#benefit the set of skill I was compensating with while destroying myself

[suncaptor]

If a single person who wants to succeed within the academic system fails within it then the system itself has inherently failed.

#they aren't studying enough? well are they working because they can't afford to live otherwise? are they depressed and need actual help #within the system? they aren't talented enough? well everyone has unique strengths and weaknesses that should be maximised in different ways #and if they don't want to succeed because they're compensating for their specific track give them guidance on how to switch! #or help look through whatever way in which they process information and learning best!!! #this is also true of all systems #people who fail within systems are being failed BY the systems they are NOT failing themselves. #incoherents #yes I am stressed and failing within a system right this second but dont let that miss my point. usually i have fucking perfect grades and #succeed within it but guess what? the point stands. what do you think my success made me any better? no. it just made the system #benefit the set of skill I was compensating with while destroying myself

[sinshckled]

━━ ╴-   AGUST D,  D-2   [ 2020 ]                                     ⤷  LYRICAL STARTERS. 

collection of various sentence starters from AGUST D’s second mixtape. -  translations were taken from doolsetbangtan, w/ occasional help from genius ; -  minor edits were made as to accomodate roleplay needs ; -  feel free to change pronouns or wording as to best fit your muse !

cw:   angst, depression, mentions of violence, alcohol, lots and lots of SWEARING !

━━━━━━━

TRACK ONE. — 저 달 ( Moonlight )

❝ Fuck, I’m just doing it. ❞

❝ In my head, the reality fights with the ideal tirelessly. ❞

❝ My biggest enemy is the anger inside me. ❞

❝ Sometimes I resent god, asking why he made me live a life like this. ❞

❝ Sometimes I ask myself again, ‘if it was possible to go back, would you ?’ Well, I’ll have to think more about that. ❞

❝ One moment I feel like I’ve easily earned what I have, and the next moment I’m compensated for the fucking hard work I’ve done. ❞

❝ But I’m still hungry, would this be karma ? ❞

❝ That moonlight that shines on me at dawn, it’s still the same as then. A lot changed in my life, but that moonlight is still the same. ❞

❝ Sometimes I feel like I’m a genius. Sometimes I feel like I have no talent. ❞

❝ There would be no eternity for anything. ❞

❝ Being called immortal is fucking overwhelming. ❞

❝ But the adjectives they attach to my name feel too much sometimes. ❞

❝ What can I do, I should just keep running. ❞

❝ What can I do, I should just keep hold of things that I’m grasping. ❞

❝ What can I do, I should just pay back what I’ve received. ❞

❝ If you think you’re gonna crash, accelerate even harder, you idiot ! ❞

    TRACK TWO. — 대취타 ( Daechwita )

❝ Don’t forget the old days. ❞

❝ Born a slave, risen to a king. ❞

❝ Rags to riches, that’s exactly the way I live. ❞

❝ I’m sorry, but don’t worry about me ; I have lots to lose. ❞

❝ I'm about to dine on what I know is mine. ❞

❝ Not gonna lie, what a shitshow. ❞

❝ I’ve got no pretensions, just kill ’em all.  ❞

❝ No exceptions, I watch you fall. ❞

❝ Who’s the king ? Who’s the boss ? ❞

❝ Everyone knows my name. ❞

❝ All shit-talk, they’ve got no game. ❞

❝ Off with their heads, ah ! ❞

❝ This country's too small to hold me in yet. ❞

❝ Who said time is money ? My time is worth more than that. ❞

❝ I'm so thankful that I'm a genius.  ❞

❝ If that’s your reason for using drugs, cry me a river — you’ve just got no skills. ❞

❝ I got everything I wanted, I wonder what else I should have to feel satisfied. ❞

❝ Yeah, what's next ? ❞

❝ Here comes my reality check. ❞

❝ I only looked up ; now I want to look down and put my feet on the ground. ❞

❝ Remember my name. ❞   

━━━  MORE UNDER THE CUT !

   TRACK THREE. — 어떻게 생각해? ( What do you think? )

❝ What do you think ? ❞

❝ Whatever you think, I’m sorry but I don’t fucking care at all. ❞

❝ I’m sorry but I don’t care at all about how mediocre your life is, or about the fact that you can’t escape the shithole after failing. ❞

❝ Thinking that my success has anything to do with your failure… you’re fucking great at being delusional. ❞

❝ Your sense of humor is so so. ❞

❝ The fact that you're fucked is your fault, no-no? ❞

❝ We conquer it all, one by one, like we’ve been doing all this time. ❞

❝ All of you go fuck yourself, huh ! ❞

❝ The brats that boast about their money, you have to wonder how much they could've actually earnt on their own. ❞

❝ Bragging about money looks cute now. ❞

❝ We’ll go serve in the military when the time comes. ❞

❝ I hope all those bastards who tried to get a free ride by selling our names shut their mouths up. ❞

❝ At this point, I don’t have to know. ❞

❝ I don’t fucking care. ❞

❝ While this will be my last gift, this as well is luxury for you. ❞

    TRACK FOUR. — 이상하지 않은가 ( Strange ) ft. RM 

❝ Everything in dust, do you see ? ❞

❝ Well well well…❞

❝ Everything in lust. ❞

❝ Someone please tell me if life is pain. ❞

❝ If there’s a god, please tell me if life is happiness. ❞

❝ A big system that’s called the world ; They insert conflicts, wars, or survivals. ❞

❝ Capital injects morphine called hope with dream as collateral. ❞

❝ Wealth creates wealth and tests our greed. ❞

❝ In the world, it’s only the two, black and white, that exist. ❞

❝ In the endless zero-sum game, the end is entertaining to watch. ❞

❝ Polarization... the ugliest flower in the world. ❞

❝ It’s been a long while since truth got eaten away by lies. ❞

❝ Who would it be that benefits the most? Who would it be that gets harmed the most ? ❞

❝ The one who isn’t sick in the world that is sick gets treated as a mutant, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ The one who has his eyes open in the world that has its eyes closed — now they make him out to be blind, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ The one who wants peace, the one who wants a fight — each taking each end of the ideology, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ There’s no correct answer, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ You think you’ve got taste? Oh, baby, how do you know? ❞

❝ For god’s sake, everything's under control ! ❞

❝ However much money one has, everyone is a slave of this system. ❞

❝ At this point, even you wouldn’t know. ❞

❝ Oh baby, what’s your name? ❞

❝ But still, life goes on, somehow, just like this. ❞

❝ Everyone, in their own chicken coop, says they’re okay. ❞

❝ In the world where a dream has become an option… there’s no correct answer, that’s the answer. ❞

   TRACK FIVE. — 점점 어른이 되나봐 ( 28 ), ft. NiiHWA

❝ And yet, would it have been better to not know the world? ❞

❝ Perhaps I’m gradually becoming an adult. ❞

❝ I can’t remember what were the things that I hoped for. ❞

❝ Now I’m scared. ❞

❝ Where did the fragments of my dream go ? ❞

❝ Though I’m breathing, it feels like my heart has broken down. ❞

❝ Yeah, to talk about now, it’s about becoming an adult who finds it only overwhelming to grasp onto a dream. ❞

❝ I thought I’d change when I turned twenty ; I thought I’d change when I graduated. ❞

❝ Sometimes, tears suddenly pour down with no reason. ❞

❝ Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter anymore. ❞

❝ Living, for just one day, without any concerns... for just one day, without any worries. ❞

    TRACK SIX. — Burn it, ft. MAX

❝ I see the ashes falling out your window. ❞

❝ There’s someone in the mirror that you don’t know. ❞

❝ And everything was all wrong ; so burn it till it’s all gone. ❞

❝ Let’s go back to the past days, to the times that destroyed me. ❞

❝ After having a taste of success, how am I different from the me of back then ? ❞

❝ Let the old me burn. ❞

❝ I wonder what would remain in the end ? ❞

❝ The weakness, hatred, loathing, and even rage — Them, too, are rather futile. ❞

❝ Be careful of the word ‘beginner’s mindset’, don’t be afraid. ❞

❝ Whether it would become a blazing sun or the ashes left behind after being burnt — always, the choice and decision is yours to make. ❞

❝ I hope you don’t forget that giving up decisively also counts as courage. ❞

    TRACK SEVEN. — 사람 (People)

❝ What kind of person am I ? ❞

❝ Am I a good person ? Or a bad person ? ❞

❝ I’m just a person, too. ❞

❝ Everyone would fade away and be forgotten. ❞

❝ People change — like I have. ❞

❝ There’s nothing that lasts forever. ❞

❝ Everything is just a happening passing through.❞

❝ Mm… why so serious ? ❞

❝ If you get hurt, what about it ? ❞

❝ Flow along the way the water flows ; maybe there’s something at the end. ❞

❝ A special life, an ordinary life, each of them on their own. ❞

❝ It’s all good, it’s all good. ❞

❝ Things don’t always go as intended ; Discomfort is something everyone has to withstand. ❞

❝ The repetition of dramatic situations sometimes makes life tiring. ❞

❝ People are like that. ❞

❝ When it’s not there, you wish it was ; when it’s there, you wish it wasn’t. ❞

❝ Who said that humans are the animals of wisdom ? To my eyes, it’s obvious that they are animals of regret. ❞

    TRACK EIGHT. — 혼술 ( Honsool )

❝ It’s time that I fully face myself. ❞

❝ After finishing a shower, I detoxify myself with alcohol. ❞

❝ Perhaps it’s the alcohol that puts a period at the end of the day that is blurry in my memory. ❞

❝ I’ll just worry about tomorrow’s work tomorrow, fuck I don’t care. ❞

❝ I don’t really reach for snacks because I feel like I’d throw up if I did. ❞

❝ Since it’s getting to my head, let’s be honest about my life. ❞

❝ Oh yeah, money, fame, wealth, trophies and stadiums — sometimes I’d get scared of them. ❞

❝ I thought I’d party every day when I become a superstar, but the ideal is slapping the reality in the back of its head. ❞

❝ Well, it doesn’t matter anyway ; Tomorrow will come and go again. ❞

❝ I, who’s like this, and you, who’s like that… we just endure through the day, I guess. ❞

    TRACK NINE. — Interlude : Set me free

❝ Set me free, knowing that it won’t go the way I want. ❞

❝ Set me free, knowing that it’s not what I want. ❞

❝ Set me free, I’m floating freely in the void. ❞

❝ Set me free, these days, I feel melancholy for no obvious reason. ❞

❝ One day, I crawl on the floor ; On another day, I fly high in the sky. ❞

    TRACK TEN. — 어땠을까 ( Dear my friend ), ft. JW of NELL

❝ Still, as ever, I miss you, and I miss you. ❞

❝ Still, as ever, the memories of us together circle around me. ❞

❝ Maybe, if I had held you back then… no, if I had stopped you back then… ❞

❝ Would we have remained friends ? What would have it been like ? ❞

❝ Dear my friend, how are you doing ? ❞

❝ I, well, am doing well, as you probably know, yeah. ❞

❝ Dear my friend, I’ll be honest. I still fucking hate you. ❞

❝ I still remember the old days, when we were together. ❞

❝ “With the two of us, even the world is nothing to be afraid of” ; We used to say that, and now we walk on completely different paths, damn. ❞

❝ We, who had big dreams, were young, we were only twenty. ❞

❝ Would it be that you’ve changed, or was it me ? ❞

❝ I hate this flowing time, I guess it’s us who’ ve changed. ❞

❝ Hey, I hate you. Hey, I don't like you — Hey, even as I say these words, I miss you. ❞

❝ When I saw you for the first time in a while, you had become a completely different person. ❞

❝ There was no way to bring you back, and you became a monster.❞

❝ The you I used to know is gone, and the me you used to know is gone. ❞

❝ I know that it’s not just because of time that we’ve changed. ❞

#rp memes #rp starters #sentence starters #lyric starters #agust d #suga #bts #rp prompts #roleplay memes #roleplay prompts #✦ ʃ — out of stars ; ◜ooc.◞ * ⋆ #✦ ʃ — ◜memes.◞ * ⋆ #✦ ʃ — ◜original.◞ * ⋆

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 5

I dropped my fork. “I’m sorry, I must have heard that wrong, because it sounded like you just asked me to become your employee.” Luke’s brow lifted.

“No, you heard it absolutely correctly. I did ask you to come work for me. For Prosper. Initially as Tom’s social media manager, and when that’s squared away, as Prosper’s social media director.” So many things I wanted to include in my reply instantaneously flooded my brain, but, as usual, it was miles ahead of my mouth and lord knew what would come out if I spoke. I decided taking another bite of my cannoli while they fell back in sync was the best course of action. Chewing slowly, I looked back and forth from Tom to Luke, then swallowed. I chose my words carefully, hoping to not be offensive.  

“Luke, I’m incredibly appreciative, but normally my role is to provide plans for social media managers and directors, which they in turn implement while working one-on-one with their clients. Direct client management isn’t really something I’ve done in a number of years, and I’m not sure it’s something I’m interested in, or even capable of doing again.” He fished some papers out of his bag and pushed them across the table.

“Anne Rice says you’re capable.” I snatched them up, holding in my hand a copy of my resume as well as an email from Anne, singing my praises. It appeared to have been sent earlier in the day. I laughed softly. Client testimonials were usually all anyone cared about, but I kept my resume posted on my website just in case. I didn’t think anyone had ever even looked at it, never mind taken the time to contact my former employers.

“Nice detective work, Luke. I’m impressed. But not only was that more than ten years ago, Anne doesn’t count. She has to say nice things…she’s a friend of the family.” He looked puzzled. “My parents owned a home right down the street from her in the Garden District of New Orleans. When she got wind of my new business venture she volunteered to be my guinea pig.”

Tom leaned forward, scrutinizing me skeptically. “You’re from New Orleans?” I nodded and slipped into an exaggerated southern drawl.

“Born and raised. Even rode on some Mardi Gras floats.” I shrugged and switched back to my regular dialect. “I never had a strong accent, and I’ve lived in New York nearly as long as I did in New Orleans, so it’s faded almost completely.”

Luke pointed his index finger at me. “You should know that not only did she reply to my email immediately, she gave me her number so we could speak. We talked for a good twenty minutes, and she told me she credits you with all of her social media success, including the idea for ‘People of the Page’.  She said you were the only one who managed to help her not only understand, but embrace the technology that allowed her to form deeper connections with her legion of fans. And, she wishes she could have held on to you forever, but she didn’t want to keep you from your dream.” He paused for a moment. I made no comment. “According to your resume, you’re also proficient in website design, graphic design and photography, which are additional assets you’d bring to the company. I’m assuming you do your own site?”

“Correct.” I opened my laptop, started Firefox, pulled up Prosper’s website and grimaced. “Who does yours? It’s…it’s…how do I do put this nicely?” I raised my eyes skyward in thought. “Nope, I can’t. It’s awful. You’re redirecting people to your social media instead of having an actual site. It’s all lowercase, and the italic version of your font is hard to read. There’s a generic, single email as a means of contact. I don’t see a phone number. And that black background…I just can’t even.”

Luke began rubbing his temples. “Admittedly, we’re lacking in that area at the moment.” I snorted. “Maude, this is exactly why I need you. As far as PR goes, I’m exceptionally motivated and skilled.” Tom coughed. Luke shot him a chastising look. “Quiet, you. I lighted out on my own because I know I have something unique to offer…genuine bespoke, personal publicity. What I didn’t account for is the amount of time and effort the social media aspect of it would require. Events, interviews, red carpets, networking, I can handle all of those things with very minimal assistance.” He frowned.

“Unfortunately, I’ve found that all too often I put social media on the back burner because I can’t keep up with it, and as a result I feel like I’m not delivering what I promised to my clients. A few months back I determined it was time to seek outside help, but not a single applicant met my expectations. You, however, exceed my expectations.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Luke, I always appreciate an ego boost, but let’s keep in mind that I didn’t apply for anything.” I put an elbow on the table and rested my chin in my hand. “I did agree to an initial consultation, and since you attended my seminar you know where things are supposed to go from there. Translation – not here.” I leaned back in the chair and linked my hands behind my head. “But, this is where we’ve ended up, and I would be remiss if I didn’t entertain your offer, however briefly. So, what the hell. Lay down the details. Especially the ones pertaining to compensation and benefits.”

************************************************ I stood staring out at the horizon as the waves hit my shins, wiggling my toes in the wet sand underneath the water. Finally, beach. Warm, breezy, sunny, quiet, beautiful beach.

After learning that Tom had no prior knowledge of Luke’s plan to hire someone as his social media manager, I excused myself so they could speak in private for as long they deemed necessary. That’s what I told them, anyway. In truth, I really just needed to get the hell out of there so I could attempt to process all this insanity… which I knew wasn’t even remotely possible until I was alone. Part of me hoped that ‘as long as they deemed necessary’ turned into several hours. Or days.

Luke had proposed an initial annual salary of one hundred thousand dollars while I was working with Tom, increasing to one hundred and twenty-five thousand upon assuming the role of Social Media Director of Prosper. I’d be issued a corporate credit card and expense account, and the company would cover all travel expenses. I currently grossed around forty thousand more than that a year on my own, but being stuck covering all my own travel costs made it a negligible difference. When I factored in the lack of income stability that goes hand-in-hand with self-employment, I’d probably come out ahead financially if I opted to accept the position.

When I pressed him to define my duties and responsibilities, he’d shaken his head and imparted that I was the expert, not him, and therefore I should implement whatever strategies I would have included if I had drawn up a proposal. Though I’d technically be an employee, he preferred that I handle everything on my own and retain complete creative control for the duration of my time as Tom’s personal social media manager. We’d step back and re-evaluate things when I was ready to take the directorial helm.

My spot near the water was becoming popular, with several children running amok carting floats, balls and a slew of other things ankle biters enjoy that destroy peace and solitude for the rest of us. I was walking to the opposite side of the property from Luke’s room where it was less crowded when the gravity of my situation overwhelmed me completely and began to literally pull me down. I sank to my knees on the sand, then tried to shift to a sitting positon as gracefully as possible and without flashing everyone on the beach. Again.

I rested my ass on the back of my calves, listed to one side using my arm as a support, lifted my hips a little, extended both legs at the same time, then pushed myself upright. Not pretty, I’m sure, but I had managed to keep my legs closed. I crossed them at the ankle just to be safe and began to mull over my options. “Okay, Maude. Crunch time. Don’t fuck this up.”

When I first started out, I loved every minute of my ‘job’ and had a burning desire to share my knowledge. Maude Gallagher, LLC was everything I had aspired to do and be. I ate, slept and breathed it like oxygen. I never stopped working, always a phone call or an email away from jumping on a plane. But over the past few years, it seemed that my interest in my own company was steadily waning. While I constantly updated my lectures, the material remained essentially the same and what I used to find fun had become work. Every proposal I presented to a client was unique, but at its core it was identical to all the rest. I still put forth 100%, and my ‘phoning it in’ was akin to someone else’s ‘gave it my all’, but something inside me had changed. What was once my life had become just a job, and that prompted me to consider that I might have missed out on actually living along the way. I kept on truckin’, as they say, because the money was so damn good and the idea of having a boss was horrifying after so many years of answering to no one but myself.

Now here I was, sitting on a beach in Kaua’i, wearing a dress and trying to ignore the sand working its way between my thighs, faced with the daunting task of deciding what the fuck I wanted to do with my life…keep running in place, monotonous but comfortably familiar? Or race off in a new direction, intriguing but entirely foreign?

My proposal for Luke would have advised him to have a website created, marketing materials designed, the existing social media accounts revamped and new platforms established with all of them monitored intensely. I also thought it best that Tom have his own photographer/videographer who’d travel with him to shoot on set, at events and in ‘normal’ situations when deemed permissible. He would have had to hire three or more individuals to meet these specifications, but if I signed on he’d only need me. When I thought of all the types of work involved, how it would be different every single day, that I could be creative again…there was no way I could deny that it sounded pretty fucking spectacular. But something was holding me back, making me hesitate instead of screaming ‘yes, I’ll take it!’…and that something was Tom. Though we’d just met a few short hours ago and I didn’t know him at all, I felt…well, I had no idea what it was, only that is was THERE and that it scared the living shit out of me.

************************************************ I was picking up handfuls of sand and watching it sift through my fingers over and over again when I noticed the long shadow to my left, growing ever closer. Khaki cargo pants followed. I looked up…and up…and up. The sun was almost directly behind us, bathing him in an ethereal glow. So, so beautiful. I licked my lips and wished he’d lose the T-shirt already. He squatted beside me, elbows on his knees.

“Hi.” The corner of his mouth curled in a half smile.

“Hey.” I wiped the remaining bits of sand on my dress. He gestured towards the ground.

“May I?” I nodded. He sat, crossing his legs Indian style, which I wouldn’t have believed possible if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. “Luke and I just finished chatting.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks for coming to let me know.” I started to get up, but he put a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

“I…erm…there are a few things I’d like to say before you go back to see him. If you don’t mind hearing me out, that is.” I shook my head.

“Nope. I don’t mind at all.” He ran his hands through his hair and met my gaze.

“Thank you, Maude.” He swallowed. It crossed my mind that he appeared nervous, but I dismissed it because I didn’t want to consider what that meant. I frowned, turning to look towards the ocean. I heard him inhale deeply.

“First, I want to apologize for losing control of my emotions and acting like a tit. My comment about social media being a waste of time and effort and doing nothing but spreading hate was uncalled for, and I in no way meant to devalue you or your work. All of the feelings I entombed broke loose and I’m so very sorry you had to bear witness to my little crackup.” I turned to look at him and patted his knee.

“No worries. Everybody loses their shit to some degree at one point or another.” He pointed at me, brow raised. “Yes, even me. But really, this was nothing. I once had a client scream ‘this mother fucking social media bullshit has ruined my fucking career and my cunt of a wife fucking left me and now I’m going to have to pay her a fuck ton of alimony and it’s all your fault, you stupid fucking fat piece of shit’ in my face.” Tom’s mouth was closed so tightly his lips were a tiny, thin line. “He was so inept that he accidentally posted a photo of his girlfriend sucking his cock across all his accounts instead of sending it directly to her phone. Best part was that he took the shot in the mirror so his face was clearly visible.”

He put his hand on mine. “Tell me who it was and I’ll happily beat the living shit out of him.”

“Thanks, but not necessary. I handled it. By slapping him three times. And telling him that if I ever heard even a whisper of him saying another derogatory thing about me I’d hunt him down, rip his nuts off with my bare hands and feed them to him for dinner.”

Tom’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “You did no such thing.” I laughed.

“Oh, but I did. And then I fired his sorry ass. And then his band fired his sorry ass. Last I heard he was broke and filing for bankruptcy. Karma, Thomas. She is indeed a wicked bitch.” Before I knew what was happening he leaned in and enveloped me in an embrace. Time came to a grinding halt and I was frozen in place. He rubbed my back for a moment and released me before I even had a chance to hug him back. He remained close, his face only inches from mine.

“Maude, you are an amazing woman. And absolutely beautiful.” I blinked. It was the only thing I was physically capable of doing. I considered telling him that being called fat was a common occurrence for me, though it did happen less now that I was a size 14 instead of a 24…and that it really never got under my skin. Because, fuck that. I had never been lacking in the self-esteem department no matter what the scale said. Or my mother said. I had just come to the conclusion that I’d save that particular tidbit for you know, never, when I felt something under my chin. It was Tom’s hand.

“Shit, sorry, I got lost there for a bit. Woolgathering.” He smirked as he slid his fingers and thumb along my jaw and slowly backed away. He put his hand over his heart.

“Second on my list of things to say… I’m afraid I have a confession to make.” I made a get on with it motion with my right hand. “Earlier, at Talk Story, my requesting you specifically to assist me may not have been entirely a happenstance of fate.” I raised an eyebrow.

“When I walked in, the desk was completely deserted so I wandered off to see if I could locate someone to help me. After coming out of a side room I glanced back at the desk, saw the lovely girls in their Loki shirts, realized they were all staff members, and admittedly panicked a bit. Not because they were fans, but because I had very little time and I knew they’d want a few moments with me and I just couldn’t squeeze it in. I’d worn the ugly shirt and cap so people would be less apt to recognize me for that very reason.”

I poked him in the chest. “You know you have to go back there, don’t you? That adorable girl Alani will die of heartbreak knowing that you were in the store and she didn’t get to meet you.” He grinned.

“I absolutely will. And I’ll ask for her by name. But, on with my confession. So, there I was, caught like the proverbial deer in headlights. And then I saw…you. You had two books in one hand, and a several spread out on a table. I heard your phone alarm go off, and I saw your lips move but couldn’t quite make out what you were saying. I watched you gather them up as if they were precious treasures, and I sneakily followed you as you returned them gently to their proper places. I saw someone with a very obvious love for books, who happened to be a gorgeous woman, a ray of light shining through the early morning fog.  It seemed logical that you were an employee, or perhaps the owner, but…here’s the confession part… I honestly didn’t care whether you were or not. I just had to meet you, and my book reservation was the perfect cover story in the event my logic was flawed. I hesitated when I was finally directly behind you, and when you turned around I almost lost my nerve, but when you looked into my eyes I knew it was now or never. ” He took a deep breath, and I noticed that his hands were shaking slightly. I reached out and took one in mine.

“I thought you may have recognized me, and was waiting for you to out me. I really was. Instead, you marched up to that desk, got my book and brought it to me even though you didn’t actually work there. You paid for the damn thing. And when you called me Indy, the fact that you not only picked up the reference but played along…” He shook his head and put his free hand on top of mine, sandwiching it between both of his.

“Which brings me to the third thing on my list of things to say. And it’s the last. On the street, when I said I wanted to find out who you were, and that I had never wanted to discover anything else quite so badly? I meant that, Maude. All the way down to the depths of my very soul.” I was speechless. Completely, utterly without words. He leaned in to meet my gaze.

“I don’t understand why, or how, or what the fuck it is exactly that I’m feeling…but what I AM certain of is that I’ve never felt it before and it’s glorious and incredible and terrifying all at once. And whether you decide to take the job or not, I still want to KNOW you, Maude. I NEED to know you.”

I smirked devilishly, hoping to add some levity to the situation so I wouldn’t totally freak the fuck out.

“Like, biblically?”

He threw back his head, laughing so loudly people down the beach turned to look our way. I started giggling, which turned into guffawing, and then the snorting started. He laughed even harder and soon enough we were both weeping and holding our sides, trying to catch our breath. I was wiping the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand when he whispered in my ear.

“Yes, Maude. Biblically. As often as humanly possible, preferably.” He pulled back so he could see my face, trying to analyze my expression to determine what I was thinking. I smiled softly.

“I want to know you too, Tom. In every way imaginable.” He grinned, then stood, offering me a hand up. I took it. “Let’s go see a man about a job, shall we?”

************************************************ Luke was overjoyed at my acceptance of his offer and after we all had a quick dinner he broke out the bottle of champagne he’d ordered. He placed a glass in front of me and began to pour. I held up my hand in protest.

“No thank you…none for me, please.” He cocked his head to the side. “Do you have any tea lying around? I’d love a cup if you do.” He went off to see what was in the kitchenette. Tom was pacing around outside, phone up to his ear, his free hand gesturing wildly. He’d just gotten word that Michael Keaton and J. K. Simmons had pulled out of Skull Island. I saw him tap the end call button and he walked back into the room just as Luke came in to tell me he hadn’t had any luck finding me some tea. He set the phone on the table.

“Well, it looks like the shoot’s been postponed until early 2016.” Luke shrugged.

“It happens, Tom. I wasn’t thrilled with either of them being cast, to be honest.” Tom sighed, then grinned at me.

“On the bright side, this gives us lots of time to get things up and running on the social media front.” I yawned. We still had a ton of details to work out as far as how we were going to proceed, but I was exhausted and needed some time alone to get in the zone for my two long days of seminars. Which would be my last, at least for a while. Knowing that felt…delightful, as much as it pained me to admit it.

“Gentlemen, I hate to be a party pooper, but I have two insane days coming up and need some rest so I don’t muck things up too badly.” They both awwweeed but I got up from my chair anyway, slinging my bag over my shoulder and picking up my shoes. “We’re still on for the museum’s hula class at five on Wednesday?”  

They nodded, and Tom rose from his chair, grinning like a fool. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. May I walk you to your room?”

I rolled my eyes. “If you must.”

He took my elbow and walked me to the door. “Oh, I must.”

I waved at Luke. “Goodnight, Luke…and thank you. If you need something, call.”

“Goodnight, Maude. And thank you. This is a game changer for Prosper, and I appreciate you being on board. I couldn’t make it happen otherwise.” He closed the door behind us.

Tom stopped out in the hallway. “Where is your room, exactly?” I headed for the stairs. We walked in silence, just basking in each others presence. I stopped in front of my room, found my keycard in my bag and opened the door. He pointed to the number.

“Oh, 203…you’re right above Luke.” I just stood there and watched his face, waiting for it to dawn on him. When it finally did, his mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, finally spluttering “Right above. Luke. Your room. Is.”

It was my turn to grin like a fool. “Yes, yes it is. If you take another run in the morning you may want to look up periodically. You never know, I just might forget to close the balcony doors again.”  

#your light in the mist #chapter 5

[marthajefferson]

+ au ASOIAF fic + lyanna stark / arthur dayne + pg + 1794 words +

for this prompt x : lyanna doubt arthur's riding skills and wants to help him*

*setting in the Essos AU where everybody survived and lives now away from Westeros’ mess (and yes: jon is named jon is every universe, this is law!). as you will see, i took a few ‘liberties’ with the prompt. sorry :P ---AO3 LINK

-

“I am better than you.”

There was no need of being precise for him. Lyanna was a better person than he was in every way, so he simply nodded at her statement. “You are.”

“A better rider I mean.” The young woman wanted to be precise anyway.

Then--a scream, and they both looked hastily at the ocean. A laugh, they realized, as Jon was playing with the sand, making castles and running around, splashing water on his ephemeral buildings when tired of being a ‘lord'. And any panic vanished. Arthur and Lyanna watched him from afar, leaned back against a rock warmed by the sun. 

They spent the day on a deserted beach on the Orange Coast, a few miles from Volantis. The sound of the waves, the smell of salty sea air, the colour of the water… The beauty of this continent was the easiest part of their exile to accept.

“Hmmm I am… not certain about that my Lady.”

She gave up on trying to convince him to use her name after two years and many demands, but she would definitely fight to defend her indisputable talents. However, there was no irreverence in Arthur’s words, more a teasing music she had learned to recognize and to play with. She looked up at the man sitting by her side: white linen shirt out of grey breeches, purple eyes carefully watching the waves, dark stubble and hair, a faint smile gracing dignified features… The sun seemed to love him, for his skin was born to profit and benefit under it. “I saw many tourneys, many exceptional riders. I am pretty good myself,” he eventually breathed, pulling her out of her contemplation.

“Certainly. But, when it comes to just you and I,” she bumped her shoulder against his broad one, “I am better than you.“

Though still focused on the ocean and Jon playing, he shrugged, feigning disinterest. And Lyanna smiled. They’d been playing this game for a while now, a whole year of teasing and flirting and general suggestiveness -mostly on her part. Arthur’s distance excited her, for he seemed to be holding back, giving in to his instinct inch by inch. She wanted to draw it out, know it in its fullness. She wanted to be wanted by this man.

Her slender hand reached down to take his in the sand. “I could teach you,” she suggested, “to mount properly.”

“I’m too old my Lady.” Too old to learn. Too old to change. Too old for you.

“You are not, Arthur,” she answered right away, the weight of her chin resting now on his shoulder. “Look, I know that we own just one mare but we can try to improve your style anyway.”

Arthur’s face turned towards hers and Lyanna saw the minuscule tightening in his strong jaw. “And how?” he asked, amused eyes searching hers.

“Well, you’ve got to learn the theory first in order to know what you’re doing, right?” There was a tone in her voice he knew too well. “Let me show you.”

His purple eyes widened when she shifted her stance, her petite form climbing onto his lap to straddle his hips. The way she had executed the maneuver so perfectly left Arthur stunned for a moment.

“My Lady?” he breathed, the words caught in his throat.

She raised her forefinger at him. “First lesson. You need to learn how to sit properly on your saddle and to find your balance.” Lifting one hand to rest on his pectorals for stability, she moved on top of him, seeking for the most secure position. A simple roll from her hips, quickly followed by a frown from him. “Your legs must hold on tight. This way… the stallion knows who is truly in charge.”

“My Lady, yo–”

“Lyanna,” she cut across him. Her hands rested on his chest, feeling his rib cage expand as her knight inhaled deeply. “Second lesson: the reins.” Light fingers traveled up to the wisps of his black strands and her hands fisted in tousled hair. “The grip has to be strong and solid, and yet… you have to give some slack. If not, the stallion will rebel.”

Arthur was at a loss for words at her boldness, such was the power of that small woman. Fingers twitched into the sand, he kept his arms by his side and his wide and unblinking eyes on her. Briefly, he thanked the fact that Lyanna adopted the less conformist dress-code of their new land: a pair of man’s trousers, under a light tunic ornamented with embroideries she made herself ; if she had simply worn a gown, she would have certainly felt hi–- “I witnessed people using whips,” Lyanna crooned, unable to hold back a wicked smile, “but I don’t like this at all. A shame, truly, to hurt such a magnificent and obedient animal, isn’t it?”

Was she really expecting an answer from him?

“Third lesson: the commands and the tone used.” At this point, the whole breathing thing was forgotten by Arthur, and he opened eyes he hadn’t even realized he’d shut when she spoke. “Intonations are more important than orders, since a stallion is a very instinctive animal,” she purred, “You shout orders. You do not whisper them.” Lyanna’s fingers tightened more in his dark locks and she noticed only now that both his hands had moved from their previous places on the sand to now being still, in the air, inches above her legs straddling his waist. Afraid of touching her. “If I whisper my commands, if I whisper orders like... faster–” her hands slowly drifted down his scalp to rest on his tense shoulders, “–higher–” to run gently up and down his arms, “–slower–” to eventually wrap around his wrists, “–would the stallion obey?”

This drew another sigh from him and the sound made her pause: the normal soft purple of Arthur’s eyes was now only a thin ring around dark pools of repressed yearning and a heat swelled, radiated from his entire body. The sight made her bit her bottom lip and she rolled her hips once more, wriggling against his lower belly. Goose bumps rose over the nape of his neck. “My Lad–”

“Lyanna,” she corrected him again. Please, say my name. “Fourth lesson: the pace.” Her fingers were still curled around his wrists, but they never pushed his hovering hands down on her. Please, touch me. She leaned forward. “You and your stallion have to move together. In harmony. As one… In perfect… rhythm.” Each of her words punctuated an imperceptible rub against his clothed crotch.

A low groan. His gaze drifted from her eyes, to her hair, her nose, her lips, until he looked her in the eyes again. Abandon. His lips parted. “…Lyanna–”

She almost gasped at the word.

The last person she had heard whispering her name was Rhaegar in a promise he hadn’t kept. A name chosen by her parents, used by her brothers, honored by the North, forgotten in Essos. The six letters vanished from her life in their exile for safety, Jon calling her ‘mother’, and Arthur calling her  ‘my Lady’. But now, hearing it after years, in someone else’s mouth, in her knight’s mouth with such reverence and awe… it felt real. And clean again. She was Lyanna.

Her tongue darted out to moisten her chapped lips. “Say it again.”

His hands finally landed on her thighs. “Lyanna,” he murmured.

A deep, perhaps irrational part of her wanted him to say it again, and again, and again, to compensate for years of oblivion. She put steady hands where his elbows bent and could only breathe in the clean scent of him along with the salty smell of the shore. Again. “Please…”

The scream was higher this time.

It snapped them out of their trance, and they both instantaneously focused their attention on the dark haired boy at the water’s edge. A laugh, a high and enthusiastic cry, and the boy destroyed another sand-castle. Lyanna sighed out of relief and heard a identical breath from the man beneath her. Her Jon didn’t seem to like castles or being a Lord.

When she turned back to Arthur, his hands were gone from her legs but rested on her waist, yet she knew the moment was gone now. Quickly but gently, he pulled her off him as if she weighed no more than a single snowflake, to put her back to her initial position by his side. She tried to protest but Arthur was already on his feet, looking down at her. “I need to–”, he paused and she knew he was searching for the right way to finish the sentence, “I need to go for a swim.”

Lyanna’s eyebrows raised. “A swim?”

“This is a beach.”

His plain statement should have induced a quick and caustic reply from her, but her mind didn’t completely recover yet from the thrill of Arthur’s body trapped beneath hers and her name on his tongue.

He moved to face the ocean, his back to her, and promptly pulled his shirt over his head. At the sight of his bare back, she didn’t divert her eyes. On previous occasions she had spotted his strong body through veils and curtains or interstices, but had hastily repressed the memory or the desire to study it longer. Now, leaning back on her arms, fingers in the sand, Lyanna observed him in all his tanned and muscled glory. “You need a cold bath, don’t you?” she smiled.

That she was able to make a joke of what just happened made a part of Arthur that was tense relax completely. He looked at her over his shoulder. “Can you look after my shirt please? Oh, and after your son as well… occasionally.”

She scooped up a fist full of sand and threw it at him, but the light earth-dust never reached its target. “Hey! I am an exemplary mother.”

With a sudden seriousness she was familiar with, he answered. “You are, my Lady.“

My Lady, again. Lyanna let out a sigh of annoyance but the vision of her bare-chested knight walking toward the sea in simple breeches made her mood change.

When he reached Jon’s level, he gently ruffled the boy’s hair, which incited a new laugh from her son and made Lyanna smile even more. It was a simple action, almost unnoticeable, but one swelling her heart with a warm lump of joy.

Arthur dived into the blue ocean, Jon built another castle, and Lyanna dug her feet into the warm sand.

In that moment, ‘exile’ didn’t seem as frightening as it had sounded almost 4 years ago.

- -

AO3 LINK

for @my-hypes

-

+ a moodboard to illustrate that lazy day at the beach

#arthur dayne #lyanna stark #arthur x lyanna #gotfic #asoiaf fic #PLEASE BE INDULGENT (my first fic and do not forget english is not my native langage) #it was fun to write tho so i hope it will be fun to read as well :) #and a big THANKS to my lovely betas <3

[labourpress]

Jeremy Corbyn speech to launch Labour's Local Election campaign

***CHECK AGAINST DELIVERY***

Jeremy Corbyn, Leader of the Labour Party, will today launch Labour’s Local Election campaign and say:

Thank you for that introduction Bethany and for all that you do in mobilising our student members in Nottinghamshire.

Labour depends on all its members to deliver our message of investment and social justice in every community across Britain.

Over a quarter of a million more people joined Labour over the past eighteen months they saw Labour has broken with the failed politics of the past and that they could be part of a new project for real change: bold, confident and, yes, angry too.

 Because who wouldn’t be angry?

 When they see people lying on trolleys in hospital corridors?

 When they see more and more people homeless on the streets?

 When they hear about a high street chain trying to pay young people in leftover food?

 When huge numbers of Sure Start centres have closed under the Tories?

 Or when class sizes are rising – as the Tories divert funds to grammar schools for a privileged few?

 And when social care for the elderly and disabled is in crisis – while the super-rich and big business get tax giveaways worth £73 billion?

 How can you not be angry and demand major change when life expectancy projections have fallen in Britain for pensioners? We are a rich country, the sixth richest in the world. We are not at war, there is no epidemic sweeping our land.

 But, whether the Conservative Party chair can face the facts or not, life expectancy has actually fallen - by a year for 65-year-old women and 6 months for 65-year-old men - since 2013.

 The truth is that the Tories are running our country down.

 Home ownership, opportunities for our children, wages and conditions at work, the NHS, care for our elderly, and now, life expectancy: they’re all going backwards, run down by a Conservative government that looks after those at the top and manages decline for the rest of us.

 Britain is a wealthy country but you wouldn’t know it from the way people are held back in their everyday lives – from making a home for themselves and their families, building a career, pursuing their interests and ambitions.

 Local councils have made a huge difference to people’s lives – providing libraries and leisure centres, schools, building houses, making sure the elderly have the support they need.

 But since 2010 councils have seen their funding cut by 40%.

 Over ninety percent of councils are putting up council tax this year to try to compensate for the huge cuts in the grant they get from government.

 Meanwhile police budgets are cut, social care budgets are cut, schools budgets are cut, Sure Start centres are closed, libraries are closed , houses aren’t built.

 Whole communities are being held back and jobs, services and hope destroyed. But it doesn’t have to be like this.

 Labour is standing up for you. In Westminster and in every community across the country.

 Labour councils are making a difference across the country. Stepping up where the Government fails to act.

 Faced with the growing housing crisis, Birmingham Council is delivering 30% of all new homes in the city. And Lancashire County Council has formed a joint venture to buy 800 affordable homes for sale and social rent.

 Faced with the crisis in social care 15 Labour councils have signed up to the Ethical Care Charter for minimum standards of safety, quality and dignity of care and improve pay and training for care workers. I signed it myself last week in Blyth.

 Faced with so many people struggling to make ends meet Liverpool council is setting up a not-for-profit energy company - “the Liverpool LECCy” - to sell gas and electricity at a lower cost, building on what’s been done down the road in Nottingham with Robin Hood Energy. And just west of here in Derbyshire the Labour Council’s Welfare Rights Service has helped local people claim £18 million in benefits they otherwise would have lost.

 Faced with the Government’s failure to invest in our economy the ‘Nottinghamshire Economic Development Capital Fund’ has lent £3.5 million to help more than 30 businesses secure good jobs in Nottinghamshire. And in Northumberland, the council-owned Arch property business generates jobs and homes, as well as a return of nearly £5m a year that supports council services like schools, roads and social care. I was really pleased to visit their Blyth Workspace site last week which offer huge opportunities.

 Faced with an epidemic of low pay 89 Labour councils have delivered the real Living Wage for council employees and contractors to ensure better wages for local people. I’m particularly proud that my own borough led the way on that.

 These are just a few examples of how Labour councils are standing up for you and why you need Labour to be in power in towns, counties and city regions as well as Westminster.

 The Conservatives justify tax cuts for the richest and big business by saying they will lead to an increase in investment. But in fact investment has fallen, leaving us with antiquated infrastructure and uncompetitive industries.

 The future of our country cannot be left to the free market and the whims of the wealthy.

 That is why Labour will set up a national investment bank and regional development banks – including our ‘Bank of the North’ - to help unlock £500 billion to fund major capital projects and finance growth.

 Our plan will use public investment to build up new investment by the private sector. It means creating hundreds of thousands of good quality jobs in manufacturing and in green and other cutting-edge industries of the future.

 As every successful business knows, there’s nothing reckless about borrowing to invest quite the opposite.

Investment in infrastructure, skills, broadband and high speed rail generates growth and tax revenues. It more than pays for itself. This is just what the Welsh Government is doing with the launch of the Welsh Development Bank, which draws on 20 years of Labour experience in power.

 At this crucial time we need to look to the future and ask ourselves what sort of country we want Britain to be.

 Theresa May’s Government is trying to use Brexit to turn Britain into a low-wage tax haven for big business.

 We are offering a real alternative that reflects the priorities of the majority of our people to rebuild and transform Britain so that no one and no community is left behind.

 Instead of a country run for the rich, we want to see one in which all of us can lead richer lives.

 A Labour Government will end the rip-off on the railways and bring them into public ownership.

 Labour will overturn the Government’s ban on council-owned bus companies as part of a plan to put the public back into buses.

 We’ll stop the corporate tax cuts and make sure the tax dodgers pay their fair share.

 We’ll invest in our children’s education and skills for our workers.

 We’ll give six million people a pay rise by introducing a real living wage of at least £10 an hour.

 We’ll reinstate nurses’ bursaries and give more people the chance to train to be nurses, so that the sick get the care they need.

 We’ll invest in housing, building the homes our country needs, creating thousands of good construction jobs and apprenticeships and allowing councils to borrow to build council housing.

 Together we can create a Britain where each of us can lead richer lives investing in a better Britain, creating educational opportunity for all, guaranteeing the health and social care services you need, providing safer neighbourhoods and building homes people can afford.

 In the coming weeks of this campaign Labour will be setting out more of our policies to show how Labour will stand up for you.

 This election is your chance to send a message to the Tories: that you won’t accept our NHS in crisis, your children’s future betrayed, a deepening housing crisis, damaging cuts to the police and insecure jobs that don’t make ends meet.

 It doesn’t have to be like this. Things can and they will change.

 So use your vote for Labour on 4th May.

 Ends

[ciathyzareposts]

Star Control II: We’ll Have to Destroy Them Ship-to-Ship

The ship stood no chance.

            For me, Star Control II‘s combat system is the most difficult and disappointing element of the game, and yet I recognize that it isn’t “bad.” To the contrary, it was a genius idea to take the ship-to-ship combat of Star Control and embed it in in a world with a complex, developing story. I’m struggling to think of any other series that has done the same thing–that started with a game that was good at principally one thing, then made a sequel that preserved that element but within the context of a much more expansive experience.

I’m simply not any good at this kind of gameplay. I’m not really good at anything that requires quick reactions, which I suppose is why I’ve never played any competitive sports. (There was a time I could have buried 99% of you at pool, but I wouldn’t consider that a “sport.”) Back in the early 2000s, it became fashionable among the young men in my office to play a couple of hours of Team Fortress or Counterstrike after work (to be honest, there were times we were flexible about the “after” part). I really enjoyed those sessions, but I was always last in the standings. 

I certainly don’t mind a little action in RPG combat, mostly because in a true RPG, you can compensate for a player’s weakness with character buffs, healing, and so forth. In fact, in an open world RPG (where combat and exploration are integrated), combat often becomes extremely strategic despite its action-oriented nature. You just have to carefully choose your approach and terrain, and use options like traps, stealth, explosives, summoning, leading two hostile enemies into each other, and so forth. 

            Is there a gameplay method by which a player could literally destroy all those ships instead of doing things the diplomatic way?

           But there are no such options in Star Control II. When combat begins, your two ships appear on a field of stars, and there’s nothing but you and your reactions. Thus, I end up reloading a lot. Things are worse whenever combat begins near a planet. The planet’s gravity well exerts an influence on the ships, but not in any way that seems to me consistent or predictable, particularly when your ship changes screens. The planet itself isn’t always visible, but when it does appear, you have to struggle not to bonk into it, and trying to fly directly away from it almost never works. You’re trying to figure all this out, of course, while the enemy is shooting at you.

The only tactic you get is the choice of ship, which makes a huge difference in the difficulty of combat, particularly for someone like me. Your choice of ship depends heavily on the enemy, of course, which requires taking careful notes about each enemy and what it can do. If you’re facing off against an enemy with weapons of limited range, you want to choose a ship with long-range options. If the enemy is slow and cumbersome, you want something lithe and maneuverable. If the enemy’s ship has only a few hit points, maybe it’s best to choose a ship with a lot of hit points (like your flagship) and be willing to absorb a little damage while you wait for a one-shot opportunity.

Once selected, your choice of ship is difficult to change. You can hit ESC to warp out of combat, but it takes a few seconds, and the enemy can often destroy you in those few seconds. Of course, if your ship is destroyed, you get an option to choose a different one, but then you’ve lost the crew and have to re-build the ship back at the starbase.

During this session, I found myself facing a regular Ur-Quan dreadnought. The ship has devastating cannons, but with a relatively short range. Its secondary attack is to launch mini-fighters that bombard you like gnats, but they’re relatively easy to out-run. Since I had saved the game just before the encounter, I took some time to grade the performance if each of my ships against the dreadnought. (Instead of saving and reloading, there’s also a separate program that lets you practice combats; I used this a little but found the bouts annoying to set up.) These were the results:

1. The Earth Cruiser. It was promising at first. The ship’s main attack is a homing missile that, if shot from far away and on a reasonably straight path towards the target, almost always hits. I’d had a lot of success with it against the VUX, which have limited-range attacks. But the ship is slow and hard to maneuver, and it’s a nightmare to pilot when the gravity well of a planet is nearby to muck things up. Its secondary attack, point defense lasers, rely on proximity to the target, which is a bad idea with the Ur-Quan. C.

          The cruiser scores a hit, but it lacks enough maneuverability to get out of the way of the incoming Ur-Quan shot.

          2. The Orz Nemesis. This is a relatively fast ship with a mid-range cannon. It became much more useful once Wonko instructed me how to rotate the cannon so you can fire it from the rear. Since the Nemesis cannon has a greater range than the Ur-Quan cannons, I could turn my tail to the dreadnought and keep him just in range of my own weapons, although actually hitting him required a precision in aiming that I was rarely able to achieve. The best part about the Orz Nemesis is the secondary attack, which fires a pod containing a “space marine” who latches onto the enemy ship, boards, and kills as many crew members as possible before getting killed himself. (Basically, it’s a missile that costs you one crew member and does a variable amount of damage.) The Ur-Quan fighters nibbled away at my hit points, but I was able to prevail 2 times out of 3. B.

              The Nemesis stays out of range while firing its cannon to the rear.

          3 The Pkunk Fury. This was a horrible choice for the dreadnought. Although the main weapon shoots out of three sides (which helps someone like me), it has an extremely limited range, so you have to bring it close to the enemy, and “close” is a bad idea with an enemy like this. When the batteries run dry, you have to mash the secondary attack option to re-charge them (the option for some reason casts audible insults at the enemy). The only benefit is that when it’s destroyed, it is sometimes resurrected. D.

4. The Zot-Fot-Pik Stinger. Not only was it useless against the dreadnought, I can’t imagine the ship ever being useful for anything. Its only benefit is speed and maneuverability, but its weapon is weak and its range is laughably short. The secondary attack just seems to fire a laser beam so small that you’d have to be within boarding range of the enemy for it to hit. F.

5. The Ariloulaleelay Skiff. Flying this one is weird. It has no inertia, so you have to hold down the thrust button constantly. It’s very maneuverable, and its main weapon is an auto laser that aims itself, which is nice, but it dies in one hit from the dreadnought and probably any other ship. C.

6. The Spathi Eluder. As others have pointed out, sometimes this ship almost makes it too easy. The ship’s secondary attack, BUTT missiles, have a decent range and do a great job homing in on the enemy. You can even arc them around other obstacles. The ship is fast and agile, and it’s easy enough to stay just outside the Ur-Quan’s range while you fire off bursts of missiles. A.

          The Spathi does its best to “elude” the enemy while firing its rear missiles.

           7. The Flagship. There are no universals because its strengths and weaknesses depend heavily on what you buy. The ship’s primary advantage is that at a full crew complement, it can really take a beating. I have trouble aiming the cannons, but as long as I’m willing to temporarily forget that my hit points are really people, I can usually wait around long enough to fire at just the right moment. Against the Ur-Quan specifically, it wasn’t a great option because the dreadnought also has a lot of hit points, and the main weakness of the flagship is that if it’s destroyed, the game is over. B.

             Going nose-to-nose was a bad idea.

         By the end of this trial, I was feeling pretty good about my developing skills and knowledge base, but later I was reminded that you have to essentially repeat this process with every ship you encounter. The next “new” enemy I fought was the Mycon podship, and the thing absolutely devastated me. Most of my strategies revolve around not having to be very quick, but you can’t go that route with the Mycon because they’re capable of generating new crew members (growing them from spores, I guess) in the middle of combat. Their homing missiles are tough to dodge. I was unable to reliably defeat them with any ship and eventually had to flee combat.

As this session began, I had just dealt with the Slylandro probes once and for all. (I met a few more before they disappeared entirely, but I had destruction codes to transmit.) I was on my way back to the Ariloulaleelay in “quasi-space” hoping that they’d give me a “portal spawner,” which would let me enter quasi-space from anywhere in hyperspace instead of just the one weak point. I hoped this would make travel faster and less costly in terms of fuel. In fact, I was counting on it, because I didn’t have nearly enough fuel to get back to Earth as it was.

Well, I was in luck. The Ariloulaleelay gave me the spawner.

            This is true, but it uses nothing while in quasi-space itself.

           It took me a while to figure out how quasi-space works. You always enter at coordinates 500,500. Exit points surround you. The exit points seem to have no correlation with the positions at which they dump you in hyperspace. I spent a lot of wasted time trying to figure out a formula, but it seems instead that you have to simply try each quasi-space exit and record where you land. I ultimately did that, but because entering quasi-space takes 10 fuel units, and I was down to 32, I had to reload a bit.

Eventually, I found that the quasi-space exit at 492,492 took me to hyperspace/true space coordinates 191,93, which are pretty close to Earth. I stopped at Alpha Centauri on the way and met with the Melnorme, selling some accumulated bio-scans for technology that helps defend my lander against the life forms it encounters. I had just enough credits left for a little information, and they told me that the Pkunk are an offshoot of the Yehat. This ended up being somewhat timely.

             A starmap of quasi-space. All the exits are clustered together in the center.

         Back at the starbase, Commander Hayes told me that the Ariloulaleelay had joined us and given some of their ships and ship schematics. My fleet of attached ships was now full with the addition of two Ariloulaleelay Skiffs. He also related that there had been a hyperspace disturbance near the edge of Pkunk space, as if hundreds of ships had entered hyperspace at once.

Some of my commenters have mentioned checking the starmap repeatedly. As you meet new species, circles appear on the map showing the species’ relative territories. What I didn’t realize until this session is that those circles can move. In this case, they showed the Punk territory swiftly moving “eastward,” towards the VUX and Yehat, though for some reason the Yehat weren’t marked on my map.

         The status around the beginning of this session.

            I flew down to see what they were up to. It didn’t take me long to find a Pkunk vessel in the Ptoloemae constellation. They had decided “our Yehat siblings are in need of our love and good counsel” and that they intended to sail to Yehat space and “greet our Yehat brethren with warm hugs of affection.” I knew how that would go, but they wouldn’t listen to me until I told them that I’d consulted a Ouija board and it spoke poorly about the timing of this voyage. The alarmed Pkunk agreed to return home and read the signs once again.

            This part was a bit alarming.

          After this, it was time to return to my “to do” list. The next item was to visit the Spathi homeworld, for which I had exact coordinates. Giving the password supplied by my Spathi ally, Fwiffo, it wasn’t long before I was talking with the High Council. I asked them to ally with me, but they quite frankly admitted that they were “too afraid of the Ur-Quan to consider such an alliance.” When I pressed them by boasting about my own strength, they said they’d join if I would rid their home planet of the “Evil Ones.”

             The aliens in this game are often goofy, but you can’t deny that they have a certain consistency of characterization.

           A little backstory followed: the Spathi used to be somewhat dormant, lazy mollusks living on the planet Spathiwa. But eventually a race of carnivores evolved on the same planet, and they apparently liked eating mollusks. The Spathi “fled across oceans, from continent to continent, but the Evil Ones always followed.” Eventually, they fled off-planet, to their own moon, and abandoned Spathiwa to the carnivores. They wanted me to visit the planet and get rid of them.

              Zapping the “Evil Ones.”

            Despite the absurdity of scooping up an entire race in my lander, it wasn’t hard. The “Evil Ones” turned out to be lemur-looking things that didn’t even move. I collected them all and returned to the High Council, which expressed gratitude and said they’d begin moving back to the planet immediately–but then almost immediately reneged on joining the Alliance. I had to threaten to release the Evil Ones from stasis to compel them to keep up their end of the bargain.

            The Spathi concede to my Alliance.

          During the conversation, they mentioned that they’d taken a HyperWave Caster from the Umgah–presumably the same one that the Umgah had been using to impersonate the Ilwrath gods and convince the Ilwrath to attack the Pkunk. I had made a bungled visit to Umgah space hoping to secure this device. But I got no dialogue or other options that would have allowed me to obtain the Caster from my new allies.

Dialogue with the Spathi also revealed the existence of yet another species, the Thraddash, “a weak and obnoxious race from the Draconis group of stars.” I had a note to visit Draconis to see about an un-aligned species, so that was useful intelligence.

My next stop was Vela I, the Precursor world where I’d grown up, which I visited thanks to the completely innocent suggestion by commenter Villa that my folks might be wondering what happened to me. When I arrived, I was dismayed to find a red shield around the planet, plus an Ur-Quan dreadnought guarding it in orbit. A brief dialogue conveyed what I already suspected: the Ur-Quan had found the Earth colony and forced them to accept the same fate as their relatives on Earth itself. A combat ensued, which I recorded at the beginning of this entry.

            I audibly gasped when I saw the planet, which is a tribute to how well the game set up the red shields as a plot device.

            My last stop was at Beta Copernicus, the old Syreen homeworld, where I hoped to find some evidence of what had destroyed the planet. I found it quite quickly: the remains of a huge egg shell. I’m 99% sure the Mycons destroyed the planet by sending some kind of spore to penetrate it and crack it open–the planet is actually called a “shattered world,” and I later encountered several more of them in Mycon space. 

           My crew discovers evidence.

          I met the Mycons themselves somewhere in the Brahe system. They’re an arrogant species, convinced of the superiority of their type of lifeform over non-fungal life. When I asked about the shattered worlds, they told me about their “deep children” who “build” new homes for Mycons, apparently by destroying existing ones, so I was right. Anyway, every dialogue with the Mycons ended in combat, and I was unable to defeat their extremely fast, maneuverable, regenerating ships. I gave up and fled.

            And the Mycon incriminates himself. Case closed!

           I assumed when I returned to the Syreen commander, news of the destruction of her world might motivate them to break their treaty with the Ur-Quan, but she had no new dialogue options. I thus reloaded and headed for Draconis, which has 14 freaking stars! The second one I explored, Epsilon Draconis, finally gave me one of the mysterious “Rainbow Worlds.” It had some minerals and life forms but wasn’t otherwise special. I assume the Melnorme will give me credits for it.

          Captain Chester finally makes the “Rainbow Connection.”

              I ran low on fuel before I found any Thraddash, but I returned to Earth with my storage pods bursting with minerals and life. Commander Hayes told me that the Spathi had arrived as promised, and had given us plans for their Eluder starship, so I can make more.

At this point, my flagship is “full,” in that all the module bays are used. I have:

             4 storage bays

4 fuel tanks

2 crew pods

1 point defense system

3 dynamo units

1 ion bolt gun

1 fusion blaster

              I’m happy to take opinions on a more optimal configuration. My plan is to next try to solve the VUX Admiral Zex’s quest to find a special life form in the Lyncis constellation.

Time so far: 27 hours

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/star-control-ii-well-have-to-destroy-them-ship-to-ship/

#retro games #dos games #retro #crpg #adventure #amiga #oldcomputers #8bit #16bit #blog #repost

[krezigranat]

xenophobia - the painful uncertainty of self-realization

18 April 2019

I’ve been observing my obnoxiousness related to the roles I used to play and currently do in my relationships, which is assisting others almost all the times. It took a lot of time to understand that this antipathy is supposed to mean it’s not clear for me what we all do for a living on a large scale.  The lack of perspective actually is what prevents me from choosing the right units for measurement and considerations of my limits, and not the people around me.

Assistance has a rightful negative connotation in societies, where this role is a label, obligatorily associated with gender, race, age, access of these members to other services and social circles are unreasonably limited, is not respected neither is ever compensated fairly.

What helps to deal with the anger that is generated under such unfair and unbalanced circumstances is when you start carefully scale from the smallest to the largest framework to take a quality look. This observation highlights the inter- and co-dependencies between the players of the economic game and inevitably activates grace and mercy in every observer, once he/she realizes that the pain is being commonly shared.

When I say dealing with anger it never means silencing it in any possible ways. Anger is my own form of energy, silencing it would mean self-denial, my own neutralization or burying myself alive. Which would generate tremendous amount loss, drive grief and depression and result in decision paralysis. Instead of self-denial, neutralization and paralysis, I prefer to learn to transform this energy into creative actions. 

In the choreography of production - or work in general - all actors are defined in the same framework and the same significance applies to the stability of each employee on all levels in all entities included: vendors, partner institutes, clients, etc.  Through scaling from small to big, the term “outsider” slowly becomes indefinable once you drew the outline of the biggest circle. From that point of view it’s undeniable that our Team practically includes everyone and the maestro of this all is defined by and equals to the preferences and expectations of groups, who actually pump money into the sector. From that perspective, everyone assists, what really makes a difference is the amount of share for which the participant is entitled and the bargaining power, that increases with the accumulation of capital. 

Here we can see the equation between power and capital. In this equation, you find no sign of natural intelligence. So in case you intend to develop the formula you must restore the balance by altering the fact that the individual interest is muted, blurred, and assimilated on this level. Here you have to deal with the fact that economic power is alienated from its founder and its fundament.

Intelligence reappears on this level when you take the responsibility and find a way to give the right emphasis on the common link, which is the human being and its mind. These are exit points or chances for people to change a dehumanized system and let their acts finally be driven by humbleness and wisdom instead of hatred and fear.

The beauty of being small on the land of giants is that you are fast, vulnerable and can be destroyed by yourself the most effectively, which also means that each form of personal uncertainty - hostility, resistance, denial - is loss of focus and catalyzes disintegration on all scales (individual, organisational, societal). Not a question anymore why we are so much dependent on our skills and senses with which we are constantly and tirelessly searching for better insight, empathy, endurance, self-esteem, self-control, self-confidence and self-organization. Bricks and parts of this morbid and sarcastic lego, called self-realization.

As far as I understand what we do for a living is making the biggest fish happy. This is the vision we share with our partner during the project for which we team up. But the big fishes are different in each scenario so it’s not the only vision with which we must act consistently. When someone is raised on generalized truths it must be hard to understand that an economic group needs to divide it’s focus to develop and apply uniquely valid and independent but fundamentally coherent set of visions for: hiring; raising capital; running for a project; executing a project; management of existing relations, support network; and other aspects I’m still not aware of. 

What could help my average European mind to keep focus in such multifaceted environment is the stable ground served by clear communication about an unquestionable, simplified core mission: self-sustainability. The phenomenon defines itself, I mean for self-realization you don’t have to do much else but make sure you exist. For that you enter networks, build and maintain correct relationships, live and let live. Doing the marketing magic is necessary and important but simply not enough for the survival of groups of people in such environment. Glitter and glamour is not stable ground for highly stressed people to stand and rely on while they are trying to resolve their conflicts. But a fundamental need – as keep staying together alive - does help to clear the mind and become focused again.

As an indigenous European, raised in Eastern Hungary, I can say I had to learn to control my below tendencies for the benefit of cooperative competition:

being fond of perfectionism and exclusions 

being defined as the smart one in the hood 

love to tell the ultimate best truth about stuff and believe I rule the world through giving orders 

the belief that I can manage life without having conversations 

the belief that I can define a phenomenon through judgement without paying quality attention to its details 

accept feedback in form of punishment or reward and believe to have a desirable impact through applying these in reply 

be alienated from my own nature and live my life as coherent series of blames on others for the lack of assistance 

...all in all to learn to control myself, who is a smart, angry, injured individual.

And what I find to be the most challenging in all this is to stop reasoning why it takes so long to commit to a decision. It’s hard to keep calm even though I clearly see that all the effort I’d put into reasoning I can save and turn into the establishment of the preferred change, which currently is the removal of procrastination from the toolkit.

[poeticwasteland]

Some days this year I’ve really felt as overwhelmed and as stressed as I did back when I was a first year teacher...maybe worse.

I haven’t had to put out behavioural fires since I was a student teacher, but I don’t know if I’ve gone a single day this year without at least one. In my own (minor) defence, I‘ve been good and set up w/ all ingredients for a real honest to god classroom management/behaviour nightmare this year. (After a full year of unemployment, I finally am able to reenteer the field, but it’s at the middle level — previously I had been teaching high school exclusively —and not only is it jr high, but it’s actually in an elementary school! I have an elementary teacher contract and a secondary certification. Which is another cool thing. But I digress for now. I’m sure I’ll come back to that. Right so: my skills have been rusting for over a year, and am only given the chance to use them again now in basically a totally new teaching environment. Not to mention I’ve also moved to a suburban private/Catholic school, when I used to teach urban public. I have five drastically different courses to prepare for. And two days a week (at least), no prep period. Oh, and plus, the major kicker? I was hired a week into school, so I didn’t have the opportunity to begin the year properly, as I was rather unceremoniously thrown into the deep end, and immediately began receiving pressure from parents who wanted the missed time made up for ASAP.)

One of those things would trip up most veteran teachers. The combination can be devestating. Just to clarify: I don’t feel like my classes are out of control or running wild or anything like that. But I do have issues with standalone behaviour (particularly in the hallways/transition time) that I find potentially dangerous, borderline disrespectful, and frankly just unacceptable. Parents have been contacted, recess has been redacted, I’ve issued every consequence I have within my power. Tbh, I’m sick of sounding like freaking broken record. Ugh. Frustrating doesn’t begin to cover it.

It’s not just the behaviour stuff that has me ready to pull out my hair. Its also: I’m really not making enough to fully make ends meet. Legit half of what I made in the public schools. And I’m expected to shoulder twice the workload at this half compensation. Anyone who knows me knows that this isn’t something I’m like to complain about - I consider my tenacity and work ethic to be among my greatest assets (especially as a teacher!) And now that I think about it it isn’t so much the workload that I’m struggling with, or the lower wages I’m stressed about. It’s the combination - and the thought, the very real awareness that I could fail to meet some responsibility or other, stretched as thinly as I am now. And having expierenced the catastrophic fallout of such a failure in the past - I’m terrified of ever repeating that experience. I doubt I could survive it again.

Along with that fear comes the cognisance and very real ever present awareness that I’m legit on my last shot. If I screw this up somehow I’ll never teach in this state again, likely wouldn’t be able to get a job teaching anywhere at all. Teaching isn’t just something I do, it’s the core of who I am, and the thought of doing something else with my life is just...I literally can’t. And working for the Catholic schools comes with the constant feeling of being under a moral microscope. And I truly detest being forced into someone else’s box and being denied the freedom to be myself, to express myself fully (especially after school hours). I’m afraid going to a pride rally could cost me my job. I’m mildly worried about any impact using my work-provided heath insurance to obtain birth control might have. I’m sure I’m mostly being paranoid, but I lost my last job for using profanities while discussing the actions of a nameless colleague on tumblr. I posted after work hours, and from a personal device. So I can’t help but think... if a bit of foul language was enough to not only drag my reputation and career through the mud within that district, and it was also enough for them to continue to perpetuate the rumor beyond their own borders, costing me at least two potential jobs directly...if I cross the wrong person again, any little thing could, and probably will, be used to utterly destroy me.

I’m trying - desperately trying - to focus my attentions and energies on being grateful for the opportunity to get my foot back in the teaching door at all. Because I am grateful, beyond grateful, for it and all the benefits it’s brought back into my life too. I’m just finding it increasingly hard to limit my perspective to the positive when I’m insecure, overwhelmed, and generally terrified.

What happened in 2015-2016 left me with a severe case of PTSD. Which has gone essentially untreated (because, no insurance while unemployed, no money to afford therapy) during the year+ I remained out of the classroom. Now I’m attempting to function daily plus also, be an anchor for my kids, and I constantly feel like I’m failing them. Im seeking help. It just can’t come fast enough

#education #teacher problems #educhums #teacher PTSD #ptsd recovery #ptsd #ptsdbreakthesilence