At this point my biggest motivation to starve myself is the hope that being sick would excuse me from being a productive and functioning human being. I don't want anyone to expect anything from me. I don't want to keep working. And I can't just quit because then I will be a disappointment. I want to be sick enough so that it would be justifiable to quit.
I don't want mom to look at me with a disgust, that I can't do anything right and can't even handle a simple job.
I want her to look at me with worry. Pity. I want pity.
I want to lay in bad and rot. And I want to have a reason to do it. I want it to be acceptable for me to do. Because I'm sick. I can't help it, it's not like I'm a lazy failure, I'm just sick.
But I'm not sick. Not enough. No one sees it. I starve and then binge and gain everything back. So no one knows. So I'm just an idiot who can barely handle her job. I want to kill myself every time I think about future projects and tasks that will be given to me. I can't handle that. I'm scared. I'm incompetent. Everyone will be disappointed in me. But if I will just be sick enough. Just a little thinner. Just a little paler. All I need is to faint one time for people to see something is wrong, for them to see that I can't handle it. I can't handle it. I TRULY CAN'T HANDLE IT.
Please. Please. I want release from the responsibilities of life. I really can't handle it....
.......
if i can't be sick enough..
i will have to end it
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hmm hmmm i might have a couple more beers!!! im supposedly supposed to save them and stretch them out but .. as with all things I have it now! why not consume it immediately!!
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Rest in peace, Matthew Perry. Thank you for Friends, Chandler Bing, and the never-ending source of comfort humor.
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I just binged and I'm like 1000% sure I went way over my limit- to make up for it I'm gonna fast for either 48 or 52 hours (I'm gonna really try and make it to 52)
(Im never binging again holy shit everything hurts)
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Bulimia tw ⚠️
I will have to wait it out & see how I feel in the morning cuz tomorrow I’ll have a little bit of $ so like… I could just wait and binge + purge tomorrow? Meh. We will see.
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> Shadowheart: Show off new friend!
you hold up your excitable new friend to lae'zel, she seems incredibly irritated by this action! you can't imagine why!
> Karlach: Open the barn doors.
oh god. you really didn't mean to intrude… but now that you are, it is becoming increasingly more and more difficult to look away!
> Karlach: Save Astarion!
thank the hells you had this barrel of firewine on you to put him out. he'll be fixed up in no time!
==>
OH GOD HOW CAN FIREWINE BE SO FLAMMABLE
> Wyll: Calm down Karlach.
pt. 1
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Please give me recommendations for chew & spit ^w^ ~°•°~
I've done chew and spit once in my life before, and want to start doing it again because it seems like a good alternative for purging, but I don't know what food would be best for it. I mainly crave chocolate but I'm afraid of the chocolate melting in my mouth so that I won't be able to spit it properly. I also tried potato chips before but they got stuck in my teeth so that also scares me. Anyone with experience that can give me some tips?
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Heard my skinny friend say that she just forgot to eat today and it was 8 pm!!!!! What?? What is this *forgetting to eat*???
You mean to say your life doesn’t revolve around food? The first thought when you wake up isn’t what you’re gonna eat that day?
You don’t wanna eat something tasty when you’re sad or happy and celebrating or just depressed??
You dont immediately start to calculate how much you can eat?
You don’t get so hungry when you think about food that all logical reasoning leaves your mind??
What is this? How do i be like this? My brain can’t comprehend how some people’s life doesn’t revolve around food because mine has for so so long🫠
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NOVEMBER IS GOING TO BE MY MONTH FR.
i’m so sick and tired of binging and gaining and losing the same kilos over and over again, so i’m deciding that November is gonna be my month, i will get back on track i will lose all the disgusting fat and i’ll try to be more active here
Wish me luck
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