what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
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♡ PRETTIER HIERARCHY ♡
HAPPY 1.2k+ TO PRETTIEINPINK! Thank you guys for the support, here’s a lil gift from me to you.
If you don’t want to read all of this, I created a hierarchy of everything you need to do to glow up, right at the end!!! But I recommend reading everything first <3
I’ve been trying to ‘glow up’ like forever, but there was no actual content out there that helped me glow up. Most people sugarcoated, or their lifestyles of glowing up just weren't sustainable for me. So, I created this post for everyone planning to glow up or maximise their prettiness!
DISCLAIMER – THIS POST IS NOT DETAILED. I wanted to do a simple outline to give you guys an idea of what to do to maximise your pretty. A little help to plan, especially as we enter 2024, but I’ll expand on these individual topics in the future.
GRADE 1 – HEALTH
Being healthy can make you SO pretty. Being healthy is the foundation. There are other ways to be physically healthy, but after doing these 4 the rest usually fall in place. Here are some simple ways to become healthier, and then eventually prettier!
HEALTHY EATING.
I'm not going to go super deep into this, as no diet fits everyone + Please consult with your doctor before taking any extreme advice. Though, I'll tell you a bit of things that helped me !!
Stop drinking soda. Please, it's so unhealthy and it's full of so many sugars. Even the ones that are 0 cal, have weird chemicals that I don't trust. Many more alternatives taste just as good, like coconut water, herbal drinks, smoothies etc! Especially because nowadays most large calories and sugar intakes are from sugary drinks
Stop restricting, moderate it. I am a big fan of dairy, yoghurt, milk, and cheese, I love it all. However I acknowledge that dairy isn’t the healthiest, so instead I always ensure I'm eating in moderation. E.g I put a tablespoon of shredded cheese in my omelettes instead of a handful. You will enjoy healthy eating so much, but only if you're not restricting.
Have one serving of fruit, vegetables, or both with each meal. It provides so many good nutrients, makes you fuller and keeps you hydrated. Measure with your palm to ensure you’re eating enough.
Know that just because one food has fewer calories than the other, does not mean it is the healthiest. I struggled so much with this, especially because many weight loss accounts will mention this, but it is so wrong. White bread has fewer calories than brown bread, but brown bread is higher in nutritional value.
Plan snacks. Planning snacks for throughout the day, instead of spontaneously eating is so much better. I recommend this for anyone who gets hungry during the day but not enough for a meal (like me!)
Drink more water. Not 1L a day, because it is so much more ideal for you to have a glass of water with each meal + when you feel thirsty.
Start educating yourself. This is as much as I can tell you, im not a nutritionist or a dietitian but if you plan to ensure that healthy eating becomes your lifestyle, educating yourself is essential!!
EXERCISING.
Once again, I'm only going to go surface level with this because it is only based on my personal experience + Consult with your doctor before doing anything extreme.
Start aiming for 5k+ steps. I see a lot of people advertise 10k+ steps as the standard, or what's active, but it's not sustainable If you're a busy person with a sedentary life or a beginner at exercise it is gonna be hard to sustain that. But walking is so good for you and simple too.
Join your local sports! Such a fun way to socialise while still exerting energy.
If you can't do that for whatever reason, there are many ways to exercise at home. Research and pick a workout that you like and is sustainable. E.g. jump rope, pilates, home exercises, weightlifting, biking
Start standing more, it exerts energy. While very little, it still is very good.
That's it, but remember to always start small with exercising, and RESEARCH!
BETTER SLEEP
To me, it doesn’t matter how much sleep a person is getting, but much more rather the quality of said sleep. So, here are some tricks and tips to get better at sleeping!!
Investing in a good quality pillow is so good for your sleep, the more comfortable you are, the better + it reduces the chances of poor posture or hump necks
Research about different sleeping positions, as some positions at night promote back pain, difficulty breathing or poor posture.
Start sleeping in complete darkness. Remove all sources of light or invest in good light-blocking curtains OR binders. Though, binders seem to be much more effective but are more pricey. If you cannot do either of that, buy a good sleeping mask.
Sleep in the cold. Your body easily falls asleep if your environment is cold, and you’re less likely to wake up in the middle of the night.
It is ideal for you to stop using devices an hour or two before bed, but if it is not sustainable for you, wear red blue-light-blocking glasses instead of clear ones. Red ones are more effective.
Avoid large physical or mental tasks before bed, use that time to unwind and tell your body it's time to go to sleep.
Avoid napping for longer than 30 minutes, or it can disrupt the sleep you have at night.
Go to sleep at similar times every day. If you go to sleep earlier or later than this, you will ruin your sleep schedule and feel groggy.
I expand more here.
ORAL HEALTH
This is a step many people will neglect, but the most important in my opinion. Your teeth are the only body part that fails to regenerate after a certain age. Here's how I take care of mine!
Brush your teeth for longer. Brushing your teeth should not be a sped-up process, put actual thought into it.
Start flossing. Floss removes plaque, and reduces the chances of your teeth yellowing! Do this ideally after each meal.
Brush your teeth before you eat. Brushing my teeth is the first thing I do when I wake up because brushing your teeth is supposed to protect your teeth from the food, not wash away your food.
If you have the means, buy an electric toothbrush, as this gets in the little nooks and crannies that a regular one cannot.
Use a tongue scraper or your toothbrush to get rid of any bacteria on your tongue.
Use straws to drink coffee or any heavily coloured drinks. This avoids the premature yellowing of teeth. Make sure you put the straw on the side of your mouth to avoid your teeth.
Use good mouthwash. A total game-changer, makes your breath fresher and your gums healthier.
If need be, definitely use a purple teeth serum as a whitening treatment.
GRADE 2: STYLE
I do not mean literal clothes and style, that's in grade 3. This is all about basic grooming and such. This is 2nd most important, especially if you're somebody who’s never been invested in beauty.
SKINCARE
Get a basic skincare routine, cleanser and moisturiser.
If you have other skincare concerns e.g. dry skin, hyperpigmentation, acne, or blemishes, invest in a serum.
Avoid touching your face frequently.
Wash makeup brushes & pillowcases often.
Dermaplaning to help skincare absorb better.
Use sunscreen!
HAIRCARE
Invest in a good shampoo and conditioner for your hair type.
Use a good hair oil, it doesn’t have to be for growth, but just for nourishing your scalp
Sleep with a good quality bonnet on.
Find which type of hairbrush works the best on you!
Use warm water to remove product build up and dirt, but use cool water to rinse.
Buy spray suncsreen to put on your scalp during hot weather.
Once again, research. Hair is just too much of a broad topic for me to thoroughly talk about.
EYEBROW & LASHES
Trim your eyebrows regularly to avoid too many stray hairs
Tint your eyebrows and lashes. If you already have dark eyelashes and brows, try a lighter look. I seem to prefer a dark brown look to a black
Invest in a good lash & brow serum or use any oil
Don't use Vaseline on your eyelashes.
Limit how much you wear mascara.
I talk more about this here.
BODY & HANDS
Have a daily shower routine which consists of washing, exfoliating and moisturising your skin.
Using scented products is such a game changer, smelling good is like being a magnet
Doing manicures, my routine is a cuticle scrub, file, buff, polish, paint then cuticle oil.
Shave on the areas you want to. Having smooth skin is nice, but to ensure your shave lasts longer, watch a video.
I post about creating a good shower routine here.
LIPS
Invest in a good, portable lip balm. I prefer the ones that burn your lips to give it a more fuller effect
Make your lip scrub. Sugar, honey and turmeric are my go-to. Helps remove dead skin.
If you have hyperpigmentation around the lips, use glycolic acid, only a little.
GRADE 3 – FASHION
My favourite grade, because it is so fun and focuses more on the aesthetic side of things. However, they're not essential, which makes it all the more fun!
CLOTHES
I have a post about wardrobe essentials here.
Find out about what season colours you are. This helps with using colours in fashion to enhance. ( if you don't like your colours it is okay, it doesn’t change much if you do not wear them)
Figuring out your undertone colours for jewellery.
Figure out what works for your figure. Experiment with necklines, bottom length etc.
Find out your general style too, what you feel confident in and more assured.
MAKEUP
Research and only watch tutorials of women who look like you (trust me).
Dear Peachie has a bunch of videos of how makeup works, for beginners to more advanced artists!
Then make your signature look for every using your knowledge.
FRAGRANCE
Invest in a good eau de parfum and eau de toilette. Cheap fragrances suck.
Invest in a good-scented lotion. My favourite brand is Vaseline.
Using a good nice fabric softener for laundry makes you feel and smell fresh
Using an expensive scented body wash doesn’t matter, invest in a good body lotion.
HAIR STYLING
Hairstyles that enhance your face shape, not shield it.
Having a simple signature look for everyday
Experimenting with your hair is ideal, but if you can't for whatever reason once again research.
GRADE 4 – PERSONALITY
The way you seem to others can make you so much prettier. Fake it till you make it as always~
POSTURE
Having good posture makes you stand out, makes you look prettier and is generally good for your health
Chin is parallel to the floor, shoulders are down and relaxed, rib cage is elevated, pelvis is tucked in, your knees straight and flexed, and the weight on your feet should be in the center.
You can stretch for good posture, there are many videos on this on YouTube.
Ensure your sleeping position is promoting good posture, not poor.
Buy a back brace to reinforce good posture.
BODY LANGUAGE
Learn how to move your body during conversations to seem more self-respected and confident.
Train your facial expressions for different situations, but especially for taking photos.
There are tons of books and videos on this, won’t expand because this is all about how you want others to perceive you.
ELOQUENCE
Improve the way you communicate with others. Be fluent and clear to understand
Expand your vocabulary, know how to substitute words on the spot and make sentences.
Knowing what to say in like any and every conversation makes people like you more, and the best way to be more eloquent is just practice.
There are so many good books about this.. read.
GRADE 5 – MIND
Personally, having a good mindset does boost your self-perception of your prettiness + being happier in general makes you more inclined to take care of yourself = being more pretty!!!
MENTAL HEALTH
Start journaling as a way to organise your thoughts and to truly analyse your emotions. There are a lot of journaling prompts on Pinterest and such!
Meditation as a way to clear the mind when needed is so good. There are a bunch more meditations for other purposes though like body image, productivity, focus or just general relaxation.
Go to therapy, or just have at least one person you can talk to when life becomes tough.
Cut back on social media. There's misinformation, trolls and a lot of content that isn't nourishing your mind.
Get some sun! Simple and doable, but has a huge effect on the body. It can improve the current mood. Wear sunscreen.
Start learning how to process situations, instead of bypassing the emotions that come with them.
Start surrounding yourself with like-minded people. Seriously, being around people who are just too different is draining.
MINDSET
Embrace growth and reject all forms of comfort. Being uncomfortable with something is growth.
Don’t do things because you ‘have’ to do this, do them because they benefit you and see it in that way. E.g ‘I’m going to clean my room because I deserve a clean place to rest and work’ instead of ‘I have to clean my room’
Become detached. Stop letting everything that happens in your life affect you, start observing instead of consuming.
Self validates yourself. Tam Kaur did a wonderful video on this that I think everyone should watch.
Stop believing that everything and everyone is out to get you. Your subconscious mind believes this, do not feed it, starve it.
There's a lot to say about mindset, but I recommend watching some mindset YouTubers who explain everything in depth.
and now,,,, here's a ANOTHER gift from lanny because u read her post. And liked it. And reblogged it. And followed her.. pleaseee
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