You were in your chambers in the Small Palace. It was past midnight, but you couldn't close your eyes. You couldn't get your thoughts in order. You needed to tell him the truth. The truth about yourself, about him, about you. But how to do that? How to tell Alexander that you were his wife, who died many years ago before his eyes?
While you were trying to calm your nerves, the memories of your meeting with Alexander, your life with him, your life with him in this century at least began to surface in your memory.
You met General Kirigan a few months ago. You were the Sun Summoner he was looking for. After an urgent request (not a request) of the General, you moved to the Small Palace and began to train under the watchful supervision of the General himself. You did not succeed in everything but over time you became stronger. Which could not but rejoice Kirigan.
You often caught his eye on you but you never allowed yourself to take any action. But nevertheless, a pleasant shiver went through your body every time General Kirigan was next to you. When he touched you during your training, even if at that time he knocked you down and you fell to the ground in front of him, not at all like a lady.
Two weeks ago, you wandered silently through the night palace, you could not sleep. Passing the General's office, you saw a dim light from his office, the front door was ajar. Without thinking, you quietly opened the door of his office ajar and went inside. Kirigan stood with his back to you, his hands are rested on a work table, on which various papers and cards are scattered. His whole body is tense.
“General…,” you began quietly, “I'm sorry to interfere with you… but… do you need help? You look ... tired. - you called yourself this liberty in relation to him. You couldn't help yourself. Your heart clenched with tenderness at one glance at him.
Kirigan shuddered, freeing himself from his thoughts, and looked at you.
- Y/N ..., - the General muttered quietly, - what? He asked, clearing his throat, pulling himself together again.
“Do you need any help?” You repeated more firmly.
- Help with what? - he asked, carefully examining me. I was wearing a night dress made of light fabric. The fabric was snug against the body.
“Maybe you need a fresh look at the cards?” You offered with a smile, “or just to talk, free your thoughts?
You yourself did not believe that you were saying this to him, but the longer you communicated with the General, the more you were drawn to him.
“Thanks for the offer, Y/N, but I'm fine. It's just too much work. Too much war. People are tired. From war, from death, from losses.
“A war cannot last forever,” you said looking into the General's eyes.
“With your help, my dear Summoner, I hope that the war will end soon,” Kirigan said with tenderness in his eyes. “Now let me escort you to your chambers so that I’m sure that nothing has happened to you,” he said. he with a smile.
You averted your eyes in embarrassment and went to your chambers. Kirigan walked to your left. You just wanted to look at him make sure he was still there, by your side. But you looked at him for too long and, entangled in your own legs, began to fall to the floor, until strong hands grabbed you, keeping you from falling shamefully.
“God, I`m sorry…” you began to justify your awkwardness, trying to think of a reason why you looked at Kirigan for so long, but you couldn't come up with anything.
"It's fine," Kirigan laughed softly, still holding your hand. You rarely heard him laugh. God, he didn't even often allow himself to smile, to really smile, but now it seemed to you that he was finally laughing sincerely, carefree, enjoying ... being with you?
You wanted to free your hand from Kirigan's grip, but he wouldn't let you.
“I wouldn’t want for you to fall,” Kirigan said with a smile. “Otherwise, what kind of General am I to allow one of my best people to put herself in such danger?
You felt your cheeks turn red, but no longer tried to pull your hand and tried to look straight ahead. He walked you to the front door of your chambers, still holding your hand in his. You enjoyed the sensation of his skin close to yours, praying that those moments would last as long as possible.
Stopping in front of your chambers, you felt even more awkward. Will he come to your room? Should you let him? What should you tell him?
While you were trying to say at least something, Kirigan dropped your hand and then gently ran his palm over your cheek. His touch was so gentle as if he believed that you were made of glass and with any careless movement could break in his hands.
“Thank you,” he whispered. In his eyes you saw only tenderness and a hint of ... what? Love? You couldn't even call yourself to dream about it, so that later you would not be left alone with a broken heart.
“For what?” You whispered.
- For worrying about me., - he gently touched his lips to your hand, - and please ... call me Alexander, - he smiled and while you stood, amazed by his words and actions, he turned around and went back towards your office.
On trembling legs you entered your room and this stupid smile appeared on your lips, which you still could not remove. And why did you feel a sharp pain in your head. You fell to your knees, grabbed your head trying to make the pain stop but nothing helped. Memories and images began to pop up in your head. And in these images there was only one person - Alexander. But he looked different. Longer hair, different clothes. It seemed to you that you were looking at it from the outside. Here you see how you walk with Alexander across the field, among the flowers, and he holds your hand. Here you are in the forest, and Alexander helps you collect medicinal herbs. You see your kisses. Your nights full of love. Your wedding. And your vows of eternal love to each other. You try to calm your breathing, calm yourself but the following image appears in your head. Like one of the king's soldiers stabs you in the stomach in front of Alexander. You see, you hear Alexander screaming your name, but you cannot answer him anything. You see the pain and anguish and his eyes that you cannot calm him down, you cannot tell him that everything will be fine. That you love him. And then darkness falls. The last thing you see is Alexander's face painted with pain.
You don't know how much time has passed. When you wake up, you find yourself lying on the floor in your room, wrapping your arms around yourself and trying to stop your sobs.
You are returning to the present again. Two weeks have passed since that day, but you still haven't had the courage to tell Alexander the truth. How will he react? What will he do? What will he say? What if what you tell him will cause him only more pain?
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You Had Me (Part Ten) Billy Russo x Reader
A/N: This is it, folks. I'm so incredibly emotional writing this. I have a little extra information to offer for the story which you can read: here. I simply cannot think of anything to say than THANK YOU. If you enjoyed the story, considering leaving some feedback, its the highlight of everyday to see what you all thought of each chapter. One last thing: check out my masterlist for the prompt of my next series, The Last Time, coming very soon!
*this fic has some canonically correct aspects but will mostly refrain from the original story line*
Prompt: A year after your last encounter with your father, William Rawlins, you discover that the man you married is indeed still alive, but is he still the Billy Russo you committed the rest of your life to or has a murderer taken his place? Sequel to "You Found Me."
Word Count: 2.3k
Warnings: major fluff ;-) , emotional conversations, pregnancy.
*The word fag is used in this fic as a reference to a cigarette (often used in colloquial British English). This word is NEVER used to refer to someone who is homosexual.*
Tag List: @fific7 @nerds4life246 @fictionwillneverdie @maralisa124 @blackbirddaredevil23 @swthxrry @dashlilymark @reg-arcturus-black @galaxyjane @diaryoftheunstable @xceafh @tanyaherondale @lady-russhoe @marauderskeeper @thetallassgirl @supernaturalcat7 @voyevoda-thejoy @blahhhhhhhaaa @broadwaybabe18 @kaqua @odetostep (If you would like to be added or removed from the tag list, please let me know!)
You tossed your purse onto the table, kicking off your shoes as you walked into the apartment. You rubbed the small carpet burn on your arm, still bothering you from your accident just a few hours before. You’d just gotten your cast off and already you were hurting yourself. It was quiet, almost two quiet, but you felt relief when you heard scattering coming from the guest bedroom. You took small steps across the hall, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose and peeking in the door, “Billy?”
He turned to face you, a bright smile on his face, “It took a few hours and two calls with Frankie but look,” he moved over, showcasing the large crib he’d put together all by himself. You covered your mouth with your hand, letting your hand linger there until you were biting down on your nail. “You like it?”
“Oh, Billy…” you tried your best to fight the tears that were filling your eyes, “It looks beautiful.” You started fanning your face, “God, I’m so sick of crying over everything.”
He saw the red mark on your arm and rushed over to you, “What’d you do?”
You shrugged your shoulders and rubbed it softly, “Tripped coming back up from the basement at work. I’m fine—promise. Can’t see my own feet, but my clumsy-ness is nothing new.” You made eye contact with Billy who was evidently worried, “She’s fine. Still alive and kicking—literally.” His lips curved into a smile.
He bent down and reached out, placing both of his hands on your belly, “What are you doing in there, huh?” He looked up at you. “Is she hiccuping?” You nodded, making his smile widen before he stood up, “Go lay down, I gotta read to her ‘fore she falls asleep again.”
You were more than willing to lay down for a few minutes—hell, you’d be okay laying down for the next week. Billy had promised his daughter that he would read a chapter of his favorite book every night, telling you she’d come out a ‘fucking genius’ as he called it. You felt silly every time he did it, but the glimmer in his eyes when he got to feel her responding to the sound of his voice was priceless.
You laid down as comfortably as you could these days, two pillows behind your back as Billy grabbed the book, shuffling through the pages to find where he left off. “She won’t know the difference if you read the same chapter twice, you know.”
He rolled his eyes and rested one hand on your belly, pressing down lightly to get his daughters attention before he began reading. “Friday was an important day for Harry and Ron. They finally managed to find their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast without getting lost once.” Billy read softly in an awful British accent.
“‘What have we got today?’ Harry asked Ron as he poured sugar on his porridge.
‘Double Potions with the Slytherins,’ said Ron. ‘Snape's Head of Slytherin House. They say he always favors them -- we'll be able to see if it's true.’”
He continued like this until her movements slowed, licking the tip of his finger and flipped the page before you gently took the book from him. “I think she’s heard enough of your terrible accent for tonight,” you said before throwing the book to the bottom of the bed.
He rolled onto his back and looked at you, “It’s not terrible.”
“Billy, you have many, many talents but you’re not good with accents. At all.”
He rolled his eyes and sat up, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it onto the floor. Twisting back toward you, he put both of his hands on either side of your hips and smirked as he propped himself on top of you, leaning so close to your body that his chest was hitting your bulging stomach, “What kind of talents are we talking about?” he whispered as he leaned down toward your ear, biting down on the skin of your earlobe.
You could already feel the heat burning between your eyes, but also the feeling of your daughter pressing right in a sensitive area. You reached up, running your hand through his disheveled hair, “I love you, but she’s pressing right on my bladder. One wrong move and I’ll never be able to look you in the eyes again.” He chuckled and climbed out of bed, crossing his arms as he looked you up and down.
“Can you really not see your feet when you stand up or were you joking?” he asked curiously.
You pushed yourself off your pillows, gaining your balance incredibly slowly despite Billy’s help and motioned to your feet, “Nope. I could still see my toes a few days ago, but she’s gotten in the way of that too.” He smiled and held your hand tightly as he walked (slowly) to the living room with you.
When you woke in the middle of the night, nothing seemed off to you. Billy’s quiet snores beside you, and the sharp kicking against your abdomen were a part of your normalcy now. You rolled onto your left side, trying to get comfortable when you finally felt something wet soaking your sheets. You covered your mouth, “Oh please tell me I didn’t—“ You felt it again, rushing through your clothes, this time followed by a sharp cramp that left you frozen in place.
You counted the seconds, 5…15…45…60…and once it was done you could finally breathe again. You looked over at Billy as he slept, one arm beneath his pillow and the other reaching out to your side of the bed. You shook his shoulder gently, “Billy,” you whispered. He groaned, pulling in his previously outstretched arm. You shoved him harder this time, “Billy, wake up.”
“‘m tryna sleep,” he mumbled, pressing his face into his pillow. You stood up, balancing your weight on your heels, evaluating your soaked pants. The rush of water started again and you felt yourself beginning to cry. He finally turned his head toward you, blinking heavily. “Did you seriously..?”
“My-My water broke all over my pants,” You sniffled, “It’s all over the sheets, Billy.”
He instantly jumped up, his face in a disgusted expression before he realized the weight of what you had just said. “Your water broke?” You nodded tearfully. He opened his mouth and all he could say was a quiet ‘shit’ before he rushed over to you, grabbing your arms, “Have you had any, uh,” he licked his lips as he tried to think of the word. “Contractions, have you had any of those?”
You nodded, “A few during dinner, an—and another one a minute ago.”
“During dinner? That was hours ago. Why the hell didn’t you—“
You dropped your head towards your chest as you started to cry even harder, “I was starving and I knew you’d make me stop eating.”
He frantically started pulling clothes out of the dresser, throwing on a hoodie and zipping it up, “Have you been timing them? You’re supposed to time them.”
“I was asleep!” you hiccuped loudly, “I cant exactly keep a stopwatch going while I’m sleeping!”
“Get some shoes on. Shit—“ he stormed off to the nursery, “Where’s the bag? Where’d you put it?” he called to you from the other room.
You wiped away the tears, “It’s in the…” you gripped the bed tightly when another contraction began. You heard him calling your name but you couldn’t speak. You tried your best to count the seconds in your head, managing to get all the way to thirty before he was back at your side.
“That wasn’t even five minutes apart. We should have left hours ago.” He was running his hands through his hair, “You should’ve told me.”
When you finally got past sixty seconds, the pain emitted. “The bags in the closet,” you mumbled, trying to regain your focus. It was a twenty minute drive to the hospital, and part of you didn’t think you’d last that long. “Billy I’m not gonna make it there in time.”
“Go wait by the door, I just gotta grab the—“
You nodded and waddled to the front door, listening to Billy as he ran back and forth through the apartment, shoving things in the bag before he finally grabbed his keys and walked with you outside. You made it down the elevator and to the car before another contraction hit, paralyzing you where you stood.
He rubbed your back, trying his best to help you even though he felt useless. “Once we get in the car it’ll be smooth sailing, I promise.” You nodded even though you didn’t believe him. Former heroin addicts don’t get epidurals. That one had lasted over 70 seconds, but as soon as it was done you threw yourself in the passenger seat, too tired to stand any longer.
A measly seventeen minutes after you got to the hospital, at exactly 2:43am, Billy’s daughter was born, her loud cries filling the small hospital room, bringing everyone else to tears.
Her loud wails woke you both up every night, but not once did Billy complain. He’d take over, letting you rest as you listened to him through the monitor, quietly talking. “And your Uncle Frankie can’t wait to meet you in the morning. So you’ve gotta sleep cause he’ll want to see you all wide awake.” She blinked up at him, suckling softly as she ate, “No, not now—“ he stopped to chuckle, “Sleep now, stay awake during the day.”
You padded down the hallway, crossing your arms as you leaned against the door frame, “Your voice is distracting her, Billy.”
He glanced up at you with a smile, “She likes it.”
“I know she does, but you know who doesn’t?” you tip-toed over to them, planting a kiss on the top of Billy’s head, “Her mother who will be up at 6:30 in the morning.”
“Nah, I’ll stay up with her.”
“You’ve been up with her every night since she got home. You need more than an hours sleep every night.” You ran your hand through his hair, looking down at your daughter as she drank from her small bottle. “You’re not going to miss anything if you sleep once in awhile.”
He nodded, looking back down at the baby in his arms, “Once she’s asleep I’ll lay down.”
“I’ll be waiting,” you smirked at him, walking back to your bedroom.
As soon as Billy opened the front door, Frank started laughing at him. “You look like shit, Bill.” He rolled his eyes as he and Karen walked in, a four-cup carrier in Karen’s hand. Coffee.
You smiled from ear to ear, “I could kiss you.” She laughed, wrapping her arms around you, hugging you tightly. “We ran out of coffee days ago, and Billy refuses to leave the apartment.”
Karen set the carrier down on the counter, peeking around the living room, “Where is she?” You took a cup, draining half of it in one sip, the jolt of caffeine felt beyond amazing. “Don’t tell me she’s sleeping,” she pouted.
“The kid sleeps like eighteen hours a day, she’ll wake up soon,” Frank promised her, looking back at Billy, “You’ve got puke on your shirt.”
Billy glared at him, “I know.”
You shook your head as you laughed, “Every time he changes she does it again.” You heard the small cries coming from the nursery, “Speak of the devil.”
“Oh don’t call her that, she’s an angel and you know it,” Karen kicked off her heels, following you to the nursery. You opened the door, listening to her ear-piercing wails. “Oh my god, she’s so tiny.”
You smiled and picked her up, rubbing her belly softly trying to calm her down. “She likes Billy more than me, which is absolutely not fair.” You held her out to Karen who gracefully took her, rubbing her cheek as she calmed down.
“She looks just like him too,” she smiled, “You gonna tell us her name or will she forever be Baby Russo?”
“I think Billy gets to do the honors,” you rubbed her lower lip, watching as she took it in her mouth and sucked softly on it. “Frank’s probably dying to see her.”
When you made it back out to the living room, Billy had changed shirts, and was laying back on the couch, his eyes blinking heavily. Once he spotted his daughter he sat up straighter, forcing himself awake. Frank rubbed his hands together as he stood, staring in awe of the small child in Karen’s arms. “Oh she’s a Russo alright.” Billy smiled, crossing his arms. You could tell how badly he wanted to scoop her up from Karen, but he knew Frank was dying to do the same.
“She got a name?” Frank asked, picking her up carefully and cradling her head. He looked at you and you held your hands up in surrender. Frank twisted and glanced at Billy. “So?”
“Willow Francine Russo,” he said proudly. Karen covered her mouth, looking at you with tear filled eyes. You’d already cried over the name several times, but it was perfect. Nothing felt more right than naming her after the two strongest men in her life.
He nodded speechlessly, looking down at the baby in his arms, “No shit, huh?”
You chewed nervously on your nail, “After my overdose, you told me ‘This was the hard part’ and I never forgot that. Not when my dad came after me, not when Billy lost his shit. You saved me, Frank, just as much as Billy did, and I can never repay you for that.”
He shook his head, “Nah, I think you just did.” He was grinning down at Willow as she slept peacefully in his arms. “Billy the beaut finally picked quality over quantity and look where it got ‘im.”
“And it’s all thanks to you, Frankie.”
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