Galvanize (Buster’s Verse)
When I was Knee High to a Fuckin’ Brassed-Junkie
My Literacy Teacher Voiced Some Concerns he had about Me
He Said “Sure, the little tike’s smart, but from what I can See-
Give ‘em about Ten years; They’ll be burnt-out, running naked through the Trees
Hands in the air Screaming their fool-head-off all like ‘MATH HOMEWORK BEEECH!’”
Mooning about Sixteen Cops, Outrunin’ their Souped-Up Chargers
Flashing a bunch of the Elderly as I cut across their Back-Yards
I Get tackled and I shriek and I slip the Cuffs
And then I get a fistful of Five-Oh in Fisticuffs
Take that Tumblr; How’s that for Female-Presenting Nipples?
And Take that Shit Mr. D- this Knuckle Sandwich and All them Fucked Up Participles!
Every day I look at myself in the mirror and I slam my Fist into It
Every time I get into the shower I call myself a God-damned Exorcist
“Dad, dad, please- Can’t you just chill, You Bastard Narcissist?
Father, Pops, Daddy- Please why should I have to beg you to Cease and Desist?
Can’t you just live your own fucking life instead of hijacking my Desiccated Corpse Too?
You Deranged Ventriloquist; ya ain’t even Dead Yet so You need to Fucking Shoo!”
I’m losing my mind trying to outrun what I am if I can
I guess I am what I am and what I am is my Old Man
I haven’t even seen him in years so I sit on the shitter and I make it a whole Bit
“You absolute meth-addled drunkard pile of shit
I shouldn’t have ever had to claw you out of my skin
You shouldn’t have ever made me one of your sins
Yet every day that part of you grows back twice as Thick
Choking me out with Glass and Hash and making me the Lunatic
Because of You
My Whole Life’s Folie-A-Deux
As in Boo-Fuckin’-Hoo, Goddamn, Deja-Vu
That Bastard’s Fucking Voodoo!”
I’m drowning in your Mason Jars and Mountain-Dew Smoke Boats
Passing Electricity Through my DNA and Molecularly Bonding our Sown Oats
I can feel you Galvanize the frayed edges of the last of my Nerves
Taking me to Ride the Lightning In your Lap until it Transfers
Electricity running through me and re-wiring my Reserves
Turning my brain straight into Burnt-Maple Raspberry Preserves
Whatever part of me that ever did Burn Clean
You smoked off the top of a Spoon by the time I was a Teen
I have to say; There’s no one out there quite like You, Dad
Except the Me that you dressed in your own Plaid, Dad
You can’t even Stand to look at me, huh, Dad
You Fucking Has-Been Knockoff of Breaking Bad
You pat my Head with your Calloused Hands and then Dig into my Brain
You Gave me Plain Bammage, Damn Deranged-Rammage
and then You Flushed me down the Drain Goddamnit
Told me shit like “You’re so smart kiddo, life will be so easy for you”
And then turned around in the same breath and Unscrew a Couple more Screws
Like Goddamn dad I know you’ve Lost your whole Sack of Marbles too
But there’s only so much one kid can Fucking Do
What was I supposed to do, Dad, except Become You?
Looked straight up to You, More than I could ever Get Into
That’s right, Now I am You; The Least you Can Do
Is Fucking Look at me when I Talk To You!
I’m just fucking like him, you know, my Dear Old Dad
I’m sure you’re all so tired of hearing about why I’m Stark Raving Mad
I cannot even say Two Words without slipping in his Fucking Puke
Can’t Stumble Without looking over my shoulder and catching sight of his Spook
I knew I’d never amount to anything and I think he meant for that Switcheroo
We’re both Cursed to bite off a lot more than either of us could ever hope to Chew
He sold both of our souls to snatch the Devil’s Stash and we’re both Way Overdue
I won’t presume to Misconstrue the worst part of the Shitshow-
He was ‘smart’ too, you know?
Before he Fried his Omelet like the Your Brain on Drugs Cameo
What even is ‘smart’ though?
With so many Disadvantaged Youth like the Ballad of Buster’s Spawn-Van Gogh
How can we even pretend to quantify the intellectual capacity of any kid sitting on the Trap-House spin-dry
Between two half-cracked out passers-by getting sky-high and practically forcing the kid to pull a Shanghai?
…You know, I think I just ran out of my Give-A-Fuck Budget
I’m sick of how Society refuses to Discuss It
Then they wonder why I just throw my pen down and say Fuck It.
Dear Dad; I’ve got a few words for ya so before you take a Hit
Load a piece of this in your Crack-Pipe and Suck It.
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TATBILIB review SPOILERS
ok here are all of my thoughts
first of all i want noah centineo to raw me he’s so fucking gorgeous
lana condor was so good for this role and she was the perfect amount of bashful and shy yet kind and independent and she’s actually ADORABLE
i’ve always love lara jean bc she is always so kind and is so dignified in her interactions with gen esp in this movie ugh yes
OK the camera work!! i was really disoriented during the first part of the movie because all of the shots were centered and you could usually only see one character aka the one who was talking. that lowkey rubbed me the wrong way and idk if it did for anyone else AND i don’t even usually care about this stuff???? i just usually like seeing also how the actors react and move as another person is talking, preferably in the same frame.
i noticed it less and less as the movie went on and i’m gonna watch it more times (duh) but i’m wondering if that’s because they made more shots including both people who the interactions are with and if that has a meaning??? or if i’m just stopped caring subconsciously. anyways.
idk there were some moments where the acting didn’t really land in the first part of the movie??
also the guy who plays josh is SO cute too im into the rumpled lanky white guy look so
im sorry but they should have cast margot better. it was distracting me the entire movie how different the actress looked from lana
THEY HAD YAKULTS IN THE MOVIE. THE KOREAN YOGURT THING I HAVE THAT AT MY HOUSE. IM SO GLAD ASIAN PEOPLE AND HABITS WERE NORMALIZED IN THIS MOVIE AND THAT THE SONG SISTERS WERENT JUST “EXOTIC KOREAN GIRLS” or “EXOTIC BIRACIAL GIRLS” HELL YES
every part of the movie was almost so accurate buuut
why . was there no lara jean driving back story. . that was such a huge part of her character. instead it just seemed like she was a bad driver . why .
super SUPER tiny complaint but i still wish peter was the one who brings up the back pocket thing. PLEASE correct me if i’m wrong but to my recollection PETER suggested putting his hand in lj’s back pocket and . idk i just liked that little sleazy yet innocent thing he did idk if i’m right that he suggested it though. it’s been a while since i read the book
also it didn’t end exactly how the book did like the last 30 minutes definitely divulged from the book but i totally get why so i don’t really care
genevieve was eh in the last scene “im not as tough as i seem” ok bbg
i just consistently found an eh vibe in her performance and just. throughout the movie w her
lj’s dad and the condoms. yes
chris was funny but not how i imagined her?? idk it was off putting but that’s just a personal thing
i wish “you look pretty in blue” was in the movie bc that was such a pure , throwaway thing that peter did in the book and idk i just wish it was the note that lara jean used when she saw peter
PETER FUCKING KAVINSKY DRINKING KOMBUCHA INSTEAD OF BEER. WHAT A SOFT BOY
HOT TUB KISS
“for someone who gets such good grades, you can be really dense.”
HE FUCKING PACKED SNACKS FOR THEM AND DROVE ACROSS TOWN TO BUY THE YOGURT THINGS. ACROSS TOWN
my heart was beating so fast during the kiss and afterwards when he HELD ON TO HER AND KISSED HER AGAIN WHEN HE WAS WALKING HER TO HIS ROOM OMFGGGG THAT WAS SO ADORABLE
like i REPLAYED that part because it was so sweet i screamed
JOHN. AMBROSE. FUCKIBG SWOOP BEEECH
all in all i have 473847 instagram vid edits saved for noah centineo that boy is so damn fine
MOREOVER IM SO GLAD THIS MOVIE WAS MADE IM A SLUT FOR ASIAN REPRESENTATION IN FILM AND WITH CRA AND THIS IM HONESTLY HAVING THE BEST TIME. AND AGAIN IM SO GLAD THEY PORTRAYED THE SONG COVEYS AS NORMAL AMERICAN PEOPLE YES FHDJJD
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Chapter 130
Trey
I notice that Buggiz isn't standing in front of me anymore. He usually stands between me and the crowd. This is the first time he isn't there. I finish singing the verse then let the music and the crowd sing the chorus. I look to my left. Ma? I walk to the stand and sit the mic down. Ma isn't supposed to be here. She had a meeting that she couldn't miss. Something is wrong. I look to my left for Forrest. He is waving to me pointing to my mother. The music fades out. I say something in the mic that had been turned off. What the hell? Cammie. I start to walk off the stage then pick my mic up.
"They rushing me off this stage." I say into the mic when it turns on. "Thank you for coming out to see this show. We couldn't do it without y'all. I love you."
They start going crazy. I place the mic back on the stand then start blowing kisses. I don't want people thinking I ended my part of the tour on a bad note. I won't be returning to this stage tonight or no other stage with Chris. I walk off the stage calmly. God knows I ain't ready for what I'm about to hear.
Cammie
"Mommy, I want the big one."
"Lane, ouch. Get off my foot."
He moves closer to me. I give him the big teddy bear. He hugs it then gives it a kiss.
"Mommy, I call Daddy."
"You miss your Daddy?"
He nods his head. "I want Daddy come home. I call him?"
"No. We have to wait for him to get off..."
"Off where?" he asks. "Mommy."
I take a deep breath. "I don't know, Lane."
He gives me a look. "You not know where he at?"
"He is on stage, Lane. Is your foot on my stomach?"
"No." he says scooting away from me.
"Go get, MiMi."
He gets off the bed with the bear. "Is her call Daddy?"
"Yes."
"Okay." he says running out.
I hate to lie to him like that but all day he hasn't been doing anything but talking about Trey. I'm finding myself lying more to him to keep him calm. MiMi comes in the room stretching. I didn't know she was sleep.
"Sorry, Bae. He woke you?"
"It's okay. What's the matter?"
I shrug. "I just want someone in here with me while I go to sleep."
She crawls up on the bed. "No problem, Mama. You hungry?"
"No."
"You didn't really eat earlier."
"I feel full."
She lays her head on my shoulder. "Okay, Mama."
I close my eyes. It almost feels like seconds go by. I sit up really fast reaching for the bottom of my stomach.
"Girl?" MiMi says startled.
"What was that?"
"What?"
I lay back. "I don't know."
"Are you okay?" she says standing up.
"Yeah, must have been a dream."
"No." MiMi says moving towards the door. "Sevyn!"
Amber yells something back to her. Lane comes in my face looking at me really hard. I back him up out my face. He sits there staring at me.
"Lane, what are you looking at?"
"Mommy, you scare me."
I smile. "How?"
He raises his eyebrows. "You yelling. You fight monster in your sleep?"
"No."
"Why you screaming, Mommy?"
I take a deep breath. "Give me my phone, Lane."
"Okay."
"The nurse will be here in a few minutes." Amber says.
I look at her mad. "Why did you call the nurse?"
"MiMi said you having pains."
"It's probably nothing."
"Cammie, we not doing this." MiMi says coming in the room. "Now you know the difference between a dream and real pain. That wasn't a fucking dream."
I take my phone from Lane. Trey said that he would call when he got off stage. I guess he isn't off. I don't know what I was dreaming. Right now I just want to talk to him.
Trey
I get to Ma. Buggiz is already walking off. I grab Ma stopping her from walking off.
"What is going on?"
"Cammie is on her way to the hospital." Ma says pushing me in the direction of Buggiz.
"Why?"
"Call her Tremaine."
I mean she didn't have to tell me that. Damn she could have just told me herself. Natasha walks up to me with my things. She hands me the phone. I dial Cammie then hang up and call her on video chat.
"I have been waiting for you to get off stage."
"What's going on with you, woman?"
She shrugs. "I don't know."
"Why are you on the way to the hospital?"
"The nurse said that she couldn't make it to me in time to see what's..."
Something goes on with the phone. "Bitch, stop fucking lying. Trey?"
"MiMi?"
"She woke up out of her sleep screaming and sitting up like she in pain. She thinks she was in a nightmare. The nurse asked her 2 questions then told her to go to the hospital and not to wait on her."
"Why?"
Cammie takes the phone. "Where are you?"
I sit up. "Driving to the airport. Jayla, fucking... What is really going on?"
"I don't know. I felt like something had pushed on my stomach earlier then I went to sleep for about 45 minutes."
"So the nurse thinks you could be having the baby?"
"Let's not jump to that. I'm trying to stay positive and you need to as well." Cammie says.
I scrunch up my face. "You talking bu... Okay, Jay. Where is Lane?"
"Home with Elena. Please call him. I know he is upset that I left him with her. He has been talking about you for the last 2 hours nonstop."
"Okay, let me call him."
She smiles. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Bae."
"She needs to stop being so damn stubborn." Ma says.
I look at her. "Where did you come from?"
"MiMi called me right after Cammie went to sleep. She said that Cammie is acting a little weird about suddenly being alone like she is scared of something. So I flew here in jet. Same jet we taking to Atlanta. Cammie isn't going to straight up admit that she thinks something is wrong."
"That bullshit was pissing me off. She could have found something out from the doctor yesterday."
Ma touches my leg. "We'll be there in no time. Call Lane."
"Yeah." I say dialing Elena. "Hey."
"Lane, it's your daddy on the phone." she rejoices.
A few seconds later he comes to the phone. "Daddy this you?"
"Yeah, Big Maine."
"I know this was you."
I smile. "What are you doing?"
"I sad. Mommy not let go."
"That's okay. I'm on the way home. We can go see Mommy when I get home okay?"
"Okay, Daddy. Daddy, I not see you on the phone."
I smile. "Hold on."
I video call him. His big head pops in too close to the phone. He is good at straightening it up. He moves so that he is away from the camera more. He raises his eyebrows at me thinking of a question to ask.
"You with Mommy?"
"No."
"Where you at?"
I show him April. "With your grandma coming home."
"I see grandma."
"Hey, Baby."
He moves his head from side to side. He is just the thing to calm my nerves. Cammie isn't going to do shit but make me mad. Don't act like nothing is going on because you don't want it to happen. That isn't going to help the situation. I'm glad that I had everything in place for her. She would have sat there in that bed until it was too late. Who knows what could have happened to her at home. There's still so much that can happen.
**********************
"Jayla Neverson." I say.
The girl looks at me then looks at her computer. "4019."
"What is happening with her right now?"
"Her nurse should be at the station next to her room. Are you family?"
I walk away then turn around a bit. "Yes."
She nods. "She'll let you know."
"Excuse me." I say.
"Yes." she says turning in her chair. "Oh, Neverson? Of course."
I nod. "What's going on?"
"The doctor just left. Mrs. Neverson said that her doctor was on the way but Dr. Cousar said that she is too far along to stop the contracts. We are waiting for her doctor to say what's next. Right now she says wait." she gestures to the door. "You can go on in."
"Thank you." I say walking to the room.
Cammie turns her head. "Tremaine?"
"Hey, Jay."
"Tremaine, they say that I have to have the baby but I'm worried because the baby will be 5 weeks early." she starts crying.
I hug her. "Whatever we get is what we take."
She continues to cry. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" I say letting her go. "Calm down and everything will be okay. You want to see Mama. They told us you wouldn't let anyone come in."
"I didn't want them looking at me." she spats.
"You a mess." I say kissing her cheek.
She wipes her face. "Is April mad?"
"Baby, she doesn't know what's going on."
"Yeah, I don't mind if she..." she takes a deep breath with her eyes closed.
I make sure I'm not leaning on her or any of the wires. She just breaths slowly then opens her eyes.
"Contraction?"
"Yeah. I hope the doctor hurries up. What if the baby is beeech?"
"Then we'll have an ass first baby."
She smiles. "You act like you are the one that been through this before."
"As long as you come out of this okay, I'm not worried."
"Hm?" she says teary eyed.
I kiss her. "Let me get, Ma, okay?"
"Okay."
"She wants to be in the room."
Cammie smiles a bit. "So she can control how I push."
I chuckle. "She might push for you."
"Mr. Neverson." the doctor says as I almost bump into her.
"Doc. I was going to get my Mama. I'll get her in a second."
She looks towards the nurse. "Find Ms. Tucker and have her come to the room, please."
"Okay." she nurse smiles extremely enthusiastically.
"Mrs. Cammie. What did I tell you?"
Cammie blows. "I didn't think nothing was wrong."
"I said if you pass gas too hard I want to know. Did I not?"
"You didn't tell me that." I say holding her hand.
The doctor starts to examine Cammie by touching her stomach. Cammie hits my hand away from her. I rub her arm. She mean as hell. Didn't tell me nothing about what the doctor told her.
"The baby seems to be in position. You have been doing your exercises. I'm pleased with that. Now you know you are too far into your contractions to do anything but have this baby?"
"Yeah." Cammie says sad.
The doctor watches the machine that Cammie had around her stomach. "The look trooper has a strong heartbeat. Healthy."
"What are the risk of having the baby today?"
"We prepared for this. There could be no complications that all. You relax. I don't want you walking around or doing anything you may have done before to speed the contractions. You get some sleep. We can go as planned as long as his heart continues pumping strong."
"So we are most definitely having the baby? How long?"
She puts the sheet back over Cammie. "Her water hasn't broke. It all depends on this baby. 30 minutes. An hour. 24 hours."
I scrunch up my face. "24?"
"Oh yes." she nods walking to the sink.
"No." Cammie says. "I hope not."
I kiss her. "She said get some rest, Jay."
Cammie smiles a bit. "I won't have a problem sleeping with you here finally."
"You need to let your friends see that you are okay. They are really good friends."
"No. I'll apologize later. I don't want to see them."
I sit next to her. "Okay, Jayla."
April and I had a talk the whole time that we were on the way here about how Cammie would possibly be acting and how I need to act. April said be considerate because Cammie would be in pain that I would never experience. I got myself ready for her defensive act. She loves to push people away. It's not going to happen today. I kiss her then whisper that I love her. She sighs then closes her eyes.
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