#because it gives me something special. and it is stable and easy

[justagirlwholikesadam]

Sandor's Secret

Sandor Clegane x Fem! Reader

Summary: Sandor has a secret hidden away from everyone.

A/n: I should be writing The Wolf Among Men but I can't. Once i have an idea, I need to let it out. This is one of them. I do hope you enjoy and remember please comment. I read all the comments and it makes me so happy and gives me the boost to keep writing. ENJOY! - L

WARNING: NFSW, we are fucking, whore, Sandor likes it dirty, Hidden away from everyone, mention of abuse but not from Sandor. Border Credit: @black-dread

Word Count: 3.4K

Sandor has a secret, he’s been having it for a few years now. No one knew about it and he tends to keep it that way but the ones who were too nosy...there were taken care, of course. 

No one will ever take you away from him. 

Sandor has too many enemies in King’s Landing because of his brother’s wicked ways. His brother, Gregor had enemies throughout the seven kingdoms and most of the time Sandor will be the one suffering the consequences. Enemies usually thought that they could fight or hurt Gregor’s little brother to get back at him, but at the end of every fight the enemy is lying cold on the ground with their throat split open or a sword rammed into their stomach. That's why he has hidden you. 

His shift taking care of the king’s bastard ended and he was walking to his small home. He lived a few miles away from King’s Landing. He had declined the housing that the king provided him in the castle. He didn't want it. He liked his privacy, was what he said. Making it home, he walked Stranger to the small stable near the house. Making sure the horse was fed and had fresh water, he shut the stable door before walking to the house. He stood in front of the wooden door and knocked five times and jiggled the knob. This was a sign he came up to make it known it was him outside. 

A few seconds later, the door opened and he was pleased at the sight in front of him. 

He walks in before you can jump in his arm. This was something he had gotten used to and he loves it how you greet him like this after a hard day taking care of the spoiled brat. You didn't mind the blood or the sweat on him, wrapping your arms around his neck. You kissed him on the lips. He puts you down and you immediately start to help him remove his armor. Sandor can smell the stew warming on the fire as he sits on the chair near the dining table. You knelt down in front of him and began to unlace his boots. 

“Don’t gotta-” 

“Hush.” You cut him off with a smile. You had this conversation with him many times before. He told you he didn't expect any special treatment since he bought you. You would shake your head and tell him it’s something you are willing to do just like you're willing to continue to sleep and live with him. 

You were fresh off the boat when you came to King's Landing. No family and no money, there was the only thing to do. Sell your body. Little Finger inspected your body, lifting your arms and touching your breasts. He looked pleased when he grabbed a handful of your ass and sent you to an empty room. That night Little Finger had told the girls, the King's guards would be coming after a successful hunting trip and the whorehouse started to prepare for their paying guests. 

Guards came in and you can hear their laughter and hollering as they picked their woman of the night to keep them warm. The whispers came when you saw the largest and tallest man you have ever seen walk in. You had no idea who this man was but everyone froze for a minute before turning away from him. 

“Looking for a girl.” He told Little Finger. The smaller man gave him a smile and spoke to him in a low tone. You looked down at the ground when you heard the words, fresh and unused. The tall man handed him a few coins. Little Finger called out for you and the ladies gave you a pity look as you walked towards him. 

“This is her, Sandor. Easy on the eyes. She just came in. No one has touched her.” You grew the courage to look up at the tall man called Sandor. You realized why everyone was whispering. Half of his face was disfigured, burn.

“Hello, Sandor.��� His brown eyes softened for a moment when you greeted him. 

“Go on, take good care of the prince’s guard.” You nodded and without a single thought you grabbed one of his large hands. You looked up at him when you felt him tensed up but he quickly relaxed when you began to walk with him to your room. You kept ignoring the stares from the girls and the other guards as you continued to hold his hand. You wondered why everyone was making such a big deal about it. There were men and women with facial scars, it was nothing new to you. 

You grew worried as you began to think more about it. What if he was aggressive? Mean? What if it gave him pleasure in harming the woman he slept with? 

Opening the door for him, he continued to stare at you closely. 

“Is something wrong, Ser?” You asked as he walked inside and sat on the edge of the bed after removing his sword. His eyes are still on you as you shut the door.

“I'm not a Ser. Not a knight.” He huffed out as he leaned his sword on the bed frame. “I see.” You told him before slowly walking towards him. “You are new around here? He asked. 

“I am. Is it that obvious?” You said as you kneel down to help him unlace his large boots. 

“You don't know me?” He asked as you began to remove his boot and quickly started working on the other. You shook your head at him and looked up to meet his gaze. 

“I'm sorry, I don't but from what Little Finger said you're the Prince’s guard so you must be very important. I hope I can meet your satisfaction, Sandor. I’m new at bei..” Your words came into a halt when you looked away. 

“Being a whore.” He finished your sentence. You nodded at him as you took his other boot off. 

You were about to stand up when he raised his hand. “Stay down.” You obeyed and looked ahead, you grew red when you were staring between his legs. He spread his legs and you saw the outline of his bulge. He leans forward and his hand goes under your chin, making you look up at his face. He looked so confused when he saw no fear in your eyes.

Insecurity started to brew deep in your chest and you began to thought. Were you not up to his standards? He must have many beautiful women thrown at him because of who he is and who he works for. 

“Sandor, I know I’m new but I swear I will be good. I don't wish to anger Little Finger. I fear he may kick me out.” You blurted out to him. You feel him touch your cheek and your hair. With his index finger under your chin, his thumb begins to trace your bottom lip. He pulled your bottom lip and you opened your mouth letting him put his thick thumb in your mouth. Closing your mouth, you began to suck on his thumb. 

Sandor sat up straight in his seat when you brought him a bowl of stew and a plate of fresh bread. He nodded at thanks to you and began to eat quickly. He was starving and the woman in the kitchen of the castle doesn't know how to make food taste good like you. He looks across the table to see you sitting down with your own bowl. He found himself glad, he never would have thought he would be living with a woman. He thought he would end up alone for the rest of his life. Now he has a beautiful woman living with him, cooking for him, treating him like a person and keeping him warm. 

He found himself thinking about that night, he met you. Sleeping with you was something he never experienced. Perhaps it was because you were so kind to him, you didn't flinch when you stared at his face. You were an eager thing to please and he loved it. Sandor knew his fate was sealed when you kissed him at the doorway the morning after. You didn't have too, he told you but you simply told him. You wanted to and if it was alright to kiss him again. He leaned down to meet you lips and kissed you hard that it left you breathless as he walked out of the whore house. He came back a week later, he couldn't stay away from you for too long. You and your sweet cunt occupied his mind. When he asked for you, Little Finger’s second in command gave him a small frown. 

“Half off. Some animal hit her.” Sandor gave her a face but nodded, giving her the payment. 

He walks to your room and the door is half open. He looked inside of your room, you're sitting on the edge of the bed. You felt his presence and looked at the door. Rage engulfs him completely when he sees you with a black eye and the side of your face is bruised. 

“Sandor.” The way you said his name made snap back into reality and he quickly walked away. 

Sandor finished his bowl before you, he got up to grab the pitcher of ale. He notices it’s almost empty and gets up to refill. He sees you’re about to get up from your seat to do it. 

“It’s fine.” He tells you softly, pushing you back down on your seat. “Finish eating.” He tells you and gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

He turns back to the table when he finishes and refills your cup as well before sitting back down on his seat with a sigh. Today was a hard day, he's tired on his feet. You noticed it when you finished your bowl. You tell him, you’ll heat his bath water. You're about to grab his bowl as well when he grabs your wrist, pulling you towards him gently. He knows he's strong and the last thing he ever wants is to hurt you. He can't hurt you, you're his. He'll die before hurting you. Taking the bowls from your hands, he places it back on the table. 

Sitting on his lap, you wrap an arm around his neck. You're blushing at his gaze. Sandor staring at you was something you always blushed at. He stared intensely and it made you wet. No words need to be said because both of you knew what each other wanted. Cupping his cheek, you feel his scars under your touch. You liked the touch of it since the first time you laid with him and you still loved it even after he took you away from the whorehouse. 

Sandor returned a few minutes later with a maester. He stood at the corner of the room while the maester looked at your eye and your face. You wondered how Sandor knew that Little Finger hadn't even offered to get you looked at. When the maester was gone, Sandor walked towards you. 

“Get your belongings, girl. We are leaving.” 

Sandor is the one to pull you in for a kiss. He tasted like ale and the stew, he was so warm as well. He tightens his hold around you as you open your mouth, his tongue slips inside of your mouth and you can't help but moan. His arm around you, his other hand goes between your legs. He groans as he pushes the hem of your dress up so he can touch your bare skin, your bare cunt. He groans once more in your mouth when he feels your lips, he spreads them with his fingers to touch your clit. You pull away from his lips to cry out as his fat thumb circles around it. He nips and kisses the side of your neck enjoying the whimpering coming from your mouth. 

 “I think about this cunt all the time. I smelt it all day on my mustache.” The thought of your nectar on him all day made you blush. He woke you up this morning at dawn with his head between your legs.

“Sandor.” You whispered his name. He looks at you, waiting for you to continue. 

“Can I suck your cock? Please.” He nods as his eyes twinkled with excitement. You slide down from his lap and kneel between his legs. He stares down at you as your hands unlaced his trousers. Licking your lips when you pull out his cock. It feels heavy and hot in your hand. You bring your other hand to get a better hold of it. 

Sandor starts to breathe heavily as you lick his head, humming as you tasted his salty pre-cum. 

“Fuck.” He whispered under his breath when you spit on his cock, he felt a blob of spit run down his shaft. Your hands are jerking him as you start to suck him off. You moaned as his cock stretches your mouth wide as you try to take him all in. 

Sandor brings a hand behind your head, grasping your hair as you start to gag on his fat cock. 

“Shit-t. Yes, just like that.” He huffs out when feels your hand cupping his balls over the trouser. Sandor throws his head back when his cock reaches the back of your throat. 

His praise only makes you suck him harder, your jaw starts to ache but it’s worth it. Seeing this giant man turn into putty because of your mouth was everything to you. Breathing through your nose you reach all the way to the end. Sandor moans when he feels your nose touch his pubic bone.  

Sandor pulls you away and you gasp when you feel him sliding out. Tongue out, breathing harshly for air and eyes filled with tears, you look up at him. 

“Come here.” He tells you and helps you up. You lean against him as he kisses you. He kisses your cheeks frantically as you try to catch your breath. 

“Bed.” He nods at you as he stands up removing his clothes.

He feels like his nickname, a hound staring at you. His nose is tingling as he watches prey, you undress. You had looked over your shoulder and blushed when you met his face. He’s ready to pounce, ready to sink his teeth on the only good thing he has in his life. 

“Everything okay?” He watched you walk over towards him when you were done. He wanted to purr when he felt your hand rub his stomach all the way up to his chest. You were biting your lips when you touched his thick dark hairs on his body. His chest was hard and you can feel the old heal scars splatter on his chest. 

Sandor just nods. He doesn’t answer. Cat got his tongue when he feels you touch his cock with one hand. You let out a surprise yelp when he grabbed you by the chin making you look up at him as he kissed you. He kissed you so messy and passionately, he nips your lips and consume you. When your legs start to wobble from being on your tippy toes, you pull away from him. He gives a mad huff and pushes you gently on the bed. 

You push yourself to the middle of the bed, opening your arms for him as he gets between your legs. You wince from the sudden movement. Sandor is a big man, his waist is wide. When he’s on you, he completely covers you under his frame. 

“Fuck.” He moans when his lips start to attack your chest. He pinches your nipples making you cry out, he drowns you out with his kisses. 

“Tell me? How? Now?” He says as he licks the valley of your breasts down to your navel making you squeal. He pulls away for you to move. 

“Like the first time.” You mumbled turning around with your ass in the air. You earn yourself a slap on the ass, it makes you quiver. You let out a moan when he gets behind you, a heavy hand on your shoulder while the other rests on your hip. 

“You came all over my cock the first time, remember?” You nod at him, shoving your face in the pillow so he didn’t have to see your blushing face. 

“Milked me dry, girl. Took all my cum deep inside of you.” Sandor says as he brings his hand from your hip down to your ass. He squeezes it, pulling a cheek to the side to see your waiting holes. He’s not surprised when he feels your pussy dripping wet. He growls because of it and cups your mound possessively. A smirk grows on his face when he feels the soft curled hairs on your mound get wet as he spreads your slick all over your mound. 

You cry his name out as he holds you, your wet cunt is throbbing for his cock. 

“Please. Fuck me.” You beg him and his hands goes back to your hip making you arch your back. You feel the hair on his stomach touch your ass as he leans over you, you clenched the pillow under you as you feel the tip of his cock. It’s so hot and big, Sandor’s above you, giving you praises as he splits you open. He even gives your ass a rub when he slowly slides in. 

You gasped when he slid himself to the hilt. You feel him in your tummy, that fat mushroom head is knocking on the door of your cervix and his heavy balls are resting on top of your clit. Sandor holds you down and takes his time so your sweet cunt is used to his size. He feels you clenching around him, he feels you under him moving your ass. 

“Not even going to wait for me.” He tells you when he feels you throwing your ass back softly. 

“It feels so good. I’m so full.” Sandor leans over you making you cry out by how deep he’s getting. He moves the pillow under your chin and he pushes your head to the mattress to the side. 

You gripped the sheets under you as he began to move. Each thrusts you’re crying out, moaning as he fucks you from you behind. You feel your toes curl up when he begins to growl when he grabs your hips and uses you like his personal toy. Moving you up and down on his cock, his hand stays on your face, covering you completely. 

He cages your head behind you as he ruts into you. You’re crying his name and Sandor is loving it because it’s his name you’re calling out, his name coming out those lips he loves so much. He whispers your name behind your head, he kisses the back of your head when he feels your tight cunt pulsing around him. 

“Yes. Yes.” He says as he slips his hand between your legs. “You’re soaked.” 

Sandor helps you get near, he’s about to cum. All day working, stomach filled with delicious stew and cock being milked by you. A perfect ending after a long day. 

“Pleasee.” You cry and Sandor looks down at you, you’re looking over your shoulder and it’s the only time Sandor shows his soft side with you. You only know this side of him. 

“I got you, my pretty girl. Cum for me. Let go.” He tells you before kissing your lips. His fingers rubbing your clit as he fucks you harder. Your mind is fuzzy, your filled to the brim and you can hear him moaning your name on top of you. You can hear skin slapping against one another, his heavy balls slapping your clit making you clench him even harder. He holds you in place when you start to cum on him, on his cock. He feels it, he even lets out a moan of his own. You start to whine, salivating on the sheets when Sandor comes undone. He holds your body, making sure he unloads his cum deep inside of you. 

Sandor watches you as you sleep on his chest, your fingers were in the middle of running through the massive amount of hair on his chest before you knock out completely. He holds you in his arms as he’s deep in thought. He chuckles to himself thinking what would Gregor do if he ever found out how pussy whipped Sandor had become for you. 

He was, he wouldn’t deny it, just count the dead bodies he buried a few miles away. They all had failed to find out what was Sandor’s secret. 

#sandor clegane #sandor clegane x reader #sandor clegane fanfic #sandor the hound clegane #sandor x reader #sandor clegane smut #games of thrones x reader #games of thrones #rory mccann #sfw

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 21: Holiday

You, Joel and Ellie celebrate Christmas in Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-20 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut :D. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 7k 

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

December 24, 2026

“They really didn’t make Christmas music with dancing in mind, did they?” 

Your head was on Joel’s shoulder, a pleasantly drunk haze falling over your mind and sinking into your limbs. You smiled at Tommy’s question, his arm around his wife’s shoulders. 

“No they did not,” you said, even though you knew the question was rhetorical. 

Half of Jackson was crowded into the Tipsy Bison. Christmas music was on the stereo, someone in the kitchen had made egg nog, the whole bar was draped in multi-colored Christmas lights casting everything in a a cheerful glow. 

You’d been in Jackson for more than a year now, something that was hard to believe. Last year at this time you’d spent all your spare time at home alone - except when Ellie all but broke down your door, anyway. You’d missed all this without even knowing that you’d missed it. 

Christmas hadn’t mattered much to you in years. The last real one you had before the world ended was really only special because you got to see your brothers again for the first time in months. The holiday itself hadn’t been what mattered. 

But you’d felt an odd sense of anticipation this time, something you hadn’t felt since you were a kid. Being around other people who remembered the time before - who knew what it had been like when there were things like Christmas tree lots and mall Santas - made it feel exciting in way the holiday hadn’t in years past, even when you were a teenager. 

It helped that Joel was recovered from the incident in August. He had returned to business as usual, going out on patrol with Tommy who had fully healed, too. But their first time out, you’d insisted on going, too. 

“You really don’t need to worry about it, Sweetheart,” Joel said. “It’s just a day long patrol, not goin’ anywhere rough. Gonna be fine.” 

“Then you shouldn’t have a problem with me going,” you shrugged. “Olivia can cover for me at the stables and I can cover you and Tommy’s asses.” 

Joel laughed a little and sighed. 

“Alright,” he kissed your temple. “If it’ll make you feel better, you can come out with us. This time.” 

It had been an easy day, unseasonably warm for October. The three of you went to a small town that was about a five hour ride from Jackson, a town that happened to have a record store.

“Oh shit!” You said, flipping through CDs on the dank and rotting shelves. “They have the White Stripes!” 

Joel frowned, looking over your shoulder. 

“Who’s that?” 

“I’ll play you something when we get back,” you said, turning the CD over to look at the track list. “They’re good and they have a girl drummer which automatically makes them even better. I was just thinking of them the other day, I think Ellie would like them…” 

Joel smiled. 

“Yeah,” he said. “She probably would.” 

You stashed the CD and a few others in your pack, saving them to give Ellie at Christmas. They were wrapped and under a tree in Joel’s living room now and you were more excited about watching her open them and listening to them with her for the first time than you were to open what had your name on it under the tree. 

“Think I can con you into a dance anyhow?” Joel asked, brushing your hairline with his nose. 

“You know,” you smiled. “Think I’m just drunk enough for it to work.” 

He took your hand and led you to the dance floor just as It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas came on the stereo. You smiled and draped your arms around Joel’s neck, your whole body pressed against the front of him, so different from the first time you’d danced with him. 

“You sure are pretty,” he smiled, swaying gently, his hands at your back. 

“You’re one to talk,” you replied, smiling too. 

“Sure you don’t need glasses?” He teased and you rolled your eyes before tucking your head against his chest and shoulder, your nose brushing his neck. 

“I’ve known you for a year now,” you said quietly after a minute of just moving gently with him. 

“That all?” Joel said. “Seems like I’ve always known you.” 

You smiled against him. 

“I think I would have gone looking for you sooner, if I knew you existed,” you said. “Just didn’t know any better.” 

Joel’s lips brushed your cheek. 

“Would have definitely gotten my ass out of Boston a few decades earlier,” he said. “Lot I would’ve done different, had I known better.” 

He held you a little tighter. 

“Is it bad that I think I’m lookin’ forward to the day after Christmas more than Christmas?” He asked. 

“What?” You laughed a little and pulled back from him enough to look at his face. “Why?” 

“Two days just you n’me,” he smiled. “I know it’s patrol but… feels almost like a camping trip or vacation. Getting out of town, ridin’ through snow covered forest, ski lodge waiting at the end? Can’t think of much better than that.” 

“Well when you put it that way,” you teased, tucking your head against him again. “But I get what you mean. Though I’m pretty excited for Christmas with Ellie. Haven’t had a real Christmas with trees and lights and shit with a kid in a long time. Almost feels like I should try to convince her Santa is real or something, just really make the whole experience happen for her.” 

“I’m just glad she’s speakin’ to me this Christmas,” Joel said, giving you a squeeze, his voice thick. “Got you to thank for that.” 

“She’d have come around eventually,” you said. “Kids… They’re smart. They see things, they know. She knows you love her. She’d understand it one day, even without my help.” 

“Startin’ to feel like all the good things I got I got because of you,” he said softly. 

You lifted your head to look him in the eye, his gaze gentle and deep, his eyes crinkling at the edges with his soft smile. 

“Well you’ve saved my life enough times,” you said. “Seems like it’s only fair. I couldn’t have anything without you. Don’t think I’d want it without you.” 

He pressed his forehead to yours, his eyes on your own and, for a moment, you were certain there was no one left inside the bar but him and you. 

He took you home after, walking slow through the falling snow with the first coat Joel had ever given you wrapped around you. You closed the curtains on the front window before plugging in the lights on the tree, just looking at it twinkling in the dark as you curled against Joel’s side on the couch. But before too long, you kissed him all soft and needy, his tongue dipping into your mouth. 

Joel undressed you gently and stretched you out beneath him on the couch. He covered your body with his, warm and hard as you rocked your hips against his length. He kissed you as he entered you, sinking into your tight heat until his body was flush with yours and he was buried within you. He pulled his lips away from you for a moment and your eyes met his, the lights reflected there as your heavy breaths matched his own. You reached up and traced the outline of him, your fingers brushing into his hair. You could feel his heartbeat in your own body, the life and warmth and vibrancy of him enveloping and consuming you. For a moment, you thought you might be able to know anything that crossed his mind, that he’d know anything that crossed your own. You were broken open and laid bare for him and all you wanted him to do was hold the pieces of you close and understand with a deep certainty how they fit together. You didn’t think you’d ever been this close to another person. You never wanted to be this close to someone who wasn’t Joel ever again. 

Everything in you was drawn tight and desperate, the heat of want threatening to swallow you whole and you were sure you were going to burst with it. 

“Joel,” you were almost squirming below him, needing the friction, needing more, eyes wide as you panted for breath. “Please…” 

“Please what?” He sounded almost as desperate as you. 

“Need you to move,” your eyes searched his. “Need to feel you, it’s too much, need…” 

“Shh,” he brushed your hair back, his palm lingering on the crown of your head. You were suddenly aware of everywhere he was, how he was everything. He was around you and inside you and over you, the thick weight of his cock filling every hollow space of you. He dropped his forehead to yours and closed his eyes for a moment, like he was concentrating before opening them again. His pupils were blown and he was looking at you as though you were the only thing left in the world. “I’ve got you, Baby. Gonna take such good care of you.” 

You just nodded against him and he pressed somehow deeper into you, his pubic bone pressing almost painfully against you before he pulled back, the slow drag of his hips making you moan as his the ridge of his head worked your channel. He pushed back into you firmly, tenderly, opening your body to him so he could reach parts of you that he seemed to have claimed for himself and you were happy to offer them. 

Like this with him you could understand why it was called making love. There was a sense that feeling him like this, experiencing him like this, had to exist somewhere outside of just yourself. It was too big to contain within yourself, what the two of you created when he brought you to your peak with an aching and heady rhythm. 

“You’re gettin’ close,” he panted, grinding his length deeper into you. You just nodded even though he hadn’t really asked. He knew. He didn’t need to ask. “Love feeling you like this. Want you to come for me, Baby. Want you to give in to it, want you to let go for me.” 

You nodded again, past the point of being able to form words. Your back arched, closing whatever minuscule gap there was between your bodies. Joel took your hand, lacing his fingers with your own before putting it over your head and pressing it down into the couch, pulling a strangled moan from you as he did. 

“Joel,” you managed. “Want… want to feel you…” 

“Just let go,” he whispered. “Give you everything you want if you just come for me, Baby. Just come for me…” He pressed deep and you felt the building tension in you crest and overflow, your channel fluttering over him, working his thick shaft as you came with a broken cry. 

“Oh there we go,” he held himself deep inside, dropping his head to your shoulder. “That’s it Baby, just keep coming, just keep…” 

He moaned and you felt him throb inside of you, felt the heat of his come as he filled you. His hand tightened on yours and you instinctively tilted your hips to make sure he was as deep within you as he could possibly be. 

You held each other like that for a while, Joel still buried inside you as his broad hand gently stroked your hair as you looked at him in the glow of the Christmas tree. 

He must have carried you to bed at some point, and you woke up tangled with him, your head on his chest and his hand splayed wide on your back. The light pouring through the window was bright, the morning sun reflecting on the fresh snow and making his bedroom light and crisp. You kissed his chest and he sighed contentedly. 

“Merry Christmas,” you smiled at him. 

Joel smiled back. 

“Ain’t you just the prettiest damn present.” 

You laughed a little. 

“Ellie say a time she was comin’ by?” Joel asked, hand sliding up your back to brush your cheek. “Or just that she was?” 

“Just sometime in the morning,” you said. “Why?”

“Thinkin’ I really want to fuck you into this mattress before makin’ you breakfast,” he said. “But don’t want to be interrupted…” 

As if on cue, you heard the bang of the front door against the wall downstairs. You laughed and pressed your face into Joel’s chest to muffle the sound. 

“Where are you guys?” Ellie yelled. “Being gross?”

“Down in a minute, Kiddo!” Joel yelled back as you pulled your face from his chest to look at him again. He held your face and pulled you in for kiss. 

“Later?” You asked quietly. 

Joel groaned. 

“Absolutely.” 

You got dressed quickly and found Ellie sitting on the floor by the tree, turning the paper-wrapped packages over and examining them. 

“Merry Christmas, Kiddo,” Joel smiled at her and she looked up from the gift in her hands. 

“Did people really used to believe a fat old man came down their chimney and left them shit?” 

You snorted and Joel laughed a little. 

“Generally just the kids,” he said. “Gimme a minute to make some coffee, then you can rip into everything.” 

You tucked yourself into a corner of the couch and smiled, watching Ellie rifle through the presents under the tree. It made your heart ache a bit to watch her. That she’d never had this as a girl hurt. That you hadn’t been able to do this in decades hurt, too. It felt like so much lost time, so many things that could have been better or different and they weren’t. So many things that you missed out on because you’d been holed up in the wilderness and hadn’t looked for a place like Jackson, hadn’t had the faith that a place like this could exist. 

You tried not to think about it, fought to focus on anything but what could have been if you’d just tried to find this place years ago.

Joel pressed a warm mug into your hands and sat next to you on the couch, putting his arm over your shoulders, tugging you against him and kissing the top of your head. You took a sip and smiled a little at the taste of whiskey. He’d spiked it.

“Alright Old Man,” Ellie said, picking up one of the packages she brought and holding it out for him. “This one is for you.” 

Ellie had made you each a charcoal drawing. Yours of Renaissance, Joel’s of you. Your eyes went a little wide at it. It’s not like you’d posed for her or anything, you hadn’t even noticed her doing it. It was strange to see yourself the way Ellie apparently did. You were pretty, the way she saw you, a softness in the drawing that you didn’t associate with yourself. 

“This is amazing, Baby Girl,” Joel said quietly. “Thank you.” 

“Figured I already drew you a horse,” she shrugged. “Thought you’d like something pretty to look at. And she’s got good taste, thought she’d want something better than your face on her wall.” 

Joel laughed before you could protest. 

“Got that right,” he said. 

Joel got Ellie a stash of art supplies that you knew he must have been tracking down for the better part of the year, watercolors and pencils and full sketchpads and you gave her the CDs and a few comic books you’d found that you thought she’d like. 

“Oh shit!” She yanked open the first comic. “Look at this guy, he’s got like… laser vision!” 

You laughed and pressed closer to Joel and he kissed the crown of your head before he leaned forward and picked up something from below the tree, handing it to you. 

You unwrapped it and opened the old shoe box. Inside was the carving of a horse, beautiful and intricate, delicate legs and a tail that looked like it was somehow in motion while being formed out of wood. 

“Joel,” you gasped, running your finger over the smooth surface. “It’s beautiful…” 

“Thought you needed somethin’ of your own in that house over there,” he said. “Or over here. When you want.” 

You looked over at him and smiled, tears stinging at your eyes, and you wrapped your arms around him. You stretched and got your gifts for Joel next before you ended up fully crying on Christmas morning. 

He opened the first one slowly and smiled at it, a holster you made from scrap leather for a knife he’d picked up the last time you were on patrol together. 

“You act like you can’t do shit like this and then you make somethin’ great,” he smiled at you, running his thumb over where you’d burned his initials into the sheath just like you had with the guitar strap. 

“Tell me that after it holds up for a few patrols,” you said, face getting hot. You took a sip of coffee. 

He opened the next one as you gnawed on your lower lip. It was just a little box and he tugged the top off of it, revealing a slender chain with a piece of metal as a charm. He frowned, running his thumb over it. 

“I made it from part of the bullet they pulled out of your leg,” you said, looking over his shoulder as he turned it in his palm. You’d cut “E + B” into one side of it. “Thought you should have a reminder that you’ve got people waiting for you. Next time you’re out for a few days.” 

He took a shaky breath and kissed you tenderly, deeply, before putting it on, looking at it in his palm. 

“I love it, Baby,” he said softly. 

“Look at Bambi, being all sentimental,” Ellie teased from her spot on the floor, already using one of the new sketchpads from Joel. You glared at her, trying not to smile, and she laughed. 

“One more,” you said before pressing your nose into Joel’s shoulder. For some reason, this made you anxious. Like the gifts were leaving you exposed. You dug your nails into your thigh to keep your leg from bouncing too much. 

Joel unwrapped the cassette tape, looking at the label. 

“Daylight,” he read from the tag. You’d tried to write it out in your best handwriting, the kind you hadn’t used in years but that your mother had drilled into you. “Don’t think I know this artist, who’s…” 

You cut him off before he could read the name aloud. 

First, middle, last. 

“You do,” you said. “That’s… that’s me.” 

His head whipped around to look at you, his eyes a little wide. 

“I wrote it,” you nodded at the tape. “The quality is questionable - it’s just from an old audio recorder from my house - and I’ll play it for you if you want. But… Anyway, I wrote it for you and… well, felt like I should put my real name on it. No one’s really known it in a while but I wanted you to.” 

“Baby…” he breathed, looking back at the tape. “This…” 

“You can keep calling me Bambi,” you smiled a little. “Everyone else does. Which is still your fault, by the way.” 

He laughed. 

“This is amazing,” he said. “You’re amazing, I…” 

“I’m going to need you guys to not be gross when I’m in the room,” Ellie groaned dramatically. 

“Don’t worry, Kiddo,” Joel said. “Think we can keep it under control. Got a few more here…” 

He picked up a small package and handed it to you. 

You opened it, a CD inside, one you didn’t know. You looked at the back, frowning, only to find that it was an album of accompaniment tracks for violin. 

“Oh, cool!” You said, looking over the track list. “I could definitely adapt these parts for guitar and…” 

“Well, didn’t say you’d need to do that,” Joel said, clapping his hands on his knees before getting up. “Just a sec…” 

Joel left and you frowned to Ellie, who just shrugged, her pencil frozen over the paper. He returned just a minute later, a violin in one hand and something you didn’t recognize in the other. 

“Wasn’t sure how to wrap either of these so…” 

You practically jumped off the couch, eyes wide, and took the instrument from him, holding it reverently. 

“Where did you find this?” You asked, looking over the body. It looked to be in amazing condition. 

Joel smiled. 

“Been on the look out for one since you told me what instruments you played,” he said. “Got a bow and extra strings too, should be set for a bit.” 

You threw the arm that wasn’t holding the violin around his neck and he laughed before giving you a squeeze. When you pulled away from him, he turned to Ellie. 

“And this is for you,” he said, unfolding the bundle in his hand. Ellie got up, frowning at it for a second but watching as he did. “Figured since you’re gettin’ real good at your art, you should have all the tools…” 

He finished putting it all together and set it down, an easel that was the perfect size for the largest sketchpad that Joel had gotten her. 

“Oh shit!” Her face lit up. “This is like… real artist stuff!” 

“Well yeah,” Joel shrugged, crossing his arms. “You’re a real artist, Kiddo. Need real artist stuff.” 

Ellie practically hurled herself at him and he laughed, catching her out of the air. You smiled, watching them. They had become so much more like what you imagined them to have been before Ellie learned the truth about the hospital. It had taken a few months to get them there and you learned that giving them projects to work on together seemed to be the best way to move them along. 

You started with shoeing the horses and quickly pinned down Tommy to come up with some more ideas for ways to get them progressing toward a common goal. They worked with him to build a new, larger pen for some of the livestock. You ended up concocting busy work that didn’t seem like busy work every other week or so until you noticed Ellie coming by the house of her own accord and Joel spending more than a few perfunctory minutes when he went to the outbuilding she called home. Every now and then, you still saw signs of Ellie being introspective. Sometimes she would go quiet, glancing at Joel with her brows drawn together and her eyes dark. But it was so much better than it was and you could clearly see the people they had become to each other as they survived crossing the United States.

The two of them were doing better than you’d ever really seen them by Christmas. You weren’t sure if it was the holiday or they had always been building to this point, but there was no sign of the tension that had been there as long as you’d known them both. It was hard to believe that the Ellie who was color swatching her new pencils and excitedly telling Joel about things like the saturation of the pigment was the same Ellie who had come over to your house, upset that you and Joel were together. 

She left to exchange gifts with friends in the afternoon and you passed the time playing guitar with Joel while watching the snow drift down outside before holding each other on the couch, stretched out long and pressed close, something that earned you both an “Ugh I thought you were supposed to be adults, show some self control” when Ellie came back a few hours later. 

After dinner with Tommy, Maria, William and the rest of Jackson, Ellie went home and Joel tried to put the cassette you’d made him in the boombox in his room but you begged him not to. 

“Why not?” He frowned. “I’m excited to hear it…” 

“I’ll make you a deal,” you said, putting your arms around his waist. “I will let you fuck me if you wait until I am not within earshot to listen to that. I can’t stand hearing my own stuff, makes me want to crawl out of my skin.” 

Joel smiled and shook his head a little. 

“You were gonna let me fuck you, anyway.” 

“Moot point.” 

He kissed you gently. 

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll wait until you go home tomorrow to get your stuff for patrol. Think I’ve got the self control to hold off ’til then…” 

You laughed and kissed him again, his hands growing eager against you. You rode him, your hands spread wide on his chest, memorizing the way the moonlight reflecting on the snow cast the shadows over his face, coming around him with a whimpering moan. As you fell asleep on his chest, his softening length still inside you as he held you close, you felt more at home than you had since you’d fled the home you’d made after the outbreak. 

“I love you, Joel,” you said softly. You weren’t sure he was conscious enough to hear you but he held you a little tighter all the same. 

***

Joel had always loved the outdoors but there was something about being in the woods after it snowed that was damn near magic. 

It was like that now, out with you the day after Christmas. The snow hung heavy on the trees, boughs drooping toward the earth like they were covered in frosting, the crystalline layer catching the light and sending it shattering off the tree trunks.

The almost blinding light caught your eyes and hair and the snowflakes did, too, making you look like some otherworldly being. One that he should know better than to try to touch but was too selfish not to. 

He’d listened to the tape when you left to head to your place to gather your things for patrol that morning. He just held the cassette for a moment, eyes tracing over the graceful lettering that spelled the title and your name. 

You’d given him your name. You had told him why you didn’t like to share it, why you hadn’t shared it with anyone but the doctor here in decades. There was a power in it. So much of what you had and who you were had been weaponized against you since the outbreak. It made sense that you’d keep something close and for yourself and yourself alone. And he’d been content with that. He had more of you than he deserved, he wasn’t about to go and ask for more. 

But you’d given him your name. First, middle, last. Because you wanted him to have that part of you, too.

He said it out loud to himself, testing the words on his tongue, picturing you as he did, tying the person he knew to the name that belonged to you. 

Joel put the tape in the stereo and pressed play, turning the volume down a little. Just in case someone was walking by outside. He didn’t want to share this with them in any way. This was just for him. 

There was a few seconds of crackling almost silence before you spoke, the sound clearer than he’d really expected it to be. 

“Hey Joel,” your voice sounded close and almost nervous. He smiled at that, that you’d be nervous playing for him even after all this time. “I’ve kind of been wishing I was better with words since I’ve known you. I’m not exactly a poet so it’s kind of hard for me to say what you mean to me. But… well, I do know music. This doesn’t quite say it right, either, but it does a better job than I could on my own. I love you, Joel. So much.” 

He listened close, could hear the quiet sound of your breaths and the sound of you adjusting the guitar in your arms before you started playing. 

The music made Joel’s heart ache, so beautiful it almost hurt to listen to it. It was slow and gentle and intricate and longing, made him think of what it was to look at you and feel you and have you consume so much of who he was because he wanted you to, didn’t want himself without you.

When the song ended, the final chord hanging on the air, there was a pinch of tears at the back of his throat. He sniffed and tried to blink them back as there was a rustling on the recording and he could picture you adjusting your guitar. 

“I hope you liked it,” you laughed a little. “And I hope it makes sense. Hope you know how much I love you. Because I do. Always will.” 

The tape ended and Joel rewound it, collecting himself before listening to it again. 

You were already at the stables when Joel got there, strapping your things to Renaissance’s side and humming to yourself. Joel didn’t say anything, wasn’t sure he’d really be able to speak past the lump in his throat. Instead, he went to you and you frowned when you saw him. 

“Everything OK?” You asked. He grabbed you roughly and pulled you into his chest, kissing the crown of your head and clutching you close. You paused a moment before wrapping your arms around his waist and giving him a squeeze. “Joel?” 

“Love you,” he managed, not willing to let you go quite yet. 

“Love you too,” you pulled back from him to look at him and laughed a little. “You alright?” 

He kissed your forehead. 

“Got you,” he said. “I’m great.” 

The patrol had been quiet, just like Joel thought it would be. He hadn’t gone out with just you since snow started falling and he was ready for the kinds of patrols that came with winter. Last patrol with you had been in late October and the two of you had been caught up in a hoard of infected that was making its way south, migrating to survive the winter. You’d gotten pinned down at one point, Joel damn near panicking at the sight of it. He was able to get to you and knock the infected away, giving you enough space to raise your gun and fire. You’d made it out unscathed but with a lesson learned. 

“Need shit I can use at close range,” you’d panted, dusting yourself off. “Baseball bat. Axe, maybe. Knife isn’t enough.” 

Joel had found you an axe the second the two of you were back to Jackson and it was strapped to the side of your horse where you could easily free it to swing at anything headed your way. 

But he didn’t think you’d need it today. This point in the season, the raiders were holed up to ride out the weather, not wanting to risk exposure by roaming much. Infected - with a few exceptions - had all fled the cold. These patrols were mostly to make sure anyone watching knew that Jackson was going to protect and maintain its territory, even when there wasn’t much to protect against. 

The forest was quiet, you riding alongside Joel when the trail was wide enough to allow for it. You just looked around at the trees, enjoying nature for what it was, Joel taking advantage of the quiet to watch you do it. He’d be happy to watch you do just about anything. 

“Almost like the end of the world never happened when you’re out here,” you said quietly, looking up at the snow-coated branches. “Like it’s a whole other world.” 

The two of you saw no signs of anyone else when you made it to the lodge for the night, twilight on the horizon because days were short and nights were long this time of year. You settled the horses while Joel got a fire going in the fireplace inside. He set out your sleeping bags in front of the stone hearth, the setting sun casting the snow in shades of pink and orange from the wall of windows beyond. He pulled a small pot out of his bag and put some leftovers from the Christmas dinner the night before he’d managed to snag before they all got snapped up, turkey and stuffing and gravy warming as you came in from taking care of the horses. 

“That smells incredible,” you said, putting your arms around Joel’s neck and pressing your body close. You were in his coat and his shirt, wrapping yourself up in him and he loved it, relished that he was what made you feel safe. 

“Can’t take much credit,” he said, kissing you gently. “Just swiped it.” 

“More than I managed,” you tangled your fingers in his hair, your soft gaze holding his. He sometimes thought the entire universe was contained in your eyes, like if he looked into them for long enough he’d find the answers to everything he’d ever questioned, the fulfillment of everything he’d ever longed for. “This was nice. Should talk them into letting me out of the stables more.” 

“Won’t catch me arguin’,” he smiled, nuzzling against your cheek. “Not sure I can promise the more gourmet dinner options the rest of the year, though.” 

You laughed and kissed him, soft and sweet, tongue dipping into his mouth. 

“Think we’d be just fine with jerky,” you said, voice breathy. 

He smiled back. 

“Think so, too.” 

You ate dinner close together, you tucked against his side. After, the two of you took turns playing guitar and singing, sticking close to the fire as it grew dark outside. Eventually, Joel set the guitar aside and took your face in his hands, kissing you deeply before smiling against your lips.

“What?” You teased. 

“First kissed you up here,” he said. “Worried I wasn’t ever gonna get to again. Now I can kiss you whenever I want.” 

“And it’s somehow not enough for me,” you kissed him again and he pulled you onto his lap before he undressed you slowly. You unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it down his arms until his skin was warm against your bare chest. You pressed yourself close and tight to him, rocking your clothed core over his hardening length. 

“Want you,” you were damn near panting. 

“Past wantin’ you,” he pulled you somehow closer. “Been far past it all day. Since I listened to your tape.” 

You pulled back from him a little and he took advantage of the distance to look at your bared skin. 

“You heard it?” You asked quietly. He nodded. “Did… did you like it?” 

“Oh, Baby,” he cupped your cheek. “I loved it.” 

You smiled and kissed him again and he held you close before maneuvering you onto your back on top of the sleeping bags, the heat from the fire warm on his skin. He tugged your jeans and panties off, casting them aside before removing his own. He ran his hands over your thighs, the softness of your skin in sharp contrast to the roughness of his own. His fingers reached your slit, all damp heat as he traced over you to your clit. You moaned, rocking your hips against him. He watched the muscle of your thighs tighten and shift and he took your ankle in his large hand, moving your foot to his shoulder so he could trail his lips over the supple flesh of the inside of your leg. He took his hand from your leg to grip his hardening cock as he toyed with your pussy as your back arched below him. He brushed his head against your swollen sex and all he could think about was opening you up to him, burying himself inside you until he couldn’t separate himself from you anymore. 

His eyes traced over you, your pupils blown, your chest heaving as you panted for breath. 

He lined himself up with your tight, grasping hole and lowered himself over you, his chest on yours, his lips inches from your own. He sank into you slowly, watched as his making space for himself inside you came over you, your eyes rolling back every so slightly before closing, the delicate moans from your parted lips. He breathed your name — your real name - as he reached the very end of you and you gasped, eyes opening to search his. 

“Joel,” you whispered. He kissed you softly, sheathed within you. “Call me that again. Want… want to hear you say my name.” 

He obeyed, pressing impossibly deeper before pulling out, slow but firm, before opening you up to him again, your name on his tongue as he did. Joel worked your body slow and steady, his orgasm building slowly alongside yours, your name falling from his lips again and again like a prayer in the night until your fluttering core made him spill into you. 

Neither of you bothered putting clothes on before climbing into one sleeping bag, your bodies close and warm. He watched you sleep in his arms by the dying firelight and he wasn’t ready to let you go when you both woke up in the morning. 

The warm glow of you left him optimistic as the two of you got underway again. It didn’t seem like anything could happen when he was with you like this. Like the two of you existed in a separate reality where people didn’t get hurt, where the evils of people couldn’t exist. 

“Joel?” You said, a few hours into the journey on the return trail. He stopped his horse alongside yours and you nodded into the woods, a good 10 feet off the trail. It looked like a large animal had been making its way through the snow before turning around. 

“Could be an elk or somethin’,” he said. “Might not be a horse…” 

You didn’t respond. You just dismounted, grabbing your axe and patting Renaissance’s neck as you picked your way through the snow and the brush to the point off the trail. Joel sighed but followed you, catching up to you just as you froze, staring down at the snow. There were distinct signs that there was a person with the animal and Joel sighed before he realized exactly what you were staring at. Just the start of a footprint in the snow, it didn’t have the chance to sink low to the ground like they’d been stopped. Just shallow enough to easily make out the size of the foot. It was small, too small to belong to a grown man. It was either a child - maybe a teenager - or a small woman. 

“Bambi…” he said cautiously, but you ignored him, turning on your heel, hooking your axe into its place on your saddle and mounting Renaissance. 

“Those tracks are relatively fresh,” you said. “It was snowing until after midnight and they’re not covered.” 

“We should go back and…” 

“No,” you said sharply. “Then it might be too late. We have to try. Joel, please…” 

He met your gaze, your eyes wide and desperate. 

“Please,” you whispered. 

He sighed but climbed back on his horse. 

“Somethin’ goes bad,” he said. “You get back to Jackson, get help. Understand?” 

You nodded and Joel led the way, trying to move as quickly as he could through the woods and the snow. 

After going almost two hours out of the way, the two of you stumbled upon what had clearly been a campsite not all that long ago. There were signs of at least a dozen or so men, the campfires no longer warm but not snow-covered either. 

You got off Renaissance again and started going around the area but Joel wasn’t sure what you were looking for. He dismounted, anyway, following close behind you as you picked through the signs of life that were here. Eventually, you whistled, something almost like a bird call but slightly off before going quiet. 

“Bambi…” 

“Shh.” 

He obeyed and you gave another whistle the same way, holding your hand out to signal him to stay quiet. There was no response. 

You visibly deflated before turning and pressing your face to Joel’s chest. He put his arms around you and held you gentle and close, feeling your warmth against him. 

“You’re OK Love,” he said softly. 

“Not me I’m worried about,” you sniffed, voice thick. 

“I know,” he held you closer. “I know… I know you want to help people who are hurtin’ like you. But you can’t save everyone, Baby, you just can’t.” 

You were silent and he just held you close. 

“We’ll head back,” he said quietly. “Report it. Send a team out with enough guns and men to handle a group of this size, see what we can’t find.” 

You nodded against him, clutching him close. 

“We wouldn’t have been able to help ‘em,” he whispered. “There were too many of them, would have gotten us both killed. Better this way. They’ll have a chance now.” 

You pulled away from him and dried your eyes. 

“Should get back,” you said, tone serious. “Sooner we’re back to Jackson, sooner we can send help.” 

“C’mon,” he put his arm around your shoulders and guided you back to the horses, turning to look back the way the two of you had come. 

He stopped in his tracks. 

Just like the sign you’d spotted months before, freshly carved into the trunks of the trees, were two large Xes, like they were waiting for him. 

What scared him more was the thought that they might be waiting for you.

Next Chapter

A/N: Yay, soft Jackson Christmas!

...other stuff is happening too.

Really really really soon.

BUT I LOVE YOU!!!

Thank you so much for reading and for being here. I'm seriously so excited to share what's coming next, I hope you're excited to see what happens, too. All your kindness and support means the world, just thank you thank you thank you. Love you all!

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#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #smut fic #joel miller x oc

[tuliptic]

What sort of gift you are to people around you?

I believe we have appreciated the presence of certain people around us, but have you wondered how you are perceived by them? Well then, this PAC is here to help you with the question. This reading is a collaboration brought to you by my boo @bichou-angel​ and me.

Piles go from left to right, top to bottom. Photos are taken by us, everything is literally by us. And we do not consent our work being used by third parties in other websites as well as in this hellsite (affectionate).  

Now. Breathe in with us, and then breathe out. Find which calls out to you the most.

Picked your pile? Let’s find out what are the answers

Disclaimer: This is solely for our entertainment purposes. Take only whatever you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it.

Pile 1

You’re someone who’s impactful and you bring change. You are the gift of change, bringing them into people’s life, affecting in ways you never thought you could’ve done so. Not gonna lie, some people fear you because of how you bring yourself, how the people around you changed because of your presence or what you’ve brought to the table.

There’s this youthful energy you bring along with that change and many are easily comforted by you, as though you’re someone they’ve known from a long time ago. Along with them is also passion. You have probably been called as double faced or multifaceted cuz of the different sides you have in you, but that variety is what makes you a special gift to others who appreciate you.

People who are strong and gentle think of you as their gift. See, strength comes in all forms, may it be physical or emotional or spiritual or mental. In this case, gentleness is their strength. They’re prolly spiritual as well.

These people have been through unfairly a lot and they’re healing right now. It’s not easy but they’re getting there, though there are times that they have fallen back into their dark times again. This is where you come in, bringing a youthful change to them.

This person may also have been generous to you in terms of finances and maybe food. I don’t know. There’s a person in my mind as I typed this so maybe a boss?

The changes you bring just… Changes their lives. I’m not even kidding. Your presence is very life changing and they were scared of this. But eventually, they accepted the change and they worked with it, turning themselves stronger in the process. It’s not easy cuz they may need to go against their families as they work, or they have to give up some traveling or walking away from a couple of things. But still, they persevere even tho the world feels like it’s against them.

They’re also creative in problem solving for some reason, and they are good at hiding how much they appreciate your presence. You just bring them hope, altho sometimes you make them question yours or their common sense.

You’ve been there for them at their lowest and they appreciate it. I’m also feeling that there’s something to do with religion as well? There’s this symbiosis between you both, and it often consists of air energy. One or both of you have some air influence in your sun, moon or rising because of the constant thinking and reviewing of the relationship, of what you two have achieved together. Know that good partnerships are made of equal amounts of positivity and both should learn from friendships, old and new.

Love, 

Mochi.

.

.

.

Pile 2

Strength, The Hierophant, King of Pentacles, Page of Swords, Justice, Ace of Cups, Ace of Pentacles, Nine of Pentacles, King of Wands.

My dear pile 2, immediately with cards I received, I could tell that people admire how much inner will power you possess. You teach people to believe in themselves as you show them that impossibilities are not something on your watch. Patience is your greatest strength where you would carefully plan out things and approach your goals in a stable way.

The positivity you bring to the table motivates people a lot. “You can do it” could be your personal quote when it comes to encouraging your loved ones. At the same time they trust you to make the important decision, you would consider both sides of the problem thoroughly so people might come to you for advice or to help them make any final decision. A harmonious energy.

You can separate it well when to use your head or to feel with your heart while you want fairness for everyone. That is why you treat anyone with the same respect and hate it when inequality takes place and that is also the moment where you would step up and fight back.

The woman in the Page of Swords is looking behind her back which makes me think that Pile 2 people are very reflective. Acceptance is the key here. You would accept to look back at your past no matter how negative it could be to fix on the matters with a determination of wanting to be better. People around would feel surprised every time they see you even after a short time because of how much you have changed over time. You keep evolving, for the better.

Your beloved ones might perceive you as someone who has so much love to give. Showing affection is not a problem to you because how much you want to cheer people up and the ones that choose this pile can be charitable where you give too much and do not expect to receive. With the big heart you possess, this is why you are very adored and loved. What you have given away with sincerity, you sure will receive the same from the right people.

With love,

Angel.

.

.

.

Pile 3

First of all, Pile 3, there’s a lot of impatient energy here. Not sure if that’s you or the person who thinks of you as their gift. But let’s get moving here then.

You’re a gift who is like judgment. You’re not a judge, just that your presence is. You’re critical with things and it helps a very certain group of people to be able to use that energy you spread around to help themselves, making them see things from another point of view. Sure, this side of you may not be well received, but it’s only so when you’re not in balance with yourself. Once you’re balanced, you’ll be able to unleash this ability’s true potential and create various new opportunities as well as new beginnings. Your gift is something unconventional so I understand your concerns, but it’s a gift that not many people can have.

Partnership is also important here so maybe you team up with one or two and form a work or study group? Or you work in small circles? But either way, when you’re with the right person (not strictly adhered to relationship wise), you’ll be able to explore because of the total resources you have together. You probably have a 2H synastry with each other, in terms of astrology placement.

Someone who has been through a lot, someone who has gone through certain phases of addiction. This can be in monetary terms, so maybe someone who liked gambling or buying lotteries? It was in the past and as they looked back, they realized how much of a fool they are for letting themselves go wild. Because it was unhealthy. Anything in excess is unhealthy.

There’s also this energy where they’ve worked hard and yet didn’t get what they wanted/needed, hence the feeling of defeat and indulging in unhealthy behaviors. A lot of discomfort in the past has brought them to where they are right now or during the time they’ve met you.

You’ve brought hope to their life, joy to their life. The critical side of you helps them to see things from another point of view, to see things from other people’s eyes. There’s a gentle energy that you give out that tells them all that they have been through will be worthwhile and just take a small step of courage day by day. Seeing you reminded them who they have wanted to be and they now work hard to reach there. You’ve also taught them to communicate their problems, to know that one never needed to be shy to express what they wanted.

You’ve brought changes, mental clarity, action, creation and so many more into their lives, making them see the future isn’t that bad, allowing them to introspect what they wanted to achieve. You’re the good company that comforts them, helps them to heal whatever old hurt, and cleanses the past negativity they’ve felt. You’re their Empress to their imbalanced inner self.

Dear Pile 3, you’re an amazing gift and I hope no one tells you otherwise. Remember to keep yourself in check as well cuz you wouldn’t want to burn yourself out in the process too!

Love,

Mochi.

.

.

.

Pile 4

The Moon, The Tower, Nine of Cups, Seven of Pentacles, Seven of Swords, Ten of Cups, The Hanged Man, Knight of Cups, The Artist.

My sweet pile 4, with the scenarios you create in your head is what people find so much talent in you. This pile is creative but you will not mind showing it, even if your idea could be considered crazy but that is when you are perceived as fun to be with. When with you, you might say some random scenarios based on the smallest things around you which causes people feeling questionable but at the same time feeling amazed of how you could be very attentive to such minor details to think of something so bizarre yet so intriguing. Chaotic energy. Sometimes you could say something controversial but people will be like “Wait, why does this weirdly make sense?”. People love to hear your opinions on things because they know they will learn something new every time.

Pile 4 people could be strong manifestors where you get anything you want without shedding too much sweat but instead of questioning yourself how you actually get whatever you want, you would enjoy it while thinking you deserve it. However, there is one thing people hope you will improve is to speak your opinion more. It is because you are so nice to the point of being afraid of hurting anyone's feelings so you could often say white lies, even if you do not think that is good, you would end up giving people words of encouragement or compliments. It's alright, you are a sweet heart but speak up your mind more, people want to hear your true thoughts.

There is a message that I picked up for this pile is that you could have been hurt in the past by the people you loved the most and you don't want this to happen to anyone you adore. This is why you choose to spread positivity only to people. Your loved ones want you to know that they appreciate you very much for it but eventually they want you to express your honest feelings with them. So it is time to release your painful past and learn how to show your true self. You will never be judged, especially not by the people you hold dear to. There is only love for you from now on.

With love,

Angel.

#tuliptic #🌷 #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot readings #tarot community #idk what else to tag so i'm adding my thoughts in here #Angel is one of my favourite readers I've gotten to know from this hellsite (affectionate) #and I'm so happy and honoured to be doing a collab with her #I asked her if she wanted to work on this together and we both jumped onto the bandwagon #it's fun for us and i hope it's also fun for you guys too #ALSO TUMBLR'S EDITING COMPLETELY FUCKED UP

[knightofhylia]

Basic Spirit Contact Etiquette

We’ve all seen some sort of ghost-hunting show in our lives, whether you were an avid Ghost Adventures fan or looking for scary things to watch on Halloween.

Here I’m whipping up a guide based on my 10+ years working with spirits on how to approach spirits respectfully and conduct yourself during contact whether in your own home or another location. This is focused on the types of spirits you may encounter while on a ghost investigation.

Before Contact

Consider who you are bringing with you.  Take into account the location you are going to. If you are in the south investigating a plantation with a crew of all white men it might get a little tense and spirits will probably not like to respond, or respond harshly. Most of the time when shows actually think about this is if they are going to a prison or something and they bring girls to attract ghosts. Think about the spiritual background of the people attending. People of different backgrounds will react to and attract different types of entities. 

Bring an offering. No one wants to do anything for free, so, give a little ‘thanks’ for the spirit's time and energy by bringing a gift. This can be almost anything! Do your research if you are investigating a specific location. Time periods, regions, specific people, and general areas can give you a clue on what to give.  If you really don’t have much info, there are some good (generally) universal offerings. 

Energy

Spirits need energy to manifest like I need energy to manifest myself out of bed sometimes. There are a couple of different ways to do this. 

Candles are a great, cheap, easy way to offer a little energy to the spirits. PLEASE USE CAREFULLY. Make sure it has a stable support such as a holder if its a tapered candle or bowl if it is a pillar candle. Place a plate underneath to catch any wax runoff. I’m not going to go deep into candle colours, but the ones I personally use are purple for psychic boost, white for general and cleansing, black for protection, or blue for insight. 

Crystals and rocks are a very common offering as well. This doesn’t have to be fancy, honestly a little quartz goes a long way sometimes. I personally have a pouch that has my stones for spirit contact specifically that I take with me to help me connect. I’m not going to go super extensive into the meanings of the crystals, you can find that other places, but these are my go to:

Labradorite: good for intuition and heightening senses

Spirit Bomb Quartz: I’m gonna be honest, I bought this mainly because it looked like a kidney stone I had, and it's one of Yusuke Urameshi's powers. But! It’s quartz so it’s always good to have around.

Azurite: good for mentality clarity and receiving messages. 

Lapis Lazuli: My favourite stone <3. Good for connecting with inner guidance and intuition. 

Music is great for bringing in spirits. Music is this incredible source of energy that carries over despite language, time period, or place. We all love music! Music can change a room in a minute. With music you are transported to a different time and place. This is great especially for spirits from older periods as it brings out a lot of nostalgia and emotion. Music also helps you get into the right headspace for communication as well.

Special objects are used all the time in ghost shows. Personal belongings such as jewelry, books, or clothes work well. Toys and crayons for children have been known to get them to come out and play. Things from the person’s time period or hobbies they did can help draw them in as well.

Food

Food is what gives us energy, and that doesn’t change much in the spirit realm either. Some good basic foods to bring are things like bread, fruit, baked goods, tea, or alcohol. I've found unless there is specific trauma around it, most spirits accept alcohol/cigarettes. Consider the time period or region of your location. 

If you are investigating an old house or mansion, what food was popular at the time? What food was popular in the region? Try and give something that is familiar or would be a treat for them. Crack open a cold one for the spirits in your haunted bar, maybe offer up some peanuts or chips to bring the people in. Invite the lady of the mansion some nice tea or cakes and a chat. 

If investigating a hospital/mental ward/prison, consider bringing something from the outside world. From my personal experience there is nothing someone wants more after a long stint in the hospital than a big burger. These people died eating the blandest shit imaginable (if they weren’t starved) so try something they wouldn’t have been able to have before. You don’t have to cook a wagyu beef steak, but cookies or sweets could go a long way in winning the favour of more shy or angry spirits. Bring milk and cookies to the children’s ward for a treat! Give the kids the sugar they couldn’t have in this realm!

What do spirits do with food?

Think about all the energy you put into cooking! All the stirring, kneading, heating, cooling, oils, herbs, meats, water, all has energy that gets combined and condensed when food is made. In my mortal opinion, spirits can feed off of this energy like we eat food. This is why I think some food offerings shrivel quicker. The energy from the cow used to produce the milk is carried down through the milking, pasteurization, packaging, distribution and receiving of one single bottle, gaining more energy each step of the way. Machinery used to make food feeds into that energy as well as the people who make it. You ever buy food and can taste the energy of the overworked underpaid worker who made it? Homemade items are usually the best, but store bought works just the same. 

I also believe that the spirit can manifest to physically eat the food. This could either be an apparition or manifesting in the form of an animal. 

If the food is store bought I might suggest cleansing it spiritually before offering it. 

What to do with the food?

There are a couple options here. The easiest one is just leave it and let nature take its course. Liquids are usually poured on the ground or drain. If you are not on your own property I would suggest other methods such as burying(if it won't harm the wildlife) or (SAFELY) burning. I would use a big fireproof bowl such as a glass or metal mixing bowl (probably best if it’s not the one you use in the kitchen). If you are able to leave it overnight and come back to it, take note of any changes to the food! I like to keep my offerings out overnight but if it is going to spoil or stink then whenever you are done/they are done is fine.

Incense

Fire is an amazing element! Prometheus ain’t getting his liver eaten eternally for nothing! Fire can turn herbs and resins into magic in a flash. There’s a reason incense has been used for centuries in ritual practices all over the world. This can be done with sticks, cones, resins, bundles or loose. If you are going to burn incense PLEASE do this carefully as well.

Herbs and plants I usually burn are mugwort, wormwood, damiana, sandalwood, lavender, and cedar. This can be done either as a blend or individually. These are usually burned on a charcoal disk or as a stick if I can find one. 

Resins are also common for rituals and spirit contact. There’s a reason Christians love to hotbox themselves with frankincense and myrrh. Shit works! These take a little more work so I suggest planning ahead if you are going to use these.

If you’re a cop you have to tell us!!! Ok now that the cops are gone this might sound wack, but in my experience, ghosts love drugs. I have yet to encounter a spirit who did not like weed. I have been told specifically to smoke weed with my spirits to help charge and cleanse them. Taking a rip from a bong invokes all four elements and helps center yourself. I wouldn’t suggest toking up in a haunted mansion, but a sprinkle of flower or kief on a charcoal disk can work as well. Use tobacco wisely as it is sacred to many Native cultures. Use Native grown tobacco and treat the herb with the respect it deserves. White supremacy and capitalism have tainted tobacco to be what it is now. If offering cigarettes, I suggest using the more organic ones. That being said, if you know a specific brand the spirit likes, opt for that one. I would suggest burying this offering as burning it may cause health issues, set off fire alarms, or leave a harsh smell. 

Consider the type of haunting or spirit you are going to interact with. What do previous reports say the activity is?  What type of location is it? What was this land before something was built here? I will briefly cover different types of hauntings and spirits that are common for ghost investigations. This is by no means all-encompassing but I’ve gathered this much from observations.

Active haunting. Classic ghost haunting. This type of spirit is aware of their surroundings to a degree. Usually conscious of the fact they are dead but not always. Common characteristics are:

Footsteps

Lights flickering

Feelings of being watched

Temperature drops

Hearing voices

Apparitions (full body, partial, shadow beings)

Mild physical activity (touching, doors closing/opening on their own, minor movement of objects)

Residual haunting. More common for places of tragedy, this type of spirit is usually not aware of their surroundings and instead are repeating moments of their life. Most characteristics apply from active hauntings to residual as well.  The main difference is activity is done in a pattern. Common characteristics are:

Activity that comes in cycles or patterns i.e. specific times of day/year, specific places

Footsteps

Movement of specific objects

Voices or audio that does is not in response to the living word

Apparitions seen around same place/time

Poltergeist. This is the more active type of haunting. Most horror movies are based on this type. This type of haunting usually happens when a spirit is very powerful, usually angered or annoyed. The spirit is very aware of its surroundings. Common characteristics are:

Apparitions of all kinds

Footsteps

Doors slamming

Wall banging

Intense physical activity (things being thrown, moved, broken, or disappearing)

Physical presence (cold rooms, being able to push or grab people)

Behaviour change  in people (more aggressive, sad, or just strange behaviour in general)

There is a lot of bleedover in regards to the categories, but it is usually determined by intensity and frequency of objects. 

During Contact

Ugh, nothing pisses me off more than people back-talking ghosts when they are trying to make contact. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar folks. Here’s quick do’s and don'ts of making contact with spirits.

Do:

Bring an offering

Announce your presence when you come in and state your business. Be polite and introduce yourself. Spirits are more likely to warm up to you if they know what your doing.

Explain your equipment as you set it up or use it. Show them where to talk on recorders, I can almost guarantee someone from the 1800s probably doesn’t know about REM pods, EMF detectors, and video cameras. Explain using simple language but remember you are not talking to a child (unless you are). Demonstrations of equipment can help you test out your gear and get the spirits used to it. Evidence doesn’t start when you turn off the lights, record as you set up in case curious ghosts have things to say

Thank the spirit when it responds! If you ask for a sign and they bang the wall, thank them! Even if it’s scary stuff like slamming doors it’s still good to thank them.

Don’t:

Provoking the spirits by taunting isn’t going to do shit but get you cursed. Y’all know what I’m talking about. Early seasons Zak Bagans shit. ‘I’m not scared of you! Come out and face me! Show yourself coward! Attack me!’ Okay dude good luck with that attachment!

You are a mere mortal in the presence of something you don’t understand, don’t be an asshole about it. Talk to them like they are people because they probably were once! Talk in a respectful tone and be humble.

Don’t get mad if they don’t respond. Be mindful of where you are and what you’re talking about. If you are asking a spirit about a horrific event, accept that they may not want to talk about it. The type of haunting may not be fit for the type of investigation you’re doing. 

NOT EVERY GHOST IS A DEMON OR EVIL. I’m so tired of every time someone has a negative interaction with a ghost it’s a demon. Maybe they’re just pissed off you’re in their space? Don’t throw around random labels just because you’re uncomfortable. 

Debunking is always good to try but disregarding unexplainable things discourages spirits from trying. Or they may try harder and you might not like what they do!

Ending Investigation

Show your gratitude. Dispose of your offerings properly and thank the spirits for their time and energy. Clean up any mess you may have left.

Cleanse the space.  Everyone likes to cleanse differently so I won’t go into it too deeply. Personally, I like to burn incense and use sound. I find ‘cleansing tones’ on Spotify and turn my bluetooth speaker upside down so the speaker is directly touching the surface. I believe this helps dispel negative energy. Other ways are using a bell, using cleansing water, visualization etc. Take only pictures, leave only footprints type of deal. This is especially important for places of violence or negative energies. 

I advise walking out of the space backwards so nothing can follow you and cleansing yourself when you are done. Too often people go into these spaces, rip the bandaid off the spiritual wounds and then leave. It’s cruel to keep these spirits bound to these places for our entertainment.

Only YOU can prevent spiritual fuckery!

Note: the source leads to an outside blog that is co-run by me. Some of the words may have been changed in this edition, but this is not plagiarism, i wrote both! The URL is randomly generated for now but it is still a legit website. Feel free to check out the other posts!

#hyah! #spirit work #ghost investigation #paranormal #witchcraft #spirituality #occult #magick #witchblr #general magic #general #spooky season #spirit vessel #spirit keeping #witch tips #dvakh #pop culture magic #pop culture paganism #baby witch #eclectic witch

[crescentmoonlupin]

If you need help, I'm here to listen..

There are days that are easier than others. When you have depression, you tend to feel like the world is against you and it just feels like a constant battle that no matter how hard you fight, how much experience you have with it, it just never seems to be enough to throw at the problem. And of course, giving up is never ever an option cause once you do, the monster you are battling just gets bigger. Bigger to the point you just must live with the drooling, foaming beast.

I’ve had depression for a number of years, as of 2024, it’s been about 14 years since I was originally diagnosed, but about 17 since it first manifested itself within my mind. It's never been an easy beast to live with. I’ve tried destroying it by destroying myself. I held it down, but the bubbles never stopped coming up. I tried to drown it in sex, making it seem like the reason I was upset so much was because I was alone and needed the company to get me through, I cut myself so I could hold some sort of “control” over it but, of course that never works. Eventually it becomes an addiction that you don't realize you started, and it takes everything in you to stop. Years even.

To this day, I am still self-destructive. Some days, I wish I could still continue hurting myself, but I know its counterproductive, it’ll never solve anything. It just hurts everyone else who happens to catch it when the wounds are fresh. Cutting myself didn’t make me feel better in the sense I thought it would, it just gave me a false sense of control over something I didn’t have control over. The chemicals in my brain didn’t do what they were supposed to when they were supposed to, and I suffered the consequences.

I wanted to blame everyone else for my problems. My mother, my father, my stepparents. Sisters. Everyone who wasn’t me. “You made me do this!” I’d say, when really, I was the one who put the razor or knife to my skin and pulled. I made it count, I counted every mark, and it’s not a pretty number. Not only did I cut but I carved words into my skin, so I would remember why I did it in the first place. So many initials. Failure. Perfect. HIT ME! I’M NOTHING! Sorry :] Smile. And the list goes on from there. Now it’s just a bunch of scars.

I’m not ashamed of them, and I don’t really regret them, they’re part of me and it was what I thought I needed at the time, ultimately, I was wrong in the end, but teenagers never listen, do they?

I do wish I could go back though, and just talk to myself. Tell myself it does, eventually, gets better. That things do start going right, years down the road. That it’s not worth it to be so angry all the time, and to learn to love myself sooner so I didn’t have t struggle as badly as I am now at almost 30, because yes, we do make it past the age of 18, as surprising as that is for me to even believe to this day. Eventually we meet a man who loves us in his own special way, and we have the most beautiful son to raise together. And he loves that little boy as if he was made from his own blood. He reads him bedtime stories and helps him learn to walk. He teaches him to ride a bike and plays in his sandbox with him, the one he made him for his second birthday.

Things do get better, but you have to fall down so you can get back up, so you can grow up the way you need to, because it is necessary. Because as soon as you heard that little boy’s heartbeat for the first time, you know, you just knew, that everything was going to change and you knew that you would do anything for him, even if it meant changing everything so he could grow up better than you did. So, he can go farther than you ever got. So, you can make sure he is actually stable and doesn’t have to recover from his childhood. Make sure he is okay and knows he is heard.

I just hope I’m doing the right things when it comes to that little boy because I don’t know where I’d be or who I would be without him. There’re days where I struggle and all I want to do is to curl up into a ball and cry till I fall asleep. But I have this little boy watching me every day and I just have to keep going to make sure he has everything he needs to grow into a respectable human and a caring man. Fight for what’s right but know when to step back as well.

#support #self harm #recovery #growing up #im here #ill listen #you are not alone #no matter what #seek help #you are enough #depression #cutting #cutter #you are loved #you matter

[hopefull-mindset]

I’m eating up all of your Komaeda and Hinata analyses, they’re just so clear and detailed! This might just be my bias, but I’m wondering about your perspective on komahina gradually (hopefully) healing together. I feel like the majority of the fandom mostly focuses on how Hinata would help Komaeda, probably because it seems the more obvious and Komaeda’s worldview is the more obviously skewed. But I feel like Komaeda also has the potential to, at least to an extent, help Hinata heal from his experiences. I don’t doubt that Hinata learned something from the simulation, but he also has a flawed perception of talent and a very low self worth, and I bet it wouldn’t go away overnight. Of course, this comes with the assumption that they would get along again post SDR2, which could be another thing to analyze for sure. Let me know what you think!

Ah I’m flustered again with your kind words! Thank you, I try my best to make sure my point is well explained with backed up reasoning since I tend to suffer intellectually when people don’t do that themselves. Especially when it’s a claim that has no backing but everyone takes at face value *grumble* *grumble*. It doesn’t have to be confirmed canon to be a creditable analysis, a good analyzer doesn’t need to rely on the creator’s every word, but it also can’t just contradict canon itself (unless, if you’re dr3, you contradict canon already and so it’s expected to discard it as creditable). Death of the author doesn’t work like that and it just comes off arrogant, you’re supposed to be working with canon Jesus Christ. Unless it’s a very specific situation where the creator is just garbage at handling their own work, I don’t think anyone deserves that right.

Oops sorry I went off into a tangent. I’m getting a little pissed at what people think is an analysis at all.

Now, with them healing post-game… you’re gonna have to stick with me because this is a lot to speak about. We all want them to be happy together as fellow Komahina shippers do haha, so it’s not you alone that has this bias, but it’s not going to be as quick and easy as the anime shows it to be.

To start, it’s sweet that people do think Hajime can help Komaeda because he can, but they’re going in the wrong direction with this. Hajime is not his nurse, therapist, or at his personal beck and call. Everyone on the island is healing, not just Komaeda. They’re both adults and he doesn’t need to nanny him. Komaeda most likely is going to need more attention medically considering his already poor health and the severed hand of Junko, but mentally? Everyone is pretty much going through some version of mental instability.

Now that’s out of the way, you’re right. People do focus on how Hajime can help him over how Komaeda can help him because it’s more obvious to us. We’re all (hopefully) aware that Hajime had the most positive/impactful influence out of anyone in the cast because of his way of somehow worming into Komaeda’s heart due to their “special bond” and put on a different, more personal level compared to the ultimates. The fact that Hajime proves against what he’s believed in just by being Hajime also works in the favor that Hajime would be the most helpful for him to grow closer with.

I’m glad you brought it up because Komaeda would definitely be as much help to Hajime. A lot of fans have a bad habit of thinking Hajime is much more stable than the rest of the cast and has solutions to everything, when Hajime is also growing with them. Komaeda is deceptively perceptive in how he interacts with Hajime in game. It feels rude when he does target his thoughts toward Hajime and gives his own insight on Hajime’s own person, but he’s never wrong about him when you look back at what’s being said.

When he went on that tangent after finding out what was in Hajime’s file in chapter 4, it was uncalled for to dump that all onto a person at once, but none of what he said about Hajime was wrong. All of it that he said about Hajime admiring hopes peak and what Hajime thought he could be by attending, none of it was objectively wrong. To defend Komaeda in this instance though, he wasn’t being mean on purpose, he was spelling out his own thoughts after being hit with the worst news ever.

However, even in the FTEs when he brings up how similar they are and him being a “miserable bystander” like himself, Hajime always rejects him and by proxy rejects himself. He rejects the part of himself that’s clearly seen in Komaeda at every instance because it’s inconvenient to recognize. Now though, he needs to recognize this if he’s going to accept himself and do what he promised to do outside of the simulation.

To reject Komaeda is to reject himself, that’s why I think it’d benefit both of them to heal with each other and in my wishful thinking, become closer. Another tidbit, as unnerving as Komaeda can be, Komaeda’s uplifting words do clearly make Hajime feel better, especially in chapter 1, and is hurt when he’s the target of distrust or ridicule by Komaeda even after their relationship becomes rocky (oh Hajime, he doesn’t mean it like that). Komaeda is not in the greatest position to help anyone, but these two points would partly help Hajime the most.

To get anywhere near that type of intimacy to let another person get that close to your whole being, especially in their situation, it’s uh. I’m already wincing imagining it play out. Again, It’s glossed over how much work it’s going to take in general for them to heal as a group, but god a relationship like theirs? The only thing I can say is yikes!

Contrary to popular opinion (or unpopular considering what side of the fandom you’re on), it’s not Hajime that’s going to put the most obstacles and barriers between them, it’s Komaeda. Hajime is already on the path of self-reflection and growth, so while for him it’s going to be nerve wracking to try and connect with again, it’s not going to be impossible for him. He already went out of his way to try and understand Komaeda when he’s able to in-game, even after all that Komaeda had did considering his attitude towards listening to his final words when you interact with his cottage after trial 5. It doesn’t make his feelings any less complicated or any less harder for him to confront Komaeda, but he’s going to be more willing in comparison. Komaeda’s side of this is where the real mess starts.

Geez, where do I begin? For one, he’s not gonna be typical Komaeda the way the anime tricks you he’d be. I don’t think he’d be angry at anyone in particular after waking up and finding out everyone is alive. He never was angry at them in the first place, he just stopped idolizing them and did what he thought was right due to his anger at what they decided to become. Questionable I know, but that’s how Komaeda is. Instead, I think Komaeda would just be more lost than he already was, more so after finding out what happened after he “died” and their decision to move forward.

He already keeps to himself, but I think he’d do it more so. I’m not sure he’d know what to say to any of them anymore besides his honest thoughts, which never goes well. He could go back to praising their talents, but for what? Their potential Hope when they’ve already plagued the world with the despair using their talents? What a joke. Again, he can’t easily just let go of what’s essentially his lifeline so that behavior would probably be reserved for people like Naegi or Kirigiri.

Eventually him and Hajime are gonna talk and it’s not going to be pretty. Im sure you can imagine it. This isn’t me saying they don’t have that potential to reconnect because if you remember correctly, he quite literally only apologizes to Hajime in his final message and to his own confusion, says he still cares for him even after what he found out. It’ll just take way longer than just a couple months. It’s not going to be as smooth as it could be, but they’ll try.

Other than that, the only thing to really address is the can of worms that is romantic possibilities. He’s able to truly call him a friend when grown close enough to each other and does show visible improvement in this closeness in stuff like utdp/DrS or Island Mode, but that was already hard enough as it is for Komaeda. I’m not gonna deny that Komahina is “one-sided” in all technical meaning, but not in the way it’s usually used by others. It being one sided means nothing toward Hajime’s general feelings for Komaeda. He still cares about Komaeda regardless of other feelings, but one-sided shouldn’t mean that their relationship stays stagnant?? People use it as if it’s a gatcha to Komahina shippers, which is hilarious.

I don’t like using one sided to describe their relationship as it now has this connotation that Hajime is never going to love him back, and pretty much is an oversimplification of what’s actually preventing him from gaining feelings as well. One-sided is too jarring for me to place on their too complicated mess of a relationship. Kaimaki is one-sided in that I can’t see Kaito responding to her feelings the same way, but somehow they’re suddenly more possible because it’s heterosexual. Too stupid.

Romance should not be important in the healing stage and would probably make things more messy, putting too much importance in romance devalues their relationship to only their ship. Komahina antis are much more guilty of this than the shippers, but it’s a problem I’ve seen with both. If you were to really ask me if Hajime would ever love Komaeda the way Komaeda loves him, then that’s really up to how close Komaeda lets him understand and empathize with him. That’s the only real obstacle here and not one people address well enough.

Hajime could definitely love him otherwise if given the opportunity, but it would destroy Komaeda to let him in that close for him to disappear from his life because of his luck. Issues are complex. Anyway, I hope I answered satisfactory! I could’ve said more, but I’d like to hold those thoughts for another post and I would like to stay on topic believe it or not.

#danganronpa #sdr2 #hajime hinata #komahina #nagito komaeda #it’s a pleasure talking about this! #sorry I didn’t add visual proof #it’s a little time consuming to do that though #*shutter* why do I talk more than I think I do

[youremyheaven]

Hey! I'm really sorry if this is a dumb or annoying question, I get it if it is, because i'm aware compatibility is a very broad concept 😭 So... I'm ardra moon and Sun dk and Ive ALWAYS fell for sun nakshatra men (all of them in their moon) maybe mars and saturn too but always Sun. In Claire Nakti's rahu dominant women video, she explains why rahu dominants are attracted to yang planets and sun men so I get it. But in your opinion are rahu and sun dominants mutually compatible? because I always have this experience of getting obsessed with them but them not giving a special fuck about me and not understanding me. and i love every part of them except that. like we can be friends with no problem but i never feel special and i wonder if sun men like us rahu girls or not 😭😭😭 im fine if they dont but i really wanna know! so if you can give me your opinion at least in general, i'll appreciate it! ❤️

OoOoh this is a v interesting question!! Tbh I don't think these connections are very healthy in general and although individual synastry will also dictate the course of a relationship, I feel like while Rahuvians are drawn to Yang planets/Solar men because they're in the darkness and reaching for the light, the people whose light or energy they seek to absorb is bound to feel very ??? by their presence. They could feel drained by you or they could feel irritated bc they can sense you trying to draw them in and they don't want to give you their "light" if that makes sense? Sun in general is self serving, it represents the ego, Solar men do not have a very "giving nature" in my observations. I have noticed a similar dynamic with Ketu & Jupiter as well. Ketuvians are pulled in by Jupiter's expansiveness and Jupiter being very giving leads to a very obsessive but abusive and unhealthy relationships

Nodal people in general tend to be very obsessive in romance and the source of this obsession/limerence is their need to feed on someone's yang energy/light to feel stable. I had a friend with Rahu & Ketu big 3 who for a few years was obsessed with a certain celebrity to a creepy concerning extent and then finally she moved on but I always thought it was a way for her to hang on to something?? i think it's very easy to project onto someone and be completely obsessed with them when in reality the fact that they ignore u or pay u no mind is enough to lose interest in them entirely???

[chaos-and-ink]

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

💖 What made you start writing?

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc. I haven't touched on this yet in ASAW, but photographs. I absolutely love rambling about photographs and stuff. Also mirrors, I feel like there's a lot of scenes where Bucky assess himself in mirrors or looks at his own body and ruminates on things.

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write? Lately been enjoying writing in the evening and being able to write however much I want until the sun rises and I have to get back to my life. I enjoy having nowhere to be and just being able to sit and type and type and type.

💖 What made you start writing? I've always been into writing and stories ever since a kid. My mom was a teacher and specialized in English/reading recovery so books have always been a HUGE part of my life. As a kid, we didn't go to beaches or amusement parks for vacations, we went to book signings and meet/greet the authors things. Because of that, I've always been a huge reader and thus it was easy for me to get into writing as well. Joining fandoms just opened me up to sharing my writing. Though I had a long writer's block because of how obsessive my writing became and I needed to step away from it. I lost a lot of motivation and creativity but I'm back now! And I think I'm doing much better.

❌ What's a trope you will never write? Can't write any mystery or action. I just don't have the brain power to plot things like that, my brain is a very simple creature and just wants to watch the same two men fall in love again and again. And torture the one of them repeated lol.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started? oh boy, I don't even know. I feel like I'm not even qualified to give advice, I still feel like a very new fanfic writer 😭 I've only been seriously writing for like 2 months I think. But I guess I'd say, just keep going? Keep doing what you're doing. it doesn't matter if you're not amazing at writing or don't have a great vocabulary or don't understand grammar or punctuation, etc. You don't need any of that to write something that resonates with other people. Write what you feel and maybe you'll make someone else feel that too.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip? Ahhh, I literally have 0 words in As Stable As Water since posting Chapter 5 so here's something from Chapter 10 of You Watched Me Burn.

“I lost control, Bucky. It’s my fault. But please, give me another chance,” he pleaded, his voice breaking. Bucky had never seen Brock this emotional. The older man’s eyes were watering and his voice sounded strangled as if his chest was being crushed by some invisible weight at just the thought of losing Bucky.  “Brock I… I can’t do this right now,'' Bucky finally settled on. Everything hurt too much and he couldn’t make any decisions with the amount of pain he was in. Not to mention the way all of his thoughts were muddled up. “I… give me some time. I need to sleep.” Instead of yelling at him, Brock immediately nodded. “Of course baby, do you want any more blankets? I can grab you some more,” he offered right away.

#you watched me burn #writer ask game #ask box #Bucky Barnes fanfiction #Brock Rumlow fanfiction

[awakefor48hours]

The Maribug Fic -- Rewritten

[Fanfiction.net] || [AO3]

[Chapter 2 >]

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug Relationship: Maribug/Ladynette Tags: Crack fic, No beta, I will update this every time someone asks Characters: Marinette Dupain Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Cat Noir (more to be added later) No warnings

Summary: Cat Noir asks Ladybug an important but difficult question to answer. So she tells him a ridiculous lie. What's the worst that could happen?

Woohoo, I'm stable enough to write this. If you don't know, last year, I tried to write a Maribug fic but I was fighting some of the worst depression in my life and I could tell the fanfiction was suffering because of that. But I'm better now. Also, this is going to take place at the same time as the original fanfiction (a little before Kwami's Choice special and a little after Elation). Now without further, onto the crack.

Cat Noir and Ladybug were sitting on a roof of a building watching the sunset after spending the day on patrol. Fortunately, there wasn't much disturbance today. Just a few kittens stuck in trees.

"I wish patrol was like this every day, M'Lady." Cat Noir commented.

"I do too but as we both know, that unrealistic." She then stood up about to leave only for Cat Noir to stop her.

"Before you go, M'Lady, can I ask you a question?"

She turned to face him and just said "yeah, sure, go ahead."

"Okay, so I've been wondering... why have you only given a Miraculous to Marinette Dupain Cheng once?"

Other than being Multimouse, technically speaking... she has given a Miraculous to Marinette Dupain Cheng. In fact, she's given a lot of Miraculouses to Marinette Dupain Cheng. But of course he wouldn't know that.

"Cat, don't you remember? I can't give a Miraculous to Marinette Dupain Cheng. We both know her identity!"

Cat Noir scratched the back of his head. "I know about that but this isn't the first time we've both known the identity of a holder. We both know Ryuko's identity, Bunnyx's identity, Pegasus's identity." Why did he have to make good arguments now? "In fact, when you gave Chloe the Bee Miraculous, the whole world knew her identity. Not to mention, along with being a great a holder of the Mouse Miraculous, she's one of the few people in Paris who still hasn't been akumatized." Not an easy task. "It's also doesn't hurt that her parents have the best bakery in all of Paris. So, I just don't understand why you gave her the Mouse Miraculous once."

She had to think of something to say but it was really hard. She wasn't expecting questions like this and he made some damn good points.

Think Marinette, think! What is a totally believable reason for not giving herself a Miraculous without blowing her identity?

"I, uh, have a crush on Marinette."

Was it too late to reveal her identity?

"You do!?" Cat Noir sat up in surprise but also... intrigue.

"Yeah... I... have... a... crush on... Marinette Dupain Cheng." What is she even saying? "So in order to stop myself from getting distracted on the job, I just... I just haven't given her another Miraculous."

She could see the gears turning in Cat Noir's head. He probably already saw through her lie. "That's actually a great decision!" Or maybe he didn't see through her lie. "You're already losing your composure just thinking about her."

"Yeah... I sure am!" She started gesturing wildly. "If I think about Marinette for too long, a villain could definitely take my Miraculous easily. So it's best that I just don't get distracted."

Cat Noir stood up and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You made such a great choice."

Ladybug laughed lightly. "You're, uh, not gonna tell anyone about this, right?"

Cat Noir took a step back and bowed at her. "Not even if the most heinous akuma tries to torture it out of me."

"Gooooood." She was thankful for that at least.

"I'll see you around, Ladybug." Was the last thing Cat Noir said to her before using his pole to catapult himself into the air, leaving Ladybug alone.

She watched him for a few moments before heading home herself. When dropped into her room, she detransformed and reality finally caught up to her and it hit her like a truck.

"AAAAA!" She screamed, then started her head against the wall. "I TOLD CAT NOIR I HAVE A CRUSH ON... MYSELF!"

She then tightly grabbed her hair, almost to the point of pulling it out. "This is a disaster! A disaster! A disaster! A DISASTER!"

Tikki flew to her eye level. "Calm down, Marinette. It's not the end of the world."

Marinette now focused on Tikki. "It might as well be! I already blew my chance at being with Adrien and now I just my chance at being with Cat Noir! I'M SO LAME!"

So glad I took that break because I'm already loving this rewrite more. (Also like my Adrichat fic, new chapter comes out when someone asks for it)

#when my people stop attacking my wife (ao3) i'll post this there #my fanfiction #selfcest #ladynette #maribug #marinette dupain cheng #chat noir #cat noir

[astronnova]

I dont really see the shadowplay as a lie. Wukong was constantly leaving, contantly abadoning, his subjects and macaque for more power. It might have started out as protection for them, but he admits himself he lost sight of that. Macaque abandoned wukong too dont get me wrong, but wukong did it several times. In jttw alone he leaves ffm for years, decades at a time.

Macaque has no right to hurt mk, and his reaction is very bad, but if wukong never hurt or wronged him, then their possible reconciliation just tastes bitter to me. It only works if both monkeys were in the wrong

wukong had left about two or three times pre journey i believe? training with subodhi, then to work as heaven's stable boy, and maybe something else? i can't remember right now (and im falling asleep at my desk LOL....)

yeah, he does admit he lost sight of it! that's very true, and that's important to note that his goal grew to be unclear (as a narrative parallel to azure's conflict during the season and the special). i'm putting emphasis on the fact that wukong says to macaque twice (once directly to him and the other by proxy) that his intentions were overall good.

yes, in the original book he returns to ffm occasionally but then, imporantly, has to return to the journey. if wukong were truly free to make his choice, he could have very much stayed at ffm during the first time he left the journeying group, but he. couldn't do that. the celestial realm needed him to help retrieve/deliver(?) the scriptures and tripitaka still had him trapped with the circlet. and also important to note that in the original jttw, macaque and wukong didn't know eachother.

lego monkie kid is a sequel to the original journey to the west, but it also makes it very clear that lego monkie kid's version of journey to the west is very different from the one we know. claiming some things as canon because it was in the original books (like wukong being macaque's killer) doesn't track with the version of jttw that the show is presenting to us. (not saying this as a way to undermine your point, but more as like a general point that i feel i need to mention).

so, tldr for all that up there that i keyboard vomited is that yeah wukong did leave ffm occasionally but he always returned to ffm & macaque. in shadowplay, macaque's abandonment is portrayed as the time when wukong went off to work for heaven.

in this scene, wukong is dressed in his royal attire (the phoenix cap and armor) while turning around and smirking while joining the figures up in the clouds which is a representation of the celestial realm.

interestingly wukong's also wearing the circlet in this! so this scene can be taken as two things:

wukong leaving to work for the celestial realm as the stable boy (where he canonicaly comes back to macaque and macaque is fine, this is in season 4)

wukong joining the journeying group.

if the second point is what's happening, then macaque fundamentally misunderstands wukong's agency in the journey, since the circlet (aka his punishment/torture leash) took a lot of wukong's own choice out of the matter of if he should go on the journey or not. wukong even wanted to go back to his home when he was freed but had to stick with the journey!

macaque has always been a biased narrator, and that's really interesting to me because he's a trauma dumper too. he constantly tells his version of events without considering another side.

now, im not saying that wukong is an innocent person in their whole *gestures vaguely* situation either, but i am saying that shadowplay is macaque's biased narration that we as the audience can recognize because we know what's actually happening with wukong. the shadowplay is meant to put more doubt into MK and make the emotional rift between him and wukong larger because of wukong's lack of communication skills and MK's easy to influence personality. it's not factually correct, but it gives more insight and helps create more conflict for our characters to face.

i agree! the reconciliation wouldn't be as good imo if wukong had never wronged macaque either. i'm also just saying that objectively wukong has more... concrete? i think thats the word? reasons for doing what he does while macaque's motivations usually revolve around self preservation. its a cool character dynamic (that i am obsessed with)

#critical . txt #🐒 critical watches the kid monkie show #✉ mailbox

[dreamyfanfix]

Chapter 1: Sharmas Vs The Rich

Present:

Violet got up for the fourth time in the last 30 minutes to wipe the sweat off her son’s forehead. The Ninth Viscount was hospitalised because of drug complications. Anthony had been bouncing around psychiatrists and none of them had done their due diligence to check the prescriptions that he had taken previously. It was not something Violet would ever think could happen to her family she had never felt that kind of fear before and, considering her family history, that was saying something. Violet loves all her kids equally but Anthony would always have a special place in her heart, he was the one who made her mother first. So to see her son, strong and organised as he was, in this state was tough for her. A little thrill went up her spine as she realised this was the first time she would be able to take care of her son since before…

“Don’t worry son. I’ll get her back for you. Then all your stresses will be gone. Mummy will take of it all,” Violet said softly to her unconscious son.

-----

2 Years Ago:

Kate hesitated at the entrance of Mayfair Country Club, her eyes widening at the grandeur of the place. It was a world apart from her usual riding spots, smaller stables across London, where she could escape and find solace in the company of horses and greenery. Don't get Kate wrong she loves being in an urban city like London but considering her upbringing in India, her body sometimes longed to experience nature now and again, and unlike some people, Kate could not afford to take a trip to the countryside whenever she wanted. But today, her friend Simon had insisted on lending her his access card, allowing her to experience a taste of the equestrian life among the wealthy elite. Kate had no qualms in admitting that it was spectacular indeed.

Dressed in her usual navy blue riding attire that hugged her figure, Kate felt a mix of excitement and apprehension as she prepared to mount a magnificent chestnut mare named Luna. The stable hands were friendly although they had misgivings about giving her the horse as most riders found her to be a bit rough. Kate was an experienced rider so mounting the beautiful creature was easy and getting her to trot around was a quick study. It was only after a few turns around the same spot did the stable hands feel calm enough to let her take Luna out alone around the forest-y area of the club.

The elegant surroundings seemed almost surreal to her and Kate began to pick up speed. Kate heard him before she saw him, a rider on her right. Her gaze followed the sound and collided with piercing brown eyes. A handsome stranger who looked at her with confusion at first and then smiled with arrogance. That only irked Kate who then let a mischievous grin tug at the corners of her lips. The stranger was keeping pace with her but for how long? Her competitive spirit flared and she felt a burning desire to prove herself. Their horses galloped side by side, the hooves creating a symphony on the ground beneath them, Kate would edge ahead and then the stranger would catch up. Laughter filled the air as they playfully raced, Kate pushing Luna to her limits. To her delight she outmanoeuvred the handsome stranger, crossing the make-believe finish line ahead of him.

Panting with exhilaration, Kate slowed down. She turned to face him, a victorious smile adorning her face and her hand in the air waving to an imaginary audience. "Looks like I've bested you," she teased, her eyes dancing with amusement.

The stranger chuckled, his gaze lingering on her with interest. "Indeed, you have. You're quite a remarkable rider," he remarked, with a note of admiration in his voice. "Care to wager a rematch sometime?"

Kate hesitated, usually she was up for some competition "Normally, the idea of besting rich country club men would be an offer I couldn't refuse but I am not sure you will be seeing me around here again,"

"What is our Mayfair club not to your liking? Or maybe it's the fact that you won't be able to beat me if I was to be riding my horse, Luna," He said.

Kate's head shot up at that "Luna is your horse?" The stranger nodded "The stable hands made it seem like she was an uncontrollable beast that no one could ride" Kate said scoffing "Then again maybe they were merely referring to the horse's owner,"

"I'll gladly let you take me for a ride if it will help you make the comparison," He said with a dazzlingly charming smile.

Their eyes met and a charge of heat went through Kate's body, it was then that Kate's conscience struck like a lightning bolt. She quickly averted her gaze and said "Well unfortunately I am only visiting,"

"Well, maybe I will see you around the city, Miss...?" The handsome stranger was clearly asking for her name.

Kate looked at his attire fully, the branded gloves, the custom clothing, the well-manicured hair and sighed "I highly doubt. Thank you for the race but I really should get back, I'll take my victory lap on the way," she said as she began to saunter off on Luna.

Kate was not usually a flirt and this was maybe why her winning high that made her forget she had a boyfriend. A good boyfriend, one who she had been seeing for only a few short months but Thomas (Tom) Dorset was a good man who stood out against a sea of insecure men she was used to.

Kate was a solicitor, not for long, but long enough that it was obvious to those she worked with and others in her field that she was already a force. You would think that those in her field would flock to her intelligence and independence. Men hate gold diggers, right? But in essence, the other male solicitors she dated had a knack for complimenting her on her looks and intelligence ('Beauty and brains wow!') but then turning around and making it seem like she was too much for them ('You make me feel like you don't need me.' 'No shit Sherlock but I WANT to be with you, is that not enough?'). All of that to say, Kate was not going to ruin a good thing she had going with Tom for a quick shag with a rich stranger from the Mayfair Country Club.

She was not going back there anyway, Simon be damned. 

Besides, Kate knew those kinds of places were exactly the kinds of places she wanted to either take down or open to a more diverse clientele, one lawsuit at a time. Speaking of, the only reason Kate was in Mayfair in the first place, she had a court hearing in 3 hours.

-----

Kate's heart swelled with a mixture of relief and accomplishment as she stepped through the door of her stepmother's, Mary's, cosy living room. 

The court case against Mayfair Highschool for Girls had been gruelling, but she had emerged triumphant. She had fought against the discriminatory practices that had plagued the school for far too long and won. This was also her second victory in her career, although this was the first case that the firm let her take the lead. In her first case, she lost handsomely because it never occurred to her to use real examples instead of hypotheticals as they did in school. The second she was secondary but got all the ways to interrogate rich people properly, which was simple: Let them talk. Let them ramble and they would eventually spill all the terrible (although they didn't think so) things they had done.

However, as Kate entered the homely apartment, she sensed the tension that hung in the air. Edwina, her younger sister, sat nervously on the couch, facing a powered-off TV, her eyes filled with anxiety. Despite having heard the good news, Edwina seemed apprehensive.

Sitting beside Edwina, Kate places a comforting hand on her sister's trembling ones. "What's the matter bon? We won the case. Mayfair Girls is gonna have to let you in now," she said trying to reassure her. Kate only brought this case to her firm because of her sister, it was the reason that the firm let her take the lead on it because they knew she would be motivated.

Edwina's eyes darted to their mother nervously before meeting Kate's gaze and said "I'm happy that you won the case, Kate... but I don't want everyone at Mayfair to think that I only got in because of the lawsuit," she confessed, her voice quivering.

Kate's heart ached. She knew her sister deserved a place at Mayfair Girls based on her own merits, the pure idea of Edwina being unfairly labelled haunted her. It was a burden no young girl should have to bear. "Bon, you did only get in because of the lawsuit,"

"Thanks, Kate, that helps my anxiety," Edwina said scoffing.

"Edwina, let your sister finish please," Mary said smoothly, looking at Kate to continue.

"Bon, the only reason your admission was pending was that the school had biased admission practices that made it so that despite your merit you didn't get in because you lacked a rich family," Kate squeezed Edwina's hands as she spoke with conviction "Those assholes-" Mary cleared her throat "Those people prioritized legacy admissions, donations and recommendations over your stellar academic record, ballet ability, teacher recommendations AND dedication to volunteering. In a fair world, you wouldn't have had to fight, the lawsuit was merely levelling the playing field,"

"Your sister is right, my love. Kate fought for justice, not just for you but for every student that has been turned away from the school on archaic rules. You. Have. Nothing. To. Be. Ashamed. Of," Mary said both firmly and in a reassuring tone.

Kate took Edwina's chin in her hand and said "And if anyone gives you a hard time, just send them my way. Remind them that your older sister likes to fight, that's why she made it her job,"

Edwina giggled and Mary said, "Or maybe just come to us with any problems and we will make sure it gets sorted out, okay?"

Edwina sniffed then said "Okay,"

Edwina embraces Kate tightly and Mary joined her girls in a comforting hug. This was going to be an interesting couple of months.

-----

Anthony Bridgerton was on the phone with his frantic mother, Violet. Anthony thought this ridiculous lawsuit with his sisters' school would go away but according to his mother, thanks to a sympathetic judge and a strong case from the plaintiff, his mother had just informed him that the school had lost the suit.

"So you are telling me Eloise and Francesca's names came up?" Anthony asked panicked.

"No, not specifically but our family name as well as the Featheringtons were brought up in what the plaintiff's lawyer deemed 'suspicious activity' with the school" Violet said.

"Suspicious activity? What does that even mean?" Anthony asked.

"Oh be smarter dear, you know what that is about,"

Ah yes, the donation. Anthony sighed "Yes I guess I forgot,"

Mayfair Girls was not just a prestigious school it was also the school his mother, aunt and sister attended but over the years the admissions for the school had become a bit stricter because of the stellar record of their graduates. Which was fine for his sister, Daphne, who had only matriculated 4 years ago into the Royal Ballet (which rarely took dancers outside of their associated Royal Ballet School). Daphne was an excellent ballet dancer, smart as a whip, a good pianist, with great social skills to match. In her diverse abilities, she often put everyone in the family to shame. When applying to the school for Daphne, Anthony didn't even have to check the progress of her application, Daphne was a legacy, her family was in the peerage and her record was beyond approach but his other sisters...

It wasn't that Eloise and Francesca weren't accomplished themselves, even if he wasn't their older brother, Anthony would say so but both of them kept getting waitlisted at the school. Now, normally Anthony would not have resorted to such measures but Eloise was supposed to go into her final years in September and Anthony was worried about what it would mean for her university prospects because Mayfair Girls was the feeder school into many prestigious universities. So Anthony wrote an endowment cheque, it was something definitely frowned upon in modern more liberal society but he was desparate.

Once news of what Anthony had planned to do to get the girls in, Eloise and Francesca expressed hesitance. Fran was a gifted pianist, even more so than her sister Daphne. Fran's problem was that she had a knack for getting so immersed in her music that she overlooked her other studies. She would often stay up to the late night hours composing new takes (or 'remixes') to classical compositions, they were beautiful but did not help when she was sporting 60%s for her other classes. Once Fran saw Daphne's first dance in the Royal Ballet last year, she realised how much she could accomplish at the school if she applied herself so she came over to the idea. 

El was the big holdout that was until Anthony made it clear that despite all Eloise's posturing her dreams of being a respected environmental lawyer were in jeopardy because she did participate in any extracurriculars, choosing instead to spend her days reading, whether that was Twitter & Reddit threads or feminist books with her best friend Penelope. Eloise was probably the smartest in the family if he was to be honest, but her inability to be friendly made it tough for people to be around so even if she went out to book clubs, debate teams and public speaking societies, she would be ostracized or asked to leave to make those spaces comfortable and enjoyable for other students. Anthony had to remind Eloise that she couldn't save the world on her own and Mayfair may be a good place to develop her social skills, Eloise but Anthony also had to promise to write a recommendation for Penelope and her sister Prudence Featherington so that Eloise would not have to navigate the new school on her own.

That was about 7 months ago and both his sisters were doing better but this lawsuit brought out his usual protective side "Do you think someone is targeting our family?" he asked his mother.

"No. I think this is more of a mass census of all families like ours. I doubt it will change the status quo really but a few new students have been removed from waitlisting and past applications are being reconsidered," Violet said.

Anthony sighed in relief, it was a small comfort but a comfort at least. Anthony suspected that his mother could feel his unease because she swiftly changed the subject "Anthony have you been seeing anyone recently?"

He winced, dropping the pen he was holding. Memories of his tumultuous relationship with Siena flooded his mind. Despite agreeing to an open relationship and shagging other women, Anthony's jealousy cause their connection to crumble. Which was a shame because Siena in a lot of ways was exactly the person his mother would have loved for him to be with, rich and connected.

Anthony cautiously responded "I actually might be open to something serious these days but I am not entirely sure"

Before he could even finish, his mother interrupted him, her voice filled with delight "Oh Anthony that is wonderful news! I will assist you in your search. I know so many young ladies who would be perfect for you,"

Uncertain if his mother truly understood him Anthony refrained from saying anything in response besides a humm, while his mother went on. His relationship with his mother was delicate enough as it was and as the main patriarch of the family, following his father's untimely death when he was 18, Anthony had shouldered a significant amount of the family's responsibilities. Many decisions had fallen to him during his mother's grieving and almost catatonic state. 

Changing the subject, Anthony inquired about the potential cancellation of Eloise and Francesca's admissions (because private schools could do that as if the students were employees). His mother informed him that their admissions had not been revoked yet, but all newly admitted students from the previous year (no matter the grade) were on probation. They needed to meet the school's rigorous standards or their admissions could be rescinded.

Anthony wondered how it all went so wrong. Yes, what he did was morally wrong but if everyone had the means to pull strings for their family they would have done the same thing. He only ever considered his family in the decisions he made.

-----

Kate stood in the crowded meeting hall of Mayfair Girls, her gaze wandering across the room in search of friendly faces, despite being well aware that these were not people she often socialised with. Except for Simon but that was because she worked with him at Danbury Law, Simon had a life in the peerage despite his disdain for it all. His ire for the whole pomp and circumstance matched that of his Godmother, Agatha Danbury.

Kate didn't always attend Edwina's PTA meetings, especially without her stepmother, but Mary had a shift at the hospital. Kate was also here to get the sentiment from parents and teachers on the updates to Mayfair Girls' admission mandates. Everyone looked on edge but Kate reminded herself to keep a friendly face on and her strong attitude ready. She wasn't a fool making friends with those in the PTA would go a long way to making Edwina's time at Mayfair Girls a successful one. The PTA in private schools had a huge influence over curriculum, extracurriculars and dress rules.

The Sharmas were not a practising Hindu family, despite their vegetarianism and special events, but if Edwina wanted to start wearing sari's to casual days at school then she didn't want a barrage of complaints from teachers and parents alike about the inappropriateness of it all. Kate dealt with it herself when she was younger when her family had first arrived in London from India and her father was very strong and bold in shutting down the ignorance of those people. It was the first time she ever felt the spark of injustice and the first time she got a thrill watching justice being served. It was really the fight that made her want to be a solicitor.

When Kate arrived she had introduced herself to the head of the PTA but as she walked around the room, she lost the red-haired woman somewhere in the crowd. So she took a stroll around the room trying to gauge sentiment but from her eavesdropping, she did not hear people talking about the mandates and Kate was starting to think that either these people did not think the rules would apply to them or maybe it was just a small few who had bought their way in.

Kate noticed a group of people off to the side of the hall and realised she could not hear what was being said so she joined in. The conversation was being led by a few parents although one of the parents seemed way younger than the others and then he turned in her direction and Kate gasped.

It was the handsome stranger from the country club.

I mean Kate knew he had money because he was a member of the country club but this just made London seem like such a small place or maybe it was just Hyde Park.

"Look I am as socially liberal as they come but I think these new admissions and admission mandates could really hurt our kids," one woman with extremely blonde hair said.

"I agree. Some of our girls have been attending schools together since they could walk. I'm sure that most of them will be doing the same in university so why shake things up? Why bring in kids from other backgrounds when they can easily thrive with their own kind?" The handsome stranger said and Kate's heart plummeted. So he was one of those kinds of rich people. Great at least Kate didn't have to worry about liking him anymore.

"Couldn't agree more Lord Bridgerton," said a red-haired woman, who Kate knew to be the head of the PTA. Not great.

Lord Bridgerton? As in Lord Anthony Bridgerton? The same guy who she knows paid an endowment to get his sisters in the school. Why did she think he would be older? When researching this case Kate found out about the Bridgertons and about how Lord Anthony Bridgerton had written a cheque and somehow his waitlisted sisters who normally did not meet Mayfair Girls' standards were accepted. When Kate researched the Featheringtons she found a similar case only they were accepted because they got a recommendation letter from the Bridgertons, it was all very scandalous. Because the case involved kids, Kate refrained from doing a Google image search because she did not want to put faces to the names of the children.

As Kate walked away from the group, being led now by the blonde and red-haired women, as they went on and on about how people like Edwina and others were not a "good fit" for their rich person school, Kate thought again that she really didn't have to worry about liking Anthony because she didn't like him, she despised Lord Anthony Bridgerton.

Just then her boyfriend Tom returned "I got you a bottle of water cause the school does not sell chai and I know how much you hate the dirty brown water that is English tea,"

"Thank you, babe," Kate said, normally she would not be one to show PDA but she went to quickly press a quick kiss to Tom's cheek in thanks. 

It was then that Kate felt something on the back of her neck, first, she put her hand on her neck but didn't feel anything distinctive so then she turned and was hit with sharp brown eyes on her, Anthony Bridgerton had spotted her.

Kate returned Anthony's gaze with an added scowl to display her disapproval, his gaze turned from recognition to confusion and Kate went back to talking to Tom. If you asked Kate what the conversation was about she would not remember but she was glad that Anthony had not chosen to approach her, Kate was not ready to tackle the PTA and a handsome adversary in one day.

-----

Anthony hated PTA meetings, usually, he loved being there for his siblings but he had been attending PTA meetings since he was 18 years old and he always had to reconcile himself with being the youngest person in the room. Today was a little different though, Anthony had spotted Tom Dorset, a friend from his university days here. Tom was escorting his girlfriend and then Anthony's phone rang.

Anthony stood at the edge of the hall on the phone for a while, promising his secretary that he would be in the office in no less than two hours. To be honest, the phone call was a welcome relief, he was glad to be away from the parents who were complaining about the school's new admissions policies. 

Though he had joined in on the ribbing, Anthony soon regretted it, unlike his sisters, Portia Featherington and Lady Cowper's daughters were merely at schools like these to build connections for marriage. Despite being way older even Anthony had to dodge remarks about Cressida Cowper's ever-growing beauty from Lady Cowper. Anthony cringed at the idea of marrying anyone younger than even his eldest sister, a teenager at this moment. Unfortunately, not all men thought that way, especially the rich kind and Anthony had more times than once had almost come to blows with older men leering at his sisters. 

Anthony understood the value of opportunities and would hate to be in a position where his family couldn't access them. That's why the new mandate irked him so much because in a way it was to provide opportunities to less fortunate people but he couldn't help but feel like it came at the expense of his sisters.

That's when Anthony spotted her, as beautiful as the day he saw on horseback, the beautiful stranger from the country club. She was sure he would not see her again and yet here she was. Anthony was going to use that as an opener with her when he saw Dorset approach her. She kissed him on the cheek and Anthony's heart sank into his stomach. The beautiful stranger was Tom's girlfriend. What was her name again? Kate. Anthony could not take his eyes off of her or them and that's when she turned to face him. 

Anthony was surprised yet kept his gaze heatedly on her, but she returned it with a scowl. Anthony was confused. Kate then turned back to Tom and continued talking. At first, Anthony wondered if he should go an introduce himself properly but the Head of the PTA, Portia Featherington made her way over to Kate and they spoke quickly before Portia walked away to the front of the hall.

As people made their way to empty seats Anthony found himself in a position where he could watch Kate and Tom as well as have a good view of Portia in the front of the meeting. He kept trying to focus on the meeting but his gaze drifted to Kate and Tom. One of those times Tom spotted him looking and waved eagerly, and Anthony waved back. Kate looked at Tom and then to Anthony and then spoke to Tom. Tom replied to her and Kate looked shocked. Anthony figured that Tom had told Kate about their connection.

There was not enough time to deal with her surprise because her name was called and she went to the front of the meeting. Kate Sharma. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman, Anthony thought.

"Hi, everyone it's nice to see you all. If you don't me or my name then you will probably recognise my work. I am the solicitor who brought the suit against the school. The suit has made sure the school has updated its admissions mandates which I am sure you have now heard," Kate spoke clearly and firmly.

A solicitor, well that makes sense for why she had no problem staring down the faces of all the parents and teachers in attendance today. That being said, Anthony could not help but feel a bit of irritation at this woman for being the reason his sister's admissions were in jeopardy.

There were murmurs among the group but Kate continued with a smile on her face "I am so excited to help make Mayfair Girls a more inclusive place. As a solicitor, I have had a thorough review of the school's policies and laws set by the Department of Education and I promise to ensure that everyone - parent, teachers and students alike - abide by them," everyone had stopped murmuring at that point and stared at her "I'm sure we all just want to make sure that the girls here are among the very best London has to offer, right?" everyone replied, although hesitantly, with a yes and Kate went back to her seat.

Anthony could not help but note the underlying threat in Kate's words. While she appeared friendly, her implications were clear: Follow the rules and play fair, or face the consequences. 

Despite the challenges her presence posed to his family Anthony could not deny the growing attraction he felt towards her. She was not like any woman he had met before, her gaze was steady her words and face strong but she smiled with warmth and Anthony wondered what it would be like to be on the opposite side of a smile like that. Then again maybe all the smiles she gave him during their ride at the country club would be all he would be able to go off of because she had a boyfriend but also he had a sneaking suspicion from her dirty looks that she knew of him and what he had done to get his sisters in the school.

Anthony smiled to himself. He loved a challenge. 

-----

Present:

"Oh I didn't know anyone was here," Siena said as she entered Anthony's hospital room. "I can leave you two alone, I just wanted to leave these flowers for him,"

Violet spoke "No, come on in. I was going to call you to speak to you anyway dear,"

"Oh," Siena sounded nervous.

"There's not anything to fear dear. I just wanted to know why you were not with Anthony when this all happened. The doctors said he was unconscious for at least 8 hours. Did you guys have a fight?"

Siena looked confused "Fight? Violet me and Anthony have not been together for months,"

"What? He never said-" Violet was taken aback.

"Why would he? He knows how much of his life is a pit of disappointment for you," Siena said sourly.

"I would never think of my son as a disappointment," Siena scoffed again. Violet knew she had said something along those lines every so often but she did not mean it to be a remark on his whole life. Anthony had to know that. Violet spoke again more firmly "I may wish the best for him but I did think that could have been you, Siena, you always seemed happy together,"

"We were never happy Violet. Everything you saw wasn't real. Anthony was a one-woman man despite not having a woman. He hated letting me down because he did not like me enough for me to be the only one but he was jealous," Siena sighed and Violet wondered if this was something Siena has been saying for a while to her son "I really thought you liked me, Violet,"

"I do. What makes you think that I don't?" Violet asked on edge.

Siena looked uneasy on her feet before standing up straight "I spoke to Kate about the ending of her and Anthony's relationship," Violet gasped, she had an idea about where this was going "I thought you liked me Violet but in reality, what you actually liked was my money and connections," Violet wanted to interject but Siena held her hand up to stop her "Most rich people think that poor people are the ones who only see their worth in their money and status but in my experience, it's the rich and titled folk who only concerns themselves with the superficial value of others," Siena took a deep breath and continued "Anthony found somebody who saw through all of that bullshit, was willing to deal with the army of siblings he has and the love they shared together was one of the few real things he had in his life and you drove her away!"

Violet looked towards her son's sleeping form before replying "Siena, I would never drive away anyone who my son actually thought was his true love,"

"How would you know what the difference between regular love and true love is?" Siena now asked with a raised voice.

Violet looked at her unconscious son again before speaking "I know a lot more than you. You young people think you have it all down with your psychiatrists and vegetarianism. You do realise my son is in a hospital bed BECAUSE of psychiatrists,"

Siena cleared her throat and spoke "Everyone knows the story of Violet Bridgerton formally known as Violet Ledger. You literally married the man who was your date at your debutant ball when you were 16. You have not had the extreme unluckiness of having to wade through the filth that is people trying to take advantage of you and it shows Lady Bridgerton!" Violet was now full-blown upset and Siena only increased the volume of her voice "As far as I am concerned Anthony is in the hospital because of you! You are just as much to blame as those psychiatrists! Why do you think he has 4 sessions a week now?" Violet gasped, she didn't know things had gotten so bad with her son "You drove Kate, his actual true love, away and sentenced him to life where he got a taste of true love but now has to live without it. You are the reason he is in here!!"

It was then that a nurse came in to ask about the commotion and if everything was okay and Siena left with little fuss.

Violet watched her leave from the door and then took a breath as she turned to look at her unconscious son.

Only he wasn't unconscious anymore. 

He wasn't sitting up but he was staring directly at her with ire in his eyes, that she had never seen from him before.

"What did you do, Mother?" Anthony asked.

#anthony bridgerton #bridgerton #kate sharma #kathony fanfic #kanthony #kate x anthony #kathani sharma #kathony #anthony x kate #the crazy rich viscount who loved me

[outsidereveries]

— zerobaseone: bunch of requested readings

all of the readings are done between 12th and 13th june (2023).

the requested readings are:

how zb1 views ricky

hanbin sees ricky as someone who (for hanbin) completes hum fully and even though they probably have different energy, hanbin feels that ricky is the missing but needed to him piece for his life.

jiwoong thinks that ricky has changed his life fast and completely. to jiwoong ricky is exciting, refreshing but also might be introverted in some way. i’m certain jiwoong would love to know ricky more.

zhang hao respects ricky and wants to protect him till the end. honestly, hao also feels complete with ricky, so he might think ricky is like his little brother or something like that?

matthew also sees ricky as great person. matthew thinks ricky is someone who wants to help out (and matthew would do the same), as happy, optimistic guy.. basically, positive things.

taerae on the other hand sees ricky as someone who wants to know him better, however taerae has something in mind that ricky might not be trustworthy at all, so i think taerae might have trust issues..

gyuvin thinks ricky is naive and easy to manipulate. gyuvin might thinks ricky is boring, so i wouldn’t expect them to have any moments on shows. but also gyuvin would defend ricky no matter what. honestly, there is love-hate relationship from gyuvin’s side🤷🏻‍♀️

gunwook might find their relationship hard to maintain as of current time, so whatever his thoughts are, they’re definitely confusing and without any specific words.

yujin and ricky might be too different, especially character-wise, so.. i’d say nothing after that🤷🏻‍♀️

how zb1 views yujin

hanbin sees yujin as someone who has changed his life in some way: however, i do feel these feelings hanbin has can change. the leader currently views positively yujin with the impact the maknae has over the leader. (i didn’t fet anything else, i am sorry)

jiwoong likes yujin a lot. he sees the maknae as balanced and stable person who thinks before acting and when he acts, he’s just doing it straight away. jiwoong appreciate these qualities of yujin.

zhang hao also sees yujin as someone who changed his life in some way. hao is for the change that’s needed, and he’s embracing it. hao sees yujin like a little brother - the energy is similar to how hao sees ricky.

matthew and yujin might’ve not liked each other at first. they might’ve not understood each other, but it seems that they’re ready for new start of their acquaintanceship at least. also, matthew sees yujin as a survivor? did yujin get through something that matthew saw? matthew’s thoughts of the maknae is definitely interesting, so the theories here are many.

taerae doesn’t like yujin. he thinks yujin is overwhelming person who doesn’t have trust to. yujin might even think he is secretive, who keeps his actual intentions to himself and doesn’t share them. taerae is fine with sharing this

ricky LOVES yujin but apparently they also didn’t liked each other at first? perhaps, ricky might’ve done sth yujin doesn’t like? but nonetheless ricky still loves loves yujin. (as a friend)

gyuvin thinks yujin is too attached to him, obsessed even. their friendship might be karmic, toxic even, and although the maknae brings excitement in some way, it’s too much to gyuvin.

gunwook sees yujin as really happy and optimistic person who is emotional and would give anything to help (and gunwook will help back).

how zb1 views zhang hao (how hanbin sees hao is uploaded separately weeks ago)

he’s apparently fine with me sharing jiwoong might see hao as someone introverted (who has hard time with sharing) and because of it jiwoong might have trust issues.

matthew sees hao as someone who loves to help (basically give-take person?, in positive way of course, no bad feelings).. and seok thinks his opinion is fair 😐

taerae sees hao as someone who is very special to him. like, to taerae hao is his soulmate? taerae just feels complete with hao and i think he’s adorable

ricky might have trust issues, to be honest. ricky sees how hao appreciates him but apparently ricky might be too afraid to be honest with hao and he even might have insecurities that stop ricky to be closer with hao in the way they will have healthy friendship. ricky might be even jealous of hao and maybe he tries to hide it with his attachment towards zhang hao in some form.

gyuvin sees hao as someone who’s “a breath of fresh air”. gyuvin wants and is excited to know zhang hao better. gyuvin feels hao is their light, their newfound clarity even..

gunwook loves hao. he also sees him as someone who’s willing to help (and will return the help). gunwook just likes hao a lot, i feel the appreciation and the love.

yujin sees hao in the same way hao sees yujin.

how zhang hao views matthew

hao on the other side feels matthew as really comfortable person. warm, precious even. hao sees matthew as someone who’s helping him a lot with his traumatic experiences in life.

ricky, career reading in zb1 (till august 2023)

as a member of zb1, ricky might have a opportunity that he wants to try! i see he will work with someone else: it might be collaboration as well as him getting closer with one of the older zb1 members. the work can change his perspective of idol life, so i feel ricky will be even more motivated for his idol opportunity. some sort of pr zb1 ship is also possible, but i am not certain if it’s that or another individual activity in some way.

how ricky is treated by wakeone

ricky is treated by the company.. um, not the worse but not the best either. there are challenges between him and wakeone. i think wakeone is purposely sabotaging some of his individual opportunities he currently has, and ricky is still taking responsibility (for him being an idol in the future). i think ricky is clueless of this, but wakeone will offer something that will mark ricky’s new start.

this might be about line disturbition mistreatment if he won’t have solo activities in the upcoming months.

zb1’s debut:

how it will be perceived (by fans/critics/etc.)

i see quite mixed opinions.. some of then might not care, others will be hurt.. do you expect something different? that’s what i see..

will they shine when they debut?

unfortunately, i think their debut somehow will be ignored and something else will be looked instead.

what’s their popularity potential?

to me quite in the middle. it depends how they’ll play the dramatic moment that will turn the tables for zb1’s relevance.

will they be successful with the time?

- south korea:

it looks like they’re already reached the needed success? unfortunately, if their audience isn’t loyal.. well.. it looks like zb1 won’t gain that much fans in south korea?

- everywhere else:

they definitely have the potential for the global popularity every other k-pop group is looking for.

success check (2023-2026)

- 2023: they’ll start to build their popularity, but i don’t think they’ll do something significant to rise their relevance up.

- 2024: might receive a opportunity that will “serve then right”? the energy to me is similar to this year’s but if this shows that they’ll be viral, let it be? i have no idea..

- 2025: they’ll establish their loyal fanbase, but the thoughts of them disbanding are appearing to me. i don’t see they’ll hit the “viral moment”, but the thoughts for individual paths are there.

- 2026: yeah, it looks like then they’ll apart as zb1. one or some of them might switch the industries.

career reading, 2023

- july/august:

unfortunately, there will be something that will be delayed or missed on purpose. there might be lack of activities for some reason if zb1 actually debut in july. they might have also a scandal which won’t affect their career’s relevance.

- september/october:

it looks more beneficial for the group, so if their debut gets actually delayed, these months will be more beneficial to the boys. (i don’t have anything to type)

- november/december:

unfortunately, i see they’ll have less activities in some way. they might be not that packed with work, but it looks like that doesn’t matter, because the boys will be happy for that?

how their debut will go:

weeks 1/2: there’s potential for mistreatment from wakeone (possibly there might be lack of activities for real). i can see they’ll do well on the charts despite the hardships.

weeks 3/4: uncertain

weeks 5/6: now i understand why the 3rd and 4th week are uncertain… so, there will be scandal, right? i see some possibilities:

wakeone might manipulate their sales in order to have their first win

someone might be caught in money-related scandal

i don’t think it will be dating one (saw the pictures of gyuvin with his alleged either ex or current girlfriend).

weeks 7/8: better compared to the rest of the weeks. might receive some offers

zhang hao’s solo song (type of song/perception): expectations vs reality

expectations: getting over someone type of song? being adventurous? / hao might expect to deep dive into the song and feel the nostalgia?

reality: yeah, i see the type of song hao tried to do.. i don’t feel the popularity that much. there’s some potential but .. it might not do that well.

ps. by typing that someone is fine with me sharing of anything i mean their guides

#outsidereveries #tarot reading #tarot #tarot kpop #kpop tarot #kpop tarot reading #kpop #kpop reading #celebrity tarot #zb1 #zerobaseone #zerobase1 #how someone sees another #tarot career #career tarot #tarot comeback #comeback tarot

[myoddessy]

the eyes of maxine mayfield. the perfect girl miniseries part four.

series masterlist

the eyes of robin buckley, eddie munson, jonathan byers, y/n l/n.

the playlist

it wasn't a big thing. i mean, everyone has a crush on someone older than them at least once. but she was different. she wasn't like jason or whoever the girls in my year fawned over. they knew who jason was. but i didn't know anything about her. all i knew was that she walked past the high school at exactly 12:30pm in a pair of bellbottom jeans and a dark sweatshirt, always listening to music.

whenever she passed, my eyes never left her. i guess i thought that if i turned away, i'd look back to find her gone, as if she'd never been there at all. i didn't want that to happen. i wanted her to be real. to be there.

but i noticed that it was easier to look away in the days leading up to her disappearance. the days before her name was plastered on the front page of the hawkins paper. i didn't feel guilty for turning away when she passed, like some part of me was okay with her being a daydream. maybe it's stupid, but i like the idea of her being a fantasy. that means that she was mine. not in a creepy and toxic way, but in the way that i gathered daisies when i was younger because i thought i could welcome a family of fairies with them. they could be special and mine, not left to be taken by the cruel eyes and intentions of others

i saw myself in her, and maybe that's why i was so drawn to her. a subconscious journey to self love, or maybe i've just been spending too much time in the counsellor's office. i wrote her letters, however pointless and stupid that might be. small thank you notes for giving me something to look forward to everyday and compliments on her shoes.

she was pretty. it sounds like a word too simple to belong to her, but it's true. she wasn't made for those over complicated compliments like 'ethereal' and 'cerebral'. she was simple and easy and nothing at all like those exaggerated terms. she was pretty. she was normal.

i miss her. is that weird to say? probably, but who cares. after all the shit i've seen over the past few years, i don't think that missing normalcy can be considered weird. she was a constant. when everything was changing, i knew that she'd always walk past the school at 12:30pm. but now she's gone, and nothing feels stable anymore. nothing has routine because the only thing that stayed had left.

i admired her, i still do admire her. i wanted to be like her; headstrong and confident in every move. she didn't second guess her stride, you could see that in the way her eyes never strayed towards the ground. she was pretty. the prettiest girl i'd ever seen.

#max mayfield x reader #max mayfield #stranger things x reader #stranger things 4 #stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #robin buckley #robin buckley x reader #jonathan byers x reader #jonathan byers #lucas sinclair #mike wheeler #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #will byers x reader #eleven hopper #jane hopper

[wolfgirlguts]

How do potions work? What gives them their magical power?

I know they're mostly just plot contrivances for unrealistic kinks but you strike me as the kind of person who would put some thought into them anyway

(Kinda long so)

You know, they're kind of an infrequent thing for me. Usually when I've got a concept I want to explore that's magicky or something I'll just use or make a character who's got some built-in aptitude for it, like Aspen with her object vore and reincarnation or Alina and her shrinking or Refka and her infernal time fuckery. There's like. A narrow range where the thing I want to do isn't so far outside of a gal's wheelhouse that I can still see her doing it but she wasn't built for it. And admittedly that range is wider for Prin than most because well. Prin's me. Me is Prin. And I like doing stuff.

That said I've got a couple of characters who do use potions a lot but the one who shows up the most, Etra, just gets them from her alchemist friend Rell. So maybe that's why I haven't put as much thought into what goes into them magically, 'cause they're usually just being deployed by someone who doesn't know?

There's still SOME thought though so you're gonna get it.

The particular potions Rell makes do various things like shrink someone, or forestall digestion and turn the stomach into a safe environment, or give a body more elasticity. And they handily are different bright colors, and when you drink them, they cause the affected area to faintly glow.

This has nothing to do with the primary magical effect of the potion itself!

A standard shrink potion would probably just be some murky translucent thing. The colored luminescence is an additive that helps you identify the potion. A shrinking potion bought from Rell is always gonna glow green. Why green? Because that's the color she decided on for it.

There's another benefit to it, too. The glowing helps you know when it's taken effect. This is less important for something like the shrink potion because the effects are immediately obvious. But for something like a potion of resistance to heat or cold, or the endo potion, which is designed to neutralize the acidity of the stomach environment, regulate heat, and keep oxygen levels stable? You want to know that that's working without having to test it out. And more importantly you want to know when it's about to wear off. So when the pred's insides are glowing a dim red, a nice long wavelength that's not going to be too hard to doze off surrounded by, they know their body has properly absorbed the magic and anyone they swallow will be safe until it wears off in a few hours.

Also Etra likes that the shrink spray she uses (it's a special blend that's more potent and works almost as well on external contact as it does upon ingestion) makes her prey glow like they're radioactive because it's much harder for them to hide.

Oh and the hyperfast digestion potion is electric blue. And makes you burp up little sparking clouds that look like cotton candy before they evaporate.

I really should figure more out about potions and how they derive their power. Now, I do have another consumable crafting-type thing where I've put more thought into the process. My necromancer Tacita makes magical bone charms, where she infuses raw life essence into a part of an animal she wants to invoke symbolically. Calling forth a magical barrier from a reserve in a shard of inscribed tortoise shell, that kind of thing. Any body part is sufficient, like feathers from a bird or scales from a dragon, but bone holds life essence for a long time with little degradation and on top of that she has easy access to a lot of it.

#prin howls #asked and answered #ooc #prin's pack: etra #prin's pack: tacita #digestion #bones

[redacted-dear]

For this im using Dear as the name for laskos listener because I cant just use ‘laskos listener’ in the middle of the story.

Sorry the formatting honestly mite be really fucked

Anyway Dear and freelancer

“relax freelancer your going to-“Dear winced as the ground burst cracked and rippled. “Break

earth…”

Freelancer shot Dear a glare flipping him off. Which didn’t fail in getting a chuckled from Gavin

who was sat closely watching.

“Freelancer- “Dear began.

” I’m fucking trying! - “freelancer spits their voice sharp and sudden. “Get the threw your flooded

skull your impatient invasive prick! -“

Dear takes a step back backing off. Gavin is already up on his feet as freelancer covers their mouth,

eyes realizing what they just said.

“I’m so sorry, i-“freelancer starts before being cut off by a wave of dears hand.

“you really think that’s the worst ive heard, try harder next time.” Dear jokes before slowly

approaching freelancer.

Freelancer still seemed quiet, embarrassed and incredibly guilty despite dears easy demeanor and

simple brushing off of the subject.

Gavin had sat back down now watching carefully.

“can I put my hand on your shoulder?” dear asks.

Freelancer nods shifting as dear places a hand on dears shoulder gently.

“I’m goanna help channel magic for you. Give you a feeling of what it feels like properly.” Dear says

magic brimming along freelancers shoulder threw dears finger tips.

Freelancer immediately moves and shifts uncomfortably at the thought. Remembering the last time

someone said something similar to that to them.

“its ok…” dear whispers “Gavin’s right there and you can tell me to back off at any point ok?”

Freelancer nods and settles still closing their eyes focusing on the magic entering their body slowly

threw their shoulder. They focus on the difference of how the magic feels in their body compared to

Kody’s. Unlike Kody’s, Dears is soft, gentle, and felt like a stream of water from a tap gently flowing into

their body. They felt in control on if that tap was off or on and it relaxed them.

“ready?” dear asked.

Freelancer nods.

“alright, take my magic, shape it into a stream, imagine the water flowing right along the ground right

in front of you feet.” Dear speaks slowly and calmly.

Small droplets condense by freelancers feet.

“now gently weave that water from the stream, pull it like a loose thread from your clothes. Once you

feel like you’ve collected it open your eyes, ill keep my hand on your shoulder to make sure it stays

stable enough for you to see.”

Freelancer weaved the droplets into a spiral lifting them into a line from the ground into the sky just

taller then them. They opened their eyes amazed watching the water swirl in patterns to their will.

Dear lifted their hand from freelancers shoulder and the water retracted into freelancers hands

leaving them completely dry.

“what the fuck-“ freelancer stood in awe.

Dear laughed and Gavin had already made his way over congratulating freelancer with one to many

kisses to make dear feel comfortable looking in their direction.

Gavin only responded with a laughing breaking from one of their multiple kisses before promising to

let the lesson continue.

It lasted a few more hours. The two of them so focused on each other and breaking freelancer from

their protective shell they hadn’t even noticed the small crowd of theirs friends (and I few of dears

special admirers because we all know their the ‘hot’ teacher) watching.

Didn’t even realize the adorable and proud smiles plastered on both of their partners faces.

#redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted listener #redacted lasko #redacted dear #redacted damn #redacted gavin

[thornychairman]

Analysis of @aetherceuse/Lusamine's dietary restrictions + suggested meal plan

Okay since I have actual experience concerning meal plans and special dietary needs and Lusamine here basically has unlimited resources, it's actually rather easy to make meals for Lusamine. A lot of you will look at this list and think either an ED or be all this is really difficult, but honestly it's actually very easy to cook for Lusamine once you eliminate what she won't have.

The no meat rule is easy; it rules out one food type but we can easily get protein from mother sources. So this means her diet will be primarily plant based. Not hard, vegans exist after all!

No alcohol just means it's been eliminated as a drink, but if it's used as a cooking element it will get rid of the one thing she takes issue with -- getting her drunk. When cooked or baked into something, the distinct taste will remain, but the actual mind altering content will have been cooked out! So Lusamine can still have a nice red wine, just not as a drink. It can most likely be used to help flavor something as part of a stew -- she's Kalosian after all, so while as an adult she would refuse meat and alcohol, she would have had tasted some Kalosian stews before.

Nothing overly sweet? That does not eliminate sweet things entirely. Honestly as a patisserie, I do hate the factory made sweets sometimes because the amount of sugar in them can hurt your mouth on first bite a lot of the time, cavities or not. It's like an unpleasant electric shock. But anyways this means she CAN have something sweet, it just needs to be more mellow. Subtle. Also just because on kind of flavor is taken off the table, it doesn't mean the others are. People!!!! Look!!! There are spicy flavors. Sour flavors. Bitter foods. Savory!!! Good umami!!! If you concentrate too much on what flavor she doesn't like you are ignoring the fact she CAN eat others.

Shelf stable foods, canned goods and frozen foods means she doesn't like processed foods, which is fair! While it's not financially stable to not buy foods like these as the main stays of our grocery list, for a woman like Lusamine she can afford getting things fresh or have it freshly made, especially since she has a hired chef to do all the cooking. And if you say she can't have peanut butter or jam, I will tell you now, fresh nut butters and jams/jellies are great. They're a pain to make and you gotta eat it all quick but if have hired someone to do all the prep work well she can still enjoy them! Not that she would it may be too pedestrian for her anyways, but artisanal versions of certain shelf foods are not entirely out of the question for her. And before any of you ask, pectin and agar agar exist as plant based gelatins so she can totally have jam or 'jell-o' if she wanted (probably not unless it was very bougie). This ties into the no preservatives or dyes kind of thing. Basically no processed foods in general. We going with a farm to table kind of gal. She probably has her own farm/direct source, especially if you factor in how this woman is worried someone would try to poison her. She'd control all factors and have her food grown to her specifications. Probably bioengineered fruits and veggies for optimal nutrition.

No black tea or coffee? That's fine! Everyone can have drink preferences (see the no alcohol either portion). And anyways, caffeine not only if addictive and can give you heart problems if you drink too much, did you know it's a diuretic? That stuff makes you pee. Like...a lot. And as a busy, busy woman she'd probably want to keep the bathroom breaks to a minimum. This links to the no caffeine rule. This rules out energy drinks but that stuff is so chemical nobody should drink those.

And we get to the no oily foods, which to me means no fries foods. However this leaves out other methods such as roasting, saute, stir fry (small amount of oil just so nothing sticks) boiling and stewing! Also steaming and a variety of other methods. Honestly, people should be avoiding too much fried food, it's nice as a treat, but you shouldn't be balling at someone else not eating fried food or any food that has too much oil. Most likely things like curry would be out, unless it's Japanese curry, as I know some styles of curry give you some pretty oily results.

So now that I have analyzed Lusamine's restrictions, here's a sample meal plan she might have during an average day. :)))

LUSAMINE'S MEAL PLAN

BREAKFAST

Vegan eggs, sunny side up; vegan honeyed ham; baguette slices with fresh made rawst berry jam; one serving of fresh fruit. Water as a drink and palette cleanser.

Vegan eggs are made from mung bean protein (white yolk) and yellow tomatoes (yellow yolk). The yolks can be prepared in advance and kept in the fridge before they are needed so prepping them is needed every day. An example of an egg yolk recipe: [HERE]

Vegan ham is made from tofu and wheat gluten. The honey glaze can be actual honey if Lusamine will allow it or a honey-alternative, such as maple syrup. Otherwise, the ham itself can be just made to be a savory flavor, instead. Example of vegan ham recipe: [HERE]

Baguette by default has no elements that need to be changed as traditional French baguette does not need anything besides basic ingredients. However, sugar needed for yeast to rise is exchanged with honey. Here an example baguette recipe: [HERE]

Jam from stores is full of refined sugar and other nasty chemical ingredients. So something fresher is a must! It can be kept well in the fridge when sealed, so preparing it once every few days depending on the initial amount made is only needed. An example recipe for jam: [HERE]

One portion of fruit can be anything, but considering the sweet (but not too sweet) contents earlier, it'd be best to balance it all out with some refreshing and sour, like sitrus berry.

LUNCH

Soy sauce tofu-veggie stir fry; one serving of brown rice; one glass of fresh juice with a little bit of carbonated water.

The stir fry meets the requirements of protein and vegetables with minerals and fiber with something flavorful; this can be adjusted to make it a bit spicy as well for something with the occasional kick. Example of recipe: [HERE]

Brown rice is healthier than white rice, giving it a bit more fiber and giving Lusamine a needed portion of carbohydrates.

Due to not liking things that are too sweet, but making it watered down alone is just boring, a bit of carbonated water can make any juice more interesting! 2 parts juice to 1 part carbonated water is the recipe you're looking for! Perrier works best for this.

DINNER

Vegan spaghetti with marinara and chickpea meatballs; water or juice with carbonated water as a drink depending on Lusamine's taste for the day.

The spaghetti noodles! This is where the carbs come in for the evening meal. They can be made without eggs if you want to keep going vegan. Here is a recipe for them: [HERE]

A classic marinara is needed for this meal and can satisfy some need for vegetables and fruit, but you can turn it into a vegetable sauce by adding small chopped veggies such as carrots, celery, mushrooms for added flavour and fiber! Here is a recipe for a classic marinara that you can add to as needed: [HERE] In Lusamine's case, the can of tomatoes would be replaced with fresh tomatoes.

Chickpeas are a great source of plant based protein! In order to fulfill this classic meal, this is the best way to have non-meat meatballs! Recipe for them is [HERE].

If Lusamine decides on a carbonated drink, remember to go for the 2:1 ratio!

DESSERT

II Lusamine deigns to have a dessert or serve up a dessert that she is able to partake in, this is the best one, especially considering the heated climate of Alola: TOFU ICE CREAM! The taste is subtler, not as sweet as it can be adjusted according to the natural sweetness of the fruits used. Of course, instead of refined sugars it would be natural sugars used to sweeten the recipe. Here is a recipe for six different flavours: [HERE]

#consider this a late birthday gift Rex #a very invested analysis of your kmuse's eating habits lol #aetherceuse #I don't know if lusamine would actually eat these #it's a guess #but I included recipes in case you or anyone seeing this would like to try #please enjoy