Bellatrix: I can't believe all these people dressed in black. All-black was my thing, and now everyone's doing it to be "cool." They're all posers.

Narcissa: Bella, I cannot stress this enough. We are at a funeral.

Voldemort: What did you do with Snape's body?

Bellatrix: What didn’t I do with the body?

Voldemort:

Bellatrix: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse respectfully.

Voldemort: So who broke it? I'm not mad, I just want to know.

Bellatrix: It was me I broke it!

Voldemort: No, no you didn't. Regulus?

Regulus: Don't look at me, look at Barty.

Barty: Huh,I didn't break it.

Regulus: Weird then how'd you even know it was broken?

Barty: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Regulus: Hmm, suspicious.

Barty: No it's not!

Rabastan: If it matters, probably not but Lucius was the last one to use it.

Lucius: *gasp* Liar I don't even drink that crap!

Rabastan: OH really, then what were you doing over by the coffee machine?

Lucius: I use the tiny wood stirrers to push back my cuticles everyone knows that Rabastan!

Bellatrix: Okay let's not fight,, it was me just let me pay for it Tom.

Voldemort: No, who broke it.

Barty: My lord, Snape's been quiet-

Snape: Really!

Barty: Yeah really.

Snape: OH my god

Voldemort: I broke it, it burnt my hand so I punched it. I predict five minutes from now they'll be at each other's office throats with warpaint on their face and a boars head on a stick. Good it was getting a little chumy around here.

Inspired by Black Jaguar.

@toujourspurbh

I hope you enjoy this.

Malfoy’s Always Get What They Want

↠ Pairing: Lucius Malfoy x Fem!Reader

↠ Requested: yes/no - thank you to the anon that sent this in (I know you didn't ask for Bellatrix + Rodolphus but I already had this sitting in my drafts so I thought I could just combine the two - if that's okay)

↠ Word count: 1.2k+

↠ Summary: Lucius and Narcissa deal with a spoilt daughter, who likes to throw tantrums a lot, so who better than to help than your Auntie Trixie and Uncle Roddy?

↠ A/N: i’m not gonna lie this was actually kind of fun to write… i'm sorry if it's kinda rushed, i was writing this on the train.

↠ Warnings: mentions of Auntie Trixie and Uncle Roddy - that’s a suitable warning, right?

" 's not fair! 's not fair! Mama you're so mean!", you cried as you banged your arms and legs on the floor, crying over how your mother was being so unfair, in your eyes of course. In your mother's eyes she would argue she was completely in the right - all you had to do was finish your sandwich and only then could you enjoy an ice-cream for your dessert. Instead, you decided to throw pillows and toys at your mother hoping that she would give in; she did not.

"Y/N Narcissa Malfoy, I've had it up to here, with your behaviour young lady!", your mother snapped as she left the room leaving you alone to continue your tantrum which was now being held on the stairs or as your mother labelled it: 'the naughty step'.

Crying on the staircase you failed to notice a pair of raven haired adults making their way towards you, as they sat on the staircase with you - well your Uncle Roddy transfigured a chair for your aunt to sit on instead. "Wha's the matter little flower?", your Uncle Roddy asked as you just leaned into his side, as he wiped away any tears spilling down your cheeks. "Ma-Mama's bein' mean!", you cried causing your aunt to get up from the chair and pick you up in her arms as she carried you to find your mother and give her a piece of her mind.

"Narcissa, Narcissa, Narcissa! Care to tell me why my niece is crying?!", your aunt questioned your mother, her younger sister, as she found Narcissa sitting in her study, pinching the bridge of her nose with two fingers. "Your niece is a pain in my ar-" "Now, now Cissy, language in front of the child", your Uncle Roddy interrupted your mother, as she just released another sigh of frustration. "I-I want ice-cream!", you screamed, only for your scream to cease when your father walked into the room holding two bowls of ice-cream in his hands.

"Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, don't you dare give her that!" "Oh why not Cissa?" "Because she needs to learn to follow-"

That had been an hour ago... now you were back on the naughty step, pouting at how unfair everything was. You were a Malfoy, that meant you could get whatever you wanted, when you wanted it... And now what you wanted was a bowl of ice-cream, which your father was more than happy to get for you, unlike your mother who was simply not having it. Your mother and father had left the manor for a little while, and was promised that they would come home to a well-behaved little princess Y/N - easier said than done, as your uncle and aunt were now in charge of making sure that they were able to fulfil their promise.

"Now Y/N, when you want something, but Mama says no... what do you do?", your Uncle Roddy asked hoping that the information he had been drilling into your little mind was engrained.

"I ask Daddy!", you mumbled, attempting to hide a sneaky smile, which caused your uncle and aunt to groan at your answer. Ignoring their groans, your Auntie Trixie knelt down to get closer to you, as she lifted up your head causing you to look into her eyes, and she into yours.

"Now c'mon little brat... you know that's not the right answer m'kay?", your aunt uttered as she pulled you into a hug which you gladly reciprocated. "Now what's the right answer?", she asked you once more, hoping that you would answer it correctly this time. Sighing in defeat, you were about to answer your aunt's question only to be interrupted by the sound of your mother's high heels growing louder and louder, meaning only one thing: she was back home...

Entering the room, with bags and bags of shopping, your mother and father only sighed as they presumed that what they were promised was not fulfilled - as expected, after all you were a rather stubborn child: a trait you had inherited from both parents, even though they refuse to admit it.

"Well...", your mother sighed, as both your aunt and uncle grimaced slightly as they knew for a fact that Narcissa's mood of irritation would only grown even more. Narcissa hated being promised something, only for it to not happen in the end - another trait you inherited from your mother, something she would refuse to admit even though she knew in her heart that it was true.

"Go ahead Narcissa... ask her", your Uncle Roddy uttered, having full faith in you, his little flower, and was sure that you would do him and your aunt proud.

"Y/N/N, Daddy and I bought you some new toys, but you can only have them if you clean up your playroom." Learning of the fact that you were going to be given new toys, you ran over to your mother hugging her legs as you thanked her for the new toys. "You can only have them if you clean up your playroom... is that understood Y/N?", hearing of this condition your mother had set for you, you were soon feeling rather angry again at how you weren't allowed them. Rodolphus and Bellatrix only cringed as they expected you to start screaming once more - for a little girl, you sure had some powerful lungs.

However, as you made eye contact with your Uncle Roddy, you did exactly what he had taught you to do: when someone makes you angry, you take a deep breath and count to 10 before opening your mouth to speak - this way you don't say any bad, mean words to anyone. So taking a deep breath, you calmed yourself down before opening your mouth to answer your mother's question.

"Okay Mama, I'll go clean my room now", you answered before running off to go and tidy up your mess allowing both your aunt and uncle to release a sigh of relief at how you had responded. Not even 15 minutes later, you had returned to find the adults sitting in the lounge room chatting away as you dragged your mother upstairs to show her your newly tidied up playroom. Stepping into the room, your mother was quick to turn around and ask Dobby if you had asked him to help you. "Little Miss, cleaned all by herself Mistress. She didn't need Dobby's help", the House Elf replied smiling at you, showing just how proud he was of you for doing what your mother had asked of you.

Feeling nothing but complete pride at how well you had behaved, Bellatrix swooped into the room with the bag of toys in her hands for you which you happily reached out for, before stopping yourself to ask your mother if it was okay for you to have them.

Smiling at how well behaved you were being, your mother had no reason not to let you have your new toys. "Well done baby", your mother cooed as you excitedly reached for the bag before emptying it out creating another mess. "Can I have ice-cream too Mama? Please? I finished my sandwich, right Auntie Trixie?", you pleaded as your mother only snickered at your puppy-dog eyes.

"Only if you clean your mess...", your mother replied, mouthing a 'thank you' to your aunt who only shrugged in response, indicating that it wasn't that big of a deal. Soon your mother and aunt were standing in the doorway of your playroom watching you neatly tidy your toys away as quickly as you could before ushering you into the kitchen where you couldn't help but smile at the sight of an ice-cream sundae drizzled in your favourite coloured sprinkles.

"it's not realistic" "it's not realistic"

It's an enemies to lovers fanfic about a twenty something woman and a forty something woman fake dating and sharing a bed WHERE DO YOU RESEARCH THAT

Hermione lamenting the fact all her girlfriends are married. 😛

The song is "Plain Gold Ring" by Nina Simone

“why do you want to dress up as your mom this year for halloween?“ (aimed at 5 yr old Delphi)

Delphini squinted at the stranger, glaring up with him with eyes so much like her Father's matching his arrogant expression too perfectly. It was almost frightening, seeing the Dark Lord's cold and condescending stare in miniature.

"Because.." Delphini drawled out, as though her answer was about to be the most obvious thing in the world. "Mum is the coolest, most powerful, most marvelous witch in the whole wizarding world.. Duh. I'm going to be just like her when I am older."

Draco: Mother, how do I get revenge?

Cissy: The best revenge is living well and moving on!

Draco:

Draco: Aunt Bellatrix, how do I-

Bella: Knife.

The Dark Mark 💀 This was based on a two older versions of this scene I've done in the past (2014 and 2020). The addition of Bellatrix was inspired by a comic by @zwiebel-onion

The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black

Toujours Pur.

Voldemort, as a mental exercise for the Death Eaters: There are seven chairs and ten people. What do you do?

Rabastan: Have everyone stand.

Rodolphus: Or you could just, I don't know, bring in three more chairs?

Barty: A musical chairs game!

Bellatrix: FIGHT FOR THEM!

Lucius: The best seven of the lot can sit down.

Regulus: Kill three.

Narcissa: I don't care as long as I get to sit.

Voldemort: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Bellatrix: The cow???

Voldemort: What?

Lucius: Bella, W H Y?

Female villains reign supreme

Helen McCrory as Narcissa Malfoy in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One 2010 | dir. David Yates

Shit Slytherins Say: #257

Gryffindor: Are you busy tomorrow?

Slytherin: That entirely depends on what you’re about to say next.

FAVORITE VILLAIN Part 2 → BELLATRIX LESTRANGE for @mishafuckincollins

some hp wizards/witches actions.

saw that tweet about using orchestra conductor as references for wizards/witches and i wanted to try it

Hey! Here’s something I spent time on. I Imagine that recieving a Dark Mark would be one of the most painful things someone can experience, and I tried to make this reflect that.

🍰HP Characters As Cakes🍰

From Ron & Hermione to Harry:

From Hogwarts staff to Severus:

From Sirius to Remus:

From Severus to Minerva:

From Order to Sirius:

From Severus to himself:

From Lucius to Bellatrix:

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @stingingwolf @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising

If you wanna be on my taglist, let me know!