#because it ended at the end of where ‘season 7’ would be and while its finished.......A sequel was heavily requested
It's going to be biblical 👇
The only conclusion here is: AMERICA....REPENT!
Think the coming eclipse is nothing? I did, too, until I discovered all these FACTS!
I don't claim to know what all of this means, exactly, but I believe it's important enough for all of us to be aware that this is happening and pray for wisdom.
On April 8th, 2024, there will be an eclipse. One eclipse is already amazing but this one is actually the last in a 3-part series that has SO much meaning behind it. It is important that we recognize that God said that He would use the sun, moon and stars to communicate with us:
Genesis 1:14- "Then God said, 'Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night, and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years..."
Luke 21:25 - "There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea."
So now we know that God said that He would use the sun, moon and stars to communicate with us, so let's break down this 3-part eclipse series:
1) With the path of this last eclipse, combined with the first 2 eclipses (one in 2017 and the other in 2023), it will create the Hebrew letter over America that is "Aleph Tav" and in Greek it is the "Alpha and Omega" - both means "The beginning and the end." God said in Revelation 21:6 that He is the beginning and the end and this Aleph Tav is like His signature. Why would He use an eclipse to put His signature over America? Let's dig deeper:
2) God has used eclipses to warn nations of coming judgement so that the nation can repent of their sinful ways and come back to Him. This happened with the story of Ninevah. God told Jonah to go to the wicked nation of Ninevah and warn them about coming judgement. Jonah ran away from the assignment and while out at sea got swallowed up by a huge fish and was in its belly for 3 days. Jonah repented of running away so the whale spit him up. He then went to Ninevah and warned the people but there was something that also happened while he was warning the people...an eclipse came over the land.
In the 19th century, ancient tablets were discovered that described an eclipse called the Bur-Sagale eclipse where the totality of the eclipse landed right over Ninevah while Jonah was there preaching of the 40 day warning before the coming destruction. Because of this, the people realized that this was a sign from God that what Jonah was saying was true and they repented and God spared their nation.
It is amazing how much America mirrors Ninevah. (If you don't see it, you may be part of the problem.) To make this even more clear, this last eclipse on April 8th will be going over 7 cities here in America called - yep you guessed it - NINEVAH! I honestly didn't even know that we had any city here in the U.S. named that but here we are - with this eclipse going over these cities (and there will be an 8th one that it goes over also called Ninevah in Canada.)
Here are the cities: 👇
Nineveh, Texas
Nineveh, Missouri
Nineveh, Indiana (this will be the highest magnitude of eclipse Mag 1.023, the local time predicted for it to occur is at 3:07 PM)
Nineveh, Ohio
Nineveh, Pennsylvania
Nineveh, Virginia
Nineveh, New York
Nineveh, Nova Scotia (Not in the US)
Could this be that God is warning us just as He warned Ninevah? There have been many "Jonahs" in the past few years warning the nation that we need to repent and add in this sign above our heads - we can't turn away from the fact that it is not a coincidence. But if you need more proof, let's keep going...
The first part of this 3 part eclipse series was in 2017. The path of that eclipse went over 7 cities named Salem, which is short for Jerusalem (Ps. 76).
Salem, Oregon
Salem, Idaho
Salem, Wyoming
Salem, Nebraska
Salem, Missouri
Salem, Kentucky
Salem, South Carolina
The mathematical "chances" of there being 7 Salem's with the first eclipse and then 7 Ninevah's for the 3rd eclipse is unthinkable. But what about the 2nd part of the eclipse?
4) Perhaps the most striking piece of the 2nd eclipse is that the precise center-line of eclipse path exits the USA directly over Corpus Christi. Corpus Christi means the "Body of Christ" and is one of the only towns named that in the world!
But let's go back to this upcoming eclipse and dig even deeper...
4) Jonah was giving a 40 day warning to Ninevah during the eclipse. If you look at our April 8th eclipse and fast forward 40 days then you will get to May 18, 2024 - the day before Pentecost. The history of Pentecost is that is the last Spring Feast that the Lord has given us (there are 4 in the Spring and 3 in the Fall). This is the day that the Lord sent the Holy Spirit down to all those who have accepted Christ. We are told that the "Restrainer" (many believe this is the Holy Spirit) will be removed before the Tribulation could it be that this is a warning for that? I'm not sure as that is a worldwide event and this eclipse will be just over North America but it is something definitely to think and pray about for more clarity and wisdom. No matter what, there are too many things lining up for it to not be nothing and so my job is to get the information out to you all so that you can at least be aware of these signs that God is giving us so that you can pray about it.
But let's keep going...
5) From the start of this 3 part eclipse to the end, it will be 7 years. God uses numbers a lot to communicate with us, and 7 has a ton of meaning. A few examples are - He created the world in 7 days, there will be a 7 year tribulation, 7 is used for completion, etc.
) Going back to how this correlates with Jonah & Ninevah's story -at the time of this eclipse, there will be another sign in the sky...it will take place under the constellation, Cetus, which is the whale constellation! And not only will it pass through the 8 cities in North America named Ninevah, it will also pass through Jonah, Texas! Speaking of other towns that it will pass through, these are some of the other city names that it will go right over:
Rapture, Indiana
Williamston, Kentucky - this is where the Ark Encounter is located. The Ark Encounter is a full size replica of Noah's Ark.
Eagle Pass, Texas - where we are having so many border issues.
And the point where it crosses the 2017 eclipse to mark the center of the X is an area in southern Illinois called Little Egypt. What is even more fascinating about this is that Little Egypt is sandwiched in between 2 other cities called Alpha, Kentucky and Omega, Illinois - both having the 2017 eclipse come over their cities. Furthermore, the intersection of the 2017 and 2024 solar eclipses occurs directly over the New Madrid Fault Line, a major seismic zone. An earthquake along this fault line could potentially destroy the U.S., making it one of the most perilous fault lines in the country. I have no idea if this will happen or not, but there are too many things here that are all literally lining up to not share with everyone.
7) One more interesting fact is that there are 2,422 days in between the 2017 eclipse and the 2024 eclipse. If you look up 2422 in Strong's Concordance, an Bible concordance that has every word of the KJV, takes us to Exodus 1:19 which says,
"The midwives answered Pharaoh, "Hebrew women are not like Egyptian women; they are vigorous and give birth before the midwives arrive."
Why would this be of any significance? Well, to me, it reminds me of how Jesus said that His return would be like a woman in labor with the signs of His coming growing stronger and closer together. We are at a point in history where we are seeing all of the signs that He gave us happening before our eyes. In fact, we are even seeing things that will happen during the tribulation get setup now. If we are seeing those things being setup now, that must mean that we are super close to it actually happening. Going back to God saying that He uses the sun, moon and stars to show us signs - and then Jesus saying that the signs of His coming will be like a woman in labor, well this information leading us back to Exodus 1:19 explaining that the Hebrew women have labor fast is so interesting to me! Could we be on the brink of the rapture and tribulation!? I don't know exactly when it will happen but Jesus did tell us that we would know the season and I do believe that we have been in that season for the past few years and are pushing closer and closer to it!
It is no secret that this world has gone mad and everyone knows that there is something happening behind the scenes that feels really uncomfortable. If you have that feeling, you are right! There is a major push for things to happen that were predicted to happen over 2,000 years ago. Most people seek their understanding in the wrong place though. They look to the news and the world to guide them; however, these sources will only bring more questions, not answers. It causes people to live in fear, anxiety and depression. However, Jesus didn't want us to live that way. He gave us the information so that we would know what is happening when we see these things. The first piece of living in His knowledge is accepting that God sent His son, Jesus, to die for our sins and on the 3rd day, Jesus rose from the grave and conquered death. The second piece is to repent to God of your sins and turn away from your sins. Most churches only teach how God loves you but don't teach repentance anymore and that is a HUGE part of your faith. Jesus said that there will be many who come to Him and say, "Lord, Lord, I knew you." But because they didn't repent of their sins and seek Jesus' ways instead of their own, He will reply, "Get away from me, I never knew you." We cannot just live however we want without any consequences. Even little children understand this concept, but it has been lost on most adults. This is why Ninevah was going to see destruction - because they were a self- serving, sinful nation - just like America is today. You can't change the heart of this nation, but you can change your heart and lead your homes to do the same. Third, pray for wisdom in these areas.
I know this has been incredibly deep but just like Proverbs 25:2 says, "It is the glory of God to conceal a thing, but the honor of kings is to search out a matter." This sign in the sky will be right over your head in just a few weeks - will you have the eyes to see what it really means?"
You Decide 🤔
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CJ Braxton x Reader - Prompt Response - "I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that."
Summary: You had only meant to call once, remaining anonymous while feeling out the whole helpline thing for yourself. Now, you talk to CJ every Friday night around the same time. When you don't call one Friday, CJ is worried and comes looking for you which presents its own host of problems.
Pairing: CJ Braxton x Female!Reader; CJ Braxton x College Student!Female!Reader
A/N: Prompt from @creativepromptsforwriting (#941). I initially wasn't going to write anything for CJ but this idea popped into my head for this prompt and I just had to write it. And I absolutely fell in love with the dynamic between CJ and the reader (and had so much fun with this). Please forgive any timeline tomfoolery or anything time wise that makes you go "huh?"; I was trying to make this work throughout the season from CJ's entry into the show (and his conversation with Jen about the helpline) to the end.
I wasn't much of a Dawson's Creek person back in the day (I still haven't seen seasons 2-5), so I hope this came out alright. I tried to keep it as 2000-ish as possible. I remember back in the day not everyone had a cell phone like Dawson, Audrey, and Pacey (though a lot of people were getting them moving into the beginning of the decade) so that rule kind of applied here so to speak.
This is meant to take place during s6 before Jen joins The Stand.
Warnings: implied sex; panic attacks; implied anxiety
Word Count: 15k+
CJ Taglist: @heartlessdelusions; @nancymcl
"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that."
Soldier Boy version | Beau version | Dean version | Jenny version | Jason version | Tom version | Rachel version | Anael version | Alec version | SDV Leah version
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You glanced at the clock, seeing it was 6:59. One more minute and you’d pick up the phone as you did every Friday night and make the call you always did. Your nerves thrummed in anticipation as you stared down the clock, willing the numbers to turn.
Eventually, you got your wish and as soon as the 7 appeared on the clock face you picked up the phone, dialing the number you now knew by heart. After a few rings, the call finally connected.
“Hello, Helpline. This is CJ.”
You couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his voice. “Hey.”
“There she is.” You could hear his own smile in his tone as he recognized you. “How are you, Jo?”
You winced at the fake name you had given him. At the time, you had quickly scrambled and chose the first name that came to mind. Granted, Joey Potter was in the same school as you so you weren’t too worried about him finding out about either of you seeing as he was from Boston Bay. But as you had talked with him more and more, you really wished you hadn’t given him any name but your own. Even if you were beyond terrified; you felt bad for lying to him.
Why should it matter, right? He was a volunteer counselor for a teen helpline at another college. Why would you care what this one person thought out of you?
Well, unbeknownst to him, you had seen him once and you knew who he was. Thanks to Joey and Audrey’s friendship with Jen, you had come to hear quite a bit about the cute tall guy whose voice made your heart rate speed up way too fast. Jen had even invited him out to a house party and that was when you saw him for the first time. Your nerves got to you and you bounced before one of your friends could make an introduction. Partly because you were afraid he would recognize you from your voice and immediately put a face to the name and possibly be disappointed or worse: he’d know you lied to him. So you avoided him at all costs — well, in person.
It wasn’t like you had planned for this to happen, where you would call a helpline weekly just to speak to a certain boy. That’s not how this started at all.
When you got to Worthington, you were homesick, overwhelmed, and overall terrified. While you eventually eased into the college student lifestyle and Boston was now home, you never really got past the overwhelmed feeling, and terrified had dialed down to being anxious all the time: anxious that you would mess up, anxious that you would fail, anxious that your future wouldn’t turn out the way you planned — all of it. There were days you felt like you were just scraping by, barely making a passing grade (though your final grade usually proved you wrong), and you felt like you were some sort of imposter who was soon to be found out and didn’t really belong. Meeting Joey and her roommate, Audrey Liddell, who lived down the hall from you, helped some, and their introducing you to their group of friends helped even more. But there were still times that you just felt…tightly wound and about to snap. As if you had too many balls in the air and you were about to trip, and all the balls would fall to the ground.
So when Jen mentioned to the group about some guy wanting her to join a teen helpline for the college, you quietly paid attention. She laughed it off — his approach, not the helpline — and she didn’t think she would be right for it so that was that. While everyone else began to talk and laugh about another topic, the wheels in your head slowly started to turn inside your head. A helpline where you could remain anonymous and talk to someone who would listen and could possibly even help. You knew your school most likely had one of those but you wouldn’t even dream of risking it. But a helpline elsewhere where you could talk to someone who maybe understood how you were feeling most of the time, maybe experienced similar things, and you were able to stay anonymous? That you could look into.
After much back and forth in your mind over it, you took the leap and made the call one Friday night after a particularly rough week. You really didn’t think anyone would pick up, it was close to 7:00 and most college kids were either out or getting ready to go out…right?
Before you could answer your own question to yourself, the line connected.
“Hello, Helpline. This is CJ.”
You did what any other person would do; you promptly hung up. You stared at your phone in terror. Someone had picked up. A guy. Just when you were convincing yourself that this was stupid and you needed to take a chill pill and deal.
You argued with yourself in your head for about another minute, hemming and hawing over it all. Wasn’t the whole point of you calling to try to do something about how you’d been feeling? You supposed you could always see a therapist here in town but that could be costly, even with insurance. You also had no desire to tell your parents because they would respond the same way they did the last time you tried to allude to how overwhelmed you were when you had returned home for the summer.
“You should be grateful you got into such a great school, Y/N. Most people would kill to be in your position, going after their degree. You don’t see your classmates moping about, do you? Just because they have classes and homework,” your mother had made sure to prick you with that pin of guilt. “Make the best of it.”
“You know what I think? I think you need to get yourself some friends and then you’ll stop focusing on this so much. If you have nothing to fill your time, of course your mind is going to obsess over what you’re viewing as negative. Try to join a club or a social group. They have keggers all the time. I remember back when I was in college. It was party city every weekend. Maybe let loose a little one of these Saturday nights and things will start to get better. And who knows? Maybe you’ll even make some friends.”
“Thanks, Dad,” you mumbled, tossing your overeasy egg onto its side with your fork, your eyes trained on your plate. You knew he was just trying to help — they both were — but their attitude seemed to imply that you could simply hit an off switch somewhere and you’d stop feeling so overwhelmed. If only.
It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to take their advice. You had gone to some frat party and it had been one of the worst experiences of your life. You weren’t a big drinker and you weren’t really a party person in general. You didn’t really recognize anyone from your classes or your dorm and the music was so loud, it seemed like a ridiculous notion to try to approach someone and start a conversation. Not something you were very good at anyway. You had no idea how to play the drinking games you saw, other than what you’d seen on TV, and you didn’t want to do something to mess up anyone’s scores if you didn’t do it right. Then some hulk of a guy accidentally knocked into you, deluging you in beer, and he was so drunk, he didn’t even apologize, just kept on going. After about an hour (and the unintended beer bath), you decided to call it quits.
That night, you had gone back to your dorm room which was blissfully empty, taken a hot shower, and then sobbed into your pillow. So much so that when a drunken Audrey accidentally stumbled into your room, she saw your tear-stained face when your head snapped up and immediately asked what was wrong and why you were crying in her room of all things. Despite the back and forth over whose room it actually was and her drunken state along with the slurring of her words, you two actually kind of hit it off. Before long she had you laughing, something you felt like you hadn’t done in some time. She passed out in your roommate’s bed, much to your roommate’s chagrin, but when Audrey’s boyfriend and roommate came to get her the next morning, you figured that had been it. Your one social interaction with someone who didn’t look at you as an unwanted intruder every single day (like your roommate) or like you were some loner weirdo (like most of your classmates). You knew that Audrey would probably either ignore you the next time she ran into you or she wouldn’t remember you at all.
Boy, had you been wrong. The day after her hangover, she had been knocking on your door, smiling and telling you that you were going out with her for the night. Just like that. She introduced you to her roommate, Joey, and their group of friends. You had been inducted into their group of friends, just like that.
Eventually, Jen mentioned the helpline that one night and now here you were, staring at the phone as if it was about to come to life and do a dance or something. You waited a few more minutes, deciding you’d try again and hopefully get someone else. There couldn’t be only one person answering phones at a helpline, could there? That would make for some backed up phone traffic and not a good look for a helpline at all. Maybe you’d be lucky and the guy would have already had another caller he was speaking to so another counselor would have to pick up.
When the clock turned to 7:11, you slowly picked up the phone, took a deep breath, and dialed the number again. You began to jiggle your leg as you waited for the line to connect.
“Hello, Helpline. This is CJ.”
Oh crap. You froze.
“Hello?”
What did you do? You wanted to hang the phone up again but you were unable to.
“Hello?” He asked again.
No. You were going to be a mature adult about this and answer him. Just as soon as you could breathe. You covered the mouthpiece with your hand and exhaled a breath.
“Look, if you’re in trouble or can’t talk, just hit a button. Any button will work.” A minute passed while you were trying to breathe, getting ready to talk. “If you don’t have a crisis and you’re not calling to speak to someone here, then I think you should hang up and let other people who need us call in. No use in tying up the phone lines.”
Another minute passed. You really were trying your hardest to get words out but your chest was tight and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. Your heart was racing yet you were frozen. This happened sometimes but usually you were by yourself, not with someone waiting for you to speak on the other end of the phone line. It also happened a couple of times while you were out with your friends, but usually you hid out in a bathroom stall until it passed and then you left to go back to your dorm with the excuse of a test the next day or a project due, whatever you could come up with on the fly. You didn’t understand why it was happening to you right now, though.
“Alright, I’m going to hang up now.”
You smashed a key on your phone so fast that you heard a loud annoying sound in your ear. Immediately, the guy’s tone changed.
“Okay, I’m here. If you’re in trouble, hit the key again. If you’re not but can’t talk at the moment, don’t hit it.”
You didn’t hit any more keys and gasped for air that just wasn’t coming.
“Good. I’m glad you’re okay. Is someone in the room with you and that’s why you can’t talk? If so, hit the key again.”
You moved over to your bed and laid down. That was the fastest way to get your body to relax when you had the option you’d found out.
“Okay, so you’re alone but you can’t talk but you’re not in trouble. Can you just try to say one word or make a sound so I know you’re really okay?”
You removed your hand from the mouthpiece. “T-Trying,” you rasped out. Holy crap, this was a bad episode you were having. You were completely mortified. Perhaps you really should hang up. You were worried, though, that now he might notify someone or think you really were prank calling the helpline. Either way, you were bound to get in trouble and even more embarrassed, and that just made your chest tighter.
“Okay. That’s good. I’ll take that. Do you have asthma or something similar?”
Great. That’s how bad you’d sounded; he thought you might actually have some sort of breathing issue. Well, technically, you were struggling to breathe right now so it made sense that he would think that but if he only knew the actual answer was something that was beyond ridiculous and couldn’t be explained away as something as serious as asthma.
“No,” you whispered, rubbing at the spot in your chest where a mix of discomfort and a heavy-rock-feeling sat.
“And you’re sure you don’t need to go to the hospital to get checked out?” He sounded concerned now.
“No,” you repeated, staring up at your ceiling, your vision blurring with building tears. All you wanted to do was give this helpline thing a shot since nothing else seemed to be working, and here you had gone and made it so much worse. On top of that, you were frustrated that you couldn’t even do something as simple as answer a person when they said hello on a phone call that you made to them. What was wrong with you?
“Okay. That’s good. Why don’t I talk for a minute so you can relax?” A tear slipped down your cheek when you realized he must have heard your heavy exhales over the phone. “Like I said before, my name is CJ. I’ve been with the helpline for a while now. I’m here four days a week. I try to schedule shifts around my classes and pick up a few extra when I’m able. Before you called, I was doing some reading for my Philosophy class. It’s not my major but I had to take another humanities course. It was that or religion so…philosophy it was.”
You closed your eyes and focused on his voice. It was actually very soothing and it was helping.
“Between you and me, I’m not the best student.” Your eyes opened and you stared at the ceiling, listening intently. “I mean, I do okay in terms of grades, but I’m not exactly a frequent flier on the Dean’s list.” He chuckled and after a moment, he asked, “How about you?”
You swallowed, feeling the slightest bit of easing up on your chest, almost if it was allowing the words through. “I do okay.” You didn’t sound as raspy as before but you still had a faint wheeze at the end. You were coming out of this, slowly but surely.
“That’s good. College sure isn’t easy, by any means. When midterms roll around, I always get a little more stressed. I usually have to blow off some steam to keep it all balanced, you know? Or else I get easily overwhelmed. I have to remind myself to take it one class at a time, one day at a time. But easier said than done sometimes, right?”
“Right.” You knew what he was doing but since it seemed to be helping, you played along. He was getting to the heart of the issue while also giving you time to come back down. You’d only been on the phone with him for close to ten minutes and already you felt much better than you had when the call started.
“How are you feeling? Any better?”
“A little.”
“Good.” He sounded genuinely pleased. “Is my being the one to talk helping any?”
“Actually…yeah,” you breathed out.
“Does this happen a lot?”
You bit at your lip, not really wanting to admit it, but you had called for this very reason, hadn’t you? “Yeah.”
“Around midterms or anytime?”
“Anytime.”
“Even when you’re not in school?”
“Sometimes,” you whispered. “But mostly when I’m here.”
“So school related then?”
“Kind of.”
He was quiet for a moment and you wondered if you had said something wrong or if he was looking instructions up in a pamphlet or something for this sort of thing.
“Hey, did you see Phantom Menace when it came out last year?”
That caught you off guard. You hadn’t expected to switch gears so quickly. “Um, no?”
“You’re not a Star Wars fan, I take it?”
He didn’t sound disappointed so you chalked that up to being a good thing. Most guys you’d met either were completely into Star Wars or weren’t into it at all. “I don’t know if I’d call myself a fan but I’ve seen the original movies.”
“Uh oh, you’re not one of those prequel snobs, are you?” He teased.
“No? I just saw the trailer and I wasn’t interested.”
“Well, a buddy of mine and I went to see it when it came out. The theater was packed. I’m talking bursting at the seams.” A small smile started to creep onto your face at his energy. “And when the lights went down and the opening credits started rolling and the music started up, everyone was cheering and clapping. It was pretty awesome. My buddy ended up loving it. He’s the biggest Star Wars fan you’ve ever met.” A moment later he asked, “So besides anything in a galaxy, far far away, have you seen any other movies that came out?”
“I went to see The Green Mile. My, uh, my dad is a big Tom Hanks fan and a Stephen King fan so he really wanted to go.”
“And you?”
“I liked it. Though it was sad.”
“I didn’t see it yet but I got the feeling that it was going to be a bit of a heavy one.”
“It was, but it was worth it.” You noticed then that you were talking to him normally, you were breathing normally, your chest was still a little tight but that was to be expected, and you were sitting up with your back to the wall. You had gotten through your latest episode and this CJ had helped. Perhaps there was something to this helpline thing after all.
“I’m definitely going to check it out then. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
Almost as if he had heard your thoughts, he then said, “You sound a lot better than earlier. Hopefully, you’re feeling better, too?”
“Um, yeah.” You anxiously tucked your hair behind your ear. “Thanks for earlier, by the way. You know, being patient…”
“Of course. That’s what I’m here for.”
“Right.”
“So, you feel up to telling me what’s going on and why you called tonight or did you want to talk about something else?”
You bit at your thumbnail, unsure. “I feel bad. I’ve taken up so much of your time already.” You glanced at the clock and saw that you had been on the phone with him now for almost half an hour.
“Don’t worry about the time and I don’t want you feeling badly.” He sounded completely genuine when he said it and it made you feel a little bit better about monopolizing his time like this. “This is why I’m here. So, if you want to talk, I’m here to listen.”
You still weren’t certain you should take him up on his offer. “Are you sure? What if there’s someone else who needs to call in who is having an actual crisis and you’re stuck on the phone with me? I would feel bad if they didn’t get to talk to you when they needed to because of me.”
“I’m not the only one here so if someone else does call in, they’ll speak to one of the other counselors who can help them. While we’re on the subject, what you’re experiencing is just as valid as what anyone else might be experiencing. I’m not stuck on the phone with you, I want to be talking with you and try to help you in any way I can. And yes, I’m sure.”
You contemplated it, turning it over and over in your brain. This was why you called. This was why you decided to give the helpline a try, to speak to a stranger who would listen and possibly be able to help you and if not, at least maybe understand where you were coming from. If he was willing (and he had been helpful so far), then why not?
“Would it help if I promise not to make any more Star Wars references?”
You couldn’t help but smile. “Tremendously.”
“Deal,” he laughed. You liked the sound of his laugh; it was warm, inviting, and put you instantly at ease. This CJ seemed to know what he was doing and you could now see why people called in to speak to him and other counselors like him.
You nervously licked your lips and decided to take the plunge. You told him everything. You told him about how it started when you began college, how the classes and workload immediately overwhelmed you. How you struggled to keep from drowning in assignments and tests and projects and papers. How you started to develop these episodes and how badly you felt during them. How you had tried to talk to your parents but they just didn’t seem to hear you, dismissing it as an issue that would be resolved by you being more outgoing and feeling more grateful that you had such an educational opportunity when many didn’t. How you could be in a room full of a hundred people and still feel completely alone, especially when an episode kicked in. You’d even told him about your failed attempt at attending the frat party. He had rarely talked, giving you the floor, but he had interjected a couple of times to either support you or make some helpful suggestions. Other than that, he just listened. By the time you finished, you felt like you had told him your whole life story, but you had to admit that you felt a lot better once you got it all off your chest, which incidentally, was feeling lighter. And this time, someone listened and actually heard you. That made all the difference.
You glanced at the clock for the first time in a long time and noted it was 10:16. Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped, your cheeks immediately heating up. Had you really been talking nonstop for over three hours? “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late. I should let you go so you can speak to other callers.”
“My shift ended fifteen minutes ago actually.”
Your heart stopped and however much better you’d been feeling, felt like it went right down the drain. How could you have been so self-absorbed and only concerned with your problems that you’d talked his ear off and used up his whole shift? Not one other person got to talk to him tonight and you didn’t even go to that school. Seriously, how selfish were you? “I-I’m so, so sorry. You should have stopped me or told me there was a time limit per call.” You were full on babbling now. “I didn’t mean to— I am so beyond sorry. I’m going to let you go. Thank you so much for your help and I hope you have a good rest of your night. Don’t worry. I promise I won’t call again. Good night.”
You went to hang up the phone when you heard loudly, “Please don’t hang up.”
You put it back to your ear, your brows drawing together in confusion. “But you said your shift was over.”
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “But that’s okay. If I wanted you to stop talking, I would have said something. And did I ask you to stop?”
“Well, no, but—”
“Then I didn’t want you to stop talking. It seems like there’s a lot on your plate at the moment or else you wouldn’t have called, right?”
“Okay, yeah. But—”
“So it’s good that you called and I’m glad I was able to help. And for the record, there’s no time limit on a call.” Someone said something to him in the background and he quietly responded though you couldn’t hear what he said. “I’m actually gonna get going because my replacement is here and they don’t have another place to sit.”
“Right. Of course. Again, sorry.”
“But,” he continued. “I’m going to be here Monday afternoon around 2 so if you want to call back then we can talk again.”
“I have class then.” You truly did but even if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be calling him back. You had taken up enough of his time.
“I’m here until 6:00 that day.”
“I have a study session after that class.” Okay, maybe that was a lie. “But I appreciate the offer. Thank you and have a good—”
“I’m back on again next Friday. Same time. Why don’t you call me then if you’re free?”
“I appreciate it, CJ, but don’t worry. If I need the helpline again, I’ll call, but you helped me a lot tonight and I feel better so…I won’t need to call. Again, I’m sorry I monopolized your shift.”
“Do me a favor and call me again anyway, even if you are feeling better. I’d like to check in with you and the only way I can do that is if you call me back.”
“Right. Being anonymous and all,” you mumbled. Thank God for that. You didn’t think your embarrassment at talking his head off for over three hours while you complained about your life would ever go away.
“Yeah. So, please, if you can call me next week, same time, even if you just tell me you’re feeling better and hang up. That’s all I ask.”
You supposed you could do that, after he’d generously taken the time to hear you out, after he’d helped you through your episode. “Okay.”
“Friday, 7:00. Promise me.”
“I promise,” you whispered.
And so had begun the tradition of you calling him every Friday night at 7:00. You hadn’t intended for that to happen, honestly. But each time you would talk to him, ranging in times from twenty minutes to an hour and a half (you refused to ever get near that three hour mark again, no matter what he said), he would always ask you to call him back the following week, making you promise that you would. Over time, you noticed that your overwhelmed feeling had lessened considerably (though not completely gone) and instead of having an episode (or panic attack as CJ called them) twice weekly, they had now diminished to one every couple of weeks. And even then they weren’t as bad as they had been, thanks to the techniques CJ suggested you try using. Things had gotten better for you and you had to admit, the helpline definitely was a useful service for students, though for your own personal experience, you attributed a lot of that to CJ.
Speaking of which, that was how you two began to get to know one another, moving from strictly counselor and caller into a tentative friendship. When initially speaking to him, he began to feel like a friend you were just catching up with on how your past week had been, and then it actually sort of became that. He started to tell you more details about himself and now you knew what type of music he liked, what he was majoring in, where he had grown up, and why he had joined The Stand. He had even shared his backstory with you and why he didn’t drink when you told him how uncomfortable college parties made you in general. The conversation was no longer one-sided and you’d come to like it that way.
Until the day came when he asked your name.
“My name?”
“Well, yeah, so I know what to call you. It feels weird calling you “you” all the time,” he laughed.
“Um…” You were practically crapping bricks. You didn’t expect this.
“Just your first name. You’ll still be anonymous,” he reassured. “It could be a nickname if you want. Or your middle name. Just something.”
You ran over it in your mind. What if he still somehow managed to find out who you were if you gave him only your first name? Sure, you weren’t going to the same schools, but what if somehow someway…? Plus, your friends weren’t exactly fans of CJ right now. Apparently, Jen had a major crush on him but her hopes were dashed when he told her he didn’t date (something he had told you long before you heard it via your friends) and then hooked up with Audrey the same night. You hadn’t been there that night, opting to stay in and study for a huge test you had coming up in your Lit class, and after hearing that not only had CJ been present but also what happened, you were glad you had made that decision. Audrey and Joey were on the outs thanks to the events of that night and now so were Jen and Audrey once it was revealed that CJ and Audrey had slept together, right before Pacey punched his face in.
When that Friday rolled around, you almost didn’t call him. You were angry and hurt yourself. Angry because his careless actions had hurt more than one of your friends, and hurt because truth be told, you had started to crush on him yourself from afar. You trusted him with the details of your life, very personal details (without giving specifics obviously), and he’d helped you. How could he be this helpful, compassionate guy working at a helpline but turn out to be this scummy, advantage-taking, selfish player? You couldn’t reconcile in your head the CJ you were getting to know with the CJ your friends saw.
“That’s just the thing, Y/N,” Jen told you when you wondered aloud how a helpline counselor could do something like he had with your friends. “Most people who go into those positions to help other people are usually a thousand times more screwed up than the people they’re helping. Audrey’s been hurting, as you know, and she’s been acting out and he saw an opportunity. Case closed.” But it wasn’t case closed for you. Not by a mile. You wanted answers, but how could you get them while remaining anonymous?
So that following Friday at 7:00, as you angrily punched in the helpline number, you had no idea how you would do it but you were determined to get them. And if you didn’t like what you heard, then this would be your last call and you would close the book on CJ and your budding friendship for good.
It caught you off guard, though, when you heard a different voice this time.
“Hello, Helpline. This is David.”
You nearly hung up. You knew David; he was starting to hang out with your group more and more, especially Jack. What if he recognized your voice?
“Hello?”
You forced yourself to ask the burning question on the tip of your tongue, albeit with a slightly higher pitch of voice. “Hi, is CJ there?”
“No, I’m sorry.” You covered the mouthpiece with your hand and let out a sigh of relief. Whether it was because David didn’t recognize you or you didn’t have to confront CJ right this second, you couldn’t be sure. Probably a bit of both. “He called out sick and asked me to fill in for him. He should be back next week, though.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll call then. Thank you.” You quickly hung up before he could ask you anything else.
The next Friday you called, you got CJ.
“Hey,” he greeted, sounding relieved when he heard your voice. “How are you?”
“I’m okay.” You were standing in your dorm room, staring out the window and watching the rain, your arms crossed. You weren’t as angry as last week, the extra time allowing you to let a cooler head prevail, but you still wanted answers. “How are you?”
“Honestly? I’ve been better.”
“I’m sorry. I know you were sick last week. Has it not gotten any better?”
“Uh, yeah, I’m sorry about that. I was feeling lousy and just needed to take a day, you know?” And he didn’t need to be parading around a still-healing black eye that might prompt questions, you bet.
“I get that.”
“God, I wish I had your number outside of this so I could call you.” Your jaw tightened. Perhaps your friends were right; there was a whole other side to him. A side you didn’t really want to get to know. “I really could’ve used a friend to talk to.”
You unclenched your jaw when you realized he wasn’t hitting on you and when you thought about it, he sounded genuinely miserable and he never had in any of your previous conversations, even when your friendship formed. It was unlike him, or at least the CJ you had gotten to know. Just like this behavior your friends had told you about sounded unlike him. “Well, I’m here now, if you want to talk.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to make this about me. You called in to talk, not to hear about my problems,” he laughed, sounding nervous. That was a first.
“I’m sure. What are friends for?”
He told you everything while not naming anyone. He didn’t hold back anything and you realized that while he didn’t know who you were, he was giving you the side that had been missing from the story your friends told you: his side. Every side has a story after all. He admitted he had messed up big time. He had hurt Jen (or Blondie as he called her), he had been an ass to Pacey (or The Guy Who Punched My Face) when he had no right to be, and he should have never hooked up with Audrey (or The Girl That Came Out of Nowhere). Apparently, Jen had said to him the same thing she said to you and it got him thinking, along with some things Audrey had said. He felt like a huge jerk and all he wanted to do was keep his head down and move forward, get back on the right track that his life had been headed in. You stayed silent as he talked and before you knew it, the clock read 9:47.
“Your shift is over soon,” you whispered once he was done.
“Yeah, but I still have a few minutes. So what do you think? Am I a complete jackass or what?” He let out another nervous chuckle.
You briefly pressed your lips together as you thought of how best to answer that. In the end, you were as honest as you could be without giving yourself away. “I think we all make mistakes sometimes. But as long as we recognize them, apologize to those we’ve hurt, and try to do better, then that’s all that matters. So no, not a complete jackass.”
This time when he laughed, it sounded relieved. “Thanks.”
“Of course. That’s what I’m here for,” you repeated his words back to him, teasing him slightly.
A moment of silence passed between you before he asked, “Will you call again next week?”
That made you do a double take. He never asked you to call the following week like that. Usually he asked in the form of making you promise you would call or he’d tell you he’d talk to you the following week. But when he asked like this, he sounded uncertain, vulnerable. You knew then that more than just his face and ego had been hurt by recent events. Perhaps you were a fool but you believed his remorse to be genuine.
“Yeah,” you assured him. “I’ll call next week.”
And when you did, he immediately hit you with the name question.
“Earth to you…” He called, snapping you out of it and reclaiming your attention. “See? It doesn’t really work,” he laughed.
You had to be careful here. Not only because you didn’t want him to find out who you were but also because if your friends ever found out, especially Audrey…you were toast.
You opened your mouth to give him the name of a classmate that couldn’t be traced back to you but “Jo” came tumbling out instead.
“Jo?”
Oh crap. You had Audrey and then Joey on your mind and it just slipped out. Crap, crap, crap. “Yeah,” you lied. “Jo.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Jo.” You could practically hear him smiling, happy to have gotten a name out of you.
You squeezed your eyes shut, angry with yourself. “Nice to meet you, too,” you mumbled before you dropped your head into your hands.
So now here you were, him thinking you were Jo from the college he was attending, and you were calling him every single week at the same time like clock work. You had long ago stopped questioning the morality of what you were doing and it seemed that he didn’t appear to question it at all. He was always happy to hear from you and your conversations were more personal now. You couldn’t deny the way your heart rate spiked every time you heard his voice when he picked up the call or how whenever his name was mentioned in passing by David or Jen (though rare these days), you would specifically tune in, listening for anything that had to do with him. You had it bad and you knew it, but it was also a safe crush from a distance and would be staying that way.
You shook your head, snapping yourself out of your reverie and remembered CJ has asked you a question. “I’m good. Really good. How about you?”
“Really good, huh? I’m happy to hear it and happy to be hearing from you.”
You couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I got that paper back and you were so right, The Writing Center really helped. I can’t believe I never thought to try it before. Thank you so much for that idea.”
“I’m happy to be of service,” he chuckled. “I’m glad it helped. And the club thing? Did you give that a try as well?”
Your smile dropped. He had been trying to urge you to join a club or a group where you had shared interests with other students. His theory was that if you gave a small group of people a shot doing a social activity you might enjoy, that it might help decrease your nervousness in other social settings. Even though you told him you had a group of friends you regularly met up with, he didn’t think expanding your social circles would be a bad thing to consider. “No? I told you, CJ, that’s not really my thing.”
“I get that, I do. How about this? If you want, I could meet you at Student Activities and we could take a look around together, get some info. No pressure, of course, but you wouldn’t have to walk in there alone. I know it can be a bit much sometimes. I remember my first semester here and I didn’t know where to stick my head.”
You froze. That was the first time he’d ever mentioned the possibility of you meeting in person. Perhaps if you were really Jo from Boston Bay College, you could take him up on it or give him your number like he’d asked you for or call his room number like he’d offered up a few times now so you could talk outside of the helpline. But you weren’t and so you had to decline. “I appreciate the offer but it’s not my thing so I’m going to have to pass. Sorry, but thank you, though.”
“If you’re sure.” He sounded slightly disappointed but maybe that was just you imagining it.
“Yep, I’m sure. Uh, so listen, I can’t stay on long. My roommate and her boyfriend will be here in less than ten so I’m gonna go so I can get out of here before I get hit by the clothes hurricane that’s most likely to happen.” It was a complete lie. Your roommate, Stacey, had actually gone to visit her boyfriend for the weekend. You would have peace and quiet and the dorm to yourself for two whole days.
He chuckled good-naturedly. “I don’t blame you. If you get bored later, I’m here at The Stand until 10:00, like you already know, and then I’ll be back in my room. You can call me then if you want to talk. I”ll be up for a while so don’t worry about calling too late.”
“Oh. Thanks. Maybe I’ll do that.” You weren’t going to and he knew you weren’t going to. You hadn’t the last two times he’d made the same offer and the last two times you’d given him the same response.
“Jo?”
“Yeah?”
“If I don’t hear from you… Call next week, okay?”
“Okay,” you agreed, smiling, like always. You said your quick goodbyes and you hung up, letting out a heavy breath. While he had been urging you to contact him personally, he had never mentioned meeting him before. That was different. And it worried you at the same time. Why the offer now? Granted, he was just trying to be helpful to you, given the context, but what if he began to find other ways to work it in like he already had about your phone numbers? What if he continued to push to meet Jo?
You shook your head, telling yourself that you were doing it again, worrying over things that might not happen. You would cross that bridge when you came to it, something CJ had once said to you that you kept for yourself as your own personal mantra. You would wait to see how next week would go.
But unfortunately, the call never happened.
You had been out with Jack and David on Thursday night at Hell’s Kitchen, when Jen waltzed in, smiling and taking a seat. Joey and Emma were working and Pacey was supposed to join you later.
“You worked late today,” Jack commented.
“Training took a little bit longer than expected. We were supposed to be done at 6:00 but then our relief called and said they were going to be late. Of course, since CJ was going to stay, I wasn’t going to just leave him there.” Your ears perked up at the mention of CJ. You knew Jen was training as a counselor and he was the one training her. Jen had begrudgingly forgiven CJ but it was also obvious to you all that she still had a crush on him. While you couldn’t blame her, you also felt for her. CJ told you that he had to make it clear once more to Blondie that he wasn’t looking to date though he was happy she had finally started training at the helpline. He really believed she would make a great counselor once she settled into it.
Talk about complicated. Jen was your friend and you didn’t want to see her get hurt, but you could also understand if CJ didn’t see her that way, he just didn’t. They were both your friends now and you just wanted them both to be happy, whatever that looked like.
“But then, listen to this,” she continued. “Our relief, this guy named Seth, sees me there with CJ and starts teasing him about how he’s racking up all of these beautiful girls through the helpline, not leaving any for him.”
“Jen,” Jack warned.
“No, listen. This is good. You’re going to like this.”
Jack sighed but let her finish.
“CJ laughs it off but then Seth mentions how he has this girl calling him every Friday night, around the same time, and she talks his ear off for hours.”
You were about to take a bite of your french fry when you froze. Your heart dropped down to your feet.
“And so I ask if this is true and CJ says that we’re there to help everybody, time limits aren’t a thing, and it doesn’t matter how many times a caller calls back or they speak to the same counselor. As long as they get the help they need.”
“He’s right,” David chimed in.
“But then Seth starts teasing him again and asks if CJ can give him tips on how to get dates using the helpline. CJ laughs and says sure. I mention how he said he wasn’t looking to date and Seth says he tells every girl that so he doesn’t have to commit but can still get what he wants.” You dropped your fry back into your basket, trying to ignore the rolling nausea in your stomach.
“I don’t know about that,” David chuckled nervously.
“He didn’t deny it, David. He just laughed and walked away. Can you believe it? He’s using the helpline to get girls. Talk about abusing the system, not to mention the absolute lack of morality.” You definitely felt like you were going to be sick. “I quit. If that’s what guys like him and Seth are using that helpline for then I don’t want any part of it. And CJ? Audrey was right. He’s a skeevy player. I can’t believe I didn’t see it this whole time.” Jen shook her head. You were getting that all-too familiar falling feeling again.
“Wait, seriously? Guys are using the helpline to pick up girls?” Jack turned to David.
“No. Jen, I’m sure Seth was just kidding and CJ was just playing along. Nobody is using the helpline to pick anyone up. Everyone that works there knows the rules and they’re there to help callers. How could they pick anyone up, anyway? It’s all anonymous.”
“Yeah, but if they pushed for a date or something… It could happen.” You immediately felt your stomach jolt and like someone had punched you in the gut at the same time.
“It could,” David agreed. “But I doubt it does.”
“He has the same girl calling him every single week at the same time. What would keep her calling like that?” Jen interjected. You glanced away from the table for a moment, not sure if you wanted to hear the answer David would give.
“Is that true? Every week?” Jack asked in disbelief.
“It’s true,” David confirmed. “I actually got her once when CJ was out sick. She sounded nice.” If you could have, you would have given him a smile, thankful for David’s attempt to defend CJ and the helpline and unknowingly you. But right then, you were trying not to hyperventilate. “And CJ appears to be helping her. He said she’s made a lot of progress since they started talking.”
“He talked to you about her?” Jen looked shocked. Oh God. Your chest started to feel tight.
“Only because he was going to be out sick that one day and in case she called and then decided to talk to me, he wanted me to be up to speed in case she needed something. That’s all.”
“I feel badly for this girl. She probably thinks CJ is some great guy and she can trust him but based on what Seth said, he’s simply playing the long game with her. A girl whose trust he’s taking advantage of. I’m telling you, Audrey was right about him and I should’ve seen it.” Jen rubbed at her forehead. It was beyond hot in here and even though it wasn’t crowded, the room started to feel smaller.
“I don’t think that’s true, Jen,” David defended. “I don’t think he’s looking to take advantage of this girl at all. I think he truly wants to help her.”
“Yeah, that’s how it started with Audrey and look at how that turned out.” David dropped his gaze to his food, continuing to poke at it with his fork. There wasn’t much he could say to that though he wished he still would. “And if that’s true, he only wants to help her, then why was he laughing along when Seth talked about her and how she keeps him on the phone for hours? How is that helping her?”
You felt like your feet were locked in cement but your legs were wobbling to and fro. And yet you also felt like a large boulder was now sitting on your chest, making it difficult to breathe. How could any of this conversation be happening right now?
Jack glanced from David to Jen. “Perhaps David’s right, Jen. Maybe he was just playing along. That’s what guys do sometimes. You know that.”
“I don’t think that’s what that was. Either way, I quit.”
Jack and David started to urge her not to quit, but at that point you’d had enough. Your hands were clammy and you felt that feeling on your forehead, too. You needed cold, and air. “Excuse me,” you nearly rasped out and beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom. You could feel your dinner coming back up. Joey stopped you in your trek.
“Hey, Y/N, are you okay? You don’t look so good.”
You shook your head and dodged past her, hurrying to the bathroom. Once you reached it, you locked the door and pushed into a stall just in time. You emptied the contents of your stomach and once you were finished, you made your way towards the sink, splashing cold water on your face. You could feel the panic attack you were having and you tried your best to ward it off but to no avail.
You slid down the wall and struggled to breathe, trying the techniques CJ had taught you. You didn’t want to think about him right now but you also didn’t want to be having this happen while your friends sat right outside. Not to mention, you knew Joey was going to come check on you. You gasped for air and rubbed at your chest. Once it passed, you unlocked the door, made excuses to Joey and your friends, went home, showered, and cried yourself to sleep. For the first time in a while, you’d had a particularly bad episode and ended the night in tears: two things you hadn’t done since you’d started talking to CJ regularly. You felt as if all the progress you’d made was like a house of cards that fell to the ground after one card was pulled out from under you. And all because you’d trusted the wrong person.
So you stopped calling and instead, spent your Friday nights at the library, studying, so you wouldn’t be tempted to pick up the phone and call to confront the guy who’d betrayed your trust.
<-->
A few weeks later, you were sitting on Joey’s bed, watching Audrey unload her closet onto her mattress. Apparently, she was going to rehab, for real this time. She was ready to confront the fact that her drinking was out of control. Joey was helping her sort through everything and handed you things to fold and place in her suitcase. Eddie had already taken one heavy suitcase down to the car, along with a very high Bob.
You all looked up when there was a polite knock on their dorm room door. Joey got up to answer it, most likely thinking it was Eddie, but when she opened the door, it revealed another guy altogether.
There stood CJ, in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt with a jacket covering his tall frame. Your heart skipped a beat before falling into your stomach but then leaping back into place and pounding faster than before for a whole other reason. You immediately grabbed a magazine from the nightstand and began sifting through it, your jaw clenched and you refusing to look in his direction.
Before anyone could say a word, Audrey groaned. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw CJ hold up a placating hand in her direction. “I’m not here for you, okay? I’m actually looking for someone.”
You froze.
“I bet you are,” Audrey grumbled.
Joey crossed her arms. “Who?”
“A girl by the name of Jo who lives in this building.”
You mentally cursed yourself. You knew you had let the name of your dorm building slip once by accident but he hadn’t appeared to have heard you so you thought you were in the clear; apparently, he had heard you. Crap.
Joey tensed. Uh oh. You had a feeling this was going to come back to haunt you at some point. Here it was. “Why are you looking for me?”
CJ’s brow drew together. “You’re Jo?”
Audrey was suddenly at Joey’s side. “Yeah, why are you looking for her?”
“Jo is a girl who called the helpline. I haven’t heard from her in a few weeks and I just wanted to check on her.”
Her distaste for CJ forgotten, Audrey turned in shock to her roommate. “Joey Potter, you called the helpline?”
“What? No. Don’t be ridiculous, Audrey.” Joey then looked at CJ. “I don’t know who this girl is but it’s not me. Good luck in your search.” She went to close the door but CJ stopped her.
“Wait, so you’ve never heard of a girl named Jo who lives in this building?”
“No,” Audrey snapped. “Now, go away.”
“Hold on a second. Because Joanna Martin who lives on the 2nd floor isn’t her and has never heard of her. Now you’re saying you’re not her and you’ve never heard of her either?”
Audrey gave him a nasty smirk. “Imagine that. A girl using a fake name calling an anonymous helpline. She probably knows what a sleazeball you are and didn’t want you stalking her. If she was calling the helpline, she’s probably got enough on her plate. Best of luck, Stalker Boy.”
Audrey went to shut the door in his face but again, he stopped it.
“I don’t really care what you think of me. You want to think I’m the bad guy in everything that happened with us? That’s fine. But I’m actually trying to find this girl to help her.”
“Help her into your bed, you mean.”
His jaw clenched. “It’s not like that.”
“Oh, I bet it is but whatever.” Audrey rolled her eyes and turned back to you. “Y/N, have you ever heard of this girl he’s looking for?”
Your eyes snapped up to them and all three of them were now staring at you, waiting for your answer. Crap. CJ was looking right at you. Double crap. You shook your head and went back to your magazine.
“There you go. No one here has heard of her. Buh-bye now.”
Audrey was closing the door when Joey’s phone started to ring. Joey, who had gone back into the whirlwind of clothes, looked over at you. “Hey, can you get that? Eddie might be calling from his cell phone.”
You nodded and picked up the line. “Hello?”
“Hey, Y/N. Can I talk to Joey? Audrey’s friend, Bob, is getting a little impatient down here.”
“Sure. One sec.” You handed the phone to Joey. “It’s Eddie.” She took it and began rolling her eyes when Eddie was most likely telling her the same thing he had just told you. She came over, zipped up the suitcase you had been working on after dumping more things into it. “Do you mind taking this to Eddie downstairs? He’ll meet you in the lobby.”
“Sure thing.” You tossed the magazine back onto the night stand and grabbed the suitcase handle, picking it up and placing it on its wheels. You slipped your worn paperback copy of your book into the back pocket of your jeans, intent on returning it to your room when you came back up. Now that you knew CJ was trying to track you down and he was in the building, you didn’t feel comfortable having any clues pointing to your identity out in the open like that.
You grabbed the tail of the suitcase and began to pull it along. “Oh my God, Aud. Do you really need this many outfits?”
She looked up from her cell phone and gave you a smile. “Of course. Rehab is bound to be drab so I’m going to make it fab.” She shot you a wink and opened the door for you.
You laughed and shook your head, crossing over the threshold. You made your way to the elevator and pushed the button. While you were waiting, you heard behind you, “Need some help with that?”
You nearly jumped out of your skin. CJ was right there, behind you, talking directly to you. While a part of you wanted to tell him to take a hike, your desire for anonymity was greater. You turned and gave him a wan smile, shaking your head. His green eyes were intent on you and you didn’t care for that one bit. It was like he knew who you were without you even having to say it. Luckily, at that moment, the elevator dinged and the door opened. You went to roll the suitcase onto it when a hand picked it up out of nowhere.
“Let me give you a hand,” CJ offered, not waiting for you to reply and stepping into the elevator. You paused for a moment, considering not getting onto it with him but Eddie was expecting you and Joey and Audrey were waiting for you to come back. You let out a quiet sigh and stepped inside, hitting the button for the Lobby and waiting for the doors to close.
Once they did and you started descending, CJ glanced over at you. “So, Jo, were you planning on ever calling me again?”
Your heart started to pound but you forced yourself to remain cool as a cucumber, hoping he wouldn’t recognize your voice. You arched a questioning brow up at him. “I don’t know who you think I am but my name’s Y/N. Sorry to disappoint.” You turned back to the door.
“The Green Mile book in your back pocket says otherwise.”
Crap. You tried to think quickly. “That’s just a book I’m reading for class.” You decided to channel Audrey, the queen of mean when she wanted to be; perhaps that would get him to leave you alone. The doors were opening and you turned to give him a smirk. “NIce try, though, Sherlock. Better get back to Watson before he misses you.” You grabbed the tail of the suitcase and nearly stormed out of the elevator.
CJ was suddenly at your side. “I know it’s you. Why are you trying so hard to act like it’s not?”
You shook your head, choosing to ignore him. Thankfully, Eddie came into sight, rushing to get the suitcase.
“Thank you, thank you.” He picked it up and gave you a look. “About how many more of these are coming down, do you think?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know. She has a lot of outfits. Joey’s got her work cut out for her.”
Eddie groaned and then noticed CJ standing next to you. “Good to see you again, man.”
“Likewise.”
Eddie glanced between you and CJ before walking away. Great. He was bound to mention that to Joey who would most likely question you about it later thanks to CJ’s impromptu appearance earlier. You spun on your heel and headed back to the elevator, punching the button.
CJ was suddenly next to you. “What happened? Why did you stop calling?” He quietly asked you.
You didn’t answer him, just kept staring straight ahead, your jaw clenched.
He leaned in slightly, his voice even quieter. “Did I make you nervous by offering to meet you? I was only trying to help. Nothing funny, I promise.”
When the doors opened, you stepped inside and of course, he followed you. The doors closed and your ride up began.
“Are you going to talk to me or just keep ignoring me?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know your voice. It’s you.” After another quiet moment, he begged, “Would you please just talk to me? What happened?”
You shook your head.
“Something obviously happened to make you stop calling. So, talk to me. I want to make sure you’re okay.”
You glared over at him. “Again, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now please stop bothering me.” CJ looked as if you’d slapped him for a moment and you felt guilty but then you immediately remembered what Jen had said that night at the bar.
He gave you a curt nod and turned to face the door. Once it opened, you went to step out when he lifted the book out of your back pocket.
“Hey! Give that back!” He held it out of your reach, opening it to find the note from your dad on the inside page that he’d written after he bought it for you. Why did you have to mention that in your phone conversations? That was a dead giveaway that yes, Jo was indeed you. How could you have been so stupid?
CJ gestured to the note. “Tell me again how it’s not you.”
You snatched the book out of his hands and hurried down the hall to your room. You would’ve gone back to Audrey’s and Joey’s room, but you were afraid he’d out you to them. Even if they didn’t believe him, you still remembered Audrey’s reaction when she thought it might be Joey for a moment and the latter’s response.
“Y/N, wait,” CJ begged behind you. “Please, can we just talk for a minute?” You were unlocking your door when he was right next to you. “Just one minute. Please. That’s all I’m asking. Then, if you want, you’ll never see or hear from me again.”
You mulled it over for a moment. You could do one minute, you supposed, and get this over with. You glanced up at him and nodded, pretending not to see the relief that filled his expression. You opened the door and then held it open wider for him to follow.
You saw your roommate sitting on her bed, talking on the phone to her boyfriend. “Stace,” you interrupted. “Can you give us a minute?”
She frowned. “I’m kind of in the middle of—”
“I need the room.” Your tone brooked no argument. You surprised her; usually, you kept to yourself and never really stood up to her if she got mean or demanding. But you were not in the mood for any of her crap right then. You were at your limit.
Stacey scoffed but got to her feet. “One second, babe.” She glared at you, which you were more than happy to return, and then turned it onto CJ as well. “Boys aren’t allowed to stay up here so make it quick. You know the rules.”
You huffed out a snort. “The rule you break almost every other night? Got it, Stace, thanks for looking out.” You practically shut the door in her scowling face. You turned to find CJ’s eyes trained on you.
“So that’s the roommate, huh?” You shrugged. “Exactly how I pictured her, scowl and everything.”
You didn’t laugh at his joke and instead, crossed your arms. “You wanted to talk?”
He pressed his lips together and thrust his hands into his jacket pockets. “Why did you stop calling?”
You wanted to tell him the truth but it also seemed best to just get him out of there as soon as possible. He knew who you really were now and that was a problem. Especially if your friends found out you were the girl that had been calling him every week. Because sooner or later, they would want to know why and you weren’t ready to talk about that or have them look at you funny. You knew they’d be supportive, especially Joey and Audrey, but you also knew things would change. And you weren’t quite ready for that to happen.
“I’ve been doing better so there was no need. You should know, you made me your pet project after all.” You didn’t mean to be harsh but you were still angry.
His brows furrowed. “What does that mean?”
“You know. I’m the girl who calls you every week to talk your ear off and keeps you on the phone for hours. The girl you’ve supposedly been trying to pick up through the helpline, though apparently I’m not the only one.”
His eyes widened. “Y/N, that’s not true at all. I don’t use the helpline to pick up girls or try to get dates. I don’t date, you know I don’t. I don’t know who told you that but it’s not true.”
“But the other part is?”
“No. Not at all.”
“Because that’s how your buddy Seth put it, the way Jen tells it.”
CJ huffed out a mirthless laugh, rubbing at his forehead and giving a nod. “Jen. That’s who you heard this from.”
“Don’t even,” you snapped. “David also mentioned how you told him all about me and my issues.” You used quotation marks on the last word.
His hand dropped. “Okay, first off, you don’t have issues, no more than anybody else around here, myself included. Second, I only told David because I was going to be out that one night. I wanted to make sure if you called in that you were taken care of. That’s it. David is one of our better counselors, he’s a friend, and I trust him completely.”
Your jaw tightened. “That still doesn’t explain why Seth would even say anything like that. And you laughed! You stood there and laughed as this guy, who I don’t know by the way, is turning me calling you for help into a joke! Is that what I am? The joke at the office? Does everyone there know how I’ve been calling you every week and boring you to death with my problems?”
“What? No! You’re not a joke. And you’re not—”
“Really? Because it sure sounded like it to me based on what Jen said.”
“Okay, let’s get something straight. You’re not boring me to death when you call, you’re not talking my ear off, or keeping me stuck on the phone with you, or anything else that someone else might have said. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to be there for you and try to help. Then when we started talking about more than that, I wanted to talk to you even more. If I didn’t want to talk to you at all, if you were such a nuisance, then why would I ask you to call back every week or give you my phone number even?”
“But you weren’t trying to pick me up.”
“No, I wasn’t. I wanted to be available to you if you needed to talk to me outside of the hours I had at The Stand.”
“Yeah, because I was your pet project.”
“No, you weren’t and why do you keep saying that?”
“It’s true, isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not.”
“Isn’t that what you do, though? Isn’t that why you tracked me down? Isn’t that why you kept trying to get my number and even suggested we meet though the helpline’s supposed to be anonymous? You look for girls who are messed up and try to be their white knight. It gives you some sort of satisfaction, some twisted sense of purpose… That’s what happened with Audrey, right?” Again, he looked like you slapped him but this time, you didn’t feel guilty. You were only speaking the truth. He had told you how much he wanted to help Audrey and how somehow they ended up in bed together and before he knew it, he really liked her and wanted to see more of her. In the end, he’d admitted to you that it might have been him confusing his desire to help her with his interest in her. That maybe Audrey had been right in what she’d said.
You watched as his shoulders deflated slightly and he let out a heavy breath, hanging his head. You bit your lip and glanced away from him, not wanting to see him look so defeated. You had to be strong, you had to stand up for yourself and not let him or anyone else take advantage of you. That was the silent vow you’d made to yourself after you’d cried yourself to sleep that night you found out how you were being used and made a mockery of.
“I tracked you down because I was worried,” he spoke softly. You turned back to find him staring at you, remorse radiating from him. You felt slightly bad for hurting him but you had said nothing but the truth, from his own lips. “It wasn’t like you not to call so I thought maybe something happened or maybe I made you nervous with that last call. Like I said, I gave you my number because I wanted to be there for you anytime you needed me, even if I wasn’t working. So this way you always had a way to get a hold of me if you needed to. I only asked for yours because I did like talking to you and I thought we were becoming friends. I know that’s not the norm for the helpline and it’s never happened before, to me or to anyone else that I know of, but like I said, I enjoyed talking to you. I only offered to meet you at Student Activities that day because you seemed nervous to try it alone and I didn’t want you to feel like that. I would’ve made that offer to anyone that needed it.” He nervously licked his lips. “I do like you but it has nothing to do with my wanting to help you or make sure you’re okay. I made a mistake with Audrey but I learned from it. I told you that.” He sighed before continuing. “I like you, Y/N, because you’re funny and smart and kind. Even if we didn’t meet through the helpline, I still would have liked you once I got to talk to you, once I got to know you better. That’s the truth.”
He turned to leave when he stopped suddenly. “By the way, Seth is the guy who usually relieves me on Friday nights. That’s how he knew about you calling every week. He always liked to razz me about being on the phone with you since I made him fifteen minutes late for his shift that one time. I only laughed because it was obvious he was showing off for Jen, that he likes her, and I was trying not to embarrass him in front of her. I did end up talking to him later about it, though, and asked him not to mention it again in front of her or anyone else. He agreed; he’s not a bad guy.” He glanced back at you over his shoulder. “I’m sorry this happened. If you call the helpline again and want to talk to someone else, I understand. If you don’t want to call at all, I understand that, too. Just…take care of yourself, alright?”
You averted your eyes, not wanting him to see the tears building in them, and you gave him a curt nod. You only looked up again when the door snicked closed. You pretended a tear didn’t suddenly roll down your cheek and you told yourself that you had done the right thing. Though it certainly didn’t feel like it in the moment, deep within your chest.
<-->
You stared at your phone, pacing back and forth as you chewed on your thumbnail. It had been almost a month since CJ walked out of your dorm room, leaving you more conflicted than you felt prior to his arrival. You had turned his explanation over and over in your mind so much that you had begun to dream about him every night. You had more panic attacks during that time, to the point where you’d finally taken the plunge and made an appointment to see a therapist. You’d told your parents everything you’d been experiencing, making sure they heard you this time, and told them you needed help. Your mother was still annoyed with you but your father was supportive, especially when you told him that you had a group of friends you met up with pretty regularly. He agreed to help with payments for your therapy.
You were doing better, just like you had been while talking to CJ, and the therapist had even more techniques in her toolbox that she taught you how to use. You’d even opened up to her about CJ and everything that happened with him. She was the initial reason why you were considering making a call that you hadn’t made in quite a while.
When you saw the clock hit 7:21, you made your decision. You huffed out a breath, picked up the phone, and dialed the all-too familiar number.
“Hello, Helpline. This is CJ.”
You resumed your pacing, nervous, unsure of how to say what you wanted to.
“Hello?”
You’ve got this.
“Hello?”
Just do it already. Talk to him.
“Listen, if you’re—”
“What are your plans for tomorrow afternoon?” You rushed out before you lost your nerve.
“Jo?” You appreciated him using your fake name. “Is that you?”
“Well?” You asked.
“Uh, tomorrow? I’m free...”
“Would you…want to get some coffee? Maybe?”
“Coffee, huh?” You could hear the smile in his voice. “Jo, you’re not calling the helpline to ask me out on a coffee date, are you? Because that would be a serious misuse of this valuable resource the college provides,” he teased.
“Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll just wait until Seth is on shift then and call him up to ask him instead. Thanks, though. Bye.”
“Don’t you dare,” he laughed. You lifted the phone back up to your ear. “What time and what coffee shop?”
You couldn’t help but smile. “Got a pen?”
<-->
You walked into the coffee shop ten minutes early, intent on getting a table and settling in before CJ arrived. To your surprise, he was already there, waving you over. You approached, feeling your heartbeat speed up with every step. “You’re early.”
“I wanted to make sure we got a good table.” You had a feeling that wasn’t the only reason. The worry shadowing his expression confirmed it. Did he really think you had called him up to ask him to meet you only for you not to show? Then again, you supposed you couldn’t blame him.
“Good thinking.” You gestured towards the line with your thumb. “I’m going to get some coffee. Do you want anything?”
He was immediately on his feet. “I’ll get it. You sit down. You still like lattes?”
You gave him a small smile and nodded; he remembered.
He returned your smile. “Okay. Here, take a seat. I’ll be back in a minute.” You watched him walk over to the line as you did just that.
You would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous, but you were taking your therapist’s advice. You were moving your friendship with CJ away from the helpline and out into the real world. You were giving him another chance while also allowing both of you to start over. If CJ agreed to, that is.
A few minutes later, he returned and placed your cup in front of you. You gave him a smile of thanks and waited for him to join you.
“So,” he started once he was settled. “You called in.”
“Only to ask you to meet me,” you pointed out.
The corner of his lips tipped up in a genuine smile. “I’m glad you did.”
“Me, too.” And you meant it. You were happy he’d said yes. “I actually asked you to meet me because I wanted to thank you.”
His brows drew together. “Thank me?”
You nodded and began to tell him about all of the recent developments in your life, including therapy. You also apologized for how harsh you’d been the last time you saw each other but he waved it off, saying you didn’t need to and he understood. He listened intently and his smile grew when you mentioned how the therapy was helping and your panic attacks were starting to lessen.
“I’m really happy to hear it, Y/N, and I’m glad you’re doing better.”
You bit at your lip, feeling nervous about speaking this next part. “It wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t helped me the way you did, especially that first night. So, thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he murmured.
Your heart began to pound against your rib cage but you bravely surged forward and kissed his cheek. When you sat back in your chair, his eyes were wide and you felt your face get hot. “Sorry. I just really wanted to do that for a long time. I hope that was okay.”
He grinned. “More than okay.” You felt relief sweep through you. “I was just thinking—”
“I know. You’re not dating, and we’re friends. Don’t worry, I understand.”
He studied you for a moment before speaking again. “I was going to say ‘I was just thinking what a coincidence because there’s something I’ve wanted to do for a really long time, too.’” His hand gently covered yours and he slowly leaned in, giving you time to pull away or tell him to stop. You weren’t going to do either.
His lips brushed gently against yours and you felt a thrill rush through you at the contact. You had imagined kissing him so many times but the fantasy did absolutely no justice to the real thing. When you broke apart but he didn’t lean back right away, he murmured, “Was that okay?”
“More than okay,” you whispered before pulling him back into you, both of you grinning like idiots before your lips connected again.
<-->
You stopped, seeing the front of the building you were about to go into. “Are you sure we should be doing this?” You asked nervously.
CJ turned back to you and gave you a reassuring smile before cupping your cheek and kissing you. “Yes. We should.”
“But—”
“Everything’s going to be fine,” he assured you. “Trust me. I’m right here with you, okay?” He pecked your lips one more time, tightened his hold on your hand, and began pulling you forward.
“Okay.” You didn’t sound so sure about this and truthfully, you weren’t.
CJ chuckled and led you inside. The Stand office was decorated with balloons and streamers and there was even confetti on the floor. One of the counselors was leaving since she was soon to graduate and a party was being thrown for her last day. You tried not to get overwhelmed at the amount of people filling the small space. It was overly warm in here and you could barely hear yourself think over the din of multiple conversations going on at once. Somewhere music was playing at a decent level. You noted a room in the back where through the window you could see two people sitting, talking on the phone, a closed door in between them and the noise.
CJ intertwined your fingers and moved you both towards a group of a few people that he was intent on talking to, people greeting him as he passed. You remembered the techniques you had been taught and tried to put them into action while reminding yourself that you were with CJ and he wasn’t going to abandon you.
He stopped and greeted the group before he turned to you smiling. “This is Y/N, my girlfriend.”
One of the guys laughed. “Ah, so this is Y/N.” Your heart started hammering inside your chest. “CJ hasn’t shut up about you since you two started dating.” You nearly sighed in relief.
CJ shrugged, grinning down at you. “Seth’s not wrong.”
Your eyes widened before you turned back to the guy. “Oh, so you’re Seth.”
Seth beamed. “Aww, CJ, you told her about me? I just knew we had something special,” he joked.
You frowned. “Hey now. Go get your own CJ. This one’s mine.” You winked up at CJ who laughed.
He let go of your hand to wrap an arm around your waist and pull you into him. “Definitely yours,” he whispered huskily.
Seth pretended to gag. “Ugh. Young love. Gross. You can have him, Y/N.”
“Damn right I do,” you laughed as CJ wrapped himself around you from behind and leaned down to kiss your cheek.
From that moment on, it wasn’t so bad. CJ circulated around the room to different groups, introducing you each time. With him by your side, you began to feel more comfortable and you opened up bit by bit. At one point, CJ took your hand and led you away. “I want to show you something.”
“Again?” You teased. “Didn’t you already show me something back in my dorm earlier? Twice?”
“Ha ha. No, this is something different. Though there will definitely be a third time when I get you out of here and back to my place.”
“Ooo. You sure know how to sweet talk a girl, Mr. Braxton.”
He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, and pulled you into a kiss that left you breathless. “Just a small preview for later.”
“A small preview?” You panted. You just loved teasing him and couldn’t resist.
He rolled his eyes in amusement. “Come on.”
CJ led you over to a desk and with his free hand, he swiped confetti off of the seat. “This is it. My station,” he told you.
Your eyes roamed over the computer, the keyboard, the notepad and pens, stopping on the corded phone. So this was it. This was where CJ had sat on those Friday nights during your conversations. You smiled to yourself at the memory.
You let out a squeal when CJ quickly sat down in the chair and pulled you into his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck to keep from falling, glaring at his laugh. You softened though when you looked back over the desk. “So this is where you sat on those nights we talked?”
“Uh huh. Though I much prefer you here on this end with me.” He gripped your chin between his fingers and turned you to him, kissing you sweetly. You snuck your fingers into his hair and tilted your head to deepen it, not caring right then about anyone or anything else around you.
You and CJ had been dating for a while now and it was starting to become serious. He had met your parents when they came to visit. Your dad had liked him right away. Your mom, on the other hand, had given him a bit of a hard time but underneath the harsh exterior she was presenting, you could tell she liked him, too. He had initially planned to transfer to a school in New York, which you more than supported (though you were secretly heartbroken). You reminded him that you had done the phone thing once upon a time and you could do it again, if he wanted. After contemplating it, he decided to stay in Boston.
“Please don’t tell me you chose to stay because of me. I’m not going anywhere. If it’s a great opportunity for you, you should go. I don’t want you to regret not going.”
He’d simply smiled. “I have a great opportunity right here and I would regret leaving.” He’d kissed your nose. “Besides, Boston’s home.”
“CJ, you should go. I’m almost done and I can come visit you. It’s only a few hours’ drive. You could show me things like the Empire State Building or take me to a museum or a play or show me Times Square.” You’d tried to make it sound enticing but inside it was killing you. Everyone knew long distance relationships had their problems and who knew? Maybe he might meet someone new in the Big Apple. But you also wanted him to do what was right for him, just like you’d spoken with your therapist about. You didn’t want him to resent you later on if he didn’t take this opportunity now and you certainly didn’t want him to have any regrets. “We could even visit Jen and Jack, see how her Grams is doing.”
Jen and Jack had transferred to New York. You had been worried to tell her that you and CJ were dating but while she was a little miffed in the beginning, she was more focused on the developing situation with her grandmother who had been diagnosed with cancer. Eventually, she forgave you before she left and gave you her blessing. You had been relieved; Jen was a good person, a good friend, and you didn’t want to lose her friendship. Jack had been worried about Jen’s reaction but for the most part, he had been fine with it. David was happy for you both. Audrey was doing better these days and though she had wanted to know what the hell you were thinking by shacking up with The Sleaze (as she referred to him), she had eventually told you she loved you and just wanted you to be happy. Joey asked you if you were sure when you told her and when you assured her that you were, she pretty much said the same thing as her former roommate and gave you a hug. She gave you a look when you pulled away and you knew that she had connected the dots on who you really were to CJ, but to her credit, she mercifully never said anything. Pacey and Emma had shrugged (CJ had apologized to Pacey at some point after what happened with Audrey and they had resolved things), wishing you well. Dawson…well, you never really got to know Dawson all that well during his brief visits so no conversation needed to be had there really. All in all, your friends were supportive, even if still a little wary of how things were going to work out. You were happy, though. It was strange but shifting from friends into romance proved to be an easier transition then you thought it would be.
CJ laid his forehead against yours, staring into your eyes, as he stroked your cheek with his thumb. “I’m not going without you.” You went to speak, to remind him you weren’t going anywhere, when he cut you off. “I know what I want. I’m okay with my decision. I need you to be, too.”
You tenderly stroked his arm. “Are you sure?” You whispered, worried he was making a mistake.
“More than sure.” He then pulled you to him for a kiss.
“Okay,” you whispered to his lips before kissing him again.
And now you had met all of his co-workers at The Stand and had seen where he worked a few days out of the week. He had offered to bring you several times before, but you had been hesitant to take him up on it, still worried someone might figure out who you really were. It’s not that you were embarrassed that you had called the helpline for help, but your business was your business and you didn’t want to be seen as that girl CJ got himself through the service. You both obviously knew that wasn’t the case but people talked, people judged, and you just wanted to steer clear of both as long as you possibly could. You knew you shouldn’t care what anyone thought or said, just like CJ didn’t; it was something you were currently working on in therapy.
“So,” you teased when he finally broke away for air. “Is there a switchboard somewhere that you have somebody directing all the girls to you when they call? Is that how I got you every single time I called?”
He grinned. “Not exactly. I told everybody that any calls that came in on Fridays at 7:00 were mine.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did.”
“Well, how did you know I would call every single time?” You huffed out. “How do you know I might not have gotten held up? Or made plans at the last second? Or got fed up with you?”
He gave you a cocky smirk. “Because you liked talking to me. I could tell.”
You playfully swatted at his shoulder, making him laugh, and rolled your eyes. “It always amazes me that you’re able to make it through doorways with that massive ego of yours. That can’t be how you knew I would call you every time.”
His smirk grew and he nodded.
“I hate you,” you mumbled. You didn’t really mean it and he knew you didn’t.
CJ pulled you closer up against him. “You have a weird way of showing that.” He inclined his head towards your embrace around his neck.
“True,” you murmured and kissed him again.
“Plus,” CJ added when you pulled back. “You always said you would call back and I believed you.”
“Better,” you decided. “Though I will begrudgingly admit that I did like talking to you.”
“Like I said, I could—”
“Hush.” You covered his lips with yours and he chuckled into your mouth. When you pulled back this time, you laid your forehead against his, your eyes closed, smiling. “I love you,” you murmured.
“I love you, too” he whispered back to you, lifting up to press a kiss to your brow before you buried your head into his neck and he discreetly snuck his hands under your shirt to rub your back, just the way you liked.
“Want to get out of here?” He asked you after a few minutes had passed.
“Mmm.” You lifted your head to look him in the eye. “No Fleetwood Mac this time, though.”
He laughed and helped you to your feet. “What have you got against one of the greatest bands of all time?”
“Nothing. It’s just weird to listen to that chorus when we’re about to…you know.” You could feel your cheeks starting to warm.
He grinned salaciously at you. “Oh, I know. Hey, at least it’s not the Star Wars theme.” He snickered at your glare and picked up your hand, kissing it. “No Fleetwood Mac tonight. Got it.” He intertwined your fingers and his grin softened into an affectionate smile before he led you out of there. You quickly made your goodbyes and hurried back to his place where he kept his promise of no rock group music track playing along to your own soundtrack.
Later, as CJ slept, you repeatedly ran your fingers through his messy hair in soothing strokes as you studied him. Who knew calling the helpline that one Friday night would lead you here? Where you were happy, in love, and doing much better than you ever thought possible? You had gone from feeling overwhelmed by your education to feeling a different type of overwhelmed together. Overwhelming love and affection for the special person in your life; overwhelming gratitude for the progress you’d been able to make in managing your anxiety and panic attacks as best you could; and overwhelming contentment with every single moment, no matter the ups and downs that was best known as life. Regardless of whatever happened from here, you knew you’d be okay and you’d handle whatever was thrown your way. Like CJ had once said, one day at a time.
In his sleep, your boyfriend reached out for you and pulled you in closer to him, snuggling into your side and burrowing into your neck, making you smile.
And to think, you almost hadn’t made that call. You laid your head against CJ’s and closed your eyes. You were so glad you did.
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I admittedly haven’t seen much OFMD S2 criticism but I did masochistically go looking to see what the major complaints were.
I’m not all that interested in addressing individual critiques. Some of them made sense to me. Some of them were a bit silly. Some were clearly based on the show not being the fanfic people had written in their heads after they watched S1. Some were mad for the inevitable shipping reasons.
But what I think is the most important thing for OFMD fans and fans of any ongoing story to remember is this:
The sequel will never be able to match the fact you watched the first part without preconceived expectations.
No second season of OFMD could ever match the fact that no one was expecting Season 1. They weren’t expecting the kiss. They can’t recapture the uncertainty and euphoria of that relationship becoming canon. They can’t recreate the audience discovering its unique mix of Muppet humor and heartfelt drama with glancing moments of historical accuracy, all awash in stageplay level special effects as a love letter to old-school pirate plays and musicals. You can’t ever experience that again for the first time.
If these two seasons had aired back to back, far from seeing a decrease in quality or change in tone, I think you’d find they match one another very closely and seamlessly throughout. It was only the long break that allowed people to imagine certain story beats or characterizations or threads like historical accuracy as being more important than they were.
If Season 1 had ended, say, with the, “Never left.” beat while “The Chain” played as the last thing we saw before the credits rolled and the wait for S2 began, the fandom landscape and expectations would have been wildly different. But then, every OFMD episode adds wildly new elements, they’re all very different from each other, and anyone who thought any one those elements would be the new constant tone of the show going forward would be wrong. And yet, that’s what happened inevitably after the last episode of S1.
Honestly, I thought it was a bit of a shame, from a fanfic writer perspective only, that S1 ended on such a dark note because it was so out of keeping with 90% of the rest of the show but inevitably, I knew the fandom and fan writers would latch onto that dark thread in an effort to continue the story, since it’s where S1 left off. But OFMD was always going to resolve that separation quickly then return to humor and hijinks (albeit with notes of drama and more serious emotions, as it always has) , it’s right there in the romcom plot structure, a structure which owes much more to OFMD’s DNA than any historical pirate drama.
*Sigh* Anyway, I’m excited for the season finale. And truly I haven’t seen much criticism, but I’ve been chewing on these thoughts since I woke up to critiques of ep 6-7 last week and was then baffled by it once I saw the episodes myself. So there it is.
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the paladin line up!!! (click for better quality)
This is a part of my voltron AU that I already did a bit of art on this here. i'll probably update my foolish design at some other time but there he is for now.
Under the cut -- my reasons for these particular characters, plus some sketched story ideas i had for them/their backstories prior to canon.
(also, yes - qtubbo tucks his jeans into his socks)
Green Paladin - Tubbo. He's green already, fantastic. Also, a nerd like Pidge and naturally curious. I considered other Create-oriented QSMPers for green lion but I think Tubbo fits the best!
Yellow Paladin - Missa. For a while I was gonna make Forever the yellow or blue paladin, but then I realised the whole cast would be wayyyyy too zany or weird. We needed a sturdy, relatable character. Someone who was scared. Someone who didn't really want to be there. Someone who would have an unlikely romance with a menacing purple rebellion-leader alien in space. I knew Missa was perfect for the job.
Blue Paladin - Etoiles. We don't know the specific qualifications for someone to be the blue paladin (thanks Lance), but there are some clear similarities between Lance and Blaytz (I know Allura doesn't really fit with the pattern towards the end of the series, but work with me here), so I sort of made up my own requirements. 1. screams with joy when they get to pilot their lion. 2. dogboy. 3. ready to throw down. (season 1 allura fits all 3 of these, but arguably not really towards s6-7-8). I kinda relate him most to Blaytz out of all the blue paladins.
Red Paladin - Roier. You KNOW it had to be Roier. Who else. Literally who else. The man is red. Ready to throw down. Trusts his instincts. Angsty backstory. Right-hand to the guy who takes the lead in most situations. Also, just in general, I have a vivid vision of qroier in the red lion's cockpit. He could totally pull it off.
Black Paladin - Cellbit. The other characters I considered for this role were bbh and philza, but in the end I liked them more with having alien roles mainly due to their backstories (BBH as an immortal soul-guide demon and Philza as an avian). I just think that Cellbit would fit this role better. He already sort of heads the Order, is associated with the colour black as well. But most of all. I think there's a lot of potential for an angst arc where he goes off on his own for some dumb self sacrificial reason I guess, or maybe because of his extremeee trust issues, and neglects his leader duties because of this. and then there's a whole lesson learned kind of thing, maybe roier brings him back, etc.
Now for some backstories:
I think Tubbo would follow Pidge's backstory and motives pretty closely, given his penchant for breaking into the federation offices and snooping around (very Pidge-like behaviour). The thing I struggled with was getting someone to be kidnapped by space aliens that Tubbo cared enough about to go searching for. I already have plans for Fred, Phil, and the eggs, and they're the main things that drive qtubbo. Also, ideally, they'd have to be somewhat older than Tubbo in order to be on the Kerberos mission in the first place. For a while, I thought about somehow having Tubbo and Pierre being connected, but they're not super close in canon, even if he would make an Excellent Sam Holt.
BUT THEN I REMEMBERED: MORNING CREW. ITS PERFECT. I don't think they'd be directly related, but Pac as Matt Holt just works so well. I think Fit and Ramon would be rebel fighters that free Pac from the Galra and they sort of fall in love that way, but Mike was on the Kerberos mission too and is still missing, and that's Pac's main motivation.
So I think the best people for the Kerberos mission crew would be Pac (technician), Mike (engineer), and Cellbit (pilot). Cellbit obviously takes Shiro's role (sans robot arm, that's Etoiles' duty later on - this AU would divert from VLD canon pretty early on). Roier never gives up on Cellbit, just like Tubbo never gives up on Pac (and Mike). Except unlike Tubbo, who has to purposely get enrolled at the Garrison as a cadet in order to get intel, Roier is already graduate from the same class as Cellbit. He KNOWS there's a coverup of some kind, but he has no way of proving it. Fortunately, an old upperclassman/ex-tutor believes in him enough that he believes in Cellbit too, and together they get to work on figuring out this mystery. When an alien pod crash lands, they know they've got to get a closer look.
Missa is an unfortunate decontamination unit first-responder who gets in the way. They can't just leave him behind to sound the alarm - he has to come with them while they rescue Cellbit! Unbeknownst to them, Tubbo has already taken out the alarms and is also on his way over. Miraculously, they all escape with their lives, and magic space lion adventures ensue.
I feel like none of them would really have any time to change into casual clothing, so they're all in uniform. Cellbit would probably still be in prisoner clothing but tbh I just didn't think of that lol. Also, I wanted to draw him in a garrison uniform that wasn't detox or combat oriented. There are so many cool garrison uniform designs out there so drawing the same one twice was kinda soul crushing lol. cant wait to show you guys their individual character sheets!!
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January 2024 Review Roundup
hello everypony‼️ something i want to do through 2024 is a mini review series where i recap some of the media i watched/played/read at the end of every month. this was inspired by tumblr user ponett’s 2023 media wrap-up, it's a great collection of quick reviews so go check it out!
i’m doing this partially as writing/analysis practice, but mostly because my memory is really bad and i want to keep track of what i've seen this year. with that said, my thoughts on everything i finished in january 2024 is under the cut :]
Portal 1 + 2
yyyup i beat Portal and it only took me (checks watch) 13 years
the first time i played Portal 2 was at a friend’s house when i was in middle school, and i had a fuckin blast. but after all that time... it still holds up! i don’t think anything i have to say about Portal will be particularly new since people have been praising this series since it came out. the writing, the level design, even the controls feel tight and engaging the whole way through. i played on switch and expected a bit of jank, but i was pleasantly surprised at how smooth it felt to play. the only part that dragged for me were the levels through the old aperture labs, but i think i would like them a lot more on a second replay. Portal 2 is fantastic and one of my new favorite games, the artistry behind it is truly incredible and i’m really glad i finally finished it. while i was playing Portal 2, i described Glados and Wheatly to a friend and said “they’re like if a ceiling fan could be passive aggressive and if Fozzie Bear was an evil golf ball”
I Think You Should Leave
finally. i can truly understand and appreciate Subspace Dubbed Over
i think one of my favorite things about I Think You Should Leave is how it utilizes horror. beyond sitting slack-jawed in disbelief at the crazy events unfolding before my eyes, a number of the sketches dipped into bits that genuinely kinda scared me. like the one sketch that circulates on here where the guy (pig?) in a mask crawls through a dog door, which is. genuinely terrifying. but so many of the other sketches have slow, nerve-racking pacing leading to crazy shit that would be perfect in a horror film were the context different. idk i like dissecting how horror and comedy are essentially the same thing and I Think You Should Leave was very good at enabling that <3 favorite sketches are probably “then let my wife eat the damn receipt” and “55 BURGERS 55 HOTDOGS 100 FRIES 100 TATER TOTS”
Sonic Prime Season 3
man. ohhhh man. i didn’t go into this with high expectations and i still feel let down. Sonic Prime Season 3 was definitely my least favorite “season” of the batch - abysmal pacing, very few character moments i actually enjoyed, and the things i praised about the show felt very underutilized through these episodes. Nine is the shining star of Sonic Prime and i was looking forward to seeing his more villainous side, but his character took such a sharp turn into pure evil and it felt like he spent the entire season repeating the same three lines. and as much as i praise Shadow’s writing in Prime, it doesn’t really matter when he spends half of the season trapped in a hole that he just… runs out of later.
lastly, i cannot stop thinking about how bad the pacing of this season is. three episodes for a repetitive final battle feels like such a waste of time when you see just how much they rush the emotional resolutions in the last episode. however, there is one thing i truly love about Sonic Prime Season 3 - i love the Sails and Mangey fakeout death. it's so fucking funny. like you really expect me to believe that two cartoon animals in this Y-7 rated show EXPLODED?????? absolute comedy gold.
overall, i just… don’t really know what to think of Sonic Prime. anything i enjoyed in the show was often fleeting, and much of it felt like its only purpose was to waste my time. also Rouge i can’t believe they did you so dirty oh my god
Ghost Trick
i was so proud that i figured out the secret behind Sissel’s memory loss like halfway through the game. however i also kept getting caught during the prison escape sequence like an idiot
Ghost Trick is in a similar situation as Portal where 1. it’s incredible and one of my new favorite games, and 2. there’s nothing i can really say about it that hasn’t already been said or just. shouldn’t be said. Ghost Trick is a fantastic mystery game, and because of that i think it’s best to go into its story as blind as possible. the narrative unfolds in such fascinating ways - even though the actual object manipulation gameplay isn’t directly about solving the mystery (like in Ace Attorney or other mystery games), it still ties wonderfully into the story in some incredibly unique ways.
i also really love the artstyle of Ghost Trick - i love 2D character artwork with that sharp lineweight, it reminded me a lot of Sonic Battle (another game with an artstyle i love). i was also really impressed by the 3D character models and animation - despite the limitations of the camera, you get a wonderful sense of everyone’s personality from the limited body language expressed in the overworld (even though the models lack much facial expression which. i guess they don’t really need? idk that was the only thing that threw me off). anyways yeah everyone should play Ghost Trick so Ghost Trick fans can be freed from their curse and talk about it without having to tag like 10 different spoiler tags. and for Missile
Scott Pilgrim Takes Off
ok bear with me. i went into Scott Pilgrim Takes Off without reading the comics first. and i fuckin loved it
my understanding of Scott Pilgrim before SPTO was mostly from the movie (I KNOW I’M SORRY), but even with my base understanding of the series i really enjoyed this show for what it was. i found myself appreciating the time they dedicated to further develop every single character in the show - especially Ramona. she’s fantastic as the lead, i really loved watching her reconcile with her exes and seeing all of them grow instead of exploding into coins. my favorite episode was probably the one with her and Roxie - not only did i adore the movie-jumping set pieces, but you really understand the weight of Ramona’s mistakes in their past relationship and how much it hurt Roxie. despite the big climactic fight, the flashbacks are quiet, subtle, heartbreaking. Ramona’s apology is genuine, and it feels so wonderful to watch her confront her past throughout the show. also i think it’s really funny that for all these characters to become the best versions of themselves, they had to kill off Scott for most of the story
and holy shit the artstyle and animation. oh my god. i love watching something that makes me immediately go “i need to see the storyboards for this RIGHT NOW.” SPTO is such a visual delight to watch, it elevates the artstyle of the comics while also keeping what makes that style so appealing - i love the line weight on the characters, i love how much forward energy the animation has, i love the fucking. virtual boy section. as soon as i found out Science Saru was also behind Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken, everything made immediate sense. i was destined to love this show.
another worry i had going into SPTO (besides the fact that i hadn’t read the comics lol) is that the original cast from the movie was returning. i think the movie cast is fine, but i wasn’t sure how some of them would fare with voice acting for animation. however, i thought they all did a good job - i think the whole cast loves these characters and would be able to fit into them fairly easily no matter what form their performance takes, and they definitely had a good voice director in the studio with them. the only thing that felt off about the voice performances to me was that sometimes it sounded like some of their mics kept peaking?? idk some of these episodes i watched high as balls and i felt like i could hear and see every single sound and frame of the show. so that might have just been me.
god i did not. expect to have this much to say about Scott Pilgrim. i really loved this show and i’m currently reading the comics to fully catch up on the general Scott Pilgrim experience - i think reading the comics AFTER Takes Off is making me appreciate even more of the character work that went into the show. like they do so much with Mathew Patel in SPTO, a character that was. not originally around for a long time from what i’ve gathered? also i like the funny little robot. oh my GOD i cannot talk about this show anymore whatever it’s good get me out of here
Sword AF Season 1
i put on the Smosh cast’s D&D series to play in the background while i was drawing. i did not expect to think much of it. instead, i had one of the most enjoyable D&D podcast experiences since i listened to The Adventure Zone Balance???
i haven’t really enjoyed other D&D podcasts since i dropped off of The Adventure Zone, and i wasn’t expecting much from Sword AF of all things. then i saw that Shayne was playing as a druid warforged made of plants and his name was fucking Fernie and i sat my ass down and LISTENED. while i think Sword AF is currently lacking in its world and larger story, those things just. aren’t really what Sword AF is really trying to provide at the moment. it’s main focus is comedy, and the players are genuinely such a delight to watch play together and build off of each other. they mostly focus on bits and goofs for the sake of she show's comedic tone, but i still found it thoroughly enjoyable because every player embodies and performs their characters really well. idk Sword AF was an unexpected hit for me this month, i thought it was fun. and i love Fernie so much
Plastic Death - Glass Beach
so originally i wasn’t going to include music reviews in these roundups at all, but then i was entirely surprised by a new Glass Beach album and oh my god. holy shit. oh my fucking god jesus christ. holy shit. its preddy good
Plastic Death gets the low point of the album out of the way immediately. it starts with the “phone call/conversation audio” trope that i don’t particularly enjoy - HOWEVER despite me disliking this opening, 1. it sets up the overall themes of Plastic Death very quickly, and 2. the rest of the album blows this 40 second opening completely out of the water. from there, the album grows into something beautiful and uncontained, and i just. i really like it
Plastic Death captures the beauty of the temporary, asks what it means to be created for a cause you can’t fulfill, questions if you can reclaim yourself from cycles and constraints designed to destroy you. and is also about being transgender. the lyrics are abstract in a way that requires a conversation with the listener, many of the vocals obscured and smooth like waves - this album is definitely one that needs to be listened to a few times. i wasn’t sure how i felt about the vocal style at first before realizing the vocals were the main reason i was relistening to this album, allowing myself to find even more that i loved about it. the instrumentation is also incredible, i love the use of marimba in a number of songs - distant, eerie, almost skeletal. and the fucking. 8-bit section?? which kinda rules???? and that’s the only point in the album it ever shows up??????? incredible. a fleeting, somewhat silly moment that i love every time.
this album left my heart aching, in part from my connection to it and in part from the pure love and joy emanating from this music. i can feel just how much fun this music was to perform and create, a cohesion of time and sound that just clicked for me. Plastic Death made me miss playing music, which is something i haven’t felt in years. all from an album that starts with a conversation about CrankGameplay’s dead youtube channel. good lord
i like this album a normal amount. go listen to it a few times. my favorite tracks are cul-de-sac and commatose
Wish
i watched Wish with a couple of friends and knew i probably wasn't going to like it. with that in mind, i gave myself a challenge: i wanted to find one thing about this movie that i genuinely really loved. it could be anything, and loving it for ironic reasons was allowed.
here's the complete list of things i loved about Disney's Wish (2023):
i love the one shot where King Magnifico stirs an evil caldron evily. i thought it was hilarious. what was he cooking
i loved that the end credits included a reference to Dinosaur 2001 at all, and i loved that they paid homage to Big Hero 6 by showing the forgettable villain of that movie instead of their Baymax cashcow for some reason. my friends and i saw him show up in the credits and were like "who's the trenchcoat guy??"
you may notice that this list is very short and 50% of it is about the movie's credits. so yeah this movie is not very good
Wish is an empty husk of a movie. everything about it feels so, so hollow - lifeless town squares, uninspired character designs (to quote a friend: "i have all of these characters' hairstyles in The Sims"), characters whose existence is only justified to fill empty space or an overused archetype, and an "evil" villain who lacks charisma and spine in a futile effort to remind the audience of previous disney villains with actual character. even the artstyle lacks any sort of sauce, the watercolor effect they were trying to go for only makes the backgrounds and character textures run together, and the dull lighting makes things look even more faded. it's like disney was scared of making a movie that made its audience feel... anything. all to celebrate 100 years of Disney slop, baby!!!
Some YouTube videos I liked in January:
💥 An Exhaustive Look at Pokemon Brilliant Diamond
💥 TomSka's Guide to Plagiarism
💥 Paradise Bombed (this video is a great piece of journalism and i’m definitely not doing it justice by throwing it into the youtube vid list)
💥 Surprising Our Friends with Zoo Animals
💥 Did FNAF Ever Have a Good Story?
thanks for reading! next month’s roundup will be wild because i’ll likely be reviewing House of Leaves and Hazbin Hotel. can you guess which cursed house gives me a worse headache? WHO KNOWS! (hint: it's Hazbin Hotel)
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How is it I've ended up in a situation where i end up writing two costume metas a week now 🤔😂😳 We are sneak peek meta'ing as there is some juicy stuff in the sneak peaks we've had!! First up,
Madney!!
Lots of check - sooooo much check going on here!! the interesting thing about having both of them in check is how they contrast each other - I think we'll see that Maddie is more confused about things than Chimney is as the episode unfolds. Maddies jacket being a variety of check hints at confusion and danger on multiple fronts - I'd be prepared to put money down on Maddie not only reckoning with the Doug of the equation, but also there being further things for her in relation to her parents and some things around Jee-Yun as well. How exactly we'll see all that play out and how much detail they'll go into over it I have no idea, but I can see 2 possibly 3 different tweed chcks on her jacket, so there are likely to be 2 or 3 things that she has to face up to.
Chimneys Check has however been lurking there below the surface all season long and that very much plays into the longer arc we've seen for him this season. I would've loved to have actually seen the joint therapy session we were supposed to get at the start of the season because I'm sure it would've played into this underlying foreshadowing of danger we have for him, but I have a theory about why we didn't end up seeing it. Chimney's check has nearly always been close to his skin - by that I mean shirts rather than jumpers or jackets - and we've seen a lot of times where it is hidden under a plain jumper or jacket. I don't want to jump the gun too much by making crazy predictions, but as well as foreshadowing his season finale injury, I think we might be seeing some foreshadowing for Chimney keeping some stuff close to his chest that we will get to see play out in season 7 - its feeling very much like this season is setting up some sort of Chimney trauma healing arc that is bigger than the smallish stuff we've been given so far - it has always felt a little off that we never really got to dig into the stuff with Chimneys father more than we did and then with the Kevin stuff we got in the last episode, it feels like the show building towards something bigger for him and the costumes are aiding this subtext.
Eddie and Chris
there are all of the things going on here in this scene!! firstly as has already been mentioned - it is the same knit hoodie that Eddie was wearing in 5x14. We'll come back to Eddie though - I want to start with Chris!
This is the first time we've ever seen Chris in a denim jacket, in fact we've never actually seen him in a jacket at all, we've only seen him in hoodies up to this point. there is something about this being the first time we see him wear one - at Shannons grave side. Denim jackets are culturally tied to westerns, cowboys and to Texas. Christopher wearing one here would appear to be a visual way of tying him to the childhood he had with his mother - backing up the conversation about making s'mores with her when he was younger.
We can't not talk about the striped hoodie Stripes according to my theory are all about change incoming - the theory hasn't yet been disproven by the wardrobe department and I get the feeling that here is no different. The idea that a change is coming in Christophers life is one that has been hovering around for a little while and the narrowing of the stripes would suggest that change is getting closer. I can't not mention the fact that the hoodie is also white and grey striped - the horizontal version of Buck shirt from the shooting. this is suggesting two things to me - one it is connecting Chris directly to the fact he nearly lost both parents - sitting at the grave of one parent while wearing something that echoes an outfit from the moment he could've lost a second parent. I also think there is something in the connection to Buck specifically in this - its directly connected to the will and that Chris has a third parent - I can't wait to see if I'm just clowning hard, or if the change the stripes Chris is wearing are foreshadowing some connetion to the will!
I do want to touch on the fact that he has short trousers on here - I'm fascinated by them as a choice because again, they're not something we've seen Chris wearing before and my brain automatically went to Buck and the short trousers he has been wearing a lot of. The ones we see Chris in here are a bit shorter than the ones Buck wears but I do think it was an interesting choice - I hope we get to see Chris moving in them so I can see exactly how short they actually are, because if they are meant to mimic Bucks then that is very much a choice by the costume department - to connect Christophers past with his present and future!
Back to Eddies greenish black hoodie. while there is very much the connection to Buck misunderstanding the assignment and the heart metaphors at play, there is another aspect to this outfit being worn again and that is his therapy session with Frank
You get some weird screenshots from this scene from me because I want you to look at Eddies arm (this is literally the only vaguely decent shot of it I can get from the sneak peek!) and notice how Eddie is very much not wearing his watch - there is no watch to be seen work or home or fancy watch!!! this is very much saying that Eddie isn't racing against time here or any of the other time metaphors that are in play - other than Eddie has time, that Eddie has moved on and is at peace with Shannon now - something also supported by the choice of flowers at the grave.
I love flower meanings (if you hadn't already figured that out) and the bouquet of roses with some goldenrods is interesting! Goldenrods represent happiness and sincerity and are also associated with new beginnings. The roses are in dark red, coral orange, pale yellow and white. Roses are all generally associated with love, but each colour represents a different aspects or types of love. they do also have some other meanings attached to them. Yellow roses are symbols of friendship and they are connected with Dia de Muertos - the day of the dead, where they are a symbol of remembrance. The white roses are a symbol of innocence and purity, but also represent new beginnings (which is why they're often seen at weddings). the red roses are romantic love and the orange ones bridge the gap between romantic love and friendship - interesting that there is the most of these ones - suggesting that Eddies feelings towards Shannon sit more in the fond friendship and remembrance zone rather than the romantic zone - its saying that Eddie has and is moving on from her - that he will always think of her with love and affection, but that those feelings have subsided into something more like friendship. This is a clear symbol of Eddie being ready to move on fro her.
Natalia
Oh there is so much going on here that I can't even begin to tell you!!!
first up - her hand is bound in a handkerchief with what appear to be blue roses.
Roses in general terms mean love - red for romantic, yellow for friendship etc. Blue roses mean unattainable love (because they do not occur naturally - only through artificial means) - so that would suggest that both love is unattainable for both Natalia and Buck in this direction but also that any feelings etc are not real - they can only be achieved through synthetic or artificial means - suggesting that any attempt at a relationship is going to be forced. Blue roses can also mean (especially the lighter shades of blue) emotions - specifically the finding of hope peace and tranquility. So with all of this in mind we end up with the concept of Buck finding what he’s looking for and that Natalia will help him get there, but that it isn't love, its the peace, tranquility and happiness that he's been seeking.
Natalia wearing a black velvet blazer is also a telling choice - here we have a connection to Bucks date not date outfit from 6x13. Not only does this jacket therefore tie into the idea of dates not actually being dates, that one of them may think that a potential date is a date, when it is in fact not one, but it also plays into the mixed feelings title from that episode as well. overall the jacket is playing into the idea of misunderstandings on some level (Buck continuing to misunderstand the assignment!)
I know you're all staring at how pretty she is, but I want you to look at that necklace!! We have seen that necklace before!!
Sorry for the jump scare, but here it is;
Now why on earth would you put Natalia in the very same necklace as Taylor Kelly unless it means something?!!! I wrote this in my 5x16 costume meta about that necklace and its meaning;
The chain she was wearing however - very interesting - well to me at least!! (you might have already read this part if you read my answer to an ask!!) So chains that look like actual chains (as this one does) are usually representative of bondage or incarceration - such as the chains of slavery or the chains worn by prisoners or the idea of chattel - the concept of possession - belonging to someone or something -such as historically when women became the property of men upon the event of their marriage (the ball and chain). non of the associations with chains are positive ones! There is also the location around her neck - its not worn loose or lower down it is literally like a chain collar around her neck - a noose like position.
Basically all of this adds up to Taylor signalling that she is essentially making her self a chattel - staking her claim on Buck through the concept of her being the woman in possession. The thing is though that idea is outdated - Taylor herself is outdated (as in to be history soon) and there are so many quotes about breaking free from chains that bind you and that love frees you from your chains. So if Taylor is putting herself into the idea of being a chain - a noose about Bucks neck - the symbolism becomes as much about Taylors attempts to chattel herself as it is about the concept of Buck freeing himself of the chains binding him and the idea that Love will free him from those chains. Now because this is film/tv - the director will use that chain symbolism to point out the love - the audience knows Taylor is in a relationship with Buck so they will subconsciously connect that chain to him. But where Buck is located - that is where the love is and the audiences eye will be draw to that location - in placing Buck with Eddie and not having him come over to the conversation and therefore standing next to Lucy in any way - it is all done to show where the love that will set Buck free is - and that is with Eddie!!
I stand by all I said in that meta - it is all still relevant. However, the fact they’ve chosen to have Natalia wear the necklace we saw Tay Kay in in 5x16 for that very key scene (when Buck was off flirting with Eddie in the background) is less about Natalia herself trying to stake a claim on Buck and much more about what she represents as a death doula. She is a representation of death and this necklace is playing into the idea of death having a claim over Buck - of Buck feeling like death has a claim over him. It continues to play into the theme of Orpheus and Eurydice's that we saw at play through Carla in 6x11. the concept of Buck still wanting to look back rather than forward and the act of looking back pulling you back to the underworld.
This is telling me that Buck is still drawn by death, that he is attracted to and and chateled or attached to death because he hasn’t yet dealt with any of his route trauma.
The fact that we see the necklace on Tay Kay at the moment she has to reckon with who she thinks is the wedge in her relationship with Buck, may also be telling because reusing it here potentially has a similar theme at play - there is a third person/thing in any relationship they attempt to create - death that Natalia may end up feeling the same way as Tay Kay - not saying she’s going to be petty and weird like TK was, it is more likely she will recognise the wedge is bucks relationship with death - and it will be a catalyst to Bucks healing making progressI standby.
there is another connection that @theladyyavilee 's eagle eyes spotted - the necklace is also the same as a bracelet that Ana is wearing when Eddie comes across her in Jinx
the meanings are similar to those I've already written about - with Ana the other more subtle connection is the reason Eddie bumps into her at all is because of Izzy Chainz - stuck up on his billboard.
The fact that we have Natalia connected to both Taylor and Ana in this way is in and of itself very telling - the connections to them is telling us that things with Natalia and Buck won't work out - as if we needed any further confirmation, the wardrobe department as always have our backs and just add their weight to all the other indicators. There is also the meaning behind Natalias name - birthday - specifically in connection with Christmas day and the birth of Christ - further tying into the theory that Natalia is going to help Buck move on from his death in some way and this will very likely also have some connection with the route of Bucks trauma - Daniel and the reaso he was born and allow him to get ever closer to finding happiness - it just won't be with her
Right that is quite enough going feral over the sneak peeks - hopefully it will tide you over until the episode airs and I can write my full normal meta!!!
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Max putting on a random f1 race because Daniel loves racing and not realizing that it’s from a season Daniel raced in so like maybe end of 2011
And baby Daniel is just like “is that me??” all wide eyed and shocked
Another pair that just proves that we all share the same brain and I love that for us!!!!
De-Aged Daniel | De-Aged Daniel Pt2 | De-Aged Daniel Pt3 | De-Aged Daniel Pt 4 | De- Aged Daniel Pt 5 | De-Aged Daniel Part 6 | De-Aged Daniel Part 7 | De-Aged Daniel Part 8
“Do you want to watch a race?” Max looked over from where he was cutting bits of apples and watermelons into shapes. He remembered how much Luka and Lio enjoyed the snack.
Little Daniel looked up from where he was colouring at the countertop– Max had worried it was too high but Little Daniel had begged to watch him and pinky promised to be still. So far he had been truthful. “Can we wash one of- of RedBull?” Little Daniel asked sweetly, his big eyes trained on Max’s.
Max bit back his smirk, satisfied that he had officially won the war against Ferrari. Little Daniel hadn’t wanted to take the race suit off and it took calling up Grace to get a promise out of him to wear other clothes. The other clothes in question ended up being versions of RedBull tshirts. Max wasn’t complaining, navy always looked good on Daniel.
“Of course we can.” Max cleaned up his workstation and lifted Little Daniel in his arms. Little Daniel clutched at his colouring supplies and giggled when Max made a show of slowly bending over to grab his fruits.
They settled in front of the television, Little Daniel munched on his fruits and continued to colour his race car while Max chose a race for them to watch.
Little Daniel watched rapt as the race started, before running around the living room– zooming and vrooming as he mimicked the cars going around the corners. There was a crash on the screen and Little Daniel gasped before covering his mouth.
“Oh!!!” He looked over at Max in shock, pointing to the chaos on the screen. “Maxy they cwash!”
“They did!” Max gasped exaggeratedly, watching as the marshalls pushed the cars off track. He remembered the race well, remembered how ready he was to get going again.
As Max anticipated, it was simply impossible to keep Little Daniel’s attention on the race for its entirety, so he helped him colour and gave him piggyback rides, pretending to be the RB19 flying past all the other cars on the grid.
Little Daniel giggled loudly, shrieking when Max started to spin after ‘clipping a barrier’. They played until Little Daniel yawned and fell asleep against Max’s side. Max tucked his hair behind his ears and let the commentary continue to wash over him.
Little Daniel awoke slowly, scrubbing at his eyes while he stretched.
“Would you like some water?” Max asked, looking over from his phone. He felt Little Daniel’s face brush his arm as he nodded.
“Yes pwease.” His accent was rounder while his tongue was heavy with sleep. Max made a soft noise before standing from the couch to get the requested water.
He walked back into the living room to see Little Daniel staring intently at the tv. The podium ceremony had started and Max watched as a younger version of himself and an older one of Daniel giggle with each other. He watched Little Daniel’s face to see if there was anything, any recognition.
“Maxy das you!” Little Daniel looked back at him, pointing to the screen excitedly and Young Max collected his P2 trophy. Little Daniel watched quietly as Older Daniel accepted his P1 and lifted it into the air, he bit his little palm.
“Whose that?” Max asked softly, pausing the screen on Older Daniel’s face. He knelt by the couch to be closer to Little Daniel’s eyeline.
“Das.. me?” Little Daniel asked barely looking away from the screen to look at Max who nodded.
“That’s you.” Max confirmed. Little Daniel watched the screen a little bit longer and Max wondered what was going on in his head, he began twisting his hands together. “You won the race.”
“I won?” Little Daniel’s eyes widened impossibly, his mouth dropped open in shock.
“You were the fastest.” Max nodded, Little Daniel looked over at him in awe.
“I was da fastest.” His lips pulled backwards in a wide grin. “I WAS DA FASTESTS!” Little Daniel started zooming around the room, screaming his vrooming revs. Max grinned happily, there was no greater feeling than this.
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This is reviews and ratings for the narrative/ fiction podcasts I have/ am listening to. This is mostly for me but if you want to use this as a recommendation go for it but be warned I'm not talking about plot or giving a description, there's no mentions of potentially triggering material so do your own research first if that's something your concerned about.
Welcome to Night Vale
-Night Vale owns my entire ass, no one does it better. I've been listening since the beginning and while I do think the quality has dipped a bit in the last few years its still really good. 9/10
The Magnus Archives
-Nearly perfect. Holds up and even improves with subsequent listens. The final season drags a bit imo but worth it in the end. 9/10
Old Gods of Appalachia
-really good story, gives you a lot to keep track of character wise but is written well enough that its not too hard and you can still follow the story if you forget some. 8/10
Moonbase Theta Out
-I can't wait for this to be over. Unfortunately, the storyline has a chokehold on me, and i need to know how it ends. Otherwise, i wouldn't be listening anymore. While there are several pretty good voice actors, there's enough bad ones that it's hard to listen to. Took the idea that characters should be flawed a little too far and made nearly every character completely insufferable. Nearly everytime a character is being given critical and emotional information it cuts away, in what I assume is an attempt to save the audience from listening to the same information over and over again, but instead it deprives the audience that look at how the character reacts to the information, which could go a long way in making them seem more fleshed out, instead you only see them emote in angry outbursts or melodramatic soliloquies (which is not helped by the subpar acting). 2/10
Death By Dying
-pretty funny but I don't think there's been enough episodes to make a educated review or rating
Hello from the Hallowoods
- very good overall. Good story, heartfelt and well written. Percy's story hits close to home for me, which sometimes makes me mad because he comes across as very weak and insecure and it gets on my nerves. But honestly that's less of a problem with the Percy or the writing and more of a problem of him being one of the very very few trans masc characters in existence so its extra disappointing when i find him irritating. Polly owns my ass, I would die for him. 8/10
Where the Stars Fell
-I binge listened up to the current season which I feel wasn't the way to go but it's still pretty enjoyable. 6/10
Midnight Burger
-Very funny. I love the characters and their dynamic and just the idea of a time a space traveling diner, it's beautiful. The beginning of this new arc confused me a bit but it's starting to come together. 7/10
We Fix Space Junk
- Very funny but with the underlying terror of what's going on with automnicon. Looking forward to new episodes. 6/10
The Sheridan Tapes
-started really strong but has been spending too much time on the characters agnst and not enough time actually progressing the story. At this point I'm just looking forward to a conclusion. 4/10
Camp Here and There
- it was pretty good, nothing exceptional but not bad but then I took a single glance at what was going on in the fandom and it was so obnoxious that it immediately ruined it for me. I feel bad lowering the rating due to the fandom but like, yikes. 2/10
SCP Readings
-very entertaining, easy to follow even if you don't have any prior knowledge about scp, which I do not. 7/10
The Amelia Project
-I think I'm to early in this one to make a solid judgement but I enjoy it so far. Venerio haunts me.
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fall dates and pumpkin pies - s.h
pairing: steve harrington x gn!reader
warnings: none just fluff and kisses, and we pretend s4 had a happy ending for this.
an: here, have some steve fluff, it’s fall because its the superior season and im so ready for it to get here. (brief lucas x max mention because they are adorable) I hope you enjoy!
Masterlist
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The sun had started to set in the distance while you made your way through town. The last remnants of its beautiful orange light sneaked through the space between the buildings and shone through the car’s window. Fall had arrived to Hawkins a few weeks back, and the streets were covered with leaves –brown, red and different shades of orange coloured the wet pavement. You watched every detail of the new season as the car moved along, both thrilled and enamoured with the cozy look the town had adopted with the changing weather. It had rained earlier, but the cold bite to the air was gone thanks to the humidity that remained. The days for driving with the windows down were long gone, but the colder days gave you a great excuse to wear your coziest sweaters and cuddle closer to your boyfriend for warmth. Your sank further down in your seat, your high-tops perched on the dashboard, their black colour looking more like a faded grey in the sunset’s orange light.
Steve sat in the drivers seat next to you, clad in in a light blue sweatshirt and a black denim jacket, his hair a perfect display of tousled brown waves. He had one of his hands on top of your thigh, setting the skin under your jeans on fire even with just a simple touch. You glanced away from your thigh and towards him. Your eyes followed his profile, from the dip where his forehead met his eyes all the way down to his moving lips. He was talking to the couple sitting in the back, always the mother hen. With a glance over your shoulder, you spotted Max rolling her eyes at Steve’s words while Lucas listened carefully. It made a chuckle leave your lips, it also brought Steve’s attention back to you.
“I think they got it from here, babe.” You told him softly, a reassuring smile on your face. You went on to address couple next, your eyes meeting theirs through the rear-view mirror. “We’ll be out here when the film’s over, to take you back home.”
Max nodded. “Alright, thank you.”
Your redhead friend had approached you while at work on Monday. Her hair in two pigtails and her skateboard under her arm. She’d told you Lucas asked her out on a date and they would be going to watch a movie Friday night. It was something they had agreed to before, but Lucas had asked Max again that morning. She’d said yes.
“That’s great. What movie are you watching?” You had asked, more interested on Max’s date than the inventory you were running for the store. “You need a ride?”
“Yeah.” Her cheeks were tinted pink from what you assumed was embarrassment. “Um, we’re watching Ferris Bueller’s Day Off at 8pm”
You nodded your head and clapped your hands in front of you. “Perfect! Steve and I will pick you up at 7:30.”
“You really need to get a new license.” Max shook her head at you. “But thank you.”
“Pfft I don’t need one.” You’d told her, “Steve would insist on driving me everywhere anyways.”
When you saw Steve later that Monday afternoon, at 5:05 to be exact, you told him that Max and Lucas would need a ride to the movies on Friday. He turned to you on the driver’s seat, car still on park, and told you that Lucas had gone to Family Video after school to ask for a ride as well.
“Did they think I’d say no?” Steve had asked you, a confused furrow to his eyebrows.
“I’m sure it’s not that!” You’d laughed and shrugged, “Just better safe than sorry, I guess.”
“If you want to hit the arcade after the movie just let us know, we can pick you up after that.” You added after a glance towards Steve. “Right, babe?”
“Yeah, sure. Just don’t get into trouble.” He rolled his eyes, but you knew it was all an act. He cared for these trouble-making teenagers more than he’ll ever admit. That care shone through immediately after his comment, when his voice took a softer tone. “And have fun.”
Steve’s car pulled into the parking lot, right in front of the entrance. The cinema’s pink and yellow neon banner reflected on your window and bathed the car in its light. You looked out the window, at the many people walking into the establishments: couples, parents with kids, groups of friends, all ready for some entertainment after the town’s trying times. “I can smell the popcorn from here.” You mumbled, unsure if it was just your imagination or if it was the truth.
Steve shared a look with Lucas in the rear view mirror which prompted him to jump out of the car and run to Max’s side, opening her door for her. “You ready?” Lucas asked Max with a grin on his face and his hand outstretched.
You could see Max’s cheeks blush, turning a soft shade of pink as she looked at Lucas. She chuckled then and took his hand in hers, sliding out of the car. “Yeah, I’m ready.” She said. Then, after ducking into the car to say thank you, the two of them walked into the cinema hand in hand.
“They’re adorable.” You said after a sigh, watching their retreating figures. Max’s stylish overalls and Lucas’ denim on denim look. “They’ll be okay, right?”
“Of course they will, babe.” Steve reassured you, understanding your anxiety at the thought of them being alone. They have been through too much. His hand took yours as he drove further into the parking lot in search for a free spot. “Besides, we’ll wait for them here.”
You nodded, and cleared your mind from your anxious thoughts. Focusing instead on the present, you helped Steve find a parking spot while the sky above you changed from orange into pink.
“I’m going inside to get us some popcorn,” Steve said after shutting down the engine. His hand came up to your cheek, his thumb rubbed the skin there softly. “You want anything else, baby?”
“Popcorn’s good.” You smiled and placed a small kiss to his palm, giggling when he got flustered.
“I’ll be right back.” Steve smiled back after trying and failing to rid himself of his blush. He handed you the car keys and walked to the cinema’s entrance three rows ahead of you.
You stepped out of the car a few minutes later, and leaned against the closed door to watch the sky change colours above you. The lovely pink had turned into a soft lilac, and by the time it was a deep purple with no clouds on sight, you heard Steve walking back towards the car.
“Gotcha a soda too!” He smiled, holding the white and red paper cup up in triumph. “I figured the popcorn would make us thirsty.”
You shook your head in wonder at him, a smile growing on your face. Steve was always so thoughtful and kind, anticipating your needs and those of others when he could. He knew when you needed him to hold your hand, when you needed a hug, or just a good cry. Even if he was always reluctant to accept the same kindness I’m return, you tried to provide it to him. If only he knew just how deep your affection for him ran.
“Thank you,” You smiled, accepting the kiss he placed on your lips and the bucket of popcorn. “Was the line huge?”
“Yeah.” Steve said before he shoved a fistful of popcorn into his mouth. “The whole place is packed with people.”
“It’s for that new movie, the one the kids are going to watch.” You brought some popcorn to your mouth, the salty and buttery taste making your tastebuds dance and say to no one in particular: “Cinema popcorn is so good.”
“I had to hide from them.” Steve chuckled through another mouthful, you couldn’t even complain, he endeared you. “Or else they’d think I was spying on them or something.”
You laughed softly, picturing Max’s horrified face if she saw Steve or you in there with them. Then again, you didn’t think they would spot Steve –it was a date after all. They were probably thinking about the other right now, and the nerves that inevitably made an appearance no matter what. A smile came to your face at a memory, another couple that had their first date at this very same cinema.
“Stevie.” You whispered, your voice taking a softer tone. “Remember when you asked me out that first time?” You placed the popcorn on the hood of the car, as you shifted on your feet –legs aching from being in the same position.
Steve noticed the movement, and wasted no time. He put the soda next to the popcorn and placed his hands on your hips, pulling you up on the hood of the car. Being at the same eye level as him now, you had the urge to look away –Steve’s loving eyes were almost overwhelming in the best way– but you kept your gaze on him. He moved to stand between you legs, grabbing the soda, taking a sip and placing it back on the hood.
“Why yes I do remember, gorgeous.” A teasing glint appeared in his eye, over the ever-present affection. “You practically melted to the floor when I asked you.”
You chuckled –amused– and brought a hand to his hair. Your fingers ran through it once then returned to your side. “I think you’re taking about yourself there, Stevie. I’d never seen you so nervous before.”
Steve rolled his eyes fondly, leaning in to kiss your nose. His the touch left the skin warm against the cold wind. “I was an idiot that night. almost spilled all the popcorn, got your soda all wrong.” He shook his head.
“Shh babe.” You placed your hands on his cheeks, they were as cold as your fingers. “Don’t call yourself that. You’ve never been an idiot.”
Steve looked away with a shrug, feeling vulnerable. You brought his face close to you, fingers tracing his cheekbones.
“I just don’t like it when you talk about yourself like that.” You shook your head, but gave him a soft smile. Heart aching at the thought of him thinking that way of himself when you thought the complete opposite.
A sigh escaped him, and he nodded, his fingers clutching at the material of your sweater. “I know, it’s just–”
“A habit. I know.” You rested your forehead against his, moving your face from side to side, and offered him comfort. “That night… I was nervous too. Can you blame me, though? I’d been crushing on you for a while.” You shared, making Steve smile.
“I think I crushed on you for longer.” Steve laughed softly, his hands drifting over to your back until his arms circled your waist.
“I’m not starting a competition.” You chuckled with an eye roll, then with a sigh you moved your gaze to the cinema. “Being here and seeing those two walk in tonight… it just reminded me of that night.”
Steve smiled and tightened his arms around your waist, bringing you close to fend of the cold. “It reminded me too.” He murmured, lips ghosting on your jaw and the warmth of his breath making goosebumps appear along your skin. “I got to kiss you that night. ‘Had been dreaming about it forever.”
“Cheesy.” You smiled, then sighed when Steve placed a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “I was so glad you did. I thought I’d have to wait until the second date.”
“How could I wait.” His lips brushed against yours in a teasing touch, a breathy chuckle escaped him. You tilted your head and touched the tip of your nose against the side of his. “Look at you, I’d be a fool not to kiss you.”
Unable to wait, you moved forward and captured his lips with yours –the pleased sound that left Steve’s throat warming your body up against the cold. His lips parted as he moved closer, you could taste the sweet taste of the soda he’d been drinking and still lingered on his lips. It felt like something out of a book or a movie, the way you were bursting with love for each other in the same place you gave that love a chance. Steve pulled back when he felt you smile, his lips kissing your cheeks and jaw until your face felt on fire and you brought his lips back to yours. You felt all-consumed by your emotions, and each caress of Steve’s lips against yours, his tongue brushing your bottom lip and his teeth biting them ever so gently threatened to make all those emotions burst at the seams.
“Steve.” You whispered, hands travelling from his hair back to his face.
He looked rumpled, his lips very much kissed but his expression cleared when he looked into your eyes. “Everything okay?”
You nodded, swallowing hard. “I’m going to sound pathetic.” You confessed.
Steve shook his head. “Of course not. Tell me.”
“I don’t know if it’s this place that’s making me nostalgic.” You looked at the cinema then at Steve. “But…”
Steve remained patient as he waited for you to find your words –his thumbs rubbed circles on your lower back.
“My heart felt very lonely before I met you Steve.” You whispered. “And since I met you, well I’ve never been so happy, despite everything that’s happened. Hell, after that first date I couldn’t stop smiling for days.”
“I couldn’t shut up about you after we met. Then after the date it just got worse.” Steve smiled, his forehead falling towards yours. “You’re not alone anymore, babe. Even in feeling hopelessly in love. I’ve got you.”
“You’ve got me too.” You nodded, your foreheads moving together. “I love you, so much.”
“I do more.” He whispered softly and leaned in for another breathless kiss.
“Wanna go out on a date with me?” Steve asked when he pulled back. He smiled in delight at your surprised face. “We’ve got time.”
“Where do you want to go?” You smiled, tilting your head in question. When have you been able to say no to him.
“Our second date. That diner is just along the main street so we can walk.” Steve smiled, lips kissing yours softly and moving to kiss you nose, your Cupid’s bow, your chin. “I know you’ve been craving a pumpkin pie this week.”
“I have.” You nodded thoughtfully, a smile on your face even when you looked back to where Max and Lucas had gone.
“The kids will be fine, we’ll be back before they even come to find us.” Steve promised. His hands moved to your hips and helped you slide down from the hood of the car. “Indulge me baby, come on.”
Steve’s smile grew wider when you nodded again, his arm going around your shoulder after you grabbed the half finished popcorn. The two of you walked close together through the rows of parked cars, eating popcorn, until you reached the main street.
“I kissed you where we had our first date, I think it’s fair to kiss you where we had our second.” Steve spoke through another mouthful of popcorn.
You chuckled, “You’re right, it seems fair. But I was promised some pumpkin pie first.”
“Baby, I’m better than pumpkin pie.” Steve joked. “Right?”
At your teasing silence, Steve asked you again. “Babe, am I? This will keep me up at night, you’ve got to tell me.”
You could only laugh, shifting closer to his side. “Of course, you are. Better than anything.”
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What are your top 10 most favorite Sonic ships and why don't skip out any detail
Its about time i give my two cents on this tbh.
LETS GO!!
SONADOW:
I can't honestly say something that hasn't been said before, because this ship is massive. And for a good reason. Its just the epitome of all the things I like. Rivals to friends to lovers, red and blue, opposing yet complementary personalities, good chemistry, the list goes on and on.
Its just that mutual respect yet banter that always gets me. I've TRIED abandoning ship, trust me. But this ship was just tailored to my tastes, and i cant get rid of the brainrot so much that it has become a problem :)
2. TAILSMO:
MMMMM THE PAIN. I love this ship because its so innocent and cutsey while being absolutely depressing!
Cosmo deserved SO MUCH MORE than what she got, and to this day it makes me so sad we never got Sonic X season 4 in where Cosmo comes back as a robot or something. The seed she left at the end too! They Absolutely wanted to bring her back and i will forever be sad about it.
3. SURGEAMY:
I say it all in this post, but in a nutshell, Surge needs someone as positive as Amy to heal.
4. WHISPANGLE
And they were roomates
Ever since they got introduced i just KNEW the artists were gonna ship these two. This ship is almost as good as canon tbh. Love me some sapphic girlies.
5. SILVESPIO:
Another rare pair that is just SO GOOD.
I started shipping it after that one Sonic IDW issue, and it just stuck. Silver being overwhelmed and Espio just calming him is so domestic fluff that i cant even-
6. VECTILLA
They were adorable in Sonic X. Also Vector would be a cool ass dad to Cream AND Charmy.
7. KNUXOUGE
I know ppl are gonna burn me at the stake for ranking it so low, and it probably should go a bit more up, but yeah, i like Knuxouge. Its not like my OTP, but as a bg ship, its great!
8. SONAZE:
Just the duality of the same concept but diferent attitude about it.
They're both guardians on their own way, but while Blaze thinks its a burden Sonic Thinks its a blessing. The parallels are just YUMMY. And also Blaze deserves a golden retriever bf.
9. SONALLY
They were canon, okay? When i was little i remember loving them together while reading the archie comics. They were so sappy and Sonic was OOC but like, they made me happy. And that hasn't faded yet.
10. BUNNTOINE
Again, same case as Knuxouge. I like it a lot, but its not like i'll lose my sleep over them. They are a cute canon couple!
Here we go!
Super sorry for the late reply!
Thanks for the ask!
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I am here for your takes on Dani. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought her x Jon smelled of hot garbage. Like at best she was meh, and then when the two of them met I was just like "oh no....you're an entitled bitch". And now that its been years since I last consumed GoT, my thoughts have fermented into "oh no, she really is a conqueror" "oh no, everyone loves her because 'pretty badass lady'" "oh no i'm the fandom minority again". Anyway, where was I. She and Jon had no chemistry. The end.
The *only* way putting them in a romance even makes sense in concept is when you realize Benioff and Weiss gave Jon the Young Griff arc. It's why they gave him a Targ name, beacuse if they call him "aegon" then they can fufill that part of the books without ever having to establish Young Griff as his own character. He is the supposed son of Rhaegar Targaryean and Elia Martell, he goes to Westeros with intentions of using his better claim to take the throne and intends initially on marrying Dany, and it's theorized heavily that Dany will see his claim as a threat and the Burning of Kings Landing will come down to Aegon against Dany.
Jon Snow has nothing to do with that. He is a moral opposite to Dany as a charecter, and we've seen him time and time again be at strong odds against people with her morals. But by giving him the Young Griff arc, it means putting him into the romance spot when it makes no sense for him.
Hey I put a read more beacuse I cannot shut the fuck up about how this relationship is just rape and abuse but beacuse Jon's a man we think he wants it.
All of season 7 Jon is so out of place because he doesn't belong anywhere near Dany's Iron Throne plot, and he's being forced to interact romantically with a charecter that clearly he does not like as a person and is uncomfortable with.
But, Dany is the sacred cow of the GoT/asoiaf fandom. You love her and if you critizize her for villanious actions or morals then you are using bad faith towards her. While I personally don't like her, I don't mind other people liking her but I despise that her stans all refuse to allow any conversation about her being a morally bad person. A person who enjoys cruelty and death, enjoys creating fear and is smug when she can control others. That is not a person Jon would love, let alone even respect.
Their entire relationship wreaks of abuse, of Jon being forced into this and knows he cannot leave it without risking his and his families lives. Remember when Tyrion gave a very small level critisism of her actions and she angrily accused him of treason and siding with his family instead of her? Well what do people think would she have done, if her attraction to Jon was refused? Someone who she took all the defenses away from, all the power from, and could have killed at any moment (dont make an ygritte comparison mimi dont make an yrgitte comparison this is a different anti jon x fandom female fave charecter post).
I don't care how the show frames it, or what the intent was. What we got on screen, was Jon Snow being held prisoner to an immoral, cruel, military conquerer. And when that woman was attracted to him, she essentially forced herself into his life and gave him all but no choice. The Jon bending the knee scene and..the uh...boat...scene...later...uhhh....anyways, those to me feel so out of charecter. You cannot convince me Jon did any of this willingly. He is clearly trapped in this situation and cannot leave and is only with her beacuse she is violent and bloodthrirsty. But beacause Jon is a strong, capable man, it's not talked about as if he's the victim and that is insane to me. (Oh my good god the ygritte comparisons are almost laughable send help).
I don't consider a lot past season 5 to be canon, but if I am forced too, then I refuse to accept Jon was a willing participant in that relationship.
Jon's parentage reveal will always be about the revelations of his mother, and the understanding and acceptance of WHY Ned raised him the way he did. And how it was both his parents, his mother and his adopted father who loved him and kept him safe. The very fact that Young Griff's entire story is based around whether or not he truly is Rhaegar's son as opposed to that being a twist reveal is beacuse HE is the charecter whose Targaryean links is the important one. Jon's story is about him as Stark, and is always shown to be the moral opposite of Dany.
Their relationship in the best senario is not canon, but if it has to be, then there is no world in which Jon is there of his own free will. He is being forced into this relationship against his will. But considering his other love interest was another charecter who essentially forced him into a relationship against his will, and we were supposed to root for that tells me all I need to know.
Dany is a sacred cow charecter, and her stans are unreasonable in defending her. When you can like a charecter and critize them for their actions. Ned Stark was an idiot for ever trusting Petyr Baelish, Catelyn Stark's spiteful attitude and neglect of Jon Snow is was abusive behavior, Theon Greyjoy was a moron who ruined his own life for a father who long since abandonded him. Bam all charecters I love and there are some major flaws that I refuse to defend them for but thats also what makes them good charecters. Their flaws arent writing flaws, they are personal flaws for them as people.
Dany is not allowed to have personal flaws she is always to be justified even with incredibly bad faith defenses, but when she is flawed it's the writings fault not hers. Dany is a cruel, sadistic, controlling, military tyrant who enjoys watching her subjects fear her and her dragons. And she forced Jon Snow into a relationship with her beacuse otherwise then he is against her and we already knew she has no use for people who dont support her to be alive.
Jon Snow deserved better then to have both his love interests be domineering, controlling, abusive women who forced him into a romantic and sexual relationship.
Also, I mean, incest being normal is only a learned trait from Targaryens supporting their own blood purity. Jon was not raised to think incest is normal. Dany thinks its normal beacuse she and Viserys both were raised to think that, and Young Griff thinks marrying Dany is normal beacuse he too was raised with the mentality that Rhaegar would've been raised with. Jon finding out Dany was his aunt would've had Jon looking right at Sam and just
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The Under-Ground (18+ ONLY)
Chapter Two - Baggage
Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 |
Modern!Barista!Eddie AU - As you continue to train Eddie, words are exchanged. Your life is in shambles and he only adds to it.
Enemies to Lovers, Modern!Barista!Eddie AU, Eddie x Fem Reader
12.1K Words
Warnings - Eddie is an asshole, eventual smut, mentions of drugs and drinking, I don't think there's anything else but please let me know if I missed anything
Author's Note: This story has been lingering in my mind and it took me so long to write this chapter because I want to do it right and I had the worst writer's block but now I am flooded with inspiration. Pls let me know how you feel about it so far
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The biting cold of the morning nipped at your skin, little pins and needles feeling like they were burying themselves there. The streets were glimmering with puddles, the rain from the night before leaving them behind and the moody clouds still lingering in the sky. No matter how long you’d lived in Hawkins the changing of the seasons would always sneak up on you like an unwelcome visitor. Gone were the days of walking around downtown with an iced coffee on your day off, the summer sun beaming down and flowers in full bloom while the trees were leafy and lush. No more lounging around on a bench outside of the college to complete a few assignments under the shade of a large oak tree in desperate need of a change of scenery in comparison to your shitty apartment. At least not until next Spring.
Hawkins Community College was a historical building that used to serve as the town hall but has since evolved into the college after the council elected to have the town hall relocated to a more practical location. The building was settled just south of downtown and was deemed ‘too out of the way’. Its bricks were a faded brown, weathered down over the years and not a high enough priority to keep maintained, though the sidewalks were freshly paved and the grass was as green as ever, the morning dew blanketing over it like a fresh coat of paint. The campus wasn’t very large seeing as Hawkins’ population wasn’t very impressive and the majority of its residents would travel elsewhere for college.
The front steps of the building were scuffed and scattered with various footprints from students and teachers who walked with purpose to their destination. On the very top step, front and center sat a disoriented Dustin Henderson, face scrunched up in perplexity. Though he was still attending Hawkins High as a current sophomore, he enlisted himself in one of the programs offered where students could take classes at Hawkins Community for college credits. Fingers desperately ruffling through the several papers in his dense binder, he argued with his mother while his phone was clutched in the other hand on speaker. Something about “I swear it was on the kitchen counter!” followed by the word ‘mom’ being shouted into the phone repeatedly as if it would solve his dilemma. When she apologetically let him know that there was no such mystery item, he only cursed as he facepalmed, ending the call with a defeated “Okay, love you. Bye.”
A heavy sigh escaped the boy as he slapped the binder onto the step beside him, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, agitated. Dustin was ironically your only college friend, not a best friend but you knew him well enough to gather that he’d definitely left his assignment at home and that this was going to dictate his mood for the entire day. His eyes resembled emeralds as his focus shifted from his dirty sneakers up to you, a hint of excitement swimming in the deep green of his irises.
“Rough morning?” You suggest with a sympathetic smile. He bites his lip in frustration as if he’s holding back every distressed thought racing through his head.
“Mhmm.” He squeaks, still refraining from word vomiting all over your peaceful morning, hands now resting on his denim covered knees.
“You forgot your essay, didn’t you?” You know you’ve poked the bear but you could feel how anxious he was to blow up about everything that went wrong that morning leading up to this moment and who were you to deny him? Henderson had a special place nestled in the corner of your heart, always loud and boisterous but also kind and delightful to be around.
He sucked in a breath before releasing every word that was prodding his brain. “All because my mom had to clean the goddamn house! She was all ‘Dusty, this is why we don’t leave our things around!’” He mocks his mothers voice with a high pitch, face twisting in dramatics. “I left it right on the counter where I could grab it on my way out but apparently, a ten page essay WITH MY NAME ON IT IN BIG BOLD LETTERS was thrown in the garbage. On its way to a landfill. Gone.” His shoulders tensed and all you could offer was a supportive hand to his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Dustin.” You say carefully, the kid was a ticking time bomb sometimes. He waved you off, his way of saying ‘don’t worry about it’.
“And THEN, fucking Will made the dumbest move last night at our campaign. Completely tanked the whole thing.” His hands were thrown up in misery as he recalled the memory. “Eddie had the whole thing set up perfectly, we’ve been playing this campaign for weeks!” Dustin’s eyes shifted back and forth erratically as the whole thing played out in his mind, your eyes rolled at the mention of the metalhead. “Oh he was so pissed. You shoulda seen him, he was throwing dice, screaming at Will, screaming at Mike, screaming at ME! I finally talked him off the ledge but shit, he was revved up.”
Eddie hosted their DND club a majority of the time per Dustin and from what he tells you about those nights, Eddie is always a sadistic maniac. Dustin also swears that he’s like his big brother, next in line to King Steve although Steve took on more of a dad role. There was no way to imagine Eddie embodying the role of a big brother let alone displaying any kind of pleasant behavior. You cringed at the mere idea of him, knowing you’d have to endure him at work this evening.
Dustin continued his rant passionately. “And I’m sorry, I know you hate when I bring up Eddie for whatever reason but dude was not having it. My special edition dice are now lost in the abyss underneath his couch.” You shake your head in disapproval. “I told him I’d let it slide though cause he said he’d let me go with him to a concert.” He concludes with a shrug.
At this you nudge the boy’s shoulder, disappointed. “Dustin! He can’t bribe his way out of losing your dice after chucking them when he has a temper tantrum! If those dice are important to you then you need to stand your ground.” You instruct him.
He lets out a long sigh before responding. “Socks, respectfully, this is how our friendship with Eddie works. We piss each other off and then we move on. Like a few weeks ago, he kept making sexual sounds while I was on the phone with my mom so I hid his shoes from him after he got really stoned.” At this you can’t help but release a laugh.
“Good on you, Henderson.” You praise. “I guess I won’t need to step in when I see him at work later then. Sounds like you can handle yourself.” You begin pulling your binder from your bag in preparation for class.
Dustin shakes his head in confusion, waving his arms in front of him like he’s missing a piece of the puzzle. “Hold up, Eddie’s a barista now?” His tone is humorous, on the brink of cackling.
“Uh huh.” You answer nonchalantly while opening your binder and shuffling through a few papers, making a note in your planner for some homework you just remembered off the top of your head. “And our dear Stevie knew about it before me and just decided it’d be a good idea to see my reaction when he walked in the door for his first shift yesterday.” You chew on your pen as you attempt to remember any other assignments you may have forgotten to write down.
“Eddie? Eddie Munson? Metalhead, former drug dealer, thought it would be funny to piss in Steve’s beer, Eddie Munson? That Eddie?” Dustin gapes at you in disbelief to which you nod. “I’m sorry but–there’s no fucking way! A barista? He doesn’t even drink coffee, he hates trendy little cafes, and there’s no goddamn way he would apply for a job where both you AND Steve work. Sounds like his own personal hell.” The boy is laughing, clutching his stomach.
You hang your head and giggle along with him. As awful as the situation was, it did sound ridiculous enough to laugh. “I thought the same thing, Dusty. The universe just has it out for us.” You refer to you and Steve. As much as you had a rivalry with Eddie, Steve had his own beef with the guy. This posed as an issue seeing as Steve practically mothered Lucas, Mike, Will, Dustin, Max, and El ever since he was in high school when he dated Nancy Wheeler. The way Eddie and Steve fought resembled a divorced couple exchanging their kids in a Walmart parking lot. And to Steve’s disadvantage, Eddie always ended up at the notorious parties he threw since one of the kids always ended up blabbing after he distinctly told them not to. It always put a damper on your night when he showed up, giving you flashbacks to that one party years ago that you swore you’d forget about but it still lingered in the back of your mind.
“I hope you know this means that everyone’s going to be placing bets on who ends up dead first.” Dustin raises a brow at you, throwing his arm over your shoulder, shaking it playfully.
Standing up as classes were about to start, you shot him a glare. “I can definitely take him.” You state, holding your hand out to help him up. He takes it and shrugs, a grin on his face that tells you ‘I don’t know about that’. “Dustin. Please don’t tell me you think Eddie is going to get to me.” You scoff as he opens the heavy metal door leading into the building, the hinges creaking.
His face indicates that he’s bouncing a thought around before answering. “Well…” he begins. “You don’t know what he’s capable of. The guy is a menace. He can play games for as long as he needs to.” He further explains.
“Okay, you know what? I’m done talking about some asshole who doesn’t even matter to me.” You decide, the mostly vacant hallways echoing your footsteps as you step into the heated building.
“Ugh, it’s like having three parents who don’t get along. I know Eddie is a lot but maybe if you, I dunno, hung out with him you’d realize he’s actually also really cool.” Dustin has the audacity to suggest.
Huffing out a breath and holding your binder to your chest, you give him your final piece of mind. “Munson is never going to even get the time of day out of me let alone a besties hangout sesh.” You snap bitterly. Dustin’s hands raise in surrender, you’re done with this conversation and he knows better than to try and change your mind.
“Anyway…” he sighs, dropping his shoulders while you both make your way through the beige halls. “Max and Lucas are back together again.” He nudges your shoulder with his, causing you to sway as you walk. The couple were always on again, off again. One week Lucas would do something dumb like stand her up by accident to go to the mall with Mike and another Max would invalidate his feelings. It was something they claimed they were working out but after every breakup, everyone always reacted with an eye roll, knowing full well that the routine would repeat itself. You truly did root for them but if they were going to keep hurting each other, there was no reason for them to continue the relationship.
Glancing at Dustin, your face tells him that you’re not amused. “Tell me something new, Henderson.” You deadpan. He nods, exhaling as he racks his brain.
“Holy shit!” He sounds as if he’d just had a revelation. “I can’t believe I forgot to tell you!” His feet stomp on the linoleum floors in excitement, sneakers squeaking against the surface. “But you have to PROMISE not to tell anyone.” A finger is pointed at you in warning as you nod for him to continue. Dustin was very bad at keeping secrets. “Steve has a girlfriend.” He chirps.
Stopping dead in your tracks, shoes screeching against the floor, your eyes widen. Steve told you everything so if Dustin’s accusations were true you were going to have some words for him for not telling you. “Who?!” You inquire, full attention on the curly headed boy. “You’re lying, Steve would’ve told me!” You whine like a child.
“That’s the thing, he hasn’t told anyone. I saw some girl getting out of his car the other night in the mall parking lot. I didn’t get a good look at who it was cause it happened so fast.” He explains.
Your excitement drops at his words. “Dustin, that doesn’t mean he has a girlfriend, that means he’s messing around, he does it all the time.” You remind him of his reputation as King Steve.
“Well pardon me for being an optimist.” He sasses you, the two of you approaching the class.
“You’re really bad at gossiping.” You finish before stepping into the room, leaving him offended in the hallway.
–
Class was as bland as ever, your professor, Mr. Randall lectured about marketing the whole two and a half hours and you nearly fell asleep six times, Dustin jabbing the eraser end of his pencil into your side each time you started slouching as he caught up on his calculus homework. The closer to the evening it got, the more on edge you grew knowing you wouldn’t get to work the peaceful closing shift you were once used to but instead suffer a stress-inducing nightmare while training the local terror of Hawkins. Life sucked all the way around at the moment.
Bidding Dustin a ‘see you later’ while you were walking in sync just outside the building where you always parted, he flashed you a grin before begging you to snap him a photo of Eddie at work to send it to him later. More than likely for blackmail reasons for the next time they were pissing each other off. Their relationship was something you couldn’t quite get a grasp on however you didn’t attempt to even understand it past the fact that for some reason Dustin admired the man child as well as despised him sometimes in that brotherly way.
“Dustin, fuck off.” You tell him with a playful tone.
“What!? You don’t even like the guy. I’d venture to even say that this would be benefiting you in the long run.” He clasps his hands together in front of him in a pleading motion but you don’t seem to budge which his face falls at.
“I don’t need to be involved in your little war, I have my own!” A dramatic wave of your arms is enough to stop him from prodding.
With that you departed from the campus and headed straight to downtown a few hours shy of your shift to lounge around and chat with Robin. It was either that or go back to your shitty apartment and sit in the freezing stale air, at least this way you could revel in the warmth of the shop and sip on a hot chocolate which happened to be your favorite and the only hot drink you would ever order. Every other option had to be iced or it was a no go.
It was around two in the afternoon so there was time to be killed until five. You figured you’d grab your hot chocolate, gossip with Robin and Steve for a little, maybe work on some assignments, and then take a little walk through the park at the center of the square, a solid plan. The morning chill was long gone and it was now a tad warmer with the sun sitting high in the sky. The sidewalks were vacant since everyone was either at work or still in school which was a plus in your book, you liked to keep to yourself and found it especially annoying when you had to stop to interact with random patrons and were expected to indulge in stupid small talk that was lost on you the second you walked away.
A thirty minute walk later and you’d finally reached The Under-Ground, the smell of espresso already invading your nose before you even stepped into the building. As you reached for the metal handle, the door had already swung open with the bell chiming above it, a rushed Joyce Byers stumbling out with two full cup holders of hot coffees nearly flying out of her hands, eyes panicked and a startled gasp escaping her.
She mumbles your name with a nervous grin, her nose tinted pink from the fall air. “So sorry! I didn’t mean to run you over–I just–I was in such a hurry. I forgot to get the coffee for a staff meeting.” She further explains apologetically as she gestures with a tilt of her head to Melvald’s.
Your expression softens, Joyce was always the sweetest person you’d ever met and she was a regular at the shop. She was one person you didn’t mind engaging in small talk with because she was genuinely interested in your answers and took the initiative to further the conversation, asking how things were and telling you to let her know if you ever needed anything. You never took her up on the offer, there was no reason to bother her. Joyce was somewhat of a mother figure but in a quiet manner and you were so grateful whenever she graced you with her presence. Her boys were well mannered too, she’d done an amazing job raising them as a single mom. Obviously you’d hung out with Will since Steve was the designated neighborhood mom and that granted you rights to the movie nights, pool parties, and just about anything that Steve hosted which meant all the kids were there too. Will was a sweet kid, he was shy at first but an absolute menace once he was comfortable enough.
For some reason you had a connection with him as well as Joyce, they were like family just not by blood. Will had always comforted you if things ever felt off. If no one else in the group noticed your shift in mood, Will did and he would approach it graciously, silently nodding at you to ask if you were okay. From there you would communicate through your eyes and he’d gather what you were feeling from that alone. It was like having telepathy and somehow you would both silently step out from whatever scene you were in the middle of. If it was at Steve’s, the two of you would perch yourselves on the front steps and you would just let him know you weren’t feeling that great mentally. The conversation really wouldn’t go further than that but it didn’t need to, he was just there for you and you for him. It worked both ways, if Will looked particularly lonely you would nod your head toward the door and you’d both meet outside. Sometimes he’d hint that he found it annoying how clingy El and Mike were but you knew it meant that he was sick to his stomach that his best friend and his crush were basically making out on top of him. Jonathan had always made it a point to bring you to the side and thank you for providing that support to his brother and that it meant a lot to him. You’d always offer a small smile in return. The Byers held a special place in your heart, they were so effortlessly nice just because. They had no ulterior motive, just the intention to be good people.
Taking in Joyce’s disoriented demeanor, you shake your head and help her to steady a leaning coffee that almost escaped the cup holder. “That’s okay, I almost crashed into you.” You tell her.
“No, that was my fault! I really wanna catch up with you but I have to go!” She says rather quickly, worried as she begins to scurry back to Melvald’s. Telling her you’ll have to catch up soon over coffee and that she knows where to find you, she agrees and hurries into the store. You can’t help letting out a small giggle at her antics.
Finally sauntering into The Under-Ground, the warmth wraps around you like a cozy cocoon, something that was all too unfamiliar at this stage in your life given the circumstances of your apartment where you were meant to spend most of your time but did everything in your power to stay away from. You welcomed the hot air like a big hug, eyes shutting in content with a deep sigh. The tables are empty save for one in the very corner where a businessman sipped on a latte while putting together a powerpoint on his laptop. Steve leaned against the counter scrolling away until he felt your gaze on him, raising his brows in expectancy.
“You’re here early…” He points out.
Irritably, you set your bag on one of the tables before making your way over to the register. “So what you’re saying is, you’re not happy to see me, Stevie?” You ask with mock hurt.
Steve scoffs as he stands on the opposite side of the register as if to ring you up. “You know that’s not what I mean.” He explains. “I mean, you seem to be coming in earlier and earlier. Can’t get enough of me?” A wink is offered your way.
You gag at this, painting disgust on your features. “No offense but you’re not my type and I think you know that by now.” You joke. The chances of you and Steve getting together were as great as the chances of him and Robin getting together, zero. And it was mutual but you had this ongoing joke. “Now can you please make me a hot chocolate?” You request with a pout. “Pleeeeease.” You add, swaying back and forth like a child asking their mother for candy.
All you receive in return is an eye roll as he begrudgingly obliges and spins on his heels to prepare the drink. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” You tell him in an annoyingly high pitched voice.
“Whatever, SOCKS.” He pronounces the nickname loudly, the businessman in the corner momentarily looking up at him in displeasure. You give Steve a glare while taking a seat at your chosen table in the book corner, mouthing his words, mocking him with a dramatic facial expression.
Shortly after taking a seat, Robin emerges from the back and claims the chair next to you silently, her hair thrown up in a messy ponytail on top of her head, face indicating business. “You see, Steve was given one job and that was to ask you how last night went with Munson but clearly he was incapable of even the smallest task.” She rants. “So here I am. Asking. How did it go? Is he still alive?” She pushes, crossing her arms while awaiting an answer.
Raising a brow at her, you continue pulling out your laptop as planned. “I’m only gonna say this once.” You affirm. Steve’s ears perk up as he rushes over while struggling to fit the lid onto your hot chocolate, face twisted in concentration as he approaches the table. “He’s the actual spawn of the devil and I have contemplated quitting–” Robin goes to interrupt you before you hold up a finger, finishing your thoughts. “But I will not give him that power and I’m going to keep working and will only talk to him when absolutely necessary. I’m also going to forever hold a grudge against Steve for even letting Munson hear the nickname ‘Socks’. My tranquil closing time has become my own private hell, thanks Steve.” You ramble. “Also, yes. He’s still very much alive, unfortunately.” You say in monotone.
Steve looks taken back, a hand flying up over his heart in surprise, temporarily giving up on securing the lid of your drink. “Thanks, Steve??? I didn’t personally hire him! I admit I slipped up on the name but give me a break here.” He whines.
You reach for the hot chocolate, making grabby hands as you frown at a distraught Steve, hoping he’ll at least nudge the cup toward your reach. He throws his hands up in the air with a scoff. “Socks, I didn’t mean to rile you up by not telling you he got hired, okay?! I made a dumb decision thinking it would be better for you and it bit me in the ass. I’m sorry.” In usual Steve fashion he stares at you with giant pleading eyes, his long lashes blinking at you while his lips pout, all pretty and pink as if he were a Barbie doll.
“Really, Steve?” Robin mocks, a smirk pulling at her lips.
You finally pipe up, still reaching for the drink across the table. “Steve, I’ll forgive you if you hand me my drink.” You bargain, tongue darting out in concentration as you inch your fingers toward the chocolatey goodness hidden in a paper cup. Steve snatches it up and pushes it into your hands, the warmth of the beverage consuming your palms. The lid is still barely sitting on top, you gently pull it off to allow it to cool down.
Triumphantly, Steve strolls back behind the counter. “So we’re good? I’m free of my mistake?” He shouts to you. You and Robin share a look, her attempting to take a sip of your hot chocolate only to burn her tongue, a series of huffing noises leaving her as he waves her hands up and down in front of her mouth.
“Hoth, hoth, hoth.” She lisps.
You offer Steve a thumbs up from across the room while shaking your head at Robin. “All good, Stevie. Until the next time you cross me.” You half joke. “Robin, it’s hot chocolate. Hot.” You remind her as she pinches her tongue with her fingers, her brows knit together. She whines in response, rushing away to relieve her scalded tongue with some water. It turns out, you didn’t get that gossip session with Robin seeing as she was too occupied with soothing her tongue along with a sudden wave of customers. Next time, you suppose. You’ll have another chance to rant and rave to each other soon enough.
–
The espresso machine whirs and creates a hum as you craft a macchiato for the customer standing idly by the to go counter. It’s 5:15. And you work the shop alone. Not that you would usually complain, the evening rush was nothing you couldn’t handle on your own but training a new hire wasn’t something you could bypass so either way it would need to get done and the sooner your new terror of a coworker could do things independently, the better. And yet, he was fifteen minutes late, nowhere in sight, not even the roar of his stupid motorcycle in the distance.
Robin and Steve had taken off at five on the dot, Steve complaining that he was responsible for hauling everyone to Lucas’ basketball game and you grateful for having the night shift. Sports were a complete snoozefest and although you’d love to support Lucas it just wasn’t your scene. Of course you’d go when you were free but there was that sliver of relief when you weren’t required to subject yourself to the highschool gym full of sweaty kids and squeaking shoes.
With a polite smile, the drink is gingerly handed to the customer and you are offered a half assed thank you before they exit, no eye contact while they stare down at their phone. You shrug it off, glancing around at the few people that are lounging around at the tables either working on their laptops or reading. Everyone seems satisfied and no tables are in need of tidying or wiping down so you return to the hot chocolate you had been nursing, now chocolate milk if anything but still delicious. Leaning against the counter as you sip, you allow yourself a moment of meditation, breathing in–and out–in—and out, the cocoa taste lingering on your tongue in between sips.
As if god himself had it out for you, your brief moment of silence and tranquility is rudely interrupted by the blaring engine of a certain someone’s dumbass motorcycle, whipping around the corner and into a spot dead center in front of the shop. You note that you’ll have to have a conversation with him about parking in the back so customers can actually use those spots provided–he won’t listen but at least Ronnie won’t be able to put the blame on you. Rolling your eyes at the delinquent, he makes his way into the building, pulling his helmet off and shaking his shaggy mane around like a dog.
Knowing that you can’t reprimand him the way you so desire in front of customers, you shoot him daggers from where you lean, gripping the paper cup tight enough to leave crescents from your nails. If he doesn’t even have the decency to show up for work on time, why should you have to endure closing with him every night? Why is it that you’re seemingly being punished by the universe? Haven’t you had enough already? My apartment sucks, I sleep on a lumpy mattress in the corner on the hard ass floor, my heater doesn’t work even though it's getting cold, hell, even some of my lights don’t work, rent is being raised next month, classes are kicking my ass, and now that actual spawn of satan gets to unleash his wrath on me every day. The thoughts consume you momentarily until Eddie spins around from clocking in on the computer, delivering a smirk with an amused expression underlying his features. And you’re having none of it, it’s only his second day and he’s pulling this shit? Absolutely not.
Your brows furrow in rage but your voice comes out in a hushed but cruel whisper. “Were you out rolling with the raccoons again?” You refer to the time he crashed one of Steve’s parties, maybe it was New Years; he got so wasted that he began befriending some raccoons out near the pool. He laid on the ground for at least two hours and nearly cried when they ran off, crushing whatever dream he had of either taking them home or whatever he was planning in his drunken state of mind. In any case, it was something everyone held over him, especially you on the rare occasion that you had to associate with him–so if he wanted to dick around at work and make your life hell (as if he hadn’t already done that) then you would throw anything you could at him to cause him grief. There was no playing nice.
The slightest hue of pink makes its way across his cheeks before he straightens his posture in a means to intimidate you. “Calm down there, Socks. Don’t get your panties in a twist over lil ol’ me.” His brow raises as if to challenge you. Your comment got to him–flustered him. He’s trying to hide it but you can detect the embarrassment seeping out of his pores, the hatred he has for the fact that he let his vulnerability slip out in his drunken haze that night and the look on your face indicating that you have the upperhand here.
Taking the lid off of your remaining hot chocolate gone cold, you slurp up the contents of the cup, a layer of the melty whip cream decorating your top lip as you give him a cocky glare. “Trust me, nobodies getting their panties in a twist over you, Munson.” You reply, checking around him to make sure no customers are listening in on the exchange.
His notorious grin takes over his features, dimples on full display and you could just kick him in his stupid teeth. Leaning in ever so slightly, his breath fans over your face, tobacco evident. One hand rests next to you on the counter, the other gripping his helmet. “Nice stache.” He whispers, tapping the counter twice before heading toward the back.
Nice stache? What kind of come back–oh. You gently bring your fingers up to your top lip, feeling the obvious whip cream sitting comfortably there and you feel your blood run hot in embarrassment as well as rage. What makes it worse is that he had nothing to do with it, it just happened and that gave him the upperhand in return. The universe or some higher power really it out for you and clearly wasn’t rooting for you in this war.
Tossing the cup angrily into the trash and wiping off your lip, a quiet groan escapes you, Eddie sauntering in actually wearing an apron today. Except it's littered in several pins and patches, some room in between to add more later on. “Do you even care that you’re–” You check the clock. “Twenty minutes late?!” You finish, still attempting to stay quiet enough that the remaining customer’s wouldn’t hear. “And–and your apron. Do you think you can do whatever you want?” You whisper yell furiously. A stupid question, you realize as it tumbles out of your mouth.
“Yes, actually. I’m a free man in a free country. What a foreign concept.” He says tying his hair back into a low bun, a few select pieces framing his face. “Why don’t you worry about yourself.” He snaps. “Also…” He begins with a point of his finger. “Who the hell drinks hot chocolate as someone who works in a coffee shop?” He mocks. You can’t help but glance at the glint that catches at his earlobe, a little silver hoop reflecting off the lights, something you otherwise wouldn’t notice if not for his hair being pulled back. You would dare to even call it cute if he wasn’t such a menace, an absolute barbarian that you vowed to never give the time of day to again and yet here you are, giving several hours of your life.
A scoff is earned from you while you cross your arms, leaning on one hip with sass. The attitude is there but you have no response to counter him. He stares at you expectantly and you come up with nothing but a mumble under your breath. “Caffeine makes me anxious.” He barely catches it, humming for you to repeat it again. “Hot chocolate doesn’t have caffeine in it, I try to limit my caffeine okay!?” You snap, still quiet enough to not draw attention.
Rolling his eyes, he seems to ignore your answer and strolls over to the front counter, reaching over and snatching up a ham and cheese sandwich without a care in the world, immediately tearing into it. You resist the urge to grab it right out of his hand and launch it across the room, instead opting to massage your temples with your fingers, taking deep breaths. It was either that or you’d have a homicide charge on your hands. Sure you also snuck sandwiches from the cooler however you were discrete and no one ever noticed. If Eddie kept it up, you’d get in trouble for his misbehavior.
“Do you want this job or not?” You sigh, trying to reason. He chews disgustingly on the sandwich, crumbs rolling down his chest. He shrugs. A scream is awaiting in your lungs, an unreleased scream of pent up rage for the immature boy towering over you. It doesn’t escape but it so desperately wants to. “Munson.” You grit your teeth, fists forming at your sides.
“Hmm?” He hums carelessly, scarfing down the remaining bites and tossing the wrapper into the trash.
Another deep breath, you try to clear your energy. “If we don’t at least cooperate here, I am out of a job and I cannot afford to be out of a job.” You plead with him, eyes becoming the slightest bit watery much to your distaste. It’s not on purpose, things are really just that bad.
“What? Did your trust fund run out?” He bites, and it hurts. Though it's not the most vile thing someone could say it pinches you and leaves behind a nagging pain. Trust fund? Who did he think you were?
“Excuse me?” You breathe out, stepping slightly closer to him, still on alert for any customers who might listen in but you’re still in the clear.
“Yeah, did mommy and daddy cut you off? Welcome to the real world.” His words are like knives cutting into your skin. They shouldn’t be, you know that. His words are meaningless to you–are they though? Where did he even come up with the idea that you came from any sort of wealth? Sure in high school you were stable enough but nowhere near Harrington wealthy. Was he referring to you living comfortably? If that's the case he would be elated to know that you had close to nothing these days. But you can’t give him that satisfaction.
Brushing off the interaction as if nothing was said, you grab the clipboard from one of the drawers to find where you left off in training last night and what boxes remained to be checked off. “So yesterday we learned cleaning procedures and counting the register. Today we pick up learning drink recipes.” You suck it up and push through. His words are nothing, he is nothing. A certain emotion flashes in his eyes when you glance up to scold him for not paying attention. You can’t put your finger on what it is but it must be some type of regret for taking this job, there’s something sadder to it though. He is nothing to me but a warning from the universe on what to stay away from.
–
“Okay so five pumps of caramel.” Eddie confirms with you, eyes drooping in boredom. The shop is now devoid of customers, the evening rush long gone as it was now 7:30 and you only expected to see maybe five more customers at most before closing, giving you ample time to stuff Eddie’s dumb brain with all the drink recipes possible so he could eventually do everything by himself and you’d no longer have to convene with him.
An exhale leaves your lungs while you rest your head in your hands on the counter, shaking your head. “No. Four. Four pumps of caramel. Four.” You reiterate, patience wearing thin. At least he wasn’t arguing with every word that left your mouth. “Let’s take a break from that one and try this one instead.” You advise, pushing a new recipe card in front of him. This one was for a simple iced mocha. “So for this one you start off with three pumps of chocolate and then two shots of espresso.” You instruct, eyes tired and the bags underneath them giving it away.
Eddie reaches for one of the syrups and before you can stop him, he’s pumping three pumps of hazelnut into the cup, your hand smacking your face in frustration. “Eddie, do you just not read the labels?” You question.
He fakes a laugh, shoving the syrup back into its place. “Do you just not read the labels?” He mocks in a high voice. Your patience is wavering but you know you just need to get through this. The sooner he finishes training, the sooner you will have peace and quiet.
“Try again.” You tell him, holding back all of the anger rattling in your bones. He rolls his eyes and grabs the correct syrup this time. Except as he pumps it into the cup, you find that his pumps are way too big, not like you taught him earlier. He’s pushing down too far. “Too far! You’re pumping too far, it’s too much!” You tell him as the bottom of the cup becomes filled too high with chocolate, practically taking up where the espresso should go.
“Okay, you are like the worst teacher ever.” He states while sloshing around the flavored syrup in the clear cup, coating it around the sides as it maneuvers in his hand.
A hand drags down your face and you swear you’ve lost years of your life just in the past two nights. “Train yourself then.” You slap your hand on the counter, making your way over to the book corner and taking a seat in your favorite spot near the window to gaze at the streetlights.
His face contorts in confusion as if he had no idea why you were giving up on him. “Fine.” He mutters, taking a look at the little card that had the instructions for an iced vanilla coffee concoction. He can’t stop himself from glancing over to you in the corner, the warm glow of the street lights embracing you like a blanket. And he can’t shy away from the pang of guilt in his chest. Yet he continues to find himself at your throat every time, and you at his rightfully so. At least you have reason to be, he’s just a pathetic excuse of emotions buried under skin that dug himself so deep into a hole over the years there was no way out and all he could do was what he did best–shove people away and just play the part that had always been assigned to him since birth.
The sudden wail of the blender has you jolting and looking over behind the counter only to find Eddie manning the machine. You were too beyond exhausted to care anymore. If he wanted to start making milkshakes in spite of you then so be it. Your sight continued to set on the glow of the streetlights over the sidewalk. It didn’t rain today or tonight thankfully since you’d have to walk home. As you close your eyes, you imagine the warmth of the lights engulfing you and bask in the heat of the shop, silently cursing your landlord for not being attentive to your broken heater, leaving you with chattering teeth every night. If you could sleep in the back room you would, however that would be an awkward conversation with Ronnie and the openers, Max and El who took on the earliest shift from 4:30AM to 8:30AM, when Robin and Steve would relieve them of their duties. It was funny how your whole group seemed to now run The Under-Ground but you couldn’t come up with a better team if you tried. Save for Eddie, you could definitely find someone a hundred times better and then you would have the perfect team.
You continued to wander around in your imagination, the blender coming to a halt but you were too lost to even open an eye. The sound of cups scattering on the counter had you wincing but not once leaving your mind, not yet. It was rare that you were able to just sit and not think about the stressors in your life. That relaxation is shattered when a cup is slammed down in front of you, the noise causing you to jump back in your seat, eyes flashing open only to be meant with a perfectly curated blended iced mocha, down to the whip cream and chocolate drizzle on top. Behind it stands Eddie with his arms crossed in front of his chest, eyes stuck on the drink and not your reaction. All you offer is a nod, hand wrapping around the cup as you push it back toward him across the dark wood. What did he want? An applause? He did his job, congratulations.
“Good?” He asks for approval, much to your surprise.
“Mhm.” You nod again, standing up and making your way back behind the counter, leaving him to stare at his creation. There was no way you would give him any type of praise even if he did make the drink without any flaws.
“You didn’t even taste it.” He continues to stare down at the beverage on the table, his voice monotone.
As you start to mark a few things off for inventory, pen gliding across the paper, you hold out your other hand, paying him no mind in any other manner. Reluctantly, he scoops up the drink and strides over, shoving it in your hand like a pissed off child. You take a sip and are impressed that it actually tastes good but rather than give him any kind of compliment, you offer another nod. He’s starting to hate that response and if he receives another nod from you he may pull his hair out. The cold condensation stings your palm so you set the drink down, again pushing it toward him without so much as a glance.
“Just admit it, Socks.” He starts, grabbing the mocha and licking the whip cream from the top. “I did good and you hate it. Oh but if King Steve or Robin made it you’d be falling at their feet.” His tone is low and his gaze is intense as he burns into your side profile.
Continuing to ignore him, you jot down a few notes on the inventory sheet for some things that Ronnie may need to order more of on the next shipment. He scoffs, beginning to walk away from you when you decide to speak up. “Steve and Robin didn’t make me hate myself.” You remind him. It’s as if time slowed down the moment you spoke, the way you let the words roll off your tongue so truthfully, as if those words were in the bible. Eddie wasn’t religious by any means but that’s how disastrous your words felt. Yet he still finds comfort in playing his part.
“I made you hate yourself?” He seethes. “I made you hate yourself.” He repeats gritting his teeth. He knows he shouldn’t let himself go any further, it's a bad idea and it's simply not true what he’s about to say. But he can’t stop himself from assuming his role, he doesn’t know any different. He shouldn’t venture into territory where he knows he can never return from. “Babe.” The name is far from its endearing meaning, its dripping in hostility, soaked in venom. “I never made you hate yourself, you did that just fine all on your own.” The moment the words pierce the air he knows he shouldn’t have said them because there wasn’t even the slightest hint of honesty. The ugliest parts of him jumped out and now he has to suffer the damages.
A swell of tears stings the backs of your eyes and you desperately suck them back, refusing to let him have this. Your fists clench as you drop the pen from your grasp, your side profile still facing him, him standing in your peripheral. Suddenly you're gripping the counter with white knuckles, slowly shifting your gaze to the cowardly man a few feet away. His mouth opens and closes as if trying to take back what he said but he’s coming to realize it isn’t an option. In all honesty, the way you look right now frightens him. There’s suddenly no emotion behind your gaze. And then you fire right back at him.
“I hope you hate yourself just as much as I hate myself. I hate you more than I hate myself.” It stings like a deep scrape after you’ve fallen off your bike as a child, the dirt wedging itself into the skin. Again, his mouth opens and closes but there’s nothing to respond with. This may be his last shift since you’re probably going to tell Ronnie that he did some kind of fucked up thing just to get him fired and Ronnie will believe you over him–of course he will. He deserves it. But it would also mean he’s back right where he started, no one wanting to hire him. The Munson name really carried its burdens. He already had a secure job during the day at the auto shop, Jax & Sons but he needed the extra income. The only reason Ronnie hired him at The Under-Ground was because the owner, Beth’s husband Sam, owned The Hideout and Eddie was at least welcome there with the other rejects most of the time. While The Hideout wasn’t hiring, Sam referred him to The Under-Ground and assured him he would put in a good word with his wife. They were too good to him and he was starting to regret their kindness toward him, he deserved to be run over and have the shit kicked out of him.
No further words were spoken the rest of the night. Eddie was handed the clip board with the checklist for training, a silent demand that he train himself the rest of the shift while you occupied yourself with finishing some inventory, cleaning, and serving the few customers that came in. He quietly figured things out, familiarizing himself with the ingredients and learning quicker than he thought. Whenever he had a question, he refrained and decided he’d either ask you at a later time or eventually sort it out on his own. He should quit but there weren’t any other options if he wanted to keep himself fed and continue saving up to get out of Hawkins. Nowhere else was going to hire him, especially for the night shift. He was lucky they even trusted him to close with a girl though Sam seemed to put the rumors about him to rest if his wife and Ronnie had anything to hold against him and he would forever be grateful although now he didn’t feel he deserved that grace even if he was an innocent man that never amounted to the things his dad did.
–
Night after night for the remainder of the week, the evening shift was filled with tension and bruised feelings. If you had to so much as speak to Eddie it would be short and to the point, no sugarcoating. Each time you instructed him to clean something or do a task he would roll his eyes but oblige. He was the least of your problems and you were going to make sure it stayed that way. His training was almost complete and he was starting to pick up on a rhythm which meant you wouldn’t have to engage with him nearly as much. By Friday you’d fallen into a routine and while not in the best of circumstances, it was fine since not a whole lot of arguing happened since the previous incident.
You would attend to the customers with a friendly smile and a higher than your normal octave voice as usual and he would be his sarcastic self while also seeming to charm people with his damn dimples. Ronnie didn’t appear to be phased by all the pins and patches that adorned Eddie’s apron when he made an appearance randomly yesterday, to your dissatisfaction. You guess as long as none of them had anything offensive then he left him alone. Why did you care anyway? You didn’t.
The evening swarm of coffee addicts had arrived and you churned out drinks left and right, earning tips with the help of your perky attitude that you’d learn to put on over time. It aggravated you that Eddie had no issue charming his way into bigger tips, it’s like he was a professional. Some patrons would give him nasty looks while others, particularly the older moms who you’d definitely seen with a husband at some point, would pay him extra attention and drop larger bills into the tip jar while flipping their hair and lingering around longer than necessary. It made your stomach churn. Regardless, you continued to put on a smile and work through the rush, hoping by the end of the night the tips split up would give you a little bit of extra rent money to save for next month. It wasn’t like you were in a position to save money, living paycheck to paycheck but something had to give and you needed that cushion so you actually had a place to live.
As the night winded down and people were heading home, neglecting the coffee shop until early in the morning, you took a rag to the tables to clean and straighten up while Eddie obnoxiously banged on the espresso machine that had been giving everyone a hard time all week, periodically getting stuck and then spewing espresso everywhere. “Fuckin’ piece of shit machine.” He mutters, trying to pry off the panel to get a look inside at the machinery.
Not wanting to be responsible for a five hundred dollar machine broken by none other than your jackass coworker, you decide to step in, shouting over to him. “Would you knock it off? We have someone who comes in to fix the machines and I’m not going to be responsible–” A loud clank of metal stops you as Eddie jiggles a screwdriver you weren’t even sure how he found in the machine. He pries the screwdriver into the machine as if trying to loosen something stuck in the gears, succeeding when a few coffee beans fly out and fall to the floor, a shit eating grin on his face.
“Fixed it.” He confirms, shutting the panel and running the machine with a test shot of espresso, the liquid coming out smoothly rather than spraying him in the face. You shake your head, choosing to keep your mouth shut. If anything bad happens with the machine you didn’t see it and it wasn’t your fault. You were not an accomplice if it malfunctioned on his watch.
Eddie glances over at you now sweeping up under one of the tables, somewhat disappointed that you won’t revel in his victory over the machine but also remembering the atmosphere he created from the very beginning, never deserving your positive attention in the first place. It was 8:00PM, only an hour away from closing and the college students who had occupied the tables earlier were no longer around, the only sounds being the upbeat jazz music playing from the speakers. He sparked an idea.
Jogging to the back room where his eye caught the music system the very first day, he starts messing around with it, fingers searching in the back where his eyes can’t see behind the wall for a wire. Biting his lip in concentration, he locates it with a triumphant hum.
Too overcome with sweeping the floors clean, you only notice Eddie is no longer in the room when a shrieking guitar blares through the shop’s speakers, leaving you covering your ears and dropping the broom with a smack to the ground. It’s some kind of metal song that you’ve possibly heard before but wouldn’t be able to recall the name. Before you can map out your next moves, Eddie appears in the doorway to the back, grinning ear to ear genuinely. “I hacked the stereo, how sick is that?” He goes back to his spot behind the counter, head banging away.
“Shut it off!” You yell over the noise. Either he pretends not to hear you or he really can’t hear you over how loud it is. Now you’re afraid that some of the neighboring businesses will call the cops or something and it’s on your dime. “Eddie!” You shout once again with no reaction from him. You take the initiative and scurry into the back, finding the stereo system with a wire coming out of it and Eddie’s phone plugged in. You scowl and unplug it, killing all sound, an offended “what the fuck!” heard from the front of the shop as you soothe your ear drums in the quiet.
He starts to make his way toward the back only to be stopped by you nearly running him over as you walk with a purpose back out to finish cleaning. “Um, excuse you?” He gestures your way as if you’d stepped on his ego.
The broom is picked back up from its spot on the floor and you finish off by sweeping the remaining dirt into the dust pan, not responding. When you look up again, he’s not there and you know he’s definitely gone to the back to plug his phone back in. Your suspicions are confirmed when the riff is taking over the speakers once again, drums pounding through the sound system. A groan emerges from deep within you as you empty the dust pan into the trash. There was no winning with him, he always pushed back and you had no energy to keep up. As he emerges from the back again, he doesn’t even look in your direction.
“Can you at least turn it down!?” You yell over the music, hoping he would find some kind of humility within himself so you didn’t go home with a headache. It wasn’t just that it was too loud, it was overwhelming, your anxiety was spiking and no matter how much you breathed and told yourself to calm down, the volume of the song playing had your heart rate beating faster than you felt it could even keep up with. Eddie continues ignoring you, and you know damn well that he heard your request since you were close enough, standing just a few feet away. You swallowed hard as you attempted to keep your cool, keep your nervous system in check. I’m okay, I’m okay, nothing is going to happen.
And there was no reason to believe anything bad would happen but your brain was screaming at you that the escalation of the metal riff playing was a warning signal and you couldn’t talk yourself off the ledge. As much as you tried to contain your breathing and keep it steady, it became erratic as you stumbled over to one of the tables and thankfully made it into a chair. Your elbows rested on the table top while you covered your ears in an attempt to muffle the suddenly overwhelming sound that wouldn’t otherwise bother you had it not taken you by surprise earlier and had the volume not been set the highest the speakers allowed.
The world around you blurred out while you seemed to fall apart because of a stupid issue you had with loud sounds that caught you off guard. You couldn’t think straight, you couldn’t even think to just run to the back and unplug it again. You didn’t even register that there were hands waving in front of you and a pair of big brown eyes worriedly looking at you. His lips were moving but there was no way to understand what was being said in this state. And then he was gone from your vision as you choked on a breath caught in your throat. You were about to make a run for the door just to get your bearings back when the room went silent and suddenly things started to slowly become clear again. When you turn your body in your seat toward the back, Eddie stands there with a shocked expression painted on his face, mouth dropped open.
“I—I didn’t—I’m—I—“ For probably the first time ever Eddie Munson is speechless. No quirky comments, no stupid jokes, just stuttering. Your breathing, while a lot better now, is still heavy as you recover from the sudden panic. “I didn’t know—I wouldn’t have—“ Before he can continue rambling you save him the energy.
“Just—leave it.” You demand, putting a hand up to signal him to stop. A warning to never mention it again. He owed you that much.
Then he goes on to do something you’d never expect. He makes his way to the table you’ve sat yourself at and pulls out a chair, sitting across from you. “Are you okay?” He asks, eyes wide and concerned, hands clasped together on top of the table as he fidgets with his clunky rings. What the fuck did he care? He’d jump at any chance to see you upset, why was right now any different?
All you can do is look at him in distress, displaying how you felt on your face and in your body language. “Oka—does it look like I’m okay?!” You respond, throwing your arms up before they fall back into your lap. Your outburst quickly dwindles, a shyer demeanor taking over as you both linger in the quiet, in the aftermath of what he believes may have been an anxiety attack. “I’m—I'm fine.” You finally decide, standing and acting as if nothing just happened, taking your place behind the counter. Eddie looks dumbfounded, unsure of any of his next moves so as to keep the peace for once in his fucking life. He’d experienced lots of trauma before but never had to come face to face with the kind of terror that took over your face, never experienced being on the other end of the turmoil. While he’s sure he’s gone through what you just had except with other triggers, there was not one idea in his head about how to approach the situation, how he would dare to even console you if that’s all you really needed. In a sense, he’s a tad grateful that you seemed to snap out of it on your own but that also makes him feel like the most terrible person on planet earth. What kind of man was he if not some duplicate of his dad like everyone says and like he feels he’s doomed to be? He had been in your shoes before, experienced the true fear you held in your body and no one was there for him. So when he was there fully capable of providing some kind of comfort, he did nothing and suddenly he was his dad. In his mind he was his dad, doing nothing, helping no one but himself.
Suddenly he felt like he was 12 years old again, sinking in on himself but before he could be pulled any deeper he shot up and rapidly blinked his eyes. And you were there perfectly normal, trying to sneakily set aside a sandwich for yourself but it didn’t go unnoticed, it’s not like he cared though. Had he become this big of a fuck up without realizing it? He was no better than the man that abandoned him at 12, he genuinely believed he was on the same path as the man that single handedly tore his son’s life apart, who raised him in a crack house until things got too complicated and left only to be arrested 48 hours later. Eddie had to stop thinking, he was pulling himself down again, an anchor might as well be tied to his ankle.
“I—I need a break.” He exhales, not listening if you had any protests which you didn’t, you just tuned him out as the bell on the door jingled and he stopped outside for a cigarette. Who smokes cigarettes anymore? You wonder. Well you answer your own question when you remember the hick town you live in, many people still smoked cigarettes out here but most of them were older. It was now around 8:45PM, almost time to go home to try and knock out in the chill stale air of your room. The bell above the door rings again and you glance up but don’t find Eddie and instead meet the vibrant blue eyes of Jason Carver. While not a close friend, you’d known each other throughout high school and had a few mutual friends and even found yourselves in some of the same study groups during finals.
“Hey!” He greets you like an old friend, a smile on his face, his bright white teeth glimmering in the light.
“Jason! I thought you were away for college in Boston.” You say, remembering that he was able to escape this small town and move onto bigger things. Of course he was, his family had everything lined up for him. He stuck to his plan and it seemed to be going well for him. Something you wish you could say for yourself but you never even had a plan if you’re honest.
“Yeah, I’m just in town for the week. I flew in earlier today. My grandmas sick so you know…” He doesn’t finish the sentence and doesn’t have to for you to understand.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” You sympathize with him.
“No, it’s okay. This has happened a few times, it just seems like this might be it.” He tells you with a sad nod of his head. “Anyway, is that Eddie Munson outside?” He asks, changing the subject. You almost roll your eyes at his name but quickly remember how many fights the two had been in previously, usually Eddie walking away with no more than a black eye or a busted lip and Jason always looking worse. You don’t want to encourage another here tonight so you just nod, shyly avoiding Jason’s gaze. “Hey, is that freak bothering you while you work? Is he harassing you?” He starts to sound like he’s getting worked up, the opposite of your intention. Jason was always super forward especially when he was agitated which is why you always gravitated away from him. He’d always put on a sweet front but then come out with pure anger the moment he heard something he didn’t like.
“No!” You blurt out, unsure of why you’re even protecting Eddie in any way. Maybe it’s the fact that while you do hate Eddie with every nerve ending in your body, Jason only hates him for being everything he’s not. For not being popular, not engaging in sports, not going to church. None of those are why you hated Eddie but Jason had this bottled up rage toward him and you had the smallest inkling that he was envious in some weird way of the metalhead. “No, he’s not bothering me. He just works here and he’s on break. He doesn’t even talk to me.” You try to talk him down. Jason looks at you with suspicion, not fully believing you. Why you were even explaining yourself to him was beyond you.
Reluctantly, he drops it and continues on with the small talk which you find yourself growing bored of. Jason was turning out to be someone that reminded you of your parents, fairly conservative and tightly wound up. In high school he was a bit more laid back but it seems that whatever college he goes to has morphed him into another stereotypical white guy. The conversation couldn’t end soon enough for you as he started getting into a story about his frat house. You tried to hide your distaste but the air just felt sour. Not once did he even ask what you’d been up to, immediately going off about himself. As if he could read your mind, the bell above the door is heard and Eddie slowly walks back in, his face twisted in a scowl.
Jason looks toward him at the sound of the bell, freezing to stare him down as if it would intimidate him. Did he forget the several times Eddie handed his ass to him? If this was going to happen again right now, it was guaranteed that with Eddie being a man now, he’d have no problem taking him down. Jason was a man now too and while he had muscle from what you could see peeking out from under the sleeve of his polo, Eddie had grit and there was no way to go against that.
“Munson.” Jason greets with a nod of his head, a fake smile on his face. Eddie offers no greeting in return, only a glare as he makes his way back behind the counter.
“Anyway, it was great catching up with you.” Jason directs his attention back to you. “We should hang out while I’m in town. Here’s my number.” He says cockily, using a nearby pen to scribble on one of the shop’s business cards, placing it in your hand.
“Oh, okay. Yeah, um. Okay.” You respond with uncertainty. The number would be tossed aside the moment he stepped out the door but you appeased him the best you could while he stood in front of you. As he backs up toward the door, he shoots you a wink. While he thinks butterflies are fluttering within you right now, you’re actually internally cringing. And with that, he was gone, finally. You piece together that he hadn’t even purchased a coffee. The more you think about it, he may as well have pissed on you in an attempt to assert dominance over Eddie. Men were stupid creatures.
Eddie huffs out a laugh as he doodles on his hand, nothing left to do besides leave and lock up. You pay him no mind while you begin to quickly count the drawer so you’d be able to leave on time. “Fuckin’ tool.” Eddie mumbles to himself.
While you agree, you don’t want to give him any satisfaction so you continue counting the money. Finding that everything is accounted for, you lock up the drawer and grab your bag from the back while Eddie silently does the same. You meet at the door in some unspoken agreement, him holding the door as you step out into the chill air, turning to shut the door and lock it while he puts his motorcycle helmet on and walks over, straddling his bike. As you shove the keys back into your bag and start your journey home, he clears his throat. “Watch out for Carver. He’s not all sparkles and sunshine.” He says revving his bike. Who was he to tell you what to do? Though you had no interest in Jason whatsoever, you weren’t going to let Eddie tell you what to do, he was the last person on earth you would listen to.
“Oh, I’m sorry? I could say the same about you. You don’t get to tell me who to watch out for.” You step closer toward the bike, a hand on your hip while the nagging cold pinches at your skin. If your jaw was tightened it was both out of anger and due to the cold.
“Listen, Socks–”
“Don’t call me that.” You snap.
“I’m serious, Carver–” His voice is muffled under the helmet.
“You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve trying to tell me what I can and can’t do, Munson.” You’re trying to get in his face somewhat but it's hard and a little humiliating when you can only see a reflection of yourself in his visor.
“When something happens you can’t say I didn’t warn you.” He points a finger at you sternly.
“Oh! My hero!” You say with sarcasm laced in the words. “I don’t need some drop out lecturing me about what I do or who I associate with in my free time.” The insult shouldn’t affect him, he’s been called every name in the book. But it does, for some reason it does.
“Do whatever the hell you want.” You can’t see his face under the helmet but if you could you knew he’d be clenching his teeth and flexing his jaw by the way he said it. In seconds he speeds away, bike screeching annoyingly down the street.
It had been a long day. A long week even. The only silver lining was that tomorrow was your Friday and after that you’d have at least one day to not think about work and Eddie Munson’s stupid attitude. The shop was closed on Sundays and though it wasn’t very enticing to think about sitting in your room catching up on homework, it was far better than having to argue with the equivalent of a stubborn six year old in a man’s body.
Eddie on the other hand was feeling things he’d never experienced before. There was this persistent worry in the back of his mind that he didn’t know what to do with. His emotions had been gathered up and thrown into the wind so suddenly and he was struggling to grasp every single one so he could tuck it away again. And you only angered him beyond comprehension, even if he deserved every venomous word thrown his way, he couldn’t deny that you provoked him in ways no other human has. The way you had no issue with telling him off but let Jason talk over you made his blood boil. It was none of his business, genuinely. That’s what he told himself but deep down he knew it was his business the second Jason flashed that fake smile at him that said everything.
~end~
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tags - @mmunson86 @haylaansmi @batkin028 @obscureenigmatic
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Simon and Marceline: Fionna and Cake's neglected sub-plot
The one story element I feel wasn't perfectly concluded was Simon's modern relationship with Marceline. At the start of the second episode, we see a flashback to post-apocalyptic Ooo where Simon tells young Marcy in the most cheerful way possible that someone else could take better care of her than he ever could, that she'll be living in a castle with food and medicine. Later in the same episode, he tries to talk to Marceline on the phone, to hear her having a wonderful time with her girlfriend. She's happier than she has ever been and Simon doesn't want to bring her down with his depression. He feels like she's just fine without him and doesn't need him anymore, not realizing how disappearing from her life would hurt her.
Marceline has faced abandonment from every parental figure in her life, by Hunson, by Elise (Even though it was a misunderstanding), and by Simon (Even though it was out of his control). One could only imagine how hurt and betrayed she'd feel at Simon wanting to become Ice King again and leaving her a second time. This decision was... selfish, plane and simple. Yes, he wanted to help Fionna and Cake, but he also wanted a purpose. He wanted to feel needed, and his surrogate daughter wasn't providing him with that. In episode 7 The Star, Simon enters a timeline where he wasn't the one to find Marcy, but instead someone much worse. Someone who manipulated her into doing his bidding and turned her into a bad person. Simon rightfully calls him out on this, although he himself has seen better days as a father (sorry) . While this universe showed him how much he was needed in Marcy's life, it isn't just about being needed, its about being wanted. Marceline WANTS him in her life even though she doesn't need him to blow her nose anymore.
At the end of the series, Simon recognises his selfishness in his relationship with Betty and learns from it, as well as that he doesn't need to be needed and can live for himself. It's a beautiful, impactful message, one of my favorite in all of media, however, his arc with Marceline is never completed.
That's one of my only gripes with the series, the whole Marcy and Simon sub-plot feels like it's missing the last part of a three act structure. Act one was the flashback scene and phone call scene in ep 2. The 2nd act is The Star, where he realizes he is needed. But act three, where he realises he is wanted in his daughters life is nowhere to be seen. In fact, The Star is the last time we see Marceline in the show and it's not even our Marceline. We don't get to see how Marcy reacts to what Simon wanted to do or see him tell her that he's sorry and sees the impact he made in her life. We don't even see him hanging out with her in the ending montage.
I have read many wonderful fanfics and comics that attempt to close this arc, with Marcy either being angry with him or reassuring him, or both. But some things shouldn't be left up to the fanfic writers.
Before the last two episodes came out, I was hoping that the last episode would be a 40 minute special so the writers would have ample time to wrap things up , and wrap it up they did, but not all of it. Does Marceline know what Simon tried to do? Does she blame herself? Does Simon just keep this secret from her because he's too ashamed and doesn't want to hurt her, all questions left unanswered.
Yeah, there's hope for season 2, but it really feels like it should have been completed in season one. It either needs to be concluded in an extra episode special (something series tend to have nowadays.) or turn it into a main plot point for a second season that explores Simon’s relationship with Marcy.
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Code Lyoko is notoriously known for placing its main cast in constant danger. Many jokes have come from the fandom about certain characters being more prone to getting into danger than others. Out of curiosity, I decided to find out exactly which character nearly died the most and what attack was the deadliest. Starting from episode 1 ‘Teddygozilla’ to episode 95 ‘Echoes’ and logging each ‘death’ into a google spreadsheet. To simplify it, I’ve chosen to log the main characters, William, Sissi, and Jim. I also added two additional categories, Background Characters, and Special Mentions. Background Characters refers to characters that don’t have a prominent role in either the episode or series but are still mixed up in one of Xana’s attacks, while Special Mentions refer to characters that hold a prominent or semi-prominent role within the episode but are not important enough to get their own category.
One issue I came across right away was determining just what exactly counted as a ‘near-death.’ For example, in episode 7 ‘Image Problem’ Jeremie is thrown down a hatch connecting the scanner room to the computer’s mainframe. Depending on a combination of factors, from where he lands on the mainframe, to where on his body her lands, to the height he fell from, an argument could be made that he could possibly survive, but with severe injuries. To avoid the headache, I will be treating each case with a ‘live or die’ mindset. For Background Characters, I only counted each death as a singular entity to avoid calculating the estimated number of casualties. To calculate the exact toll would require more time and effort than I am willing to put in. With the perimeters set, allow me to showcase the results.
The season opens with ‘Teddygozilla’ with Ulrich and Aelita getting the first two deaths of the series, with Ulrich nearly being crushed to death, and Aelita almost falling into the digital sea. Jeremie, Odd, Yumi, Sissi, and Jim join the roster in episode 2 when a nuclear power plant nearly explodes. Episode 11 becomes the first episode to have a character almost die twice in the same episode, when Aelita almost falls into the digital sea and is later stabbed by a Krabe, and Odd when he almost falls into the digital sea twice in the same episode. Episode 17 ‘Amnesia’ becomes the first episode of the series to not have a single death. Each episode has an average of 3.2 deaths per episode with episode 11 ‘Plagued’ and Episode 16 ‘Claustrophobia’ tie at 8 deaths each, and episode 17 ‘Amnesia’ and episode 25 ‘Code: Earth’ tie for the least amount at 0 deaths. At the end of season one total count comes to 83 with the personal count ending in the following: Jeremie-8, Aelita-5, Ulrich-13, Yumi-9, Odd-8, Sissi-10, and Jim-10.
Yumi and Ulrich begin season 2 off as the first deaths, nearly dying of heat stroke in the season opener ‘New Order.' Episode 30 ‘A Great Day’ marks the first death at the hands of someone possessed by Xana with Ulrich nearly being bludgeoned to death via a xanafied Sissi. Aelita gets the record for most deaths in a single episode, with episode 37 ‘Common Interest’ where she almost dies three times because of the Supercomputer’s battery almost dying. Season 2 also holds another record for having the most deaths in a single episode at a count of 11 in episode 40 ‘Attack of the Zombies.’ That episode also marks the first death William experiences. Season 2 ends with an average of 1.9 deaths per episode, with episode 40 at 11, and episodes 28, 33, 36, 41, 43, and 48 all tied for least amount at 0. Season 2 has 51 deaths in total with the personal count being the following: Jeremie-4, Aelita-5, Ulrich-6, Yumi-8, Odd-7, William-1, Sissi-2, and Jim-2.
I included the 2 parter prequel ‘Xana Awakens’ as part of season 3 to make formatting easier. The first deaths of the season happen within the opening episode ‘Lyoko Minus One’ with Ulrich and Yumi nearly being electrocuted by their xanafied teachers and classmates, and Aelita and Odd nearly falling into the digital sea. Jeremie has his only near death experience of the season in the prequel ‘Xana Awakens,’ also marking the first canological near death of the series. William almost dies twice in this season, both in episode 59 ‘The Secret’ from drowning and blowing up by a bomb. Unlike the past two seasons, Xana’s focus was mostly on the Lyoko warriors this season, with collateral damage being quite low. This season ends with 27 deaths in total and has an average of 2 deaths per episode. Episode 59 ‘The Secret’ brings us the most deaths at 5, while episodes 53, 57, 60, and 65 each have 0 deaths. At the end of the season the count comes to Jeremie-1, Aelita-4, Ulrich-6, Yumi-5, Odd-5, William-2, Sissi-1, and Jim-1.
Season 4 begins with episode 66 ‘William Returns’ with Yumi nearly falling into the digital sea. Ulrich gets his first death of the series in Episode 69 ‘Wreck Room’ with Sissi from nearly falling off of a roof. Odd comes in, in episode 73 ‘Replika’ falling into the digital sea. Jeremie, Aelita, and Jim come in after a meteor crashes into the earth in episode 75 ‘Hot Shower’. Episode 81 ‘A Lack of Goodwill’ brings the first time the entire team nearly dies in a single episode. The final deaths come in episode 94 ‘Fight to the Finish’, with Yumi and Ulrich nearly killed by a Xanafied William, Franz Hopper sacrificing himself, and Xana from Jeremie’s antivirus program. There are a total of 61 deaths in Season 4, and an average of 2 deaths per episode. Episodes 75 ‘Hot Shower’, and 86 ‘Canine Conundrum’, both tie for most deaths at 9 each. Episodes 70, 71,73,74,78,79,83,85,87,89,92, and 95 all have 0 deaths, leaving all tied for the least deaths in the season. The individual death count for the season comes to the following: Jeremie- 5, Aelita- 8, Ulrich- 7, Yumi- 12, Odd- 6, William- 0, Sissi- 5, and Jim- 3.
By the end of the series, there are a total of 222 deaths in total. The episode with the highest count is episode 40 ‘Attack of the Zombies’ at 11. For the personal count, I will be starting from the lowest to the highest. William is at the bottom with a total of 3, Jim next at 16, then Jeremie and Sissi tie at 18, and Aelita at 23. Odd takes third place at 26. Yumi takes second place with 34 deaths in total. Ulrich claims first place, beating Yumi by 1 with 35 deaths at the end.
In the beginning, I set out to find which character and which episode had the highest ‘death count’. I was thoroughly surprised as the series went on, seeing Ulrich, who I had originally thought to have the lowest count, come out in first place. Discovering the total death count at the end of each season was also fascinating. For example, finding out that season 1 had 83 deaths in total. I was aware the first season was one of the most deadly, but seeing the actual number was surprising. As said, these are not the exact number, it is very possible that I have missed counted, or perhaps there was a judgment I had made that you didn’t agree with. At the end of the day, I did this out of curiosity and for fun, and I can only hope you enjoyed reading my findings as I had collected them.
If you would like to see the full graph here is the link:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1jEUk5lypN37hHpK2pzbA95euYr68clNryzQFvgzbVqQ/edit?usp=sharing
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My PJO episode ratings
Before I wanted to start I just wanted to say that I reserved all judgement about the show until it was over because I decided to trust the writers and let me tell you i LOVED pretty much every change because thats what adaptations are about
changing whats not good anymore or improving where it can be
and mainly KEEPING THE SPIRIT OF THE BOOKS WHICH WAS DONE MASTERFULLY
SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY
Now on to the rankings
EP1: 7/10
This was a solid start to the series which pretty much perfected most of the characterizations.
I had a few issues originally but these were pretty quicky turned around.
Mrs Dodds fight at the MET was too short but was made up for by her increased appearances across the season which was really nice imo
random cuts to black to avoid showing the car crash - (i had this problem two other times in the show which was during ep2 and ep5 but i dont mind it anymore but ill discuss that later)
grover felt kinda sleazy for me at the start but i did make my peace with this change overall because of something later on.
EP2: 8/10
Ep2 had the same feel as Ep1 being so very Percy Jackson esque with the humour and the characterizations
LUKE WAS JUST SO LIKEABLE AND IT BROKE MY HEART THAT WE WOULD HAVE TO SEE HIM BETRAY PERCY LATER
ANNABETH JUST SAYING YES SHE STALKS PERCY WAS JUST ICONIC
The fight choreography was also just top notch and Dior's scream was just amazing and i cannot believe that it was unscripted
just goes to show how the casting is so perfect - does not matter at all that they don't look book accurate
again the cut to black was kinda annoying for me as we just skipped the council of cloven elders scene which had SUCH A GOOD SET and i was so dissapointed when we didn't see it but otherwise i had a really good time
DIONYSUS WAS JUST PERFECT TOO
I don't mind that they cut the bowing for the claiming but they could have done it so only the big three kids are bowed to which shows how revered they are
percy not wanting to go on the quest and only going when grover says his mom is in the underworld just exemplifies percy's momma boi tendencies and fixed grovers character for me which made it all the worthwhile
EP3: 9/10 - MEDUSA WAS SO GOOD
I LOVED ALL THE CHANGES IN MEDUSAS STORYLINE THEY WERE SO GOOD AND ACTUALLY FIT THE CHARACTER
This is one of the most accurate mixed of greek and roman mythology for medusa i have ever seen.
in the original greek medusa was more of a monstrous figure while the romans started to paint her as a victim of the gods spats and this i feel captures both parts to that really well and JPK just kills it.
Grover is really good in this episode just trying to hold it together and then giving percabeth a reality check at the end is so good.
EP4: 8/10
Step down from ep3 for me mainly because i wanted to see more of the chimera fight and because it was a little too expositiony at the beginning but overall really solid episode and the change in the fall from the arch is really well done
not much to say really
the kids are getting better and better throughout the show
'its like you want me to make fun of you'
this is percabeth just how i imagined them
walker and leah killed it and aryan is just amazing as well.
EP5: 10/10
WHAT IS LOVE
BABY DONT HURT ME
DONT HURT ME
NO MORE
EP6: 7/10
lets be honest the only reason people wanted to see the lotus scenes was because the movie popularized it and retrospectively because of nico and bianca
if was a tiny (but significant) part of the book and didn't really need to be the whole episode pretty much but I did like how they handled it as compared to the movie version which, while fun, did not really fit a percy jackson kind of vibe to me personally.
Lin Manuel Miranda was really good at playing Hermes and grovers scenes were some of my favourite (especially because thats where we get the di angelos easter egg but whatever)
overall a bit of a dip but still really fun for me to watch
plus i love dua lipa so the music change was a big win for me
EP7 9/10:
HADES WAS JUST AS I IMAGINED HIM. NO HOLLYWOOD HES NOT A BIG TERRIFYING SUPERVILLAIN HES ACTUALLY KINDA CHILL AND THE FLASHBACKS WERE JUST SO GOOD
THE UNDERWORLD CGI WAS GREAT
Procrustes could have been done a little better because it really feels like the suspense was taken away during that scene but the flashbacks were so good
THAT POSEIDON SCENE
THE SHOW WAS SETTING ME UP TO HATE HIM AND I JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM IN LIKE 2 SECONDS
NO ONE SAID TOBY STEPHENS VOICE SOUNDED LIKE THAT
THE THUNDER FOLLOWED BY 'ONE DAY'
CHEFS KISS
ABSOLUTE KUDOS TO THE WRITERS YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING
EP8: 8471782487261078480/10:
JUST PERFECT.
ARES FIGHT WAS REALLY WELL DONE
PERCY AND POSEIDON JUST BROKE MY HEART AND MENDED IT THREE TIMES WITH LIKE 4 FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
'do you ever dream about mom?'
AND I LOVED LANCE REDDICK AS ZEUS (RIP)
I AM SO UPSET WE DO NOT GET TO SEE MORE BECAUSE IT WAS SO AWESOME TO WATCH
LUKE WAS JUST AMAZING
THE KRONOS SCENE WAS SO GOOD
THE BETRAYAL JUST BROKE MY HEART
'i heard everything'
I DID NOT EXPECT ANNABETH TO SHOW UP THERE
THE DISNEYLAND REFERENCE
SEARCH THE SEAS GROVER AND GET US A SEASON 2 BECAUSE WE NEED IT ASAP
OVERALL THE SHOW IS LIKE A FULL 9/10 FOR ME
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Lilith vs. Imposter Lilith theory explained + personal thoughts/ideas
For a while now I have been talking a lot about a Hazbin Hotel theory going over the idea that someone is pretending to be Lilith in order to achieve a grand plan. This literature will go over everything I personally think about the theory from what is going on, ideas that such a theory could lead to if it becomes true/true to any degree, and why it would be good for the story of Hazbin Hotel. This will contain spoilers from all over season 1 of Hazbin Hotel so heads up if you haven’t seen it yet. Also long post warning.
The theory started when people pointed out that the image of Lilith on the Lilith Hazbin Hotel trading card looked a lot like the silhouette of Eve from Charlie’s story from the episode “Overture”. Then later in episodes like “Dad Beat Dad” Lilith’s face were hidden in Charlie’s flashback when at this point we already knew what she looked like, adding more to the idea of someone pretending to be her. There also could be another example of this in “The Show Must Go On” but more on that later.
The 2 popular suspects that people have for the Imposter are Eve, Adam’s first wife, and Roo, and old character of Vivzie’s that is confirmed to be appearing much later in the series. For Eve its believed that she is doing this because she wants revenge for all the people that she blames have caused her nothing from misery throughout her entire existence from Lucifer giving her the apple, Adam for being himself, and Heaven for blaming her for releasing evil. Roo is a character believed to be the embodiment of evil (Roo standing for Root of all evil) and/or a kind of cosmic/natural being who wishes to destroy all of existence as it’s the ultimate evil, and thus a way to fulfill her purpose in existence. Whoever it turns out to be, they realized that at one point disguising themselves as Lilith could aid in their plans, likely one way was that this allowed them to obtain knowledge on Hell, Earth, and maybe Heaven if Lucifer and Lilith ever had peace negotiations with Heaven.
Eventually Lilith realized someone was pretending to be her, and the numbers of times such a thing has happen increased over the centuries (maybe even millennia) so Lilith has set out on a mission to stop the imposter from using her name, eventually realizing that if she doesn’t stop the Imposter it could doom everyone, especially her loved ones.
I have an idea for a twist where it could be revealed that Lilith actually invited said Imposter in on a plan of hers to rise against Heaven but after she realized the Imposter had even more deadly plans, Lilith realized she had to stop her.
During her quest Lilith made the ultimate sacrifice and sadly ended her happy marriage and family by divorcing Lucifer as to her this was the best way to protect him, Hell, and more importantly Charlie. I’d also be okay with the idea that Lucifer eventually realized what Lilith was doing, even hoping that one day they could get back together (this could be another reason why he still has his wedding ring) but is still depressed that he can’t be with his wife or aid her, as this would cause the Imposter to realize that Lilith and Lucifer are on to it. The worse thing of all though to Lucifer, is that he has to keep lying to Charlie about what is going on, a “great” way to cause drama between him and Charlie if the writers want to.
Now recently someone brought up the idea that Lucifer knew that Lilith is in Heaven, probably being one of those contacts he said he had up there, hence why he didn’t want Charlie to go up there for a meeting as he didn’t want to risk Charlie seeing her mother and make Lilith’s quest even worse and make Charlie emotionally devastated somehow. Luckily it looked like Lilith changed her mind but more on that later.
This went on until something happened 7 years ago before the events of the pilot and season 1. I’m guessing Lilith and the Imposter had a fight which ended in a draw and both sides going into hiding to recover and think of their next step. While Lilith said goodbye to Charlie one more time, I personally think the Imposter used its time to trick Alastor into serving it, making Alastor think it was serving the real Lilith. The Imposter told Alastor to lay low until the Imposter called for his services, which it eventually did as I think the Imposter sent him to spy on Charlie in hopes of using her and to keep any tabs on Lucifer and the real Lilith if it showed up. A feat like this would definitely show how dangerous the Imposter is if it can trick Alastor of all people.
This brings us to the season 1 finale where we see A Lilith on a beach in Heaven, where Lute brings up a deal and how she demands the Lilith take care of Charlie if she wants to stay in Heaven.
Now while I am slowly starting to believe that the woman there could be the real Lilith, I’m still considering the possibility for it being the Imposter. You can blame the sunglasses covering the eyes as not only do I think it’s similar to what was happening with her face in “Dad Beat Dad”, there have been A LOT of times in fiction where simple sunglasses were used to cover up big reveals.
I’m also a bit confused about if the deal Lute mentions was with her or Adam. I could see a scenario where a Lilith/Imposter used a disguise to make a deal with Adam about getting a place to crash in Heaven who he stupidly accepted, and Lute eventually realized what really happened but couldn’t do anything about it. I personally think it was with Lute though, as I could have seen Lute making a deal with the person where in exchange for letting them hide out there, Lute would gain the power/means to become Adam’s 2nd in command or to kill more demons/sinners.
If it is the Imposter, then she has convinced everyone that she is the real Lilith and is buying her time so she can find the info needed to destroy Heaven. She could also have had another goal of weakening the Exorcist army while there, likely setting up some events that eventually resulted in Adam dying. I could see a scenario where she has tricked Lute into think she is betraying Hell but when Lute realizes what she is really up to it will be too late. There is another idea but more on that later.
If it is the real Lilith, then I see her hiding out in Heaven because along with it be the last place anyone would look for her, it’s the only place the Imposter can’t go naturally, great if the Imposter is Roo. Maybe Lilith didn’t have a choice and was really desperate. Now I have an old work that went over the idea that the higher ups of Heaven knew a threat is coming and Adam was in no way capable of dealing with it, and they had a plan of getting someone better to replace him and lead the army, and I could see Lilith coming to the same conclusion and thus secretly tried to get rid of Adam. Maybe as a surprise she first tried to get rid of him without killing him and told Lucifer to set up Charlie’s appointment as along with how she actually wants to help her daughter maybe because she feels guilty of not being there as much as she wants to be, she hoped Charlie’s idea could make Heaven finally see how incompetent Adam was and get rid of him.
Now that Lute is demanding that Lilith take care of Charlie, Lilith will definitely have a bigger role in season 2, where I think both the real Lilith and the Imposter will try and use her for their own gain, making Lilith a bit of an antagonist but NOT a villain…hopefully.
There is also the chance that the real Lilith might not have a choice in stopping Charlie’s redemption dream as thinking back to the deal with Adam/Lute, we still don’t know what it really was, as maybe it was just Lilith owing one of them a favor? We also just don’t know much about how magical deals in this world actually work, like what happens when a deal is broken? Could it be like in the Percy Jackson spinoff series “Trials of Apollo” where if such a thing is broken, there are terrible/deadly consequences for the person that broke it and those around them?
One reason why I like this theory is that it could lead to some drama as maybe another reason why Lilith doesn’t want to use Charlie is cause she doesn’t want her to get involved or hurt,
But inevitably has to for what she thinks could be the greater good of everyone.
Maybe Lilith has become so obsessed with stopping the threat and save everyone, that she has trouble realizing how much she has been hurting others.
This theory also could lead to some episodes/storylines for the other characters in season 2. One is related to an idea I had about Charlie and Vaggie, as maybe after Vaggie keeps trying to convince Charlie that her mom/”mom” is up to no good, they get into their first proper fight in the season (I don’t count the events in “Hello Rosie” as a fight) which leads to some proper tension between them. Another is an episode where Lute tries to get justice for Adam’s death and execute Niffty as punishment but Heaven tells her that there isn’t a case or finds Charlie, Niffty and the others not guilty. This causes Lute to go insane and vows to destroy Hell and the “traitors” in Heaven, which the Imposter could take advantage of and recruit her as an ally.
Then by the end of the season Charlie and the others figure out what is going on and Charlie convinces her mother that she doesn’t have to do all of this, at least not by herself, and her words turn Lilith into an ally.
One of the aftermaths of such a theory related to the ending of season 2 is that the Imposter gains an advantage but luckily for everyone else her Lilith disguise got magically damaged thus the Imposter is no longer able to use it properly anymore, ending that part of Lilith’s quest.
Another possible result from all of this is that Lucifer and Lilith get back together. Imagine a fun wedding episode where Charlie helps plan her parent’s wedding! That would be awesome and beautiful because honestly this version of Lucifer and Lilith should be together and be happy.
That should be everything I have about the current situation surrounding this theory. In the end I just don’t want Lilith to be a villain, maybe antagonistic at times, but not a pure villain like Adam was as that sounds a bit cliché especially when compared to the pros of having Eve or Roo being seasonal/main villains. I also just want Charlie to have a good relationship with BOTH parents in the end, along with Lucifer and Lilith getting remarried as it was a bummer discovering that they were divorced and hopefully I’m not alone when it comes to these thoughts.
Do you believe that this theory could be true, even if it’s just to a degree? Do you also hope that Lilith won’t be a villain and should have a good relationship with Charlie and Lucifer at the end?
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