#because its a force of habit

[tangledinink]

I just saw another ask calling Gemini au Donnie afab, and obviously he does have XX chromosomes in your au (or the turtle/mutant equivalent at least?), but if afab means assigned female at birth and Donnie and Leo were assigned male at birth by Big Mama.... Does that technically make the two of them amab trans men???

Or.... amak? assigned male at kidnapping?

LMAO yeah. I always grapple with the terms because I'm like. WELL... THEY TECHNICALLY... WEREN'T ASSIGNED FEMALE AT BIRTH LMAO,,,, they're both, technically speaking, amab, so yes, they are in fact both amab trans men lmao.

And they weren't TECHNICALLY kidnapped... so... amaa? assigned male at... adoption??? u w u

#the term afab isnt technically correct because. you know. but sometimes i use it anyway just for like. ease of communication #y'all know what i mean lmao #and im always hesitant to use terms like “biologically female” #coz i dont necessarily always LOVE that terminology for trans ppl and i know sometimes other ppl dont either #but! shrug. its not really that deep lmao #its mostly me being nitpicky and also force of habit #asks #anon #gemini au asks

[marathedemonoverlord]

So I think I'm over my Obey Me Phase or like at least over Nightbringer because it's Season was shit but just you know food for thought...

Aint it funny how MC is now completely isolated from other humans/their friends/family/pets?

Like my friend and I were talking about it and like imagine MC has HUMAN/MORTAL family and friends that they talk to every time they were separated from the brothers. Like whenever the Immortals really tries them or pushes them they can go to their human friends for like a palate cleanser and a clear head/remind themselves and ground them to the reality of their situation/support from NOT blind lemmings. Like sort of remind them that they're still human and not on the same playing field as immortal Demons/Angels/Sorcerers

But now in Nightbringer that's literally stripped from them; MC has NO ONE outside of the Brothers/Immortals they're literally FORCED to bond with their circle of dysfunctionals and its like now you are stuck in that toxic friend circle because literally your circle of support hasn't been born/exist yet. That's fucking horrific.

No wonder MC is far more clingy and annoying in Nightbringer than they are in OG; Every lesson is a chip away at their original personality and sanity to replace it to the codependent creep MC is now lol.

#obey me nightbringer #obey me #obey me MC #obey me nightbringer MC #MC is so fucking annoying this is the only headcanon i can work with #No but like its so creepy because i always imagined MC balanced their human life and their Devildom life to stay rational but now #Well now with no circle of human/mortal supporters like their friends and family theyre literally forced to cling to the brothers #Its so terrifying about Nightbringer thats why Im still so upset we're stuck in the Past #Its shit like this that makes me unable to enjoy Time Travel Shit like I want to go for Boba with my friends but I cant do that #No i cant do that because I got a toxic friend group to babysit #No but like MC seems more stupid and clingy so my guess is theyre mentally unraveling to the point they just dont want to be alone #Like begging for validation and attention from anyone especially the immortals #Pray for MC theyre going into their codependent phase now #Don't worry; just like with real friends theyre not gonna break out of this for years until they get the courage #Which we all know MC doesnt have the balls to drop the brothers/Immortals like bad habits lol #Ima play with this headcanon until MC stops sucking or we go back to the future. #I miss MC's family and friends who have to live with the fact the immortals took them from them again

[gncrezan]

anyone get it or

#was the fig tree from the prologue intentional. maybe not. did it cause a heart attack when i reread foa. most certainly #not to mention the tone shift in the songs too. and theyre about descent. its too easy LIKE WHATEVER. #like im being realistic about how figs are quite common in ancient greece etc but lord fucking almighty.... #plus the patreon snippet of a younger pc and hermes. im going to be sick #<- about to start making some shit up about how they have shared so much with each other their entire lives #traded kindnesses and gifts and confided in the other with their worries . and the other being there is just SO EASY!!!!! #and when hermes offers seph a fruit. like of course they accept #and OF COURSE they try to share it. and like every time they've sat together (on olympus/in the underworld/in the gardens/during a party) #hermes gladly takes it!!!! it's a habit !!!!!!! IT'S AN INSTINCT!!!!! the offer is almost a surprise but hermes shouldn't have been #not really when his hand moves faster than he thinks and he realises he expects that kindness #not in an unkind way or a selfish way. but because he knows seph the way they know him !!! and seph has always been kind!!!!! #and then he realises that he expects /seph/ in his life and suddenly cannot imagine it without them !!!!!!!!!! LIKE CMON #yes this has me by the throat and im ALMOST webweaving but this is mostly about me forcing de selby onto these two #have been fixated on this moment and the sharing and the exchanging since ch8 dropped . hozier is just exacerbating the visions #('sure sunshine. let's share') <- this is not just about that fucking fig #foa

[gaybaiter]

hm. the older i get the more i think it’s possible i have ocd because i am certainly exhibiting behaviors

#i think its because i used to be much more avoidant about things that made me anxious #and i still am dgmw (not ideal) #but because im forced to do things out of my comfort zone i’ve developed some habits that are…. odd

[trainingdummyrabbit]

see cuz theres a difference between "pick yourself back up" and "keep going"

#piktalk #like yeah im moving; im going #but im not pulling myself up; im not bracing my energy and putting my mind to it and choosing to walk #this is a force of habit. i walk because i know nothing else. this isnt a choice. #it isnt a heroic revival of a fallen hero; this is a zombie treading the same ground over and over #a ghost circling hallways that dont exist anymore. #sometimes i wonder if its a good thing at all. theres something to be said about the metaphor between . and the undead. #but i think its for the best if i leave that unsaid. #im okay; though. m still walking; after all.

[martyrbat]

its almost 1 am and i got off the phone with my father about 10 minutes ago and im STILL shaking with anger

#all my posts lately has been me going: hi! :) i love my friends. haha batman gaysex. do you ever feel a rage so intense that you #want to claw your skin off? do you feel the pain in your stomach and shake of your hand and it further infuriates you? do you want to #tear someones tongue off and force them to swallow it it so they have to consume all the shit theyve said to you? because thats me rn ^_^ #real talk ive started ripping my hair out and im aware enough to be mad at myself for starting that habit again but im still just ripping i #my armpit hair is long so i gotta give myself bald patches again and pick off my eyebrows to balance it out. its a worthy trade-off

[coloursofaparadox]

im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit

#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life #its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help #and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen. #if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning #thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods! #namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety #and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen #until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again #these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working #im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever. #like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will???? #and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED #after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that. #anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now. #(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status. #shits weird.

[citrusitonit]

thers this bitter passive aggressiveness between kids who secretly find a younger kid annoying and its really sad

#my little sister has very aggressive tendencies #she has no other playmate other than our younger cousin who she likes 2 act passive aggressive with #its sad seeing her make verbal jabs at our cousin and tries to play my callouts as 'favoritism' and 'acting weird' #ughh i try to defend my cousin when my sister starts making weird threats #like ugh idk its all so frustrating and complicated to deal with #theres so many factors to consider in her behavior and the problem is im not her psychiatrist #i recognize that shes a kid so i am patient with her and try to fill in with basic discipline #because alr our parents get irrationally angry with her so i forced myself to fix my same habit of yelling #guh idk #im just tired bro but i dont want her to grow up with that type of mindset #idk #my older sister isnt even doing anything cuz shes a pushover who bends when our younger sister just starts lashing out #i understand kids need to vent its healthy so i let her scream in her room #but what i dont allow is her hurting others just because shes mad #or smthn like that #idk im most of the time shes with me so i try to make good influences or smn #oh man this went on a long rant huh #is this considered a vent?? #ventish #vent #just in case

[urostakako]

i never really realized how chill my parents are compared to other desis and muslims and desi muslims

#like theyre really enthusiastic about the arts they dont think its corrupting or whatever #my mom doesnt care that im gay not because shes not homophobic but because she doesnt think its her business #they dont force me to be any certain way or dress a certain way #they dont care about my 'boyish habits' #they dont care anymore if i fail my classes or get bad grades as long as i try and they dont care if i cheat as long as i dont get caught #my mom cares about my interests and enjoys when im happy dressing the way i want to #if someone says they are a woman or a man as long as they dont say theyre trans my parents wont bat an eye #but actually i dont think ive ever heard them misgender a trans person before either even if they dont like it #theyre always telling me my rights in islam and that anyone or any man who tells me otherwise is wrong #im so lucky to be born in this family regardless of the problems subhanallah #aricouldyounot

[theflyingfeeling]

me in the Olli/Allu delelu land trying to explain how Olli acting weird and Aleksi suddenly smoking and them secretly glancing at each other must be all connected somehow

because they ARE!! 😭 we may be yet to connect the dots, but we're getting there okay, we're not crazy 😤

(don't forget the sunglasses!! I haven't figured out how but I just know they're somehow relevant in all this as well 😤 he just seems weirdly attached to them (and the bandana around his neck which he's been wearing in literally every picture we've seen of him for almost two weeks now?? not counting the pictures taken in the pool) like, did he pay and arm an a leg for them (I'm not sure if he's worn that exact pair before? I may be wrong though lol I often am with stuff like this) and justified the purchase to himself by swearing he'd wear them every chance he gets for the rest of the year lol

#the rest goes in the tags because okay fine i MAY be just a little bit crazy sdgjsdjgsgdsg but hear me out alright #let's say aleksi used to smoke but quit because it's unhealthy #now why do people usually relapse with smoking? #for fun ig but he's said many times he's trying to be healthier. dude won't drink pepsi with caffeine in it but cigarettes are fine? 🙄 #sure the reasons are individual but at least in my mother's case it was often when she felt stressed out about random shit #so perhaps aleksi took up smoking again because something's stressing him out / making him anxious / worrying him #it could be the tour but it's not like they haven't been on tour in the US before so why would he be particularly stressed out about that? #could be something work-related but unrelated to the band. a project he had to put on hold because of the tour? #because from what i've understood the HU supporting gig happened on quite a short notice #tbh that alone could very legitimately be a cause of stress on its own. not enough time to prepare? not enough time to spend with the fam? #(perhaps if you weren't streaming every other evening...🙄) #or maybe he's just jetlagged and nicotine is his remedy of choice? #ooooooorrr it could be something related to his personal life. hard to say what though. a sudden change? general anxiety? #he doesn't /seem/ particularly anxious though but the hell would i know #so... aleksi taking up bad habits + olli's weird behaviour + secret glances and maybe low-key avoiding each other = ??? #my theory is still that they hooked up and are now forced to deal with the consequences 😶 #''how are they avoiding each other exactly?'' one might ask and worry not! i am prepared for counterarguments! ☝️ #to put it briefly: the delulu in me says so 😌 #(this applies to everything i wrote above 😂 i'm writing this just for my and y'all's entertainment you know) #ollixallu #answered asks #sparfloxacin

[lupismaris]

Right. Called friend to ask her and her husband to come hangout tomorrow evening so i have someone to grocery shop with and help 'round the kitchen for meal prepping/cleaning out foods i can't have for the next month with a big pasta night dinner. Asking for help sucks when people have shamed you for it all your life but i promise you it is freeing and essential. She didn't even hesitate she just said yeah sounds great they'll be by after seeing another friend earlier in the day what can they bring. Sometimes it's that simple.

Gonna get dressed. Try and hold off a cry. Order a pizza. Pick up pre rolls. Pick up pizza. Come home. Have a smoke. Eat something. Watch Craig!bond probably. Call with Dec. In some order.

Somewhere in the mix have the big weighty cry i feel building.

Bath. Another smoke. Back to bed.

#the bf and mil being gone for a week is honestly probably a good thing i occasionally need moments to remember how to function #when im not existing (hypothetically of course) for the service and care of others #like all my cooking and such is focused on feeding a family and all my habits are built around a household of people #so i rarely know what to do when im forced or allowed to live on my own for a while #so this should be a good thing and it is! once im through this weekend ill likely be a bit relieved in some ways #but deeply deeply lonely in others. because i dont have an established local support system yet i feel very isolated etc #and with my most reliable person not here during a very overwhelming and stressful time its frabkly terrifying #bot because i need him to do everything for me but because i am used to knowing that if something does go to shit #he is at least in the next room to hear me panic and cry or witness me need the help and try to step in #so thats where the panic is this week. its lonely and nerve-wracking not having my person within reach or even the same timezone

[didsomeonesayventus]

every day I deal with phone calls in my silly stupid little job and all I wanna do is unravel and figure out the knot in this little fic project of how to get from "alear is naive and overly transparent and alcryst takes it upon himself to try and mitigate the consequences" to "can you please take care of yourself too argument" to "alear makes a big dramatic rescue and saves his boyfriend"

#katie rambles #katie writes #its about writing so it counts sflashadfgfd #trying to get in the habit of dumping my thoughts in tumblr again and doing a little vent about writer's block + work #anyways i have the big scenes i wanted to write written out save the argument im putting off #because i know its going to kill me that its unstoppable force alear love vs immovable object alcryst protection #but unfortunately the middle escalation parts are elusive to me #perhaps because i'll admit the plot is a little contrived. #and while im trying to not like expect too much of myself because this is a hobby #im still sitting here like. come on guys. where's the rising conflict. where's the poor decisions. #gimme some meat so this feels reasonably paced and justified. #starting to worry this might be one of those darlings i have to kill OOPS #macro plot beats are together but the micros... oofs

[i-like-gay-books]

long post so i GUESS i’ll put it under the cut

so i’ve been really reflecting lately on my self diagnosis of autism, especially since i’ve been really coming into myself and managing my anxiety better than ever before, and ive been wondering whether it might be that the symptoms i thought were attached to being autistic are just how anxiety manifests in me and the things about myself that i thought proved that i dont have adhd in any way may also just be how anxiety manifests in me. because also even though ive really related with autism and the social symptoms, i’ve never really been sure i have sensory processing issues, at least not to the extent that the dsm specifies in order to be autistic. and what i really HAVE related to is the inability to just sit down and get shit done. so i took another self assessment with this clearer knowledge i have of myself and how i really function as a human being when im on my own and living as an adult and

the only ones that arent high levels are literally the ones that i can directly pinpoint as one of my biggest concerns with my anxiety. impulsivity is the one that makes adhders more likely to butt into conversations or keep going on for a long time or make decisions and later regret them. as you may have noticed i am particularly long winded when im typing, but is that true of me in real life? like at all? not really. i struggle to get two words out sometimes. i was selectively mute in my childhood. i can say for a fact that the reason for this in my hyper-awareness of the potential of making a faux pas or embarrassing myself in social situations. and i have decision paralysis due to the same phenomenon. im very aware of the potential of disappointing other people if i make a bad decision. im not sure if impulsivity would manifest itself in the “typical” adhd way if my anxiety wasn’t there, but i have no way of ever knowing that because it is.

and forgetfulness. i beat that shit out of myself when i was younger. i can clearly remember a time in elementary school, then in middle school, then in high school (before i started writing sticky notes for myself) when i would get myself in trouble just simply because of forgetting about assignments. my family is very academically oriented. my parents wouldnt be SUPER mad at me if i was trying my best and didnt get good grades, but i knew they would be disappointed if i didnt try my best. i have so many systems in place so as to never ever forget about schoolwork any more. you have no clue how revolutionary it is for me that college professors actually put all of the assignments for the semester of the syllabus. one of my biggest gripes about high school was that the teachers would just assign homework seemingly at random? it was easy to forget if you werent writing it all down, ok? and for appointments? same deal. my parents kind of took care of the remembering appointments part before i got older and by now i do have these systems in place for myself. i do often forget to make calls, mostly because i dont make a point of writing it down as a task for myself because making calls gives me anxiety. yeah.

also i sat here and took this assessment and wrote all of this instead of working on my 2000 word midterm paper due next tuesday for which i have exactly one sentence written. listen, procrastination is a universal trait, but i just felt like it was relevant.

#not saying this necessarily proves anything #and of course i know professional assessment is the only true way to know #but i have anxiety #and possibly adhd #how do you think i handle the medical system? #i really shouldve had therapy at this point in my life but thats too difficult to get started lol #OH #also #i am fucking SHIT at creating habits for myself #i have to physically force myself to even go and brush my teeth every night and every morning #and washing my face only gets done half the time because its easier to not do it and i get bored if im in the bathroom too long #i have to make every task i do more interesting for myself or i wont do it #i used to hate taking time out of my day to even shower before i started listening to music in the shower #and i like to watch shows or videos while i cook or wash dishes or fold laundry #damn i maybe shouldve considered this more seriously sooner #i forgot to consider the world in which all social anxiety does not automatically equal autism #i need to stop typing now #i really have work to get done #ugghghhghghghhhhh #cloudy rambles

[timeisacephalopod]

I've been seeing a ton of people revisit The Biggest Loser and being like WHAT the actual fuck is this garbage and like yeah. Every time I see or hear stuff about it it gets worse, it's like I blocked it from my memory because the show always made me uncomfortable perhaps because it was the embodiment of diet culture lived out in reality and I've never had any feeling but hatred towards diet culture. Shit gives people so many body issues for no reason, and The Biggest Loser reveled in leering at fat bodies like some kind of fucked up modern freak show. Gives me the heebs AND the jeebs.

#winters ramblings #jillian micheals is SUCH a peice of shit. she treats people DISGUSTINGLY and someone should have told her to fuck off #or at LEAST began screaming at amd treating her like a contestant so we could at least derive some kind of joy out of watching HER #get screamed at all day every day i always felt bad for the people busting their asses #they didnt even TRY to teach anyone good food habits or fitness either they just made them do absurd exercise #no NORMAL person does every day. putting someone on a HIGHLY restrictive diet and forcing them to exercise all day #is NOT healthy that is an EATING DISORDER straight up #PLUS the contestants often gained the weight back sometimes PLUS more and it was found that they had a HARDER time losing weight #because the fucked diet of the show fucked their metabolism to hell so its even MORE impossible to lose weight #at ALL let alone long term. so fucked up this was on tv like LITERALLY modern freak show shit

[lynkolnevans]

Welp, it's been a fun 36 hours but it's time to go to bed! Gotta get that 8 hours full nights sleep ya know hahahaha

#charley talks #honestly if i wasnt already under my covers i feel like i could do another assignment #but I've ironically Pavlovd myself into associatjng my bed with sleeping/passing out #all because of my bad sleep habits yahoo! #its hard gettin past the 24 hour mark but once i stay up past that i could probablt go another 16 #past the 24 your bodies like oh shit SOMETHING is forcing you to stay awake #must be a spooky monster. here let me erase your tiredness #i say haha thanks brain for the boost. i am definetly gettjnf stalked by a beast right now #not doing schoolwork i couldve done earlier and much easier #no thanks to you and your crappy attention span brain #then we flash strained grins at each other almost as if a fight is gonna break out netween us #then we kiss or something idk. phew i defienlty need to go bye lol!

[gazelessmenagerie]

viopolis

// Sounds like a guy who's got a lot of karmic feedback waiting... ( scribbles down some notes )

( ..you have no idea. Its all too easy for him to destroy things but to try and keep something around he values? That’s where he keeps tripping over himself time and time again until he gets it through his head to actually try and control himself. ) 

#viopolis #|| Tag: OOC #( just -wrings my hands- this stupid bastard makes me feel pain so much but I also drink the pain juice. ) #( Mirin was the first to break that heart of ice and he let his anger/jealousy take control and she won’t come near him again. ) #( ( Him caring about something is just such a convoluted danger because he can and will deny any feelings he has and essentially ‘run away’ #( Throw that in with him losing control when he gets pushed over that proverbial edge by a word or getting overly stressed and he unravels ) #( to that anger because it's all he knows how to do. all he's ever been taught without any way to curb it through calming down. ) #( its a force of habit he can't shake off easily and naturally a lot of harm follows through on it ) #( with his overall ornery nature. his apathetic and sadistic demeanors ) #( All of it coupled with his stubborn denial of his own emotions of what he wants and has been deprived of for years is just ) #( one big cocktail of that karmic feedback when he actually does give a shit about someone or something and hurts them ) #( physically or emotionally. ) #( just aflsjfg it'll eat away at him and he lacks the capability to know how to deal with it bc lol who ever taught him that? ) #( just. ough. love him but goddamnit broccoli. )