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#because the fans go FUCKING INSANE OVER DIAPERS????????????? WHY
josiebelladonna · 2 years
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literally stumbled upon a blog just now, one that i never interacted with once in my life, and saw they had blocked me.
the reason why i’m making a big post about this is because... holy shit. this one is nuts. like, some of the people on here, i get it completely, i get why you don’t me to interact with you. but the more i think about this, the more i feel tumblr going this way in the future. like, this is legit terrifying when i think about it.
now, understand, after the block party of last summer, at this point, no skin off my nose—does seem a little strange that i have never seen you in my life, let’s see your pinned post:
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um… 🤭
i’m sorry, i have to laugh at this. it’s so over-the-top that it actually got a laugh out of me. why are you here if you don’t want people to follow you? this isn’t instagram or twitter where you can put your account on private and refuse who follows and who doesn’t. i mean, i do see the logic somewhat—instagram will shadowban you when you make art with eroticism or violence and twitter is virtually impossible to use now, but still. sort out your shit before you come here.
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okay, that first part makes complete sense. i post risqué stuff from time to time and i want everyone to use discretion as a result because i’m a wild card—after the shit with daveigh/xxgreendruidessxx i am so wary of ageless blogs. that second part, though. i’m not into that stuff myself (i think it’s gross, tbh) but saying it’s not “true” bdsm or that it can’t be is a little overblown, don’t you think? (never met anyone who wanted to gatekeep bdsm of all things, too, like damn)
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”usually”, meaning there are exceptions and they can be taught how to dominate properly, you just are refusing to do the work for whatever reason. next question.
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excuse you, it is just a word, like in the phrase “come to mama, baby”—emphasis on “come” and i like to call him baby because he’s precious to me and he gives me butterflies.  something tells me you read fifty shades of gray and took it way too literally.
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hey, i have hang-ups with fandom myself but i’m a fan of a lot of stuff. this blog is all me. what’s wrong with that? that’s kind of sad, actually, not being a fan of stuff. bring in the gatekeeping and i feel you must not have a sense of wonder. like, your private life must not contain anything childlike or pure (notice i said “childlike” and not “childish”). that’s really sad, such that i kind of feel bad i’m doing this. like, hehehehe, see some tumblr bitch make fun of someone who doesn’t like stuff hur hur.
that being said…
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jesus fucking christ, are you serious? i h8 the utter circle jerk of posts about each other’s mutuals because they’re obnoxious noise at this point but i’m always flattered when that happens. like, whoa, dude, i woke up to a shitload of notes on my posts, thank you, person! (bonus if it’s my art.)
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hey, i do, too, but you don’t see me bitching about people going through and reblogging a bunch of things. the fact you outright declare you post memes (and not art) tells me everything i need to know, too. *twirls paintbrush*
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so, according to you, kinks outside of bdsm are invalid. you think people who are into porn, either out of curiosity or genuine enjoyment, are brain dead. you think people who like erotica are brain dead. get out of your sight? how bout i fart in your general direction while i leave? make you smell me because i have a delicate stomach and shaming people for their kinks is not okay.
forget a private life being sterile: your private life is more poisonous than the basement at chernobyl.
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THEN WHAT THE HELL AM I LOOKING AT, LADY
and you’re one to talk given you came here in the first place, and you use the colored text, an html modification. something tells me that you do understand it.
and to really revel in the insanity:
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yeah, i bet you would also tell people they’re fat and ugly so they lose weight. also “20% effective”? i like how she—and i checked, it’s a “she”—forbids people who are into adult diapers and yet she probably hasn’t had hers changed since she first got off the potty. love the use of the word “perceived”, too—why not just say “seen”? and again, if you’re so hell-bent on controlling your own image, why are you here? you can’t control how someone sees you. that’s just life: people will misunderstand you no matter what happens. yet another person so consumed with appearing mature and sexy that she winds up being immature.
i’ve known a fair number of people who were into “tightly knit” groups and they were just like this, too. there was nothing you could do to convince them otherwise, either. they’re misers, caught up in their own echo chamber to the point they no longer think very broadly. i worry, that with the aforementioned circle jerk of posts directed at each other’s mutuals, this will spread to the rest of tumblr. this place will become like this woman here: obsessed with each other’s mutuals until they start telling newbies to gtfo.
moreover, there’s this trend i’ve seen with blogs that have blocked me is that they’re run by very miserable people. there is nothing about them that strikes me as “oh, man, why did you block me? you’re awesome, i wish i could do something to fix things.” i think there was one where i actually thought that (and really, the only reason why it was all so upsetting for me was because it felt as if every time i turned around it was happening. i never saw explanations or anything like that, just angrily worded vague posts. it was upsetting because of the frequency and no one would give me a straight answer).
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polarfarina · 2 years
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I had to unfollow a bunch of Jerma accounts recently because I realized everybody has slowly gotten more comfortable just... making sexual posts about him, and that's not why I like his content
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yamithediaperdork · 3 years
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Happy birthday LOSER! (Mortal Instruments)
It was Jace's birthday, and the ex hunter was happy and excited as well as nervous. He'd been living with his boyfriend for half a year now, and 2 months ago Alec had found out about Jace's little kink. Jace was a humiliation junkie little, who had some rather fucked up little stories he'd written on his computer and Alec had found them, then with a little bit of snooping around their place had found a pack of teddy bear diapers and a dino print onesie. Alec made it clear he wasn't exactly a fan of the whole fetish, but had made it clear Jace could wear the diapers if he wanted..but Alec wasn't changing his ass and he expected Jace to keep being a adult in the bedroom. Jace had agreed, though it just wasn't the same but today, after a little bit of whining (ok, A LOT of whining done over the past week) he'd gotten Alec to agree to ONE night of baby play, but Alec warned him he might not like what was coming as much as he thought, since Alec would be taking inspiration from Jace's story's. Knowing just how insane his stories could get, Jace was a little worried but seeing the playpen and high chair that Alec rented for the night, he figured he was just being a silly head.
Alec smirked, Jace looked so happy/scared and he wasn't even dressed for the night yet. Part of him was having doubts about what he was planing on doing, but the truth of the matter was Jace wasn't really much of a boyfriend as of late. He was always too busy shooting his seed into his diapers or watching baby shows.  Add in what a PAIN it was to get him to do any of the chores around the house despite the fact that Alec was the one paying the rent (their original deal was Alec paid, Jace cleaned) and well the brat was just becoming more and more baby like by the day. Alec was sure on some level, Jace was going to love the surprises he had in store for him, and even if he didn't, tough. it wasn't like widdle baby Jace was gonna be able to find someone else to put up with his shit. with his doubts cleared, Alec came over as Jace finished setting up the playpen and patted the brat's butt, and confirmed a crinkle. "Didn't I tell you to wait till I was ready to put you back in huggies to wear today?" Alec asked. "Oh Uh..well see..there was this evillll witch.. and-" Jace started blushing and squirming. "A evil witch huh? How about there was a horny baby who decided NOT to listen to daddy so he just earned baby food tonight instead of Chinese from golden dragon." Alec said and smirked. "W-what? but..but..That's not-" "Does somebody wanna go to bed without din din?" Alec asked and smirked. "..No daddy." "that's what i thought.. well come on DIAPER BOY.. let's get you dressed like the BIG STUPID BABY you wanna be.." Alec said, oddly having fun as he slipped into mean daddy mode. and judging from the look on Jace's face and the way he was squirming..the birthday baby didn't mind it either. As Alec lead the way to the bedroom, Jace went to suck his thumb, only to be stopped and have a paci popped into his mouth.
Sucking big time on the paci, Jace was torn between being pouty over having to eat baby food while Alec was gonna be eating take out..and thrilled he was going to be eating baby food instead of take out. It was a scene from a lot of his stories and he had a sneaking feeling Alec had been just waiting for any little thing to give him a reason. Alec guided him over to his kitty cat print changing mat which was on the floor and Jace nodded and laid down, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of daddy striping him of his grey sweat pants and white t-shirt, though his eyes flew open when Alec slipped a finger in the leg guard of Jace's diaper. "Just as I thought, soaked. Silly baby, why didn't you tell daddy you were wet?" Alec scolded Jace. Jace, who knew for a fact he was bone dry tried to mumble out a excuse around the paci, but course all that came out was gibberish. "I suppose I can't expect someone who gets his rocks off crapping himself to know when he's wet or dry, I'll just have to check you lots on my own. it's my burden to bear." Alec said in a over the top dramatic fashion sighing. he untapped the dry diaper and then gave anther mock gasp. "Jace! why didn't you put on any baby powder? do you wanna get a icky rash around that joke you call a dick?!?" Alec asked, shaking a finger at Jace who was blushing BIG time now. His less then stellar manhood had been mentioned a few time, but Jace made up for not being able to fuck his boyfriend with his 3 inches rock hard cocklet with having a super skilled mouth and a nice tight hole that milked dick like a pro. Jace hadn't put on any baby powder because he'd been trying to hide the diaper he wasn't suppose to be wearing yet, Alec had a bloodhound sense of smell for baby powder these days. "well if you WANT a diaper rash I'm not going to argue with you. your the birthday boy after all. just don't come bitching t me when you're all itchy from being trapped in poopie diapies with no powder." Alec said running a finger on the stiff and twitching tiny dick. "of course if you WANT baby powder all you have to do is tell daddy..but the second that paci comes out my finger stops. and well, if you cream yourself like the little quick shot loser you are..I'll know you wanna be a dumb baby with diaper rash." Jace mewed and squirmed, the finger felt SO good and part of the deal for today was Jace had to goon for 6 hours yesterday and 4 hours this morning. he buckled his hips and whimpered sucking, nursing on the paci and closing his eyes as he felt his balls tighten and when pew pew. His backed up load firing out and landing on his tummy. "Diaper rash it is." Alec chuckled, and then tugged out a bag of new diapers. jace was still riding the post orgasm bliss,  coo'ing as Alec rubbed the cum in as a form of diaper cream and didn't have time to notice these weren't his normal diapers..at least not until Alec had taped him in one of them and he noticed  how stupid thick it was! His teddy bear diapers weren't exactly thin, but this damn three was like four of them in one diaper..and Alec was unfolding a second one! the material on the instead was the soft pillowly smoothness Jace was used to either, it was a harder matiral that kinda itched a little. "Butt up little guy..heh..somebody noticing these aren't his little pussy teddy diapies?" Alec asked, getting the second diaper under jace who nodded and whimpered. "These are little brats punishment diapers. guaranteed to help bratty big babies get diapie rash and leave him squirming all night long. you're suppose to use them on big babies who keep removing their diapers, but i think using them on a stupid diaper bitch who'd rather crap himself then get fucked works too." Alec said, and taped the diaper up then kissed his index and middle fingers on his right hand and tapped them on the front of the diaper. "I know you're suppose to be getting a blowjob tonight, but don't be shocked if thats as close as you get loser." Alec chuckled and jace started to get worried he might of created a monster.
The original plan called for a onesie and then a pair of shorts over the diapers, but Jace's diapered ass was just too massive and it had been touch and go to just get the onesie over the thick diapers.the buttons looked ready to pop at any time as was and the big stupid baby couldn't even walk with the massive bulk between his legs. Watching jace crawl around and whine, the paci still in his mouth Alec felt himself getting hard and found himself wondering why he had fought this for so long..though it was safe to assume when jace had pictured Alec getting involved, Alec likely hadn't of been this mean. Taking note of the time, Alec smiled at Jace and leaned down, using a sweet mocking baby talk voice. "Well now mister diaper dumper, does daddies stupid widdle baby wanna get him's nums nums in him now so daddy can eat in peace, or does daddies widdle woser wanna come and play pretend..and be daddies foot rest while he waits for him's supper? if you want num num's crawl over to your high chair, if you wanna have daddies stinky feet on you crawl over by daddies chair." jace wrinkled his nose at the idea of the second choice and started to crawl for the high chair, only for alec to pick him up and turn him around, in the direction of his chair. Jace got a confused look on his face and turned around to head for the high chair again, and again Alec turned him around. "Somebodies not quite getting what the correct answer is, is he?" Alec asked. jace suckled and whined, and pointed at his high chair, he HATED the smell of Alec's feet, and would bitch up a storm when Alec would leave his socks around the apartment. "If I have to smell your shitty diapers later, your huffing on my feet now. now you can sit up like a good boy over there and have my feet on your shoulders..or lay down on your back and get them in your face. If i have to turn you around again, it's face." Alec said. Jace whined and looked ready to cry, but as quickly as he could he scampered over and took a seat by the chair. "good boy~" Alec said coming over and smirking. "oh no, face the tv little man, that way daddy can get his stinky feet right in your dumb little face with ease."
Ok, this wasn't what Jace had wanted at all. Sure he like a kinda mean and evil daddy, but his buns and crotch were already getting sore, his knees were getting scuffed up and now he was gonna have to -UGH- Huff foot stink! Still Alec was giving off a very clear aura of 'don't fuck with me' so baby jace did as he was told, and whined as the stinky smelly sock clad feet of Alec were pressing on either side of his face. "I hope you don't mind, but daddy went for a nice long run today. Oh, i bet you can tell huh buddy?" Alec teased and then rubbed the top of his left foot against Jace's nose. Jace whined and thought about spitting his paci out so he could just breath though his mouth, the funk was strong with Alec's feet but that thought was dashed as Alec spoke up. "bit of a friend heads up baby boy, if that paci comes out daddies gonna assume you wanna suck on his toes." Alec chuckled. jace whined and whimpered, and started to hope the take out would hurry up and get here,even if it meant watching Alec wolf down all the adult food.
The rush of power Alec was feeling as he made the diaper dork suffer was giving him major wood, and he toyed with rubbing one out and coating the back of the babies head with cum, then got a look at the time. 'Shit..even with jace's amazing mouth skills I don't have time to nut.' Alec thought with a frown and took out a bit of his frustration lightly kicking Jace's in the face. The big baby whined A LOT at that but before he could follow up, there was a knock at the door, and Alec took his feet off of Jace. "Well, go get the door silly. don't worry, Daddy pre paid for the din din.But if the delivery boy wants a tip you can suck him off." Alec laughed. Jace whimpered but crawled over, his big fat diaper butt swaying and almost making Alec have a accident as he got to the door and then slowly opened it. "Happy birthday diaper bitch!" came Simon's voice and Jace's Pacifier fell out of his mouth, though it was thankfully clipped to his onesie. "W-What are y-you.." Jace started to ask, but Simon pushed the big baby over and walked past him, carrying dinner for two and Alec got up to greet him, the two MEN kissing while the BABY watched.
After watching his ex and his current boyfriend make out for a little bit, which despite the pain had Jace rubbing the front of his diaper, the big baby finally found his voice. "W-What's..what's going on here?" he asked in a small voice. "oh? isn't it clear little one?" Simon asked, smirking. "Likely not. he IS a big dumb baby after all." Alec laughed, then looked at Jace. "you see baby Jace, when two adults love each other VERY much-" he started. "CUT THE CRAP!" Jace huffed and closed the door, then tried to get to his feet. "How long have you been fucking around on me behind my back!" "oh, we started right about the time I found out my boyfriend who i thought was a MAN, was just a diaper filling loser. One who can't even be arsed to wear undies to bed anymore and just wants diapers all the time. Then i found out that Simon here used to baby you..but he got sick of wiping your shitty ass."  Alec said. "We both realized that while your cute, and it IS fun to torment you, neither of us wanted the responsibility's of being a full time single daddy, and honestly, it's nice to have a partner who can fuck you now and then without wearing a strap-on over his huggies." Simon went on. "So really, we decided to have the best of both worlds. and you get to live out your cute wittle fetish. I'm dumping you as a boyfriend, but you can stay here and live with me and Simon as long as you promise to be a good little fucktard diaper cuck. Before you go to get al high and mighty, it's only MY name on the lease for this place, so I can and WILL kick you out the SECOND you try and get uppity. Furthermore your bank account is officially at zero, I let Simon have your bank card yesterday and you never even noticed it was gone." Alec said cheerfully. "so to recap, you have NO money, NO where to go..and we donated al of your adult clothes earlier while you were out having a birthday coffee with what's her name..who knows what a diaper slut you are and was only too happy to get you out of the house for this." Simon finished. "i..but..You.." Jace whimpered, his legs getting weak and giving out on him as he plopped onto his butt, the onesie popping open and tears started to leak down his cheeks. "awww, is the widdle baby gonna cry cuz he fell down and went boom?" Simon asked, coming over and leaning down. "or is it your realizing this is just like all those stories you write, where you or anther boy would find himself trapped in baby land?" Alec asked. jace was full on bawling now and the new daddies laugh and picked him up, and cheeked his tear stained cheek.s "Happy birthday LOSER." they said in unison.
One good long sob later, and Jace was in his high chair (and it actually WAS his.. Simon had paid for it in full using Jace's bank card and there was a no return policy.) they had tugged his onesie off and tied a bib around his neck, white with 'big dumb baby' in multi colored baby blocks on it, and had his arms pinned down by the tray so he couldn't feed himself. Simon was busy setting his and Alec's plates while Alec was dumping 3 jars of baby food into a big bowl, mixing brussel spouts with prunes and broccoli. the mixture didn't smell all that good and Jace had no illusions it was gonna taste any better then it smelled as Alec set the bowl on the tray and then got out a table spoon. "Ready to fill up on fart fuel diaper baby? this is gonna have your tummy cramping alll night, Since i made sure to get baby food that had expired. Don't worry, it's not gonna kill you or make you super sick..just like I said, you have a longggg night ahead of you~" Alec chuckled and scooped up a heaping amount. "I don't suppose I could just get a happy meal instead?" Jace tried, and got his mouth stuffed with the foul tasting muck instead. "I think that answers your question." Alec chuckled. jace just gagged and swallowed.
Alec signed, if there was one thing making feeding Jace the disgusting mush not so fun..it was the fact he had to spell it and put up with the foul smelling burps that were coming out before they were halfway done the bowl.he switched up with Simon so he could start on his food and smirked as Simon let out a belch right back in jace's face. "mmm, Mu Shu Pork..can you taste it on my breath?" Simon teased, knowing it was the babies favorite food. and also knowing Jace would NEVER have it again. "G-Guys come on..this..this is too much..Please..it's my bir-" Jace tried to whine but Simon stuffed his mouth again. "We know what day it is, that's why we waited till today to doom you to permanent baby hood. best birthday present ever, right?" Alec called over, between mouthfuls of noodles. Jace whined and started to sob again, some baby food coming out of his mouth and like a 'good' daddy, Simon scooped it up off his chin and back into his mouth.
with the MEN fed and the BABIES belly cramping and bloated, the little gas machine was plopped in the playpen and then it was set so the daddies could see him, and he could see the daddies, but no tv for widdle diaper dorks. instead, in the cramped playpen he had some soft blocks and a stuffed bear to amuse himself with, and Jace quickly became half bored out of his mind and just stuck seething with rage as he watched Simon and Alec make out on the couch. for the most part they just ignored him, save for when they'd make eye contract and flip him off. Just as Alec had predicted, Cramp's were soon hitting baby Jace's tummy tum and he found himself on his knees, rocking back and forth slightly and rubbing his tummy, belching lots and whining. Simon apparently had enough of said whining and grabbed Jace's paci and popped it in his mouth,and then added a warning as Jace went to spit it out. "if that comes out of your mouth, I'm replacing it with my gym socks, and duct taping your mouth." Jace wasn't sure if Simon would actually follow up on the threat but at this point he didn't wanna push his luck and suckled on the paci, closing his eyes as Simon patted his head. "Awww, there's a good widdle cuck~"
making out with Simon in front of his now EX boyfriend was driving Alec crazy, and he was grinding against his new  boyfriend moaning like a bitch in heat. he could feel just how excited Simon was too and was about to suggest that they retire to the bedroom when a loud painful sounding fart, barely muffled by the diapers blasted out of the babies backside and a rotten smell filled the room. "sheesh, way to kill the mood stinker!" Alec teased. jace whined behind his paci and gave a helpless shrug, as if to ask what did they expect, but then closed his eyes as two more atomic farts blasted out of him. "Heh, this is the downside of those punishment diapers.. well fr us i mean. clearly for him the fact their giving him diaper rash and are so massive already suck..but they also do basically NOTHING to block stinky smells so dumb big babies have to suffer they're own stench." Simon said. "Geez no wonder the company that made these went tits up." Alec said, holding his nose and waving at the air. Jace seemed to perk up at that. "Don't get your hopes up stinker..I brought out the last of their stock." Simon teased then went on. "here's a math puzzle for you..If daddy Simon got 20 pallets of these diapers, and there are 30 boxes on each pallet, with each box having 3 packs, and every pack having 12 diapers..how many punishment diapers is baby Jace gonna hafa fill to the brim before he gets his stupid teddy bear diapers back?" Jace's eyes went wide and -adorably- he was doing the math, moving a finger in the air and then a long wet fart came out of him even as a hiss was heard. "if baby Jace thinks it's 21,600 then he's right! your butt and balls are gonna be permanently coated in diaper rash before your even though 100 diapers." Simon laughed. The made even more farts come out of the bloated cramping baby and Alec groaned. "Jace I'm warning you right now, if I have to change a shitty diaper before I get to fuck Simon or he gets to fuck me, I'm locking your sad excuse for a cock up in permanent chastity and you'll NEVER cum again!" Sadly, the threat did nothing to help and Jace's bowels gave way as he filled his diaper to the brim with a hot stinky load.
Having to pause their love making to change the baby understandably left Alec and Simon less then happy on the outside, but on the inside they were thrilled. they would of normally just of left Jace stinky and put him in his new nursery but since they were eager to lock him up and keep him for don't more then leak pre for the rest of his stupid big baby life, they were willing to give him a early bum change. cleaning up the stinker wasn't a picnic but had to be done to ensure the best fit and then as Alec held the crying and hysterical Jace down, Alec started to cast a rune with on hand, fitting a small pink cage on Jace's cock. "No! No please! you can't do this! At least let me cum one last time!" Jace bawled, trying to get free. "It's my fucking cock! Daddies please!" Sadly the babies plea's fell on deaf ears, and with a lock click that made Jace shut up even as tears flowed down his cheeks, Jace realized he was getting everything he ever had begged for..and yet he didn't want it. "Happy Birth LOSER!" Both of his new daddies said together, and kissed his cheeks.
the end
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izukyu · 4 years
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Ruby Stare.
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requested by @witchy-anna​.
Mamihlapinatapai (Yaghan, Tierra del Fuego) - the wordless, meaningful look shared by two people who both want to initiate something, but are reluctant to do so.
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Despite knowing him for your whole life, there were still many times when it was hard to read Katsuki.
You could say with utmost certainty he still had to work on his bratty persona, that was easy to pinpoint. 
Knowing the thin line between genuine embarrassment and feeling the urge to blast everyone a good three kilometers away was also something you specialized in when it came to Katsuki as well 
Sometimes you could even figure out the exact words in the correct order so his tantrums could finally subside.
It was almost like second nature.
Nevertheless, you couldn’t quite find an explanation for his sudden change of behavior towards you, not when Katsuki refused to do as much as to meet your eyes.
To say it was pissing you off was an understatement,
You had known the guy since both of you were in diapers. Surely, any issue that might have irked him could easily be resolved by simply talking about it.
Except he was acting like a child, as per usual.
Instead of addressing the problem at hand, Katsuki simply stared at you. It wasn’t like his usual menacing glares though, rather than feeling his red eyes drilling into your soul, it was subtle. Chary.
Almost as if he was scared.
Thinking back on what might have prompted his strange behavior, the harder it became to understand the situation.
You two had responded to several incidents lately, both low-risk and life-threatening. Either way, the dangers came with the job, and you were professional enough to know how to deal with those situations.
Even if you wound up in the hospital for a couple of days because of it.
Katsuki was never a fan of seeing you hurt over avoidable, stupid mistakes. 
Not like a stab wound and a broken arm was exactly what you’d call an avoidable, stupid mistake, but okay. However, that would probably explain why your still-recovering arm was at the receiving end of his predatory stare.
Except it wasn’t out to judge you or chew you out for being imprudent at times.
It was regretful. 
Now that you at least had a clue on what might have upset him, it was time to confront him. Surprisingly, cornering Katsuki was easier than you’d expect. He would rather go inside a storage room than have to face you in the hall.
Again, childish, but that wasn’t your biggest concern at the moment.
“Bakugo, we need to talk,” seeing him flinch as you avoided using his nickname wasn’t something you got to see every day. “You’ve been avoiding me for a whole week now, and I honestly don’t think I can put up with it any longer.”
Katsuki was silent for a moment, his ruby eyes never once leaving yours.
For some reason, even though you had already put up with the same stare for days on end by now, it felt odd. Wrong.
If there was one thing Katsuki often failed at, it was at expressing his emotions.
And fuck, was he feeling an awful lot of them right now.
During that moment, he was no longer the grumpy acclaimed pro-hero the media painted him to be. Neither was he the hero every single fan of his loved to boast about. Much less was he the blunt person even his closest of friends would describe him as.
Katsuki was but a hurting, pining asshole too frightened to face his feelings.
Seeing you all bloody and injured in a hospital bed was certainly not when he expected his feelings for you to finally become clear. Although his inner voice made him want to scream at you to the top of his lungs for almost dying, he didn’t.
He felt guilty. 
If anyone should have protected you from that villain, it should have been him.
Were you really at fault for trusting him to watch your back, and pay the price when he failed to do so?
His love for you was much more than he knew how to deal with.
One thing was for sure—he could no longer hold back his feelings. Time by each other’s side could be cut short at any given moment. He needed you to at least know-
Katsuki no longer wished to speak anything else to you that wasn’t a confession of love, and it was driving him insane.
Instead of letting his deepest feelings and regrets spill out and bounce off the walls of the storage room, he reached out for you, carefully wrapping his arms around you.
It was slow. Hesitant, even.
Although you wanted to protest and make him actually talk to you, his heartbeat made you stop for a second.
His heart was blasting and thumping wildly as he held you against his chest, his breathing slightly irregular, along with his hands gripping your shirt tightly.
He was speaking, just not with his words. And that was fine for now.
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Event Masterlist.
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dontshootmespence · 4 years
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Random Chance
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Summary: Y/N yields to peer pressure and Spencer loses a bet. Did fate bring them together or was it random chance?
Words: 1,689
Warnings: Gross fluff.
A/N: My next entry for @cmbingo​ 2020! This fulfills my meet cute square.
This was the fifth outfit change.
“Why did I let you talk me into this?” You screamed, glancing into the mirror before ripping off your shirt and pants for a sixth outfit. “Speed dating? Fuck my life. This is peer pressure. You suck.”
Under pressure, filled with nervous tension, you tended to run your mouth, and right now Piper was at the opposing end of your razor sharp sword. But she still had a smile on her face. “You need to get out there and you won’t do it yourself, so I had to push you,” she laughed, pushing passed the mountain of packed boxes and pulling one of your favorite dresses out of the closet. 
“A dress? Really? For speed dating?”
Dating sucked. It was the most horrible thing ever. All you wanted was to fall into the perfect relationship and then cuddle on the couch. Was that so much to ask? 
Piper laughed and stood behind you, holding the dress over your body. “Yes, it’s not an evening gown or anything. And it’s you. Just because you’re going speed dating doesn’t mean the guys you meet shouldn’t see exactly who you are.”
As much of a pain in the ass as she was, Piper was still your bestie, since you were in diapers. And she wanted the best for you. She’d pulled out your Harry Potter dress, the one with the first chapter’s words written all over. “Pair that with your cute red flats and the guys will be falling over themselves to get to you and the ones that don’t are stupid.”
You snorted and stepped into the flats, taking yet another glance into the dreaded mirror. “You know you couldn’t have picked a worse time for me to go speed dating,” you said, finally content with your outfit. Within the week, you’d be moving and starting a new job at the local community college. “Next week, dude.”
“Life’s too short to wait,” she said, playfully smacking your butt. “Plus, at least it’s at that kitschy bookstore you love. Now go take a nice relaxing walk and breathe. You’ll be fine. I gotta go to work.”
“Text me when you get there so I know you’re safe,” you call, hearing the thud of the heavy apartment door close behind her.
After grabbing your red sweater, you headed down the stairs, locking the door behind you. The bookstore was only a few blocks away and it was a beautiful day out, so you decided to take advantage of the sunny weather.
A breeze brushes through your hair as you walk and the sun beats down on your skin. There are a few other people around, but mostly people are at work. You would be too if it weren’t for the whole “new job, new place, new life” kick you were on. Decided to take a few weeks off before starting your new job. 
The entrance to the Old Fox bookstore was as obnoxious as could be, at least when compared to the rest of the stores on the block. The door was painted a bright red, but it was somewhat worn by age. The store opened up during the 60s and it was still just as popular today.
Like the three bears, the store wasn’t a giant chain or a teeny tiny hole in the wall, it was just right. The walls were a muted turquoise, which you’d alway loved. Everyone seemed to think that neutral was the way to go but you’d always been a fan of in your face color - at least after your goth teen years. 
Noise filled the air - not normal for this place - it was always on quiet side, but given the event you weren’t surprised. Seemed to be an equal amount of men and women, which made you feel a little better, not wanting to be outnumbered.
Since there was still a little time to waste before everything started, you figured there wasn’t any harm in looking for another book or two...or five. One of the first things you planned to put up in your new apartment was this scratch-off list, kind of like a lottery ticket, the listed nearly 200 classics. You'd read a lot of them before, but there were still some that you hadn’t, so maybe you could find one and pick it up before the nausea-inducing speed dating began. 
After reading Good Omens, you’d been hankering for another Neil Gaiman book, so you slithered between the masses in the store toward the section in question. American Gods, Anansi Boys, Eternity’s Wheel, you weren’t sure which one to pick. 
All - all was a good choice, right?
The colorful spines of the books called out to you, another one of Gaiman’s works. Your hand crawled along the edges of the nearby books, your hand just brushing up against someone else’s as you reached for The Graveyard Book. “Oh, sorry,” you said, staring up into the face of a beautiful stranger. He was thin and tall with delicate features, but he had a sharp jaw and deep set hazel eyes that were complemented by wavy brown hair. “I’m apparently on a Gaiman binge. Have you read any of his stuff before?”
“Yea,” he replied, eyeing the stack of books already in your hand. “American Gods, Good Omens and Eternity’s Wheel. I tend to read textbooks most of the time, but I’ve been told I should delve into more fun reading, so-”
He cut himself off and took the book off the shelf, offering it to you. “You saw it first.” Aw, gallant, too. “I’m Spencer by the way.”
“Y/N,” you said, extending your hand. “What brings you here? You live around here?”
Spencer glanced toward the tables set up for speed dating. “No, actually I lost a bet to two friends of mine and if I lost I had to go speed dating. Can’t say I’m all that comfortable with it.”
“Me either,” you laughed. “My friend Piper peer pressured me into it. I don’t drink but somehow she got me to agree to this.”
The owner of the store gave a five minute warning that speed dating was about to start. “So how long will it take you to read those?” He shifted on the balls of his feet, probably nervous, which you understood. 
“Well, I have a few weeks off while I move apartments and start a new job, so these...probably four, five days.” You laughed, feeling every inch the nerd you were. “Been an avid reader since I was a kid. Why do you read textbooks though? Fiction is so much more fun.”
“I can read 20,000 words per minute and I’m always trying to absorb as much knowledge as I can. Helps with the work I do.”
“Which is?” He was cute and intriguing.
“I’m an FBI profiler for the Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico.”
And smart. Shit. There had to be something wrong with him. Dream guys like this didn’t grow on trees. “Impressive, Spencer. What’s your background in?”
He looked down at the ground, almost like he was embarrassed, speaking softly. “I have BAs in psychology, sociology and philosophy, as well as PhDs in mathematics, chemistry and engineering.”
“Oh my god,” you laughed. Really smart. Like stupid smart. “That’s amazing.”
“Really?”
“Of course!” How could that not be amazing? “Why?”
“It’s just that people normally think I’m a freak for having so many.” 
You wanted to punch whoever made him feel that way. “Definitely not a freak, just insanely impressive considering you’re so young.” He couldn’t have been much older than you. Maybe five years at the most.
“I started college when I was 12.”
As the owner called out to start the most awkward dating experience known to man, you turned to Spencer. “Hey, would you maybe want to get out of here? Go grab a cup of coffee? I mean, we both had friends insist we come here, but we never said we actually had to go through with it.”
Tension fell from his shoulders, like he could finally be at ease. “I’d like that. I’m really not good at this whole date thing,” he said nervously. “Just a heads up.”
Both of you shuffled over to the register, so you could pay for your books. “Neither am I, don’t worry. I’d prefer to just magically be in a relationship and not have to work for it, you know?”
“Absolutely, so Y/N, what do you do for a living? What’s the new job?”
Now it was your turn to be embarrassed, well not embarrassed, intimidated. “It’s definitely not as fancy as FBI profiler. I have my master’s degree in English literature. I’m going for a PhD too, but to pay for the half of my doctorate that scholarship won’t, I’m teaching. First, it was an online course through a University in New Hampshire where I’d travel occasionally, even though I live her, but now I got a job at the local community college.”
“That’s awesome,” he said, seeming genuinely interested. “What’s the focus on your thesis?”
So few people asked you that. Most people’s eyes glazed over when you talked about books. Everyone except your mom. “Analyzing Othello through the lends of racism as it relates to the Elizabethan period.”
After handing the cashier your money, you and Spencer walked out together, talking about your favorite Shakespeare plays, when he bumped into someone. A muscular, equally tall black guy. “Hey, kid. Funny meeting you here. Aren’t you supposed to be fulfilling your end of the deal? You lose, you speed date?”
He was one of Spencer’s friends. That much was obvious. But Spencer looked 1001% done with his bullshit - whatever it was. “Y/N, this is my friend Derek Morgan. We work together at the FBI. Morgan, this is Y/N.”
“Well, hello, Y/N.” A charmer. 
“Good to meet you,” you replied on a laugh. “Technically, he didn’t go speed dating. Neither did I and I promised my friend Piper I would, but...he is leaving with a date.” You grabbed Spencer’s hand, a jolt of something awesome moving through you at his touch. “We’re going for a cup of coffee now actually.”
“Yea, so as you see, I’m the one busy with a woman right now.” Morgan seemed quite the ladies man and Spencer looked mighty proud of himself right now. “See you tomorrow at work?”
“See you tomorrow,” Morgan replied, a note of surprise in his voice. “Nice to meet you Y/N.”
“You too. I sense we’ll be seeing more of each other.”
When you both walked away, you pulled The Graveyard Book out of your bag and handed it to Spencer. “You read this first. I think this date might go pretty well, but if you have this, then you have to return it to me and I’m guaranteed to see you again.”
Spencer smiled, his fingers tightening around yours. “I’ll have to thank Morgan for being a pain in my ass.”
“So, you lost a bet?”
“Yea, he bet I couldn’t go a day without spouting statistics and I lost. I couldn’t stop myself.”
“Piper just peer pressured me. Guess I’ll have to thank her too.”
The strong, heady scent of coffee began to fill your nostrils as you approached the cafe. When he opened the door, he seemed to finally catch a glimpse of your dress. “Wait, is that the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone on your dress?”
“Yup. I’m a Slytherin by the way.”
“Oh, you definitely won’t need a guarantee to see me again, as long as you want to, I think I’m smitten.”
Piper was going to get a big hug later. Maybe dinner. And lots of wine.
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flaresanimedump · 4 years
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OK HERE IT IS, the long awaited HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID essay:
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Enter Balse Robin. He was so excited for his first day at his dream job that he missed it.
Let’s go over what we know about Robin:
1. Babyls fan
2. Teaches about familiars
3. Has focus problems
4. Is not late to work, as he’s walking slowly to campus
Good? Good. Let’s think about 1 and 2 for a moment. Who’s the one famous teacher at Babyls he’s pretty much guaranteed to know about?
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Let’s put a pin in this, because the answer is there is literally no way he doesn’t know who Kalego is.
So Robin starts his belated first day all casual like, probably hangs out in the staff room, and then plays it cool while our heroes summon their familiars. Nobody notices that the only student he knows by name is Iruma. Nobody sees any significance in him locating a specific page in the teacher’s handbook right after calling him.
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Cool as a cucumber. Until.
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This. This is the moment he blew his cover. Was he having a good time before this?? Sure. Does he have a single goddamn reason to be this hyped about Iruma’s familiar? No. He’s absolutely not going to let Iruma out of summoning him  because he has the best excuse in the universe to play with fluffy Kalego, the dream of literally the entire faculty and extended cast, which is the FIRST THING HE DOES:
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Kalego even introduces himself.
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Kalego has been talking the whole damn time, there’s no way this cunning bastard didn’t catch that name. Want more proof?
Look what he cites:
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Do you know the only book I can pull out, quote perfectly, and locate the page the quote is on at any given moment? It’s The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Why is that relevant? Because I have watched Douglas Adams’ videos on youtube and listened to his audiobook - you know the author when you know a book that well.
Ohoho, but this is normal for our boy Robin. He maxed his manipulation skill when he was in diapers. Exhibit B:
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What happened to “no special exemptions,” Robin-sensei?
Sidebar, it should be noted he said this in response to a quiet conversation Kalego and Iruma were having. Quietly. Unlike this one:
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Oh, he knows.
Back to the main topic:
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Is anybody else doing this???? Is Asmodeus dancing with the snake
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Because I would like to see that if so
These two are the center of Robin’s attention. There is no way he wasn’t just fucking with Kalego at this point.
And finally, This:
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Robin listens instantly to this fluffy thing he’s been pointedly ignoring all day once Kalego gets serious, BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT’S HIS SENPAI AND HE’S BEEN REVERSE HAZING HIM
As for how he could have found out, I refer you to point #4 in what we know about Robin at the start of the episode: he is not late to work that morning. “Don’t say fluffy around Kalego” was most definitely a newbie tip. Alternately:
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IT WAS IN THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER Robin probably has this framed in his house
Honorable mentions for evidence include:
1. Robin later makes it apparent that it’s his life’s mission to drive Kalego insane
2. Robin loves this school but is only ever excited about Kalego
3. Asmodeus outright called Kalego famous on their second day
I won't even go into the parallel on either side of the opening but oh my god just look at it through the lens of fanboy Robin ok
And that’s my 100% factual evidence that Balse Robin is the most evil demon at Bablys who showed up to irritate his idol to death thank you for coming to my ted talk
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Weekly Movie Review 11/23-11/30
“because I watch a shit ton of movies”
1st movie- Ghost Stories
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My Thoughts- 
  I went into this one pretty blind, I just knew it was British, (kind of) a comedy, and Martin Freeman was in it.  And I was pretty into it, for the beginning at least.  A professor who devoted his life to disproving psychic and mediums gets a call from his idol, who gives him 3 non-disputable cases of paranormal activity.  Pretty simple concept, right? What I like about British media is that there is a sense of realism and familiarity to it.  The ghost stories, (besides the second one lol) seemed like something that could happen to anyone, a neighbor, and uncle, maybe even you.  That’s something I really enjoyed.  In the 3rd story, when the diapers got thrown, that moment genuinely creeped me out, and that is super hard to do nowadays.   
Now, to the bad part.  (Heavy Spoilers Ahead, beware) The ending fucking sucked.  I have never been a fan of the “it was all a dream” ending, in any form.  It just feels like the worst type of cope out.  I don’t care if it had impressive foreshadowing or whatever, it feels like, what’s the point if it’s all in a comatose dude’s head?
That being said, I did find the flashback compelling.  My heart was pounding the whole scene, i knew something horrifying was going to happen to Callahan, but the sounds of him dying were just horrifying.  
Overall Rating-
4/10 If it had a different ending, it would be 6+
Where I watched- Hulu 
2nd movie- Thir13en Ghosts
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My thoughts-
 This is one of those iconic, cheesy movie that everyone has heard of.  So, I grabbed some dinner and popped it on.  And I’ve got to say, the concept made me super excited.  A diverse group of people fight their way through 12 zaney, homicidial ghosts and a house full of traps? Sounds like fun. But, I think the thing that really handicaps this movie is the horrible editing.  I get what they were trying to do, (and this was the early 2000′s, so I excepted some... weird creative choices), but the stupid ghost noises were used so much, i got a headache.  And there was a span of like 5 mins where the ghosts were just saying “Bobby” over and over and that was it.  
  There are two plus sides to this movie.  The 1st, is Matthew Lillard. His over the top, dramatic performance was insanely entertaining.  If they had made him the main character, this movie would have been miles better.  The real crime of this movie was killing him off.  Granted his death scene was fucking cool, but still...
 The second awesome thing about this movie were the ghosts themselves.  Some of you may know, I LOVE innovative, and compelling monster design.  And this movie delivered.  I will admit, a couple months ago, I found myself randomly on the 13 ghosts Wikipedia page, and read about the backstories, which is partly why I was compelled to watch.  And I love the fact that every ghost had a distinct backstory, and it was reflected in their design.  But for some reason, those backstories weren’t even told in the movie!?! Like, you could probably decipher some, but they are all so interesting, why not focus on that instead of some boring-ass story about familial love?
  And there was one last thing I noticed.  Something about certain elements felt kind of misogynist. Like take the “Angry Princess” for example (shown above), the first ghost you meet.  She is the only ghost that is naked (which I excuse, because of her backstory) but the movie takes every chance to show her awful, rubber-looking boobs.  Seriously, she’s in the bath, and the only body part showing is her boobs? Ummm...okay.  A character even makes a sleazy comment about it, it’s pretty bad.  And the teenage daughter gets attacked by a ghost, and it coincidentally scratched her boobs, just so her bra was showing. Like, no injuries or anything, but just so you see her bra.  Kind of creepy when you think she’s the protagonist’s TEENAGE daughter. 
Overall rating-
5/10 Just read the Wikipedia instead.
Where I watched- Hulu
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wiener-blut · 4 years
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concert report, I guess
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Idk if anyone wants to hear this, but here’s my memories from the Lindemann show in Leipzig, 14th february 2020. Keep in mind, all of this is my own opinion, I don’t mean to attack anyone here, and that I could easily be mistaken with some, my memory loves playing games with me :^) Also if you’re still to attend a concert and don’t want to be spoilered, avoid this, obviously.
Waiting.
Drove by bike to the venue, arrived at around 1.30/2pm. Around 15 people were already there, waiting. They were really nice altogether. Into 3pm, people started to form a disciplined queue. Shitty weather, but at least no heavy rain. Cold, though. 4pm; I decided to drive back home to get rid of our bag (on my way to the bikes a man in his fifties asked me who’s playing tonight, pointing at the crowd, bewildered, I responded “Lindemann, front singer of Rammstein”, he was like “I read he was born here!!” super excited that he knew – he was cute lol so confused by how crazy people are); got into a rather unpleasant rainfall on my way back to the venue. 5pm; people were told to not stand on the street, so people gathered all around us, ignoring the built queue from before; assholes tried to cut in line. Got really crowded, people in front us were still being really kind and considerate, people behind us not so much. Last hour went by quickly, good company around us, save for some idiots. 6.30pm; security let us in – people from behind were pushing, not cool. Inside the venue, it was really chill, I even waited for @haifisch-ohne-traenen​, walked inside, people gathered around in the middle, low-key ran to our spot in the first row, right in front of Peter AW YEAH!!! Another wait til 8pm, filled with squeezing through people to get to the toilet and back, and chatting with the two guys behind us.
Jadu.
Shit, I’m so gay. She literally owned the stage so hard and her band mates were so cute and the keyboarder interacted with us a lot, he kept grinning at us whenever he saw us singing along; a perfect opening to an awesome night.
Aesthetic Perfection.
Surprisingly good tbh? Wasn’t the biggest fan after listening to some songs on youtube, but they’re a banger live. Really set the mood for the main act.
Lindemann.
Oh boy, where to start. First thing we saw was a video of Till in a diaper, with a bald head and the goggles from drsg’95 (at least I think it were those?), running and dancing around on the street, sucking his thumb (note: I reckon this video was shot a couple years ago). Actually hilarious, a surprisingly, and welcome, light hearted start to the show. I’m just gonna go through this song by song, because I suck at remembering things and need some kind of guidance lol.
Skills in Pills
Good song, good opener. The crowd went apeshit, it felt like the air was exploding, really unbelievably powerful. Peter was looking at us (naturally, because we were quite literally in his face), making faces, which he kept doing throughout the whole concert. Till was wandering across the stage, it seemed like he was noticing a lot of people, esp. in the first row, including us, huehue.
Ladyboy
One of my favorite Lindemann songs. Was so cool seeing and hearing it live, I went absolutely wild. I think this was the first time they changed places, and Jonathan (the one with the braided pigtails) came over to us, and whoops I fell in love.
Fat
Not the biggest fan of the song, admittedly. Still a good one. Good placement. The first time I glanced at the screen behind them, only did it one or two times more. I came here for the music, not some fucked up porn clips, I can easily find those on pornhub, thank you.
Ich Weiß Es Nicht
Never liked the verse, but the chorus is so touching to me, idk why. Sang my heart out at the chorus.
Allesfresser
Okay so I came prepared. I knew what was gonna happen. First half of the song was incredible, another fav song. Screamed my head off. Then, cakes were brought and ngl, it kinda took away from this awesome song for me. I really, really did not want to end up having cake smeared all over me by the first third of the concert. So I watched out for them, praying that they wouldn’t aim in our direction. Ended up with a few lil teeny tiny sprimkles on my arm and in my hair (that actually came from a cake Jonathan yeeted over our heads :3c), nothing too bad. Cake was actually delicious. Last cake was thrown by Sebastian, Peter’s son, Till was standing in the middle, in front of the drums, stealthily (so he thought) pointing to our side, but Sebastian didn’t catch it and threw it into the audience across from us and boy, you should’ve seen Till’s face lol. He looked so mad, internally. Also I was really happy to get to rewatch a clip from Hänsel und Gretel on the screen.
Frau & Mann
I have never seen a crowd go that hard to a song. Probably the loudest on the audience’s side. Was jumping a lot, Till came over a lot. Guess bobbing boobs really are an efficient Till-magnet. Actually, when the line “Kann dich nicht vergessen” (“Cannot forget you”) came on, Till pointed directly at us, like no fucking lie, we just froze. I know, I can’t be for sure, blah blah, but come on, just let me believe he pointed directly at us ok. There’s a video on youtube, where you see him pointing into the crowd at that line, that’s where we stood.
Knebel
Best choice they could’ve made regarding the placing of the song. Everyone was still hyped up from Frau & Mann, Knebel topped it. Starting out so calm and lovely, I really like the first half of the song. Beautiful lighting, they were so pretty in the blue light. Scream point hit, Lindemann hoaxed us into screaming MUND but made a break, Till shaking his head at us. Haha. Funny funny. Eh. I knew it was gonna happen, so it fell a bit flat for me personally, but okay I guess. Crowd went absolutely apeshit. So insane.
Home Sweet Home
Beautiful song, so heartfelt and a really good way to calm down after Frau & Mann and Knebel. Almost cried, ngl.
Cowboy
I. Fucking. Love. This. Song. Second time I looked at the screen and wow ngl, Till looked really good on the rodeo machine thing with his cowboy hat on lol. Also the song where Jonathan came over again and I made a heart with my hands and he smiled at me and :’)))
Golden Shower
Such a good song. My heart went big badum badum every time Peter shouted “Cunt” into the mic right in front of us, it felt like we were bonding just through shouting “Cunt” in unison lol. Also there was this part of them taking turns in raising their arms to the audience in time to the music, and I was laughing my ass off, because while Peter, Jonathan, and Sebastian all were perfectly in synch with the beat, Till always was a tad off and idk man, this shit was just so funny to me like c’mon Till, it’s not that hard.
Blut
Ah, yes. Like I said, we came prepared. We had our hoodies safely (and dryly) brought to the coatroom before the concert started so we were READY to get wet. The one thing I didn’t know though, the sprinkler system at the edge of the stage started right at the beginning of the song. I expected it to go off in like the middle of the song, or with the first chorus. So, sprinklers started, I saw the water coming. I thought “ah okay it’s just a little drizzle”, but boy, I was wrong. It felt like we were soaked after the second (and last) time we got sprayed. And actually? It was so nice. You know how concerts just make you all sweaty and drain your body from all water? I wouldn’t recommend trying to drink the water that was sprayed over us (it just had a weird smell to it, idk), but it was a welcome cooling, in that moment. Just imagine you feel like a little crop in the blazing sun, and then, finally, you get watered. Bye bye make up, but I just didn’t care lol. I don’t want to know what we looked like after that song. About the song itself; I didn’t mind the “interruption” at all, Blut is a decent song imo, but nothing more, so it didn’t bother me as much as the cake war during Allesfresser.
Platz Eins
Another top fav song for me. I’m not quite sure how to describe it, but Till and Peter climbing into that balloon thing and shuffling “out of reach” actually heightened my hype?? Like I could concentrate on really letting go during the song, screaming the lyrics out like there was no tomorrow. Also watching Jonathan and Sebastian’s little choreography was so entertaining. Jonathan being lifted up high also was something for the eye, at least for me :^) Also I remember the light show because it was gay. As in, so many vibrant rainbow colors. When Till and Peter returned to their starting point, Till climbed out, and Peter was holding his nose like Till just farted lol. The balloon started deflating and Peter mouthed an “OH NO” and when he climbed out, he made jazzy hands like “hell yeah guys I made it, I didn’t die in here”. Peter is a good man.
Praise Abort
Tbh, I don’t have many memories for this one. For me, one of Lindemann’s weaker songs, although it still slaps, don’t get me wrong. Just not one of my favorites. Only thing I remember is being happy about seeing the ballerinas from the mv on the screen in the background.
Fish On
Here we go again. After Praise Abort, I asked @haifisch-ohne-traenen​ if we wanted to change places, she looked at me like “You sure?” and I was like “Yeah, absolutely” – “You know which song comes next?” – “Oh. Nevermind lol”. I like Fish On, it’s my ringtone, but like with Allesfresser, the anticipation of the chances of getting hit by a fish kinda ruined the song for me. I couldn’t enjoy it as much. Also I was wondering why they needed so much time between Praise Abort and Fish On just to throw on this stupid raincoat. We successfully avoided all fish. A lot of them were thrown back on the stage by the audience, two of them hitting Till on the leg and arm, and one of them bowling down Till’s water bottles that stood in front of the drums. Also, when all fish were thrown, someone handed Till a last plate of fish pieces that he threw into the audience, but it slipped out of his hands and the plate went flying across the stage, shattering on a speaker and almost hitting the security guard that stood in front of us. I swear, that guard looked like he wanted to murder Till right at the spot lol (Also, this security guard was cute; he greeted us before the concert like “hi I’ll be your guardian for the next three hours”, he took pics of some people from the first row for them, and before the concert started, he got himself some gummy bears which he stuffed into his pocket to snack during the concert).
Ach So Gern
I was so mad about this?? But at the same time I was not?? So when they started Ach So Gern, they played the tango version and I was like !!! YES and I got all hyped up because I low-key hoped that, maybe, for valentine’s day, they’d switch the pain version for the tango version, but they didn’t. I guess if they HAD played the tango version though, I probably would’ve been mad I didn’t get to hear the pain version lol. The pain version definitely is more suited for a concert, I guess. And I still love it. Praise Peter. Seriously, he’s a god of music, just accept it.
Steh Auf
Incredible energy in the room when everyone’s screaming “Steh auf” on the top of their lungs. One of the most powerful songs live. Also Jonathan came over to us again and [insert heart eyes emoji].
Gummi
Okay, everyone slander me, but I really didn’t like this song as the finishing song. I don’t exactly love this song and I always skip it whenever I listen to F&M, so this was the only song I didn’t know the full lyrics to. It just doesn’t have either a specifically “deep” feeling to it, neither does it have the power I would expect from the last song of this kind of concert, if you get what I mean. For me, it was just missing this last, final BANG. Either that, or have a nice, calming song at the end, that will make people cry and think “fuck man, I don’t want this to end, but it’s been such a good concert”. Gummi just fell really flat for me as the final song. The happier I was when they put on an instrumental of Wer Weiß Das Schon, even if I was really hoping to see that one live and in full length, but you know, life isn’t a bowl of cherries. Also I certainly would have cried. Alas, I did almost cry when they took their bows and thanked us. Till’s voice was so soft and he sounded so sincerely humble and thankful. I don’t know whether it did have any impact on him or not, but he was born in this city, after all.
Till The End Teaser
So instead of showing the video of Till getting sucked off under the Rammstein stage (which I’m still not convinced is real, but that’s another story, I don’t want to delve into it) they put on the first like two minutes of Till The End. This is gonna sound super snobby and ungrateful, but I just turned away. Like I said, if I wanna watch porn, I’ll open pornhub. The two guys behind us, however, were standing there, eyes glued to the screen and their mouths were literally half open, no lie, it cracked me up so hard like really? Shit, it’s gotta be hard to be a person with a dick instead of a brain sometimes.
Bottom line.
Everything was worth it. The hours of waiting, the mediocre weather, driving to the venue by bike, the “fear” of getting hit by a cake or a fish. The concert was amazing, outstanding, mindblowing. I don’t want to compare it to my first row Rammstein experience, because they’re so vastly different bands, and I want to keep them separated. But man. This was probably the best valentine’s day of all time, by far.
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commonalex · 5 years
Text
Savory
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-Where to, bud?
-Fill it up.
-Ready for a trip, ain't it so, Nico?
One quick "shut your hole before I fuck it" finds its way before my teeth but fortunately I remind myself that whatever I do I can never escape the gas pumper's son urge to chat even if it takes me stealing the pump from the tank to shove it up his dirty ass mouth.
-Just for a dive, you know. The beach here got filled with tourists and the sun will set when I get to the next shore.
-You're living the life, Nico boy, no joke. Not like us, working and melting away from the sun like pigs in the midst of September. Fuck that shit, man.
-Aha, I see.
Just before I go inside to bake myself in my good ol' Fiat and get lost far far from his gossip hungry mouth, I remember that I have to rely on his ass. It's the third day that no one in the town can use the phone and no one cares enough to ask why. I give him my frequency where I'll listen on the radio just to notify Sofia if anything crazy happens to me. Not entirely sure if he heard or understood even half of what I just said but pretty confident that he purposely delays me to keep his creaking voice running, soloing to the point of laying a curse at "these damn phones and their government plants to make them mo-bi-le" and asking extremely not subtly about what is already news all over town.
-You're shiting me! Congrats, Nico boy! Wish your wife good luck with all those diapers coming. Finally you're to start a family yourself!
I don't know if he forgot my Tito for real or it's just him being a clown and at this point I barely care. Everyone has him as a dumb fuck either way. In fact I'm only doing a favor to his father that I haven't talked to him the way I should or biting his hands with my closing door.
It's over five o' clock and the road to the shore is nicely empty. My Fiat has a hard time having the sun whipping its ass as its swinging above the sea to my right. I dug up a radio station I recently lost with some old songs drowned in noise that I can't blast in the car with Sofia and the kid because the give them the headaches and food for nagging. Notes traveling around my seat really give me space and loose my hands from straggling my steering wheel and I'm checking cool as hell the back seat from the mirror to make sure I didn't forget my swimsuit or my surely expired sunscreen. I can barely see it beneath this sea of junk and empty water bottles from our last trip as a family. I can't recall when that was exactly, but it can't be that long if the back seat is completely filled with sand from Tito's feet cause "slippers pinch his toes". I swear to God I'll be damned if I ever understand this kid.
It must've taken a minute or so to catch the song change on the radio. And what a song if the synths and the drum machine can kick my head back to my soggy seat to return to my old job at that furniture store I was back in the day, just in time for Sofia to call me and tell me the waters broke. The road's zig zags around the hills wave goodbye and I push the gas along the straight line in front of me. The tar got sprayed gold and it tinkles my eyes along with the turquoise waves racing me all the way; absolutely nothing like back then when I was locked by my stress and my blood was boiling from agony. The car couldn't fit me (brand new at the moment, not a scratch, such a beauty) until the house and then back into traffic, dragging myself closer to insanity by Sofia's moaning that keep on ringing to my ears to this day. Us two running in the heatwave till the emergency room, scared that Tito might join us in the back seat. There's still the scratch I caused by storming the hospital. There's still the memory of me cursing the religion out of me when I saw that later.
"Nico, take me back".
"What are you talking about? We are here".
"I'm scared, Nico, Let's go home. Please".
"No reason for it, we talked this out a thousand time. That's the finish line".
"I don't want to lose him. I won't bear this crap again".
"It's all good, Sofia. I promise".
Maybe I didn't use these exact words that day. I don't even remember if half of what I was saying were making any sense but I do remember me screaming my lungs out to innocent doctors and nurses while she was sitting comfortably in her pain with a look in her eyes designed to send nothing but shivers down my spine. I made it by stealing a kiss on her salty cheek as I was trying to keep up with her stretcher just so we go in together and get out us three together.
The radio host squeezes his hoarse and monotonous voice right in the end of the song to announce the song's title and singer but I'm all out of brain to pay attention. My fingers feel numb around the steering wheel and the rest of me stands sweat dripping in his place, staring at the dirt road boiling behind me. It always happens to me. I could have Sofia right beside me telling me the name of the song and my head would instantly erase it from existence because the picture of me and her holding Tito like a hot bread bun back in the house hangs above my eyelids. Her crying only from joy and me smiling nervously all the time. Holding Sofia on one hand and Tito on the other on our broke couch we still have in the living room. All of the uncertainty, all of the doubt if I could manage to balance all for a little man that fits in my palms driving me nuts in the cutest way then and in the most worrying right now.
The gas pumper's son doesn't respond to my test signals and I lose my turn for the next shore. No biggie, I say to myself, I'll do an 180 and everything will be fine. The road however had other plans, cause I can't find it anywhere anymore, the sand covered it pretty easily. No tar on sight, no nothing. I pull my baked skull outside and take a peek of all those fixed pink waves of sand stretching to everything the sun touches. I'm surprised that Ostia is somehow still on my mirror but I can't figure out where exactly I got my dumb self on the map and the good ol' Fiat has stepped in the sand for good. I set the thin line of sea on my right as compass and turn the key full of hope. I get a couple of meters deeper but the wheels are screeching, digging their graves. I officially can't go neither ahead nor back home; especially after all the shit I left back there because I decided to go swimming. Sofia's not going to stop at my insensitivity this time, especially right after she found out she is pregnant. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know what she seeks from me. I don't know if she gets my situation at the moment by asking me to be more "open" to her without her understanding that this is the way to get everybody hurt. Her, Tito, even the gas pumper's son with the audacity to sell pure ass water for petrol.
There's not a single thing on me not covered in sand as I melt my palms away by pushing the car. I get it out of the holes just to drop it to another ten meters ahead. I keep on pushing so desperately my knees get buried and I can hardly curse my luck for putting me right here, right now or letting my strength fade away from my body- in general. I lash out like a spoiled little fuck at the doors and get one of them opening wide open with empty water bottles falling defeated. Not a single drop of water in them at all and nothing of real value in all this junk of the back seat but a backpack with boxers, t-shirts and shorts of all kinds. All bad, all old fashioned and all mine. I never was this farsighted or this lucky all my life. Never.
I set my self free from my shirt and pants and throw them back to dry whilst I try one of those old ass tees that fits like a glove if I stop breathing for the rest of the day. I look down to see if I put it the wrong way but it was ok, just not the right t-shirt cause it's the one with the blue stripes.
I spent all morning eating my nails, watching the clock ticking. I couldn't wait and wished for something to happen to call this off. I called the shop to play it sick just so I could breathe in and breathe out my excitement without any distractions. I was looking at myself in the bathroom's mirror and practicing the "speech" I had written. I was getting mad, I was improvising and I was giving up all day without any hope. The sun dropped and Sofia came in late (and gorgeous) as always and kissed me besides the place where taxi drivers where fishing gullible tourists and judging the ugly blue stripped tee I chose to wear to play it like it was a date just like any other. Of course she got it figured out on her own and she tolerated me and this monstrosity until we hopped off the tram and sat on the worst set of pebbles we could possible sit, right before I interrupt her history of her fight with her mother to dig up the ring from the sand.
"Are you kidding? Because these stuff are quite laughing matter, you know".
"I know".
"Is it fake? The truth, Nico".
"Put it on and tell me".
"This better not be another unfunny crap from cause if it is, I'm telling you, I'm gone".
She did put it on, she did tell it was real and she did left with me to her place. I still remember her laugh every time the ring was slipping from her fingers. I still remember rivers of sweat washing me the next morning next to her as we were looking at the building outside glowing from the sunset. She was asking me if we could make it. I was cooling her down and telling her I would do my best for her, for us. That I would do what I had to do to not get stuck like our parents did. We would not spent all of our lives in an office but instead we would casually catch a ship or a plane and travel the world. She smirked all the way through and responded to me with "whenever it is, as long as a fan is hitting us" because the weather was just like now. Ten years ago, give or take.
Radio catches nothing but noise for a while now. I'm pressing the mic to call the gas pumper's son but still nothing on the other end. I should have known better than counting on a dumbass like him because I only hurt myself and I ultimately give up on trying to communicate to light a cig.
My head got so numb from all the thoughts running inside I can't enjoy the sun dropping behind me. All I needed right now was a dip, just to get away for a moment or two and figuring out the rest but I guess I had to have everything turn to shit. I'm searching the exact point where I actually fucked up everything but the sun touching the horizon made me realize I torture my mind in vain. Whatever got me where I am right now doesn't matter. I could try to find the words to express how I feel to  Sofia, Tito or the baby and fail miserably each time because all they really need to hear from me is that "all will be fine".  But that's not really the point. The point is that I sit in a fucking wreck of a car with half a packet of cigarettes and all of my stuff in the trunk, disconnected from everyone and everything, without any inconvenience whatsoever. Like things rolled out as I wanted them. Like I should follow this route from the start. Like I should never really reach the shore.
I was still a kid when father came with his "new" car, a stretched out Lada with the color of green vomit which in my eyes it always looked like a bin. My father had a really creepy love with that car to the point where he was telling me to not put the seatbelt on because I would "stretch" it. His obsession made me almost envy this awful bin, feeling joy when it was failing to start half the times. My father knew that and made me help him every single time, made me listen his cute words for this piece of junk that "tries to live, that poor thing" and the rest of his vocabulary which was limited to my ability to "hold the flashlight like a fag". However, his biggest hit should be the one where he was telling me again and again that "I'll only understand him when I get older but it will be too late".
The record continued to skip in my teens. It never became understandable as it became tedious and cliché. There was no meaning behind these words, they all came out like thick air from his mouth but still they made me feel like a piece of shit. Mom saw my relationship with him wearing off everytime we were fighting and she always would try to convince me to "take a step back", to "become a normal family again" and I'd always respond with something vague when I should lash out on her for taking the side of a grumpy old fuck instead of her son.
I reached a point where I was waiting for a cause to open my mouth against his ass but every time my mother prevented me right at the last second; except that noon of a September when her hand could never reach to pull my sleeve. She was in the kitchen preparing the fish for the ban and I was returning home filled to the top with happiness because after a summer buried in books and studying I finally passed my exams for the uni. I found my father, like every afternoon, bent over a bucket cleaning a rag he used for the car only in the yard. I was watching him from the porch with my palm hiding my sardonic laughter I had all morning. I was waiting him to screech with his almost girly voice to "pick up my legs and help, cause all I do is eat, shit, sleep", just to hit him with the news that I was going to be a radio operator.
"And? What do you want now? You want me to pay you just so you can play it sailor? Leave me the fuck alone".
I'd be lying if I said I know what he really said to me, but the truth is that I felt an accomplishment inside whatever he may screamed. What I was looking for was server exactly in front of me and I started shouting, he began to shake his hands up and down like he prepared to fly and my mother kept on throwing fish in the sizzling pan.
"Is it that difficult for you? It's not like you don't want to get rid of me at all times and shit, right?".
"Get the fuck inside and stay there. You came with a smirk like you won the lottery and now you dare to talk shit. But how can you understand about money and all that? You can't. Never could, never will, but don't you worry, you'll only understand me wh-".
"Ok, ok, when I get older and all that nonsense. You keep busting nuts all these year saying that, you never got bored of that?".
The last one must have hit him hard enough to bring him back, like really back. As if he was younger again and strong enough to hit a nineteen year old in the face easily. A nineteen year old that waited half his life to return the favor.
But I did not. The sick joy I was feeling before dissolved when I grasped his left arm from the elbow. I stared at the wrinkled skin in his palm with the spots and veins that looked like mountains on it. I had his pulse on my fingertips echoing quick but pathetic. I turned to look at him and I no longer saw an antisocial and absurd grumpy fuck that was struggling in every way to show his little value. I saw a fallen, perhaps emotionally wounded man without enough consciousness to prevent him from situations like this one where he stands helpless and pitiful in front of his own child.
I had no more anger in me. I only felt bad for the years of my life I lost taking this person seriously simply because it happened to be my father. That's why I left his hand and let him sink in his confusion, trying to find words that would provoke me. From what he said, I only kept the " I swear to God I'll be damned if I ever understand this kid" as I was packing up my stuff in two bags to catch a train that was already gone. Last time, I saw him in the car dragging clothes and shavers from the semi-open trunk of his car, while my mom was on the porch trying not to drown in her own tears. The house was reeking burnt fish when I lying my mom in bed, giving her a hug and a promise that I would never be like him.
It's been a long time since then, but not enough to stop thinking about it, it seems. I do not know whether or not I eventually kept my promise and at this point I really don't care. What's really important now is the way the wave is tinkling my legs and how the breeze makes my lungs bloom. That's why I let the water drift me deeper as I close my eyes and nose. I dive.
"Come on, Nico boy, do you copy? Where are you all day? Do you have this shit open or not? Your wife's here with the little one, come get them ".
"Nico, please, if you hear this come back, we're worried. We will do whatever we can. Whatever you need. Together".
"Dad; Dad are you there? Please respond, I miss you. "
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glowrioustrash · 6 years
Text
A Night Off
Summary: Dean gives his wife a much needed night off, leading to the first time he’s had to watch the baby alone.
Pairing: Dean Ambrose x Reader
Word Count: 2900+
Warnings: Other than the expected swearing... I don’t think there’s any.
Author’s Note: Blame the folks over on the discord channel (mostly @dirrrtydeeds and @wwereaderinserts) for egging me on to write more dad!Dean. I’m gonna need to make a new tag for this verse, aren’t I?
Tagging:@castielscamander / @therealfivefeetoffuckingfury / @kakakatey / @thirstiswet / @calwitch
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“Dean, are you sure you’re okay with this?” You bit your lip, looking at yourself in the mirror. You pulled your blouse down, and then pulled it back up once you saw the gratuitous amounts of cleavage. You were so looking forward to when you got your normal boobs back and could wear your favorite things again.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Dean promised, sitting on the bed with your 8 month old daughter in his lap. “I’ve watched her before.”
“Yeah, when I was in the other room taking a nap. When you could wake me up if you needed something.” You worried, pulling at your blouse again.
“I can handle her alone for a few hours, relax.” He rolled his eyes. “We’re gonna have fun, aren’t we princess?” He asked Leigh, tickling her side until she giggled and squirmed. The sight of it in the mirror melted your heart.
“Maybe I should stay.” You muttered as you watched them.
“No. You’re going out. You need to go out.” Dean ordered. “You’ve been planning this girl’s night for weeks.”
“But-“
“No buts!” Dean cut you off. “Except for yours, which looks sexy in that skirt. You sure you’re a mom?” He winked at you.
“You saw her come out of me. Proof’s in the pudding.” You laughed.
Dean’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Are you the pudding… or is she the pudding?” He looked down at Leigh who giggled at Dean’s silly face.
“It’s a saying, Dean. Don’t overthink it.”
“I saw that shit come out of you and it did not look like pudding.”
“Dean, language!” You admonished through your laughter. “There is no pudding.”
“There isn’t?” He frowned.
“Well, there’s pudding in the fridge but- okay, we are so off track right now!”
“You’re going out with your friends and I can handle Leigh for a few hours. It’s nearly bedtime anyway.”
“Oh god, bedtime.” You groaned, deflating. “You know the routine, right? You know what setting to put her ladybug light on and-“
“I know the damn routine.” He chuckled, standing up and balancing Leigh on his hip. “I know what setting to put the ladybug to, I know to turn the fan on low, I know how to turn on the angel monitor, I know what song to sing if she’s being fussy.” He listed, pulling you into his chest. “I got this.”
“You’re sure?” You asked one more time.
“Yes.” He leaned down, kissing you softly. “You deserve a night off.”
“It’s just hard.” You whispered, feeling the tears well up in your eyes. Leigh pulled at your hair, making you wince. You took the infant into your arms, hugging her close.
“I know. Fuck, I know.” Dean agreed, making you mutter another warning about language against Leigh’s temple. “I feel it every time I gotta leave the two of you behind.” He ran a hand through your hair. “But you gotta do it eventually, doll.”
“You’re right. Rationally, I know you’re right.” You told him.
“Don’t hear that from you very often.” He grinned.
“Don’t get used to it, either.” You shot back with a smile, bouncing Leigh. “Does it get easier?”
“No.” He admitted. “But I’m gone for so long, days at a time of missing the two of you. This is a few hours, and if you don’t start goin’ out on your own, you’re gonna go insane.”
“I haven’t already?” You joked.
“Well, you married me so that’s one strike.” He teased. “Now c’mon. Go out with the girls and have fun.”
“Okay.” You sighed, passing Leigh back to her father. It took a moment to untangle her hand from your hair before you were free. You looked down at yourself, frowning at the blouse. “I need to change.”
“You already changed like five times.” Dean groaned.
“Yeah, because every top I have turns me into Boobs McGee.” You huffed, walking into your closet.
“I know, it’s great.” He proclaimed, smiling widely. You groaned loudly from the closet, making Dean laugh. “You know what the crazy thing is, princess?” He spoke to Leigh, having her full attention despite having no idea what he was saying. “She’s the sane one.”
Ten minutes later Dean held Leigh against his chest, waving her little arm back and forth as you pulled out of the driveway.
“Well, there she goes.” He told the infant in his arms. Leigh kept waving her arm back and forth even after Dean had let go, although it was less of a coordinated wave and more of a flail.
“Alright princess, we gotta make a deal here.” He grunted, sitting on the couch and turning her to face him. She smiled brightly up at him, drumming her little hands on his chest. “I’m kinda terrified, but mommy really needed a night off. She deserves this, so you and I gotta make this work, okay?”
Leigh leaned in, pressing a wet kiss to Dean’s chin, which he took as a seal of the deal. “I knew you’d have my back.”
The two sat on the couch for a while, Dean reclined back with Leigh sitting on his belly. He made silly faces, played peekaboo, and held her up in the air before pulling her down and showering her little face with kisses. Each new game made her giggle, and each little giggle warmed Dean’s heart. Just as Dean was starting to relax, Leigh started to fuss.
“What’s’a matter? Huh?” Dean cooed as he sat upright, cradling her closer. He patted her bum, but the diaper felt clean. “Are you hungry?” Dean stood, carrying the fussy girl to the kitchen, transferring her into one arm so he could get into the fridge and get the already prepared bottle out.
“The bad news is: Daddy may be the titty master, but he don’t got any titties to feed you with. The good news is: Mommy does, and she pumped before going out, so you’ve got lots of yummy milk.” He narrated, trying to soothe her as he waited for the bottle to warm up.
“I know, I know,” He shushed as she started crying. “I’m working on it, princess. Daddy’s goin’ as fast as he can.”
He bounced the little girl in his arms as he waited impatiently for the bottle warmer to finish. He briefly wished his wife was here so she could just whip a tit out and take care of business, but he was working with what he had. Leigh was used to premium service after all.
He started humming to her just as the bottle warmer clicked off. He grabbed the bottle, almost forgetting to dab some of the milk on his wrist. Once he was satisfied it wouldn’t burn her, he held the bottle to Leigh, who clutched at it greedily.
“There we go. See, Daddy’s not doing such a bad job is he?” He asked, his baby girl looking up at him with wide eye, still watery from her crying, as she suckled at the bottle.
“First crisis averted.” He smirked proudly to himself and wiped his wrist off on his jeans as he sat down on the couch. He sat Leigh up on the couch next to him, keeping a hand on her so he could feel if she started to move or cough. He grabbed the TV remote and turned on the Golden Knights game.
Once she seemed bored of the bottle, having drank most of it down, he set it on the table. He rubbed her back, knowing she had moved on to burping herself but he still felt like he should help. She crawled onto his lap, laying her head on his thigh and drooling on his jeans.
“What are you- yeah, you’re my kid alright.” He laughed, trying to figure out why she was gumming at his jeans. “S’long as it makes sense to you.” He shrugged.
He brought his hand up to steady her as she rolled around, Leigh eventually grasping his hand in both of hers. She brought it to her mouth, chewing on his fingers. Dean didn’t mind but gave her a questioning glance, which she ignored. He turned his attention back to the screen.
It was only minutes later that Leigh was fussing again, snapping Dean’s attention away from the game. “What now, princess?” He asked. He looked down at the infant, whining and squirming as she chewed on his fingers. “Oh shit, you’re not teethin’ or somethin’ are you? I don’t know what to do about that.”
He felt around her gums, seeing if he could feel any teeth breaking through. He didn’t feel anything, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t starting. “Do we even have any teethin’ toys? Shit. Mommy would kill me if I put some whiskey on your gums like they used to do.”
Dean was just starting to panic when he picked her up, cradling her to his chest so he could stand and search the house for anything to do with teething. With his hand on her bum he breathed a sigh of relief, the problem now obvious.
“Thank god. Daddy was not ready to deal with teethin’ without Mommy.” He breathed. He looked around the living room, knowing most of the things he needed to change Leigh’s diaper were stashed around here. He could take her all the way to the change table in her room, but why bother and miss the game? He moved around the room, finding a few diapers on the coffee table, wipes on the back of the couch, and powder tucked behind a lamp.
He lay Leigh down on the couch, unsnapping the bottom of her onesie.
“I got ya, princess.” He soothed, ripping the tabs of the diaper apart. He pulled the dirty diaper out from under his daughter and set it aside. Leigh pulled her foot up to her face as she waited for Dean, trying to pull it into her mouth.
“Didn’t you eat enough already?” He laughed, watching her. Before he had a chance to set the new diaper down, Leigh started peeing on the couch.
“Shit! No, no, no!” He cursed, throwing the diaper under her before she made too much of a mess. He groaned, frustrated at himself for the rookie mistake. He grabbed a wipe, wiping off his hand. Leigh watched his frustration with apparent glee, although that could just be happiness at the taste of her foot.
“Yeah, laugh it up.” Dean huffed, reaching over to get another fresh diaper. He repeated the process, making sure to not leave himself open to the same mistake. He took her out of her onesie, some of her pee having soaked into it. He cursed when he eyed the puddle on the cushion.
“Let’s just keep that our little secret, okay?” He muttered, flipping the cushion over. “Second crisis… mostly averted. What do you think? C+? B-?”
Leigh babbled at him, pulling at his shirt.
“I’ll take that as a pass.” He shrugged. He carried her around the house, trying to find a clean onesie to change her into. He found one in a laundry basket in the nursery and snapped her into it.
“Mmm, snuggly warm.” He hummed, nuzzling her tummy and making her laugh. He brought her back to the living room, setting her on her play mat as he cleaned up the mess from changing her.
Leigh seemed happy enough scooting around on the mat, playing with her toys so he left her on the floor while he sat on his recliner. He kept an eye on her while he watched the game. He couldn’t help but smile as she babbled to her toys, hitting buttons that made noises back at her.
Soon he was watching her more than the game, the way the light up toys mesmerized her and made her goo and ga happily. The way she shrieked and laughed in delight when the animals would pop up from their box. He thought the toys were stupid when they’d first bought them, not understanding how they would be entertaining for anyone, but seeing them through Leigh’s eyes made him understand.
His attention was drawn off his baby girl when bells and horns sounded from the TV. He looked up, seeing the Knights had scored, bringing them into the lead. He cheered loudly, not thinking that it would startle the baby.
“Oh shit, shit! I’m sorry, Leigh.” He tried to pacify the now crying girl. He scooped her off the floor, hugging her to his chest. “I’m so sorry, princess. Daddy didn’t mean to scare you.”
Leigh cried loudly into his shoulder, the sound piercing his eardrums. “C’mon you’re breakin’ Daddy’s heart. I’m sorry.”
He bounced, he cooed, he hummed, he patted… Leigh kept crying. He tried to make silly faces and bring her noisy, light up toys back to her attention but none of it seemed to work.
“Please, princess. Please stop cryin’.” Dean begged, feeling on the verge of his own breakdown after 20 minutes of nonstop crying. It was bad enough when he didn’t know what she needed, but knowing she was crying because he had done something stupid made him feel like a total ass. He itched to call for backup, but he hated to ruin your very first baby-free night since giving birth. He could only imagine how many nights you’d had like this when he was on the road, alone and frustrated.
He gave Leigh a pacifier, which calmed her cries into whimpers for as long as she kept it in her mouth. After a few minutes, she’d spit it out and start crying again. He added her favorite stuffed animal, a half dog half blanket creature you dubbed Woofer. Leigh buried her head into it and stopped spitting out the pacifier.
“Oh thank god.” He muttered, still bouncing the girl as the whimpering noises in his ear turned to the suckling noises of the pacifier. “Daddy didn’t mean to make you cry.” He sat back down on the couch, but the second the bouncing motion ceased, Leigh kicked up a fuss again.
“Okay, okay. Message received.” Dean grumbled, hoisting himself back up and continuing the bouncing. He caught sight of the clock on the wall and groaned to himself.
“That’s why you’re so cranky, eh? Past bedtime?” He mumbled, moving through the house to the nursery. He kept Leigh hugged tightly to his chest as he moved around the room, making sure to set all the things to the proper settings so the little girl would be able to sleep comfortably. As he moved to put her in her crib, she fussed and clung to his shirt.
“C’mon, Leigh.” He sighed, trying to uncurl her tiny fists from his shirt. He succeeded, but the infant started wailing again. He sighed, pulling her back in and starting to hum to her. He sat down in the rocker in the corner, gently rocking the two of them back and forth as he waited for his daughter to calm and fall asleep.
You opened the door quietly, not wanting to wake the baby as you entered the house. The TV in the living room was on, playing the post-game highlights and interviews, but the room was empty. You shut off the TV and lights, moving through the house searching for your husband.
The door to the nursery was open, the soft light from the ladybug night light spilling into the hallway. You peeked in and smiled, seeing Dean asleep on the rocker in the corner with Leigh on his chest. You’d found yourself in that position more times than you’d probably admit, but seeing Dean look so peaceful with your daughter curled into him made your heart turn to mush.
You crept quietly across the room, picking Leigh up into your arms. Dean stirred at the movement, startling awake.
“Shh, it’s just me.” You whispered, gazing down at your sleeping baby girl. “Mommy missed you.” You whispered to her.
“How was your night?” Dean asked, voice rough with sleep. You held up a finger to let him know you’d tell him in a minute. He smiled, watching you hold your daughter. You pressed a soft kiss on her forehead, smelling that baby smell you couldn’t get enough of before setting her down in her crib.
Dean stood with a groan, his muscles tight from falling asleep sitting up. You made sure the monitor was turned on before following him out into the hallway. The second the nursery door was closed, you wrapped yourself around him.
“I missed you two.” You told him. “I wanted to check in but they took my phone until I left. Said I didn’t need to check in on you every five minutes.”
“We missed you too.” He murmured into your hair.
“I promise I trust you but-“
“Shh, I get it.” Dean cut you off.
“Everything was okay, though?” You asked.
“Piece of cake.” He promised.
“Oh yeah?” You tested.
“Mmhmm.” He confirmed, pressing a kiss to your temple. He held you close for a moment, the two of you silently enjoying the embrace.
“I don’t know how you do it every day.” He whispered. “You’re amazing.”
“Thank you.” You melted into him. “It’s not always easy, but there are moments that make up for it.”
“I know what you mean.” He nodded, thinking of some of the better moments of the night. Leigh laughing at his silly games or when she crawled onto his lap on her own, wanting to be with him.
“Now, how about a proper thank you for giving me a night to myself?” You suggested with a grin.
“What did you have in mind?” Dean grinned back.
“I guess you’ll just have to follow and see.” You teased, taking his hand in your own and leading him into your bedroom.
“As long as we don’t wake the baby.” He warned, making you laugh.
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jeronicaismyotp · 6 years
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Welcome to the Dark Side - chapter 1
  It was Friday around midnight when the two tortued souls met in Pop's diner. Both there to distract their mind from all the problems in life. Jughead had just gotten back from a drop off that could have been the end of his life if it wasn't for his best friend Sweet Pea, if he didn't get there when he did. Well Jughead wouldn't be ordering his usual from the retro diner. When he walked in there he noticed that there was only one other cutsomer here. It was a girl around his age and he started to wonder why she was here so late, she must be new because he would recognize a girl that beautiful anywhere. His focus is now on the girl who is drinking a vanilla milkshake and diping her fries in the drink. The waiter comes out to bring his order to the table and then his focus is on eating before going back to the Whyte Wyrm. Veronica was pissed, she couldn't believe what she walked into at her now ex-boyfriends house. How dare Archie, he had some guts for cheating on her with her now former best friend Betty. The two people she trusted in the world had betrayed her and in the worst way possible. She knew there was always something suspicious about their friendship after her and Archie got together. She just ignored the feeling because they were best friends and knew each other since diapers so of course they would be close. But she didn't know that they were also sneaking behind her back and hooking up. Apparently they were in love and that broke Veronica's heart because why couldn't they just come clean or why did Archie keep stringing her a long while he was fooling around with Betty. That is what brougt her to Pop's tonight, a broken heart and a damaged soul. She took the booth farthest from the door so no one could see her, she ordered her regluar vanilla milkshake and fries. It was beyond herself why her two friends would be so cruel to her, after all she was being nothing like the old Veronica. She didn't know what was going to happen tomorrow but she does not want to see Archie and Betty at all.
Jughead finished his meal and leaned back in the booth. He could never get tired of how good Pop's food is and yeah only eats the burgers and frieis but he is a 100% sure Pop can make anything taste great, After checking the time on his watch, it read one in the morning. He glanced up and seen that the girl was still in her booth, her milkshake empty and fries gone. He felt this need to talk to her, without realzing what he was doing he got up and walked over to her.
"What's a girl like you doing out so late? Don't you have school tomorrow Princess?" Jughead took a seat across from her. Veronica was broken out of her thoughts when the boy sat down in front of her. She didn't know who he was or why he is talking to her. She really just wanted to be alone right now, tonight wasn't going well and talking to a stranger isn't going to help. He is very hot though, she thought.
"First of all, don't call me princess. Second I do have school but I think it would be pretty hard to try to sleep after finding out my boyfriend cheated on me, not only that but with my supposely best friend!" Veronica replied, crossig her arms. "Why are you here late?"
" I was hungry." Jughead shrugged. He didn't know anything about this girl but the fact that some idiot douche would cheat on this raven haired beauty is insane and makes him upset. If he was wit her there is no way in hell would he cheat on her or even think about another girl. She is gorgeous and deserves someone better than her ex. Jughead isn't one for realtionships, yeah he has hooked up with girls in the past but that was out of boredom and wanting the thrill of sex.
Veronica just nodded. They just sat there in an akward silence until Veronica spoke, "Well as much as fun as this has been. I should get going."
"Oh now you are worried about going home. What did I scare you off Princess?" He asked using that nickname even though she doesn't like it.
"No you don't scare me but it is one in the morning and like you said I have school tomorrow"
"That didn't bother you before so why the sudden need to leave"?
"Why do you care? You don't know me. We literally met five seconds ago and I could really careless about you. I don't have the energy for this. I just got my heart broken by two people who were suppose to be my friends! I know that you might not get that but I just want to be alone okay? I am gonna end up alone anyways so might as well start now." Veronica said as tears started stremaing down her face. She could not believe that she was crying in front of a stranger in Pop's. Although it was late at night and no one else was around besides the waiter and Pop. Still she shouldn't be this easy to break, she is Veronica Lodge she should be stronger than this.
"Hey, I'm sorry I was just messing with you. You can leave if you want. I just wanted to come talk to you since you were sitting by yourself. I'm also sorry that your dumb ass ex boyfriend cheated on the world's most prettiest girl." he said trying to get the girl to smile. As much as Veronica appreacited this boy's kindess she had no intention on knowing him beyond tonight.
"Thank you but like I said you don't even know me." Veronica reachers for her purse. Right when she is about to stand up the raven haired boy speaks up, "I'm Jughead. Jughead Jones."
At first she doesn't reconigze the name but a second later it clicks. He is the Jughead Jones, the leader of the Southside gang, what were they called again? Snakes? She always hears her father bickering about some gang stopping him from taking over the South. She wonders if he is the reason behind all of her father's recent stress at work. She isn't quite sure if telling him who she was is a good idea but the words leave her mouth before she realizes it. " Hello Jughead, I'm Veronica Lodge"
"Veronica Lodge? Any relation to Hiram Lodge?" Jughead asks while getting slighty angry. He should have known nothing good happens to him, if she has any ties to Hiram well she might as well be dead. How could anyone stand by a man who is set out to destroy lives on the South?!
"Why yes, Hiram is my father." she replies.
"Oh well this was nice but as you said, you should get going, I don't want to keep daddy's girl out all night." he leans back and puts his arm against the back of the booth.
She doesn't know what she has done to piss him off but she can tell he is upset. She guesses that he is not a fan of her father. "Well then, good-bye Jughead." she waves after leaving the booth.
"Bye Princess."
****
Jughead is laying down in his bed after today's events it isn't easy to fall asleep. Especially when a certain girl with the cutest smile is on his mind, he tried to quit thinking of her but he couldn't. This girl he has heard so much about her through the gang. Toni's girlfriend Cheryl is always gossiping in the Whyte Wyrm and most of the times he doesn't care what she is yapping about, The name Veronica is famliiar, apparently she got kicked out of her last school in New York and was dating some jock. He didn't know all the details but he isn't going to lie, he wants to know more about her and why would someone in their right mind cheat on a girl like her?. That answer is beyond him and then seeing her cry was worse, his heart broke a little when he noticed the tears splling out of her eyes. How dare someone make her cry? She was too good for this world, he thought. Why did she have to be related to Hiram, even worse be his only daughter! The world must hate Jughead to bring this amazing girl in his life but make it so compliacted to get to know her.
"Fuck it." he thought right before his eyes shut. he was going to get to know her one way or another, .
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koganphrancis · 6 years
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Ian Used To Do Better Stuff With Vans OR There’s Another Hour Of My Life I Won’t Get Back
This episode was dumb dumb dumb as fuck-and even more pointless than that.  The ONLY redeeming quality in it was that it was completely Terror-free.  Read on, if you dare.  My recap of Season H8 Episode Dear God Why Isn’t It Over Yet-or 11, if you want to keep it short.
As usual, I’ll get the others out of the way as quickly as I possibly can. 
Carl’s still illegally under-aged married, and this week he tells Kasammi, “I don’t think there’s any skin left on my dick.”  Yeah, they made that point last year when they had to keep taking it off after his misguided circumcision.  Not that the show is referring to THAT, of course.  They refuse to acknowledge any plot point that has gone before.  He and Kas take a wild tour through his before the show started past and I have no idea what the point is-is it to show us she’s truly insane because none of the horrors of life on the mean streets scare her?  Or to show us that Generation Z doesn’t experience reality because their whole lives have been instantly posted on screens of electronic devices?  I don’t know and I don’t care-quit trying to be fake deep, Shameless, if you even are.  I can’t tell.  The only (maybe) pertinent point of Carl’s story this week is he tells Kasammi after her hundredth shit fit on the subject that he won’t go back to military school and in the previews for next week it looks like the family (or at least Frank) will try to help him sneak away to do just that.  Yawn.
Debbie loses three toes-Frank chops them off for her.  Before that, Debbie is shown signing her 16 year old self out of the hospital-WHAT?  She’d need a parent or guardian for that.  Anyway, apparently Debbie’s not on any kind of welfare or insurance.  And doesn’t know that Ian could’ve gotten the money for her expensive surgery to attempt to save the toes by going down on the old couple just twice.  What is it with this show and cutting off toes?  They’ve done this before with the body they got to stand in for Aunt Ginger.  I’m so sick of the recycled plot points!
Speaking of which-Snore’s old man is out of prison so Lip gets him to fight him to violate his parole and send him back-did this new writer guy not see Yevgeny’s christening episode or is he just really into plagiarism?  It was such a fizzle to a going nowhere story to begin with.  I think the guy playing Snore’s version of Terry even had some of the same lines but I’m too lazy to rewatch and try to catch them.  If we were supposed to hate this guy like we hate Terry, it didn’t work.  And Lip was no Mickey showing up to defend people that mean something to him either-it was all a weak as fuck imitation.  And it was odd that Lip chose to call the guy out for “beating women” when he lets himself get beaten when he has sex with Eddy.  Who the fuck is he to judge?  Maybe ten year old Snore didn’t get that her parents were having consensual rough sex that got too violent and ended in death-but the show’s not that deep.
Snore’s telling of her mother’s death once again played like someone complaining about not getting the last bottle of nail polish in their favorite shade at Walgreens or something.  If she’s been so traumatized that she can’t put any emotion into the horrific memories that’s fine, but then I would argue that she wouldn’t be terrified of her dad coming after her either.  Snore just can’t emote OR imagine what it would be like to be in that setting, I’m sorry.  
And here’s what had me super pissed-Snore tells Lip she was 10 when her mom was killed in front of witnesses (Snore and her brother-she specifically says they both testified against him) and her dad’s already out on parole?  We don’t know how old Snore is now, but surely no older than 25 (and probably not even that old, but whatever), so the show is saying her dad got out in 15 years max, which is the time Mickey was sentenced to for NOT killing Sammi?  Fuck off.  
Also, why would the cops not even consider the father’s side of the story that Lip instigated the fight?  Lip has Eddy’s niece record the fight on his phone, and after it’s over he goes over to her and asks her how it looks or whatever, and she says Snore’s father threw the first punch.  Wouldn’t the cops question why a little girl was filming two men on a porch BEFORE a fight started?  Snore’s father must have Mickey’s public defender for a lawyer.  Fucking show should’ve shocked us all by having Lip get locked up for premeditated assault.  
Fiona meets with a lawyer (Janice from Friends, but she’s not as funny in this, sadly) and as soon as she said Fiona could lose both the apartment building and the Gallagher house I knew that storyline had jumped the shark and somehow next week all will be miraculously fixed-no way will the Gallaghers ever lose the house, that’s another plot point that’s been done to death.  At first I was thinking they’ll either come up with some fortuitous traffic camera footage showing that the guy jumped off the roof intentionally, or that Hugh Laurie would show up in a cameo as Dr. House and say that if a man “fell” off a roof that high, he’d have a hell of a lot more damage than one broken ankle, but no, the show isn’t going to even get that clever-they’re just gonna have the family cave and be willing to settle with Fiona if they get custody of her dog that suddenly she’s so worried about in this week’s episode.  She’s never shown that level of concern for any of her siblings.  
Frank has a tedious, boring couple of scenes about his “retirement plan”-he has a baggie of 3 stolen Social Security cards and anyone can see a mile off that the cards would’ve just been replaced by their original owners-they’re not like a set of fingerprints and you only get one for life and if you lose it someone else has your entire identity.  THEN they set up next week’s recycled/stolen plot to have Liam and Frank rip off Liam’s rich friend’s family just like Carl and Frank ripped off Liam and Carl’s gay foster dads-it didn’t work then, it won’t work now (and why didn’t Frank do hard time for that grand theft?).  
Svetlana and Vee and Kevin have a scene at a fancy (but not as fancy as the show was trying to tell us it was) bar that was a pathetic echo of both Ian and Mickey’s hotel bar scam AND of how funny the show used to be able to be.  Later Svet goes to humble herself to the other hand whore to find out how she snagged a rich fiance and discovers that the dude she’s about to marry is senile as fuck and Svet is going to step in to replace her, which is what I predicted the first time the hand whore showed up.  I will give Shameless credit for making me laugh unintentionally-since I’ve been picturing the “old rich dude” Svet was going to wind up with as John Wells’ fantasy version of himself, seeing the old dude in an adult diaper and thinking he’s Wells was very satisfying.  
Do I finally get to Ian now?  Do I have to talk about his bullshit?  There’s a scene of him in bed alone while the newlyweds are having sex in the same room, signalling that he’d rather be there than at Terror’s house, LOL.  Then it’s the next morning and he goes down to breakfast with his Bible in hand, but no pills.  Is that supposed to be significant?  We may never know...
He gets to the “Church Of Gay Jesus” and there’s so many “fans” there it’s like Beatles or One Direction footage.  The minister guy gets through the crowd to him with a big young guy and tells Ian the rando is “Bic” and he wants to help (I didn’t know the guy’s name till I saw it in the closing credits, I really thought his name was “Dick” and they were making a “big dick” joke, but no, I guess they were making a “Bic lighter” joke instead).  Ian and Bic instantly have more chemistry than Ian and Terror but it’s unintentional I’m sure-the actor playing Bic probably has taken acting classes and knows to look an acting partner in the eye, instantly making him more engaged than Terror’s ever been in a scene.  
The minister guy tells Ian, “Your life is no longer your own.”  Which first of all, I’m just not buying that all these youths have just been waiting for a messiah to show up and they’ll follow him anywhere, and secondly why was being with Mickey not Ian anymore, but he’ll give away his entire life for strangers?  Fuck you, Shameless.  (and speaking of his entire life, does he never have to go to work anymore?  Also, Fiona turned him down when he asked for a ride to the church-for once she had a good reason, that she had to pick up Debbie-but why is the show acting like Fi does things for him all of the sudden?  She DID give him a ride last week, and that was very OOC of her.)
There’s a kid trying to get Ian’s attention-he needs help getting away from his parents who have hired men to get him back.  At some point in the proceedings some guys jump out of a van and drag the kid into it.  Ian runs to the front of the van before it can pull away and goes all Chris Pratt in Jurassic Park, holding up his arms and not letting it advance.  The unintentional humor here amused me no end.  Then Ian lays down in front of the van and I actually said aloud to my TV, “Just run him over.”  I’m that done with this storyline and this show-just kill Ian off at this point, it’d be a mercy.  
Ian’s there on the ground with his arms thrown up over his head (not that the driver could even see him down there, right in front of the van) and we see that this time Shameless didn’t bother covering up Cam’s real life Sailor Moon tattoo.  SO LAZY.  All the other kids lay down around the van too so it can’t go anywhere  The 3 dudes in the van give up and let the kid get out.
The kid is 14 and the minister guy tries to talk sense into Ian, saying the parents have a legal right to their kid and they, more specifically Ian, can’t keep the kid.  Ian agrees to talk to the kid’s dad who tells him the parents aren’t bigots, they don’t care that their son’s not heterosexual, but he’s been living on the streets, doing drugs, and prostituting himself.  Then the father says, “We believe he may be mentally ill,” and Cameron (and yes, I mean Cameron, not Ian) makes a reaction face to that, but what it means, again, nobody knows.
Ian goes to talk to the kid where they have him hidden away in the Mickey Wedding Venue basement.  Ian tells him what the father told him, and the kid says they keep bringing him to a church (is that Ian’s trigger?  Churches? and if so, why?), plus they have him see shrinks who have put him on meds that knock him on his ass and he can’t get an erection.  He adds, “That’s what they really want-so I can’t have sex with another boy, you know?  Ever.”  Ian says, “Well you can’t stay here.  You have to find someplace where you can be safe, where you can be yourself.”  WHAT?  I don’t understand.  For one thing, isn’t that LITERALLY TERROR’S JOB?  To take runaways and provide them with a safe place to stay and a plan to get their lives back on terms that they can live with?  I don’t ever want to have to side with Terror, but this episode is basically saying that Terror’s way is right and Ian’s way is oh so wrong and misguided.  What the fuck?  Secondly, isn’t that what Ian THINKS he’s doing?  Why is he telling the kid HE has to find someplace safe?  Ian has literally been in this kid’s shoes-he knows there’s no safe places for someone even younger than he was when he got back from the army, living on the streets.  Anyway, after Ian’s lines the kid says, “Will you help me?” but Ian doesn’t answer one way or the other.  
I totally didn’t get this scene-why the writer had Ian say nothing.  I could see if it was to show Ian was getting more and more manic and now is on the downside of that and is becoming too depressed to speak to people-but then where’s his energy for doing anything coming from, plus the story isn’t SAYING he’s manic or depressed, and Cam and John Wells said Ian’s storyline is bold, audacious, great, etc and I don’t think either of them would’ve said those things if the payoff is just going to be that Ian needed his meds adjusted.  And why does Ian maybe believe what the kid is saying and not the dad?  Again, this IS Ian’s story!  Mentally ill, unable to help himself, and unwilling to take his pills!  I wondered why Ian didn’t at least give him a version of the Monica “you don’t have to change for them” speech, or his own “you don’t have to fix me because I’m not broken” speech or why in the name of all that’s holy didn’t he tell the kid, “I’ve been exactly where you are-on meds that were supposed to help but made me feel like crap plus I couldn’t get it up-but that’s because they take time-you need to take them to get stable and then you’ll find what works for you and have no problems having sex again (since apparently Ian’s never had an issue since beating Mickey up at the dugouts).”  AND the kid’s only 14-does Ian maybe want to advise him that feeling like he needs to be having sex that young to the point where he’s willing to run away and do it with anyone might be part of his symptoms?  
Ian COULD be so helpful here, but no.  At this point he is literally putting at risk kids at even greater risk.  
Later Rando Bic shows Ian that the van’s back behind the church.  Ian says, “Get the kid,” like he’s The Penguin and Bic’s his trusty lieutenant.  It was so dumb.  The kid is used as bait, and when the 3 guys jump out of the van Ian pops up behind the group and starts yelling.  “My god’s a faggot!  My god’s a dyke!  My god is trans, a junkie, a whore!’  Then the van blows up.  “We will not be victims!”  
What the hell is he on about?  That’s a serious question.  None of this is making sense.  God isn’t human, so Ian giving the Christian god human attributes makes no sense.  “We won’t be victims” of WHAT?  Gay conversion?  This kid’s dad said he isn’t trying to convert his gay son.  What is all the yelling and the explosion about?  And to get back to the explosion for a moment: That had to be Ian’s brilliant plan, and it just makes me miss Mickey talking him down from stupid shit like that all the more.  Bic is the one that actually lights the fire (get it?  BIC?) but how did they even know that all 3 guys would get out of the van this time?  Based on the first failed attempt to drive off with the kid, wouldn’t it make more sense that one of the guys would stay at the wheel and keep the van running and they’d take off the minute they shoved the kid inside before all of Ian’s disciples could block it again?   Before I rewatched the scene this morning I actually wondered if the story is going to be Ian is guilty of killing one of the guys, but then I saw it again and all 3 did get out-but I still don’t think Bic could’ve seen them from where he snuck around to light it up.  And I bet we don’t see Bic again-he was randomly thrown in because of course Terror wouldn’t have helped Ian carry out any plan that wasn’t his own.  But it’s funny that they couldn’t have him in the episode because everyone, even the shitty writers, know there’s no way Terror could talk Ian out of it like Mickey would be able to.   
In the scenes for next week, Terror shows up and asks, “Is Ian around?” and Debbie answers, “He’s not here.”  Terror says, “There’s a warrant out for his arrest.”  Wouldn’t the cops have gone to Ian’s house FIRST?  Where would they have even found Terror to be asking about Ian since Ian doesn’t officially work for the Youth Center or the Church of Gay Jesus.  More lazy writing, can’t wait for the whimpering end to this crapfest of a season.  
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Stray notes after watching The Last Jedi
Or: why does this movie just keep getting worse whenever I remember it?
The notes are after the cut just in case someone hasn’t seen the film yet or doesn’t want a long ass bullet point post in their dash. Some of them are serious and well thought-out, some are nitpicky and some are there just for the heck of it.
“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.” - Why, that’s just peachy, Rian! Too bad the future your selling is a little shit.
In general, Rian Johnson doesn’t seem to have much respect for the past. See tathrin’s post about all the things established in TFA that were turned upside down in this film, but I think Johnson doesn’t have much consideration for the original trilogy either, reducing Chewbacca to a background character and trying to replace “May the Force be with you” with some other, less inspired line.
Seriously, why are they saying “Godspeed”? Did monotheism reach a galaxy far, far away and they now, suddenly, have a notion of God? And, while were at it, why is “treacherous snake” a thing, now? Are there snakes in the Star Was universe? ‘Cause, so far, all animals have been on the fantastic side of things. What else is there? Do they have kittens??? That’s an important question...
The movie had A LOT of hamfisted comic relief. Of course there were some honestly funny scenes (I will forever laugh at Rey feeling the Force with her hand), but most of the jokes felt very out of place. For instance, the first scene, with Hux and Poe. I laughed my ass off at that interaction, but that’s an SNL sketch, not a Star Wars scene. I was half expecting Matt, the radar technician, to show up.
Seriously, someone should tell Rian Johnson that he isn’t directing Guardians of the Galaxy. In more than one scene, the excess of jokes killed what should’ve a truly great, emotional moment.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much indifference do I feel towards porgs?
The ammount of queerbaiting that went into promoting this film was insane. Look, actors on franchises like this one have media training, so whenever, say, Oscar Isaac ran his mouth about the possibility of Finn/Poe being canon, he was at least authorized by Disney to do so (worst case scenario, he was instructed to sell this narrative). I didn’t particularly care about the ship and I think Poe Dameron could’ve died in TFA without any harm to the franchise, but to hamfist that non-sensical romance between Finn and Rose after feeding the fans’ hopes for a gay pairing was, in my opinion, downright cruel.
And don’t even get me started on Poe and Rey’s meaningful gaze at the end of the film, with Poe going all “I know” as if he’s Han Solo or some hot shit like that! Poe/Rey is the worst possible ship to become canon. Yes, the worst. Yes, you heard me, worse than Reylo.
Speaking of Reylo: after TFA, I said that I low-key shipped them ‘cause that’s the kind of fucked up ship I like. Look, there are people in this website who like to wear diapers and want to fuck Pennywise, so, screw you, I’m not apologizing for wanting to read fics about a fictional pairing made up of two adults. HOWEVER, this is not the sort of thing I want to be canon. From the get go, my opinion on Rey’s official love life has been “either she ends up with Finn or she ends up alone”. That being said, I think they handled the relationship between her and Kylo Ren very well in this film. I’m glad they didn’t deny the fucked up sexual tension that was going on there, especially coming from Ren’s side, and chose to play into it. A failed redemption arc fits them perfectly and Kylo Ren’s “please” when he asks Rey to rule beside him was a great moment for the character and one of the few truly emotional moments of the film.
But that thing were they get to hit on each other through the Force, sharing sad stories and touching hands? Yeah, I’m pretty certain I’ve read that fic. Actually, I’m pretty certain I’ve read about three fics like that.
Let’s keep on the Kylo Ren track for now, then: he did get some very nice character development in this film. The Last Jedi was more his than any other character’s, even Luke. For a minute there, before the movie came out, I thought they were going to make some changes to him due to the whole backlash, but they went full “overgrown angsty kid” with him in a way that actually made him more compelling. I like the way Luke’s fear ended up pushing a conflicted teenager into the Dark Side and that Kylo is still very much stuck at that moment. As usual with Sith and Sith by-products, Kylo Ren is moved by anger, and his anger feels much more real after this little bit of backstory.
Who is Snoke, though? Are they going to explain that in the next movie? It feels like they should’ve done it in this one, but I hope they at least give him some context before the trilogy is over.
Sooooo... Did your conflicted antagonist cladded in black, with black hair falling all over his face, just trick his bald, deformed Dark Lord by using his occlumency powers? *Owen Wilson voice* Wow.
“The Supreme Leader is dead. Long live the Supreme Leader.” - A perfect example of a really amazing moment botched by comic relief, ie, Snoke’s little tongue falling out of his dead body.
After the film ended, @robogigante​​ complained a lot about Hux’s transformation from an actual, threatening villan into a punchline, and, you know what? He’s right. There’s a scene there that looks like a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do I hate evil, square-headed BB-8?
I’m sort of glad Rey’s parents aren’t anyone important. Star Wars relies too much on heritage and it’s a nice change having a hero who isn’t Space Jesus or Space Jesus’ direct lineage. Her scene in the cave was incredibly beautiful.
They did point to something else in TFA, though, implying heavily that her origin was important and that Kylo Ren already knew about her. That was some Moffat level of badly written plot twist right there.
There’s something Emma Watson-y about Daisy Ridley. This is neither a compliment nor a complaint, just something I hadn’t noticed before.
Both Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver grew a lot as actors since the last movie, especially Driver. Even though it’s still hard to take Kylo Ren seriously sometimes due to Driver’s cry-baby face, he’s way more convincing in his rage and intensity than he was in TFA, where his acting felt a little too mechanical.
However, some of the other actors aren’t living up to their potential. John Boyega’s charisma is extremely underused and I know for a fact that Domnhall Gleeson can do a lot better than what he was given here. In a couple of scenes, even Hamill and Fisher seemed a little uncomfortable in their roles.
“Shit, we’ve already signed Lupita’s check! Gotta shove her in here, somewhere!” - I’m so sorry, honey. You are so beautiful and talented... You deserved way better than that.
Kelly Marie Tran is adorable and I absolutely love her in interviews and such. She seems like a delightful person. However, her character was completely unnecessary. Her only purpose was to serve as a future love interest to Finn, and I’ve made my thoughts about that pairing quite clear already.
“...it’s saving the ones we love...” - BITCH, YOU’VE KNOWN HIM FOR WHAT? A DAY?
As a matter of fact, all of that storyline felt completely unnecessary. It was as if the writers didn’t know what to do with Finn so they gave him a spunky sidekick and a pointless mission just to kill time. I found myself wishing he had spent the whole movie in a coma, and that’s really sad, because I really like John Boyega and was hoping he would become a strong protagonist for the franchise.
Another thing @robogigante​ pointed out (and I’m quoting him ‘cause I know he’s not making a post of his own) is that Holdo had no reason whatsoever to hide her plan from Poe or anyone else in the Resistance. She just... didn’t like Poe Dameron that much...
Excessive jokes aside, casino planet was okay and helped flesh out the Star Wars universe a little bit more. However, much like Phasma, Benicio Del Toro’s character (whose name I already forgot) was just another Boba Fett, all flash and no substance, and I particularly hate that “squeaky clean abused little children representing hope” crap. It’s one of the tackiest tropes in existence.
I did get the feeling that that kid is going to join the Resistance on the next movie. Like they’re going to do a ten year jump to justify Leia’s disappearance/death. It would also help the Rebels to get their shit back together, Kylo Ren to gain more control over the First Order and Rey to learn some more about the Force in order to meet her fate. The existence of that child is still horrible and that ending was so over the top I can’t even put it into words, but it’s a good hook for a leap that, if handled well, could be very good for the story.
I also got the feeling that they originally inteded to kill one member of the original trio per film. That would’ve been cool. Too bad Leia will have to die off screen.
Was it just me or is the timeline in this movie really weird? Poe’s plan seems to take place entirely in a day, maybe two, while Rey apparently spends at least a week in Luke’s island.
I’m glad Carrie Fisher got to have at least one badass Force user scene before dying. Her flight among the debris of the Rebel cruiser was a beautiful reminder of how powerful the Force can be, on par with Luke’s astral projection, not to mention a gorgeous scene in its own right.
Holdo and Leia definitely had a torrid love affair after the Organa-Solo divorce came through. No one will ever convince me otherwise.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do I love the crystal foxes?
There was a preoccupying absence of wipe transitions and epic soundtrack inserts. Actually, I don’t even remember hearing any music at all. The editing was way too conservative. It didn’t even feel like a Star Wars movie, sometimes.
How is it possible that The Force Awakens was basically a remake of A New Hope and still felt more daring that The Last Jedi? Look, we already know you’re not killing any of the characters ‘cause they have to come back for the next installment, but raise those stakes a little bit, jeez! Give Kylo Ren and Snoke more conflict before their face-off, give Rey an opportunity to actually scare Luke with something that matters, give Finn and Poe a mission that actually means something to the Resistance, not a MacGuffin to keep them busy... Anything!
The Last Jedi is actually an okay-ish movie, to be honest, but, in a way, I think I disliked it even more than the prequels. Sure, The Phantom Menace is objectively a much worse film, but at least it had soul. George Lucas’ midichlorian and CGI packed soul, but soul nonetheless. The Last Jedi has nothing. I know Star Wars movies are all about the money, let’s not delude ourselves that this is in anyway high art, but this one just felt like the biggest money grabber of all. There is no personal investment in it whatsoever and no sign of what makes Star Wars Star Wars in the first place.
When’s Lando coming back?
BONUS: I am never watching a fucking 3D movie again in my life. The background always seems out of focus, it’s too expensive and I hate putting glasses on top of my glasses. I don’t care if I have to wait a month to watch the next Star Wars, I don’t care if I get spoilers, I’m not watching anything in 3D ever again.
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shostakobitchh · 7 years
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What are some normal thankless parent things severus does? Like idk did he do normal things an involved parent does like, like cooking a nutritious yet child friendly diet (hello peeled grapes cut in half), or have conversations about bodily functions when she was sick, and how on earth did he manage potty training?
- so starting off with potty training; severus had no clue what age kids were expected to do that, so he assumed that ariel was.
- she was not.
- when severus realized this, he had to force down a calming draught, which he hates/never takes because they make him feel weak, and put on a brave face.
- basically he tried to make it clear to a two year old that he wouldn’t be happy if he had to change diapers, and of course, ariel didn’t understand because ariel was two, and so it became this cycle of severus going “WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU HAVE TO USE THE LOO” and ariel finding this very funny.
- so after a few weeks severus realized that he probably needed to do more than verbally order a baby to not wet themselves, and went to ask poppy
-poppy was not a fan at first because snape was 1. an ex death eater and 2. himself, and was extremely rude to her.
- so poppy told him that kids learn on their own, like cats, in order to fuck with him.
- severus did not believe this, so he started reading books.
- eventually, he started just periodically taking ariel to the loo hoping that a habit would form.
- the first time ariel tugged on his trousers and said “loo” severus almost wept years of joy
- potty training was the most stressful thing severus has done to date, to say the least. he preferred spying to it.
among other thankless dad-duties would include;
- he would carry her up and down the hallway to help her fall asleep
- he really hated it but if ariel insisted he’d let her sleep in his bed
- if ariel was sick severus would stay by her bed all night and it would fuck up his back
- you asked about meals!!! so severus did the cooking at home; he’s vegetarian, if that gives any insight. if ariel was fussy about not eating severus wouldn’t let her leave the table until she finished or ate an amount that was satisfactory.
- when ariel was really little, however, she would want her sand which cut a certain way, and severus had to learn to just do it instead of telling her “no that’s stupid and unnecessary the sandwhich will taste the same whether it’s in triangles or squares”
- that applied to other things too, like fruit and vegetables.
- god FORBID any foods touched the other ariel would scream bloody murder if that happened so severus had to get out of those plates that separates everything to avoid future meltdowns.
- he made her drink a nutriance potion with every meal until she turned 11
- severus also puts away a little money at the end of every term towards a fund that’s specifically for ariel once she graduates hogwarts. at this point severus doesn’t think he’ll live to see that anyway, so everything he has goes to her, but just in case, it’ll be his gift to her once she’s 18.
- when ariel was sick, severus’ main concern was making sure ariel didn’t suffer, so he usually gave her dreamless sleep and hoped that she slept through it while her body healed.
- however, when she got the stomach flu, that wasn’t an option.
- i had the stomach flu finals week of my freshmen year of college (the single WORST thing that has ever happened to me lemme tell you) and you can’t control either end of your body. it’s just horrible you feel disgusting and helpless and insanely ill.
- so ariel got this when she was 7, and it happened in the middle of the night so she was afraid to wake up and getting her dad so she just sat over the toilet bowl and used it for whatever her body dictated it to be used for.
- when severus heard the shower turn on at 5 am he knew something was weird, and found ariel sitting under the water with the shakes, sick out of her mind.
- when you’re that kind of sick, the shower feels like the best place because you can just kind of…. let go, so severus felt pretty helpless. ariel couldn’t hold anything down, not even potions.
- but he sat in the bathroom all day and read to her, and when she finally stopping vomiting/messing herself, severus dried her off carried her back to bed, and then spent the night reading about how to spot early signs of the flu/prevention.
- i guess other thankless things would be academics/holidays.
- severus basically had a “let the kid discover as we go” approach which worked very well for ariel, so she usually found tutoring enjoyable (unless it was math)
- for stuff like christmas/her birthday, severus usually bought ariel books; one year there was a cat, but ariel was allergic, and then as a replacement severus got her a fish, but ariel made the bowl explode when she got mad about something else.
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