#because that's one of the biggest points of dishonored: you ALWAYS have a choice

[sjhhemmings]

Evermore pt. 5

Cassie Voight x Mouse, Cassie Voight x Jay Halstead

a/n: sorry everyone, this is kind of a filler chapter but I promise next chapter all of the goods will start to come. Patience is a virtue 💝.

warnings: swearing, decision making, crying. Shes a filler chapter idk what to tell you. Anything I missed though.

word count: 2030

wattpad: sjhhoran

Expectantly looking at the two people before him, Sergeant Voight rests his eyes on his daughter.

Trying to analyze and prepare for the choice she makes he studies her face. He studies her brown eyes, long brown hair, her beautifully square jaw and soft features. He always admired his daughter, she was a carbon copy of his late wife Camille.

Stepping back to lightly sit on the edge of his desk, Voight clasps his hands together in his lap still waiting for an answer.

Lightly chuckling out of disbelief, Cassie looks over at Jay who was still harboring the same reaction.

"Well?" Her father finally asks.

"I-I don't know." The girl says shocked.

"Sarge, don't you think it might be a little too soon, considering..." Jay interjected with his arms crossed in front of him.

"Considering everything that happened a week ago?" Voight asks assuming the rest of the other man's sentence.

"Uh, yeah." Jay says frankly.

"Well also considering we've been down a detective in the unit for a week now, and Antonio hasn't had a partner, I think now is an appropriate time to fill that spot. Look, I'm not trying to replace Willhite. That's not what's happening. Willhite was an extraordinary detective and what happened was tragic. But I would be doing a dishonor to my unit if I leave an open spot. That means we have one less person on busts, we have one less person to help solve cases, and we have one less person putting bad guys behind bars. Now, I see someone that I trust and that I have faith in to live up to Willhite's reputation and thrive in this environment. So Cassie, what do you say?" Voight looks at his daughter again who looks even more intimidated than she was the first time he offered.

A million thoughts were running through Cassie's head, and yet she still couldn’t pick one and take the job. Being a paramedic gives her a rush, its fills a hole inside her that aches to help. But so did being a police officer at one point. Yeah she fell into a routine and couldn’t commit to being a patrolman, but this is a completely different field. This is becoming a detective.

Cassie had grown up around detectives her whole life. She knew the ins and outs of how they did their job, she understood the consequences of the hours and how some cases take a larger toll than others. But she also knew the effects of being too ‘in’ on the job. How easily it is to overwhelm yourself, and completely indulge in the rush that puts the bad people away. That’s what scared her. She knew her father wasn’t around a lot when she was growing up because of this job, so a piece of her does resent it. She resents the nights they would eat dinner without him, the Sunday’s he wasn’t at church. She resented the birthday parties and minor holidays he would miss, she resented it all. One of the main reasons she hasn’t made a choice yet is because one of her biggest fears is turning into her father. But also one of her biggest goals is to do that very thing.

“I say I need a little more time.” She finally admits.

“Okay. You have two days,” Voight says standing up and walking over to his chair.

“Okay? Thats it?” She asks confused.

“That’s it. You need time, I gave you time.” He said sitting down and opening a case file.

Cassie looked at Jay again who was biting the inside of his cheek.

Looking back at her father who isn’t paying any attention to the pair now she rubbed the back of her neck.

“I- um, yeah, okay. I’ll let you know.” She said turning to walking out the door but Jay was blocking it.

Staring into space and not noticing the girl trying to leave, Jay finally moved once she cleared her throat muttering a quick ‘excuse me.’

“What was that about?” Erin asked as the pair walked out of Voight’s office catching the rest of intelligence’s attention.

Cassie walked closer to the other girl before disclosing what just happened.

“He just offered me a job.” She said emotionlessly crossing her arms and staring daggers into Lindsay’s eyes. Cassie didn’t say it loud enough for the rest of the unit to hear, but by Erin’s reaction they knew it was big.

“Are you serious!?” Erin shouted catching everyone’s attention again making Cassie’s eyes grow wide.

“Shhh,” the girl said glancing around at their audience. “C’mon.” She finally said bowing her head and walking out of the office with Erin following her.

Once they stepped outside the district to catch some fresh air, Cassie broke. Full pacing, chewing her lips, and lightly pinching her bicep with her crossed arms.

“He offered me a job!” She finally shouted looking at her just as shocked sister. The only difference is, Lindsay doesn’t show it as obviously.

“What are you going to do?” Erin asked sitting down on the bench.

Stopping in her tracks Cassie turns to do the same. Now instead of pacing, her leg is restlessly bouncing against the bench seat, slightly annoying Erin.

“I don’t know. I just got my paramedic certification and I’ve been promoted to PIC. I absolutely adore my partner, Sylvie Brett. The environment has relaxed since Matt and Dad have worked out their issues, I just, I’m at a loss right now.” She said resting her elbows on her knees.

“Okay, so what are some pros and cons of becoming a detective right now.” Erin pressed now rubbing circles against the other girls back.

“Well, I’ve already been through the academy and worked the streets, so I’d just come directly upstairs if I transfer. I get to work closer with you, Dad, and Jay. The hours seem pretty shit though,”

“And 24-48 hour shifts are any better?” Erin asked chuckling.

“You’re right.” Cassie said quietly.

“But I won’t get to wear my 5.11’s anymore.” Cassie said sadly looking over at her sister.

“What is that?”

“The EMS pants.”

“And?”

“And they made my butt look good. Sue me.”

Bursting into a fit of laughter, the girls took a few minutes to recollect their thoughts and calm down. All of the previous worries leaving Cassie’s mind, all except for one.

“What if I don’t have what it takes?” Cassie asked sitting up straight and looking dead ahead of her.

“In what way?”

“What if I won’t be able to solve the crimes or actually put people away? What if I’m just the weak link that’s going to make the whole unit drown?” She asks quieter truly unsure.

“If you didn’t have what it takes, do you really think Hank would’ve offered you the job?” Erin asked.

“Out of pity? Probably.” Cassie said knowing it wasn’t true.

“No. If you didn’t have what it took to be a good cop, Hank would not put the whole unit in jeopardy just to make you feel better in some way. Especially not out of pity.” Erin said looking over at her sister who knows better.

“How am I supposed to just quit my other job? Just walk in and say, ‘Hey here’s my two week notice, but scratch that and make it my last shift notice because instead of being a paramedic I’m gonna be a detective in a special unit! Don’t hate me, I know it’s only my third time switching my whole career field but you know, yolo!’”

“Precisely.” Erin joked earning an eye roll from Cassie.

Exactly two days later on the dot, Cassie had a plan.

Walking into 51, Cassie went straight to Chief Boden’s office.

“Sir, can I speak with you?” She asked knocking on his slightly cracked door.

“Yeah, come on in.” He said waving her in and taking his glasses off.

“So what’s this about? You’re not on shift until tomorrow.” He said as he watched her get comfortable in the seat before him.

“I-uh,” Cassie chuckled a little as she tried to fan her face so tears won’t fall. Taking a deep breath before continuing she looked her Chief in the eye and flashed a sympathetic smile. Taking the resignation slip out of her coat pocket, she layed the document on his desk.

“Cassie,” He said almost breathlessly as he stared at the pink slip before him.

“If this is about what happened a few days ago, you can take a few shifts off. You know, decompress. Cope. You don’t have-”

“It’s not about that,” Cassie interrupted.

“It’s not about that situation, or you, or anyone else here at 51. You guys are my family and I will forever cherish the experiences and connections I’ve made here.” Taking a pause Cassie glanced down at her now bleeding cuticles as she was picking at them nervously.

“As you may know, I used to be a cop at the 31st district. I completed the academy, and I was a patrolman for two years. In the middle of that, I realized that, that uniform was not for me. I realized I had another calling, and that was to be a paramedic. Thats why for the last three years I’ve worked my ass off, pardon my language, to become an EMT then a Paramedic, and now a PIC. But after what happened, they let me in the room to help question Lullo. To help get the confession from him, and I did. And it was euphoric. To be the one to help put someone behind bars that deserved it, that was my calling. That was my original intention of becoming a cop, and that’s why, when I got the job offer to become a detective, to continue my law enforcement career, I knew I couldn’t pass it up. Becoming a paramedic has been the best thing in my life, and I will forever be indebted to you, and everyone else that helped that dream come true. But I know becoming a detective, and doing real work besides patrolling the streets, that’s my life’s purpose.” Cassie finally said wiping a few stray tears.

Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for a moment, Boden didn’t know what to say.

“As much as I admire your adaptability, and your ability to find purpose in so many things in life, I’ve got to say I’m disappointed. I’m obviously sad to see you go, I truly thought you had a big future here, and being a paramedic in general. Because you’re good at it. You’ve got the guts and the leadership skills to take charge and be the person everyone else looks up too in this community, but I understand you have to follow your gut. I understand you have bigger things to accomplish in life. Cassie, you’re going to do amazing no matter where you work, no matter what you do. I will always be here for you if you need anything, but I want you to consider your decision one last time. Because once I file this paper, you will never be a paramedic again. Not unless you go through the courses and training again. Do you understand that?” He finally asks looking at the girl.

Taking a pause and truly thinking everything over again. Cassie reluctantly nods.

“I understand.” She says now earning a slow nod from the man.

“Then I wish you well. You’re going to do great things.” He finally says standing up at the same time as Cassie and giving her a brief hug.

“Cassie wait,” He calls out making her stop in her tracks, “have you told anyone?”

“No.”

“Do you want to? That way you can break the news?”

Taking a deep breath and thinking it over, Cassie knew she wouldn’t be able to go through with this if she did, so in the most selfish way possible, Cassie shook her head.

“No.” She said now walking out.

As Cassie walked out to her car she let her tears free fall and pulled out her phone.

Cassie:“I’m in.”

Dad: “I know. I’ll see you Monday.”

tagging: @rockyhayzkid

#one chicago #chicago fire #chicago med #chicago pd x oc #chicago pd one shot #chicago pd series #evermore #jay halstead bff #erin lindsay #wallace boden #hank voight daughter #hank voight #cassie voight #greg gerwitz x reader #greg mouse gerwitz #greg gerwitz #series #chicago pd fanfic #chicago fire fan fiction

[bettsfic]

Hey Betts! What are some of the techniques of character, pacing, and conflict that you picked up from brba and bcs that you have integrated into your own writing? Would love some examples, if you wanted to expand on that!

so i wrote some initial cursory thoughts a couple years ago but i have had many more since then.

character/conflict

the biggest lesson i've taken from brba and bcs is the power of character choice.

i don't know how exactly i internalized the rule that you have to *force* your character to act, that if they had to choose between conflict and harmony, they'd always choose harmony because that's the more rational decision. so you box them into corners, put pressure on them, make them move. there are so many stories i've stalled out on because i was trying to figure out a way for the external conflict to pressure my character into acting, as if that's the only reason characters will do something interesting and potentially irrational. not to mention, crafting something like that just sucks. it's hard for my brain to think in that kind of logic. i'm much more interested in characters doing batshit things because they're driven to, and they can quit but they don't.

if your story exists only to build character, then there really is no external conflict. your character makes their own fate. and if your character is strong enough, the consequences of their decisions make the story. peace and harmony is always waiting for them, and they never take it.

it's easy to think of gus fring as an antagonist, but it's walter who remains on the offensive, and gus is the one defending himself. but he's defending himself with a lot more firepower at his disposal and so walt thinks he's the poor little meow meow of the situation.

at any point in brba, walt could simply stop doing what he's doing, walk away from it, and nothing would happen. he'd return to his nice house with his happy family and there would be no consequences whatsoever. but he keeps pushing and pushing, because he's driven to be the Best at something. and because he's an asshole.

in bcs, character choices are compounded because jimmy, kim, nacho, and mike are the protagonists. nacho begins the story by working with tuco, but then goes behind tuco's back to start dealing on the side. not only does he earn the salamancas' ire, but gus's too, because to gus, nacho has committed the greatest sin, the ultimate dishonor: biting the hand that feeds you. not to mention the whole trying-to-kill-hector thing. that really sealed his fate.

(nacho is a very interesting character to me because we ally with him the same way we do with jesse, except in introducing nacho, who is with the salamacas but not a salamanca himself, we have a complicating force within the salamanca family, rather than them just being the bad guys, which would be too easy.)

((god i love nacho. talk about a blorbo from my shows.))

mike gets to a point in the plot where he's laundering his own money back to himself through madrigal, and then he gets bored and shows up one day and starts poking around in security stuff, which gets gus's attention, and that's how he gets roped into being gus fring's right hand man. he could have just stayed home and hung out with his granddaughter, but noooo, he had to go Do Stuff.

kim and jimmy are both given so many outs, but they're both addicted to the grift. jimmy getting stranded in the desert? that's not lalo's doing. jimmy had to *beg* lalo to let him go pick up the 7 mil. jimmy is like walt in that we're supposed to believe he's the little guy, he's down on his luck, we're rooting for him to succeed, but he's just too deep into being a con man. the big difference between jimmy and walt is that jimmy tries to be good. but walt only ever wants to win. in the last episode, we see jimmy and walt in the vacuum guy's basement, and it's a really wonderful moment that feels intentionally metatextual, in that it's asking us to look at the differences between them as protagonists. watching it, i get the sense it's maybe the scene that either gould or gilligan had in mind to inspire the show, the thing to work up to. get jimmy mcgill and walter white in a room together (in their underwear, because it's not a brba show if there isn't a middle-aged man in his underwear at least once an episode) talking about philosophy. and walt says, "so you've always been like this." he's saying, "i fell, but you've always been stuck at the bottom."

another difference is that walt acts selfishly almost always, but jimmy is often acting on behalf of kim and vice versa. on a second watch, i noticed that *every single time* anyone said anything bad about jimmy to kim, they immediately put themselves in her crosshairs and she was motivated to destroy them. kim wexler is far and away the best character in the brba universe, maybe one of the best characters on television. it's so thrilling for me to see a female character who is so fucking feral for her husband she's willing to burn the world for him. there are so many times she physically stands between jimmy and the conflict. over and over again, she chooses him. she admires him and loves him when the rest of the world doesn't. and so it's agonizing when she leaves.

the trick to making a story wholly character-driven, and the reason it's so hard to pull off, is because your characters need to be interesting and developed enough that their shitty decisions are believable.

ever since i started reframing character/conflict that way--character AS conflict, not as separate things--i think my stories have gotten a lot more interesting and nuanced.

pacing

seasons 1 through 4 of brba, standing alone, are a pretty good show. it's season 5 that elevates it, because it's what i call a victory lap. like, they did it, they won a bunch of awards, people love it, now it's the final season, they're going all out and having a good time. and then *all* of bcs is a victory lap. it takes its time. it goes everywhere it wants to go. it feels like nothing is restrained or restricted from us. every little detail accounted for. and el camino does it too, it's a character-focused story that takes its time. i'm particularly drawn to the pacing of el camino because of how contained it is. i can't explain it exactly, but i've always loved stories that have a smooth, slow build up and a payoff and nothing else.

what's really brilliant about this universe is that every character succeeds in their mission. all of them! and the story continues and follows the characters through the consequences of that success. because the characters are so interesting and complicated, their success is complicated too. even lalo succeeds in his mission. he finds the laundry business. he tells hector. but don eladio doesn't believe hector, and don eladio is so well built that we believe it. he's totally aware of gus's revenge plot, but it's so far beneath him it's not worth his time.

i first noticed the success arcs in brba, in the scene where skyler takes walt to the storage unit of money, and she's like, there's no way to count it. no way to spend it. i just make sure the bugs don't eat it. as a banker, i was stunned by this scene, because media never acknowledges the fact that cash in large quantities is nearly impossible to manage. any time you deposit over $10k of cash in a bank in a single 24 hour period, a report gets sent to the FBI. so i loved that the show addressed the reality of cash profit. and on a metaphorical note, it's a great way to see, tangibly, that walter white has won.

by the end of season 4, walt has everything. he's in remission from cancer, he's wealthy, he's made the greatest meth the world has ever seen, he hasn't lost his family, and no one is more powerful than him. the only one who can defeat him is himself. most stories end there, the character getting what they're looking for and everything is great and we've returned to a state of harmony. but when your characters are as messy as these, it's never that simple.

while watching bcs, i actually got pretty mad at my roommate because he's like, "it's season 5 and nothing has happened." and when i said that's not true, he argued with me, and i was like, what you're noticing is a steady escalation of conflict rather than episodic conflict, which is rare for tv to do, considering most shows are fighting for each new season. we're used to seeing each episode of something have a conflict, rising action culminating into a climax. and then we see that reproduced in a larger way across an entire season, every season. but bcs is just one long, seamless story, with no major breaking points until the very end. and that's amazing. throw away the acts. the key turning points. the stages. the story is just all one thing, characters fucking around and finding out.

initially, watching season 6 as it was airing, i was disappointed by the ending. partly this is because i didn't remember any of what happened in the first 5 seasons and so i'd forgotten a lot of the context. partly it was because i was wrongly comparing it to the brba finale. but watching bcs in full a second time, i think the ending is really brilliant, because it completes jimmy's character arc. in the end, he's not saul goodman but jimmy mcgill, and he makes the right choice. all the characters in these shows are so well established and the plot honors them so well. there's so much patience and maturity here, and they also still manage to be funny too. i'm just in awe of them. they inspire me so much.

it's so rare that a piece of media is both genuinely good and widely loved. for the most part, i'm just grateful these shows exist and that i can learn from them and apply the craft concepts to my own work. but a little part of me is envious that i'll never be able to write something that well or that patiently.

#bcs #brba #writing advice

[noobsomeexagerjunk]

Always Shine and Redefine Our Humanity

How Eret Contributes to the Dream SMP's Narrative Themes of Change and Self-Discovery

I can’t believe listening to a song from a fairly obscure but growing musical (where I took this post’s title from) would prompt me to inspect Eret’s character more but here we are. I will heavily use @theeretblr's (whom you should subscribe to, btw) Character Explanation thread as a basis, as well as statements about their character from their most recent streams and things that I have gathered from other essays by people who clearly have been watching from the start.

This will include sentiments and theories I want for the character because I kinda got attached to them as of late. Please keep in mind that I have been watching since around Late November-Early December, so my biases would be appropriate to such a viewer.

This essay is a discussion of the roleplay character.

1. Eret is Self-Preserving & Versatile in Skill (and this is why they're powerful)

"Those who are given Power hold on to it."

Something I’ve observed concerning Eret’s Betrayal of L’Manburg was their motivations for doing so. For a time they have believed that power and security mattered. For a time their interests went first. CC!Eret referred to the choice as "an offer no one would refuse" as well. This wasn't just luxury and (they didn't know it at the time, but false) power, it was the protection they would be allowed to have by the admin of the server. It was being allowed to do whatever they wanted, despite the means to it being dishonorable and interestingly enough, demanding of permission.

Eret was willing to do anything to remain secure and equipped, and I argue that they still do until now. The difference is that now, they are more concerned about how they maintain their security in that they wouldn't hurt other people or be extremely unethical in the pursuit of this security.

Also, they're privy to grinding when it's necessary, they know how to build structure and contraption, and they can hold their own fairly well. They're very well-spoken and can deliver on appearances and ambiance, excellent at both comforting and intimidating whomever they choose. They had to have been this skilled for a while.

2. Eret has a Forgotten History (of bringing down powerful groups of people, apparently)

"Those who don't know History are doomed to repeat it."

So remember that interaction with Foolish? I want to bring this up because I feel that having particularly close ties with a God of Undying/Death has implications.

Foolish also brings up "taking care of [a] Wither cult"—an organized group! Wasn't Eret known for taking down an organized group on the server? L'Manburg, at its founding. He was part of the rebellion against Manburg. He was against the Eggpire. Yep, that's a pattern.

What does this mean? Well:

Eret's hands were never clean from the start, clearly before the Final Control room, and it can be inferred that they're redder than they seem

Eret's tendencies towards self-preservation may have been influenced/learned from Foolish

Eret may have had (if they still don't do) an inclination to pursue power through the dismantling of organized groups that also seek/already have established power

Eret's current skills are the way they are due to his past

And we cannot forget the CC confirmation that c!Eret has relations with Herobrine, the infamous Minecraft urban legend known for the horror he brings and how many lovers of Minecraft frame him as this terrifying powerhouse entity beyond human comprehension. This relation is still a mystery, but from what we know, it can tell us a lot about what Eret has forgotten about himself and what Eret is capable of!

3. Eret is Concerned by What People (though only those that matter to him) Think of Her

"I think Respect is a big thing."

In light of her power, we have to remember that Eret regretted pursuing power upon recognizing the loss of respect and friendship that came with the throne. This becomes a much stronger detriment when she realizes that the power she thought she had never actually existed in the first place—one can say she would dread pursuing power for herself again. To subject oneself to the standards of others after all is to subject yourself under constant scrutiny.

In her regrets, she learns and realizes what she wants—to be loved and cared for, to be truly alive with her loved ones. It's why she decides to improve herself, and she works and makes the effort to try! She struggled (and still does) in the process of pursuing forgiveness, illustrating that her determination towards an end is very strong, gradual as it may be.

It's how she looks up to Wilbur! Still! I reckon the two believe they're responsible for the other. Change! What an incredible thing the two are able to do.

4. Eret Knows What He Wants (but is struggling to figure out how to get it)

"That was a long time ago. I've changed things and I know not to break people's trust anymore."

One of Eret’s biggest concerns right now in Season 3 is his relationship with the Crown, mixed and fickle it seems based on his streams during this time. His kingship carries more and more weight each passing day, debating whether forgoing the effort and spilled blood Eret had to get the Crown is worth it. (I mean, he accepted the restoration of his Kingship when George got dethroned.)

The Kingship is still power, and it's become true power after Dream had been put in prison. We know he's admitted being deathly afraid of Dream, so this period of genuine Kingship would be incredibly special to him. Ever since he's been finding ways to make his kingship genuinely meaningful, redefining the evils the Crown used to have by doing good to whomever sincerely, freely, and willingly. He's attempted allyhood with like-minded individuals based on his judgment of their character. Remember his Knights? These consisted of HBomb, Puffy, and Punz, each of which exhibited behaviors (predilection for community, dedication to duty, moral neutrality) he has as well!

But yet, the blood spilled for that Crown still stains him, and it cannot be denied that it will continue to do so for as long as Eret wears the crown. I wonder if he believes this, whether a part of him does deep down. Dream being in jail doesn't just mean freedom to be a king but freedom to quite literally be yourself, whatever it may be.

5. For these reasons, Eret Represents Constant Self-Actualization and Rediscovery

"I'm a strong, independent...whatever the fuck I am."

Given the points established above, Eret is unfamiliar with her full self and wants to shape herself into someone desirable and genuinely contributing kindness to a clearly broken world, a world whose brokenness she also happened to contribute to.

Her enthusiasm for History and the pursuit of enlightenment speaks volumes to this motivation. It's her repeated, dedicated efforts to try and try and try and try, to be better! Not just to be a better person herself but for everyone else to be able to be better too! She's aware that perfection is impossible, but clearly recognizes that constant reevaluation of the self is nonetheless necessary.

It's how she's open to engaging with as many people as possible despite differing opinions and carried baggage. She researches and explores and examines! She does no harm but takes no shit.

Every facet of her, to the terror her eyes have been known to give, to the air of affirmation radiating in her domain of a Pride castle, to the blood that decorates her fingers, to the people she has given support to, to the people she has disadvantaged, to the History she keeps, to the part of herself she no longer remembers, to the power she carries—Eret knows how to be truly alive.

#hey eret if you're reading this feel free to respond in any way you can (especially if i get something wrong!) #dream smp #dream smp analysis #dream smp theory #eret #the_eret #eretblr #long post

[kaibutsushidousha]

If the v3 cast were Masters, which Servants would they summon who has the highest compatibility with them ?

Akamatsu and Amakusa

Amami and Nursery Rhyme

Iruma and Caligula

Ouma and Nightingale

Ki-bo and Kotarou

Gonta and Bedivere

Saihara and Arjuna

Shirogane and Gilgamesh (Caster)

Shinguuji and Medusa

Chabashira and Xuanzang

Toujou and Queen of Sheba

Harukawa and Jason

Hoshi and Dantes

Momota and Mandricardo

Yumeno and Nagiko

Angie and Douman

Explanations under the cut in case you're confused, because you probably are.

First off, Twitter people might be wondering why so many choices are different from what I chose for this thread. Obvious consideration for who is normally summonable aside, the main thing I kept in mind here is that compatibility summon comes in two flavors. Pattern A is a hero similar in nature to Master (Sakura and Medusa, Ryuunosuke and Gilles, etc), and Pattern B is the hero the Master needs for the personal struggles of their character arc (Pepe and Ash, Erice and Voyager, Elsa and Arash, Jinako and Karna, etc). Pattern B is always more interesting than Pattern A, so that's what I'm using for all my choices. Now let me go over them one by one.

1. I say things will be different from the thread and immediately break the promise with Akamatsu. Akamatsu relied a lot on Saihara's brain to build her plan, but their relationship was never one of mutual trust because she knew Saihara would agree to her harsher and more definitive methods. The hero Akamatsu needs is someone both competent and like-minded. Someone who shares her earnest will to save everyone and willingness to use more extreme methods for it. Amakusa is the Servant for her.

2. For Amami, I'll go with Nursery Rhyme. Much like Raikou got Nursery in the Heian Singularity's Imperial Grail War as the emotional crutch daughter figure she needed, Amami gets an emotional crutch little sister figure to help him reunite with the twelve he lost. This pair would be interesting because it'd subvert Nursery's usual MO of simply forcing others to reconnect with their inner child. The whole reason why he lost 12 sisters is that his passion for seafaring and exploration distracts him from what he's supposed to do. Her role as the villain of the Santa Nightingale event shows she can be harsh when children are being neglected, so Nursery would be the force pulling Amami back on track, but she'd have to balance that with allowing him to enjoy himself to preserve his childish love for adventure. He'd be a tough and delicate case for our Hero of Children.

3. The hero Iruma needs is... anyone who tolerates her, really. My first thought was Karna, but he's about finding value where no one else does, and Iruma has her share of undeniable value, so I think he isn't the best choice. Their pair would be a watered-down version of Jinako's pair anyways. Fate/ actually quite scarce of Servants defined by being all-tolerant because that's a trait they push more on Fujimaru, but two examples that come to mind are Romulus, the man who loved all of Rome (read: human civilization) in both its sins and achievements; and Caligula, the man who went crazy trying to do the same. Romulus is too OP to help Iruma tone down her ego, so I'll go with Caligula.

4. Ouma is a hard case. He needs someone he can absolutely trust and finding one of those is a huge challenge. The only ones Ouma has expressed full trust to were Gonta, because he was unquestionably good and weak-willed enough to never stray away from Ouma's instruction without asking first; and chapter 5 Momota, who was in circumstances so complicated that he wouldn't dare to throw away the chance Ouma's script offered. Ouma is the kind of paranoid control freak who would intentionally go for a Berserker because even the ones who speak are single-minded in a way that makes them easy to plan around. The alternative would be someone so like-minded in methods and standards that he'd probably hate them but still trust as someone who thinks the same way he would, but only BB fits that bill and she's not normally summonable. With that card off the table, the only options Ouma has left are Berserker he can trust to never kill anyone ever, and the only Zerk valuing life this much is Nightingale. BB's fellow nurse, amusingly enough.

5. Ki-bo would be offended with Alaya if he summoned a robot or homunculus just because he's a robot. And he also wishes for a partner that will treat him as an equal without denying what makes him different as a robot. In short, he needs a human Servant that is used to have normal relationships with robots. But Chen Gong or Red Hare because they're too evil, nor Orion because he's too crude. That leaves us with robot Danzou's human son, Fuuma Kotarou.

6. Gonta's wish is to become a true gentleman his human family can acknowledge, and for that, he needs the example of someone who is both well-mannered and of noble heart. Bedivere is an easy choice.

7. As I mentioned a few times before around 2017~18, I strongly think the best thing about Saihara is his interactions with Hoshi. Saihara is a guy feeling eternally guilty because he made one "good guy" murderer pay for his crime and he tries to make up for it by forcefully validating Hoshi's mass-murdering of the mafia. Then in Fate/, we have Arjuna, an all-around excellent man who adamantly believes himself to be evil because he did one dishonorable thing once. Saihara is the stubborn validating Master Arjuna needs to make him understand that he is not the monster he believes himself to be.

8. The first thing about Shirogane is that she really doesn't like reality, especially when it concerns herself. She can't muster any interest in the boring, plain girl she is or the boring, plain world she lives in, so she makes a hobby and a job out of becoming someone else, a larger-than-life figure in a fictional world. She loves all Danganronpa characters but expresses greater adoration towards Junko and Kamukura, the most unreal the series has produced. Enter Gilgamesh, the Hero King with the comically large ego and literally all Noble Phantasm to satiate Tsumugi's craving for a break from reality. That said, Gilgamesh has the recurring hobby of playing therapist to a Master disconnected from their own self and is the franchise's greatest symbol of the willing departure from the Age of Gods into the Age of Man. As much as he fits her tastes on a surface level, he's the guy who transitioned the flashy world of fantasy she dreams of into the plain world she hates, and he'll use most of his free time to the same on a personal level for her. The Caster version is being specifically picked because Archer has childish beef with modernity, and Caster is intentionally making his arsenal more limited and unimpressive, which is self-demonstrative of the points he wants to make to Shirogane.

9. One of his Free Time Events has him explaining why Medusa is his favorite myth, and I definitely can't claim to know this shit better than him. Deep emotional attachment to a story can net you a compatibility summon, as Kiara is there to show, and Shinguuji gets bonus points from how TM Medusa became a monster out of living her life for her sisters rather than for herself.

10. Cute and righteous female Buddhist mentor figure who does martial arts. What else could Chabashira ask for?

11. Toujou takes self-worth from serving big important people with utmost perfection, so she needs her Servant to be a king or similarly important leader. But she also needs it to be a support Caster so can properly invert the Master-Servant relationship and personally fight the enemy Servant for her king. The only characters in the middle of the Venn diagram of kings and support Casters are Medea and Sheba, and Medea wants nothing do with the royalty life anymore, so Sheba it is.

12. The role of the hero Harukawa needs is already properly fulfilled by Momota in the story, so I'll go with Jason because he shares all of Momota's strenghts and flaws. He's someone who'll force her to be part of a team, relentlessly encourage her break out of her shell, and have a shitty personality she can never fully respect, making the relationship balanced. And things would go even smoother with Jason because his summon comes with Atalante, who is someone Harukawa can easily relate to.

13. Hoshi needs someone who would assure him of his choices and make him comfortably reconnect with his past like he did with Saihara in his Free Time Events. As practically the face of the Avenger Class, Dantes defines himself as an ally and guardian to the ones who were wronged and lashed out in less than virtuous ways, so he's a perfect fit.

14. Momota is too aware of himself as the protagonist of his own story to want a hero. He would instead want a loyal sidekick or a like-minded rival. Voyager is a good sidekick option due to his fit with Momota's wish for greater adventure further beyond, and is a Servant Momota mentions in his Free Time Events, so there's the emotional connectional to his story there. For a rival, a big name adventurer like Drake or Odysseus could work, and so could a wandering warrior like Musashi. But there's one option that fits both roles: Mandricardo. Rica has the adventurer experience necessary to eventually compete with Momota, but also Saihara's level of self-esteem, allow him to start on the sidekick role until Momota pulls him out of it and shapes him into a proper rival.

15. Like with Harukawa, the role of hero Yumeno needs is already fulfilled by Chabashira in canon, so we know what she needs is someone with high energy and a deep understanding of emotions. And Fate/'s biggest connesieur of human emotion is none other than our Kiyohara no Nagiko.

16. Angie is a complicated case because she doesn't react well to being disobeyed. My first idea for someone with a functioning partnership with her is a knight, but knights generally work on the premise that their king is selfless and righteous, which Angie isn't. There are people like Lan Ling, Liangyu, the ninjas, Mori or Okita, who submit their lives to anyone's authority, but for that same reason, they wouldn't help Angie improve. What she really needs is someone good at feigning humility, like Limbo. He wouldn't have good intentions for her Master, but by manipulating situations out of her control without letting her feel like her divine words are being challenged, he can force some level of change on her mindset. It's better than nothing.

#danganronpa v3 #type moon #kaede akamatsu #rantarou amami #miu iruma #kokichi ouma #ki bo #gonta gokuhara #shuuichi saihara #tsumugi shirogane #korekiyo shinguuji #tenko chabashira #kirumi toujou #maki harukawa #ryouma hoshi #kaito momota #himiko yumeno #angie yonaga

[greensaplinggrace]

What makes Dishonored your favorite game?

The biggest thing for me was the lore and the atmosphere. No game I've played has ever had such a well-incorporated feel and sense of immersion to it like Dishonored except for Bishock 1, which is incidentally my second favorite game of all time lol. The lore is brilliant, the world is creative, the atmosphere is spectacular, the soundtrack is to die for, and it taught me a lot about how to create a city and a world and a system of myths and religion and tales and perspectives.

The way it's set in a steampunk/clockpunk/fantasy world where whaling is the primary source of energy is brilliant. The books and papers and notes you can read throughout the game are endlessly fascinating, and the different perspectives you come across in writing on certain characters throughout is especially interesting to me. Granny Rags is amazing, Slackjaw is great, the Loyalists were quite a unique set of allies, and Daud is probably my favorite antagonist of all time.

The stealth and magic system is the only one of its kind I've ever come across, and literally no other game compares in quality to stealth missions and chaos systems and gameplay except maybe Assassin's Creed, and that depends on which game we're talking about. After playing Dishonored I legitimately scoured the internet for games like it that had good stealth/magic and nothing else was as good.

Also, I love the exploration of classism and the critiques on society. The main antagonist is the game is vile, and the reveal for why he did what he did will always stick with me. The Boyle party is my favorite part of the game despite my beef with the low honor choice. Largely because of a) the aesthetic, which is breathtaking throughout the entire game but especially on this mission, b) the boyle sisters themselves, who are very complex and who you can learn a great deal about through exploring their home before even meeting them, and c) the fact that even in this rich person's mansion, as all these wealthy and privileged people dine on a vast amount of food making small talk while the rest of the city starves and dies and bodies pile like mountains in the flooded district, there is still blood on the floor.

The disconnect when hearing the rich wonder why they're also dying to the plague is well done, too. The fact that they never even considered they would be vulnerable because they judge the lower classes so much.

The heart, which is probably the greatest part of the game, spilling secrets and giving you knowledge. A horrifying companion that tells you everything about the world you're in. It's such a great way to incorporate more lore as well as highlight the complex lives of the characters you're surrounded by. Even a random man wandering the street has a story the heart will tell you. I like that. I like how even the side characters feel fleshed out. There's no part of that world or that city that doesn't have a purpose. There's no piece of that game that feels worthless. You point the heart not even at a person but at a place and it will tell you the secrets of the world. That's the type of worldbuilding I admire. That's the type of lore that means something to me.

The religion is cool. The Outsider is interesting. The void as a concept is genius and the way its explored is so incredibly compelling. I love the way magic and religion are tied together. I enjoy the way cultism is explored. I ADORE the abbey and the religious corruption and how tied it is with the government. Just the entire setup of the government/accepted religion/'heretical' religion is really great.

There are dozens of ways to complete the missions and explore the city. Playing the game without powers is fun af. You are a rat bastard. I love the rats in this game. I love the powers in this game. You can have charms made out of bones and you can find shrines to the outsider and you can teleport in front of your allies without them even going "hey! why does this dude have a strange heretical marking on his hand?!" The powers are fun, the void is fun, the dynamics of the game are fun. It's just fun. I mean, maybe a bit too easy now, imo. I have to set it on very hard and make sure its basically unbeatable to really have a challenge anymore.

Corvo as a character seems dull at first when you don't get much of his story in the first game, but his potential and the pieces of his history that are dropped occasionally by npcs and his relationship with emily make him pretty fucking stellar, imo. You learn more about him and his relationships with people as the game progresses. The way the world changes is so interesting.

Like idk, I could go on but this is already enough of a ramble. It's just... really good. It was also the game that got me back into videogames. I had a massive gaming slump for about five years where nothing interested me. I gave Dishonored a try and loved it so so much I started playing other games again. Luckily I then played Bioshock 1, and that passion didn't immediately die. So really it just holds a sentimental place in my heart as well. Also I majorly shipped the Corvo/Jessamine/Daud OT3 you guys have no idea.

(fill my inbox)

#dishonored #asks and answers #ask games #myramblings #corvo attano #anon #mymetas

[abyssmail]

Caerul Design Notes,

because I’ve actually put a lot of thought into creating Caerul’s aesthetic and I’m lowkey really proud of it.  I won’t get into her actual character concept/personality/backstory/etc. since this got super long, but this is how/why I made the choices I did with regards to her name and visual design!

▶ Caerul’s color scheme started off way bluer (hence the name “Caerul,” from caeruleus/a/um - “blue”/“cerulean”/“azure”/“of the sky/sea” in Latin) and less saturated, but when I gave her a (dead) twin with a red theme, I wanted them to look more alike and made both of their hair purple (although I haven’t actually done more than sketch Roseus before... he’s got purple hair and red eyes).  Purple’s my favorite color, and unnatural hair colors don’t seem to be uncommon in Orth, so why not, right?   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯   The red elements in Caerul’s design are meant to represent her honoring Roseus!

All of the base colors I use when drawing Caerul! They all end up looking a bit darker once they’re shaded though.

▶ As well as shamelessly using one of my favorite Latin words (I’m a Classics major, okay ;;>~>), I also tried to pick a name that sounded similar to the ones that already exist in-universe.  This was actually fairly tricky, since as far as I can tell the names in Made in Abyss have a WIDE variety of influences.  Some of them seem passably Japanese-sounding (Riko, Jiruo, Kiyui, Nanachi) disclaimer I bring dishonor to my ancestors and know 0 Japanese so this is just about vibez, others seem Western-ish (Reg, Nat, Lyza, Prushka).  Some are fairly whimsical (Shiggy, Maruruk, Mitty) while others are more mysterious and fantastic (Any of the White Whistles besides maybe Lyza).  The only common thread I could really settle on was a general fantasy feeling to all of the names.  I tried to capture that nebulous vibe with Caerul’s name, although with something so vague and subjective it’s pretty much impossible to say if I was entirely successful.  I named her siblings afterward with other Latin color words and ended up with a RGB theme lol.

▸ By the way, “Caerul” is pronounced “KAI-rool.”  It rhymes with “Hyrule.”  The ae diphthong makes an “eye” sound in Latin #TheMoreYouKnow

▸ “Caducalae” is a portmanteau of “caducae alae,” literally “falling/doomed/futile wings” in Latin (again), playing off how pointless it is to be able to fly when the Curse of the Abyss is a thing.  Originally, they weren’t supposed to work at all outside of the Abyss, but I decided that was boring for crossovers/other verses so I scrapped it.  I’m not too happy with the name since it doesn’t fit the naming scheme of the canon relics (there is no precedent at all for gratuitous Latin in Made in Abyss, which is a good thing because it’s overused in fantasy, but Latin was the only thing I was good at in high school sooooo... ^^;), but I didn’t like any of my other ideas that much, either.  “Wings of Futility” feels more canon, but it’s also kinda depressing :/

▶ I’ve mentioned before that Caerul’s build is based off of mine for art reference purposes (it’s convenient to just look in the mirror while making the pose I want =w=)b), but another reason she’s so short is that I didn’t have to make the caducalae quite as big since she’s smaller, so she can actually go indoors if she’s careful.

▶ Long hair isn’t super practical with mechanical wings with lots of bits for it to get caught in, but Caerul idolizes Lyza, so I left her hair as long as I could reasonably get away with.

▶ I heavily referenced the canon Made in Abyss character designs for Caerul’s clothing so she would fit into the world, but made some alterations to make everything more personal to her and accommodate for her wings.  In general, I lightened everything up, since she takes a bunch of short, quick trips rather than lengthy expeditions.  Her gloves, for instance, are loosely inspired by the ones we see many delvers wearing in the manga/anime, but are less heavy-duty and are convertible mittens/fingerless gloves for better dexterity with handling letters and such.  

The best close up of the gloves I could find was actually a screenshot of the aftermath Reg & Riko’s orb piercer encounter, but I didn’t want to have to tag this for gore, so you get Lyza ^^; There’s a filter over Caerul here so you can see the glove better which is why she looks kinda washed out :/

▶ Her coat is heavily influenced by Jiruo’s, since he’s the only Moon Whistle we’ve seen in canon.  

yeah, uhhhh, sorry to yoink your style my dude ^^;

▸ Caerul’s has a different color palette, a simpler lapel border, an extra set of outer pockets, and three separate panels in the back that button around her wings so she can put it on! I haven’t drawn it, but her shirt works similarly.  

This is my favorite detail about her design tbh... it’s just really satisfying what a logical solution it is for some reason???  the original doodle is off rotting somewhere in my Modern European History notes, but I tried to recreate it just as sloppily here =w=)b

▶ Caerul’s corset isn’t just a painful fashion choice - it’s actually meant to be a(n admittedly heavily stylized) brace for her back against the weight of her wings.  

▶ Since Caerul can’t wear a backpack with the wings, I had to get creative with storage options for her.  In addition to an undetermined number of pockets on the inside of her coat, I gave her these two pouches on her thighs to carry more stuff.  

I wonder how buff your quads could get carrying a significant amount of weight there...

▸ Messenger bags don’t seem super practical for delving, so I didn’t design a specific one for her to carry all the time, but Caerul does use them on occasion.  Even with that, though, she still has far less carrying capacity than the average delver, which is a problem she has to deal with when carrying out her duties!

▶ The wings/caducalae were by far the most difficult part of designing Caerul, and it took several redesigns over 2+ years before I was finally happy with them.  Their first design was deliberately far simpler in the interest of having to draw them a zillion times, but they ended up clunky and unwieldy looking: 

chonky o~O

▸ The final design is MUCH more of a pain to draw (in fact, a lot of the time I cheat and just copy and paste them from drawings I’ve already done), but I think it looks much sleeker and more “functional”.  

I also got better at making my diagrams look slightly more authentic ;0

▸ I knew I wanted jetpack-style thrusters to be a component of the wings to somewhat justify the shit I wanted Caerul to be able to pull with them (especially to eliminate the need for accounting for the damage landing suddenly could do to her ankles), but incorporating them proved to be one of the biggest problems of the design.  At one point, they were going to have a whole separate attachment point on her back, but I finally just made them an offshoot of the first “joint,” as you can see in the final design.  

A really messy intermediate caducalae sketch.  The weird double pentagon shape was meant to be the part of the relic actually fused to Caerul’s back, but I scrapped that too when I scrapped the separate limbs for the thrusters.

▸ Speaking of the joints, they’re all balls so they can rotate all over and I don’t have to fuss too much about how they move.  Likewise, the frame is metal, but I treat it like it’s kind of flexible, so Caerul can “flex” the wings open and closed.  These wings are hard enough to draw period okay I’m giving myself every excuse to be inconsistent af on purpose.

▸ The caducalae have some “bonus” features that I’ve sketched out, but that Caerul hasn’t unlocked yet, and won’t for a while.  

owo what’s this?

▸ For the wings, I think my biggest inspirations were some of the mechier Cardfight!! Vanguard dragon units (although I don’t remember which cards specifically) and the energy wings on the ninth-generation knightmares in Code Geass R2.

I’ve made a lot of OCs, and since I don’t like to use faceclaims, I’ve done a fair amount of character designing.  I don’t think I’ve ever spent as much time or had as much fun with any of them as I have with Caerul, though!  OCs aren’t always super well accepted in fandom roleplay, but the Made in Abyss community has been super welcoming and I’ve had a blast.  Thanks for listening to me gush about Caerul if you got this far, and thank you to everyone who’s interacted with her!  

The original sketch of Caerul from back in 2017.  How far we’ve come :’D

#miscellaneous info #mun art #appearance #ooc #((no one cares lol)) #((but I had fun putting all my thoughts down in writing ^^;)) #((also! the full version of the new caerul art from the promo!))

[1358456]

Review Response, Sept 1 - 7,  2019

Another week. This time, with two story updates at once! ... And two troll reviews too! Heh. Amusingly, these were not guest troll reviews, but SIGNED ones, so... I can’t get rid of them. Hahaha. ... Well then, I guess those are going to stay.

SC #001

1) Fuck off. this site is for Advanceshipping only. AshXMay rocks you moron

Good day to you too.

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SC #014

1) I’ve been reading the manga again and so I forgot that blue is a girl in this so that wedding anouncmnet was weird lol

Now onto the actual ones... ahem. ... Well, Blue is the girl in most of the world including the source material, so... yeah. Girl.

2) Ah, the wait for this wedding chapter was sooooo worth it. Although there are some obvious seriousness going on, I still find this absolutely adorable. Now Blue can finally be happy!

I have to say it, poor Yellow.

This could’ve been posted two weeks ago, but... a lot of shit happened. I’m glad you thought it was worth it, though :)

Yep. There are some seriousness of course. Can’t have one of those fairy tale stuff of “absolutely everything is going well”. Blue still has issues with her family and is continuing to become more and more distant with them. Her friendship with Yellow is... well... And there were also hints of discomfort between her and Green. But, she is finally perfectly happy with Red despite all that. For the first time ever in my stories, Blue is now perfectly happy WITHOUT tragic stuff happening first (cough, Destiny). Hell, it’s about time.

And yes. Poor heartbroken Yellow. This is... what, the second time? ... Technically third, but f*ck THAT story, so... hehe.

3) This is an amazing chapter and I really like the overall flow of the story. Also, good job Platina, I didn't realize you were that good at..."dishonorable" solutions hehe.

The attention to detail and how you described almost everything (other than the hours of pre-planning that comes before a wedding) did a really good job in keeping the entire chapter interesting. I think my fave part was when you brought in Giovanni and Pryce, showing a side of them that people probably would not bring up. Also, I love how "normal" this chapter is, with not much drama or tension or anything of that sort. Finally, Gold as DJ was a perfect choice XD.

Fantastic writing as always and looking forward to seeing what's next~

Platinum has now added “dishonorable tactics” to her wealth of knowledge! Hahaha. More to come later?

Ugh. The wedding planning... My goodness, that was painstakingly long... Good thing I omitted all that for this story.

And yep! Giovanni and Pryce! They’re the major characters that Blue would have complicated feelings about. But with both of them no longer hostile towards her, and have actual reasons to be in her wedding, it makes for an interesting little meet-up!

Indeed. No drama, no tension. Just happiness and some character interactions! The next two chapters are going to be like that too. Yay for Dex Holders being in CASUAL situations for a change!

4) I have to admit, even though I'm not the biggest fan of luckyshipping, this wedding scene was very cute. Your way of writing them is really great; they just fit perfectly well together, something that you can't often see in some other fics. I also like how it was in Platinum's perspective instead of Red or Blue's; the outsider's perspective is one that's not often used for wedding fics, thus giving this originality. Really good job with this one!

Thank you. A lot of the story is in Platinum’s perspective because... well, it’s the bridesmaid’s perspective. As in, it was MY perspective when I was the bridesmaid to my best friend’s wedding a few months back. So I knew what I should be writing for each scene from that perspective. And it’s focusing on Platinum (particularly her attire) because those scenes were supposed to be about Platinum for a certain event in a certain “place”, until there was a nuclear-grade falling out right before it was to be sent. Oh well. Shit happens.

Anyways, thank you!

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Well then. I wonder if the second half of SC will all be under 8, while the first half is all 8 or higher?

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Wings #001

1) Fuck off. this site is for Advanceshipping only. so fuck off retard

I wonder why people choose to be stupid in the internet. Heh. Oh, fun fact! I used to like this pairing WAY back then, before Generation IV existed!

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Wings #005

1) Interesting, looks like there's going to be quite a bit of action soon given how setup-like this chapter was. Also, poor White, she never stood a chance...

I'm looking forward to seeing more Black. So far, it looks like he might play a pretty important role here and he's a pretty cool guy imo. I wonder who those delinquents serve, that's an interesting twist... The only one I can think of who would "recruit" Y in such a way might be Gold, but I'm not entirely sure that's his style.

Fun chapter as always, and looking forward to what's next!

Now the real review! Oh, there is going to be an action filled chapter at one point. ... By that I mean even more than normal. Because I don’t think there’s been a single chapter of Wings where Y hadn’t either scared or beaten the crap out of some people. And yay, White has appeared! ... And immediately got stuffed into a garbage can. Ouch. But hey, another familiar face has returned, only to have that face punched! ... Heh... Poor White indeed.

Yeah. So far, Black has been surprisingly important... for once (ouch). Well, the story is about Y, after all, so the characters who are close to her and/or can give her what she wants/needs will naturally end up getting important roles. That includes Black and White. And until Platinum appears later on and becomes more important than both of them, the Unova couple has a golden opportunity!

And I think Gold would want to see Y for himself first, instead of trying to recruit her in this fashion. So yeah. Not his style. And he should be appearing in the next chapter for his own scheme, so... look forward to that! :)

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Hmm... Oh, that’s right. I want Wings to be 10 chapters or less. So... that means Wings is at least halfway complete. Huh. ... I better lengthen the chapters and have more stuff happening, then. Otherwise, I might not be able to cram everything into 5 or less chapters.

#qna

[thesffcorner]

An Alchemy of Masques and Mirrors

An Alchemy of Masques and Mirrors is an adult fantasy written by Curtis Craddock. It follows Isabella, the eldest daughter to Comte des Zephyrs, who is born without her sorcery. Growing up in a world that treats her as either a demon or an object, she only has one friend; Musketeer Jean-Claude. When she gets betrothed to a prince from a neighboring Kingdom, she sees this as an opportunity to have a new life; though a web of assassinations and conspiracies may threaten this future. I had a real hard time getting into this book, and even as I was reading it and was fully intrigued by the plot, I had this sense of dread that the book will go in a direction I would not like, or the ending would make me very mad. I’m happy to report my fears were for naught, and I ended up really enjoying this book. There were definitely elements and plot points that annoyed me, but the plot and characters were strong enough for me to enjoy my my time in this world. So let’s start with what I think will be the biggest draw and the biggest deterrent from reading this book. 

Writing: The best way I can describe Craddock’s style is a mix between The Three Musketeers and Nevernight. The world-building and the plot focused on political conspiracy, marriages and royal bloodlines, as well as just the aesthetics of the book were straight of both Dummas’ work but also the much maligned 2011 film. The way this plot and world are conveyed however (as well as a lot of the magic system and religious aspects of the book) reminded me a lot of Jay Kristoff’s writing. Craddock has a style that I can only describe as overly-specific, overly-descriptive, and quaint; he uses very specific nouns for everything, from the clothes, to the different parts of the flying ships the characters move around on. And when I say specific I don’t just mean dictionary, I mean specific to the time period this is based on, which is 1600 France. It took me so long to parse out what title Comte and Comtessa and Le Roy are equivalent to, who all these different bloodlines and families were, and the fact that all the names of families, characters, cities, ships and castles were French didn’t help one bit. To give you an example, here is just a sentence from Chapter 1. ”All around him, deckhands scurried about, tugging on lines, adjusting sails in a madman’s dance, choreographed to the boatswain cry”pg. 9 And another from a bit later: ”Jerome stood on the rolling deck as if nailed to it, not a hair of his white, powdered wig out of place. He jerked his chin toward the bow and said, “We’re coming in widdershins on the trailing edge”, as if that clarified the matter. “If we don’t overshoot and ram the tower, we should make harbor within the hour”” pg. 11 This, again, comes down to personal preference. If you like this style of writing, and you don’t mind spending the first few chapters kind of confused and just coasting until you pick up on the world and the language, you will certainly find this enjoyable. By chapter 5, I was well caught up in the writing style, and really enjoyed how much personality Craddock managed to inject in the chapters, based on whether we were following Jean-Claude or Isabelle. It also made the world feel that much more well-rounded and real, since at no point did the characters stop and exposit for 3 pages about how things worked. However, if you struggle with this type of writing and world-building you will not have a fun time, because in addition to having to adjust to all the French terms and period words, you also have to contend with all the stuff that’s purely fiction to this world, like otomations, aether, artifex, and sanguinare, to name a few. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t confused; but I liked the plot and the characters enough to keep reading. World-Building: I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this in any review, but I’m a huge fan of The Three Musketeers. I’ve seen almost all the versions outside the BBC show, and I’ve read the books; they were the first classic I was ever really in love with as a kid. I also love flying ships that look like Caravels, so this world was perfect for me. San Augustus was a fascinating world; it’s a floating island that is held in the sky by magic which is never explained (which isn’t a bad thing). Since it’s floating in the air, people travel on this massive ships like the ones it Treasure Planet, which run on aether, a substance that seems to be the equivalent of whale-oil in the Dishonored games. I know I’m mentioning a lot of visual media, but it always helps me visualize the world, and there was more that reminded me of Dishonored, like the otomations which I imagined were like the Clockwork soldiers and the blend between technology and magic of the world. Where Nevernight comes into play was the fact that this world too is built on the ruins of an ancient civilization of Gods, which is where a lot of the technology, and magic comes from. The people who live in San Agustus today know very little about the Saints that inhabited the world before them, and though they use some of their technology, most of the artifacts and knowledge are collected by the Temple, the religious order of the world. The magic system was another thing that reminded me of Nevernight, and it was very cool. Saint Augustus is ruled by descendants of the Saints, who lived at the same time as the Builder. Each Saint controlled a different type of magic (now categorized by the Temple). Isabelle’s family, the Des Zephyrs are sanguinaires: they have bloodshadows that they use to feast on other humans. They can also hollow out a human and turn them into a bloodhollow, which they can possess to communicate with people or spy on them. The ruling family of Aragoth, the family Isabelle is to marry are glasswalkers, which I found the coolest powers. They can cast their reflection through mirrors and walk in the real world in various locations. Their mirror image is limited by hunger and thirst, and they see everything in reverse, but the mechanics of the power and the creative use it’s put to in the novel were really fun to read about. As for the religion… it was an interesting choice. I had some gripes with it. It’s clearly based on the Old Testament; a woman who was close to the Builder was curious to find out how his inventions worked, and tried to learn math which somehow awoke a demon which destroyed the Builder and all the Saints. Supposedly, in a time of great turmoil and violence, the Builder will be reborn and will resurrect the worthy in a Judgement Day type scenario. Seeing as the basis of the religion is profoundly sexist and even misogynistic, in this world women are not allowed to learn the sciences or the old language, and in some cases even reading is seen as heresy. The one thing they especially can’t do is learn math or astrology, which is precisely what our lead Isabelle really loves and studies. Moreover, women in this world seem to be seen as just walking wombs. They are sold into marriages, and being able to give birth is their only function. I couldn’t tell if this was a thing of the nobles, since we do see working women that are not aristocrats, but there are very few non-noble characters in the book. But rest assured, the society is profoundly sexist one part that made my stomach churn, was a bit where 12 year old Isabelle tells us she carries around a maiden blade, which she isn’t to use to ward off attackers, but to kill herself rather than risk being raped and bring shame upon her family. This was so incredibly unsettling, I even looked it up to see if it was a real historical thing, and apparently it is not. Even if it was, why would you write it in your FICTIONAL book? I will be fair and say that most of the sexist and misogynistic structure of the world is not meant to be seen as a good thing; the characters do lament the state of affairs, the ones we are meant to find likable disagree with seeing women as broodmares and prizes (for the most part; there are quite a few moments where Isabelle defaults to being owned by her father or being owned by her husband which was also Yikes). Craddock does try to show that the sympathetic men do see Isabelle as a person more than a womb with legs (though again, most of them with the exception of Gran Leon think she either needs protecting or want to sleep with her), and he does make sure all the female characters we get, even the villains have agency that is not tied to the men around them. I also have to give him props for having actual female friendships and having characters who are usually either background or written as shallow and vain, have a voice, like the servants, the handmaidens, the ladies in waiting, etc. However. When it comes to male authors, I am always wary of WHY they feel the need to write the world as horribly sexist in the first place. It’s not an oppression they can claim, and everytime I see it in fiction, even if it’s done with the intent to subvert it or question it, I feel squeamish reading it, and don’t trust them to handle it well. Even if the point is to make a point about sexism or misogyny, that doesn’t mean I want to endure 300+ pages of women being treated horribly, assaulted, kidnapped, silenced or otherwise harmed for the benefit of 100 pages of gratification. I have grown jaded of these kinds of stories, and though I really did like the world, and all it’s steampunk musketeer glory, and all the political intrigue, this was not something I could overlook. Everytime I would have fun, I would be reminded that this society sees women as just their womb, that they are completely indispensable and disposable. And I would stop having fun, and start dreading that the next page would have a rape scene or unwanted pregnancy, especially seeing as the main theme of this book is pregnancy. I didn’t trust Craddock as a writer because he chose to set this story the way he did, and while I will admit that was fully my own fault as a reader, I think it’s worth pointing out that we have to endure enough mistreatment in the real world, and I don’t necessarily want it into our fiction, even if it’s made clear that the author disagrees with it. Themes and Plot: The world-building leads me to my next point which is the plot. I’ll start with the bad first and then move onto the more positive stuff. I mentioned at the start, that this book centers on an arranged marriage between Isabelle and Prince Julio of the neighboring Kingdom of Aragoth. The King of Aragoth is sick and dying, and his eldest son, the heir, Prince Alejandro, is refusing to divorce his wife Princess Xaviera or take in a mistress, despite her not being able to bear children. Margarita, the King’s second wife wants her son, Julio to take the throne, and to leverage his eligibility, she wants him to marry and have a child. As all marriages are arranged through the Temple, an artifix, Kantelvar is sent to arrange the one between Isabelle and Julio. What I want to focus on is the theme or pregnancy, childbirth and being infertile. First off, I find it incredibly icky whenever male authors chose to write about women’s abilities to have children or even worse, their inability to have children. It always, always boils down to the character either being told or thinking herself that she’s some kind of monster for not being able to conceive. I HATE this trope, and unfortunately it’s present here. All we ever really know about Xaviera is that she can’t have kids. We know Alejandro loves her, and we know she can apparently wield a sword and pistol (not that we ever see it), but as a character she is simply reduced to her infertile womb. There is even a scene, which was profoundly ill conceived, (no matter how pure the intentions were) where Isabelle tells Xaviera she understands what it’s like to have your entire personhood being boiled down to your disability (Isabelle has a wormfinger). It’s a nice sentiment, except not being able to have children is NOT a disability, and the experiences are nowhere near SIMILAR, let alone the same. Yes, it’s horrible to feel like your body is betraying you, or working against you if you want to have kids and can’t. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have to go through something like that, ESPECIALLY if you live in a society where that is what your entire worth as a human is boiled down to. But this is not a story for a man to tell, especially not if you want to focus so heavily on how other people think Xaviera is worthless, and not XAVIERA, the person who is seen as worthless and who actually has to experience this pain! There is never a scene in which Craddock dissuades the readers from thinking that it’s COMPLETELY unfair and sexist that Xaviera’s competence at being a Queen is negated because she can’t have kids; instead we focus on Alejandro and how he’s just such a good guy because he loves his wife so much that he won’t cheat on her or divorce her. Xaviera deserves a better story than being sidelined to be a foil to Isabelle’s working womb, and I absolutely hate this storyline, even more after we get a reveal that makes Xaviera;s infertility completely moot. Then, there’s also the whole thing with Isabelle’s mother having 3 miscarriages before she gives birth to Isabelle and dying while giving birth to her brother. Her character is mostly comedic relief, and though she may have been a vain, bad person, treating her miscarriages as some sort of divine punishment is incredibly offensive in a book that’s otherwise genuinely funny and clever about it’s writing. Isabelle’s entire birth scene left such a poor taste in my mouth, that I contemplated DNFing the book; it’s played mostly for laughs, with the Comtessa struggling to push Isabelle out, and yet Craddock wrote it the artifax giving a sermon about how the pain women experience in childbirth is the punishment from the Builder for destroying his Kingdom with their curiosity. Not only is this verbatim something religious fundamentals use to torment women with to this day, it’s so incredibly tone deaf and ill-placed in this supposedly lighthearted scene, that I was ready to quit. Then there’s Isabelle. There is a LOT to unpack with her, but unfortunately I can’t, without spoiling the whole book. What I can talk about is how she is treated as, again, a walking womb, for the whole first half of the book. She is arranged to marry Julio because she’s off saint’s blood, has a fertile womb and can’t do magic. It has nothing to do with her intelligence, or her skills or even her damn beauty; no it’s because her womb works and Julio needs a baby. And literary no one, not Jean-Claude, not Isabelle, not even Julio is opposed to this idea, at least until we find out the real reasons for the marriage. She is literary boiled down to her womb, and treated like a prized racing horse, and she is the LEAD CHARACTER. Again, this is not necessarily supposed to be viewed as good, but that’s only after we find out why the marriage was orchestrated. Up until then, no one questions this, and I cannot describe to you how uncomfortable it was for me to read all the 10 000 times people care about Isabelle’s womb more than her, encourage and downright blackmail her into sleeping with a complete stranger so that he can Euron style put-a-baby-in-her, and everytime someone calls her breeding stock or broodmare. That felt good to get off my chest. Let’s talk some positives. My favorite part of the The Three Musketeers is the bit about the Comtessa having her diamonds stolen, and the King asking her to wear them at the ball, and the Musketeers having to go make a new set and bring it in time for the ball. This plot is that same rush of tension and political maneuvering mixed with humor, except the conspiracy is so complicated, there would be no way I could describe it to you all without spoilers. What I can talk about is how through very different approaches and skill sets, Jean-Claude and Isabelle figure out what is happening parallel to each-other. Jean-Claude is like a Musketeer version of Hercule Poirot. He is incredibly good at improvising and acting, he has a way of getting people to talk to him and reveal information they don’t want to, he knows how to lie, fight, shoot, run and has a bit of a temper. While with Isabelle we learn more of the mechanics of the plot, with Jean-Claude we learn about the people involved in the conspiracy, and their various motives. I really enjoyed Jean-Claude’s detective skills; also since he’s the Musketeer, he gets the brunt of the action scenes which were all very fun. Isabelle on the other hand, is more like Sherlock Holmes. She’s good with words and people, but not the Jean-Claude’s effect, and she’s more than a little socially awkward and insecure, especially at first. What she’s good at is logic, facts and math, and she uses her analytical skills to deduce answers and see irregularities and inconsistencies around her. Though a lot of her skills are ones that she’s not supposed to have, like being able to read the Old Language, or know about how ships run and machines operate, her real skill is the ability to appeal to people and what they want, and she has a real knack for diplomacy that I really enjoyed watching develop throughout the book. The entire focus of the book, and Isabelle’s character arc is about soft power; she isn’t a sword fighter or a gunsmith, but she’s very intelligent, kind and clever, and combined with her deduction skills and wordplay, she makes a formidable political player. There is a reason Gran Leon picks her to be an ambassador, even if it’s with hidden intentions; she sees the loopholes in others’ plans and weaves her own, manipulating people when she must, and offering a branch of friendship when she can. I already mentioned the scene between her and Xaviera, but there are many more examples in the book of her making unlikely friends without even really trying to; my favorite scene was her duel of wits with Gran Leon. 

Characters:

Outside of the plot which was excellent and incredibly clever, I loved the characters. There are so many of them, that I couldn’t possibly cover them all, and a lot I can’t talk about because of spoilers, so I’ll just talk about the leading duo, which is Isabelle and Jean-Claude.  

Jean-Claude was my favorite person in this whole book. He was exactly what I imagined Aramis to be like; funny, sarcastic, too clever for his own good, very capable, and yet quite flawed. His father-daughter relationship with Isabelle was heartwarming, though I didn’t much care for how he saw her as someone who constantly needed protection, until she was to be handed off to another man to protect. He sees her as capable, but I wasn’t a fan of how he seemed to never quite understand that she was more than just whatever man was beside her.

He had the funniest quips, and keeping in with the theme of wordplay I liked his little anaphore game with Isabelle.

The other great thing about Jean-Claude, was how his moral compass was at odds to his loyalty to Grand Leon. He owes everything to Grand Leon, as he had handpicked Jean-Claude to be his own Musketeer, but when he finds himself in situations of injustice, Jean-Claude has a hard time standing by, even if it means potentially endangering his standing. He’s a flawed character, and sometimes he was too arrogant or too blindsided to see the full picture, like with  Vincent and Thornscar, and he is like any good Musketeer quite fond of self-indulgent pity.

One of his best quotes:

”Majesty, please excuse me for bleeding in your presence, but someone just tried to shoot the princess’s coach and bomb me, which is rather backward of the way I would have done it, but I’m thankful for his incompetence” pg. 249

Isabelle on the other hand is a lot more subdued, which makes perfect sense, seeing all the things she has been through. She has had a very abusive childhood, with her father trying to force her sorcery to come out, as well as being bullied and shunned because of her wormfinger.

I tried looking up to see if wormfinger is a real thing, and I couldn’t find anything, but as best as I could understand it, it’s a hand deformity where the hand has a single, unresponsive finger. Since this society is incredibly focused on looks and sexual appeal for women, Isabelle is considered a freak and even a devil-child, which isolates her. However, what I really appreciated was that she accepts her disability as just another part of herself, not some kind of burden, and she is content with herself. The book also doesn’t focus on her appearance, other than general descriptions, (which was true for all of the characters, points for you Craddock).

Isabelle suffers from a lot of trauma, especially concerning her own voice and words, as something happens to her, which is a direct result of someone misconstruing her words to hurt her. However, she’s still if not happy, then content, and though she’s not the bravest character in the book, she pushes through regardless, and tries to meet all her obstacles and overcome them, no matter how daunting they look.

There is a very mild romance in the book, but it’s so insignificant to all that happens that I hesitate to even call it a subplot. I liked this too; most of the relationships Isabelle builds are with friends and allies and what motivates her is entirely her friendship to Marie. I loved that her strongest allies outside of Jean-Claude were always other women; Marie, Valery, Gretl, even Xaviera. Her friendship with Gretl was especially important, as she is the only character who treats Gretl as a  human rather than some kind of object and the disability representation for Gretl was I thought well done.

Conclusion:

Though I might have come off harsh on a lot of aspects of this book, it’s only because the parts that were good were great, and every time we took a detour from those parts into bad territory it was all the more jarring. It’s a really fun book, and if you are looking for a gunpowder fantasy with a world we don’t often see in fiction, a focus on diplomacy, politics and a kick-ass pair of leads, then I recommend it.

However, if talk of fertility, childbirth, miscarriage and the threat of sexual assault unsettle you you might want to stay away; as much as I’d like to separate the adventuring from this, these are the main themes of the book, and it’s impossible to ignore them.

goodreads

#an alchemy of masques and mirrors #an alchemy of masques and mirrors review #moni talks #book review

[hamilton-one-shots]

43 45 56 please for thaurens? But it's an angels and demons au, John's an angel and Thoma sis a demon? •3•

(43: “You’re special to me.” 45: “Do you trust me?” 56: “Are you flirting with me?” I feel like I could’ve written this better, smh)

It wasn’t uncommon for angels to visit the earth or even live a life on their own, performing everyday miracles for those who need it and staging a death when they weren’t needed anymore. They really only had one rule.

Don’t get close to demons.

Interactions were fine, but relationships, even friendships, were heavily frowned upon in heaven. Their influence was too great and an angel was easily infected with their dark touch. So that’s how John Laurens lived. He was almost always careful around anyone who had that dark glow around them, though they could just as easily see the white glow around him. Most of the time, they respected the rules of the world and stayed away. But a mischievous few didn’t care.

Unfortunately, one of these few had grown… attached to John.

“Hey, Johnny.” Like everyday, the demon strode into the tattoo shop, looking to talk to its freckled owner.

“Go away, Thomas. I’m busy.”

The customer looked up at Thomas and smiled at how he was looking at John. “Are you his boyfriend?”

John scoffed. “He wishes.”

“I don’t need to be his boyfriend. I can love him from here.”

John rolled his eyes. “Get out, Thomas. If you want to bug me, wait until after hours.”

And that was exactly what Thomas did. Well, okay, not exactly. He stayed in the shop and rolled around in one of the rolling chairs, spinning and rolling around, but he did stay out of John’s way and, at that point, that’s all that mattered to him.

“Do you want to go out with me?” Thomas asked the second that the last customer left.

“No.”

“Oh, come on. Why not?”

John rolled his eyes. “You know exactly why. Your kind and my kind can’t go out.”

“So, what I’m hearing is, if I wasn’t a demon, you’d go out with me?”

“You’re also obnoxious, vain, and a complete pain.”

Thomas grinned. “Are you flirting with me?”

John groaned. “Why are you so obsessed with me?! There’s hundreds of other demons and billions of humans. Why do you want something you know you can’t have?!”

For once, Thomas stopped grinning. He stopped smiling, even. A frown set on his face and he stood up, taking John’s hand. “You really want to know why? Its because everyone else, even another angel, would’ve punched me in the face by now. I know I’m not a bearable guy, but you manage to deal with me. And, whether you believe it or not, you trust me.. That’s all I want.”

John’s expression softened for a second before he remembered that he couldn’t be with this guy and why, snatched his hands away. “It’s never going to happen.”

“You don’t get it… I don’t need to date you or be in a relationship to love you like I do. You’re special to me..” He stepped forward and kissed his forehead. “But, if it’ll make you happy…” And with that, he turned and left.

“Finally..” John muttered under his breath, though he felt… weak.. For some reason. And he found himself wondering. “Do I trust him?..” But he shrugged it off and went home after.

Thomas didn’t show up the next day. John found it odd, but was grateful that he wasn’t there to annoy him. He enjoyed it while he could, assuming that he’d be back the next day. He wasn’t. Nor was he back the next day or the day after that or the week or the month after that. Three months had passed before John realized how bland everything suddenly was. It was too quiet, too orderly. He always thought he’d like it, that he’d be liberated the day Thomas left him. He couldn’t have been more wrong. At that point, John had no choice but to accept the obvious. He was in love with a demon. He was going to be in so much trouble… The next day, he took the day off, it was a weekend anyways, and went up to heaven. He had to find Thomas and, boy did he have to beg for forgiveness. That was the harder task and that’s what he took care of first, going straight to the great hall. The great hall was structured to each person as they imagined, as their own beliefs shape it, just like the god or gods within it. For John, it looked like the US Capitol building with a tall white staircase leading to the entrance, large, gold double doors. Of course, on the inside of each building was a group of angels that made sure that god or the gods weren’t too busy when listening to people and John had to go through them first.

“State your name and business.”

“John Laurens. I have come to discuss a great dishonor that I have committed and apologize…”

The angels looked through a computer, John imagined things being modernized while others may have had the angels carrying lists or just knowing things automatically. “John Laurens. Earthbound angel. Current physical age, 22.”

“That’s me.”

“Just a second please.” John nodded and moved to sit and wait before the doors to the office swung open. He took that as a sign and took a deep breath before stepping into the office. The doors swung shut behind him and he was left in pitch black only the sounds of footsteps getting closer. Suddenly, everything went bright white, something that John was accustomed to up there, and he saw god themself standing before him.

“Tell me, why have you come here?”

John looked down at his feet, ashamed. “I’ve broken the biggest rule… I’m in love with a demon and I’ve come to apologize for it…”

One could only imagine John’s surprise when he wasn’t reprimanded, not punished, but comforted, God placing a hand on his shoulder. “And what’s so wrong about that?”

John looked up at them, surprised. “I-It’s a rule… A big one…”

“Not quite. That rule applies to those who look to demons for fun and who accept their dark nature. What you’re experiencing, that’s love. And even I can’t control love.”

“So.. What are you saying?..”

“I’m permitting you to be with him, on one condition.”

John frowned and reached back, grabbing his shoulder. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what that was. But for Thomas… “I’ll do it.”

God nodded and stood beside John, a white sword appearing in his hand.

John took a deep breath and bit back a scream as his white wings were cut off, feeling himself fall out of heaven and back down to earth before sitting up in his bed, panting. That was it. He was a human now. But that wasn’t his current concern. He hopped to his feet and ran outside, running until he stopped outside of Thomas’ apartment. As much as he flirted, of course he’d told him before. He knocked on the door and stood up straight, Thomas beyond surprised to see him.

“What are you doing here?..”

“I love you. And I want to be with you.”

Thomas raised his eyebrows in shock and pulled John inside, letting him sit down. “What happened to you? You’re not an angel anymore.”

“I lost my wings so I could be with you..”

Thomas sat across from him. “This isn’t a joke, is it?”

“Don’t you trust me? This isn’t the kind of joke an angel would make. It isn’t a joke at all.”

Thomas smiled widely and sat beside John, kissing his cheek. “You’ll always be my angel.”

#hamilton #hamilton fanfic #john laurens #thomas jefferson #thaurens

[hacks-and-heroes]

Hacks and Heroes #2

So let's talk about a favorite series of mine, Fallout. And what better time? With Fallout 76 on the horizon like a mediocre tsunami, the SEO is perfect.

The question is how would one go about adapting Fallout into a tabletop setting. Well that's easy actually, plus there are a bunch of hacks out there for Fallout already. I'm gonna point out a few key things that make a Fallout setting, and then get into the hacks.

So first there's themes. The most forefront and clear theme of Fallout has always been the cautionary tale of nuclear war. Atomic annihilation and Cold War era fear mongering is shown through its mix of propaganda posters, devastated landscapes and visual aesthetics. The distinct 1950s art style, especially Vault Tec’s Vault Boy, show a campy contrast to the horrors the world shows. Things like the upbeat music and pulp sci-fi weaponry mask a dark undertone. For those who plan on game mastering a Fallout game, I highly recommend playing the first two iterations to really get a sense of this tone.

Political agendas, conflicting ideologies, fate of technology, capitalism, communism, colonialism; all play a part in a great Fallout story. A good mix of these elements will truly help bring together any Fallout story.

So let's get into the hacks:

Fallout GURPS/Exodus-

I want to start with the two oldest Fallout hacks. Fallout has a history with GURPS, being the system it was first based on. Originally, GURPS was in the title of the first game. However, after a rift between developers, GURPS was dropped. However, several years ago someone revived the idea by adapting Fallout for the GURPS RPG system. While I have never played GURPS, it seems this system is the closest you'll get to a system that feels like the original games would translated to paper.

If you prefer a system with more number crunch, GURPS is a safe bet. It's also a well made book with a lot of detail and lore. It was made around the time of Fallout 3, so it may feel a bit outdated. It does include stuff from Fallout Tactics though. So I appreciate that.

Now onto Exodus. Exodus is a “licensed" Fallout game. Or at least that was the idea. At some point during its creation, the license was pulled. So what would have been Fallout d20, became Exodus. One of the major problems with this particular game is that it is a game based off the d20 Modern system. Sadly for the old SRD games, they have not aged well, especially d20 Modern. I only recommend this adaptation if you really enjoy the old d20 games like 3.5 and Modern. Even then, the poor cover up and woeful bestiary will probably be a turn off.

Fallout 5th Edition-

To start, this is probably one of the best and most detailed fan conversions I've seen. It has so much content for what is essentially a free sourcebook. The font and graphic design is great. There is multiple racial subtypes, backgrounds, and over 100 pages of Fallout monsters. There is a piecemeal armor system that will be a nice touch for those most familiar with Fallout 4. Seriously, for a class based system, this is probably one of the best portrayals of Fallout. Hell, it has stats to play a goddamn Eyebot. Who wouldn't??

Now it isn't all perfect. The biggest flaw is that many of 5e’s base classes are considered unviable. This would be fine, should the book offer replacements. Instead the book suggests purchase of a supplement that has classes more suited for the game. I totally understand why this is such, after all it is a free fan made conversion. However, an additional class or two would have more incentivized purchase of the other book. The only other gripe is that that 100 page bestiary is a lot of the same creatures with very minute changes. Similar to the games, though in a pen-and-paer RPG it's a bit needless.

(I will have a review of that class supplement for those interested midway thru the next week.)

On a side note, while there are Pathfinder hacks for Fallout, there aren't any detailed enough to really mention. With enough effort, one could customize it to fit a Fallout setting. I may go into it in the future as I tackle other topics.

Savage Fallout-

Okay so now we get into the most extensive collection of Fallout hacks. There are a handful of these for Savage Worlds, so we’ll just go at them in no particular order.

Savaged Fallout!

When you Google Savage Worlds Fallout, this is the first one that you’ll encounter. On a blogspot aptly named, there are about 13 PDF downloads by Shane Hensley. It is clearly a passion project, having started in 2003, though it has gone dark since 2016.

I’m gonna get the bad out of the way first. This hack is ugly, poorly laid out, and sometimes confusing. The books are almost entirely black and white with a plain font. Only do the location books get anything in the way of images, though the actual maps tend to be weak. The hindrances added to the game are actually quite good, representing traits from the game quite well. The edges on the other hand...are extremely poor. Anyone who has played a lot of 3.5 or Pathfinder will start having flashbacks as they see edges boasting +1 to two skills with no flavor text. Compared to some of the later Savage Fallout stuff, it’s pretty sad. My final complaint is the Weapons Cache book is a supplement that details out things like Alien weapons, Chinese weapons, and a few other unique items from the games. However, the book is not more than a bunch of paragraphs and stat blocks.

Now onto the good stuff; both the Wasteland Survival Guide (Player’s Handbook) and Overseer’s Manual (GM’s Guide) are well made, new mechanics are introduced well, and the items will bring back fond memories of Fallout 2. The location books are a fun homebrew addition. I have not read all of them, however, they are good for brainstorming if nothing else. If you’re looking for a hack for Fallout for Savage Worlds, this is not a bad first place to start.

Wild Wastes

This one won’t come up right away, but I was quite pleased to have discovered it. If I was going to run a Savage Fallout game, I’d probably be referring to this book the most. To start, it is a beautiful two PDF set, barely clocking in at over 20 pages. The backgrounds and fonts fit the Fallout aesthetic and the layout is pleasing to the eye. It uses some licensed Fallout art in it, which helps it for sure.

By contrast to Savaged Fallout, the edges in this book are fantastic. Now okay, mechanically they aren’t much different than Savaged Fallout, but they at least look nice. There are less hindrances, but the ones that remain hold up on their own. Also the race options are fleshed out well, and there are two options for Super Mutants, if you are so inclined. This hack also introduces the Psyker. Basically this is adding psychic powers into Fallout, which may seem out of place to those who don’t know about Fallout Tactics. Truly it’s a fun idea, but whether it stays is up to your GM.

The second PDF that goes along with Wild Wastes is a 9 page add-on for equipment. There isn’t a lot to say about it besides that it is extensive. While it isn’t 5e Fallout extensive, it does have weapons, armor, and items from every game and more. If you are looking for items for your Savage Fallout game, look here.

Fallout: And How to Survive in the Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland When Your GM is a Total Dick.

Quite the mouthful there. So this hack is similar to Wild Wastes in that it uses a lot of licensed Fallout art...also it is only about 16 pages. That said, it is much more dense. The inner workings are black and white, but more well laid-out than Savaged Fallout. The font is a better choice and while tiny is laid out in a way that’s not hard to follow. This hack also stands out because it essentially works stand alone. You’ll need the core Savage Worlds book for more in-depth rules, but the character creations process and most hindrances and edges are included in the book.

One of my only gripes with this particular hack is its approach to weapons. Similar to GURPs, weapons are more or less divided into categories of damage, and then just given flavor for their look. While I can see the plus in this way, it tends to leave your players and GMs in the dark if they aren’t used to doing so. The armor is also truly wimpy (a +4 bonus for power armor??). That also extends to the races which get one trait a piece before being forgotten.

To circle back to something positive, this hack does include “tinkerin’”, a skill for customizing weapons and armor. It’s a simple enough system and more than welcome for those who like having to craft unique weapons.

Gunrocksgaming Savage Fallout

This isn’t a PDF like the previous three hacks. This one is a blog that includes very little but is worth mentioning for a few reasons. It has rules for character creation, which include playing robots, a first for these hacks. There are little in the way of hindrances but the edges are good. The equipment is sparse but well done, as are the setting rules. This hack does have another plus which it is the second of these hacks to have a bestiary. It’s hard to compare how these monsters compare to their in-game counterparts but with two hacks it probably wouldn’t be easy to make one that satisfies you.

Aaaaand that’s all for now!

While there are no doubt other Fallout hacks for other games, these were the best I could come across. I’ll cover it more in a future post, but another excellent post-apocalypse game is Apocalypse World, as well as the system it is built on. It can also be used for Fallout, with some modifications.

I hope you all enjoyed this and found it informative. Feel free to comment, send feedback or ideas for later posts. Next week I’ll be back with a different kind of post. This week was all about hacks that already exists. What if there’s a game you want that doesn’t have a hack though. Well, you’ll have to make it up yourself then! So next week we’ll tackle another Bethesda brand favorite, Dishonored!!

#hacksandheroes #dungeons and dragons #fallout #fallout 3 #fallout new vegas #fallout 4 #fallout 76 #bethesda #d&d #d&d 5e #5e #savage worlds #GURPS #d20 modern #d20 #hacksnheroes #tabletop rpgs #rpgs #game master #dungeonmaster #dishonored #dishonoured #wildwastes

[fmdcosmo-blog]

well hello one and all, if it isn’t emmy back at it again with a chaos child except more advanced. this is inmoon, who goes by the stage name cosmo but will fully slaughter you and your yet to be born children if you call him that without his permission (you will almost never get his permission). now i’m not gonna lie since being in famed and being blessed with the admin beauty of beth, i have got pretty abysmal at intro’s. so this is going to be insanely brief and more like a summary until his character bio can be posted because i’m an inexperienced hoe still and did not save his massive fuckIn bio after i wrote it. here, have fun with the devil my sweet ones: 

so, let us begin, inmoon is a playboy type. he was raised in an extremely high class, fancy ass and obscenely rich family. however, all is not as rosy and bright future of prosperity, thanks hierarchy, as it looks. inmoon’s father was a serious alcoholic, the addiction had got to the point where it controlled his life. he also from this, stemmed a problem with gambling. all that rowdy influence of lewd men, who had the world on their shoulders. you can imagine it didn’t bode well for his interaction with his family. he became abusive physically to inmoon’s mother, the beatings were so severe she would often end up with so many broken bones she was bedridden, her face could become so bruised, cut and swollen that you could barely distinct it. inmoon, when old enough to intervene, naturally did so resulting in beatings for him likewise. it was not so much the abuse physically that scarred inmoon but rather the way his father would speak down to his mother, make her believe she truly did deserve it. 

as he grew older, he found more and more that he was not fitting in suitably enough with the ideals of the lifestyle of the rich, inmoon had different dreams and different idea’s on what power should mean, what power should be used to enforce. his father’s corrupted view of him as deviant became more and more a self fulfilling prophecy for inmoon, his pansexuality often causing uproar due to his unapologetic nature, often explicitly making it clear he was lovers with any partner of any sort who he purposefully brought to events it would be frowned upon to attend with such. likewise, inmoon’s unapologetic and shameless nature meant he was extremely proud, this pride lead to a great many fights and gained his family a bad reputation, not only this but inmoon was a state of dishonor for the family, making a mockery of it and causing rumors less than pleasing to spread about his sorry state of affairs. his father particularly, was horrified and petrified furthermore of how this gossip may reveal the reality of his perfect family and its many darker virtues of being fucked up. 

though his parents did not agree with inmoon’s dream of being an idol, he was sent away to study in Japan for a great amount of time at a performance and music institution which would develop his skill for rapping and most significantly to him, his ability to dance. eventually, it would lead to his scouting into MARS, a point that marked for inmoon his ability to succeed on his own and make a name for himself, resulting in him cutting off his family completely, except for his mother whom he arranged a new life for in america before he moved on to his life as an idol and came back to korea. however, it was not all a primrose path that he could tread. for a long time, inmoon lived rough and would enter into underground fights in order to make enough money to survive off of. the conditions of this lifestyle meant much suffering and blow to pride, it was a corrupt system in which those who trained you could also deprive and use your weaknesses against you. 

though inmoon is angelic in looks, with the nature and background of the perfect renaissance man he is devilish in his person-hood with an over powering coquettish and manipulative nature. he perfects the traits and charisma of seduction and cunning however it is of a wiser nature. he has a knack for getting the truth out of people and views himself very much to be on a level that many others cannot reach, believing most would either want to be themselves or be with. In many ways he is cocky but he believes he is allowed this because unlike most who claim such things on pure visual basis, he is genuinely rather intellectual in both a dangerous and polymath way. 

his fearless nature though admirable is also a risky game to play, he cares about his members enough to argue that if he is to be punished, in the unlikely chance of being caught in his antics which he has learnt since childhood to keep disclosed, it should be him and him alone suffering consequences and he will not back down from such a stance, however he does not care enough to simply cut the behavior out all together. He suffers from a lack of filter, he often speaks in a way that is very passive aggressive and confrontational although he does not always mean it to sound like this. often he will ask the kind of uncomfortable sarcastic questions that exemplify he already has the answer but is simply trying to catch the other person out calmly as his own anger rises. 

he suffers with diagnosed mental health disorder in the form of anxiety and stress. If Inmoon is stressed, he will often end up burning himself as a form of self harm and purposefully beating himself up to cause physical harm and violence, this most commonly is in the form of him punching walls and the like till his hands are bloody and bruised and torn apart to the point they are seriously injured and a complete mess of broken parts. He will lock himself away for days on end and completely disassociate. tell tale signs of a breakdown oncoming are an increased and dangerous rate of drinking, rubbing temples or running hands over face with increased agression. Often his coping mechanism will be to push people away and either hurt them or himself however fits, usually emotionally for others and physically for himself. Inmoon does this sort of thing because he believes he is not worth anything and gets worryingly low when thinking about how much of a ‘failure’ he has been to his parents and upbringing. 

inmoon is a lothario and a playboy, his relationships are often more casual and based upon sex, however he has a great amount of respect and consideration for all his sexual partners and ends up caring about all of them in some way despite his best efforts. This often leads to arguments between him and his potential lovers because of how much of a livewire he is and how aware he is that this could hurt or endanger others if they got too deeply involved with him, he can be selfish because of this and make decisions for them that are not his own to make regarding himself and their involvement with him. if you were to find a drunk inmoon, you would find him at his most emotional and genuine self, vulnerable and willing to reveal his more dark and personal struggles that explain his behavior. 

in summary, inmoon is the type to portray himself to have an entirely different and more unbreakable and untouchable nature than he truly does, in reality his attitude toward himself is that he wasn’t made to be loved and therefore he does his best to not let this be his biggest weakness by disguising himself and removing himself from the possibility of it. he has grown up to believe that everyone will leave eventually not because he does not care, or because most people other than himself can usually gather that he cares for more than he lets on, he intrinsically believes himself to know that no sensible person would make the choice to stay by his side, to him this makes sense however deep down it is his biggest insecurity and his response is to bury it and act like he is unbothered by it. rather than be morbid or overly bright, he accepts his life for simply being it is what it is and carries on surving however he can. this, inmoon has found, is to be an asshole. 

#i have no clue what to tag this under #but here a terrible intro to my way better character than how i explained him son #he is my firstborn boy be nice to him shshsh no im jks #better intro coming soon y'all

[darknessfactor]

DOTO Thoughts

Spoilers below.

Game, I dub thee, “the game that had some cool ideas and a lot of potential and absolutely wasted all of it”.

I’m going to start with the bad, just to get it out of the way.  Bullet points are acceptable, yes?

Billie was given very little motivation of her own, taking her cues from Daud instead and making the game about him when it should’ve been focused on her.

People have already done a much better job of explaining why Billie and Daud’s motivations make no sense than I could, but anyway, their motivations make no sense.

The level recycling was a bit exhausting.

The scene where the Outsider shows up and takes Billie’s arm and eye is... very violent.  And I don’t necessarily mean that in the way you might be thinking, but I think it’s important to note that the Outsider, who has never shown any inclination to touch anyone before, suddenly manhandles Billie and essentially forces her powers on her.  There are some uncomfortable implications that go along with that, especially when you consider that he gave the Dishonored 2 main characters a choice, but not Billie.

The lack of the chaos system.  The game doesn’t have the stakes of the previous game, and it damages Billie’s character development immensely to have her be able to kill people indiscriminately without any consequences.

“Daud never stopped killing.”  This makes absolutely no sense to me, because the fact that he canonically let Billie go would mean that he would’ve had to be low chaos in Knife of Dunwall.  But according to Thomas (I’m assuming that was Thomas), he’s still the same assassin?  Sure, game.  Sure.

Missing pieces of lore.  Sure, killing the Outsider/turning him human renders him unable to give magic to people, but the game doesn’t explain what happens to those he’s already marked (of which I’m pretty sure the only one who’s left alive is Emily).  

Apparently Arkane has decided to stick with their insistence that all witches are evil.  Great.

Now, here are the things that I thought were interesting, or had potential, but didn’t end up going anywhere or were underused.

Billie’s connection to the change in time at Stilton’s manor.  Obviously this is important, as it’s the reason for her nightmares and the reason why she can see all the hollows, but for some reason the game never does anything with it.  Billie never expresses any interest in finding out why she has the dreams, and she never gets to find out that the reason she loses her eye and arm is because Emily went back in time and saved Aramis Stilton.  I personally think that the main plot of the game should’ve been about her figuring this out, but that could just be my fanfic getting to me.

The juxtaposition of Billie and the Outsider.  Again, the game had some interesting moments where it’s pointed out that the Outsider and Billie have gone through similar experiences - of not having a choice, and of undergoing childhood trauma.  It could’ve been a fascinating parallel throughout the game, except that it’s ruined almost immediately by - you guessed it - the Outsider not giving Billie a choice in accepting her powers.

And honestly this one upsets me on a personal level, because I love both characters and I love the idea that there was this connection between the two because of their similar experiences, and also because they’re both able to see the world in ways that ordinary people are not, but again: the game did nothing with it.

The relationship between Billie and Daud.  There was no tension between them at all.  I feel like there should’ve been some initial wariness and even some animosity between them at first - after all, it’s been fifteen years, and the last time they saw one another Billie had betrayed him.  They shouldn’t have just been like, “Yeah, it’s all good, let’s just do our thing.”  I expected more there.

The Eyeless.  On the surface, just another nut-job cult, but more insidious than they appeared.  But again, Arkane could’ve done a lot more with them.

There was the whole thing about Delilah’s witches joining the Eyeless after Delilah was overthrown, and it was clear that the witches had contempt for their fellow cult members.  To them, the Eyeless were just a bunch of wanna-bes.  Arkane could’ve taken this plot and run with it, could’ve turned it into an eventual civil war within the cult, could’ve given the player the ability to manipulate both sides - it would’ve been the perfect example of how it’s the choices we make determine our fate, because in the end the cult would have self-destructed.

I think, in general, I think that this game should’ve been about Billie taking down the cult, not the Outsider, because the cult is poisoning Karnaca from inside.  The game showed that the Eyeless are at every level of society; uncovering it would’ve been a way for Billie to continue her story, but I guess Arkane wanted to capitalize on the Outsider.  We know that the Eyeless are pretty terrible, and if Arkane had really wanted to get the Outsider involved, then you could make saving him an optional action at the end of the game.  At any rate, doing this would remove the issue with terrible motivation for Billie and Daud.

The ‘choice’ theme.  At least, I think Arkane wanted this to be a theme.  The Outsider talks about Billie having a choice, his whole creation revolved around him not having a choice, human beings are the ones who make their own choices, etc.  Once again, this is ruined by:

The Outsider not giving Billie a choice at the beginning of the game.

Billie basically being a robot who follows Daud’s orders, instead of choosing to help him for her own reasons.

And now, the things that I liked:

On a very superficial level, I like the non-lethal ending.  Yes, I am aware that realistically speaking, the Outsider will probably die within a few weeks because of his lack of real life experience, but I’m instead going to headcanon that he ends up living at Dunwall Tower as an advisor, becomes the biggest advocate for environmental awareness and reform in court, and adopts a lot of cats.  Like, a LOT of cats.  And names them after his marked.

Billie’s attempts to write a thanks-but-no-thanks letter to Emily killed me.  KILLED ME.  And yes, that’s almost entirely because I ship them.

The hollows were cool.  Kinda pointless, but cool, nonetheless.

It’s still fun to play.  If you completely ignore the character development and the plot, then you can still have a blast.  Billie’s powers are great, the exploration is fun, and the puzzles are still fun to solve.  

Those rare moments when Billie actually seemed like a person - “A secret knock?  Really?”  and “Cryptic little shit.”

The little tidbits of what happened to the Dishonored 2 characters.  I love that Billie keeps newspaper clippings about Emily and Sokolov.

Worldbuilding and the overall aesthetic was still pretty cool.

As you can, based on the above... the things I like about the game are not the things that are important to me in a game.  I can forgive a game with a nonsensical plot if the characters are still interesting and engaging (*coughLightningReturnscough*), but Death of the Outsider couldn’t even be bothered to do that.  Instead, most of the characters fall flat, and for the first time in my life I’ve found myself playing a game purely for the gameplay.  I haven’t seen a mess this bad since the KOTET expansion from SWTOR.

It wouldn’t be accurate to say that I’m upset.  After learning about That One Writer, I expected something like this.  But I am angry.  I’m angry on behalf of the people who are fans of Daud (even if I’m not one), and I’m angry as a fan of Billie.  And so, I will do as I have always done: I will turn to my fanfiction, ignore canon, and move on.

(But make no mistake, I’ll be low-key bitter for a while.)

#dishonored #dishonored 2 #dishonored: doto #death of the outsider #billie lurk #daud #meta #doto spoilers #amaya talks crap #currently my cat is on my lap #so i'm not as mad as i was #anyway wow this is long #goddamn #dishonored critical #also if anyone has anything to add #or feels like they need to call me out on something #feel free

[davidcarner]

Sarah vs The Life Unexpected Ch 17, I’ll Think About It

A/N 1: Since we spoke last I have contracted what I believe to be the Bubonic Plague…my wife thinks it's a head cold and I should just grow a set, but I'm going with the plague. I most warn you I've had ideas while on cold medicine, so if you hate what happens, let's blame it on that.

I would seriously like to say you all are humbling me with your response. I know this story is absolute fluff and nonsense, but don't we need some right now? Thank you all! Now, are you ready? Of course you are, you're here aren't you? Happy 2018 everyone! Sit back and enjoy Ch 18, I'm Thinking About It.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, Star Wars, or Lethal Weapon, but I must say I like the Lethal Weapon TV series better than the movies

Shots flew over their position and Sarah turned to look at her husband. Her husband, she liked the sound of that. It had been just over nine days since they were married. Since then she had moved out of her Echo Park apartment (that had once been his, weird right?) the game had launched, Manoosh had been hired on full time to help Skip and Chuck handle any bugs found in the game (there had been very few). The game was selling much better than anticipated, and they had a bona fie hit on their hands. The girls were getting along great and she and Chuck…a smile made its way to her face, she felt her cheeks turn red, and parts of her flipped and flopped that hadn't in years until she met him.

"I swear, I can't figure out if you're getting turned on just looking at me, or the gunplay," Chuck said, with a grin on his face. Sarah bounced a shoulder.

"Why can't it be both?" she asked. Chuck's brain would have smoked but two more shots flew over his head. "You understand that plan?"

"I do, are you good with it?" Chuck asked. Sarah shook her head.

"No, but what choice do we have?" she asked. She leaned in and kissed him quickly. "For luck," she said with a smirk. He just looked at her. "Okay, terrible time to bring it up, but does it bother you that Luke and Leia were brother and sister?" she asked.

"At the time, no, because we didn't know, but down the road…this should have been a sign for the prequals, I'm telling you."

"Under gunfire and you have me talking about nerd movies," she said, with a grin. "I love you Chuck Bartowski."

"I love you Sarah Bartowski," Chuck replied.

"We go on three," she said.

"Wait. Is it one, two, three, and then we go, or actually go on three?"

"Seriously, we're going to do the Lethal Weapon thing right now?"

"I'm not doing the Lethal Weapon thing, I'm genuinely asking," he replied. His brow furrowed. "Although, I did always think that it would make a better TV show." Sarah studied him and shook her head.

"No, they'd get someone like Jordana Brewster to play the psychiatrist," Sarah said. "Something about her."

"I thought she was pretty good in The Fast and the Furious movies," Chuck replied. Sarah just gave him a look.

"You know I can drive better than all of them, right?" Chuck just waggled his eyebrows. "Three then go, ok?" Chuck nodded. Sarah squeezed his hand, took a deep breath and began to count. "One, two, three, go!" On go, Chuck went left and Sarah right. Sarah managed to take out three of the ten since they naturally went to their right when someone popped up. Chuck was riddled with gunfire, and made some scream that didn't sound manly at all. "Chuck!" she screamed. The remaining seven turned toward her. She fired off as many shots as she could, but she felt the gunfire slam into her. She stood there for a second, as a few more shots hit her. When they were done, she looked down at the multitude of colors on her chest. She took her helmet off, and as she did, a paintball caught her in her hair.

"Hey!" Chuck yelled.

"Sorry," came the mumble. The two already had a good idea who had done it.

"Looks like we win and you lose," said one of the remaining four on the other team.

"Well," Chuck began. "You might ought count a little better." The other team just looked at him. "The name of the game is capture the flag, and if you'll turn around and look. The group did and there stood Molly, holding the flag high, being as humble as only she could.

"We got the flag-ag, we got the flag-ag! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! We got the flag-ag, we got the flag-ag! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!"

Chuck and Sarah turned to each other, pointed at each other, and said at the same time, "That's your child."

}o{

"Bartowski, you have the most effeminate scream I have ever heard in my life," Casey grumbled when they found themselves at the pizza buffet later.

"I assume you have a point?" Chuck asked, grinning. Sarah grinned at Chuck and shook her head. She and Carina shared a look. There was no telling where these two were going with this.

"You should go out with honor," Casey said.

"So, my scream is dishonorable?" Chuck asked. Casey nodded. "Then I guess the fact, I stayed 'alive' longer than you, means nothing?"

"Look, we all know it's because Walker protected you," Casey replied.

"Bartowski," Sarah corrected. Casey rolled his eyes, and grunted.

"You know what I mean," Casey said.

"So, I only stayed in the game because of Sarah?" Chuck asked.

"Don't get your feelings hurt, Bartwoski," Casey said, grinning. "She's former CIA and she still let's you mix her chocolate in your peanut butter." Chuck dropped his pizza.

"He needs better food metaphors," Chuck whispered to Sarah. Sarah chuckled.

"It's a testament to her that you stayed alive as long as you did," Casey finished.

"Huh, so my wife," he said, turning to Sarah, who beamed. "Managed to keep herself and me alive, even though I'm a deterrent, longer than two former agents could keep themselves alive?" Casey stopped mid-bite on his pizza. Carina roared with laughter.

"You kinda set him up for that one, Dad," Alex said.

"I hate you, Bartowski," Casey said, shaking his head.

"Love you too, Casey," Chuck replied. Casey just grunted.

"Okay, to business," Sarah said. "First, thanks for coming in on your day off. Chuck and I are a little concerned and we wanted all of your assessments."

"So, Burke Industries wants to meet with us on Monday to discuss a contract?" Alex asked. Sarah nodded. "So, what does that have to do with the paintball game?"

"Lacy Burke was the older kid who shot Sarah in the head with the paintball after the game was over," Morgan replied. "His younger brother, the infamous Jerry."

"The one that wants you two to order the baby brother?" Carina asked, laughing. Sarah nodded.

"Here's the problem, from what Chuck and I have been able to figure out, Lacy is putting all this mess into Jerry's head. Jerry seems to be a good kid, but Lacy.." Chuck pulled out a packet on the kid.

"This is all sealed by juvie," Chuck said, looking around. Casey gave him a look. "I know, Casey, but I really think you should see some of this stuff." Casey poured through the papers and shook his head.

"They try to make it go away by throwing money at it," Casey said. Sarah nodded.

"But, it's not our kid," Chuck added. "So, do we leave all of this out, and do the job, which is easy and will make us some serious payola, or…" Chuck shrugged with his hands out to the side. Carina shook her head and grinned.

"You have become the biggest softie in the world," Carina said, pointing at Sarah. Sarah didn't disagree. Casey was quiet for a moment.

"God, country, family," he said softly. "These parents have no idea and they think they're doing the right thing, don't they?" Sarah nodded.

"I have no idea about Lacy, but Jerry, he just idolizes his brother," Sarah said.

"You have a plan?" Casey asked. Chuck just grinned and turned toward the arcade where Emma had Molly and Clara. Casey followed his eyes, and Casey's nearly bugged out of his head. "Chuck me," he muttered.

}o{

Chuck and Sarah got everyone home, exhausted from the day. Everyone went to bed rather quickly, and soon Chuck and Sarah found themselves alone. Chuck walked into their bedroom and feel face first on the bed.

"I do scream like a girl, don't I?" he asked, his mouth full of comforter.

"Chuck, I love you, but please don't insult girls that way," Sarah said grinning.

"Admit it, it's why you feel for me."

"Chuck, it was despite that," Sarah answered, heading into the bathroom, not shutting the door.

"I know what you're up to, you temptress, but I was riddled with gunfire today, and I'm sorry, but the answer is no," Chuck said. Sarah came to the doorway.

"You should try getting hit with a real bullet having one of those vests on," Sarah said. Chuck turned his head toward her.

"I don't get excited over gunplay, that's you," he said, still not moving. "It really hurts?" She nodded.

"I know several that have broken bones," she said heading into the shower.

"I'm not coming in there," Chuck said.

"I know," Sarah replied.

"I mean it's not that I can't."

"I know, the past few weeks have been too much on you," she said, amusement in her voice.

"Woman," he began. "You're right."

"Chuck, are you okay?" she asked, real concern in her voice.

"I'm fine, but the last month my life has been turned upside down, and some days I just wonder why you chose me," he said.

"Because you love me, and I love you," came the reply. "Oh, shoot," she said.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't get this paint out of my hair," she said. Chuck groaned and pushed himself off the bed. "Don't, you're tired, and you'd have to get your clothes off, all you want to do is lay on the bed."

"Sarah, if we don't get that paint out of your hair, you'll get angry, and I don't like it when your angry." Chuck walked into the bathroom.

"Seriously, I need you in here to help me so you'll have to lose the clothes," Sarah said. Chuck undressed, climbed in the shower, and began to look through Sarah's hair. "Sarah, there's no paint in your hair." A giggle was his only answer. "Oh, well played, well played."

}o{

Monday morning found Molly not in school, but at work with her mother and father. Chuck opened the door to leave the conference room, where a shocked Mr. and Mrs. Burke were sitting hearing everything that Jerry had said to Molly over the past several weeks.

"And on the oneymoon, you have to make multiple calls," Molly said, as the door swung open and shut.

"Sarah just keeps sitting there, blinking," Carina said.

"Is it Morse Code?" Casey asked.

"I think her brain has shut down from everything Molly has already learned," Chuck said, leaning again the wall, not looking at the conference room.

"You've already solved their computer problems, haven't you?" Carina asked. Chuck gave a tired grin and nodded.

"These poor people," Chuck began. "They thought by making Lacy watch his younger brother it would keep Lacy out of trouble, and it has, but Jerry's learning things that he's too young to understand."

"Speaking of oneymoons," Carina began. Chuck just rolled his eyes.

"When would you like us to go?" he asked. "The merger, the game, preschool graduation…" Chuck just stopped and shook his head. "Plus the girls without either of us…and, Molly wants me to be the one to straighten out the Jerry mess someday."

"That's no time soon, right?" Carina asked, a little worried. Chuck gave her a look. Carina looked away. "Let her stay as innocent as you can as long as you can," she said softly. Chuck looked at Casey, who nodded. He knew he wasn't Ellie, but he knew what she would do, and he pulled her in for a hug.

"You know I will," he said softly.

"He said you had multiple pills to help you call the stork," Chuck heard Molly say as the door opened. He looked over and saw Sarah who seemed surprised at Chuck hugging Carina. Sarah glanced at Casey and then at Chuck.

"She okay?" Sarah mouthed. Chuck nodded, pulled away, and looked Carina in the eyes. Carina gave him a tight smile, and hugged him again.

"You're a good one, Chuckles," she said, let him go, turned, walked by Sarah, squeezed her hand, and headed off.

"I'll go.."Casey said, and took off after her.

"I could be wrong, but that looked like lady feelings out of Casey," Chuck said. Sarah just grinned.

"Come on," Sarah said. "We need to take care of this." The two went inside.

}o{

A few hours later, Chuck, Sarah, and the Burkes left the conference room, handshakes all around.

"Seriously, if she learns anything new, let us know ASAP," Mr. Burke said. "We've got work to do with our oldest."

"Hey, as a guy who grew up with no father, let me just say, you just being there means a lot," Chuck said. The Burkes thanked them again, and left. Alex walked up with Molly.

"I need to get back and check on Clara," Molly said. Chuck squatted down.

"What are you going to do next year when you're in different schools?" Chuck asked.

"I've got to get her ready this summer," Molly said. "I've planned it all out." Chuck looked up at Sarah.

"I mean seriously, I won't be mad if you tell me she's really yours." Sarah shoved Chuck in the shoulder, making him tumble. Molly pounced Chuck, and Chuck made dramatic noises.

"See, Bartowski, effeminate," Casey said as he walked by.

"Does he stand around and wait for those moments?" Chuck asked.

"Maybe there are more of them than you realize," Sarah answered, walking away, with a grin on her face. Chuck laid there and tried to look hurt.

"I still love you, Daddy," Molly said. She grabbed his cheeks. "Now take me to school."

"Okay," he said, her hands still on his cheeks.

}o{

The week flew by, and Chuck and Sarah started to settle into a routine with the kids, work, and life in general. Friday morning rolled by, and Sarah woke up, finding herself in bed, along. She got up and went into the kids' room, and found Chuck sitting in the rocking chair, holding Clara.

"What's wrong?" She asked. Chuck just shook his head, and offered Sarah sleeping Clara. Sarah took the little girl, happily. Chuck woke Molly, and the morning ritual began. Chuck told Sarah he needed to drive himself to work this morning, and Sarah offered to take both kids to school. When she got to work, Chuck was no where to be seen. She went inside, and as usual, found Morgan at the front desk with Alex. What was unusual, was the look on his face.

"Where is he?" Morgan asked softly.

"He said he needed to come in by himself this morning," Sarah replied. Her phone made a noise. She looked down and saw it was a message from Chuck. "It's from Chuck," she informed Morgan. She read the message. Tell him I'm okay. We need to talk. Can you meet me at the beach? I need my baggage handler. She looked up at Morgan.

"Go," he said. "Trust me, go." Sarah took off, jumped in her vehicle and drove to their spot at the beach. She found him sitting there, looking at the waves, tears streaming down his face. She walked over, sat down beside him. He took her hand and didn't say anything for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry," he began. "I know I should have told you this morning, but I thought I could get through it. It's just been me and Ellie for so long that even though I love you, it's hard sometimes to remember you are a willing part of this." He looked over at her and smiled. She squeezed his hand.

"Tell me."

"It's their wedding anniversary," he choked out. Sarah pulled him into her, and they stayed there. He cried, and she ran her fingers through his hair. She never tried to stop the sobs. That was the problem, for so long he kept it all inside, and now that this emotion was finally coming out, she would be damned if she was the one stopping it. After thirty minutes he ran out of tears. "I keep soaking your shirts like this," he said.

"It's okay," she said softly, rubbing his neck. "I've got this amazing guy at work who makes me lots of money so I can go shopping anytime," she said, haughtily with a grin on her face. Chuck laughed, and she joined him. When they stopped, she continued. "And, he loves me and trusts me enough to let him in."

"I didn't immediately," he said. "I'm sorry for that."

"This is the first time for you being married and figuring this out as well," she said, winking at him.

"Well," he began, and he stopped. "I was going to make a joke, as far as you know, but since you're former CIA I'm sure I've been vetted," he said, grinning. Sarah returned the grin, and looked away. "When?" he asked softly.

"The first day I met you," she replied. Chuck's grin got bigger. She pulled him close. "What am I gonna do with you, Chuck Bartowski?" she asked softly while smiling.

"Be here for better or worse," he replied softly. "I only hope I can do as good a job as you're doing for me."

"You're doing just fine, Chuck," Sarah said, grinning.

}o{

The rest of the day the two spent together, away from work. Sarah called Morgan to let him know Chuck was okay. As the day went on, he got better, and the afternoon ended with them meeting for dinner, and celebrating the Awesomes' wedding. Molly watched Clara very carefully to make sure she was okay. Chuck tried to explain to her that Clara really didn't understand, and Molly nodded during said explanation, and went right back to her duty. Chuck and Sarah shook their heads, but silently both were pleased about how much the two cared about each other.

The next morning saw Sarah going for a jog. One of the rooms downstairs was being outfitted as a gym, but Sarah wanted to run outside. She went past a park, when she heard someone call her name. She turned and didn't see anyone, her spy senses on high alert.

"Don't beat me up," the familiar voice said.

"What do you want, Bryce?" she asked, venom dripping from her voice.

"First, congratulations," he said. Sarah stared at him. "Tell me you really love him."

"I do, not that you'll believe it," she replied. Bryce just looked at her, and shrugged.

"I just can't see it," he answered honestly.

"You just can't see anyone with me other than you," she countered. Bryce had to agree with her.

"Look, I'm going to be sent here for a mission, but I needed you to give Chuck a heads-up." Sarah just raised an eyebrow. "There's a kill order out on Jill," he said. Sarah just kept staring at Bryce. "Jill from Stanford." Sarah kept staring. "Chuck's Jill." Sarah was done staring. Bryce took a step back. "I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly.

"Well, what exactly did you mean?" she asked, biting off each word, close to beating Bryce within an inch of his life.

"This is Chuck we are talking about," Bryce said. Sarah continued to stare. "Sarah, what's he going to do if she's killed and we could have saved her."

"Why do you want her saved?" Sarah asked. Bryce looked away. "She's your mission."

"I need help," Bryce admitted. "I…care…for her.." Sarah's eyebrows raised and she took a step back.

"Wha? You, Bryce Larkin, care?"

"I'm not a robot," he said. Sarah just stared at him. "I wasn't that bad," he insisted.

"Conceited, arrogant, trying to hide who you were," Sarah began.

"Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"You're just a big a nerd as Chuck and Morgan are, and all you ever did was talk trash about them," Sarah said. Bryce looked away.

"Sometimes you hate on others because they can be themselves," Bryce said softly. "Would it have mattered?"

"Would it have mattered?" Sarah replied. "No, because I never loved you, Bryce. I do care about you, and I want you to be happy. So, by all means, embrace your inner nerd. Embrace you, and live, and quit making decisions for others."

"So you'll tell him?" Sarah looked away, and huffed. "Please."

"I'll think about it," Sarah said.

"Sarah, if you all don't help me, she could die, I mean you don't hate her that much do you?" Sarah gave him a look. He stepped back. "Right, you'll think about it."

}o{

Sarah opened the door to her house, she liked the sound of that, and heard the trash talk immediately.

"I thought you two were game geniuses?" Molly asked.

"Seriously, Dude, she doesn't have to be so mean," Morgan replied.

"Molly, where did you hear that kind of talk?" Chuck asked, never looking up from the screen.

"It's what Uncle Morgan said to you while you two were playing video games one day," Molly replied. Morgan and Chuck shared a look.

"I'm sorry, Chuck," Morgan said. "I didn't realize words could hurt like that."

"Molly," Chuck said.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Morgan, I just wanted to be like you and Daddy," she said. Morgan grinned, and Chuck knew she could call him whatever she wanted to now during games. Molly beat them at Mario Kart, AGAIN, and began her victory celebration.

"She's got moves," Morgan admitted.

"As long as they're none of Carina's moves from when she's drunk, I'm good," Chuck replied. Alex came down the stairs holding Clara.

"Mama," Clara said, reaching for Sarah. Sarah immediately smiled and took her.

"Hey, Sarah," Alex said. "Good run." Sarah shook her head.

"Not exactly," Sarah replied.

"Let me guess," Chuck began. "You just met the spouse of someone you had to," he paused looked at his oldest daughter. " 'take care of' and now that spouse has it out for you?" he said, grinning. Sarah just looked at him.

"Why would ask something like that?" Sarah asked, a little worried.

"Because that's the life we live," Chuck said, watching his wife's face, and now noticing that she wasn't smiling back. "Has that happened?" he asked in terror. Sarah worked her jaw for a second and looked down.

"So there's this test, called the red test," she paused and let it sink in. Chuck nodded. "And I did have to 'take care of' someone. I found out later her spouse was killed here in LA when he went to stop the Ring, or FULCRUM or whatever they're calling the bad guys these days." Chuck's mouth dropped. She held up a hand. "I'm fine, but since you said that, I just wondered how you knew."

"Lucky guess," Chuck choked out. Alex, made a head movement at Morgan, and he jumped off the couch and headed toward her. Alex took Clara, and then made another head movement toward Molly. Morgan turned mid-stride, but Molly had already figured it out.

"Just don't order a brother down here," she loud whispered to Chuck. Chuck dropped his head. Sarah came over, and Chuck pulled her into his lap, as everyone cleared out.

"I'm sweaty," she said.

"For better or worse," he countered. Sarah looked at him.

"I don't think sweat was included."

"Uh, husband," he said pointing at the ring. "So I should know." She just looked at him. "Fine," he said, fake exasperated. "Wife trumps husband."

"And don't you forget about it," she said, nipping at his ear. "Monday we have to go to court for Molly and Clara, and there is something else that did happen in the park," she said. Chuck just waited. "Bryce was there." Chuck just groaned. "It gets worse." Chuck looked at her like, "how?" "There's a kill order out on Jill." Chuck just sat there. "The one you dated." Chuck nodded. "Should we help him?"

"What did you tell him?"

"I said I was thinking about it," Sarah replied. "But, I had to tell you or I was no worse than Bryce." Chuck nodded. He looked at her hair closely. "What are you looking for?"

"Paint," he replied, grinning. She grabbed his hand and pulled him off the couch and let him to the stairs. "We're gonna help, aren't we?" Sarah sighed.

"Yeeeessss," she whined.

"You really don't want to," he said.

"Naaeeiioouu," she whined.

"Then we shouldn't," he said softly. She turned to him and grinned.

"Come on, help me find paint in my hair and I'll call it even," Sarah said, pulling him upstairs.

"Wait," he began. "How is this…you know what, never mind." Sarah gave him a huge toothy grin.

"See, you're learning.

A/N: For the record, I have enjoyed everything Jordana Brewster and Brandon Routh have been in…except Chuck….Next time….because no one asked for it, but I need to do it for one scene…Jill.

DC

#Sarah #Chuck #Charah #MOLLY! #Sarah vs The Life Unexpected #fluff #fanfiction

[litwitlady]

Game of Thrones character endgame desires: Not just for season seven but the whole shebang. There are very slight nods to the season seven leaks. 

Sansa Stark. I am devoted to her. Even though she pissed me off last season by not telling Jon about Littlefinger and the Nights of the Vale. That decision got many, many men slaughtered. And Jon could have easily been among them. So all I can think is that she was not only willing to risk Rickon but also Jon. I can’t let that go. But I also think she’s been on an incredible journey from season one. I hate that she had to spend a single moment with Ramsey (I truly believe she could have grown without all that), but I’m glad she’s home now. And I desperately want her to be Queen of the North. And I want her to marry well and be happy. My truest Sansa ship is Jon. But I doubt the show will give me that. So my second choice is Gendry. Don’t @ me. I also wanted her to be the one to kill Littlefinger. NOT ARYA.

Arya Stark. I don’t cheer for Arya the way others do. I think she’s become a deeply lost character. And I worry that she’ll never find her way back from the darkness. She doesn’t just kill for revenge. Arya enjoys the kill. She reminds me of The Hound that way. And I think there’s a reason she spent so much time with him – he’s a good parallel for her. He was traumatized in childhood just as she has been. Both are irrevocably changed as a result. But both still have some goodness in them. I worry for her future. And I just don’t ever see her wanting to marry. (Sorry, Gendry x Arya shippers.) Obviously, I want an Arya x Jon reunion. I suspect he’ll see straight through to her darkness.

Bran Stark. I don’t know. There are so many theories about Bran. I loved the little lord at the beginning, but now I’m bored. Really, really bored. I’d like to see him reunite with his siblings. That’s about it.

Dany. I’m not a huge Dany fan. Sorry. I’ve found her journey longwinded with very little payoff thus far. I also think she leans too heavily on her dragons/magic. She’s not the world’s best leader. And I hate that every man who comes into contact with her swoons and devotes his life to her. Which is one of the biggest reasons I cannot ship her and Jon romantically. For goddamn once, I wish a man wouldn’t fall victim to her charms. Even Jimmy looked at me when she crawled out of that fire with dragons and claimed, “I’D FOLLOW HER ANYWHERE.” Plus, I do think the Targaryen madness has touched her. And I think an exploration of that madness would be far more interesting than Dany easily takes the Seven Kingdoms and marries her nephew, the prince that was promised. BLAH.

Tyrion Lannister. Please give him something to do. Something that’s not drinking and telling bad jokes. Tyrion is a great choice to serve as Hand, and I hope we get to see his political genius again. I hope we also get to see him constantly pulling Dany back from the edge of burning everyone alive. I am looking forward to seeing Jon Snow and Tyrion interact again as well. But I really, really want to see him reunited with his siblings and whatever craziness will come from that. I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing Tyrion ride a dragon at some point. I know that’s a theory lots have considered.

Jamie Lannister. My lion. Y’all don’t even understand how much I adore Jamie Lannister. He’s my perfect kind of character. The one whose soul is up for grabs. Under Cersei’s clutches Jamie has done so many dishonorable things. Which weigh heavily on him, I believe, because the core of him seems to be honorable. I look forward to seeing how he responds to Cersei now that Tommen is dead. My truest dream is to have Jamie slay Cersei. I do not want it to be Arya. I also want a Jamie x Brienne endgame. But I know there will be very, very few romantic endgames. That’s just not what this show does.

Cersei Lannister. Here’s what I’ll say. She’s an amazing character and I want her to last until near the very end. I don’t want her downfall to be swift and easy. I want Dany and the others to struggle against her. Cersei has earned her place as a worthy foe. I know she still has so much fight left in her. Plus, the crazy is sure to be unleashed now that all of her children have died. She has nothing left. NOTHING. LEFT. Except Westeros. Also: SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN A MISCARRIAGE.

And finally, Jon Snow. Listen, Jon is my favorite. I know that makes me a basic bitch. But there it is. I know that he can be the most boring character on this show. And yet, my whole heart belongs to him. I’ve thought long and hard about his ending. Maybe he does rule beside Dany to protect the Realm and maybe that makes him miserable the rest of his life. Because in no world can I imagine Jon wanting to sit on a throne. His quest has never been for power. He’s always just wanted to serve and to be useful and honorable. And that’s super fucking dull, I know. But he’s The Chosen One. The Christ Figure. The Prince Who Was Promised. And maybe that means his life can never be his own. The weight of fate and destiny and responsibility loom large.

I’d rather he had another ending. Death, perhaps. Jon has done so much. He’s risen from bastard to king. He’s fallen in love. He’s become a legend on the battlefield. He’s died and come back to life. And HE’S SO GODSDAMN TIRED. I think once the Night King has been defeated a Jon Snow death wouldn’t be an unwelcome end. I’ll be honest and tell you if he was to marry anyone I’d wish it were Sansa. But ultimately, I can’t see Jon wanting to marry a relative – Dany or Sansa. I know incest is A THING in this world. In our own world, honestly. But we’ve also been shown how many people find it abhorrent. I think Jon would find it abhorrent. And maybe he’d do it to serve the people, the kingdom – if it meant saving lives. But I don’t believe it would ever sit right with him. So no matter how much I love the idea of Jonsa, it doesn’t make sense to me at the end of the day.

If this were fanfiction, perhaps I’d have written him another love interest to build a little house with and settle down. Or maybe I’d just have him turn Castle Black into an orphanage for all the cripples, bastards, and broken things. And I’d end the series with Jon on horseback talking to someone – maybe even Ghost – looking at the sky and asking, “D’ya feel that? Summer is coming.”

#i'm sure someone else has thought of these final words #but i've wanted them for a long time #i want happy endings #but i know that's not happening #anyway #game of thrones

[theastonishingkylejackson]

“I had booked our seats in advance and upon seeing the Mad Max situation that was our train, I was pretty grateful for my forward thinking.” – Written By Katie Pitts, Contributing Writer For The Astonishing Tales Digital Magazine 

To read more of Katie Pitts’ work, go to her website by clicking HERE.

Originally Published HERE  at the Fatty McCupcakes Blog.

  Trains

The Astonishing Katie Pitts, contributor for The Astonishing Tales and Founder of Fatty McCupcakes Blog

On the same trip I’ve referenced a million times (because it was the only overseas trip I’ve ever gone on), we took the train only a handful of times.

For the majority of our trip, we had a car, but we weren’t crazy enough to drive in London, so we took the train to and from Oxford when we didn’t have our car.

The train trip to Oxford from London was so pleasant.

Idyllic even.

The train was barely at half capacity, and we were seated across from a friendly couple from Denmark. We had a great time chatting and it made the trip really quick and painless.

The train from Oxford to London was a whole other story.

The train station in Oxford was balls to the walls insanity. It was packed. There wasn’t one seat to sit in and if I’m remembering correctly, you had to pay to use the restrooms.

It was not my favorite.

When we finally got onto the train, we saw that, just like the station, it was packed.

I had booked our seats in advance and upon seeing the Mad Max situation that was our train, I was pretty grateful for my forward thinking.

However, when we had finally clawed our way to our seats, dragging our bags with us as there was no more room in the baggage compartment, we saw that an older couple was in our seats.

They were adorable. I mean, gray hair perfectly coiffed, matching linty sweaters, and they totally had Kleenex up their sleeves for later. They were the epitome of what every loving grandparent has ever looked like since the beginning of time. Well, ever since easy wear sweaters came into fashion.

We were in a real conundrum. We had two choices: Kindly ask the couple to move or schlepp ourselves and our bags all over the train looking for two empty seats that didn’t exist.

Even worse, there were people behind us trying to get by and there was nowhere to sidle over to as we discussed our game plan. It was act or be eaten by the angry, over-it people lining up behind us.

“OMG. What do we do?” I asked with a deer-in-headlights look on my face.

“I don’t know! What do we do?” Answered Friend, looking pretty freaked himself.

“I don’t know. What should we do?” I repeated with more desperation in my voice.

From somewhere nearby came a voice that said, “If there are people in your seats, bloody well tell them to get out of them!”

We both looked at each other like, “OH GAWD.”

Does this face look like the face of a psycho on a train?

“OK. Go tell them. It’s your turn to do something embarrassing, ” I asserted (It was me who had to ask the cop in Blackpool for directions).

“No way. You’re closer and I don’t want to be an asshole. Look at them. They are Mr. and, the less well known, Mrs. Rogers!” He exclaimed.

“But, I was the one who had to go out of my way to reserve seats so that we would be sure to have seats. It’s your turn.” I proclaimed.

Another phantom voice rang out, “OMG. Sit or MOVE!”

“I’ll just go sit on my luggage by the door,” decided Friend.

Out of nowhere, a voice again, “You can’t do that. You’ll get caught and told to find a seat.”

The people behind us were, at this point, ready to murder us.

It looked like we really had no other viable option as we were blocking the aisle and the man to my left had had enough of having the side of his face smashed into the ten-days-not-washed ass of my jeans.

Just like always I had to be the adult in the situation.

Life on a train…. it’s all smiles, right?

I sheepishly cleared my throat and tapped the woman, who looked just like my grandmother, on her shoulder, prepared to be forever cursed by karma.

They ended up being really sweet, which only made things TEN MILLION TIMES WORSE.

I still, to this day, think of them and hope they found a seat or someone who wasn’t as big of a cunt as my friend and I offered their seats to them.

DON’T HATE ME. I WAS A TRAIN VIRGIN UNDER PRESSURE.

While I was majorly feeling the effects of being a terrible person, my friend seemed pretty lost in his thoughts, too.

Once we were situated, the only place left to put our bags was right next to the exit as this was as close to the baggage compartment as physically possible.

Instead of worrying about what an asshole he was for making me kick grandma and grandpa out of their seats, he was more concerned for our luggage.

“Look at our luggage. The next time the door opens, they’ll all go tumbling out. Just watch.” He ruminated.

Katie’s train face…. not training face, train face…

“Mmmhmm,” I was too wrapped up in silently chastising myself.

“OK. I’m going to go stand by our luggage. I can’t take the stress anymore,” Friend said, throughly wrought with worry.

I didn’t even care about my luggage, because kicks-old-people-out-of-train-seats people don’t deserve luggage.

“I’m gonna do it,” he said again.

“You’ll get in trouble by the train police, but have at it, dude,” I said totally not caring.

For the first time in my life EVER, I was not the one who was worrying and obsessing.

It felt amazing.

I didn’t give two shits if my luggage full of dirty underwear got kicked out of the train or stolen by someone who would be very, very disappointed by my Target-special clothing.

My friend piled up our luggage, biggest to smallest and leaned on them the whole way to London. If someone walked by, he’d hug his body closer to the tower of American Tourister like he was guarding the secret to the afterlife in between his barf-stained jeans (hang tight for that post) and his questionably clean socks.

When we were nearing Paddington Station, he sidled up to me as I was peacefully resting my eyes (I’d finally accepted my dishonorable deed as a necessary evil of train travel, because the mean train people made me), and whispered in my ear, “I have an idea.”

I almost jumped clean out of my stretched-from-too-many-Magnum-bars-and-cheese-and-tomato-sandwiches skin.

“WTF is wrong with you? Only creeps whisper in people’s ears while they’re resting on trains minding their own business,” I hissed.

My comment didn’t faze him.

“I know how we can both get ourselves and our luggage off the train in one piece.”

“Kinda like how we got on?” I didn’t understand why he thought this needed a game plan. We’d trip over our luggage and our feet like we had getting on like total tourists. Duh.

“No. It’s genius. First, I’ll take my big bag-that’s the size of your small bag, by the way, and your big bag-the one I vehemently swore I’d never help you carry, because you just keep cramming new stuff into it and it already weighs more than a standard-sized car.

Then, you’ll grab my small bag and your small-not really small, though, bag and we will all get off this god-forsaken train together,” he said resolutely, but with a noticeably twitching eye.

The rest of the ten or so minutes of the train ride, he kept pantomiming, with overly expressive eyes and wild arm movements, how this “genius” plan of his was going to look. He legit looked like that crazy person every train has.

Someone even asked, “Who the fuck is that idiot gesturing to? Do you think he’s dangerous? Should we be worried?”

I just sat back and reveled in not being the worried, crazy one for once.

We did get ourselves and our luggage off the train, but I almost didn’t “mind the gap” and our attempt to not look too much like tourists, was wrecked by yours truly.

I’m The Astonishing Katie Pitts, Contributing Columnist for The Astonishing Tales Digital Magazine and of The Fatty McCupcakes Blog And I Am Astonishing, And I Approve This Message!

You will find more of Katie’s work here at The Astonishing Tales Digital Magazine.

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Planes, Trains and Automobiles: More Idiot Travel — Part 2 "I had booked our seats in advance and upon seeing the Mad Max situation that was our train, I was pretty grateful for my forward thinking." –