#ben barnes imagines

[don-daygamerz]

Long Way For Love

Ben Barnes x Reader

Requested by: @marimorena06

Request: Heyy!What about a friends to lovers with ben Barnes? ❤

Warnings: some swearing (I think), descriptions of intimacy (not smut just major fluff)

Word count: 4.4K

Italics - thoughts

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Love occurs in many ways. It can happen on the brightest days or the stormiest nights. It can happen on purpose or by accident. It can even happen through gain or loss. Love is a powerful and enigmatic feeling. It can either build you or destroy you. But did you know that love can sometimes not happen instantly? Yeah…Love can take its sweet time to even be realized. That’s what this story is about. And it began with a young man and a young woman.

The young man was named Benjamin Thomas Barnes but Ben Barnes in short. Catchy right? (It even made the woman blush just thinking about it) And our young fair maiden who would soon be the object of Ben’s affections was none other than (Name) (Middle name) (Surname). Ben had thought to himself of what a sweet name she had…beautiful, actually. The two first met on the set of ‘The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian’. (Name) was an aspiring actress and had landed the role of Selene, sorceress, and protector of Narnia. The two instantly connected and were a great support to one another.

They immediately became fast friends and were happy to share some interests and acting tips through their experiences. Ben was always happy to share with (Name) their love of literature, the classics, art, music, poetry, and so much more.

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“So you’re telling me you lied about knowing how to horse ride?” (Name) gave him a shocked but inquisitive look after hearing his confession. The man in question became bashful and wanted the couch he was sitting on to swallow him whole. Why did he have to tell the pretty girl he lied about being a pro at horse riding?

“I wouldn’t say I lied…”

“Oh boy…ha ha ha…I’d like to hear this,” (Name) chuckled at her companion. She needed to hear his hilarious excuse as to what made him think he could get away with such a ‘dark’ secret.

“Ok, ok. Shush…Don’t you want to hear the actual truth?” he asked her.

“You’re right. My apologies, your highness. I did not mean to disrespect you in the slightest,” she said to him in her best posh British accent while giving a mock bow. Which was not bad at all. (Name) was not only an aspiring actress but also dabbled in some voice acting. That was one of the things that fascinated Ben. She was so talented.

After her little antic, Ben could not help but playfully roll his eyes at her. “Anyway…As I was saying,” he continued, “I did not exactly lie…exaggerate is more like it…”

“Oh yeah! You sure did exaggerate it! Ha ha! You basically preached it is what I was told when you did the auditions, ha ha ha!” Ben’s face turned red hearing her say this but he couldn’t stop the smile growing on his face. He thought her laugh was cute and funny…wait, did hear a snort?

“Alright, then when was the last time you rode?”

“Umm… Last I rode a horse was when I was little…”

“Little how old?”

“Seven or eight, give or take.”

“Benjamin Barnes! You need proper lessons! My god! You’re lucky you made it this far! What if you got hurt?!” she chided him but out of concern after hearing the rest of his truth. Ben just smiled at how worried she became. (Name) was the nurturing type among the cast members. She deeply cared for every single one of them including him.

“I’m alright now, aren’t I?”

“Luck may be your friend right now but there’s no telling when she’ll turn tail and stab you in the back…Uh, Uh, No. You need thorough practice, Mister.” She began to lecture him sternly. Ben was smart, without a doubt, but he was also stubborn.

“I am practicing.”

“Walks and trots are not enough. There are scenes where we have to ride the horses at a much quicker pace. You have to master the canter and gallops.” She was right. He just felt lost and confused at this point. “But not to worry…there’ll be an instructor and specialist. Including me.”

“You? I didn’t peg you for an equestrian.”

“One thing in life you shouldn’t underestimate is how cartoons can influence a child’s decisions and life choices,” she explained to him animatedly. Ben laughed at her delightful nature as she gave him a cute and innocent answer to how she gained the skill.

“Are you serious? You have to be joking,” he leaned in close while placing his elbows on his lap. Ben sat on the couch alone while (Name) opted to sit crisscross applesauce on the carpeted floor by the coffee table.

“Dead serious, my good sir!” she said haughtily to her dashing co-star as she sipped from her glass of wine. Ben just kept chortling after hearing how his ‘new-found’ friend committed to learning a dangerous and tough skill such as horse riding just from watching a cartoon show.

“And, pray tell what animated television show was it that influenced such a young mind to study a perilous skill that is horse riding? Strangely I have a feeling I know what kind of show it is…” he grinned at her mischievously. Both the actors just loved to rile each other up in fits of laughter and joy. (Name) chuckled under her breath before looking up and dead straight into his eyes.

“It was My Little Pony.”

“My Little Pony! Ha ha yes! Girls in my primary school days loved that show.”

“All girls either dreamed to be an equestrian or a magical horse… for me I think it was both.”

Learning these silly things about his ‘newfound’ friend and co-star felt like an interesting and thrilling adventure. He felt like an explorer having discovered something new and exciting. Ben didn’t take into account how he could connect and share with a person like (Name). He was normally reserved but (Name) allowed him to open himself and be at ease.

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So yeah that’s how it started with the two. (Name) and Ben started off as friends…good friends actually. It was saddening to know that both actors will have to look elsewhere for open roles in upcoming films/tv shows. But that didn’t diminish their hope of losing their friendship nor contact with one another. From there, they made promises to keep in touch and send support anytime, anywhere. Ben was delighted with how things were going for him in the film industry. He had come a long way and studied hard. He began with minor roles and dabbled in music, and finally, his talent and skills were recognized.

As for our lovely (Name)? Things were also looking good for her as well. Her performance (though a minor role she had played) in Narnia astonished viewers…critiques and gave way to more opportunities for the young actress. Busy schedules, signings, interviews, making appearances, promotion of brands, and so on; this was just the beginning for the two rising but underrated stars. Not at all did it dwindle their connection…only made it stronger. All in all, they always made the time to call one another.

At the start, it was a friendship, yes. But it became more personal for the two. Secrets were shared. Families and siblings were introduced. Insecurities were confessed to one another. A lot of meaningful things were made between Ben and (Name). It was obvious to everyone around them including their families that the two were meant to be. The Barnes family adored (Name) for her selfless and kind nature towards their eldest son. And the (Surname) family was grateful to Ben for looking after their daughter in the film industry. The Barnes were also thankful for how she was patient and respectful of their son’s nature.

You know…when (Name) was first introduced to his family, they actually had mistaken her for his girlfriend. Their chemistry was good…really good that it really misguided them into believing that they were dating. But Ben’s mother knew him well. He was deeply infatuated with her. And he didn’t even know it. After a nice hearty meal in the Barnes household, Mrs. Barnes didn’t have to look further through her analytical eyes as she gazed upon her son talking so animatedly with the sweet girl.

From then on, she’d come to the conclusion that this young lady right here sitting before her was meant to be with her son. Another thing to add, the woman wasn’t getting any younger…she wanted some grandbabies.

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Support was given, secrets were shared, jokes were exchanged, and so much more. The friendship grew and strengthened, and it became apparent in the eyes of everyone how Ben and (Name) adored one another. But it became so frustrating how neither one of them took the initiative to confess to one another. Yeah, they liked each other, without a doubt. Okay, that’s a bit of an understatement so let me clarify it, Ben and (Name) genuinely loved each other (secretly and unknowingly).

However, despite the close relationship they held, they still both led different lives and hence went on different paths. (Name) would be occupied in some part of the US for a TV series and Ben would be in another part of the US in a studio working on his movie. All in all, they were busy with their schedules, interviews, and promotions.

In addition, Ben was a dashing and charming fellow so it was no surprise he was not single most of the time. He would date different girls here and there. Some he met through mutual friends and some he worked with. The relationships didn’t last long but (Name) felt she could not compare to these beautiful and striking women that caught her best friend’s eye.

Now she didn’t think less of herself. No, not one bit. She loved herself and all that she was. Her attitude was basically ‘Fuck you! My body, my choice, and besides I doubt you can handle all this!’ Oh yeah, total badass. But the point was she felt she could never fit herself in Ben’s heart. Of course, there would be some insecurities like; Was she not enough? Will she ever be enough? Does he ever see her as beautiful? Do you think he would feel the same way as she did about him?

I guess she would never know. So she lets fear cloud her thoughts and convinces her to bury those feelings deep inside and lock them away. It was better this way, she would tell herself, better to hide than leave with a broken heart and a destroyed friendship.

As for Ben’s case, he was also cooped up with his own schedule and the interviews but he always had something occupying his mind or rather someone. That, someone, was, of course, (Name). Why? Well, he wondered if she was doing okay... if she got the role she was auditioning for... if she got the package he sent her... or if was it too much. He did recall how much she enjoys candy from the UK, so he thought why not send her a box of candy.

His head wasn’t just occupied with her but his heart too. Ben couldn’t ignore how fast his heart was beating at the thought of (Name). Even with all women he has dated in his life, he always compared them to her. She was everything they weren’t. She was everything that he looked for in a woman. She was just everything and he loved it.

Yes, Ben Barnes was deeply infatuated with (Name) (Surname). And that infatuation would remain a secret for… who knows how long. Ben didn’t want to risk the chance of getting rejected and losing their friendship altogether. He couldn’t imagine losing her. He would not dare be reckless with his feelings either. But deep down… Ben wishes (Name) would one day return his feelings, so, in the meantime, he’ll just keep it all inside whilst he cherished his time with (Name) as being her best friend.

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One of the many things both the actors shared their love and joy in, was celebrating the holidays. Sure at first, these special occasions would be celebrated with close loved ones such as their families and long-time childhood friends. But it had gotten to a point in their lives that their friendship became…how to describe it…wholesome? Amazing? Fun? No, it was UNIQUE.

Ben and (Name) may have had their own circles of friends and companions but when it came to just the two of them…Things were just different really. But in a good way. And with how their friendship felt ‘unique’, many of their cherished moments included sharing some of the holidays.

It was late December but only one day before Christmas Eve. The sky was dim and cloudy as a shower of snowflakes descended upon the white blankets that covered mother earth. Our beloved (Name) (Surname) was currently settled in Ben’s humble abode and getting comfortable in the kitchen. Earlier, the young lad had received word that his old friend, (Name), was in his area and without a moment to lose nor a chance to forgo, called the actress to come over and celebrate the holiday with him.

Well, actually in truth, it may have slipped out as they were catching up over the phone. It started off as a light conversation. (Name) had come to England very early December to visit her cousin and attend an engagement party. During their chat, Ben had thought to himself of how it would be wonderful if she spent the winter holiday with him for the first time. What he hadn’t realized then was that he had voiced out his own thought. Of course, (Name) heard him. She said yes after all. What neither could tell as they spoke on the phone was how Ben was so flushed and red in the face, and how (Name) could not stop smiling to the point her cheeks hurt.

The two were filled with giddiness and glee at the prospect of spending this merry occasion with one another.

(Name) had taken up the duty of baking and was now occupied with rolling the cinnamon-sprinkled dough while mischievous and quite secretive Ben was trying to be sneaky in licking the sugary frosting. He was excited to finally eat some of his friend’s food once again. It was always a treat for him when (Name) pulled out her cooking skills and introduced her ethnic foods to him. It was actually both a treat and a learning experience for him.  

A fond memory to look back on was the first time they cooked together 9It was the first time (Name) had been to his home. She was so flustered that day but happy nonetheless that Ben was opening himself to her. It made their friendship so genuine). (Name) had quite the adorable shocked look on her face when she realized her British BFF did not always season his food properly. Well, he did. Just only salt and pepper. And if he felt like going crazy then a dash of paprika.

“Seriously? That’s a dash? More like dandruff,” she had teased him but he would pipe back saying, “I can’t help it! Don’t judge me!”

“You’re lucky you have me at your side, you uncultured Brit. That palate of yours needs some awakening. You, my handsome fellow need to have a taste of flavor!”

“You think I’m handsome?” he smirked at her which made her blush profusely.

“Ah-ah don’t change the subject! I’m here to teach you and you will thank me in the future.” Nice save, (Name), way to draw his attention away from that compliment you blurted out.

Then again, now that she looked at him closely. Ben was really handsome. He had such an adorable, infectious smile, dark alluring eyes, smooth luscious hair (which she envied so much, I mean have you seen his hair?!), and those lips…so pink, so soft, and kissable- ‘What the hell is wrong with me?! I can’t have these kinds of thoughts about my best friend! Not even, Ben!’

(Name) never saw Ben for his looks but for his personality. She found him to be kind, brilliant, humble, compassionate, caring, genuine, and… gosh, she could go on and on about the great things she sees in him. In the end, (Name) could not deny the truth…and the truth was that she was falling harder for the young actor, day by day.

“You feeling alright, love?” Ben interrupted her train of thought. Seems like she was spaced out there as her mind walked through memory lane. Now back to the present, (Name) looked back to the man that held her heart without his knowledge, and… Wait a second! Is that white frosting at the corner of his lip?! All of a sudden, (Name) boldly swiped her thumb at the corner of his lips picking the bit of frosting and bringing it into his line of sight to playfully reprimand him for his actions.

This caught Ben off guard and brought sweet chills down his back when (Name) touched him briefly. But then his eyes saw how she grumpily looked at him like he was a wanted criminal. God, did she look so adorable. He almost laughed at how she pouted so cutely like an angry chipmunk.

“Ha ha, you caught me,” he told her with hands slightly raised in surrender.

“Mhm, seriously, Barnes. What am I going to do with you?” she questioned him.

“Love me unconditionally? Cuz I think we’re low on frosting…” he trailed off nervously with a mischievous grin on his face that showed no regret in his actions. (Name)’s eyes widened slightly and looked to the bowl that held the concoction of her grandmother’s frosting.

“Ooh you dang little Brit…” she then dabbed her frosting coating thumb on his nose which made him chuckle at her reaction. “Oh well, I wouldn’t say little…” Ben replied naughtily going off perversely which made the woman blush at the thought of it which made the man chortle at her embarrassed reaction.

“Oh-Oh-you… You know what, out! Out! I need to finish this before your parents come over!”

“Are you seriously kicking me out of my kitchen?!” he laughed.

“Yes, yes I am! Because somebody keeps eating the ingredients!”

Ben just kept laughing as he let her push him out through the kitchen door but then paused as he looked up. “Oh look, mistletoe,” he pointed out. This caused (Name) to halt her movements and look up as well. And indeed, there was a mistletoe hanging at the entrance of the kitchen door. Huh, how did she miss that? Suddenly there was a stillness in the air as they both had come to the realization of what being under the mistletoe meant.

Ben’s thoughts of kissing (Name) right there and now but the risk of ruining the friendship and making things awkward between the two caused him to reel in the chance of doing so. He deeply cared for her and he would never dare try to drive her away nor scare her because he held feelings for her. He turned his body towards her and saw her staring at the mistletoe in deep thought and wonder.

She looked back at him and immediately their eyes connected. And suddenly, the world around them began to disappear and it was just them and them alone. It felt like being in a foggy dream. Ben and (Name) stood before each other staring at each other for long until Ben spoke, “Shou-should we… you know...” he barely formed his sentence but (Name) was quick to understand what he meant.

Hold on! Did Ben perhaps gesture that they commit the mistletoe tradition?! Was he serious?! So many thoughts ran through the woman’s mind. “I-I mean… It is tradition… I-If that’s what you want…” she herself found it hard to speak as well. Here she was, in front of the man that held her heart and the way he was looking at her... His face and expression held such a soft, sweet, loving, captivated look.

They coincidently held a reoccurring thought… ‘If I do this… there’s no turning back.’ Their faces then leaned in closer till they could feel each other’s warm breaths and signature perfumes. Ben smelt sweet yet woody whilst (Name) smelt fruity and fresh. Not too long did their lips collide and a passionate feeling burst between the two.

As their lips touched, they went back to recall all of their relationships and past experiences of kissing other people… none of them could compare to what they were doing. Ben felt so happy right then and there that he pushed himself to kiss the girl he’s always dreamed about and (Name) felt other bliss being in Ben’s arms as his lips caressed hers. He was tender yet passionate. The two had to pull away to regain oxygen and finally face the reality of the situation they put themselves in. As they pulled away from one another, Ben still kept his arms around (Name) while she had hers around his neck.

It had dawned on them that their kiss was so… real and intimate that their bodies were brought closer till they were intertwined. Ben began to smile and chuckled which confused (Name) and at the same time scared her into thinking Ben was playing for her fool but what he said next changed everything.

“I- I’m not going to lie and say that wasn’t the best I’ve had since ever…I-I don’t regret what I’ve done, (Name), I don’t,” he confessed to her seriously. She began to pipe in but Ben placed his finger on her lips to give him a moment to finish what he started. “Let me explain, please…” She nodded back and let him continue.

“I don’t regret kissing you, (Name). Not one bit. In fact, I’ve been dreaming since the moment I met you to kiss you… but not what we did back when we filmed Narnia… but out here… in real life… I’ve always held feelings for you, for so long. Too long, actually. I love the way smile, the way you laugh and cry at cat videos…”

That last bit made (Name) giggle for it was true. She both loved and nurtured felines. Ben smiled at her reaction and it gave him the boost of confidence to further his confession.

“…I love how spontaneous you are, how smart… and talented you are, it’s amazing what you’re really capable of, and I really admire that about you… I am in love with you, (Name) (Surname).” He finally said the last part he craved to tell her for years throughout their friendship yet it came out shakily as he feared her reaction to his confession.

But wait…was she…smiling at him and…were those tears?! Oh no! Did Ben screw up their friendship?!

“Ha ha… oh Ben… and here I thought I was the only fool in love with their best friend…” she cried happily to him. Ben let out a huge breath of relief. He smiled through his own tears back at her as he cupped her face to wipe off her tears that trailed down her cheeks. She was too beautiful to cry even though they were happy tears.

“I love you, Ben Barnes. Always have, haha. My god, it’s really happening! I love the way your eyes light up when you- when you’re happy, I love the way you laugh, I love you’re enviously but beautiful hair… God! For a man that uses one product for every part of his body, he still looks good!”

Ben began to laugh uncontrollably at her comment about his hair. (Name) would sometimes mention how it was unfair that men would only have to rely on one product to apply on all parts of the body and yet come out smoother than a baby’s bottom.

“…what it’s true! Anyway, where was I… ah yes, the hair. Love your hair, I also love your passion for music, in fact, I love how you sing Ben…”

Now, this caught him off guard. Ben had been open to her about his dream to one day release his own music but he didn’t think (Name) believed in him.

“You are so talented, so smart, so authentic, so… you’re amazing Ben. I wish you would see yourself the way I see you… And that’s why I love you,” she gave her confession.

Ben was left awestruck by her words and just like always she always left him speechless. “It took us a long time to tell this to each other…” he said to her breathlessly.

“Years of agony of loving in the dark and the fear of rejection… it’s over… I can finally show you my affections in the open, right?” she asked him.

Ben tucked in a stray strand of her luscious locks that smelled of lavender before looking deep into her eyes, “No more hiding. It’s all out in the open.”

“So what’s next?” She was now confused and felt no need to leave the warmth of his embrace, “What does this mean for us?” (Name) wanted to understand further about the change of their relationship and all the changes that would come with it.

“It means… that we become what we’ve always wanted… more than friends…”

“I like that but… what if things ever go south…”

“Not possible,” he said it in an earnest tone.

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because you’re all I’ve been looking for all along.” This made her smile and she leaned into his arms as they hugged like two long-lost lovers who finally found each other once again.

“Ha ha ha, Hah! I love you, Sirius Black,” she said to him playfully.

“You are never going to cease to let me live that down, are you?” he rolled his eyes at her.

“Nope!”

It wasn’t that long ago when Ben learned that Harry Potter fans imagined him or declared him to be the young Sirius Black of the Marauders fandom. Not only that, he was one time asked to take pictures with a Gryffindor tie.

“You can also be quite cheeky, huh. But that’s what I love about you… Sundance…” he said the last part with a smirk that caught her off guard.

“How did you-?!”

“How could I forget that My Little Pony manipulated you into becoming an equestrian… and you only get Sundance merch, ha ha ha.”

“Ahh!”

“What?! It’s adorable!”

Yup, those two were meant to be.

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Author's note:

Hi @marimorena06 I really want to say I'm so sorry you had to wait so long for your request to be fulfilled. I'm aware you gave your request last year (2021) on November. I thought I was confident in taking requests but was overwhelmed with the list of replies (I'm not mad). I'm disappointed in myself in being slow but I'm happy to finally be done with all the requests that were sent to me. Though I think you deserve all of my sincerest apologies for having to wait the longest. So I decided to put all of my mind and heart into this fic and spice it up with so much love, details, short stories, and some humor.

It took me long and hard but I managed. I've come to the realization I don't do well with deadlines so I'm taking a break from accepting requests until I'm a pro at this. All those fandom writers who deal and accept with a lot of tumblr fic requests have my deepest respect. I only had a few and I barely managed. I didn't want to disappoint, I had writer's block many times, I was busy at home, looking for jobs (it is so hard to find), I was so sick (I'm not saying I had the hardest time), and my laptop sucks (like really sucks... I've had it for nearly 10 years).

So my apologies to you and to everyone else that was anticipating this fic. I hope it meets your expectations and that it brings you joy. And again thank you for your request it was so sweet of you to ask me, a newbie, to bring your idea to life. You can request again once I'm available. Right now I'll be going through some changes and introducing new content. Thank you once again, I hope you had a good holiday and happy new year to you and everyone else. And thank you for the support.

Taglist:

@marimorena06 @itzzzzcookie @s0-theking @s1xthirty @sagejames @fromgreytoyellow @esther334 @airsummoner @memymfselfandi @gweaswift @supernaturallover2002 @veganismbymelaniecavill @eginv-blog @fakehappy27 @ivymiriiu @bruxa0007 @jessevans @maregomes @dxvanadeline @lorenshmidt @mandybug39 @lovesssss @enchantingeggslimepeanut @nana-licious @rheathesimp @darlingangel-17 @edithsvoice @lewisroscoelove @calimoi

#ben barnes #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x you #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes imagines #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes fluff #friends to lovers #request #special requests #fanfiction #fluff imagine

[vnderoos]

with every seed you sow ✧ sirius black

(gif is not mine, credit to the owner) warnings / language word count / 13.9k

masterlist in bio ↴

THE MARKS THAT Y/N Y/L/N HAD RECEIVED on her last Transfiguration exam were ghastly compared to her usually outstanding work. There was just something about the material that Professor McGonagall had been teaching the last few weeks that she just couldn't seem to grasp. Even her friends—the Marauders, they preferred—had all done better than her, even Peter, and they chose to spend their free time partying or wreaking havoc on the rest of the castle. Perhaps that was why McGonagall had agreed to let her retake the test in a week's time, as long as she'd received tutoring from the student who'd received the highest grade.

And, of course, that was how Y/N ended up in the library with one of her dark-haired friends—surprisingly—through dinner on a Friday night. Their textbooks and note-covered pieces of parchment were splayed across the wooden table, as evidence that they'd already been there for hours. "Sirius, please," she groaned for the umpteenth time as he snuck his wand out to twirl a tendril of her hair around it and she ran her hands over her face in what she hoped looked like annoyance, but the hint of a smile on her lips would give everything away if he noticed. She should've known that with how close he was sitting beside her—so close that she could smell his cologne—that it would never get past him, and it didn't. "You know, if I'd known you were going to be like this, I would've put my request in for Remus, instead," she told him half-heartedly, trying to press her lips into a thin line to fight her grin, but he'd already seen it.

Sirius slipped his wand back into his robes and threw his head back in a laugh, his mouth stretching out into a grin—one that showcased his nearly perfect set of teeth. She could feel her cheeks heat up slightly at the sight of it, almost confused as to whether he'd gotten this handsome overnight or if she'd just never noticed until now. She had early spent time with him alone—away from the others—so the latter definitely made sense. Or, maybe, it was all just some sort of weird trick her mind was playing on her as payback for hours of studying. That seemed more likely. "We both know you like it when I bug you, Y/N/N," he pointed out, a crooked smile settling on his lips once he'd gotten his laughter out of the way, and he reached out a slender hand to wind a lock of her hair around his index finger this time.

She shot him a look, despite the sudden racing of her heart, and she reached up to take his wrist in her hand, her resolve faltering briefly at how warm his skin felt beneath her fingertips. She covered her sharp inhale with a deep sigh and unraveled her hair from around his finger, trying to recall a moment where he'd been this touchy with her in front of the others, but coming up short. "Not when we're meant to be studying, Black," she drew out and she gently pushed his hand back towards his own body with her cheeks ablaze, trying to tell herself that his signature smirk was not having some out-of-the-blue effect on her, because it wasn't. It was the same smirk she'd seen him give countless other girls, so it absolutely wasn't. She was just a bit hazy from having her nose in her textbook all afternoon.

Sirius let out a huff of amusement at her answer, clearly satisfied, and he propped one of his elbows on the table, leaning his chin into it. "So you do like it?" he retorted, a smirk playing on his lips.

Y/N widened her eyes at him. "Are you thick?" she asked, gesturing to the materials that littered the wooden tabletop and she lifted her hand like she was about to swat him. "I'm saying you need to—"

Sirius pushed himself off of his hand when hers lifted and he wrapped his long fingers around her wrist, leaning in towards her. He used his other arm to brace himself against the back of her seat. "Relax, Y/L/N, I'm kidding," he whispered and she could feel his breath against the shell of her ear, sending shivers down her spine, and his dark eyes stared intently into her own. She'd never realized how quickly he could take the breath from her lungs without even trying until then and she could hear her heart pattering in her ears. "We'll keep studying, if that's what you want," he muttered lowly, his thumb tracing semi-circles on her wrist and leaving trails of fire in its wake.

She nodded, swallowing thickly as she did, and she couldn't help but wonder what the hell was happening to her as she looked into his eyes. He was entirely unreadable, but she was sure her emotions were written in bold, black letters on her forehead. "It is," she managed quietly, averting her gaze from his because she couldn't take it any longer, and she pulled her hand gently out of his grasp.

Sirius let her with no qualms, but he left his arm around her chair. "Very well, then," he said, turning his head back towards his book, and she got an inkling feeling that he knew exactly what he was doing when he placed his free hand on her knee instead, tapping his fingers against her skin. Part of her wanted to knock his hand off of her leg, but the other part of her liked the warmth it brought, so she listened to the latter and let her hand rest gently on top of his own to keep it in place.

Y/N could see him turn to look at her out of the corner of her eye after that. "Thank you," she all-but-whispered and he nodded, giving her knee a soft squeeze. It was unbeknownst to her that the little tug in her lungs that followed was the first bud of many that a painful, unrequited love would soon bring her as it bloomed inside of her chest.

—

Slivers of golden sun seeped through the curtains in the dorm room that Y/N shared with Lily Evans the following Monday morning, stirring her from a less-than-sound slumber, and she rolled over in her four-poster bed. She hadn't seen Sirius much over the weekend, the last proper time having been their little study session, and oddly enough, she was looking forward to another one later that night. It was a strange feeling, even considering thinking about Sirius Black as more than a mutual friend, but it wasn't unwelcomed. Maybe spending time with him alone again, instead of letting the thought of him bounce around in her head all day, would ease some of the tightness that had been building up in her chest.

Of course, she'd have to make it though breakfast with the rest of the crew first.

She let out a loud sigh and lifted her hands up to her face, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "G'morning, Y/N/N," Lily hummed from across the room. "It's about time you've woken up. I nearly left for breakfast without you," she pointed out and Y/N shot up quickly, almost certain that the girl was pulling her leg. To her dismay, Lily's freshly laundered robe hung loosely off of her body, covering her neat uniform, and her red hair fell smoothly over her shoulders. Wondering how long she'd slept in, Y/N glanced at the small clock on her bedside table.

Her eyes widened as she did and she practically threw her red covers off of her body. "Dear Merlin, Lily," she gasped, tugging her fingers through her hair to brush it out the best she could on a time crunch, and she hopped hurriedly out of bed. "Hit me with a pillow next time I sleep in, please," she said through a nervous laugh, tugging her pajamas off and rushing to get her uniform on while Lily laughed.

"You don't have to move at the speed of light, Y/N/N," Lily pointed out as Y/N slipped her arms into her sweater, running out of stamina rather quickly from throwing everything about, and she poked her head through the hole. Lily sputtered out another laugh at the fact that she'd reminded her of some sort of mole rat with that mannerism. "I'm sure we'll still beat the boys, even if we are a few minutes late," she reassured her, crossing her arms over her chest. "And I can braid your hair if you'd like, so you don't have to style it," she offered and she took a couple steps over to her dormmate as she finished getting dressed, watching her adjust her red and gold tie one last time in the mirror that was propped up beside her bed.

Y/N nodded and she pulled an elastic out of her bedside table. "That would be lovely," she accepted, passing the black band over to Lily. "And you're right about us beating the boys. I forget it takes Sirius ages to do his hair," she joked, leaning her head back when Lily pulled her hair over her shoulders, separating it into three sections softly. That's probably why his hair looks so bloody lovely all the time, she thought to herself, staring at a pattern on the wallpaper absentmindedly.

She heard Lily let out a huff of amusement and she tugged on her hair softly. "Lovely?" she repeated and her sneaky smile carried into her tone. Y/N's cheeks flushed red when she realized she'd made her little comment out loud. Blast. "Funny that you say that, really. What was it that he said you called him just last week, hm?" Lily pretended to think about it while her fingers moved nimbly, tossing one bit of Y/N's hair over the next. "A 'loud, greasy, little mongrel', was it?" she teased, knowing full well that had been exactly what she'd called him.

Y/N could feel her cheeks flare further, and she could see their warm color in her reflection. She pressed her lips together for a moment as Lily tied off her braid before she shook her head, turning around to point a stern finger at the girl. "Hey, I only said that because Slughorn kept looking at us during his lecture and he would not shut up," she defended herself, picking her bag up off the floor as Lily went to do the same. "I didn't mean it. I happen to like his hair, actually. It's," she paused, shrugging her shoulders, "pretty," she finished and she stuck her chin up slightly, like she was proud to say it, and honestly, she kind of was. She couldn't tell you how many times she'd thought about twirling her fingers in it, just as he'd done to hers the night of their first study session.

"Oh?" Lily's eyebrows lifted as the girls made their way towards the door and she nudged Y/N gently in the side with her elbow when they started down the staircase. "What else about Sirius do you happen to find pretty?" she questioned, a teasing lilt in her voice, and Y/N's heart started pounding in her ears. She let out some sort of garbled noise and she glanced over at the girl with wide eyes. Lily burst into laughter at the sight, her lips pulled back in a perfect grin.

Y/N pushed her way out of the portrait hole, "Oh, shut it."

"You're rather defensive this morning," Lily observed when they started down the corridor, making their way towards the Great Hall. "Or maybe, you're just getting defensive about him," she theorized, leaving his name out now that they were immersed in a herd of other late students, all headed to breakfast.

"I'm not getting defensive about him," Y/N retorted, guess what, defensively.

Lily hummed, "Really? Because it seems like it to me. What happened during your study date?"

Y/N shot her a look that was contrary to her brightening cheeks and fluttering heart. "I'm not getting defensive about him, alright?" she repeated in a firmer tone, ignoring the heat of the growing pressure in her chest and the butterflies in her stomach. "And it was not a study date, it was a study session, and nothing happened. It was nothing," she told her, tucking her thumb underneath the strap of her leather bag. She was holding out and she knew it. Lily knew it, too, but it wasn't like she was just going to blurt out all of her newfound feelings when she didn't quite understand them herself, even if they had been germinating all weekend.

"Well, if you say so," Lily conceded.

Luckily, she didn't push the topic any further as they walked through the large doors and into the dining hall, making their way over to the Gryffindor table. Peter and James were sitting a little less-than-peacefully with Marlene, all of them immersed in noisy conversation as the two walked up.

Marlene tilted her head up at the sight of them and she flashed the girls a wide-eyed look. "Oh, thank Merlin," she sighed in relief as Lily slotted herself beside the blonde and Y/N slipped in comfortably beside Lily. "I can't believe you two left me alone with these nitwits," she said, her voice slightly teasing as she nodded towards the two out of the four Marauders that were settled on the opposite side of the table.

Y/N let out a soft laugh as James' hand smacked over his heart and he feigned offense, his eyes flickering to Lily like he was making sure she was watching him as he did. "Marlene, I wholeheartedly assure you," he paused, moving his hands to clap Peter sideways on the shoulders, "that whatever Wormtail did to upset you, he didn't mean it," he finished—teasingly, of course—and Peter made a show of rolling his eyes, pushing the boy's hands off of his shoulders as he did. Lily cracked a small smile as the scene unfolded, but she tilted her head down in a weak attempt at hiding it.

"Sorry, Marlene," Y/N apologized with a half-grin on her face as she knocked James gently in the shin with her toe under the table. He exaggerated a wince and threw a dramatic glare in her direction, but her smirk only widened. "I slept in a bit, otherwise we would've been here to keep this madman in check," she said, nodding towards James, who laughed mockingly before kicking her back. Her head snapped towards him again and she was about to say something unladylike, before someone interrupted.

Sirius had waltzed up to the Gryffindor table, in all of his Adonis-like glory, while everyone had been distracted by James's antics, accompanied by a bedheaded Remus, and it wasn't until he nestled in beside Y/N that anyone even noticed him. "Morning, everyone," he greeted as Lupin took a seat next to Peter and Y/N jumped at how close he sounded. Y/N's gaze snapped to Sirius's elbow, which then brushed up against her own, and she trailed her eyes up his shoulder to meet his own. "Morning, darling," he added and the way that he singled her out made her chest ache. "You're a bit of a spitfire this morning, aren't you?" he joked, knocking his knee against her own and she swore her heart skipped a beat.

"I was just—" she started, but she cut herself off when she felt her cheeks burning with pigment. She found it unusually hard to breathe as she tried to string her words together, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. She used to get crushing anxiety when she was younger, and she chalked her faulty breaths up to its return. "Good morning, Sirius," she found herself mumbling when she couldn't form one coherent thought that wasn't about how dashing he looked that morning. She'd been right about his hair, she realized. It was bloody gorgeous, shiny and black as it framed his sharp facial features beautifully, the ends brushing the tops of his shoulders. She felt Lily's hand creep towards her over the tabletop, pinching her forearm roughly, as if to snap her out of her trance, and she cleared her throat. She patted Lily's hand once in unspoken gratitude and she flashed the raven-haired boy a closed-mouthed smile, her chin dipping down in borderline embarrassment.

After watching Y/N struggle with making a fool out of herself, her friends returned to conversation amongst themselves and if Sirius, too, had noticed her blatantly gawking at him, she felt lucky that he didn't say anything. Instead, he grabbed a pumpkin muffin from one of the golden platters in the center of the table and dropped it onto his plate. Her eyes followed his hand to his lips as he kissed a few crumbs off of his thumb and she felt her stomach flip. Her cheeks tingled in a sudden fluster and she blinked up at him.

Sirius must have noticed the way her eyes lingered on him, because a small smirk graced his pink lips, sending shivers through her body. She was quick to divert her attention to the food, placing a couple of sausages and a cluster of strawberries onto her plate. "Did you sleep alright?" he questioned lowly, peeking over at her. "You seem different this morning," he added, loud enough for her to hear but quiet enough so that their friends couldn't.

His observation was enough to startle her in itself and she shook her head quickly. Merlin, if she wasn't careful, he would find her out before he even finished eating. "I'm not different," she assured him, sucking in a slow breath as if to quell her nervousness. She was usually so comfortable with him around, but their encounter that past Friday had screwed it all up. Damn him and his unwitting charm. "I slept fine, did you?" she countered, almost hoping he didn't so she could pin her odd behavior on his lack of sleep.

He nodded, "Beautifully, actually."

Of course, he had.

She mimicked his nod, before forking a bite of cut-up strawberries into her mouth.

There were a couple beats of mildly uncomfortable silence, before Sirius looked over at her once more. "Aren't you going to ask me what I dreamt about?" he questioned and she lifted her eyebrows at him when she turned to meet his gaze. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes that made her feel like he was baiting her into something.

Y/N sighed and peeled the paper off of her muffin. "In that case," she said, glancing back over at him, "what did you dream of, my darling Pads?" she questioned as blandly as she could, drawing out her joking little nickname for him.

A smile spread across Sirius' face like someone had dragged a butterknife over it and he let out a laugh. "'My darling Pads', I like that. It's really rather cute coming from you," he teased, eliciting an eyeroll and a bit of a blush on her end. "But, since you so desperately wish to know, I dreamt of you and our study date later. We're still on for that, yes?" he asked her, having gone through much too elaborate lengths to do so, and she let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head despite the smile that played on her lips.

"You're insufferable," she told him through another small laugh and he flashed her a teasing wink. She ignored the way that it made her heart flutter and she nodded, "But, yes, if you're still up for it."

"Of course, I am. You won't flunk on my watch," he promised.

Y/N gave him a huff of amusement. "I'm eternally grateful," she deadpanned, satisfied with herself when his lips quirked up at her comment, and then, their banter died down for a while.

They sat in silence, arms brushing occasionally, as they listened in on their friends' conversations, and Y/N kept sneaking small glances at Sirius when she felt he wouldn't be looking. Fortunately, he never was, but she felt less so whenever her eyes would follow his to a pretty brunette at the Ravenclaw table every so often. Every time they did, a part of her longed for him to look at her that way and her heart sank.

Only when Y/N saw him wink at her did her chest feel like it was caving in entirely. It was a bit startling, actually, how it felt like something actually shifted inside of her, and she couldn't help but bring one of her hands to her chest. "Well, as fun as it's been with you all, I think I've got more pressing matters calling my name," Sirius spoke up after a bit longer, flashing a beaming smile at Y/N and the rest of his friends. "See you for our study date later, Y/N/N," he hummed, knocking her in the arm with the back of his hand, and before she knew it, he was up and walking away from them.

Y/N felt winded as she watched him walk away, like the breath had been vacuumed from her lungs, and she panted slightly as she glanced over at Lily. The redhead, having already been looking at her, offered her a sympathetic smile and she squeezed her hand softly. "Is it really nothing?" she mouthed, bringing back the topic of their exchange from earlier, and Y/N shook her head.

It was never nothing.

Lily's hand squeezed hers a little bit tighter, and contrary to Y/N's earlier belief, her study session with Sirius that evening only made her chest feel tighter.

Another seedling of one-sided love sprouted in her lungs that night.

—

As the cool autumn months ebbed into those of cold winter, the pressure in Y/N's chest only worsened. Even in late December, she still blamed it on anxiety—factoring in the few months before exams, her ever-so-hopeless crush on Sirius, and the impending war looming over everyone's heads—terribly clueless of the way her feelings were quite literally taking her over. It was nearly Christmas, now, and though the hallways were three-fourths empty, lacking the students who'd returned home for the holiday, she still found herself sitting in the common room with her friends.

Y/N was sitting sideways on the couch, her feet resting over Lily's lap, and Remus was settled into an arm chair in the corner of the room, while James and Peter wrestled each other in front of the fire place. "Good lord, I've never seen something so pathetic," Lily muttered as the boys gripped each other's arms, attempting to bring the other to the ground, but their strength seemed so evenly matched that they just seemed to stand in place.

Y/N couldn't help but giggle at Lily's words, her eyes trained on the two boys in front of her. "They're trying so hard," she said, another laugh bubbling up from her stomach, and she leaned into the couch cushion as she snickered.

"If Sirius were here, they'd never hear the end of this, I guarantee it," Remus piped up from across the room, and at the mention of their dark-haired friend, her laughter stilled. If only Sirius were there. She felt Lily place her hands over her shins, rubbing them softly in a knowing manner, as she grimaced. Sirius had been with them through the morning and a fraction of the afternoon, but as the sun started to set and the sky darkened, he'd found something better to do.

Or someone, rather.

She'd seen him jogging to meet her in the corridor, his girl of the week, with her blonde hair and golden brown eyes. He'd taken all the air in her lungs, plus some, with him. It had been all she could do for her lungs to focus on anything else but him since then, she'd felt, but she knew it had only been a matter of time before someone said his name and the feeling would creep right back up on her. It was haunting, almost.

"He definitely would've intervened by how," Y/N hummed, forcing the thought of Sirius with that Hufflepuff girl out of her head, and she let her eyes drift back to the wrestling boys. "Maybe we should take a page out of his books and raise the stakes, yeah?" she suggested, looking back at Lily, and a lightbulb went off over her head.

Lily furrowed her eyebrows, as if she knew it was going to be something she wouldn't care for, "Raise the stakes?"

Y/N nodded. "If James can pin Peter down in the next minute, I say, you go on a date with him," she hummed, loud enough for the boys to hear, and they stopped moving instantaneously.

Peter glanced over at them with widened eyes, looking between them and their messy-haired companion. James, on the other hand, stood straight up and puffed his chest out a little, brushing his hands over his white button down to smooth out the wrinkles. "Are you being serious?" he asked, his gaze flickering between the girls.

"Um." Lily's lips parted as she glanced at Y/N, but she found herself nodding slowly, anyways, as the girl urged her to agree. "Well, I suppose we are, but only because I have extraordinarily little faith in you, Potter," she told him, her tone almost playful as a slight grin made the corners of her mouth quirk upwards.

The grin that spread across his lips was nearly blinding. "Brilliant," he beamed, glancing over at Peter and nudging him in the arm with his elbow. "You hear that, Wormtail? I'll be taking Lily to Madam Puddifoot's in no time," he hummed, earning an eyeroll from the small boy beside him.

Peter sighed, "Well, what if I win?"

Y/N blinked at him, as she really wasn't sure what he was all that interested in. He was rather quiet most of the time, so she didn't know him quite as good as the other boys. "I don't know, Pettigrew," she admitted with a shrug. "A chocolate frog or something?" she tried sheepishly.

The boy's eyes widened in disbelief. "What? That's not even close. What if I—" Before the poor, unwitting lad could even finish his sentence, James hooked an arm around his neck and used his body weight to all-but-slam him against the floor. Peter let out a surprised yelp, but he hardly made a move to fight back as James planted a knee on his chest to keep him pinned down. He looked between Peter and the girls, a triumphant smile playing on his lips. Poor kid never stood a chance. "You're a right tosser," Peter groaned, winded, and they all erupted into laughter. Lily placed her hand on her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut as she giggled, Remus was doubled over on his armchair, and Y/N was hanging off of the side of the couch, her stomach bubbling with belly laughs.

She could feel her cheeks turning pink as she did, but her laughter was quite short-lived compared to everyone else's. She spared a couple more chuckles before she felt a sharp pain in her chest and she sucked in a breath, bringing her hands up to put pressure on her sternum. She let one of her hands stay as the stinging travelled up her throat, but she used the other one to cover her mouth as a wet cough crawled out of her throat. It was almost painful as it did, like she'd been incubating a cold for a while, but it made sense when she recalled the vigorous snowball fight that they'd all participated in only days prior. She'd returned to her dorm with her clothes soaked through, so it had really only been a matter of time before one of them came down with something.

The laughter around her ceased not long after her own, and Y/N could feel the worried gazes of her friends lingering on her. "That was hearty," James pointed out, having stood up now, and he crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you alright?" he questioned, taking a step towards her in a way that was almost protective of her, and she nodded.

"I'm fine," Y/N promised with a bit of uncertainty, propping herself up into a sitting position. She grabbed a tissue from the box on the table beside the couch and she spread it over her hand. "I think I'm just coming down with—" Another onset of coughs overtook her before she could finish and she placed her hand over her mouth, hacking into it. Her lungs stung as she coughed something up, feeling it shoot into the tissue, and she pulled her hand away to inspect it briefly. She felt a little uneasy when her eyes saw what it was. It was hard to tell when it was covered in mucus, but it didn't seem quite rounded. The edges of whatever it was were a bit fringed, and it was a yellowy color, with hints of red at one end. She swallowed thickly and folded the tissue up before anyone could ask questions. "It's probably just a cold," she assured them, getting up to toss it away.

Everyone let the topic go, seemingly satisfied with her explanation, and they all joked about her spreading germs as she continued to cough through the night. It wasn't until she found herself in the girls' bathroom before bed did she really feel nervous.

Y/N felt unusually tired as she trudged her way into the lavatory. She sighed, almost in relief, when she realized it was empty, which was no surprise considering the time, and she braced herself against the sink. She hadn't realized how achy her limbs had started to feel, how raw her throat felt from the coughing, or just how tight her chest felt when she was with her friends, but now that she was alone, it was all pressing down on her at once. She took a look at herself in the mirror, probably the first time she'd paid such close attention to herself in a while, and she was surprised to see the way that her under eyes were dark and hollow. "Godric," she muttered to herself, reaching up to touch her skin. She even looked like she had come down with something.

Deciding she would see what magic a long, hot shower could work, she started to strip herself of her clothes. She'd barely gotten her shirt off when another fit of coughs came out of nowhere. Her chest clenched in an instant, her lungs on fire as she coughed. These hurt more than the last and they were a lot less sporadic. When she'd coughed to the point where she felt like her sternum was cracking, something happened. Hunched over the sink, she coughed up another glob, larger this time, and she spit them into the washbasin. Her heartrate picked up nervously when she realized this one was coated in blood.

She could see the same sort of rigid shapes in it, so she separated it with her index finger, and she realized that they weren't just shapes—they were petals. She recognized them as those from a striped carnation, something her grandmother used to grow in her garden before her passing.

Y/N's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she looked up at herself in the mirror once more, her eyes widening as she looked at her bare chest. She was a lot paler than she remembered being, and there were faint black lines spreading underneath her chest like roots. She lifted a finger to trace them and she swore she could see one of the lines stretching as she did.

This wasn't like any cold she'd ever seen before.

—

The cold days of December bled into January's soon enough, meaning the winds had grown harsher and the corridors had grown fuller with every student returning back to the castle to finish out the year. Unfortunately for Y/N and Sirius, that also had meant that Hogsmeade had grown busier again. She always forgot how quiet it seemed when it wasn't bustling with students, but as the two of them headed into town, she was quickly reminded now that it wasn't.

Y/N adjusted the pale purple mittens on her hands and looked over at her black-haired friend as they maneuvered themselves around a group of Slytherins and met again when they'd moved past them. "Bloody busy today," she grumbled, when she was close enough to Sirius again that their elbows brushed. Even through the her puffy jacket and his wool coat, she could feel it, and her cheeks grew warm. She cursed herself silently when they did.

Even in the new year, she hadn't escaped her feelings for him.

"Well, at least I'm not dead," Sirius hummed, jostling her arm with his own while a small smile played on his lips. Y/N couldn't help but manage one of her own, even if she did jerk her arm away from his a bit. She recalled what Sirius had said when they'd been back in the common room, sitting lazily beside each other on the couch while the rest of the Maurauders were nose-deep in their textbooks. He had moaned something about a butter beer and how he'd been craving one so, terribly, awfully badly and he'd probably just die if they made him go alone. Lily and James had eagerly volunteered Y/N—who had felt too restless to study, anyways—just to get him to shut up, but now that they were alone together, she wasn't quite sure that she hated it. "That's what matters, right, darling?" There was a note of playfulness dancing in his low voice.

She couldn't help but let her lips tilt into a crooked smile. "Maybe," she started with a slight shrug of her shoulders, her voice a bit hoarse from this month-long cold, and she pushed her shoulder into the boy's side gently, "although, it is much less quiet with you around," she finished and his nose crinkled, while his large hand was brought to his chest, long fingers splaying out over the cable-knits of his sweater. Her cheeks remained warm as a quiet chuckle spilled from her lips.

"You wound me, love," he joked, stopping in his tracks. "You know you fancy my words of many wisdoms," he continued, his hand falling from his chest, and he tucked it into his coat pocket instead, tugging it tighter against his back.

Y/N had stopped with Sirius and she quirked an eyebrow up at him. She crossed an arm over her chest and tapped a purple-mittened hand against her chin. "Do I?" She pretended to think, narrowing her eyes slightly. They continued to stare at each other for a moment in a slow-settling silence, until she dropped her act and smiled at him. She could feel the stretching of the pressure in her chest, the one she'd grown all-too-familiar with in the last few weeks, and it seemed to spread in wisps around her lungs. "I think you're right," she admitted.

Sirius let out a hum of content at her response and gave her a proud smirk, studying her face for a moment. "Man, you really are easy on the eyes, Y/L/N, you know that?" He questioned, reaching up to brush a tuft of her hair out of her face, and his cold fingers brushed against her cheek, leaving trails of fire in their wake. She could physically feel something lurch inside of her chest, and maybe this is what they meant when they said unrequited love was painful. Her heart was hammering so loudly in her chest, she almost forgot to listen when he said, "but that voice of yours had grown quite manly," he finished, and her eyes blew wide.

All the mushy-gushy was immediately forgotten and she stepped forward to smack his arm lightly. "Are you serious?" She exclaimed, suddenly very conscious of how gravelly it sounded, and she grimaced.

This bloody cold.

He threw his head back in a laugh, black hair shaking about, and if she wasn't offended, she would've marveled at him. "Yeah, Sirius Black, and you?" he teased, pulling his hand out of his pocket to extend it towards her, and she shot him a look. He huffed in amusement, a soft grin playing on his face, and he used that same hand to clasp her shoulder. He gave it a squeeze and leaned closer towards her face, as annoyed as her expression was. "I'm kidding, darling, your voice is lovely," he promised in a manner meant for only her to hear.

Y/N felt warmth spread through her cheeks and up to the tip of her frozen nose, and a little blossom opened in her chest, and she couldn't help but notice how his eyes sparkled in such close proximity. She swallowed thickly, but maintained her façade all the same. "It'd better be, Black," she said.

He merely smiled. "Well," he said, his eyes searching her own. "I was really hoping for a 'my darling Pads' again," he finished, recalling an encounter from weeks prior, and only then did he pull his face away from her own. She let out a small laugh at that, surprised he'd even remembered that, and then, he looped his arm through her own, leading her forwards once again. "But really," he hummed, lightly pinching at his throat with his free hand, "couple shots of firewhisky'll clear that right up," he told her.

She couldn't help but shake her head at him, unable to hide the grin that crept onto her face. "This your way of saying you want to get me drunk, then?" She teased back, her eyes quickly flickering to the sign hanging above The Three Broomsticks and back to him.

"Well, we've got to make sure James knows he missed out somehow," Sirius chimed with a quick wink, sliding his hand down her arm to take her mittened paw in his fingers, and he pulled her through the door. Right from the start, the place was whirring with tipsy wizards and witches alike, huddled together in their respective groups and chuckling with rose-dusted cheeks, but there were plenty of tables open. The lighting was a bit dim, but given the darkening sky, that was understandable, and Sirius began to lead her further into the building. He nodded to an unoccupied table in the back of the room. "Why don't you sit down and I'll get us some drinks?" he suggested, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go.

Y/N nodded, forcing herself to ignore the fact that his touch lingered on her hand even through her mitten, and she offered him a parting smile before she made her way towards the table. Her shoes stuck to the floor with every step, courtesy of the residual alcohol, but she didn't notice it much when she sat herself down at one end of the table. She crossed her arms over the tabletop and looked over at Sirius, big hands in his coat pockets as he waited for the bartender to acknowledge him. She rested her chin in the palm of one of her hands.

Sirius, from the time Lily had introduced them, had always been one way—loud, filthy-tongued, and up to no good—when James and Peter were in earshot, but when it was just the two of them, well, he was still up to no good, but he was softer and more gentle. She had come to feel like in those rare moments when they got to spend time alone together, he was at peace. She always wondered if he was just so used to the girls at Hogwarts falling at his feet, that maybe he enjoyed spending time with a girl who—infatuated with him as she was—treated him like a regular person.

Even looking at him know, the boy seemed completely content.

He was stepping up to the counter, a grin stretching across his face and his hands moving from his pockets so he could speak with gestures. She studied the way that his lips moved, wondering if she would ever get lucky enough for them to kiss her, and the way his eyes shone in the flickering lantern lighting. Her attention drifted to his cheekbones, lovely as ever, and the crinkles of a smile just above them in the corners of his eyes. Those were her favorite. When Sirius smiled, he smiled with his whole face and it was, without a doubt, heart-melting.

His hair, too.

Merlin, she'd always loved his hair, even before her heart longed for him. It had always been kept rather long, framing his face perfectly at any given moment. What she really loved about it, though, was when he was studying, or writing a paper, it was just long enough to fall over his cheeks and annoy him. She loved watching him thread his hands through it. Oh, and his hands—

There was a prick of pain in Y/N's wrist that stirred her from her thoughts and she let out a hiss, her body jerking into a more upright position. She was quick to rip her woolen glove off of her hand, dropping it into her lap. In the center of her wrist, a bud has sprouted through the surface her skin. It waited a moment before the petals spread open, blooming in front of her eyes, and revealing a small, yellow carnation with a reddish center. Her eyes widened slightly and she brushed her thumb over the flower, tilting it a bit to confirm that it was, in fact, growing through her skin.

She pinched the stem of the flower between her fingers and pulled, wincing at the sharp pain that shot through her wrist. She removed the small flower, roots and all, leaving a small spot of blood in its place, like tearing off a hangnail. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she placed the flower in her hand and prodded at it. The petals were just like the ones she'd been coughing up, but she didn't understand how they'd gotten into her body in the first place. She struggled to inhale a sufficient breath as the pressure in her chest made itself just a little more noticeable, and she could feel her heartbeat pick up in the slightest.

She wasn't all too sure that this was just a cold anymore, but before she could dwell too much on the subject, Sirius set down a tea saucer filled with shots and two butter beers. "What's that you've got?" he asked as he situated himself across from her, nodding towards the flower in her hand, before his eyes flitted back to her own.

Her eyebrows lifted at his question and she shook her head, tucking the flower into the pocket of her coat and hoping he wouldn't pick up on the fact that she was nearly breathless. "Nothing important," she said, shrugging her coat off all together and setting it beside herself on the bench. That feeling in her chest was crushing again. She could feel it all the way in her shoulders and stomach now. "Who've you got all those for?" she deflected, gesturing to the half a dozen shots between them.

"Oh, right," Sirius beamed, a mischievous smile creeping onto his face, and he tilted his head at her, strands of his hair deciding to follow. "Two for me, four for you," he said, already starting to split them up between the two of them.

Y/N scoffed lightly, recalling when he and James had snuck a few handles in last Christmas and she was already giggling after two. "How come I get four?" she questioned. "Seems like you've got it backwards, Pads," she defended, sliding two of her shots back in his direction.

The black-haired boy covered her wrists in his hands and stopped hers halfway across the table. His eyes met hers in a challenging gaze. "Darling, one of us has to get absolutely smashed tonight, and the other one of us has to live to tell the story," he started, before a laugh started sputtering through his lips, "and I'm sorry, love, but I'm a bloody good storyteller." He couldn't even help it at that point but break into full laughter, pushing her hands back towards her chest slow enough as to not spill the shots. She shook her head lightly at him, but she stopped her protest all the same.

"If you insist then," she hummed, and Sirius pulled his hands back into his personal space. "I'm a terrible lightweight, though, so if anything bad happens, you're to blame."

"Oh, I remember," he said without missing a beat. "You'll be alright, though. If we get you drunk enough to fall on your arse, maybe it'll knock the cold right out of you."

Y/N picked up one of the shot glasses and tossed it back, downing it all in one go before she had the opportunity to smell it and chicken out. She wrinkled her nose as the amber liquid made its way down her esophagus, burning all the way down. "That's right foul," she muttered, flipping the glass upside down and placing it back on the saucer. "Gives me a bit of flashbacks," she said.

Sirius laughed. "Just reminding you of the end goal," he teased, before grabbing a shot himself. He tilted his head back and swallowed the liquid in an instant, setting his empty glass next to her own.

—

As the night went on, their drinks disappeared one by one, and then some, until Y/N was hiccuping in her seat. She'd begged Sirius for another round of shots about an hour before, and he'd only brought back four that time, claiming his had worn off in the few hours they'd been there already. It was certainly past curfew then, but sneaking into the castle wasn't unfamiliar to him. Y/N was at the point then, that as she downed another shot, she couldn't even feel the sting anymore. She flipped the small glass over in her fingers and placed it with the others. "I," she started to hum, lifting one of her fingers up at him and wiggling it about, "think you," she continued, letting a small giggle out, "should get me more," she finished in a slur, falling into another laugh, and she lazily propped her chin up with her hand.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at her, all-but-fighting the amused grin trying to spread across his face. He was far more sober than he would've liked to be at that moment, but if he were to get her home safely, they couldn't both be out of their right minds. "I," he mimicked the pattern of her speech, "think you," he waved his finger at her, too, "are getting cut off now," he said, pressing his lips into a thin line.

Hearing those words come out of his mouth felt like someone insulted her mother in that very moment. "What?" she asked, sitting up a little straighter and throwing her hands up in protest. "Why?" She dropped her hands, palms flattering against the table tops in only half-serious outrage.

"Think we've got to start heading back, darling," he hummed. "Gonna be a lot harder to bring you back if you drink yourself into a coma on me."

She let out an exaggerated sigh, staring at him through a haze of drunkenness. "Leaving already?" She pouted. "I was having fun," she protested weakly, puffing her bottom lip out and hoping that maybe he might cave enough for one more round, but she had no such luck.

Sirius only laughed, before gathering their mess in one place on the table to make it easier on whoever cleaned up after them. "Y/N Y/L/N having fun?" he repeated lightly, furrowing his eyebrows together as he slid out from the wooden bench he'd been sitting on and sliding his thick coat back on over his broad shoulders. He shook his head at her as he did, pretending to mull over the concept. "I don't buy it," he admitted teasingly, before walking around to her side of the table.

Y/N looked over at him as he bent down across her lap to grab her coat, his face centimeters from her own for a moment, and her breath hitched in her throat. It returned once he had pulled away, scooping up her coat, and leaving her heart fluttering in its place. "Well, you should," she slurred, hoping it didn't sound as rattled as she'd thought, but she was too tipsy to think much of it, so she stood up instead.

"Really, now?" Sirius drawled, his lips curling up in a crooked smile that he made minimal effort to hide, and he ran his fingers over the lining of her coat, opening it up. He held it up in a way that signaled for her to turn her back to him. "And why should I do that?" he questioned softly as she held her left arm up just high enough for him to slip her puffy jacket over shoulder.

The girl shrugged and he fitted her coat over her right shoulder as well, before she turned back around to look at him. "'Dunno," she stated, following next to him as he started towards the door. "I always have fun when I get the chance to sit and admire you, my darling Pads," she said, hardly giving the words much thought before they rolled off of her tongue. Clearly, as she would've died in mortification if she'd been in her right mind. Sirius let out a garbled noise that started almost as a gasp, but turned into something like a cough to clear his throat. She looked over at him and smiled to herself when she noticed the color that had come to his cheeks. Was he blushing?, she thought to herself, before shaking her head at the thought.

"Think I was right perfect on my timing," he chimed, pushing open the door to the tavern and rolling his shoulders back at the cold air that filtered in. "I've been trying to pry that little nickname out of you all night." His tone was joking and if her head wasn't spinning, she might've sworn he'd winked at her.

Y/N dumped it from her memory as she stepped out of the building and back into the winter, shivering at the sudden change in temperature, and she waited for him to do the same. "I'm a bit sleepy, Sirius," she admitted when the door had closed behind them, and they had started on the path back to the castle.

"Sleepy?" he repeated, like he was surprised. "I thought you were having fun doing—,"he paused. "Oh, what was it? Looking at me?" he asked, a bit of mischief in his voice, and she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Don't get cocky now that I've played into that ego of yours, Black," she warned, and he laughed, his lips pulling back in that way that they did, and her entire façade nearly crumbled at the foundation. He held his hands up defensively and shook his head. "But since I'm drunk," she said, uncrossing one of her arms to point a finger at him. "I might inflate it a bit more, because that's just how I'm feeling. You just watch yourself tomorrow, because I will deny it 'til the very end," she continued.

Sirius only laughed softly at her alcohol-induced antics and tucked one of his hands into his pocket, threading the fingers of his hair through the other. "You've gone bonkers, haven't you?" he joked, another laugh bubbling through his lips. "Perhaps, I'm responsible, though," he added, glancing over at her, but her eyes were already on him.

Y/N swallowed thickly and she nodded. "When you run your hand through your hair like that, you're bloody fuckin' responsible, yeah," she said, unable to stop the words once they'd formed on her tongue, and she could visibly see the pigment rushing to his cheeks at her words. She was so focused on the fact that she'd just made the Sirius Black blush, and so filled with the satisfaction of it, that she hardly even noticed the way her foot caught on a jut in the cobblestones and her balance blew away with the breeze. She would've been victim to the street if Sirius hadn't wrapped a hand around her bicep, twirling her so that he could pull her against his body to steady her, and her mind was reeling at the quickness of it all.

She looked up at Sirius with her breaths stuck in her throat and her heart drumming inside of her chest. When her eyes found his, they were searching her own intently, though he looked quite unsure of what he was searching for. "You drive me mad, Y/L/N, you know that?" he muttered, his face inching ever so slowly towards her own, and she could see his throat move as he swallowed thickly. Her heart only picked up the pace, her blood pumping furiously through her veins that she could feel her pulse in her neck without even touching it. "And, Merlin, you are difficult to read, because you act one way, but then you say things like that and I—" he paused for a moment, because she was starting to feel increasingly more ill. With every pounding of her heart, there was a shooting pain in her chest and a twist in her stomach, and the longer she stood there, the worse she felt. "Are you alright?" he all-but-whispered, taking a step back from her to place his hands on her biceps, and she shook her head.

Y/N managed a small smile before she pushed herself lightly out of his grasp, bringing one of her hands to her stomach. "I think I'm gonna be sick," she said, before an overwhelming wave of nausea barreled over her. To keep herself from toppling over, she lowered herself down onto her knees, bracing herself with one of her arms in the snow, and her chest was on fire. "I think something's wrong," she nearly whimpered, finding it hard to catch her breath in the moment, and she broke out into a fit of coughs. She barely registered it when Sirius knelt down beside her, placing one of his hands on her back. "I'm sorry." Her voice was small and hoarse, hindered as her throat tightened through the beginning of tears.

Sirius could feel her body lurching beneath his palm and he could hear the congestion in her lungs. He grimaced, feeling almost guilty that he'd let her push herself so far. He knew that she'd been feeling under the weather for quite some time, but he figured that she must've been clearing up by then. It hadn't occurred to him that her condition might be worsening until she was doubled over in front of him. "It's alright, Y/N/N," he assured her, rubbing his hand up and down her back. "We can wait as long as— oh, bloody hell," he hissed when she puked into the snow.

He was quick to gather her hair behind her head before it got caught in the crossfire, but only after did he realize when she vomited, it was filled with flowers and streaks of blood.

—

Everything from the night before was hazy on Y/N's memory. Everything except for the flowers that had spilled out in her puke, covering the snow in carnations and bile, and Sirius had witnessed the entire thing. She ran her hands over her face in borderline embarrassment as she stared up at the roof of her red canopy bed, and she sat herself upright. Her head ached from the aftermath of the firewhisky and her shoulder stung from—she assumed—holding herself up off of the ground.

Once she'd mustered up enough of her strength to start moving, she folded her comforter off of her legs and swung them over the side of her bed. She was wearing the same outfit she had been the night before, minus her coat, which had been thrown on top of the trunk at the foot of her bed, and she reckoned she could use a wash before breakfast. Y/N pushed herself up off of the side of the bed, grabbing a change of clothes from her nightstand, and she made her way towards the girls' lavatory. She was careful not to wake Lily or Marlene as she did, and when she got into the bathroom, she was almost thankful to find that it was empty.

She set her clothes up over the edge of one of the sinks and her mind lingered slightly on the burning in one of her shoulders as she moved. She wondered if she'd knocked it against anything on the way back to the castle the night before. She gripped the bottom of her sweater and pulled the hem up over her head, wincing as it seemed to snag on her shoulder. She dropped her sweater in a pile of knit on the floor, and when she looked up at herself in the mirror, she was surprised at what she'd seen.

Y/N had been sick with what she'd assumed was a cold for a while now, and there had been mild changes in her appearance, like faint dark circles and flushed skin, but staring at herself in the mirror in that moment, was like looking at someone she hardly recognized. The bags underneath her eyes had progressed significantly since the last time that she'd looked, sinking into her skin to the point where she looked hallowed, and her face looked so thin. Her cheekbones were sharper than she'd ever seen them, as was her jawline, and she reached up to touch her cheek. Her skin was pale and cool to the touch.

Her eyes traveled down to her neck, where faint dark lines seemed to stretch out just above her collarbone. Her breath hitched in her throat as she trailed the lines back towards the center of her chest, watching their color darken and their mass thicken the closer she got. She brought her hands to brush her fingertips over her sternum, pressing against it only to find the lines were like cables beneath her skin, and her fingers shied away from touching them a second time. She reached up to rub her eyes, almost praying that she might still be dreaming, and she reached behind her back to rub the shoulder that ached.

Y/N's heart sank in her chest when her fingers brushed against something that felt unfamiliar and she angled her back towards the mirror. The breath was stolen from her lungs when she was met with a patch of carnations. Her stomach lurched and she suddenly felt the urge to vomit again, bracing herself against the sink in case she did. She tried to catch her breath, but instead, she began to gasp for air, feeling a lump of tears forming in her throat and finding it quite hard to breathe over that.

The door to the lavatory creaked open and she reached down for her sweater, hoping she might be able to cover up in time, but her head was spinning, and the room was swirling, and she couldn't hardly think over the sound of her heart in her ears, and— "Shit," a familiar voice—Lily's—filled her ears and Y/N didn't bother with her sweater anymore. "Shit, Y/N, your back," she continued, her footsteps rapid as she practically ran towards the girl, and Y/N could feel a tickle of pain as Lily brushed her fingers over the carnations.

"Scale of one to ten," Y/N said.

"Fuckin' eleven," she muttered. "What's happening?" she asked, and the emotion in those two words—just Lily's genuine concern for her—was enough for the lump in Y/N's throat to spill over.

She shook her head as her eyes started to swell up with tears and she looked at Lily over her shoulder. "I don't know," she admitted and she turned around to look at her.

Lily pulled Y/N into a hug before she could explain anything more. "We'll figure it out."

—

After Y/N's worries had settled to a point where she felt like she was functional again, she and Lily had decided they needed breakfast. She almost regretted their choice as they approached the table and five solemn faces were what greeted her. Sirius had most likely told them what happened the night before, and she was sure he'd included the part about the flowers. She managed a small smile at all of her friends, which some of them returned sympathetically, and she moved to take a seat next to Sirius. Marlene and Peter scooted down to make room for her, while Lily planted herself between James and Remus on the other side of the table.

Warmth settled into the small of her back when Sirius placed his hand against it gently, like he was touching a porcelain doll, and her chest quivered slightly. She turned to look at him and the first thing she noticed was the circles beneath his eyes and the waves of concern rolling in them. "How are you feeling, Y/N?" Sirius questioned just loud enough for her to hear, and she shrugged her shoulders. "Looks like you're one second away from collapsing," he pointed out, meaning for it to be teasing, but he sounded more worried than anything.

She let out a huff of amusement and crossed her arms on the table too. "Feels like it, too, if you want the truth," she admitted, smiling half-heartedly at him, and he moved his hand from her back so he could pull her closer to him by her waist. He then grabbed a piece of toast from one of the platters in the center of the table. "Also, I'm really sorry about—," she started to apologize for the night before, but he was quick to interrupt her with a shake of his head.

"Don't apologize," he stopped her, moving his hand to her knee. He brushed his thumb over the cap of it and squeezed it softly. "I shouldn't have pushed you. You've been ill and my thinking was impaired. I'm the one who's sorry," Sirius continued, his eyes searching her own for some kind of acknowledgment, she assumed.

Y/N readjusted so she could set one of her hands over his and his skin was so comfortably arm. "You shouldn't be, Pads. I just didn't recognize my own limits," she reassured him. She almost wanted to slip her fingers through the spaces between his own, but before she could, his hand upturned beneath hers, and he slotted his fingers through hers first. She felt her heart skip a beat in her chest and a small smile tugged at her lips. "But," she hummed, clearing her throat out of nervousness, "your thinking was impaired, you say?" she questioned.

Sirius' full lips stretched into a grin. "As is expected when I'm accompanied by a woman of your caliber. Can't blame me for finding any excuse to spend more time with you, can you?" he chimed, giving her hand a gentle squeeze and igniting a wildfire across her cheeks. She turned her head slightly away from him in embarrassment and he let out a soft chuckle, his other hand coming up to ruffle her hair. "That was well-deserved, I think," he said.

"What?" She turned back to look at him with her cheeks still ablaze.

He laughed again. "For your comment about my hair last night," he explained. "Can't make me blush and expect me not to tease you about it."

"I thought I told you not to get cocky, Black," she rebutted, swatting away the hand that she held, and he chuckled.

"Oh, so it's like that, then?" he teased, forgetting her knee, and he wrapped his arm around her waist again instead, pulling her in for a good-natured side hug. "I was only joking. Well, about the payback, at least," he admitted, turning his head so that his lips brushed against the shell of her ear. "I promise, though, darling. I rarely think properly around you anymore," he whispered the words to only her and a tingle crawled down her spine.

Just when Y/N had been sure she couldn't get any more red, her cheeks grew burning hot, and her chest felt like it was exploding. "That's cruel, Sirius," she muttered half-heartedly, almost breathless from the way her chest was caving in on her lungs, and she reached across the table to grab a waffle. She felt much too lazy to actually cut it up and drizzle syrup on it, so she bit into it like a piece of toast.

"You can think what you want, but I know what I feel, love," he hummed, and he left his hand where it was while she nibbled on her waffle. She honestly couldn't tell if he was pulling her leg or not. "If you're still not feeling well, though, you're welcome to lean on me. I'll make sure you stay upright," he offered with a small smile and a quick wink, before he turned his head back to the others, tuning into the second half of whatever story James had wanted to share that morning.

Y/N, after Sirius had focused his attention elsewhere, did fancy the idea of a place to rest her head, especially on the shoulders of such a specimen, so she took a bite of he waffle to calm her nerves, and she laid her head against him. She could feel his fingers tighten on her side as she did, and his head fell to rest against her own. She could feel her walls come down, and it was as if it was on cue, that a wave of fatigue hit her. She locked eyes with Lily, who was looking at her from across the table, and the girl wiggled her eyebrows at her slightly. Y/N only flashed her a half-hearted smile and reached to set her waffle on her plate, her appetite suddenly having disappeared.

The tightening in her chest from minutes before still hadn't let up, and she found it becoming increasingly harder to manage a proper breath. Her chest felt thick and heavy, like it was filled with tar, and her lungs ached with every breath she sucked in. "Sirius," she whispered a little too softly, and she grabbed his leg with one of her hands. "Sirius," she repeated again just a bit louder, giving his leg a quick pat, and he lifted his head up off of hers and leaned forward to meet her gaze.

Sirius' gaze had gone from questioning to concerned almost as soon as he had the chance to gauge her change in condition. His eyebrows furrowed and he began to trail his hand up and down her side gently. "Not feeling well?" he asked quietly and she shook her head.

"Can you take me to the infirmary?" she questioned, wincing at the way her lungs stung as she spoke, and when her eyes flickered to Lily, she realized everything was becoming hazy. "Quickly," she added, her heart starting to thump a little faster, and she looked back at Sirius. The dark-haired boy nodded in an instant, his hand moving from her side to the center of her back, keeping her stabilized as he moved to stand up.

This seemed to catch Remus' attention, as he pushed up his glasses and furrowed his eyebrows. "Where are you two lovebirds off to?" he drew out teasingly, a small smirk tilted on his lips, before his eyes settled on Y/N, and his expression fell. "What's wrong?" His tone was rushed with worry, and rest of the group halted their conversation and turned to look at her.

Y/N shook her head and placed her hands on the edge of the table, using it to lever herself into a standing position. "I think I need to see Madam Pomfrey," she told them. "Something feels off."

"You think this has to do with the flowers?" Marlene questioned and she nodded.

"Yeah, I've been seeing them more and more, I think—," she paused, wincing through a small laugh because she knew she was going to sound entirely mad, "I think they might be growing in me," she explained, but it came out like a question, and she tried to ignore the way the edges of her vision had begun to turn fuzzy and the way her head started to spin.

Peter had started to scoff, but Marlene was quick to swat him in the stomach. "I believe it," Lily chimed in. "The way your chest looked Y/N/N—" she shook her head softly, recalling what she'd seen in the bathroom earlier that morning. "Here, I'll come, too, yeah?" she offered and Y/N held one of her hands up.

"No, it's okay, really, it's probably nothing, but—"

"Oh, bloody hell, Y/L/N," James blurted, striking confusion in her. "Your hand."

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. "My hand?" she questioned, before turning her hand around to face herself, and her breath caught in her throat. Her face fell completely when the entirety of her palm was covered in carnations. The purple fuzziness on the edges of her vision started to trickle into her line of site in spots, growing rapidly. Everything became increasingly distorted as her head swirled. "I don't— I'm not—" she couldn't bring herself to fathom a coherent though, all she could do was sort of stare at her hand agape, and before she could even register it, everything had gone black.

Lily brought her hands to her mouth in a gasp, shooting up from her chair when Y/N fell limp. "Pads—"

Sirius had shifted behind Y/N before Lily had even had the chance to speak, supporting the weight of her unconscious body with his own. He moved to slip one of his arms against the bend of her knees and lift her up into his arms. "I've got her," he assured her, before looking at Y/N. Her head was draped over his bicep, her hair hanging downwards behind her head, and her lips were parted. "I've got you, darling."

—

Golden light seeped in through the windows in the hospital wing, pooling in puddles of sunshine on the stone floors as the sun began to set. A pesky ray filtered in directly over Y/N's eyeball and she squinted against it in her sleep. As she was far too unconscious to be aware of her movements, the placement of the light went unchanged. A grumble of frustration was pushed from her lips and her eyelids fluttered open.

She lifted her eyebrows in surprise when she wasn't met with the familiar, homey decor of the room she shared in the Gryffindor Tower. Everything she set her eyes on was white or gray. Beds lined the walls on each side of the long room. Some were occupied, but most of them happened to be empty. She sat up in her bed carefully, quickly remembering the pain that throbbed in her chest and ached in her hands as she did. She was about to call for someone—Madam Pomfrey, probably, considering she thought she was the only other able body in the room—when she noticed the boy by her bedside.

Sirius.

Y/N almost gasped at the sight of him, but she refrained. Instead, she looked at him with a small smile. Sirius had pulled a chair up to the side of her bed—how long ago, she was unsure of—and he sat slumped down with his arms crossed over his chest. His head hung forward and his chest rose and fell with every sleeping breath that he took, and she fought a small laugh when a snore pushed its way out. The way his chest rose and fell so peacefully was mesmerizing, but she had a few questions, and she was almost certain he'd be able to answer them.

She reached over the side of the bed with some difficulty and she patted his knee. "Black," she whispered softly, but another snore was the only response she got. She smiled at that, but she patted his knee a little harder. "My darling Pads," she sing-songed teasingly, "it's time to wake up, pretty boy."

That seemed to have done the trick, as Sirius let out a groan, before throwing his arms out to the side in some sort of stretch. He tilted his head from side to side, cracking his neck, and when he was situated, a heart-melting smile pulled its way across his lips. "'Morning, my beautiful girl," he hummed with a small wink, and Y/N's eyes widened.

Color rushed to her cheeks and lit them on fire, and her mouth fell open. "You cocky bastard," she muttered, shaking her head at him softly, and moving to lean back against one of the fluffy pillows on her bed. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him through playfully squinted eyes, the hint of a smile on her lips.

"Me, cocky? Never," he joked, pulling his chair up closer to the edge of her bed, and he reached across the sheets to pluck one of her hands up off of her chest. The teasing expression on his face grew somewhat solemn as he flipped her hand over in his, exposing the patch of carnations. The petals seemed to wave up at him. "You're a right mess, you know that, Y/N?" he asked, peeking up at her, before he ran his thumb over the flowers. Her hand tickled as he did and she let out a hum, as if she was asking for clarification. "You know. Scared the piss out of me in the Great Hall this morning," he admitted, setting her hand down in her lap, but he left her fingers tucked into his own. "Lily was here earlier after it happened, and James and Remus around lunch, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do anything but sit here all day." He gave them a quick squeeze before he pulled his hand back towards himself.

The thought of Sirius being worried sick about her made whatever was in her chest tighten it's grasp on her, and she placed a hand over her sternum as if to still it. "You've been here all day?" she questioned softly, her eyes flickering over his facial features, and he nodded once.

He slid one of his hands up and down his thigh a few times before he let it rest in the middle. "I mean, I'd like to think we're close, so your well-being, by default, is important to me," he told her. "With the throwing up and the passing out, and the flowers, I've been worried about you." She pressed her fingertips on one of the wiry lumps stretching across her chest, and she could feel it slither under her fingertips when she recognized that his words were touching to her. "Plus, I've decided that I fucking hate flowers," he continued, almost teasing, but with just enough certainty that conveyed his seriousness.

Her stomach was swirling with nervousness and her heart was knocking against her chest. "Thank you, Pads," she said with a small smile, gliding one of hands over the sheets to reach out for one of his, as she felt too awful to extend herself any further. He seemed to understand and he took her hand in both of his with a small smile. "Has Madam Pomfrey said anything about this?" she asked him.

"Professor Sprout was called in earlier after Lily and I explained everything," Sirius said.

"And?"

"She said there's an old Japanese story about a disease called hanahaki. It takes root in the chest and lungs in people experiencing one-sided love," Sirius explained, "it develops over years, or months in extreme cases, and by the final stages the victim's are puking entire flowers."

Y/N's heart lurched and she could feel her expression fall at his words. This had all stemmed from their first study session, the first time the roots took hold in her lungs, and as her love as grown, and remained unrequited, this disease had only worsened. "Is there a cure?" She muttered, her voice quiet, but she had a feeling she could guess the answer, based on the fact that she was in the 'final stages'.

He smiled in a half-hearted attempt and he squeezed her hand. "Sprout said it's rare. She'd never seen it in person before you, but she said the only cure is for that person to express their love to you in return." His gaze shifted towards his lap.

She was going to die, wasn't she?

"What happens otherwise?" she asked.

Sirius had seemed more distraught now, tugging his nervous fingers through his dark hair. "Otherwise— I don't want to think about—," he paused, looking up from his lap and his expression was muddled with confusion and concern. "Is it James?" he practically blurted, his tone slightly harsh. He tightened his hold on her hand. "Is this because of him and Lily?" he questioned and she could see in his eyes the way that his mind was whirring.

"Sirius," Y/N hummed, bringing her other hand to close around his.

"Did you tell him?" he continued, his eyes furrowing together. "If he said something that hurt you and that's put you through all of this—"

"Sirius."

"Merlin, Y/N, I'll—," he paused, shaking his head. "Y/N/N, I'll kick his arse. Maybe not too bad 'cause I'm sure we'll have something planned that week, but—"

"Sirius, stop," she stressed finally. "Quit it, okay? It's not James. Don't even say that like you'd actually hurt him. He's your best friend, you idiot," she told him, although her voice betrayed her words. She was soft when speaking to him, but she was also in acceptance. She was going to die in a matter of weeks, if she even had that long, so what was the point in keeping her feelings a secret anymore? "It's you, you slug," she mumbled.

Sirius stilled for a moment, his eyes squinting on and off as he attempted to process her words. "What did you just say, darling?" he questioned, fingers beginning to tap her wrist as his hand was still sandwiched between both of hers.

Y/N shot him a look. "I said, it's you. I love you," she admitted. "Part of me always liked being around you before, but I never thought anything of it until we studied together. Ever since then, I haven't been able to breathe right or think straight or be around you without my lungs collapsing, I—"

"Me?" he cut her off, pulling his hand away and poking himself in the chest with one of his thumbs.

He stared at her with a dumbfounded expression and she blinked at him. "Were you listening to anything I just said?" she asked in disbelief and he laughed. "See, this is really unfortunate, Black," she said, crossing her hands over her chest again and taking a deep breath. "I'm still a bit in shock that I'm apparently so in love with you that it's literally killing me, and you're—"

A cocky smile spread across his face like butter. "Now, now, darling, this is quite a development," he explained, holding his hand up and pressing it down in a slow, gentle 'calm-down' sort of motion.

She narrowed her eyes. "Development how?"

He folded his hands in his lap, fingers clasped together, and he tilted his head at her like a puppy. "Because, I'd say today's become your lucky day," he hummed, that stupid smile still evident on his lips, and cute as it was, she really wanted to smack it off right then.

"Lucky?" She repeated. "I just found out I'm literally going to die in who knows how long because of your dumb arse, and you want to call it lucky?"

"Oi, beautiful, settle down, maybe, so I can figure out what I'm supposed to say here."

Settle down?

Settle down?

Y/N was about to lose her mind, and maybe she'd even be cured after she strangled him to death, but before her fuse could blow, there was a blur of black, a dip in the bed, two hands cupping her cheeks, and a warm mouth smashing against her own. A gasp pushed its way out of her lips and it took her a moment to realize that Sirius Black was bloody kissing her. His lips disconnected from her own for a split second, his dark eyes peering into her own, and he opened his mouth to speak. "Darling, I—"

She gave him no time to finish.

Instead, she grabbed two fistfuls of his white, button-down shirt and pulled his mouth back against her own, pouring months and months of pining and drooling over him into one singular moment. His mouth melded against hers like their lips were never meant to part and the tips of his fingers were pushed back into her hair. One of his hands traveled to the nape of her neck to support her head, before his lips broke from hers again and peppered kisses over her face.

"I love you, Y/N," he whispered breathlessly, kissing over her cheeks and her nice. "I love you, I love you, I love you." He kissed her between each one and when he was satisfied with the surface he'd covered, he pulled away, and his eyes met her own. His eyes were glistening with emotion that seemed so familiar to her in his gaze, but she'd never recognized it as adoration until that moment. "And you're bloody stupid, because I've been set on you since I switched the names on your paper with Pettigrew's in Transfiguration last year."

Y/N's head was still reeling from the kiss, but her lips parted in surprise at his confession. "You what?" she sputtered through a laugh. "You're the one who's bloody stupid," she managed while she giggled.

As a chuckle bubbled out of his Sirius' mouth and Y/N tried—not very hard at all—to shove him off of the bed, the roots in her chest finally began to recede.

↴

a/n / two years and i finally finished a fucking imagine! yay :)

#harry potter #harry potter imagines #marauders #marauders era imagines #sirius black x reader #sirius black imagines #ben barnes imagines #ben barnes x reader #marauders x reader #marauders imagines #ron weasley imagines #fred weasley imagines #draco malfoy imagines #cedric diggory imagines

[love-strawberry]

as the poets say

summary : in which they get married and it's the best day ever.

pairing : ben barnes x reader

warnings : language

author's note : had soooooo much fun writing this!! i am back from the dead and will try to finish my requests by the end of week!! send in more please, keeps me motivated!! <3

tagged : @mrsben-barnes @ellora-brekker @slut4benbarnes

masterlist

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liked by tchalamet, freddycarter1, benbarnes and 3,528,752 others

y/n_ so thankful for my family, my friends and most of all, my husband. i love you, ben, so much. more than word will ever describe. you spilling red wine on my white satin dress may have been a bad decision back then but in the long term, i'm glad it lead me to you. i love you and i thank the stars everyday for you. can't wait to spend forever and ever and after that with you darling <3

tagged benbarnes

89,629 comments

username IM CRYING

username WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS

username ME AND WHO? ME AND WHO?!

username we went to having ben and y/n flirt awkwardly with eachother to them saying i do at their wedding, i love

freddycarter1 great, now he's crying

username ben and y/n>>>>

username LADIES AND GENTLEMAN AND NON BINARY PALS THEM>>

andrewgarfield LOOK AT YOUUUU ALL GROWN UP

username okay but that venue

benbarnes first off, that's a BIG caption, you know i can't compete with that and second, i love you. thank you for being in my life and making it a 100x better <3

-> y/n_ i love you <3 you don't need to write anything to prove it

username i want a greenhouse wedding so bad

jessie_mei_li MY LOVES SO HAPPY FOR YOU

tchalamet AHHHHGDJSNSGSKSKANKSSL

username timothee, same

username SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP SLIDING DOWN THE WALL

username remember when ben was like we're just friends and y/n was like totally, yeah you fucking liars

-> username i feel like all their friends ghost wrote this comment

danielle_galligan 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

username 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

jacktwolfe i caught the bouquet 😼

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liked by y/n_, calahan.skogman, archierenaux3 and 3,924,428 others

benbarnes standing at the alter and seeing you walking down the aisle has been a dream come true. i love you, more than i can say or write. you're half of my soul, as the poets say. and i swear i'm gonna make you the happiest <3 you complete me

tagged y/n_

84,529

username HE QUOTED HER FAVOURITE BOOK

username ANKSKAZMSKSZLALSMA

kittheyounger my parents 🤧

username SOBBING IN MY PRECALC CLASS

archierenaux3 so so so happy for you both <3

lbardugo my babies!!! so proud of you both

username im so happy for them!! they went from being strangers to starring in messrs and miss and then to being bestfriends and now husband and wife!! i can't believe we saw the most amazing love story unfold in front of our eyes

y/n_ i love that polaroid

-> benbarnes and i love you

username HER DRESS>>>>

username <Y/NANDBEN3

freddycarter1 🤍🤍🤍

amitasuman_ you both looked so beautiful!! <3 love you sooooo much

username okay but imagine their vows?? did y/n cry?? did ben cry?? he probably did. did anyone else cry?? their friends?? i feel like timothee, andrew and aaron definitely cried

jacktwolfe happy happy happy couple

username 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

username imagine being married to THE ben barnes

-> username imagine being married to THE y/n y/l/n

username i want this so bad :(

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liked by tchalamet, kittheyounger, freddycarter1 and 3,925,429 others

y/n_ still can't believe that this beautiful man is my HUSBAND!! also italy>>>

tagged benbarnes

91,528 comments

username okay stop flexing bestie

username ohh, to be y/n

username drop. more. wedding. photos.

username wowowowowowowowowow

benbarnes are you kidding me? i can't believe that you're MY wife

-> y/n_ stfu, this is about you not me <3

username my aesthetic is ben and y/n simping for eachother

username wow i want someone to love me as much as i love ben and y/n

kittheyounger we got it,,, you're married,,, stop flexing on the singles

username kit spoke for all of us

username that place is exactly from luca

username 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

danielle_galligan divorce him and marry me pls

username aksjslzkxks they're both so in love it's sickening

username wow, go and make us feel more single why don't you huh?

jessie_mei_li love love love love loveeee you

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liked by y/n_, andrewgarfield, aarontjohnson and 3,952,242 others

benbarnes i love you.

tagged y/n_

89,327 comments

username i wanna be there, that place looks like heaven

username those paintings tho

username SOMEONE LOVE ME RN IM NOT KIDDING AHHHHHH

tchalamet yeah ofc, fuck off to italy without your friends why don't you

freddycarter1 not cool, you know we wanted to go too

username LMFOABDJSK THEIR FRIENDS WANTED TO GO ON THEIR HONEYMOON

y/n_ you have my heart <3

-> benbarnes and you have mine <3

username awwwww *lays on the highway"

username sobbing currently

username imagine having someone to love AND being loved by someone

amitasuman_ that looks like an amazing place!! really hope you're both enjoying!!

kittheyounger yeah not jealous of you, totally not haha

username they're in disney, that's looks exactly from luca

calahan.skogman mate you should come back in a week. otherwise the others are gonna come to you, they're looking at tickets and hotels rn

jacktwolfe wow, i wanna be there

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#ben barnes imagine #ben barnes fic #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes one shot #ben barnes #ben barnes x fem!reader #ben barnes x actress!reader #ben barnes x you #ben barnes x y/n #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes fluffy #ben barnes fluff #ben barnes fluff blurbs #ben barnes blurbs #ben barnes blurb fluff #ben barnes imagines #shadow and bone cast #grishaverse #social media au #social media imagines #social media fics #requested #<3 #ben barnes au

[loubombshell]

Dorian Gray being obsessed with her.

requested by @fionafelicia

It was the same event like every year. Lord Henry's birthday. The man always made a big event out of it and everyone knew he loved it. Lord Henry invited a lot of noble families.

One of them were Fiona's, her family was known around entire London and they were really proud about it, I mean who wouldn't with a beautiful young girl like her?. Still Fiona was very shy and quiet. She was hard to recognize in the middle of a party but maybe it'll change tonight.

On the other side, Dorian Gray moved new to London. He was one of these beautiful boys you walk past one day and never get him out of your head. He appears in your dreams. He looked like a perfect picture of a man and everyone could easily notice. A lot noticed actually.

That's the reason everyone turned around when he walked into Henry's Party. The music didn't stop but the conversations did. Young and old turned around, men and woman, married and even not married.

Fiona stood somewhere in a quiet corner, enjoying the party in her own way. Sipping a bit of the delicious alcohol and letting her eyes dance over the crowd. She didn't like it to stand in the middle of a lot of people. Everyone was asking her some stupid things she didn't care about in her young age, like marriage, family, money. Just everything that seems so important for everyone these days.

The girl stopped when her eyes fell on Dorian too, he was beautiful she had to admit. The black hair and the flawless hair was like balm to her eyes.

Lord Henry put an arm around the young boy and started introducing him to everyone, they were really excited to meet him.

On one side Fiona wanted to meet him and get to now him, he seemed to be really interesting, but on the other side she already planned a conversation in her head, everytime she did that it ended bad. She was nervous, it's obvious. She took a second look around the party and started walking into another quiet edge, when suddenly she walked into something and spilled her entire drink.

"Oh no, I'm terribly sorry." Fiona excused herself immediately and looked up into dark eyes. I mean really dark like almost black.

"no, don't worry it was my fault. I got distracted." The boy explained took one of her hands. "I'm Dorian." He added and kissed the back of it.

Fiona started blushing immediately but gave him a little smile. "I'm Fiona, it's a pleasure to meet you." She explained and pulled her hand back to her, a bit embarrassed.

"That's a really beautiful name for a beautiful girl." Dorian told her honestly which made her chuckled a bit. "Are you enjoying the party?" He asked.

The girl shook her head honestly. "not really, I prefer it to be in smaller groups. I'm just not made for a lot of people." She explained.

The boy nodded understanding. "So what do you prefer then? You like going into the city like the other woman?" He asked her, really interested.

"Oh no, I love buying dresses and jewelry, no woman can say no to the perfect diamonds but I prefer it to stay at home and read a good book." Fiona explained to him, smiling a bit.

Her words were quiet and collected but deep down inside her, her heart was racing almost jumping out of her chest. She felt the eyes on her back, watching her and him talking together. Fiona played with her ring while talking to him and gave him a nervous smiles.

"I totally understand." Dorian gave her a honest smile. "Nothing could beat a good book in the sunset, right?" He chuckled.

"Exactly!" Fiona agreed immediately with him. "I always thought no one would think so, especially not a man but here you are." She smiled.

"You're joking, right? There's nothing better than that." He smirked and took another sip of the delicious alcohol.

They kept talking for many hours and even forgot the time, until her father came up behind the girl.

"Fiona? Darling it's time to go home." He put his hand on her back, making her noticing him.

Fiona turned around to her father and nodded. "Of course father." She said and turned back to Dorian. "I hope we can continue this conversation one day." She smiled.

Dorian nodded smiling, taking her hand and kissed the back of it. "We will, I promise." He said and watched the girl walking out again.

The following days felt like a dream to Fiona, everytime she came home a little package laid on her doorstep. They were filled with little presents like jewelry, flowers or letters addressed to her, all of that from Dorian Gray of course.

Until one day there only laid a letter, she picked it up smiling and walked into her garden, she sat down on the swing her father built when she was little and opened the letter.

"My dearest Fiona,"

"the last time we met, we hoped to continue our conversation very soon. So I'm inviting you to our garden for a cup of tea. I'll be waiting for you."

"Your Dorian."

Fiona chuckled happily about it and pressed the letter to her chest. She stood up from the swing and ran up in her room. She took out her favorite white dress with the blue flowers on it, making her look like a porcelain doll and braided her hair a bit together.

Her parents would be home late at night so she had plenty of time to spend with him. The girl walked carefully through the streets of London, passing some creepy figures but she just kept on walking until she arrived at his home. It was huge.

Fiona knocked on the door a bit nervous and a unknown man opened the door for her.

"Mister Gray is waiting for you in the garden." He told her and Fiona nodded politely.

"Thank you very much." She told him and walked through the house to the next exit, of course she took a look around, he really had a beautiful house.

When she stepped outside the sunlight hit her face again and she walked along the stone way, surrounded by the green grass and the many flowers even a little pond was in the middle of it.

She arrived at a little blanket in the middle of a lot of flowers and in front of the pond.

"Do you like it?" A voice behind her asked and sat down on the blanket placing a strawberry bowl on it.

Fiona flinched a bit first but smiled then. "It's stunning, Dorian." She said and sat down next to him. "I'm so glad we met again." She added.

The boy moved closer to her and took a grape for him to eat. "I'm happy too, believe me. Did you get my presents?" He asked her.

Fiona smirked a bit and showed him the ring he gave to her. "I did, yes and I loved them." She moved closer to him too, giving him a smile.

They kept talking together for a lot of time until it started raining suddenly. They packed everything together and started running back into the house. Both of them ran through the door laughing and dripping from the rain.

Dorian hold her hand tightly and moved her in front of him. He moved the wet strands out of her face. "You're beautiful." He whispered and leaned down to her.

Fiona looked up into his eyes and got on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck and kissed him. Dorian smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her even closer. They released each other as soon as no air reached their lungs anymore.

"Do you think you can stay the night here?" Dorian asked her put of breath.

Fiona looked to him and shook her head. "Sadly not, my parents would be worried." She explained to him and he nodded understanding.

"Alright then, take a seat in the living room and I'm gonna make us a tea, alright?" He asked and kissed her forehead. She smiled and walked into the living room, sitting down on the comfy furniture.

Dorian prepped a tea for both of them and walked then after her. "There you go." He placed it on the table in front of them and sat next to her.

"Thank you very much." Fiona said and took a sip of the tea. "mh a bit bitter, don't you think?" She chuckled a bit.

"I'm so sorry darling." Dorian gave her a little smile.

Fiona smiled a bit too and leaned back in the couch, suddenly so tired. She put the tea back on the table and stood up. "You know, I think it's time for me to go." She told him and walked to the door, almost tripping.

Dorian hold her waist from behind and supported her. "wow, careful. I think you should stay here. I'm not letting you walk around London this time of the day." He explained and picked her up, holding her in front of him. "I promise, I'll get you home tomorrow morning." He said when she already closed her eyes.

The boy walked up into his bedroom and placed her in the king size bed, closing the curtains around them. He laid down next to her and smiled.

"I'm sorry I put that in your tea but I just wanted to stay with you a little longer." He explained and kissed her cheek. "Sweet dreams, Fiona." Dorian said and wrapped his arms around her waist, falling asleep.

#ben barnes #dorian gray x y/n #dorian gray x you #dorian gray x reader #dorian gray #dorian gray imagine #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes imagines #ben barnes fanfiction

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

hysteria

kinktober, day twenty-eight

a/n: look, we already know that I'm a nerd when it comes to medical history, so this really shouldn't come as a surprise. only thing surprising about it is how fucking long it took for me to finally write this kinda fic, damn, because this fantasy is ancient.

summary: “miss, I’m afraid to inform you that you have hysteria.”

warnings: doctor!aleksander morozova x innocent!reader, smut, dubcon, historical au, medical kink, time accurate sexism, fingering, sex toys (vibrator, fuck machine), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, size kink, squirting, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, creampie, overstimulation

word count: 1607

∼ gentle reminder that feedback, but especially reblogs are the way you support writers on here ∽

masterlist | join my taglist | kinktober 2023

Eyes glued to the clipboard in his hand, doctor Morozova quietly read up from the list of symptoms he had just scribbled down, “…unmarried, insomnia, increased nervousness during social interactions… miss,” he then lifted his obsidian gaze and told you gravely, “I’m afraid to inform you that you have hysteria.”

“I-I do?” 

“Yes, I’m terribly sorry,” he laid the papers down on the desk before him, “seems like your womb is not where it’s supposed to be and that can cause all sorts of problems as you can see by your symptoms.”

Fingers weaved so tightly in the fabric in your lap it nearly broke through, ruining your dress, your panic began to bubble out, “what should I do, doctor? Is there a cure?”

“There is,” he nodded, subtly raising a hand up to soothe your nerves, “the way to relieve this disorder is by causing something called a hysterical paroxysm,” he informed, abruptly redirecting his stare down upon the woodgrain of the tabletop, “now, usually, if a woman is married, the husband is to perform the treatment, but since you’re not,” his eyes flickered back up to find yours, “I’ll help rid your body of this ailment.”

“Really? Thank you,” you gasped, “what, uh, what does it entail?”

“Oh, it’s simple enough,” he waved a casual hand, “you just rid yourself of your undergarments and lay down on the exam table for me.”

“I-…” you blinked, eyes wide before you swallowed, “…alright…”

Getting up from the chair opposing his desk, you walked around the flimsy partition set up in the corner. Reaching under your dress, you timidly pulled your underwear down your legs, past your stockings and off. Folding the garment in a neat little bundle, you settled it on the small stool that stood back here before stepping back out from behind the cover. 

Now settled at the bottom of the exam table on a seat, he gestured for you to get up onto the slab before you apprehensively did so. 

“If you would please just put your feet up in these stirrups,” he adjusted the metal legs below you, “then we can get started.” 

As you then shifted, settling your feet into place, your skirts tented and began to ride up, a gust of crisp air kissing your exposed centre and causing your cheeks to heat up.  

Hearing his chair scoot closer, you then felt his touch softly ghost from your knees all the way up your thighs till his fingers were gently prying your petals apart. After taking a good look, he then briefly retracted his touch, unscrewing a nearby dark glass jar, swiping up some of the glossy contents before grazing through your folds once more, the cool temperature of the lubrication causing you to suck in a sharp breath. 

“Sorry, if it’s a bit cold,” he murmured as he continued to smear it in. 

Head faintly shaking, “it’s fine,” you tried just to focus on your breathing. 

Pushing your dress a bit more out of the way, he told you, “just try and relax for me, it will go by a lot smoother if you relax,” his touch then suddenly changed, “now, tell me,” zeroing in and pressing down on your clit in a way that made the office around you go fuzzy, “how does that feel?” 

Blinking down at him, you found that his vision was already firm on you, “I-… I don’t know… how is it supposed to feel?”

“It’s supposed to feel good,” he rubbed a bit harder, “so, does it feel good?”

“I-I guess so,” your vision fluttered back up towards the ceiling, the doctor’s dark eyes being too much to stand, “yeah.”

“Good, good,” his attentive touch then shifted, “now let me just have a feel inside. Deep breath for me,” your lungs expanded at his command, “there you go,” and his long finger pressed inside, gently curving it around against your walls as he examined, “yep, there it is… your womb, it’s in the completely wrong spot,” he swiftly worked another digit in, watching as you stretched around his fingers, “it’s good that you came in now before it got even worse,” pulling back out, he ended the contact with an unnecessary rub against your buzzing clit.

As he then scooted a bulky and mysterious machine over, you asked nervously, “w-what is that?”

“Just a little apparatus that’s gonna help cure you,” he twisted a vaguely phallic shape into place at the end of the device’s long arm. After noticing your startled expression, you felt his warm hand sprawl across your thigh, “don’t worry, love. It’s all gonna be just fine,” lining it up, “just try and lay still,” he turned a switch and the attachment slowly drove into you. 

“Oh my god!” your palm slammed down against the exam table. 

“Shh, it’s alright,” he caught your eye till your body slowly began to give in, calming under his gaze. Reaching his right hand up, he tickled your puff as the gadget slowly eased in and out of you, “you’re doing great so far, just relax for me,” you saw his free fingers sneak down to enclose around the apparatus’s knob once more, turning the speed further up.  

Feeling like you might fall off the table entirely, you panted, “doctor, I think something might be wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, love,” he nearly chuckled, “this is how it’s supposed to feel,” smiling as you let go an uncontainable moan, knees nearly closing as you tumbled over the edge, “there it is, good, good…”

Expecting for the machine to be shut off, the doctor instead pushed your trembling knees aside and conjured a bulky ward-like device that buzzed in his tight grip, the other hand firm on your leg as he pressed the vibrator against your sensitive pearl, “ah! Doctor! What are you-”

“We’re not done yet,” he stated firmly, vision fixated on the mess he was turning you into. 

The squelching of your pussy cut through the loud buzzing of the gizmos, “but it’s too much, I can’t-”

“You wanna get better, don’t you?”

Fists tight in your dress, crumbled at your waist, you let out a shaky, “yes.”

“Then quit your whining and let me treat you,” his stare snapped up as he warned you, “if you keep that up then I’ll have no other choice but to restrain you, is that what you want?”

“N-no,” the overwhelming sensation caused you to tremble like a leaf. 

“Be a good girl and take it.”

When the second wave hit, it crashed into you so fiercely that you let out a lewd scream. 

“There you go, that’s it!” the doctor bellowed as your pussy gushed, crying out around the intense toys, “oh, fuck…” unable to peel his eyes away as he finally turned off the machines, additional juices squirting out as they withdrew. 

Limbs twitching, you hazily asked, “was that it? Are we done?”

Palming himself through his pants, his gaze stayed glued to your weeping core, “not quite yet, miss… that release of excess fluids was a very good sign, very good sign indeed, but we’re not quite done… there’s still more that needs to get out in order for your uterus to align itself again,” your eyes then flicked down to his fingers as they worked at the buttons on his slacks, swiftly freeing something much bigger than the apparatus he had just fucked you with. 

“Doctor?” your eyes grew as he stepped closer, rubbing his tip against you in a way that made your eyes flutter. 

Finally meeting your gaze, he uttered, “please, call me Aleksander,” before thrusting his hips forward, stretching you apart with his cock. Fingers digging into your thighs, he glanced back down and smirked, “I think your womb just needs a little reminder of where its home is,” before he slammed in, all the way, pushing the air out of your lungs as his balls nuzzled against you.

“Ah!”

“Just need to knock at its door a bit to call it home,” the tip of his generous length kissed your cervix with every rough thrust, borderline going too deep as you clambered around him, “that’s it, taking the treatment so well.”

Just as you had thought he had settled on a rhythm, he pulled the rug out from under you by suddenly withdrawing his girth entirely, spreading you apart so that he could watch how he made you gape, only to bury himself completely once again, repeating the cycle over and over, relishing in the way it drove you up the wall. 

“Fucking hell… I can feel it, you’re getting close, clamping around me like a desperate little whore,” he groaned, watching as after a few more breath-taking rounds, your pussy began to weep once again, “oh, there it is,” squirting out every time he retraced himself, “atta girl,” the fullness he then granted you only persuaded more to appear. 

When you were nothing more than a literal puddle in his grasp, Aleksander truly lost control, pounding into your trembling mess before he made it even more so, stuffing you full of his hot cum. 

Low groans still flowed from his lips as he retracted from you for good, the sensation of his seed trickling out of you and onto the exam table nearly going unnoticed from how exhausted the treatment had made you. 

“Was that it?” you asked weakly, “am I cured now?”

Tugging himself away as he caught his breath, he answered, “not completely,” glancing back up at you with a glint in his dark eyes, “I think you’re gonna have to come back a few more times …”

© 2023 thyme-in-a-bubble 

#lea’s writing #kinktober 2023 #the darkling smut #shadow and bone smut #aleksander morozova smut #aleksander morozova x reader #the darkling x reader #ben barnes smut #aleksander morozova imagine #the darkling x you #the darkling imagine #shadow and bone au #general kirigan x reader #aleksander morozova x you #the darkling x y/n #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone fanfic #aleksander kirigan x reader #general kirigan smut #doctor!aleksander morozova

[love-belle]

the greatest films of all time !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their love was made for the movies but it's like they all say, the greatest films of all time were never made.

or

for when you know enough to know that you want to move through time with them and them only. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // various celebrities x fem!driver!reader

warnings - language

author's note - a short series bc i literally cannot stick with my original ideas 😭😭 requests are CLOSED my inbox is 100+ i am not kidding im so sorry :((

i. milo manheim ༉‧₊˚.

( every dead end street led you straight to me )

ii. ben barnes ༉‧₊˚.

( you'll be my best friend until we grow old )

iii. drew starkey ༉‧₊˚.

( 'cause summers go so fast )

iv. dylan o'brien ༉‧₊˚.

( your past and mine are parallel lines )

v. matt sturniolo ༉‧₊˚.

( you'd be the love of my life when i was young )

...more !!!

#f1 x reader #f1 x female reader #f1 imagines #social media au #fake instagram imagines #charles leclerc x reader #lando norris x reader #lewis hamilton x reader #oscar piastri x reader #carlos sainz x reader #max verstappen x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 x platonic!reader #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #f1 grid x reader #milo manheim x reader #ben barnes x reader #dylan o'brien x reader #matt sturniolo x reader #drew starkey x reader

[peaky1wh0re]

Smash.

#thomas shelby x reader #peaky blinder headcanon #ben barnes #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders #john shelby #micheal gray #john shelby x reader #thomas shelby smut #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby

[myhairpintrigger]

hellooo i would like to request something <33

basically hanahaki disease w/ Aleksander? when alina arrived at the little palace, reader had been coughing and Aleksander noticed then reader found out that she was coughing petals and eventually got to know it was a disease with the help of some of the plant expert grishas i guess perhaps the healers? then reader starts to distance herself from Aleksander so he wouldn't know but he eventually found out because one of the grisha witnessed one of reader's coughing session and maybe an angst to fluff fic 👉👈

first of all, i am so sorry.. she's a long one... this has been tentatively proofread so i apologise for any grammar or spelling errors. this is my first time writing this trope so i hope it will do alright. thank u for ur beautiful req, my lovely anon, i love u!

warnings: hanahaki disease, blood, vomiting, aleksander is an idiot here lowkey.

word count: 11.9k

To Love Another & Be Loved (aleksander morozova x fem!reader)

-

The Sun Summoner had to be one of the nicest people you’d met in your entire life. 

You wanted to dislike her, after all, she was the center of Aleksander’s attention almost all of the time. Not even the scraps of his time had been reserved for you as of late. 

But you simply couldn’t hate her. She was nothing but kind to you. You spent much of your time with her, anyway. You were the only other Tailor besides Genya and often helped her ready herself for important things when Genya was tending to the Queen. At first, your service to her was only out of obligation to Aleksander. After all, he was your best friend and he fought the King constantly to keep you away from the Grand Palace. The least you could do was help a bit. Surely it would be temporary. 

You sat in Alina’s room with her and you focused hard on twisting her hair up and braiding little bits of it to create an elaborate updo. She was to have dinner with the King and Queen and the Prince that night along with Aleksander. You wordlessly pinned up a thin, tiny braid and Alina sighed. 

“At what point does this all just… stop?” She asked warily and you eyed her through the mirror she sat in front of. 

You raised an eyebrow and shook your head, “What do you mean?” You questioned and flickered your eyes back on her hair. 

“Just… the showiness of it all. When do I become a person with capabilities rather than a spectacle?” 

“Likely never.” You replied with a frown and you met her eyes in the mirror, “But that shouldn’t discourage you. Be the best damn spectacle this country has seen.”

Her shoulders squared a bit and she seemed to at least somewhat like what you had to say. You smiled and went back to her hair, your fingers deftly weaving braids and little twists together for a while longer. You sat back after some time and then placed a few decorative pins in her hair, giving her an approving smile. 

“Lovely. I’m sure the royal family will just eat you up.” You teased and rose from the stool you sat on.  

“I’m sure Aleksander won’t like that.” She countered playfully and the smile slowly faded from your face. 

You blinked in surprise a few times and then let out an uneasy chuckle, “So he’s told you his name?” 

You didn’t know why it bothered you. But it did. 

Alina nodded and she slid on her kefta and buttoned it up while she hummed. You eyed her and bit down on the inside of your cheek. It was black, of course. You glanced down at your own kefta and smoothed it down almost self-consciously. You wore a red kefta that was intricately embroidered with blue threads, and you’d never been disappointed in it until now. 

Why not dress her in gold? You asked silently as you stared at her and you felt that same bitter twinge of jealousy you’d felt ever since she came to the Little Palace. Furthermore, the little sparkle in her eyes when she said his name didn't go unnoticed by you. 

“Yes, is it not very common knowledge?” She asked once she finished buttoning up her clothes and you shook your head. 

You opened your mouth to speak but a knock on the door cut you off. You took this as an opportunity to end this conversation before it made you more upset and you hurried to the door. You opened it up and you were instantly met by a familiar pair of dark eyes. A little weight was lifted from your chest and you smiled up at Aleksander who gave you a smile right back. 

“I figured you’d still be here.” He remarked and leaned down to press a chaste and polite kiss on your cheek. Your skin felt warm and tingly where his lips had made contact and as he pulled away, you prayed he didn’t see the way your face was flushing. 

“It probably wouldn’t have taken so long if Alina didn’t have so much hair.” You noted and then tucked a piece of your own back behind your ear, “I haven’t seen much of you recently.” You remarked, trying your best to keep your tone casual. 

Aleksander clasped his hands behind his back and he gave you a wide smile, “Well, as you know, I’ve been very busy. Join me for tea tomorrow afternoon, I would love to catch up with you.” He said earnestly and you felt a tug in your chest. 

“Of course. Tea sounds wonderful.” You replied, and watched as his eyes shifted over your shoulder. 

The look on his face made your own smile falter. His eyes were fixed on Alina who stood behind you and his smile had turned into an awestruck expression, his eyes softening in ways they didn’t even soften for you. 

“Miss Starkov, you look dazzling.” He commented and you suddenly felt very small, standing in the middle of them. 

Her shy giggle sent a gravelly itch up your throat and you blinked a few times, trying to fight back a cough. 

She thanked him and said something else, but you didn’t hear it because a dry, gritty cough came tearing up through your throat. You held your hands over your mouth frantically and doubled over. You felt a hand on your back and slowly you straightened yourself back up and gasped for air, the coughs ceasing. 

“Are you alright? Would you like a bit of water?” You heard Alina ask and you shook your head, shifting your eyes downwards. 

“What was that? Did you choke on a fly?” Aleksander asked with an amused little chuckle. You gave him a terse laugh in response and felt your throat burn again. Another much smaller and shorter cough reverberated through your chest and you held your hands tightly over your mouth. A warm, wet feeling coated your palms and your face paled. 

Once you recovered you frantically balled your hands up in fists and lowered them to your sides, clearing your throat, “I’m not sure where that came from. I think I’ll go make some tea. Have a lovely dinner.” You murmured hoarsely and scurried past Aleksander, not bothering to look back at them. You made it halfway down the hallway before you slowly unfurled your hands and held them up so that you could see your palms. 

They were sporadically coated in blood.

-

“You don’t have a cold, y/n. Perhaps it’s just the dry air. Winter is upon us.” Genya stated as she stirred a sugar cube into her tea. 

You looked over your shoulder and expected to see Aleksander any time now and then you turned back to Genya with a shrug. 

“I don’t know what else it could be. I can’t stop coughing.” You replied, leaving out the part where most of your coughs dragged blood up from your throat. 

She hummed and took a sip of her tea before shaking her head, “No. Grisha don’t get sick, lovely. You can’t have a cold. Perhaps you’re allergic to something you’ve been smelling or using or eating. Anything new in your diet? Perfumes? Lotions?” She pressed and you shook your head, “Well, then I’m not sure what to tell you. See a Healer if you’re concerned about it but I’m telling you it’s likely the dry air.” She urged. 

You looked down at your own tea and watched tendrils of steam climb the air above it. You let out a sigh and reached out to grab a sugar cube, when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You jumped and spun around, feeling instant relief when you saw that it was only Aleksander who had his hand on you. You sighed contently and leaned your cheek down against the back of his hand. 

“Please, forgive me. I know I’m a bit late to tea. I just had a rather disappointing conversation with a few trackers.” He hummed and then pulled his hand away from your shoulder, leaving you with a certain kind of emptiness. 

He slid into the chair next to you and grabbed your hand tightly, and you felt your heart beat a little bit faster. Genya must have heard it, because she smirked and quickly raised her teacup to her lips to hide it. 

“You weren’t at breakfast this morning.” He commented and tapped your knuckles with the side of his thumb. 

“I wasn’t feeling the best.” You drawled and looked up at his face. He didn’t seem overly concerned when you mentioned that you didn’t feel well, but he didn’t brush it off, either. 

“Odd. Perhaps you should see my Healer.” He pressed and then he reached out and poured himself a cup of tea with his free hand before he released your hand. 

You didn’t respond. Instead, you turned back to your own tea and took a sip of it, looking up at Genya who cleared her throat and stood up.

“Well. I’ll leave you two to it then. I’ve got to get back to the Queen.” She stated and gave you a small wave before scurrying off. 

“Y/n. My Healer?” Aleksander pressed and you glanced up at him. 

You gave him a polite shake of your head and you smiled, “No, it’s all okay. I feel much better now.” You insisted. And it was partially true. You did feel a bit better now that you had some tea. 

You felt his onyx eyes on you as you turned back to your tea and before you could turn towards him, he reached up and brushed a bit of your hair back behind your ear. 

“You look very tired.” He commented and frowned, letting his fingers linger against the side of your face for only a second before dropping them. 

“I am tired. But I have a lot to do today. Besides, I’m getting fitted for my dress today. For the Fete.” You commented, trying to change the subject. 

He hummed and then picked up his teacup, “What are you going to wear?” He asked curiously and he shifted his entire body towards you. 

You looked over at him and slowly turned yourself to face him as well and you gave him a little smile, “Well, not red. That’s for sure. I picked something soft. Pink. A pretty pink dress.”

“Pink is a form of red.” Aleksander pointed out, an amused little smile forming on his perfect lips. 

You giggled and then shook your head, reaching out to give his arm a very gentle smack, “Pink is a very nice color and even if it is red at the very core of it all, I will be wearing it.”

He rolled his eyes playfully and then he chuckled, “Determined little thing, aren’t you?” He asked and then set his teacup down, “I’m glad you’re coming. I was worried you would skip this Fete like you did last year.” 

“Well, last year Vasily was all over me. And I hated it. Of course I didn’t go.” You remarked with a little snort. Aleksander laughed softly and shook his head, turning back to his tea. 

You looked at him, your face softening. Everything about him seemed so… inviting in that moment. The way his hair was immaculately brushed back and curled around the back of his neck, the little curve of his lips as they stayed in their smile from your antics. His dark eyes shone with a rare light of humor and the light of the afternoon sun illuminated them perfectly as you stared at him from the side. He was so heartbreakingly beautiful. 

And you wanted him so badly. You wanted to kiss him, you wanted him to hold you, you wanted him to look at you the way he’d looked at Alina the night before. You wanted to wear black with him and you wanted to be at his side during the Fete. 

You were desperately in love with your best friend, and the worst part was that you could never tell him. 

Your silence must have concerned him in some way, because he slowly turned to face you, the smile slowly vanishing from his face. 

“Y/n, you look like you are about to cry, darling. What’s going on?” He asked softly and you shook your head a few times. 

“N..nothing is wrong.” You lied and felt your throat begin to tingle with the familiar preceding another coughing fit, “I think I just need to go lie down. I feel… unwell.” You added, your voice getting weaker as you tried to keep a cough at bay. 

“Please,” Aleksander began and slowly rose from his chair, “let me walk you to your room, my dear. You are starting to worry me a little bit, if I’m being perfectly honest with you.” He stated and held his arm out for you to take. 

You reached up to grab his arm but instantly yanked your hands back and brought them to your face as you began to cough violently into your palms. The sharp, metallic taste of blood filled your mouth and you heaved forward on your chair, nearly falling off as you coughed. Aleksander’s strong hands caught your shoulders, and before you could protest, he was lifting you up into his arms. 

“Alright. I’m going to take you to your room and then I’m going to send for a Healer. This isn’t natural. You shouldn’t be coughing like that.” He stated. 

You held your hands over your mouth for a while longer as your coughs subsided and you blinked a few times. Once you were sure no more coughs were to come, you pulled your hands up into the sleeves of your kefta and you cleared your throat, wincing as it burned, “No, you don’t need to. I swear to the Saints it’s just allergies, Aleksander.” You said wheezily. 

He looked down at your face and his brows furrowed together and he shook his head, “You have blood on your chin.” He commented and you gaped up at him. 

You reached up and wiped your chin with the sleeve of your kefta and he simply shook his head. You closed your eyes exhaustedly and let him carry you the rest of the way to your room. Once he’d gotten you to your bedroom, he laid you out on your bed and frowned down at you. 

“I’m sending a Healer up here. Don’t be stubborn, please let them help. I’d stay but I’m taking Alina riding. Promise me you will accept the help I send for you.” He said sternly and you opened your eyes. 

You stared up at him, something snapping in your chest. He couldn’t even stay to make sure you were okay? 

“That’s fine. I promise.” You said bitterly and then shook your head, “Have fun riding with Alina.” 

You were sure he caught the bitterness in your tone, because he scowled slightly and then shook his head. He looked as if he might argue with you but instead he wordlessly turned on his heel and left your room, slamming your door behind him. 

A brutal cough tore itself free from your chest and it sent you shooting up into a sitting position. You held your hands over your mouth to catch the droplets of blood that loosed themselves from your throat. Your throat burned as if you were swallowing acid and you miserably pulled your hands away from your mouth between coughs. You stared down at the blood in your hands and suddenly your stomach twisted. You launched yourself off of the bed and grabbed the waste bin that sat near your bed and you coughed violently into it until something sharp tore its way up through your throat and out of your mouth. You had to blink a few times before it registered what exactly sat in the once-empty waste bin; what exactly came out of your mouth. A small cluster of thorns lay in a thick puddle of your blood, and a cluster of bloody rose petals laid around it.

Your mouth hung agape as you stared down into the wastebasket and you pushed it away from you with a frightened yelp. 

Something soft slid against your tongue and you reached up and shakily pulled a blood wetted rose petal off of your tongue, and it was the last thing you saw before your vision went black. 

-

Something wet and cold mopped across your feverish forehead and you slowly opened your eyes. Someone’s hand moved back and forth in your line of sight and you heard a loud gasp before your hands were being clutched tightly. You cleared the fuzziness from your vision by blinking a handful of times and you slowly sat up a bit to see Genya standing over you with her hands clasping yours. A Healer stood at your bedside with a cloth in her hand and you looked back and forth between the two of them before you let out a raspy sigh. 

“Y/n! Sweetheart! What is going on? Emilia found you this way. She said The Darkling sent her up here to you and that when she came in you were out cold on the floor.” 

Emilia must have been the name of the Healer girl at your side and you looked over at her with a terse smile before you looked back at Genya. Her wide eyes were even wider with fear and you frowned, not wanting to have frightened her. 

“I’m fine, I promise. It just must be aller-“

“It is not allergies!” Genya cut you off viciously and dropped your hand to point at the waste bin, “What kind of allergy has you throwing up… plants?” She demanded and you simply shrugged. 

She exasperatedly squeezed the hand of yours that she still held and she frowned, “Emilia tried to heal you but couldn’t find anything wrong with you. Your lungs sound terrible but other than that, you’re healthy.” She said with worry lacing every word she spoke, “When The Darkling gets back from riding-“

You shook your head and held your hand up, “No. No we are not going to tell him a single thing, do you two understand me? You will tell him I am suffering allergies and will be fine in a week or two. I don’t want him around.” You said in a clipped tone.

Genya looked surprised when you said this but she didn’t protest. Instead, she comfortingly brushed her thumb across the back of your hand and let out a defeated little sigh, “Oh, honey. Are things that bad?” 

You slowly looked up at Emilia and Genya did as well. Emilia looked between the two of you and she let out a little sigh. 

“I’ll go get you some tea for your throat.” She said, excusing herself from the conversation that you so desperately wanted to keep private. 

The moment the Healer left the room, you burst into tears. Your ragged breaths seemed to tear trenches into your throat as you cried and little coughs escaped your lips between sobs. You buried your face in your hands and barely noticed when Genya sat right next to you and wrapped her arm around your shoulder, pulling you against her side. 

“Sweetheart, what happened? This afternoon you were all smiles for him.” She breathed and gently rubbed your arm, soothing your cries just slightly. 

“Oh, Genya. I love him. I’m so very in love with him and he hardly gives me the time of day anymore. He speaks of Alina like she’s hung his entire sky. He looks at her like she’s more precious than jewels. He noticed I wasn’t feeling well, and he couldn’t even stay with me. He just tossed a healer at me and left to go with her. It hurts, Genya.” You cried, hiding your face against her shoulder. 

The red haired girl stroked your hair and your back and your arm as you cried against her and at some point, reached out to grab the cool cloth Emilia had left behind. She gently dabbed it against your cheeks and the side of your neck and she frowned, letting you cry. 

Your chest ached terribly at the idea that you loved your best friend who would never love you back, but it seemed to hurt more that you were all in all losing said best friend. Genya coaxed you down until your cheek was against her upper thigh and she ran her fingers through your hair, dabbing the cold cloth against your burning skin still. 

“Things will work out the way they’re supposed to, honey.” Genya said softly, still trying to soothe you. 

Tears rolled down your cheeks still, but your cries subsided for the most part. You exhaustedly closed your eyes and relaxed underneath the Tailor’s touch. You took painful, deep breaths and attempted to calm yourself. You laid in silence against Genya’s thigh for a long time, the only sounds being your sniffles and coughs and little whines. You desperately tried to clear your head of Aleksander, and nearly had, before your door swung open. You heard the handle smack against the wall, and heavy footsteps made their way across your floors. Aleksander. You laid still against Genya and prayed that he thought you were asleep. 

“Emilia says it’s only allergies.” Genya said quietly and you felt her hand slow in your hair until it rested protectively against the crown of your head. 

You heard him shuffle for a moment before he hummed, “She looks miserable.” He remarked. 

He lifted his hand to touch your arm, but Genya shooed his hand away and shook her head. 

“Let her sleep.” She murmured and you heard Aleksander snort. 

“Well, according to my Healer, she’s been unconscious for three hours up until now. How is she sleeping again?” He asked and you could tell he didn’t believe you were asleep. 

That didn’t stop you from pretending, still. 

“Because she is feeling unwell. Why don’t you come and see her tomorrow morning?” Genya suggested and slowly began to drag her fingers through your hair again. 

“I don’t want to see her tomorrow morning. I want to see her now.”

“I don’t think she wants to see you, moi soverenyi.” The Tailor countered. 

The room was silent for a moment and then you heard the rustle of his kefta as he shifted in place. You bit the inside of your cheek, fighting back every desire inside of you that screamed for you to launch yourself into his arms. Maybe if you did, he would carry you like he had earlier. You wanted to scream how you loved him in his face and cry on his chest about how he was hurting you. But you stayed rooted in the bed. 

“Mm, alright then. Let her know that she needn’t seek me out then. If she truly does not want to see me. I won’t bother her.” He said coldly and you felt your face screw up in despair. 

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m only saying she likely doesn’t want to be bothered and roused from an already uncomfortable sleep just so you can ask her what I’ve already asked a hundred times. It’s just allergies. It happens with the turn of the seasons.” Genya explained calmly, her voice steady. 

“I’ve known her for years now and she’s never had allergies at the turn of the seasons.” He stated. 

“Well, that’s the only thing that it can be. The Healer said it herself. She’s perfectly healthy otherwise.” Genya insisted. 

There was another long silence in the room and you could feel his near-black eyes boring into you, traveling your crumpled form. But he said nothing more. After a while, you heard his footsteps as he left the room and the door closed, much more carefully this time. 

You didn’t dare open your eyes until Genya sighed and gently tapped the back of your head, “He’s not here, it’s okay.” She murmured and you slowly opened your eyes. 

Another cry escaped your lips. 

-

The next few days were absolutely miserable. You’d spent the first day and half in your room, and when Genya wasn’t waiting on you, you were alone. Aleksander didn’t come to see you once, and you came to accept that it was just going to be your new normal. 

The first time you emerged from your bedroom in days was for dinner, and Genya held you tight to her side as she walked with you down to the dining hall. Normally, she didn’t eat with the other Grisha, but she had neglected many of her duties to the Queen to take care of you for the past two days. 

Now, three days had passed since you had last seen- or heard, rather- Aleksander, and you sat out in the courtyard on the grass with Genya. The red haired girl had insisted that you needed sunlight and she sat and read under a tree with you while you laid your head in her lap. You could hardly speak, and when you did, your voice was raspy and quiet. Every now and then, the girl would look over her book to check on you, and each time she did, she’d give you a kind smile. 

“Are you hungry?” She asked after a while and brought her hand up to your forehead to feel for your temperature. 

You shook your head weakly and rubbed your cheek with the back of your hand, “I don’t have an appetite, admittedly.” You murmured and she clicked her tongue, but didn’t press the subject. 

You tried your best to enjoy the cool breeze on your feverish cheeks, but you couldn’t seem to distract yourself from the pounding in your head and the raw burn in your throat.

“What are you reading?” You asked Genya absentmindedly and she hummed. 

“Reading up on rare diseases. I found a few books that have information about sicknesses and accounts of Grisha becoming ill with certain ones. I thought maybe it would help us figure out what’s going on with you.” She stated and turned a page as if on cue. 

A warm feeling tickled your nose and you felt it travel downwards until your skin was wet and you gasped and let out a curse. You sat up quickly and held your hand over your nose as it bled and you glanced down at the little bloody spot on Genya’s kefta. 

“Saints. I’m so sorry. I’m such a mess.” You breathed and cupped your hands underneath your nose to catch the rapidly flowing blood. 

The girl simply shook her head and pulled handkerchief out of her pocket and passed it to you, “Don’t be sorry. We can get the stain out easily.” She insisted, and you gratefully took the handkerchief from her and held it against your nose.

“Perhaps we should get you inside?” She suggested and you nodded once. You grabbed onto the tree with your free hand and balanced yourself as you rose to your feet. You felt winded as you stood and your throat began to prickle and you let out a groan that was cut short when you leaned forward and coughed viciously into the sleeve of your kefta. Little petals spewed out of your mouth as you coughed and got stuck with your blood onto the fabric of your sleeve, but you weren’t surprised anymore. Thorns and petals came along with the coughs now. At least now your nose had ceased its bleeding. You wiped your mouth with your sleeve and groaned in pain as you felt Genya touch your back. 

“Oh, Saints. Hurry. Let’s go inside. The Darkling is out here.” She said in a hushed tone, and though you two tried to hurry into the palace, it seemed you weren’t fast enough, because Aleksander called your name.

You looked up at Genya worriedly and she took a glance at your face. Blood was smeared under your nose and on your chin and she let out a huff before she snatched the handkerchief from your hand and quickly cleaned up your face. She stuffed the soiled fabric into her pocket once more and you turned around just in time to see Aleksander approach you with Alina not far behind.

His kefta billowed like smoke behind him in the breeze and when he reached you, his face was nothing short of irritated and accusatory. His beautiful face was set in an angry grimace and his eyes were hard. You shied back slightly and felt Genya’s hand press encouragingly into your back. 

“It must be rather fun ignoring me, since you’ve done it flawlessly for three days now.” He snapped and you looked down at your feet, biting down on the inside of your cheek. 

“I haven’t felt well, I’m sorry.” You mumbled. 

He snorted and reached out to grab your jaw, tilting your face up so that he could look down upon you, “That’s not an excuse. I don’t expect you to be prancing and frolicking around, but as someone who cares about you, I would at least like to be updated about your state.” 

His words sent a shockwave of sadness through your chest and you frowned, your eyes watering. You blinked away your tears rapidly, refusing to cry in front of him and Alina. He let go of your face slowly and he shook his head. 

“My dear, I worry about you, that’s all. I’m not truly angry, oh please don’t cry.” He said softly, his expression ridding itself of all anger as he watched your eyes gloss over with unshed tears. 

You shifted your gaze over his shoulder and watched as Alina gently grabbed his arm and he subtly pulled her into his side. The action had you biting down on your cheek hard, a terrible cough fighting its way up your throat. You felt something sharp rise to the back of your throat and you shoved past all three of them to get inside of the palace, holding your hands over your mouth as you raced to your bedroom. 

You were unsure of how you held it in for so long, but as soon as you got to your room, a violent retching sound ripped it’s way up through your chest and your throat and you fell to your knees and a slew of blood and petals came spewing out of your mouth. The heavy, sharp presence was still in the back of your throat and you coughed, and coughed, and coughed until you felt something shred the back of your throat and come loose. A rosebud tumbled from behind your lips, followed by a thick mixture of blood and saliva. You stared down at the sticky, bloody mess you had made all over your pale blue rug and you brought your shaky hands up to your clammy face, covering your mouth as you sobbed. 

Your chest ached and burned as if you’d swallowed blades and you let out a shrill scream of frustration. You sunk down onto the floor even further and curled up into a ball, your cheek resting a bit too close to the sticky puddle of blood and floral matter. You were too exhausted to care. Everything hurt, nothing made sense. Every breath you took sent shards of glass sliding down your throat and you coughed again, bits of petals getting stuck to your bloodied lips. You slowly closed your eyes and shivered once, reaching down and holding your knees to your chest. 

No one had followed you. Not even Aleksander. Even just thinking his name sent a pang of raw emotion through your chest and a few little tears rolled down your cheeks as you laid against the ruined carpets. Too busy with Alina. Too busy with everything. When did the busy excuses end? At what point did you need to accept that he didn’t love you as much as you loved him, and certainly not in the same way. You cursed yourself for thinking of him. Why were you thinking of him? He surely wasn’t thinking of you. You should have been thinking about why the hell you were sick. 

But all you could think about was Aleksander. 

-

You weren’t sure how or when, but at some point, you’d been moved up onto your bed and your blood-ruined dress had been switched out for a light, breathable nightgown. A hand dragged itself through your hair slowly and you almost thought you were imagining in your half-asleep state, until you heard voices. 

“I don’t really care. I will remove someone from the frontlines if we must. I need a very, very good Healer and I need them promptly.” 

You recognized Aleksander’s voice anywhere, and now that you were a bit more aware, you could tell that it was not Genya’s delicate little hand running through your hair.  

It was his. 

You kept your eyes closed and tried to enjoy the very minimally important action of his hand stroking your hair so gently. 

“Then find someone. But I don’t think this is anything to worry about.” 

That voice belonged to Genya, and you felt a sense of relief that she was still covering for you. 

“Genya, do not give me excuses any longer. I know she is ill. To the extent and with what, I am unsure. But she is my dearest friend, and I will not be so easily deterred from finding a solution to her health.” He spoke quietly, as if he didn’t want to wake you and you felt your lip nearly wobble. 

You didn’t know if you were joyful or devastated to hear him call you his friend. You longed for ignorance. You longed to think that he was here to confess his love for you, you wanted him to play with your hair like this for hours and hold you in his arms while you slept. 

You wouldn’t get your wish, though. 

“Sir, I think it would just be best to give her space.” Genya suggested quietly. 

Aleksander’s hand stilled against your head and went rigid, “And why do you say that?” He asked coldly. 

“Well, you just hardly… see her anymore. I think perhaps she’s a bit bothered by your neglect.”

“Has she told you this?”

“Yes.”

The room was silent and you wanted to sob as you felt his hand slowly leave your hair. You wanted to catch his wrist and bring it back, beg him to never let you go. 

“Well, she always has been a bit of a jealous little thing. She’ll get over it. I’ll be back to check on her tomorrow sometime.” He said dismissively and you felt the bed move and assumed he had climbed off of it. 

You waited until you heard him leave to open your eyes and you let out a long, ragged sigh. You felt the bed dip beside you and Genya was placing her hand against your forehead. She let out a little hum and then shook her head.

“You’re very lucky I managed to clean everything up before he came barging in here.” She said softly and reached down to grab your hand. 

Tears welled up in your eyes and you blinked them away, shrugging. 

“At some point we need to tell him what’s going on, Y/n.” She urged gently and then squeezed your hand as softly as possible. 

You felt a little wave of gratefulness in your chest at Genya’s determined and dedicated presence and you squeezed her hand back, “Eventually.” You murmured and then closed your eyes again, still feeling exhausted. 

“You sound terrible.” She noted and sat up against the headboard, resting her back against it. You very slowly rolled over and laid your head against her thigh and you sighed. 

“You’re my best friend, Genya.” You murmured. 

She let out a little sigh and she laid her hand on top of your head, “You really love him, don’t you?” She asked quietly. 

You didn’t answer her at first. She knew the answer and so did you, but the moment you spoke it aloud, it became real and it became capable of ruining everything. 

“Yes.” You finally answered in a squeak. 

There was a silence that filled the air around the two of you and you felt her lean over the edge of the bed for a moment. When she settled back in her spot, she tapped your head very gently and cleared her throat. 

“I found something. While you were sleeping.” She said almost nervously. 

“What do you mean, ‘something’?” You asked and stared off at the wall ahead of you. 

“I mean about your… condition.” She said quietly and you could hear her flipping through a book above you. 

Finally, she laid the open book down in front of your face and you reached up with a shaking hand to grab it. You sat up slowly with a bit of her help and laid the book in your lap as you peered down at it. The pages were old and weathered but the drawings were clear as can be. Roses were sketched onto the page and you ran your fingers over the paper as you read the text next to it. 

‘In extreme cases of unrequited love, the affected person will become sick with envy and begin to exhibit signs of serious illness…’

You blinked a few times and read through the recorded symptoms. 

Every single one was something you were experiencing.

“No. Absolutely not.” You breathed and looked up at a frowning Genya. 

“The symptoms are all there. This is what’s ailing you.” She said, her eyes growing watery. 

“Genya-“

“I’ll spare you the heavy reading. There is no cure, not unless he confesses his true and honest love for you.” 

You felt dread add itself to your already sore chest and you turned your head to look up at her. 

“Oh.”

She brought her hands up and cupped your cheeks and she shook her head, “I swear, we won’t let you die. We will find a way. Me and Baghra, Saints, I’ll even tell Him-“

“You can’t tell him.” You whispered and looked up at her tearfully, “You have to swear to me that you will not tell him. Genya, I’m begging you. Let him just… let him be happy with his Sun Summoner. He’ll forget about me, he’s already beginning to.” You said and sniffled, reaching up to wipe your eyes. 

Tears were falling down the redhead’s cheeks now and she shook her head, “No, this isn’t how it ends.” She said sternly and wiped her own eyes with the backs of her hands after she lowered them from your face. 

You leaned your head against her shoulder and closed your eyes, “I’m so tired.” You whispered, feeling exhaustion course through your body at a rapid rate. 

“Sleep, sweetheart. Please. I’ll stay here with you until morning.” Genya promised and you nodded. 

She helped you lay back onto the pillow behind you and she tucked the comforter around your shoulders before feeling your forehead once again.

“Thank you for being so good to me.” You whispered and she gave you a heartbreakingly sad smile. 

“What are friends for?”

-

The next morning was excruciating. A terrible coughing fit roused you from your sleep and you’d- yet again- made a bloody, flowery mess all over. This time, you helped Genya clean the mess up despite her protests. Once she’d helped you clean up, she announced that she had a hot bath drawn for you. 

You followed her into your bathroom and pulled your clothes off before you stepped into the hot water and let out a long, relieved sigh as you sunk down into it and sat. 

“I need to go tend to the Queen for a little while. I shouldn’t be too long. Will you be okay if I leave for just a few hours? If you need anything, I’ve already informed Baghra of your condition, you can go find her.” She explained and then gave you a little smile. 

“You’ve been busy this morning.” You commented and she shrugged. 

“Well, I’m just making sure you’ll be alright while we figure this all out.” She said softly and patted your head a few times, “Well, off I go. Please, please be careful. And if you have a coughing fit, do it over the tub. We can drain the water easily.” She said, half joking.  

You bid her farewell and she left your room and you sank deeper into the water, letting it soothe your sore muscles, though it didn’t do much for your stinging throat and aching chest. You brought a hand to your forehead and you felt a wave of melancholia drag you down. 

There was really no way that you were going to get out of this alive. It wasn’t like Aleksander was going to burst in on his knees and confess that he’d loved you the entire time, and you highly doubted that if a Healer couldn’t help you, then you were beyond help. You rubbed your temples very slowly and let out a very long, exasperated sigh, which triggered a few coughs. Little droplets of blood flew forward into the water from your mouth and you winced as a few petals loosed themselves from your throat as well. They floated atop the hot water and you picked one of the soft, pink petals up tentatively. It looked like a rose petal. It was a rose petal. You were grateful that it was only a few soft petals this time rather than the thorns and stems you’d cough up other times. You dropped the petal back in the water and you laid your head back against the edge of the bathtub weakly.

Your chin wobbled slightly and you closed your eyes just as tears started to stream out of them. You soundlessly cried as you sat in the steaming water and you reached up to hold your hands over your face as you cried. Soon enough, your cries were no longer soundless and you sobbed into your hands. Your whole entire body hurt and you were in agony. Emotional and physical agony. You wished for it all to stop and you pulled your hands away from your face and gripped the edges of the tub as you continued to cry with your eyes squeezed shut in pain.

Your mind wandered to Aleksander, something it often did, and you gasped painfully. You could practically feel his fingers running through your hair again, and you pictured what it would have been like if he had gathered you in his slender arms instead of just messing with your hair. The thought brought you a split second of comfort before it brought on waves of pain, crashing against your chest like rogue waves in a tumultuous ocean. 

Oh, you loved him. You couldn’t just stop loving him. Even though you sat and wished so desperately that you could. You gripped the edges of the tub impossibly tight and sputtered out a few heavy coughs that left your chest feeling split open. Your bathwater was tinged pink now and there was an arrangement of fragmented and full rose petals floating around in the water.  

A little tap made you open your eyes and you looked up to see Aleksander standing in the doorway of your bathroom. You made a move to cover yourself but he simply shook his head. 

“I’m not looking, it’s okay.” He stated, staying in the doorway. 

You glanced away from him sadly and you gave him a nod. You heard his boots tap against the marble floor and you heard a bit of rustling before you turned your head towards him again to see that he was now kneeling at the side of your tub. 

“You look terrible. Really, really terrible.” He commented. 

“Thanks. You really know how to make someone feel great, Aleksander.” You snapped and narrowed your eyes at him. 

He let out a sigh and shook his head a few times, “You’re still lovely. You just look miserable. Have you looked in a mirror recently? You look malnourished, you look poorly rested. Your face is sunken, your eyes are lifeless, you look terrible.” He explained and you laid your head down on the edge of the tub. 

“I’ll be fine.” You said nonchalantly. 

“Yeah, you all keep trying to tell me that but I don’t believe it all that much. Look at you. You can’t even move without it looking like it’s causing you pain.” 

“What do you care?” You asked and closed your eyes, biting back a sob. 

“What do I care? What do I care? Are you an imbecile? I care more than you seem to even care to imagine!” He snapped angrily and stood up abruptly. 

“Whatever. I know you’d rather be with your Sun Summoner right now. Please just go.”

“Saints, you’re such a bitter thing! You knew what the Sun Summoner coming here would mean. You know what it does mean. Get over yourself, this is bigger than you and your need for attention!” He exclaimed. 

Though he hadn’t, you felt as if he’d lifted you to your feet and slapped you until you fell. You slowly opened your eyes and looked up at him. Your eyes grew glossy with tears and you bit down on your cheek before you shifted your eyes away from a seething Aleksander.

“Please just go away.” You whimpered and brought your hands up to your face, hiding it from his sight. 

You cried silently for a moment and you rubbed your eyes vigorously before lifting your head out of your hands to tell him once more to leave. 

But he was already gone. 

-

The week leading up to the winter fete was exhausting. 

Not that you had been doing much other than laying around in your room and taking brief walks whenever Genya had a moment to accompany you outside. 

Nothing had improved though. 

You were still weak, still coughing, still in pain. Nothing was better, in fact, it seemed to only worsen by the day. 

The day of the fete was upon you and you had argued with Genya for nearly two hours so that she’d let you go. Finally, she had conceded and told you that you could go as long as you left early and were very, very careful not to cough around anyone. 

“And if you start feeling worse, you’re going right back to bed. Do you understand me?” Genya asked critically as she held a big, white box to her chest. Your dress. She was holding it hostage until you agreed to her terms. 

“Yes, fine, anything! I’ve waited so long to go.” You weren’t sure why you were so excited to go to the fete. You had previously been excited to go because you’d be going with Aleksander, but of course, that wasn’t the case now. You hadn’t seen him in nearly a week. Genya told you he’d been in to check on you while you slept, but you doubted it. You doubted a lot when it came to Aleksander these last seven days. 

Genya set the box down on a small table near the fireplace in your room and she opened it up, humming softly to herself as she did, “Pink? I didn’t pin you as a pink girl.” 

“Well, I am one. And it’s pretty, isn’t it?” You asked and watched as she pulled the gown out from the box. 

It was beautiful. It was a pale shade of blush pink with long sleeves and lots of beautiful embroidery and bead work. The dress earned you an approving sound from Genya and she looked over at you as you sat on the edge of your bed. 

“It is pretty, yes. I’m a bit worried you’ll stain it.” She said and eyed you with a frown, “Are you sure you want to go? You’re still so sick. Worse, even.” She said with a frown as she walked towards you and laid the dress out on the bed at your side. 

“I want to go. We can go together. Besides, I’ve been stuck in here for so long now.” You said, sighing dramatically. Your throat burned with your sigh and Genya watched as you brought your fingers to your throat. 

She quickly grabbed the waste bin next to your bed and held it up to you and you grabbed it. You coughed over it painfully for a few minutes, an array of petals and a few small thorns freeing themselves from your inflicted lungs. Genya held her hand against your back comfortingly and waited for you to spit the last of the sticky blood out and then she gently took the waste bin from your hands. She passed you a glass of water from your bedside table and you sipped it, even though it felt like you were swallowing broken glass. 

“Y/n, you look awful.” Genya said sadly and pushed some of your limp hair away from your face. 

You knew she was right. Your entire face had sunken in and you were aware of the dark circles under your eyes. Any luster your hair or skin once had was now gone and you looked dull and lifeless. You looked almost like a walking corpse. Your nails were thin and brittle and your lips were chapped and had traces of dried blood on them. You did look awful. 

Realistically, you could use your abilities and make yourself look better, but you had absolutely no energy to do so. You were lucky if you had the energy to get up and take a walk with Genya. You sighed quietly and wiped your lips with the back of your hand and shrugged once. You shakily passed the glass of water back to Genya and you rubbed your eyes. 

“Will you help me get ready? Nothing fancy, I just don’t wanna look so unhealthy.” You asked quietly and she nodded a couple of times.

She leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead and then offered her hands down towards you. You accepted them gratefully and pulled yourself to your feet with her help and she passed you your dress. 

“Go change, I’ll help you button up.” She prompted and you took the dress from her and wandered off towards the dressing screen in the corner of your room. 

You slid behind it and undressed yourself with weak, shaking hands, and you pushed your nightdress off of your body. You tossed it aside and then took on the next task of stepping into the soft pink gown. You climbed into the dress clumsily and once you’d pulled the sleeves on and gotten it situated on your body, you wandered out from behind the screen. Genya awaited you by your bed and you made your way over to her and turned around so that the undone back of your dress faced her. 

“You need to promise me one more thing.” Genya said quietly as she began to button up your dress nimbly. 

“What is it?” You asked, looking back over your shoulder at the redheaded girl. 

“Avoid the Darkling at all costs tonight please. Your condition worsens after he’s around, I’ve seen it. Please just, don’t seek him out, stay away from him. Have fun, mingle, have a drink, but leave him alone. For your sake, please.” She begged softly and then finished buttoning your dress. 

You nodded compliantly and you ran your hands down the front of your dress, smoothing it all down before turning around to face her. You smiled up at her and she pointed at a chair in the middle of the room. 

“Sit. I’ll fix up your hair and make you look a little less tired.” She said softly and you walked towards the chair. You sat down in it and you closed your eyes, a prickling becoming bothersome at the back of your throat. You swallowed it down and winced at the sharp pain sliding back down your throat. 

You just had to get through tonight. 

Genya stood behind you and she worked at your hair for a while until it was in simple waves. She then walked around to face you and she determinedly waved her hand over your face a few times slowly. After nearly fifteen minutes of this, she pulled away from you and handed you a hand mirror. 

“I did all that I could. How do you feel about it?” She asked. 

You glanced at yourself in the mirror and hummed. Though you still looked frail, you didn’t look nearly even half as bad as you had beforehand. You looked as if perhaps you hadn't slept in a few days but otherwise you seemed healthy. You looked up at her with a smile and you nodded, passing the mirror back to her. 

“Thank you. Truly, thank you.” You said softly and she gave you a sweet smile in return and kissed the top of your head. 

“I have to help the Queen get ready. Will you wait for me? I’ll come back and accompany you to the party.”

You looked over at her and gave her a little nod and stood up from the chair you sat in. You gave your friend a little hug and she hugged you back delicately, as if she was afraid you’d break. 

“Thank you. Really, Genya. For everything.”

“Don’t start talking like that. It almost sounds like goodbye and I won’t have it. I’ll see you in an hour or two.” She stated and then marched out of your room. 

Goodbye. You scoffed. You didn’t even want to think about goodbye yet. 

But of course now you were faced with the reality of it all. There was no obtainable cure to your ailment. The thought of it spread dread through your body like you’d never felt before and you felt even sicker than you ever had prior to today. 

A particular wave of nausea had you sprinting to the waste bin by your bed and you dropped to your knees and retched into it, your throat getting sliced up with an especially sharp slew of blood and thorns and a few battered petals. The door behind you opened and you heard a gasp from the doorway and wiped your face with the back of your hand before you turned around. 

Still on your knees, you looked up to see Aleksander’s personal favorite Healer, Emilia, standing in the doorway. The two of you stared at each other for a moment before she walked towards you and gently helped you to your feet. She looked over your shoulder into the wastebasket and then she looked up at your face, her mouth making a little ‘o’. She glanced back in the bin and then she shook her head. 

“Are those…?”

“Yes. They’re petals. Why are you here?” You asked and slowly sat down on the edge of your bed. 

“The Darkling sent me to check on you.” She whispered and then she placed her hand on your head, feeling your temperature. 

“Genya is doing a fine job on her own, thank you, Emilia.” You wheezed and then leaned your head into your hands. 

She stayed put for a moment and looked back and forth between you and your bloody, flowery vomit and then she gave you a tedious nod, “Yes, okay. I’m sorry to have intruded.“ she said quietly and you gave her only a small hum in response before she scuttled out of the room, retreating as if you were some feral dog, before you could even think to stop her. You would have certainly been wise to. 

You glanced at the door and felt a cold, sick dread fill your stomach. She was going to tell Aleksander. 

-

 You sat, slumped, in the chair by your fireplace and you closed your eyes, letting out labored breaths. Your chest had become impossibly tight and you sat in fear that Aleksander would burst in and berate you at any moment now. 

Your eyes filled with tears at the thought of just Aleksander and you wrapped your arms around yourself. It wasn’t like you couldn’t miss him. He was, at the end of the day, your best friend. Or at least, he had been. You didn’t really know where you stood with him now. 

Panic gripped your lungs when you heard hurried footsteps down the hallway and when the door swung open you winced. No yelling ensued and you turned around to see Genya standing in the doorway, gazing over at you with a little frown. 

“Are you sure you’re up to this?” She asked softly as she strode towards you. 

You simply gave her a little nod and you rose to your feet off of the chair and grabbed onto the hand she was now extending for you. She helped you steady yourself and she frowned once, pulling you into a gentle side hug. 

“Okay. The party has already started, I hope you don’t mind. There was a… choreographed display. Of shadow and light.” She explained slowly and then glanced down at you. You knew who she was talking about. Aleksander and Alina.

She gave you a sympathetic smile and you realized your face must have fallen, “I just figured you didn’t want to have to watch them.”

“No, I appreciate it. Thank you, Genya.” You said quietly and then nodded towards the door, “Let’s go. I don’t want to be out long tonight, I don’t think.” You murmured, a frown ever present on your face. 

She nodded just once and whisked you out of your room. The walk from the Little Palace to the Grand Palace was made in comfortable silence and you leaned your head against Genya’s shoulder. She wrapped her arm around your shoulders and gently patted your arm, and you let out a small sigh. As soon as the two of you walked inside of the Grand Palace, you instantly regretted coming to the fete. 

People were crowded around the hallway and spilled out from the room of the event, leaving you hardly any space to breathe. You wrapped both of your arms around Genya’s and you nearly buckled under the wave of nausea that crashed over you. 

Genya slowly pulled away from your side and she grabbed your hand and nodded towards the grand hall, “I’m going to go get a drink. Would you like one?” You nodded idly and she gave your hand a little squeeze, “Okay. Stay here. Don’t get around too many people.” She advised and you nodded again. 

She scurried off hurriedly down the hall and you looked down at your dress. You ran your fingers down the embroidered bodice and you let out a little sigh. You sorely regretted not staying in bed and you looked around at the other partygoers. Some were drunk, others were just boisterous. Most hid their sordidness underneath fine clothes and expensive perfumes. You looked down at your feet and felt guilty for making Genya drag you to the party and you turned to go find her. 

“Y/n!” 

You turned around to see Alina bustling towards you with two guards in tow behind her. You had to blink back the urge to cry when you saw her. She wore a black kefta with yellow and gold embroidery and her hair was done up beautifully. The nausea hit you harder and you held your hand over your stomach instinctively, giving her a terse smile. 

“Hello.” You breathed and leaned back up against the wall behind you. 

“You look beautiful.” She commented sweetly, “Feeling better?” She asked and you gave her a bleary nod. 

“Mhm, so much better.” You mumbled and sucked in a deep breath through your nose. A sharp feeling began to climb the back of your throat and you began to panic. 

“I’m glad to hear, you look so pretty. I’ve missed you readying me.” She admitted and then chuckled nervously. 

One of the guards leaned forward and mumbled something in her ear and she frowned, but nodded. 

“I have to get going. But please, come see me tomorrow.” She pleaded and you gave her a simple nod, your throat and chest beginning to ache and burn all the same. 

The guards urged her forward and everything began to sound as if you were underwater. You stared off absentmindedly after Alina and frowned deeply. Aleksander strode down the hall towards her and his eyes fell upon you. His stern expression seemed to falter a bit when he looked at you and you glanced down at the bundle of flowers he had in his hands. Your eyes filled with tears involuntarily and you watched as he stopped the guards that stood with Alina and he passed her the flowers before he locked eyes with you again. 

Your face burned with shame and sadness and your vision began to blur and shift and you pushed away from the wall dizzily, ignoring the muffled shouts of your name coming from his mouth. You shoved past a few people and gathered the skirts of your dress up in one hand and you rushed down the hallway. You stopped briefly a few times to steady yourself against the wall and you felt a sickening pressure at the back of your throat. You just had to make it back to your room. 

You carried on almost deliriously and you made your way into the nearly totally empty Little Palace. You bustled up the stairs with your hand over your mouth when a sharp cough ripped its way up your throat and you heaved forward, falling to your knees on the stairs as you coughed violently. Tears burned in your eyes and fell down your cheeks helplessly as you spewed the hot, metallic mixture of your blood and bile over your gloved hand. You crawled up the stairs weakly and you pushed yourself to your feet, leaving a bloody smear on the marble floor. You stumbled hurriedly down the hall to your room and you threw your door open as soon as you could. You fell to your knees again and let out a long, sad wail before you were coughing out thorns and petals all over the pristine skirt of your dress. 

The flowery vomit looked even worse tonight, and the blood mixed in with it was darker and there was much more of it. You coughed and heaved and choked on whatever was in your throat until an entire rose bloom came hurtling out of your mouth. You stared down at it shakily and reached out to touch it before you coughed again, much harder this time. Blood flew from your open mouth all over your carpet and your dress and your chin and you cried loudly, lowering yourself to the floor weakly. You reached up shakily to wipe your eyes with the back of your hand and you looked around at the bloody mess you had made and you whimpered. 

You thought about Aleksander again as you coughed more, your chest feeling as if it was going to collapse at any moment. You missed him.  You desperately wished it was you that he gave his affections to. You loved him. It became impossibly hard to breathe and you could see black spots dancing in your vision and you could swear you heard him calling out for you; Something so bittersweet that brought you so much comfort as you laid in a mess of your own blood and shredded flower petals. Your heart pounded against your chest and you could feel cold exhaustion climbing up around your mind. You could still hear his voice, closer now. You weren’t sure if you were ready to die, but at least you could try and make peace with it. You drew in a labored breath and then found yourself gasping in fear as you felt two hands grip your arms. 

You were yanked up against somebody and you slowly looked upwards to see Aleksander kneeling over you, holding you against his chest. 

“Say something, dammit!” He ordered, but his voice sounded far away. 

You tried to speak his name but your chest seemed to collapse in on itself and you turned your head to cough away from him, not wanting to get any blood on him. As soon as you finished coughing, he gripped your chin and turned your head towards his and he stared down at you wildly. 

“Y/n, I really, really need you to say something.” He pleaded and you weren’t sure if you were imagining the glint of unshed tears in his eyes or not. 

You let out another wail and you tried to push away from him, but his arms were like steel around you and you were too weak to even attempt to get away from him, so you resigned to crying in his arms. 

“Aleksander.” You wheezed and weakly grabbed onto the lapel of his kefta. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad?” He demanded and cradled you gently against his chest. 

“You don’t care!” You cried, finding your very, very weak voice suddenly. 

“I do care!” 

“You don’t! You just care about Alina, you want Alina, you need Alina, you’re in love with Alina. You don’t care, and I don’t expect you to. Why should you? It’s my own miserable fault for falling in love with you.” You sobbed and felt as if you were going to vomit again. 

Aleksander didn’t say a single word. Instead, he leaned down until his forehead was touching yours and he nudged his nose against yours just slightly. You fought to get away from him, but he didn’t allow you to move. He shushed you softly as you cried and attempted to get as far away from him as possible and you sobbed, grabbing at his wrists.

“Stop! Please just leave me alone! I can’t take this.” You cried and hit his chest, but he still didn’t move. 

Tears rolled down your cheeks and you sniffled and eventually stopped trying to get away from him. He seemed to want to make it hard for you until your bitter end. One of his hands was gently moving through your hair as it had many nights ago and you whimpered, a sound that broke his heart. 

“I care. More than you know, little love.” He murmured and kept his forehead pressed against yours, “You think I don’t care? How could I not? You are so special to me.”

You cried and subconsciously leaned into his touch as he ran his fingers through your hair. 

“Please stop.” You begged. You wanted to cover your ears. 

“Stop what? Do you not want to hear how I care? How I feel ashamed of myself for making you feel as if I don’t? Do you not want to hear about how in love with you I am?” He asked in a whisper and you froze. His hand continued to sweep through your hair and you let out a loud cry and struggled against his arms as he lifted his forehead away from yours. 

“You’re lying.” You sobbed and brought your hands up to your face as you cried into them. 

“I’d never lie to you about something like this.” He insisted softly. 

“You are lying.” 

“How can you accuse me of that?” He asked, his tone incredulous. 

“Because I’m dying! I’m dying and you know it’s what I want to hear!” You argued, but you let your head fall against his chest nonetheless. 

“I don’t lie. I’ve never lied to you. Saints, you’re inconsolable. I have my own reasons for getting close to Alina, but none of them are even close to being because I’m in love with her. No, my love is saved for you and you alone.” He murmured, “I have loved you for years. Ages. For so long, hoping and praying that perhaps you’d see me in the same light one day. I never wished for it to be like this.” He finished, voice breaking just slightly at the end. 

You felt the tightness in your chest ease up just a little bit and you pulled your head away from his chest so that you could look up at him, only to find him already gazing down at you. You studied his face for any sign that he might be lying to you and when you found none you leaned your head against the side of his arm. You weakly nuzzled your cheek against it and you could hear him let out a long sigh. 

“Are you going to tell me what is wrong with you? Or are you just going to leave that to my Healer relaying information to me?” He asked and you shrugged once, more pressure leaving your chest. 

You let out a pathetic sounding sigh and you clung to him as if someone was going to take him from you and you quietly began to explain your condition to him, leaving little to nothing out. When you finished, the silence around the two of you was painful and you looked up at his face. He seemed angry and he seemed as if he was going to cry, but he looked down and met your eyes, and everything on his face melted into sadness. 

“I did this to you?” He asked quietly and you shook your head. 

“You couldn’t possibly have known. I mean, I didn’t. None of us did until Genya found it in a book.” You murmured and he gathered you entirely against his chest. 

“I’m so, so sorry.” He breathed, his voice practically trembling. 

“No, please. Don’t be sorry. It’s okay, everything is okay now.” You said hoarsely and he shook his head once but didn’t argue further. 

He stayed quiet for a moment before he sniffled and then slowly rose to his feet, pulling you with him, “Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah? And then you can lay in my room.” He suggested quietly. 

“Okay.” You whispered, leaning against him entirely.

-

You sat in Aleksander’s bed an hour or two later, wrapped in a few thick blankets. You watched him scurry around his room as he tried to ready himself for bed and you smiled affectionately. After a moment he turned to you and let out a small sigh.

“What are you smiling at? You should be sleeping.” 

“Can’t. Not without you.” You murmured and he blew out a few candles in the room before he came and crawled into bed next to you, his arms snaking around your waist. He tugged you against his chest protectively and he let out a long sigh. 

Your damp hair was splayed out over the pillow behind your head and you pushed it away from him, clearing a little space for his head on your pillow. He took the hint and scooted his face closer to yours and he nudged his nose against yours a few times. 

“You looked so beautiful tonight. In the hallway. In your pretty dress. I think pink might be your color now.” He said sweetly and you shook your head, leaning in to peck his lips a few times. 

He took the opportunity to capture your lips in a deep, long kiss and finally when the two of you were properly breathless, you pulled away and shook your head. 

“Forget pink. Black looks nicer on me, anyway .”

#aleksander morozova imagine #aleksander morozova #aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morozova x you #the darkling x you #the darkling x reader #the darkling imagine #the darkling imagine #the darkling #general kirigan imagine #general kirigan x reader #general kirigan #shadow and bone imagine #grishaverse #shadow and bone #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes imagine

[prongslvl]

SLEEPYHEAD - marauders trio

PAIRING marauders trio x fem!reader

SUMMARY scenarios of james, remus, and sirius seeing you asleep in interesting places.

a/n: this was such a challenge to write. i did lots of research (fanfic reading lmao) to do the boys' characterization justice. the requester seemed to like sirius so i made his longer and have a bit more plot behind it. happy reading!

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

JAMES + COUCH

it was during james' quidditch practice that he realized you were nowhere to be seen. usually he'd see you chatting with the others as you waited for him, but today you weren't.

the gryffindor team got home pretty late after, resulting in little time for the curly-haired boy to look for you. he supposed you were probably loitering around with the new book you bought up your nose, walking around to immerse yourself, as you always explain to him. 

james' planned to clean himself up before looking for you, but as he enters the gryffindor common room, he sees you laying on the couches near the fireplace. he perks up at the sight of his m.i.a girlfriend, happy to see you there. placing the broom stick down and removing his dirtied gloves, james creeped up behind you.

he was faced with your sleeping one, book in hand, while your head uncomfortably rested on the arm rest. he couldn't help but giggle at how cute you are. it wasn't the first time he saw you knocked out cold during your reading sessions, it became a usual scene for james.

with one knee on the ground, he bends his head down to see you up close.

"replaced me with a book once again, haven't you?" he says it lightheartedly, chuckling to himself when you react to his voice by scrunching your nose. 

just like he always does; james grabs the book from your hand and puts it on a table where you can find it again in the morning before he scoops you up. your arms automatically hug the boy's neck, nuzzling your face against his shoulders. 

he practically melts at your action, trying his best not to get weak in the knees as he walks upstairs to his room. as much as he wants you to wake up in your own bed, it wouldn't be the best idea to enter the girl's dormitory at such late hours. he learned his lesson the hard way, with sirius calling him a 'perv' every chance he gets. 

"oh, the things i do for you." he mumbles, caressing your cheeks. he places you on the mattress and watches how you hug the pillows that surround you. 

he sat on the edge of the bed, though he tried his best not to make any noise, your eyes began to slowly open, or at least one of them.

"james? when did you arrive?" he can tell you were fighting a yawn as you talked.

"about ten minutes ago. go back to sleep, love. you still owe me all your attention tomorrow for leaving me alone during practice." he kisses the top of your forehead, making your delirious self giggle. 

you mumbled an "okay" before sleeping once more. james didn't bother showing that night, his sleepiness and overall desire to be next to you came over him.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

REMUS + FLOOR

"do you need leave, moony? i'm sure she's just in the library— y'know, somewhere. we can all just meet at the great hall!" sirius pleads, dragging the hem of remus' sweater. 

"very reassuring, pads. just go with james, we'll meet you there." he flicks the black haired boy's hand away from him before finally waving goodbye. remus could hear sirius' grumble as he walked away. 

ever since he said he'd pick you up between classes, remus hasn't been available to hang out longer with the rest of his friends, resulting in sirius' little tantrums whenever he leaves. he finds it quite overdramatic since the both of you do spend your time with the rest. 

remus arrived at your classroom and waited for you to come out. as he leans on the wall besides the door, he feels a hand tap his shoulders. what he expected to be you was another gryffindor; if he remembered correctly, she was the friend you made during charms.

"can i help you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. 

"you're here for her, right?" the mention of your name made him curious. "she didn't attend today. i last saw her in the library." remus saw her eyes look around suspiciously, then lean closer to his ears. "specifically the restricted section." 

a light chuckle came from his mouth at the information. he expected no less; you did have a concerning fondness for anything not allowed, perhaps the very reason why you became such a good friend of the marauders and his girlfriend, of course. 

remus thanks the student, bidding her a goodbye before leaving. 

he was able to easily find you asleep on the floor after going through a secret tunnel he and james found about a month ago. there were books surrounding you, remus guessed was an attempt to hide yourself. he recognized the book in your hands; it was the same one he recently finished. 

placing a small piece of parchment paper on the page you were currently on, remus placed the book inside your bag, which was sprawled along with you on the floor. he takes your bag first, swinging it on his shoulder before carrying his sleepy girlfriend. 

"wake up, mon coeur." he whispers in your ear, both for intimacy and for caution in case the librarian sees them. remus sees your eyes slowly open, an enamored smile on his face as you wake up. "as much as i love carrying you around, pads is probably on his last leg looking for us."

"i'm sorry, rem." you yawned, "i wanted to read the book you told me; thought it would be a good conversation starter." you said in a sleepy confession, still half awake, how comfortable you are in his arms. 

he shook his head in slight disbelief, chuckling to himself as he left a peck on your cheeks. "there's always a conversation starter with you. don't worry about finishing it, i'll read it for you later." 

remus still carried you out of the library, but once you were able to stand on your own two feet, remus held your hands as both of you walked down to the great hall.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

SIRIUS + WINDOW

it was a peaceful afternoon with the sun fully out; students were out in the gardens enjoying the rays of sunlight after classes.

at the other side of the garden were the marauders and the rest of the quidditch. a quidditch match was just around the corner, so most members of the team spent their breaks practicing, including sirius and the others accompanying james.

there were times the captain would let the marauders play for fun, just like right now. sirius held a broom stick under him, tossing the quaffle up and down in his hands as his best friend, james, taunted him in the sky. 

"c'mon, pads! you scared?" 

"it takes a lot more than that to make me scared of you, prongs. watch your glasses." sirius said with a smirk, using all his strength to toss the ball at james. the golden snitch was released as soon as the other players went darting for both james and the quaffles, loud chortles erupted in the sky. 

sirius flew towards one of the rings as soon as he was able to catch a quaffle, zooming past the other players trying to snatch the ball. before he could score, his eyes glanced at the window of professor mcgonagall's office, seeing a familiar face. he realized it was you sitting by the glass, distracting him from the game. 

"sirius, watch out!" before he could remove his eyes from you, he was hit with a bludger, making him lose his balance on the broom. 

luckily, james was able to catch him by the collar, inches away from the ground. 

"where's your head at, pads!? you stood there like a statue." remus, who only watched from a distance, ran towards the long haired boy. sirius jumps to the ground on his two feet, his hands held by remus. 

"i didn't mean to!" he defended himself, his eyes set on the professor's tower. "i just got— a little distracted or something; it doesn't matter!" remus followed his friend's gaze in curiosity. despite the distance, he could tell sirius was staring at the person behind a window. 

"don't tell me..." the mention of your name made the black haired boy's head turn toward remus, who had a smirk on his face. 

"absolutely not. yes, i did see her, but i wouldn't let myself be hit because of her." his voice wanes, and his mind immediately corrects him. yes, he'll definitely let himself get beat up just for you, and there's no denying that. sirius sighs, walking towards the hogwarts' building.

he hears james calling for him. "i'll be back! just gotta check on something." he informed his friend before dashing inside. 

the halls were busy with students, either leaving or entering their class. some of them greeted sirius, giving them a small smile, but he was too focused on making his way to the professor's office. he didn't know why he was in such in a rush to see you. he couldn't even think of an excuse to give once he arrived. 

lately, you've been busy with studying for owls, as everyone was too, so you were no where to be found when sirius looked for you. he knew you'd be in the library, but he was too much of a coward to approach in such a crowded place where everyone would see how awkward he'd be conversing with you. 

lily, the double agent, as james likes to call her, is friends with you and the marauders. she'll sometimes talk about you when sirius not-so-subtly changes the topic to you, which opens the topic of your whereabouts. 

"she's usually at the library, our dorm, and..." professor mcgonagall's office was a few stairs away by now, given how fast-paced the boy was walking. 

as soon as he reaches the doors, the said teacher opens the door with several papers in hands. 

"mr. black, what can i help you with?" professor mcgonagall's eyed sirius, who immediately knew he was just out in the sun with how disheveled he looked. 

"i was looking for a friend of mine. lily told me she'd be here." 

he said her name and house, making mcgonagall look back, revealing to sirius that his friend was indeed inside the office. you sat with your back facing towards the door, a book laying on your lap, while your head leaned on the glass. 

"she fell asleep. do wake her up; i promised to, but i have a meeting to attend." sirius nods with a smile, "no funny business, mr. black." mcgonagall points her wand at the boy. 

he smirks, "yes, professor mcgonagall." amused at her words. she couldn't blame her. really, it was a perfect chance to set up a prank— having the office of a teacher to themselves was any troublemaker's wet dream. but he brushed the thought aside, eyes fixated on you as he entered the room. 

sirius carefully walks towards you, not wanting to startle you with his presence. once he got a bit closer, with your face visible to him, he confirmed that you were really asleep. you looked so peaceful that it made him feel guilty for waking you up. 

he can't say you and him were close friends— actually, not even friends. you mostly talked to him during classes when you needed help or he needed help but didn't want to ask for it. he adores how kind you are and how naturally charming and funny you are, just by your witty response to his teasing. 

"i can't believe i'm seated next to a little nerd." he'd say, with you responding back almost immediately, "thanks to that nerd, you actually aced a pop quiz." as if it were the most natural thing to you. sirius also admires your passion for studying; he thinks it's probably his and his friend's nonexistent studying habits. the only thing sirius doesn't like about you is how carelessly you take care of your body. 

he'd be worried sick the whole day when lily would mention you didn't eat or sleep because of homework and tests. you were partially the reason why he trashed one of your professor's class notes, using a spell to translate it into a language he didn't understand, making the test everyone dreaded delayed for a week. 

remus says he finally developed a crush, the type where he didn't only like you because he felt like it was a challenge. james says he's severely whipped for you and how he'd kiss the ground you walk on. not including james' overexaggeration, he didn't deny any of their words. 

sirius was concerningly and overwhelmingly enamored by you, it makes him question if this was even natural. 

he recognized the potion book you were studying. he had the same copy in his little library inside the dorms. he reaches for the book from your lap, holding it. despite sirius' gut telling him not to wake you up so you'd have more sleep, professor mcgonagall would have his head if he didn't. 

"hey, love." the nickname rolled off his tongue like nothing. you hummed at the sound of his voice.

he gently taps your cheeks, making you stir in your half-asleep state before fully opening your eyes. the sight of him surprised you, "black? what are you doing here?" 

he chuckles at your hoarse voice. "long story short, the professor wanted me to wake you up before your next class starts." the mention of class somehow woke you up, your hands searching for the hard object you left on your lap. sirius notices and shows you the book in his hands. 

"you're studying for potions? didn't we just have a text last week?" he asked, giving you back your possession. 

"no, that was two weeks ago. we have a test later—" you stop yourself from speaking, looking at the long haired boy with furrowed eyebrows, and say, "don't tell me you didn't study?" 

this caught sirius off guard, laughing awkwardly at himself and shaking his head. "it seems i'm a bit fucked here, darling. i didn't study an inch." he was too busy recalling the test from two weeks ago to notice the blush on your face at the nickname. 

you went down the window ledge, hugging the book to your chest. "then let's hope professor slughorn will let you sit next to me."

"are you saying you'll let me cheat off of you?" sirius sneakily wraps his arms around your shoulders as he asks. you coughed into your hand before responding, stuttering with your words. "ye-yes. i mean, you did help me with that project in d.a.d.a so it's the least i can do for you." 

he walks out of the office with you in his arms, sirius hoped you weren't too close to hear how hard his chest was beating at the contact. "i don't know... that project was almost half our grades in d.a.d.a." he looks in your direction with a smirk on his face. you were too quick to catch what he was trying to say. 

"what do you want, sirius black?" you asked in faux annoyance, making the boy laugh. 

it was an opportunity for him and he doesn't have any plans to let this go. "go with me to hogsmeade, heard they recently opened a coffee house inspired by the muggle world." his words made you stop. 

your silence alarmed him, "well— only if you want to! it's not like i'm—" 

"i'll go." you finally answered, your voice meak. this took sirius by surprise: "i've been craving to drink something else other than butterbear anyway." 

sirius grinned, holding you even closer to him. "let's drink to our hearts content, shall we?" you nodded with a smile, looking up at him.

"hey, hey, leave some room for merlin in there!" james shouts from across the hallway, making remus and peter beside him cackle.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

#remus lupin x reader #marauders x reader #james potter x reader #james potter #james potter fanfiction #james potter fluff #marauders fanfiction #james potter imagine #marauders imagine #marauders #sirius x reader #siriusposting #sirius black #sirius black imagine #remus lupin #remus x reader #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin imagine #sirius and james #ben barnes #aaron taylor johnson #andrew garfield

[mae-falling-in-may]

My Little Flower | The Darkling x Fem!Reader

I wrote this just after finishing the season 2 of Shadow And Bone, it broke me so like it's a bit of a comfort fic I guess ? Just the way Aleksander was possessive of Alina made me feel things and I'm sorry about this... just a few heads up, I'm no Alina hater (I love her) I just needed to add a bit of tension in this, and also this is the first time I fully write smut AND that I post it on the internet. I'm very self conscious about smut because huh, I'm not the best writer in the world and english is not my first language. I still do hope you'll like it, I had fun writing it !!

Pairing : The Darkling x Fem!Reader

Warnings : very light spoilers, SMUT, jealous reader, kinda possessive!dark!aleksander ? established relationship, claiming, oral sex (f receiving) unprotected sex (protect urselves pls), p in v sex, dom/sub dynamics, creampie, 18+ only MINORS DNI!!!

Summary : Aleksander comes back from the dead, you feel your heart drop when you see him, darker than ever, the scars on his face making you feel weak. He's determined to get the sun summoner, and you're scared that he's drifting from you, but he will show you who you belong to.

Words : 3k

He came back. The one who held you with just one finger, the one who could get you on your knees just with one word. General Kirigan, your General. Hearing what happened in the Fold with the sun summoner and him, broke you. Hell, you didn't know if what happened between you two meant something to him, but you would do anything to make him feel at least something.

My little flower he called you, away from all curious glances. That was the nickname he gave to you, and you held it. You answered it, maybe he called you to have you by his side forever, only for his plans, maybe it was just all an act, but heck, you fell deeply. You fell so deep that nothing would ever make you betray him. You wanted to be with him until you'll be killed in the field, or even just died at his own hands. Whether it was love or a crazy obsession, seeing him alive made your heart much lighter than it was before. You clenched your fists, dangerously planting your nails in your own flesh to keep you from running to him.

His silhouette, his voice, his dark gaze, and his newfound scars, everything about him made your breath hitch. All you could think of right now while he was walking towards other grishas and you, were absolutely disgusting thoughts about how you would go under him to help him relieve himself. You unconsciously held your breath while he was walking towards you. He approached dangerously, all of your body was calling you to be at his service. You gasped for air when he spoke to you.

"My little flower." He whispered, really close to your face so no one could hear him talk. "I'm glad that my most precious Grisha is here." 

You didn't manage to form a proper sentence, you were just stuttering words, and Aleksander saw how you were so emotional. You could only whisper the words: "You're alive.", before bursting into tears. He gently took you into his arms and shushed you.

"It's okay, little flower. I am back, and I'll need you more than anything for what we'll accomplish. Come and join me after dinner please ?" You could only nod while letting your tears drop freely.

~

"I need the Little Saint, you need to locate her, quickly, I want every information you have on her or anyone who's with her, you hear me ?" The tension in the room was heavy, all you could do with your fellow Grishas was to answer "Yes, General." You all waited for him to dismiss every one of you, and with a flick of his hands, he did. They left the room, as you stayed and waited for anything that he could ask you to do. Anything. You heard him shift into his armchair, and when you let yourself stare at him, your mind raced.

She was the one that caused all of this, seeing your General in this state made your heart clench. If only she listened to him, or you had been her, your General wouldn't be suffering like that. A deep cough startled you and your gaze got on Aleksander again, he was sick. You rushed towards him, obviously worried. You kneeled before him, putting a hand on his back and the other one on his knee.

"My General, are you unwell? What happened there ?" The shakiness of your voice betrayed you. 

"Flower." He whispered. "I… It's my new power. The nichevo'ya, they're shadow creatures. They defend me when I'm in danger." He locked his eyes into yours, dark and full of fatigue. You felt him drifting off from you. An explosive wave of emotions passed through you when he looked at you. Was it worry? Hatred for the Sun Summoner? Jealousy? Or just everything that you felt for the General was crashing down deep into your being. You gulped, your mind going from one worry to another, then you asked him quietly.

"Is there anything I can do, my General ?" He lowered his head and waited a bit before answering. "I fear that I do not have a solution for my state right now, flower. I just need… The Sun Summoner, Alina…" He stopped himself, what for? You didn't know, but everything collapsed around you. He didn't need you, the nickname he gave you meant nothing. All you could do was make him feel a bit better about this. You'll bring him back Alina, you swore on your life that you'll do anything for him right? Then you'll do it, even though it will hurt more than you admitted. 

You stood up, he looked at you, confusion and worry in his eyes. You tried to compose yourself and explained.

"I swore on my life that I'll do anything for you, General, if you want the Sun Summoner, I'll bring her back to you, even if I have to die trying to." You waited for an answer, an approval, anything, he stayed silent. You finally turned to leave the room, the sound of your steps resonating on the walls. You didn't want to leave, you wanted to stay, but hell seeing him like that hurt. You were about to open the door and leave when he stopped you with his voice.

"Flower. Please." You heard him stand up, and slow steps coming towards you. "You're the only one that can help me right now. Are you rejecting me? Your General ?" You felt tears building up again, you didn't know how you could tell him how you feel, having him obsessing over his Little Saint was so painful. But did you really have your right to speak up about it? You were just a Grisha, like any other Grisha here, you weren't her, yet you wanted to be her. You faced him back, letting your tears drop freely over your cheeks.

"How could I reject you when I'm not even yours, General? I know you need her, and I know I'll never be her, I've accepted it. Let me accomplish this for you, my General." You sounded hurt, exhausted, and deeply in love. He was dangerously approaching you by now, and for the first time in months, or hell maybe even years, he spoke your name. Not calling you Flower, like he loved to, just your name. He whispered it, and it felt so good on his lips. He cupped your face with his hand softly making you look at him, he seemed hurt.

"You don't understand. Yes, she is the Sun Summoner, and yes, I need her for every reason I already told you. But, what she is not, and will never be, is my precious little Flower. And you know who this is right? You, you belong to me, and I belong to you. I'll never deny that I wished you were the Sun Summoner, so we could accomplish everything together." Even with this, you couldn't believe him, your mind repeated to you that you meant nothing to him and that you weren't her. Even with his hand on your cheek, you couldn't let yourself breathe for him.

"Please, General, don't make me hope for something that I'm unworthy of." Something seemed to snap inside him when he heard the word "unworthy". He abruptly put his arm around your waist and pushed your body towards him with his hand on your back. The hurt gaze he wore before turned into something different, into something frightening.

"Do not use this word to qualify yourself, my flower. You are way more than that. You're my most precious Grisha, my most precious ally, and my dear, dear, friend." His words were spilled like tasty poison, so dangerous but yet, so good. You couldn't help but whimper under his touch. You knew how Aleksander could be possessive, but you simply refused to let yourself believe you were in his catalog. 

Hearing you whimper satisfied him, he let a small smile creep on his face, and he slowly buried his face into your neck. "If you don't believe my words maybe I'll need to show you who you belong to, flower." He kissed your neck, making a path towards your jaw, then your lips. He made sure to dry your tears before kissing you, you sighed into him, your arms making their way to his shoulders. You felt helpless whenever he touched you like this, thinking of nothing more but to please him right now, in this room.

He broke the kiss that left you both breathless, he took a moment to look at you, your eyes, your face, lips, jaw, and neck, and he felt you burning for him. He loves the hold that he had on you. "To bed, without your clothes, please." Even if he would love ripping out your kefta from your body, to expose all of yourself to him, he couldn't, he already had to deal with the million layers of his outfit. So he just followed you to the bed, while you were removing your boots, then your kefta, and then everything that went under it. He was getting rid of his clothing too, but getting distracted by how beautiful you looked for him, his hands stopped doing what he originally wanted to do, and your voice interrupted the silence.

"Do you need help, General ?" You were almost fully naked in front of him, a wave of arousal went through his body, making wearing pants uncomfortable. He nodded at you first, then when you were getting rid of his first few layers of clothes he spoke again.

"Please flower, tonight, only call me by my name. Can you do that ?" You eagerly nodded while you were getting rid of his final upper layer, revealing his scarred torso to you. You let your fingers trail on some of them, wanting to kiss every bit of scars he had on his body. He smiled, loving your admiration and worship, he missed it. He took your wrists in his hand and smiled down at you. 

"I know how much you love to worship me, flower, but not yet, you'll do it when I pump my cock deep inside of you. Right now I want to have you at my mercy and show you who this beautiful body belongs to. You hear me ?" You nodded, unable to form more than one word because of his power over you.

"Words, flower." He removed the last bit of clothes that kept you from being naked, exposing you to him. You stuttered "Yes, I understand Aleksander.", that seemed to please him a lot. He pushed you onto the bed, making his way on top of you. He still had his pants on, enjoying the friction of the fabric when his cock was getting bigger with arousal.

"This time it will be me who worships you. I'm going to taste you and make you scream." You whimpered, while he was kissing your neck, making his way painfully slowly toward your breasts. He kissed them softly before trailing down to your stomach, then your hips. He guided you to open your legs for him and found his hands gripping the back of your thighs. He kissed the inside of your thigh before finally making his way to your perfect already wet cunt. You were this wet since the intense kiss you shared earlier, and the more you felt his touch, the more you would be needy for him. 

He first lapped your pussy, to take a taste out of it, then completely buried his face into it. You weren't ready, it's been so long since you felt any kind of pleasure down there, you gasped and moaned, already on the verge of screaming. And he was just getting started? You knew you were about to break under him. The obscene noises of him tasting all of you made your head spin. He was eating you out like he wouldn't be able to do it after. The tip of his nose was making friction with your clit, and his tongue inside of you. He groaned under you, you were delicious, and he would not get over how delicious you tasted. 

Your moans and the noises he made by tasting you filled the entire room. He was almost tongue-fucking you as you felt your release build-up. You struggled to align proper sentences, just letting out the same words, "Saints, please, Aleksander". He loved how his name sounded on your lips when you were about to come for him, but he would be sure to make you scream it. 

"I'm going to make you cum for me, flower. I want you to scream my name when you do. I don't care if anyone hears, they'll just know who you belong to. You're mine, flower."

He then sucked on your clit and took two fingers to pump them inside of you. You screamed at the newfound sensation of his fingers, and your back arched while you were begging for a release. You were so desperate for him and it made his cock ache under the layer of his pants. He wanted to stop right here and bury himself inside of you just to feel you come around him. He sucked your clit even harder and teased your folds with his fingers. His other hand squeezed your thigh as he felt you crumble under his touch. He knew you were close, you were already losing your mind, and the moans you let out were incoherent at this point. 

“I know you’re close, flower, cum for me.” You screamed his name while hanging onto the bed sheets. The heat of your orgasm flew all over your body, your back arched and your legs were trembling. The delicious feeling of your release was overwhelming, you soaked Aleksander’s face. He pulled out his fingers slowly and kissed one last time your clit, then your cunt. He straightened up so you could see his face better, his hair was a mess and he was panting. He crushed his lips onto yours hungrily, making you taste the mix of your juices and his spit. You moaned against him, your hands finding their way to his groin. You stroked the length of his cock through the fabric. You wished he was fully naked right now, so you could feel him completely. He hummed into your lips and helped you get rid of his pants.

He broke the kiss to fully remove his clothes, which was a relief to both of you. He felt uncomfortable with the hard-on he had since he had first kissed you. And you, you wanted to please him, to have the taste of his cock on your tongue, to suck him so good so he could not think about anything else but you. But you knew it wasn't part of the plan today. You saw his cock already so hard and ready to be buried inside you. You bit your lip at the thought of it, you haven't had anyone since he left for the Fold with Alina, and god you missed him.

He went back once he was fully naked to kiss the corner of your lips. "I know what's on your mind, flower. You missed me, haven't you ?" He continued to kiss your cheek, your jaw, and your neck while placing himself between your legs. You felt him lightly stroke the tip of his cock on the opening of your pussy which made you moan. "Oh, Saints, yes I've missed you Aleksander." You felt him smile on your neck while caressing your body until his hands found your hips. He faced you once again and looked at you fondly with his dark eyes. 

He licked his lips, seeing you desperate for him, he knew you were about to beg for him to fuck you. He didn't even wait for you to say a word that he pumped into you. The feeling and the heat of his cock were oddly overwhelming, and you felt you could cum right here. "I'm gonna fuck you so good, my flower." You couldn't help but moan a please, to indicate that you needed him to move. He smiled and started to thrust into you painfully slowly. 

The rhythm he gave was making you feel every inch of his heat inside of you, you were almost trembling. But you wanted more, you begged once again and put your arms around his shoulders. "Please, Aleksander, I need more." Hearing his name falling through your lips while you were begging felt so good. He let out a curse and started to move into you harder and faster. Both of you loved being in each other's arms so you were on the verge of losing your minds.

The room was filled with your moans, the sound of both your skin slapping on each other, Aleksander's light panting while he was thrusting into you, and the obscene wet sounds of his cock going in and out of your soaked cunt. You wanted this moment to last forever, to have Aleksander all for yourself. The sound he made while fucking you was pushing you closer and closer to your release, and he felt it too. "Flower come on my cock with me please ?" You could only nod, overwhelmed by these sensations.

"I want to fill you up, love, can I ?" It was the first time he called you that, you couldn't even process the name you just wanted the both of you to cum. You almost screamed "Yes, please Aleksander.", you were so loud for him, so good to him, you'd never let him go. 

The wave of your orgasm reached you when his thrusts became erratic. Your cunt clenched around him as he finally got the release you seek. You felt his hot seed splashing into you, while he reached to kiss you again while filling you completely. You moaned against his mouth, enjoying everything he gave you. 

"You're mine, my little flower, mine only."

#shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #reader insert #the darkling x reader #the darkling #general kirigan #general kirigan x reader #aleksander kirigan #aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morozova #the darkling smut #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes

[angelaestheticbaby]

The bunny and the wolf

Summary: Aleksander hates everyone except you. You could stay forever.

Warnings: I guess none, just fluff

A/N: it was inspired by this pic

Aleksander was always like a big, bad wolf. Snurling and growling at people who wanted to get close. He pushed everyone away and never let anyone near.

But when he attemped to scare away you, you just beamed at him like a literal sunshine and he immediatly fell in love.

You were like the innocent little Bunny and he was the big, bad wolf. You softened his heart and since then he was soft and gentle with you, hars and cold with everyone else. You were his Bunny and the sight of you made him melt.

Aleksander had been quite cold and stoic when you first met him. He always kept everyone at an arm's length distance, never really letting anyone close.

But it was you who finally broke that cold armour he had around himself. He soon became like a big, protective bear towards you. You were the light that brought out his softer side and made him melt.

No one else had ever seen him that way, they all feared him and his stern demeanour. But to you, he was like a gentle lamb, willing to do anything for you.

"Hi baby" you stepped into his office and hugged him from behind. You wrapped your arms around him and hugged him tightly. He set his pen down on the desk and put his glass aside. He turned in your hold and wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer.

"Hello, my Bunny" Aleks whispered.

"How's it going? You seemed stressed this moring when you left our bed" you nuzzled closer and he literally saw you as a little Bunny feeling comfortable.

"I'm better now" he said with a smile as he leanes down and whispers into your ear, "My Bunny is here with me."

He nuzzled your ear with his lips and ran his hands through your hair. "You have no idea how much I missed you today."

"I missed you too lovely"

Lovely. You called him lovely, when he was anything but lovely. His heart skipped a beat. He was so used to being feared and respected, he had never been called something so sweet yet intimate before, but it just felt right.

"I have some good news for you, Bunny" he whispers softly.

"Yeaahh? Tell me" you whispered sweetly. He didn't understand how someone so precious like you could be with someone cursed and bad like him. But you were there and he didn't plan on letting you go.

"I want to hold you in my arms forever" he says softly as he ran his fingers through your hair. He pulled you close, bringing his lips to your ear. "I want to spend my life with you, my Bunny. I will be yours, my love" he said in a passionate whisper.

He stared deeply into your eyes as he held your face in his hands, "I would die for you."

"I love you Aleks" you beamed at him. Your softness made an effect on him like nothing else. You didn't guite catch on that he was proposing to you, but he was willing to try again.

He smiled warmly as he held you close. "I love you too, my Bunny."

He looked you deeply in the eyes as he cupped your face in his hands. He stared at you for a long moment before he whispered softly, "I want to marry you. Will you be my wife?"

Aleks was the type of person everyone feared, but with you he was soft and gentle. You have tamed the big, bad wolf.

You froze a bit then your knees buckled a little and started crying in joy.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes" you hugged him closer and started kissing his face everywhere you could reach.

He kissed you passionately as he held you tightly in his arms. He was never the type of person to show much emotion, but with you, he was like a completely different person.

"I love you so much. You're the person I want to spend my life with. I knew you were the one right from the first moment we met"

He nuzzles at your neck with his lips again, "I can't wait to be with you forever"

#aleksander morozova #aleksander morozova x reader #the darkling #the darkling fanfic #ben barnes #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes x reader #the darkling fluff

[don-daygamerz]

Ben Barnes x reader who's in her 20s and Ben likes her one day he couldn't control himself and says it like "I know I'm older but I still love you" idk something like this?!?

Hi sorry for the delay, I'm on break from taking requests but I'm not going to abandon your request. So here's a taste of the dynamic between Ben and (Name) as I figure out what to put together. Just some headcanons whilst I work on your story.

- (Name) being a Young millennial/Millennial Z.

- I can imagine reader being an Actress and a singer herself rising through the ranks due to her unique talent.

- Ben and (Name) first met through mutual friends.

- In fact, they met at the Troubadour where Ben was actually performing that night.

- (Name) was also invited to perform as well.

- My girl did Rock music. And did she have some serious pipes.

- Ben could not look away from her performance. He thought she looked so ethereal but at the same time so enticing under the blue and dim lighting of the stage.

- The way she strummed her guitar to impossible notes made her look like a Metal Goddess.

- When the show was over Ben had the chance to introduce himself through a friend of his who conveniently knew her as well.

- He felt shy to approach such an intimidating but captivating young woman.

- He found her to be very attractive and quite adorable actually. With her highlighted hair, smokey eyeshadow with glitter, dressed in a black sheer lace top with a dark bra underneath and a pair of dark jeans and laced doc marten boots.

- Immediately fast friends when they started exchanging dirty jokes (Ben can be a hound dog for sure).

- Ben enjoys to cook and share with his friends and after getting to know (Name), he's insistent that she joins him for dinner (with some friends, of course...it wasn't a date...not yet).

- When she first came to dinner she brought over some special dessert from her culture (Whatever ethnic background she is; I'd imagine it being Flan/Basbousa/Avocado ice cream/Ube cake...etc. could be any)

- Ben loved her dessert. Made it official that she introduces more ethnic desserts to his colonizer palate.

- Ben saw something unique in (Name): she was so funny, eccentric, talented, free spirited, and crazy but in a good way.

- It wasn't long before they'd coincidentally worked together staring in the Marvel series 'The Punisher'.

- I'd imagine (Name)'s character being the sister to Frank Castle and there is some sort of chemistry between her and Billy Russo.

- (Name) doesn't know this but Ben has actually watched her films and series.

- After meeting her for the first time, he grew curious about her work and explored her films and music, and immediately became enamored by her method of acting and her lyrics.

- Her first time to explore London, Ben is there as well and offers to show her around.

- When he took her to the Harry Potter store (Name) couldn't help but mention how he would've been perfect for a Harry Potter film:

"Ha ha not you too."

"Yes, me too. I've seen your old pictures and you would've been the perfect Sirius Black. Ugh what a wasted opportunity but too late, you're...oooold." She'd exaggeratingly say the last bit in a grim voice.

"I am not old you just happened to be born really late."

"That's what an old person would say."

- His contact name on her phone would be 'Shadow Daddy' (She just had to since his character, General Kirigan, was trending like crazy)

- It was a slow start between the two. Starting off as friends but then things between the two became serious.

-Serious how?

Having dinner together with just each other.

Visiting each other's designated trailers.

Going to London's famous bookstores and exploring great literature.

Ben and (Name) would even do a music sesh or duet some songs together.

She even got to meet his family.

He met her family as well.

- I can imagine (Name) being well versed in technology.

- Young Millennial Zs are just good to adapting to new technologies and constructing their own system units. So it's only natural that she's good at it as well.

- She's also a pro at video games. Like really good that she makes misogynistic, fascist pigs cry like little bitches.

- Like the chick has her own customized mug/tumbler that reads 'FASCIST TEARS'.

- A total badass in Call of Duty (Warzone), Overwatch, Dead by Daylight, Dying Light, Friday the 13th, League of Legends, etc. Don't mess with her.

- Ben one time heard her lay down some serious trash talk and come backs at a bunch of sexist, misogynistic 'men'. (He had spare keys to her place and found her preoccupied in her gaming room)

"Woah! Are you a gamer girl?! Send me some titty pics, bitch"

"You can't handle my melons, bitch. If you're looking for some titty action go back to sucking your mama's. Annoying ass brat."

"This game ain't for girrrllls! Go back to the kitchen and make me a fucking sandwich!"

*Soon after he said that (Name) would constantly headshot his lame ass character barely even touching her or landing a shot at her*

"What the fuck?!Nah Nah, fucking bitch is cheating!"

"Ha ha ha! You fucking suck man. I don't think this game is for you so how 'bout you go to the kitchen and make my fucking sandwich."

- Oh yeah, (Name) is a major savage when ripping into those assholes.

- She was surprised Ben found her like that and felt embarrassed. She was worried he would find it appalling with spoke... Ben was such a composed fella and her... she was basically the devil incarnate ready to erupt and drink the blood of her enemies.

- But her worries went away when Ben chuckled at the scene he had witnessed and asked if she was okay (in a nice way) She'd later explained about how she was being insulted online and it made Ben worried.

- She told him not to worry and that she handled well by kicking their ass.

- Ben's not a gamer (I think) but he was really impressed with how she put down those sexist assholes.

- He found it kind of hot.

"Well that was an...interesting reaction, ha ha ha!"

"Stop laughing! I feel so embarassed that you had to see me that way!"

"I have to admit I found it quite cute how you swore at the screen. Ha ha, you looked like an angry chihuahua. Ha ha ha!"

"Ha Ha very funny"

"Alright, I'm just teasing you. I just hope you won't get into trouble"

"Nonsense. Besides...they only try and get my account reported for 'cheating'. It's not my fault they deliberately suck at playing."

"You are really good... It almost feels unfair."

"You say that because you've never beaten me at Mario Kart to this day."

"I've been practicing whilst I was away filming. So I'd like to think now I'm close to beating you."

"Ooh ho ho. Big talk eh. I'd like to see you try. Prepare to lose...again!"

- The two also enjoyed teasing one another that it gave everyone the impression that they were couple. Heck even their parents thought there was something more between the two.

- Ben laughed it off when his parents told him and he denied saying that he was too old for her. But they thought differently.

- (Name)'s mom was rooting for them (aww bless her) and her dad well...He didn't mind Ben but that was his sweet baby girl. To him, Ben was corrupting his sweet, innocent, little 'angel' baby (Ahahaha he can't see it clearly that his daughter is basically the devil who thrives on Cyberbullying fascist gamers... Yeaahh, an 'angel' for sure but there's nothing wrong with putting down toxic gamers. The girl is basically considered a saint in the gamer girl community)

- Sure there was a bit of a large age gap between the two but his parents had no qualms against whom he dated as long they treated him well. And they believed (Name) was the right fit for him.

- Ben would also invite her to one of his recording sessions and let her listen to him sing and play his piano.

- She would also invite to him to her recording studio to witness her play and come up with new songs.

- She'd be in awe of his talent and it would not go unnoticed by Ben which just bolstered his ego and made him flustered at the same time.

"Enjoy the show?"

"You were amazing! I mean... You all were amazing." She included the rest of the musicians who played by his side.

"Thanks, I'm happy to hear that."

"I heard that you're putting a lot of focus into your music since you didn't have the time to do so?"

"Yeah. I've put it off for a while since I wasn't so sure at the time but..."

"You're doing great and I'm not just saying that as a friend. It may seem late but you've put in a lot of work and creativity into it. I'd say all these years you just had some pent up creativity storming through that head of yours."

"Thanks that means a lot. I appreciate it."

"Happy to help. Ooh now that you're a rising musician does that mean I can be one of your groupies?!"

"Ha ha ha you can be so ridiculous!"

"That's what you love about me."

"You have no idea."

- Ben doesn't understand it yet but he always looked forward to (Name)'s words of encouragement and unwavering support as he trekked through the world of music.

- Despite the age difference the two shared their worlds and experience with one another and it brought them closer and closer.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

#ben barnes #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x you #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes imagines #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes x female reader #ben barnes x y/n #ben barnes fluff #older!ben barnes x young!reader #request #special requests #fanfiction #fluff imagine #ben barnes headcanon #ben barnes headcanons #headcanon #headcanons #ben barnes fic

[mystcldydrms]

SOMETHING BETWEEN US - SIRIUS BLACK

prompt: "there is something between us."

pairing: young!sirius black x fem!reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: slight angst & fluff, cursing

notes: thank you for requesting. it took me a while to find a good start to the fic but I got there in the end.

He was your best friend. He was your soulmate. Sirius knew how you felt. You knew how he felt. However, you were scared. You didn’t want to lose him. He was one of the most important people in your life. You knew that trying to push your feelings away was the safest option, as of now, but how long would you be able to keep them locked up?

You tried to tell yourself that you and Sirius would be awful together. But every time a thought like this crossed your mind, you knew it was a lie. He would treat you like a princess. You could laugh together; he would still make fun of you, and you would do the same to him. Whenever the two of you were together, it felt natural. It felt like the universe knew that you were meant for one another, but the more you thought about it, the more anxious you got.

Another precaution you took was to spend as little time with Sirius as possible. It was easier said than done, seeing as though both of you were Gryffindors and you had mutual friends. However, for the last couple of days, you had been quite successful, only catching a quick glimpse of him whenever you entered or exited the Great Hall.

Today you weren’t as lucky as the other times.

You were one of the last students to pack up your things after another lesson on Transfiguration when you turned around and bumped into another person. You instantly knew who it was without even looking at him. Just his smell made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

“Sirius, hey.”, you said to him as if it was the first time you’d seen one another all day. Of course, you had seen him walk into the classroom. You had stolen glances at him every few minutes during Transfiguration, and you knew he did the same thing, yet whenever he looked your way, you quickly averted your gaze and looked at Professor McGonagall again.

It felt like a lifetime ago that you had a proper conversation with your best friend, and you had to be honest with yourself, you missed him. You missed everything about him. His smile, his laugh, his touch. But there was still that pinch of anxiety in the back of your mind.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”, Sirius stated matter-of-factly.

A sad sigh escaped your lips as you shook your head, pushing another book inside your bag before you heaved it onto your shoulder. For the first time, in what felt like forever, you looked up into Sirius’ eyes, your heart breaking into small pieces once you noticed the worried expression on his face.

You absentmindedly bit your lower lip as you nervously started to play with your fingers. You knew you couldn’t lie to him. You have known each other ever since your first train ride on the Hogwarts Express. The two of you sat opposite each other. You were a rather shy little girl who wasn’t great at making new friends, however, Sirius was different. He started to talk to you as soon as your bottom hit the seat. He wanted to know everything about you, and although you had only given him one- or two-word answers, he kept talking until you had arrived at Hogwarts.

“y/n”, Sirius whispered your name, snapping you out of your daydream as you felt his hand grab one of yours, trying to make you stop fumbling.

“I don’t know what to say. And I really have to go.”, you announced quietly, pulling your hand away from his before you marched past him, your eyes getting a bit glassy.

“You’re not running away from me.”, you heard him say as he grabbed your arm, preventing you from exiting the classroom and getting as far away from him as possible.

“I really have to get to my next class.” “We don’t have another class until this afternoon, and you know this, so stop running away.”

You had never seen or heard Sirius be this serious before. The only time he had been this way was when he had told you all about his family and the way they had treated him once they found out he didn’t get into Slytherin.

You quickly wiped away the tears that were trying to spill out of your eyes, your hands shaking as you carefully turned around, not yet daring to look into the eyes of the boy you loved.

“There is something between us.”

Sirius confirmed something that the two of you already knew. Everyone knew it. All your friends talked about it. James and Remus once had a bet going on about when you would finally get over yourselves and start dating. James had lost that bet a long time ago. However, neither of them nor any of your other friends had lost hope.

“I know there is.”

You felt Sirius’ hand glide down your arm until he was able to grab your hand, slightly intertwining your fingers with his and this time you didn’t pull away. You even let him pull you closer to where he was.

“I’m just scared.”, you confessed.

“Why? There’s nothing to fear.”

“Yes, there is.”, you stated. “What if the two of us really started dating, and after a while, we notice that it isn’t right and we should only be friends? But we can’t be friends anymore because it would be too weird, and it would break my heart to ever see you with someone else. So, we can’t ever spend time with one another again, and our friends have to choose a side and – “

“y/n, stop. This is madness!”

You looked up at him with wide eyes, your lips lightly trembling. Sirius’ hand left yours, only for him to cup your face, his thumbs gently tracing your cheeks.

“Can’t we start worrying about it when it happens, which it won’t?”

“No, Sirius, we can’t. You know I can’t. I’m not a young, reckless boy like you who always thinks life is a joke. I worry all the fucking time.”

Sirius leaned forward to press his lips gently on your forehead, instantly calming you down. He didn’t always know what to say, but he always knew what to do, and he knew that his touch calmed you down.

Once the warmth of his lips disappeared from your forehead, you opened your eyes again, noticing that the young Gryffindor smiled at you. His eyes were full of adoration for you.

“Okay, let’s talk now.”, he told you honestly.

“If you’re willing to give us a chance, I will be the happiest man in the whole universe.”

“Man? You’re a boy.”

The two of you couldn’t help but laugh, and you immediately knew everything would be alright. You just felt it.

“Let me talk, woman.”

“Alright, go on.”, you said while you wrapped your arms slightly around him.

“Like I said, once we’re a couple I won’t let you go again. You’re my y/n. You have been ever since we first met on the Hogwarts Express, and that won’t change. James already hates me because I talk so much about you. Nothing will ever tear us apart, okay? We both know how to talk; we can communicate with one another if there's ever a problem. You’re the love of my life. There, I said it. And I mean every single word of it.”

Your cheeks were already as hot as they could get, the blush on full display. Why did you ever think you could just turn off your feelings for him? You must have been out of your mind. Sirius was the love of your life. He was the man–boy – of your dreams.

“I love you, Sirius Black.”

“I love you too, y/f/n.”

And there it was, the moment you had been waiting for.

Sirius slowly leaned down, his eyes never leaving yours. You were able to feel his hot breath on your lips before he finally pressed his to yours. His lips felt like magic. You could hear fireworks explode inside of you as you kissed the man of your dreams for the first time. They moved perfectly in sync while Sirius’ hands slid down from your cheeks, only for his arms to wrap around your body, squeezing you gently. You let out a slight giggle against his lips, not once pulling away from him. You knew you had to breathe at one point, but for now, you were okay with just being in the moment.

Until you heard someone clear their throat.

The two of you instantly pulled away from one another, your heads turning to the right, only to find Professor Dumbledore standing in the entryway to the Transfiguration classroom. One of his eyebrows was raised, and an amused smile graced his lips.

“Shouldn’t the two of you be on your way to lunch in the Great Hall?”

You nodded your head one of your hands holding your bag while the other one took Sirius’ hand, guiding him and yourself out of the classroom.

“Of course, Professor. We were just on our way.”, you stated embarrassedly, walking past the Headmaster of Hogwarts, your cheeks still as bright as a tomato.

“See what you did.”, you whisper-shouted.

Sirius only shrugged his shoulder, pulling his hand out of yours before he swung his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close against him as he dropped a swift kiss on the top of your head.  

“What can I say? If you hadn’t ignored me for the past week, we might’ve had our first kiss somewhere private.”

#sirius black x reader #sirius black imagine #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black fluff #sirius black angst #young!sirius x reader #young!sirius black x reader #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagines #ben barnes imagine #marauders imagines #marauders x reader #marauders x you

[drinix]

I mean why Benjamin. Why do you a have to be so adorable!!!!

#benbarnes #ben barnes #bin bons #narnia #king caspian #billy russo #westworld #ben barnes x reader #imagine #the darkling #general kirigan

[loubombshell]

Imagine going to a party with Sirius

"Hurry up, Y/n!" Lily screamed from their room, into the bathroom.

"What? I'm ready." Y/n walked out, placing one hand on the doorframe, showing her outfit for the night. A tight black dress with some silver stones on the side of her body, hugging her perfectly and matching with some silver high heels.

Marlene applied some lipstick to her lips and looked up. She turned around and howled. "Merlin, look at you. Sirius is gonna eat you alive." She joked.

Y/n smirked about it. "mh, I like the sound of that." She told her honestly.

Marlene took her hand and sat her down in front of the mirror, applying some makeup to her face two, while Dorcas did y/n's hair, but not before giving her girlfriend a kiss, sharing the lipstick.

Y/n looked to them and rolled her eyes smirking. "You guys are sharing everything, aren't you?" She asked them.

"oh darling, we share a lot more. Trust me." Marlene explained smirking giving Dorcas a wink.

Y/n chuckled. "okay okay, I got the pictures already in my head. Now, do you guys finally wanna go downstairs to the party?" She asked them.

Lily nodded, sitting on her bed. "Yes please, you guys take ages." She stood up and opened the door.

"No wonder, you were blocking the bathroom the whole time!" Marlene told her.

"Oh fuck off, I was not." Lily added and all of them walked downstairs into the common room.

Everyone was already dancing and drinking. The couches were moved to the sides to have a little floor to dance, the music was blasting 'waterloo' from Abba and everyone was clapping to the rhythm. Some tables were filled with a lot of alcohol and the lights change very colour, drowning everything in it.

Y/n took a look around the party, trying to find her boyfriend and his friends but she couldn't find him. He's probably taking a lot of time for his hair, the thought made her smile a bit.

Marlene walked to the drinking table and got a few drinks for the other girls. "So a toast to getting drunk and laid, ladies." She joked and raised the cup.

"That's the plan for tonight?" Lily asked amused and drowned the drink.

"You've a better idea?" Dorcas asked her now and suddenly the music changed from the title 'waterloo' to 'angel eyes' from Abba too.

"oh god, I love the song." Y/n said excited and took her wand out, using it as a microphone and stepped on top of a couch table, followed by her friends.

All the eyes settled on them.

"Last night, I was taking a walk along the river"

"And I saw him together with a young girl

"And the look that he gave her made me shiver'

"Cause he always used to look at me that way."

Lily started singing and smirked, while everyone started cheering and clapping.

"Then I thought maybe I should walk right up to her and say"

"Ah-ha-ha, it's a game he likes to play."

Marlene continued and Dorcas joined her, four guys walked downstairs into the common room with a wide smile. The marauders of course.

"Look into his angel eyes"

"One look and you're hypnotized"

"He'll take your heart and you must pay the price"

"Look into his angel eyes"

"You'll think you're in paradise"

"And one day you'll find out he wears a disguise"

"Don't look too deep into those angel eyes"

Y/n started singing too, finally spotting Sirius. She pointed with her finger at him while singing and he crossed his arms, smirking about his girl.

"Keep thinking 'bout his angel eyes"

"I keep thinking, a-aaah."

The girls finished and everyone applauded for them.

They got down from the table again, while Y/n stayed on it, dancing to the next song.

"hey! It's bad luck when a stripper steps on a table with high heels on." Lily told her friend.

Y/n smirked and looked down to her. "Yes but what stripper got an ass like mine?" She asked her.

Sirius walked to the table and smirked. "No one, I've to admit that." He told her honestly and wrapped his arms around her legs, putting her down.

"Thanks very much." She smirked and kissed him.

"You look wonderful." He told her honestly, between the kiss.

"You looks perfect too." Y/n smirked and bite his lower lip a bit, pulling away then.

Sirius took her hand and they walked to the others, sitting together on a couch. Y/n sat down between him and Remus. The girl took a drink Remus already offered her. "Thank you." She smiled.

The older black brother leaned back on the couch and pulled a cigarette from his pocket out, giving one to Remus and took one for himself. He light it up and took a good whiff of it, blowing the smoke back out, handing it to Y/n.

"So how was your day so far?" Sirius asked her and put a hand on her bare leg.

Y/n took a whiff of the cigarette too and gave it back to Sirius. "It was alright, just the usual. I almost fell asleep in history of magic, again." She explained.

Sirius took it back and chuckled. "You should sneak out with James and me. It's definitely more fun and the professor doesn't even notice."

Y/n scoffed. "No wonder, he's a ghost and can't see without his big ass glasses, just like James" She joked smirking.

"hey! I can still see 30%, alright?" James cut in.

Remus chuckled. "Seems like his eyes are but his ears have the double power." He joked and they started laughing.

After a few more dances and drinks, everyone was sweaty from the hotness in the small common room and exhausted from dancing.

Sirius walked behind Y/n and leaned down to her ear. "You wanna go upstairs?" He asked her smiling and kissed her shoulder.

Y/n turned around to him and nodded. "Yeah, it's getting late and I'm really exhausted." She explained and they walked together up to his room.

The boy walked with his girlfriend in his room and closed the door behind them. "You're really out of energy or you've a bit left?" He asked and light up the second cigarette for the night.

Y/n took out her shoes and smiled. "I definitely have some left." She pushed him on the bed, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and sat down on his lap.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her and looked into her eyes.

She took a whiff from the cigarette and leaned down to kiss him, blowing the smoke into his mouth first and then kissing him.

Sirius smirked and took the cigarette away, throwing it out of the window and leaned with her back on the bed, not even thinking about breaking the kiss.

I recommend, listening to waterloo or angel eyes, while reading. :)

#harry potter #sirius black x you #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #marauders x y/n #marauders x you #marauders x reader #hogwarts #abba #padfoot #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes imagines #ben barnes #ben barnes x you

[imthebadguyyy]

Arms

pairing : sirius black x reader

fandom : marauders/hp

synopsis : sirius realizes there's no place that feels more like home than your arms.

warnings : self depreciating thoughts, insecurity

a/n : felt like wandering into the realm of the marauders! do let me know if you want more :) inspired mildly by francesca by Hozier

sirius sat with james, while remus and peter sat across from them, both pouring liberal amounts of gravy onto their plates. james was also digging into an obnoxiously large amount of roast potatoes and chicken, barely pausing for a breath as he scarfed down the food.

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the great hall was not buzzing with the sound of students chattering as it usually did, and the sound remained at the decibel of a small hive of bees, while the professors murmured softly at the grand table, the munch of the many treats laid on the table for the christmas eve dinner.

sirius himself didn't feel that hungry, fork half heartedly poking at the beans on his plate. his eyes roamed around the hall, taking in the tiny mass of people at the other tables, and at dumbledore pulling mice out of his purple witches hat - his christmas special.

that very morning, his owl had dropped off a rather nasty howler from his darling mother, once again choosing to call him a colourful variety of insults and ending with her usual "disgrace and traitor to the black boodline" bullshit, followed by a chorus of "mixing with mudbloods and muggles" that had him clenching his fists in frustration.

then, his father orion had also decided to grace him with a scathing letter he burned the moment he received, but not before catching the words "shame to my bloodline", which once again had him sighing and rubbing the sore spot on his temples.

he had ignored it initially, focusing instead on the beautiful hand knitted scarf, golden watch and basket of sweets and treats he had received from euphemia and fleamont, with a small engraved gryffindor lion at the back of the watch.

he had also received a leather jacket from you, and homemade strawberry pies that you had made with help from the elves in the kitchen, and a set of silver rings to go with his pre existing ones.

remus had gifted him a muggle record called rumors from a band called Fleetwood Mac, that you had freaked out over and told him you'd listen to together because they were your favourite band ever and you'd be damned if he discovered your favourites on the album without you.

james himself had bought him bundles full off tricks and games from hogsmeade, and a framed picture of the marauders, along with a small replica of his own quidditch jersey because, "everyone has to know you're my number one fan pads!"

even marlene had gifted him a bunch of chocolate frogs, and mary had got him a postcard from venezuela and chocolate because her parents were visiting. lily had sent him muggle posters of his favorite bands as well.

but despite the merriment, the niggling insecurity of not being enough played on his mind the whole time, creeping like a shadow, insecurity slithering through the corridors of his mind, casting doubts where there once was light.

his mind was spiralling, as he looked at his plate, gulping as a sudden lump appeared in his throat. james was reading a letter from his mum to remus and peter, telling him about their travels in egypt, and peters mum had sent sweets for them to share at dinner.

oh how he longed for a mom who would write him sweet letters and send him sugary treats instead of venom coated words and flame bursting letters, a father who would teach him how to tie his tie properly for class, or tell him tales of his childhood.

sirius longed for a family to love and hold him always. and the closest he had to that was you and james.

as his thoughts turned to you, he was distracted by a sudden crash as the doors were flung open, as you rushed in, followed by the two friends with whom you sang as part of the hogwarts band, your red robes flaring as you rushed to find your spot beside him at the table.

with a pant, you flung yourself down, taking heaving breaths to calm your racing heart.

"well hello little miss" james said through a mouthful of peas, making you scrunch your nose in disapproval. "where were ya?" remus asked, piling on food onto your plate before it changed course.

"i was at band practice! we just lost track of time and then had to rush because we were so hungry!" you exclaimed, while your hands reached for sirius' under the table, taking his cold palm in yours, squeezing it tenderly to get the blood flow back in them, bringing it up for a quick peck to the knuckles before interlacing his fingers with yours.

sirius felt his heart physically slow down as he watched you, laughing a joke remus made, poking fun at james and messing around with peter. he watched as you cut the roasted potatoes into smaller chunks, dipping them in extra butter as you popped them into your mouth, and the way your eyes sparkled when you smiled.

he watched the way your hair fell, little strands framing your face as you brushed them off impatiently, all while leaning forward for a slice of a chocolate tart and icecream that had just appeared.

he watched as you put a slice of apple pie on his plate, topping it with a healthy dollop of cream, and passing it to him with a saccharine sweet smile and a murmur of "your favourite siri!" and he felt his heart flutter again.

what he didn't note was the crease in your eyebrow as you looked at your friend, the darl circles under his eyes, the slight stoop to his posture, the way his smile came out forced, lips pressed tight together with none of his gorgeous smile lines appearing around his eyes and lips.

he failed to note the way you drew a sharp breath when you felt the rough skin of his palms, coarse from all the times he dug his nails into the delicate skin to control the rage and hurt he felt at his family. the way your eyes softened as you looked at him, the way his lack of obnoxiously lewd jokes and quick wit made him look so vulnerable that it shattered your heart into a million pieces.

after the crackers were pulled and you had packed up a "grow your own warts" kit and many a butterbeer flavoured candy and a few white mice, he squeezed your hand again, gesturing towards the gryffindor common room, leaving the boys chatting with a few members of the ravenclaw quidditch team who had stayed back for christmas as well.

murmuring the password to the fat lady, you stumbled into the common room with sirius, who had his arm wrapped tightly around your waist. you sunk into your favourite armchair, and giggled when sirius fell into you with a muffled "thump"

even though you were 'just friends', you knew him better than anyone else and he knew it as well as you did.

the cozy red armchair with its plush cushioning looked as inviting as ever as he settled into it, legs haphazardly tossed over yours. affection was a major part of your relationship with sirius, having become fast friends since the first year at hogwarts.

ever since you were joint at the hip, bonding over a shared love of music, shared comfort in silence, shared trauma and a love for leather. you were as much a part of the marauders as any of the other boys, and sirius couldn't quite point to the time when you had become such fast friends.

he buried his head into the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply, absorbing the lilting notes of vanilla and shea, and fiddling with the loose strands of hair at the base of your neck. you hummed softly, some melody that had been playing on your mind, hands gently running through his dark locks, nails scratching softly at his scalp.

"you okay?" you asked, noting the tenseness of his shoulder muscles, and the still present frown between his eyebrows.

a non commital shrug was the only response.

worry began to seep into your mind, surprised at how your usually bubbly bestfriend was decidedly unbubbly.

"you don't seem okay babe" you stated, lifting his chin so he was looking at you.

his stormy gray eyes reflected doubt and insecurity dancing like lightning, casting shadows of uncertainty that loomed deep in his mind.

to your surprise, tears welled up in his eyes, mirroring raindrops, poignant with a tempest of emotions swirling within, creating a tumultuous scene of vulnerability and insecurity.

"oh sweetheart.." you cooed softly, shuffling so he was engulfed in your arms. you felt him bury his face deeper into your neck, clinging to you desperately as if he was worried you'd disappear into thin air.

"talk to me honey" you whispered, trying to coax him out of his hiding place.

just as he opened his mouth to speak, the door to the common room swung open and remus james and peter trooped in, followed by a few other gryffindors.

they stopped short, taking in the scene before them, their best mate in tears in the arms of the girl he loved who happened to be his best friend.

"mate are you-" james began, only to be cut off by a glare from remus.

"who don't you go up to our dorm y/n? I'll make sure no one goes up" remus said, staring at your pointedly, offering a soft smile to you when you nodded.

"i think we'll take you up on the offer, is that okay with you siri?" you asked, still softly stroking his hair.

he nodded against you, and followed you silently as you took his hand in yours and draped an arm around his torso, pressing a kiss to his temple as you led him up the winding staircase to the boys dormitory.

as soon as you were inside, you led him over to his bed, gently pushing him down so he was sitting, eyes looking unseeingly at the posters and polaroids that graced his headboard.

with worried eyes, you watched his gaze flicker back and forth, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"talk to me siri, im right here" you cooed, kneeling down in front of him, hands resting on his knees, drawing tiny circles with your pinky over the material of his robes.

"are you here with me love?" you asked, watching the black in his pupils darken as he spaced out. you watched as he jolted a little, looking at you almost alarmed, before the tears began to drip down his cheeks.

the first drop had you sprinting into his arms, wrapping your own tightly around him, kicking your shoes off as you squeezed him tight, knees resting in between his own, as he sobbed into your chest.

you'd seen him cry before, but never like this. broken sobs spilled from his salty lips, dampening the material of your robes, and small choked sounds escaped his lips, along with deep strangled breaths as he gripped your waist to keep himself grounded.

he cried for what seemed like hours while you whispered sweet reassurances to him, kissing his cheeks, his nose, his forehead and his hands, placing his hand on your chest to feel the steady beating of your heart.

"m' right here darling, let it all go, I've got you, i promise, I'll be right here to hold you honey" you whispered to him, rocking him back and forth like a child.

sirius gripped you even tighter, clinging to you as if you were his lifeline.

eventually, his sobs slowed,and he pulled back, eyes red and swollen and face glistening with tears. even when his hair was messy and he looked like a wreck, he looked ethereal.

"oh my beautiful boy" you said, kissing the top of his head. "tell me what you need" you said, interlacing your hands.

"you, just need you" he said, and the way his broke on the word 'you' shattered your heart into a million pieces.

"just give me one second darling, okay?" you said, walking into their bathroom and taking out a clean handkerchief from your pocket. you soaked it in some water, bringing it back to him, gently wiping his eyes and then his face with it, leaving kisses on every spot you cleaned for him, before taking a comb from his nightstand and slowly untangling the mess that his hair was.

sirius watched as you combed his hair, eyebrows furrowed in attention, and he swore his heart fell even more for you.

"d'ya think you can tell me what's wrong sugar?" you asked, biting you lip when he flashed you a smile at the nickname.

"yeah" he nodded, tugging you down so you were cuddled into his side. "oh wait!" you exclaimed, fishing some chocolate out your pocket and offering a piece.

he took it with a smile, letting it melt on his tongue as he looked at you.

you were now snuggled into his shoulder, your ankle intertwined with his as you lay across from him, hand gently holding his, as his other hand traced patterns on your hip.

"darling mother of mine sent me a howler this morning for a christmas present" he said with a dry chuckle.

"did she now?" you said, anger simmering deep in your bones. "yeah, and then sperm donator sent me a lovely letter as well" he said, chuckling a little at his own nickname for his father.

"mmhmm" you said, tracing his thumb.

"yeah, jus' caught me off guard" he mumbled

"you do know that whatever they say is not true, right?" you asked, looking straight into his eyes.

"yeah but- fuck, darling, it gets hard sometimes. sometimes I feel like I am a traitor and failure. sometimes i feel like I'm not worthy of being a human, I'm not worthy of being a friend, I'm not worthy of being loved i-" he broke off, looking at the ceiling.

"you are more than just a name, sirius. you are worthy of being loved. you are worthy of being human, and you are worthy enough to have friends who care about you" you said firmly, forcing him to look back at you.

"it just hurts me sometimes" he admitted

"i know sweetheart" you cooed again. you felt like no words you said were enough when it came to this topic.

"am i really worthy of being loved?" he asked suddenly, turning his face to look at you.

"of course" you said. the silence got louder for a moment. "siri?" you asked, voice lighter than honeycomb.

"theres something Ive been wanting to tell you" he got out in a rush. "ever since we met on the train on our way here, from the tender age of eleven, my heart silently declared its allegiance to you. each passing day has been a testament to a love that started as a whisper and has grown into a resounding echo in my soul. darling, with every sunrise and every moonlit night, my affection for you deepens, as if there's an infinite well within me, filling with the boundless affection i hold for you. you are the constant melody in the symphony of my existence, and i fall harder for you with each beat of my heart" he said, turning to look at you.

you felt tears welling in your own eyes, and it only felt right when you leaned forward, pressing your soft lips to his slightly chapped ones.

to him, you tasted of strawberries and cocoa, warm and sweet and oh so extravagant, a taste so luxurious he couldn't get enough of it.

to you, he tasted of cigarette smoke, mint and cocoa, an intoxicating taste you couldn't get enough of

his lips pressed deeper against yours, hand grasping your waist tightly, pulling you flush against him, as he poured all his love and passion out for you.

time stopped, the world slowed and your heartbeat dropped to the lowest of lows. relaxed. calm. loved.

finally, when your lungs began to burn from the lack of oxygen, you drew away, chests heaving as you looked at each other.

a slight flush lay on his cheeks, tinges of red littering his cheekbones. you could feel a heat thrumming in your own cheeks, and your heart felt like it was racing a million miles an hour.

"i don't know how long I've waited to say that to you" he breathed out, nuzzling his nose to yours.

"since our shared days at eleven, my heart has been a clandestine haven for the enchantment you brought into my life. you don't know how happy you made me with this. in the quiet dance of our days, my affection for you has blossomed into a resplendent garden, and with every sunrise, I find myself immersed deeper in the captivating allure of our love. you are the symphony that resonates in my heart, and i cherish you always" you told him, pressing a kiss to the swell of his cheekbone.

sirius felt his cheeks burn a deep red, and he tilted your lips up to press a searing kiss to them again.

"i love you" he gasped against your lips, drawing you closer to him.

"i love you too" you murmured against his lips moulding your body to him.

and as sirius lay there in your arms, pressing kisses as sweer and delicate as spun sugar against every part of your body but especially your lips, he realised there was no other place that felt more like home than your arms.

you.

you were his home.

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a/n : I've missed writing so much!! i really hope you enjoy this, and as always likes reblogs comments opinions etc are appreciated!! sending u all love and happiness and remember, my inbox is always open and i love making new friends!! marauders is a new field for me but if u have any reqs/ideas please do send in asks! happy reading ☺️♥️

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