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#because then all i would ever do is complain so much
inkskinned · 13 hours
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you found out today that a phrase you have used before was coined by an abusive man. this felt like getting your teeth taken out. it made you sick and sad and tired, but not surprised.
bad people tell you to be careful when you talk badly of bad men, that it could "ruin" a life. you had your life ruined by a bad man, not that it ever matters to them. your real life having real consequences is not valued as highly as the potential of his future.
this has always been a frustrating little mathematics problem for you. you've missed school and had to call out sick at work and had panic attacks that lasted for weeks. it stole sleep and food and friends from you. you cried in public, fucked your relationships up. and the whole time: your present has never mattered so much as the great what if! of his future. like - one life (your life) is already ruined, should we really ruin two?
so you live with the consequences and he doesn't, and that's just like, something you need therapy for. you once discussed this with one of your friends over coffee. she chewed the wooden stirrer, looked off into the distance. "once i became a victim, everything that happens to me afterward is automatically less interesting in the eyes of the general public. it is always about him. he changed my identity. to survivor. to statistic. meanwhile this whole time - i am a person."
you learned in college that three out of five of your favorite artists and authors were actually abusive assholes. these days, you are no longer surprised. oh, is that what was happening behind closed doors? of course it was, he was a "genius," and she was just a girl. you are talking about him in art history, so obviously his career was absolutely ruined, for eternity. that's what happens, right? they strike your name from the record and refuse to remember you? nobody really knows her name, but hey. that's what you get for being close to celebrity.
you got into an argument about it, which was a bad argument, because it made you cry. he said what, you want us to just ignore all the things this man did because he made a few women uncomfortable? and you'd balled your fists up and choked on it. later, in bed, you agonized over the response you'd been trying to articulate but never found the right moment to deploy: you are ignoring what any person could do if they weren't being fucking abused. maybe her talents far exceeded his and she was just never allowed to fucking use them. maybe we only see genius in white men because they purposefully fucking squash and silence any other people with talent.
but you'd cried about it instead of saying that, because you are the cost. you are the talent and potential that he took. you used to be brave and smart and clever and unafraid. like a lich, he stole years of your life.
quiet on set made you sad and sick and tired, but not surprised. unfortunately, one of the things he said was true: an entire network of people allowed it to continue. this is not news to you, because you have seen entire networks of people make the same fucking excuses when the same thing or-worse happened to you. and your particular story isn't even in hollywood. it was just a guy. it was still difficult getting people to stand up for you.
you and your friend wait in line for your coffee. like a standup joke, one man turns to the other and says "can't wait for every bitch to come crawling out of the woodwork complaining about harassment. it's another metoo." and you think - oh, that's the network. your boss tucks her hair back and whispers that while your skirt is cute, you're giving the boys the wrong idea. that's the network. when you'd told your "friend" about what happened, she'd said oh you must have misunderstood, that would never happen. and that's the network.
you woke up this morning panting, because years later you still have panic attacks. oh, it's not a network, actually, it's a web. and you, little moth: are you still surprised you're caught in it?
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leclerc-s · 1 day
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paint the town red - part twelve
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING
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series masterlist
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MONZA 2024
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scuderiaferrari posted new stories
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local german spotted in the paddock!! well, look who the iceman dragged in STOP STEALING MY PHONE TO TAKE PICTURES YOU KNOCK-OFF ONE DIRECTION!! clearly these guys are hard at work before quali today. scores polo position, begs bianca for her phone, sends me this and says, 'let the people know i'm ecstatic to have pole position.' who's man is this??
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there is anticipation in the air. the city of monza is thick with excitement, the possibility of their drivers not only winning the race as a 1-2 but also becoming constructor champions at their home race is amazing. it’s a sense of excitement the tifosi haven’t felt since monza 2019, back when their current championship leader, won their home race. however, no one is more charles and carlos. charles is on pole once again, carlos right behind him with max and oscar behind them, it’s another ferrari front row lockout, but this time it’s at monza, their home race.
charles had been smiles all around, laughing and joking with his fellow drivers, he wasn’t nervous anymore, he’d lost the nerves after winning monaco. carlos also had lost the nerves after winning his home race in spain. they were confident and probably a little cocky, but with the lead they had in the championship, it would only be a matter of time before they won, it just wouldn’t be as special if they won anywhere else but monza. 
much like monaco, the avengers could be spotted in the paddock throughout the entirety of the weekend. everywhere you glanced there was an avenger there, dressed to the nines and in red, showing their support for ferrari. but the true stars like always were charles and carlos. however, the arrival of a certain former ferrari driver sparked even more chaos than anyone else ever could. kimi räikkönen was spotted in the ferrari garage, sparking much conversation because the beloved iceman was missed around the paddock.
once again, will buxton was walking through the garage area when an avenger was caught waving at will, this time the culprit was none other than steve rogers. behind him were the ever bickering duo of sam and bucky. 
“mr. rogers, a pleasure to be seeing you here at monza.” will greeted. steve smiled at him, “mr. rogers makes me sound old, i’m only a 104 will. steve will do just fine.”
will laughed, “well, steve, how are you liking monza so far?” 
“it’s been great,” steve began, “the energy here is just unbelievable. i thought the craziest it would get was monaco, but i was wrong.” 
“did you enjoy monaco? it was quite the chaotic race, not for ferrari of course. they had a calm race.”
“oh yes, it was very fun and entertaining. i wasn’t much of a formula 1 guy before all of this, it was after my time the first time around. but when i met tony he used to require no one bother him on race weekends, bianca always joined him, it was like their thing.” 
“are you liking the sport so far? any complaints?” 
“no, none from me personally. i heard the fans get annoyed when one person or one team starts winning it all so i suspect they’ll start complaining after this. as for liking the sport, yes, it’s very entertaining once you understand how everything works.”
“any doubts from the team today?” will asked, hoping to get some information out of him. steve shook his head, “they’re pretty confident they can win today. i know, like most race weekend when max is starting behind charles, they feel a bit of pressure, but they’ve got this. the car’s good, the drivers are confident.” 
“so they’re definitely winning this?” 
“of course,” steve answered, “not a doubt in my mind about it.” 
“very well, it was nice speaking to you steve,” will said, as he departed. 
“bye will,” steve replied. he rapidly turned around, beginning to scold sam and bucky. which the cameras caught, one of the commentators making a joke about it. 
inside the ferrari garage the team stood in a semi circle, sebastian being the last to join them. the closer they got the race, the more the nerves seemed to actually appear. sebastian took a look at his team, “we’ve got this.” 
“we do,” bianca agreed. the shared a quick embrace before parting ways. charles turned to bianca, “another bet?” 
bianca groaned, “no, no more betting.”
“it’s kind of a tradition now,” he joked. 
“fine,” bianca said, “one last bet, what do you want?” 
“if i win this, and we become constructors champions today, you have to tell your dad.”
“what? do you have a death wish?”
“he won’t kill me,” charles replied, “he likes me too much.”
“i’ll think about it,” bianca answered, “now, shut up and listen to what i have to tell you.” 
“yes, madame,” the two laughed, failing to notice a gossiping joaquin and scott. 
“they’re totally dating,” scott told joaquin. joaquin nodded in agreement, “i wonder how long they can keep this up for?” 
“not long,” scott replied, “bianca is not that great of a secret keeper. she’s bound to slip up sooner or later.”
the two of them shut up as sam and bucky approach them, the race 20 minutes away from starting. charles steps away from bianca as the team begins taking the car out of the garage and towards the race track. he exchanges a nod with bianca before joining the rest of the grid for the national anthem. as soon as it was over he went to talk for a moment with carlos before he was being ushered to get into the car.
"radio check," bianca said.
"do you think we can play a song when we win? like the lady gaga one again?" charles questioned. bianca laughed, "we'll see."
the moments before the lights went out were the most nerve wracking moment's of charles life. despite telling everyone he wasn't nervous and tricking himself into believing the nerves were gone for good, he was lying. but he moment those lights were out he was gone. carlos was left behind fighting max for p2 as oscar was shown to sneak around both of them and gain the upperhand. on lap 3 carlos was finally able to get away from max, and his fight with oscar began. it would only be a matter of time before he caught up with oscar but for now oscar was gone.
apparently catching oscar would be easier said than done, but a pit stop error from mclaren gave carlos the advantage that he needed. when he came out of the pits oscar was now fighting max for that final podium position. in the penultimate lap of the race, with charles and carlos ahead of them oscar and max continued to fight u til they achieve a photo finish. unfortunately for the reigning world champion, oscar came out on top for the race.
"it seems fitting that here, in monza, the home of ferrari, where they bleed rosso corsa, that ferrari is crowned the constructor champion of the 2024 season! for the first time since 2008 ferrari is constructor champions! charles leclerc and carlos sainz bring home another 1-2 for the scuderia.”
the camera pans to the the ferrari crew as they erupt into screams and begin jumping for joy. at the pit lane bucky barnes and sam wilson run across the pitlane, grabbing sebastian vettel and hoisting him onto their shoulders, as they parade the man up and down the lane. they stop in front of the red bull garage, both soldiers stop for a brief moment, flipping off the red bull crew who could only laugh, a visibly upset christian horner is shown for a moment. joaquin torres and peter parker are seen grabbing tony stark and throwing the man into the air, all he can do is laugh.
but the real stars, charles and carlos are basking in their win. the two cars came to stop at their rightful places in the parc ferme. charles jumps out of his car first, he jumps on top of it as carlos does the same. the two drivers turn to look at each other before running and enveloping each other in a hug. together they rush at their team, who welcome them with open arms. both of them hug their engineers tightly, before rushing to get weighted. charles is the first to spot oscar, he shakes the other drivers hand as oscar congratulates him.
before he can say anything else, david coulthard is pulling oscar away for his interview. carlos follows after him, with a brief congrats from oscar. charles is last one to go for his interview before all three drivers were being ushered to the cool down room.
charles turns to oscar, “i thought you were behind me?”
oscar shakes his head, “i lost a position after my pit stop. there was some kind of mistake and it was too late to catch up with carlos. i came out right in front of max.”
“i couldn’t catch you,” carlos tells the aussie. oscar smiles a bit, “you were too busy fighting with max.”
the three drivers turn to the screen, checo’s car is seen fighting with a williams, carlos looks confused, “is that logan or alex?”
“logan,” oscar answered, “he was starting p10 this race.”
“he’s doing better, no?” charles asked. oscar nodded, “he was close to a podium a while back in canada.”
“he’ll get it one day,” charles said, rather optimistically. with the way the season had been going, full of surprises, it was only a matter of time before logan got his podium.
“i hope so,” oscar whispered. he knew his american friend and been longing to get that podium in formula 1. it was his way of proving everyone wrong.
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will buxton approaches tony, before the podium ceremony, he’s got both arms around harley and bianca. bianca is holding morgan in her arms. the little girl looking at everything in wonder while harley is bicker with peter. tony notices will and smiles at him.
“tony, bianca, harley, any words to the fans?” will asks.
"this win is not just for us," tony begins, "it's for every single tifosi who waited and hoped that one day we would be constructors champions again. but this is also for the other drivers who were let down by ferrari in the past. kimi, felipe, fernando, this is for you! forza ferrari!"
“it’s just,” harley began, “it’s incredible to be able to do this in front of our home crowd, it’s so special. we’re so thankful they had faith in us to be able to do this.”
“holy shit,” bianca softly says, “it was always a dream, to be able to do this, to see ferrari do this. i don’t think there are any words to describe what we as a team feel having won this after so many years.”
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the screams are deafening as carlos runs up to the podium. he waves at the crowd, seamingly amplifying the cheers. charles is called up next to the podium and it seems like the cheers grow louder. charles stands on his spot at the podium, as he looks down at the crowd below, where his team is, winking at them, or rather someone. the person on stage is ferrari’s beloved team principal, sebastian vettel. he smiles brightly, at his two drivers, the crowd below chanting his name.
the national anthems begin, causing it to go silent for a moment as the monégasque anthem begins. charles smiles brightly, hearing his anthem play in monza again. the anthem switches to the italian anthem and all hell breaks loose. all around them the crowd sings the anthem, as their team sings along. all three ferrari members turn to look at each other mounting the words of the italian anthem, before looking back at the crowd.
as each of the drivers get handed their trophies, the crowd’s energy shifts.
oscar raises up his trophy to his team, a group of papaya drowned out by a sea of red, but everyone cheers for him regardless. carlos holds up his trophy, as the sounds are amplified. charles receives his next and throws it up in the air, before holding it out to the tifosi and his team. the last one to receive the trophy is seb, he takes and waits a moment before showing it to the crowd. the screams grow louder, if that was even possible.
when the time comes, all three drivers, as if in agreement, turn to drown seb with champagne. the team principal laughs before they all turn to the crowd below. after pictures, seb grabs the trophy, running to the front of the stage, where he holds it out, one last time, and the screams are deafening. it had been a long time coming but ferrari has finally done it, they were finally constructors champions.
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liked by sebastianvettel, charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and others
scuderiaferrari 2024 constructor world champions. we fucking did it! to our beloved tifosi, this is for you. your years of patience have paid off, we are so back.
tagged: charles_leclerc, carlossainz55
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harleykeener YEAH BABY! THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE A COMEBACK!
username i never thought i'd live to see the day! OH MY GOD!
username oh these guys are going to be so fucking hungover tomorrow
peterparker LET'S FUCKING GO! FORZA FERRARI!
biancastark_potts FUCK EVERYONE WHO THOUGHT WE COULDN'T DO IT!
↳ username oh yeah, these guys are so drunk. where's isaiah when you need him?
charles_leclerc WE DID IT BABY!! LET'S GO!!
isaiah_atkins VICTORY HAS NEVER FELT SO SWEET!
↳ username apparently he's as drunk as them.
arthur_leclerc YEAH! SCREW RED BULL! WE DID IT!
↳ username oh boy, they're all going to regret this tomorrow
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liked by pierregasly, landonorris, harryosborn and others
peterparker PARTY ROCKERS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT! (i have no memory of what occurred last night, yes we all partied together.)
tagged: michellejones, yelenabelova, katebishop, biancastark_potts, joaquintorres, pierregasly, francesca.cgomes, georgerussell63, fernandoalo_oficial, harleykeener, maxverstappen1, carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, isaiah_atkins, ririwilliams, landonorris, oscarpiastri, logansargeant, alex_albon, lilymhe, lewishamilton, danielricciardo, yukitsunoda0511, arthur_leclerc, olliebearman, americachavez, estebanocon, mickschumacher, lancestroll
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📍peterparker not pictured is yuki and pierre's horrible karaoke, isaiah falling on his ass, yelena punching a guy who flirted with her, riri outdrinking max, logan and oscar taking a nap in the middle of the club, alex and george almost making out, lewis trying to get a dancing kate off a table, charles for some reason, and many others.
↳ pierregasly he disappeared in the middle of the party and came back like an hour later?
↳ charles_leclerc lies and slander!
samwilson is that bianca? making out with someone?
↳ peterparker huh i guess it is.
↳ katebishop that is obviously the boyfriend you idiots.
yelenabelova is that why there's blood on my shirt?
↳ alex_albon you are one scary lady. you knocked him out.
↳ yelenabelova good, you should fear me.
biancastark_potts oh my god, what the hell happened last night?
↳ americachavez apparently too much and too little at the same time.
yukitsunoda you guys should throw more parties if it means free alcohol paid for by tony stark.
↳ tonystark YOU PEOPLE PAID WITH MY CARD?
↳ harleykeener duh? you're a billionaire, you can handle it.
ririwilliams i have never been more proud of myself.
↳ katebishop you built your own iron man suit from scratch?
↳ ririwilliams and? i outdrank max verstappen! that's not something a lot of people say they can do.
↳ maxverstappen1 she's right! be proud of yourself riri!
harryosborn oh, i'm sure you guys had fun.
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bianca groaned as she pulled her phone away from her face, charles laying beside her laughed. bianca turned to look at him, "this isn't funny."
"it's hilarious mon amour," charles said through giggles. bianca rolled her eyes, as she sat up, "sure, my dad demanding to know who i'm kissing in peter's post is hilarious."
charles laughed again and as bianca moved to get up charles pulled her back, "you have to tell him."
"i will," bianca promised, "i just have to figure out when."
charles nuzzled his face into her neck, "go back to sleep."
both of their phones buzzed at the same time, a text from harley. bianca grabbed her phone first, sitting up as she read harley's text, charles groaned, "no, come back."
"shit," bianca said as she began running around the room. charles sat up, "what is it?"
"harry told my dad. we have less than five minutes before he shows up."
charles sat up, "why is this bad? i thought you wanted to tell him? are you embarrassed of me?"
bianca stopped, pulling her shirt over head, shaking her head rapidly, "i'm not, i promise. i just, i wanted to tell him when i wanted too, not when someone else decided to tell him. with harry, my dad found out because of norman. i never got an opportunity to do things right."
"okay," charles said, pulling a shirt over his head. bianca kissed his forehead, causing charles to pout, "i think you missed."
bianca laughed, but pressed a quick kiss to his lips, charles seemed ready to protest when both of them froze, a voice coming from the otherside of the door, "LECLERC!"
"oh shit," bianca whispered.
"LECLERC OPEN THIS DOOR! AND YOU! BIANCA MARIA STARK-POTTS BETTER NOT BE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR WITH HIM!" TONY SHOUTED.
"fuck," the couple whispered.
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series taglist: @burningcupcakefire @spilled-coffee-cup @evans-dejong @elliegrey2803 @bingewatche @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @lorarri @ironspdy @mypage-myfandoms @be-your-coffee-pot @vellicora @enchantedthoughts @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @six-call @embrosegraves @justtprachisblog @bionic-donut @nichmeddar @landonorizzz @unluckyyoshi @cool-ultra-nerd @kami10471633 @int3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @skynel09 @arieltwvdtohamflash @brekkers-whore @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @chiliwhore @nothaqks @nataliambc @prongsvault @georgeparisole @kailyn-g05 @bella-1 @butterfly-lover @emilyval1 @winchesterwife27 @namgification @octopussesarecool @jensonsonlybutton
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¡leclerc-s speaks! ooh, a cliffhanger dun, dun, dun! harry's such an ass, can't believe i wrote him to be like that. bianca and charles are so american coded. i stand by what i said.
¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!
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catherinnn · 2 days
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Fears and Futures
summary: After hearing Steve's comments about a friend's unexpected pregnancy, you become fearful of your own uncertain future and start questioning the meaning and depth of your relationship with Eddie.
warnings: language, unexpected pregnancy (not reader), not actual smut talks about sex, talks about unprotected sex, a little angst but fluff overall, hurt/comfort.
words: 1.1k
a/n: a little something just cause I felt like writing and I wanted a little drama. not proofread cause I was tired :)
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He opens his door for you and you start feeling nervous. After he lets you in, you see he’s trying to greet you with a kiss, one which you stop before his lips touch yours.
He takes a step back and you see his face, filled with worry and fear.
“Eds, I came here to talk” you explain.
And now his face falls, he realized what you meant.
--
You’re currently at Steve’s house, hanging out with him Robin and Eddie.
“Hey, do you remember Rebeca Evans?” Steve asks.
“Yeah, she was a senior with Eddie and me” you answer.
“The first time I was a senior” Eddie jokes.
You and Eddie had been friends since high school —it’s safe to say you’re best friends actually—, it took Eddie a couple more tries to finish high school but he finally did it. ’86 baby! Now you’re studying and he started working as a mechanic.
A year ago you started some kind of… arrangement between you two, a friends with benefits kind of arrangement. It all started on a drunken night at a party and then you kept it going not only on drunken nights, but on your sober nights, or at any time for that matter.
“She’s pregnant” Steve announced, and then he complains when you say he’s the most gossipy of the group.
“What? Really?”
“Yeah, she went on a few dates with this guy but they didn’t really hit it off, but they kept hooking up a few times either way, and then it just happened”
“It didn’t just happened, Steve. Were they being safe?” Robin corrects him.
“She said they were, but the condom must have broken or something. Apparently they don’t provide 100% safety” he explained.
“God, she’s my age… and wasn’t she studying as well? She wasn’t working yet” you ask him.
“Yep, she was still studying. Imagine if it happened to you now, it would change your whole life” Steve comments.
“Yeah…” you start thinking how it would affect you, how much of an impact it would make on your life.
And suddenly you can’t stop thinking about it, fearing it. You’re not ready to have kids! But neither was Rebeca and then one day she woke up and she was.
The only person you’re having relationships with is Eddie, and similarly like Rebeca, you’re not in a relationship with him.
You don’t even really know if you want kids or not, but if you’d have them you’d imagine it at least be with someone you’re in love with.
Actually, let me paraphrase that.
At least it would be with someone you’re in a serious relationship with.
Because you do really like Eddie, but you know he doesn’t feel that way. So this arrangement was fine because of that, you know nothing more would ever happen so you’re not expecting it from him.
So for a few days you have been… you wouldn’t say ignoring him, but re-thinking some aspects of this arrangement… without answering his calls.
“Hey, Robs?” you pick up the phone.
“Fucking finally. Oh so you do pick up the phone to Robin?” You hear Eddie’s voice.
“Fuck- no, I was just waiting for her call. But I was gonna call you later” you lie- well, a few days can also mean ‘later.’
“Whatever, do you wanna come over?” he asks and you realize you are going to have to do this eventually.
“Yeah, sure”
When he opens his door for you, you start feeling nervous. After he lets you in you see he’s trying to greet you with a kiss, one which you stop before his lips touch yours.
He takes a step back and you see his face, filled with worry and fear.
“Eds, I came here to talk” you explain.
And now his face falls, he realized what you meant.
“Okay” he says either way.
“I’ve been- thinking a lot about this… Rebeca’s situation-“
“Oh, come on” he interrupts, “when Steve said it was similar to you it didn’t mean it was going to happen to you as well”
“But it could! Eddie, I’m also studying to become somebody, I’m also not working and with no intention on starting to soon, I’m also just twenty years old with no idea of what I want for my future, but I sure as hell don’t want a baby now. And it’s not like we’re being very careful, Eddie. For God’s sake, they were using a condom and it broke or just didn’t work, we’re not even doing that!” you explain.
“Okay, we can just be more careful, but we don’t have to stop all of this”
“That’s the other thing… she was also just hooking up with someone and now they’re bounded forever. She didn’t even like him that much and now she has a fucking kid with him!” you tell him and Eddie stays silent for a while, thinking of what you said.
“…Do you also feel that way?” he asks nervously.
“What?” you ask confused of what he means.
“Do you also… don’t even know if you like him?” he asks with a straight face this time, waiting for your answer.
“That’s not what I said”
“Okay, I’m asking you now” he kept insisting.
“Do you even feel that way?” you kept dodging his question. You weren’t going to admit to him that you liked him just for him to reject you.
He sighed, tired of this. “I fucking like you- I’m actually fucking crazy about you if I’m being honest. That’s why I’m trying to not break this whole thing up because it’s the only way I’m able to have you, even if it’s just sex and it shouldn’t mean anything”
“Are you- being serious?” you ask sceptical.
“Yes” he admits one more time.
It’s your time to sigh in frustration now, head back and everything. But because you can’t believe how stupid the two of you could be.
You run to him without saying a word and you see the confusion on his face, but you quickly grab it and pull him closer to finally give him that kiss. Only it’s with a passion and love that the first one wouldn’t have had, or maybe it would be hidden.
He kisses you back grabbing you by your waits and pulling you even closer.  
Pulling apart slightly, you look into Eddie's eyes where you find warmth, relief, and an unmistakable spark of love.
"I guess we've been idiots, huh?" you say, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, we have" Eddie replies with a small laugh, his eyes still locked onto yours.
“I’ll start taking the pill from now on” you can finally decide since now it’s no longer meaningless.
He smiles, leaning in to give you another lingering kiss, “Yeah, that’d be great”, he whispers against your lips.
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01zfan · 7 hours
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housequake pt. 2 | j. sc
soccer team leader!sungchan x cheerleader!reader | 9k words
part two! i kinda got carried away with leading up to the party...y'all know me i love to type a little too much. also sungchan wears mr. burberry cologne in this.
contains: smoking, partying, and drinking
housequake: part one | part two
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after the police crashed shotaro’s party, everyone became paranoid. guest lists were kept small and big blowout parties turned into medium sized gatherings or calm kickbacks. 
some people complained about it, how the looming authority of the cops took away the joy of being young. there was the constant fear of being busted, especially from the kids that were caught and given a warning by the cops. your team complained about it too. you found it odd that they complained about the small parties when a majority of it was spent outside, passing around substances. very few times did you actually see your team inside the houses of the party instead of the lawn. you never said this out loud because there was nothing your team hated more than being considered hypocrites. you preferred to tough the weather conditions rather than try to navigate sticky floors and loud music. atleast this way you could actually hear your teammates as they ran through topics of conversation while smoking cigarettes down to the butt.
speaking points of your little huddle changed each week. you had started referring to them as your debriefs of the week. some topics would be on a rotation, ever now and then there would be something so monumental that happened it would be brought up time and time again. when you were freshmen, it was when karina caught her ex red-handed with a former member of the cheerleading team. your huddle combed over every detail of the night, adding in things that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things but just gave you more to talk about. each time you thought you were done and then you’d hear an i just think it’s funny how before everyone dove back into the conversation
as of late, you and sungchan became one of the main topics of conversation. it started when you and ryujin successfully escaped from shotaro’s busted house party. you barely had time to look back at sungchan as ryujin pulled you out the room and down the stairs. even though it was inevitable a party of that size in a neighborhood that quiet would get busted, it was still scary. warnings from law enforcement evolved into tickets and in school suspension after a call home. you even heard a case of someone having to get picked up from the station. you saw that some of your classmates had already been made into examples. they sat lined up on the curb like ducks in handcuffs while officers wrote them tickets.
before you could walk out the front door right to the cops, ryujin grabbed your hand and pointed towards shotaro’s backyard. you looked at the cop coming through the front door and locking eyes with you before turning on the ball of your foot, running towards the sliding glass door. kids rushed beside you going in all different directions. you knew it wasn’t nearly as scary to get caught by the cops, but the haste of everyone else made adrenaline pump through your veins. 
when ryujin said your only option was jumping the fence you wanted to tell her that your legs were still exhausted from what you were doing in shotaro’s room not even five minutes ago. you didn’t have time as you ran past your slow peers, or narrowly evading the cops that were in shotaro’s backyard trying to grab whoever they could.
ryujin let go of your hand to get over the fence, and you had little time to prep yourself before you leaped over it. you had to thank your career in cheer for helping you clear the fence with ease. you saw a few of your peers get stuck on the fence and that’s how they were caught. you felt like a criminal on the run when you swung your leg over the fence to cut through the yards of shotaros’ neighbors. a few had their lights on, yelling at the small crowd of teenagers as they ran from the police. you recognized a few faces of the people who were able to escape. eyes were focused and everyone ran at full speed trying to hold all their things as they ran from the sound of police sirens. all you could think about were the soles of your poor cheerleading shoes as you ran through garden beds and stone walkways. 
you and ryujin kept running long after everyone around you stopped. the two of you didn’t slow down until you found an exit from the yard, emerging onto the street. ryujin grabbed your hand again and pointed at karina’s car. you don’t know how ryujin noticed the car that was parked underneath the streetlamp. the lights were off and you couldn’t see anyone in the car. it was almost ominous, seeing the single light shine down on the matte black vehicle. 
you two jogged across the street, the sound of your cheer shoes hitting the road louder than the police sirens down the street. karina and chaeryeong’s seats shot up when ryujin pulled on the backdoor car handle.
by the time you made it to karina’s car your shoes were a mess. the pristine white was replaced with dirt and mud, and it looked like it was going to stain. you and ryujin were huffing in the backseat trying to catch your breath. karina wasted no time turning on her car to leave the area.
you didn’t catch your breath for another five minutes. just as you thought you were calming down, your mind took you back to your encounter with sungchan. you barely had time to comprehend what happened before being pulled away. with each breath you remembered the way sungchan puffed into your ear, or how he was moaning for you when he was close. when you closed your eyes to focus that only made things worse. you swear you could see the way sungchan looked at you seared into the back of your eyelids, or how he leaned his head back when he came on your thighs.
ryujin caught her breath before you did. when ryujin was able to speak again she wasted no time to tell the story of how a guy was able to get you to go upstairs. her side of the story was dramatized and exaggerated, but it made karina and chaeryeong’s eyes go wide nonetheless. you were still breathless as you shook your head to try and squash ryujin’s lies, but it was no use. karina’s interest was piqued as she tried to figure out who the man was.
karina looked at your expression for only a second in the rearview mirror before gasping out loud. karina was so shocked her car swerved on the road slightly and had to be corrected by chaeryeong putting panicked hands on the wheel. you had to remind yourself that karina did nothing but smoke tonight, she was the safest one to drive out of everybody. you could probably ask her how the other girls got home to avoid talking about the elephant in the car, but it was too late when karina whispered his name.
“sungchan?” karina said. 
ryujin nodded her head and you stuck your head in your hands, suddenly too embarrassed to even think. you felt karina reach towards the backseat and hit your knee in exclamation.
“i. fucking. knew. it.” karina seethed after each hit
she was entirely too excited, mouth open in surprise as she laughed. karina and ryujin laughed together, waiting for your explanation. you shook your head and ryujin took matters into her own hands. ryujin recounts the story and karina nods her head excitedly, eyes on the road as she gathers in all the new information. chaeryeong corraborates the story, nodding along as ryujin tells karina.
“so i see chaeryeong getting chatted up by that girl on her team that is always hitting on her right? so i go over to her just for a second to bring her back with me because she looks uncomfortable as hell.” ryujin says.
“not true.” chaeryeong says unconvincingly. 
you can practically hear ryujin roll her eyes as you look up from your hands. you see ryujin pointing her finger at you as karina steals glances by looking at her rearview mirror. 
“before i can bring her back, i see this little player walking up the stairs,” karina gasps again and ryujin nods her head. “i see her walking up the stairs with sungchan. his hand is literally on her ass by the way.” ryujin says
“his hand was on my shoulder.” you say matter-of-factly. 
karina looks to the rear view mirror to laugh at you.
“you don’t deny anything else?” karina asks.
her eyebrows are raised and the car fills up with giggles as you say nothing in response.
“i didn’t know you had it in you.” karina says.
“i didn’t know he had it in him.” you correct.
ryujin and karina exchange looks. chaeryeong freezes before turning to look at you in the backseat. you can feel ryujin turning to look at you too. everyone has an extremely confused look on their faces and you subconsciously match their expressions.
“wait. you guys fucked?” ryujin asks.
your eyes are wide as you nod. you thought they knew, but the playful atmosphere in the car changed almost immediately. your three friends are silent as they look to one another. you consider opening up the car door and barrel rolling into the road to get away from the conversation.
“this changes everything.” karina says.
the car is silent again and you see chaeryeong and ryujin nod their heads in agreement. your eyebrows furrow in confusion as you try to understand what karina means.
“how?” you ask. “you and eunseok have fucked.” you turn your head to the side to look at ryujin and chaeryeong. "you two have fucked."
“well that’s different. we’ve been fooling around for awhile.” karina says.
“your dynamic with sungchan is so different too.” chaeryeong says.
you look at chaeryeong in amazement that she has so much to say and she shrugs at you to say sorry. you know she’s not wrong when ryujin and karina nod their heads in agreement. 
“it’s gonna be so awkward.” ryujin says.
karina turns on her blinker to go into her neighborhood. you try to come up with a rebuttal or defense but you know it’s the truth.
“i know. it’s gonna be great.” karina says smiling.
ryujin and karina were right. the following monday at school you saw sungchan first, and your mind immediately went to shotaro’s party two days prior. you wondered if he thought about the night as much as you did or if he was as nervous to see you as you were to see him. you debated on walking into an empty classroom to avoid the situation all together, but it was too late. sungchan made direct eye contact with you while anton and eunseok walked next to him. you felt like all their eyes were on you, and you there was a sinking feeling. you imagined yourself becoming the subject of their locker room talk. so when they came closer to you in the hallway your hands tightened around you backpack straps and you looked down, continuing to walk. you completely missed sungchan smiling at you and his awkward little wave and the way he turned his head to look back at you.
anton and eunseok were confused seeing sungchan try to get your attention. they didn’t even think about the time at the party that sungchan was unaccounted for, or how shotaro blew up their groupchat talking about jizz on his towel.
“what was that all about?” eunseok asked.
sungchan shrugged his shoulders and readjusted his backpack.
“i thought she saw me.” sungchan said simply.
they didn’t ask him to explain further. eunseok and anton just continued to talk about the next soccer game and how they were going against their rivals. sungchan was barely present for the conversation, nodding his head to seem engaged. 
it went on like this for the whole day, sungchan thinking about how you passed him by in the hallway without saying a single word. he thought about you and him in shotaro’s room, how embarrassed he was after the fact. sungchan started to think you were embarrassed of the situation too. his face started to feel hot and he couldn’t stop himself from thinking you weren’t satisfied with his performance. you could’ve easily lied to make sungchan feel better. he couldn’t stop himself from putting his head in his hands at the thought of him not being able to please you. sungchan had the habit of losing himself when chasing his pleasure, he was afraid it was to the point that you didn’t have any fun.
when you sat at your table for lunch all their eyes were on you. you looked to ryujin and karina, they avoided your eye contact, picking at food on their plate. you tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible, eating your food while the rest of the table stared at you. you took a bite, feeling all of their eyes burn holes into your skin. you look up from your plate innocently, eyes darting to all your teammates.
“what?” you ask.
everyone at the table groans at your benevolence.
“don’t even.” yunjin says.
“details. now.” ningning says.
you look at karina and ryujin. they shrug and immediately get defensive.
“you didn’t say we couldn’t say anything!” ryujin says.
you can’t bring yourself to talk about the situation in detail. your team settles for hearing your awkward encounter with sungchan this morning, how you two made eye contact and didn’t interact. your team becomes your active audience, cringing and giving sound effects to your story. some of them even turn to look at sungchan sitting at a table with his friends. he barely eats his food, pushing around his fruit with a fork.
“he’s looked like a lost puppy all day by the way.” chaeryeong says.
“i mean look at the poor guy.” yunjin says.
she hides a smile and you look over yunjin’s shoulder to look at sungchan. you can’t lie and say he doesn’t look downcast at his seat. he has always been the worst at hiding his emotions, you have seen frustration take over multiple times during the season. he’d visibly roll his eyes at the referee when a bad call was made, and you have seen him get defensive when his teammate was pushed down. but that fiery spirit you saw on the field was nothing like the man sitting at the table, stealing glances at you ever so often. 
when sungchan looked up at the same time you did you both made eye contact. so lost in eachother’s own minds made both of your eyes go wide, embarrassed for some reason to show you were thinking about the other. you held eye contact for a beat too long, eyes darting to your food a little too quickly. your friends laid witness to the whole thing, most of them cringing.
the monday after the party and the party itself gave your team alot to talk about. so now each party they would subtly try to bring up sungchan, trying to see if there were any updates. it bothered them to no end that you would just smile and look down shyly before shaking your head. you were awful at keeping secrets so you simply chose to stay silent. they could see the heat in your cheeks and the way you bashfully shrugged your shoulders, but they didn’t ask you anymore questions.
they didn’t know that by the time the next party came around, you were seeing sungchan consistently. you saw him again nearly colliding with him in the library. it was an accident on your part but negligence on whoever it was that ran into you. you turned around, ready to give whoever it was the meanest look you could muster. but when you realized it was sungchan, the expression on your face changed to pure shock. 
he was no better, getting ready to apologize profusely before his eyes went wide.
neither of you could figure out what to say. you didn’t know it would be so awful to hookup with people at parties and never speak to them again. as you stared at sungchan you were at a loss for words—you had to shake your head several times when you felt your eyes wondering. you tried to push past him quickly to give your groupchat another thing to cringe over. but before you could get away, sungchan called out to you. he reached out his hand as well, but he pulled it back to rest by his leg.
“can we talk?” sungchan asked
that talk led to both of you quietly confessing that you would like to continue seeing eachother. you both kept it a secret from your teams in an effort to keep the mess contained. so many instances of your two teams fooling around made you want to keep everything personal until you decided where the relationship was going to go. 
after the first date you were inseparable. after the second date sungchan asked to be your boyfriend. after the third date sungchan started dropping hints that he wanted to tell the world you were his girlfriend. he started walking you to all of your classes even if they were on the other side of the campus and holding all of your things even if his hands were full. sungchan started dropping his things off in class a little earlier, just so he could lighten the load you had to carry. you adopted your own ways of doting on sungchan. your doting came in the form of notes in his locker on game days wishing him luck and grabbing his hand when you both were alone. it was simple signs of affection, but no matter what sungchan shyly put his hand down and started smiling uncontrollably. 
by the time the next weekend party rolled around you were heavily involved with sungchan. you both found it humorous to sneak around behind your teammates backs, although you weren’t really trying to keep it a secret. you just liked playing dumb when your team would bring up you and sungchan.
when you sat outside of sungchan’s house with your huddle while they passed around their substances you couldn’t stop smiling. something about parties now were even more enjoyable than they were before. even when your group got mad at the fact that they had to move to the backyard to smoke you remained happy, quickly looking through each room for your man. he was constantly going to each room of his house making sure everything remained in tact. 
sungchan knew he was a little bit too high strung to throw big gatherings like shotaro did. after his friend got busted the unspoken responsibility to throw house parties landed on sungchan’s shoulders. he hated the idea of strangers being in his parents house so he settled for a smaller guest list and a designated schedule for when the party was over. he also made his team agree to help clean any messes that were left when the party was over. sungchan was trying his best to not get the police called on him, so he was constantly monitoring the volume of people and the music. sungchan felt an unbelievable amount of stress pacing around his home. it was freezing outside but he sweat from the anxiety, and he couldn’t stop himself from putting people’s drinks on coasters. he decided he was never going to host anything like this ever again. 
the only source of relief sungchan had from the night was seeing you. it was in quick snatches and in between moments of sungchan catching someone doing something they weren’t supposed to. at first your interactions were rushed. sungchan would only be able to grip your shoulders quickly before stopping someone from running into a framed picture hanging on the wall. he kissed your forehead quickly during another part in the night before stopping someone from going into his room. it wasn’t until the party was winding down that sungchan was actually able to flirt with you the way he wanted to. 
it was ironic, the harder he tried to seem cool the more awkward he felt. when sungchan put his hands into his pockets to lean over you, he felt like an idiot. the only thing that kept sungchan going was the way you looked up at him, and nodded your head slowly anytime he asked you if you knew how pretty you were. right as sungchan would be getting into the feeling of it all, he would see another one of his guests about to do something that would get sungchan reprimanded by parents. he kissed your cheek before running off, giving you his saddest look.
you didn’t care if sungchan didn’t spend all night with you. you were having fun outside with your friends hearing them talk about whatever came to their minds outside. it seemed like this time was the only relief you got from your hectic school schedules and grueling practices. 
just as your huddle started talking about you and sungchan, you saw him come into the backyard. he had a bottle of beer in his hand that was just for show as he nervously approached your group of girls. 
“the party is about to end,” sungchan rubbed the back of his neck as your team looked at him unamused. they continued to smoke as sungchan got even more nervous. you smiled at the situation, kicking a rock around as sungchan tried to get in everyone’s good graces. “my parents are gonna be home in the morning.” sungchan said.
your team didn’t react besides karina who nodded to him. sungchan looked at you and smiled, bringing his hand that was awkwardly behind his back to wave at you. it was awkward and he did it for no reason, bringing the attention of your teammates to your interaction. you could feel their eyes drift from sungchan’s hand to yours as you smiled and waved back. sungchan stayed there for a moment with his eyes only on you before he remembered the presence of your teammates. he walked away after looking around your huddle, and slightly tripped while heading back to the door. you failed to hide your smile as your team teased you for the awkward interaction.
you spent the remainder of the party outside with your team, staring at the sliding glass door of sungchan’s house. the door in the kitchen led you right outside, where the main group of people resided. you saw more and more people clear the space as time passed. occasionally you would get a glance of sungchan instructing his team on where to clean up. sungchan would also sneak peaks outside where your team remained unmoving.
“looks like the party is over.” you say casually.
your attempt at sounding casual failed. the moment you finished your sentence your huddle turned towards you with wicked smiled on their faces.
“trying to be alone with sungchan?” karina asked.
“that’s why she’s trying to end the party early.” yunjin laughed.
instantly you shook your head and raised your hands in defense. 
“i don’t know what you guys are talking about.” you say.
it was no use. you were teased the whole time while your group left through the gate in sungchan’s backyard. they only got louder when you said you were staying behind to help clean.
“you’ve never helped clean up after a party in your life.” ryujin said.
your whole team was laughing while you tried to make up an excuse. you didn’t hear the end of it until the door closed to karina’s car. even in the team groupchat they were talking about you. the moment karina’s car backed out of the driveway your phone’s ringer was going off. you were getting sent texts talking about the importance of safe sex and to report back about how good sungchan was at actual sex when you were done.
you were defending yourself over text while walking back into sungchan’s house through the back door. the same kitchen table that was covered in spilled drinks and bottles of hard liquor was completely clean. the whole house seemed to be clean now with the help of the soccer team. they had stayed behind too, walking through sungchan’s place with bags and cleaning gloves on checking for spills or leftover trash. 
you leaned against the table in sungchan’s kitchen waiting to see him again. his teammates passed by you, getting ready to tell you it was time to go home before realizing who you were. when they saw your face, they would nod politely before walking off to continue cleaning. you tried not to think too much of it, maybe they thought you were waiting for your teammates that were long gone. 
sungchan was checking each room of his home trying not to seem frantic. he started at the very top, peaking into the empty room of his parents and then walking down the hallway to check his. when he saw that all of the upstairs was empty, he was happy that there were no stragglers. but when sungchan checked the downstairs living room and the guest room he felt himself begin to panic. he started to think that it was only him, his teammates, and leftover partygoers in his big house. sungchan started swinging open doors without knocking, only muttering a sorry to his teammate in the bathroom before continuing to check the rooms. sungchan almost ran past you to look outside before stopping in his tracks.
you looked up from your phone to see sungchan in the entryway of his dining room. you were still leaning on the table looking up to your boyfriend from something unimportant on your device. you took in sungchan’s frazzled appearance and the way he was slightly out of breath from running around his house. he ran his hand through his hair, pushing the strands from his face. he cleared the singular step that took him down into the kitchen with ease and walked towards you.
“you had fun?” sungchan asks.
sungchan’s perfume gets to you before his hand does. when he leans forward you smell the cleanliness of sandalwood and a hint of spearmint before the warmth and comfort of nutmeg and cardamom fills your nose. the woody cleanliness of sungchan makes you the drunkest you’ve ever been, it almost makes you fall off the counter you lean on. you’re drawn closer to him, and feel him everywhere before he even touches you. 
sungchan brings a gentle hand rests on top of yours as he leans his body closer to you. he’s is at an awkward angle, almost like he is trying to stop himself from invading too much of your personal space. you look down at the shirt he managed to keep clean all night. the baby blue polo for your school uniform it’s too formal for a house party, but the collar looks perfect to grab. you have to fight to stop yourself from closing the space between the two of you. your mind drifts to the image of how the fabric would look wrinkled between your clutched fingers. 
sungchan’s hand that doesn’t rest on top of yours goes underneath your chin to push your gaze upwards. you let your eyes connect with him, and your hands have to grip tighter to the edge of the counter. if anyone else was in the room they no longer mattered—only you and sungchan existed in the space of his kitchen.
“it was alot of fun.” you said.
“it wasn’t as big as taro’s parties.” sungchan said.
you shrugged your shoulders, trying to seem nonchalant. you felt like you were going to snap off the edge of sungchan’s counter with the force of your grip.
“i like smaller parties. they’re calmer.” you say.
sungchan nods in agreement. you see hie body pause for a second before he lets his hand rest on the edge of the counter next to yours. you quickly try to loosen your grip, but you see sungchan hold the edge until his knuckles turn white. it becomes harder to remain calm as sungchan’s eyes get softer. he still refuses to come closer into your space. it's almost torture having him close enough to smell but too far to touch casually.
“i barely got to see you.” you continue.
sungchan nods again. he surprises you by coming in a little closer, his hand underneath your chin brings you to him. you use your hands on the counter to move your body towards his.
when someone clears their throat in the kitchen you both jolt. sungchan’s hand immediately drops from your face and you turn your head away from whoever made the noise. you look outside the window of sungchan's kitchen, looking at the empty yard where you oncee stood. sungchan lets go of the counter to stand upright. he clears his throat too, and you can hear him scratching his head.
“we need help finding more bags.” you heard a voice awkwardly say.  
“i showed you where already.” sungchan said.
“i forgot.” he says simply.
you let a tiny laugh escape you and sungchan shakes his head. when the person turns to leave the kitchen you look and see that it’s sohee. he sat next to you in your home economics class last year. now you would have to avoid him for the next couple days. sohee turned around for a moment and you could almost feel sungchan next to you trying to inconspicuously shoo him away. sohee looked lost for just a moment, looking around where to go before walking out of sight. 
sungchan’s hands that were in the air suddenly moved to his hair to adjust the strands. he looked at you again before swallowing his nerves.
“go upstairs and wait for me?” sungchan asked.
he left the question in the air to let you decide what you wanted to do. his teeth were showing by the time he was done talking, an awkward smiling playing on his lips. you remain straight faced, the only expression showing in your eyes.
“is it going to be just us?” you ask.
you looked past sungchan to his mostly vacant home. the only evidence of a party that remained were the stragglers and the sparse messes on the floors. you saw crumpled red solo cups and occasionally your foot would step in something sticky. your team is long gone. they seemed to have disappeared after you told ryujin your plans, and you’re sure ryujin told everyone else. 
sungchan plays with the short sleeve of your shirt, thumbing the hem so he can touch your bare arm. his hand travels up from the fabric until he reaches your face. he used his thumb to stroke the apples of your cheeks. his eyes focus on the way your skin moves underneath the light pressure of his thumb when he speaks.
“just us. i’ll put people on the street if i have to.” sungchan says. 
you laugh and put your hand on his, moving it away from your face. his eyes snap back to yours, looking to see if you had changed your mind. you try to seem facetious, like you have something in store for him when you get him alone.
“your room is on the right up the stairs?” you ask innocently.
you start heading the correct way when sungchan nods quickly. he stays there for a moment, just to make sure you’re heading towards the stairs. he peaks over his shoulder to see the person that he almost got out the house settled back on his couch. sungchan starts backing towards the person on his couch as you walk towards the stairs. you turn your back but you can hear sungchan call out to you from the living room.
“i’ll be up there soon.” he says excitedly.
when you get to the base of sungchan’s stairs, the way up is daunting. you believe going up shotaro’s stairs were easier, even if his stairs were bare and had to carpet to help traction your feet. shotaro’s stairs had people shoulder to shoulder, not giving you the chance to be alone even if you wanted to. but up sungchan’s stairs—thirteen to be exact—was his empty room waiting for you. you tried to not trip on the even steps, and tried to seem as relaxed as possible incase sungchan had turned around to check that you went into the correct room. your posture is straightened as you try to make yourself seem calm and collected, and your hand grips the railing with a white knuckle.
you somehow make it up, and immediately make a beeline for sungchan’s room. you waste no time closing the door behind you, trying to give yourself as much time as possible to relax. you pace around sungchan’s room in the same timid path to try not and disrupt anything. you look at his desk and his chair that has his backpack hanging on the back. you turn on his lamp and look at the papers he has laid out. 
when you feel like you have looked for too long, you walk to his dresser to read the trophies and medals that rest on top. they’re dusty, some of them newer than others but they all say the same thing. when you get tired of that you move to sungchan’s black bedside table. you debate on opening the tiny drawer, just to take a peak at what’s inside. when the temptation becomes to strong, you walk around the foot of sungchan’s bed to go to the other side. you study the photos and posters on his wall, slowly making your way across his room. at the very end, the closest spot to his bed you see the black and white photobooth pictures you took on your second date. you smile looking at the four photos on top of eachother. only in the first and last one does sungchan actually look at the camera; the two in the middle he spent locked on the expressions you made for the memories. you still remember having to manually move his head to take the last photo. 
you were leaning in close to the photos when you heard the door open. your mind was preoccupied by snooping around sungchan’s room that you almost forgot why you were in here. the fleeting idea of stripping down to your undergarments and waiting on his bed for him posed all provocatively crossed your mind. the idea left your mind almost as soon as you realized you couldn’t look at sungchan’s bed without your stomach doing flips. it was too late anyway sungchan was in the room with you and you turned from the photos on his wall like you were caught doing something you weren’t supposed to. 
sungchan enters his room hesitating. he stands in the open doorframe, to let the light from his hallway spill in. he debates with himself quietly, before using his back to gently close the door. when it’s just the two of you in the room the atmosphere changes. you watch sungchan’s every move as he comes further into the bedroom. he messes with something on his desk before coming around the foot of his bed to get closer to you. this is different from the anonymity of being in shotaro’s room. you are looking at the memories and snapshots of sungchan’s life while the possibilities of how your night is going to go hangs in the air.
sungchan sits on the edge of the bed and gently taps the space beside him. the invitation is timid, almost as timid as your shy steps towards him. the springs of his mattress give underneath your weight, and the dip caused by sungchan's body causes you to get slide closer to him. you can feel sungchan prop a hand behind your body as he leans back slightly. you let yourself lean on his arm, and sungchan flexes to give your body something more stable. he points to the photo booth pictures that are tacked to his wall with the hand that isn’t behind you.
“those are my favorite photos of us.” he says.
you hum in agreement, and let your body lean further into sungchan’s.
“that was a good day.” you say.
for a moment, you and sungchan stay like that, sitting on the edge of his bed while looking at the photos. the silence is comfortable, both of you leaning further and further into one another. you can feel the tension in the room go up as sungchan moves the hand behind you to wrap around your waist. it's slow, first picking at the belt loop of your jeans before going underneath the bottom of your shirt. his hand is warm against your waist, and you scoot closer to him. you can't get any closer without going to sungchan's lap, you only move to show him his touches are invited. you continue to breathe in sungchan, trying to calm your heart by looking at the photos on his wall.
“is everyone gone?” you ask.
“eunseok just left to drop off anton,” sungchan moves his hand to rest on your thigh that’s closest to him. “it’s just us.” sungchan says.
you finally get the courage to turn your head. you look at sungchan, your own face reflected in his eyes as he gets closer and closer to you.
both you and sungchan close your eyes at the same time before the kiss. it’s slow only a gentle peck to figure out what the other wants. too deliberate and overthought on both ends, completely different from the first time. you almost pull back as doubt creeps in but sungchan pushes forward to keep your lips connected. he’s quick, and his lips linger longer. you relax into sungchan as he sets the rhythm.
once you find a steady pace you both become more and more desperate. your hands touch various places on sungchan’s arm to find a good grip and sungchan’s hand goes underneath your chin to slightly push your head up. his other hand that wraps around your waist pulls at your sides underneath your shirt. 
sungchan’s kisses falter, an offering for you to take the lead. you do it without hesitation—one hand reaches behind his back to the nape of his neck and the other clutches his shoulder. you tilt your head and sungchan mirrors your movement, giving you all the access you need. you both become starved, needing more and more with each kiss. the obvious doesn’t have to be said as you two dive into one another. both of your hands move to sungchan’s face to pull him in closer. he responds by getting off the bed and gets in front of you. your lips never separate as sungchan lets you suck on his face.
he’s a good teammate on and off the field, letting you kiss him until you tucker yourself out. when you pull away to catch your breath sungchan goes to your neck, bending even closer to lightly suck and nip at your skin. you clutch the sides of his polo shirt in your hands at the sensation. his plush lips tickle your neck, and the way his large hand tilts your head to the side makes you sigh contently.
you let your body fall back on the bed and sungchan kisses your neck all the way down. you can feel the electricity and sungchan can feel it too. you're already squirming, strong hands on his shoulder keeps sungchan in place. his dick presses against his pants, and he exerts all of his self control to hold himself back. you look so good underneath his body, and he breaks his no outside clothes on the bed rule to prop one of his knees beside your thighs. your hands continue to mess with his shirt, pushing it up to reveal his toned body. you arch off the bed, needing to feel his body against yours.
sungchan is suddenly upright, using quick hands to unbutton his polo. it’s over his head while you come from your daze. you start working on your own shirt, your fidgety hands fail you. sungchan is there to help you the rest of the way even though his hands shake the same.
when you are in your bra he kisses you back down onto the bed. his lips are on yours when you feel for the button on his jeans, clumsily undoing them as you try to keep up with his kisses.
“so pretty.” sungchan says breathlessly.
he started working at getting your pants off. having to lift your hips in the air is awkward, but it helps you push yourself further onto the bed. only your feet are over the edge when you’re left in your under garments. sungchan takes off his pants beside the bed. he adjusts the light setting on his lamp, changing it to a dim setting that still allows him to be visible.
”is having the light on okay?” sungchan looks to you quickly. “i want to see you.”
you shift slightly on the bed as you nod. sungchan’s eyes wander all over your body, staying on the parts of you he couldn’t see in the darkness of shotaro’s room.
he comes back to your slowly on the bed, his knees going to either side of you. he looms over you, bringing your face in for another kiss. this time it’s sungchan sucking on your lips, trailing down until he’s kissing your collarbones.
“can i touch you?” he asks.
his voice is raspy and low. you can feel the thrill shoot up your spine and the heat in the pit of your stomach intensifies.
“please.” you say.
sungchan wastes no time gripping your chest. he moves down your body slightly to place kisses on the exposed skin and to look at your expressions. he presses the pads of his fingers into your pillowy skin, fixated on the way it spills between his fingers. when his lips graze your sensitive areola you lift your leg that's between his. you can feel his hard dick press into your leg and sungchan sighs. when he purposely presses his dick against your thigh you can feel all of him, heavy and hard underneath his briefs. you sigh contently, and quietly moan when his kisses get wetter. sungchan doesn’t try to take off your bra, instead he pushes it down until your chest is completely exposed. 
when he looks up to you again you nod, and your hand goes to his hair. you pet his head and arch your back into sungchan’s mouth and he doesn't hesitate to take you into his mouth. you can’t maintain eye contact when he looks up at you with glossy eyes, almost like he's waiting for approval. you lean your head back into the mattress, hoping that the way you pet his head tells him how good you feel.
sungchan starts moving your body until your head is resting on his pillows. when he’s not sucking on one breast he rolls your nipples between his fingers. you whimper when he pinches a little harder, and you can feel his smile against your wet skin.
sungchan drags his tongue across your chest until he latches on your other nipple. the cold air in sungchan’s room leaves the sensitive bud hardening, and the stimulation leaves you a squirming mess. you are only temporarily sated when sungchan’s fingers push underneath the waistband of your panties.
“so wet.” sungchan says quietly.
you only whine in response, and your legs close around sungchan’s hand. he smiles when he sees your swollen lip caught between your teeth and your hand fisting the sheets on his bed. your legs give sungchan’s hand no resistance when he separates them at the knee. he swipes his finger down your folds while he looks up at you.
“can you?” you ask.
sungchan nods before sliding a finger in. your body trembles. when he puts in two fingers you grab him and pull him close, pressing his face the soft skin of your stomach. 
“i can barely fit two fingers” sungchan says.
he’s amazed when you start lifting your hips slightly. sungchan looks up to you and purposely locks his hand in place to see what you will do. when your stomach starts tightening so you can fuck yourself on his fingers, sungchan's eyes go wide. when you hiss each time his fingers go all the way inside of you, his dick twitches in his briefs. when you have to shake your head after sungchan tries to scissor his fingers, he has to focus on something else in his room.
“you’re perfect.” sungchan says out of breath.
he keeps his fingers in place, looking down at you as you slowly bring your hips up. your knees come together, and your grip on his sheets turns your knuckles white. when you start shaking sungchan has to pull his fingers out. he kisses away your whines when you start reaching for the waistband of his briefs.
sungchan looks down at your hand on his waistband and considers something for a moment.
“i could barely fit two fingers.” sungchan says.
“we can try,” you begin to pout and reach for your own waistband. “please?” you ask.
sungchan folds immediately, getting off his bed to look in his bedside drawer. you take the time to strip yourself, unclasping your bra and taking off your panties. sungchan looks around his drawer faster before finding what he’s looking for.
“i have these this time.” sungchan smiles.
you look and see the line of foil packets in sungchan’s hand. there’s atleast five, none of them have been separated yet. your eyes go wide and sungchan’s eyes go wide too. his cheeks become rosy as he holds out his hands defensively.
“i don’t plan on using all of them or anything. just extra just in case.” he says. 
sungchan’s words come out rushed and you can’t help but smile. you slowly come to the edge of the bed yourself, letting your legs fall over the edge as sungchan slots himself between them. you snap at his waistband and look up to him. he ineptly detaches a single condom from the foil line, tearing it open quickly. you get back onto the bed as sungchan pushes down his underwear. you only let yourself look for a second to watch him slide the condom on his length. you look away and settle yourself in between the pillows, trying to find a comfortable position as sungchan clambers onto his bed.
you lay down as sungchan hovers above you, propped on an elbow as he looks down between the two of you. the anticipation is almost blinding as he looks to you for reassurance. 
your eyes are closed underneath sungchan, and he kisses your lids to get you to look at him. you look to him for comfort, and his hand touching your face soothes you.
“tell me if it’s too much.” sungchan says. 
you nod and crane your neck to kiss his lips. he kisses you back, and continues to kiss you as he lets his tip prod at your entrance. sungchan keeps his kisses constant, pressing lips to your open mouth. sungchan lips move all along your face as he goes further and further. when your walls clamp around him he can’t go any further without resistance. your sounds had graduated from whispers to moans when sungchan has to stop.
“you’re so tight.” he hisses.
“it’s alot.” you whimper.
sungchan stills inside of you and you bring your legs up to bend at the knee. spreading helps open your hips more, but an almost pained expression flashes against sungchan's face.
“should i pull out?” sungchan voice shakes.
“no,” you shake your head a little too quickly. “just go slow.” you say.
sungchan nods and kisses your forehead. he goes at an even slower pace. so slow that you can feel him everywhere—by the time sungchan’s hips kiss yours you’re consuming all of him. the way his hair shakes in the space between the two of you, his hand gripping your hip and his lips on your cheek. he pulls away only to go to the crook of your neck.
“you’re soooo tight.” sungchan rasps into your ear.
the way sungchan emphasizes almost makes you apologize. when you spread further to try and give him space he winces and holds your hips tighter.
"fuck. oh my god."
sungchan’s voice is almost whining in the skin of your neck. you let your hands go to his back, trying to find a comfortable position. you press on his back, and sungchan looks up from your neck to kiss your jaw.
“can i move?” sungchan asks tensely. 
you tell him yes, and when he pulls out to slide in just as slow you move your hips up to meet him the rest of the way. sungchan sighs and you do too. you don’t know how you didn’t ask him to fuck you then and there in shotaro’s room all that time ago.
“it's like a perfect fit.” sungchan looks at you when he slides in a little faster.
“please don’t stop.” you whine.
“i don’t wanna,” you accidentally squeeze around sungchan’s length. “oh my god.” he says.
when sungchan kisses your lips again, you flex your abs to purposely clamp your walls around sungchan’s dick. you fail a few times, but when sungchan’s kisses falter you know you’re doing it right. you look to sungchan’s eyes and he looks down at you. his eyes are wide and blown out. he turns his head slightly when you keep squeezing around him, and you lift your hips to increase his pace. 
“too much.” sungchan whines.
sungchan usually wasn't the one too back down from a challenge. that's why he was the leader of his team and why he was so good at his sport. when faced with a challenge he was able to find a way around it. he thought that breathing and focusing on anything else would keep him there with you. as he continud to slide in and out, he focused on his breathing, the way your face was contorting in pleasure trying to take all of him. the excitement that hung heavy off of him was bearable until the look in your eyes changed and sungchan felt your walls clamp his dick. almost too fast his hips stuttered and yours picked up their pace. his grip on your waist was useless as it loosened and he was pulled in close by you. the thrill he kept at bay shot up his spine and rang in his head.
sungchan moaned into your mouth when he came undone. it was desperate and quick, arguably even ruined as he started rutting into helplessly. his moans turned into whines while he released into the condom. feeling his climax brought you closer to your own peak, but you could feel yourself coming down when his sweaty body slumped on top of yours.
only a moment passes before his head shoots up from your chest, looking you in the eye. they’re no longer glazed with concern, only wide and blown out as he maintains eye contact.
sungchan said nothing when he stood up on his knees. your body can’t be cooled by the sweat when you feel his hands press to the back of your thighs. you moan at his strength, how he’s bending you in a new way. this sungchan is nothing like the whimpering mess that was panting against the skin of your neck before. this wasn't the sungchan that came on your cheer skirt almost untouched. this is the sungchan that has your knees pressed to your chest and watches his dick glide in and out of your pussy.
“feels good?” he asked, looking up to you.
“faster.” you whined.
”you got it” sungchan smiled.
sungchan went harder and faster, fucking you into his mattress. later down the line, once you got used to him, sungchan will coo at you teasingly as your responses came out jumbled messes. he would have to prove to you how possessive he really was, how the thought of anyone else seeing you like this made his skin crawl. without saying anything, sungchan could see you understood. he could tell by the way you looked at the shaking medals that hung above his bed while his headboard make contact with the wall. he could see your frantic hand trying to find something to steady yourself, first grabbing at the sheets before digging your nails into his arm. sungchan moaned, only using the pain as motivation to fuck you faster. 
you could feel his strength behind each thrust and the hold on your thighs. the sound of skin slapping against skin drowned out your moans. sungchan heard you perfectly when you moaned about being close. looked away from your face to look where your hips met. he used only one hand to keep your thighs in place and used the other to whirl his finger on your clit. your other hand rested on top sungchan’s hand that kept your thighs in place. sungchan looked to your face again and clasped his hand over yours. both of you worked together to keep your thighs in place while sungchan kept his pace.
“cum for me baby.” sungchan said.
the way sungchan spoke to you had you coming undone. he was tender but set on his mission. he gave you all you needed to seize around his dick and cry out. by habit you let your moans be muffled by your arm. sungchan’s hand was quick in letting go of your thighs, forcing you to hold them in place while his hand moved your face to his. he swallowed your moans and cries while continuing to fuck you, only stopping when they fizzed off into weak whimpers. 
the two of your stayed in that position, sungchan’s body pushed against your thighs, and you suddenly started noticing the position wasn’t comfortable. you let your suddenly tired legs down, and they slid on the covers until laid flat. sungchan’s exertion seemed to catch up to him too. he was huffing to catch his breath mirroring your hiss when he slid out to continue laying on top of you. when sungchan’s body became too heavy on top of you, you gently pressed at his shoulder. sungchan’s body stiffened and he looked up to you.
“i’m sorry.” he apologized quickly while rolling off your body.
you two laid on his bed in silence while trying to catch your breath. you could feel sungchan occasionally turning towards you. 
“was that too much?” sungchan asked.
when you turned towards him sungchan looked worried. if you had any strength left in your body you would’ve laid on top of him and press lazy kisses to his face to thank him. but you had to regain your energy to ask for another round.
“that was perfect.” you say honestly.
sungchan’s worried expression is replaced with a smile. he already is back to normal, pinching your cheek before leaning over and kissing your forehead. 
“you should go to the bathroom,” sungchan pulls away from your forehead. “always pee after sex.”
he gets off his bed to tie the condom off, stretching his back until it pops and comes to your side. you are barely able to prop yourself up on your elbows as sungchan goes into his dresser. he pulls out boxers for you and a large shirt, setting it beside you. 
you nod and sigh in pain as you bring your legs over the edge of the bed. you playfully hit sungchan’s leg when you see him puff out his chest in pride.
“are you gonna tell your friends how i get down?” sungchan teases.
“shut up before i make you carry me.” you say.
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ariachaos · 10 hours
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baji having a S/O who's an exchanged, goes to the fanciest expressive school, . . BECAUSE THEY'RE A ACTIVE ACADEMIC STUDENT, literally has the royalcore romanticized school life, i ask this because baji iz- "Tupid", and has a smart S/O:))
no because baji is the human equivalent of an orange cat- (i have an orange cat)
reader is fem! reader
ᵈᵘᵐᵇ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈᵘᵐᵇᵉʳ, ᵇᵘᵗ ᵈᵘᵐᵇ ⁱˢ ˡⁱᵗᵉʳᵃˡˡʸ ᴱⁱⁿˢᵗᵉⁱⁿ !!
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being baji's s/o includes...
it's a question from both your friends and baji's friends how the two of you even met.
no one knows where y'all found each other and how you fell for each other because from toman's point of view, it feels like baji is forcing you to date his dumbass and holding you at gunpoint. not that it's real, but that's their thought process.
your friends didn't really trust baji at first, but then they realized he's too dumb to cheat, too dumb to be a red flag, too dumb to do any real harm other than accidentally punch you, but that's probably not going to happen like ever.
and yes, your classmates think you have THE romance high school life because you have a boyfriend who's basically your polar opposite and rides a motorcycle.
don't think they don't see you coming to school and leaving school on baji's motorcycle because that shit is so loud they'd have to be completely deaf to not hear it.
it's also because baji claims that all the engine noise is the anthem of your arrival to the school and like the show-off he is, wants to announce to the world you're HIS girlfriend, and everyone else isn't good enough for you.
fully believes that he's above your male classmates because he treats you with more respect than they could ever give. respect because his mother would clap him to neptune and back and because you're smarter than he'll ever be.
there are so many reasons he should respect you and treat you like a queen and literally no reason for him to treat you like trash.
him being a delinquent has nothing to do with your relationship because his friends, who are probably the scariest delinquents in the history of ever (minus chifuyu), respect women just as much as he does.
in fact, they have told you time and time again they will gladly teach baji a lesson if he ever decides he's on high enough of a pedestal to start hitting you or mistreating you.
you've got your own FBI squad protecting you in case baji acts up, but i don't think he ever will.
whether it's because he genuinely loves you or because he's scared of getting beat up by his friends, you're not sure, but you're not complaining <3
and yes, before anyone asks, you do tutor him the best you can, and baji does often feel bad because none of the things you teach him get stuck in his head.
what does get stuck in his head is the kisses you give him as a reward for getting questions right
imma say it now, but he's such a simp.
he looks like a guy that would sleep around, but he's literally the dumbest guy ever to even use a pick up line. he never ONCE used a pick up line on you, and just rizzed you up with genuine kindness and blunt words.
honestly, he thought you had a few screws loose when you told him you liked him back.
the main reason baji wakes up at the crack of dawn to drive you to school is because he also gets his daily dose of affection while he drives you.
thrives every day he gets to feel you hugging him from the back and basically preens in pride like a literal bird.
demands kisses in payment driving you to school as if you hugging him the whole time wasn't enough *rolls eyes*
the ride with him is actually pretty calm, and when the two of you are stopped at a red light, he likes to take one of your hands and press a kiss on it before placing back on his waist. he doesn't even have to look back or take your helmet off to know you're blushing RED.
the first few times he was waiting at your school to pick you up, the security had to come out and keep an eye on him for "being suspicious" when really all they're looking at is a simp in love and just wanting to meet his lady.
and yes, baji does call you his little lady because it just fits. he has a barrage of nicknames for you, but his lady or little lady is his top favorite.
imagine the shock and bamboozlement on your schoolmates' faces when they see baji with a hand on your waist, kissing your face all lover, before hauling you onto his bike and throwing his helmet over your head.
takes your schoolbag and puts it in the little basket on the front of his bike before hightailing it out of there.
baji is dumb, but he's quite literally the perfect boyfriend material and that makes up for all the brain cells he lacks <3
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dxrlingx · 14 hours
Text
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Scaramouche x F!reader
NSFW under the cut [full ver. of this]
Warnings: AFAB!reader, student x teacher, age gap(scara is in his 20s n reader her early 30s), slightly OOC scara?, switch!scara x switch!reader, piv, clit play, exhibition kink, mommy kink. Not proof-read.
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Working in a new college as the history teacher oh so suddenly was more stressful than you expected it to be. But it had a good pay and the students there loved you so you didn't have much to complain. You loved being a teacher, it has been your dream ever since you were a little kid; though marking endless papers everyday and planning out lessons for the next day every night was tiresome, scaramouche, the student of your history class, was more tiring to deal with than anything or anyone else. You had to sometimes take a deep breath and stop yourself from snapping at him. Even though you were his teacher, older than him and wiser, that didn't stop him from shamelessly making fun of you for being "seductive" for having a swarm of horny good-for-nothing students that drools over you like dogs in heat. You'd roll your eyes at him, saying that you don't have any interest in having sexual intercourses with your students.
...Well that was your mindset. Until today.
You lift your head up from the papers you were reviewing to the door that had been barged opened with scaramouche angrily storming in, holding up his recent history test paper and pointing at the big '27/50' you had written on his paper. Gritting his teeth and spitting insults at you, demanding you to change his grades. You slammed your hands on your table, standing up from your seat as you grabbed his face, squeezing it as you pulled him closer, glaring at him. "You think just because your daddy's rich and you get your way with everything and everyone, you could do the same with me? Don't make me laugh.. tsk" You whispered sharply in his ears. Scaramouche was lost for words, gritting his teeth as he glared back at you. He tried his best to hide the fact that he was completely turned on by all this. Getting dominated by you, your harsh words and the scent of your perfume that always manages to drive him crazy; was all too much for him to handle, getting all hard in his pants like a fucking loser. Well, he was one.
You let out a heavy sigh, adjusting his face so that his eyes are fixed directly into yours, face relaxing as your lips curved into a teasing smirk. "Since you want me to raise your marks up so badly.. I guess I'll do it for you, just this once. But~ you have to give me something else in return, only then it will be fair, no?" You whispered to him yet again, bucking your knee as you pushed it right against his aching erection, earning a choked moan and a glare in return. "Are you serious? You really think I would agree to do tha-" "Oh dear don't be so stubborn now, do you really think I missed the way your eyes longingly stare at my chest whenever I lean down to help you with your work? Or when you would stare at my ass everytime I turn my back on you, only to catch you looking away with a blushing face as soon as I turn my head to face you? It's all too obvious darling.."
Scaramouche's face was as red as ever, his eyes avoided your gaze at the realisation that he's been caught red handed. And it embarassed him how much he wanted to fuck you, but for the sake of keeping up his pride he had to act like he didn't want to indulge in your request. His body tensed up as he felt you rub your knee against his erection, he cleared his throat nervously as he faced you. "F-fine. But only for my grades, don't think it's because I want to.. do that with you or anything" Your eyes lit up, chuckling. "Whatever you say, dear~" You responded teasingly as you shoved him down on your chair, opening the buttons of your blouse as you pulled down your skirt, biting your lips impatiently as you undid his belt, pulling out his erection leaking with pre-cum as you giggled. "Oh my, you're more excited than i thought you would be."
Holding his cock against your hole you slowly sinked down, biting your lip as you whined. Scaramouche groaned and gritted his teeth at the feeling of your tight warm walls enveloping around his cock, gripping the handles of the chair his hips twitched, unintentionally thrusting up as his tip poked against your g-spot. "A-ah!.. shit.. mommy's gonna move now okay?.." You said through heavy breaths, lifting up your hips as you slammed back down, back arching at the feeling. You sped up, riding scaramouche faster as you gripped on his shoulders for support. "Ngh- fuck! M-mommy.. slow down agh.." You opened your eyes, staring at scaramouche who was a blushing mess, his eyes were hazy and his lips slightly parted as he let out whines and moans. His hands travelled up to your boobs, grabbing a hold of them as he fondled them as he pleased. You choked out a moan as your hips twitched, signalling you were close to your release, scaramouche was holding back to just cum right there and there, the feeling of your pussy too much for him to handle.
You let out a gasp as scaramouche suddenly lifted you up, roughly laying you down on your desk as he lifted your right leg over his shoulder, staring into your eyes with a smirk as he pulled out completely, only to slam back into you roughly, his cock bullied in and out of your pussy quickly, pushing you both closer and closer to your climax. "S-scara!~ ah- ngh.. 'm gonna, g-gonna cum!" Scaramouche sped up, his thumb rubbing your clit. "Yeah? N-ngh-.. gonna cum for me? Fucking cum.. cum for me" He hissed, hand gripping your thigh which was rested on his shoulder as his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, only to slow down his thrusts as he glanced at the door. "Shit" He cursed under his breath, his friend was here, searching for him. Scaramouche had made plans with his friend to head home together.. and he had forgotten about it.
"Scaramouche? 'Ya done talking to the teacher yet?" The door handle rattles, thank celestia it was locked. Scaramouche stared down at your worried face, his frown turning to a smirk as he went back to fucking you silly. His thumb circled around your clit even faster, bringing you over to your edge. His hand clasped against your mouth to muffle your sounds. "Scaramouche? Scara? You in there?" The door handle continues to rattle, your eyes rolled back in your head as you threw your head back, legs shaking as you squirted all over, your juice covering the documents on your table as well as scaramouche's abdomen. You closed your eyes in bliss, your hands grasping his wrist as you bit your tongue to further muffle your moans. Scaramouche let out a groan as his warm seed spurts in your womb. As he heard his friend's footsteps disappear he removed his hand from your mouth, pulling out slowly with a sigh, his hand caressing your cheek.
"Made you squirt like a slut, so give me full marks yea?"
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li0nn3stuff · 1 day
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Aemond apologises
English is not my first language, be kind.
Modern!Aemond x fem!Reader 
Part one: You and Aemond fought, so he invites at dinner another girl
Part two: You left Aemond on read.
Warnings: sex description, smut, oral (m, f receiving), kissing, dirty talk, tits sucking, chocking, softdom!Aemond
Since the first time, sex with her was always so good. Aemond doesn’t remember having ever met a girl that would fit with him so well in bed with him. He just loved having sex with her, because she was so dirty, even if she always acted like she wasn’t. She acted all innocent when her mind was filled with the most disgusting ideas. Aemond loved how embarrassed she was when he asked her to speak those thoughts up. He was up to everything if it was with her. She would mumble and call him ‘Idiot’ if he would then tease her, threatening him saying she would never speak up her thoughts again, get her face all red and look away from him, playing with her fingers as she stared at them.
Aemond then would have fucked her hard enough, doing what she just told him, taking away her capability of think so she would stop being so embarassed of her thoughts. She was always eager for him, always ready to male him feel good. She loved to hear his reactions to what she did to him, she loved to be phrased and reassured that he was enjoying what she was doing. He knew she had sex before him, and even if being reminded of that infuriated him, he kept in mind that she had gotten thousand times better with him.
Since she got confident with blowjobs, she would suck him off regularly, even getting the initiative out of nowhere, when he was reading or working from home, She would sneak between his legs and start touching him, looking up at him with those two big eyes of hers. At the start she made a lot of effort to take just half of him in her mouth, she was not used to his size, he was pretty big, he knew that and he loved to tease her with it. Now, she was able to take almost everything of him, using her tongue just perfectly, knowing what made him go crazy, and using it to her advantage. Not that he complained. Despite her attitude out of bed, she liked to be ordered and tossed around, she liked to be completely submissive to him, another thing he used to tease her out of bed, since she was so stubborn.
“You don’t decide for me! I make my own decision, and I do as I want.” she said.
“Oh, really? Yest you don’t complain so much when I tell you to get on your knees, or to lay still on the bed as I fuck you.” he mused. She would get so angry and start shouting at him, making him chuckle.
“On your knees.” he orders. She looks up at him and slides on the floor, getting on her knees in front of him as she keeps her gaze on him. He uses one hand to unbutton his pants as the other caresses her cheek, she leans her head towards his hand, as his thumb passes over her lower lip, pushing it down.
“Let’s put this mouth to a better use, uh?” as he slips two fingers inside her mouth, preparing her for what was about to come. She immediately starts sucking on them as she puts her hands on his thighs.
So easy.
He hated seeing her with Jason, seeing her smile at him, and talk to him, enough to get Jason the idea that she could be his, that he could have taken her to his house. She was his, and his alone. He will be the only one for her. Yet, he knew he had to apologize too. He indeed had been a dick with her, but the image of her walking away from him so easily was driving him nuts. She surely made him believe she didn’t care at all for him. He needed to remind himself  and her that she was his.
Aemond takes his fingers out of her mouth, quickly pulling down his pants  and boxers, stepping out of them, as she sits better on her knees, ready to welcome him in her mouth. He takes himself in his hand and he presses his tip on her lips, and she immediately opens her mouth and licks the tip, taking it inside her warm, wet mouth, sicking his tip. Aemond groans and he lets his head fall back, putting his hand on top of her head as she slowly starts taking more of him at every bob of her head.
“That’s it princess…” he grunts as he leans his head forward, looking down at her, seeing how good she looked with his cock in her mouth. He caresses her cheek with his thumb, then he puts his hand on her head, moving it himself, speeding up the pace. She twirls her tongue around his cock as it enters her mouth repeatedly.
“So good- Fuck, baby…” she groans as he pushes her head towards him completely, bending his knees so he can align better to her mouth, moving only his hips forward, as she tighten her grip on his thighs, digging her fingers in his skin, gagging repeatedly and squirming. Aemond keeps her like this only a second more, then he releases her, letting her catch her breath as he bends down to wipe the drool away from her chin, lifting her up, putting his hands under her armpits, throwing her back on the bed. He fists himself, his cock lubricated by her saliva, as he watches her.
“Undress. Now.” he orders, and she immediately complies. As soon as she’s naked, he grabs her ankle, dragging her at the edge of the bed, then kneels in front of the bed,  and he spreads her legs apart to accommodate his face between them so he is face to face with her womanhood. He gives her a lick over her entrance, going up to her clit, making her legs squirm slightly. He smiles and he puts his hands around her thighs to keep her still.
“Let me apologize for being a dick to my girl.” he says, then he puts his mouth over her clit, sucking softly, making her let out a breathy moan as she slips her fingers in his hair. She tasted so sweet, so perfectly, Aemond felt like drinking his favorite juice. He nuzzles his face further between her thighs, moving in from site to side, as she keeps moaning, pulling his head closer by his hair.
“Go-od, Aemond, oh, fuck-” she mumbles, moaning again.
“Could do this forever, baby, you taste so good.” he groans as he pulls away, giving her another lick, then pushing two fingers inside her, searching for that rough patch inside of her that he knows makes her legs shake.She lets out a loud whine as she convulses, and he knows he has found it. He smirks and he keeps rubbing her there with his fingers as he puts his mouth back on her clit, licking and sucking, and he uses his arm to keep her still, as her walls start to squeeze his fingers and her body squirms around.
“A-Aemond… please- I- I’m about to…” she mumbles, pulling his hair. He groans and he presses his face further, moving his fingers faster.
“Ah! - Aemond…!” her legs start shaking uncontrollably as he cums on his face, her walls spasming repeatedly as Aemond eagerly drinks everything that pours out of her, still moving his fingers lazily, riding her orgasm out. He pulls up as she crawls backwards on the bed, and he watches her again, drinking in the sight of her trembling naked body, her uncovered curves her full breasts, her plump thighs and her pretty face, just the perfection of her body as he fists himself again, as he slowly crawls on top of her, like an animal hunting his prey.
“Was my apology good enough?” He smirks, and instead of answering him, she just puts his hands on his face and pulls him down in a sticky kiss, tasting herself on his tongue. He takes a deep breath, as he kisses her back aggressively, pushing his tongue in her mouth, as he wraps his arm around her neck, as he aligns his cock to her entrance, pushing in in one firm motion making her pull away from the kiss, and leaning her head back as she arches her back, her face an expression of pure pleasure. Aemond goes down to kiss her neck as he thrusts into her with firm, rough, hard movements, her sobs music to his ear as he reaches her breast and he takes his nipple in her mouth and starts sucking it. He puts his other hand on her womb and presses it down.
“Do you feel me, baby?” he asks her as he runs the tip of his nose back on her cheek. She nods with her eyes closed, her head still thrown back.
“It’s me. Not Jason. Me.” he growls in her ear. “Say it.” he adds.
“You, just you… just you , Aemond.” She repeats. and Aemond speeds up his pace.
“Good, so good- Fuck.” he keeps grunting as she moans loudly when he quickens his movements, throwing her hands around his back, digging her nails on his back as she holds on to him as he keeps thrusting in her like a beast.
“You’re mine, aren’t you? -Fucking all mine- ah-” He presses his face in her neck, breathing heavily on her dump skin, as he breathes in her scent.
“You’ll come back to me- Doesn’t matter how many times I have to apologize-” He leans back and he puts his hand around her throat, her hands immediately covering his, as she opens her mouth as his cock starts rubbing that spot inside her. “You’ll always come back.”
He growls, speeding up his peace as she moans out loud, her eyes clenched shut.
“Yes- fuck, Aemond- Yes, I-I promise…” She nods eagerly at his every word, too lost in pleasure to even care what she was agreeing to. She might have thought this was just some talk during the passion, but Aemond meant every word. He would always have her back, no matter what he had to do.
“You’ll always welcome me back, mh?” He presses his nose on the side of her face. “You’ll always welcome me back in this pretty cunt of yours- Fuck, baby-” He groans outloud as he feels her orgasm around his cock, her long loud moan as her body starts tembling, her hands reaching for him to hold on to every part of his body. Aemond hugs her close, as he thrust a few more times as her walls keep squeezing him so good, that he cums with a low groan, hugging her tighter.
He kisses her cheek as she hugs him back.
“Mine.”
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derangedanomaly · 2 days
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Ever saw one of those dark powerful woman?
Like tall, beautiful, dark, dominate slightly degrading yeah that, Reader is that type of women and a mob 'wife' coming from a very famous company and does dirty business too but of course she's elegant with that and all, she doesn't like sharing period, Girl boss at it's finest
YES!! Love this.
MASTERLIST
BAD SANSES X MOB WIFE READER
Warning: suggestive, mentions of weapons, suggestive remarks towards the reader
NIGHTMARE:
He might appear calm, but underneath it all, he's just screaming in his head.
His horny buttons are going OFF
He seriously loves, and I mean- LOVES dominant people.
Nightmare often tries to appear to the others that he's the one that wants to dominate in relationship, and while that's partly true... He gets more hot at the thought of someone dominating him.
Let's be honest, a truly normal, wise person would never even THINK about going against Nightmare, unless he wants to die. So having someone actually DOMINATE Nightmare? That's a turn-on for him for sure.
He overall thinks he truly found his soulmate when he meets you. It's like it was fate! (Now he's just getting head over heels for you)
Oh, but he doesn't associates with you because he's madly in love with you! That's a total NONSENSE. he's doing it for his own gain of course. (He's just lying his ass off.)
One thing he probably doesn't like very much is how much manipulative you are. And it's not because he thinks it's "very bad and cruel". It's because you RIVAL him.
Like, he's supposed to be the most manipulative one here, not you! He'll kinda see this as a competition to be even MORE manipulative..
You can just consider yourself as done for, since he practically "claimed" you the moment you walked into the room.
KILLER:
"Mommy? Sorry.. mommy? Sorry... Mommy? Sorry-" and this goes on and on and on.
He loves dominative people, so he'll probably feel like he's in heaven the moment he sees you.
He thinks you're so cool actually. He can't help but stare at you mid-battle, just to see you elegantly cut someone's head open. He's literally foaming at the mouth.
Likes sneaking off, just to talk to you. You think he's so cute trying to get every chance he can just to talk to you.
He flirts with you. A lot.
One time, tried to borrow your pen and you almost broke his hand.
Will never forget that.
Doesn't like the fact that you don't share. HE JUST WANTS TO BORROW (add an item) FROM YOU??! Lmao, he's so frustrated.
You can command Killer anything, and he'll do it. No questions asked.
He's the subbiest sub the world has ever seen.
I'm dead serious when I say, that he'll do literally anything for you. All you have to do is ask.
DUST:
Tries to be respectful.. like....REALLY tries, but it's just so difficult with you.
He can't help but act like a wild dog around you.
You're just so amazing...
Likes the fact you're in a mafia. Reminds him of mafiatale Sans. (He gets along with him pretty well)
Please show him some tricks! He'd literally love it.
Likes your gun collection. (Probably gonna steal borrow one or two)
Please degrade him. He'll be on his knees. (Literally)
Would love to go on missions with you. He literally loves it.
Sometimes has trouble focusing when on missions with you. He just can't keep his eyes off of you.
Dust is anything but a shameless whistler. So there's like an 85% chance that he won't object you in such way. (Such as Killer and Nightmare)
He's the definition of women respecter.
After you two get together, he'll probably just wait until you're comfortable with doing anything suggestive with him. He's so patient too. 😭
He loves kisses. He won't complain if you decide to smother him in kisses ;)
HORROR:
He likes the fact that you're slightly taller than him. He doesn't have to look down. (Finally)
He immediately compares your position to Mafiatale Sans, and asks you if you're somehow associated with him. (It's your choice if you want to be)
Will probably refrain from objectifying you like Killer and Nightmare. He actually doesn't really like it. (He's just jealous)
He'll probably scold Killer for his behavior towards you. He doesn't care that Nightmare is his boss, he will scold him for making these crude remarks towards you. (This will bring him trouble 💀)
"It's...no wonder...that you're...'single'.." <- saying that to Killer. (Goddamn though 💀)
He's like a giant teddy bear towards you.. if asked, he'd do anything you ask for. And more.
I swear, it's like he's not even affected by your beauty. Though that's not entirely true. He has some thoughts...but tries to not act on them.
Show him how you do you're dirty work! He's gonna love it, I can promise you that.
The only way I can really describe your relationship, is that he doesn't want anything happen to you x you can handle yourself.
He'll probably try to protect you a lot. From what? He doesn't know, but still does it.
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hey, just wanted to say thanks for the rec for Cat Girl. it is the best kind of extremely uncomfortable! but it's got me musing on your note about the relevance of the cat girl element itself. I agree that it is depicting an abusive relationship, but it's clear that Peter is completely incapable of perceiving that that's what it is, because he's so far down a deeply screwed hole of ideology. (continued in a sec, hang on-)
- so Peter is the way he is because he has accepted a series of small explanations for the things in his life as seeming accurate, that has stacked up into a deeply dysfunctional worldview that he's too deep into to question at all. so I think the Literal Government Issued Cat Girl is very much a metaphor for a society-level case of "you don't question your own idea of normal". rather than address the root of the problem, a wildly unethical bandaid has been slapped on it. in other words; Peter doesn't question that his ideas are correct, when they're obviously very skewed. but the society that gave him Andi doesn't question that it is normal for people to get this twisted up in an effort to make sense of the world. of COURSE there are internet chuds, people like Peter existing is "normal". and in the process of just accepting that some people are unsalvageable, innocent people like Andi get hurt, and that's just "normal" too. Peter isn't unfixable. it's clear he could be better, WANTS to be better, because he is straight up miserable. but he doesn't consciously know that, or how to start. the decision that some people are just fundamentally screwed up and there's nothing anyone can do about it doesn't just hurt him, it lets him hurt the people around him. Andi is, metaphorically, everyone else being tossed under the bus alongside Peter by the simple act of treating him like he's just inherently a shitty person.
Man, this is a long ask! If I were the author of Cat Girl, I'd be honored to see someone spend so much time thinking about it. But I don't think I agree, exactly.
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Peter wants to "be a good person", yes, but his understanding of what a "good person" is is completely self-centered. Him calling Andi "Yua" while talking over her trying to explain that she does in fact have a name is obviously establishing him as a douche, but it's also worth noting that "Yua" is a Japanese name. He's thinking of her as an anime waifu and not a person (or, given the first results when I google "Yua", a porn star, but maybe it's a Breath of Fire 2 reference)
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And while he falls into depressive self-loathing after she complains about not having a change of clothes, his internal monologue is entirely about himself. At no point, ever, does Peter even consider that Andi has feelings or is anything other than a reflection on him.
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When he locks her in a closet, his most overtly abusive act, he starts crying because he feels bad about what a bad person he is, but even while he's crying he's simultaneously blocking the door, which is a very literal depiction of their relationship. His angsting about being a good person is not his way out of the problem, it is the problem. He never even once considers being nice to Andi because she'll like it, it's entirely "I don't want to force her to have sex with me (because that would make me feel bad), but maybe if I'm nice to her she'll initiate the sex". And he doesn't even care about the sex itself, just the implicit validation of being Confirmed Good By A Girl.
Peter is the way he is because his morality is entirely self-centered. Andi is a way for him to prove his morality to himself (well, try to and fail), not an actual person whose feelings he's ever considered except for if she hates him or not. That's what makes him such an interesting villain, he keeps concocting a story in his head where he's the poor sweet babu trying his best and never stops doing that to let his girlfriend out of the closet.
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Abandon All Delusions Of Control
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this is another cross-post. which is funny because I've paid for a domain name redirect to my tumblr since like 2016.. i never know what site is gonna explode these days. less people follow me here than anywhere but this write ups been passed around so...
I've been playing Dragon's Dogma 2 and while I'd love to talk about gameplay or interesting moments, the game's found itself something of a cultural lightning rod. It is a game with many friction points arising in a cultural moment where gamers are, perhaps more than ever, convinced that "consumers" are kings.
Dragon's Dogma 2 is not readily "solvable" and you can't min-max it. You will make mistakes. You will be scraped and bruised and scarred. Pain is sometimes the only bridge that can take us wher ewe need to go. And gaming culture, fed the lie of mastery and player importance, does not understand that scars can be beautiful. I love this game. I think it's a miracle it came out at all.
I also think in spite of the success it's found… that 2024 might be the worst possible year for it to have released.
Let's ramble about it..
It's easy to feel like Hideaki Itsuno and his team miscalculated the amount of friction that players are willing to endure and while I don't think that's true (he didn't miscalculate moreso stick to his particular vision) it certainly appears that we've reached a point in gaming where players, glutted on convenience, don't really know what to do when robbed of it. I've heard folks complain that they can't sprint everywhere or else balk learning that ferrystones required for fast travel cost 10,000 gold as if these shatter DD2 into pieces. I'm vaguely sympathetic to these concerns but at the same time they seem to spring entirely from a lack of understanding of the game's design goals. Much like how folks demanding a traditionally structured RPG narrative from an Octopath game misunderstand what that team is trying to do, players asking to sprint through the world or teleport with ease fundamentally misunderstand what Dragon's Dogma wants. The world is not a wrapper for a story. It is the story. Dragon's Dogma is a story factory whose various textures create unprecedented triumphs and memorable failure.
It is crucial to the experience to allow both of those to occur and live with whatever follows.
I'm always cautious of talking like this because it can come off as smug or superior but I think ultimately that's the truth of the matter here. This was not a well-played franchise before now and even if it's a AAA title, there's a way in which this game is meant to elide most AAA open world trends. You are expected to traverse. If you want relatively cheap and faster travel, you're meant to find an oxcart and pay the (quite modest) fee to move between trade hubs much like you would pay for a silt strider in Morrowind. Even if you do this, you could be ambushed on the road and in the worst case the ox pulling the cart can be killed. Something being "possible" in a game doesn't always mean it is intentional but Dragon's Dogma continually undercuts the player's ability to avoid long treks. Portcrystals, which act as fast travel destinations, are limited and ferry stones (while not prohibitively expensive compared to weapons and armor) are juuust expensive enough that you need to consider if the expense is worthwhile. Once is happenstance. Multiple times is a pattern. And the pattern in Dragon's Dogma is to disincentivize easy travel. It screams of intent.
Something I could not have imagined playing games growing up is the ways in which even a decade (or two) could lead to radically different attitudes on what games should provide. That's an audience issue to an extent but it's also something games have brought upon themselves. The "language" of an open world game has been solidified through years climbable towers, mini-map marked caves, and options to zip around worlds. When a game deviates from that language, the change is more noticeable than ever.
Hell, even Elden Ring (perhaps the closest modern relative to Dragon's Dogma) allows you to warp between bonfires and gives you a steed to ride. But that's also a much larger game! DD2 is not a large game and the story is not long. Yes, you can spend untold hours wandering about into nooks and crannies but a trek from one end of the world to another is still significantly shorter than bounding through most open worlds and a run through the critical path reveals a speedy game. Not as speedy as the first but brisk by genre standards.
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exploration is the glue that binds the combat and progression system in place. Upgrading armor and weapons requires seeking out specific materials and fighting certain monsters. Gathering the funds for big purchases in shops mostly comes from selling your excess monster parts. The entire game hinges on the idea of long expeditions where you accrue materials and supplies on the road and then invest that horde one way or another once you return to town. It's not simply a matter of mood and tone for you to trek throughout the world without ease. The gameplay loop is built around it.
There's another complicating factor that I'm less interested in diving into and it's the presence of certain microtransactions at launch. Principally I'm against MTX in single players games, particularly conveniences of which most of DD2's microtransactions are. But I also think there's been a fundamental misunderstanding of what many of these are. Among the biggest things I've heard (repeatedly!) is that you can pay real life money for fast travel but that's not true. You can buy a single portcrystal offering you one more potential location to warp to. It's a one-time purchase and the only travel convenience offered. This has transformed, partly because of people's lack of familiarity with Dragon's Dogma's mechanics, into a claim that you can pay over and over to teleport around. I think that assumption reveals more about the general audience than anything else.
I think it is worth entertaining a question: does the existence of this extra port crystal signify a compromising of the game's goals regarding travel? That's not a discussion that folks seem to be interested in having—instead opting for more emotional and reactionary panicking—but it is the most interesting question. On face the answer is yes and that raises the follow up question of whether or not the developers had knowledge this convenience (though one-off) would be offered to players. If so, did that knowledge affect how they designed the game? Even slightly? It seems rather clear to me that these purchases are a publisher decision; there's nothing in the game's design that suggest the dev team wants players to have access to an extra portcrystal. As we've established it's quite the opposite!
They want you to haul your fucking ass around and get jumped by goblins, buddy.
Which is many words to say that as much as I care about microtransactions from a consumer standpoint, the way in which they undermine Dragon's Dogma 2's goals is a fair reminder of the ways in which they hurt developers. Ultimately, I do think that these purchases are ignorable and in that sense (combined with the misinformation surrounding them) I'm a little burned by the consumer-minded discussion. Doubly so because of the way it feels, at least in part, tied into a certain kind of rhetoric that's been on the rise lately. Instead, I find myself drawn to the question of the damage they do the devs and if more onerous plans actually would force their hands into undercutting portions of their own designs. The shift of many series into live-service chasing suggest so but even as I entertain these thoughts I don't get the sense that Itsuno and his team were forced to reshape their game world to encourage these microtransactions. The world is as they want.
If it wasn't, they wouldn't make it so failing to act quickly in a quest to find a missing kid stolen by wolves could end with you being too late. They wouldn't make it so buying goods from an Elven shop without an interpreter was a hassle. It's present in Every Damn Thing!
More interesting to consider is why this particular game became such a lightning rod of passion when I'm going to assume that most people caught up in the discussion have no particular fealty to the series. The answer is a combination of factors but there's something about the genre that ignites the panic we're seeing as much as the culture moment we're in. When people try to explain that these MTX purchases are not needed, it's confused for approval of their inclusion but that's not something we need to grant. I don't think anyone wants these things here and when they say "you don't need them" they are referring to the more complex thought that the game is better played without them. But this is not heard because the idea that you'd want to opt into friction and discomfort is not something that the general audience is likely to understand. They're wired against it. They crave ease.
not everyone, mind you. DD2's enjoyed a lot of excited reactions (there's tons of folks who like this game as it is and are happily playing it) but it has faced plenty of folks railing against "bad" design choices but the fact remains that those "bad" choices were intentional.
I'm writing about this stuff instead of, say, the wild journey I took solving one of the Sphinx's riddles because the immediately interesting thing about Dragon's Dogma 2 has been what it's become as a cultural object. It is a game suffering from success. Never designed for a general audience or modern standards but thrust into their hands due to Capcom's ongoing renaissance. Dragon's Dogma is a fine game whose cult status is well earned but the reason DD2 garnered this attention (and therefore becomes a hot-topic game) has as much to do with Capcom's ongoing success rate as anything else. In some ways, it actually IS a good time to release a game like Dragon's Dogma 2. There's certainly a curiousity in place. Partly borne of goodwill and also from folks' genuine desire to try something new.
and yet, we're in a odd moment in games. consumer rights lanaguge, having been fundamentally misunderstood and reconfigured by gamers as a rhetoric for justifying their purchase habits (I'm paying the money! why can't the game do exactly as I demand!?) has stifled many people's ability to have imaginative interpretations of gameplay mechanics. they don't ask "what is this thing doing as a storytelling device" (which mechanics are!) and rather default to "what is this thing doing to me and my FUN and my TIME". which are not bad questions but they also misunderstand the possibility space games have to offer. While we can attribute some of the objections that has arisen to players' thoughts about genre itself and the way in which Dragon's Dogma positions friction as a key gameplay pillar, the fact of the matter is that we would not be having such spirited discussion about these things in, say, 2017. not that things were great back then, but I think the audience is worse now in many, many ways. sarcastically? I blame Game Design YouTube.
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Even if there were no microtransactions, we'd still be having a degree of Discourse thanks to a key game mechanic: Dragonplague. It is a disease that can afflict your Pawn companions which initially causes them to get mouthy and start to disobey orders. If you notice these signs (alongside ominous glowing eyes) then your Pawn has been infected and you're expected to dismiss them back to the Rift where that infection can spread to another player. The game gives a pop up to the player explaining this the first time they encounter the disease. However, some players have ignored that warning and found a dire consequence: an untreated Pawn can, when the player rests at an inn, go on an overnight rampage that kills the majority of NPCs in whatever settlement they are in. This includes plot-important characters. The reaction's been intense. Reddit always sucks but man… just look…
I understand some of the ire. It's a drastic shift from your pawn being a bit ornery to instantly killing an entire city. On the other hand, the game does warn of potentially dire consequences if a Pawn's sickness is ignored. Players have simply underestimated the scale of that consequence. Surely no major RPG would mass murder important characters and break questlines! We're in post Oblivion/Skyrim world. Important NPCs are essential and cannot be killed, right? Well, wrong and this is another way in which Dragon's Dogma chases after the legacy of a game like Morrowind more than than it adapts current open world trends. This is a world where things can break and the developers have decided that they are okay with it breaking in a very drastic way. It's hard to think of anything comparable in a contemporary game. We don't really do this kind of thing anymore.
The result has been panic and a spread of information both helpful and hopelessly speculative. Is your game ruined? Well, maybe. There is an item you can find which allows for mass resurrection but that's gonna require some questing. But some players also say that you can wait a while and the game will eventually reset back to the pre-murder status quo. What's true? Hard to know. Dragon's Dogma doesn't show all of its cards and won't always explain itself. We know entire cities can be killed. We know that individual characters can be revived in the city morgue or else the settlement restored (mostly) with a special item. Dragonplague is detectable and the worst case scenario is, to some extent or another, something that the player can ameliorate. Those are facts but they don't really matter.
That's because players issue (panick? hysteria?) with dragonplague is as much to do with what it represents as what it does. Players are used to the notion of game worlds being spaces where they get to determine every state of affair. They are, as I've suggested before, eager to play the tyrant. Eager to enact whatever violences or charities that might strike their fancy. They do this with the expectation that they will be rewarded for the latter but face no consequences for the former. Dragonplague argues otherwise. No, it says, this world is also one that belongs to the developers and they are more than fine with heaping dire consequences on players. Before the dragonplague's consequences were known, players were running around the world killing NPCs in cities because it would stabilize the framerate. They're fine with mass murder on their own terms. they love it!
This is made more clear when we look at how Dragon's Dogma handles saving the game. While there are autosaves between battles, players are expected to rest at inns to save their game. This costs some gold, which is a hassle, but the bigger "issue" is that they only have one save slot. Which means that save scumming is not entirely feasible though not impossible with a bit of planning. What it does mean, however, is that the game is saved when a dragonplague attack happens. you have to rest at an inn for this to trigger. which saves the game. They cannot roll back the clock. The tragedy becomes a fact. It's not the only time Dragon's Dogma does this. For instance, players can come into possession of a special arrow that can slay anything. When used, the game saves. Much like how players are given a warning about dragonplague, they're warned before using this arrow: don't miss.
If you do? that's a real shame. The depth of this consequence is uncommon in today's gaming landscape. Games are mostly frivolous and save data is the amber from which players suck crystallized potentialities. Don't like what happened? No worries. Slide into your files and find the frozen world which suits your proclivities. You are God. In Dragon's Dogma, you are not god. The threads of prophecy can be severed and you must persist in the doomed world that's been created. The mere suggestion is an affront. The fact that Dragon's Dogma has the stones to commit to the bit in 2024 is essentially a miracle.
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It's easy to boil everything I'm saying down to "Dragon's Dogma is not afraid to be rude to the player" but that doesn't capture the spirit of the design. It invites players to go on a hike. It makes no attempt to hide that the hike is difficult. But that's the extent of it. It offers little guidance on the path, doesn't check if you're a skilled enough hiker. Your decision to go on the hike is taken as proof of your acceptance of the fact that you might fall down.
This is not unique to Dragon's Dogma. In fact, this is part of the appeal (philosophically) of a game like Elden Ring. The difference being that even FromSofts much-lauded gamer gauntlets (excepting perhaps Sekiro, conincidentally their best work) offer more ways to adjust and fix the world state to the player's liking. Even the darling of difficulty will offering you a hand when you fall. Dragon's Dogma is not so eager to do so. In a decade where convenience is king for video games, that represents both a keen understanding of its lineages and a shocking affront to accepted norms and expectations.
The core of Dragon's Dogma, the very defining characteristics that earned it cult status, are the same things that have caused these modern tensions. It is both a franchise utterly consistent in its design priorities and entirely out of touch with the modern audience. Dragon's Dogma 2 has come into prominence during a time where imaginative interpretation of mechanics is at an all time low and calls for "consumer" gratification are taken as truisms. It is a game entirely at odds with the YouTube ecosystem and the very things that give it allure are the tools that have turned it into a debated object.
This flashpoint of discussion is proof of Dragon Dogma 2's design potency. It's also a sign of the damage that modern design trends have done to games as whole and the ongoing fallout that's come from gamers learning design concepts without really understanding what designing a game entails. And, uh… I dunno respond to that or how to end this. That's both very cool but it also bums me out. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a remarkably confident game but games are long beyond the point of admiring a thing for being honest.
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So I think we can all agree that the Archerons were so weird because they didn’t bicker like real siblings, so here’s a snippet of a fic I’m writing where all the sisters are arguing. This takes place during a dress fitting for Elain’s wedding. Warning: lots of inner circle slander
Nesta scowled at her reflection as faeries fussed over her, adjusting the gown she was wearing.
“You look lovely, Nesta,” Feyre said from the seat beside her. “Easy for you to say,” Nesta muttered. Feyre looked magnificent in an electric blue halter top paired with black slacks and boots. A circlet of small crescent moons lay upon her forehead. “I look ridiculous.” Nesta glared at the gold dress she had been shoved into again. “God, it’s the same as my hair. Can’t you get a red dress, at least? This makes my skin fade out.” At last, the dressers obeyed, pulling the ill-fitting monstrosity away from her body. 
“You looked pretty in that dress, Nesta,” Elain said gently, her hair up in a jumbo bun at the top of her head, wildflowers surrounding the band holding it up. She wasn’t getting fitted today, but she had come to see what dresses Nesta and Feyre would be wearing. Not like Elain would have any difficulty with her dress. She looked perfect in everything she wore, except perhaps that black dress she’d once worn in the Hewn City. It was annoying.
“Quit lying Elain, I looked like wallpaper,” Nesta snapped. Then she sighed. “Red is truly my color, but that blonde bitch everyone thinks is sooo beautiful is always wearing it, so I usually opt for black.”
“Don’t speak that way about Mor,” Feyre said sharply.
“I’ll speak of her however I like, little sis. She’s not my friend, and frankly, she isn’t really even yours.”
Feyre glowered at her. “She saved me from Tamlin.”
“Did she do that for you, or for little Rhys-rhys? Has she ever stood up for you in front of Rhysand? She certainly despises me; thought me fit to throw into the court of nightmares. I highly doubt you’re much different.”
“Yeah, I am. Maybe if you weren’t such a bitch all the time, people would treat you differently.”
Nesta laughed sarcastically. “Because 500 year old uber powerful Fae warriors can’t handle a 23 year old formerly human woman handing their asses to them, can they?”
“You’re really going to start this now, with my wedding just around the corner?” Elain complained. Nesta whipped her head around to her. “Oh, sure! I absolutely care about this sham of a wedding! Feyre’s mate is a jackass, my mate is a jackass, but perhaps third time’s the charm with you, huh, Elain?” 
“Lucien is ten times the man Rhysand will ever be,” Elain said coldly, her temper causing her voice to raise volume. Nesta opened her mouth to say that this doesn’t mean much considering Rhysand is a small boy stuck in a man’s form when Feyre interrupted. “Wait a damn minute. You both despise my husband?” she demanded.
“What gave it away, Feyre?” Nesta drawled. “Me constantly insulting Rhysand, resisting his orders, and declaring him not my high lord? Me not wishing to live with the rest of you? Elain literally leaving Night to get away from him?”
“I thought Elain left Night because of Azriel!”
“Azriel?!” Elain let out a snort which turned into such mirth that Nesta stared. “That broody, brainless bat not man enough to speak about his feelings in any capacity? You think I’d leave because of him? As if! I left because I got tired of your fake family’s fake welcome and decided Lucien was better than the lot of them.” 
“Lucien let me get hurt in Spring!”
“Don’t give me that bullshit, Feyre!” Elain shrieked, and Nesta gasped. Elain cussing was something Nesta frankly thought she’d never hear. “Lucien told me his side of the story, and it seems as if your head was too far up Rhysand’s ass to realize everything Lucien has done for you!” 
“Just like Feyre never acknowledged the work we did around the house when we were in the cottage,” Nesta muttered. Elain nodded. Feyre stalked up to Nesta and slapped her face so hard her neck tilted. “Oh no you didn’t,” Nesta snarled, and she shoved Feyre into a coat rack, taking her and the rack to the ground. The two of them began wrestling, Elain crying, “Stop, you idiots, stop!” in the background. “Help, there’s a fight going on in here!”
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ellilyre · 17 hours
Text
I finished ToA not long ago and I wanted to write down some thoughts/scenes that stick with me
(in chronological (ish) order, watch out for spoilers)
Theres an italian girl at camp ! It means Nico gets to practice and speak italian ! (which probably haven't happened in about 70 years)
Will introducing Nico as "my boyfriend". I already knew they would be canon, but reading that line felt weird /pos
Apollo sees Solangelo and think of himself and Hyacinth
That night when Kayla and Austin disappeared and Apollo left to look for them, it probably was the first night Will ever spent alone in his cabin
Apollo's insane body dysmorphia. He's a god, he can always take the physical form he is the most comfortable and confident in... Until now. He is stuck in a body that isn't his, he feels ashamed, when he sees certain traits in others he find them charming or pretty, but when it's on him then it's disgusting. He complain that everything is this body's fault (ex. he wouldn't have been touched by the Eurynomos if it wasn't for his chub.)(I could go on for hours)
Lityerses ! I love that guy. Idk why i love him that much. He is my best guy.
Apollo's reaction to Commodus' name. His flashback of him. So painful he was physically sick.
Apollo talking Helios out of killing them, because he just want to be free, not to hurt them.
APOLLO ATTEMPT TO KHS TO STOP THEM ?? IM A SUCKER FOR SOME GOOD PAINFUL SELF SACRIFICE.
Jason. I'm not talking about Jason. I can't speak about Jason.
Frank and Apollo ! They are so fond of each other !!!
Apollo heard all of Frank's prayers when he was unclaimed and wished he could've adopted him.
And Frank respecting Apollo as a god although he is *vaguely gesture at Apollo/Lester*
Reyna saying aloud that she doesn't want nor needs romance. It's so rare to see aromantic representation and Rick did it so well.
Literally Apollo singing his way out of situations.
FRANK'S SELF SACRIFICE!!! (He already had one of my favorite character development before that)
APOLLO KILLING COMMODUS ??? why do never talk about that it's one of the best deaths I've ever seen that was BADASS AND FULL OF EMOTIONS.
Apollo slowly dying out of poison and the Dodona Arrow doing everything it can to keep him conscious.
I hope Dakota didn't get killed off just to give Lavinia the role of Centurion. I love my boy Dakota, and his death felt kind of meaningless, except for her rank up :/ also i feel like it doesn't suit Lavinia. Some ppl are strong and good and trustable but just not made to order others. (ill prop make a full post about that)
Dionysos confirmed to be an annoying little brother!
Nico. How does Rick manage to always give him more issues. Leave the kid alone.
When Will glows, Apollo is genuinely impressed and tells him how proud he is.
Nico destroying Nero's door with his giant zombie bull. That was cool.
When Apollo gets stabbed in Nero's tower and think it's the end, he prays "Zeus, Artemis, Leto, anyone"
And in general the few parts he talks about Leto, he's such a momma's boy and I love it.
When Apollo left for Delphi... I was fully expecting Meg to go with him. I was so worried that he went alone while already feeling that weakened from the previous events.
DODONA ARROW. FOREVER IN MY HEART.
Artemis is here when Apollo wakes up. She's by his side, she's the first person to tell him he succeeded, she hold him while he sobs...
The first thing he does is to greet his horses :) and then to see his friends.
When he gets back to the Dodona bush ! To tell them all how brave and heroic the Arrow have been !
I could spend hours talking about the character developments of Apollo, Meg and the Dodona Arrow (i love the arrow so much you have no idea) but its for another day
There's many things I didn't talk about, but the post is already long enough. I love those 5 books, and Apollo is an amazing narrator.
I love the Arrow of Dodona with all my heart.
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cynifer · 4 hours
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Team Free Will began the downfall of Supernatural. The show was always about the brothers. It isn’t an ensemble piece. I don’t know why fans insist on stanning extras who ultimately mean nothing to the core story. This includes Castiel. “Fans” like you are what ruin the Supernatural fandom. If you aren’t stanning Sam and Dean you can’t really call yourself a fan of the show.
Wow. This is…a lot.
Let me start by saying if Kripke didn’t add Angels and if Crowley had never appeared on the show, there is no way we would have gotten 15 seasons. No way.
Because 15 seasons of Sam being a selfish jackass, Dean pouting about it, the brothers making up and then starting all over all while chasing the monster of the week would have eventually gotten stale.
Misha, both Marks and Alex*, being listed as the main cast at various times is verifiable proof that TPTB though it was an ensemble show. Just because the finale was an epic fuck up doesn’t change that.
Fans like you can complain all you want about the “extras” but they aren’t invited to conventions for no reason: they are very popular with the majority of fans. Because most fans can see that the addition of people outside of the Winchester bloodline actually expanded the appeal of the show AND the appeal of Winchester brothers. We got to see so much more of their personalities** without them being filtered through the prism of brotherhood.
And to be blunt, Jensen definitely needed different actors to work with because Jared most certainly didn’t challenge him much. You can only do so much when your acting partner thinks a well-placed huff passes for emoting.
As much as I’ve grown to enjoy the first three seasons of SPN, the first time around I was getting annoyed midway through season 3. Dean sacrificed himself so that Sam could live and Sam spends the better part of the season either giving him shit about it or just completely ignoring Dean’s inner turmoil about it. (The Christmas episode comes screaming to mind here. Instead of thinking about how it was going to be Dean’s last Christmas, Sam spent most of the episode moping about how shitty his Christmases were as a child. It wasn’t about how hard Dean tried to make Christmas special for Sam and how Dean wanted to do that one final time, it was about Sam and his issues. As ever.)
So you’ll excuse me if I think giving (mostly) Dean friends he could both work with and trust - not only at times when he couldn’t trust Sam, but with feelings he knew he couldn’t share with Sam*** - was a great idea and infused much needed life into the show.
Castiel (and Misha) pretty much stole season 4 from Sam. His fans feel cheated Sammy didn’t save Dean from Hell so they will forever be salty that Kripke (and those who followed him) decided to keep trying his luck by adding more recurring characters after the spectacular success of Misha/Cas being added to the show.
Literally everyone except people who don’t like Misha consider him the third lead on the show. If you don’t like that, it’s a you problem, pal.
*I’m sure I’m missing others. Jim Beaver maybe?
**Insert your own snarky joke about Sam’s lack of personality here.
***Because as much as Sam would beg Dean to share his feelings, whenever Dean caved and did just that, invariably Sam would use that info against him.
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cherriesformatt · 6 hours
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Hi could I request Matt x reader
They are in their senior year of Highschool and it’s prom season.The reader is sad because she never had any romance in her life and dreams of a promposal.Matt really likes the reader and even though he doesn’t like bring attention to him he surprises the reader.
promposal || matt sturniolo
matt x fem!reader
warnings: none, fluff!
word count: 1,1k
a/n: I hope you like it and I did not ruin the idea!
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🍒
I came home and tossed my bag and car keys on the cubby.
"Hi! I'm home!" I yelled to check if anyone was back from work or in case of my brother from school.
Only echo answered me and I sight of relief because the last thing I wanted was to small talk with everyone how my day was.
I went to my room, stripped from my clothes and wrapped my body in white, fluffy robe. I took change of clothes, my phone and dragged my feet to my parents master bathroom. They had huge bath tube and my mom had all those fancy stuff from TikTok to make a relaxing bath.
I made myself one with lots of bubbles and got in. I didn’t put any bath bomb or candles because it would give me a headache. The only thing I did was putting music on from my phone on the speaker in the bathroom.
I hated today. And all of this week to be honest.
It was this time of the year again. Senior year to be specific. Thats why I hated it even more because it's the last time ever for that.
For prom.
Everyone including my best friends were proposed to go to prom by their boyfriends. In every cute way possible. I was only there to fake smile and be happy for them but also a little jealous. Because here is the thing.
I was always so focused on school and soccer that I never, ever let any boy near me. It is a miracle that my best friends are still my friends. I was single through all high school, never went on any date and when I rejected some boys no-one asked me again. Which brings us here, I also was never asked to go for a prom. This time it was a little sad because it is going to be my last prom.
"I hate myself" I said and made my body to go under hot water while Frank Ocean was playing in the room.
I stayed like that for a second but I heard my music stopped for a massage notification so I sat back up and took my phone from the ground next to the bath tube splashing some water on the floor.
I checked the massage and I was a little surprised. It was from Matt Sturniolo. I knew him because his brother Chris was dating my best friend Maggie. He sometimes drives us to parties or games. He and his triplet brothers played hockey and lacrosse in our school. They were pretty good. Nick also did our yearbook this year. Matt and I never really had any class together and beside knowing him as Chris's brother I didn't really spend time with him. He didn’t usually stay at parties after games and even if he did he spent time with his team mates I did with mine.
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I smiled a little. Was he kind of asking me out? What should I do?
Wasn't I just complaining that nobody asked me out?
And I said yes.
What am I even going to wear? It’s march and it’s going to be cold on the beach.
I spend and hour in the bath and than I ate early dinner and started to get ready.
I did blow out on my hair and put a light make up on. I didn’t want to look like I care too much. I put some jeans on and a hoodie with white Air Force 1. They had blue flowers custom painted for me on them by one of my friends.
When I got a text massage from Matt that he is waiting outside a little before 7 I told my parents I’m leaving and took my purse and locked the door behind me.
He was leaning on his car and smiled when he saw me. He looked nice. We kinda matched the outfits. He also was wearing a hoodie and jeans and white air forces.
“Hi… it’s nice to see you not on the field next to mine” he said.
That’s true. We usually just had practice or a game next to each other.
“Same to you… you stole my outfit tho” I laughed as he opened car doors for me.
“I can live with matching your outfit” He smiled looking at me and he closed the doors and went to the driver seat.
We drove to the beach talking about everything and nothing. Mostly about sports and music and the midterms.
“We’re here let’s go?” He smiled when we parked.
I got out of the car and he came to me.
“Okay I know it will sound weird but can you close your eyes? And not peek?” Ha asked me.
He was nervous?
“Okay…. But if you want to kill me my dad is going to find you and probably kill your brother for accident” I said closing my eyes and sticking my hand out for him.
He giggled at what I said and toon my hand to lead me.
Sun was setting already so it is going to be dark soon. I’m not sure what we are doing here.
I heard some sounds as we were walking on the sand but mostly it was sound of the ocean.
“Okay I’m going to let go of your hand… don’t open your eyes just yet” he said.
He dropped my hand and I stand waiting for him to tell me to open my eyes. I heard some voices too.
What the hell is happening.
“Okay… you can open your eyes now” Matt said from somewhere in front of me.
I opened my eyes and they automatically widened.
There was some lanterns going up into the sky. Like I my favorite movie.
Tangled.
I looked at them and then down to see where they are coming from. Whole lacrosse and hockey team were putting them up.
There he was standing in the middle with a poster that said:
Light up my night at prom?
And there was a painting of the tower from the movie. It was beautiful. I bet Maggie did it.
Nobody ever did anything like that for me.
“Matt what the hell?” I said coming up to him I’m pretty sure I had tears in my eyes now.
“Sooo?” He looked at me unsure of my reaction.
“Of course..” I said looking at him and wiped my cheeks with my hoodies sleeve.
Whole teams started cheering and I laughed.
“How did you even know? That I like the movie…” I asked.
“Well I talked to Chris and Chris talked to Maggie and you know…” he scratched back of his neck.
“Gosh I feel like I could kiss you right now…” I whispered.
He smiled and put one of his hands on my cheek and the other one wondered on my back to pull me closer to him. He looked deep in my eyes looking for reassurance but I just connected our lips together.
It couldn’t get any better. The best promposal I could ask for.
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shmolish · 22 hours
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AN: Def seems like the person to deny being sick, and act like a little bastard, and not take medicine, and just act whiney and clingy
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Sick! Shadow Milk Cookie x Reader
Oneshot (headcanons below)
Warnings: idk, just a silly little post of our favorite trickster ☆☆☆
-Sick-
"Shadow Milk, you have to take the medicine or you're not going to get better!"
"I already told you- It's gross and I don't wanna!"
This back and forth had been going on for who knows how long.
You see, Shadow Milk had caught a cold, and you have been trying to get him to take medicine to recover. The only problem was, he was being a stubborn little brat.
"And I'm fine! It's just a cough. I'm not even sick-"
Oh, and there was that too. He kept insisting that he was fine when he clearly wasn't.
"You threw up an hour ago."
"That's unrelated."
You frowned.
"If you don't take it then I'm going to become sick. You would want that, right?"
He glared at you. "I don't like how you're using your own health against mine," he'd say.
"Fine, give it here," he reached his hand out for the bottle of medicine, to which you happily gave him.
Then he began to gulp it down by the bottle-full.
"MILKTHATSNOTHOWYOURESUPPOSEDTOTAKETHEMEDICINE-" You'd scream out in mild panic.
"Just be grateful I'm even taking it in the first place!" He'd hiss.
He finished the entire bottle.
"This stuff tastes gross. I don't know how you normal people do it," He'd stick out his tongue, and you would snatch the now empty bottle from his hands.
"That's because you're not supposed to drink all of it."
"Yada Yada, rules aren't really my thing, doll. Anyway, am I like.. not sick anymore?"
What a clueless, loveable, idiot.
"...No. You have to wait a while,"
He had a disgusted look on his face.
"Are you serious? I drank that whole bottle and it doesn't even cure me? That's such a scandal." He would cross his arms.
"Again, you weren't supposed to drink it all."
"Yeah yeah, my bad. Now hurry up and cuddle me. It's been much to long since I've last had you in my arms." He would reach his arms out for you, making grabbing hands and a pouting face.
"No way- I don't want to catch what you have."
He ignored your response and snatched you under the covers with him.
You were really stuck now. You both know that if Shadow Milk wants something, it's his. And in the current moment, he wanted your attention.
"If you do end up getting sick, then I'll be the one to take care of you."
It was going to be a long week.
Headcanons ☆
Runs around the house to avoid taking medicine
Denies being sick, even though he sneezes like every five seconds
Refuses to rest
Will get abnormaly warm, but will still complain about being cold
Will cuddle you in the night and you're legit overheating
He says sorry but doesn't do anything about it
Either takes all of the blankets from you, or puts ALL of the blankets on both of you
Either way, he uses all of the blankets
Ten times clingy, but he insists its for 'no reason in particular.'
Gets so whiney and needy
If he doesn't have your attention 24/7 he screams
Will 100% use his sick status to avoid responsibilities
Still a flirty bastard
If he ever seems to get randomly better, he'll say it's because of your love
One time has attempted to start an... interesting doctor and patient role play
You shut down the idea quickly and he wouldn't stop nagging you about it for the rest of the day
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dumplingsjinson · 3 days
Text
an update on cat guy because it's been a hot minute since i've done one, i think. i don't remember if i've talked about him lately so here goes.
i had a date with cat guy on monday night; met his extended family again for his cousin's birthdy party (which i was informed about ON MONDAY MORNING SO I WAS LIKE HUH), was somehow roped into being in some of the pictures as well so i'm like- oh. they remember me, but i don't remember their names lmfao weflnewklnf
i ended up staying over (like i've been doing literally every date now lmfao).
ANYYWAAYYY, we've been having this thing where tickle fights (started by my menace self) would turn into his face being so close to mine, and i'd have to resist the temptation to kiss him just because i love playfighting with him (because i know once i give in, he'd kiss me hard and wouldn't let me go for a damn while) even though it ends up with me losing EVERY TIME.
and i also just love hearing him laughing. like, sometimes he'd try to kiss me and i'd pretend to give in and then be like HAHA no- we STILL HAVE MORE OF THIS TO GO!
whenever i actually give up because i lowkey tired myself out with all the resisting, he'd move in closer and... well, yeah.
FORGIVE A GIRL FOR GIVING INTO THE TEMPTATION OF RELIEVING THAT SEXUAL TENSION OKAY.
(TMI below the line, if you don't want to see me share the details then spare yourself lmfao)
now that's out of the way.
things would get pretty hot and heavy (my question to him last night, verbatim, after we calmed down a little: "how do we always end up like this?" and mfer goes "is there a problem with that?" in his usual teasing tone while holding me even closer to him EVERY GOD DAMN TIME.
and no, i'm not complaining, because i have needs and wants and i am not someone who's afraid to admit that and usually i want that to happen which is why i start the tickle fights HAHAH
so that night, let's just say i was being a very needy lil shit (his thigh was involved) and i was like blabbering and being all like "this is so embarrassing" in a soft whine, and this man goes:
"it's so hot," in that husky voice of his.
FUCKING EXCUSE-
he also called me his good girl once again AND IT NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME FEEL SO SHY LKWENFWEKN
anyways.
after that first session (yes we had another one afterwards, stfu-), i was telling him how i wanna make him feel good too (he's always the one making me feel good and i felt so selfish for receiving so much and giving so little).
he proceeds to tell me, "you make me happy. i like making you feel good and as long as you feel good and you're happy, then i feel good, too."
and me, while stroking his hair and feeling guilty with the knowledge that he's usually the one giving, "but are you happy?" (and when i asked that, even though he already said i make him happy, i meant like... is he really happy?? considering how, in my head, he was giving so much and i wasn't returning much. not because i don't want to but because he never asks for much even when i straight up ask him what he wants me to do with him. i'm just someone who very easily doubts things).
and motherfucker on a truck (the sweetheart that he fucking is onrgklfnw), goes: "yeah. i'm happy when you're happy, because i love you so much" and lays his head on my chest and i'm likeee HELLLPPPPPP ofnewklnfw 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
after like a moment or two because my brain is a piece of laggy shit, i mutter a soft "i love you, too" and hold him closer to me bECAUSE I'M BAD AT EXPRESSING MY AFFECTIONS WITH WORDS AND SAYING I LOVE YOU IS NOT SOMETHING THAT NATURALLY COMES TO ME EVEN WHEN IT'S SAID TO ME FIRST OKAY, LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE
i've asked him plenty of times prior to this time what he wants me to do with him and it all boils down to this: he's someone who likes to please, rather than to be pleased.
which is fair enough, but i did tell him if he ever wants me to do anything, he can tell me.
but yeah. all this happened.
and i can't wait to see him again for his friend's birthday party, which he invited me to wlknfe
it's so funny bc i feel like i'm slowly entering his world and i'm part of his comfort zone now.
he's also an insufferable piece of shite and a right old prat at times, but i love him either way <3
he also did suggest something he's wanted to try but never got around to doing so after that talk of ours, which lead into the second session SAURRR
:))) i love him-
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