(I'll make a video of this later, but I need to say this now)
In 2012, the Lorax movie came out and the Onceler became the first "Tumblr Sexyman." The concept was still new and the internet was not quite ready for such a thing. There were horrible self-cest fan artworks and things so terrifying it scared Ed Helms himself. But we progressed.
2 (-ish I'm rounding) years later, Gravity Falls. Everyone had a huge crush on Bill Cipher, the megalomaniacal triangular antagonist of the show. All of this made him into the second sexyman. Again, loads of fan art. Some good, some bad, and some very, very ugly. But Bill Cipher made his way into the sexymen club.
Of course, we can't forget the release of Undertale, bringing about the creation of Sans and his AUs. They all brought what you'd expect from a sexyman, usually incredibly good art with bad intentions or ships behind it. Nothing surprising. All part of the pattern of sexymen as Undertale released 2-ish years after Gravity Falls.
Alastor of Hazbin Hotel (2019. Late as far as the pattern goes, since that's about 3 years after Undertale/Sans becoming a sexyman). No surprise. Bringing us back to our roots of tall, slender, and possibly (but absolutely canonically in Alastor's case) aroace dudes. Alastor is closer to the conventionally attractive male form, similar to the Onceler, but very unlike Bill and Sans as they are both short and not hardly human shaped.
So with all of this information presented, what conclusion am I trying to lead you to?
Ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between and outside of, based on past patterns, I concluded months ago that we in 2021 would be receiving a new sexyman. But who it is may surprise you.
People have said it's Raymond from Animal Crossing or Espresso Cookie from Cookie Run Kingdom, but I suspect it is none other than Spamton G. Spamton of Deltarune chapter 2.
Allow me to explain.
Every Tumblr sexyman has had at least one song. The Onceler had "How Bad Can I Be?" Bill Cipher had "It's Gonna Get Weird," (albeit the song never made it into the show) Sans has "sans." "Song That Might Play When You Fight Sans," and of course "Megalovania." Alastor does have a song too, but I couldn't find the actual name of it since he gets cut off by Sir Pentious and his fighting in the terf wars. Spamton also has recognizable songs like "Spamton," "NOW'S YOURE CHANCE TO BE A ," "BIG SHOT," and more.
All of the magical sexymen (Sans, Bill, Alastor) have pretty mysterious backstories with limited information given about them. The same goes for Spamton. The information given is limited and his backstory is left up for speculation.
(i can't find it at the moment, but there's a piece of spamton fanart i came across that looked very similar to onceler fanart. these pictures will have to do)
If you look at these two pictures, they have some parallels. Both have themes of money, fitting as both characters are salesmen. Both have toothy smiles, fitting for Spamton, as he's a puppet and can't do much else. Both have lots of green going along with the money theme.
So Tumblr, I ask you to look upon this post with favor. As Spamton G. Spamton slowly rises in popularity and establishes himself as the fifth Tumblr sexyman, it is my wish that we can continue to make good fanart that doesn't promote illegal or morally wrong activities.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
And remember not to take anything seriously
22 notes · View notes