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theshitpostcalligrapher · 1 month

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WENT INTO A STARDEW FUGUE STATE LADS ITS FOUR THIRTY AM MY SLEEP SCHEDULE IS FUCKED GOOD NIGHT

#BIG OOPS #BUT I F I N A L L Y GOT THAT STUPID SECOND SNAKE VERTEBRAE I NEEDED #IN ORDER TO FINISH THE ARCHEOLOGICAL TENT MISSION #IN ORDER TO GET THE OSTRICH INCUBATOR #IN ORDER TO GET MORE OSTRICH EGGS #IN ORDER TO FINALLY FUCKING SHIP EVERY ITEM IN THE GAME FOR THAT ACHIEVEMENT #AUUGHUGRUHGGHGHGH IM ON LIKE YEAR FOUR OF THE GAME OR SOME SHIT #stardew valley #okay now its time to optimize moneygain im halfway through the 10 mill achievement #plus i need the gold to pay for obelisks #after that i just need to wait til spring fest cuz i forgot to buy a spring scarecrow and then i'll be able to craft the deluxe #finish up gifts for george and then the final special order is making vodka for pam #then its JUST the gold clock

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welldigger62 · 5 months

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And just like that -

POOF !

🤣

#humor #flood #big oops

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samitrailer99 · 4 months

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I just don’t think you really understand it’s non stop.

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li-ravings · 10 months

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Genderqueer Tim not coming out to their friends, which causes a whole bunch of issues when they run into their friends threatening their two boyfriends with photos of them all together. It ends up going a little something like this;

Bernard & Kon: Stay the fuck away from Tim !! you two are both terrible cheaters and to a gala ?? you couldn't even pretend to hide it. If we catch you pulling this shit over again just know it's over for you.

Jay & Dick: [look surprised] you know, i think you might be missing something here...?

Cue to yelling as the boys get more agitated and louder each passing moment. They both storm / fly off and it's the end of the conversation.

Of course Tim has to rectify this ! like oopsie!! and that's a very awkward conversation with way too scrolling through a secret tumblr where they do OOTD with all their fave outfits.

#gender #jaydick #dicktim #tim drake #dc comics #big oops #god i want tim drakes gender #tim drake is so gender

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a-single-white-crow · 5 months

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So small Whoops on my part.

My neighbor is a real piece of work who has made my new home practically unbearable.

So I haven't been able to practice as much as I'd like.

So I decided to give the spirits some tea as a thank you and sorry for being so slow and low energy. And without really thinking, I explained that my neighbor has been making life a bit difficult for me right now.

Anyway, an hour after venting, I heard my neighbor fall down the stairs.

He's fine BTW just definitely took a tumble.

So yeah, oops. I think that may have been my fault.

#witchblr #witchcraft #accidental #baneful magic #actually just protective spirits #spirit work #trans witch #big oops

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inactive02 · 1 year

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The opportunity chapter 6

a/n: surprise my sunshine, i came to give out another chapter to enjoy because i enjoyed writing this. after this post my delivery of chapters might be a tad bit slow but i will try my best give write them and get them out.

warnings: nothing too bad besides a hot man....and it aint heimdall

words: 1,1k

Chicken out? Why would he chicken out, is what Heimdall kept asking himself, you're advancing towards him weren’t ignored. Just hard to understand, hard to read, he never admitted to you but even when he reads your thoughts, even your intentions he still can’t understand you. He hasn’t quite had this feeling before, in a while, the time when you two were alone, touching his hair with gentleness and affection even though he treated you so low sometimes.

You gave him respect and even occasionally a little remark to his bratty attitude, whenever he peeked inside your mind in those moments, he didn’t see any false emotions.

These new-found feelings you were giving him were something new, enjoyable, and fun, nothing that didn’t make him uncomfortable or feel like it was competition. Knowing you for years, he still hasn’t gotten used to you, the few times whenever you are around him.

He could actually think for himself, think about you, things about you or where you are, standing there brushing gulltopper’s fur. The feline purred and grazed against Heimdall's torso.

“Stop, moving animal.” He hissed, combing the beast to distract himself.

Surely you wouldn’t mind him visiting you today, you are only being caught up in your shop sharpening a few weapons and armor that were requested from you. Hearing the chime from your shop's door, turning around, only to be greeted by the same customer from last time. Kamur, your favorite person “someone’s looking woe today, do I have to put a curse on someone” the silver-haired man said, leaning his elbow against the counter.

Your eyes were directed towards his sweet, beaming smile that he adores whenever he comes in “you don’t have to curse anyone, I don’t even think you can curse an Aesir” flicking your hand in a noncaring gesture as you drop another piece of metal into the furnace, he watched you closely seeing your expression.

“Are ya talking about that Blondie?”

A smirk comes onto your face, looking up at him, “You can read minds as he can?”.

His chest rumbles from the laugh he holds back, “maybe I can do a lot of things, don’t let that man get into your hair. He’s Notorious for ticking women off” he is? You asked yourself, turning around quickly and leaning more closely onto the counter.

“Is he?” You questioned.

“Hm, oh very. That man is very well-known around women, especially the ones who tried to cuff him with their womanly ways.” He takes a small brisket, taking a bite out of it “ but it never works because he’s an asshole, and doesn’t want them to work” words being muffled by the delicious brisket, a few crumbs on his pink lips, seeing slight black scars on them. Examining him like this made your face flush a little, looking back up at the dark, shadowed eyes.

Kamur hummed in satisfaction from the tasty snack, “you know so much about him, sibling?”.

“Nope, just an old friend of his. He doesn’t like the nice ones” you can understand where he’s coming from with that, he listens to your sigh and turns your back to him.

His pale, long finger grazed your shoulder after he reached over the counter, “you know you're quite the character, I’ve seen many weird people come into my shop before but not like” he smirks behind you as you stroke his ego with your words.

“Well I am the special type” he hums “what if I take you to see my shop in vanaheim” your ear perks up at the familiar realm being mentioned.

Those poisonous green eyes finding yours, “I'm listening”.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

The beautiful nature of this land is ready to kill you at any second. At this moment, you felt somewhat self since the taller man led you to wherever you wanted him to go, “I’m amused you’ve been here before, judging by your reaction to this place” he looked back at you, a breathtaking grin that gets you grinning slightly each time.

“I was here once as an order from od-, the all father” he hums in approval, this man to you didn’t make you feel like you were beneath him nor better, more like an equal. “What do you do out here? I'm curious” you watched him open a gate to a lively cabin that has jars, and many other items. The sight you took in the place felt calm and a little homey.

He turns to look at your surprised expression, “I do brewery and craftsmen of witchery” he tells her, having a slight touch on your shoulder “no, I will not harm you little one, you mean too much valuable alive than dead” walking in front of you with a grin, you didn’t expect him to say that, was he reading your emotions.

The time you came here with Thor, you’d never seen this place or even a glimpse at all, maybe something kept it hidden, did he keep it hidden? By each day you learn something new, and mysterious things among the realms.

“Like Freya, the woman who used to leave here?” you hear a slight ‘mhm’ from him, moving one jar to the other side of the table, his voice enriches your ears as he tells you the many things he creates in this very shed, plants, mist, and even poison if needed. The time you spent with him hasn’t felt wasted, not one bit, entertained you, teaching you the many things he’s created in this very shed. It was an amazing talent, you’ve never seen, watching him and learning everything was a trip. Time was flying, not realizing how late it was.

You stood near the window, admiring the dark star-filled sky, hearing a slight Russell behind you that caught your ear “I should maybe head back to Asgard” a sigh leaving your lips, somewhat missing this place already even though you haven’t left yet. The light footsteps behind you.

“Scared the hound dogs of Asgard would come for you?” his tone teasing as he caresses your shoulder, you look up at the source of the comforting touch. He is standing beside you and looking into your eyes.

Feeling a small warm feeling brewing inside you, “more like I’m scared that they’ll know I’m gone, but they wouldn’t worry” you insist, some would’ve said his eyes looked evil but to you, they didn’t. “You know you have such a sly smile, Kamur” pinching his side and earning a dramatic gasp from him.

“Ah, I only get this sly grin from my father. It always wins the hearts of beautiful people” you couldn't help but laugh at him a little, witnessing the dramatic acting display he did.

That smile could kill you if you don’t take your eyes off him for once, silence brewed in again between you two, and your eyes found his. Looking at you, admiring you, taking your soft chin in between his fingers.

“Such a cute little mortal, with such a fragile body”

TO BE CONTINUED

#god of war heimdall #gow heimdall #heimdall god of war #heimdall x reader #gow heimdall x reader #gow x reader #brain goes brr #hes so cute #big oops #heimdall gow #heimdall

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lazaruspointzero · 11 months

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:- (

#meme #i frew up #our flag means death #big oops

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a-tear-in-the-veil · 8 months

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[Five Days Before the Nautiloid Abduction]

Astarion x Tav

Rating: PG-13? (ALSO, no spoilers)

AO3

Edited by @asaara-writes (thank you <3333)

Astarion is out, collecting another victim for Cazador when he has a chance meeting with someone he doesn't know yet, but will know soon enough *doomed by the narrative noises*.

Astarion scanned the hull. Tavern, technically speaking, but how anyone allowed that to happen is beyond him.

He sipped his shitty wine, and tried not to choke on the sweltering smell of the boat. Years of bodily fluids and cheap alcohol stained the wood. Astarion could count each distinct atrocity on his fingers. The amount of people crammed into this tavern made the air humid, and sticky. His target certainly liked to slum it.

At least it distracted him from the scent of blood. Mostly. His stomach twisted in on itself.

Boisterous music competed with drunken stupor. Scantily clad barmaids roamed the room, offering drinks among other services. Gambling chips clattered on tables and brass mugs clinked. Here patrons drowned their sorrows with alcohol and poor decisions, if only temporarily.

Except for Astarion. And perhaps that Goliath in the corner; he was sobbing into his dinner.

Astarion swirled his wine and refocused his attention to the reason he was in this filthy tavern. The noble’s son sat a few tables in front of him with some friends. The two other upper-crusts ogled the women. They got a little handsy when any strayed too close.

The noble’s son nursed a drink, throwing in forced laughter at the lewd behavior. His eyes strayed to Astarion more than once now. Poor bastard never stood a chance. Well, no one did in the end. Especially not if Cazador wanted them.

The noble’s son excused himself from the table, opting to get a refill from the bar rather than call over someone for his friends to torment.

Finally, Astarion thought. An opening. Time to get this over with.

He stomached the rest of the wine. As he rose out of his chair, a small, hooded figure ran straight into him. Heat flashed across the back of Astarion’s neck. This place was trying his patience.

“Watch where you’re going-” Astarion started. Then the smell hit him. Intoxicating. Like a bee drawn to the sweet scent of a flower. It drained all the noise from the room. His mouth watered. He never smelled anyone like this.

“Watch where you stand!” She snapped back.

Astarion caught a glance at her profile. Brief glance. Light, pastel blue skin. Dark turquoise hair. Freckles ran across her nose, and she pierced him with her eyes. Molten amber eyes.

He stammered as she stalked off and disappeared into the crowd. But Gods, he could smell the trail she left. He hated to admit it, but it left him a little stunned.

The rest happened so fast.

She climbed up on a table. The music changed. The cloak fell around her ankles, and the crowd erupted into cheers.

Astarion’s mouth went dry. His head spun just from the smell of her, and her face made him linger, if only temporarily. He was glad that Cazador had a more specific target in mind this time, because what a waste she’d be on him. Astarion drank her in, and wondered how she’d taste.

Red silk contoured her body. The color was striking against the contrast of her skin. Back to the audience, she beat a tambourine in rhythm on her hip.

Without the cloak, her tail and horns were visible. Tiefling. Her tail ended in a spade shape with a cute little ribbon tied around the base. Her horns curled around her head and slightly outwards. The freckles kissed the top of her shoulders too.

She twirled to face the crowd. Her skirt flared around her, and a slit that traced the length of her leg, all the way up her thigh, revealed itself.

One of the noble’s friends climbed on the table to get a handful. She smacked him square in the face with the tambourine. He recoiled and tripped over a strategically placed tail right off the table, which elicited an even louder round of cheers.

There was a transfer of magic between the two. Astarion barely caught it himself. She didn’t have to utter a single incantation or perform any special somatics. The pig laid rigid on the floor. Not dead, unfortunately for any woman who breathed in his direction. Just paralyzed. Granted, it was still hilarious.

Guards rushed into the hull. Not Flaming Fists, yet, just hired security. Their presence only added to the spectacle.

The Tiefling leapt from table to table, dancing and spinning out of their reach as they dove for her ankles. Then the crowd started to get in on it, intentionally blocking the guards’ path. When she had a moment of reprieve from the chase, she flicked out a leg into a turn. The music slowed. Every other beat was accented, and the crowd clapped along. It was like she played the instruments with the movement of her body. They were perfectly synced.

She dragged one hand across an outstretched arm, across her chest, until the opposite arm was extended. She repeated the movement then dipped into a back-bend. Everything she did was slow, deliberate, and pointed. It was a dare. Waving a red flag in front of the proverbial bull.

The guards busted through the humanoid blockage. The music accelerated again, and she pulled red handkerchiefs from her bust. The crowd went wild as she waved the fabric in the guards’ faces and twirled from tabletop to tabletop.

Astarion couldn’t help but smile. When was the last time he did that? Genuinely? Clever little tief.

Something moved in the periphery of his vision. Two people snuck out from a backroom. The guards didn’t even turn around, too preoccupied trying to restore order to the tavern. One of them pulled out a short copper wire. They pointed at the dancing Tiefling and muttered something. There was too much of a ruckus for Astarion to hear what they were saying.

It dawned on him. This wasn’t just a prank, it was a heist. The Tiefling was the distraction. Very clever little tief, and a very effective distraction, Astarion thought, giving her another admiring look over.

She was prancing on the bar now. She swiped a bottle and took a swig before sliding into splits as the song finished. The exasperated guards finally got to her, and pulled her off the bar-top. She had one guard per arm, holding her firmly.

The Tiefling half raised her arms in triumph, or as much as she could while she was being apprehended. The entire room was on their feet, cheering.

Silvery mist seeped from the floorboards, and encased the Tiefling. Then she was gone. The guards looked aghast. They stared dumbly where she once stood. A loud whistle sounded from the other side of the room. The crowd roared even louder.

She was on the stairs leading to the deck.

She had done it again. Cast magic out of thin air. Useful trick that must be.

“Thank you for sharing that dance with me!” she hollered to the guards.

She blew a kiss and turned on her heels, away and soon out of sight.

Astarion took a step towards the stairs after her, but that step was as far as he got. His body seized, wouldn’t allow another step. His fate was sealed.

“Excuse me?”

Astarion whirled around. The noble’s son was there with two drinks in hand. Wine. Lovely.

“Would you care to join me for a drink?” And the noble’s son’s fate was sealed too.

Astarion accepted the drink with a gracious smile and half bow. He followed the noble's son, obediently, to another table.

It was going to be a long night. An even longer eternity thanks to Cazador.

Her scent still lingered just a bit longer. He hoped that he would never see her again.

#bg3 fanfiction #bg3 astarion #bg3 tav #astarion x tav #astarion x mc #I wrote this years ago during early access lol #I was going to write a mini series about where all the origin characters were #including my tav #right before they were abducted and infected with mind flayer tadpoles #big oops #anyways I think what I wrote was good? And I like it? So I am sharing it #maybe I'll write more maybe I wont bah I don't know #oh no spoilers also lol

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sincericida · 1 year

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ANDREW GARFIELD in "Angels On America".

How cute are you talking about having a dirty dream...? Oops! 😳

#andrew garfield #angels in america #prior walter #how cute are you talking about having a dirty dream?#big oops #theatre #gif #peter parker #spider man #tasm #the amazing spider man #tasm peter parker #tasm peter #andrew peter parker #andrew peter #the angels in america era was something else #sincericida

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welldigger62 · 10 months

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OOPS for the day -

Just north of my house, about 200 feet south of the intersection is where this truck is sitting. He backed into a 6 foot deep ditch. So how is your day going so far, tumblrs? 🤣🤣😂

#michigan #hehe oops #big oops #truck #ditch #country #original photography #photographers on tumblr

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samitrailer99 · 4 months

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