh dear God, this is beginning to be too much. She’s my best friend! Plus, I don’t even know if she’s gay! I don’t even know if I’m gay! Wait, am I gay?

Her train of thought was cut short by Mikasa emerging from the bathroom in just a towel pausing in the hallway to look quizzically at Y/n, whose face somehow got even hotter at the sight, before entering her room and closing the door behind her.

Y/n threw her hands against her face in embarrassment, and she plopped herself back down on the sofa in exasperation.

Seeing her in a towel like that really doesn’t help...Maybe I should just ask if she likes girls? I mean I’ve never seen her romantically interested in anyone before, like ever. I’ll just ask when she comes out of her room if she’s interested in women in a totally casual and not weird way. Yeah, that’ll be fine.

Taking a deep breath she tried to calm her nerves and act casual as Mikasa emerged from her room now fully clothed.

Coming to sit on the other side of the couch Mikasa calmly asked, “Are you okay? You looked upset when I got out of the shower.”

Willing the heat from her face she quickly responded “Oh yeah, I’m okay, don’t worry about it! I was just thinking about...well….” Wait! Don’t do it, it’s too awkward right now! “Nevermind, sorry. Don’t worry about it.” Y/n finished shaking her head.

There was a pause before Mikasa replied quietly, gazing at her best friend “Okay, well if you ever want to talk about it just know that I’m here for you.”

The look made Y/n’s chest ache, the urge to kiss the hell out of Mikasa’s plump lips was immense in that moment. She could’ve, they were so close both, of them instinctively leaning in, it would be the perfect moment to do so, but the question from earlier kept weighing on her shoulders.

Shifting away from her roommate she rushed out

“Doyoulikegirlslikeinaromanticway?” She then squeezed her eyes shut awaiting a response.

Mikasa was caught off guard by the question. The words were jumbled together but she was just barely able to understand what she was being asked. She took a second to observe the girl sitting across from her, taking in the uncomfortable look on her scrunched up face. A wave of panic washed over her in an instant.

Oh no. She knows doesn’t she, she knows and she’s going to leave me. Oh god, I’m so gross, I’m obsessed with my best friend and she figured out, and now she’s going to leave me like everyone else did. Why couldn’t you just get it together now you’re going to lose her too.

With rare tears pricking her eyes, the usually stoic girl finally answered with a quiet, trembling voice,

“Um, yeah. I’m sorry...I’ll stay at Eren’s tonight so you don’t have to worry.” With weak knees, she stood up from the couch. Head turned, as to hide the tears threatening to fall. She couldn’t show her weakness, she’s stronger than that.

She was barely able to take a step before Y/n also stood up from the couch grabbing onto Mikasa’s wrist.

“Wait, why would you stay at Eren’s tonight,” she asked confused.

“Because...because. I’m–I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You could never make me uncomfortable Mikasa. What are you talking about?”

Steeling her gaze she looked fully at Y/n “I’m talking about the fact that I like girls, I like you. But now I understand that you don’t like girls, you don’t like me so I’m not going to force you to be roommates with me, but you’re important to me so I hope we can still be friends.”

The look on her face was unreadable, but behind her eyes, Y/n could tell that she was scared and upset.

“You like me?” was the only thing Y/n could come up with.

Mikasa felt like she was going to vomit, but she made sure to keep up the emotionless mask as she forced out a quiet “Yes.” Before ripping her arm out from her grasp. Watching with seemingly emotionless eyes as y/n’s face was overcome with shock.

“W-wait, I,” a nervous deep breath, “Mikasa, I don’t want you to stay with Eren tonight.”

There was a heavy pause as Y/n tried to clear her head before she spoke again.

“I like you too! I was just scared because you’ve never shown any interest in me or anyone for that matter. That’s why I asked if you liked girls. And I know I shouldn’t have asked you like that because I can tell I freaked you out, but I just like you so much and I wanted to know if there was even a possibility of you feeling the same way!....I love you!”

There was a moment of silence where the only thing that could be heard was the sound of the rain still hammering against the side of the building. Mikasa let out a shaky breath before she sat back down on the couch, motioning for y/n to do the same.

“Mikasa, I still have things to learn about myself in terms of my sexuality, but the only thing I know for sure is how I feel about you. I want to be with you, Mikasa.” Y/n spoke. She watched as Mikasa swallowed quickly before whispering;

“I want to be with you too.”

The two girls peered at each other from across the sofa for an instant before Y/n’s hand reached over to grasp Mikasa’s firmly.

“Can I kiss you now?” she blurted.

Mikasa gave her a soft smile before gently nodding her head. They both leaned in slowly, the time it took for their lips to brush feeling like triple of what it really was. When their lips were at last close enough that they could feel the other’s breath, Mikasa’s hand made its way to the side of Y/n’s face caressing her skin. At the contact, she let her eyes flutter shut and swiftly surged forward to close the gap between them.

The first kiss was sweet and chaste. Pulling apart, they leaned their foreheads together relishing in the feeling of each other’s breath against their skin. The feeling of Mikasa so close had Y/n’s head feeling cloudy, she could barely register the words falling from her lips,

“Um, that was nice. I was actually going to kiss you earlier when we were sitting here right before I asked and freaked you out, which I’m still really sorry about. But I guess it’s a good thing that I asked beca––”

She was cut off by a quiet shushing and the slight pressure of Mikasa’s hand against the nape of her neck pulling her towards her to crash their lips together.

This kiss was a lot messier than the first one. The knocking of teeth and inexperienced caressing of tongues made y/n’s entire body go hot, and by the way the air around the two of them seemed to rise in temperature, the other girls did too. Her left hand was desperately clutching onto the shoulder of Mikasa’s shirt and a low whine ripped from y/n’s throat, causing Mikasa’s grip on her hair at the base of her head to tighten. Y/n’s right hand that had somehow ended up resting on Mikasa’s knee was slowly inching its way up her thigh digging her fingertips slightly into the plush pajama-clad skin.

Pulling away again, Y/n shifted her body to climb into Mikasa’s lap. Running her fingers along the sides of her neck as she asked, “Is this….okay too?”

Caught off guard by this sudden display of confidence, Mikasa’s skin flushed a deeper shade of red causing a quiet giggle to escape the other girl’s lips. In response, the steel-eyed girl ran her hand up y/n’s sides then down her back and gave a small nod as their noses bumped together. Before Mikasa could join their lips together again, Y/n started to eagerly press heated kisses along the column of her throat eliciting a surprised moan from her mouth. She let her head loll back against the back of the sofa relishing in the feeling of the girls lips against her neck. Her head had filled with a pleasant fuzzy feeling, the thought that the person she adores with her entire being was here with her returning her feelings tenfold was overwhelming. So overwhelming in fact, tears started to prick the corners of her eyes. The pure joy of having the love of her life in her arms in that moment made a muted sob bubble up in her throat.

Startled, Y/n quickly pulled away from her ministrations searching Mikasa’s face for a sign of hurt.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you??” her panicked voice barely registered in the other girl’s ears as tears started to steam down her face. She moved to push herself off of the girl’s lap but was stopped by a strong set of arms firmly wrapping themselves around her torso and crushing her body to Mikasa’s.

“I love you,” she whispered up to y/n, squeezing her tighter to try and show how much she meant those three words.

She relaxed slightly in her arms after hearing those words, wrapping her own arms around her neck and burying her face in her hair placing a light kiss there, she mumbled a tender “I love you too”.

end-note: hi!! this story is so cheesy my stummy hurts. I feel as if this is exactly the same as all my other stories and i’m sorry for that. I’d really love any and all feedback you guys could give me because I really love writing and i want to get better at it.

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smolsidesandco · 3 years

Text

Title: I'm not icky

Description: Remus is an age and pet regressor, but because of his intrusive thoughts, icky things commonly fill his head and make him think he's not a regressor.

In this, Janus aka his Moddy ends up slowly helping the smol away from the intrusive thoughts.

Not exactly a series in order but I will be doing more with this same concept.

Universe info: Human Au

Janus is a wonderful enby with

vitiligo that uses they/them

Remus is trans masc, and

uses he/him

This stuff doesn't come up really but I

enjoy this info.

Word count: 1,404

Tw: mentions of k!nk things, intrusive thoughts, impure regression

_____

Thoughts that held themselves like a dark gooey slime squirmed all throughout his head. Squishy squishy squishy icky thoughts. Black tar that covered and stuck to everything he did. All his movements, all his thoughts, every breath that left his lips. 'Lips that he could be using to-' no no no no! The green haired boy covered his ears. As if that would stop the rampant icky thoughts and ideas that ran through his head. Even though it wouldn't logically, it was all the little Duke could think about doing. Even if this had happened over and over when he had regressed. Whether that was involuntary or voluntary, nine times out of ten his intrusive thoughts would get increasingly louder and more on the adult icky side.

He didn't mind thoughts about blood or gore, that was just simple things. Those things just didn't bother him usually, even when he regressed. More dramatically violent thoughts for some reason just didn't seem so destructive to his mental state. It didn't haunt him or tear him apart like the gooey thoughts. The black icky darkness that he always had a hard time escaping. He had gotten quite sick before due to the thoughts filling his brain. Or even sometimes pushing him out of regression so he could do other icky things.

A sob escaped his mouth as he started to pull at his green and silver hair. As if yanking on it would pull away the icky sort of thoughts out. What if he was faking being a regressor? What if he wasn't a regressor and..and he was one of those icky kinds of littles? What if, that's what he was doing! He didn't like these thoughts...but but if he was having these kind of thoughts then that must be it! That must be-

"Remus?" A voice spoke from the entrance of his bedroom doorway. A figure dressed in what can be described as a casual Gothic ouji look stood at the door. Having easily been able to pick up on the crying from the other room. Either someone had stubbed their toe, which they totally wouldn't have laughed at them for, or something had happened to a regressed Remus. Re regressing alone was usually a recipe for disaster for multiple reasons. Sometimes it was a plotting smol causing chaos. A tiny octo tearing up something that he wasn't supposed to. Or in this case, overwhelming unwanted thoughts.

The smol one in question quickly started to rub his eyes of all the tears that were blurring his vision. His knees brought up to his chest as he had stuffed himself in the corner of his bedroom. Hoping he would have been able to make himself tiny and hide from these icky thoughts. But it seemed that the thoughts were too good at hide and seek and found him everytime he tried to hide! "I-tried to h-hide cause cause. Hnng im just Icky!" Remus tried to explain before he ended up in even more tears from before.

"You are not icky my little Morningstar." Janus was quick but soft to assure the crying baby. Their 'carer mode' quickly kicking in at seeing the small one cry over his own thoughts. Gently but quickly moving over to the regressed one on the floor. Not wanting to add to the overwhelming feeling Remus was feeling, but knowing he needed to be close enough to the smol to help them.

"Those thoughts in your head do not make you icky. Moddy knows that it isn't fun at all to have all those things in your head, but that doesn't make you icky." They kept their voice soft and steady as they spoke. Carefully holding out gloved hands for the other to take if he wanted to.

"F-feels icky icky icky." Remus sniffled trying to look up at the big person without tears blocking his vision. "Don't don't wanna be icky! I'm already icky when not a baby! I don't wanna be icky baby too!" His emotions shifted between self anger, fear, and sadness. He was scared of all these thoughts he felt in his head. Sad that his smolspace was tainted by icky things and emotions he couldn't control. Angry at himself and the universe for not letting him have something that wasn't icky.

"Baby you are not always icky, you're just very open and extra." Janus did agree that Remus tended to be rather talkative about that sort of stuff when he was in his big headspace, but they didn't consider it any different from his brother going on and on about romantic things. That and saying anything about the other being icky right now wouldn't help the situation right now.

The smol one gently reached out with one of his hands to touch the soft gloves that Jan always wore. Feeling the comforting texture that he liked to feel. It was smooth and soft against his hand, not a texture he touched the most often but still one that he really liked. It usually meant he was safe and things would be okay. It's a texture he associated with moddy a lot since they always wore gloves. Touching things with their actual hands could become too much for them a lot of the time. So a lot of the time they wore gloves over their hands to keep them away from touching anything bad.

"Is there anything Moddy can do to help their very not icky Morningstar?" Janus asked as Remus started to get more and more distracted by feeling their gloves, textures always seemed to be an easy place to start getting them away from unwanted sort of thoughts. Textures simply had a way of conveying messages and feelings that words couldn't. Of course unwanted textures weren't good to feel, but figuring out textures that the little ones liked wasn't too hard to figure out after a while. This baby certainly liked the material their gloves were made of.

"Would you like moddy to hold you?" That question seemed to pull Remus out of feeling the fabric of the gloves, instantly making grabby hands up at Janus with wide eyes. It was as if the other had said some sort of magic sentence. Like when you asked a dog if they wanted to go on walkies. Which is something that happened commonly when Roman happened to be in animal space. Unless you wanted him to have zoomies inside. Which rarely ended well.

"Uppies! Up up!!"

Janus couldn't help but chuckle softly at the small baby demanding uppies with an adorable little bounce. "Well how can I say no to such an adorable and valid baby boy, hm?" Carefully picking up the little one in their arms. Not wanting to accidentally drop him, in moments they were rather thankful that Remus was relatively short and small compared to them. Otherwise he wasn't sure he would be able to pick the other up.

Remus gave a happy giggle as he was picked up, grabbing onto moddy's caplet once he was picked up. This was another texture he really liked to feel. Moddy really had the best touchy feely stuff. It made his fingers feel nice and happy! Like they were dancing to a really awesome song! "Touchy touchy touch touch!" He made another happy giggle as moddy messed around with his hair the way he liked. And...liking his hair being played with was okay! It wasn't icky! "No icky icky." He smiled proudly at being able to say it wasn't icky without anyone else having to say it. Usually he needed help but this time he did it himself!

"Thats very very true baby, not icky at all. Very good little one." Janus said with a smile at the regressed baby in their arms coming to the conclusion by himself. There was still a long way to go before Remus was fully able to get through the intrusive thoughts, but every pinch of progress was a success. It was slow yes, but that was okay. It was much better than the other being stuck in these thoughts or stuck in the horrible things of the past. "I'm very proud of you, now how about we go watch some cartoons in moddy's room?"

"Mhm mhm mhm! Wanna watch the one with the monsters at the school!"

"Oh really? Well I think that sounds like a plan then."

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writing-for-me-at-this-point · 3 years

Text

The Missing Guardian | Prologue: Act I Scene II | Mondstadt: The Outlander Who Caught The Wind

A.N. yay! second chapter! hope you guys enjoy and sorry for any typos! this chapter is also a day late :/ sorry again about that. im currently going through a lot family wise, but i wanted this to come out as soon as i could get it out. in compensation, you guys have another birthday character coming out and hopefully the first i love you prompt :D anyways, enjoy!

Word Count. 2,213 words

Page Count. 6.5 pages

TWarnings. cursing

Synopsis. When you’ve finally found a home in a set of twins who travel across worlds, setting out to enjoy your time with them; learning everything you could while traveling from world to world. But this time was different, because this time, someone stood in your way from continuing forward, from going home. You watched as your family was torn from you once again, leaving you stuck in a world alone with only a guide, the memories of a life long left behind, and the hope of finding them once again.

[ Series Masterlist: The Missing Guardian Mini Masterlist ]

[ previous ] [ Act I Scene II ] [ next scene ]

You smiled as your gaze looked out the window, the eternal abyss staring back as it was littered with the misty colors of turquoise, lavender, and many shades of rose- stars littering the rest of the scene in front of you. You leaned your head against the metal framing of the window, your hair cushioning you comfortably as thoughts sat still in your mind, your body calm as well.

How long has it been since you were on the ship?

"Hey kid, don't sleep with your neck like that- you'll mess it up" Quills voice rang out, but it sounded far away, muffled. You didn't know if it was cause of your tiredness or your spaced out state, but you couldn't seem to care by that point. You felt thick gloves move around your neck, the other moving under your knees, before a huff and some grumbling.

"I don't know what you'll do without us, but even then," He sighed, carrying your body to the closest area where you could rest properly under his gaze, on the plush rest area in the cabin, allowing him to navigate the stars while keeping you near- though he'd vehemently denied it at any and every comment about it, the Guardian had grown attached to you, finding a child in you where you found a father in him.

"I don't think I want you leaving the nest so soon."

"As we all know, poetry and language flow like the wind. There'll definitely be someone there who knows about your friends. At least, that's what Paimon thinks!" Your guide chimed, hovering in front of you as you both made your way down the side of the hill, the vibrant and thick greens of the grass and trees were only further complimented by the sun- this place definitely was beautiful. You didn't feel warm, or overheated, which surprised you, especially with how bright the sun was. The cool breeze was constant in this place, giving an Autumn chill to a Spring setting, at this rate you'd think you'd need your body suit to warm you up.

"Whether the gods actually answer you is a different story. You never know unless you try. So let's hop to it!" You can practically feel her smile, her small head turning back to you, Paimon's small body bouncing up at how you were listening to her so intently. By the time you reached the statue, she started to cross again, having the privilege of floating while you... did not.

"You can swim right over! Don't push yourself though!"

"Let's just hope I don't sink with all the gear I have... or get electrocuted." You joked, walking into the water till your hot waist level, deciding at that point swimming was best.

"W-what? Don't just jump in then!" She shouted, still loud as ever in that tiny body of hers, floating above you with a worried look on her face.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. My gear is all waterproof, so there isn't an issue there." You huffed, climbing onto the shore of the tiny island before shaking off the water and straining what you could, lightening your load as much as allowed.

"See? All good."

"Well don't joke like that! Paimon doesn't know what she'll do if anything happens to you... Paimon doesn't even wanna think about it!" She exclaims, a hand to her head, her face still concerned. You sighed, a small smile coming to your face before you took a small hand into your own, rubbing the soft skin to soothe her.

"Alright. I'm sorry about that joke, I won't make any of those types again, alright? I'm not going anywhere. Not without you, Paimon." You smiled, sincerity in your voice, making her smile and nod her head.

"Good! Paimon’ll make sure to keep that in mind for the future."

"I'll hold you to it." You smirked, walking up to the statue, finding interest in the large golden plate. You reached out, taking the glove off your hand to get a proper feel of the metal, before taking a step back in shock. The statues' indentations lit up and aquamarine, the one you were so used to seeing outside of terrestrial planes, before a deep thump resounded in your head- much like a heartbeat. A small swirl of wind danced around the statue before the orb held in place started to glow, small particles combing in the center before forming a small sigil with wings that flew straight towards your chest.

You felt a rush of cool air through your veins, like an excitement you couldn't explain, whips of teal surrounding your body as you could only take another step back and look to your uncovered hand to see for any physical changes as well- to which there were none. But you felt something. In your chest, your heart, something that was stirring and it didn't seem to slow down.

"Ooh! Did you just feel the elements of the world?" Paimon asked, allowing you to turn and face her, your face still showing a stunned expression from... whatever that was.

"Seems all you had to do was just touch the statue and you got the power of Anemo! As much as they may want it, people in this world can never get a hold of powers as easily as you..." She explained, crossing her arms over the matter, an idea popping into your head at the same time.

"I think I might know why-"

"Ah-ha, it's because you're not from this world to begin with. If we keep heading West from here, we'll eventually reach Mondstadt, the City of Freedom. Mondstadt is the city of wind because they worship the God of Anemo." She cuts you off, making you only hum at the action, allowing her to continue.

"So perhaps, because you got the power from the God of Anemo, you can find some clues there. There are also lots of bards there, so perhaps one of them has heard news of your friends."

"That isn't a bad idea, Paimon." You smiled, thankful she was so serious and straightforward with helping you find the twins, something that seemed to be floating around in your head as you took in everything from this new world. She was like an anchor to keep you grounded, and for that, you were extremely thankful to her- beyond words.

"Let's move then!" Obviously happy with your praise at her deduction and planning, though simple, it was a good and steady start- and that's what you needed at this moment.

"The elements in this world responded to your prayers and Paimon thinks that's a lovely sign." She finished, her gaze reaching behind you as some Slimes approached, eyes wide at the intrusion by the elemental mutants. You followed her gaze, finding the flaming creatures to be bouncing right in your direction, your surprise evident on your face.

"Ah, shit." You grumbled, taking a few steps back, your arm starting to stir up with energy. It felt like when you drank too much coffee, to the point where even your limbs were vibrating, wisps of turquoise enveloping your palm on instinct. The small slime soon was sucked into the vortex you had made, swirling around before getting blasted away, back onto the land- over the lake and away from you.

"Ugh, gross." You winced, noticing the slime that coated the land in front of you, and your dominant hand. Wiping your hand, you decided it was best to swim to the other side of the lake, following Paimon as you escaped the burning grasses. You could only laugh as she huffed about wanting "cool fighting powers" as well, reaching the end of the lake and making your way further in.

"You know, it may not be a blessing. Usually powers like these have consequences..." You said, wringing out your hair as the wind started to pick up, but this time it wasn’t by your own hand.

"You shouldn't say that! These powers are a blessing from the Archons and for that you should be grateful! They'd never allow anything bad to happen to the people they've blessed with their own two hands." A low rumble started to echo through the area, making you turn your body and look around for what was causing it as you continued your talk with Paimon.

"I get that... but still, usually the Gods and whatever powerful beings there are have some type of plan along with it- at least that's how it worked in my world."

"Then maybe you should consider our world works differently?" She quips her head.

"A god is a god." You huffed, the rumbling becoming louder before a dragon caught your vision, making you gasp in awe. Six wings, four limbs, a large tail, and decorated in patterns of blues that made it almost blend with the sky if its wings didn't hold an ethereal glow, a white underbelly contrasted with the rest of its body.

"Wow! What is that? There's something huge in the sky!"

"You guys have dragons here?" You exclaimed, walking in its direction to where it flew, making sure to lower your output of noise due to the camps that were littered nearby with humanoid creatures.

"It's heading to the heart of the forest, where we're going, so make sure to be careful." Paimon notes, keeping up with your pace as you jogged into the forest, collected some things along the way that could help in the future. By the time you had reached the forest, you slowed your pace to a comfortable walk, looking around and making sure not to run into anything aggressive- or the dragon you two had just seen.

Maybe it continued flying anyways?

"Huh? Look at that." Paimon pointed in front of the both of you, the grumbling appearing once again.

You were wrong.

Moving to hide behind one of the larger trees, you pressed your back against it before slowly turning your head to look at the scene in front of you, still making sure to keep your noise at the bare minimum. The dragon from before was standing before you, almost cautious of the person that stood before them, a short man dressed in turquoise and white, holding his hands outward to the dragon before him.

"Don't be afraid. It's alright now, I'm back." He spoke gently, ignoring the dangerous growls coming from the beast in front of him. It made you worry at the sight and activate the mask that was embedded into your earpiece, still watching as Paimon spoke up.

"Is he talking... to a dragon?" She questioned, right as your palms lit up with the Anemo power you had just gained, a glowing pattern forming as it burst with life, alerting the dragon and scaring it away with a scream of displeasure.

"Who's there?" The man questioned as he jumped back, his gaze in your direction before taking a few steps back, disappearing in a glow of light. Your hair felt like it was about to be yanked out as the dragon flapped its wings before taking off, leaving you dazed at what had just happened, and headache from the harsh tug. You stood there in shock for a bit, not saying anything as your hand buzzed and fizzled out, focusing on calming down your heart rate- deactivating your mask to breathe better as well.

"That was close! Paimon almost got blown away!" Your guide yelped. "Luckily Paimon managed to grab a hold of your hair! Thanks." She smiled, handed over her heart, and you felt your energy drain immensely in the moment.

"Good thing you didn't pull my hair out." You sighed, rubbing the aching spot to soothe your head as Paimon continued to speak, you following closely behind.

"This definitely has something to do with that weirdo who was talking to the dragon..." She trailed off.

"Is... that normal? Talking to dragons?" You asked, confusion written on your face, wanting to know if this was a common occurrence in this world.

"Of course not. But what's that? There's some kind of shiny red thingy on the rock over there." She pointed out. You both walked over to look at the glowing item, her warnings falling on deaf ears as Paimon spoke about never seeing anything like this before, making unable to help in this specific situation.

"Let's keep this, just in case." You mumbled, your bare hands picking up the gem(?) with ease before packing it into your belt, tucked away safely and unable to escape.

"Good idea, now let's get out of here."

"Agreed." You nodded, deciding to stroll through the forest for a bit, both to rest and catch up on your thoughts, maybe ask Paimon more about this world and how it worked- so you don't seem like a bumbling idiot to the locals. But before you could do any of that, a yell came from behind you, rushed footsteps following at the same time.

"You there! Stop right there!" A girl yelled, jumping across your field of vision off the small pass, dressed in red and white with long brown hair, rolling as she hit the ground before coming back up to a stand.

"..."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #The Missing Guardian: Genshin Impact #genshin impact imagine #x reader #reader insert #queen.writing #gi x reader #gi imagine

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marvel-holland-love · 3 years

Text

Never enough

Type:

angst / fluff

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader

Warning: Eating disorder, self hate, body dysmorphia

Summary: You’ve been dealing with an eating disorder for some time now but haven’t told anyone until Tom starts to notice something in your behavior that leads him to worry and so he keeps an eye on you and sees something that exposes your secret.

Word count: 2,362

A/N: Hi everyone, hope you enjoy this imagine, as I said in the warnings, this imagine includes detailed eating disorder talk, this is my first imagine so I hope you like it, i also speak spanish so sorry if there is something wrong with my grammar. I’m already writing another imagine which Ill post soon, at the bottom is my masterlist and there I’ll have the imagines I make. Hope you enjoy and have a great day!

y/n: your name

y/n/n: your nickname

y/l/s: your last name

If you have an eating disorder and need help, you can find it here https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

You and Tom have been together for about 1 year and 5 months, you love each other dearly and tell each other everything, but there is one secret you decide its best to stay secret, which is that you've dealt with an eating disorder since you were 17 years old, and now you were 22 years old. You found ways to hide it from him, to hide the meal skipping, the purging, the excessive exercise, everything that came with your disorder.

Tom had noticed since the beginning that you had a bit of a small frame, but he thought you had a fast metabolism or that that was the way you were, but he never thought you had an eating disorder until he started to notice somethings on your behaviour that started to worry him.

- Today -

3rd person POV:

You were coming through the door of the Holland household after your 2 hour run, it was 9:00 a.m at the moment. You were walking through the door when a sudden hit of dizziness struck you and you stumbled a little while you started to get your vision blurred with black spots. Harry was walking by to go to the kitchen when you came in and he noticed your pale face and stumbling, so he went over to you to check on you. That's when you felt someone grab your arm and say something to you, that you couldn't quite put together. You turned around to look at the person and noticed through blurred images that it was Harry, that's when you spoke.

y/n POV:

“Harry?” you said still feeling like you were going to faint, “y/n/n, what happened, are you okay?” he said with a worried tone. You didn't know quite what to say, you could barely make out the words that came out of his mouth, but you understood it enough to give him somewhat of an answer, “Yeah, im fine,” you said not even convincing yourself on that answer “I guess I just got a little dizzy, didn’t drink water before going on my run, better go do that” you said knowing how unconvincing that answer was, but still going to the kitchen in order to avoid the conversation you didn’t want to have. I heard him say something to me, but I didn’t quite catch it so I just ignored it and kept walking.

Harry’s POV:

I watched y/n/n come in the door, but she was really pale and I noticed that she started to tumble. When I got near her, I asked what was wrong, but I guess she didn't hear me because she didn't answer, so I got near her and held her up so she wouldn’t fall and that's when she spoke; “Harry?” she said, but I could sense something wrong in her tone so I asked her again what happened and she just answered that she didn’t drink water before her run which didn’t convince me at all, because I’ve known her long enough to know when something in her tone hints that something is wrong. After I saw her start to walk towards the kitchen, I decided to ask her if she had eaten anything before her run but before I could finish my sentence she was already out of my reach. So I decided to tell Tom, there was something I really didn’t like about this so I knew the one person who could get to her should know.

3rd person POV:

Y/n was in the kitchen drinking water when Tom came in, already on board of what had happened, so he wanted to have some proof that his theory wasn’t true, because he already had an idea of what might be going on.

y/n POV:

I saw Tom come in the kitchen, but he had an expression on his face that gave me a reason to believe Harry may have told him what had happened. I tried to put on the best face I could with a somewhat believable smile, so he wouldn't come with conclusions, even though he had already formed conclusions since he started to notice your weird behavior. “Hey darling, how was your run?” He asked, but he wanted to see if you would deny what had happened previously, “It was great,” you said which caused him to give you a questionable look “I just forgot to drink water so I got a little dizzy when I came into the house, but now i'm perfectly fine” you said hoping to change the course this conversation was turning, “Oh, and did you eat before you when on your run?” he asked already knowing your answer, “No, I wasn't hungry” you said with a more defensive tone. “Oh great, then we can have breakfast together, because after that run, you bet you are eating something babe ” you wanted to say you weren't hungry or make any excuse to not eat because, how could you eat, after all the effort the run took do to your lack of energy, just to throw it all over the border, just like that for some stupid calories you didn't want to have in your body, but you knew he was already worried and suspicious of you, so rejecting his offer would just bring more attention to the topic, so you agreed “Sure! What do you want?” you said hoping to sound convincing, but failing miserably.

Toms POV:

When I came in the kitchen, I looked at y/n/n and actually took notice of the weight she had lost and her pale face. I realized that what I'd been pushing to the bottom of my mind, might actually be a problem. I had started to notice how y/n/n skipped meals but she always gave a convincing excuse, so I convinced myself to not look through it, I also notice how when we had a meal together, she would cut her food in tiny pieces and play around with it, and only eat a portion of it, also that when she was “done” she would drink a lot of water and go to the bathroom immediately. And her intense workouts as well, after what Harry told me, I started to put the pieces together and realized that what I feared might be the situation here, no matter how much I want it to be a piece of my imagination, I fear that y/n might have and eating disorder, but I won’t make any serious accusations until I’m 100% sure. That's why after a little bit of talking with her, I managed to make her get breakfast with me, “Sure! What do you want?” she told me in what I guess was a miserable try of sounding excited, “Ummm, we should make pancakes! Yeah, pancakes will be.” I said trying to lighten the tension that was in the room “Su-sure” she answered but the stutter on her voice, I could tell she was nervous about something. “I'm gonna go tell the others we are making pancakes for breakfast” I said before leaving to tell the others.

3rd persons POV:

After a while of cooking, you and Tom placed the pancakes on the table and called everyone to eat.

Everyone was sitting down and eating but you couldn't get the voice in your mind to shut up and at least let you enjoy one meal with your boyfriend and his family. That's when you noticed Tom and Harry were looking at you at times with worry in their eyes, so you started to eat to get any suspicion away from you, but it was too late for that.

y/n POV:

Every time you took a bite of your food your mind was going crazy and your intrusive thoughts were kicking your ass.

Why are you eating You are SO fat how can you be eating You don't deserve food If you get fat, Tom is gonna leave you If you get fat, no one is going to love you Correction, no one loves you You are a piece of crap You look like a fucking whale, WHY ARE YOU EATING?!?!!

You don’t know how much time passed but Nikkie and Dom had already gotten up from the table and you could feel tears welling up my eyes and one or two down my cheeks I quickly cleaned them from my cheeks in hopes no one saw them but Tom noticed them just that he decided to not say anything until we were alone. So after finishing my pancakes to not bring up suspicion I decided it was time to go to the bathroom and get rid of my guilt. Before going I drank water and excused myself “Be right back” but what I wasn’t expecting was for Tom to start making questions, “Where are you going y/n/n” “Oh, I’m going to the bathroom” “Why do you always go to the bathroom after eating?” I started to get really nervous and think, why was he asking so many questions, I knew I needed to get out of here ASAP, “Dunno, guess you just gotta go when you gotta go.”

After telling him that, I sprinted as fast as I could to the bathroom, but I was in such a rush that I forgot to lock the door. I got on my knees in front of the toilet and stuck my fingers in my throat until I started to feel everything coming out. My mind was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear Tom walk in the hallway or get into the bathroom, but the next thing I felt was a pair of arms embracing me in a hug and stroking my hair in a comforting way.

Toms POV:

After y/n/n got up from the table I had a gut feeling I had to follow her, I don't know what it was, I don’t know if it was the way she said it or the look on her eyes, but I knew something was going on. After maybe 2 minutes, I got up and followed her to the bathroom but when I got to the hallway I heard it. I started to hear muffled sobs and gagging and I instantly knew what was going on. I got to the door to open and noticed it was unlocked, which surprised me because I thought it would be locked. When I got in, I froze, seeing y/n/n so vulnerable and in this situation, it just made me want to hold her near me and never let her go and tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she is, also to tell her that everything is alright and that I’ll never leave her, I just wanted to hold her and stay like that forever.

I ran to her and kneeled next to her and held her in my arms, by the shock in her face, I could guess she didn’t hear me come in so I started to struck her hair to try and comfort her and the instant I did that, she started to sob.

y/n POV:

I started to sob into Toms arms and couldn't help but think that he was going to hate me or leave me so I started to apologize, “I-I-I-m so so-sorry T-T-Tom, I didn’t mean for it to get to this,” “Im s-s-sorry”

After that I left a muffled cry out since now my face was facing his chest. He said something but in between my cries I didn't understand it.

How could you forget the lock of the door!

You are so stupid, his gonna leave you

You are so disgusting

He probably thinks you are a waste of time or a lost cause

How could you expose yourself like this

I HATE YOU

I couldn’t stop the voices in my head. I just wanted to turn them off, I just wanted to scream. This only made me cry harder into Tom and he continued comforting me without saying a word until I calmed down a little, when I was able to slow my cries I decided to speak, “Tommy, please help me, turn the voices off, j-j-just please h-h-he-help me please”

Toms POV:

After y/n/n cried in my chest for some time while I tried to comfort her, she said something that broke my heart, “I-I-I-m so so-sorry T-T-Tom, I didn’t mean for it to get to this,” “Im s-s-sorry” she sounded in so much pain and I just wanted to take it all and make her stop feeling it, I couldn't see her like that, it broke my heart, so I responded “It’s okay baby, everything will be alright, i promise princess” I don’t think she heard me cause she didn’t say anything after, but at this point I started to feel the tears well up in my eyes so I just hugged her and let her cry as long as she needed in my chest.

After a while, she spoke again and what she said made me shed some tears because I just wanted to make it better, but i didn't know how, but I knew I would do everything I could to make it better, “Tommy, please help me, turn the voices off, j-j-just please h-h-he-help me please” to that I responded feeling a lump in my throat, trying to make the words that came out of my mouth as steady as I could, but not achieving it completely, “Everything is going to be alright baby, I promise, I'm not gonna let you alone, I’ll be with you through every step of the way, I promise everything will be alright princess”

After that pulled her into my lap and held her until she fell asleep from the crying, while I was holding her, I noticed how small and innocent she looked and i realized that I loved her so much that I would do everything to get her back to health and happiness, and I would turn off the voices that kept tormenting her mind, she was my baby and I wouldn't give up on her nor let her go.

MASTERLIST

#tom holland #harry holland #sad #fluff #comfort #boyfriend tom holland #sweet tom holland #mental illness #menatl health #get help #you are worthy #love you #eating disorder #tom holland and eating disorder

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miastideclock · 4 years

Text

Yang Jeongin Drabble, “Inside Beauty.”

@jhopesdimples hello! im a new skz and bts blog and i found yours and have been reading all ur skz stuff at the moment. can i request a jeongin drabble where the reader is insecure about being older and slightly bigger than him? preferably filled with angst but a happy ending? it’s okay if not! keep writing it’s so good! 💖

Word Count: 1790 Warnings: Eating disorder, but not really??? I don’t know, but just in case it might be triggering, sorry

It had been a long day, and you were happy that you could spend the rest of the day hanging out with your boyfriend and your friends. More often than not you found yourself at the Stray Kids dorm, hanging out with the boys and having fun. That was how you ended up falling for Jeongin, and luckily- he returned the favor.

After months of begging to management, they finally lifted the dating ban for the group, making all of them go over the moon. That included you, as that meant you could go public with Jeongin, the love of your life.

You knew you weren’t perfect, but Jeongin loved you despite that, and that made you fall for him even more.

It was no secret that you were on the heavier side, and it probably didn’t help that you were also taller than him. But when you were with Jeongin, you instantly forgot all of that. Or at least until Jeongin’s leader, Chan, got a girlfriend for himself.

She was two years younger than him, about five inches shorter than him, and easing in on the skinny side. She was super nice, and never did you any harm, but she made you think.

“Would Jeongin prefer it if I was like her? Younger, shorter and all around smaller?” But everytime the thought crossed your mind, you forced it out. He loved you like you were, and nothing could change that. But still, you found yourself thinking whenever you were at the dorm.

“Come sit on my lap.” “Let me give you a piggyback ride!” “You’re so tiny and cute!”

Things you heard on a daily basis, but they were never to you. It was Chan talking to his girlfriend, Lacey. They were super cute together, you had to admit- but it got a bit frustrating at times, always comparing yourself to her.

After a while, you found yourself skipping meals, and walking the long way to work. You would suggest going for walks rather than watching movies like you always did. Jeongin didn’t notice it at first, and much like a puppy-dog was just excited to spend time with you, whether it was on the couch or going for a walk. He did however, notice when your mood had dropped over the last few weeks. At first he connected it to stress at work, and figured you would talk to him if you needed to- that much he trusted you on. But when you never spoke about it, and you never got any happier, he got concerned.

You were on a walk the first time Jeongin asked.

“Y/N, are you okay?”

It had caught you off guard as he had cut himself off to ask you. You had originally talked about his upcoming schedule, but he figured work talk could wait until later.

“Yeah, I’m good! Why’re you asking?” You lied through your teeth. You weren’t okay, but you couldn’t tell him. He wouldn’t understand. He had hundred of thousands of girl confessing their undying love for him every single day. They praised him like a god, kept telling him he was perfect just the way he was and that he should never change. He could never understand the feeling of not being good enough.

“Just wondering. Maybe my Spidey-senses are off.” He chuckled and continued to swing your hand back and forth as you walked through the park.

Another week passed before the topic came up again. You were sleeping over at the dorm as they had nothing scheduled for the next morning, however, you found yourself wide awake at two am. You had tried to force your eyes shut for the past three hours, but to no avail. You eventually gave up and made your way to the kitchen, careful not to wake up your boyfriend, who was sleeping soundly next to you.

You wanted to make yourself a cup of hot tea to maybe soothe you into sleep, but you forgot where they kept the kettle. After looking through about seventy-five percent of the cupboards, you heard footsteps creep up behind you. You turned around and met the face of a might confused and sleepy Lacey. Chan’s girlfriend.

“Hey, sorry. Did I wake you?” You asked in a whisper, her quickly shaking her head.

“Oh don’t worry! I was looking to make myself some tea. I assume that’s what you’re doing as well?” She spoke, a smile prominent on her lips.

Lacey was one of the sweetest girls you had ever met, which made the situation even more annoying- because god knows you wanted to dislike her. Dislike her for making you doubt yourself, and even worse- making you doubt Jeongin.

“Yeah, but I forgot where they keep the kettle.” You smiled sheepishly. Lacey chuckled and opened one of the cupboards you had already looked through. “I don’t know why they feel the need to hide it, like if they’re getting robbed, I hardly think this will be the first thing they’d steal.” She snickered and pulled the kettle out from the very back.

Silence overcame you as she filled it with water and plugged it into the wall. The soft sound of silence blended well with the heating water, it eventually coming to a boil.

“Would you like milk or sugar?” You asked as you prepared two cups, each with a teabag. You had silently assigned each task, as Lacey watched the kettle and you grabbed the tea.

“I actually have it with a teaspoon of honey! You have to try it, it’s so yummy.” She beamed, grabbing the honey that was sat on the counter. You nodded and let her put the honey in each of the cups before pouring in the boiling water.

After you had cleared away the equipment and the things you had used, you both grabbed your respected cups and headed to the living room, sitting down on the couch before kick-starting another conversation.

“I know we don’t know each other all that well, but maybe it even helps that we’re borderline strangers. Are you alright these days? I’m so sorry if I come off as intrusive, it’s just that the boys have talked about you acting a bit off lately, and they don’t really know how to go about it.” Lacey spoke in her soft voice, a bit of an accent shining though, but you couldn’t place it.

Her words hit you harder than you had originally anticipated, making tears burn at the brim of your eyes.

“I don’t know, Lacey.” Your voice broke and you quickly shifted your gaze from her down to your cup of steaming tea. You weren’t okay, and you knew that. You hadn’t been okay for a while. At first, you thought your insecurities had just been an inconvenience, and nothing more. But as time went by, you found it eating you up from the inside. No matter what it was, you always thought about how you looked, especially compared to Jeongin, and how you were scared to talk to him about it.

So that was exactly what you told Lacey. And before you knew it, you were crying, as was she when she confessed her own insecurities and issues. It ended up with both of you having to put down your cups on the table, because you were both crying and shaking.

“I know exactly what you’re feeling, babe. Every single day, we have to look at all of those beautiful fans and its only natural for us to compare ourselves! But I do know one thing. Jeongin loves you just as much as you love him, maybe even more. And yes those fans are beautiful- but as are you. So talk to him, maybe he’ll understand.” Lacey finally spoke after you both had controlled your breathing.

You gave her a hug, and decided it was better to do it now, despite the fact that it was almost four am. If you didn’t do it now, who knows when you’d muster up the courage to do it.

Sneaking back into his room, you closed the door carefully behind you, then made your way over to the bed. Sitting down on the edge you carefully shook his body. “Babe, Jeongin? I need to talk to you.”

He quickly stirred awake, confused and tired. “What’s going on? Y/N, are you okay?” He suddenly came to it, scared for your wellbeing.

“Actually, I’m not, and that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I know you asked me a few times last week if I was doing okay, and I lied. I haven’t been doing good for a while. It was like everything hit me all at once, and I don’t know what to say. It’s no secret I’m bigger than you, and that’s never bothered me until recently. I keep seeing all of your beautiful fans, and I keep thinking ‘wow, he has a lot of options. I wonder how long it’ll take before he find someone prettier and better than me. I feel like just a detail in your picture, you know?” You were crying again at this point, and Jeongin looked at you with all the sorrow in the world as he held your hand and listened to you.

He would never have guessed that was why you had been upset. You always carried yourself with such grace and confidence, it made him swoon.

“Y/N, baby. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You know something like that will never happen. Sure, we have pretty fans, but they are nothing compared to you. You are my everything, and even though you are the most breathtaking person I have ever seen, it’s not that that made me fall in love with you. It’s your inside beauty. Your inside beauty shines through your whole self, making you stand out. Not like the flower-crown in a boy’s hair, or the diamonds around a woman’s neck. You are stunning, and so much more than just a detail, you are the picture. You are the view. You can easily be compared to a sunset, or the starry sky a late night, but you are so much more than that too. Both outside and inside beauty like yours is so much rarer than that. You are the northern lights people travel long and far to see. You Y/N, you are unique in the best possible way.”

You were sobbing, to say the least. Jeongin had even shed a few tears, heartbroken that his baby was hurting. He then quickly pulled you into a hug, holding you tight as you both cried, no longer sad tears, but happy ones.

You couldn’t believe how insanely lucky you were to have someone like him in your life, and that you could call him yours.

“I love you.”

I really hope you like it!

Feel free to request more!!

-bentley

#kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop one shot #kpop requests #kpop drabble #stray kids #stray kids reactions #stray kids requests #stray kids scenarios #stray kids one shots #stray kids drabbles #stray kids i.n #yang jeongin #stray kids jeongin #skz #skz player

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inthedayswhenlandswerefew · 3 years

Text

Eccentricity [Chapter 10: Stay, I Need To Be Myself]

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the fluffy times while they lasted. 😉

Series Summary: Joe Mazzello is a nice guy with a weird family. A VERY weird family. They have a secret, and you have a choice to make. Potentially a better love story than Twilight.

Chapter Title Is A Lyric From: “Where Were You When The Sky Opened Up” by The Dangerous Summer.

Chapter Warnings: Language, sexual references (not graphic), angstttttttttt.

Word Count: 6k.

Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii @bramblesforbreakfast @maggieroseevans @culturefiendtrashqueen @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark @escabell @im-an-adult-ish @queenlover05 @someforeigntragedy @imtheinvisiblequeen @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhyee @deacyblues @tensecondvacation @brianssixpence @some-major-ishues @haileymorelikestupid @youngpastafanmug @simonedk

Uninvited

“Hey, it’s our song!” Joe turned up the radio as he steered his Subaru down the Lees’ cobblestone driveway and into a parking spot facing the woods. We’d been back from Chicago for a full week now, and—with the notable exceptions of classes and the early morning hours when Joe soundlessly crept out of my bedroom window—were very rarely apart.

“And I would do anything for love

I’d run right into hell and back

I would do anything for love

I’d never lie to you and that's a fact.”

“Uh, this is not our song,” I objected, the soles of my shoes propped against the dashboard. “I was not consulted. A couple’s official song cannot be a unilateral decision.”

“But I'll never forget the way you feel right now

Oh no, no way

And I would do anything for love

Oh I would do anything for love

I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that

No, I won’t do that.”

“Oh okay, what are you, the relationship police? Alright, Chief Baby Swan, let’s hear your brilliant suggestion. Wait, let me guess. Something by The Killers. Vampire Weekend. My Bloody Valentine. Is there a band called Chipotle Veggie Bowl?”

“Never Gonna Give You Up?” I suggested.

He laughed, dragging me over the center console and into his lap. “Oh, you are the worst!”

I straddled him in the driver’s seat, cupped his face in my palms, giggled as I touched my lips to his, soft and cool and lithe and inviting. When I broke the kiss, Joe pulled me back in, knotting his fingers through my hair. The way my thighs fit perfectly around him; that sharp, instinctual, now so familiar ache of longing. “I want you,” I breathed.

He pretended to be scandalized. “Right now? At this exact moment? In my parents’ driveway?”

“Yeah,” I confessed.

He grinned, unbuckling his belt. “Okay.”

“Really?!”

“Yes. I’ve lost all sense of decency. I’m an animal. You’ve absolutely ruined me.” His hands travelled beneath my U Chicago sweatshirt and tore it over my head. Yes, he had converted me to Chicago apparel. It was very embarrassing. Let’s move on.

“I’m sorry,” I moaned softly. I lied. I wasn’t sorry at all.

“I think we might need to get our own place.”

“Why?”

“Because I love the way you ruin me. And I want you to do it...” He went on, kissing me after each word: “All. The. Fucking. Time.”

I yanked off his Cubs t-shirt in one vicious tug. “We’re okay out here?” I didn’t really care; I should have, I was aware of that. But I didn’t. The Lees, most likely, would not call my dad to report us for public indecency. I could imagine Scarlett’s voice in my head, warm with approval: Get it, girl.

“Totally. And we’re far enough away from the house, Rami shouldn’t be able to hear us.” Joe nipped lightly down the side of my neck: carefully, always so carefully.

“He’d only get your side of things anyway.”

“Well yeah, that’s what I’m worried about! Your thoughts wouldn’t be so intrusive. I don’t care if he knows I’m a fantastic lay.”

“Oh, are you?” I teased, grinding my hips against him. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Joe smiled as he unbuttoned my jeans, deliciously slowly. “Well let me...just...refresh your...memory...”

I kissed him, roughly and deeply, arching into him, biting his lower lip. Yes, yes, yes...

Joe pulled away, still smiling but blinking and dazed. “Wow, all the sudden I feel...like...really calm.”

“Thanks...?” A week of almost constant sex might do that to a person. Sure, maybe, what did I know? My lips found his again. My hand skated down his bare stomach and into the waistband of his boxers. Joe began to help me peel off my jeans; then he stopped.

“Wait wait wait, I know this feeling.” Joe lifted me off of him and pushed me back into the passenger’s seat, gently but stubbornly. I tried not to be offended.

“What—?”

“Shhh.” He grabbed the headrest of my seat and twisted around to peer out of the rear windshield. I followed his gaze. There was a new car in the driveway, parked up by the front porch: an anonymous black Honda Civic. The plate said California. It was probably a rental. “Oh fuck,” Joe whispered. His eyes were enormous, glassy, horrified.

“What is it?”

“Stay here.” He threw on his Cubs t-shirt, zipped his pants, fastened his belt. “Stay down, stay quiet. And no matter what happens do not get out of this car, do you understand me?”

“Joe, why—?”

“Do you understand me?” His voice was low but severe, so incredibly unlike him; his dark eyes were flinty. Just like that night with the apples in Mercy’s kitchen, that night when Ben almost...

“I understand,” I heard myself reply.

“Good.” Joe climbed out of the Subaru—smoothing his shirt and then his tousled hair—and rushed over to intercept the unsolicited guest. I peeked around my headrest to watch, my right palm braced against the center console, that feverish lust that had been rushing through my bloodstream gradually weakening, perishing, vanishing like seawater baked from the sand under a rising sun.

The stranger stepped out of the Honda Civic, and although I knew his face, it took me a moment to place him. It was like—I could only imagine, having never been myself—a child stumbling into their movie heroines and beloved stuffed animals come to life during their first trip to Disneyland, amazed and yet somehow gut-twistingly uneasy as they gawked up at that grotesquely inflated cartoon face, that mask of lipstick and rouge that didn’t quite match their recollections, that dreamlike mirage plucked from pages or screens and impelled into a physical form that suddenly swallowed up space and gravity and oxygen. I had seen this stranger before in the massive painting that adorned Gwilym Lee’s upstairs office.

Cato.

He was very tall and very beautiful, classically beautiful, Ben-level beautiful. Joe often jokingly referred to him as Idris Elba within the Lee household, and a mid-thirties version of Idris Elba was just about right. He wore an immaculately tailored grey suit and aviator sunglasses, which he removed to greet Joe, folding and then sliding them smoothly into the front pocket of his suit jacket. His face was solemn and observant; he had a closely-trimmed beard without a fleck of silver. He extended a hand, which Joe shook.

“Hey, Cato!” I heard Joe say, muffled through the walls of the Subaru. I couldn’t make out Cato’s replies; his voice sounded deep, rumbling, extremely level. “So nice of you to stop by! I didn’t know you were in town. Yeah, everyone’s doing great. Even Ben. Hahaha, yeah, you know how he is. You know exactly how he is. But it’s all good. Well look, I’m just gonna go run a friend home and then I’ll be back in fifteen, maybe twenty minutes and we can all chat. Okay? Awesome. Feel free to head inside, I’m sure Mercy would be thrilled to play hostess. There’s sweet tea in the fridge and a hummingbird cake on the counter and...oh, something else too...some weird type of cookies she baked this morning. Help yourself. I’ll be back before you can say ‘tyrannical vampire murder cult.’”

“Tyrannical vampire murder cult,” it looked like Cato replied without a hint of a smile. But he wasn’t paying attention to Joe anymore. His eyes had found the Subaru, and then me; he was staring with that intense, seeking bewilderment that reminded me of Rami and Lucy and Ben when I’d first met them, when they were still trying to puzzle out why my mind (and my mind alone) was a night-draped, silent ocean of the unknown.

He's trying to read me, I realized. He’s trying to read me and he can’t.

Joe was jogging back to the Subaru now. At last, Cato turned away from me and headed into the house. The carved pumpkins from Weber’s Farm still lined the front porch: Scarlett’s Thunderbird, Archer’s Vantage, Rami’s swooping bat, Lucy’s moon and stars, Joe’s moustached jack-o-lantern, my (but actually Gwil’s) snapshot under the sea, Ben’s miniature Lee residence complete with the winding cobblestone driveway. Joe swept into the driver’s seat, adjusted his rearview mirror, and spun out of the parking spot.

“Goddammit,” he hissed as we barreled down the driveway.

“Why is Cato here?”

“I have no idea.” Joe looked straight ahead as he drove, preoccupied, consumed with possibilities. His fingers drummed the steering wheel. “We have to pay dues to them, all the covens do. Gwil cuts a check. But that’s not until around the New Year. That’s almost always when Cato stops by. Collects the payment, interrogates us in a way that masquerades as conversation, hangs around town for a few days, reports back whatever we’re up to...which usually isn’t much. Holidays with the extended family, gotta love it. I don’t know why he would be here now.” Joe shook his head. “Maybe something to do with Ben. It would have to be Ben. There’s no other reason.”

“And you don’t want him to know about me.”

“No, I don’t.”

“But...Cato isn’t all that dangerous,” I said, not understanding. “Is he?”

“Not alone, no. But the people he works for are.” Joe sighed, glancing over at me as he drove, serious and sorry and sad. “There’s a lot of violence in my world. A lot of darkness. I’ve tried to protect you from that as much as possible. And maybe I’ve done too good a job, maybe it’s too easy for you to forget what we really are. Most vampires aren’t like Gwil’s coven. They’re not like me. They kill easily and unrepentantly. And I don’t want any of them knowing that you exist, that you’re a weakness of ours. I want them to know as little about you as physically possible.”

“A weakness,” I repeated. I didn’t like that.

He smiled faintly. “It’s a compliment to be somebody’s weakness, Baby Swan.”

“I guess so.” The towering pine trees whipped by in a verdant blur. The sky above was thick and grey and churning. “You’ll be okay, right? Ben will be okay?”

Joe seemed to find that amusing, ridiculous even. “You don’t need to worry about us.”

“But I still do.”

“We’ll work it out, whatever it is. Cato is a reasonable guy. And Ben is definitely capable of...well. Advocating for himself.”

Capable of unparalleled carnage, he means. The memory of the first day I’d met Ben hit me like a hurled stone, illuminated my mind like a pulsing neon sign: the coiled tension in his muscles, that mindless, animalistic hatred in his eyes. Yes, he must be quite the monster when he wants to be. But he didn’t want to be anymore. I knew that completely, unquestioningly.

Joe pulled into Charlie’s driveway. The police car was gone; my 1999 Honda Accord and Charlie’s Toyota Corolla rested idly side by side. My dad would be working late tonight, until eight or nine at least. A pang of loneliness struck in my gut, just beneath the ribs; I had grown so accustomed to the absence of solitude, of quiet. The silence suddenly felt so loud.

“Don’t let it ruin your night,” Joe said as I got out of the Subaru. His words were affectionate; but his voice was still distracted, distant. “Don’t let it bother you. Everything will be fine, I promise. And as soon as Cato’s gone, everything will go back to the way it should be.”

“Okay,” I replied, not feeling very comforted at all. I don’t like the way he pushed me off him when he saw the car. The way he’s barely looked at me since. The way he called me a weakness.

Joe was already checking his mirrors, preparing to leave.

“Hey. Mob guy.” I leaned into the rolled-down window. “I love you.”

And the grin lit up Joe’s face like the sun. He crawled across the passenger’s seat, drew me into him by the collar of my brand new U Chicago hoodie, kissed me until that wild, interrupted desire was flaring up again in my arteries and nerve endings and everywhere else. The thunderous clouds in my skull split open. Everything’s still okay. It really is. “I love you to death. And then back again.” He retreated and shifted the Subaru into reverse. “I’ll see you soon. But maybe not too soon, I might be tied up with this family thing for a while. Don’t wait up tonight.”

“No problem. I’ll just call one of my other monster boyfriends to keep me company. The werewolf should be free. It’s not a full moon, is it?”

“No bestiality,” Joe retorted sternly. “That’s illegal, ma’am.”

I smiled and waved as the Subaru swerved out of the driveway and disappeared. Everything’s okay, I told myself, standing in the front yard under darkening skies. Everything will be okay.

And I kept telling myself that, again and again like Hail Marys, until I was dozing off in my bed alone six hours later.

Hit It And Quit It

I dreamed of the beach at La Push—my toes wriggling beneath the cold sand, the ricocheting cries of seagulls, the primordial growl of the frothing waves—and woke up with the ghost of saltwater in my sinuses. I grabbed my iPhone off the nightstand. Two new texts: one from Archer—Hey would it be distasteful or hilarious to dress up as Dracula for the Lee Halloween party? Asking for a friend.—and one from Jessica asking if she could copy my Marine Botany homework. Absolutely nothing from Joe.

When was the last time I didn’t have a text from Joe waiting for me in the morning? I struggled to remember, my mind still foggy with snippets of dreams. A week? Two weeks? A month? It felt like forever.

I tapped out a text to Joe with my clumsy, just-waking-up thumbs: I am resolved. No more nights with my werewolf boyfriend. Dude scratched the hell out of me and then barked at the mailman. Had to drop him off at the SPCA for neutering. See you soon! xxxx

I tried not to obsessively check my phone as I showered, got dressed, gathered my textbooks and notepads and pens. And yet still, I noticed: Joe didn’t text me back.

The rain poured from a grey sky all through my drive to Calawah University, Marine Botany class with Jessica, our frantic dash across campus beneath her hot pink umbrella to Forks And Spoons. My human friends had custody of me during lunchtime today. Angela was studying for a Computer Science quiz, Eric working on an article for the Calawah Chatterbox, Mike histrionically lamenting a sprained ankle coming just on the cusp of basketball season. Jessica bought me a chocolate chip muffin as thanks for texting her a picture of our Marine Botany homework this morning. Ah, the sweet taste of academic dishonesty.

I was relieved—more than I would have liked to admit—that all five Lees were at their usual lunch table, looking worn and tired but normal enough. Ben was hiding behind a pair of sunglasses and his black U Chicago hoodie that Joe and I had bought for him last weekend, sipping steaming tea out of a mug that he gripped with both hands. Scarlett flipped moodily through an astrophysics textbook. Rami repeatedly tapped the tabletop with a pen while Lucy knitted a lavender sweater, never raising her eyes from the jumble of yarn in her lap. They all murmured to each other in low, furtive voices, their mouths barely moving. Joe gave me a wave and a drawn smile; but only after I waved first.

Angela was now scolding Jessica for her lack of moral integrity.

Jess rolled her eyes, gnawing on a chicken finger that was burned black around the edges. “I’m here ostensibly to become an anthropologist and in actuality to find a hot rich husband, not to learn how to identify like sixty different types of algae.”

“Then why even take Marine Botany?” Angela asked, confounded.

“Calawah University forces every student to take at least two science classes, even if you’re a humanities major. Because they’re fucking fascists.”

“Oh, fascists, a big word for you!” I congratulated Jessica, patting her shoulder before returning my attention to my homemade veggie quesadilla and leftover slice of Mercy’s hummingbird cake. I was getting so good at this eating respectable meals thing. Joe would be proud.

Angela chuckled. “How’s that finding a husband thing going, by the way?”

“Awfully,” Jessica sighed. “I had this really promising flirtationship going with a frat boy in my Indigenous Peoples of the Arctic class. Ellsworth Jonathan Griffin, gorgeous blue eyes, blond man bun, his dad is a partner at a corporate law firm in Los Angeles. That’s the stuff dreams are made of. But I’m pretty sure he dropped out because I haven’t seen him in a few days. Also he would bring Absolut vodka to class in an Aquafina bottle.”

“You can probably do better,” I said.

“Well we can’t all end up with Lee boys, now can we?” Jess snapped irritably.

When it was time to depart for our afternoon classes, I met Joe in the doorway of Forks And Spoons, linked my fingers around the back of his neck, tugged at his dark, auburn-tinted hair.

“You okay, mob guy? You seem a little...” Exhausted? Edgy? Sad? “...Distracted.”

“I’m good. I’m great.” He kissed me briefly, fleetingly. No big deal; after all, we were in public. Right? “Are you cool to hang out later?”

“Absolutely. Can we go to La Push if it stops raining? I know it’ll be cold, but I woke up with the beach on my mind and haven’t been able get it out all day.”

“You got it. Can I meet you there? I have to take care of a few things first. Have to, uh, hunt.”

I stared up at him, feeling my stomach drop, feeling rapidly and jarringly off-kilter. Joe rarely mentioned hunting around me...not in a serious way, at least. It was one of those things that knocked me out of the fantasy of how compatible we were, how possible. It was a reminder of all those interminable differences that lived in the hushed space between us. “Okay.”

“I’ll...I’ll explain everything then. At La Push.”

“Okay,” I said again, very uncleverly. What’s going on here? What exactly did Cato say?

Joe smirked; finally a flash of playfulness, that contagious light he was built of. He smoothed my hair with one feather-light stroke of his hand, touched his lips to my forehead. “Don’t be late to Chemistry. I can’t have you failing out.”

“Of course not. How would I be able to get my Marine Biology PhD from U Chicago?”

But Joe didn’t laugh, didn’t even smile; he just left.

Ben was hunched over our table in Professor Belvin’s classroom, his arms encircling his notebook, the pen in his hand scribbling frenziedly. The window was wide open; the rain outside had weakened to a docile drizzle. He was still wearing his sunglasses. He didn’t acknowledge me at all.

“Rough night?” I asked, sliding into the seat beside him.

“Yeah.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“I definitely do not.”

“I’m sorry,” I told him. Ben glanced up, his thick eyebrows raised; they peaked just above the rims of his opaque sunglasses. “Whatever it is, I’m sorry.”

For a long time, Ben just looked at me; maybe wanting to say something, maybe just feeling that decorum necessitated it. “You shouldn’t be,” he replied at last. And he spent the rest of class paying no attention whatsoever to Professor Belvin’s lecture on the Pauli exclusion principle and instead scrawling untidy Welsh phrases into the formerly pristine pages of his notebook.

It was just after 5 p.m. when I arrived at La Push, the tires of my 1999 Honda Accord crunching over the gravel of the small parking area, the wind whipping ferociously. Joe had gotten there first; he was sitting on a rock down by the water with his back to me, peering out over the Pacific Ocean, tossing pebbles and shells into the waves. We had an hour of daylight left. The sky was obscure, grey, dim. Fine droplets of rain like mist sailed through the biting autumn air and clung to my skin.

When Joe spotted me, he leapt off the rock and watched me approach with his hands in the pockets of his North Face jacket. He wasn’t wearing anything Chicago-related today, which was highly unusual. I waited for him to touch me, to hold me, to tell me that everything was okay and always would be...at least for the next ten to fifteen years. He didn’t. “Hey,” he said instead.

“Hi.”

Joe nodded down the beach. “Let’s walk.”

I have never been especially good at mundane, monotonous rambling. That’s a Scorpio thing. And yet monotonous rambling is exactly what I did: I prattled on about my classes, Charlie’s bowling league, Renee’s new life in Florida with Paul, the ocean, the weather, anything to fill that space between us that all at once felt so enormously significant. I was vaguely aware that I was afraid to stop talking; I didn’t want Joe to have the chance to say whatever was on his mind.

Finally, Joe stopped walking. He took my hand, ran his thumb over the faint scar from when I accidentally cut myself in Mercy’s kitchen. His shoes sank into the wet sand, left imprints there like fingerprints. He turned to face me, pained, grave, and oh god, far worse: guilty.

“What?” I asked, terror swelling in my lungs, my bones, some inborn warning of impending ruin.

Joe gazed out over the crashing sea, then came back to me, like a dislocated joint popping back into place. “I am so sorry.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I...” He spoke slowly, haltingly. “I thought that this was something that was doable. But I was wrong.”

“What...?” And then a possibility occurred to me, a glorious possibility. Of course. A grin erupted across my face. “This is a joke, right? You’re joking, you’re always joking, this is just—”

He shook his head. He wasn’t joking. I wrenched my hand out of his and stared up at him in furious disbelief.

“It’s not fair to you,” Joe said. “This thing, being with someone like me. I can’t give you a future. I can’t give you an uncomplicated existence. I mean, come on, you have to worry about getting murdered around my own family—”

“Do you have fucking amnesia?” I demanded, incredulous. “Joe, we just talked about this. We just made plans to move to Chicago after graduation, we agreed that it was what we both wanted. I don’t want a normal human boyfriend. I don’t want normal human in-laws. I want you, Joe, and Ben, and Mercy and Gwil, and Rami and Lucy and Scarlett, I want the whole ridiculous Lee family package and there’s nothing you could say to make me decide that this isn’t worth it.”

“Look—”

“No, something happened, right? Something happened with Cato, or Ben, or someone, something happened and now you think that you have to do this but I’m telling you that whatever it is we can figure it out, we can figure it out together, isn’t that what you promised me?” He said he wouldn’t leave. He promised me he wouldn’t leave. All those things...all those things he said...

“Listen.” And now his eyes were stony. He didn’t call me Baby Swan. Oh, this is bad. This is so bad. “It’s not fair to me either.”

“And that’s what this is really about,” I realized. My voice was abruptly fierce, caustic. All those other women; those beautiful, graceful, immortal women. How did I ever think I could compare?

“It’s not personal.”

“It’s the most personal thing there is, Joe, it’s pasts and futures and love—”

“It’s not though.” He smiled, just barely. “Maybe we thought it was, but it’s not.”

It hit me like a brick, like a bullet; I couldn’t catch my breath. I was drowning in thin air, like a sawfish, like a shark. “Well I’m glad you figured that out on your own fucking schedule.”

“This was my fault,” he said. “All of it. And I am so profoundly sorry for the pain I’ve caused you, and I take full responsibility for it. I hope you’re able to move on knowing that there’s nothing you could have done differently. These are just the realities of my world. You’re better off in your own. And you’re going to make someone very happy someday.”

It's all so empty, so excruciatingly generic. “You’re a monster,” I seethed at him, tears stinging in my eyes.

“Yes,” Joe agreed softly.

“I hate you.” I wasn’t sure if I meant that, but I still said it. Maybe I could will it into being true, like how people find God after a particularly grim diagnosis; there’s no harm in trying to make it real. There’s nothing left to lose.

“That would be more than fair, given the circumstances,” he said. “I won’t bother you again. I’ll ask you to do the same for me.”

“Sure.” Tears were streaming down my cheeks now; my breaths were ragged, hitching. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from him.

A shadow of concern crossed his face, the first one I had noticed since yesterday afternoon. “If you need someone to drive you home, I’d be happy to—”

“I’d literally rather die.” And I left Joseph Francis Mazzello standing on the beach with the twilight wind in his hair and the sun setting behind him like time slipping through an hourglass.

I fled to my Honda, turned the keys in the ignition, covered my face with my hands and wept in raw, heaving shudders as Hungry Like The Wolf played from the mixtape that Joe had left in my cassette player. I ejected the mixtape, rolled down my window, tossed it out onto the rain-slick gravel. I couldn’t stand the thought of going home. Charlie would be at work until late tonight; Joe would never set foot in the house again.

I have to go somewhere. I can’t just sit in that goddamn bedroom. I can’t be alone.

I wheeled my car onto the main road and drove until I came to an unceremonious mechanic’s garage with a fractured concrete floor and cracks like spider legs across the windows. When I stepped out of my Honda, Archer raced over to meet me, beaming and wiping his hands clean with an oil rag.

“Hey, you know you’re not allowed to come here unless you bring Taco Bell with you...” Then he saw me, he really saw me. “Whoa, what—?”

And Archer caught me as I collapsed into his arms, sobs ripping through my throat like fangs.

Benjamin, 24 Hours Earlier

It was bad. Whatever this was, it was bad.

I knew because Rami could read Cato, and I could read Rami; the hazy wisps of color that unfurled from him were a hectic, wrestling electric blue: distress, grief, anxiety, denial. Cato’s own aura had always been rather unforthcoming—he tended towards deep, mellow greens and purples of congruence and contemplation—and forever tinted with an opalescent quality that spread like wildfire to the people around him, the people who were under his influence, that intangible calming and harmonizing effect, that irrational sense of wellbeing. Everyone in the room had that faint opalescence shimmering around them now, even Rami, whose unspoken turmoil remained a roiling rather than a storm. And I thought—not for the first time—that if Larkin was a spade that hollowed you out, scraped along the jagged snags of your split bones to empty you of any ambitions and loyalties that had come before, then Cato was the anesthetic that made the mangling go down smoother, the promise that you would someday still catch glimpses of innocence. Larkin was a purger, a purifier; Cato made you believe again.

There were pitchers of sweet tea and a heaping tray of butter pecan cookies on the living room coffee table. Cato sat on the neat white sofa, one leg crossed over the other, stoic, waiting. Rami stared vacantly from the loveseat; Lucy was beside him, her delicate bare feet tucked beneath her and her fingers laced through Rami’s, her brow knit into grooves of worry. Scarlett was next to me on the largest couch, her boots propped up on the edge of the coffee table, her hair in a long French braid, periodically cracking her knuckles. It was nearly the only sound. Mercy bustled around the room gifting everyone tall chilled glasses of sweet tea; Gwil stood by the virtual fireplace on the big-screen tv, his hands in his pockets, his lips pressed into a rigid line.

The front door opened, and Joe stepped inside, his car keys rattling in his fist. For as long as I’d known him, his color had so often been a bright and buttery yellow, his aura more visible and constant than anyone else’s. Lately, he was increasingly cloaked in the rosy pinks of love or the vivid, shifting, crimson reds of lust; and Rami and I bonded over our shared efforts to politely ignore that particular variety of thoughts.

Joe pointed to Cato. “What’s going on?”

“How long?” Cato asked him.

Joe feigned cluelessness. “Huh? What do you mean? Oh, car chick?! That’s nothing. She’s just a friend.”

Cato blinked. “Do you really think I just arrived in Forks today?”

It rolled through Joe like a wave: surrender, apprehension, dread. The realization that Cato had been watching us for days, weeks even, meticulously keeping just enough distance to stay out of Rami’s range of hearing. Joe’s now-opalescent aura dipped from cerise to an agitated mahogany. “Two months.”

“And she’s talented.” Cato’s voice was impatient, incredulous; How could you be this stupid? that voice said.

“No,” Joe flared, like shards of wood cracking in a fire. “No, she’s got nothing to do with you, with us. With our world. She’s got nothing to do with it.”

Cato circled the fingerprint of his index finger around the rim of his misted glass of sweet tea, meditative. “In one hundred and seventy years, I have never met someone who I couldn’t find if I wanted to. And yet the second I turned my back on that girl, she was gone. Vanished. The world was a blank map. How is that possible?”

No one said anything. Finally, Cato looked to Rami.

“You can’t hear her thoughts, can you?”

“No,” Rami admitted.

“And how many times has that happened in...how old are you now, the same as Ben? How many times in the past century have you met someone who made you feel normal, weak even? Who made you feel human again?”

“Never,” Rami conceded.

“You too, right?” Cato asked me. “You can’t see what she’s feeling. She’s nothing but white noise.”

I nodded reluctantly.

“She’s talented,” Cato said again, decisive.

“Oh god,” I choked out, burying my face in my hands. Now I knew what Rami had heard. I knew everything.

Joe shook his head almost violently. “No, that’s not fair. There’s no way of knowing if that would translate to life as a vampire or how it would manifest. There’s no way of knowing if she would survive the transition at all. And none of us are ever going to find out because she has nothing to do with our world.”

“She does,” Cato insisted. “Because you brought her into it.”

Scarlett shivered beside me, crossed her arms over her chest, clutched her leather jacket tighter. “You can’t be serious, Cato. You’re not a monster, you know she might not survive—”

“And that would stop Gwil. It would stop me, sure. When has it ever stopped Larkin?” Cato gestured to me. “With him? With me? With Akari or Araminta or Liesl or Rigel or all the ones who didn’t make it, who died screaming as they scorched from the inside out? It has never stopped him because he doesn’t care. He finds talented people. He covets them, covets them jealously, like jewels or money or lovers. And they either become one of his possessions or they become nothing at all.”

“No,” Joe whispered. “No, no, no...”

Rami was shrinking into the loveseat, overwhelmed by the emotions in the room that were dragging his aura into whirling greys, those desperate and dark thoughts; not even Cato could mute them entirely. Lucy tried to soothe him, laid the back of her fine-boned hand against his cheek. Mercy covered her gaping mouth. Gwil studied the floor, thunderstruck, absorbing it all.

“This is a courtesy that I’m doing you right now,” Cato told Joe, his large palms clasped together, his voice sorrowful and yet unyielding, almost pleading. “This is a warning. If he finds out about her, about what she can do...he’s going to want her. And he gets everything he wants.”

“He can’t find out,” Gwil said hoarsely.

“No,” I agreed. Death or a hundred-year sentence. Either way, a part of you dies. Either way, a part of you ends up in a box six feet underground and clawing for the sun.

“What can we do?” Scarlett asked Cato. “I mean...is there anything we can do?”

“You have to get rid of her. That’s her only chance. Get her out of your orbit, away from our world, away from where Larkin or anyone who serves him would ever cross her path. I won’t tell him about the girl. I’ll try to deflect his attention. If she’s already been spotted, I’ll tell him that she’s useless, just another one of Joe’s litany of casual liaisons. And that’s a risk I’ll take, I’ll do it out of respect for your coven, Dr. Lee, and for Ben. But there is absolutely nothing I can do for you if Larkin finds out for himself. I don’t think I’m the only one he has watching you.”

“Of course not,” I said bitterly. “I’m sure he has all sorts of eyes on me. The white whale. The one that got away.” This is my fault. It’s all my fucking fault.

“It’s not,” Rami murmured; and nobody else heard my side of it, but I think they understood.

Joe’s aura was now murky, sunless, almost black. It was a color I hadn’t thought he was capable of. His eyes were slick and bleary.

“Son?” Gwil prompted. Mercy was sobbing into a handkerchief patterned with roses. Mom, I ached instinctively, before pushing the thought away.

“I won’t do it,” Joe said. “You’re asking me to break her heart and I won’t do it.”

I begged: “Joe, you don’t understand—”

“No, you don’t understand! You don’t understand what this will do to her, what it’s going to do to her for the weeks and months and years that come after, she might never forget—”

“Do you want her to end up dead or in a hundred-year contract?” Cato shot back. “Do you want to see how much of that girl you care about so much is left after a century with Larkin?”

Everyone’s eyes fell on me. I could feel them, full of pity and horror. I’m what’s left. Someone gutted of everything but rage and bloodlust.

“No, of course not,” Joe said. Thanks a lot, brother.

Cato smirked without any humor at all. He had known. “Then the choice is easy.”

“Son,” Gwil said again.

Joe gazed back at him with huge, agonized eyes. His words were brittle, raspy, hollow. “Dad, I love her.”

“I know,” Gwil replied. His aura was a blue like cobalt: profound sympathy, compassion, mourning. “And that’s why you’ll do the right thing.”

Twenty minutes later, I was puffing on my vape pen as I paced back and forth across the wrap-around porch like a caged bear, watching the sun disappear behind the western hemlock trees that raked the clouds. Gwil, Rami, Lucy, and Scarlett were with Joe; Mercy was trying to convince Cato to stay the night in one of the guest bedrooms. I could hear her ludicrously gracious protestations through the walls. “We know it’s not your fault, dear, this...this...situation. We know you’re just the messenger. And you’ve been so important to Ben all these years, so kind. It’s really no trouble at all...here, let me at least wrap up some cake for you to take...”

The front door opened and closed. Scarlett appeared beside me, resting her forearms on the porch railing. She sighed, closed her eyes, said nothing.

“This is going to destroy him,” I told her.

Scarlett nodded, her face bathed in silvery moonlight, marvelous and yet forlorn. The aura that surrounded her was a deep, despondent indigo. It matched the sky. “Yeah.”

“And to think...” I exhaled heavily, nicotine-tinged vapor vanishing into the damp night air. Rain was coming; I could feel it in my bones. “I was just beginning to like it here.”

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wastelandcrown · 4 years

Text

logan lark’s adventures in trying to appease his parents

CHAPTER 6: don’t lose ur head (the terrifying tales of the grimm monarchy)

Summary: Logan Lark is a fairly average high school student. By all means, he should be impressing his parents on all grounds. Except...he doesn’t exactly have a social life. So after his parents give him puppy dog eyes, he decides to join the local theatre's youth production. Good grief...His life is about to get weird isn’t it?

Warnings: Potential ooc behavior, Roman is a teenager who makes bad choices EXTREME edition, Remus being Remus, Intrusive Thoughts, Minor Bad Parenting, so much swearing it’s insane (If I miss something please tell me!)

Notes: This fic is based off an idea from @under-the-blue-moonlight. If you wanna be tagged in chapters, please ask!! I love this freaking chapter SO much but I’m really scared of how it’s going to be received. All feedback is extremely welcome!!

Pairings: Intrulogical, Eventual Rociet, One-Sided Logicality, Platonic DRLAMP

Tagslist: @under-the-blue-moonlight @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @im-actually-ok @hauntedturkeycalzonedreamer @croftersjam15 @rainbowsixth @snaketho @wasinotwantedatthisexactsecond @a-soul-among-the-stars @sweet-razz-tea @the-cactus-lord

Over the course of the next month Logan learns that despite their reputations, Roman and Remus are the opposite of what everyone thinks of them.

Logan is the smartest person he knows, there is no way in hell he’d ever miss Roman’s multiple attempts to sabotage his role as Hamilton. Smart, and yet so oblivious. Each time Roman had tried to mess with Logan after he began cultivating a friendship with Remus he was miraculously saved from the torment at the last second. Remus is a hundred percent certain that Logan has no idea that he’s fighting off his brother at each and every turn. He’s not certain of much, so it’s saying a lot. There is a beautiful dichotomy in Logan’s logs of the events and the stories Remus tells about his brother’s scourge against his brand new ‘enemy’. On a page labeled ‘Roman Incidents’ in Logan’s succinct handwriting documents every incident through the month when Roman attempted to sabotage him.

July 20th - Roman tripped near my things in the drama room while holding coffee. When I went to check on my things, someone had removed the contents of my bag and filled it with around six pounds of glitter. If this happens again, throw the bag away. Glitter makes anything unsalvageable. You will keep finding it everywhere.

Remus knew Roman had been planning something. Of course he did. Though they didn’t share a room anymore, sneaking into it had never been exceptionally hard. Neither had eavesdropping, when it counted. It counted now more than ever because Remus had become unreasonably attached to Logan and when he heard Roman talking to himself and mentioning the name of his favourite little nerd badly he knew it was now or never. It took two excruciating hours of sitting still and listening to get the juicy stuff. He almost got caught by their mother twice. She’d only been home for three days and she’d checked on Roman twice in one night. If Remus told her about the amount of effort he was putting into something she might keel over dead from shock.

What a funny sight that would be to him. His mother, dead from the shock of his hard work to do something good, thumping onto the floor. He laughs a little, quiet enough to keep Roman from hearing. His brain supplies the rational next step of Roman running out of his room and distraughtly cradling their mother’s head in his lap. Roman sobbing. Roman blaming him. Roman screaming about how it was his fault. And it would be, if she died like that. Remus doesn’t think it’s all that funny anymore, but once the train of thought starts it can’t be stopped. He decides that eavesdropping isn’t fun anymore and makes his way to the kitchen, trying to shake the idea of his brother cursing him out for killing their mother out of his mind.

It doesn’t really work, but he tries anyway. The kitchen is full of distractions, good and bad. The knives in the block look so enticing to his self-proclaimed ‘shitty-dick-wad brain’, but the cookies he nabs from the cupboard are so easy to shove into his mouth that he figures it evens out. He sits at the kitchen island and doesn’t even bother to turn on the light. It takes six cookies in his mouth at once before he can direct his thoughts somewhere else momentarily. How in the hell is he going to combat Roman’s plan? He spits all the cookies onto the counter as his brother walks in, flicks on the light, and sighs deeply.

“You could at least do that onto a plate.”

Remus just shrugs, so Roman speaks again, “How’s your evening been?”

“Before like...five minutes ago I was really liking it.” Which was true, Roman slides into the seat next to him and picks a cookie from the box.

“What changed?”

“Shitty brain,” He replies, “Y’know how it gets.”

“I do indeed. Do you need anything?” His voice is surprisingly soft with him, to the point where Remus has to give him a confused look before deciding what to say next. He figures out how to fuck with Roman’s plan in that moment.

“I wanna go to Party City and terrorize the night staff.”

Roman only chuckles, Remus watches his twin put away the cookies and grab his car keys from the bowl on the counter.

“Come on then, we can buy some of those plastic babies you like so much.”

As Remus is falling asleep later that night, his chest feels warm. He attributes it to the upcoming scheme-ruining scheming. It’s easier than admitting that that was the first time Roman had willingly hung out with him alone since elementary school. He knows the next morning that Roman is most likely buttering up because he suspects Remus knows. Which is...fair. Even if it hurts a little. They get coffee on the way to the theatre and separate. They both have important things to do. The best part about their somewhat rocky-relationship is that they always know where the other is in order to avoid each other. Remus knows that Roman has gone to see Janus and probably make heart eyes and pine over him like a dumbass. Roman knows that Remus is off drooling over his arch nemesis. Today it is more imperative than ever. During practice Remus manages to steal Logan’s backpack while he’s busy.

He swaps the contents out with the six pounds of glitter he bought the night before and shoves Logan’s things into his bag for safe keeping. Nobody would dare look into Remus’ bag for fear of gore or weird pornography, even if he only has one in his bag at the moment. He’s shoving a small notebook in when he catches a title. “Hamilton Performance Experiment”. It takes literally all of his self-control not to immediately snoop. He makes it through, eventually meeting up with Logan and even carrying his bag to ‘be nice’ so Logan doesn’t pick up on the bag glitter. When Roman walks by with his coffee and “trips”, spilling his coffee all over Logan’s bag, Remus smiles.

“Oh! Logan I’m so sorry! What a terrible accident!” Roman cries, ever the actor.

Logan looks downright frantic as he lunges for his bag and rips it open. Glitter goes everywhere. Logan’s hair, Roman’s shoes, the entire dressing room floor. The look of distress fades from Logan’s face momentarily, returning full force when he realizes his things are missing.

Remus pulls them out of his bag in secret, walking to the corner of the room, walking back and exclaiming, “What a good prank Roman! You must be taking some tricks from my book!”

When he hands the things back to Logan, Logan smiles. He decides not to ask about the notebook.

July 27th - One of the props from the prop room was moved in with my things. I suspect Roman because of the look on his face when Remus took the fall for me.

Just because he didn’t ask about the notebook does not mean it left his memory. By the time he gets in the car alone with his brother he realizes that Roman is pissed off at him.

“Couldn’t you have left it alone? How did you even find out!?”

“I have my ways. Now shut up about it before I tell mom about that time in 8th grade-”

“Okay! Okay! I’m shutting up!”

And he did. However that included no longer voicing his plans out loud. Which meant Remus had to get creative. He was very very good at getting creative.

Dinner with their mother was much more quiet that week. Both twins brooding and not speaking with each other, their mother only prompting Roman to talk. It was too familiar in the worst possible ways. Remus despised his mother, but he knew how much his brother loved her. She was...well she was beautiful, intelligent, a very influential fashion designer, extremely supportive. Roman would go on about how perfect she was for hours. Sure, Remus could concede that their mother was beautiful, intelligent, and a very influential fashion designer, but whenever Roman talks about her he never says she’s at all a good mother. Especially not to him. He watches her laugh breathily at one of Roman’s shitty anecdotes from practice and decides he’s had enough of family dinner. He gets up and dutifully cleans his plate and places it in the dishwasher. The chef gives him a smile, and he smiles back.

“Remus, dear,” His mother begins in her shrill voice, “If you’re not going to eat with us, at least go and shower. Your smell is unbecoming.”

Then she turns back to her food like she didn’t just attempt to insult him. Jokes on her, it takes a lot more than that to hurt his feelings. He still ends up forcing himself into the shower for thirty-five minutes that night.

The rest of the week he’s more tired than usual, which the others notice. He makes an effort to not be, he really does. When his mom is in town, everything just sucks. He hangs out with Janus three times and Virgil once to get out of the house and away from his family. The other nights he spends sitting outside the convenience store with a monster or two. He ends up calling Logan one of those nights out of need for company. Logan chuckles when Remus makes up a silly reason for calling that he can’t even remember now, but he can remember Logan’s laugh. He listens to Logan talk about the book series he’s been reading and he feels a little lighter. He never ends up finding out what Roman has planned, but it’s so easy when it’s happening right in front of him. Despite his lethargy lately, he feels a fire lit in him when the missing prop is found with Logan’s bag.

Virgil and Janus are the only two teenagers with keys to the prop room. If Logan stole the missing prop, he would have had to steal the key. No one but the twins even knew Janus had a key, and Virgil was dead set on not letting a soul into the prop room. The idea that Logan, precious little innocent fucking lamb Logan, committed theft not once but twice enrages Remus. When they find it with his things, Logan is utterly baffled. Then he realizes the implications and his face pales. Roman calls for Thomas, spouting off about how Logan stole the prop and he should face consequences, when Remus laughs as loudly as he can.

“Hah! You guys are so funny! You think specs could ever!? Guess my prank worked out pretty damn good if you actually think Mr.Goody-Two-Shoes could commit such a heinous fucking crime!”

Thomas sighs, tells Remus to just ask next time, and leaves. Roman stares at his brother for a solid minute with his mouth slightly ajar. Janus and Virgil are both looking at him like he’s insane because it’s so obvious to them that Roman did it. Patton is looking not at him, but at Logan, with so much concern. And Logan...Logan stares up at Remus with the look of a small and confused animal.

“Did you really do that?”

“Of course I did! I’m the resident rat bastard, I have to cause a little recreational chaos.”

He’s pretty sure Logan believes him until they’re leaving for the day and Logan whispers a ‘Thank you’ to him as he walks by. He would have melted into the floor if Janus hadn’t put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him down to whisper to him.

“Why the hell did you let Roman get away with that?” Virgil is on his other side now with a scowl.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about JJ! I committed a very heinous crime!”

“Then why did Roman ask to borrow Janus’ key earlier?” Virgil asks, and Remus drops his smile to replace it with an annoyed look.

“He just fucking asked for it!? I can’t even believe I’m related to that half-witted twit.”

“Yeah,” Virgil scoffs, “Not really the sharpest sword in the armoury, is he?”

“Please, we’ve known that for years. What I’d like to know is what are we going to do about it?” This quieted Remus, but made Virgil smirk a little.

Janus continued, “After the backpack incident, and now the stealing incident, I’m half-convinced we have a brand new chaos demon in the group.”

“At least Remus’ chaos is fun sometimes,” Virgil mutters, “Roman’s just an ass.”

Remus gets away with being quiet as they talk until they get into Janus’ beat up old van. He doesn’t call shotgun, doesn’t slap the car's ‘ass’ as a joke, he just climbs into the back and sits there. He’s so quiet that Janus and Virgil are a little shell shocked.

“Remus?” Virgil asks quietly and pensively, it sounds just like that soft tone Roman used with him last week.

He’s quiet, Janus starts the car and clicks his tongue, “I’m going to shove Roman down a flight of stairs.”

“Don’t.” He manages, and the boys in the front seats go quiet. Virgil passes him the aux cord.

He plays “Call Them Brothers” by Regina Spektor and Janus and Virgil know that tonight will be a very quiet outing.

They’re sitting at IHOP drawing dicks on their pancakes in syrup when Remus’ phone rings. Janus and Virgil know who’s calling the second Remus sees the caller ID and smiles.

“Evening Logie-Bear, why do I get the pleasure of hearing your devilishly sexy voice in this IHOP tonight?” Remus says and Janus groans loudly.

“You’re at IHOP?” Is the first thing Logan says, which makes Remus smile even brighter.

“Yes, sir! I’m with Virge and Janny too, you wanna say hi?”

Logan sounds a bit contemplative when he mutters, “I was hoping you’d be alone...”

Eavesdropping Janus and Virgil make surprised faces, Remus smacks Janus in the arm, “Oh you were, were you? Why? Phone sex?”

“I wanted to ask for an opinion on a predicament.” Virgil smirks and Janus nabs his phone to speak for Remus.

“Remus would love to-Remus let me talk-You should come have some pancakes with us-Ow, watch the face!-and tell us all about how your science is going.” Janus can hear Logan hiding his laughter through the phone as Remus wrestles with him in the booth.

“It’s more of a philosophical predicament.”

Janus nearly sees red, eyes widening and making Remus cackle,“Why in the world would you ask Remus Grimm about phi-”

It’s silent for a few moments then Logan hears a familiar voice. “It’s Virgil, we’re at the IHOP on 81st and Green.”

Logan laughs brightly, “I’ll be there. Order something for me.”

They spend the evening with breakfast for dinner, and the four get into a fairly heated friendly debate about moral ethics. Janus isn’t sure he’s ever had more fun in his life. When he’s driving away from Virgil to drop Remus off at home, he can’t help but smile at Remus’ improved demeanor.

“Remus,” He starts after they’re alone, “I thought you and Roman were doing better, did something happen?”

“He tried to sabotage Logan twice for entirely selfish reasons, I wouldn’t care if he dies!” Remus dramatically cries.

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

They’re quiet the rest of the ride, and Janus gets out to give Remus a hug before he goes in. Remus ignores Roman’s questions about his whereabouts and locks himself in his room to try and keep his mood up. It doesn’t work, but he tries. He does.

August 3rd - Roman gave me a “peace offering” in the form of lunch. I am led to believe he was attempting to give me food poisoning, as Remus ate the lunch and has now come down with food poisoning.

His mother leaves for her office in Paris on August 1st. Roman cries and hugs her, says he’ll miss her, goes on and on about how it’s so terrible how she’s never home. He does this every time their mother and father leave, he has since they were young. Remus couldn’t give less of a shit. His plan now was finding out what Roman’s next move was. Which was hard because they were back to avoiding each other like the plague. They’d spent a few months getting better at being brothers, then one of their parents shows up and ruins it. This time it was great, Remus would never admit it, but it was. Roman made an effort when their parents weren’t around, a few months ago he started doing things like making dinner for them both and bringing it to him, offering to do a load of laundry for him while he was doing it, being mindful of his volume when practicing his singing and acting, all these little things.

He’d even started initiating physical contact again, which Remus couldn’t get enough of. Literally. An occasional pat on the back, a grab of his hand to pull him somewhere, a light slap to his knee or arm when he said something distasteful. Giving physical affection to Remus was something that seemed to be unique to Roman. It had always been like that when they were younger, and Remus didn’t think he wanted it to stop. Any time he thinks about it he always drifts back to his head against Roman’s knee a few weeks ago when Roman had carded a hand through his hair and then a few minutes later practically tackled him to douse him in perfume The shit smelled awful, but afterwards Roman had slung an arm over his shoulder and gave him a squeeze. That and the closeness with Logan kept him buzzing for the next two days.

Now there was nothing again. It was like Roman could turn off his affection for Remus and pretend he didn’t exist. Remus tried not to be angry about it, he really did, but he couldn’t stop the fire that he felt when the other people on stage got his praises and affection. Both of them were incredibly clingy, but Roman was so much worse at hiding it and it made Remus nearly scream. He piled all of his affectionate behavior onto Logan, and Logan never really minded. He’d place his head on Logan’s shoulder, hold his hand on stage, sit pressed up against him offstage. He loved it, he did. He loved protecting Logan, talking to Logan, existing in the same space as the dork was exhilarating. He hated having to protect Logan from his brother. There was no way in hell that Remus would let anything terrible happen to Logan, but there was no way he would ever let his brother’s stupid selfish decisions fall back on him. He knows he shouldn’t give a single shit, but he does.

His tiredness fades with his mother, but he’s still exhausted because Roman keeps trying to fuck with Logan when he knows damn well Remus won’t let him. The selfish ass. This time, Roman has the gall to pull his entire scheme in front of Remus.

“Logan,” He starts, his affected air is slightly dim today and his hands are hidden, “To apologize for my unkind actions, I have brought a peace offering.”

Roman hands Logan a little bag from a restaurant Remus swears he recognizes.

“Oh, thank you.” Logan says quietly, opening the bag and pulling out a wrapped burger.

Logan takes it out and inspects it as Remus wracks his brain trying to remember where he knows the packaging. It hits him right before Logan takes a bite. This burger is from the restaurant that gave Roman food poisoning a few months ago. It looks like the same burger too. At this point, Remus is half-convinced Roman is taunting him. He’s in a bit of a panic and doesn’t think before he snatches the burger and shoves it in his mouth.

“Remus!” Both call out, the wrapper is still on the end of the burger so he pulls it out then chews and swallows the thing whole.

He coughs and sputters for almost two minutes after, then shoots Roman an awful glare.

“What just happened?” Logan asks, extremely puzzled.

Roman is gawking at Remus again, “Why did you eat that!?”

“Fuck you that’s why, you horsefucking shiteating egomaniac bastard.”

Roman walks off in a huff, Remus lays on the floor.

“Are you alright?” Logan questions, handing him a water bottle.

Maneuvering onto his side, Remus takes a sip and his throat feels miles better, “I just straight up ate a burger whole like a fucking snake, how do you think I am dipshit?”

“Hm,” He pauses to think, “Bad.”

Both boys laugh, and Logan joins Remus on the ground.

“I am beginning to believe your brother has a vendetta against me.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

Logan pauses, looking at Remus who is still occasionally wheezing.

“Are you alright...emotionally?” Remus wheezes and laughs at the same time, sounding something similar to a goose.

“‘Thought you didn’t know much about those, poindexter.”

“I do not. However, as your friend I feel like it’s important to ask.”

Remus just sighs, closes his eyes, and blows a raspberry at the ceiling.

“Me and Roman are complicated.”

“I can tell.” Remus laughs, Logan really is something else.

It’s quiet when Remus asks, “Do you hate him?”

“No,” Logan’s response is measured and confident like he’s asked himself this question a hundred times, “I don’t hate him. I think he’s got some things to work out, and is taking out his frustration on me as of late.”

He keeps talking, Remus covers his closed eyes with his arm, “More importantly, do you hate him?”

He almost rockets to his feet when Logan says curiously, “Or, more interestingly, do you love him?”

It takes him nearly two and a half minutes sat up and sipping water, watching Logan pack his things, to muster up the will to tell the truth.

“Of course I love him. Nobody else is gonna fucking do it.”

He could barely comprehend Logan’s response to his admission so he shoved it out of his mind with all the force he could muster, then waved a goodbye to him when he parted and left Remus with his mind.

He ends up going home early because his awful decision ended up actually giving him food poisoning. He takes a sick day the next day, and spends most of the time feeling like shit physically and emotionally. His brain has kept tabs on all the shitty feelings and thoughts he’s had and is now playing out a full length shitty horror movie about his life and his dumb brother and his shitty summer crush. Then there’s that conversation with Logan. The last sentence is running through him over and over again. He keeps coming back to it, though he’s sure Logan didn’t even mean anything by it. Seventeen words and his world was sent spinning.

“Ah, I understand, it’s hard to love somebody when they don’t act like they love you back.”

Logan doesn’t even know the half of it.

August 20th - Roman asked me directly to leave the production. Though I admire the effort, all it achieved was a quite awful night, and an angry lecture(?) of sorts from Janus. I do not believe Roman will be trying this tactic ever again.

Roman tries to apologize multiple times, but something angry and petty in Remus doesn’t accept any of them. They’re both getting more and more frustrated by the minute. By the time the thirteenth of August rolls around they aren’t on speaking terms again and everyone can tell that it’s taking its toll on them both. Remus acts out more than usual against people he doesn’t usually target. He scared an ensemble girl one too many times, to the point where she ended up slapping him. He deserved it, but it still stung. Roman poured himself into his role more than ever, but it only ended up stressing him out even more than usual. When his voice so much as wavered on stage it shattered his confidence.

It affected their friends as well. Roman spent more time with Patton and Emile, avoiding Remus and Janus as much as he could possibly manage. Janus rolled his eyes but just resigned himself to the tech booth with Virgil, Remus, and Logan. The only good thing that was happening lately was Janus’ newfound attachment to Logan. The pair's insane intelligence and love of debate meant one was nearly guaranteed every other time they were in the same room. It was exhilarating to watch, and probably exhilarating to take part in. Remus didn’t much care for debates, but watching Janus and Logan go at each other with an occasional snarky comment or new suggestion from Virgil was making him grow a fondness for them. At this point there was barely anybody in the theatre who didn’t adore Logan.

The staff, the cast, the tech. Everyone adored him. He was smart, diligent, and hard-working. He asked questions, didn’t undermine others, and respected the entire cast's talent at what they did. It was magical to watch everyone in the auditorium drift under Logan’s thumb. Remus was included. They were saving Say No To This until near last because of the lack of dancing involved, but it didn’t even matter. Say No To This was not needed in Remus’ seduction plan because Logan seemed to gravitate towards him with ease. He is a damn good friend and Remus is determined to make that boy his bride.

Despite his growing lack of sleep and reliance on caffeine, Remus is skating by just fine without anything bad happening. Until his brother decides to fuck with his life again. He’s on the thin line between being shitty in secret and full-on breakdown, Roman really isn’t helping his case. Remus is lounging on the floor while Logan reads in a chair next to the makeup mirrors. He hears someone enter, but isn’t bothered enough to move.

Ever the polite, Logan greets the newcomer “Ah, Hello Roman, how are you?”

“I need to ask you something.” His brother asks, and Remus turns his head away from the noise.

“Alright, what is it?” Logan sounds so measured and calm.

There is a long pause, “What is it going to take for you to realize you should quit?”

The calmness in Logan’s voice wavers, and Remus can hear it wobble, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me! I mean, it’s obvious I've been trying to get you to leave, so what’s been keeping you!?” Roman raises his voice near instantly, that same childish selfishness burns from his tongue.

“It is none of your business.” There’s a dignified fire raging under his voice now, it’s like he’s been practicing for this.

“You’re not even a good actor! From what I can tell, you’re entirely uninteresting and way too intellectual to be here!” Roman continues, Remus feels the urge to get up but he can’t find the will to move.

“Roman, please think before you say something you regret.” Remus knows what Roman is going to say before it happens.

“No!” His brother is so typical, “You have no idea what this role means to me, why can’t you just leave!?”

That’s typical too, Remus opens his eyes and looks at the pair. Logan looks pissed off, Roman looks pissed off, and Janus is watching from the doorway.

“I try very hard to give you the benefit of the doubt in regards to your debilitating egomania, but it is beginning to appear as if your whole sense of stability and purpose is built upon some false reality where you need to be the star at every possible moment. Go to therapy about it, and leave me alone.” Logan spits this in Roman’s face, then turns back to his book.

Clenching his fists and staring at the ground, Roman looks almost defeated until he catches Remus staring and his face morphs into something so bitter he has to force himself to look away.

“No. I will not leave you alone until I get this part. None of you have any idea how much I need it.”

“Roman-” Janus speaks up daringly from his spot by the door, his tone is enough to warn him to stand down.

Roman’s eyes are squeezed shut, his fists are clenched, “I know we have the same face, but I’m not a failure like my brother.”

That sends Remus to his feet and out the door before anyone can say a word. As he passes Janus on the way out Janus tries to stop him but he pushes past him, past everyone, and out the front door of the theatre.

Janus turns on Roman in an instant, walking slowly into the room and shutting the door with purpose. Roman’s eyes are sewed shut and all the guilt he tries to push down floods him when he makes eye contact with his pissed off friend.

“Roman, we need to have a talk.”

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #ts remus #ts logan #ts roman #ts janus #ts virgil #intrulogical #REMUS BABY IM SO SORRY-#this title could just be titled 'roman fucks up for 4k words straight' and it would fit #i genuinely loved writing this chapter and i hope it goes over well with yall #roman IS going to get kicked in the teeth with character development #the boy has been self-sabotaging himself so hard #Honestly after chapter 6 imma need to tag 'The Grimm Parents' A+ Parenting' like i'm on fucking ao3 or some shit #anyway!! theres the fic!! happy reading!!#Love you all and goodnight!!

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fearfilledvirgil · 4 years

Text

Stargazing Lovers

Summary: Virgil was having a disaster of a day. That somewhat changed when he went for a late-night walk, bent on stargazing.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of death, mentions of insomnia/all-nighters, anxiety, intrusive thoughts

Word count: 4330

Pairings: analogical, platonic moxiety

A/N: this sprung from a word association game with @lovecrazyjennybear! She co-wrote it with me. and yeah hi hello im still alive hope y’all are too

masterlist

Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk

~•~

Rain. Virgil loved it when it rained because of a multitude of reasons. When it rained, the sky was cloudy, and that meant that the bright, ever-blinding sun was gone. It was cold when water poured down from the sky, which meant that Virgil could wear his hoodie without any questioning. The sound of the rain pouring down on the roof and window were a comfort to him as well, which meant that his anxiety was at ease. Lastly, the rain produced a particular smell after it drenched the pavement, which was another great comfort to him about rain. Rain meant something to Virgil, and he certainly didn’t mind walking in it. He didn’t mind getting wet, getting cold, because that was just another reminder that he was, indeed, alive.

One thing that Virgil loved doing when it rained ever since he was a kid was jumping into puddles. Due to his anxiety that someone would be watching him and make fun of him for it, he didn’t do it often anymore. This didn’t completely stop him, however. Any time he knew there was no one else at home, he would go into the backyard and find the biggest puddle he could and jump in it.

Another reason he didn’t go jumping in puddles anymore was that he rarely wore his rain boots in public. He loved them, but they did nothing to help his anxiety. The black boots his best friend Patton got him had small purple rain clouds with lightning bolts coming out of them. They were a great match for Virgil’s personality, but not for his desire to not draw attention to himself. Virgil would only wear them out in public if he were out with Patton, as his rain boots were a generic bright yellow with a light blue clasp and sole.

Luckily for Virgil at this very moment, he was home alone, and the rain was pouring down harder than ever. He wanted to go and let out his childish side, but he couldn’t find his rain boots anywhere. He looked in every closet, cupboard, nook, and cranny to find the rubber shoes, but he was unable to. That fact alone made a weight of guilt settle in the pit of his stomach. Patton would be devastated if he found out that Virgil had lost the boots he gave him. The two always wore their rain boots out when they were together and it was rainy or wet. Virgil didn’t want to let him down, but here he was, unable to find what he was looking for.

Being the only person in the house that cared about cleanliness, he was usually the person who did all the cleaning. Virgil liked a clean house because an uncluttered space made his anxiety calm down. When he knew where things were, he was happy, but he currently did not know where his rain boots were. Therefore, he was not happy. Virgil didn’t understand where they could have gone. As mentioned, he was the only one who cleaned, so someone else wouldn’t have moved them anyway.

He knew that his anxiety would not help him in finding the boots. Virgil also knew that doing something repetitive like cleaning would help him relax enough to start thinking logically. He looked around for something that needed to be cleaned and noticed a couple of dishes still in the sink. With a sigh, Virgil got to work on making sure they were spotless. Once that task was complete, he felt calmer and level headed, so he began thinking of the last place he had seen the boots.

From what he could remember, the last time he wore them was when he went for a walk in the rain with Patton. Walks with Patton lead to puddle splashing, which usually leads to muddy boots. Where do muddy boots go? The garage. With that unclear memory in mind, he decided to attempt to find them in the garage.

After at least two hours of searching, Virgil found nothing. He looked everywhere in the garage from the high racks to the low crates. He could not, for the life of him, find his rain boots. At this point, Virgil had no motivation left to continue to look in the garage. The sun had probably set a while ago, so it was even colder in the non-insulated garage than before. To top that off, it wasn’t even raining anymore. Tired, stressed, unmotivated, and guilty, Virgil decided to retreat to his bathroom with his towel in hand.

With a sigh, Virgil turned on the water until it was nearly scalding hot. He then stepped into his shower, knowing full well that he would spend more time contemplating than actually showering. It was easy to with the water cascading down his back, and the darkness smothering his eyes. Virgil couldn’t bear to turn on the light, not when (in combination with other things) the night was so beautiful. He loved the night, the dark, so he reveled in it. The dark was where even he couldn’t see his own flaws.

After the water grew cold, Virgil stepped out, wrapping himself into his towel. Once he made it into his room, he noticed the clouds that once had covered the sky were no more. Without the heavy cover, the stars showed themselves to be shining brightly in the night air. Even though the puddle jumping was a failure, it didn’t mean he still couldn’t try and enjoy the day. The anxious boy could almost hear Patton’s voice in his head, saying that one bad experience doesn’t make an entire day irretrievable. Changing into black sweats, a black shirt, and his hoodie, Virgil made his way outside and towards a hill near his house to practice some Astronomy.

When he reached the peak, however, there was already someone there.

The person’s back was facing Virgil, clad in some sort of dark collared shirt. The figure turned around in an instant, probably in response to Virgil’s footsteps on the grass or his breathing that was becoming heavier as the seconds ticked on. The whites of the hoodie-clad boy’s eyes were astoundingly exposed, unblinking irises expanding tenfold at the star-lit face of the intruder of Virgil’s safe place.

The first thing that Virgil saw was the glint of the moonlight reflecting off of glasses. His first thought was of Patton, but when the light faded, Virgil tensed.

It was Logan. Logan Sanders, the biggest nerd who was top of Virgil’s class. The boy who never got below 95% on any assignment; the seemingly friendless tutor who no one ever saw outside of anything academic in nature. Logan, who usually was seen wearing some kind of formal attire, whether it be only a tie or up to a three-piece suit. This was the boy who expressed his few and far between emotions with his catchphrase “falsehood” screamed at the top of his lungs. Normally the accusation used to that caliber happened during a debate when someone would present a lie as factual, knowingly or otherwise.

Honestly, this guy was strangely calming to Virgil when he wasn’t fuming at other’s stupidity during an argument. He was calm, at least from a distance. Virgil never fully interacted with him before, keeping Logan and anyone else at an arm’s length. But Logan didn’t look down on people for not knowing something. He didn’t barrage people for not having the same understanding as him, instead helping the person see the problem clearer. He was a Logician, working on facts but never discarding emotions and experiences.

Virgil swayed on his feet, realizing that he had been staring at Logan for too long to be socially acceptable.

“You were in my Astronomy class last year, weren’t you?” Virgil blinked when Logan broke the silence. Logan took a small step closer to Virgil, tilting his head in curiosity.

“I… uh,” Virgil stuttered out, internally cursing himself. He made his feet take a half-a-step closer to Logan despite the churning in his stomach. He swallowed the lump rising in his throat, trying to ignore the tension in his chest. “Yeah.”

Virgil clenched his jaw, disappointment in himself growing for how lamely he ended that pathetic excuse for a sentence. Logan seemed to notice this with a blink and a relaxing of his shoulders.

“Logan Sanders.” Logan offered his left hand gently, keeping it relaxed and pointed downwards slightly. Virgil was grateful for the fact that his other hand was still in sight.

“Um. Virgil,” His left hand shakily escaped from his hoodie pocket. Virgil almost wanted to scoff at Logan introducing himself, as if they didn’t share a year-long course together the year prior. Then again, Virgil had no idea how people usually introduced each other. With a harsh blink and a cringe in on himself, the uneasy boy registered that he didn’t give his last name as Logan had. “Virgil Casey.” The two hands met in the middle of the space between the two of them, and clasped together gently for a handshake.

“Salutations, Virgil,” Logan released Virgil’s hand, taking a step back. One foot was still facing Virgil, but the other was pointed toward a telescope that Virgil hadn’t noticed before. His body was half facing the other boy, yet still slightly away from him. “I suppose you came up here to look at the stars as well?”

Virgil nodded, putting his hand back in his coat pocket. “If you would like, I’d be willing to show you some constellations.” Logan blinked at how fast Virgil’s head snapped upwards from its downward position at his words.

“I know some,” Virgil’s voice hardened as his words cut defensively.

“I didn’t mean to say you don’t know any,” Logan’s voice was low, the vibrations from his words a soft hum. Virgil didn’t notice that he walked close enough to Logan to appreciate the cadence of his voice. “I was merely asking if you would like to be shown some more?”

“Oh. Um. Sure?” He didn’t mean the last word to be a question, but that’s how it came out. Forever unsure of himself, Virgil frequently made statements sound more like questions. It was one of the many things he disliked about himself, come to think of it. Virgil wrapped his arms around his torso, clawing his fingers tightly around his jacket sleeves.

Logan motioned to his telescope in a way of invitation, nodding his head toward it with the gesture. “I have this positioned to be able to see Apus.”

Virgil’s feet (not clad in his rain boots, something that still made his stomach turn) moved without his consent until they stopped in front of the telescope. He glanced away from the man beside him, settling his eyes on the telescope. “To see what now?”

“Apus. It is the exotic bird, or the bird-of-paradise, in the sky. Its name is Greek for ‘without feet’ because the Greek people once believed the bird-of-paradise did not have feet.” Logan took half a step back from his machine, allowing Virgil to take his place in front of it. It was a beautiful device, the most beautiful that Virgil had ever seen. The base color was black, the metal dark yet shining in the starlight. It had accents of dark blue it seemed, though it was difficult to tell in the dark. There were also silver linings on the telescope, pulling everything together into beauty.

“Oh my fucking god,” Virgil stepped up to line himself with the telescope. He let some of his anxiety go, wishing upon himself smoother emotions. “You are such a nerd.” Virgil leaned in to look into the telescope.

“Roman seems to enjoy calling me that,” Logan commented, more to himself that to Virgil. While Logan and Roman weren’t exactly friends, they did have a friendly rivalry going in their English class.

“He’s a prep who rules the school. It’s almost like it’s ingrained into his DNA or something,” Virgil didn’t look away from the telescope, enjoying the star shape he’d never knew existed. “Any other stars you wanna show me?”

Logan enjoyed Virgil’s enthusiasm at learning about space. It was something he knew plenty of. The two continued to look at different constellations long into the night. Virgil sometimes asking to know more information than Logan first gave on a particular group of stars. Before either of them knew it the two had talked until it was nearly morning.

Logan was the first to notice the time. “I will definitely need to correct my Circadian Rhythm seeing as it is 5 am.”

“Fuck, is it really?”

“I would not lie about that. It appears that I need to return home in order to get ready to go.”

Virgil squinted his eyes in confusion. It was now early Saturday morning, so where did Logan need to go to? “Where are you going if you don’t mind me asking?”

“My family is taking a day trip to the museum.”

Virgil looked at him. “Well I think you’ll have fun. Especially since you like the history and science stuff.”

“I agree it should be enjoyable.”

The two waited in silence for many moments more, both reluctant to leave the hilltop. Unbenounced to Virgil, Logan was apprehensive to leave. He didn’t want to leave Virgil–the boy who yelled and hissed and hit back but shook with fear once it was over–alone in this secluded place when it was still nightfall. Virgil didn’t want to leave because of a similar reason, but also because of the time. In about an hour, the sun would rise, and seeing it’s rays slowly but surely peak over the horizon from way up here was the most beautiful thing that Virgil had ever seen.

That is, not counting that look in Logan’s eyes when he’s rambling about something he particularly enjoys.

“Are you coming?” Logan’s smooth, if not tired, voice pressed in through Virgil’s ears, causing him to remove his eyes from the horizon. The other had already packed up his telescope and was seemingly ready to leave the hilltop. Virgil’s heart plummeted. He was the reason he was still here?

“It’s a little early to leave, isn’t it?” Virgil said under his breath. He still didn’t want to return home. If he could, he would live the rest of his life inside this one moment.

“What do you mean?” Logan asked.

“It’s just… The sunrise is always a wonderful thing to see. The way the sky slowly changes colors from the darkness of night to the bright color of the morning is breathtaking,” He turned to look back at the skyline. “Don’t you want to see that?”

Logan just looked at Virgil for a few moments. He could see that Virgil truly loved the idea of watching the sunrise. It was also clear that Virgil didn’t want to go home, at least not yet. Why? Logan didn’t know, but he couldn’t leave the other boy up on this hill alone. With a quick look at his watch, Logan decided he could stay until the sunrise and not be late for the family trip.

“That does sound pleasant. I suppose we should stay for it.”

“Wait. Really?” Virgil asked

“Yes.” Logan put down his telescope case to further prove his point.

“Thank you,” Virgil started out, taking a deep breath before shifting to get comfortable sitting down on the grass. “When it’s past 5 am, there’s really no reason in going to bed anyway. Getting sleep messes with being able to sleep the next night so…”

“I take it you have sleepless nights often, then?” Logan countered as he sat down next to Virgil. Very close to him, Virgil noticed instantly. “That cannot be good for your health.”

“I try to avoid it, but it’s bound to happen.” Virgil put his arms around his knees, going silent as the faintest peaks of sunlight started to slide over the horizon. The sunrise was early today, he supposed.

The light was fascinating. It crawled slower than a snail’s pace, but it still lit up the sky as it did so. It grew and grew, creeping up and out of the hills with every passing moment. Soon, the grave the sun made for itself was opening wider, allowing a sliver of the sun to be shown. The sky had taken a golden hue near the horizon a long while ago, the gold rays of light infecting the dark navy sky and bringing it to life. It was a painfully slow process, but as Virgil watched it in silence with Logan by his side, he could never have asked for anything more.

The sun was up. It was now shining brightly just over the horizon. It hurt to look at now, but that wasn’t stopping Virgil. He still didn’t move.

“Is there,” Logan paused, swallowed, and shifted so he faced Virgil. “Is there a particular reason you haven’t departed yet?”

“Hmm?” Virgil hummed instead of giving a worded answer. He turned away from the cloud-obscured sun to look at Logan.

Logan’s lips were pursed, eyebrows tighter than before. It was odd for Virgil to see, especially since the boy’s face had been relaxed for the entirety of their night together. “You wished to see the sunrise. That seems to have ended several minutes ago yet you haven’t made any attempt to move.”

Virgil shifted to put his hands under his legs, sitting on the shaking fingers. “It’s just... peaceful up here.”

“It is.” Logan needlessly adjusted his glasses. There was a pause, then, slowly, “However… I believe that there is another reason.”

Air heavily released from Virgil’s lungs, blowing out of his nose as his body deflated. Even after only a night spent together, Logan was able to read him better than most others. Not including Patton (who’s gift of rain boots he had lost and hadn’t been able to find). He wasn’t sure that he could tell Logan the many reasons why he didn’t want to go yet. There wasn’t a specific one, really, but rather a list of anxieties weighing Virgil down to the hilltop. “Mom’s out of town on a business trip. I don’t enjoy being home alone.”

“And your father is out of town as well?” Logan’s voice barely lifted at the end, as if it were more of a statement than a question. That was a reasonable, logical thought. Most people assumed that their peers still had both parents, especially at this age.

Virgil’s eyes broke away from Logan’s form. They wandered back to the sky, then fixed downwards at his thighs. “My dad…” The words were heavy on his tongue. “He died a few years ago.”

His father’s death was a sore subject. It was something that he never talked about, even with Patton. The two had met after his dad’s passing, so Patton never knew Virgil with both parents at his side. Virgil was certain that Patton was still under the impression that his dad died when Virgil was a young child, not a struggling teenager.

Silence rang out into the night as if Logan was at a loss for words. He probably was, considering the odd breathing pattern coming from him. It sounded as if Logan was opening his mouth, then closing it again, several times. “I, well... I apologize, Virgil. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t know, Logan.”

The silence that had begun after Virgil revealed something personal persisted for longer. It wasn’t an uncomfortable, stifled silence like before. Actually, the silence was nearer to the comfortable calm when they watched the sunrise. However, after a fair few minutes, Logan broke the stillness. “Unfortunately, I do need to return home.”

Virgil’s head reluctantly straightened up, slowly turning to nod in confirmation. He hated that the wonderful time had to end. A squirming, crawling emotion slithered in his chest. What if he’d never have such an amazing, peaceful night again? And with someone was smart and kind as Logan? There would be an uneasy sense of finality in walking home now.

It felt as if the air knew that this was something that would never happen again.

Logan picked himself off from the ground, moving to grab his telescope case. Unbeknownst to Virgil, the blue-clad boy was deeply lost in thought. The previous night was one of the most pleasant and calming that he’d had in a while. The hilltop was perfect for watching the stars, which he knew. What Logan didn’t understand until then was how nice it was to find someone who was as passionate about astronomy as he was.

“Virgil?”

“Hmm?” Virgil hummed in response.

“I was wondering if you would like to join me up here again Sunday night? Or considering it is nearly six in the morning, tomorrow night. We are due for an eclipse and while they are very pleasing to see with the naked eye, they are absolutely astonishing to see with the telescope. And it allows you to see some of the stars that are positioned closer to the moon you cannot normally see due to the brightness.”

Virgil’s eyes widened at the invitation. Logan–intelligent, seemingly friendless Logan–had invited him to spend more time with him? This couldn’t be the same Logan he knew from school. He had to be possessed or overtaken by a ghost or something. There was no way that he’d want to spend time with anyone, let alone someone who was such a mess.

Noticing the panic that gathered in Virgil’s eyes, Logan reached out his free hand to gently touch Virgil’s shoulder. The action made the anxious one jump, tense, then relax in the span of a few seconds. He never would have considered that someone like Logan would want to touch someone like Virgil. Logan’s hand remained on top of Virgil’s shoulder, just under his hood.

“I enjoyed spending time with you, Virgil,” Logan offered a twitch upwards of his lips along with a softening of the lines around his eyes and forehead. “Our shared interest and easy-going interactions make me want to see you again.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” Logan didn’t seem to mind that he had to constantly reassure Virgil of his anxieties. “I didn't realize that the night had passed because I enjoyed spending time with you. It’s rare to find someone with so much passion for something. You clearly love astronomy and wish to learn as much as possible. It’s refreshing actually.” The small smile never left Logan’s face.

Without realizing what he was doing, the anxious boy had wrapped his arms around Logan in a hug. When Logan didn’t initially return it, his thoughts started to get the better of him. He tensed, arms stiff but still around the boy who was practically a stranger. Why did he do that? Why did he think that was acceptable? Virgil probably just fucked up a good thing, didn’t he? Logan was merely being kind and he went and did something like that? He was such a dumbass.

Thankfully, a microsecond later, those anxieties were pushed aside slightly when he felt arms wrap around him. “Sorry,” Virgil said softly, wondering how that much of Patton had managed to rub off on him that he’d do something like that.

“It’s quite alright. I was just not expecting it.” Logan’s hands smoothed across Virgil’s back in a star pattern, as if he were drawing the shape. It was comforting, but the familiarity made tears begin to prick at Virgil’s eyes. His dad used to do that when he hugged his son.

Virgil blinked heavily. He tightened his grip on Logan, bunching the fabric of his shirt in his fingers. That level of hug lasted only a few seconds before Virgil loosened his arms. Both began to pull away.

“I guess, goodbye then?” Virgil mumbled, voice slightly wetter than he would have liked. It was slightly choked up, but thankfully Logan didn’t comment on it.

“It seems so.” Logan pulled his hands completely away from Virgil, their fingertips brushing for a moment. They stayed there, staring at each other, for a moment too long. Virgil cleared his throat, and Logan swallowed. His lips were turned upwards ever so slightly. “See you here tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Virgil shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. They were tingling for some reason that most definitely wasn’t anxiety. His mouth upturned into a smile to mirror Logan’s. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.” Logan echoed with a nod, then leaned down to pick up his telescope case. Virgil didn’t know when he had put it down. Both took a few steps away from each other with shuffling feet on the damp grass. Logan’s mouth parted, then quickly closed without further words. The four-eyed boy turned, let his feet begin to carry him away from (Virgil dare say) his newfound friend, before casting his head backward one last time.

The view he witnessed was incomprehensible.

Virgil stood just at the edge of the hill, teetering on the brink of disaster. The dim lighting of newborn sunlight didn’t allow Logan to see Virgil’s face in its entirety, but he perceived the most noticeable details. He looked calm, standing next to doom, face soft and blissful with the smallest of genuine smiles gracing his lips. The wind had picked up at some point, allowing the dark locks of the anxious one’s hair to float just so. His unzipped jacket was fluttering in the breeze as well. Jingles of the tiniest variety sounded from the zipper clinking against metal. The sun, partially blocked by clouds, shown vibrantly from behind. The rays that escaped the warmly colored sky protruded out from Virgil as a hollow of light.

“Goodbye, Virgil.” Logan found himself saying, breathless.

“Bye, Logan.” Virgil tipped his fingers off his forehead in a salute, his smile infinite in the sunlight. Logan turned away once more, his own smile growing exponentially, feelings in both of their chests swirling swiftly at the days to come.

#Analogical #virgil sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #analogical fanfic

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willowistic22 · 4 years

Note

"He urgently needs soup" for Ikeshot?

I got that school project done yayy which means I am back to writing my heart out in newsies fanfics JAHFJNFJKSNJSDF. i wrote this from start to finish for like 3-4 hours straight lol i wish i was this productive every day. one of my favorite and very underrated ship btw so i was soo excited to write it. and also might be a little too long than my other drabble request but hey ive been saying that for almost all of my drabble requests so im sorry not sorry ✌🤪

requests are still closed for now till i have the motivation to reblog another prompt list but that also just applies to requests in general lol. till then, enjoy this and my next drabble request still in the works.

He lets the cool night breeze be his company, sitting on the outdoor table of the restaurant his date told him to meet him at. Hotshot didn’t want to order till his date arrive, despite the loud grumbling coming from his stomach. Hotshot isn’t sure how long he has before starvation gets the best of him. Because it’s been well over an hour and a half, and his date hasn’t arrived yet.

He bounces his leg frantically, the anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach worsens with every passing moment of not knowing. Hotshot puts all his energy and focus on the small details around him, ruffling his dark brown hair, fidgeting his fingers together. Doing all that just to distract his brain from what’s most likely happening right now.

This can’t actually be happening, can it? Why would Hotshot get stood up on the third date? The one where his date had chosen what to do and promised to pay for it? Besides, it seemed that his date was showing genuine interest in him. Or did Hotshot just got too excited and read it all wrong? Is this suppose to be some sort of sign he needs to decipher?

God, he hated those intrusive thoughts. It gave him a sudden headache, forcing him to pull away his focus from the tiny lights the restaurant had hanged for decorations. Putting his elbow on the table, Hotshot uses his palm to support his heavy head.

“Are you ready to order now?” The same waitress came back to ask the same question for the seventh time, or is this the eight? Hotshot can only shake his head, the same answer he’s been providing every time that question is thrown at him, turning his face away just to avoid seeing the pity the waitress showed.

Hotshot still wants to hope for the best outcome, but him and every other people noticing his loneliness knows what’s happening. Still, he pulls out his phone to see if his date had responded to his text or he had missed a call. Nothing. Hotshot moves to text his friend Spot, asking him for a second opinion on what to do.

It fucking sucks because I really like him. Hotshot had texted. He has to have a proper explanation for being this late, right?

He waits for the texting bubbles from Spot to turn into readable text, which didn’t took too long.

You call two hours late? Look, I’m sorry I have to say this but he stood you up!

Hotshot doesn’t respond for a moment because he doesn’t want to believe what his friend said. More texting bubbles starts to appear. He places his phone on the table to wait what more Spot has to say.

I’m saying this because you’re my friend, Hotshot. Come over and we’ll talk about it

That offer looks tempting in Hotshot’s eyes. Before he could reply, the screen of his phone switches to the call display. The name on it confuses him, seeing that he had been ignoring Hotshot for the whole night.

Hotshot was hesitant to answer it at first, but maybe it’s worth to listen what kind of sorry excuse he had for his lateness. That is, if this still counts as being late.

“Hello?” Hotshot hesitantly spoke as he put his phone up to his ear.

“Hey, uhh... a-are you still waiting at the restaurant?” The voice asked, tone nervously shaking. Hotshot could pick up some background noises from the callers end, it’s quite loud but it sounds like there’s too many things happening there to the point he can’t really tell what is what.

“Yeah, yeah I am. Where are you?”

There was a little pause for a second before he finally responded again, “So... remember I told you that I have a twin brother?”

“Yes?”

“And how I exaggerated about him being a total dumbass and an overall useless human being?” He continued on with a little awkward laughter following after, “Well, you’ll never believe what just happened and where I’m at right now”

Ike’s in the hospital. The emergency room to be exact. Ike’s brother, Mike, had gotten himself into a drunken accident while he was at a bar. Ike didn’t fully explain what happened because he has no idea what happened there himself.

Hotshot thought Ike genuinely felt bad for leaving him hanging like that. He wanted to tell him but he was just too caught up with what’s happening at the moment. Things had just calmed down on his end, which is why it took him two hours to call Hotshot.

He told Hotshot to come see him at the emergency room and get takeout for them to enjoy, plus a little something for Mike. Hotshot briefly explained to Spot what was really happening before he head to the hospital to make sure he doesn’t leave his friend hanging.

The ER is packed with people. Whether they’re there as a patient or as a health worker in the middle of doing their night shift. A strong smell of latex and other medical scents filled his nostrils as soon as he stepped through the automatic doors. The lights are nearly blinding, but it didn’t took long for him to adjust to it.

He scanned the place to look for a small specific boy in the midst of the rush. He finally spotted a familiar face in the far back, hunched over a hospital bed. Hotshot caught his attention with a wave of his hand, which made him stand up from his seat to walk over to him.

Hotshot makes his own way to him and they meet in the middle of their path. He bends down a little to give Ike a hug once they’ve gotten close enough, but Ike parted with an awkward smile, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t planned on having a date at the ER!”

To which they both laughed as they make their way to Mike’s hospital bed.

“What did you get?” Ike asked, finally noticing the takeaway bag Hotshot was carrying.

“Nothing more than what you suggested on getting” Hotshot replied. Ike had suggested on getting the seafood dishes because that’s their specialty. But he specifically directs Hotshot on what to get for Mike.

“That means you ordered something for Mike?” He asked, and got a simple nod as a reply, “Good. ‘Cause from what I can tell with his current condition...”

He moves the hospital curtain to reveal an identical figure lying helplessly on the bed, a cast on the left arm and another cast wrapped around his head. Ike leans his weight against the bed railings with his hands before adding on, “... he urgently needs soup”

“Is this the guy that keeps on kidnapping you from me to go on corny dates?” The boy on the bed managed to speak up. He looks a little disoriented but his consciousness is present.

“Mike, we’ve only been on two dates”

“And he’s gonna keep on doing it, is he?!”

Hotshot laughed at the brotherly interaction before Ike finally pulled a second chair for him. Mike gets his soup, despite still not being able to function properly, while Hotshot and Ike gets to have their third date. The two eat their respective dishes accompanied with a small chat but mostly getting entertained with Mike who’s either still under the influence of anesthesia or the alcohol. Maybe they’re lucky and got both.

“I’m so sorry our dinner date had to turn into... ‘this’...” Ike put down his wooden spoon in the small food container to gesture his hands towards his brother, “And I’m sorry that it looked like I stood you up”

“It’s okay. I mean, at least this isn’t another corny date like what he said”

To which, Ike responded with a small laugh.

“I should step up my game and get my friend to third wheel us on another ER date next time” Hotshot joked, earning a laugh from Ike, “Taking you on corny dates would piss your brother off”

“Mike’s an idiot but he’s harmless” Ike explained after he stopped his laughing, “And... I don’t mind the corny dates. I just enjoy going out with you in general!”

Hotshot smiles at him sweetly and Ike returns the favor, ignoring the reality of where they actually are. It made him feel warm to know Ike felt the same way about hanging out with him. Because Hotshot clearly likes him. A lot.

“Jesus, guys! Get a room!” Mike called out. He might still be a little dysfunctional but he’s sober enough to realize the tension between them, “Don’t gotta make me and my soup feel single while you two make out in public!”

Hotshot looks down to his food to hide his laugh, whilst Ike gives his brother the stink eye but manages out a laugh. He face Hotshot again, “I swear, this isn’t how I wanted you two to meet”

#Newsies #drabble requests #ikeshot #ikeshot newsies #ike newsies #hotshot newsies #tw mentions of alcohol #tw alcohol #tw drunk #tw hospital #tw cursing #tw casts #is that a tw?

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lostnfinding · 4 years

Text

lil kateva fic that i wrote inspired on preston saying that he wanted to write eva with really strict military parents and something @i-don-t-even-care put on the discord.

this was written in less than one hour, but im proud of it? idk, hope you like it

title: Toxic Thoughts Of An Over Achiever

trigger warnings: mentally abusive parent-child relationship, intrusive thoughts, unhealthy habits

word count: 1076

————————————————————————-

Eva always grew up being told that she needed to give her best in every situation. she did her best all her life, and was pretty much the perfect child, the one all parents wanted to have. she always did what she was told, she always respected everyone around her, she kept things to herself (which adults love) and she rarely went to high school parties without a good reason (friends birthday or something). Even though she didn’t cheer to get a medal, she still did her best at that, because she knew it would give her opportunities to go to better colleges without spending too much money, and she also had her own savings from her job at the pizza place. She was an over achiever in every sense, and being an over achiever was the least her parents expected of her. They wanted her to enroll on all the AP classes and get 100% on all her tests, to focus on her future and become a successful person. So when Giles Corey offered her a cheer scholarship, her parents were thrilled.

But with the scholarship, came meeting the rest of the team; Kate, to be more precise. and the way Kate made Eva feel was something she had never experienced before. She had crushes, but none of them compared to Kate Dalton. When Kate started to flirt, she flirted back, awkwardly in the beginning, and the feeling only grew. Kate could make her happy by simply being there, and her smile, her smile was the best thing she had ever saw. When Kate smiled at her, it was like the whole world faded away. every little joke she told, every sarcastic comment she made and every time her eyes light up Eva got butterflies. and when Kate asked her out, she immediately said yes.

Their first kiss happened on their second date, and Eva felt like she was dreaming the whole time. Kate fucking Dalton was kissing her. She couldn’t stop smiling for three days. they went out for a few weeks before making it official. Eva was the one to ask this time, and she was so happy when Kate said yes. the time they spent together was like a dream that none of them wanted to wake up from.

They had their ups and downs, every couple did, but they always made up. in six months of dating, they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other.

Eva’s parents weren’t as happy as their daughter. They were glad Eva had found someone for her, but they were always talking about how Eva should focus more on her future, and that high school relationships never lasted. not having her parents full support hurtled, but that didn’t mean Eva would keep herself from loving Kate and being loved by her.

She was always told what she had to do with her life: get her high school diploma on top of the honors role, go to a good college, preferably studying something like engineering, enlist on the military, and make a career for herself there as a military engineer; when she resigned from the military she would put her diploma to use in other areas; maybe, along all that, she would find someone to be with, and maybe, if she had time, she would have no more than two kids. but all those plans were suddenly so unimportant. All Eva could see on her future was Kate. she wanted to be with Kate no matter what. She didn’t care about diplomas and grades anymore. sure, she kept them up and was still on the honors role, but if she had to miss an assignment to stay with Kate, shed gladly miss it.

Part of her felt like she could be doing better. The stern looks on her parents faces when they found out she had missed the due date for some homework or she didn’t get at least a 95 on a test made her feel so bad. So she started trying to work harder and still be there for Kate. It worked alright at first, but as Chess' birthday approached, she found her girlfriend hiding in a bathroom stall and crying more and more times. and more and more times she would spend the night over, the comfort of having each other keeping nightmares mostly away, and the feeling of sufficiency pushing away her intrusive thought.

But when she came back home, the stares and the criticism got to her and she felt like she could do better, she had to do better. She would stay up all night studying, checking her phone every half hour to see if Kate had texted and needed anything, and drowning herself in work. She wrote essays the teachers didn’t ask for and got exercises from college books, trying to be better. She forgot to eat, she lived off coffee and motivation, the only times she would remember to eat was when food was brought to her with a phrase such as “if you eat you will be more productive”, usually said by her parents.

You could clearly see how she was changing. It pained Kate to watch it. Her girlfriend was slipping away by the second, and as much as she told her she was enough and that she didn’t have to overwork herself, Eva didn’t believe it. The two had their time together, when they would just stay home watching a movie, or go out to a park, but Eva always seemed on edge.

She could only realize how bad things actually were when she passed out of exhaustion in the middle of cheer practice, having a concussion and a sprained wrist. She spent a couple days in the hospital, and after that, her parents had a talk with her.

She had to chose between being the best at everything she did, or be with Kate. For her, it wasn’t a choice. She knew she would be disappointing her parents, but she chose Kate. She would still work hard, and get good grades, like she always did, she just wouldn’t be on top of everything. she didn’t care though, as much as her parents and the voices in her head said she should. It was hard keeping those thoughts away, but she managed to burry them most of the time. She was happy doing what she was best at: loving Kate.

#we are the tigers #we are the tigers fanfiction #kate watt #eva watt #kateva

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sugoi-writes · 4 years

Text

ilomilo (Midoriya x Reader) Part 2/?

Aaaand it’s here! I’m still trying to ease things in, so that the fluff/romance doesn’t feel too rushed! Let me know what you guys think! And to all the sweet comments: Thank you! I felt really motivated to continue. There’s a lot of angst this chapter too, but next chapter will mostly be FLUFF.

Summary: Your hospitalization is going shockingly well... so well, that any day you’ll be on your way to rehabilitation. You struggle to make sense of your current stance with Izuku, and your guilt... and before things could get anymore tense, you receive an unexpected visitor. (Word Count: <2k)

(Y/N)- your name

(Y/F)- your friend’s name, your pick!

TW: depression, anxiety, negative/intrusive thoughts, rehabilitation, hospitalization

The couple of weeks spent at the hospital were mostly uneventful. However, the staff especially Toga-san helped you in making the time pass a little easier. After so long, your rest had finally started paying off. When you manage to function properly on your own, bearing only the scars to tell your tale, Toga tells you that you would be transferred into rehabilitation soon.

During your recovery, under strict guidelines, your friend came to visit you. They were able to bring your things a little bit at a time, and couldn't help but fawn over you. They thanked you frequently for paying for their care and medication, as you would bashfully try to brush it off. You didn’t have the heart to admit that it wasn’t you, but Midoriya who had paid for everything. You knew damn well that if (Y/F) ever figured out the truth, they would stop at nothing to strangle him, as they “hated handouts”. With you, though, they felt that you were family, and were more susceptible to your kindness.

But as the days came and went, your friend was not able to visit as frequently. You two were able to call each other often, but you couldn’t help but develop a pit in your stomach, anxious and wishing to interact with someone. Any outside interaction during this period was enough to keep your head up, and keep you optimistic for the future.

However there was one thing that would always throw you for a loop, and left you feeling confused and lost; the flowers that Izuku left you. They came in small waves, not too frequently, but enough to where it was noticeable and impressionable on your emotions.

You were flipping through one of the books you read while in recovery, marvelling at the flowers you decided to press. It was a way to keep your hero closer to you, and to keep the memory of his kindness pristine. You had a small array, and you were sure that they all held some special meaning. You also feel your face flush as you pass a particular page, with one of your favorite flowers splayed out before you. He had loved to bring you this one in particular, but you weren’t even sure how he knew this was your favorite… He never so much as came to your room, preferring that a third party deliver them in his stead. On one hand, you’re trying to be considerate, especially taking his status in mind… But with the way he calmed you and held you that night, you wondered if he wanted to actually see you, or keep you in check.

You should be embarrassed as hell, knowing that the #1 hero was taking even THIS much time out of his day to remind you that he’s here for you. But, you couldn't lie to yourself. You craved more from him, and felt that familiar, fluttering feeling surge through your chest.

You remembered him from the good ole high school days, like it was yesterday. And, as thoughts of his young, longing eyes filled your head… you began to tremble. It was so long ago, and yet… here you were, remembering it so vividly…

~~~

Deku had been arguing with you, as you dashed to shake him off of your heels. He saw you with your things, shoved haphazardly in a suitcase as you tried sneaking out of the building undetected. It surely had to have been past midnight, the moon hanging over your heads as it casted long, ominous shadows on the pavement of UA.

“PLEASE, can you just stop following me!!!,” you hiss, as Deku presses forward, ignoring your demands.

“Why are you running from this??? I just want to know why my friend is dropping out! Am I not allowed to know why???” Deku pressed, making your brow knit from frustration. You whip around to face him, and the greenette stumbles to a stop, afraid that he would bulldoze right over you. Your fists were clenched, shaking as you threw down the handle to your large suitcase in frustration.

“You wouldn’t understand, and what I do with my life isn’t your business! You have no right to tell me why I shouldn’t leave!” you spat, as Deku recoiled from your shouting. Deku anxiously throws his hands up, defensively backing up. His voice was raising as much as it could, as he was still timid with confrontation.

“I’m not-- no, I didn’t mean that you can’t leave because I said so!!! I just want to know why you’re suddenly deciding to disappear, without a goodbye or an explanation!!!”

You watch as Deku extends his arm, reaching for you, before you shove him away. It didn’t take you long to rear back, yelling directly in his face,” I DON’T HAVE... TO JUSTIFY. WHY. I’M LEAVING. TO YOU!!! You’re so far up my ass, and I wish you would just trust me when I say that I don’t want to be here anymore!!! That all I want to do is quit before I get my hopes up!!!”

Deku is shaken by your outburst once more, recoiling. You turn away from him, hoping he can’t see your face flush a humiliating, dark scarlet,” I'm not made for this school, Im… not even made for this city, Deku. I’m a foreigner, an outcast… and… I’ve never been the one to excel at anything physically or academically. People like me…. Once we start falling behind, it's... nearly impossible to ever get back up. Do you understand what that feels like?”

You scoff before Deku can retort, huffing from the anger that’s rising in your chest,” Of course you don’t! You’re so special, and smart, and brave--!! You excel at heroics, academics-- and people like me can’t even make a decent mark on exams, experience growth, or even get close to anyone...!”

You grit your teeth as Deku remains silent, fighting the urge to say that you were close to him. You were close, right? After all, you shared so much of yourself with him in winding hallways and crowded common areas. Anyone would have thought so too. And somehow, he had no idea where this anxiety or lack of faith in yourself came from. You continue to rant passionately, your eyes fixated on the pavement and your suitcase.

”Everyone is rising up, getting better, stronger… especially you. There’s…. no way I can keep up as is….,” you forlorn, your hands switching between unwinding and clenching. Deku reaches out to you once more, disregarding how you shoved him before,” …(Y/N)... you can’t be serious, I… out of anyone, you should know that’s not true. You have friends and peers to lean on, and… I-I think you do pretty great when we’re testing, doing combat training… (Y/N), I came from nothing, and I know you did too. I know that it takes so much out of you to be the best, and that you can break at any moment from the pressure… But the payoff is way too good to give up! I know you secretly feel that way too!” His voice quivers as you try to dismiss his kind words, slamming your eyes shut in disdain and protest.

“Please, just… come back inside… Tomorrow, first thing, we can make a change. Let’s make you a counselor’s appointment! Maybe even try changing your course! You can go at your own pace, and you don’t have to compare yourself to anyone else, especially me. You don’t even have to be in the heroics course to--”

You harshly slap his hand away,” Don’t you get it?!” you snap, venom dripping from your words. You thought that Izuku, out of everyone you knew, would understand where you were coming from: why you wanted to be a hero. But this was like talking to a brick wall.

“I’M-- I’m… done, ‘Zuzu… This is the end of the line for me. I know that with this… this stupid, non combatant quirk… and my lack of strength, agility, or even mental capacity... *sigh* I know that they’re going to hold me back, indefinitely. I’ve stagnated, and I’m not able to make any progress past where I am now... Whatever peak I had, in general… that’s… all gone now. I can feel my chances slipping, and I just… I just can’t sit here and take the failure. And I can’t breathe while the walls are closing in on me. I don’t want to lose… I don’t want to give up… but it’s easier than living in misery because I’ll never be good enough…”

Deku feels his heart sink as he hears you sniffling, holding back the flood gates as you hastily wipe away fresh, hot tears. He had no idea that this was how you felt, and that your mental health was so skewed against yourself.

“ All I have left is… my friend, back home… (Y/F). I have no hobbies that are worthwhile… I can’t contribute to society, and I can’t make a good name for myself. The only thing that can keep me here is them, and…” You swallow a hard lump that formed in your throat, remembering how your friend had started showing signs of being ill,”...and they have no reason to keep lying to me. I have no reason to lie to myself, just to keep falling flat on my face. If I’m getting anywhere in life… it starts… by figuring it out on my own.”

You hastily grab your luggage, walking away briskly. You were dropping out, and there was no stopping you.

“ (Y/N)! I… I can’t pretend that I completely understand your reasoning, and that I support you leaving UA behind!” Deku blurts, following behind you swiftly.

“But I can say that I have felt the way you feel right now… Maybe we aren’t… exactly in the same position… but I was hopeless before I pursued my dream and made it into UA. A campus like this... It’s-- so full of opportunity. You can thrive here, get second chances, and chart a future that you want for yourself and the people you care about. Please… we can talk about this. I… I don’t want to patronize you, but… I… I don’t think you should give up your whole school career, your future... over setbacks, no matter how big or small.”

Your steps start to slow down, and you let Deku catch up to you, still headed towards the front gate. Deku thinks he’s getting through to you, and continues rambling,” I know you’ve been disappointed, and you haven’t made as much progress as you’ve wanted… but there’s so much time left! So much time to learn and grow. There’s room to change and switch around things! UA isn’t always for everyone, but… I really think you belong here! Out of so many people I’ve met here, you have one of the purest mindsets on being a hero, and how much it means to you!”

You tense up, pausing as Deku talks directly to you,” I’m… so sorry that I just now realized how badly you were hurting, and your struggle to be better. I wish… I wish I could have figured out, and found a way to help you more, before you… felt this awful about yourself… But you have people here that want to see you make it! Everyone is rooting for you! You… you have me...r-rooting for you.”

You felt your chest clench as he continues, your cheeks continuing to glow a deep red. He was too kind… he had too much faith in you. He has no idea… how long you’ve wanted to leave UA behind.

“ And if it meant you staying, and chasing the dream you wanted-- what you told me you wanted-- then I’d do what I could to show you that you are so much more than your grades, your performances, and your Quirk!” Deku practically shouts, his fists clenched as he looks to you firmly, with unshakeable hope.

Your eyes threaten to release new tears, but you bite your lip to distract yourself. You have to suppress the urge to yell at him again, or embrace him. You feel Deku placing a hand on your back, trying to offer you a smile,” ...there’s so much left that you haven’t even tried or experienced yet… you have strengths that are different than anyone else’s… I know that... YOU know that. So let the school, and your friends... help you find where your talents are. L-Let… let me help you, a-and I’m sure, somehow--”

You suddenly jab him with your elbow, shoving him off and away from you. Deku recoils, seemingly hurt physically and emotionally. You couldn’t bear to glance behind you and witness the sorrowful, pained expression in his eyes.

“ I...I already made up my mind, d--... don’t you dare patronize me. I don’t-- I never ASKED for your help.” You reach down to pick up your luggage, making a beeline for the school gates,” Goodbye, Zu--...Midoriya-kun... I’m sorry, but I can’t look back. I’m taking the first train home,” you spat quietly, continuing to walk away.

Deku, still recoiling from the jab in his ribs, can’t help but reach for you again. You hear a quiet, heavy-hearted waver in his voice as he calls for you. It took you mere moments to scramble past the barrier/front entrance of the school. This was planned for weeks, Deku realized, and you knew just exactly how to weasel your way past the security measures. The only thing that held you back was the right time to slip away.

If you dared to look, you would have seen nothing but tears, as Deku watched you briskly disappear into the night.

“Senpai…”

~~~

You are reeling from your dissociative state, feeling guilty that that was how you repaid him for trying to help you. Look at you now, breaking the law… and he still came for you, a criminal who critically hurt several people. He saved you, and paid for everything, despite you ghosting him and your dreams completely.

Your spiral into negativity is cut short by an intruder, Toga’s voice ringing in your ear,” Dinner’s here~”

You barely move a muscle as Himiko rolls a cart your way, bringing you a fresh, hot meal. She smiles warmly as she sets everything on your lap, propping your head up with another pillow.

“I figured I should tell you the good news~ You’ll need to eat and get to bed early, because you’re rolling out tomorrow!” Toga blurts, clapping her hands together excitedly. You blink for a moment, distracted from your intrusive thoughts,” I...thought that soon would mean like… next week?” you say, puzzled. However, Toga just smiles and shakes her head.

“Because you turned around so quickly: the doctor already went through your files and gave you the stamp of approval to be discharged! Maybe it’s a little sudden, but really, you’re going to LOVE the facility! I can’t be happier for y--”

Toga trails off mid sentence, noticing your head hanging low, a look of regret and guilt swimming in your eyes. She frowns slightly, tilting her head,” I… I know it’s a bit rushed, and still very nerve-racking, but… I can promise you that the people there, the people you’ll talk to and bond with… are actually wonderful. It’ll be so much better for you than being cooped up in bed,” she offers gently. You shake your head, smiling sadly.

“I uhh- no, it’s great! It means I can get back on my feet and home sooner, but… I just wish (Y/F) could have visited again. Or…,” you gulp, not wanting to admit that you wished you could see Deku, and thank him for everything. Toga senses what you’re trying to keep to yourself, smiling sadly,” Ohh, you’re thinking of the flower guy, huh? Your benefactor?”

Your nose scrunches up at the odd description. He was more than that to you, wasn’t he? He wasn’t some distant acquaintance, just a good-ole-hero doing heroic things… No… no, he had to have meant more, and you meant a lot to him… right? But why do you care, and why were you so suddenly enamored with him again?!

Himiko hums in acknowledgement, shifting her weight to her other hip,” I’ll tell you what. If you eat your entire dinner, I can try and call (Y/F)-san and see if they can make it before visitation hours end. And… while I haven’t really seen Flower Man’s face, I can try and ask the front desk for a name. Surely he had to sign in so he could drop those flowers off for you.”

Your shoulders relax, your eyes brightening at the kind offer,” Yeah… actually, that would be really nice. Even just calling them, or… trying to call… h-him… would be nice,” you admit softly, causing Toga to beam down to you.

Toga chuckles, mocking a small salute to you,” Say no more~ I’ll let you eat, and I’ll go ahead and see what I can dig up in the meantime!” Toga chimes, causing you to chuckle and smile crookedly at her. For a nurse, who had to deal with patients and illness day to day… she still had an almost childish, bubbly quality to her. Like she was unphased by her difficult job.

“Th-Thanks, Toga-san. I really appreciate what you do for me,” you remark, making Toga flush ever so slightly. She nods to you, pulling the cart backwards and swiveling it towards the door, with the intent to leave.

“Awww, so sweet~ Well, I know you’ve been lonely lately, so any way I can help a patient is a-okay in my book--” Himiko panics and brings her cart to a screeching halt, having almost hit a nurse who was standing in the doorway. The nurse clears his throat, eyeing Toga with a hint of annoyance,” Toga-san, try to be more careful, will you? …*ahem* Now, (Y/N)-san. You have an unexpected visitor. They didn’t book their visitation in advance, so I’m sure you know that this is usually not allowed. However, they said that they wanted to see you before you were transferred. The visit will be granted, with your consent.”

You blink in confusion, raising a brow. You couldn’t help the small smile that bubbled to the surface” A… visitor? Ahh, yeah, that’s no problem. I really appreciate it sir, you can tell them that--”

You halt mid sentence as a man walks up to join the male nurse, wearing baggy, black athletic gear with green accents. He’s also sporting large red sneakers, and a matching baseball cap. He takes a moment to remove a pair of sunglasses off of his face, revealing rich, forest green eyes and freckled, flushed cheeks. He pulls a small bouquet of flowers from behind his back, looking at you sweetly. Your favorite flowers stared back at you as your jaw fell open, shocked. The male nurse seems unphased by the fact that he was standing next to Deku.

“S-Sorry for the late notice… may I come in?,” Izuku asks you, his voice smooth, and a little deeper than you had expected it to be.

You and Toga share looks of disbelief. Neither of you expected anyone, especially THIS MAN, right now. Toga’s face instantly becomes a dusty rose, as she backs away from the doorway, unobstructing Deku’s path. Deku gives her a courteous wave, making Toga’s shoulders relax oh-so slightly.

The two nurses look directly to you, waiting for your response as Deku wears a cavity-inducing smile. You can’t help but choke on your own words, as if gasping for air,” N-No! I mean-- no, I don’t mind if you do…! You can-- yeah, you can come in!” you practically squawk, ashamed that you had that much difficulty speaking.

Toga and the other nurse watch as Midoriya Izuku walks in shortly after, pardoning himself to get past the nurses. He nods to you, setting the flowers on your bedpost, before sitting in the guest chair beside your bed. You feel dizzy as you fixate on Deku in pure disbelief. Meanwhile, he cocks his head toward the male nurse,” Thank you for allowing this. I really appreciate it.”

The male nurse nods gingerly to Deku, before he clears his throat again. Himiko jumps, understanding the signal to give you two some space. She shakes her head, pulling off a strained, surprised smile,” U-Uhh, right! You have about 20 minutes, before I have to escort you back up front. I’ll be back to check on you and take your tray, (Y/N)-chan,” Toga sputters, before following the male nurse with her cart.

Before the door can properly shut, a door stop is wedged into place, keeping it ajar. But right now, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from Deku. Your face was heating up substantially as you struggled to comprehend how and why Midoriya was here. You swallow nervously, a singular thought crossing your mind: and then.... there were two.

#midorya x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #bnha x reader #angst #slight fluff at the end #tw: depression #tw: anxious thoughts #tw: anxiety #tw: intrusive thoughts #tw: hospital #tw: rehab

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