#been feeling burned out for some reason

[slavhew]

Hello!

If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?

There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?

OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts

No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:

This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.

Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning

Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.

And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate.. But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!

Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)

This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that

#not art #admin answers #paranatural #pnat #richard spender #pts-fic-notes-and-blog #before i continue on with tag ramble i just want to say tysm for leaving an ask! #none of my friends read this so ive been stewing on these thoughts for some months and i loved finally sharing them #this isn't exactly proof but the hijack possession seemingly being the final nail in the coffin for his and isabel's relationship. #idk it feels significant to me. thats one more tether to support kinda gone. someone who knows him well enough to know he's unwell #he seems not exactly content but fr incapable of not burning bridges as he is now. and considering how rashly he acts he REALLY needs those #to not do stupid shit all the god damn time with no buffer other than Lucifer. who for his measured approach to rick's hotheadedness #has honestly shown himself to be pretty lenient and kinda bad at controlling spender's more (self) destructive tendencies? so he dont count #to be clear i love spender to bits but he is dumb as rocks and has all the self preservation of a fruit fly. it needs to be said #also the lightning man... idk its WEIRD like especially on the reread its the thing that most consistently threatens him! it repeats #sure he gets chewed by a bat and banged up by forge but?? he somehow always comes back to lightning. catnine has it out for him #its something i didnt even really put together until i continued reading the flashback chapter AFTER getting this ask and went OHHHGNHF #which the only reason lightning is such a non issue is lucifer's powers. which belong to his sunglasses and not to the spirit in him #so its not like they can't be taken away he's just got a really good excuse for having those on all the time #TAGS GETTING SO LONG. ANYWAYS. i hope this is comprehensible lol

[martyrbat]

its so funny recognizing yourself in your parents and by funny i mean im going to be sick

#i hate my mother. i love my mother. i will always be her child. i will always be a stranger. i hate my mother. i love my mother. #like same woman who points a gun at me on the regular and mocked and laminated my suicide note when i was a kid to pass out at a family bbq #and the same reason i have such bad body image issues and chemical scars and burns. #but also. thats my mother. its the same woman who married a stranger because her two kids were homeless under a bridge after #my bio dad stole her car. its the same woman who held my hair back when i was sick as a child. who made cookies when i was depressed. #its the same woman who i had to talk down because she wanted to kill herself before she hit me and called me weak. #i miss my mother. i dont know if i ever had a mother. i love her. i need to move and never be around her. #its so difficult when you KNOW she has mental illness that runs in the family too. i know what impacts her behavior and how alike we are. #i know its not an excuse for the consistent abuse she still puts me through. i know this. i know i shouldn't feel guilty for my feelings. #i dont know what my feelings are. #i hate my mother to the point ive tried to kill myself to not be around her. i love her more than anyone else. #when your mother is a prophecy of all you might be as youre a reflection of all she could have been *family guy death pose.jpeg* #anyways. sorry for the rant heehee i am normal and going to bed before i craw out my skin and into some yellow wallpaper ^_^

[skitskatdacat63]

2009 Italian Grand Prix - Rubens Barrichello & Jenson Button

#i didnt realize rubens won two gps this season!! #im just vaguely aware how many gps everyone else wins so i was sooo convinced lewis was gonna win this since ik he wins two #so that means jense doesnt win any more races? I know he already won 6 but that was months ago for me...i miss my boy on the top step :( #also kimi was on this podium too i just couldnt figure out how to fit him in so this just brawn boys cause i love them!!! #help why am i feeling so endeared to the old man #anyways its been a pretty bad run of races for me hahaha no offense i just wanna see one of my 3 favs on the top step!!! #though at least after singapore itll be a straight RBR run(i tried not to spoil myself but some race results are burned into my brain) #ended up making this way too late at night bcs i was gaming a while and then for some reason thought it was a good idea to finally gif this #so not my fav work tbh bcs of several reasons(not a lot of good footage honestyl!!!) #rubens barrichello #jenson button #brawn #brawn gp #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #we do a little bit of f1 #2009 italian gp

[bitterseaproduction]

Just saw Joker described as a '2nd year' in the P5 Tactica information, which is gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah--

I swear, for a series with a message of moving forward, Persona (see: Atlus) sure loves to avoid moving forward. Never mind complaints about more P5 content -- I'm here for side games and returning character storylines -- they are keeping the Phantom Thieves stuck in a Peter Pan state.

Where is that willingness to move forward that came with the P4 Arena games? For the P3 and P4 kids? Man, just the P4G epilogue alone took us as far as Strikers did timeline-wise.

And speaking of Strikers, the sole actual sequel to P5? Evading or hiding half of the characters we'd be love to revisit, and generally dodging Royal's entire existence? Woof.

#don't mind me just salty that atlus keeps revisiting P5 YET REFUSES to close open threads or even acknowledge whole ass main characters #and just keeps doing these 'it might as well be a dream' games that feel like narrative bottle episodes #might I be completely off base and Tactica WILL add something new to the big picture? maybe. I'd love to be wrong. #I'm just getting worn out after half a decade of a slow burn tease that just keeps adding reasons to hold on with little to no payoff #hard to remain invested in a franchise when efforts to hold out hope OR let go and accept canon as it is could be undermined at any time #a lot akechi related BUT kasumi and the other thieves' royal-specific ambitions also apply. And all of the confidants I'd love to see again #What's going to happen to Morgana long term? Where will Ann end up? How will Ryuji's school transfer go? #What amazing new art might Yusuke make? What government is Futaba going to-- I mean uh what awesome career is she going to pursue? #What will Shinya look like a year out? Can I see Hifumi make a comeback? How's Mishima doing? Chihaya? #Can I see a Kawakami and Takumi NOT riddled with stress for a heartbeat? Some exploration of Jose??? #And the PERSONA 4 CREW! I have been waiting for them to get their 'P3 in Arena' treatment for forever and I am TIRED OF WAITING ATLUS #persona 5 tactica spoliers #maybe delete later #depends how salty this looks to me in a better mood

[surreal-duck]

messing around a bit

#delete later #man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird #trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg #shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me #should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔 #still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess #just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made. #im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough. #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony #well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole #even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw #actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself #but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate #hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week #man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay #hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini #masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh #ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini #aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr #me when i have to do my job at work #i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower #sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit

[chromatic-corrosion]

.

#NEW ESCAPING VIRTUALITY CHAPTER YEAGH!!!! #this chapter is amazing. absolutely worth the wait! #every chapter is better than the last. im not joking. #well. i think its time to discuss the chapter. #Able Desdemona exists! considering Caine's name- he and Abel are definitely brothers. #i hope nothing bad happened between Abel and Caine like their namesakes. but parting regrets are such fun to imagine. #also: what the hell happened in what used to be Abel's office? and why was he terminated? #wouldnt it be nice if Caine kept the 'Abel Desdemona' nametag? #so... Caine is human and has always been human. #and he had his memories removed. #hes really living up to meaning of 'Desdemona.' #i for some reason feel like the removal of his memories was agonizingly painful. #maybe because i have enough burn scars to know that fire is agonizing. #i wouldnt even blame him if he is terrified by fire #considering the past chapters. the other humans all think that Caine is just a AI that got a human body when brought into reality. #i wonder how the others will react when they find out Caine has always been human. #but how will they find out he is human? ...what about Jax? he has found the 'Caine Desdemona' file. #nobody except Jax has seen that file yet. that file would shock and confuse everyone- #-considering that nobody knows Caine has always been human. #the fact Caine thinks that the outside world only consists of the office is rather sad. #i wonder howd he feel about the real sun and moon. #for some reason i feel like caine is the type of person to have nightmares extremely frequently. i dont know where this idea came from. #overall. this story is great and i want the fanfic injected into my bloodstream. if thats not allowed- then i will offer my heart to it. #cant wait for the next chapter! please dont rush yourself! and have a good day/evening/noon/night! #seasalt speaks #EscapingVirtuality

[problemswithbooks]

On Hawks, I think his wasted potential is in his use as the Endeavor supporter. He should have been allowed to have been more hurt by the reveal. When your idol turns out to have a lot in common with your abuser(s) that should be upsetting. Ya know. He was kinda blocked from being more complicated for the ease of Endeavor's redemption arc. In that sense he was robbed. As were other characters but him especially.

Oh, I think Hawks and Alicent have wasted potential, but I was more frustrated with people saying "x character has such wasted potential because they weren't written the exact way I personally wanted".

Many of the complaints I see about Hawks being wasted as a character come from people who wanted him to turn villain or be portrayed as a corrupt Hero. They aren't arguing about what could have made him a better character in the direction Hori decided to take him in.

As for being stuck as Enji's cheerleader, I do think it needed more set up to work better, but I understand why Hori went the direction he did with it. It's not just that it eases Enji's redemption arc, it also cuts down the amount of time he needs to spend on the manga, keeps the the Todoroki sub-plot more centered on the family, while also helping not rehash the same arguments/growth other characters have already done in this side plot.

Also, Hori has a tendency to tell, not show due to his rush to get this story finished. He wants to reiterate for the audience that Enji is trying and is helping during the AfO fight. Having Hawks be the one to think about how Enji is changing, or tell AfO about how Enji's attack was successful despite his regeneration, is an easy way to make sure readers understand Enji's arc. It's clunky, but I will admit that what Hawks says about Enji is far more backed up by what we're shown then what some of the villains have said.

I think it would have been nice to get more interactions between Enji and Hawks post first war. Having one scene at least where Hawks talks to Enji alone, wanting even more conformation on his change, or asking what made him change at all would have actually gone a long way. Heck, having Hawks reply to Enji steadfast desire to be better by saying "maybe I gave up on my parents to soon", only for Enji to tell him he had/has no obligation to forgive or help his parents would be even better.

It would make Hawks' support of Enji feel more earned. Then he's not just supporting the Hero Endeavor, but Enji as the better person he's trying to be. It'd also be really nice to have Enji help Hawks for once, even if it was just with some words. There relationship has been more one sided since the end of the first war arc, and I think that makes Hawks talking Enji up, feel even worse.

Enji showed genuine care for Hawks and worried about him at least twice during the fighting. Given it was his son who burned Hawks to the point his wings were permanently damaged it makes sense he'd feel guilty. A nice call back to that hospital scene after the Highend fight would have been brilliant. Enji doesn't hold a grudge against Hawks for putting him in danger back then (because now he'd know about the spy thing) and Hawks wouldn't blame Enji for Touya burning him. Also maybe just throw in Enji hyping Hawks in some way during the AfO fight.

I don't think Hori had to have a huge, long drawn out thing with Hawks being super upset with Enji. He just had to have some sort of scene between them that showed that Hawks was hurt by the reveal, but have Enji win back his trust in someway. Then just continue that so Enji shows just as much faith in Hawks during the AfO fight. It doesn't feel like a one sided relationship that Enji didn't even have to repair that way.

And this sort of fix still keeps Hawks in the story the way Hori wants. He's can still hype Enji so the audience is reminded about his arc/ contributing to the AfO fight, but it's just better set up and organic. It's not changing Hawks entire role in the story.

#ask #thanks for the ask :) #Hawks #bnha #bnha spoilers #mha #i do get why Hori skipped over so much stuff #but it still blows my mind that we never get clear conformation if anyone knows what the HPSC did to Hawks #or any reaction to hearing he was a spy #And it does feel weird that we don't get more reactions by characters to finding out about Enji's abuse #and this is just as bad on the villain side as the hero side #if not worse #like none of the lov say shit to Touya after the reveal #like at least Hawks does ask about Shoto's scar #and some of 1A comfort him #meanwhile none of the lov say anything to Touya about it #like toga even talked to him after he burned down her house #The only villain who mentions it is AfO #in the end it really didn't feel like a big deal #and is kind of the reason I wish the reveal had been done sooner #like before the lov destroyed everything #so we could have gotten a bigger focus on it and it's fall out #as it is its kind of a tiny thing compared to the world literally ending #no wonder no one cares about it everyone's just trying to survive at this point

[pepprs]

crying again lol ok

#purrs #and posting online abt it so i get immediate validation / support instead of asking for help from anyone im close to i know. but god fucking #damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I #miss her so so so so much. and every space here i have a memory with her in. and she left in July and she’s gone. and im sobbing my eyes out #FOR WHY because it was over 6 months ago and im happier and she’s happier and we’re all happier. but i think im getting some aftershocks #being here for the first time without her exactly 5 years to the week we met: when she was so important to me. she was the whole reason i #even saw myself as something. and she’s fucking gone. she left. but she’s not dead like LMAO idk why im crying so hard when i could just #text her any time and tell her that i miss her. but idk. it’s just everything is stirring memories and they’re painful to think about now or #at least today because she’s gone and it all changed. i was just saying that i feel like im not having any emotions and tonight the grief ju #just rammed into me like a train and my fucking counselor sucks ass and won’t even help me work through it and everyone is busy and tired an #and im a staff coach so im not supposed to be having a fuckjng mental breakdown over **** pacing around in my bathroom at 1:23am but ive be #been thinking about her so much and remembering all the formative interactions i had with her here and missing her so much i want to explode #and die and p*ke and whatever. so stupid to cry about it but i fucking miss her. and i hate that she’s not here. and i’m trying so hard to b #be her but i have to be me but i can’t not have what she brought here and im just crashi ng and burning and can’t be honest and im having a #breakdown and crying so hard and i don’t know what to do. i ithink i’ll be fine after some sleep and reflection but my heart is like seizing #on itself right now and nothing takes my mind off it and i just keep crying LMFAOOOOOO. i hate it here #delete later #like how can you look at me like that and then fuck off to ****** 4.5 years later. you know? im about to punch a hole into the hallway #and i have to be quiet bc ppl are trying to sleep but it’s making me fucking crazy. #retreat tag

[twinkodium]

Why am I making the same mistakes over and over again???

#once again I got too attached to people and either being ignored or whatever again and I’m miserable #overthinking and reading through messages of what have I don’t to be kicked to the curb 🙃 #I really should change my approach but I can’t help it #I’ve been ignored and came second every damn time in my life and whenever someone shows a little affection I feel loved and jump straight in #and burning myself after #I try to give them space because I can be too much #can be too harsh on some things and stubborn with my opinion #I promised myself that I won’t be the one who reaches out again #but I always miss talking with them and I’m afraid we’ll never talk if I leave it to them… #I dunno I’m just afraid to lose more people that is important and dear to me #and I don’t understand the reasons behind #we don’t agree on some things that’s alright but still I don’t think I’ve been unfair on any way #okay whatever rant is over #it’s 3am and I’m thinking about this since Saturday evening…. #just needed to let it out #getting a little sleep not even an hour and leave for work #feeling miserable when I should be happy of how todays race turned out #yeah… #Lola’s ramblings #oh and the worst part… I see them on dash conversing and having fun #and I’m here like okay what have I done?? talk to me….. #😐😐😐 #really my mental health is awful lately fucking hell

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

I think I’ve been horribly burned out for the past year ahaha

#Let’s be real: I‘ve been burned out since fifth grade… but it’s worse now than it ever was #I wake up at around 10:00 or 11:00 and loiter in my room until 2:00 and by that time it feels like I failed to start my day #and like everything is a waste so I do nothing #Can’t use the bathroom without interviewing myself in the mirror and whispering for hours on end #so I’m dehydrated from whispering #and for some reason I’m afraid to engage in all my hobbies #Tumblr isn’t a hobby #Reddit isn’t a hobby #They’re time killers #I don’t write whump on here anymore and I feel like a fraud keeping my username as it is #The only time I ever do things is when it’s for other people #and when I do things for other people it’s like a switch gets flipped and I instantly want to give them everything I have #because I won’t feel like I deserve the things I want to do for myself so I’m serially codependent apparently #and when I do try to help people; my best never ends up being enough and only exacerbates the situation #and everyone wants more from me than I can give #I just want one thing I do for someone to work right the first time and end cleanly so I can get some fucking satisfaction #And if I think it’s working smoothly; I never have proof that it came to fruition because I can’t read people’s minds #“There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving” my ASS #I don’t like receiving either… it’s uncomfortable #besides I don’t want anything that can be given to me; I want freedom and peace of mind and thunderstorms #that’s it #I will be happy if I can have freedom and peace of mind and thunderstorms

[kakashihasibs]

...

#this is about to be a very really truely deeply personal post #but ive been thinking about this for years and i need to get it out of my head so please bare with me #the number of times i have SERIOUSLY considered converting to Judaism is ridiculous #there are a lot of things pulling me towards it #like maybe i should finally just bite the bullet and go talk to a rabbi #BUT the main thing holding my back is i do not currently believe in any sort of God #but maybe that's just bc my main understanding of God is through a Christian lens and I genuinely hate the xtian concept of God #i would rather burn in hell than worship the xian god #so maybe i just have too much Christian angst? i dont know #literally have been having this debate with myself for YEARS #what do i do i dont know 😭😭😭 #aahhhhhh #I'm just ????? i dont know man #what if my desire to convert is born out of a rebellion towards christianity? that doesn't seem like a fair reason to convert #but it doesn't /feel/ like a rebellion but whenever ever I'm confronted with something Christian I'm just filled with a deep feeling of #resentment and anger #like i try to be cool and normal and keep my feeling to myself but even one of my closest friends knows to keep his Christian-ness #on lock when he's around me so I've clearly let some of the anger though on occasion #but but! the pull to convert isnt felt when I'm feeling angry at xtianity but when I'm reading about Judaism or listen to a jewish person #talk about being jewish #i dont know 😭😭😭 I'll probably just keep debating this with myself for the rest of my life and never actually act on it x_x #I'm frustrated with myself yaknkw #anyway oof personal post #ben gets personal #like super personal

[elibean]

i wanna be a vtuber just so i can meet cool people and make friends

#text post #unfortunately i don't know the first thing about video editing or streaming or. anything #i did apply for sony's last year bc their first round only required an essay #i feel like...i feel like i could be somewhat entertaining in front of a 'crowd' #but the market is so saturated now i offer nothing creative or different than everyone else #but just #how easy it is for these guys to make communities and friends and then go see them irl etc etc i am so seethingly jealous lol #and i mean like. the popular ones get loads of money too but anyway #on the other hand im not sure id be a great vtuber for some other reasons #like #i couldn't stream every day for sure i know id burn out #and even when i do stream these guys stream for HOURS #i get bored playing a video game for more than like 2 hours at a time lmao #(tho i did play like 10 hours straight of totk on release day lol) #anyway #this has been brought to you by elianna watching a lot of nijisanji clips again #i think vox is my favorite #i really like ike too though #also just. #i like the idea of having a nontraditional job that brings in money and allows me to live #i don't...i don't wanna sit at an office desk for 8 hours a day yall #i cant do it #my ALT job was cushy bc i honestly didnt have to work that hard lmao and i made enough money to live with no problems #buh

[raccooncityriots]

My professor really said “make sure I have an updated link to your portfolio for your midterm check-in before Monday ☺️” and didn’t tell us how much she expects to be finished

#bro it is what it is I guess #I hope I have enough done #just gotta make it until May and then I can breathe again #but work and this internship and classes and now taking care of my mother is a bit more than I can chew tbh #and I’ve been feeling the burn out setting in hard the past week #gotta just keep it rolling though 👏👏👏 I’m so close to the end #and I hate to complain to people other than the void of tumblr bc im actually really lucky right now #my internship is under one of the programmers at work and he’s been very lax with my ‘hours’ as long as I have updates #and my boss hasn’t minded me using my downtime at work to do homework #honestly it’s just given him reasons to give me all his adobe requests rather than having to go to PR or student affairs lol #and I am very thankful for both of those factors #I 100% belive I would have had to drop some classes and finish in the fall if I was still at my old job at the hospital

[lunarharp]

tsuki people, genroku, gatsby

#takarazuka #forgot i had such stuff from lately so i'll get it out of the way. gatsby's back on soon :) #*goes off at the brick wall of my tags* #i remember i was feeling pretty miserable about my art the day i posted the first one cause it felt like nobody ever responded or cared. But #i randomly checked out someone who RTed it and they went off a bunch in a row about how happy they were i drew their fav #and a bunch of praise that is embarrassing to recall ...... it reminded me.. sometimes ppl keep it to themselves. #especially japanese fandom will be like 'lrt BEST THING I EVER SEEN' instead of leaving a comment. maybe ppl are really enjoying what u make #quietly.. but someone somewhere out there even on the other side of the world.. they're so glad you made a thing #even though literally the past few days have been SOOOO SHITTY for stupid-ass unrelated reasons.. i don't draw less when i feel awful lately #i just draw sadder stuff. that's ok too. but it's interesting that the thirst to create doesn't fade. though there's no real reason for it.. #i'm creating because i'm looking for something. #don't know why i said this all after some zuka art. i'm so glad i'm drawing stuff other than zuka for the present. i love u zuka #But yeah there are feelings you can only process with gay little slow burn comic book men experiencing heartache in skirts #wow you really can just go on forever is there just no fucking limit to the amount of tags you can write what a website

[mythicalartisttm]

trying to sever myself from the colorful squid game has been the most passive emotional ride ever. I go through a two day cycle of “oh yeah, this isn’t so bad, this is totally doable” then mentally sitting with my chin in my hands while staring at the wall going “i miss this game.” I have been in enough distress to relapse but not from withdrawal (i don’t think). The tug is not strong enough for me to feel any more than light sadness. It’s nigh constant. I often ask God if this is a temporary deal when I’m 99% sure of the answer (no). This is not a complaint, this is me trying to come to terms with this

#tm speaks #sp////latoon really is too unique to be replaced (affectionate and derogatory) #in concept and art style #this is not about me trying to find a replacement series bc #the reason God will ask you to kick something out of your life is bc He wants to give you more than what the thing can offer you #where's that one post that's like #conviction is God telling you that He can and will give you something so much better #also tbh knowing the celephod game's playerbase i get the feeling that born-again believers and the majority of the community Do Not mix #the lobby is. a very worldly place ngl #the game itself is not a blasphemy-is-in-your-face level like some other stuff i've been into in the past though and i think that's #what's getting me #that and the fan concepts and fan art that i've seen around #like even that one particular s/////almon/ling concept breached containment #for example #p/roject: sp/////latoon t//hree is also up there #and i've mentiones the order edit b4. objectively a very pretty picture but the vibes i get from it now are not plesant #really that goes for the whole game in general #ah hang on here it is: this is the first thing i've had to give up that i never fell out of but also never burned my hands on it #so it's this kinda awkward position of 'i need to get rid of it but it doesn't scream DANGER in all caps' #which is normally what it's taken for me to drop something #anyways i hope this is the last time i yell about this #side note that i noticed something inch resting abt the armor of God that i'll post about l8r

[dobranocka]

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#anyway #keeping this in tags because of the obvious reasons that i don't want this to spread etc etc #but i feel so tired and burn out and disillusioned in this fandom #to the point i feel bad about the thing i was very very excited to be working on for myself #and i hate the fact that i feel this way #like usually a fandom has been a crutch to me when i was feeling worse in terms of mental health #and the only time i felt a need this strong to disengage was like... in 2019 when some really bad stuff happened in my life #and i can't look at the things i wrote then without thinking 'oh this is a chronicle of my grief' #which yeah makes me sad but also nostalgic for the messages and support i got from fandom friends back then #whereas now it is like... #it's not only that i feel like i am posting and writing fics for the void #since apparently giving any sort of feedback is not something done anymore #or maybe not in this particular community? #why give comments when you can shoot someone a message 'oh you wrote a thing i am definitely going to read it never' #which is... fine i guess #i can deal with people not liking my writing #me ego is big enough i guess #but this is like... the first time in years that i've been finding talking to people in fandom spaces seriously tedious #like not because i don't enjoy talking about this piece of media! #because i do! #but i feel like somewhere along the way people lost the concept of boundaries and idk #not trying to shove your own fic with a weird kink/pairing/concept down someone else's throat #or hear about someone else work and immediately go 'oh amazing i can write the same thing!' #like... how on earth is that a normal behaviour #(not counting like normal assholery behaviour) #idk #maybe i am being too unkind or too fragile #or i just don't get modern fandom 'etiquette' #since apparently now being mindful of potentially triggering things and not spitting them in someone's face is too high of a bar #but i am just... tired