#because she will attack you with your lack of unability to choose

[lynxgriffin]

"I think what Kris may have lost with Dess's disappearance is less innocence, and more self-confidence. I think their primary problem (and why they sought out being possessed in the first place) is that they feel indecisive and lack courage. They withdraw from people and refuse to participate in regular life less out of a lack of kindness, and more out of the mindset of "Why bother? I'll just screw it up anyway." (Which is probably part of why they feel kinship with Susie…they feel like they're on the same wavelength there.)

And Ralsei aggravates that position for them because, aside from his kindness and optimism, he is very insistent that specifically Kris should be the decision-maker. He pretty much tries to always make Kris feel good about their decisions, even the ones that he clearly doesn't like. If Kris's primary problem is they lacking the courage to make their own choices, Ralsei seems laser-focused on convincing Kris otherwise. Which, I feel makes Ralsei being a manifestation of Kris's soul all the more interesting…that for all Kris believes that they aren't capable of that courage, there is a part of them that does believe they're capable, and that's the part that has taken on a life of its own. Just! I think that could end up being pretty powerful!

Sorry, I know this is kind of a tangent from your original tangent, but it is a thing I enjoy thinking about, so thanks for the opportunity! "

…

I'm glad that people and in particular you, Lynx, like this topic. So I'm here again to share my thoughts :D

I want to talk about Kris's injuries, and that line "Why bother? I'll just screw it up anyway."

It's like a learned helplessness injury, if I'm not mistaken. When many bad events happen in a row in a person’s life, and no matter how hard they try, they cannot influence them. Kris faced enough problems that they began to consider themselves completely helpless and unable to influence the world on their own. Dess's disappearance, Asgore's dismissal from the police, parents' divorce, brother's departure to college. Having finally lost faith in their own strength, they decided to give control of their body to someone else. This sounds very logical.

Ralsei, in turn, seems to be really focused on restoring Kris's faith in herself, and the belief that something can still be done even without the player's participation. Progress in this direction is noticeable already at the end of the first chapter, when Kris, seemingly lost in everything, without the player’s command, independently, being wounded, protect Susie from the King’s attack. Susie is also an important figure here. Unlike Kris, on the contrary, she is extremely strong-willed and self-confident. She will break through the wall, demolish everything in her path, but achieve her goals. She even violated the mechanics of the battle just out of spite, took it and learned how to act, and even gave this option to her partner. There's a bit of Undyne from UT about her. DETERMINATION :D Susie for Kris is the same image of the ideal as Asriel. Only Asriel was a model of friendliness and success, Susie was a model of confidence and determination to act, something that Kris now lacks. That's why they probably like her.

As a result, we see that Kris is now positively influenced by two characters. Ralsei is focused on supporting and regaining self-confidence, while Susie says less, but with all her appearance shows that believing in yourself and your strengths is cool. And not only will Kris become more independent as the chapters progress, but Ralsei, with Kris’s condition improving, will be able to focus more on personal problems and the questions “who am I?” It's very interesting where this will all lead in the end.

Now something else occurred to me. Throughout the game we are told that the choice does not affect anything. What if this appeal is not to us, but Kris’s appeal to themselves?? Their entire childhood was not influenced by anything, they could not choose who they would be born with and suffer from it, they could not choose what would happen to Dess, they could not choose whether their parents would be together or not. And will my brother go to college? All their lives their choices didn't matter. And this is exactly what we will hear before the first chapter.

The player’s choice, in turn, has weight, because the player can go for murder (they don’t survive after freezing the entire body, I verified). Kris, on the other hand, doesn’t try very hard to resist the player, because they don’t believe that they can. We don’t know for sure, but I assume that extracting a soul from a body is possible not only in the light world. Then, if the Kris believed in themselves enough, they would try to interrupt the battle with Berldy, force Noelle to ignore the creepy voice (which continues to sound even if Kris is defeated), and give everyone time to get out of sight.

But I don't blame Kris, they need some more time to gain the determination to act and interfere with the player's actions.

Now at the time of two chapters we have the following diagram: Kris is convinced that their decisions don't matter. The player's decisions matter and can significantly impact the world.

The further we move, the more the influence of Susie and Ralsei will affect the will of Kris. And if they don’t like our decisions, we will be thrown out of the body more and more often, and perhaps they will learn to choose options for us by moving our hearts against our will. If Kris see that we are doing our best and really want to help, they will give us more freedom of action. Now we don't just control Kris, but they decide when to give us the right to control them. Now we obey.

Another interesting thing is that during the game you can sometimes come across dialogue options that would suit the character of Kris. For example, posing for the camera, we can choose a rude gesture, I think this is what they would choose. Or when Susie asks whose side Noelle is on, we can jokingly answer that she is our enemy.

If future chapters are released as an installation package along with the first two chapters, then it is possible that part of the code of the first two chapters will be supplemented and all information about our elections will be saved and used in the future, even if we did not take cruel paths. For example, like in UT when Toriel remembers our flirting at the end of the pacifist, Kris if they ever talk to us, they can remember how we made them hug Ralsei. We can choose what we want throughout the game, or we can choose what we think Kris would choose, and our decisions will influence dialogues or events in the future. We have already seen how the decisions from the first chapter influenced the second; in the battle with the capture of the Rouxls houses, Kaard uses exactly the same structure that we assembled in the first chapter. Also, for some reason, the game stores information about which vessel we collected at the very beginning.

Ultimately, we can either find common ground with Kris or make them hate us. If hatred leads to a battle, then against all three at once, Susie will be just happy to thrash someone bad, and Ralsei will never leave Kris and help them. But my intuition tells me that this will not be a battle, but something else, I don’t know why, the battle would be too obvious or something.

If you’ve read this, thank you) I love to think, and it’s especially nice to do this when there are people with similar interests.

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts!!

My thoughts on Kris's feelings towards their actions (again, may be art coming for this soon!) is that they feel a degree of responsibility for the bad things that have happened in their life, stemming from the incident with Dess. It could be like a learned helplessness, but I also see it as a "I cannot be trusted to make the right choices" kind of conditioning. Being the only human in a monster town, I can see them even pinning the blame on their humanity for their mistakes, since well…it's clearly the thing that's always made their life harder, anyway.

They do need their friendships to help set them on a path to self-acceptance and self-reliance, and the Dark World is facilitating that, which is why I think they are more and more focused on going back there!

In regards to the whole "your choices don't matter" theme, which people seem convinced applies to both the player and character…I think it's actually a lot more subtle than that. After all, the theme of Undertale is not "kill or be killed," even though an authoritative character tells you that at the start of the game. I actually think that the second voice at the end of the goner maker sequence saying "no one can choose who they are in this world" IS Kris speaking, because that's the mindset that they're currently in, and it's one they need to learn how to grow past by the end of the game. All of the main characters feel, in some way, that they are trapped by their own identities. Breaking free of these roles they feel they have no choice in is, I think, a narrative thoroughline we'll get through the whole game.

And I have a whole long twitter thread about this, but yeah, I do think that it's inevitable that we'll be cut off from controlling Kris at the end, because that feels like the natural conclusion to Kris's character arc. Kris starts out feeling like they can make no good choices, so someone needs to hold their hand. So by the end, it feels appropriate that they come to realize that they can act on their own, and that they don't need anyone holding their hand…not even the player controlling them. Whether that parting is on good terms or bad ones depends on how the player treats them and their friends…Ralsei does say that how we treat others can make all the difference!

I know this is just rambling on top of your rambling, but I appreciated reading yours, so I hope this rambling is appreciated, too!

#ask lynx stuff #I really should sit down and just write up a long long post #on what I believe Deltarune's themes are #and how that comes out in the characters #because that's just fascinating to me

[teeth--thief]

Thoughts on Sasha Korol? I think your response on him will be particularly interesting.

-R

Particularly interesting, you say? Is that a code for I'll add extra sass and shade to my answer? If so... you're probably right =D I'm kidding, I always try to be as subjective as can be... except for all the times I'm not subjective and settle for bullying. But I'll be kind this time... or will I?

Let's practice some armchair psychology on Leonid Toptunov's best friend, shall we? ...And by that I do just mean let's look at him a little more seriously than I usually do.

Whenever I say that I don't fully believe or trust him, I don't mean to attack his character - I do think that either his age or something else entirely (underlying mental issues, most likely related to trauma from the accident and subsequential events that unfolded afterwards like, oh, you know, losing his best friend and colleagues) must have taken their toll on him and so I do treat him like a sort of unreliable narrator. When your brain has barely had the time to finish fully developing and suddenly, overnight your life is in shambles, it's to be expected that you're not exactly going to act in the most rational of ways...

I don't want to say that, even when keeping all that in mind, Korol still seems slightly... odd to me... but, well, he does. For example, from Midnight in Chernobyl (from a bit about Yuvchenko):

(...) Natalia scoured the city for scarce and expensive ingredients to keep up his strength. She brought black caviar sandwiches to his bedside; his friend Sasha Korol came to visit and insisted he try ketchup instead. But Yuvchenko proved unable to eat anything, and he was placed on an IV.

What do you mean he basically tried to medicate his friend with ketchup?? I have... many questions... Is ketchup more nutritious than other foods condiments? I have a feeling this was out of sheer desperation to not lose another mate...

The whole bit about him not wanting to go with Toptunov to see the test because he was reading a medical journal is also, quite frankly, laughable. I wasn't aware that the magazine has a cool down and will disappear once you put it down, brother. Just say you were feeling kind of lazy that day, there's no shame in that.

Judging purely from his interview with Kupnyi, he seems to have lacked that burning passion for science we always see Toptunov described as having. Which is... just fine. You don't have to choose a job in a field you're super passionate about. I just thought it was worth mentioning since he seems to have had an attitude of well, it might as well be physics when choosing a career path. Anything but being sent to Afghanistan with the army (perfectly understandable).

He was most likely just as capable as Toptunov when it came to work, given that while Lyonya decided to become a SIUR, Korol stayed on a lower position by choice (or so he says), choosing a different path, basically.

He certainly made himself useful right after the disaster happened by everything from continuing to work on site to informing the families of the workers about their loved ones being transported to Moscow ect etc. Good deeds all around.

While he did not attend Toptunov's funeral (he was... on vacation... :| ), he attended someone else's not too long after:

Pictured closest to the grave (some speculated he's the other guy in the light shirt, second from the right, but I think otherwise, the shadows on his face have... a distinct look... I think.)

I will NOT comment on the fact that I think his relation with Lyonya was very close, closer than what I normally associate with typical friendships because I know fuckall about good relationships, so... who am I to judge.

I'm pretty sure that because of him there's a bit of confusion about who Toptunov's girlfriend was - not that it's an important piece of information TO YOU - but it's significant enough to consider. I won't get into that here, though, this is not about the fact that because two people mention two seemingly different women, it seems as if he had two girlfriends (good for him, I wish I had two girlfriends... one would also be more than acceptable).

Same with the whole "fight" he reported Toptunov as having with the tutor during uni - I don't know how, if he was apparently indeed involved in what happened after - he could have misremembered that while remembering other details about it. Unless he's misrepresenting what happened on purpose, that is, but that's also a questionable hypothesis.

I think that's that when it comes to my general "overview" of him... If I remember anything else later on, I'll make sure to add it to the post in a reblog or something.

#file: special interest: chernobyl #file: ask! #asker: @atomshchik #chernobyl

[woso-dreamzzz]

yk that one meme of the kid smiling with his tongue out… literally me bc you posted alexia’s version first (i mean the poll majority voted for it… i personally did not) 🤭 i feel like this is probably a must bc if you posted jenni’s version first it would become my only canon… and then i’d think about everything that happens in the jenni version while i read alexia’s. also i feel like this was a punishment for the jenni agenda raiding your house time and time again (know that, despite me furthering the jenni agenda, i only knocked on your door nicely! but i guess i added to their attack by sending u the long asks loll)

alright, here’s my sorry disclaimer again bc i always feel like i’m being annoying sending u the longest message ever

starting this part with bambi’s overall confusion furthers my point from last time! she’s a little girl and would likely choose her current favourite but still 🥺 it’s important to have her included or at least informed (probably by eli, because she’s the best at being unbiased) by everything that’s going on. justice for my girl. thinking the door’s grown and the intrusive thoughts about the doorknocker? the recurring mental notes that jenni’s gone back to mexico? poor bambi’s overcome with anxiety and this should have been avoided by letting her know what was going on.

i don’t even know how to express the way i was feeling through the entirety of bambi returning to alexia’s house but it’s something akin to the unsettling fear you get when you know something’s going to happen in a horror movie… and if that’s how i feel… how does bambi feel? it’s so awful that she goes through her own mental checks to try and understand and accept everything as it’s presented to her… i feel like it will further her lack of self-confidence. i hope she doesn’t internalize the “it is what it is” mindset so much that she is unable to discern when people take advantage of her and she’s left to accept the things that happen to her even if it isn’t right. teen!bambi i am watching you. with love and care and kindness (and so i can report back to alba and jenni in case anything happens)

i think i figured out the shattered train metaphor for this narrative—it could be alexia! alexia who’s had something difficult happen to her (ie. her pregnancy and initial stages of having bambi, this entire disaster of neglect, nearly losing it at the sight of her child being intubated—leading to the shattering of the train) but with love and time she’s patched up (by olga and jaume) and she’s able to return back to bambi in the end.

had the train been kept safe, or even now as it’s patched together by olga, it remains ever-present in bambi’s life. i imagine it’s in bambi’s bedroom now on her bedside like it was in the hospital. what matters now is bambi’s perceptions of it—and that’s where i think the doorknocker becomes very symbolic. no one uses it—not alba, not eli, and the only person who seems to notice it is bambi.

bambi is very similar to the doorknocker. we see she questions why no one chooses to use it—it functions the same way as the doorbell after all, and i think that’s symbolic of alexia “forgetting” her and essentially how everyone becomes so focussed on “what’s best for bambi” (ie. using the doorbell) and overlooking bambi’s perceptions/emotions (ie. not using the doorknocker.) idk if i’m making much sense but in this narrative, bambi decides she’ll give some attention and love to that doorknocker. she chooses to acknowledge that doorknocker (she chooses to acknowledge her feelings) and to me that’s symbolic of bambi truly allowing alexia in and letting herself be loved by her once again.

this part works in alexia’s initial decision in injured vii (where she tells eli not to bring bambi back.) it also brings us full circle with olga and her uncertainties about her relationship with bambi. both of them have gone through some developments with bambi and it’s nice to see that this ending nurtures bambi’s love for trains and allows her to spend time with them as an entire family <3 justice for jenni though. dw jenni, i’ll make my way over to the airport and come pick u up.

in the end? you’re awesome, i’ve loved this entire series with alexia, but i’m very excited for jenni’s part. 🤭 also, though i understand alba’s feelings… does she ever come around? based if she doesn’t. but does bambi ever intervene when she’s older? does eli? does alexia try harder for alba’s forgiveness?

also my list of PS’s!

the tulips you added to the front of the house? perfection. they’re for you <3 🌷because you’re awesome! and perhaps one for my other bestie anon. bc you’re awesome too :)

CODI FLOWERS CODI FLOWERS!!!! and codi’s cows! <3

dark red and green. so real of you. best taste fr ♥️

alexia being so sure. SO SURE that in her prime she’d have scored against princesse <3 #1 fan natalia is my favourite too. u have me in the biggest chokehold with natalia, princesse, teeny, pequenita, and bambi 😭 PRINCESSE BALLON D’OR! my goat. THE goat.

also. u putting a long anon tag under those HCs made my day. made my week. made my entire year. made my entire life. i absolutely love all your works so so so much <3

Long anon! Of course you deserve your own tag! ❤️🌷❤️🌷

Teen!Bambi definitely becomes a bit of a people-pleaser. She tries so hard to make everyone proud and it's definitely easy to take advantage of that as she grows up.

I love your analysis of each part! I'm a big fan of the Death of the Author style analysis and I love seeing how you interpret what I've written. I can't even explain how much I love it! ❤️

Alexia and Alba's relationship kind of gets better but it's never good. They can be in a room together and they can interact but Alba never fully forgives Alexia and she's always wondering how Bambi might have turned out if Jenni had raised her.

(Laia Codina is my favourite underrated Arsenal girlie. As soon as I get my paycheck, I'm buying her Arsenal shirt).

(Of course, Alexia believes she would have scored the penalties in her prime. She won't hear a word against it. Princesse's just getting lucky).

#asks #bambi #long anon

[choices-binglebonkus]

Wake the Dead: Endings We Should Have Gotten

By now, I’ve made it very, very clear that I found Wake the Dead’s ending supremely disappointing. All those chapters of build-up and hard work for…this? A saccharine, uncharacteristic ending where none of our choices ended up mattering?

Wake the Dead, as I’ve said probably a hundred times now, had a lot of squandered potential. Like, the potential was there. The book itself wasn’t anything to write home about, but the ending really could’ve turned things around. Sadly, it did not, and it actually lowered the quality of the book as a whole in my opinion.

But what if we got a different ending?

More specifically, what if we got several different endings?

As I was eating dinner before class, my mind wandered and out of nowhere, I started brainstorming ideas for different endings we could have gotten in Wake the Dead. Granted, not all of them are practical, as PB has time and budget constraints. It’s a miracle they were even able to make three Endless Summer endings, so I know my ideas would absolutely be out of the question. However, I thought I'd let myself dream a bit. Just for funsies, you know?

I would have implemented four different endings for the book: the best ending, the good ending, the bad ending, and the worst ending. In addition to these four different endings, the five love interests would also be determinant, their fates factoring into the ending the player would get alongside the colony’s stats.

 The LI Deaths

As I mentioned, the love interests’ determinant deaths also have impact on the ending you get. There are two conditions unique to a specific love interest that must be met for them to die.

 Angel: Angel will die if you let her bring her zombie parents to the colony in chapter 4 (eventually causing them to break out and kill Mack) and have a low fortifications stat.

She is killed by the scout zombie that attacks her and the main character in chapter 19 because Mack isn’t there to intervene and draw it away.

 Eli: Eli will die if you choose not to shoot him in chapter 12 (causing him to feel immensely guilty for attacking you) and have a low food supply stat.

He is fatigued from both a lack of food and his bite, which he’s still recovering from, and knows that he probably isn’t going to make it through the Solstice. To absolve some of his guilt from attacking the main character, he opts to accompany Walt in drawing some of the zombies away and taking as many down as he could before the two die together.

 Shannon: Shannon will die if you save Minna over her in chapter 8 (causing her to be traumatized) and have a low research stat.

She is surrounded by zombies and has a heavy anxiety attack before she is overwhelmed and quickly devoured by the horde.

 Sledge: Sledge will die if you choose not to save Boots and the other survivors in chapter 19 and have a low fighters stat.

She will take the risk to save Boots herself, but since she does it without your help, she gets surprised and killed by the zombie lurking on the ground (the one that wounds your leg if you do opt to try and save Boots) en route to save the survivors. Unfortunately, the survivors then die anyway because Sledge was unable to save them.

 Troy: Troy will die if you have a low morale stat. Yes, I’m aware this makes it easier for him to die, but unlike all the other characters, he’s not really a strong, smart, or crafty fighter. He’s just…some guy. I mean, his weapon of choice is literally a pipe. Plus, none of the hard choices connect to him in any way.

He is incredibly stressed over the Solstice due to the lack of morale, and this makes his already lackluster fighting skills sloppy. After the zombies break through the gate, Troy is one of the first casualties and is crushed by a soldier zombie because he just couldn’t manage.

 The Endings

The Best Ending: Upper-moderate to high levels in three or more stats, achieving at least 55 kills, and all five love interests surviving will earn players the best ending.

The colony survives and thrives and is able to repair the damage from the Solstice as well as begin preparing ahead of time for the next one in seven years. Shannon continues her zombie research, and it’s hinted that if things keep going the way they are, she may find a way to make bites nonfatal: the closest thing the survivors will get to a cure for zombiism.

 The Good Ending: Moderate to upper-moderate levels in three or more stats, achieving at least 50 kills, and at least three love interests surviving will earn players the good ending.

The colony, though it’s been damaged by the hordes of zombies from the Solstice, is still in good shape. There were minimal casualties, but it’s going to take a while to fix all the damage sustained. Shannon, if she is still alive, continues her zombie research, but doesn’t foresee any groundbreaking discoveries on the horizon, but is able to make advancements here and there.

 The Bad Ending: Lower moderate to moderate levels in three or more stats, achieving at least 45 kills, and at least three love interests dying will earn players the bad ending.

The colony is in really, really rough shape. It’s still standing, but barely. Damages are extensive, casualties from the Solstice were numerous, and supplies are stretched thin. The survivors speculate that they may have to abandon the stronghold and start anew elsewhere within a few months, as there is little that can be done to repair the facilities and barricades, and the zombies are still at large. Shannon, if she is still alive, can no longer continue her research due to dwindling resources and more prominent dangers.

 The Worst Ending: Low to lower-moderate levels in three or more stats, achieving 39 kills or less, and all five love interests dying will earn players the worst ending.

The colony has fallen. In the wake of the Solstice, the few who survived decided it was every person for themself and fled, taking whatever remained of the supplies with them. The main character, completely alone, vulnerable, and wracked with survivor’s guilt, exhaustion, and hunger, is bitten and grievously wounded. Though they manage to kill the zombie that attacked them, they have no supplies and no one to help treat the bite and they die alone in the woods with the terrible knowledge that they’re going to turn shortly after their death.

 Again, I thought these were some of the potential outcomes we should have gotten had Pixelberry deigned to put the effort in. As I said, maybe they aren’t the best, and maybe they aren’t the most practical. But I thought the ending we got for Wake the Dead was truly awful and definitely one of the worst book endings we’ve ever gotten. I said it a year ago, and I’m saying it again.

 WtD deserved better.

#long post #formatting is a lil fucky #I apologize #wake the dead #choices wake the dead #choices wtd #wtd #angel savage #Troy Hassan #sledge #eli sipes #shannon fox #choices stories you play #playchoices #choices stories we play #pixelberry #pixelberry studios #playchoices fandom #choices stories you play fandom #choices stories we play fandom

[pentacass]

Can you tell us more about Chukaem and Ves? How they worked together on Makeb? How long does Chukaem hunt Ves and Lana? Does she ever get close to them? And any other tidbits you want to share, you have free rein to let your brain go BRRRRRR if you want lol

ohhhboy here we go!!! thenk for ask :D

How they worked together on Makeb - It was professional, but incredibly tense. Chukaem is your typical Sith, trampling on everyone else to reach her goal, arrogance made all the worse by her status as Wrath. By then, Ves had been tempered by her crew and Marr, and viewed Chukaem's outbursts and aggression towards their own allies as unnecessary and detrimental to their mission. They clashed, but never came to blows. (Ashara and DS!Jaesa did though. Ash won :3)

Though the mission was successful, they came away hating each other. Ves hated the Wrath for her callousness, blind reverence of the Emperor, and putting her lust for power above the stability of the Empire. Chukaem hated Avriss right back - for her lack of respect for the Emperor and his Wrath, her ostentatious vanity, her softer hand on their Imperial subjects that would 'breed weakness' in their ranks.

Funny story (to be included in fic): because of how badly Chukaem treats her crew, Ves managed to win over Vette by simply feeding her cake. Not that Chukaem knows about it. All she saw was Vette drifting over to Avriss' crew, willing to spend more time with them, and identified Avriss as a threat to her authority.

Why were they both assigned to Makeb - Ves could've handled it on her own, but Darth Marr wanted her to take the chance to assess the Wrath - would Chukaem be willing to work with Marr and Avriss to secure the Empire's future, out of the Emperor's long shadow?

Ves' answer is no, viewing the Wrath as nothing more than an attack dog with no guiding hand on her leash, and she's right. The Wrath is near fanatical in her loyalty to the Emperor - the one who granted her power above all. She did not support the Empire when it moved on from Vitiate, and went rogue when Acina took the throne, choosing to strike at the Empire's enemies from the shadows, on her own authority bestowed by an Emperor long gone.

After Tenebrae is slain in EoO, Chukaem goes off the deep end, unable to feel her Emperor's weight in the Force anymore. She turns into a killing machine, hunting down those she deems a threat to the Empire, and those who'd turned traitor. Aelirra, Vestra, and Lana are at the top of her list, but Ves gets the top 'Fuck You' spot thanks to their funtimes on Makeb.

How long does Chukaem hunt Ves and Lana - I'm not too sure! I have some lines for a showdown that references Ves and Lana's kids, but I feel like Chukaem wouldn't leave them alone for that long. To be decided later.

Does she ever get close to them - On a few occasions, which is what tips them off to the former Wrath hunting them. Haven't worked out the final showdown's specifics yet, but Ves will lure Chukaem to a remote location by herself (perhaps forced by circumstance), fire off a distress signal to Lana and the Alliance, and fight off the Wrath in the meantime.

I'm both looking forward to and dreading writing Ves and Chukaem's battle, cos it is very Epic in my brain and will probably end up as a stickman equivalent written down lmaoo. But Ves will feel a very primal fear for the first time in ages, and has to dig into the deepest, darkest depths of her power to face down a Sith who has immersed herself in the Dark Side for decades, turning into a nigh-eldritch being that makes the Force itself wither in her presence.

Here have a bite from the notes I've jotted down:

"A traitor for a wife, a failure for a daughter, a Jedi for a son." The tip of a lightsaber, charred orange and black, boils the air beneath Vestra's chin. "A family that befits you - a disgrace to the Sith." Ves subtly pushes herself away from the blade, elbows digging against soil, maimed leg dragged over dirt. Despite her pain, she gathers the blood in her mouth and spits it at Chukaem's feet. "Better a disgrace than a hideous little bitch like you." A sneer parts Chukaem's lips, peeking from beneath her cracked rebreather. "Pathetic." Lightsaber rises for the killing blow. Ves unleashes a storm of lightning right into her gut, blowing her back.

#inky be clutching my head and shaking it like a magic 8 ball #swtor #vestra lenshe #lana beniko #chukaem #ask #intheinkpot

[alj4890]

The Offer

(Tobias Carrick x F!MC) in a Choices Open Heart drabble for Day 4 of Tobias Carrick Appreciation Week.

Rating: G for fluff

A/N When Tobias came to work at Edenbrook, it was the only good thing to come out of Book 3 😂 I looked forward to each chapter release for him and in the hopes that PB would let us choose him as a love interest. Sadly, that never came about so thank goodness for fan fics 🤣 For this drabble, Tobias is offered the chance to not only join the staff at Edenbrook (which I think he welcomed to get away from June 😈) but also the diagnostic team.

@tobias-carrick-appreciation-week @jerzwriter @hopelessromantic1352 @choicesficwriterscreations

Masterlist

Tobias crept about the bedroom, trying to make as little noise as possible. As he slipped his shoes on, he watched Chris's slow, deep breaths, making certain she remained undisturbed. After her long night working the emergency room, he wanted to make certain she got the rest she needed.

Straightening his tie, he quietly slipped out of the bedroom and tiptoed down the stairs.

Once safely out of his townhouse, he listened to the voicemail message he'd received a few days ago.

Dr. Carrick, if you're anything like the man I met last year, I'm going to assume you'd like one more chance to prove what kind of physician you really are. I'm giving you an opportunity to have the one thing that is currently lacking in your life: a challenge. If you'd like more details, come to my home on Friday, the twenty-first at ten a.m.

**************

A short time later, Tobias parked outside of Leland Bloom's mansion. A servant led him through the massive main floor to the veranda.

"Dr. Carrick." Leland rose from a table decked out for brunch. "Good to see you again."

"Mr. Bloom." Tobias shook his hand.

"Please." Leland gestured for him to sit down.

After a servant offered him various dishes and beverages, Tobias relaxed back in his chair. His signature smirk flashed as he studied the billionaire.

"I believe you said something about a challenge." He motioned around the table. "Unless it was trying to decide to choose what to eat."

Leland chuckled, pleased with the confidence that practically dripped off the doctor before him.

"Before I issue it, I would like to ask a few questions."

Tobias took a bite of a brie and apple crostini. While chewing, he motioned for Leland to continue.

"Tell me about your friendship with Dr. Ramsey."

Tobias didn't pause as he picked through a charcuterie board.

"We were roommates in college and med school."

"And yet, you aren't friends any longer." Leland observed.

"It happens." Tobias shrugged. "We competed over everything. Grades, women, etc.

He wasn't about to go into detail about his strained relationship with Ethan.

"You also are close to Dr. Valentine." Leland pointed out. "So much so that you rushed to Edenbrook when you heard she was hurt during the attack on Senator Farrugia."

Tobias took a long sip of his coffee. He merely smiled in response to what wasn't quite a question.

Leland cocked an eyebrow, impressed with being unable to ruffle the man.

His lips curved in approval. "Do you know how I made my money, Dr. Carrick?"

"I believe it was through investments, inventions, and surrounding yourself with smart people." Tobias replied.

Leland chuckled. "That was only part of it. What drove me to succeed were two things: my unwillingness to back down from a challenge and my love for my Caroline."

He eyed Tobias. "I'm going to offer you the same opportunity I was given."

Tobias dabbed his mouth. "I didn't become a doctor to become a billionaire, Mr. Bloom."

Leland laughed, shaking his head. "No. You did not." He leaned forward. "Do you know what I think?"

"I wouldn't begin to guess."

"I think you became a doctor because you loved the challenge. The chance to define the mysteries of the human body." He smiled. "To be the one to defeat the diseases that seek to destroy."

Tobias slowly nodded. "A little more heroic than I would have gone, but that is the gist of why I became a doctor."

"You used that drive, that need to be the best, to save Dr. Valentine." Leland added.

Tobias stilled.

"You couldn't let her die, could you?" Leland prodded. "She means more to you than a fellow colleague."

"She does." Tobias admitted without shame.

Leland nodded in approval. "I heard that you two are engaged."

"We are." Tobias said a touch proudly. "Though I don't quite see what Chris has to do with this mystery challenge of yours."

"Then allow me to elaborate." Leland folded his arms on the table. "My challenge is this. I want to offer you a prestigious spot on the diagnostics team at Edenbrook."

"You do?" Tobias cocked his head to the side as he studied the old man. "Why?"

"I believe you are wasting your potential at Mass Kenmore." Leland began. "You are a highly intelligent physician which you proved when you created the cure needed to save your Chris."

He didn't give Tobias a chance to respond to that.

"You need that challenge to be the doctor you can be. Working with Ethan fuels your need to prove you are the better physician. I believe it would also spur Ethan to be better than what he is. Like you, he's become stagnant. He needs someone to argue against his dictates. Challenge him to win every encounter." He smirked. "I want to see that same fire between you both when you fought over treating me."

His smile turned a touch proud. "And your Chris gives you the support and encouragement you need to take those steps that you wouldn't necessarily take if not challenged yourself."

Tobias felt a spark he hadn't felt about his job in a long time. Somehow, this billionaire who had his own personal reasons for offering this chance to him actually offered him a position that he'd give anything to have.

"Will you accept my offer?" Leland asked.

Tobias was ready to accept without discussing a salary or even benefits. He knew he needed this.

But he also knew he should discuss this with Chris.

"I need time to consider your offer." Tobias told him.

"Of course." Leland got to his feet. "I'll expect your answer tomorrow."

Tobias stood and shook his hand once more. "Thank you for an interesting brunch."

Leland chuckled. "Thank you for making it so." He gestured toward one of the servants. "Jeffers will show you out."

*****************

Chris opened her eyes when the bedroom door opened.

"Where'd you go all dressed up?" She yawned.

"I was invited over for brunch." Tobias sat down on her side of the bed.

He leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to her lips.

"Must have been quite the brunch to wear your suit." She teased.

She playfully tugged on his tie to pull him back down for another kiss.

"I thought it seemed appropriate for the venue." He murmured, deepening the kiss. "It was at Leland Bloom's mansion."

Chris's brow furrowed as she caressed his cheek. "He invited you over?"

Tobias nodded.

Her eyes widened with hope. "Of course he would! After what you did for me, he must believe you can find a way for him to safely touch his wife again!"

"I thought that was what he originally wanted from me too."

Tobias settled beside Chris and pulled her into his arms. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she rested her cheek against his chest. His fingers began to comb through her hair while he considered the proposition he'd been offered.

"What did he want?" Chris asked.

"He offered me a job at Edenbrook."

She sat up with a delighted smile. "He did?!"

Tobias couldn't help but smile back at her. "I take it you like the notion of me working near you."

"Like it? I love it." She captured his lips in a heated kiss. "You are one of the few people I like getting input on when I treat patients."

He cuddled her closer to him. "I feel the same way about you."

"When do you start?" She asked.

"I told him I needed time to think about it, which was the polite way of saying I wanted to discuss it with you first."

"Already proving what a considerate husband you're going to be." She teased. "Show off."

Tobias laughed out loud, shaking his head over how much he really did like discussing things like this with her.

"The job came with something more."

"Which is?"

"He's giving me a place on the diagnostics team."

Chris's smile dimmed. "He did what?"

Tobias studied her face. "What's wrong?"

"He told us to choose Baz's replacement. We've been interviewing candidates for weeks now."

"Are you saying you don't want me on the diagnostics team?"

Chris shook her head. "I'd choose you over any that we interviewed, and not because I'm in love with you."

Tobias felt his earlier excitement return hearing that.

"It's just, well..." She hedged. "You and Ethan are kinda..."

"Complicated?" He offered.

"Without a doubt." She huffed. "Do you think you could work with him without any drama interrupting our job?"

"Oh there'd be drama." Tobias chuckled. "But Leland had an interesting observation about me and Ethan."

"What did he say?" Chris sat up beside him.

"That we challenge each other to be the best." Tobias explained. "We'll push each other into going further to help our patients."

He turned toward her, a soft smile forming on his lips. "And I need that almost as much as I need you by my side."

Chris leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his.

"You'll always have that." She tenderly kissed his forehead. "And though I'm not quite prepared for the fireworks that are bound to erupt the moment you join the team, I want you to have whatever you need to be the best."

"So you approve of my coming to Edenbrook?" He asked.

"I highly approve of the notion." She giggled when he rolled over on top of her.

Their lips met once more before Tobias propped himself up on his elbows to gaze down at her.

"Do we warn Ethan," he asked with an evil smirk, "or let him be surprised?"

Chris rolled her eyes while fighting a smile.

"Life gives so few surprises. I say, we make certain that Ethan gets the biggest surprise of his life."

#tobias carrick appreciation week #tobias carrick x f!mc #tobias x chris #choices open heart #tobias carrick #choices oh #choices the stories you play #choices fic writers creations

[diverseotaku]

Light & Night: Sariel Sanrio Event Voiced Lines

Please correct me nicely if I've made any mistakes as Chinese isn't my first language. Please do not repost my translations anywhere as well! Thank you :)

When you tap the other parts of his body while putting on accessories for him

碰多少次也不会有耳朵冒出来。

Regardless of how many times you touch me, ears will not pop out.

我不冷，你可以把这条皇帝的围巾留给自己。

I’m not cold, you can leave this emperor scarf for yourself.

还有比这更好的取暖方式，比如手套。

There are better methods to keep warm, such as gloves.

既然工作会让你神志不清，不如辞职。

Since work makes you unable to think clearly, might as well resign.

Options before taking a picture of him

突然袭击，要拍啦！

ATTACK! I’m taking a picture now!

大耳狗和狐狸，我选狐狸！

Cinnamoroll or fox, I choose fox!

请模仿我见到你时的表…

Please make the expression I have when I see y…

When taking a picture of him

这是今天最后一张.…除了合照。

This is the last picture… except for pictures together. 

Voiced lines log

成行幕后: 我本来就知道，你的因公参观毫无信誉。

Behind the scenes of the trip: I knew from the start, your business visit completely lacks credit. [1]

情侣装之辩: 我说了，只是色系相似，和情侣装没关系。

Couple outfit debate: I’ve already said, only the colours are similar, there is no relation to couple outfits. [2]

极限反杀: 看来某些胆小鬼，只敢问问题，不敢听回答。

Ultimate counter kill: Seems like a certain scaredy cat only dares to ask questions, but not hear the answer. [3]

读心宗师: 读笨鸟的想法，根本不需要机器帮忙。

Mindreading master: Reading a clumsy bird’s thoughts never needed any help from machines

远大前程: 作为某人乱封的终身导师，我有我的责任。

Great expectations: As a certain someone’s appointed lifelong mentor, I have my responsibilities.

爱的证明: 解释一下，我的姓名栏后面为什么画了颗心？

Proof of Love: Explain, why is there a heart drawn after the column for my name?

狐鸟让帽: 我说它看起来还可以的前提，是在你头上。

Fox Bird Hat: When I said it looks fine, it’s because it’s on your head.

(When I said that it looks fine, the prerequisite is that it is on your head.)

薛定谔的相像: 这是第十个你说和我一模一样的毛绒玩具。

Schrödinger's resemblance: This is the 10th time you’ve said that this plush toy is exactly like me. [4]

职业素养: 戴它是因为设计还不错，只是恰好作者是你。

Professionalism: I wear it because the design is not bad, it’s just that it happens that the creator is you. [5] 

-

Translator’s Notes

[1] The reason why they went on this date was that MC had special tickets, which she obtained as Prestine was planning a Cinamoroll collaboration series. MC said it was a work trip as an excuse to go out with Sariel

[2] In the first chapter of the event story, MC points out that Sariel’s clothes matched the Cinnamoroll theme, and QiShe tells MC that Sariel has not worn these colours n hundreds of years. Sariel then says that he didn’t do it because of the location’s theme, and says that it is because he knew that MC would dress to match the Cinamoroll theme. (Implying that he wanted to match outfits with her!!)

[3] MC asked Sariel if she was his most important person but did not dare to answer herself

[4] There was a machine that would give a Cinnamoroll plush which matches your expression, and the plush Sariel is holding in the pictures is from there

[5] MC designed some of the clothes for the Prestine x Cinnamoroll collaboration

#otome #light & night #light and night sariel #zhao lu #光与夜之恋 #齐司礼 #ln sariel #Youtube

[dxsole]

❣️ for vicente from avery

❣️ HE ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK ❣️

Not Accepting.

For a brief moment, his heart had stopped. There was chaos all around, a rival faction choosing now, of all times, to attack. Now, Vicente was not alone, not outnumbered, but still caught off guard.

Bullets had started flying, screams piercing the air and acting like a starting pistol— there was half a second where he took in a deep breath before his gun was drawn and he was putting himself in front of Avery. It's instinct. He was paid to do this, to put the safety of the girls, the cargo, and the money before himself.

But the lack of hesitation was caused by something greater than that paycheck.

Avery looked scared. She's more than used to being in the vicinity of guns, Vicente, and much of their entourage carrying them. But being targeted, and being shot at is not something she often had to deal with.

Without even thinking, he was leading her down, hand reaching back to firmly press against her shoulder until she was on the ground, Vicente never taking his eyes off their assailants but keeping that grip on her. He wanted to reassure her that she would be alright. That she wouldn't get hurt. That they would make it, because he was good at his job and he would never, ever let anything bad happen to her.

But then something went BANG and it's far too close for comfort. Vicente's knocked down, coughing, hacking up a lung— he's vaguely aware of people advancing, his team advancing forward. It's a good sign but his attention is pulled by a spattering of red on the floor by his feet.

"Avery?" It's barely heard over the gunfire. "Avery." Vicente sounds angry, almost annoyed that she's not responding, but inside he's tearing himself apart. He's crawling to her, swiping away the debris as he came in contact with it, splintered wood from the table they had been sitting at, broken glass from glasses she had been drinking from— "Avery, c'mon." It's said gruffly, angrily, frightened.

She looked peaceful, almost like she was sleeping, red sprayed across her cheek. "Avery. Avery, wake up." She's given a slight shake which earns him a soft groan. "Avery— Avery open your eyes. Open them right now."

He doesn't know where the blood is coming from, it all looks like splatter as he pats her down, searching for any indication of where she was hit. "Baby, talk to me— Avery please." He's pleading now, unable to stop his labored breathing and the genuine fear traveling up his spine.

There's a hum of acknowledgment, lashes fluttering open as her eyes roll in their sockets, trying to reorient herself. "That's good. Keep 'em open. Okay? Just keep looking at me, okay?"

"What...what happened?" She sounds groggy.

"Nothing happened. Avery, keep your eyes open please." His tone attempts to be stern but it's laced with concern, eyes looking glassy as he stared down at her. "Where are you hurt?" He can't find it. Blood is pooling by his knees. "Avery tell me where it hurts—"

"You're bleeding."

Vicente stares at her, breath hitching for a second. The gunfight sounds muffled, far, far away from them, but he can suddenly hear his heart pounding in his ears. He doesn't feel it, but he still follows her eyes, noting that his side now had a noticeable stain of blood. He watched as it trickled down his leg to the pool between them. Oh.

"Yeah, I am...you're not hurt, are you?" Avery shakes her head, still disoriented, still confused as to why he seemed so panicked.

Vicente nods, lips pursed tightly as the bundle of nerves that had been growing in his stomach recedes. Despite his own injury, he's quick to cradle her, just relieved that she was okay. "You scared me." He mutters, knowing once they were safe and away from this place that she would probably tease him about his concern.

Ah, well, she knew by now how he felt. There's no use in trying to hide it.

He pulls her closer, now finally looking up to see nothing but far-off silhouettes and smoke hazily rolling down the street. Thoth isn't going to appreciate the amount of publicity this was going to cause, but he didn't care about that right now.

In this brief moment of calm, he kisses her, Vicente attempting to be gentle given the circumstances, but unable to stop the desperation. "I thought—" He croaked out.

Vicente doesn't want to even think about what he thought. "But you're okay." He wasn't seeing as he was still bleeding, but he could ignore it. He's been shot before, and even if the adrenaline is just starting to wane, that familiar dull ache starting to creep in on him, he's just glad she's okay. "You're fine. You're just fine." It's said between deep kisses and a short, punctuated laugh. "You fuckin' scared me. But you're....you're okay."

#chingcna #ch: vicente #Verse: I Need 100 Black Coffins For 100 Bad Men

[cheggin]

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The concept of working from home for women became the norm about 20 years ago, and it's time for another change. Everyone unable to work due to social pressure/family responsibilities or lack of opportunity has something new at hand. There are few job opportunities for stay-at-home housewives. By putting their skills to work they can add well to the family income.

#Earn online #Earn money online #extra income #Online jobs #Make money online #work from home

[incorrecthpjo]

Remus: You make bad decisions

Sirius: At least i can make decisions

Sirius: Even if they are bad

#today's lesson kids #is not to attack fel with her bad decisions #because she will attack you with your lack of unability to choose #and remus is bi and ofc he cant make decisions #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #incorrect quotes #marauders era #marauders #hp #harry potter #incorrect hp quotes #incorrect marauders quotes #incorrect harry potter quotes #incorrect marauders era quotes #overheard at hogwarts #incorrect wolfstar quotes #mwpp #moony #padfoot #remus x sirius #sirius x remus

[psychee92]

Why Elriel has the most realistic relationship in the ACOTAR series

Disclaimer: If you’re reading this, please take a step back from your personal preferences (ships, characters). This post lacks any subjectivity and focuses, instead, on the timeline (canon) of the ACOTAR series, and what this means for the development of Azriel and Elain’s relationship.

I’m always surprised when I read a post claiming that Elriel is not realistic, or that it came out of nowhere. While I will use scenes from the books as references, my biggest argument against Elriel not being realistic, or having come out of nowhere, is the passing of time (and compatibility).

These two characters have spent more time together than any other ACOTAR couple.

How, then, does it not make sense that they developed a mutual attraction/feelings for one another?

Remember: We have yet to read Elain’s POV, and have read very little about Azriel’s thoughts and feelings, but the little we do know is very telling.

Let’s start by looking at compatibility—something that Maas has focused on, again and again, since their first meeting. 

Feyre draws constant parallels between them—how alike they are in temperament. How similar they are, both able to put others at ease without much difficulty. They’ve shared one scene together, interacted once, and Feyre can already picture it, picture them together.

Most importantly, however, Maas draws the reader’s attention to their ability to read one another. Remember—Azriel’s own family is unable to discern his thoughts/emotions and yet, Elain manages to do so during their first meeting.

This shows how perceptive they both are.

Their ability to read each other is addressed again in Azriel’s Bonus POV, but more on that later. 

Then, in ACOWAR, the little hints about their compatibility increase tenfold. Do you think that it’s a coincidence that Elain interacts with Azriel moments after her first interaction with Lucien?

(It is also interesting to note the description in this passage. The image is poetic, and the meaning behind this moment (him carrying her in his arms through the front door - bridal-style? - even more so).

Do you think that it’s a coincidence that, after saying that no one truly sees her (or bothers to look), we see Azriel offering to show Elain the garden? He senses what she needs before anyone else does.

(It should also be noted that he offers to show it to her, something that no one asked him to do.)

Do you think that it’s a coincidence that Elain, who is viewed as the weakest of the Archeron sisters, is never afraid (or intimidated by) Azriel, who is often perceived as one of the (if not the) most feared member of the IC? Azriel, with his shadows and wings, with his cold eyes and expressionless face?

Do you think that it’s a coincidence that Feyre noticed the small moment between them, when Elain looked at his scars and called them beautiful? The scars on his hands are a reminder of the horrors he endured and yet, Elain calls them beautiful.

(It is almost as if she truly sees him, as well).

Finally, do you think that it’s a coincidence that Feyre, who witnessed both, Elain’s interaction with Lucien and Azriel, questions whether the Cauldron chose the right mate for Elain?

Again, we have the poetic description, and two contrasting images: brutal and lovely. And yet, Feyre looks at them and sees how compatible they truly are. She knows Lucien well—she considers him a friend—and yet, the chemistry between Azriel and Elain is so evident (and has been since ACOMAF), that she cannot help but wonder if the Cauldron made a mistake.

I would also like to draw your attention to the scene that Feyre witnesses between them. They are both sitting in silence and yet, they appear content. Do you know how rare it is to be in the same room with someone and not feel the need to fill the silence with conversation? I don’t know about you, but I’ve only ever experienced this feeling with the people I’m closest to. 

Azriel understands Elain’s need for peace and quiet (a need that he shares and can relate to, as well), and he chooses to stay with her in the garden (again, no one asked him to). She is comfortable enough around him to not mind his presence. In fact, with Elain drinking her tea and Azriel reading his reports, they are the very picture of domesticity.

Then, Azriel continues to seek out her presence.

Any interactions between them take place behind the scenes, but again, notice how Azriel is the one offering to keep her company in the garden. Feyre was going to do it herself, but he stepped in. What can we conclude from this?

He enjoys her company.

So much so that, after the Ravens’ attack, when Nesta worries about Elain, Rhys informs her that Azriel was still at the house when the attack happened.

The scenes that follow are the most widely discussed, so I will only mention them briefly:

It is not a coincidence that it was Azriel (and not Lucien) who figured out that Elain is a seer (nor is it a coincidence that he was the only one who truly listened to her, instead of thinking that she’s gone mad, like everyone else).

It is not a coincidence that he was the only one who thought of her when the Cauldron lured her away. Why didn’t Nesta, the overprotective older sister? Or Feyre, who dreamed of it happening? Why did Maas have Azriel utter, “What about Elain?”

It is not a coincidence that he was the one who risked his life to save hers (and not Lucien). 

I believe that, if Elain wasn’t already feeling some kind of pull towards Azriel, having him rescue her was the final push in that direction.

And it makes perfect sense.

She’s never seen by anyone (not even her sisters)—until she meets Azriel. Not only does he pay attention to what she needs, he keeps her company, and seemingly enjoys being in her presence.

Similarly, it makes perfect sense for Azriel to feel a pull towards Elain, as well.

Contrary to what a loud majority has been saying, Azriel does not need another Cassian or Mor in his life. He is quite obviously an introvert, who craves peace and quiet above all else. He is surrounded by extroverts and, if you’re an introvert, you know how draining it can be. It makes sense, then, that he gravitated towards Elain, whose temperament matches his.

Again, it all comes down to compatibility.

They understand each other.

He understands her need for peace and quiet, and she understands his.

They accept each other.

But, more importantly, they trust each other. 

It makes sense, doesn’t it? That he risked his life without a second thought to save hers. By the time Elain gets taken, Azriel and Elain have spent time in each other’s company and have quite obviously formed a bond/connection—a companionship of sorts, built on mutual understanding and acceptance.

She trusts him. She feels safe with him. Something that I guarantee she hasn’t felt since being violated and changed into a Fae against her will.

Similarly, he trusts her.

Why does Azriel give Truth-Teller, his legendary blade, to Elain? He doesn’t just let her touch it; he actually lends it to her, and trusts her enough to know that she’ll return it to him when she’s ready to.

In 500+ years, he has never let another person touch that blade—not even Mor, the woman he loves—but he parts with it for Elain.

Why? Because he knows that she cannot go into a battlefield unarmed, and understands that she, too, trusts him enough to accept it and use it if need be.

We, as readers, understand the importance of this moment. Maas draws our attention to Cassian’s shock, and includes the dialogue between Feyre and Rhys to underline, again and again, that something extremely significant is taking place.

So significant, in fact, that the scene was included in the coloring book and mentioned again in ACOFAS.

Maas is once again saying how rare this is. How different. How significant.

And what about the description? Like before, Maas uses poetic wording and contrasting imagery to describe Azriel and Elain.

The only bridge of connection—because what we are seeing, what we’ve been getting hints of, is two people who have slowly formed a connection.

Trust is earned.

Trust is built.

It does not happen overnight.

Remember—the majority of Azriel and Elain’s relationship takes place behind the scenes. We know that they are spending time together—and even have a description of some of their interactions—but we don’t really know what happens when it’s just the two of them.

This connection between them does not happen overnight.

ACOFAS takes place months after the war.

And what do we witness?

Azriel and Elain having grown even closer. In other words, we see progress and development.

He respects her, and cares about her. He makes everyone wait for her to be seated at the table, something he has never done before (similar to when he lended her Truth-Teller).

Again, that understanding.

And Azriel seeking out her company.

And Elain seeing him, paying attention to his needs.

Making him laugh like no one has ever had before.

And finally, them enjoying spending time in each other’s company. At 3 AM.

Azriel would rather sit and listen to Elain talk about her garden than go upstairs with the others.

Notice the pattern of understanding, trust, and connection that Maas has been coming back to (and increasing, strengthening) since ACOMAF.

Why, then, are readers surprised by their feelings?

More than two years have passed since their first meeting.

By the time we get a glimpse into Azriel’s thoughts and feelings, these two characters have been interacting and spending time with each other for years.

No, his feelings did not come out of nowhere.

No, their feelings are not cliché, or unrealistic.

No, he did not get over Mor after meeting Elain. In fact, we went from this in ACOMAF:

To this in ACOWAR:

And finally, to this, in ACOSF:

Again, remember: ACOSF takes place 1.5 years after ACOWAR, and almost 2 years after ACOMAF.

Azriel getting over Mor has been a gradual process. Same with Elain getting over Graysen.

Azriel does not see Elain as the third sister, one he is entitled to.

He actually sees Elain, something that Maas has been hinting at since ACOMAF.

The relationship (and feelings) between these two characters has been building for 2 years.

And 90% of it has taken place behind the scenes.

Azriel’s POV is proof of this:

What looks? What occasional brush of their fingers?

We’ve seen none of this.

And it makes sense.

We haven’t gotten their POVs yet.

Even Azriel’s POV is filled with the pattern that Maas has established for them since ACOMAF.

Understanding (and an ability to read each other without the use of words):

Trust:

Connection:

This is why their relationship is far more realistic (and healthy, but that’s a post for another time) than Feysand’s or Nessian’s. In a way, it reminds me of Kallias and Viviane’s (friends to lovers), who spent years developing a friendship, which then turned into romantic feelings.

Why?

Because they’ve had time.

Time to get to know each other, to connect with each other.

Time to develop a friendship which then slowly turned into romantic feelings and sexual desire.

This is also why I connect with and understand their relationship—more so than anyone else’s in the ACOTAR series.

#acosf spoilers #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #elain archeron #pro elain #azriel #azriel's pov #elriel #pro elriel

[thecinematicalgorithm]

Sam Wilson vs. John Walker

I really enjoyed today’s episode for various reasons but the main reason why this has been my favorite episode so far is the parallels shown between Sam and John. Before reading on please beware of spoilers from episode four of Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

1. Sam Negotiated vs John Attacked

When Sam and Co. found Karli Morgenthau John was all ready to go charging in to apprehend and take down Karli. To be fair, she is now responsible for the deaths of 3 people and injuries of 10 others with future prospects for more casualties. John, who is working directly for the government, was tasked with arresting her, and with his military background, he’s not inclined to negotiate.

Sam however, despite his own military background, is more inclined to negotiate because he doesn’t just see a terrorist. He sees a human being who has suffered and is trying to help others who are suffering. He understands exactly what she’s going through because his own family is suffering from the aftermath of The Blip as well. Whereas John is unable to understand Karli, and therefore unable to connect with her, Sam realized there is more to Karli than the violence.

2. Sam Didn’t Hesitate vs John Hesitated

If you’ve seen this episode you know that the hesitation is in regards to the question “If given the opportunity, would you take the serum?” Zemo poses this question to Sam and my man didn’t even stop to reconsider before answering with a resounding no, impressing Zemo himself. However, in another scene John asks Lemar this same question after the viewer has already seen him pocket the last vial of serum that Zemo missed when he was happily stomping out the rest. This tells us that John is, predictably, thinking and hesitating over the idea of taking the serum.

Why is this important? Well this parallel actually takes me back to a scene from Spiderman: Homecoming when Tony tells Peter that “If you’re nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it.” The same can be said of the serum. Sam denies that he would take the serum because he knows he doesn’t need it. John however, is clearly feeling that he is useless in his role as this new Captain America. He feels like he is nothing without the serum. Therefore, as Tony would say, he shouldn't have it, and neither should he have the shield.

To make something clear though, taking the serum, or wanting to take the serum is not inherently a bad thing. However, John does not understand its power. Interestingly, Lemar seemed to have a much better grasp on its nature than his partner. He understood that it will enhance what you already have within you. Steve was like this as well. When Rogers took the serum all the way back in 1943, he didn’t hesitate. For him it was merely an opportunity to give back to his country, meaning Steve already knew he had something to offer he was just limited because of his physical and medical conditions. The serum basically became a tool for Steve to do what he would have done anyway if he had been able to. The power of the serum is that it merely enhances the power you already have, whether that’s your strength or emotions or personality.

John on the other hand seems to be under the impression that taking the serum will give him more power and turn him into something beyond what he already is. This is evident in his distress over having been defeated by women who were not super-juiced. First of all, someone needs to point out to him that even Bucky got his ass owned by these ladies, so it’s not simply a ‘John-Walker-is-a-weak-ass-bitch’ thing. Secondly, John’s distress seems to show us that he has some major insecurities that are not good to have for someone who is thinking of juicing up on some super juice.

3. Sam is a good man vs. John is the perfect soldier

Dr. Erskine’s reasoning behind his choosing of Steve holds true. Steve was chosen because he was a good man not a perfect soldier. Steve chose Sam because he was a good man, not a perfect soldier (though he was a damn good one). However, John seems to have been chosen by the U.S. government because of his military record or his near perfect soldier status. Multiple times it’s been mentioned that John has three medals of honor. Every response John seems to have to situations is aggressive and combat-related. He doesn’t negotiate, he gets angry when people don’t follow his orders, he prefers to have the whole team working together rather than splitting off to accomplish tasks on their own, even if those tasks are better suited for solo work (such as Sam having a conversation with Karli). However, he is lacking in the qualities that would make him a good candidate for the serum, which is why it ended in disaster just as I foresaw.

As much as I dislike the character of John Walker and what he is doing to Steve’s legacy, I think his character is a great way of setting Sam on his journey to accepting the shield and stepping up as Captain America, which I assume is the end goal here. It allows the audience to see more of why Steve chose Sam as well as allow Sam to come to it on his own terms.

Thank you for reading! Let me know if you have any other parallels you noticed!

#falcon #winter soldier #sam wilson #anthony mackie #john walker #wyatt russell #bucky barnes #sebastian stan #captain america #steve rogers #ayo #baron zemo #daniel bruhl #florence kasumba #lemar hoskins #tony stark #robert downey jr #peter parker #tom holland #karli morgenthau #erin kellyman #abraham erskine #stanley tucci

[thefanficmonster]

Sleepless Nights

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: During an unusually windy night, Y/N finds herself unable to sleep while her boyfriend is streaming in the other room, unaware of the terror revving outside thanks to his headphones. So, Y/N does the only thing she can in order to finally get some shuteye.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request, I had such a blast writing it! I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to complete and post it but here it finally is and I hope you’ve stuck around long enough to read it! If you have, please enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

It’s that time of year again - the city is terrorized by the loudest, most intense winds that wield the strength of a mythological creature and sound like the wails of hell’s sufferers. You may find my description of this natural occurrence rather dramatic and over the top but that’s because you aren’t here to hear and see this horror show going on. Trees have been uprooted from the ground and have fallen on top of cars, damaging them expensively. Chimneys all around are whistling hauntingly as the gusts of wind pass through them, the sound sending shivers down my spine.

Winds have never sat right with me and I often found myself lacking shuteye during the night if they were wilding outside while I tried to sleep even as a kid. My parents thought I’d grow out of it as the years went by but I never did apparently, seeing as how I’m wide awake at close to 2AM on a workday. I have to be at work by eight in the morning and if I don’t catch some z’s soon I might just show up looking like a zombie.

This is not the first time such an occurrence has happened. However, on those past occurrences, I wasn’t alone in bed, twisting and turning under the covers so I could extinguish the sound that’s violating my head. On those occasions, I had someone lying in bed next to me with his arms wrapped around me tightly or with his hands covering my ears. That person isn’t with me right now though. He’s in a room two doors away, streaming Among Us with his friends.

I’ve had Corpse ditch streams to comforting me during anxiety-inducing windstorms like this one but I can only assume he cannot hear what is going on outside since I haven’t heard a single word from him. Of course, comforting me isn’t his job and I’m not the type of girlfriend to be clingy and in need of her boyfriend to be there for her 24/7. Quite the contrary actually - I’m independent and rarely ask for people’s help, Corpse’s included. However, there’s one thing I need help with and this is it - falling asleep at a time like this. That’s a task I cannot manage on my own.

And so, against my better judgement and putting aside my embarrassment surrounding my fear, I kick the covers off me and get up, stretching my arms above my head as I walk out of the bedroom Corpse and I share and into the hallway which is pitch black as the rest of the apartment. The only light is coming from underneath the door to Corpse’s recording room but even that is so faint I can only guess it’s coming from his computer screen.

With an uneasy sigh, I make my way down the hall, flinching when a particularly strong gust of wind rattles the windows. This apartment building is old makes noises of its own on the regular, the last thing it needs is these attacks it’s now forced to endure because the weather outside is crappy as all hell. Take an already noisy building and pelt it with gusts of wind, yeah that equals a sleepless night for me.

The recording room door isn’t shut all the way as usual. Corpse prefers keeping it open a crack so he can enter and exit it without making noise in the middle of the night as to not wake me up, seeing as how I’m quite a light sleeper. It also allows me to enter and exit it soundlessly whenever I want to either bring him a snack or spook him. There’s no in-between: I either bring him something to eat/drink, or I scare the daylight out of him. The latter usually happens when he’s playing a horror game though so it’s rare which is why he hasn’t started shutting the door as to be alerted of my schemes before I give him a mini heart attack.

And so, I tip-toe my way in his recording room, squinting my eyes when I’m faced with the beaming computer screen opposite the door though it’s partially blocked by the hunched over Corpse who is still unaware of my presence. So, in order to avoid freaking him out, I deliver a couple of soft but audible enough knocks to the door frame to grab his attention.  My attempt proves successful as I see him yank off his headset and whirl around in his chair to face me.

“Am I being too loud?“ Even in the dark, I can make out the lines of his face contorting into an expression of guilt.

I give him a lopsided smile as I strut over to him with lazy steps. Just as I part my lips to speak, a strong gust of wind shakes the building, producing a wailing-like sound that immediately forces me to freeze up, the smile disappearing from my face.

Corpse’s face shifts expressions again, this time exhibiting a compassionate, comforting smile, “That’s what it is, isn’t it? You can’t sleep?” I shake my head, biting my lip as I feel my cheeks heat up. “Come here.” He mutters, opening his arms invitingly.

Without a single doubt, I come closer, not putting up a fight when he pulls me into his lap. I let my legs hang off either side of his hips, wrapping my arms around his neck as I hide my face in the crook of his neck breathing in his scent mixed with the cologne that has lingered on his hoodie and hair.

“Wait a sec...“ he mumbles, pulling away from me briefly. I’m confused for a second, but then I feel the pair of wireless headphones he covers my ears with and I give him a grateful smile, already feeling myself beginning to relax at the warmth of his body against mine and the soothing comfort of his touch. However, when the lo-fi music starts playing through my headphones - a playlist he’s complied for me whenever I have sleepless nights such as these for whatever reason - I’m a complete goner.

And so I find myself drifting off with the mixed sounds of lo-fi beats, Corpse’s whispers and his heartbeat and honestly, not to be cheesy or anything, but I’ve never heard a sweeter lullaby in all my life.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse fanfic #corpse fluff #corpse fic #corpse fanfiction #corpse fandom #corpse x y/n #corpse x you #corpse x reader #corpse imagine #corpse imagines #corpse husband x y/n #corpse husband fanficiton #corpse simp #corpse husband fanfic #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband fic #corpse husband fanfiction #corpse husband fluff #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband is ruining my life #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #fan #fandom #fluff #requests open #request

[mercurial-madhouse]

Trigger Warning: Healing is painful, but there’s so much light on the other side if we’re strong enough to walk through the dark.

My hope in sharing my story is to help anyone who reads it find peace or healing, just as I always aim with my fiction. If it feels right to you to do so, I encourage you to reblog this. It is highly personal, but I choose to share it publicly.

************

This past Sunday, I received an email responding to my desire to withdraw from a fic fest. Instead of the simple “You have been removed from the fest” that I’d been expecting through an official channel from mods to a participant, this is the response I received. Please be aware, the following is painful.

***

We've removed you from the fest and will mark you down as not being welcome to participate in future fests. We show a great deal of compassion toward our writers, which is why we send reminders, answer any and all questions, and provide extensions when requested. There's a reason why our fest has one of the highest numbers of fics of any fest/challenge in the fandom - it's because we support our participating writers and do everything possible to assist them as they complete their fics.

However, once a writer has repeatedly failed to communicate and missed both a deadline and an extended deadline, it's clear that they do not have any respect for the fest, the mods, our time, or our own unique situations, as we don't have endless extra hours to track down participants in a fic fest. Several reminders on three different platforms, an extension, and requests for writers to simply let us know if they need more time does not demonstrate a lack of compassion in any capacity. We also showed a great deal of compassion by welcoming you with open arms into the [redacted] after you insulted the fest, insulted [redacted] fics, and made writers uncomfortable last year after signing up to beta their fics, all while pretending to support and uplift writers in the fandom just as you did in your email here.

Have a great week!

- [redacted] Mods

***

This email arrived right at the end of the night, just as I was lying down to sleep. I couldn’t read it all the way through. It elicited a trauma response in me. My heart started racing, my palms were sweaty, I was shaking, I felt sick to my stomach.

I went into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. My first response was to freeze. In order to escape the barrage of pain bombarding me, I simply dissociated and disconnected from my body. It allowed me to sleep, but barely. I deleted the email in a desperate attempt to pretend it didn’t exist.

The pain caught up with me twenty-four hours later. I couldn’t breathe, my lungs shrunk in around my heart. My whole body locked up. I couldn’t move. I knew that if I spoke, even to say ‘hello’ to someone, I’d start crying.

The moment I was alone in my room the tears came. The pain came, bursting through me. I sobbed uncontrollably, curled into myself on my bed, begging for the pain to stop, begging for a miracle, screaming internally for relief and to understand what I’d done to deserve this because I didn’t have the air for more than broken whispers.

I fell asleep whispering ‘I need a miracle’ over and over. The mantra blocked out all the disgusting thoughts that wanted to keep swirling through my head. This is it. This is the final proof that you don’t belong here. You never have. You never will. Run away, M. It’s over. You tried, you failed. You always do. You always will.

I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

Grief is intense. These are the moments where we don’t think we’ll survive what we’re feeling. My love, whoever you are, if you are reading this, hear from me. The agony passed. I needed to feel that agony, to allow it to move through me and to give myself the space to feel it. Without diving off the deep end into what hurts, I wouldn’t have been able to find the inner peace to keep healing, to start to understand.

The residual pain is still there, even as I write this post. But it no longer overwhelms my senses. And by Tuesday morning, I’d been given insight into what was happening.

I experienced a trauma response because it mirrored mistreatment I first received in childhood from family and classmates alike and continued into my adult life. In full view of others, it was acknowledged as cruel even by my mother, who struggles with her own guilt because she never stood up for me. No one did.

So I internalized the mistreatment. I must deserve it if everyone else around me is ok with me being singled out like this? At first I spoke up for myself. But in the end I stopped speaking up for myself too. I had never healed this pain and here it was, coming back around again, forcing me to face it, to heal it once and for all.

I still do not know what exactly I may have said to cause these accusations that you see in the email. **I do not and will not deny them.** Even if my words were taken in a way I did not consciously intend, to deny that I said anything that caused someone else pain is to deny my own power AND to deny that everyone’s emotions are valid and worth digging into.

I have the power to inflict pain, just as I have the power to spread and share love and joy.

Whatever I said came from a place of pain, of believing I did not belong in this community. That I am not good enough or worthy enough to be here. A series of unfortunate but necessary events when I first entered this fandom completely disintegrated my core beliefs in my abilities as a writer, something I have always kept so close to my heart, and my belief that I had a place in this fandom.

I expect, as I look into my past patterns, that what I did was try to logic why I wasn’t allowed to belong. At the time, this fest was the only subset of the fandom I knew, I was so brand new. So I looked through all the prompts in the fest. I brought a scientific method view to answering the question: “What is it about the fics people write in this fandom am I unable/incapable of doing?”

This process allowed me to generalize everything I saw that I perceived as ‘I can’t do that, this is why I don’t belong here’. Consumed in my own doubt that I could measure up and write something worth reading, I dropped from the fest last year too. If I can’t contribute writing that’s worth reading, I could at least stick with what I do best, which is helping others be their best selves. I had signed up to beta, and I chose to cling to the only grasp of belonging I had, which was through beta’ing. I ended up beta’ing four fics last year for the fest. And, of course, each of them were (and still are) incredible fics. At the time, it was further proof to me of exactly what I can’t accomplish.

In all likelihood, these generalizations, stemming from a place of pain and jealousy because I wanted to write good fics too, came out in a personal conversation with someone, which they translated as a personal attack. It is valid. Whoever you are, your emotions are valid. It does not matter how I meant whatever I said, pain is what you felt. This person did not feel comfortable sharing that pain with me, so instead they turned to others and shared. My moment of vulnerability and pain then spread more pain.

Pain only comes from pain.

The response was to shadow ban me. In fact, I was never meant to find out about any of this. The pain this person shared was simply taken at face value and that was that.

So on my end, this decision showed up in the physical world this way: Suddenly all my asks went unanswered, people I tagged to share snippets and last lines and get to know more through ‘about me’ posts or who had once talked to me through DMs simply stopped speaking to me in a way that is only noticeable to the person being ignored. I thought I was going crazy. But there it was, right in front of me: absolute proof that I wasn’t good enough to be a part of this fandom.

Is anyone else beginning to see the cycle of pain?

I expect I continued this cycle right back, because the pain turned to bitterness. I’d been doing everything I could to support every author the best way I knew how, and this was what I got? The exact opposite?

I found out about this shadow ban and actual blocking around June of this year. An ask sent in by a friend for me, inquiring why I couldn’t reblog a post that’d been sent to me by someone else, finally gave me the answer that I’d been banned for the accusations you saw above.

Horrified, hurt, and unable to comprehend any of this except to know that I support every author no matter what they write, I sent an apology to the mods, trying to end this cycle the best I could without knowing any of the details of what had happened. There was nothing more I could do.

They thanked me for the apology, though as you can see from the email, it was never accepted. I do not say that as a judgement call, but simply as a statement of what happened. Everyone is entitled to accept or not accept in their own time and their own ways.

I have been healing so much since everything that occurred last year. And the more I dig in to this cycle, the more my heart goes out to the drafters of this email, to the person I hurt with my words who then turned to share it out of context with others, and to the people who shadow banned me in connection with this situation.

We attract to us what resonates with us. Like attracts like. Which means just as I’ve attracted the greatest friends to me, I have also attracted this pain, and conversely, these mods and that person attracted me to them.

Deep down, on some level we share the same core wounds. And the person who can really understand just how painful those wounds can be is someone who feels them too.

So this is my message to the mods of the above email, to those who have shadow banned me and want nothing to do with me, and to the original person I hurt with my words:

I am sorry for my part in this pain. I am sorry for causing pain and I apologize for it. You are loved. You are enough. You are doing a fantastic job. Your feelings are valid. Your hurt is valid. I don’t know what occurred that hurt you before I entered the fandom, but after finding out from others that an email like the one you sent above is ‘Oh that’s just how they are’ tells me something else happened to hurt you before I even arrived.

Your hurt then is valid too. Allow yourself to feel it and process it. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let that hurt and fear of it happening again or believing that that’s how everyone is push away from you people who in fact love just what you love. If someone has a different belief from yours, don’t let it invalidate what is true for you. Believing internalized lies about myself only caused me pain. And we spread and create what we believe to be true, whether we consciously realize it or not.

So here, now, is my truth:

I choose to perpetuate love. I choose to spread love. I choose to understand my pain and the pain of others, to transmute it, and to heal it, instead of passing that pain on.

I choose compassion. Compassion for myself in making these mistakes, and compassion for those who have hurt me. I do not condone the email that was sent to me. No one deserves to be treated that way. I choose to focus beneath the visceral anger and lashing out, to focus on the agony beneath the words, and stop this cycle of pain.

I choose to belong in this fandom. I choose to support every author in this fandom and ensure no one ever feels not good enough. I choose to own my past mistakes and learn from them.

I choose trust. To trust that those who I truly hope will see this, will see it. I have no expectations of responses or outcomes or reactions. My only hope is that whoever will benefit from seeing this post will see it.

This is not a matter of right or wrong, bad or good, just or unjust. It is a situation of two parties in pain, triggered by the same triggers.

Looking back on that email, I’ve come to realize that half of the pain I felt when I received it was not my own. I felt the pain of the attack, sure, but I also felt the immense pain beneath those words. And I wish I could hug you. I acknowledge your pain and I acknowledge how painful it is because I know that pain myself. I also know that this pain isn’t you and it isn’t who you are.

So I choose to remember the mods I first met around this same time last year in this same email chain. Mods who were so kind and offered advice to a brand new writer even when she sent an email that had nothing to do with the fest and was still struggling to find her place in the fandom. I choose to remember how beautiful that kindness felt. I choose to remember how I was so grateful for that kindness that I shared my gratitude for these same mods in an email with with another fandom friend at the time. I am still grateful for you.

You are so loved. You are loved for being exactly who you are. This fandom is built upon love. A shared love of five incredibly talented lads who have brought so much joy and light when each and every one of us has needed it the most. Shine your light through the dark and believe with all your heart that you are not alone. You have support. I support you. Shine on. Don’t let anyone dim it.

#Being this vulnerable #is an act of courage #I never knew I had #I'm not fearless #I feel ready to vomit #I have no idea how this will be received #but I am sharing my truth #have courage to share your truth #the world needs you

[dwter]

the most embarrassing thing about this fandom is the way they hate women/woman alighted ppl and won’t even acknowledge it. Hannah gets so much shit for breathing. The time people were attacking her for building Amongus statues on the SMP and calling the SMP sus as if the feral boys and tommy (and probably others but those are the only one I watch) have been saying sus for the longest time and nobody said shit to them. Or how Andi said something that is minuscule in comparison to what some of the beloved white men have said but shes treated like she killed 20 people. and how they’ll call Tina and Gumi’s personality and their voices fake and say shes trying too hard to nice and then turn around and criticize Emma for the exact opposite thing and say she’s trying too hard to be seem cool and fit in with the boys. Women cannot exist in the same space as their male faves or they will get dragged through hell.

sorry for answering this so late anon but literally literally literallyyy 😭😭😭 the misogyny is literally so blatant it genuinely shocks me so much how in denial they are about it? the way they just cannot connect the dots makes me so angry like the double standards are not only so obvious but so harmful as well? female ccs have to be 10x better than their male counterparts to literally just not be harassed because they just refuse to give women nuance at all, let alone the same amount as white men. and like mcyttwt doesnt even HAVE critical thinking skills with most people sometimes so the fact that its so clear women face so much more of their shit is so recognizable says a lot. this topic genuinely gets me so heated bc its so in your face and so fucking hypocritical every single time like if i were in any of these guys' positions i would be so evil and full of hate. they are so much kinder than i am.

another thing i noticed is how women cannot exist in a medium space or grey like other male ccs can. this comes from the lack of nuance theyre given obviously but there is a phenomenon on mcyttwt where the female ccs are either it girls (tina for instance) or absolutely hated (hannah for example). and it stems from two things, tokenization from misogyny and also being unable to view women as separate from men. i have this in my notes app from like months ago and dont know if i posted abt it here but i said that a lot of ppl on mcyttwt joke about having "token white boys" they stan and talk about how they "hate men" but in truth, they only stan men and only have like a singular token woman they put up with bc of both their crazy expectations they have singularly for women and their flatout biases towards men in literally every sense. and if you notice, all of these token women they choose are always linked to and almost never seen as separate from the men they like and found them from. like tina for instance is one of the only girls that is seen very positively by the majority of mcyttwt and youre lying if you say its not largely because of the fact shes seen as a positive attachment to the men she is friends with. this isnt to say tina has nothing going for her otherwise or anything like that at all i love tina so much but that inclination towards her is definitely at leat partially because of the fact shes seen as an outstretch of the men mcyttwt likes and are biased towards. with hannah you see the opposite kind of reaction. hannah is not (on stream at least) super close to any of the dteam and most if not all of her content is situated in a different place than them and she is not seen as an accessory of the dteam/the men on the smp at all. unsurprisingly, she is not treated nearly as kindly because she cannot be seen in that rose coloured lens that mcyttwt views their white men and their "extensions" through and so she is treated terribly as a result because at the end of the day, women in this industry are never viewed fairly and if they want even just the possibility to be they have to be directly linked with a man to even have that chance. and so lo and behold, it always circles back to misogyny and the fact people, including women/girls themselves, always treat women like shit

#ask #ive actually been meaning to talk about that second part for awhile now #im not going to sit here and pretend i dont sometimes view the ppl the dteam/the ppl my favourite (and pretty much just male) streamers #talk to as extensions of them but mcyttwt is so bad about it and so so harmful towards the ppl it effects as well #i want to again stress that this is zero hate to anyone mentioned but i rly do think the examples were important to explain #anyways thank u anon for letting me go off if u are still here u are based 🤍 #essay #discourse tw

[gingermintpepper]

Gloxinia and Meliodas' First Meeting.

Time Period: Sometime during the Holy War

»»————-　♔　————-««

He remembers the Lord of the Faefolk.

Elizabeth lays limp in his arms.

The world explodes around him, typhoon’s cacophonous touch laying waste to the landscape but he does not feel the slice of the wind. Raindrops pierce through the clouds, bullets of water that seem to attack the thin veil of his cloak but he cares not for them. All he knows is the gellid flesh pressed against his chest, the drooping wings whose feathers seem to swell with water, bright white eyelashes slack from exhaustion, delicate eyebrows devoid of that determined furrow.

He’s running out of options, had gravely miscalculated during his battle with Calmadios and now was left without a place to return to, without a roof with which to weather this storm under. He had no place where Elizabeth could rest and recuperate from her wounds.

Even amongst the wanton destruction Meliodas had wrought in his time in the physical realm, the memory stands stark in the backdrop of his mind. A routine perimeter sweep after they had managed to gain new territory from beating back the Goddess Clan in the south. The normal agenda after such events - visiting the human nests, establishing the new order, weeding out dissenters and surviving pests, setting up scouts; it was all necessary yet monotonous activity so no one particularly fancied running such errands. It was only because Meliodas had drawn the short lot that he had to do the grunt work himself.

He hadn’t expected to find Fairies in the human nest, small creatures with their delicate wings healing humans and helping repair their odd little hutches. He’d not so much as heard about encounters with Fairies since coming into the realm - only knew of the whispers of the so-called Fairy King’s Forest and the great magic that was contained within. Meliodas thought it all nothing more than the mangled stories of drunk demons. He hadn’t felt any significant magic in the physical realm besides the heavy cloud that was the bestial Giant Clan and so he had dismissed even the notion of Fairies as such.

Yet there they were, smaller than even him in their diminutive stature, little faces scrunched in joy and determination even as the nest around them was razed and half ablaze.

And so Meliodas thought, ‘If the Fae are real, then surely their King is no illusion either.’

Zeldris must have heard by now he thinks. Would know that he made good on his word to abandon their people for the sake of Elizabeth and, ultimately, for ending this useless conflict.

Was he laughing at him? Was he gleefully watching his heinous older brother suffer for choosing a lover over the future of their clan only to immediately lose her to his pride? Meliodas alone had made the decision to defect while surrounded by his troops and three Commandments. His confidence in his strength had cost him dearly, but with Elizabeth at his back, he had felt invincible.

The rain continues to pour around them, but Meliodas cannot feel its freezing touch. Elizabeth’s warm blood is beginning to seep through her clothes. He doesn’t want to hold her tighter, fears that squeezing her will only make her bleed out faster. What good is his strength if he cannot help those most important to him in their times of need?

Lightning tears the sky asunder, thunder racing so close to its heel that the world around him seems to quake. He’ll have to land - he can’t risk attracting the bolts with Elizabeth in his grip. He is a demon but he can’t help but pray.

Prays that the chill descending on Elizabeth’s skin is only the rain. Prays that Zeldris finds some way to end the conflict too. Prays that he hasn’t ruined the only thing that could save Elizabeth’s life.

It surprises him even now. The ease with which the Fairies revealed the location of their home to him. Meliodas was quite aware that they knew him to be a demon. Even without knowledge of the rank or class that he occupied, his magic alone was nothing but purest, deepest black - yet, even as they trembled with their breaths caught in their throats and their little fingers halted in their actions, they dutifully told him what it was he wanted to know.

He remembers thinking then that the Fairies were a weak bunch - that they were a naive people who surely teetered on the brink of extinction for the easily exploitable trust they so readily gave.

Then came the fog.

He’s not surprised that even during this tempest, the fog is thick.

The last time he entered, the mist showed him illusions that confounded him for hours. The road disappeared beneath him, he’d ended up on a mountain and then at a lake and throughout it all quiet laughter echoed in his ear, disorienting him. Angering him.

Today there is only the quiet of deep, deep fog and the dampened splashing of rain as it struggles to cut through haze.

Meliodas lands on the muddy ground and takes off sprinting. He slips in an errant puddle, the ground slick and treacherous but even then he does not let go of Elizabeth. The air’s knocked from his lungs as he lands on his back. His shoulder burns but he cannot heal himself. He does not know what effect his miasma would have on Elizabeth in this weakened state. He does not want to find out. With trembling fingers, he adjusts her, frowns as the muscles beneath her fair skin refuse to twitch even when he lets his touch linger on the plush flesh of her lips, her cheek, the puncture in her stomach which gushes, gushes, and was he always able to glimpse the pink of her stomach? Was it wrong that he found that healthy colour as beautiful as the rest of her? But her skin is cold, cold too cold and her blood runs hot and Meliodas curses even the rains, roars his frustration so the lord of the lands knows that he is in no mood for games.

“Gloxinia!”

A part of him wondered if the Fairies had conned him; if they had only pretended to be shy things and had taken the opportunity to lead him to his death instead of guiding him to the Forest like they claimed they would. He’d think much higher of them if that was the case.

As it stands, Meliodas only wishes to tear the heads from their breakable bodies for the tasteless jest. Already, he’d found himself at the bottom of a lake, in which swimming in any direction only dragged him further down, a mountain trail which had led to him being apparently attacked by some manner of beast and a desert which stretched for so many hours that Meliodas had begun to sweat through the leathers of his gear. Terrible caterwauling the likes he had only heard in the deepest annals of the Underworld dogged his steps, and when the screeching stopped, the laughing began.

In each direction he was met with nothing but a wall of fog so thick that he could not even see the colour of his shoes and with each step without a discernible goal in sight, his resentment only grew.

And then, oddly, he caught the strong smell of flowers.

An unmistakable flash of red like spider lilies blooms in the corner of his periphery.

The tumultuous rain quiets to a mere whisper and the fog dissipates leaving only a dew laden field of bright, bright flowers.

The Fairy King is no less spectacular the second time around, celestial wings aglow with multicoloured magic which seems to glitter even in the midst of this gloomy, terrible squall. He stands with his hands at his side, thin lips pressed into a fine line. He is unarmed, alone. Unimpressed.

“You have returned,” he says dully and Meliodas does not have time to be offended at the lack of respect.

He tightens his grip on Elizabeth’s thigh, does his best to keep from snarling. “Heal her!”

A perfect eyebrow threatens to scrape scarlet hairline. “I beg your pardon?”

Meliodas growls, refuses to rest Elizabeth against the forest floor yet cannot risk jostling her for the sake of emphasis, “She hurt herself protecting me. I want you to heal her.”

Gloxinia’s neutral expression becomes a faintly bemused smile. “Is that a request or a threat, Demon Lord?”

Meliodas glares (and Elizabeth is growing cold in his grip, cold, cold, he is running out of time-) “Both, Fairy.”

The fog begins to creep in not unlike storm clouds on the placid horizon. The sound of thunder begins to descend upon them, red and purple flower buds disappearing beneath the cloak of the Fairy King’s enchanted mist. The fae smiles and it is a cold, cruel thing which sits comfortably on cherubic features, “Then I bid you farewell.”

Meliodas feels the wrath overflow, feels it in the way his vision goes black at the edges, in the way he can hear Elizabeth’s failing heartbeat. Anger at Gloxinia for refusing him, for dooming Elizabeth to death. Anger at himself for being unable to protect her, for failing her, “I will raze this forest to the ground, Gloxinia! Help her or I will slaughter every one of your kind!”

And that despicable Fairy only looks down at him, golden eyes more damning than any bolt of heavenly lightning, “It matters not, Demon Lord, she will already be dead.”

Then he is alone.

Elizabeth’s heartbeat grows so frail that Meliodas cannot hear it over the rain that has rushed in. Fog blinds his eyes, anger stifles his mind and the breaks and creaks in his bones finally overwhelm him. He crumples, mud splattering all over Elizabeth’s once white battle silks. She will die. She will die and it will have been his fault. Is this how Zeldris felt he wonders? This despair - this deep, gaping emptiness as the warmth of his lover cools to ice beneath his numb fingers.

Meliodas has never cried. It is a foreign concept to one as high born as he but his heart sinks to his stomach and threatens to slip free from his chest altogether. He bends his head, furrows his brows, squeezes Elizabeth’s flesh as he listens to her slowing heart.

‘Please,’ he wants to whisper. ‘Please, please have mercy on a sinner. Just this once.’

A pungent scent like foreign herbs fills his nose -

“[Droplet of Life]”

There is a glow, some bright unfathomable light and Meliodas sits up like he’s been burnt. Elizabeth’s heart suddenly beats in her chest, loud and melodic and it is the sweetest sound Meliodas has heard in years. He looks up to find cold eyes looking down on him, the Fairy King’s red hair spilling over his shoulders like reeds against some sheer cliffside.

He frowns, squints at Meliodas then appraises Elizabeth. Without so much as another word, he straightens himself and makes a gesture with two of his fingers. The fog lifts entirely, revealing a twisted up pathway between massive, primordial boughs. Flowers of every specie litter the ground preceding the entryway and Gloxinia turns his back on them. “Spend the night here,” he says and though Meliodas twitches at the unmistakable authority in that light voice, his gratitude and surprise renders him mute. “This storm will rage for four days and five nights. Regain your strength then leave.”

And then he disappears into the forest, leaving Meliodas and Elizabeth in the stillness of his eden.

#This has so much headcanon in it it's not even funny #But it's also completely up for debate how Glox Meli Eli and Drole met soooo #Yeah I'm exploiting that #gloxinia #gloxinia of repose #gloxinia nnt #meliodas #elizabeth liones #melizabeth #nnt #seven deadly sins #nanatsu no taizai #ginger writes #long post #Meliodas was a complete tool as a Commandment and you can take that hc from my cold dead hands #zeldris #he's mentioned too so that's fun #I love writing for the holy war y'all it's not funny