sex education 3.02 // twilight

Twilight movie AU where everything is exactly the same except the Golden Onion is the Golden Garlic and Bella clocks Edward being a vamp immediately because it’s like

The Twilight Saga. . .   ✨ but make it plaid ✨   1  /  ?

Bella: *casually telling a 'funny' story from her childhood* I'm so glad she has phil to take care of her now! I dont know what she'd do if I wasn't there to pay bills and buy groceries

Alice: *trying not to tell her how awful Renee's parenting is*

Emmett Cullen with his eggs moodboard

How do you think the Cullen couples ask each other to prom each time?

Alice tells Jasper what he'll be wearing to prom, and Jasper says "Yes, dear."

Edward composes a sonata, performs it for Bella, concludes it by declaring his undying love for her, she's his sun who turned black night into day, light of his life, fire of his loins, would she go to prom with him?

Emmett fails to realize Rosalie wanted unironic romance, and makes crop circles. This, but it says "PROM??"

The next year he does a traditional crop circle that's aesthetically pleasing and shockingly intricate for something Emmett-crafted, failing to realize that Rosalie wasn't upset because the crop circle wasn't symmetrical, she was upset because it was a fucking crop circle.

I’m sorry but Carlesme is the hottest twilight couple and they deserve to be talked about more.

I mean cmon look at this

A Rosella Winter

au where humans think the volturi lair is a restaurant because of its name but in reality the old vampires eat you in Italy

so you’re worried… not because you’ll be in a house full of vampires, but because you think they won’t approve of you?

Bella:

Makeovers

A/N: y/c/n=your child’s name y/e/c= your eye color not that anyone needs this but just in case

A/N: thank you for requesting this, this was really cute and fun to write! I know I’m putting a lot out but I literally write until I fall asleep so this will probably be the last one

A/N: I hope you like it my dear @minghao3o

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

You’d felt conflicted the entirety of the pregnancy. Y/N bad convinced you that sleeping together would be okay, and while it had been great, you couldn’t get that nagging voice out of your head. Sure enough, y/n had pulled a Bella Swan. Thankfully Carlisle was willing to fly out and help your mate until the baby was out. She had to be changed the second the baby had come out. Luckily, Carlisle was able to do csection so it was safer than what Bella had gone through, thank god. You don’t know what you would have done otherwise.

Y/ns transformation still had to happen right away, so the first three days was you taking care of this tiny little version of your y/n. You had been so worried about you being able to be a dad, about how fragile this tiny little thing would be.

Then you met her, your daughter this tiny little version of y/n, mixed with pieces of you. She was perfect. When y/n came to you worried about how long she would have to go without seeing the little one. Y/N had even greater control than Bella had, Aro concluded that it might have something to do with the fact that it was a sort of maternal instinct. Y/N was born to be a mom, she pretty much only left y/c/n when she had to feed, but we weren’t on the veggie diet so y/c/n often fed with one of us.

You and y/c/n were definitely the ones to get into trouble. It wasn’t like you could say no. You couldn’t say no to y/n, and now with this little one. You didn’t stand a chance.

Y/n let you be the one to put y/c/n to sleep. You had been so focused on humming the little one to sleep, you hadn’t noticed y/n waiting for you by the door.

“Fe, you know you’re the best dad right?”

“I’m trying, love.” You kissed the top of her head. You had never felt so complete. Y/n had changed his life completely and now y/c/n had added something you didn’t know you were missing.

Aro had already studied hybrids in South America and luckily for us our child wasn’t gifted. Which was a relief, y/n already had enough stress with just me going on missions.

One day y/n convinced y/c/n to ask you to play makeovers. God you were going to get her for that.

“Don’t look at me like that Fe, I’ve been at her salon all day. She said she needs practice.”

“Yeah come on daddy, you will look soooo beautiful!!” Y/c/n looked at you with her big y/e/c eyes. You sighed, there was no escaping this.

Y/c/n swirled with excitement and started putting god knows what on your face. When she was almost done you heard your mate start giving more “helpful” suggestions.

“Y/c/n, don’t you think daddy needs a full makeover? I think he definitely needs some accessories.”

“Oh good idea momma.” Y/c/n scampered away to go find more stuff to put on you

“You know I’m going to get you back for this later?” Your mate just giggled

“Oh I’m planning on that big guy.” She winked at you, y/c/n came just as you were about to say something. Suddenly you had a tiara on your head and feathers all over you. Alright time for plan b, you grabbed y/c/n and basically attacked her by tickling until she got distracted. She soon wore herself out and fell asleep for a nap. You cleaned yourself and came out to see y/n giggling to herself.

“That’s not a good sign.” She looked up at you “what’s so funny?”

“I was just looking at these cute little pictures of you and y/c/n.”

“You. Did. Not.”

“Oh relax, it’s not like I sent them to anyone. Look at how happy she looks!”

Okay, you admit those pictures were cute. “I thought you were just trying to catch me in a very vulnerable state.”

“While easily done, no. I just love to see the two of you. But….”

“But what?”

“Well you did say you were going to get me back, right? If you don’t hurry up with that I’ll send these to Demetri.”

You picked up your mate and threw her over your shoulders, “well can’t have that.” She couldn’t stop laughing, god you loved that laugh, “you’re going to wake her up.”

“Well then you better take me out of here.”

You left y/c/ns room to find somewhere a bit more private.

literally the only gifts i will be accepting for christmas

sex education 3.02 // twilight

If you are still accepting requests for moodboards, could you do a soft/fluffy boyfriend Jacob one? Thank you! Your moodboards are great. I really love the Rosalie revenge one!!

Fluffy bf Jacob mood board

Comrade Bella

Which of the cullens are cat persons and which are dog persons?

Oh I like this one.

Dog people:

- Bella. She canonically wanted a dog, and is needy enough that a dog's boundless, energetic affection would be right up her alley. Hate to say it but this girl would not be able to handle the crippling self-doubt that follows when your cat doesn't want scritches. (Correction: turns out she's a bit on the fence, ultimately thinks cats are probably more her thing. But she did try to get a dog. She belongs under "Indifferent".)

- Emmett, not just because he's an outdoorsy type who under normal, human, circumstances would love to have a dog by his side, but also because - well - testosterone. Guy thing. Real men have dogs.

- Rosalie wants the idyllic white picket fence life, and that means a golden retriever in the yard. He would be called Bodger.

Indifferent:

- Alice might be interested in dressing them up. Apart from that... nah.

- Carlisle grew up in a time when animals were not pets the way they are now. I'd assume likes cats since they get rid of mice and rats, and dogs since they can be trained to do useful things.

Doesn't mean he'd want either one under his roof.

- Edward would never put it this way, but he is above cats and dogs. If he had to choose, though, I think dogs. He'd wax some poetic about how pure they are.

- Renesmée. Mostly because of one @keepingupwiththecullens strip (I can't find the specific one. I recommend the whole blog, though, it's amazing) where Renesmée is gifted an adorable bunny and she proceeds to eat the damn thing. I doubt I'd have seen Renesmée as a pet person either way, but... yeah she'd eat that adorable puppy or kitten. Thanks, mom, it was delicious.

Cat people:

- Esme. Dogs are out of the question, they're dirty animals and get hairs everywhere. Cats have hairs too, and will scratch up your couch, but they're tidy animals. More importantly, they look and act very much like babies in need of mothering. Who can resist an abandoned kitten she finds in the woods? Not Esme.

I mean that in every sense of the term, Esme can't resist the kitten.

It's delicious.

- Jasper I can see go either way, but I'm inclined towards cats. Their temperaments match, and in an ideal world where vampires and pets went together I imagine the calm contentment of a purring cat would be catnip great for Jasper.

To say nothing of the raw power you wield when you can stare at a cat from across the room and instantly make it purr.

i just read you wolf pack age up post and it made me remember something i always had in mind. fantasy writers who write their characters around 15-19 age range are weird and discpnnected from the reality of teenagedom. these characters go on adventures, get married, have children, break governments and they are... teens? these writers are generally around age 35, and i think they forget how being teen feels like. you might feel like you could take down the government at age 15, but you only have the mind power to do it once in your 20s when you genuinely become a member of the adult society. in no place a group of people would look at a 17 year-old and think “yes, the leader of a nation-wide rising that will change the world” it feels so unrealistic, and the characters are often way older than their actual ages, per their minds and thinking patterns. it feels like putting a 25 y/o into the body of a 16 y/o. like the characters of the wolf pack, and the other characters of fantasy literature. on another example, it wprked with harry because he had a personal attachment to the thing that was supposed to destroy the world. but sam uley, edward, the volturi, and other characters... it’s so wrong. it’s so against logic. it’s very ridiculous. older writers forget what being a teenager feels like and they must stop writing children characters.

Absolutely agree with all of this!!! I mean I do understand why teenagers want to read books about teenagers, but having every character in your book be a teenager does tend to feel disconnected from reality (even in fantasy)! I think it’s linked to smeyers obsession with youth, she doesn’t seem to be able to imagine anyone over 20 in a role that isn’t “parent” or “leader” and therefore even characters like Aro and Carlisle are in their early 20s. Contrast this with a book like The Hunger Games which has a teenage protagonist but has actual adults being in charge. I think it’s just another way the world of twilight feels more like wish fulfilment than reality, and it does make parts of the books seem ridiculous when you reread them as an adult.