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#best medical podcasts
earllbelll11 months ago
Critical Care Education is one of the best medical podcasts that are exclusively dedicated to intensive care. They provide free intensive care and emergency medicine podcasts. Intensive care network products are a great way to get updates on the latest clinical developments and professional development. 聽For more details, visit
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mkstrigidae2 months ago
when you accidentally get mad enough to write a whole ass essay in the tags and tumblr is like 'that is too many tags' and deletes 2/3 of it for no goddamn reason like excuse me i had a POINT I WAS MAKING HERE 馃槨
#text posts#i'm mad about the wellness industrial complex now#tl;dr#it's predatory and selling a non viable solution to potentially desperate people who our medical system has failed to properly serve#pls go listen to the podcast#maintenance phase#it is the only thing that soothes my angry soul when i see someone talking abt celery juice or healing crystals or goop#i will fistfight the CEO of goop in a parking lot#paltrow talking about how she 'broke down and ate bread' during the pandemic makes me INCANDESCENT with rage#this industry is at best ineffective#and at worst actively harmful#i do not blame people who are seeking answers in the wellness industry bc it is extremely hard to be a person these days#and society is a mess and everyone is experiencing the anxiety that the fractured system causes#the medical system has failed a lot of people#and they should not be demonized or mocked for searching for answers outside of a system that has caused many of them harm#but the wellness industry preys on these larger cultural anxieties#esp with the pandemic#and sells products that have no basis in evidence or science#just to profit off of the people that society has failed#i'm a lot of fun at parties#this isn't as coherent as i normally am#but the JIST IS THERE#gwyneth turn on ur location i just want to talk#who the FUCK can afford shit like celery juice anyways#it's purely for an aspirational class trying to show moral superiority through purchasing power#and yet#none of it is fucking sustainable#pls just go listen to maintenance phase#mike and aubrey are the only thing preserving my sanity rn
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brownsugar-dreams3 months ago
6 Mindful Habits To Adopt
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This mindful episode dives deep into the reasons behind some of the actions we take. We discuss doing what it takes to get above average results that can ensure the best possible life outcomes (sugaring and running up a bag included). You will have a mindset shift in consciousness after really absorbing the info in this episode. What鈥檚 inside:
Entropy and what it means for our lives
You are not like everyone else
Running on autopilot: why we do it, how often we do it, how we can stop
3 main ways to be free from compulsive/obsessive thinking, mind wandering, and daydreaming
2 real life examples of putting these methods into practice
The list of 6 mindful habits to adopt
How self-awareness affects the people around you
Pushing through to the next stage
I鈥檓 just 2 weeks and 4 exams away from finishing my summer coursework and being that much closer to getting my medical degree!
Everything is working out and it feels amazing. I promise I鈥檓 not just saying it, I鈥檓 living it. I took a break from camming for a while to focus on classes, podcasting and other aspects of the business. I decided to put my premium back up and I thought I鈥檇 have to start fresh with new clientele but that wasn鈥檛 the case! They鈥檙e all still there and even have some new subs ready to give me their paycheck 馃槀 which I will be using every drop towards my move later this summer. Everything I give my attention to blossoms. Affirm it.
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emiko-matsuia month ago
Recommendations for new podcasts <3
Alice Isn't Dead: this is a horror/sci fi actual play podcast. it's only advertised as a horror podcast and i think that you will enjoy it much more if you look at it from both genres. it's a fantastic wlw story with a poc main character with anxiety. it has some terrifying and beautiful quotes. it also comes from the same creators as welcome to nightvale. if you like horror and lore stuff i recommend you check it out! (also definitely check it out if you're gay)
My Brother, My Brother and Me: three brothers starts a podcast in 2010 to keep them from drifting apart. over 500 episodes and 11 years later they are trapped in the podcast still. one of the aspects of the show is the brothers going onto yahoo answers and now, they have outlived yahoo answers. but jokes aside, this podcast is full of warmth and i've never met a person who hasn't laughed (out loud) while listening. and hey, if you're looking for a podcast to listen to when you fall asleep or if you zone out a lot, this is the one for you! you can zone out anywhere and have just as much context as if you hadn't, and it makes the podcast no less enjoyable.
What'sHerName: just listen to this podcast, just do it. it's about women forgotten by history and two female historians finally telling them. every episode they talk about a new woman and have an expert on the show about that woman's life and history. the vibe of the show is so calm and it asks question that are large in a serene way.
True Crime And Cocktails: so you take the world's most famous unsolved cases, often covered in netflix specials. their first season covers the unsolved mysteries episodes, but the women that host this podcasts does a lot more research than their sources. so if you like long episodes, unsolved crimes, and drunk best friends give this a listen. yeah, did i mention they're drinking during the entire time?
Sawbones: as the official description says, dr sydnee mcelroy and her husband justin delve into the twisted history of medicine. to a lot of people medical history sounds like an incredibly boring subject, that includes me, but then i listened to sawbones. the first episode alone talks about trepanation, or to put it simply drilling holes in your head to fix your illness. this isn't the history of medicine as we know it. this is the history of the most fucked up things we used to do and call medicine.
The Adventure Zone: ask anyone who's listened what they feel about it and you'll get answers after answers after answers of how profoundly beautiful this story that a family managed to create. how it's one of the most beautiful stories ever heard, with a fantastic score, and quotes that rip your heart every time you hear them. and then you put the podcast on and hear three brothers and their dad playing dungeons and dragons while making infinite dick jokes, dunking on every single npc their brother creates, and meets a man named barry bluejeans. our oldest brother fell in love with the grim reaper. our middlest brother swallowed an all-powerful pink rock. our dad almost fucked a plant. welcome to the adventure zone.
The Magnus Archives: it's a horror actual play podcast! every episode is standalone but becomes more plot heavy the further into the show you come. every episode has a creepy overtone but some episodes will be calmer and some episodes will be more terror heavy. this depends entirely on your personal fears. it has a genuinely cool narrative and gets pretty lore heavy by the later seasons (if that's positive or negative is up to you). the characters includes a brown bisexual asexual man, a blind lesbian woman, and a fat gay man. every episode includes trigger warnings.
Very Really Good: kurtis conner is a professional youtuber and standup comedian. for fun he does a podcast on sundays where he talks about... whatever. it isn't tied to either his comedic career or youtube profession just a thing he does on the side. the early episodes are more podcast centric while the later episodes are more youtube centric. it's a calm listen i recommend if you want something to have on and not engage in.
(if u want episode recommendations for these podcasts, check the replies)
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kvetcher9 months ago
Hi, I do not politically align as a radfem but I have read gender critical ideas here and there for a while. Most of my dashboard and irl social circle are trans activists, nonbinary lesbians, etc. In light of the situation with Elliot page, I have been seeing more blogs like yours and reading them, and finding things that speak to my experiences, such as the 鈥渃onversion therapy鈥 aspect of gender non-conforming gay people feeling pressured to socially and even medically transition. My head is kind of spinning but I want to understand more about these beliefs, and you seem to have a thoughtful and put-together blog. Do you have any recommendations for longer readings (like essays and books) or other media (like Youtube channels or other blogs) that I could look into for more information? Thank you, have a good day
thanks for asking! i hope you have a good day too聽
here is a google doc with summaries and sources for a bunch of radical feminist arguments. if you鈥檙e looking to understand exactly what radical feminists believe then this is a really good start.
here is a google drive with lots of pdfs of radical feminist and radfem-adjacent books and essays. i would specifically recommend Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine.聽
here is a masterpost聽of free pdfs of various radical feminist books, essays, etc.
the ref tag聽on my blog is full of similar posts with pdfs, sources, etc.
i don鈥檛 watch much youtube but i strongly recommend the late聽Magdalen Berns
i really love the adult human female podcast which can also be streamed on spotify and apple podcasts
feminist current聽is a news site that frequently posts about radical feminist and gender critical views
i don鈥檛 have a pdf of it but Female Erasure by Ruth Barrett has been recommended to me and is something i鈥檝e been planning to read
here is an article about gay and lesbian people in iran being pressured to change their gender that i think resonates with what we鈥檙e seeing in the west as well
i鈥檓 glad that you felt comfortable reaching out! it鈥檚 really difficult to even ask questions these days. if you want to know anything else i will do my best to answer!聽
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fractal-baby5 days ago
Time for another annoyed "defend Jim Kirk post"
I was listening to a podcast about Amok Time and they criticized Jim for pushing Spock during the biology/pon farr conversation. Saying it was an invasion of privacy and he should have left Spock alone. I'm struggling with how someone could react to the scene that way unless they had a strong bias against Kirk going into the scene.
Jim is under a lot of pressure at that point. Spock is displaying violent anger, rerouting the ship against direct orders, and even more troublingly, admits to having no memory of doing so. Given the level of trust that Kirk has in Spock, that has to be downright disturbing and possibly poses a danger to the ship. Then, right before that scene, Bones tells Jim that Spock is going to die, and that he knows why but won't speak of it.
Jim gives Spock a logical reason to tell him the truth ("if I'm going to lose the best first officer in the fleet") and then orders him. Spock refuses. I think it's clear that Spock truly didn't want to tell Jim he wouldn't have (he never told Bones, even though as CMO, Bones could issue similar orders on medical grounds ). It isn't until Jim promises privacy that Spock opens up.
But also -- Jim and Spock are coworkers, yes, but they're also friends. Spock explicitly says so a few scenes later. I don't know about you but if my closest friend was going to die, and it could be prevented, my concerns would not really be about HIPAA compliance, you know? Spock explicitly removes the conversation from their command structure ("transcends the discipline of the service") early on.
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emothirsta month ago
Funtime Freddy x Reader Hcs! <3
馃帺 Chaotic Pansexual energy, you have no idea what he's gonna do. Bonus: BonBon and Bonnet are Aromantic Asexual.
馃帺 He actually has a spare hand stored away in his secret compartment, but it wasn't used often in the sister location, so it needs a bit of TLC before you help him put it on.
馃帺 BonBon and Bonnet are his very tired children who are sick of his shit. Dating Freddy means you've adopted them too. No exceptions.
馃帺 His thermal programming is a life saver. Too hot? Cold as an ice cube. Too cold? Warm as a bed on sunday morning.
馃帺 He has to be doing SOMETHING at all times, but you can get him to shut up if you put on background audio like music or a podcast.
馃帺 Cuddles are tricky because of his hard exterior, but he doesn't have a problem with you throwing a pillow on him to make it comfy. Just expect him to rub some part of your body, again, the guy can't sit entirely still.
馃帺 Loves horror movies, crime dramas, and true crime. He has and will laugh every time someone dies.
馃帺 Will happily explain the process of someone dying from a certain cause if asked or prompted by a crime drama. Its actually really useful if you're a writer.
馃帺 He isn't the best at comforting someone. Usually if he sees you upset, he'll try to make you laugh, and if he can't, he'll just stay by your side and listen. BonBon and Bonnet are much better at this, and usually have comforting words. Usually they'll have Freddy make you some drink of your choice and set up whatever makes you feel better.
馃帺 His humor is very dark most of the time, but he's very capable of reading a room or situation.
馃帺 This boy will roast someone so damn hard they spontaneously combust if they look at you funny.
馃帺 He has a bluetooth speaker and can connect to other speakers to talk through or play random music. Your neighbors had to throw out theirs because Freddy kept playing Caramell dansen at max volume for three days nonstop.
馃帺 Will meme. All the time. He's got an infinite soundboard of memes stashed away in his programming.
馃帺 Throws the best fucking parties you'll ever experience. He may have been designed for kids parties, but he can throw parties that you only hear about in legends. One time ya'll woke up in the next town over with a keg stuck in Freddy's chest. You had to go to a metal worker to get it out.
馃帺 If ya'll go grocery shopping he's a portable fridge. You are the only one who can use his secret compartment this way.
馃帺 DOES NOT LIKE BABIES. They always interrupt his act and try to take apart BonBon and Bonnet. He himself may be loud but even he doesn't interrupt someone else's performance. (Unless necessary of course)
馃帺 He's a little clueless about romance, but he does try where he can. Bon and Bonnet are pretty good with ideas and help him out.
馃帺 Pretty dang strong, and it definitely helps when you gotta clean under furniture.
馃帺 If you have medical issues, such that you need some kind of moderation program/equipment, he's pretty good at keeping it and you in check with reminders and such. The drawback? He uses MLG sounds. No matter where you are.
馃帺 He's got like, 3-4 terabytes of memory, so he can store a lot of shit in his brain, dude. And he usually uses this for jokes, death, and random stuff that he knows you like. Like, you point out a recipe you wanna try in a cookbook at the store, he's got it downloaded and can recite it on demand or ATTEMPT to cook it for you as a surprise.
馃帺 He cannot cook. I mean, he's a robot, he doesn't need to, so its....tricky. The best thing he can make with edible results is mustard pickles. No one knows why this is.
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Enjoy <3
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inconsistentenigmaa month ago
Metal Family Headcanons That Either Haven't Made It In My Fanfics Yet, Not Sure If They Will Or Weren鈥檛 Clear So I Will Put Them Here
Doesn't drink often, never smokes.
Learned to cook since he hated eating fast food all the time.
Can't sing for his fucking life but still enjoys doing it for fun.
Plays nearly every instrument but prefers strings.
Loves Musicals and Ballet.
Works out for heart health only. Heart disease runs in his family and he doesn't want to get sick (Rest in Hell Gustav S.)
Excellent money management skills.
Rides and has his own motorcycle but doesn't use it too often. Prefers taxi鈥檚 or Vicky driving.
Has night terrors. Takes medication for insomnia.
Stopped going to school after age 7.
Could not give a single fuck about her kids' grades. Pretends to when Glam's around.
Makes it a point to hang out with her kids often. Either separately or together. But does make a point to have 1 on 1 time with them. Usually they go out to eat.
Surprisingly patient with her kids if they are learning something new. But is harsh if they're just being stupid/fooling around.
Can鈥檛 read well but listens to a lot of audiobooks and podcasts about certain things. A bit embarrassed by that.
Has known Bug since forever. They have a very complicated on and off relationship (until she meets Glam.) No one really knows the specifics of it except for her, Anna and Bug.
Sings one lullaby to her kids. The traditional Bayu Bayushki Bayu. Her brother sang that song to her.
Bisexual but prefers men.
Trans. Has had top surgery but not bottom surgery. It's just a risk he doesn't wanna take.
Sprained his vocal chords so bad he had to stop performing.
Lowkey an alcoholic. Getting better.
Highkey a pot head. Not getting better.
Plays guitar, bass, piano and the harmonica.
Was an amazing singer. Still sings now but voice is super rough and hurts if he does it for too long.
Played lullabies for Dee and Heavy from babies to toddlers. Their favorite was 鈥淒on鈥檛 Cry鈥 by Guns and Roses.
Was Glam鈥檚 best man at his wedding.
Is the Godfather of Dee and Heavy.
Glam bought him the record shop and the flat after the band split up.
Has OCs.
Heavy drew one of his MLP OCs as a birthday gift. Dee still has it and is very touched but never shows it.
Needs glasses but doesn鈥檛 wear them. Prefers contacts.
Not a creative person but wishes he was. Wants to draw, write, and play music but lacks the natural skills to do so right away.
Suffers from gifted kid burn out hard.
Wants to be liked so bad but has a hard time connecting with people and opening up.
Only person in the family to not like Blondes or Redheads. Prefers brunettes or wild colored hair.
Used to hate his freckles till they came in style. Now he鈥檚 super proud of them.
Straight but gets Bi wife energy once he gets with Emily.
Used to have a childish crush on Ches when he was really young.
Loves to go exploring in the woods alone. Gravity Falls inspired trips.
Amazing artist. Works best with traditional painting but gets into digital art in his adult years.
Made a shitty pentagram in the forest that almost made Dee nearly piss himself laughing when he saw it. It was that bad.
Believes in a lot of mysteries/the supernatural. Listens to podcasts and watches shitty supernatural tv shows with his mom.
Eventually will become friends with Gopher but never ask them to pick music on a car ride. A lot of fighting and rants will ensue.
Dates pretty late in life. Has strong preference for girls but first person he dates is a guy.
Gets beaten up on the daily. He has at least one bruise and cut somewhere on his body at all times.
A natural flirt and ladiesman.
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aspecpplarebeautiful3 months ago
I feel so invisible. If we ever get seen, it鈥檚 not US getting seen, not all of us. It鈥檚 just aces. And I love them, they deserve acknowledgement and representation and love and more, but I鈥檓 aro. Just aro. Not allo, not ace, just aro. And all it does is get ignored. The only time I see something akin to me and my identity be talked about is through asexuality, through misconceptions and erasure. It feels like even if people are learning to care about asexuality, no one cares about aromanticism. No one bothers. I have never felt more invisible in my life. It鈥檚 just so depressing. We鈥檙e constantly ignored. I鈥檓 constantly ignored. And I鈥檓 so tired of it, man. I鈥檇 feel guilty over my jealousy of aces, but feel much too pathetically sad for anything else to really seep through. I鈥檓 just so tired. I can鈥檛 even make myself angry anymore. At most just bitter, and tired. So, so tired.
You're definitely right that aro people are often treated as an afterthought anywhere outside the aro community. And aces do get a lot more visibility/rep/attention, etc. And it's absolutely reasonable to be frustrated and angry. Aros who aren't ace, or who identify only as aro, especially deserve a lot more and get left behind a lot.
I do have some words that may give you hope though. So I've been identifying as aroace over a decade now. And it is ridiculous how much I've seen both communities grow. So back then when I was first questioning, the aro community was a blip inside the ace community (and I honestly think this is one of the reasons it took me so much longer to figure out I was aro). And the ace community was a few online communities in places like LJ and AVEN fighting for any bit of legitimacy or acceptance. Pride was a hostile place, nobody outside this community was likely to know what asexuality was or that it was even a possible thing. Your doctor was likely to react by assuming there was a medical issue that needed treated. The only rep anywhere was a character on Shorthand Street, a New Zealand soap opera.
Five years ago I started this blog, and the aro community was just starting to find its feet separate from the ace community. I remember when I started posting I could only find a couple of blogs for aros that weren't also for aces (and I looked), and one stopped posting just a few weeks into me finding them. Another posted very sporadically. There was definitely no rep except for the very rare aroace character (even now most mainstream ace characters are alloro).
Now the aro community, even just here on Tumblr, is very active and thriving. I'm seeing aro rep all the time, especially in books and podcasts. I'm reading a book series right now where a character is defined word-of-god only as being aro (Amos in the Expanse). Obviously the aro community still has a very long way to go. And aros are going to need to keep fighting. But I just continue to be amazed at how fast things are moving and how quickly we're gaining recognition (anyone else see the aro flag on Blues Clues in that Pride song they did at the beginning of the month?). Personally I'm really excited to see where this community is in another 5 years.
So yeah, be angry, because where things are now is not good enough. And aros deserve better. But keep fighting too, because I think good things are coming.
All the best!
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fatliberation7 months ago
Here Are Some Fat Positive Activists, Educators, Therapists, and Artists to Know!
First and foremost, the pioneer of organized fat activism:
鈥 Bill Fabrey (he/him)
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Bill Fabrey, a self-proclaimed fat admirer, founded NAAFA (the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) in 1969 after gaining an understanding of the day-to-day oppression and discrimination faced by his wife, Joyce. Fabrey founded the organization in hopes to raise awareness of weight stigma, criticize biased studies, and increase overall acceptance and accessibility to fat Americans. He is considered one of the pioneers of the fat liberation movement, and is heavily involved to this day.
鈥 Judy Freespirit, Sara Fishman, Lynn McAfee, Ariana Manow, & Gudrun Fonfa (she/her for each)
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(Members of The Fat Underground, 1979)
Fat, radical, feminist members of NAAFA! Their agenda was much more aggressive than NAAFA鈥檚, and eventually they broke off and formed their own group called The Fat Underground, which acted as a catalyst in the creation and mobilization of the fat liberation movement. Based in LA in the 1970s, the Fat Underground did not fight to change discriminatory laws but rather discriminatory thoughts and practices in different aspects of society, which included those of doctors and other health professionals who perpetuated the unhealthy habits encouraged by diet culture. In 1973, Judy Freespirit and Alderbaran published the 鈥淔at Liberation Manifesto鈥 which establishes that fat people are entitled to what they were denied on a daily basis: 鈥渉uman respect and recognition.鈥澛燭he other objectives then outline the commercial exploitation of fat bodies by both corporations and scientific institutions. (x) I will go into more detail about the Fat Underground in my next post, 鈥淭he History of Fat Activism!鈥
鈥 Dr. Lindo Bacon (they/them), PhD
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Creator of the concept of HAES (Health At Every Size).
Dr. Bacon is best known for their paradigm-shifting research and advocacy upending the weight discourse. They have mined their deep academic proficiency, wide-ranging clinical expertise and own personal experience to write two best-selling books, Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight, and the co-authored Body Respect: What Conventional Health Books Get Wrong, Leave Out, or Just Plain Fail to Understand about Weight. Both are credited with transforming the weight discourse and inspiring a hopeful new course for the fat liberation movement. Dr. Bacon holds their PhD in physiology, as well as graduate degrees in psychology and exercise metabolism. Dr. Bacon formerly taught at City College of San Francisco, in the Health Education, Psychology, Women鈥檚 Studies, and Biology Departments. A professor and researcher, for almost two decades Dr. Bacon has taught courses in social justice, health, weight and nutrition; they have also conducted federally funded studies on health and weight and published in top scientific journals. Their research has been supported by grants from the United States Department of Agriculture and the National Institutes of Health. A truly great pioneer in medical health research!聽聽|聽HAES聽| IG
鈥 Aubrey Gordon, a.k.a. Your Fat Friend (she/her)
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Aubrey Gordon writes about the social realities of life as a very fat person, previously publishing anonymously as Your Fat Friend. She is the author of What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Lit Hub, Vox, Gay Mag, and has been covered in outlets around the world. She also hosts the podcast Maintenance Phase, in which she and cohost Michael Hobbes debunk and decode wellness and weight loss trends. Her articles are incredibly heartfelt and enlightening. You can read all of them at !!
@ yrfatfriend on IG & Twitter
鈥 Sabrina Strings (she/her), PhD
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Sabrina Strings is an associate professor of sociology at the University of California, Irvine and the author of Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia, which exposes fatphobia鈥檚 roots in anti-blackness. Strings contributed an opinion story to The New York Times titled 鈥淚t鈥檚 Not Obesity. It鈥檚 Slavery.鈥 With Lindo Bacon (creator of HAES), she coauthored 鈥淭he Racist Roots of Fighting Obesity,鈥 published in Scientific American. Strings has a BA in psychology and an MA and PHd in sociology. This book is #1 on my to-read list!!
鈥 Hannah Fuhlendorf (she/her), MA LPCC NCC
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Hannah is a highly educated and experienced counselor whose work focuses on self acceptance, eliminating the effects of internalized oppression, and practicing through a HAES lens. She is a fat liberationist who puts out educational videos daily. Hannah is also married to a healthcare professional, and the two of them are working toward making the medical field more accessible to fat people in their local community, and offering education on how to be fat allies. I really admire Hannah and the work that she does!
@ hannahtalksbodies on IG and TikTok
鈥 Tracy Cox (she/her)
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Tracy is an award-winning performer and artist, who co-created the web series聽鈥淎ngry Fat People鈥 with Matthew Anchel, which takes a pop culture approach on serious issues faced by fat performers. She has been interviewed by the New York Times on fat politics and accessibility, and currently has a huge following on IG where she unpacks fat performance, fashion, and politics. You may know her as the creator of the 鈥榝at vanity鈥 trend on TikTok!
@ sparklejams on IG & TikTok
鈥 Da鈥橲haun L. Harrison (they/them)聽
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Da鈥橲haun is a non-binary abolitionist, community organizer, and writer. They are currently a managing editor and columnist at Wear Your Voice Magazine. They travel throughout the United States and abroad to speak at conferences, colleges, and lead workshops focused on Blackness, queerness, gender, class, religion, (dis)abilities, fatness, and the intersection at which they all meet. Da鈥橲haun is the author of the book Belly of the Beast: The Politics of Anti-Fatness as Anti-Blackness, which is expected to be published in July 2021. They have an incredibly enlightening social media presence as well!!
@ dashaunlh on IG and Twitter
鈥 Lauren Buchness聽(she/her)
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Lauren Buchness is one of my favorite artists. She鈥檚 a contemporary artist and fat activist based in Tucson, Arizona. By combining painting & performance, she aims to question Western standards of beauty and create conversations that alter preconceived notions about the fat body. Go check out her gorgeous work!!
@ ladybuchness on IG and TikTok
If you鈥檙e interested in learning about diet culture and intuitive eating, check out
Shana Minei Spence (she/her), MS RDN CDN
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Shana is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist who opposes food restriction and encourages intuitive eating! She spreads food positive daily messages on her platform. She used to work in fashion, but she left after being dissatisfied with the industry and went back to school to become involved in food policy and public health. She offers counseling on a HAES approach. I have much respect for Shana!
@ thenutritiontea on IG
And right here on tumblr (who was my personal introduction to fat lib) -
@ bigfatscience !!!
An anonymous fat liberationist. They share so many great resources, diving head-first into the scientific research of weight and health, they鈥檝e found that the relation between the two is extremely complex. They tackle the biases of聽 research in a system that profits off of fatphobia, and they offer a fat positive perspective based on scientific studies. Their blog serves as an easily accessible resource for fat folx and fat activists who want to learn about fat positive science to support their own personal interests/activism. Thank you for your work, bigfatscience!! (if you have questions for them, you will have a greater chance of getting a response with anon off!)聽
鈥 Sonalee Rashatwar (she/they), LCSW MEd
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Sonalee is an award-winning clinical social worker, sex therapist, and grassroots organizer. They鈥檙e a superfat queer bisexual non-binary therapist and co-owner of Radical Therapy Center. Sonalee is specialized in treating sexual trauma, internalized fatphobia, immigrant kid guilt, and South Asian family systems, while offering fat positive sexual healthcare. Go, Sonalee!!
@ thefatsextherapist on IG
鈥 Fat Rose (org)
Fat Rose organizes fat people, building a more radical fat liberation movement in strong relationship with other social movements, such as anti-fascism, anti-ableism, and anti-racism. Check them out on Facebook!
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Honorable IG mentions: (Some anti diet culture specific blogs in here, as well)
@fatangryblackgirl 聽@msgigggles @thefatphobiaslayer @bodyimagewithbri @saucyewest @fatpositivetherapy @fatlippodcast聽@chairbreaker聽
And here鈥檚 an amazing list of fat-positive book recommendations from HannahTalksBodies!
Science & Health:
Health at Every Size by Lindo Bacon PhD
Body Respect by Lindo Bacon PhD and Lucy Aphramor PhD, RD
Secrets from the Eating Lab by Traci Mann PhD
Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison MPH, RD
Fat Liberation:
Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings PhD
Fat Activism by Dr. Charlotte Cooper
Fat Politics by J. Eric Oliver
The Fat Studies Reader by Esther Rothblum (Editor) and Sondra Solovay (Editor)
Fat Shame by Amy Erdman Farrell
Self Acceptance:
The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
Things No One will Tell Fat Girls by Jes Baker
Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnson PhD
Happy Fat by Sofie Hagan
You have the Right to Remain Fat by Virgie Tovar
Thanks for reading! Please feel free to share this list of resources!
Image descriptions below.
1. [ID: A black and white photo of Bill Fabrey, a straight-sized, balding white man with thick black glasses wearing a suit and tie, standing at a poduim in front of a sign that reads,聽鈥淣AAFA鈥. Beside the image is another photo of Fabrey, from his left side.]
2. [ID: A black and white photo of seven fat, female and gender non-conforming members of The Fat Underground, performing a recital.]
3. [ID: The cover of Sabrina Strings鈥 book,聽Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia. On the cover is an illustration of four upper-class white people in fancy colonial period clothing showing shock and disgust at a Black woman鈥檚 exposed body. Beside the book cover is a photo of Sabrina Strings, a straight-sized Black woman with dark brown curly hair wearing a blouse.]
4. [ID: Hannah Fulhendorf, a fat, white woman with straight hair dyed blue, wearing a black tank top and holding her shoulder while smiling brightly and looking into the camera.]
5. [ID: An artistic picture of Tracy Cox, a fat, white woman with long, straight brown hair, laying topless on a bed of flowers. There are flower petals placed strategically in her hair on her skin, and along her lower eyelid. Beside that image, is an image of the album cover for Angry Fat People, picturing two angry faces made out of white paper against a grey background. In the top left corner, black, bolded text that reads聽鈥淎FP鈥 and聽鈥淔AT LIBERATION鈥.]
6. [ID: Da鈥橲haun L. Harrison, a fat, non-binary Black person with a beard, glasses, and long dreadlocks, wearing a shirt that reads,聽鈥淭O BE VISIBLY QUEER IS TO CHOOSE YOUR HAPPINESS OVER YOUR SAFETY. -DA鈥橲HAUN HARRISON鈥 against a natural backdrop of autumn leaves.]
7. [ID: A watercolor painting by Lauren Buchness of a white and tattooed fat body, hands caressing abstract rolls of fat with wild blueberries and grapefruit between folds. Beside it is another Buchness watercolor painting of Black hands with long sharp nails, caressing the midsection of a fat Black body, with purple crystals growing out of the skin.]
8. [ID: Shana Minei Spence, a straight-sized, Black woman smiling with bright pink lipstick and her long wavy hair pulled back, wearing a floral pattern shirt and jean shorts. She is holding small marquee that reads,聽鈥淏E CAREFUL OF WELLNESS COMPANIES THAT SAY THEY鈥橰E PROMOTING HEALTH YET ARE STILL ONLY TRYING TO GET YOUR BODY SMALLER鈥 and a heart symbol.]
9. [ID: Sonalee Rashatwar, a superfat, South Asian non-binary person with short black hair, wearing a long floral dress, standing in front of large glowing text that reads,聽鈥淏IG GIRL ENERGY鈥 against a coarse-textured wall.]
10. [ID: A circular logo with a red fist in the center, with text surrounding it that reads,聽鈥淔ATTIES AGAINST FASCISM鈥 with roses separating the word聽鈥淩ESIST鈥. Beside it is another image, of eleven fat and superfat activists, standing and sitting on mobility scooters, holding fists and middle fingers in the air, wearing T-shirts and holding banners that both read,聽鈥淔ATTIES AGAINST FASCISM鈥. In front of the group is a large cardboard sign that spells the acronym聽鈥淔.A.B.鈥 which stands for聽鈥淔at Antifascist Brigade鈥.]
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zooophagousa month ago
Hi! I鈥檝e been following you for years and absolutely adore your art. I consider you an expert in many things tattoo, so I was wondering if you could give me some advice regarding getting my first one? I鈥檓 setting up an appt for later this week:)
For sure! Umm let me see.
Eat before you get a tattoo and drink water. When you stand up from the chair do it slow. Even if you have a high pain tolerance and even if the tattoo doesn't hurt to get- you can still get lightheaded during a session. I still sometimes get light headed and I have like 12 of them or something now.
Bring your ID and expect invasive questions about health history and medications. If a shop doesn't ID you, no matter how old you look, and if the shop doesn't at least ask if you have a latex allergy, something is amiss.
Tattoo machines can be LOUD. If your artist uses a coil type machine, it will make a loud metallic buzzing noise. If you've ever played Operation it's pretty similar. Some people get psyched out by this. They're loud but they don't hurt any worse than a quiet one.
Tattooing is a tip economy, its considered polite to tip and good tippers usually get preferential treatment if they return, as an artist generally can control their own schedule. While it may seem counter productive to tip someone after paying hundreds already, remember that many artists have to pay over half of that to the shop for its cut, or for rent for their booth.
Shower beforehand and if its going on an area with body hair, consider shaving it. The artist may also shave it themselves before laying down the stencil, it just skips a step.
Show up a little early to do paperwork.
Bring a distraction, headphones and podcasts are my go-to. Music is good if it has a rhythm you can breathe to, keeping a steady breath rate is the most important part of managing pain and not passing out. Not that your tattoo will necessarily hurt that bad.
Listen to aftercare advice. Every shop has its own opinions on what the best way to care for a fresh tattoo is. Most of the time it will heal fine regardless as long as you wash it gently and keep it out of the sun. Keep in mind the healing process is worse than the tattoo itself and it will itch and fresh ones will bleed. Color ones also peel dramatically and it can look like the entire tattoo is coming off. This is normal. Dont pick at it.
Thats it really, your artist should walk you through it as well.
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the-boys-from-ba-sing-se9 months ago
AO3 masterlist
My fanfics
The Sun Will Be Guiding You
Spymaster Sokka; When Sokka is targeted by a rebel organisation and narrowly avoids assassination, he decides to fake his own death and try to stop the organisation from killing the rest of his friends. Meanwhile, the rest of the gaang struggle to come to terms with his loss, and Zuko regrets not acting on his feelings for Sokka.
Locked down with you ain't so bad
Quarantine getting-together fic, based on me and my partner
You Okay?
Smutty sequel to the above fic
My podfics
Those Who Favor Fire by CSHfic and VSfic
Spymaster Sokka fic; After a failed attempt on his life, Sokka fakes his death, dons a disguise, and infiltrates the would-be assassin's ranks in an attempt to bring them down from the inside. Zuko learns of his husband's tragic death, mourns, and vows revenge.
It鈥檚 Not the Waking, It鈥檚 the Rising by avatays
Suki/Sokka/Zuko smut fic, set in a slight AU to Petition to Get the Gaang a Braincell
Plum Blossom by GallifreyanFairytale
Hanahaki zukka AU
Equivalent Exchange by Haicrescendo
Gen fic in which Lu Ten becomes Zuko鈥檚 guardian spirit after he dies, and changes the timeline
i could (never) give you peace by zukkababey
A self indulgent Ambassador Sokka & Fire Lord Zuko fic set to the tune of 鈥榩eace鈥 by Taylor Swift
just winging it by aiyah
Zuko learns how to make Sokka鈥檚 favourite food
westward waters by sunnymygal
Zuko and Sokka negotiate a long distance relationship in between their duties to their nations
(this love is) a long time coming by lesmiserablol and snowandfire
Modern AU with first kiss, first date, and a lot of fluff
Protective by crosspin
Azula kidnaps Sokka. That doesn't sit very well with Zuko or Katara
How to Disappear Completely by aeoleus
After their mother鈥檚 death, Zuko raises Kiyi
No One Knows Us by CSHfic and VSfic
Pro-bending fic with smut. Now has a sequel: Someone to You
Baby Hotline, please hold (me close to you) by crosspin
FBI agent Zuko is running a background check on Sokka, but his chaotic past is making it difficult
for love and turtleducks by snowandfire
Newly crowned fire lord zuko raises an orphaned baby turtleduck and learns how to give love without apprehension
boy problems by burnt_oranges
Zuko accidentally arranged his own marriage to Sokka amidst assassination attempts and Fire Lord shenanigans
grinning like a devil by rachelwrites
MaiLee fic in which Mai is forced to live out her worst nightmare (a romantic comedy) with the girl she loves the most (Ty Lee). it's kind of a mixed bag
who knew it would end like this by SmileHoney
Sokka is in love with Zuko. Everyone knows this except Zuko
i (ori)gami eyes on you by aiyah
Zuko makes origami and teaches Sokka to make paper cranes. According to the legend, if you make 1000 cranes, your wish will come true...
noble blood by lupus (khaleeseas)
After an assassination attempt against Chief Sokka, Zuko is hired as a mercenary/bodyguard/spy
fumbling towards ecstasy by dickpuncher420
Pining/getting together/smut with Fire Lord Zuko and Ambassador Sokka
put your lips close to mine (as long as they don鈥檛 touch) by celestialceci
College AU. Zuko goes back to Sokka鈥檚 house for the summer and tries not to fall in love
Amateur Theatrics by Haicrescendo
Gen. Toph thinks books are stupid until Zuko reads to her
extreme makeover: homie(sexual?) edition by egeria
Zuko and Sokka live together, buy a house together, plan to adopt two dogs and some kids, and eventually reture together. But they鈥檙e just friends though, right?
hired by agni_kai
When Sokka applied for a job at the adult film company Suki recommended, he hadn't expected his interviewer to be his favourite up-and-coming star.
Heart Beat Here by thefangirlingdead
Zuko wants to marry his best friend. Sokka just wants to surprise his boyfriend with something nice. They're both idiots who are bad at lying.
and where you do, i will go too (yes, i am now a part of you) by AndyBoy
Soulmate AU Where you see in grayscale until you hear your soulmate laugh for the first time. Sokka laughs a lot, loud, proud, and bright. Zuko...barely even smiles.聽
work hard, play harder by aiyah
When Sokka takes the mantra "work smarter, not harder" to the next level, Zuko's the one enjoying suffering the consequences. Explicit
angst in my pants by sifu_hotdamn
Sokka's 'treat yourself' night in turns into a 'medical treatment' night out.
that鈥檚 murder, buddy by egeria
Sokka has no idea that his crush is the host of his favorite murder mystery podcast. (But everyone else knows.)
her father鈥檚 daughter by aloneintherain
Young Izumi is the target of an assassination attempt and learns how Zuko got his scar
Real Slow by surveycorpsjean
鈥淚 see.鈥 Zuko closes the scroll. 鈥淚s the Water Tribe sending a replacement?鈥
鈥淯h yeah,鈥 Sokka gestures to himself dramatically. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e looking at him.鈥
A New Something by constellayetion
Zuko doesn't realize he's in love with Sokka. Until a friendly (yet highly violent) game of Capture the Flag helps him figure it out.
Awkward Confessions by RockPaperTheodore
Mai confesses her love to Azula. Azula is confused, but gets herself sorted out (then they have sex about it)
AtLA 4STL by beersforqueers
Zuko works at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Sokka works at Fantasy Island adult book store. Can I make it any more obvious?
the joy of understanding by overcomewithlongingfora_girl
Toph and Smellerbee do a final project together and get to know each other a little along the way.
In Spirit, In Flesh by CSHfic and VSfic
Zuko is bodyswapped with a New Ozai supporter, but the other man doesn鈥檛 know that Zuko and Sokka have been together for a while now...
Deus Vult by Kotosk and LadyMerlin
Zuko gains Agni鈥檚 favour (Explicit)
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wildhannimal13 days ago
It's really important for people to listen to this podcast.
BMI is a huge hoax!!! Please don't buy into the fatphobic panic based on ratings that make no sense.
Hanecdote time:
How does the BMI actually play out when treated as a fact of medical science? Not just in clinics and hospitals, which the podcast describes, but (in my case) the schools?
I learned about the BMI in middle school gym class and it was a downright traumatic event for some of the kids in my class, especially the girls... but I only know that looking back as an adult. When I calculated my BMI, I was proud to be categorized as "underweight."
Everyone praised me for being skinny as a child. Middle aged women used to express envy over my figure. And they still do. In the elevator of our corporate office. At family gatherings. In shopping malls. Even if I tried not to internalize the praise for my size when I got older, society hammers this stuff into your noggin from before you should even have to consider your own attractiveness. Compliments are almost a threat. Be careful or you'll end up [gasp] fat! [dun dun dun]
And of course for the other girls in my class, some of them were clearly embarrassed to share that they were in the overweight category.
One girl in particular (who was pretty average in terms of our grade) shared her score and my classmates were surprised. We 11-year-olds didn't view her as a "fat person" whatsoever. It probably made us shift our perspectives in order to limit the scope of what "acceptable" bodies look like. After all, adults know best and data is data... at least as we were taught by the freaking BMI calculator. It's not even real, I'm so mad for all the little girls (rather, all kids) whose self-images were so distorted by it. That other girl ended up telling me to "eat a burger" as a bitter-but-not-malevolent joke a few years later in high school. I'm mad that I felt superior for something as natural as a child's body. The BMI day deeply affected us.
People still don't realize that the BMI is extremely flawed with a dubious history. Listen to the podcast right now for details, please. Bodies are unique and there's no way this simplistic "calculation" means anything about your health, your beauty, your value or your life. It's just another tool to divide us into artificially constructed ranks.
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pineapplesagainstpizza10 months ago
Hello! I鈥檓 a Black + Asian person and here are some of the issues I had with MAG 185. *Disclaimer: I do not speak for all POCs and how they felt about this episode. Just myself. I also recognize that Jonny constructed this episode with the best intentions in mind and has always been anti-cop and isn鈥檛 doing this for drama or聽鈥渨oke points.鈥 I鈥檒l try to make this as brief as I can because I鈥檓 sure some of the fandom is tired of this already.
There isn鈥檛 anything in the statement portion of MAG 185 that I would consider to be horror. The driving force of the horror element of this episode is a hyper realistic account of a woman being wrongly imprisoned for a crime she didn鈥檛 commit and being dehumanized by law enforcement. There isn鈥檛 anything else scary or horror related in this episode. No supernatural forces or entities in here. And this is the part that bothers me the most. Using a police brutality as a stand alone, driving force of horror to invoke a sense of fear in your audience is cheap tactic. You鈥檙e relying on your audience鈥檚 trauma or fear of police abuse to make the contents of this episode scary. It鈥檚 kind of like using jump scares or triggering rape scenes in movies to get a reaction out of your audience. It鈥檚 just gross and problematic. Trauma and triggering scenes (on their own) aren鈥檛 horror. (I also think it鈥檚 different from the Doctor David ordeal because there was enough metaphors and innuendos to suggest that the author was making a point about medical professionals that abuse their patients. And the fact that Doctor David was almost cartoonish-ly villainous, which is very different on how the cops were depicted in MAG 185)
There are previous episodes that I think handled police brutality a lot better like聽 Wonderland (MAG 177), The Processing Line (MAG 178) and The Accomplice (MAG 179). There were other elements to horror. There were supernatural elements (which adds some surrealism to these situations) and police brutality weren鈥檛 the only horror element in these episodes.
I felt very lukewarm about the thematic message of this statement.聽鈥淧olice brutality is scary鈥 or maybe even 鈥減olice brutality effects more people than the people it targets and should be considered a societal problem鈥 isn鈥檛 a scorching hot or powerful take. In my opinion, it鈥檚 not as powerful or insightful as the other takes we鈥檝e gotten in season 5.聽鈥淵ou can鈥檛 hunt a monster you refuse to see鈥 in reference to police defending their co-worker鈥檚 murderous altercations with civilians and unlawful behavior, is a take I liked much more. (here marks the end of my personal take of MAG 185)
I think I鈥檒l also address some of the fandom controversy while I鈥檓 still typing.
To the people that are saying that 鈥渟ome people aren鈥檛 aware this is a horror podcast and only came for Jon/Martin鈥: There are some people that are uncomfortable with the huge tonal shift of escapable, almost entirely supernatural horror to season 5鈥瞫 more realistic/meta sort of horror. It鈥檚 a shift that few people were expecting and some people didn鈥檛 sign up for this type of terror.(Unlike how when we all started this podcast, we knew it would be a tragedy.) So when some POCs think that trauma doesn鈥檛 have a place in horror or are uncomfortable with Jonny writing about a trauma he doesn鈥檛 experience, it鈥檚 not the job of white people to speak over them or tell them they are wrong.
Additionally to the people shaming other people for skipping this episode, being uncomfortable with its content , or not being able to consume or handle commentary like this: please stop. Most of these people uncomfortable with this episode aren鈥檛 avoiding important discussions/evading real life situations but are probably very traumatized and overwhelmed with current events. I know in America, the police (in some cities) have been suppressing the people every single day, non stop, for months. There are people that might be mourning victims of police brutality, know or have been injured in protests, or are submerged in racist opinions about this matter daily. It鈥檚 very much a fresh wound for some people and they aren鈥檛 ready to talk about it yet.
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liam-93-productions10 months ago
Summary of Liam鈥檚 episode on Happy Hour podcast 鈥 Part 3
Note: Since the podcast is long, we鈥檙e dividng these summaries into parts. Hope you guys understand.
- Liam says that people always have that friend that they annoy relentlessly and his person his Conor. Liam says that he is the one being 鈥渂ullied鈥 constantly by his manager, Steve. - Mentions The LP Shows and how cool it is to do these shows. He said that he usually annoys Conor when he is editing a few videos of it as a joke and that Steve usually is sympathetic towards Conor even though he is the one performing and he can鈥檛 get it wrong. 鈥淨uick monkey perform!鈥. - They joke that Liam has 3.31 million YouTube subscribers and that Liam should be the one promoting Jaack and Stevie podcast. Liam started doing something like a podcast and at first it started off with having ideas about the livestream and he thought that it would be a good idea to rewatch the show alongside fans (especially for those in different timezones). He feels like it鈥檚 a little podcasty in a sense. He also thought about doing like a 鈥渞ound table with fans鈥 where every week different people could talk about the show with him. 鈥淚 hate watching myself鈥. - If he had a podcast he would love to talk with for example Justin Bieber and Robbie Williams. A few years ago, he was able to talk with Justin Bieber off camera. Liam feels very fortunate because he had 4 other boys who were growing at the rate as him, in the same circle and they knew exactly what it was like being him. For Justin he only had himself. 鈥淎ngel鈥 by Robbie Williams was his go-to karaoke song and he loves Robbie, feels like they can relate to each other a lot. - Liam jokes that he left One Direction and that people will use this as a new headline, 鈥淵ou have to be so self-aware鈥. Jaack asks him seriously if the band will get back together and he says 鈥淲e鈥檒l at some point. Everybody keeps asking it. It鈥檚 probably like everybody is sick of answering it鈥. Liam said that he sometimes gets in trouble while being honest. - 鈥淪o it鈥檚 like having that family unit because we鈥檝e had to kind of grow that around each other in One Direction to have people that were with us.鈥 He mentions that in 1D they had people that were with them since the start. 鈥淢y day ones鈥, these people are his day ones. - Liam feels like 1D needed a break and that if it didn鈥檛 happen at that point in life then he feels like he going to be even crazier. He felt scared sometimes because he had a security guard that lived in his house and he was always thinking that people were watching him. - He and Jaack made some puns with What Makes You Beautiful. - Liam mentions that sometimes people will pretend not to know who he is. He told a story where he was walking down the street one day and somebody called him Harry Styles. Liam also told a story of a woman that approached him and was convinced she knew him from some place, asking him questions. Told a story about Louis once having a bad experience at the shops where he tried to play a joke on a woman where he tried to confuse her saying he wasn鈥檛 鈥淟ouis Tomlinson鈥 and the lady told him that he was better looking that the Louis from 1D. - Mentions that Louis was more hands on the behind the scenes part (backstage), but Liam always thought that the stage was his domain. 鈥淭ogether we鈥檇 kind of lead this together, mainly because we couldn鈥檛 get out egos out of the way.鈥 Nowadays, it鈥檚 the same way. They help each other a lot in everything they need.聽聽 - Jaack says that Liam transitioned into a very successful solo career and asks Liam when did he notice it. He says that it was scary being alone and especially lately, he became more aware of it and sometimes things go wrong. 鈥淚 have had moments where it鈥檚 gone pretty wrong.鈥 -聽If things went wrong on stage with the 1D boys, they would usually do Fresh Prince of Bel Air skit to entertain people. Liam usually tried to talk with the crowd while things were sorted (for example, then the sound was down). - Liam mentions that he had a big problem remembering lyrics and at the time he was taking a prescribed medication, due to not feeling very happy at the time. Certain lights on stage would really bothered him and he needed time to adjust himself with talking sometimes and even remembering his own name. He felt so anxious with this, that now he usually has the lyrics on a prompter because 鈥淚 just don鈥檛 want to mess up someone鈥檚 show鈥. He stopped taking this medication after he read a few articles claiming that people were forgetting their dissertations and classes for example. - Best show: he usually doesn鈥檛 mention it, but when the boys did the 2012 Olympics, their first big performance after coming out from X-Factor. It was amazing to him being so close to so many amazing artists, it felt massive. - Liam asked Jaack if he was alright and if he needed a cuddle after he mentioned that 2012 was the last good year he had. 鈥淗ow shit is the world if you can鈥檛 cuddle Liam Payne?鈥 (Jaack) and Stevie answered that 鈥淣ot many people can鈥. - Liam watches a paranormal show every week called 鈥淕host Adventures鈥 and it鈥檚 one of the longest running shows. According to Liam, the show is just people walking into a room and shouting at walls. He isn鈥檛 a believer of ghosts, but he thinks that what if it鈥檚 real at the same time. He was supposed to participate in an episode of a scary tv show, but he couldn鈥檛 get to America in time, and he was supposed to stay a night in a hotel that has a history of scary stuff happening. - Liam mentions his visit to the Haunted Museum in Vegas and how they weren鈥檛 supposed to insult a haunted doll, but Steve insulted the doll and the doll said Liam鈥檚 name (he thought he was going to die). - Talks about his house in America that the lights would turn on in the middle of the night and doors opening and closing. The cleaner told him that she was seeing a person and it was 鈥淎lan the Ghost鈥, one of the old owners of the house. - Liam keeps saying that he needs to see real things to actually believe in ghosts. He wasn鈥檛 scared of doing things at the Haunted Museum because he wanted to live through it, but when weird things happened, he also doesn鈥檛 believe it. 鈥淚鈥檓 sorry, I just got to know.鈥 - Liam鈥檚 theory is that if you watch something going into space, you鈥檇 be able to know what to expect when something came to earth. He feels like he would like to know there is something out there (aliens). - They start questioning if Elon Musk appeared before Iron Man. Even though it鈥檚 a character from a comic book, Liam thinks that maybe Robert Downey Jr. thought that he should base the character on Elon. Jaack 鈥淚 think that we, as a collective, just discovered a new conspiracy theory鈥.
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ricwulf15 days ago
Please explain to me why wearing masks is 鈥減seudoscience鈥 and 鈥渕ental abuse.鈥 A few people should be given medical exemptions certainly, for illnesses such as lung infections.
Ah yes, the "you need to disprove it instead of me proving it works".
Find me a qualified industrial hygienist that supports masks, and we can talk. Because those are the experts when it comes to masks, not doctors. Doctors treat diseases. Industrial Hygienists prevent disease spread, and they are not the ones being consulted with regards to the mandates. So just to clarify, doctors are a response while industrial hygienists are prevention. So while a doctor can discuss a vaccine (and we have seen contention among doctors on that topic which I will not get into here), they are not the experts when it comes to prevention. Industrial Hygienists are the ones that train doctors and nurses with these tools.
But let's do a thought experiment. Let's assume for one second that everyone is complying and wearing masks, and that they're the ones that are constantly touted as the best: N95 (even though in reality, most people are not wearing N95 compliant masks). And on top of that, let's assume the N95 masks are in fact effective (they're not). I can tell you with 100% accuracy and assuredness that the vast, vast majority are still going to be spreading disease anyway. Why? Because you are not trained to wear a mask for disease prevention. Do you swap or disinfect your mask hourly? If not, you've failed and opened up potential infection of both Covid and bacterial pneumonia. Do you reuse a mask? If so, you've failed. Do you take your mask off for a few seconds (like to get a drink) only to put the same mask back on? If so, you've failed. Whilst wearing your mask, do you touch it even to simply adjust it without immediately sanitising your hands before and afterwards every single time? If so, you've failed. If you take your mask off, have you ever left it on another surface? If so, you have failed.
These are all basic instructions that the average person does not know, yet contact contamination exists and protocol matters. And this is assuming that on top of all that, that the N95 masks themselves work.
As for mental abuse, there aren't long term studies yet, but you do the math of social creatures that utilise facial expressions suddenly having that taken away. Research also indicates that they reduce oxygen intake by 20%, and oxygen deprivation, even on a relatively minor but prolonged scale, can have serious long term effects.
And if you want, you can listen to a leading US Industrial Hygienist about this topic and see the discussion regarding actual engineering solutions regarding prevention, rather than relying on responses like medical treatment (eg vaccines, intubation, ivermectin, whatever, it's all responsive that that preventative), why not take a look at this video podcast where Stephen Petty breaks it down into digestible chunks for the public to consume and understand.
But. On top of aaaaaallllllllllllllllll of this. If you personally still want to wear a mask? Go right ahead. I support the freedom to choose even if I disagree. The minute you force people, especially children, to wear masks is the minute you've lost me. And after all this information you have to ask: why are masks being mandated if they're useless and the information is that readily available? It's simple: it's a visual feedback to make you, the citizen, think that they, the government, are doing that mythical Something鈩. What are they doing? Who knows, but you see the masks, so it must be Something鈩. Visual feedback.
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lamourchea year ago
Christmas Is Waiting for You
Tumblr media
Pairing: Jungkook x Reader
Genre: Phone sex!au / Humor / Smut / Fluff
Synopsis: Being home for the holidays surrounded by your well-meaning family isn鈥檛 that bad. All you have to do is (1) survive the Andersons鈥 annual Christmas Eve party, (2) avoid all questions about your job, and (3) avoid your high school nemesis and crush, Jeon Jungkook.
Words: 10k
a/n: Thank you to the beautiful @underthejoon鈥 for asking me to be a part of The Very Merry Fic-Mas collab with @kpopfanfictrash鈥 @kittae鈥 @hobidreams @floralseokjin鈥 and @winetae and the beautiful @baebae-goodnight鈥 for the moodboard!!!
You don't hate Christmas. It's not that.
Who doesn't like twinkling lights and warm drinks and wrapped presents?
It was all the rest of it, all the other stuff. Like this stuff.
Standing beside the buffet table in the Anderson's dining room, fir boughs strung between the wall sconces, a fat Santa figurine staring at you from the decorative plates, and a miniature snow-topped village nestled above the fireplace, it feels as though a Hallmark movie vomited in here. Christmas music plays throughout the house sounding like a drum march meant to forcibly whip up the holiday spirit.
Taking a sip of your drink, you avoid the gaze of your parents' well-meaning friends.
Christmas Eve always feels like something momentous might happen, something ridiculously romantic and fairytale-like. Maybe a lumberjack will appear in this cul-de-sac, throw an axe over his shoulder and need your help to save his Christmas tree farm from a corporate take-over. Or a harried toy store owner who carves wooden train sets will beg for your help with his bookkeeping. You could push up your glasses and fix his spreadsheets while he gazes at you in appreciative wonder.
You hate the outdoors, though. Why did anyone think going out into nature was a good idea? And the only thing you hate more than hiking is numbers in small boxes that require organizing, so you aren't going to have a romantic kiss while the credits roll. It doesn't matter anyway. You don't have a fabulously high-paying corporate job to quit after learning the true meaning of the holiday or whatever the hell is supposed to happen.
You have a job you like. You just can't tell anyone about it. 聽You check your phone, ten more minutes until your call.
This party is filled with neighbors you grew up with, former classmates and even some teachers from elementary school and high school. Your hometown is small. Everyone knows something about everyone else, even if it's just passed-along rumors. Like a game of telephone has been played round and round for decades.
Unfortunately, your parents wouldn't let you miss this annual tradition 鈥 the Anderson's Christmas Eve party and ugly Christmas sweater contest.
"Oh, y/n, Mrs. Anderson announces brightly with a patronizing smile. Her hair is so rigidly coifed it looks like a football helmet. "We haven't seen you in a while."
Not since last year's party. You haven't been home to your parents' house in months. It's only a forty-five-minute train ride from the city, but the journey requires more mental energy than you can afford. Eventually, someone remembers the one thing that anyone knows about you in this town, and it gets awkward. You take a too large sip of your hot mulled wine, scalding your throat.
"How is law school, dear?" she asks, patting her hair as if to confirm a small bird hasn't nested in there.
"I dropped out."
You used to be vague 鈥 I'm taking a semester off or I'm on a break 鈥 but it's better to just get it over with. You aren't going back, thank God.
"Oh, well, I'm sure there's other . . ." her voice trails off as she thinks of what you might be able to do now that the one thing you've planned on doing for your entire life is no longer a possibility. She takes in your torn jeans, scuffed boots, and truly ugly sweater鈥攁 red and green monstrosity not fit for hipsters鈥攜ou do not half-ass the ugly sweater competition.
"I'm working as a legal secretary," you lie. The practiced words roll off your tongue easily. You've had three months since you were laid off to repeat it. Your parents, your grandparents and apparently random neighbors who barely remember you, they all believe you. Who knew you were so good at lying?
"Well, isn't that a good idea? Maybe you'll meet a nice lawyer."
The only lawyers you met were assholes but dare to dream Mrs. Anderson. Your lack of enthusiasm at an office romance seems to have her looking for an end to this conversation.
Glancing over your shoulder, Mrs. Anderson's eyes alight. "Oh, look who's here."
It's either Santa Claus or Jesus, because she looks like she just saw a miracle. She shakes her head. "I think his hair a little long, and I heard he got a tattoo," she confides.
Well, that does sound scandalous for this neighborhood. Good thing none of them know about your job, you probably wouldn't be invited back. Maybe you should tell them.
"He's in medical school, you know, and so handsome."
Settle down, lady.
"You know him," she exclaims. "Didn't you graduate high school at the same time? He was valedictorian."
No. No way. He hasn't been back here in years. You never run into him. He skips out on all the 'remember when' crap that your parents won't let you miss. It can't be him.
"You know, Jungkook, the Jeon's oldest son."
Oh, God. It is. You resist the urge to turn around, proud of yourself for not giving in to check out your high school nemesis. Your resolve lasts a little over five seconds. The mulled wine must be stronger than you realized. Taking a deep breath, you follow Mrs. Anderson's gaze to the front door.
Jungkook's standing in entryway, flanked by his parents and a small group of adoring neighbors. His hair is dark brown like high school, but longer now. It鈥檚 a little wavy and falling into his eyes. His ears are pierced, and he wears small silver hoops that look almost delicate. A hint of a tattoo winds up from under the collar of his red sweater. Before you can stop yourself, you wonder what it is and how far it spreads, and if he's more interesting than he ever seemed. His big brown doe eyes look genuinely happy to be here. Ugh, of course he does, Mr. Perfect Attendance, Mr. Higher than a 4.0 GPA, Mr. Highest Scoring Forward, and most irritatingly, Mr. Valedictorian. He's lost the cuteness everyone in high school sighed over, and now, even you can admit it, he is so fucking attractive he looks like he stepped out of a magazine.
Mrs. Anderson pushes aside the other guests to welcome him. She must be thrilled he graced her party with his presence.
You look away, taking a steadying breath and trying to think of a way to leave early. Your phone buzzes with a text.
I'm running late. Can you give me ten minutes? I'm sorry.
He's always so polite, you think. Then you remember your roommate's words.
"Serial killers were probably polite," Yoongi said, pouring another cup of coffee before sitting down at the kitchen table of your shared apartment.
"He's not a serial killer," you repeat, wondering why you're forced to have this conversation every morning. "You need to stop listening to those true crime podcasts."
"Even if he's not a serial killer, which we don't know, you shouldn't have given him your real number."
You agree with Yoongi, but you couldn't bring yourself to admit it. Giving your number to a regular client that you had become enamored with had been a moment of weakness, terrible, terrible weakness.
"Nursing school is expensive." You stare down at the message. "He won't get charged for every message this way."
"You believed the nursing school story?"
"Why would he lie?"
"My sweet summer child." Yoongi shakes his head at you. "In case you forgot, you only get money if your customers call you on the other line." He looks at you with a piercing gaze. "Y/n, you know this isn't whatever you think it is?"
"I know," you say with absolute confidence as you unabashedly lie to your best friend.
"Besides you work a phone sex line, who even knew they were still around? He's probably old."
"It's a classic, and he's not that old."
"He's not even taking the effort to catfish you, so how serious can it be?" Yoongi rolls his eyes at you. "Just, please don't turn this into some story in your head."
That's the problem, you think. You already have. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Only you could create a romantic fairytale from working a phone sex line.
No, you scold yourself. No matter how many times your heart tries to turn this situation into something else, you still have your common sense and your other clients. Clients that for whatever reason were content to hear you say filthy things, but not see you.
You liked it, was the thing. You were good at spinning stories, and now you got paid for saying all the things that swirled around your head unfit for polite company. You glance around the room. Surely, this house that looks like a child created it from cut-up pages of an architectural magazine has a spare bathroom on some upper floor where you can take his call.
You text him back to let him know it's fine. He's your best customer. You would do a hell of a lot more. All you have to do is avoid Jeon Jungkook for the next ten minutes and pray no one else remembers that you two were in the same class in high school.
One conversation about the Anderson's summer house and another about a property line dispute, and then you sneak upstairs. You feel a little bad about wandering around the house, but all their kids went to college years ago. You find a small guest bathroom with gold-plated fixtures, a black and white marble counter, and a pink rug. Yikes. You sit on the counter and wait for the call.
Your customers initiate each interaction, calling the number that will charge them per minute. This client started liked all the others, just a randomly sorted caller who ended up on your line. For a higher price, though, they can request a particular girl or guy. After a few months, you had more than your fair share of dedicated callers. With the income from your normal shifts and the repeat clients, you made just enough to pay your part of the rent and buy food. The call today was going to be on your work line. You had resisted the urge to tell him to save his money and call your personal line.
Your phone buzzes to life, and you try to settle your nerves. He's just a customer like any other, you remind yourself. At the end of the day, working a phone sex line was as much a customer service job as the summer you worked at the snow cone hut, but this was infinitely easier.
"Hey," he says, a little breathless. You can hear the background clatter of conversations fading and the thud of a closing door.
"Hey," you say back, trying to keep the anticipation out of your voice. You want to ask where he is, and what he's doing for the holiday 鈥 but you don't even know if he celebrates it. You always want to know so much more about him. No, you reprimand yourself, he's paying you for one thing, and you would do well to remember it.
"Listen," he says, sounding like he's readying himself for something.
You don't even try to settle your nerves, leaning back against the mirror. He always comes up with insanely good scenarios. Most guys pay you to talk, but he really likes it when you listen. He said that his prior girlfriends didn't want to hear some of the things that came out of his mouth and with you he didn't have to censure himself. You even told him once that he shouldn't be paying to talk himself, but he said he liked hearing the way you got off. With him you didn't have to fake it.
"I was thinking . . . I was just . . ." he starts.
Oh god, you're already excited. Nothing can dispel the hopelessness of your dead career, of returning home to a party filled with disapproving neighbors, and of the appearance of Jeon fucking Jungkook, like talking to your favorite client.
"Listen, I'm not really in a place to . . ." he trails off, sounding disappointed.
"I'm not really either,鈥 you admit.
"Yeah?" he says, sounding curious.
"Yeah, I'm . . ." You can still hear the conversations floating up from the first floor and the music piped throughout the house. You look at the pink and gold plaid wallpaper shining in this small bathroom. This setting is not actually conducive to your usual activities, but he's paying you. This is your job. "It's up to you, you know?"
"Yeah?" He exhales a shaky breath. "But what do you want?"
It's so easy with him, to fall over into that heart-racing anticipation, like he just caged you up against a wall or dropped you gently on a soft bed. You grip the edge of the counter, the cold, sharp corner biting into the palm of your hand so you don't forget where you are and what this is.
"That's my line," you say, trying not to sound happy.
"Fuck," he exhales, "I just want ruin you sometimes, you know?"
"Yeah." You take a deep breath. "I know."
I wish, you think, I really fucking wish.
"You could take it, couldn't you?" he mutters, sounding amazed, as if you were spread out before him. As if he could see the rise and fall of your chest as you try to steady yourself for what comes next.
You bite your bottom lip wishing he could see their swollen red. "What are you gonna do to me?"
He lets out a shaky breath, and you can easily imagine a shudder running through him at your words.
"Whatever I like," he threatens. His steady voice is back, the one that has you sitting taller and aching for his praise, for the way he can make you come undone with just a few words.
"Fuckkkk," you whisper.
"You want that," he states. It's not a question. It's a clear statement of fact that seems to fill him with wonder. "You really want me to fuck your tight pussy, make sure you know who you belong to."
You whine, feeling desire ignite at his words.
"You're gonna call my name, beg me to let you suck my鈥"
Whatever tantalizing image is in his mind鈥攁nd it isn't hard to predict but you're practically panting in anticipation anyway鈥攊s interrupted with furious and loud knocking on the bathroom door.
"Oh shit," you yelp.
"Is someone in here?" an elderly voice calls from the hallway.
"Goddamn it," you mutter.
"Are you okay?" he asks through the phone.
"Yes, I'm in here," you call through the door, cursing the Christmas Eve god of bad timing that sounds a hell of a lot like Mrs. Anderson. You cover the phone in the hopes of muffling the conversation.
"Well, no one is supposed to be up here, dear. The buffet line is starting."
"Yes, of course, I'll be right down," you reassure her. Her steps retreat down the hallway, and you're alone again.
"I'm so sorry," you say into the phone.
He's laughing delightedly, but it isn't what he's paying you for. You need to remember that no matter how much you wish you could see his smile.
"That was really unprofessional of me. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," he says, still laughing. "I'm not going to fill out a comment card."
"Service was adequate but went on a break at an inopportune time."
"Didn't expect the old lady to show up."
"Oh my God, you heard that?" you resist the urge to bang your head against the door.
"She's loud, so she has that going for her."
"I'm really sorry," you say. The words just hang there, inadequate to express that this conversation with him is probably going to be the best part of your holidays.
"Really, it's okay," he adds,"I should probably go too."
"I shouldn't have scheduled this the day before Christmas, but I just . . .," you start.
"Yeah, me too."
The two of you are quiet, and there's a calmness in the unspoken words. Really, where could this go? He could have a girlfriend or a wife. The whole thing could just be a joke to him, an entertaining escape from his usual routine. He's just a job.
"If you want to reschedule, call me on the other line and I won't charge you."
"No," he insists, "you shouldn't do that for me."
What can you say, because he's right?
"But if you're free tomorrow. . .," he says, "which you probably aren't because it's Christmas."
"I can fit you in later in the day," you say, scrambling to remember your schedule. "In the morning I'm working a shift on the regular line."
"Yeah?" he says, sounding as if he wishes he could call.
"Seems good for people to have a distraction if they need it," you say.
"Christmas isn't always an easy time, like those commercials with happy couples and new cars."
"Seriously," you say, "where do they get the big bows?"
"The big bow store." He says, as if this were a normal conversation.
鈥淚f only they sold wine.鈥 You smile. Well, it seems unlikely the two of you will be able to return to your previous activities, so you sit back and ask him the question that鈥檚 been on your mind. "What are you doing tomorrow?"
"I'm supposed to go to church with my parents in the morning, but it's starting to feel like I'm just going through the motions."
"It can feel like a performance rather than something solemn, you know? Luckily, my parents don't make me go anymore." It's nice to talk to him about real things. It happens more often lately, having actual conversations. You need to get back on track. "I'm free after dinner."
"Cool, I'll call you at seven," he says, "thanks for . . ."
"For trying and failing to do my job."
"No," he scoffs, "for . . ."
You hang on his words. What does he think about all this? Fuck, you really want to know. It would be easier if you knew that he did have a girlfriend. You would be disappointed, but you would know where you stand. You really need to have Yoongi talk some sense into you.
A knock sounds through his line, interrupting his thoughts.
"Shit, I gotta go."
"Talk to you tomorrow." It's better not to know what he was going to say.
You put your phone back in your pocket and look in the mirror, checking your hair and makeup before returning downstairs. 聽You remind yourself that this is your real life, attending this Christmas party and avoiding Jeon Jungkook. 聽Well, if you survive the next twenty-four hours, then your reward will be to talk to your favorite client again.
Your phone buzzes, and it's a text from Yoongi.
Yoongi: remember
Yoongi: no one thinks their phone sex crush is a serial killer until it's too late.
聽You: are you a mind reader
聽Yoongi: yes
Yoongi: also
Yoongi: you're a dumbass
聽You: i love you too
聽Yoongi: don't let the muggles get you down.
聽You walk downstairs and try to figure out how to get through the next two hours. Partygoers are gathered in the dining room for the buffet line and scattered about the house as they eat, plates settled precariously on their laps, drinks haphazardly resting on small tables. You grab a glass of wine and move to the buffet line. Focused on not dropping your glass of wine and filling your plate at the same time, you ignore the conversations going on around you.
"Well, I'm sure y/n remembers," a woman's voice exclaims cheerily.
"Uh," you look up into the face of a woman across the buffet line from you. You don't remember her, a piano teacher? a neighbor with property line dispute? a soccer coach?
She smiles at you, giving you a smug nod. "I'm sure you remember his goal-scoring record from high school. You know, Jungkook, the Jeon's oldest son."
Oh God, this is happening. You look to the woman's right, and there he stands. With a plate in one hand and a glass of wine in the other, wearing a red holiday sweater with some kind of knit pattern on it, Jeon Jungkook's still so attractive you want to down your glass of wine or just scream into the void. He's looking indulgently at the woman next him. He must be used the adoring praise by now.
Unfortunately, he looks better this close up. His broad chest looks so comfortable you want to rest your head on it. His thighs look like they might put his jeans out of their misery and just burst at the seams. His sweater sleeves are pushed up revealing his golden, toned forearms. The tattoo that was just a faint image when you saw it from far away reveals itself now, licking up his throat from beneath the collar of his sweater. It's a tantalizing whisper of an image, and the urge to see what's drawn on his skin is profound. You narrow your eyes, wondering what it is.
You realize you're staring when the woman clears her throat.
You meet Jungkook's eye, and he's smiling at you like he caught you doing something you aren't supposed to.
"It's supposed to be an ugly Christmas sweater contest," you mutter.
"This is . . ." Jungkook starts.
"Do not mock The Golden Girls," you say, voice clipped. Who knew they made Golden Girls Christmas sweaters? But there they are - Blanche, Rose, Dorothy and Sophia smiling at you from his knitwear with their cheerful faces.
"I'm not mocking them." Jungkook says, sounding indignant. "It's a Christmas sweater."
"It's supposed to be an ugly sweater contest. You're disrespecting them. You should take that off."
"You want me to take off my sweater." He grins, pulling at the hem to reveal his golden skin and toned abs, before dropping it with a chuckle.
You loathe him. You push up the buffet cover with more force than necessary.
The lady coughs. "Jungkook, your valedictorian speech was quite good."
Must be a high school teacher. You stand taller and ladle the mashed potatoes on your plate with a resounding splat. "Of course," you say, voice sickly sweet. "No one could forget Jungkook was valedictorian of our class."
"It wasn't a big deal鈥" Jungkook confesses.
"What a speech it was too," you interject, "from the person in our class who had the highest GPA."
Green beans shuffle off Jungkook's plate as it tilts. He looks at you, biting his lip. Now it's your turn to smirk. Ha! You always knew he knew what he did, and now you know that he knows that you know.
"Well, he's always been very smart," the woman says. You are pretty sure she stops herself from patting him on the arm.
"Really?" you ask, tilting your head. "Or did he get Mrs. Willow to change his grade in AP Bio 鈥 using the power of, like, his smile 鈥 so that it would be higher than someone else's? Did you ever think about that?"
You try to get a slice of turkey on your plate, but your hands are shaking so the tongs don't seem to work.
The lady glances between the two of you at a loss for words.
"Well," Jungkook says, expertly setting two slices of turkey on his plate. "Maybe someone should have done the extra-credit essay in AP English."
You point the tongs at him. "I had the flu that weekend. You know that! I couldn't write an essay while I was on the bathroom floor trying not to throw up a lung."
"You can't throw up a lung, y/n."
"Thanks for the information. Must be your A plus in AP Bio that resulted in such amazing knowledge of the human body."
"I do alright." He swipes his lip with his thumb.
Ugh, this is too much. There is some kind of bottleneck at the gravy boat, so the three of you are standing there with your plates in your hands unable to move forward.
The lady clears her throat. "Y/n is in law school."
Jungkook looks over at you, and it's like he's seeing you anew. "Wow, that's impressive鈥"
"I dropped out."
"Really?" He looks taken aback. "Was it hard?"
You think back to the hours spent in the library, studying cases, preparing for class, stressing over exams. Your fellow students stole books from the library, sabotaged interviews for clerkships and were complete assholes whether drunk or sober. Law school was two and a half semesters of complete and total, waking and sleeping, stress and anxiety mixed in with the fear of failure and the absolute certainty that you didn't belong there. "Yeah, law school was hard, but thanks for the reminder."
"No, I mean鈥"
The gravyboat situation is sorted, so you move forward not wanting to hear what he has to say. You know objectively the opinion of a guy who you haven't spoken to since high school and who has never had a bad day in his life doesn't matter, but it hurts. Hurts that you thought you would do something grand and important with your life, but instead you're just doing this.
You move on to the end of the buffet table, grateful that this is almost over. 聽
Jungkook looks like he wants to say something, but he's interrupted by Mr. Anderson. They exchange the usual pleasantries, and you're grateful to be able to ignore the conversation.
"Well, y/n will we see you at church tomorrow?" Mr. Anderson asks, as if your religious observances were any of his business.
"In the morning I'm working a shift on the regular鈥" you stop yourself before telling the truth. 聽When did you get so sloppy with your story?
"The law firm must be busy to need you on Christmas day," Mr. Anderson says congenially.
Shit, you forgot that the lie had been passed around to so many people.
"Not everyone observes the holiday," Jungkook notes, looking up at you curiously.
"Sometimes it's difficult, so its good for people have a distraction," you say, reminded of your earlier conversation in the bathroom. You smile, at least you have something to look forward to tomorrow. Thank fuck, this endless buffet table is almost over. You can avoid Jungkook for the rest of the night.
"Yeah, the holidays don't usually look those perfect families in car commercials," Jungkook adds.
"Seriously," you say, looking up at him, "where do they find those giant bows anyway?"
"At the giant bow store," Jungkook says matter of factly.
"If only they sold鈥"
Oh shit. Where have you heard that before? Jungkook is looking at you with narrowed eyes. 聽The green beans on his plate teeter and totter, falling to the table, his usual grace disrupted. What's he got to be worried about? The last time your endless fascination with giant bows was discussed was . . .
No. No fucking way.
"Will we see you at church tomorrow, Jungkook?" Mr. Anderson asks, ignoring the awkwardness.
"I'm not sure," Jungkook admits, looking pained. "I'm not sure I should go when I . . . "
" . . . when it can feel like a performance." You finish.
"Yeah," Jungkook says, barely audible. 聽
The dinner roll you're holding falls on the floor. Life could not be so cruel as this, but you see the look on Jungkook's face, and you know that it is. "Fuck."
Mr. Anderson looks surprised. "Well, with that language, y/n, it's probably better you don't attend."
You're still staring at Jungkook. He looks back at you in horror, like the planet has stopped moving, and he's about to float off into space.
Mr. Anderson is continuing talk. Jungkook stares at you and listens half-heartedly to the conversation at the same time. His polite nature won't be interrupted even for a revelation such as this one.
Suddenly your hazy images of your favorite client morph into the Jeon Jungkook standing in front of you. You remember those first calls when he was shy and tentative. Then the way he started to open up to you about what he wanted. The steady way he found his confidence with a determined voice and a deep certainty. You hate yourself so much in this moment, because the first thing you think is to wonder if he has a girlfriend. You liked that faceless guy so much. You've slowly become enamored with him over these many months. You knew it. Yoongi knew it. The only person you tried to keep it from was the person now standing in front of you
You grip your plate, not sure what to do now that this truth about your favorite client is laid before you. 聽
Mr. Anderson claps Jungkook on his back. "Well, when you need a recommendation for the residency program here, let me know. It would be great to have you on the team." Mr. Anderson walks away, leaving the two of you alone again.
"You lied," you whisper. You set your plate on the edge of the table. You look up at Jungkook, and he's still staring at you. "You lied about nursing school."
"No," he says, shaking his head.
"I'm such an idiot. Of course, you lied." You have to get out of there. It's difficult to breathe. You aren't only sad at the knowledge that he lied. You're horrified that you care so much.
"Y/n," Jungkook says, looking around at the other guests, like he's worried you're going to out him and his phone sex habits to the entire neighborhood.
A deep well of sadness surfaces. What is wrong with you? You turn around, trying to focus on finding a place to hide. You walk unthinkingly through the house. You give a stiff and pained smile to anyone you happen to see. You stare up at the ceiling, eyes aching at the force needed to hold back the tears that he doesn't deserve.
You hear Jungkook call your name, more forcefully now. You keep walking up the stairs to the second-floor hallway. It's dark and deserted here. Before you can call Yoongi, Jungkook appears at the top of the stairs.
"Y/n," he whispers.
You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand, not wanting him to see how much this has affected you. "You don't have to worry about me giving you away or whatever."
He stops short. "Thanks."
"I'm not going to tell everyone about your phone sex hobby when I'm the one making money off it. We're in a mutually assured destruction situation."
"Thanks, but that wasn't what I was worried about." He walks toward you, his expression pained. Even in the dark hallway, you can make out his brilliant, brown eyes. You wish he wasn't so attractive, because the memories of all those past conversations are only making him more handsome in your eyes.
Shaking your head to dispel these thoughts, you try to plaster a look of annoyance on your face. "What the hell would you have to be worried about?"
"That you would tell them I dropped out of medical school," Jungkook declares.
"Are you kidding me?"
He doesn't say anything, seemingly imploring you to understand.
"You, Jeon Jungkook, the Jeon's oldest son, are dropping out of medical school."
He nods, hands on his hips.
"I can't believe it."
"I don't want to give up my dream, but I don't think I belong there, and I hate it." Jungkook sighs. "But if I hate it, then that means everything I chose was wrong, and I don't know what to do." Jungkook sounds anguished, staring down at the floor as he admits the truth.
"Holy shit, that's insane."
Jungkook cringes. "That's why I haven't told anyone."
"Why did you tell me you were in nursing school?"
He looks up at the ceiling, avoiding your gaze. "I'm going to apply as soon as I get the courage to tell everyone. I'm just excited about it, and no one is going to understand but I thought you 鈥 you know, phone sex you - would."
"Yeah, I understand." You smile before you remember you're annoyed at him. "Both of me's."
"I wasn't being an asshole when I asked if law school was hard. I meant, was it hard to leave."
You want to give him the benefit of the doubt, and the Jungkook standing in front of you sounds a lot more like your favorite client than whoever the hell he was in high school.
"Leaving was only hard because everyone else made it hard, you know? My friends from law school don't talk to me anymore. It's like I'm carrying an infectious disease. My parents are disappointed, but they're mostly worried because I haven't been myself since then. I don't like talking to friends from college, because they have, you know, goals. But I know it was the right thing to do even if it resulted in whatever my life looks like now."
Jungkook smiles at you kindly. Not with pity, not like the others to whom you gave a rehearsed speech, but he looks like he understands. You look away because he's overwhelming, even in his bright red Christmas sweater in the upstairs hallway of the Anderson's tacky house.
Jungkook clears his throat. "Thanks for telling me."
"When the law firm laid me off, I was desperate not to move back home, so I took whatever jobs I could find. The phone-line thing started as a joke, but it took my mind of my troubles, I guess."
"Well, you're really good at it." Jungkook chuckles, looking down at the ground.
You shrug. "It pays the bills."
"I can't believe it is really you," he says, sounding amazed. 聽"I wondered . . . I imagined finding you." He gives a little unbelieving laugh. "I never thought it would be here."
"Trust me, I didn't either."
"Did you think about finding me?" he asks, sounding like he's hoping for a particular answer.
You nod, not trusting your voice.
"Do you have a lot of regulars?" Jungkook doesn't sound jealous, he sounds curious. With a hint of a smirk on his face, he looks almost mischievous.
You bite your lip. "Enough."
"How many have your real number?" Jungkook steps closer, and he's so close you can smell his warm, vanilla scent. He's smiling at you like he knows the answer. "You really shouldn't have given it to me."
"I know." Now it's your turn to stare up at the ceiling.
"I was glad when you did, though."
Jungkook's so close you can see the stars in his eyes even in the dark corridor. You lean your head back against the wall, and his hands come up, bracing against either side of your head. You take a deep breath, feeling serene. You're no longer beholden to that frantic fear that's been racing through you all evening.
"I really should've changed my number."
"Yeah," Jungkook nods, moving so close you can feel the hint of his warm breath on your skin.
You stop yourself from clutching at his shoulders or pulling him to you. Why, when he's so close, so tantalizing near, finally no longer a hazy idea floating around, but real and solid in front of you? Why not? He's obviously interested to see how far this will go. But you're too anxious to reach for what you want in case he might disappear. He might fade like a mirage. You just want to hold onto this feeling of being so close to him because he seems to shield you from the cold wind that seems to follow you wherever you go lately.
Your fingers skim the tattoo appearing on his neck, running beneath the collar, black vines with sharp thorns and deep red roses are revealed. You can't seem to stop your gentle exploration. "Thanks for not doing anything bad."
Jungkook grins and cocks an eyebrow. "Oh, I can do something bad."
You start laughing, dropping your head until you rest your forehead against his collarbone. "That was terrible."
"I've got more," Jungkook says, and you can feel his chest move as he laughs. He moves closer to you, backing you against the wall fully. He raises your chin with his hand, rubbing his thumb against your cheek. He's smiling at you, eyes bright with delight.
"Whatta you got?" you ask, looking up at him.
"I'm gonna show you," he says, lips moving against yours. "We've talked enough, yeah."
Any answer you might give is stopped by the feeling of his lips on yours, the soft, tentative movement, almost shy, like those first few conversations, holding back and unsure. He tastes your lips, gently kissing you in his tender way. You reach up to run your hands through his hair, gripping just a little too hard so he knows that you want him to stay. Your heart pounds in your chest.
Unable to stop yourself, you bite gently on his plush bottom lip. You smile at his moan, and he's spurred on by your unexpected provocation. You part your lips. He moves hungrily, forcefully to deepen the kiss, and you acquiesce to his assault. He wraps his arms around you tightly, like you might not understand just how much he wants you there. You have no intention of going anywhere. His solid chest presses against yours, and your breasts ache from the feeling. His hands move down your back, groping your ass. 聽He swallows your moans as he leaves you weak to his onslaught.
Jungkook's overwhelming in a way that makes you light-headed, that removes whatever ever-present worry has been holding you tight. He's forced it open, broken it wide until all you can do is exist in this moment with him.
When Jungkook breaks the kiss, pulling back, his pupils are blown, and his hair falls into his eyes. He rests his forehead against yours. His breath is heavy, and his lips are swollen from your kisses and your teeth. You push up the hem of his sweater. Jungkook watches you smooth your hand over his stomach, muscles twitching beneath your fingers.
Your hand moves lower and lower, all caution gone now, only desperate longing left in its wake. He hisses as you palm his hard cock. Even over his jeans, he feels fucking fantastic. It's not difficult to imagine him fucking you with that long, thick cock. Heat and need fill you. Running your tongue over your lower lip, you look up at him as he raises his head.
"What are you doin?" he asks, removing your hand from where it rests. He grips both your wrists, pinning them beside your head. You stifle a moan at his firm hold. He must've remembered those conversations as well as you did.
Your chest heaves as you try to calm your breath and slow your racing heart. "Please."
Jungkook chuckles, tongue pressing against his cheek. "Here?"
You shouldn't, but you aren't going to survive going back downstairs now. He's ignited something in you. You glance down either side of the quiet hallway. No one has appeared since you've been up here, and the sounds of the party are far away. You nod.
He shakes his head, a smile on his face giving away his true feelings. 聽"Alright, but we need to find a room. I'm not fucking you against this wall."
You pout exaggeratedly. You hadn't thought about it, but now that he mentioned it . . .
He holds your chin in his hand and nudges you to look at him. "Don't be a brat."
You scoff at his audacity, but before you can speak your indignation at his reprimand, he picks you up easily. You wrap your legs around his slim waist instinctively, arms going around his neck.
Jungkook laughs at your interrupted frustration. You sigh against his collar, resting your head on his shoulder, and reveling in the feeling of his muscular arms around you, carrying you without a second thought down the hall.
"I hate you," you say, voice betraying your pliant nature, as he squeezes you tighter against his chest.
"Just keep telling yourself that," he says gently.
"You stole that speech from me," you murmur.
He laughs, kicking open a door to one of the many bedrooms in this massive house. "You really want to talk about that now?"
You lift your head from his shoulder and try to sound serious. "We're gonna talk about it sometime."
"But hopefully not now, right?" he asks, carrying you into the room and kissing you again, distracting you from your righteous indignation at his academic deception. More forceful now, his tongue slides between your parted lips easily. This time, he sinks his teeth into your bottom lip, and you mewl.
He shuts the door behind you, and you can hear the lock shut as he clicks it into place. The sounds of the party have receded. You squirm in his arms, and he mutters an appreciative fuccckkk as you slide down his body to stand in front of him.
For a heartbeat, you wonder how this happened, and how lucky you are. Then Jungkook fists his sweater, pulls it over his head with an easy tug, and you don't think about anything at all.
Momentarily stunned into silence, you reach with one hand to trail a fingertip down his chest, watching the way his breath goes shaky. His bare chest is broad, his golden skin on display. Fuck, he looks so good. 聽Finally, you can see the tattoo on his neck and collar in its full image, roses a deep red and black thorns twisted among them. It's beautiful in a harsh way and not at all what you expected. There looks like the beginning of another tattoo, this time a sleeve on his left arm, but the coloring isn't finished, so it's a black outline waiting to be filled in, the pattern still a bit of a mystery. He clears his throat, and he cocks his head at you, smirking.
You crook a finger in his belt loop, and he lets you pull him to the bed. You sit on the soft comforter with a contented sigh. Standing in front of you, he gazes at you so intensely you want to look away. You undo his belt and pull it from the loops of his jeans. You drop it to the floor with a satisfying clang. You pull down the zipper, and shove down his jeans as he toes off his boots, and then he's standing in front of you in just his black underwear. He tenses, brow furrowed.
What's wrong?
"You have condoms?" he asks.
Damn, you can't believe you didn't think of this. "Shit, I don't."
Jungkook glances around the room, and for the moment all lascivious thoughts are gone as the two of you scramble to come up with a solution. This room is a fancy guest room with model sailing ships and weird nautical knick-knacks. Fucking in here is like filming a porno in a Pottery Barn catalog, you can only hope you don't fall over into the fake anchor. The captain's desk looks sturdy, though. You file that away for later.
"We can't wander around the house looking for condoms," you say. "Didn't their sons go to college years ago?"
"There's not going to be in here. This place is frozen in time, like a room you forget about."
"We need a room of鈥"
"鈥攔equirement." You finish. The two of you smile at each other like idiots.
"You think they had vibrators in the room of requirement?" Jungkook asks, looking thoughtful.
"Um, . . . I've never thought about it, but hopefully." You pause. "I'm fascinated by this conversation, but we need to focus."
"But it makes sense, right? It should have whatever you need, you know, lube, cock rings, vibrators."
"Now, I'm incredibly fascinated by this conversation, but we still need to focus."
"I don't feel like JK Rowling is very sex positive, though," Jungkook says, looking doubtful.
You agree, but good lord, you never thought Jeon Jungkook would be so distracted by a discussion of the Room of Requirement. You need to get back on track because he's about to write a dissertation on sex positivity and Harry Potter. You snap your fingers to get his attention. "Look, we can talk about you and cock rings later, cause don't think I will forget about that, but there's stuff we can do without condoms, and I'm clean."
No longer searching around the room, Jungkook looks at you like you're the smartest person he's ever met. "Nice," he says, returning to stand before the bed with a big grin on his face. "Me too. I'm clean too."
You believe him. Jeon Jungkook and the man you've talked to the last few months are not the type to fuck around with that kind of thing, and he remembered the condoms before you did.
Before you lose your nerve in front of him, you stand up from where you sit on the edge of the bed. You walk toward him, and he looks a little wide-eyed. Gently, you nudge him back so that he's sitting on the bed now, and you stand before him, effectively switching places.
"But first," you say, gripping the hem of your sweater and lifting it a little. "Admit you got Mrs. Willow to change your grade."
He sighs, but he doesn't look annoyed. Instead, he looks charmed, as he leans back on his arms. "Alright," he drawls. "I admit it."
"Finally," you breathe, and you pull off your sweater. There's a chill in the air, but you feel warm when he gazes at you, looking at you with a heat in his eyes. You start to unbutton your jeans. "And admit, there was no way I could do the extra credit in AP English."
Jungkook raises an eyebrow. "We really doing this now?"
"Do you want me to take off my jeans?"
"I want a lot of things, and I'm pretty sure you do, too."
"Yes, well." You make a move-it-along gesture. "We just need you to hurry up."
"Pretty sure you don't want that," he scoffs.
You roll your eyes. "Just say it."
Jungkook huffs, and you want to laugh because he's leaning back on the bed, dressed only in his underwear, looking like fucking heaven. He clears his throat. "I admit you could not do the extra credit in AP English."
"Was that so hard?" You shimmy out of your jeans and pull off your boots, feeling particularly not sexy with these mundane actions.
"Gorgeous," he mutters under his breath. You move to the end of the bed, and he doesn't hesitate. As if the last few minutes of Harry Potter discussion and condom search haven't occurred, he pulls you toward him, leaning down to meet your mouth in a bruising kiss. You revel in the way his hands grip your hair, just a little too rough.
"What do you want?" you ask, voice breathy.
His eyes go a little wide. "Anything?"
You nod, and you've got so many things you want to do with him. 聽
"Did you?" he asks, voice rough. "Did you ever . . . lie about what you like?"
"No, I . . ." You never did with him. "I didn't. Just tell me what you want. Please."
"Okay," he hesitates. "I kind of thought a lot about . . . " He keeps opening and closing his mouth, but not saying anything.
You rack your brain, reliving all your many conversations over the last few months. 聽Then it comes to you. You know what he wants. Why can't he just ask for it after all this time? Well, you can happily make his Christmas wish come true.
Before he can finish his sentence, you're kneeling on the floor in front of him. His hard cock strains against the material of his underwear. He's running hand through his hair and looking a little wide-eyed and excited.
You reach up to run a finger under the band of his boxer briefs.
"You remembered," he says, voice shaky.
You want to bask in his praise, but it isn't hard to guess that you choking on his cock was at the top of his list, and to be honest you've thought about it, kneeling at his feet, his thick, hard length in your mouth as he groans and gently fucks your lips. The vague images of all those months of conversations coalesces into the man in front of you.
You undress him, and he looks better than you could've imagined. You look up to meet his piercing gaze. Back in control, there's a touch of amusement in the way he looks at you, that hint of a smile. You shiver as your nipples tighten, pressed painfully against your lace bra and already there's a throbbing ache between your legs. You push yourself up on your knees, mouth falling open and a soft gasp escaping.
You hold his cock, pressure firm as you stroke him. You lean forward, tongue flecking out to get a taste. A small moan escapes his mouth, and you smile, emboldened even by such small recognition. He widens his legs, and you can see his hands clench as if holding himself back. You run your tongue across the underside instead of taking him all at once. You lick the base and then trail your tongue the length of his cock. Unable to stop himself this time, he brushes a hand through your hair. You look up at him with a smug smile, and he huffs at you. Your wrap your hand around the base, open your mouth and stroke your tongue against his soft skin, moving up the length. You're rewarded with a low groan. You work his cock, long strokes, enjoying every satisfied sigh, and you can feel his eyes on you even as you don't stop in your task.
"Fuck, you feel better than I imagined," he murmurs.
His words just spur you on, and you continue to lick and taste, loving the feeling of his heavy weight on your tongue. Finally, you take him deep, pushing forward until you've taken him as far as you can. You no longer tease, giving him what he wants. His shaking thighs and uneven breath are your reward.
"Fuck, y/n鈥" his moan is cut short.
The doorknob rattles.
What the fuck? You grip his thighs, tensing. Jungkook calms you with a hand to your head. You feel rather than see him glance at the door. But with that gentle but firm hand, he holds you in place. It's a delicious kind of torture, and heat floods your body, your pussy throbbing at the way he's letting you know that you're not supposed to stop no matter what happens. You take a calming breath through your nose.
Door locked, whoever it is moves on. 聽The footsteps retreat down the hall.
You feel him relax underneath you, and he lets go of your head. You pull back, taking a deep breath. When you look up at him, there's nothing left of the shy man who started this. There's sweat on his brow and a determined look on his face. He reaches up to plow his fingers through your hair tightly, and you nod, knowing that he's let you have your way, but now he's in charge. Without another word you drop your mouth open.
Slowly, he thrusts deep, his hands gripping tight as he holds you in place, working his hard cock in and out of your mouth. The only sound in the room is the slick sounds of him thrusting between your lips. Working himself up to it, he pumps his cock forcefully. You close your eyes, surrendering to his pace, sucking each time he pulls back.
Jungkook groans above you, no longer holding it in. Fuck, he's loud just like you imagined, just like you like in your partner. His thighs tense, and you grip them digging your fingers into his skin.
"I'm gonna come," he pants, thrusts erratic now.
You knew that, but you appreciate the warning anyway. His thighs tense, and with a drawn-out groan, he comes down your throat. You swallow, as he tugs on your hair one last time.
You pull back, and he looks satiated and dazed, staring down at you with a kind of wonder.
You stand, wiping you mouth with the back of your hand. It's so easy with him, after all those conversations stretching over those many months, not to be self-conscious. He reaches up, pulling you down to him and he kisses you. You expect something rough and biting like before, but it's gentle and soft, as if he's weaving a spell on you, to tear down every barrier between you with his steady, unrelenting offensive.
"Want to taste you," he pants, between kissing you desperately.
"Please," you moan, your pussy throbbing, and your whole body shaking with need.
"You don't have to beg," he says, scooting backward and pulling you with him. "Not this time anyway."
You huff, getting your revenge by pressing soft kisses on his neck as he squirms beneath you. Unable to help yourself, you lick his sweat-tinged skin, feeling him shiver. He rolls out from under you, and you move back to rest your head against the pillows.
"Pretty," he murmurs, helping you off with your bra. He cages you in with his arms and leans down to plant a kiss on your lips. He moves slowly down your body, kissing your neck, your chest, tongue stroking your peaked nipples, until you whine and twist. You arch your back, wanting more. He makes his way down your body until he's nestled between your thighs. But instead of pulling off your panties as you expect, he rubs against them as you squirm.
Finally, he nudges them aside and runs a finger over your wet slit. You feel him exhale on your skin and shiver at the warmth.
"You liked sucking my dick that much?" he asks almost to himself, sounding enthralled.
"You know I did," you say, "told you all those times how much I wanted to."
"Yeah, but this is better," he declares, still not giving you what you want.
You attempt to push closer, move towards him, but with one strong hand on your thigh he holds you in place, and you groan in frustration.
"That's what you get," he says, palming your mound over your panties, as you ache for a firmer touch. He looks up, running his eyes over your body. "You're so beautiful."
Finally, he pulls them off, tossing them aside and settles himself between your thighs again. This time he doesn't hesitate, and it's almost too much. He flicks his tongue across your clit, and you jolt from the sensuous onslaught. Then he brushes his tongue along your slick cunt in one stroke, and you grip the sheets to keep yourself from you don't know what, flying away? Nothing makes sense, you just know you need something to ground you to this moment. Again and again, he licks your pussy and sucks gently on your clit.
Jungkook . . ." you voice shakes. "Don't stop, please."
After getting a taste he can't seem to stop himself from more, he plunges his tongue between your slick lips. You want to grind against him, but he continues to hold your thighs firm. He flicks your clit again before returning to fucking your cunt with his tongue.
"Fuck, I'm so close, . . . oh god, please, don't stop."
Jungkook lifts his head, licking his slick lips and tossing his disheveled hair out of his eyes. "Why the fuck would I stop?"
God, he looks debauched and your body aches at the sight of him. Your pussy is throbbing at the loss. "Jungkook," you whine.
"Why would anyone stop? That seems counterproductive . . . I don't under鈥"
"Don't," you murmur, putting a hand on his head to push him back down to your aching cunt. "Don't stop."
His sorry is muffled against your wet pussy, and it brings shivers to your body to have him return to his task with determination. Fuck, he always was a good study.
You shiver, letting the pleasure overtake you. You're so close now, and he's unrelenting in the way his tongue is fucking your cunt and sucking at your clit, working you over. It isn't long until you're tumbling over, pussy clenching and coming on his tongue as he continues to lap and taste at your release.
Eventually, when the small trembling of your limbs is quieted, he pulls back and crawls up your body, leaving messy kisses on your belly, your sensitive breasts, your flushed neck. Then he's fully above you, looking a little smug and a lot happy. You can't help but smile back. He kisses you again, filthy and sloppy, tongue moving lazily with yours, and you can taste yourself on him, and you groan at the sensation.
Jungkook pulls back giving you a tender smile, but you can feel his hard cock against your thigh, and you reach down to stroke him. He closes his eyes as you continue to grip his hardening length.
"You want to come again?"
"You really asking me that?" he says, sighing. 聽With his eyes closed, you get to take in the sight of him above you.
"Want you come to come on my tits."
"Fuck, you really are perfect." He crawls above you, kneeling astride your chest and stroking himself. He's not lazy or slow. He's too worked up for that now.
"You like licking my pussy that much?" You ask, as you settle yourself underneath him, echoing his prior words.
"I really like everything about you." He shrugs as if he isn't stroking his cock above you about to cover your body in his cum.聽 Something about his simple, easy words warms you from within.
His hard cock is leaking, and you unselfconsciously lick your lips wishing for another taste.
"Please," you whine, "want you to mark me."
Fuck, he moans, so perfect. He's so close that he's losing himself to it now. He comes with a groan, covering your breasts with white strips of cum. He may be sitting above you, his gloriously thick thighs caging your body, his strong arms capable of pinning you down, but you've never felt so powerful in your life.
You swipe a taste, sucking on your fingers, enjoying the way he watches you lick them clean.
"What the fuck are you doing to me?" he says, sounding wonderfully confused.
Jungkook lays down next to you, languid and looking like a kind of blissful contentment flows through his body. He grins at you, red cheeked and sweat drenched hair falling in his eyes. You imagine your smile looks similar. A feeling bubbles within you unbidden, like a happy surprise, like champagne poured in a flute glass.You know you're going to see that smile many times. A calmness settles in your body, making your relaxed and unanxious about what's to come. It's the best you've felt in a long time. The two of you lay there for a few minutes, not needing to speak. You rest your head on his chest, feeling the gentle sensation of it rising and falling beneath you.
"We gotta get cleaned up," he says with resignation.
"We can't stay here, babe." With the small endearment, his face goes even redder. You reach out to stroke his cheek with your thumb, just because you can.
"Come on, the longer we stay here the harder it will be to get up."
You let yourself be led by him. Luckily, he picked a room with a bathroom, so you wander in there, clothes hastily grabbed, both of you naked and a bit of a mess, but there's no awkwardness. You don't know if it's all those months of phone calls or the post-orgasm euphoria flowing through you both, but it's not weird at all. He hands you a towel when you've finished rinsing off. He takes his turn, and you have to look away before seeing him under the water gets you too excited. You still have to go back to the party and pretend like you didn't fuck the Jeon's oldest son up here.
You're both dressed now, and there's nothing to do but go return downstairs. Jungkook turns to you with a serious look on his face. What are you going to talk to about now? Oh no, does he have regrets?
"I need to tell you something."
"Oh shit, you have a girlfriend." Of course, he does. Of course, this is a joke to him. Of course鈥
"God, no." He looks at with you a pained expression. "I don't fuck around like that. I haven't had a girlfriend in ages."
"Good," you say, and you hate the way relief floods through you.
"I wanted to ask you out on a date, actually." He bites his lip.
"I would love to go on a date," you say, sitting on the counter, knocking your feet against the cabinet.
"Yeah?" He has that dazed look again, and he's so sweet. You really want to know what he would plan for a date and where he would take you. You can't wait to find out.
"But that isn't what I wanted to say."
"You can tell me anything," you admit. "You pretty much know more about me than anyone."
"Okay, well . . . the thing is, I really . . . love the Golden Girls, and this is the only time of year I can wear this sweater."
"That's your big thing?" you ask, trying not to giggle.
"It's important, okay." Jungkook puts his hands on his hips.
"Oh my god, this is literally the best."
He huffs at you, as if just realizing his ridiculousness.
"I can be accepting of your interest in the Golden Girls," you say in mock seriousness. 聽"We can watch anytime you want."
Important business out of the way, he seems to relax, pushing up the sleeves of his sweater and running his hands through his hair.
"How are we going to get through the rest of this party?" you ask.
"Well, you're going to win the ugly sweater contest."
"Damn right, I am," you say, holding up your hand for a hi-five. He's not as enthusiastic as you about this turn of events. You pick up his hand for him and complete the hi-five because it's the polite thing to do.
"I can't hang out later tonight," Jungkook says, looking sad. "I came with my parents. Aren't your parents here, too?"
"Yeah, and if they get within five feet of you, they're going to pester you about medical school."
"It's alright, everyone does."
"Can I see you tomorrow after my shift and all the family stuff?"
"I forgot you're working in the morning." Jungkook looks disappointed.
Damn, is this going to be a problem? Whatever the hell is going on with Jungkook, you like your job.
Before you can defend yourself, he keeps talking. "Your parents are going to church and you're going to be at home talking to your clients?"
"Christmas, you know, people get lonely."
"You're doing important work," Jungkook says, nodding to himself.
Who is this guy? Where does he come up with this stuff? But you're glad he doesn't have a problem with your job, because then you would have a problem with him.
Jungkook stands taller and appraises you. You're dying to know what's going through his head.
He rolls his tongue in his cheek, and it will never not surprise you how quickly he can go from shy Harry Potter nerd to the guy standing in front of you that looks like he's about to bend you over this counter and fuck you while watching in the mirror. "You want some company?"
"You, Jeon Jungkook, the Jeon's oldest son, are going to sneak over to my house on Christmas morning while both are parents are at church? You're going to hang out with me while I'm on the phone, talking to other men and getting them off?
"Fuck yeah, I am. It's hot."
"What are you gonna to do?"
"We already decided that." He leans forward, caging you in with his arms as he kisses you. "I'm going to do whatever I want."
You shiver at his words. "You don't mind?"
"Your job is fucking hot, and besides . . ." He steps closer, spreading your legs wider as he stands between them, putting his hands on your hips. "I'm getting the cow for free, and they're like paying for the 'moo'ing'"
"My god, you need to stop talking," you scold, but your laughter gives you away. "Just don't open your mouth ever again."
"Oh babe, you like it when I open my mouth." He plants a kiss behind your ear before gently tugging on your earlobe with his teeth. "Don't you?"
"Not at all," you moan, "absolutely terrible."
"Keep telling yourself that," he says smiling into your skin.
4K notesView notes
damn-behzinga11 months ago
Damn-Behzinga鈥檚 Masterlist
angst - 馃導锔
fluff - 鈽锔
favourite - 馃憫
鈿 The Eboys 鈿
Will Lenney (Willne)
The Veteran - The reader surprises Will at a panel after fighting in another country for a year. (X Reader) 鈽锔
Kissing In The Rain - Will鈥檚 friends meet his girlfriend for the first time but the couple is to busy having an argument. (X Reader) 鈽锔
Pancakes, Anyone? - You make breakfast for everyone after a night out and Will realises how much he loves you. (X Reader) 鈽锔
Nail Polish - You and Will have a pamper night (X Reader) 馃憫鈽锔
Moving In - Will and Gee get a new neighbour and Will happens to find her very cute. (X Reader) 鈽锔
Get Better - Will helps you through a bad day of depression. (X Reader)馃導锔
A Little Bit More - Will and Reader recite their vows at their wedding. (X Reader)鈽锔
Tough Guy - Will and Reader are complete opposites but somehow have a strong bond. (X Reader)鈽锔
Will鈥檚 Friend Otis - Will gets a dog to help with some problems he鈥檚 having, Will can鈥檛 find his confidence to talk to his friends. (Centric) 馃憫馃導锔
Toxic - Part Two of WFO, a look through social media as Will deals with his mental health 馃導锔
Hometown - Part Three of WFO, Will goes home to take care of himself but re-lives the worst memories possible 馃導锔
Will Comes Home - Part Four of WFO, Will comes home and tries to do a Livestream. Stephen doesn鈥檛 let it happen for obvious reasons. 馃導锔
Taking A Leap - You are scared of love, Will isn鈥檛 (X Reader) 馃導锔
Deserving - You get fired from your job and Will comforts you (X Reader)馃導锔忊榾锔
Alex Elmslie (ImAllexx)
First Kiss - You have your first kiss with Alex after he lists the things he loves about you. (X Reader 鈽锔)
Hurt Me Once - 聽 Alex knows what his partner has been getting up to (X Reader)
James Marriott
Enough - Reader is content with the relationship they have with James, they decide to go public. (X Reader) 馃憫鈽锔
You Walked In And My Heart Went Boom - Reader and James have a heart to heart at 3am (X Reader)鈽锔
Grow As We Go - Reader thinks they need to break up with James in order to figure themselves out. Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader)馃導锔忊榾锔
George (Memeulous)
Protective - George gets protective when Reader gets assaulted, he decides to do something about it. (X Reader) 馃導锔忊榾锔
Temporary Love - George doesn鈥檛 want this to be a one-time thing鈥 Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader) 馃憫馃導锔忊榾锔
Ethan Payne (Behzinga)
Baby Behzinga Meets Her Uncles - The Sidemen meet your month old daughter (X Reader) 馃憫鈽锔
鈥淒ad, Can鈥檛 you hear me?鈥 - Ethan opens up about his dad, the sidemen don鈥檛 realise how truly scary it is. (Centric)馃導锔
Hush Hush - You are JJ鈥檚 best friend, he warned his friends not to date you, Ethan doesn鈥檛 listen. (X Reader)鈽锔忦煂э笍
After Meeting A Little Early - You and Ethan have a son at the age of seventeen. the sidemen love him to pieces. (X Reader)鈽锔
Happy Hours - Ethan talks about you and your son on the Happy Hour podcast. Part 2 of AMALE (X Reader)鈽锔
Hooked - after a little too much drinking after JJ V Logan Paul, you and Ethan hook up (X Reader) 鈽锔
Doubt - Ethan has his doubts about being a father but you easily soothe him. (X Reader) 馃導锔忊榾锔
Top - Ethan sees you wearing his top and he decides to tell you something. (X Reader) 鈽锔
Losing The War Against Himself - Ethan is losing the war against his depression but other soldiers are going to fight beside him and help him win. (Cenric) 馃導锔
Falling On The Battle Field - Ethan tries to take his own life, the sidemen try to cope (Centric) Part Two of LTWAH 馃導锔
I Can鈥檛 Wait For Forever - The Sidemen film your鈥檚 and Ethan鈥檚 weddings, here are the fan favourite bits (X Reader)鈽锔
Secrets Always Come To Surface - Ethan鈥檚 secret gets revealed when someone appears out of the blue. (Centric)馃導锔
Together In Isolation - Ethan loves to spend time with you in quarantine (X Reader)鈽锔
A Painful Memory - The Sidemen Roast is all fun and games until someone jokes about Ethan鈥檚 friend who passed away. (X Reader)馃導锔
Fitting In - Ethan introduces you to his 聽friends, you get a bit insecure because you鈥檙e a bit bigger then other girls (X Reader) 馃導锔忊榾锔
To Be Free Again - Ethan gets into a car accident and has to learn to walk again. There are moments where he wanted to give up but he quickly had his friends help him feel better again. These are some of those moments. (centric)馃導锔
Dumb Ass Love - If Ethan had to chose between men being horrid to you or a bloody nose, he would chose the latter. (X Reader) 鈽锔
Unclear - Ethan鈥檚 addicted to heroin, the boys have to find a way to help him (Centric)馃導锔
Best Couple On YouTube - You and Ethan take part in Simon鈥檚 Best Couple On YouTube series. (X Reader) 鈽锔
Unconventional Family -聽Ethan meets his half sister for the first time and he decides she should meet his family, the sidemen.(OC & Ethan Centric)鈽锔
Heart Pains - Ethan has a lot of things that he wanted to do before he hit thirty, having a heart attack and almost dying was not one of them. (Centric) 馃導
Harry Lewis (Wroetoshaw)
Tranquil - You and Harry are soft when others aren鈥檛 around. (X Reader)鈽锔
livestream - harry watches your livestream and realises you鈥檙e not okay (X Reader)馃導锔忊榾锔
What He Thinks - Not What He Is - Harry finished filming with the weight gained video and he feels terrible about himself so you have to teach him otherwise (X Reader)馃導锔忊榾锔
Moment To Moment - This is Harry鈥檚 story of his relationship with an abusive woman. (Centric) 馃憫馃導锔
Flustered - Harry gets flustered when a pretty girl comes in for a speed dating video (X Reader)鈽锔
Medication - Harry suffers from bipolar disorder and has medication, it鈥檚 awkward when his friends find out. (Centric)馃導锔
Surprise - Harry thinks the biggest surprise of the day was the boys forgetting his birthday, little does he know. (Centric)馃導锔忊榾锔
Waltzing - You teach the Sidemen to waltz, Harry gets partnered up with you (X Reader)鈽锔
Date Night In Isolation - The activities you and Harry get up to in quarantine. (X Reader)鈽锔
Unexpected But Adorable - You and Harry are famous Youtubers, no one expects your relationship (X Reader)鈽锔
Nightmares - You have vivid nightmares, thankfully, Harry knows what to do. (X Reader) 馃導锔忊榾锔
Cuddle Time - Harry wants to cuddle, the boys happily oblige. (Centric) 聽 鈽锔 聽
Taken Over - Harry has a seizure after a shoot, the guys help him. (Centric) 馃導锔
JJ Olatunji (KSI)
Helpless - You perform your first show as Eliza Schylur for the music Hamilton and JJ supports you. (X Reader) 鈽锔
Jealous, Babe? - You watch Jaackmaate, JJ is jealous (X Reader) 鈽锔
Caring - JJ takes care of you whilst your sick (X Reader) 鈽锔
Not To Blame - You go to a party with all your friends, the night takes a twisted turn and JJ tries to understand it. (X Reader/platonic or romantic) 馃導锔
Josh Bradley (Zerkaa)
Not Your Anxiety - The Sidemen don鈥檛 know how to handle Josh鈥檚 panic attack, luckily Freya is the best. (centric) 馃導锔
Hard Worker Shouldn鈥檛 Over Work - Josh tends to overwork himself but luckily has amazing friends surrounding him. (centric)馃導锔忊榾锔
Mine - You love Josh. Josh loves you. If only love were that simple. (X Reader) 馃導
Vik Barn (Vikkstar123)
Not Just Banter - Sometimes, Sidemen banter goes too far and Vik needs comforting (X Reader) 馃導锔忊榾锔
Meeting On Minecraft - You and Vik met online playing Minecraft and now you meet in real life (X Reader) 鈽锔
Tobi Brown (tbjzl)
Small Comments - You and Tobi promised each other that you wouldn鈥檛 go public, so why was the comment left in the video? (X Reader) 聽馃導锔忊榾锔
Falling - You and Tobi were on the lowdown, but what is he doing with that other girl? (X Reader)馃導锔
Simon Minter (Miniminter)
Antics - You and Simon have a fun night out and have to get your drunken selves home (X Reader) 鈽锔
Simon In The Bathroom - Simon gets ditched by his one friend at a party, now he鈥檚 alone in the bathroom (Centic) 馃導锔
Acceptance - You come out to the sidemen as a bisexual (Sidemen & Non-specified reader)
馃敟 + FRIENDS 馃敟
Stephen Lawson (StephenTries)
Brother鈥檚 Best Friend - You are Will鈥檚 twin sister and Stephen might be developing an itsy bitsy, small crush on you. (X Reader) 鈽锔
Callum McGinley (Callux)
The Most Confident - Cal meets Harry鈥檚 old school friend, he likes her immediately but is she too cool for him? (X Reader) 馃導锔忊榾锔
Talia Mar
Strawberries + Cigarettes- Talia reveals her relationship with the reader through her music video for her song Strawberries + Cigarettes (X Reader) 鈽锔
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headspace-hotel8 months ago
Do you like health information stuff? Your forays into debunking weird antivaxxer Pinterest makes me think maybe you do. There's a podcast I want to recommend, partially about the mess that is "chronic Lyme," but since you also have a phobia I don't know if you want more medical topics in your life.
So, I was in a conservative Christian homeschool group for my middle and high school years, and as a result was stuck in a hive of anti-vaxxers. I was diagnosed with autism around the same time, so I was constantly exposed to vaccines-causing-autism fearmongering.
As a result I ended up delving really deep into 鈥渁lternative health鈥 conspiracy theories, learning about them and why people ended up accepting them, and the different little sub-communities the 鈥渁lternative medicine鈥 community formed.
I鈥檓 not interested in the health information part so much as the 鈥渉ow people end up in these communities, and why these ideas are so compelling.鈥
It鈥檚 not straightforward because as an autistic person I鈥檓 very critical of the way the medical field treats me and other disabled people, and the fact is that the problems I have with the medical field do push people into alternative health conspiracy. These conspiracies are also, at the same time, deeply ableist.
Part of the reason it鈥檚 so interesting for me is that 鈥渁lternative health鈥 really is the gateway conspiracy for many people. And it snaps up people all over the political spectrum. It鈥檚 so widespread and pervasive, much more so than practically any other conspiracy theory. And most people on tumblr have no idea how to recognize it, and if it wasn鈥檛 for the conspiracy community being highly associated with a certain side of the political spectrum, so many people would be super vulnerable to being snapped up.
It鈥檚 going to get worse. I don鈥檛 know how exactly it鈥檚 going to happen, but culture or Discourse is going to shift and there鈥檚 going to be a significant exodus of 鈥渓eftists鈥 into anti-vaxx and other related conspiracies, because all the foundational beliefs are there. The fact that antivaxxers are seen as such a weird, distant 鈥渇ringe鈥 group that just hates autistic people will make it harder to see when it happens, and the idea that all 鈥渃onspiracy theories鈥 are repackaged antisemitism is even less helpful.
鈥淐onspiracy theories鈥 are somewhat like cults in that they鈥檙e not defined by a specific ideology that they include, but people insist on seeing them that way. Its no more possible to argue 鈥渁ll conspiracy theories are about antisemitism鈥 than it is to argue 鈥渁ll cults are weird religious groups that live in communes.鈥 There also is, obviously, a LOT of overlap between the two, to the extent that lots of conspiracy theory communities are cults or are much like them.
As an autistic person, I hate the idea that anti-vaxxers are motivated by the hatred of autistic people. Are plenty of them incredibly ableist? Absolutely. But you don鈥檛 become an antivaxxer just because you hate autistic people. You become an antivaxxer because you want to 鈥渄o your research鈥 because you want the best for your kid, and you meet a community of other people that also wants the best for their kids, and you have your reservations about the pharmaceutical industry. And maybe you have a child with ADHD, and you know the school system isn鈥檛 the best for them, so you decide to homeschool them, and you research supplements and diets that supposedly help with adhd, and all of a sudden your community of like-minded people is getting you to question whether the vaccine schedule is necessarily the best for your kid, because maybe the system is designed more around efficiency than helping the individual, and you just want to help your kid succeed, right? And you start researching more and more, and just like that you鈥檙e an 鈥渁ntivaxxer鈥 all of a sudden.
And you start getting backlash. You lose friends. People start turning on you because you dared to ask questions about what鈥檚 best for your child, and you talk to your new friends and they went through that too! So you talk to other people who are 鈥渟keptical鈥 about vaccines, and you take your kids to their play dates, and they Get It much more than anyone else does鈥攁nd that鈥檚 that.
The way people talk about conspiracies and the conspiracy-theory mindset is a problem because it鈥檚 othering. People can鈥檛 see themselves in that kind of mindset. And people need to be able to do so.
...So, I know this was a long tangent away from your original ask, but this is what it made me think of. Feel free to recommend the podcast! This is just some context for my interest in the topic
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