#better to change my perspective

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[pokimoko]

The fact that Main-verse Ooo is as good and as kind as it is (relative to the other universes shown so far, at least, it's obviously not perfect) all because of the same character that starts off as the OG series' antagonist, the person we were made to see as the bad guy (albeit an often ineffectual one) for several seasons, is making me lose my mind.

Imagine finding out the guy you spent your childhood beating up and saving princesses from is in fact a driving catalyst behind you being able to exist, and not only exist but also live in a world that knows what kindness is. All because that man, the same man who you've witnessed do terrible things, once met a little girl and taught her how to be good.

Simon's story really shows us that even if you lose your way and forget how it is to be good yourself, the world keeps the memory for you. That act of love Simon showed Marcy by protecting her and seeing her as more than the monster she thought herself to be created ripples upon ripples, small at first but eventually enough to help give their wreckage of a world—a world that easily could have been forsaken, its goodness overlooked because of its inhospitable remains—a chance to grow into something beautiful. Because of those very same ripples Simon created, the people of Ooo grew up in a world where they know enough about kindness that they were able and willing to spare the 'bad guy' some, to see beyond the wreckage and allow him to grow too.

In saving Marceline, Simon helped to not only to save the world, but also himself.

#fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #adventure time #simon petrikov #ice king #marceline abadeer #simon and marcy #meta #this was just a phone note to get thoughts out of my system but then it came out semi-coherent #so welp guess i'm writing meta now. i'm really in the deep end now. but yeah...Ice King and Simon's story being about the power of kindness #A cruel world requires constant cruelty to be maintained. But kindness? That reaches across time. one act of kindness sparks another #'I need to save you but whose going to save me?' That act of love and compassion is gonna save you ya dingus....eventually #In a less kind world finn and Jake could have watched those tapes about Simon and still decided IK was a hopeless cause. #That he was too far gone to be saved. But they didn't. They chose to treat him nicer and actually be friends with him. #One thing i always loved about IK's story is that he didn't have to completely change himself for people around him to treat him better #They changed their perspective and were kind to him and it was THAT that helped him change. to grow beyond the 'antagonist' role #to quote my go to and all time favourite good place quote: #'the point is people improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold that against them when they don't?' #Arrgh sorry I just always loved Ice King's arc in the show. From pesky antagonist to the person Finn dived into a chaos god to save #(the world's new beginning and its near ending being all because of simon. he has such main character energy and boy does he not want it) #And now we're getting Simon stuff and I'm so normal I'm so normal I'm so normal (<- has never been normal about this character) #(i...i have many MANY drawings of ice king and simon from 2015 and the years after. i was doomed from the start. F&C was the final straw) #(as was reading marcy's secret scrapbook recently...and here i thought i'd truly reached the capacity of hurt i can feel about these two) #Going insane over these last two episodes. 'she didn't have a me'. Fionna and Simon bonding. Gumlee kiss. PETRIGROF BACKSTORY #and the implication that Simon isn't remembering it accurately? Their sweet sounding love song actually foreshadowing their issues? #I am clawing at the walls. thank you AT crew you are enriching the enclosure that is my brain

[riumeri]

thank you for the laughs, the thrills, the life lessons, and the journey!

#mob psycho 100 #mp100 #mp100 spoilers #kageyama shigeo #reigen arataka #dimple #kageyama ritsu #hanazawa teruki #serizawa katsuya #hey how we feelin' about the anime finale guys :') #the final episode had me CRYING. mp100's gonna be on the mind for a while i'm gonna miss them so much oughhh #it's funny to think back on it now bc #i got into the series on a whim -- and back when my mental health was. Very Bad. #little did i know that it would end up showing me a new perspective on a lot of things #i'm doing better these days and i owe it to mp100 for helping change my negative mindset back then. 1000% gratitude #well. time to reread the manga to cope lmao

[thefirstknife]

Hi Bel,

I keep seeing comments about people complaining about the quality of destiny’s writing and story in the last few weeks. I haven’t really engaged with destiny since season of defiance, what’s currently gotten everyone so riled up? I thought that people were enjoying Season of the Deep/Witch in terms of narrative, why is Season of the Wish causing people to deride the destiny writing staff again?

I don't know!

Deep and Witch have been absolute bangers in every aspect to me. I've been enjoying all interactions and lore tabs we've received. A lot of them are stuff that we've never had before, a lot of reunions and closures, a lot of development and interactions between characters who you wouldn't really think would have much in common.

Sloane's return and healing from what she's been through has been fantastic, Drifter opening up with her to help her because he also got help from others was fantastic, Sloane reuniting with Aisha and Shayura brought me to tears (Shayura's descent into madness was triggered by immense trauma of Sloane staying on Titan and Titan disappearing), everything with Sloane and Zavala...

Witch was just incredible in every single way; the focus on Eris, the amount of Eris and Ikora content!!!!! Everything about Xivu and Savathun and their interactions together!! Eris finally fulfilling her goal she promised Savathun YEARS ago, getting that closure.

Wish so far has been equally great to me. All the new stuff about Ahamkara is amazing, finally giving us proof for long-standing speculation about Ahamkara and how they aren't universally evil creatures and expanding on them as a species. I love all interactions we've had so far; finally we have Petra back, Mara's singleminded focus on figuring out how to defeat the Witness and her continuous work to improve as a person, ALL SJUR MENTIONS!!!!! I won't talk about the "leak" because we have no context for it so I will wait for the full story to be revealed before I can pass judgment; something that I think should be a lesson to learn from this entire year. Maybe wait for the story to finish before judging the story.

Literally everything this past year that involves Osiris, but especially this season now that he's back in his element with the Vex. And of course every little detail we get of him and Saint. Osiris honestly shaped this year for me with everything that he's done to uncover the biggest mysteries. I think a big reason is that a lot of people just don't like Osiris, which I consider a massive skill issue.

Other than that, I don't know what are the issues people have besides just not being interested in any of these storylines and attributing it to a nebulous "bad writing" claim. I also genuinely believe that way too many people get wrapped up too much in fandom, imagine storylines they want to see and then get disappointed when the actual story doesn't go there. Almost like people forget that this isn't their story and these aren't their characters. A lot of it is also fandom completely warping characters into not what they actually are and then feeling like the canon story is the one that's wrong.

Whatever is the reason, I guess everyone is entitled to their perspective of the story and everyone is free to explore the story in different ways through fanfics and AUs and whatever. I do that too!

But I would definitely ask people to be normal with how they engage in criticism, especially in the current state of affairs. Writers are developers; they experience a ton of harassment and negativity from the community and also from inside the company. And they are online: they can see what we're saying. It's been documented that community commentary has been used to harass writers:

Imprint this into your brain and never forget what these people had to go through. Let's not forget also the way people treated Seth Dickinson on social media when he was active with Destiny fans. "Fans" were actively arguing with him about his own work (telling him that HE is wrong) and were utterly disgusting towards him when he tried explaining what he wrote. His works are now hailed as the best writing in Destiny and people want him back. If I were him, I wouldn't want to come back ngl, not with how he was treated and not with how fans are still treating writers (and hey, Seth wrote LF Collector's Edition! So he was back, technically, this year!). Let's not forget that a lot of writers are members of various marginalised groups. And I'd definitely not want to go back with zero support from leadership.

Which is also an important aspect for all developers, including writers: sometimes they have orders they may not like, but can't argue against. They do the best they can with what they're given, the time they have and directions they receive. And with that in mind, I am enjoying everything we've gotten this year, obviously with some specific complaints about things I didn't particularly enjoy (like the universally mid reception of Defiance; I've spoken about my gripes with it before, a big one being the shafting of Suraya who should've at least been mentioned in a lore tab).

I can tell that there is passion in their work, even if maybe they would prefer to do more with it, but can't. Maybe even if they want to take different routes, but can't. But from what we got, I can feel that they care about this world and these characters. I can tell that someone lovingly wrote about Sloane and her friendships with two grieving women. I can tell that they deeply cared about Sloane's friendship with Zavala and that they loved showing us Saint and Drifter caring about a fellow trauma survivor.

I can tell that the writers are immensely careful and loving towards Eris; everything she went through was crafted with love and passion from both writers and her VA. Eris' story is such a fundamental aspect of Destiny and I can tell that this was important to the writing team and that they gave her everything they could to do justice to her character and her arc and her healing and her release from the cycle she was trapped in for so long.

I can tell that there are writers who care a lot about Osiris and Saint and their relationship. I can tell that someone cared a lot about expanding on Ahamkara and giving them more personalities. I can tell that someone cared DEEPLY about Sjur and Mara and that her repeated mentions are the passionate work of writers who want us to remember her.

I could go on. And I know that not everyone sees it this way, which is fine; we all have different ways of perceiving stories. I enjoy discussing things we in the fandom disagree on and I enjoy hearing different perspectives! Unfortunately, this has recently become rarer and rarer. And for the love of god, please try and treat writers with some respect, especially now, especially those who are still working and doing their best with the shitty situation they're in. None of the cries of "poor devs" ring true to me unless the same is given to writers, instead of treating them like punching bags.

#destiny 2 #long post #for the record: yeah i also have some gripes with some writing decisions. it's normal #but i feel like those are things that i can learn to accept or let go or even have my mind changed with a different perspective #or by just accepting that the writing team was limited in some way and that this was the best they could do #it happens to every story at some point #and yeah capitalism is the death of art. destiny's story would be better from start to finish if it weren't a shooter mmo #but that ship has sailed a long time ago. like. in 2014. #it's honestly a miracle that we got even a fraction of the stuff we got considering the target audience of fps mmos #and it's fine if this just isn't good enough to some. happens #but i think we can move on without being shitty about devs yeah? #in all likelihood writers may even agree that some of the stuff they had to write isn't the best or isn't what they wanted #calling them bad writers over circumstances we don't understand is just shitty #just like it's shitty to do it to any other dev over bugs in the game or badly implemented features or whatever #none of these people are sitting at their desks maliciously laughing while deliberately creating 'bad' things #and this is especially bothering me for writers because of how atrocious people are to artists of all kinds #almost like writers had to strike this year to be respected and treated as people that matter

[carcasstohounds]

ok so like i’ve seen a few posts blaming mira and ephraim for what happened to ezra and i think that is. a weird take. anyway my personally belief is that tzeebo wasn’t their only plan for ezra if they were taken because they feel like the kind of people to have a network of allies if the goddamn governer of lothal was their friend. i also imagine that they weren’t the only people taken by the empire that night or afterwards, because i feel like it’s implied that they weren’t the only people speaking out against the empire? so like, they probably had a network of people to take care of ezra if something happened but that network dissolved due to arrests, people fleeing, etc etc until there was no way for anyone to find ezra or for ezra to find anyone else and then he was on his own and it was no one’s fault but the empire.

#star wars rebels #star wars #ezra bridger #people villainizing mira and ephraim are so weird 2 me #i don’t really know how to explain why i hate it so much but it’s just. something #maybe because it’s kind of victim blaming i guess? or saying like ‘speaking out is only okay if you’re the perfect voice for it’ #which is funny because that is. exactly the opposite of what their broadcasts were about #anyway #also irl i think a lot of activists ARE parents. from what my own parents have said. having kids does change your perspective on the future #like yeah of course they spoke out. their kid was born on the day the empire took over and they watched the galaxy fall to even more shit. #they spoke out because they wanted things to be better for him and it’s not their fault that things went wrong

[greencarnation]

lesser evil for who? because i don't think it's the lesser evil for the gazan children being massacred or for the millions world wide who have been ravaged by us imperialism regardless of who was in the white house. the system is rotten to its core and simply voting blue once every 4 years will never save us

#“it will be even worse for gaza under trump!!” so? that means biden is cool? #fuck off #i remember how scared i was of trump winning the 2020 election and i was talking to my partner (an iraqi kurd) and he pretty much just said #lfmao idc they will fuck us over either way 💀💀 #and i was like. oh #changed my perspective a bit #so again lesser evil for WHO #and when do we stop choosing between evils and fight for something better #fuck biden and fuck voting blue #palestine #gaza #israel #free palestine #politics #geopolitics #joe biden #donald trump #american politics #biden #trump #vote blue #stop clinging to the scraps of lesser evils and force yourself to confront reality #then start pushing for better #genocide joe #butcher biden

[mc-tummy-blur]

It’s been a whole year since I made this TSP:UD art, so I decided to remake it.

I have… a lot of thoughts about the original art piece… thoughts I’ll put under read more

Ko-fi

I don’t have a lot of followers, nor a lot of interaction on my art. So when I made the original shitpost meme art a year ago, it was a surprise to see it suddenly gain traction and rapidly get notes. It was exciting to see honestly.

It was so exciting to see that it got to my head, and it felt like I needed to make more art relating to The Stanley Parable, and also of shitpost meme quality. That other art didn’t get as much traction as the original did. But the notes from the original art piece kept getting bigger and bigger. I guess in a way the combo of not getting traction from that other art yet the rapid increase of the original art put me in an art block of some kind. Or left me feeling stuck creatively.

I began to resent the og art, as it was still getting notes and it put me in a creative rut. I didn’t wanna draw, or really didn’t know what I should draw and post onto here. Didn’t do anymore TSP:UD art either, I just didn’t have the creative drive for it. These feelings of resentment for that art and sadness that I was only getting traction for that, lasted for a while. Even when I was doing other art for other fandoms in the next months. It may seem ridiculous that some shitpost art had that much of an impact on my art in general, and I found it ridiculous too.

But, slowly, I began to accept that the shitpost art was going to keep getting notes for a good while. It’s a little over six thousand notes now. The acceptance helped me do other art that I found enjoyable to do, as I was doing it for myself again

I’m not sure what’s the main moral of me telling this, besides that you always gotta do art that’s for yourself and to not expect to get anything out of it

Also the irony is not lost on me that when creating fanart of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, a game that centers around the idea of what happens when we are so caught up in something because it was good/popular/made people laugh, and how it’s not healthy to just try to recapture that magic and expect it to get the same results because it’s just not possible, resulted in me having experience of making something so popular and wanting to recapture that experience again, and how future work felt more forced, and it was much harder to make, causing me to be in a rough mindset

It’s quite scary on how relatable The Narrator really is.

Anyway, onto some positive stuff, imma share a compilation of my favorite reactions to my og art.

And perhaps the best reaction/commentary that I think about constantly:

#the stanley parable #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #tsp #tspud #tsp stanley #tsp bucket #mcart #decided to change the perspective because idk if I could done that perspective again #also I change Stanley from staring directly to the viewer cause I saw someone put eye contact tw #and I forgot that was a thing and hadn’t put that tw in the og #so I decided to not have it in this one #besides he’s still looking at the narrator #also I guess I changed the way he held the bucket too #anyway this is the only one year later drawing that I’m gonna do #for this drawing #really this was to get my thoughts out there about the og fanart #I feel better now that I’ve done this #now I think I can move on from that part

[andromeda3116]

"One day when I was a young boy on holiday in Uberwald, I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs. A very endearing sight, I'm sure you will agree, and even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued and dragged onto a half-submerged log. As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and I remember to this day the sweet pinkness of its roes as they spilled out, much to the delight of the baby otters who scrambled over themselves to feed on the delicacy. One of nature's wonders, gentlemen: mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that's when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior."

--Lord Vetinari, Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett

#discworld #gnu terry pratchett #lord vetinari #havelock vetinari #discworld quotes #i love that philosophy and feel it in my gut and bones: #''if there is a higher power then it's our prerogative to be better than it'' #like that quote from nation about the gods letting you down and how kneeling to them would be bowing to murderers and bullies #or the whole theme of small gods where the higher power needs to learn to care about the people he demands worship from #pratchett often returns to this theme of ''what do you do when your god(s) fail you?'' #and having once felt like my god absolutely failed me - although i didn't have the words to see it like that at the time - that resonates #i've said before that that was such a revelation: those were the words of my last unanswered prayer #i have many intellectual reasons now to be an atheist but at the core it's... #if the universe is chaos then it cannot be cruel. there is no one who could have saved you but didn't for their own opaque reasons #if there is no god then no god failed me or left me drowning in despair for a whole year #small gods helped me conceptualize that in ways that defy words and literally changed my life and perspective for the better #anyway. this quote is magnificent. ''mother and child feasting upon mother and child'' #and it makes so much of vetinari's character make so much sense #he looked at the world through cynical and bitter eyes but instead of becoming a nihilist who manipulated the cruel world for his own gain #he said ''we can and must be better than this'' #(this is why i feel like kaz brekker - under inej's influence - should grow up to be like havelock vetinari) #(the one who clenches his fist and fucking *fixes* this goddamned place)

[smilepaint]

anyway the concept of passing is a scam. we will never be liberated until the idea that a trans person's inherent value and worth and validity is directly proportional to their resemblance to a cis person. and i say this not just to those who struggle to or do not fit into that box, but to those who very much do and are counting themselves lucky.

the same way that its unhealthy and unreasonable to expect a same gender couple to conform to notions of what a heterosexual family should be, its unhealthy and unreasonable to have to expect a transgender experience of identity and a transgender body to conform to a cisgender ideal. not only does it further the marginalisation of trans people and drive a wedge in our community, but it's an unhealthy way to see the world and relate to yourself. its not fair to expect a human being to go their whole life in states of checking the value of their body and their life against a societally imposed, often unattainable model that may not even reflect their own desires or goals.

it's tough, i know how tough it is to go against everything you've been taught, and the right to seek medical intervention to reshape ourselves in a way that deepens and solidifies our connection to our bodies is and will always be important. but for your own mental health, whatever shape you take must reflect yourself first. not a cis persons. transition is about making a home out of the body you're living in, in whatever way works for you.

you deserve the mental freedom that comes with removing "passing" from your emotional radar entirely. trans bodies are good bodies.

#text tag #transgender #nonbinary #transition #gender #this is kind of a loaded take so to tack on some things #i am a trans person who's struggled with severe dysphoria for many years and was obsessed with passing as cis for a long time #there was a long time in which i would've preferred to stop living over going the rest of my life with visible surgery scars #just think about that.. idk how fucked is it that teen me thought it would be better to literally die than have one clear tell that im trans #im so much happier post surgery scars and all and like yes i fucking hate them. but i know i shouldn't and im trying to heal #also im very aware that passing as cis is OFTEN a safety issue and thats not what im speaking to here #im talking about mental health and longterm societal change and the gradual betterment of gender diverse peoples #not just from a gender standpoint but honestly from a decolonial standpoint #from a te ao māori perspective there was never an ideal of passing as “cis” for trans or takatāpui individuals #anyway yea obsession with passing wears people down into self hating wrecks and im sick of seeing that happen to our youth #and to every trans person regardless of where they're at in their journey

[greyias]

unless it's players in swtor who have named their toons after Star Wars characters in varying degrees of butchery

then I cringe myself inside out

Kilo Kylo Kaylo

Ray Rhey Rey

Skywalker Sky'Walker Sky-Walker

I think you missed the memo. Cringe culture is dead. If its zombie corpse is somehow turning you inside out, you should probably get that looked at.

An additional, controversial statement: Let people have fun. Even if it doesn't conform to your idea of fun or cool.

Also I have no idea why you sent me this ask????

#??????????? #insert flabbercastle gif here #like i see a lot of rpers getting in their feelings over this and its #just not the big deal you think it is #seriously people cosplaying as other characters #is just going to happen #especially in a massive franchise like star wars #i do not get why people get so worked up over it #my emotional investment in the ot and pt trilogy eras is very small #but if someone cosplaying as ahsoka runs by me #it literally changes my day 0% #just ignore them? #or better yet--turn off nameplates??? #i promise you turning off nameplates makes the game 99% more enjoyable just from an aesthetics perspective alone

[blackjackkent]

It's interesting - I did get to pick Rakha's name during character creation and her name is on the save file, but the game doesn't actually seem to care? In the dialogue logs, combat logs, combat overlay, and Rakha's own opportunities to introduce herself, it still says The Dark Urge.

I'm not sure if the intention here is that Rakha ONLY knows the name The Dark Urge and her file being named Rakha is only for my own benefit, or if the game is bugging out, or what.

Anyway. Had another quick chat with Zevlor. He informed Rakha that the settlement they've arrived at is a druid grove - not belonging to the tieflings as Rakha assumed - and that the tieflings themselves are about to be kicked out; the druids blame them for the recent spate of goblin attacks.

The tieflings are refugees from a place called Elturel which recently suffered something called the Descent. Rakha, of course, has no memory of what that could possibly mean - and does take the time to ask, as she never misses the chance to add to her limited store of knowledge about the world.

The story is brief and brutal. A city dragged to the Hells due to the bargaining of a corrupt official with devils. Its tiefling population shunned after their safe return to the material plane. A desperate flight through the wilderness.

Rakha listens impassively and does not overmuch feel that this is her problem. She has her own business and her own threats to attend to, her own story of being pulled into chaos without her will or understanding. The fate of the tieflings only concerns her insofar as the one named Zorru is here somewhere and she must learn what he has to say before he is gone.

(They will go out on the road, murmurs the beast gleefully in her head. They will go out on the road and they will die and there will be corpses upon corpses, all laid out in blood...)

Zevlor does, however, tell her that there is a healer here who might be of use. That's a lead worth following up on, if Lae'zel's plans regarding the creche don't work out.

#bjk plays bg3 durge #rakha the dark urge #i'm trying my best to write this from the perspective more of rakha not knowing anything #even with things like this where i as the player already know it from hector's run #hopefully this doesn't make rakha's story feel too repetitive :O but it does help me get in her head better #unrelated but i need to either dye rakha's robes or change her hair color cos they clash RULL bad right now

[bass-alien]

being a progressive in a conservative family is exhausting as fuck tbh

#so fucking exhausting #and I’ve realized it’s better for me to remain silent vs. argue my points because their perspective and viewpoints will never change #it doesn’t matter what data and literal scientific studies prove #they will never understand why I have the opinions that I do #and I will always be viewed as less than because of it lmao

[the-hoely-bleach]

I don’t normally post about lore cause no thoughts but fuck it, I’m seeing way too many bad faith takes here. Please assume that I am talking about the rp characters unless otherwise specified.

Do I think certain things could have been worded slightly better? Yes. Do I think that Dream suddenly showing a hint of remorse was weird and that it only happened for sake of drama? Yes. Do I think. That Punz could’ve been removed from that last scene and it would’ve changed nothing?? Yes, though it was funny to imagine him just standing there on his phone while discduo had there heart to heart. However,

I do not think it was cc!Tommy’s intention to have his character sympathize with his abuser. Mainly because that fully does not make sense for Tommy as a person /or/ as a character.

In that last scene, we see Tommy, who knows he only has a few minutes left to live, desperately trying to make sense of what has happened to him. Why, why would someone do what Dream to him? He has to hash this out now because he knows he’ll never get the chance again. He decides, “fuck it. I’ve got nothing left lose so why don’t I just ask”.

And then he gets his answer. And he finally understands. Tommy and Tubbo have spent this entire four part finale reminiscing about the good old days. Back when things were simple. Before the wars and the politics and the baggage, before everyone hated each other. And in limbo he sees that deep down, Dream wants the same thing, he’s just gone about it in completely the wrong way.

The beauty in Tommy’s character, to me, is that he is so loud and annoying and rude and when he’s bored he will pick fights just to see what’ll happen. But beneath all that, there’s a quiet kindness that people like Dream have never gotten to see. And in his final moments he extends that kindness to Dream, not because all is forgiven, but because we’re both about to die so we may as well make our peace. “Fuck you for what you did to me, and I’m sorry that I have to kill you.”

(Just want to say before this next paragraph that I am in no way saying that Dream’s actions, especially exile and beyond, are excusable, nor do I think Tommy deserved what he went through, nor do I think he(Dream) deserved any kind of redemption/reconciliation arc. Redemption=death was the only option for him if they wanted to go that route.)

And in the new world? With wiped memories and a clean slate? They’re friendly with each other because they have no reason not to be. They don’t know each other. Because the whole point of this ending is that their dynamic started mostly through circumstance. Dream may have been a control freak from the beginning, but he was not an evil abusive master manipulator. He thought Tommy was a little shit(and let’s be honest with ourselves, he was kind of a menace in the early days), and then they were on opposite sides of a war. First it was just politics, and then Tommy was easy scapegoat to push his own agenda, then it snowballed from there. Dream was not sick and twisted from the start, he became that monster over time through a series of bad decisions and poorly managed obsessions.

The point of the ending was to explore a what-if  scenario. “What if Tommy and Dream met for the first time, without all the emotional and political and personal baggage? Will they still end up hating each other in the end, or will they find common ground? Will they end up just not having anything to do with each other? Who knows, we’ll have to wait and see!”

It’s a clean slate. And things are simple.

#dream smp #dsmp #discduo #c!tommy #c!dream #I will say there is some merit to the interpretation that like #Tommy is so emotionally strung out and tired that he does fully forgive Dream #either in a similar way to how he forgave Wilbur #or because with this new understanding he genuinely want Dream to be better #extending kindness to those who certainly don’t deserve it and such #or just because he wanted to die with no grudges #I honestly think that’s an interesting thing to explore because it does happen in real life #with varying degrees of success #I think it’s also very in character for Tommy to believe that even an evil man like Dream can change #I don’t mention all this in the main post because in this context they literally don’t have time for that kind of story arc #it just wouldn’t make sense from a writing perspective #bleaching my thoughts

[piedoesnotequalpi]

Fake Fic Title:

From The Ladder’s Last Rung

Hello! I am fairly sure (after some googling) that your title is a reference to a Noah Kahan song!

Anyway, to me "last rung" can mean either the highest or the lowest point on a ladder, depending on your perspective, and that is the premise of this fic concept!

Race goes through elementary/middle/high school with a reputation of being both the class clown and one of the smartest people in his grade. What most people don't know, though, is that he uses the class clown part of his personality to deflect from the fact that he is not doing as well, grades-wise, as people might think--sure, he takes AP history when it's available, but he never gets higher than a B- on his report card for it. So when senior year rolls around, the combination of good grades in most other subjects and extracurriculars that make him seem interesting means he is able to get into one of his reach schools.

Anyway, Race goes off to school and he's very excited about the whole thing. He can finally put history, which is his least favorite subject, in the metaphorical rearview mirror; he's going to major in math and minor in dance; he's going to join all the clubs that weren't available to him in high school. During course registration, he ignores the suggestion from his RA that he should perhaps consider only taking one math class his first semester and registers for honors calculus (yes, this is a thing at some colleges) and an upper-level math class that only has a prerequisite of calc 1 and 2.

The problem with college, especially the first semester, is that it is often a big adjustment from high school no matter what your high school was like. Classes that really should not be taught lecture-style are taught that way, you're (sometimes) in a new city/town and even if you aren't you probably don't know a ton of people, and suddenly you have a much higher degree of independence. So Race is dealing with the general first semester freshman woes of making new friends and having a roommate and balancing time and navigating dining halls, but he's also dealing with the fact that for the first time in his life, he's struggling in his math classes. And that makes everything worse for him, because if he can't even do the one thing he's supposed to be really really good at, then how can he get through the rest of college? Does he even deserve to be there? Clearly his college made a mistake when they accepted him despite his less-than-perfect history grades. (those are his thoughts, not mine; he does deserve to be there)

As I mentioned earlier, he's used to using his class clown-esque personality to deflect from what's actually going on in his life, so almost no one knows how stressed he is. He still talks to his high school friends a lot, but so many of them are at their colleges having (as far as he's aware) a much easier time adjusting, so he doesn't want to talk about it with most of them. He goes to office hours sometimes, but he is very careful about which problems he gets help with to keep up the illusion that he knows what's going on. This would be less of a problem if he met up with his classmates to do homework, but he's worried he won't be useful enough to them. And obviously he would rather die than tell his new college acquaintances how overwhelmed he's feeling. The semester goes by in a blur of homework stress and club meetings and conversations where he just barely manages to convince everyone that he's doing okay (it's a lot harder than it used to be), all overlaid by the feeling that he's not good enough.

Being a college student gets easier, but not easy enough that he's able to turn everything around by the end of the semester. He withdraws from one of his math classes, and doesn't do great in the other, and he does...okay in his other classes. It's not the end of the world, but it does mean he has to drop out of the honors calculus sequence and possibly retake the class he withdrew from. But that doesn't stop Race from feeling like a failure, even though the only people who see his grades are him and his parent(s) (I haven't decided what his parent situation is in this), and they're understanding. It'll be easy to make up the credits he lost from the course withdrawal by taking some lower credit electives in later semesters, and he has seven more semesters to raise his GPA and figure things out.

And then we come back to the title and my (mis)interpretation of it (I wasn't just rambling pointlessly this whole time): To Race's parent(s), he's fallen off the bottom rung of the metaphorical ladder, so it's pretty manageable to get back up and keep going. But to Race, he's fallen off the top rung, because he can't stop thinking that he peaked in high school.

Things do get better for him, and later on he'll probably experience stuff that's way worse and wish it were just a rough first semester of undergrad, but in the moment, it really sucks!

#i hope i captured the feeling of stuff like this being the Absolute End Of The World #because being and adult/grad student has really changed my perspective #anyway hope you enjoy these angstboi hours #thanks for the ask! #my writing #ask game #asks #blurglesmurfklaine #racetrack higgins #isabel.tex #to any high schoolers or college freshmen reading this: #your first semester will probably suck if you choose to go to college. it will get better. #and if your RA recommends against you taking a class at least take it into consideration #okay posting this hoping it doesn't suck and meeting my friend for dinner #enjoy!

[astral-catastrophe]

I don’t cry often but dear god. I’m crying over her.

#We were friends for five years you dumb bitch. #The fall fr started over Halloween costumes bc she said we could match then when we were actually shopping #She prioritized her boyfriend over me but not even in a way we still could have matched #And she said I was unreasonable for being upset #But I finally had friends who would have done it #Then EVERYONE FUCKING FLAKED #and crush still tried but things wouldn’t have been shipped in time #Then this girl had the audacity to say everything she did when we argued #One of the girls who she claims is her best friend recently got home from a half year in the mental hospital #And they have had a total of two outings or hangouts #Then her other friend. Who she really only hung out with during her fight with cancer and not after that #But she would see me regularly #Until a month before we argued #And now I’m crying because I thought she was good #But looking back #And looking from an outsiders perspective #She’s horrivle #I know she doesn’t know my account here but gods I wish she did #L if you’re reading this. You’re a bitch. You’re a terrible friend. So unless you’re willing to change and be honest and better. #Dont talk to me. Don’t message me. Don’t come to see me at lunch or ask me to hang out. #Because I’m unwilling to work on a relationship where I’ll always be second to her boyfriend. #Sure. I have crush. But that doesn’t mean I prioritize her over my best friend. I hold them equally. #But you don’t and you never did. #L if you see this #know I’ve cried too many times over you #And I don’t think I could stop myself from arguing if I ever actually talk to you again

[cas-poisoning]

I am not Palestinian/Middle Eastern/Arabic/Muslim but I stand with Palestine obviously out of moral principle but also because it is not lost on me that the sheer amount of racism driving this situation is not reserved only for Palestinians in this conflict. If you are a minority and you don’t stand with Palestine, you don’t realize that next time it could be you.

Hearing the white people in my life be pro Israel is making me realize these same people that I’ve always loved probably would have been pro slavery, pro segregation, anti civil rights movement etc. even though people love to claim they would have known better back then.

It’s the same talking point. You don’t think white Americans thought violent force against black protestors was justified? That they were “asking for it”?. There is a modern narrative that black people got their rights only through the most peaceful means, but the truth is we had to fight. We have always had to fight.

People are only against racism when it’s convenient to them. The modern white American liberal has been taught that’s it’s senseless and uncivilized to be openly racist towards black people (even though racism is still expressed in hundreds of other implicit ways) but when it’s time to stand up to any other group besides the one that has been culturally enforced as being “ok” suddenly those people don’t have the right to stand up for themselves

#sorry I’m just rambling about things #Palestine #my pain is very minor in the grand scheme of things I’m just a little upset right now because my dad is a white man #and I am black #and I love him and he has never been racist #in my life #and seeing him he pro Israel has completely changed my perspective on him #like it makes me realize he would have been no better if he was an adult man in the 60s #it’s sad