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#bechloe angst
massivedrickhead · 4 months
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33. "Look me in the eyes and tell me what time you went to bed last night. Or if you went to bed, for that matter."
I went a touch angsty with this one again, but nothing too heavy.
As it stands, this is the last prompt I have to do from the list, so I can't promise there'll be anymore daily updates. There's one more in my inbox, but I can't really think of anything to do with it.
So if you want to send a prompt from the list, now's your chance 🥰
If this is my last one, I want to send a massive thank you to everyone who's sent me a prompt over the last two weeks, and to everyone who has commented, reblogged, and liked.
33. “Look me in the eyes and tell me what time you went to bed last night.  Or if you went to bed, for that matter.”
Prompt taken from here
Read on AO3
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“Look me in the eyes and tell me what time you went to bed last night. Or if you went to bed, for that matter.”
Beca breathed out through her nose and crossed her arms across her chest. She didn't answer Chloe, and her eyes remained fixed on the ground.
Her silence was the only answer Chloe needed.
“Okay, how about the last time you ate a decent meal? Or drank something other than coffee?”
Beca finally looked up, and Chloe could tell she was biting the inside of her mouth. “I have to go to work,” she said. 
She tried to turn and walk away, but Chloe took hold of her arm. “Beca, I’m not done talking about this.”
“I don’t have time for this right now,” Beca said. “I’m late.”
“You never have time,” Chloe said, following Beca down the hall. “Beca, I can’t keep doing this.”
It felt like something sharp stabbed Beca in her stomach at the sound of those words. It travelled up to her chest, took hold of her heart and squeezed.
When she looked at Chloe she could see tears in her eyes. Not for the first time, she wondered how they got here. How she let it get this bad. 
Beca opened her mouth to say something but the anxiety crawling up from her chest had now robbed her of words. 
When Chloe realised she wasn’t going to get an answer, she spoke again. 
“I need you to take this seriously, Beca. I need you to take me seriously. If you aren’t home by six tonight, ready to talk to me then…” Chloe swallowed, and it took everything she had not to cry. “Then I’ll be at Aubrey’s, and I’ll arrange for someone to come and get the rest of my stuff.”
Beca felt like her whole world was ending as Chloe turned and walked away, but she still couldn’t seem to say anything. 
She knew she needed to go to her. She needed to beg for forgiveness and promise to do better. She needed to do something because she was about to lose the best thing that ever happened to her. 
But she couldn’t. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t do anything except what she’s best at, and that’s running away. 
She pulled her jacket off the hook by the door, and she went to work. 
-
“It’s all hands on deck for the rest of the week,” Beca’s boss said during their morning team meeting. “I suggest you cancel any plans you have tonight, we need everyone here. If you have to eat, do it quickly and do it at your desk. It’s crunch time, and if you still want a job when this is over, I need you to pull your weight! Let’s get to work, people!” He clapped his hands to signal that the meeting is over, and the team started filing out of the room. 
Beca hung back, waiting for the last person to leave the room. 
“Mitchell, is there a reason you aren’t scurrying back to your computer right now? I need those tracks by, like, yesterday.”
“I, um, I need a favour,” Beca said.
He looked down at his watch. “You’ve got thirty seconds, I need to be on the phone with Tokyo in two minutes.”
“I need to leave early tonight, I-”
“No,” he said. “Anything else?”
“Seriously?” Beca asked.
“What part of all hands didn’t you understand?”
“Look, I haven’t had a day off in weeks. Chloe and I are having problems, and I need-”
“Who?”
“My fiancé,” Beca said, trying not to sound angry. 
He let out a snort of laughter and started walking out of the conference room. “Do yourself a favour, and cancel that wedding.”
“If I’m not home tonight then she’s going to do that all by herself,” Beca said, chasing after him. 
“Good,” he said. “Less distractions, more work, and before you know it you’ll be the one with the album on the shelves.”
Beca stopped walking and he turned when he realised she wasn’t tailing him anymore. 
“You knew the gig when you signed up for it, Mitchell,” he said. “You wanna live your dream, this is the cost. And Chloe either gets it or she doesn’t, and it sounds to me like she doesn’t. Now, are you in or are you out?”
-
Back in their apartment, Chloe was trying to stop crying for long enough to be able to pack her bag. 
She couldn’t believe it had come to this. She couldn’t believe she was even considering it. 
Beca was the love of her life, she loved her more than she’d ever thought possible, but she meant what she said when she said she couldn’t do this anymore. 
She couldn’t carry on watching the woman she loved slowly kill herself for a career that wouldn’t even notice she was gone. 
Leaving Beca was the last thing she ever thought she’d do - the last thing she ever wanted to do - but she was just so tired. Tired of the empty promises, of dinners that were thrown away uneaten, of waking up alone in the middle of the night.
She was just plain tired. 
She sat down on the bed, her bag still empty, clothes sitting in a neat pile beside it. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not yet. 
She checked her phone.
Beca still had seven hours to prove her wrong. To come home and fight for her. 
She curled up on the bed, her back to Beca’s side, and she carried on crying until she fell asleep.
-
She didn’t feel like she’d been asleep long when she was woken up by the feeling of the bed dipping behind her. 
She heard the rustling of sheets and then felt a hand settle on her hip.
The person behind her pressed a kiss on her shoulder before their forehead came to rest against it. She heard them take a shuddering breath and hold it before letting out a shaky exhale. 
Chloe was too afraid to turn around because she didn’t want this to be a dream. 
“What time is it?” She asked, eventually. 
“Almost midday,” Beca replied, her voice rough and heavy. 
Chloe swallowed, but she didn’t turn. 
“You left work early,” she said. 
She heard Beca take another deep shaky breath. “I quit.”
Chloe sat up quickly and looked down at Beca. “You what?”
“I quit,” Beca repeated. 
“Bec, this was your dream job. I never meant for you to give it up, I just wanted you home more. I wanted you to take care of yourself,” Chloe said, guilt pooling in her stomach. 
“And they weren’t willing to let me do that,” Beca said, sitting up too. “If my dream job comes at the cost of everything else in my life, including you and my health, then it isn’t a dream worth chasing.” Beca shook her head. “He would have let me work myself to the bone, and then replaced me in a flash as soon as I burned out.” 
“Are you sure about this? I don’t want you to resent me down the line because you think I forced an ultimatum on you.”
“I’d never resent you,” Beca said. “I’m so sorry for these past few months. I’m so sorry I drove you to this point. I… I love you. I love you so much.”
Tears were filling her eyes again, and Chloe couldn’t stop herself from pulling Beca into her arms. 
“Please don’t leave,” Beca said, sobbing into Chloe’s chest as she clung to her with everything she had.
“I’m not leaving,” Chloe said, without any trace of doubt in her mind that she was making the right decision.  
“I’ll do better,” Beca said. “I promise. And I’ll get another job as soon as I can.”
Chloe ended their hug and cupped Beca’s face in her hands. Her thumbs swept away the tears on her cheeks. 
“We have enough saved up that you can afford to take time off. What I need is for you to take care of yourself,” Chloe said. “That means sleeping properly, eating properly, and drinking water. And I need you to be open with me when you’re struggling. Because I can’t help you when you shut me out.”
“I know,” Beca said. “I promise.”
Chloe looked into her eyes and she knew that she meant it. She pulled Beca back into her arms again. 
“I‘ll let Aubrey know I’m not coming,” she said, feeling Beca deflate with relief in her arms. 
“I can’t believe I almost lost you,” Beca said. “I’m never letting that happen again.”
They stayed in each other’s arms for a while, until they eventually lay down together. 
“I’m guessing you didn’t have lunch today?” Chloe asked, her eyes threatening to close now that the tension had gone from her whole body. 
“Too busy quitting,” Beca mumbled. “Nap first,” she said, stifling a yawn. “Food second.”
“I can live with that.”
They weren’t out of the woods yet.
There was still a lot to talk about. A lot to work through.
But Beca was home. She was sleeping wrapped up in Chloe’s arms and, for now, that was enough for both of them.
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pinkpastels113 · 2 years
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bechloe 54 + 79 for the nashup thingy might be nice
54. secret relationship + 79. anger born of worry
trying to write my story for bechloe week and needed to take a break from the chaos that is unfurling from every new word out of my fingertips so here we are. gonna write a short drabble for this bc why not
---
Chloe can feel her heart drop onto the floor at the sight of Beca staggering through the front door. She jumps up from her seat at the kitchen table, her arms on either side of Beca's shoulders before she can even think about surging forward to help.
Blood coats Beca's lip, trickling a little red line out the corner of her mouth. Beca tries a smile when Chloe meets her eyes, but Chloe can tell that is hurts to do just that.
"Captain. What happened?"
One of the Bellas asks the question that they both know the answer to, have known the answer to ever since the text message that Chloe received late last night when Beca had been in her bed. Chloe could not even draw a steady breath when Beca switches her focus onto the group behind Chloe.
"Nothing. I just- fell. Tripped on a rock on the way home."
A lump forms in Chloe's throat the cheap lie. Her hands fall from their gentle caress of Beca's face. She takes a step back, shaking her head a little when Beca shoots a curious glance at her sudden movement.
Tears prickle at Chloe's eyes. It's all her fault, she thinks, for agreeing into this mess. She knew that it would not be ideal or even a remotely good idea to jump into a relationship with Beca when all her previous ones have been a hellhole that she can never seem to get out of, but she had done it anyway, because Beca had pleaded at her with those blue blue eyes and soft hands and talented but vulnerable way with words.
She should have said no. She should have pushed Beca away when Beca took her wrist and pressed a kiss to the sensitivity of it instead of pulling her closer and mumbling an affirmative to the curve of her neck.
Chloe storms to her room. Slams the door behind her. The wood shudders into its frame. Fucking. Shit. She is so mad, mad at herself for being so stupid and mad at Beca for letting her affection for her to get in the way of Beca's own damn safety.
Beca's voice filters into the room. Of course she had trailed behind Chloe to make sure that she is okay. Of course she did. "I-"
Chloe whirls on her. She is so mad and hurt and full of confusion of why Beca would risk so much for her as well as worry that it would happen again because of course it would, they would never leave her alone, that she just snapped.
"I think we should break up. This is not working."
Beca blinks. The sentence that she very clearly wanted to let out dies in her mouth. "What? Why? Why should we-"
"Because, Bec." Christ. The redness stained on Beca's jaw is like a movie filter over Chloe's vision. Beca can actually die. Maybe. Possibly. Someday.
If she doesn't end this.
Chloe holds onto her anger like she needs it to get oxygen into her lungs. Because she kind of do. It is going to be so difficult to live in the same house and lead the same acapella group with her ex-sort-of-but-super-secret girlfriend when she cannot touch her. Not like she wants to.
"Because I don't love you anymore."
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becabeale143 · 1 year
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You had my number all along
eolhceB143
Chapter 22: Don't say it out loud
Summary:
Meeting with the Dr to find out what the next step(s) are.
Beca's mom is back...
Beca sat still, patiently holding her fiance’s hand.
“I’m still mad at you, ya know,” Chloe spoke slowly, glancing at the brunette’s hand intertwined with her own.
“I know. I’ve apologized Chlo. I reacted poorly. I am sorry and I won’t shut you out again.” Beca sighed, her eyes making contact with the redheads. “Isn’t it a rule you can’t be mad at me when I have cancer?”
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cbclay · 2 months
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#bechloe angst
Home is where the heart is...
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broodpuff · 2 months
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most angsty fic you’ve ever read, GO
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bytherosebushlaughing · 2 months
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“I want to be with you more than anything in the world, Chloe, you mean everything to me,” Beca continues. “I can’t imagine a version of my future where you aren’t in it.”
“But you also want kids,” Chloe finishes for her, speaking decisively, eyes meeting with Beca’s once more.
She hesitates before quietly agreeing, turning away from the sharpness of Chloe’s gaze.
“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice that for me,” Chloe says in a whisper. “I don’t want you to resent me for not being able to give you that.”
In which the future of their relationship hinges on a disagreement about whether or not they want to have children.
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beca-mitchell · 1 year
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Random angsty bechloe thought of the day:
Beca has cancer, they catch it too late. She’s dying in every sense of the word. She’s coping pretty well, at least Chloe thinks she is, until one night she finds her curled up in a heap on the bedroom floor sobbing. Chloe asks what’s wrong and all beca can say through her tears is “I wasted so much time” bc she’s dying and she spent so much of her life trying to ignore her feelings for Chloe. They spent so much time never quite getting the timing right, Beca was with Jesse, then Chloe with Chicago, then Beca with her career. Of course it’s just Becas luck that when they finally do get it right she only has months left to enjoy it.
Bonus: Also I’m just imagining how guilty Chloe would feel watching becas breakdown and not being able to help bc I can imagine how terrible it would feel to watch beca already be struggling w so much now succumb to this guilty mindset of it having been her fault they wasted so much time and she can’t even rlly deny it other than tell her it’s going to be ok when they both know it’s not.
why would you send me this, a known lover of angst. YOU KNOW WHAT THIS DOES TO ME
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kris246 · 8 months
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Pitch Perfect (Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell Characters: Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale Additional Tags: OC, Kids, Postpartum Depression, Angst, Hurt/Comfort Series: Part 16 of Bechloe week, Part 41 of One Shots Summary:
Beca’s going through a lot, her dad is in the hospital, she’s losing her job, and her wife is going through postpartum depression.
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becasbelt · 2 years
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aside from that angsty line you gotta put in your next fic now you also gotta include them long hot showers
just make me cry anne it’s been a while
i mean you asked for it
* * *
Beca thinks the worst thing about the breakup is the shower.
Actually, no, that's not true, because the worst thing about the breakup is everything about the breakup.
But the shower is significantly problematic, simply because Beca never wants to get out of the shower.
The steam clouds the small bathroom, making the walls look fuzzy and Beca's head feel light. She's not doing anything in particular, only building up the motivation to actually wash her hair as she stands under the stream of hot water, arms crossed loosely over her stomach.
The water bill over the past two weeks and four- no, five, days since Beca started living alone has taken an unfortunate spike.
Chloe's shampoo sits untouched on the shelf beside Beca's.
Maybe the shower is symbolic, Beca thinks as she finally gets out of the shower. She rubs a towel through her hair and stares at herself through the clear patch in the mirror where she'd wiped away the condensation. After all, their story had started in a shower, however improper as it had been at the time. It only makes sense that Beca would cling onto the last shred of their relationship left by regularly using up all the hot water.
Or maybe she's just pathetic.
"I just can't be your punching bag anymore, Beca. It can't be my job to be the one to always look on the bright side."
Beca sits on the end of their bed, (her bed, she reminds herself) shirt still held in her hands, and stares at the dent in the wall from when Beca kicked it after coming home from work one night, tired and irritated.
Not tired or irritated with Chloe. Never with Chloe. Just... with life.
"I'm tired, Beca. I'm tired of never allowing myself a down day just in case you're not in the mood to pick me back up. Most of the time you act like you don't even want me around."
Beca goes about making breakfast, which is really closer to lunch at this point.
She makes toast. Chloe took the wheat bread with her. It's not like Beca ever used it, anyway.
"I think this will be the best. For... for the both of us."
There's a knock on the door.
Beca shuffles out of the kitchen to open it, and immediately feels the wind knocked out of her.
"Hi."
Beca has to take a deep breath before answering. "Hi."
Chloe shifts in the doorway. There's a box in her arms. "Can I come in?" she asks. "I just came to drop off some of your stuff that got mixed in with mine."
Beca swallows. "Sure," she says, stepping aside to let her in. Chloe breezes into the apartment as if it's the most natural thing in the world, as if this isn't the first time they've seen each other since she left.
Beca lingers in the entryway like a stranger in her own home, silently watching as Chloe sets the box down on the coffee table and begins unloading it, occasionally double checking with Beca that an item belongs to her. Beca feels herself nod numbly each time.
"How's Aubrey?"
Chloe looks over in surprise at Beca's voice. Beca doesn't even recall making the decision to speak.
"She- she's good," Chloe says, tucking a red curl behind her ear, and nods her head a little. "She and Stacie have their hands full with Bella, but what else is new."
Chloe gives a small chuckle, so Beca forces a laugh out of herself as well. It ends up sounding more like a cough.
There's another awkward moment of silence as Chloe takes a pair of Beca's old headphones out of the box.
"How are you?" Beca dares to ask.
Chloe freezes in her movements for just a moment. "I'm good as well," she eventually replies, voice even, careful.
"Good," Beca says quickly. She nods her head and repeats the word for good measure, "good. I'm- uh, I'm glad."
Chloe gives her a small smile before getting back to work. She asks if Beca still has a few of her things that she'd left here, and Beca goes to get them, already knowing every item that belongs to Chloe and exactly where to find it. By the time she's handing them over to Chloe, she's built enough courage to attempt conversation again.
"You know, I was talking with Legacy the other day. Um, telling her about everything that happened and all. And it got me thinking that we'd promised to visit her soon."
Chloe closes her eyes. "Beca," she sighs tiredly.
"And, I don't know, I guess it just seems unfair to leave her high and dry like that, you know?" Beca says, pushing on. She stares down at her fidgeting hands as she talks. "Amy was asking about us, too. Wanted to take us to some island resort she bought. Could be fun if we wanted to-"
"Okay, stop," Chloe interjects. Beca's mouth immediately snaps shut and she twists her hands tightly together. "You have to stop with this, Bec." Beca flinches at the nickname. "There is no us anymore. I don't know if there ever will be again."
Beca feels heat behind her eyes as she forces herself to look at Chloe. "We've been us for longer than I can remember," she says. "You can't expect me to just drop it all at once. You- I... how am I supposed to be me without you?"
Chloe bites her cheek and turns her head away, arms circling her torso protectively. "Beca," she whispers.
But Beca can't hold it back now. Not after holding it back when Chloe told her she was leaving, not after two - almost three - weeks of staring at the empty side of her bed. Not after trying to convince herself she was fine when she was anything but fine.
"I can't do this, Chloe. I can't lose you. You- you were always there for me when no one else was."
"There was a reason no one else was there!" Chloe bursts. "Because you pushed them all away, Beca! You pushed them away and when they were gone you pushed me away, too." Chloe's blue eyes shine with angry tears. "After years together, after going through so much together, you still shut me out."
"You never seemed to mind before!" Beca protests desperately. Her hands are shaking and her lungs are having trouble getting air. "I've always been like this. You knew what you signed up for."
"Yeah, well, I guess after years a person just gets tired of giving and giving and never getting anything in return."
Chloe's words cut through Beca like a knife, leaving a hole in her chest. She opens and closes her mouth a few times, fighting for something to say.
Chloe shoves her things in the box and picks it up, making her way to the door. "I just need some time," she tells Beca, footsteps retreating quickly. Beca remains frozen in her spot, staring at the space where Chloe was.
The door clicks shut, the sound ringing through the empty apartment with finality.
Beca takes a deep breath right before she falls apart.
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Text
Title: Gone Fandom: Pitch Perfect Rating: Explicit for graphic depictions of violence and rape/non-con elements Pairings: Chloe/Chicago, Chloe/Beca
Gift for RidiculouslyOverObsessed and inspired by their work, Dirty Tissues, Trust Issues
Excerpt
Chloe goes to her bedroom to retrieve her laptop and sits down on the bed, opening it. She turns it on and sighs as she watches Chicago get dressed. She would usually pounce, but she's tired from their lovemaking previous to his shower and currently worried about Beca's lack of posting.
"Did you find anything?" Chicago asks.
"Opening Safari at the moment," Chloe says. She types Beca Mitchell onto the search bar and clicks enter. She frowns as she reads a bunch of headlines in websites about the missing brunette. "What?!"
Chicago pulls a shirt over his head and rushes to Chloe's side, looking through the websites that have come up from her search.
"... Beca Mitchell was last seen November 1st 2019 at a Halloween party hosted by DJ Khaled," Chloe reads and scrolls through the pictures of the party, the last ones she posted on Instagram and she feels her heart start racing, "According to witnesses, Mitchell got into a cab at around 2:30 in the morning and went home, never to be seen again. Mitchell's belongings, including her phone, wallet, documents and car keys were all found within her house in Los Angeles. There was no sign of forced entry or struggle, but no witnesses have heard or seen Mitchell leave the house after the morning of November 1st."
Chloe looks at Chicago with trembling hands and eyes filled with tears. She covers her mouth with one hand and the man is quick to wrap his arms around her, hugging her tight as she begins sobbing.
"She's missing?" she asks, not really expecting an answer. "Since 2019?"
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"You lied to me." for Bechloe? If you're up to it?
Have a lovely day :)
Hi anon!! I can absolutely do this one, sorry it took me so long to get to this dkfgjfdklg but we’re here now, and we have some angst to go with today’s prompt so I’m sorry about that 😅 anywayyy I hope you enjoy this and have a lovely day yourself!! 🥰💖
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(31) “You lied to me.”
Beca grunted as she hit the floor, wincing as the pain flared in her ribs again. How had she gotten here? Beca had been running for years, she’d been hiding and fighting so damn well, so how had they found her? Her parents had been a part of this world, but she hadn’t wanted that for herself, she didn’t want to spend her life hurting other people. They were good people her parents, they weren’t hurting people because they wanted to, they were doing it for the greater good but still... Beca didn’t want to be like that.
So when she had wanted to leave they helped her. They respected that she didn’t want to do this so they’d done everything that they could to get her out. But the people chasing her hadn’t respected that, and when they had taken out her parents they had set their sights firmly on her. Beca hadn’t even been able to go to their funerals, hadn’t been able to grieve properly because she was running from them.
“You’re weak...” A voice snarled in her ear as Beca’s head was wrenched back by her hair, “We’ll find out where you’ve hidden it eventually, and when we do... well then we’ll have no use for you then will we?”
“Fuck you!” Beca spat as her head the cold concreate floor, hearing the clatter of the door to her cell as it slammed shut, locking behind her, “You’ll never get it out of me!”
What they were after was a small wooden box, one that Beca’s mom had pressed into her hands as she had left and told her that she had to protect with her life. It was the last promise she had ever made her, the last conversation they had ever had. And Beca intended to keep its location to herself, to take it to her grave. She didn’t know what was in it and she didn’t care. All that mattered was that she had to keep it safe.
Beca winced as she pushed herself into a sitting position, her arms trapped behind her back by the painfully chaffing cable tie they had put on her once they dragged her from the room back to her cell. She ached all over, her ribs, her face, her legs and arms... but they were wrong about her. She wasn’t weak, far from it. She’d never tell them where she’d hidden it.
“Beca?”
Beca’s head snapped towards the bars of her cell, a white hot ball of rage in her stomach as she glared at the owner of the voice that so softly called her name.
“I brought you something to eat, some water too. And- and I have some bandages for your-”
“You lied to me.” Beca growled, cutting off the woman whose blue eyes glittered with guilt and sadness, “You lied to me Chloe, and look at me! You did this to me!”
“I’m sorry...” Chloe whispered, a tear slipping down her cheek, “I’m so sorry Becs, I wanted to tell you but- I couldn’t.”
“Like hell you couldn’t.” Beca snarled, tucking her knees up to her chest as she moved further away from Chloe, “You had so many opportunities Chlo, so many! Like our first date, or the morning after we slept together for the first time, or I don’t know, the night I told you I loved you?!”
Chloe pursed her lips as her head rested against the bars separating them, tears rolling down her cheeks as Beca’s eyes continued to burn into her.
“At any point, you could have turned around and said ‘hey by the way, my dad is the one who killed your parents and he sent me to spy on you, win your trust, and bring you here to be tortured and eventually killed’!” 
“I didn’t-” Chloe shook her head, “I didn’t mean to hurt you... I thought- they told me you were a bad person Beca, that you stole from us and you hurt people, that you deserved everything you had coming to you and I- this was my chance to prove myself, for him to love me like he loves my brothers... but then I met you and... you weren’t the only one who fell in love Becs...”
“Why should I believe you?” Beca grunted, looking away from Chloe as she leant against the wall, “Everything you ever told me was a lie... just leave me alone.”
“Beca-”
“Just go away!” Beca yelled, Chloe flinching away as Beca glared at her again, eyes full of hate, “Leave me the fuck alone, you did this to me, I never want to see you again!”
Chloe swallowed hard, turning on her heel and leaving Beca alone again. Beca was crying softly as she closed her eyes again, trembling against the cold and the isolation as she clenched her jaw tightly. She hated her, she hated Chloe more than she had ever hated anyone in her whole life, except... she didn’t. She loved her, despite all of this, despite everything that she had done to her, Beca still loved Chloe. And that... that was what she hated.
-----
Beca was awoken by the feeling of the cable tie around her wrists giving way, a hand under her arm as it tried to guide her to her feet.
“Fuck off...” Beca grumbled, starting to woozily and weakly fight back against them, “I won’t tell you where it is.”
“Becs you have to get up, there isn’t a lot of time, come on.” 
Beca’s eyes focused as she stared at Chloe in a mix of anger and confusion, “What, they have you taking me to and from my torture sessions now?!”
“No.” Chloe’s voice was an urgent whisper as she got Beca to her feet, guiding her arm over her shoulders as she supported her weak and limp frame against her, “No, I’m getting you out of here. You’re going to be okay, I’m going to get you out of here.”
“What?” Beca’s face fell into an expression of shock, frowning at Chloe, “Why... why are you helping me?”
“Because...” Chloe swallowed the lump in her throat as she started to move them out of the cell they were in, “Because you were right. This is my fault, I did this to you, so now I’m fixing it.”
“Your family...” Beca mumbled, leaning into Chloe a little as she felt her heart begin to flutter a little in hope, “What about your family?”
“They’re not who I thought they were.” Chloe shook her head, “Anyone who could hurt you like this isn’t someone I want to be around, I don’t... I know this doesn’t even begin to make up for what I did, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, and it starts with me getting you somewhere safe. Can you trust me long enough to do that?”
Beca hesitated for a moment, her inside in knots at the thought of trusting Chloe again. What if this was just a ruse to get her to tell them where the box was? But still... the way Chloe was looking at her, the deep sincerity that shone in her eyes...
“Okay.” Beca nodded a little, “I guess...”
“Let’s get out of here.” Chloe grinned at her, arm around her waist tightening as much as she dared as she helped Beca limp through the corridors, turning them down a narrow walkway as she looked around them.
“Not far now Becs. We’re almost there. I know a place where we can rest up until you’re healed, and then... then we’ll figure out a plan.”
Beca nodded softly, feeling her strength leave her body as pain drowned out any rational thought she had right now. She just wanted to sleep...
“It’s okay.” Chloe gave her another gentle squeeze, “Almost there Beca. I’m getting you out of here I promise.”
Beca felt cold air on her face as they stepped out of a side door, wincing as it stung the cuts there. Chloe swallowed as she looked around them, making sure no-one was there to catch them as she guided Beca to a shed. She leant her against the wood as she went inside, returning within seconds with a motorbike and two helmets.
“Here.” Chloe gently pushed one of the helmets into Beca’s hands, “Get this on, quick as you can.”
“You ride a motorbike?” Beca quirked her eyebrow a little as she fumbled with the helmet.
“Yeah.” Chloe grinned, shrugging a little, “It’s the coolest thing about me. Now put that on.”
Beca managed to get the helmet over her head, but her hands fumbled with the strap, aching from their treatment. Chloe had already secured her helmet, and turned to help her, gently moving her hands away so she could clip it into place.
“You’re going to need to hold onto my waist Beca, are you going to be able to do that?” Chloe’s voice was a little muffled as she placed her hands on Beca’s shoulders, but Beca could still hear her concerned tone.
“I-” Beca was swaying slightly as she tried to keep her eyes open, pain her consuming thought, “I’m so tired...”
“Okay.” Chloe nodded, guiding her to the bike, “Sit here, right at the back okay?”
Beca managed a small nod, leaning heavily against Chloe as she got onto the bike in front of her.
“I’m going to tie your wrists together Becs. That way if you pass out, you’re still secure and you’ll stay on the bike. I’ll be so gentle, I promise.”
Beca whimpered softly as she felt a soft fabric wrap around the wrists that had settled around Chloe’s waist, her wrists throbbing again.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” Chloe gently stroked Beca’s arms before starting the bike, “We’re getting out of here Beca. I got you. Just rest.”
Beca blacked out as the bike revved and they set off down the dirt path laid before Chloe, her head resting between her shoulders as she tried to push away the unsettling feeling of distrust in her chest.
She’d rescued her. Chloe had rescued her. Maybe things weren’t as fucked up as she thought.
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massivedrickhead · 2 years
Note
Hi, 37 please :)
37. Leaving when you know that your presence hurts them too much
Words: 8178
Notes: So, as you can tell by the word count, this one got away from me... And as you can probably guess by the prompt it's an angsty one. Trigger warnings for illness and depression and some religion-based homophobia.
Thank you for sending this prompt, I'm sorry it took so long to get out. Hopefully the obscene word count makes up for that 😂
Read on AO3
101 ways to say I love you with actions
Chloe kept her gaze on the ceiling as Beca finally fell asleep beside her. Her breathing evening out, the weight of her arm on Chloe’s stomach getting heavier.
She waited a little longer, relishing in this moment. In this closeness. In this love. 
It would have been so easy to just change her mind.
To allow herself to fall asleep in the safety of her fiance's arms. To get up the next morning as if nothing had happened. As if nothing was going to happen.
But she couldn’t do that.
She couldn’t do that to Beca. Beca, who she loved more than anything in this world.
She couldn’t put her through that kind of pain.
Yes, this would hurt her too, but it would be nothing compared to the pain of losing her slowly. Of watching this illness eat away at her.
No. Chloe cared about Beca too much for that. She wouldn’t let Beca watch her suffer. She’d rip the bandaid off now. Tonight.
She eased herself out from underneath Beca’s arm and slipped out of bed. 
She dressed in silence, shoved some clothes into a bag, and pulled out the letter she’d hidden in her bottom drawer. 
She pressed a final kiss to the side of Beca’s head, placed the letter on her nightstand, then slipped off her engagement ring and put it on top.
She left her phone plugged in on her own nightstand, not wanting Beca to have any way of contacting her.
This needed to be a clean break.
Brutal and painful, but quick. 
She took one last look around the room. One last look at Beca. At the way she looked when Chloe thought she was at her most beautiful. Relaxed and unguarded. She wanted to kiss her again. She wanted to press her lips against the tattoo on her shoulder, against the curve of her jaw and the hollow of her neck. She wanted to hear her laugh again.
She almost went back. Almost put her ring back on, crumpled up the letter, and crawled back into bed.
Almost.
Then she thought about what the doctor had told her.
About the toll the treatment would take on her. About the chances of success. About the kind of care she’d need, and the decisions that would have to be made if it all went wrong.
She turned away before the silent tears she was shedding turned into full sobs and she left the room. Left the house. Climbed into her car, and drove.
Beca woke the next morning to the sound of Chloe’s alarm.
“Chlo’? Can you get that?” Beca mumbled, turning to bury her face into the pillow. 
When she got no response she finally opened her eyes, frowning when she saw the empty space beside her.
She shut Chloe’s alarm off and sat up, rubbing her eyes.
“Chloe?”
Silence.
That’s when she noticed the ring on her nightstand and the letter.
She swallowed, trying to ignore the cold dread that filled her stomach.
She stared at the letter, trying to think of any other explanation. Her heart was beating uncomfortably in her chest, and her hands shook as she picked up the letter.
I just need to open it and then it’ll all make sense, she thought. Chloe won’t have left me. 
She can’t have left me.
Beca started crying five words into the letter.
Chloe had left her.
She was gone.
Beca picked up her phone and called her immediately, her heart sinking again as she heard it ring from the other side of the room.
She cancelled the call and then called Aubrey
“Beca, it’s seven in the morning, what the hell-”
“Chloe’s gone,” Beca sobbed, any effort to keep her voice steady had gone out of the window. 
“What?”
“She’s gone. She… She left.” Beca started crying harder. “She left me.”
“What do you mean she left? Where did she go? Why did she go?”
Beca tried to answer but her sobs were coming in tight gasps as she struggled to keep control of her breathing.
“Beca, calm down and tell me what happened,” Aubrey said. 
Beca couldn’t. She let the phone slip from her hand as the gravity of what was happening began to hit her.
Chloe was sick. Really sick. She was sick, and she’d left Beca - had broken up with Beca - because she didn’t want her to have to watch her die.
She didn’t want her to have to take care of her.
She didn’t want her.
Chloe had been the one to pursue Beca after college. She had been the one to ask her on a date. To ask her to be her girlfriend. She’d been the one to get Beca to lower her defences. To ask her to move in. To ask her to marry her.
She’d been the one to promise Beca she’d never leave. Never hurt her. Never stop loving her.
They’d made plans. Promises.
And now she’d left. 
Aubrey found Beca curled up on her bed crying harder than she’d ever seen her.
She tried to get her to calm down, to say something, but Beca didn’t even seem to register that she was there.
Aubrey picked up the crumpled and tear-stained letter and began to read.
‘My Beca,
I’m leaving. In fact, I’ve already left. I cannot ask you to watch me get sicker. I can’t ask you to give up your life to take care of me. I won’t ask you to watch me die.
I know this hurts. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but trust me it’ll be better this way.
I love you, and I will never stop loving you, but I do not want to see you again.
I do not want you to look for me.
This is a clean break. An out. You’re free from me now.
Tell the Bellas that I’m sorry it has to be this way.
All my love,
Chloe.’
“Jesus,” Aubrey said softly, tears in her eyes as she folded the letter back up.
She knew Chloe was sick but she never thought she’d do this.
She didn’t know what to say or do, so she put her hand on Beca’s back, and sat with her until the crying stopped.
“I have to find her,” Beca said, crying giving way to exhaustion. “She can’t give up.”
“We’ll find her,” Aubrey said, her hand still rubbing soothing circles on Beca’s back. 
“If she doesn’t want to be with me anymore, I’ll respect that,” Beca said. “But she can’t do this alone.”
-
A month passed without a word from Chloe.
No one had seen her. No one had heard from her.
Her social media accounts hadn’t been touched, it was like she’d stopped existing the moment she’d left.
Beca wasn’t coping.
She took time off work and spent it shut away in her home office. Calling everyone she knew who knew Chloe. She called hospitals in case she’d been admitted, and even tried calling the police to report a missing person. They told her she was an adult, who had taken her clothes and money, and had even left a note. They told her she wasn’t a missing person, and that it wasn’t their job to help her track down her ex-girlfriend.
Beca never thought Chloe would be her ex anything. 
She never thought Chloe would hurt her like this, whatever her reasoning for it had been.
Even if she found Chloe now and convinced her to come home, would she ever be able to trust her again?
Beca didn’t know, and that scared her almost as much as not knowing where she was.
Maybe there was no going back to how things were.
Maybe she’d never feel love like that again. 
It felt bitterly unfair that Chloe would open her up in this way and show her what love felt like. Convince her that it was real, that it wasn’t about to fall apart in front of her, only to have her yank it away. Leaving her alone, cold, exposed.
How do you come back from that?
She knew Chloe was sick. She knew she was scared. She knew she was trying to protect her.
But it was hard not to be angry at her.
It was hard when she could feel her heart beginning to turn to stone. She could feel the weight of it in her chest as it started to harden. She wondered how it was still beating. She wondered why it was still beating.
At first, she’d tried to fight it. Tried to resist the feeling of it calcifying in her chest. She didn’t want to be that person. She wanted to be the person Chloe had fallen in love with. She wanted to be the person who had fallen in love with Chloe.
But with every morning that she woke up alone it got harder and harder and, in the end, it was easier to give in. To let it take her.
It was like being greeted by an old friend that she’d hoped she’d never see again. 
Like putting on an old sweater that she thought she’d outgrown, but that fit her as well as it ever had.
By the time Aubrey had noticed it happening, it was too late.
Beca stopped trying.
She stopped caring.
She went back to work and did little else. 
Calls and texts went unanswered, and even when Aubrey turned up at her door, Beca had little to say to her.
She hardly ate, hardly slept, she just existed.
The rock in her chest got heavier with each day until one day it was too heavy to lift.
It pinned her to the bed, so that’s where she stayed.
Her phone buzzed on her nightstand until the battery died. 
She felt… nothing.
After days of silence, Aubrey went over. She used the spare key under the plant pot and marched her way into Beca’s bedroom.
“Beca, I found her,” she said. “I know where she is. I’m driving out there now, are you going to come?”
Beca didn’t react, she just kept staring at a point on the wall.
“Beca? Did you hear me?” She moved around the bed and stood in Beca’s eye line. She tried not to let the shock of her appearance show on her face. Aubrey had never seen her look like this before. She looked so hollow and pale. “Beca… I… Beca, I’m so sorry. I should have… I should have seen this coming. I should have been here.”
Beca didn’t react.
“I’m sorry,” Aubrey said again. “I should have known you weren’t coping. I should have helped.”
She felt torn. She wanted to go and see Chloe. To check if she was okay, to convince her to come home, but she couldn’t leave Beca like this.
“Beca, please say something,” Aubrey said, sitting on the edge of the bed, pushing a strand of greasy hair from her face.
“You should go to her,” Beca said, her voice hoarse from disuse. “Go make sure she’s okay.”
“Will you come with me?” Aubrey asked, relieved to hear her voice, terrified at the sound of it so empty.
“She doesn’t want to see me,” Beca said, her voice void of emotion. As if she was stating a simple fact, and not a heartbreaking truth. “She doesn’t want me. I’m not going to force her to deal with me.” Beca blinked and swallowed, her throat dry and scratchy. “You should go. She needs someone.”
“Bec, I can’t leave you like this,” Aubrey said. “You need someone.”
“I’m fine,” Beca said. “I’m not sick. I’m not dying. I’m just… tired.”
“Beca-”
“Go,” Beca said. “Please. I’m not asking you to pick between us, she’s your best friend.”
“I’m calling Stacie and telling her to come over here,” Aubrey said. 
“I don’t need a babysitter,” Beca said, a hint of a growl in her voice. “Just go and find Chloe. She doesn’t want me, but she never told you she never wanted to see you again. So go.”
“And what do I say when she asks how you are?” Aubrey asked, feeling tears stinging her eyes.
“Tell her the truth,” Beca said. “Tell her I’m right where she left me. She can come and see for herself how I am.”
“Beca, what are you trying to do here? Are you just giving up on yourself because you think that'll, I don’t know, guilt her into coming back?” Aubrey asked, her fear, anger, and frustration getting the better of her.
Beca looked at her properly now, and the look in her eyes was something Aubrey had never seen before. It knocked the air out of her lungs.
“Fuck you,” she said. “Fuck you for thinking I’d stoop that fucking low.”
“Beca, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”
“Get out. Find her or don’t, I don’t care, but I need you to get out of my house.”
Too scared to hear what Beca would say next, and too scared of making it worse, Aubrey apologised again before hurrying out of the house, guilt pooling in her stomach as she pulled out of the drive and drove off.
Beca started crying as soon as the front door closed.
Was that really what they thought of her?
That she was, what, faking? That she was doing this deliberately in the hopes that Chloe would hear about it and come back to her?
She didn’t want to be this way. She didn’t want to feel this way.
She wished she’d been able to do what Chloe had asked of her. She wished she’d been able to see that this was for the best. She wished she’d been able to carry on living. She wished she didn’t still love Chloe with every miserable atom in her body.
Well, if that’s what her friends thought of her, she’d be better off without them. She didn’t need them. She didn’t need any of them.
Aubrey would find Chloe, bring her back, and they could all carry on with their Bellas sisterhood without her.
She’d never really belonged anyway, no matter how much she’d wanted to believe she had.
God, she hated this.
She didn’t know if she’d ever felt lower in her entire life.
She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve it.
When the doorbell rang a little while later, she made no move to answer it.
Then she heard the door open, and she cursed Aubrey for not locking it after her, and she cursed herself for not getting up to check.
“Bec?” Stacie’s voice rang out in her otherwise silent house. “Aubrey called and told me what she said. She’s really sorry, and we’re all really worried about you.”
Stacie found her curled up in the bedroom, her back to the door.
“Beca, I’m sorry I haven’t been a better friend. I should have made more of an effort to check in on you,” Stacie said. “Aubrey’s going to get her back, you know? She’s going to fix this. And when Chloe comes back, you don’t want her to see you like this, do you?”
“I don’t really care, Stace,” Beca said. “I don’t think there’s any easy fix to this, do you? I think we’re past the point of things being fixed now.”
“So, what, this is it then? You’re just going to wallow here until you die?” Stacie asked. 
“Don’t know,” Beca said, turning her face away, her voice becoming muffled by the pillows. “Don’t care.”
“Fuck that,” Stacie said. “You do care. You care so much you feel like it’s going to shatter you. If you didn’t care, you’d be carrying on like normal.”
“I don’t know what you want from me,” Beca said, the strain back in her voice. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to try, Beca. I want you to take a shower, change your clothes, eat something,” Stacie said. “You aren’t going to get better if you just… give up.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“It isn’t easy. You’re… I don’t think it would be a stretch of the imagination to say you’re depressed. Capital D Depressed. You can’t get out of bed, you aren’t eating, you aren’t going to work, you’re pushing away your friends.”
“I know what it is, Stacie, I’ve had it my entire life.”
“I know you have. Which means you should know that this kind of thing doesn’t fix itself. You need to work hard to get better. And it is hard, Beca. It will be hard. But you aren’t alone. Whether Chloe comes back or not, you aren’t alone. You have us. We’re your family Beca, we’ve got you.”
“Stop it,” Beca said, her voice wobbling now. “Please. Please just leave me alone.”
“No,” Stacie said. “You don’t get to give up.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to lose my friend,” Stacie said. “I don’t want to lose you. Neither does Aubrey, neither do any of the Bellas.”
“I’m tired. I’m really tired, Stacie.”
“I know,” Stacie said. “I’m sorry, Beca. I should have tried harder. I should have realised… When did you stop taking your meds?”
“A few days after she left. I just… I ran out. I forgot to get the prescription refilled with everything that happened. And then it was just… It was too late. It felt too late,” Beca said.
The anger had gone from Beca now, she was just tired and desperately unhappy.
“Aubrey shouldn’t have said that to you,” Stacie said, after a few minutes of silence.
“She doesn’t know. None of them do, just you and Chloe,” Beca said.
“She still shouldn’t have said it,” Stacie said. “She didn’t mean it. That isn’t what she thinks of you, it isn’t what any of us think of you.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Beca said. “I don’t know how to get better.”
“Start small,” Stacie said. “Shower and food, and tomorrow we’ll get you back on your meds. I’m not going anywhere, okay? I promise.”
Beca sniffed and nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”
After what seemed like a lot of effort, Beca managed to drag herself up and into the shower. While she showered, Stacie found some clean pyjamas and fixed her a sandwich.
Her phone buzzed with a text while she was heating some soup to go with the sandwich.
Aubrey: Found her. Convinced her to come home. She’s okay. xxx
Stacie: I’m glad she’s okay, but please don’t bring her to Beca’s. She’s in a bad way. Take her to our place, I’m going to stay with Beca until she’s feeling better xxx
Aubrey: Okay, give Beca my love, and tell her I’m sorry. Love you xxx
Stacie: Love you too xxx
“Hey,” Beca said, walking out of the bedroom, shivering in the cold air of the living room.
“Hi,” Stacie said, putting the soup and sandwich on the coffee table. “Feel better?”
“A little,” Beca said, sitting down on the sofa. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do this.”
“I know,” Stacie said. “Eat up.”
Stacie flicked through the TV channels as Beca ate, encouraging her to try and eat a little more every time she showed signs of stopping. 
Once Beca had eaten as much as she could, Stacie turned off the TV and turned to look at her. 
“Aubrey found her,” she said. “She’s bringing her back to our place.”
Beca nodded but didn’t say anything. 
“I told Aubrey not to bring her here,” Stacie said. “You need to focus on getting well again. And I’m going to stay here until you are.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Beca said, feeling relieved that she wasn’t about to be faced with Chloe yet. She wasn’t ready to see her. She didn’t know if she’d ever feel ready to see her. “You can go home, help make sure Chloe’s alright.”
“Chloe doesn’t need me,” Stacie said. “You do. You can’t do this on your own.”
Beca knew it was pointless arguing, so she just nodded, sitting back on the sofa.
“I never thought there’d be a time in my life when I didn’t want to see Chloe,” Beca said, her chest feeling heavy again. “What if I never want to see her again?”
“Then you don’t have to see her,” Stacie said. “I know she’s sick, I know she was trying to protect you, but she hurt you. You’re allowed to feel hurt. You’re allowed to be angry. Don’t force yourself to forgive her before you’re ready.”
“She might not even want my forgiveness,” Beca said. “I don’t know why I all of a sudden think she’d want to see me.”
“I don’t think she’d have agreed to come back if she didn’t want to see you,” Stacie said. “But you don’t have to worry about that yet. Focus on yourself first.”
“I don’t know how to do that,” Beca said. 
“I know,” Stacie said. “That’s why I’m here.”
Beca’s mouth twitched into a smile for the first time in over a month. “I guess I got lucky when my best friend turned out to be a therapist, huh?”
Stacie smiled back. “Very lucky,” she said. “Do you know how much I’d charge for a session like this normally?”
-
It was a few weeks later when Beca finally started to feel like herself again. She was back on her meds, eating and sleeping more regularly, and had started seeing a therapist that Stacie had recommended. She hadn’t gone back to work yet, but she was in regular contact with them, and they encouraged her to take however long she needed.
She hadn’t seen or spoken to Chloe yet.
Stacie had given her bits and pieces of information when Beca had asked for it, but she never pushed her to make contact.
She’d met up with Aubrey a few times, who also wasn’t pressuring her to meet with Chloe.
All Beca knew was that Chloe was well and that she wanted to see her, but she understood if that wasn’t what Beca wanted.
Beca didn’t know what she wanted.
She missed Chloe desperately, but she was so afraid to see her. So scared of what her reaction would be. What if she felt nothing but hatred? What if all the warmth she used to get from Chloe was gone, replaced by cold anger?
She knew it was a possibility that she’d see her and never be able to forgive her, and she wasn’t ready for the confirmation that their relationship was over.
So she kept putting it off, until, almost four weeks after Chloe came back, she agreed to meet her.
They met in a coffee shop near Stacie and Aubrey’s apartment, and Chloe arrived before Beca did.
It took Beca a few minutes to locate her. She’d been looking for the familiar flash of red hair that used to make her heart speed up, but when her eyes finally landed on Chloe, the red hair was gone.
She was wearing a navy beanie on her head, and a hoodie that Beca vaguely recognised as one of her own. The last time she’d seen Chloe wearing it, it had only just fit her. Now she was practically drowning in it.
She looked tired and uncomfortable, but when her eyes fell on Beca, they lit up. They sparkled like they always had, and her mouth broke into a smile, chapped lips almost splitting.
“Hi,” she said when Beca reached the table. “It’s so good to see you.”
“How are you?” Beca asked, watching her wearily.
“Better,” Chloe said, taking in Beca’s appearance. She looked like she’d lost weight too, and bags under her eyes let Chloe know she probably wasn’t sleeping well either. “I’m doing better.”
Beca nodded. “Good,” she said. “I’m glad.”
“How are you?” Chloe asked, her hands twitching in her lap as she fought the urge to reach out and take her hand.
Beca shrugged. “Fine,” she said. “Better than I was.”
“Good,” Chloe said. “Um, Stacie said you came off your meds for a bit. I’m glad you’re doing better now.”
Beca sighed and rubbed at her forehead. “Cool, glad she shared that. It was an accident, I didn’t just decide to do it. I… I was too focused on trying to find you, I didn’t realise I’d run out.”
“Bec, it’s okay, you don’t owe me an explanation,” Chloe said. She looked down at the tea in front of her, not wanting to meet Beca’s eyes. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“I’m gonna get a coffee,” Beca said, standing up. “Do you want anything?”
Chloe shook her head. She hated seeing the pain in Beca’s eyes. Hated that she had been the cause of it. She’d promised Beca she’d never hurt her and she’d done it anyway. She just hoped that whatever damage had been caused could be fixed. She hoped there was still a chance for them.
Beca got back a few minutes later with her coffee and something on a plate. She sat down and pushed the plate towards Chloe.
There was a gingerbread man in the shape of a snowman on the plate, complete with orange icing for the nose and chocolate chips for the buttons.
Chloe looked at Beca, who shrugged.
“They’re your favourite,” she said, not meeting her eye.
Chloe felt tears spring to her eyes as she broke it in half and offered it to Beca. Beca hesitated, then took it. Chloe smiled. Maybe there was hope for them yet.
“I, um, I’m really sorry for what I did Beca,” Chloe said, once the silence between them had stretched on too long. “I honestly thought I was making the right decision. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
Beca swallowed, her attention still focused on the broken gingerbread showman in her hands. She didn’t know what to say to that, so she took a bite of it.
“Bec, can I try and explain myself?” Chloe asked. “Can you just hear me out? Then, if you want nothing to do with me after that, I’ll understand. I won’t like it, but I’ll understand.”
Beca nodded, feeling the gingerbread sticking in her throat. She felt sick. She wanted to go home.
“So, um, I guess it starts a few days after my diagnosis, but before I saw the specialist,” Chloe said. “I didn’t tell you, but I called my Mom.”
Beca looked at her now, her eyes widening in surprise.
“Yeah,” Chloe said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I thought… I thought she should know. She asked… She asked me if I was still going to marry you. I thought she was just being her usual homophobic self, but then she said… She said I was selfish.” Tears filled her eyes but she carried on talking. “She said that staying with you was selfish. That I was going to ruin your life and break your heart if I made you watch me get sick and die. You know, the same thing my dad did to her.”
“Chloe,” Beca said softly, the first hint of warmth that Chloe had heard from her. It made her want to cry harder. “You should have told me.”
“I know,” Chloe said, sniffing and wiping her eyes. “I know that now.” She cleared her throat and took a sip of tea. “She told me I should come home. She told me she would take care of me, that that was her job as a mother.”
Beca scoffed before she could stop herself. “When has she ever cared about being a mother before?”
“I thought she was trying to change,” Chloe said, the ache and want in her voice evident. “I thought this would be different.”
“So you actually went to her? After everything she did to you growing up? After everything she’s done since?”
“I was scared,” Chloe said. “And guess what, it turns out brain tumours actually do have an impact on your decision-making abilities. My one, apparently, affected my ability to think rationally. It made me more impulsive. Anyway, I decided if the specialist told me it was benign, an easy fix, I’d stay. If… If he gave me bad news I would go.”
Beca swallowed, tears filling her eyes as she remembered that awful day. Listening to the neurosurgeon explain that, because of its size, the tumour was too risky to try and remove, but because it was cancerous, they couldn’t leave it in. He said they’d have to blast it with radiation, to try and shrink it down and stop the cancer spreading, then they’d try to remove it once it was a more manageable size. He explained how sick Chloe would get, and how risky the surgery would still be. How many things could go wrong. He gave Chloe her chances of survival, and they weren’t good.
Beca’s hand had gripped Chloe’s the whole time. She’d promised to be there with her. To take care of her. To do whatever she needed.
Chloe had been quiet. Hardly saying a word all night, or the few days that followed.
Now Beca knew why.
“So, you went to your Mom’s?” Beca asked, wanting to push those awful memories away.
“Yeah,” Chloe said. “And I realised my mistake as soon as I got there.” She wiped away another tear, and Beca could see her hand was shaking. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a steadying breath as she fought back the sudden wave of nausea. When she opened her eyes, Beca was looking at her with concern. “Sorry,” she said. “I’m just… I’m really tired.”
“Do you want me to walk you home?” Beca asked, finding it hard to stay angry at Chloe when she was looking so tired and weak.
“No,” Chloe said. “I owe you an explanation. I need you to know what happened.”
“We don’t have to do this now,” Beca said. “You can tell me another time.”
“Please,” Chloe said. “Please, let me finish?”
Beca sighed and nodded, and Chloe took another sip of her now cold tea.
“As soon as I got there… I should have just turned around and come home, but I was so tired. She… She made me pray with her. For hours. She kept saying the tumour was punishment from God for being a sinner. She,” Chloe’s voice broke and she took another drink of tea, “she said if I wanted to be cured then I needed to repent.”
“Jesus,” Beca said, softly. “What the fuck?”
“I refused,” Chloe said. “I told her this wasn’t why I’d come, and that first thing in the morning I’d be going home. I said I’d made a mistake. She woke me up every hour to pray with her, trying to get me to repent. To ask for forgiveness. I begged her to stop but she wouldn’t. I was so tired, Beca. I’d been awake for over 24 hours, and she wouldn’t let me sleep. So I just… I gave in. I asked God for forgiveness, and she let me sleep.”
“She’s… she’s fucking sick,” Beca said, her voice shaking as she tried to repress the anger she was feeling. “What she did… that’s torture, Chloe. It’s abusive.”
“I know,” Chloe said, her voice tired, her head hurting. “Which is why I planned to just play along until I’d slept enough, and then leave as soon as I got the chance. I… I was ready to go. My bag was packed, I had my car keys and then,” Chloe swallowed, and rubbed a hand against her forehead. “I had a seizure.”
Beca took a deep breath and forced herself not to cry. She reached out to take Chloe’s without thinking, and Chloe gripped it tightly like a lifeline.
“When I came round, my Mom had put me back in bed. I asked her to take me to the hospital, but she said I didn’t need any doctor, I just needed God. I… I was so scared, Beca,” Chloe said, her voice shaking. “I thought I was going to die, alone in that room, with no one there who loved me.”
“You didn’t have your phone,” Beca said, remembering the panic that had set in when she realised she couldn’t call Chloe. “You couldn’t call for help.”
“It felt like karma,” Chloe said. “It felt like I was being punished. I kept getting sicker. I got headaches so bad that I couldn’t see. All the days started to blend together, and I didn’t know what was real anymore. I… I started begging God to forgive me. To stop the pain.”
Beca sniffed and squeezed her hand tighter. “I called your mom, you know?”
“You did?”
“I called everyone. I called hospitals and the police and anyone I could think of who might have known where you were,” Beca said. “I… I was terrified. I called your Mom, and as soon as she heard my name, she hung up. I should have tried harder. I should have driven out there.”
“No,” Chloe said. “This wasn’t your fault. You’d never have thought to look for me there. I should never have gone there. I’m so sorry, Beca. I’m so sorry I put you through this.”
Beca shook her head and wiped her eyes again. “How did you get away from her? How did Aubrey find you?”
“I don’t know how long it had been, all the days sort of blended into one, but one day my aunt came over. Apparently, the people at my Mom’s church were worried because they hadn’t seen her in a while, and they asked my aunt to check on her. She found me in my old room and I… I was in really bad shape. I was dying. She called the cops, called an ambulance, and told my Mom that if she touched me again she’d kill her. She got me out. She saved me,” Chloe said. “I was pretty delirious, I didn’t know what was going on, but apparently I kept asking for you.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” Beca said. 
“Bec, you don’t need to apologise for anything. It was my fault you weren’t there. My fault I was even in that mess to begin with,” Chloe said. 
“So how long were you in the hospital for?”
“About a month I think,” Chloe said. “My health had deteriorated so quickly while I was at my Mom’s, because of the stress and lack of sleep and seizures and stuff, that the original treatment plan wasn’t an option anymore. It was either they operate or I die. The tumour was really screwing with me at this point, I didn’t know what was going on or what was real. They didn’t think I had the mental capacity to make the decision, so it was down to my aunt. The poor woman hadn’t seen me in god knows how long, and within the space of 48 hours she’d rescued me from my abusive mother and was having to make a life or death decision. She picked the surgery, which is why I’m sitting here without hair instead of lying in a cold metal drawer.”
Beca felt like something was squeezing her chest. Like something was constricting her air.
“I should have been there,” she said, tears falling quickly. “You shouldn’t have had to do that alone. You almost died and I… I was sulking because you left me.”
“Hey,” Chloe said. “Don’t downplay what you went through. It sounds like you had a pretty substantial depressive episode, and I’m so sorry that I was the one who triggered that. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting you. I got it wrong, I know that now. I made a mistake.”
Beca nodded and used her free hand to wipe her eyes. “So, they got the tumour out then? The big-ass scary tumour that the other neurologist wouldn’t touch?”
Chloe smiled and nodded. “They got it out. Without messing up my eyesight or my speech, which apparently was like a million to one shot. I finished my last round of chemo a few days ago and I’ll go for a checkup in a couple of weeks to see if I’m cancer-free or not. But the doctors are hopeful. They think I’ve got a good chance of beating this thing.”
Beca smiled, genuinely smiled, for what felt like the first time in months. “I’m… I’m so glad you’re okay, Chloe. And I’m glad Aubrey was able to track you down.”
“Actually, my aunt tracked her down. She tried calling you but I guess your phone was off for a while,” Chloe said. 
“Yeah,” Beca said. “I kinda shut the world out for a while.”
“But you’re doing better now?” Chloe asked. “You’re back on your meds? Eating and sleeping and everything?”
“Yeah, I’m doing okay now,” Beca said. “I even started therapy.”
“That’s great, Beca. I’m really proud of you,” she said. She realised they were still holding hands across the table, and her thumb brushed against the side of Beca’s hand. “What happens now, Bec? What happens to us?”
Beca swallowed and her chest felt tight again. “I… I don’t know,” she said. “I’m sorry.” She pulled her hand away, and Chloe tried not to let the hurt show on her face.
“It’s okay,” Chloe said. “You don’t need to be sorry. I didn’t think we’d be able to just pick up from where we left off. I… I still love you. I never stopped loving you. I don’t know if that’s worth anything now, but I need you to know.”
“I still love you too,” Beca said, her eyes focused on her chipped nail polish. “But I can’t pretend that what you did didn’t hurt. I can’t pretend that you didn’t break my heart.” Her voice caught on the last word, and she looked up at the ceiling, trying not to cry. “You… You promised me so many times that you wouldn’t abandon me. That you wouldn’t leave without a word the way my dad did. And then you did exactly that. It… It made me question every other promise you made me. I’m scared I won’t be able to trust you again, Chloe, and I don’t know how we come back from that.”
“Can I play the tumour card one more time?” Chloe asked, her voice wobbly as tears filled her eyes. “It made me make rash decisions. It made me call my Mom for god’s sake, and then she got in my head too. I never wanted to hurt you, Beca, I really thought I was protecting you.”
“I know,” Beca said. “And I can tell myself that until I’m blue in the face, but it doesn’t change the fact that you did hurt me. Whatever the reason, whatever you intended, you hurt me. You left me without a word. Without giving me the chance to fight for you.”
Chloe swallowed, scared she was about to break down in the middle of the coffee shop. “So, what, that’s it? You won’t even try and see if we can work things out?”
“That isn’t what I said,” Beca replied. “I’m just… I’m trying to be honest with you. You’re asking me to forgive you, to give us another go, and I’m telling you I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to be one of those couples that fight all the time, Chlo’. That holds onto every grievance and resentment until they hate each other. I don’t want to hate you.”
Chloe nodded, looking down at her hands as the tears started falling. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I did this to you. I’m sorry I did it to us.”
“Just,” Beca reached across the table to take Chloe’s hand again, “just give me some time. Let me think about it.”
“Okay,” Chloe said, squeezing Beca’s hand and wiping her eyes with her other. “Take all the time you need.”
“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” Beca said. “You look exhausted.”
It didn’t take long to walk back to Aubrey and Stacie’s place, and soon they were both lingering by the doorway. 
“Do you want to come in?” Chloe asked. 
Beca shook her head. “Thanks,” Beca said, “but I’m good. I need to go and make a mix or something. I need to think. I, um, I’m really sorry for what your Mom did to you, Chloe. And I’m really glad that you’re okay.”
She went to walk away but Chloe took hold of her wrist. 
“Beca, I love you. With every bit of my heart. You know that, right?”
Beca nodded. 
“I know there’s probably nothing I can do or say that will get you to trust me again, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying. I’m… I’m rooting for us. I’m not going to walk away from you again,” Chloe said. 
Beca looked at her. Looked at the sincerity in her eyes. Chloe really believed what she was saying. 
“I really want to believe you, Chloe,” Beca said. “I really want to trust you.” She took a step back, her wrist falling out of Chloe’s grasp. “I’ll call you, okay? You should get inside, it’s freezing out here.”
She turned and left, and began the long walk back home. 
-
Beca twisted the cap off her beer and joined Stacie on the sofa.
“I don’t know what to do,” she said, taking a long drink as she got comfortable.
“Yes you do, you’re just scared to do it,” Stacie said, taking a swig of her own. 
“Can you blame me? What would you do in this situation, if Aubrey did this to you?”
Stacie thought for a minute. “I think, if I thought Aubrey was dying, and then she was given a shot at a full life, I would see that as a miracle. I’d want to spend every single minute with her, regardless of what happened in between.”
Beca shook her head. “I guess you’re a better person than I am.”
“No,” Stacie said, “I’m not. Obviously, I don’t know what I’d do in this situation, because I can’t imagine it ever happening to me. None of us thinks these kinds of things will happen to us.”
Beca took another drink. “I did. When Chloe and I first started dating, like when we got serious, I kept waiting for her to leave. I kept waiting for that moment when she’d realise I wasn’t good enough for her. She spent years convincing me that I was good enough. That I was the person she wanted to spend her life with. I actually started to believe her.”
“Bec, it was one mistake. And I know it was a big one, especially for you, but she was scared. She made one mistake, and she tried to take it back straight away, but she got stuck. She got sick and she got trapped,” Stacie said. “I know you’re hurt, and I know you’re scared, but I don’t think she’d do anything to hurt you like that again.” Beca still looked doubtful. “Look, I didn’t come over to convince you to give her another chance. I’m here for you, to make sure you’re okay. We don’t have to talk about Chloe anymore if you don’t want to.”
“Okay,” Beca said. “Thank you.”
“But I think you’ve made up your mind about what you want to do. And whatever that decision is, whether you try again, or you officially end it, you need to do it soon. You can’t just leave her in limbo forever. She doesn’t deserve that,” Stacie said. 
“Noted,” Beca said, taking another drink to try and push down the swirling nerves in her stomach. “Any more final words before we talk about something else?”
“I just… I think life’s too short not to be with the people you love. And I think if you walk away from this you’ll kick yourself for not even trying. You got mad that Chloe left without giving you a chance to fight for her, well now you have a chance to fight.”
-
Beca: Meet me at the coffee shop tomorrow? X
Chloe: Sure. I have an appointment in the morning, I can meet you at 1 pm? Xx
Beca: See you then xx
-
This time Beca arrived before Chloe, and she tried to keep her nerves under control as she watched the door.
When Chloe finally arrived she felt something tug in her chest at the sight of her. 
She was still wearing the beanie which covered her still very short hair, but her eyes seemed a little brighter. Her face a little fuller.
“Hey,” she said, joining Beca at the table. “How are you?”
“Yeah, I’m good thanks, how are you?”
“Good,” Chloe said, her eyes sparkling. She was biting her bottom lip like she was trying to stop a grin from spreading across her face.
“What?” Beca asked.
“Beca, I’m in remission,” she said, practically squealing. “It’s been like two months now since I had my operation, and there’s been no tumour regrowth, and all my scans and tests have come back clear. They still want me to go in every few months for scans and tests, and I might need more chemo in the future, but, for now, I am cancer free!”
“Oh my god, Chloe, that’s amazing!” Beca said, leaning across the table to give Chloe a hug. “You totally kicked cancer’s ass!”
“I kinda did, right?” Chloe said laughing. The hug ended and they held eye contact as they sat back in their seats. “So, am I getting more good news or is it not so good news?” She tried to keep her voice light, but Beca could tell she was nervous.
“Yeah, it’s um, it could be either, depending on how you feel about me,” Beca said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I’m sorry I’ve kept you waiting so long.”
“It’s okay,” Chloe said. “I mean, it’s been tortuous, I’ve missed you so much, but I understand why you needed time.”
“I missed you too,” Beca said. 
“Come on then,” Chloe said. “Let’s hear it.”
“I, um, I don’t really know the best way to say this-”
“Bec, it’s okay, you can tell me,” Chloe said, tears shining in her eyes now. “If you’re trying to think of a way to let me down gently you don’t have to. You can just rip the bandaid off.”
“That’s… That’s not what I’m doing.”
“It’s not?”
“No,” Beca said. She took another breath and she forced herself to look into Chloe’s eyes. “Chloe, will you come home? Please?”
Chloe blinked. “You want me to move back in?”
“I want you to come home,” Beca said. “I’m not saying we should pick up right where we left off, but I also don’t want us to start from scratch. I love you and I miss you, and I don’t want to waste any more time living without you. I… I almost lost you. I did lose you. And now I have a chance to have you back? To have a full life with you? I… I want that with you, Chloe.”
Chloe let out a watery laugh as tears began falling rapidly down her cheeks. She reached out and took hold of Beca’s hand, and Beca wasted no time in entwining their fingers.
“I want that too,” Chloe said. “God, I want it so much, Beca. I miss you and love you so much.”
Beca grinned as she started crying too. “I want to give us the best chance we can, Chlo’. If it doesn’t work out, I want to know that we did everything we could.”
“It will work out,” Chloe said. “I won’t ever let you go again. I won’t ever run away again, no matter what’s going on, no matter how scared I am.”
“I know,” Beca said. “But I also think we should look into doing couples counselling or something. We hit a bump that brought up a lot of stuff for both of us, and I think we need help in sorting through it all.”
“Yeah, of course, whatever you need,” Chloe said. “Beca, do you really mean this? You really want me to move back in?”
“Yeah,” Beca said. “I mean it. How many people get a second shot at a happy ending? We thought… We thought you didn’t have much time, and we’ve been given a miracle. I don’t want to throw that away because I got hurt. I don’t want to be that closed off broken person anymore. I don’t want to be too scared of getting hurt to allow myself to love.”
Chloe cupped Beca’s face in her hands. “I love you,” she said. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Beca said, grinning so hard her face was starting to hurt. “So, will you come home?”
“Yes,” Chloe said, half laughing, half crying, as she pulled Beca into her arms again. “Yes, I’ll come home.”
71 notes · View notes
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Bechloe Week 2022: Day 1 (Sneaking around):  Beca and Chloe are married and fostering a six-year-old boy. He’s having a rough adjustment and is sneaking around in the middle of the night.
Fic link on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41176791
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becabeale143 · 1 year
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You had my number all along
eolhceB143
Chapter 24/? She had a what?
The day of Beca's surgery is filled with nerves, anxiety...and one unsettling event
23 notes · View notes
cheeyathebard · 1 year
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A Night to Forget (a Love to Remember)
A/N: Pitch Perfect. This was a tough one to write, My Friends, and it may be a tough one to read. Warning for description and aftermath of rape.
Beca knew it was Chloe. Her girlfriend was the only one who knew the code to her dorm room so, when she heard the door open and quiet footsteps cross the room, she smiled to herself. The redhead was probably tipsy. She normally only turned up at Beca’s room on a weeknight when she didn’t want to get into trouble with Aubrey for drinking the night before a Bella rehearsal.
Beca heard Chloe leave her shoes by the door, then the quiet rustling of clothes told her that her girlfriend was undressing. The footsteps drew closer and Beca silently lifted the comforter as she made space for the redhead to join her in bed. The strange thing was, when she wrapped her arms around her to cuddle her as she normally did, there was a lot more bare skin than usual and Beca realized that the redhead wasn’t wearing her normal pajamas. Soft breasts pressed against her chest, and she sucked in a breath as she felt the muscled flesh of Chloe’s back under her palms.
“Chlo,” she murmured. “Are you naked? Not that I’m complaining.”
There was no answer for a long moment, then the brunette heard soft sniffles. “Yeah,” Chloe finally replied.
Beca immediately grew concerned. “Are you ok?” she asked.
“I’m fine.” There were some more sniffles and Beca shook her head.
“You don’t sound fine. What’s wrong, Honey?”
“I dropped off Tom’s things,” Chloe said softly, as if that explained everything.
“Ok,” the brunette replied. “And what happened?” But when Chloe didn’t say anything, Beca grew even more concerned. “Chlo?”
“I… I think I should go to the hospital,” the redhead said, voice barely above a whisper, even though they were alone in the room.
The brunette’s heart began to pound in her chest. “The hospital? Why? Baby, are you hurt?”
“I need…” Chloe’s breath hitched. “I need to do a rape kit.”
Xx
Beca felt like she was in a total nightmare, but it was nothing compared to the nightmare her girlfriend was enduring.
“Chloe,” a nurse said gently. “Do I have your permission to take a swab from the inside of your mouth?”
“Yes,” Chloe replied, eyes on the wall directly across from her. She opened her mouth, eyes never straying from that single, most interesting point as the nurse took the sample.
“Chloe,” the nurse went on. “Do I have your permission to swab underneath your fingernails?”
“Yes.” The calm, emotionless gaze remained and Beca knew the older woman had shut down. And it scared her to death.
“Chloe, do I have your permission to photograph your body as evidence?”
“Yes.”
“Chloe, do I have your permission to…”
The questions went on. Beca wanted to scream but Chloe endured them all. She endured being poked and prodded and swabbed and photographed for over two hours as the police and medical personnel meticulously gathered evidence against Tom, Chloe’s partner prior to Beca. They took away her dress and her panties and bra, in sealed evidence bags.
“Miss Beale,” the police detective said gently. “Do you feel up to answering some questions?”
“Can it wait?” Beca asked. “She’s exhausted.”
“I know,” the woman replied sympathetically. “But it would be better to get the information from her while it’s still fresh in her mind.”
Chloe snorted at that. “As if I’d ever be able to forget what happened to me,” she muttered bitterly, eyes still fixed on the same spot.
Beca approached her and cupped her cheeks, ducking to look into her eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this, Honey?”
Chloe’s blue eyes gazed past her. “Probably should get it over with,” she said simply. “I’m fine.”
The detective… June Michaels, Beca remembered… took a seat on a stool in front of the redhead and opened her notebook. “Miss Beale… can I call you Chloe?”
The redhead nodded. “Yeah.”
“Ok, Chloe, in your own time… can you tell me what happened?”
Xx
“Tom!” Chloe exclaimed, laughingly. “I think we’ve had enough to drink. If Aubrey finds out I drank this much, she’s going to kill me! I was just supposed to drop off this stuff.”
Grabbing his ex-girlfriend’s hand, Tom just shrugged. “Hitler will just have to get over it. She’s not the boss of you, Chloe! Come on, stay out with me. We’re having fun!”
“As much as that does sound appealing,” Chloe grinned, tapping her cheek. “I really need to get home. I have an early rehearsal and I promised Beca we’d have brunch afterwards. It’s our two week anniversary.”
“So you wore that dress just to be a little pricktease then?” Tom said a little angrily, making Chloe frown. “And here I was thinking we’d be getting back together tonight. You know that’s my favorite dress of yours.”
“Thomas,” Chloe warned. “Stop. Angry drunks aren’t fun drunks.”
The quarterback, growled and shoved her hard. “Cock tease,” he spat.
Chloe stumbled and twisted her ankle a little as she went down, sprawling onto her back on the floor. “For fuck’s sake, Tom!” she exclaimed as she tried to get back to her feet. But then she gasped as he pushed her back down and pressed his weight down on her. “Stop! You’re hurting me!”
“We’re fucking, Chloe,” Tom growled again, pinning her wrists together over her head with one hand as he opened his jeans with the other. “One way or another.”
Chloe fought him, screaming out for help, but he had almost a foot of height and eighty pounds on her, and she couldn’t get away. He was too strong and there was no one around to hear her cries. He let go of her hands briefly to yank her panties aside and she pounded her fists against his back and screamed as his mouth lowered to roughly bite at her breasts…
Xx
Chloe had to take a break for some water. Her voice was monotone, as if she was reciting a story about something that’d happened to someone else. Her blue eyes were still focused on that spot on the wall, almost as if she was in a trance. Beca knew she was in shock and, as the detective stepped out to make a quick call, she moved closer to her girlfriend. “Chloe?” It was as if Chloe hadn’t even heard her, and when she reached out to caress the older woman’s cheek. Chloe jerked back, eyes suddenly terrified as they finally focused on her. “It’s just me,” Beca said soothingly. “Just me, Baby.”
“Sorry,” the redhead replied, lifting a shaking hand to wipe at the sudden tears on her face. “I’m fine. I just… I… I can’t believe this happened, Beca. How could I have been so blind to who he is?”
Beca’s hands were back on her cheeks, heart breaking for the devastation in her girlfriend’s eyes. “None of this is your fault, Chloe. None of us could have imagined that he was like that. He seemed so attentive and sweet.”
“He was… until he wasn’t,” Chloe replied. “But I’m fine. Really. I’m going to get through this.”
And Beca didn’t know what to say. She didn’t even know everything that had happened yet. “I love you and I’m here for you, Chloe,” she whispered. “I promise.”
“I know,” the redhead replied, resting her head on Beca’s shoulder.
After a long span of heartbeats, the door opened and the detective stepped back into the room, waiting respectfully as the young women eased apart. Beca kissed Chloe’s forehead and then took a seat back on her stool across the room.
“Chloe,” Michaels said. “Do you feel up to continuing?”
“Yeah,” the redhead replied with a nod. “I’m fine. Honestly, there’s not too much more to tell. After he lifted my dress and pulled my underwear aside, he… he… he pinned me down again and just forced himself… his penis… inside me. I was saying no but he just wouldn’t listen. It… it hurt.” She looked down. “A lot.”
Across the room, a little whimper left Beca’s throat and Chloe looked at her before holding her hand out in an invitation. The brunette was instantly across the room, grasping her hand and bringing it to her lips. Chloe actually smiled this time and squeezed Beca’s hand in return. “I’m really fine, Bec.”
The detective cleared her throat softly. “What happened then?”
Chloe’s smile dropped and she looked down again. “When he was finished, he zipped up his pants and got up. I curled onto my side and just begged him to leave me alone. He looked down on me and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something but… he didn’t. He just shook his head and left me there.”
“Motherfucker,” Beca growled.
“And how did you end up with Beca?” the detective asked quietly.
“I… I just… I didn’t want anyone else. I pulled myself together as best I could and walked to her dorm, let myself into her room and… I barely even remember making it there. I just knew I needed her.”
Beca was crying now, and she looked away, biting her bottom lip to keep her sobs inside as Michaels wrote some more notes in her notebook.
Chloe,” she said then. “Did you leave any marks on him? Scratches maybe? Or did you hit him anywhere other than his back?”
The redhead shook her head. “I don’t think so. I fought him as hard as I could but he’s so big and he had my hands pinned most of the time. I don’t think I was able to scratch him.”
Michaels nodded and then sighed. “I’m not going to lie to you, Chloe, these cases are hard to prove. It normally turns into a he-said-she-said argument. His lawyer will try to say that the sex was consensual and maybe just a little rough; that you cheated on Beca with him because you’re still in love with him. It’s going to be hard.”
“I’ll testify,” Beca said angrily. “I was awake when Chloe came into my room. I know how emotionally devastated she was. I’ll tell a jury everything.”
Detective Michaels nodded. “I know you will,” she said with a smile. “I can see how much you mean to each other.” She took her business card out of her jacket pocket and handed it to Chloe. “If there’s anything else you remember, please call me.”
“I will,” the redhead replied. “Thank you, Detective.”
When the detective had left the room, Beca hugged Chloe again, rocking her gently. “Do you want me to call Aubrey or your parents?” she asked.
Chloe eased back and shook her head. “I don’t want anyone to know, Bec,” she said. “At least not yet. I’m fine… and I don’t want their pitying looks and questions.”
“I get that,” the brunette replied. “Do you want to be alone so…”
“No,” the older woman said quickly. “No, I… don’t want to be alone, Bec. Will you let me stay in your dorm room with you?”
“But, Kimmy-Jen will be there…”
“I don’t care,” Chloe whispered, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “I just want to be with you.”
“Ok,” Beca nodded, drawing another smile from her girlfriend. “Kimmy-Jen will just have to deal.”
Chloe’s smile softened as she nodded. Then she took a deep breath and blew it out. “Can we go, Bec? I’d really like to take a shower and put all this behind me.”
“Of course,” Beca replied. “Let me get the nurse and make sure you’re discharged.”
Xx
Kimmy-Jen was less than impressed with the new situation. “This is a real inconvenience, Beca,” she stated, not for the first time over the previous year.
Beca bristled a little, but she stayed calm. “Look,” she said. “I get it. Having Chloe here is not what you want, but I love her, and she wants to be here with me, so you’ll just have to get on with it, ok? And you’re free to have your boyfriend stay here whenever you want.”
A knock at the door broke their standoff and Beca went to answer it, smiling broadly as Chloe held out a duffle of her gear for her to take. She was freshly showered and in comfortable sweatpants and a t-shirt with Converse sneakers hugging her feet. “Hey.”
“Hey,” the brunette replied and stepped aside as Chloe came through the door. She had her hand behind her back and, she looked slightly sheepish as she moved closer to Kimmy-Jen. “Hi, listen, I want to say thank you for letting me stay here with Beca for a while.” She pulled her hand forward and offered a bouquet of flowers to the Asian-American woman. “I hoped these might soften the blow a little.”
Kimmy-Jen looked at Chloe, then at the flowers, then at Beca, then back to Chloe. “They’re beautiful, Chloe,” she said as she took the blooms and brought them to her nose. “Thank you. Still, I have one rule.”
Beca bristled but Chloe nodded seriously. “What is it?”
“No sex while I’m here.”
“Awwww… really?” the redhead deadpanned, looking at Beca and watching the blush creep up her neck and into her cheeks. “Hear that, Bec? You’re going to have to somehow keep your hands off me.”
Even though Beca was blushing hard, she was pleased to see Chloe’s natural optimism and good humor returning. “HowEVER will I manage,” she replied, moving closer to wrap her arms around her girlfriend’s waist and look into her eyes. But she was surprised, then not, to feel Chloe stiffen against her and she eased back, trying to make it look casual. But the redhead took her hand, pulling her closer again with an apology all over her face. Beca smiled and offered her a tiny nod. “So… what do you want to do tonight, Chlo?”
“Sleep,” Chloe replied, rubbing between her furrowed eyebrows. “I’m dead on my feet.” It had been thirty-six hours since she’d really slept, and she had a headache that would take an elephant down. “If that’s ok?” she added.
“Of course. How about I get a pizza delivered and we can crash early?” Beca looked at Kimmy-Jen. “Want to join?”
“No, thanks. I’m staying with Paul tonight,” her roommate replied. “I’ll be back after classes tomorrow.”
“Cool,” Beca shrugged. Then she placed her regular order for herself and Chloe before sitting on her bed and holding out her hand to her girlfriend. “C’mere.”
Chloe nodded and climbed onto the bed as Beca’s roommate left, snuggling against the brunette as she lay on her back and wrapped her arms around her. “I’m so tired,” she murmured. “God, Bec.”
“I know. Take a nap, ok? I’ll wake you when the pizza gets here.”
The redhead nodded and closed her eyes, dead to the world only moments later. Beca kissed her head and closed her eyes too. It had been a long night.
Xx
After her nap and some food, Chloe felt strangely awake, and she chuckled as she poked her dozing girlfriend. “Want to watch a movie?”
“I don’t like movies,” Beca stated, as if this was news to the older woman.
“Want to watch porn then?” Chloe deadpanned. “I know you like that.” She waggled her brows teasingly.
A single dark blue eye opened and rolled in her direction. “Shut up. That was one time, Chlo. One time!”
The redhead giggled. “I will never EVER forget the look on your face when you realized you’d been caught.”
The brunette sighed. “It was the one single time in our friendship that I wished I hadn’t given you the code to my door.”
“Why do you think I started knocking before coming in? A woman needs her alone time. I get it. I need mine too.” She paused a moment, then smiled softly. “I gotta tell you though… It was really hot seeing you like that.”
“Really?” Beca asked, one eye still on her girlfriend.
Chloe smiled softly. “Yeah, you were so close, and you looked so beautiful… I wanted to help you finish. It’s why I finally decided to make a move on you.” She sighed then. “It feels weird to be talking about this after what happened last night.”
“Baby…” Beca lifted Chloe’s chin with two fingers so she could see her eyes. “We can talk about anything you want. Whatever you need.”
“I’m a very sexual person,” Chloe said thoughtfully. “I think you know that. I love intimacy of any kind, even just cuddling, and when I saw you… I mean… it aroused me to see you pleasuring yourself like that. It made me want to touch you so badly.” The redhead chewed on her bottom lip. “But I’m afraid… after what Tom did to me, I won’t be able to…” She stopped then. “No,” she said firmly. “I’m fine. I’m going to be fine.”
It was all starting to come together and Beca nodded understandingly. “You’re afraid you may not enjoy sex again?” she prompted a little.
“No… I… Maybe?” Tears crept down the older woman’s cheeks. “Maybe I’m just being ridiculous but, when I froze earlier when you hugged me, I… it made me think.”
Beca nodded and stayed quiet for a while, just holding her friend close. “What... what can I do to help?” she asked then.
Chloe shrugged a little. “I don’t know if there’s anything you CAN do, Bec.” Then she chuckled. “Short of having sex with me to see how I feel about it.”
Again, Beca was silent for a long span of heartbeats. They were together two weeks, and they hadn’t actually had sex yet. “I’ll do anything for you,” she said then. “And I’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes.”
Chloe just snuggled closer to Beca, saying nothing but also saying everything. A short while later, she eased into sleep.
Beca wasn’t sure what had just happened but all she knew was that she’d do anything for Chloe; anything at all to make sure she was ok. She ran her fingers through soft red hair and closed her eyes, feeling her heart swell with love for her girlfriend. It wasn’t a new feeling. She’d been feeling it for a while now and she honestly wasn't even sure when it had begun, but all she knew was that Chloe had snuck past all her walls and defenses and had become the most important person in her life.
Xx
It had been a couple of weeks since that night. Chloe was still staying with Beca in her dorm and Aubrey had become suspicious that something was going on. They hadn’t told the Bellas about their relationship yet, wanting to keep it to themselves for a while but Aubrey was poking around for clues. She cornered the petite brunette one evening coming out of the library, perching her hands on her hips in sheer annoyance at just seeing Beca’s ear monstrosities.
“So... I can only assume, by the fact that Chloe hasn’t been in our room in two weeks, that you and she are boning?” she said, by way of greeting.
Beca, already tired from a long day of classes, wasn’t in the mood for being questioned. “Chloe’s a grown woman. Who she’s with is no one’s business.”
“Then why isn’t she coming home anymore?” the blonde pressed. “I know she’s staying with you.”
“I think that’s a question for Chloe,” Beca said, trying to step around the Bella captain.
Aubrey moved to block her. “I’m asking you.”
“Back off, Aubrey,” the brunette said. “Seriously. If you have a problem with Chloe staying with me, take it up with her.”
“But...”
Chloe exited the library and paused when she saw the standoff happening between her friend and girlfriend. “Um... what’s happening?” she asked.
Aubrey’s eyes rolled. “Should have guessed you’d be here too.”
“Excuse me?” the redhead replied, confusion written all over her face.
“You’re never far away from Beca these days. I barely see you. If you’re fucking her, you could have just told me.”
Beca bristled and took a step toward the blonde captain, about to give her an earful, but Chloe caught her arm and shook her head. “Bec,” she said gently. Dark blue eyes blinked at her. “I think it’s time Aubrey and I talked.”
The brunette’s face gentled and she nodded. “Ok... um... see you back at the dorm?”
“Yeah,” the redhead replied with a smile. “I’m cooking for you tonight.”
“Awesome,” Beca grinned, then with a somewhat hostile glare at Aubrey, headed home.
For a long moment, Chloe and Aubrey just looked at each other, then the redhead took her friend by the arm and started them walking. “I’m sorry,” she began. “And you’re right. Beca and I are together almost a month now. But… the last two weeks have been... hard... and I’ve been pretty much keeping to myself… but really… I’m fine.”
“But why?” Aubrey asked. “Don’t you know you can talk to me about anything?”
“Our friendship has been a little strained recently, wouldn’t you agree?” Chloe said, keeping her tone neutral.
“Maybe,” the blonde allowed. “But Chloe...”
The redhead stopped walking and looked down at the toes of her boots. “I was raped.”
Aubrey sucked in a deep breath in shock, hand moving to her mouth as she shook her head. “Oh my God.”
“Two weeks ago, I went to Tom’s to drop off some stuff he’d left in my room. I stayed for a couple of drinks but when I tried to leave, he… he didn’t take no for an answer. I ended up at the hospital with Beca that night doing a rape kit and... I’ve just... been staying with her ever since. I feel safe with her and the thought of being without her... I just can’t.”
“I really want to hug you,” the blonde said.
Chloe shook her head. “I’m totally fine... I just... I can’t right now, ok? Please understand?”
“Of course I understand,” Aubrey nodded. “And I’ll let the Bellas know you’ll be away a while.”
“Don’t tell them what happened, ok?” Chloe asked, eyes silently begging. “I don���t want to talk about it.”
“I get it. I won’t say anything but please, Chlo, if there’s anything you need, just ask.”
“Thanks, Aubs,” the redhead smiled. “Actually, there is something...”
“Name it!”
“Go easy on Beca, ok? It’s hard for her too. I was the one who asked her to not tell anyone.”
Aubrey looked sufficiently sheepish as she nodded. “I will, I promise.”
Xx
Chloe had blocked Tom on all her social media channels and on her phone as soon as he was arrested. Now he was out on bail and even though he was told to stay away from her, Chloe had had to apply for a restraining order against him for harassment. He wasn't allowed within a hundred feet of her, yet she kept bumping into him around campus and, on multiple occasions, had had to turn around and change direction to avoid him and his hostile friends. The gossip had spread around campus like wildfire and the Bellas knew everything now. They’d rallied around Chloe as best they could.
It also helped that she had a fierce, brunette bodyguard who picked her up from class and walked her everywhere to make sure she was never alone. Her bodyguard also brought her favorite coffee and made sure she was eating, even though Chloe’s appetite was practically zero. But still, the redhead maintained that she was totally fine. But Beca was worried about her girlfriend. Chloe was a little withdrawn and definitely wasn’t sleeping very well. It came to a head a few days later, when she and Beca were studying in the grass on the dorm side of the quad.
Chloe had been struggling with a chemistry concept and she finally growled her frustration, hurling her pen away and then burying her face in her hands. Then she felt a hand on her back, and she jerked away violently, even though deep down, she knew it was Beca. “Sorry!” she exclaimed loudly, holding her hands up. “Fuck!” She got up and paced away a few yards before turning back around to face her girlfriend. “Jesus Christ! How can you even stand to be around me, Beca!” she exclaimed. “When I can barely even stand to be around myself!”
“Because you’re an incredible woman,” Beca said with a quiet shrug. “And you make me really happy.”
The redhead just gaped at her for a moment, then she slowly came closer and took a seat again, crossing her legs under her. “Why?” she asked, reaching out to take the younger woman’s hand and lace their fingers together. “How?”
Dark blue eyes held pale blue. “Because you’re made of pure sunshine, and you smell like strawberry cupcakes, even when you’re sweaty after a hard workout. You’re smart and funny and you care about people, even though people suck… especially me.”
Chloe chuckled softly. “You don’t suck, Bec.”
“Of course I do,” Beca replied with a small smile. “Everyone, who’s not you, sucks, Chlo.”
The older woman matched her girlfriend’s smile as she tilted her head a little. “You know,” she said, eyes genuinely twinkling for the first time since that night. “You’re much better with words than you give yourself credit for.”
Beca shrugged. “Meh.”
And Chloe laughed; a light, musical sound that sucked the brunette in without a shred of her permission. “You’re pretty great yourself, Mitchell,” she said then, leaning over to kiss the younger woman. She was aiming for Beca’s cheek, but the brunette swayed a tiny bit in anticipation and the kiss landed closer to the edge of her mouth, lingering as Chloe’s lips grazed hers. It was the first time they’d kissed since that night
Then Beca moved a little more and kissed her back, lingering just a little longer this time. Both women sucked in a breath, eyes closed, not looking at each other for fear of the other’s reaction. Everything seemed to grow quiet around them.
“Sorry,” Beca finally whispered, kicking herself for being too forward. For maybe pushing Chloe too soon.
“I’m not,” the redhead whispered in return, nose rubbing softly against the younger woman’s cheek. They still weren’t looking at each other but the brunette felt a soft squeeze around her hand. “But… I’m not ready, Bec.”
“I know,” the younger woman replied, returning the squeeze as she nuzzled her cheek back against her girlfriend’s nose.
Chloe nodded just once, then leaned back with a smile. “As much as I loved the sunshine and cupcake references, you forgot to mention I have great boobs.” She grinned as she gestured at her own chest. “I mean… you’re welcome.”
Dark blue eyes rolled hard. “Yes, Chloe,” Beca chuckled. “You have great boobs.”
They didn’t notice that Tom was walking by with his group of douchebag friends. “Dykes!” one of his buddies said, scissoring his fingers together cruelly and waggling his tongue at them.
“Oh, for the love of…” Beca sighed, looking up at the guy. “Grow the hell up, Dude.”
“Fuck you, Mitchell,” the guy responded and Beca rolled her eyes again but, before she even realized what was happening, Chloe was up and slamming her body into the guy with a yell that would have made Serena Williams proud. They went down in a tangle of limbs and then the redhead was straddling his chest, weight pressing down on him as she punched him in the face.
She was about to punch him again when Beca grabbed her around the waist and pulled her off the guy and into her arms. The redhead was shaking, her entire body struggling against her girlfriend but, when Beca squeezed her hard, she finally relaxed. “Chlo, it’s ok,” she said into the older woman’s ear. “Let it go, Baby,”
“But he disrespected you!” Chloe exclaimed, lunging for the guy again. She was surprisingly strong for a woman of five-foot-four, but the brunette managed to hold on to her.
“Chloe, please,” she begged. “Please stop. This isn’t you.”
The words broke through the redhead’s haze of fury and her knees gave out, sending her thudding to the ground with Beca wrapped around her.
Tom moved a little closer to her, face impassive. Then he smirked. “Freak,” he said, and just walked away, fully expecting his lackeys to just follow him, which they did.
“It’s ok,” Beca whispered into the older woman’s ear. “You’re not the one who did anything wrong.”
Chloe struggled back to her feet, glaring at Tom’s group as they swaggered away and the people who’d gathered around them began to dissipate. “I’m fine! I just need to get out of here,” she said. “Let’s go back to your dorm.”
“Ok,” Beca agreed, feeling a little shell-shocked from what had just happened. She’d never seen Chloe lose it like that before, and it made her feel totally off-balance. They packed their gear and made it back to Beca’s room without any further outbursts. Kimmy-Jen was there but she quickly decided to take a shower as she watched Chloe pacing back and forth in the small room like a caged tiger.
When she was gone, the redhead just suddenly stopped pacing and she pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” she said, shaking her head. “I feel so…” She shook her head again. “ANGRY.”
Beca slowly approached her. “Of COURSE you’re angry, Chloe. You were raped. And now Tom’s acting like an entitled asshole about it.”
“I need to blow off some steam… I… fuck…” Chloe shook her head again. “I’m going for a walk.”
“Let me go with you,” Beca said immediately. “I don’t want you alone out there.”
The redhead shook her head. “No, I’m FINE!”
The brunette shook her head in return. “You’re not fine, Chlo. I’m going with you.”
It didn’t take much for the redhead to give in.
Xx
Barden had a walking trail that circled a small lake on the east side of the campus. They hadn’t spoken, they’d just walked, and Beca was out of breath from trying to keep up with her admittedly fitter girlfriend.
“Chloe,” she finally gasped. “Please, I need you to slow down.”
Chloe immediately slowed her pace and then came to a stop, hands perched on her hips. “Sorry,” she panted. “I just needed to get that frustration out.”
Beca chuckled softly. “You know, there are much funner ways to get frustration out.” She’d meant it purely as a joke, and she wasn’t at all prepared for the sudden predatory look on the redhead’s face. Then Chloe was moving, and her hands were on Beca’s hips, pushing her slowly and gently back against the trunk of a large oak tree.
“You’re right,” the redhead replied huskily, skimming her left hand up Beca’s body to press gently against her neck, rubbing her thumb against her jawline. She licked her lips and the brunette’s eyes widened.
“Chloe,” Beca whispered, voice just as husky. “Wait…”
Darkened blue eyes gazed at her. “I have a strap-on in my bedroom back at Bella House. Will you fuck me with it?”
The bluntness of the request made the brunette gasp in surprise, and she couldn’t say anything for a long moment. “I…” She swallowed hard as Chloe’s eyes suddenly looked everywhere but at her. “Yes.”
The pale blue eyes were back then, boring into her soul. “Yes?” the redhead repeated.
“Yes,” Beca nodded. “If that’s what you want, Baby.”
The older woman swallowed. “But is it what YOU want?” she asked then. “I need to… feel something right now… I’m going to need you to fuck me into the mattress. Do you think you can do that?”
Beca wanted to… and didn’t. It would be their first time together and she wasn’t sure what she wanted yet, but she knew Chloe was spiraling badly so, she did what she knew she definitely wanted to do. She kissed Chloe roughly, tugging on her bottom lip and nipping hard enough to draw a little blood. “I can do that,” she said then, soothing the sting with her tongue.
The redhead gasped and tugged her closer, deepening the kiss for a long moment before shoving her away and then grabbing her hand to tote her back to Bella House.
The Bellas were home, but Chloe didn’t care. The second the front door was closed, the redhead was kissing Beca, pulling her across the living room and up the stairs to catcalls and whistles which she totally ignored. Aubrey was up and behind them, but Beca lifted a hand and shook her head, telling her friend she was ok as she backed Chloe into the bedroom and slammed the door behind her.
“Take your clothes off, now,” Beca ordered as she went to the closet and to the top shelf where she knew Chloe kept her most personal items. “I want to fuck you right now.” And that was when the brunette saw the first hint of hesitation in the older woman’s pale, blue eyes. “What are you waiting for, Beale? This is what you wanted, right?” Chloe’s chest was heaving, lips kiss-bruised and hair messy from Beca’s hands running through it. She looked so beautiful, it made the younger woman’s heart ache, but Beca knew what she was doing and needed to stay the course. “I said take your clothes off,” she repeated. “Now.”
“I… Bec…” The redhead took a few steps back, holding up her hands. “Beca… maybe we shouldn’t…”
“I said strip,” Beca ordered again, pulling the harness and dildo out of a box and dangling it from two fingers. She slowly moved toward her friend. “This is what you want,” she said again.
“No…” Chloe said, voice small. “Bec, I was wrong… this isn’t… not like this… You’re too important… I…”
The brunette kept approaching. “What if it’s what I want? What if I want to fuck you like this?”
“No,” Chloe said, louder now. “No, Bec. This isn’t…”
Beca was almost pressed right against her girlfriend now. “Say yes, Chloe,” she said softly. “You know you want it.”
Tears were streaming down Chloe’s cheeks now and her hands lifted weakly to press against Beca’s chest, pushing her away. “No,” she said. “Please.”
The brunette pushed gently against her. “Say yes, Chloe.”
“No,” the older woman said again, this time stronger. “No. I don’t want this.”
“But you mean yes, Chloe,” Beca said again, pushing a little harder against her.
“No… No… No…” Chloe cried out. “I DON’T WANT THIS, TOM!”
Tears were on Beca’s face now. “Tell him, Chloe. Tell him.”
“Oh God… oh God… NO.” Chloe threw herself at her girlfriend, and Beca wrapped her arms around her, holding her tightly.
“What he did to you was evil, Chloe. And we’re going to make him pay. I promise.”
“I’m so not ok,” Chloe sobbed into Beca’s neck, clutching at her so tightly, the younger woman could barely breathe, but she didn’t care. “I’m… I can’t…” Beca held on to her, murmuring words of love and comfort to her devastated girlfriend. She wanted to be whatever Chloe needed her to be, but she knew she didn’t have the expertise to be able to help her through it. She led her to the bed, and they lay together, holding each other tenderly as the strap-on lay forgotten where it had fallen out of sight. “I need to talk to someone, Bec. I need help.”
“I love you so much, Chloe. We’re going to get you the help you need, I promise,” the younger woman said.
“I love you too,” Chloe whispered in reply. “Thank you for being there for me.”
And for the first time since that night Beca began to believe that Chloe really would be ok.
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wordsofmyreality · 2 years
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Grief: 31-Day Angst Challenge
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Beca experiences a profound loss in her life.
Read Grief on AO3
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