#black and white because k think it looks better i guess

[krisp-xyz]

Was experimenting with halftone effects after watching this video and it almost has spiderverse vibes honestly. I actually learned some neat things about why printers use CMYK instead of just CMY so I thought I'd share !!

So in our optimal little computer space, Cyan (0,255,255), Magenta (255,0,255) and Yellow (255,255,0) all multiplied together gives us a perfect black (0,0,0) Awesome! The issue is that ink colors irl arent exactly perfect like this, and color is a bit more complicated irl compared to how computers represent it, so they aren't the greatest at combining into black if they aren't those perfect CMY values:

Left: CMY

Right: CMYK

(thats not even black, its a dark blue in the original image but dark colors just look so much richer)

An important step to make sure you arent doubling up on the black values though is to divide the image by it's own "value" (the max of all 3 color channels) that way the value is equal to 1 everywhere, and you're letting the black ink take care of the value on its own.

Left: CMY (normalized value)

Middle: K (black)

Right: Combined

Now obviously the grids of dots cant be aligned perfectly with each other because you'd just get a bunch of black dots in unwanted areas, but if the grids are misaligned, then some dots become more prominent than others which tints the whole image. This was an issue because older printing methods didn't have great accuracy and these grids were often misaligned.

The solution was to rotate these grids such that they can move around freely while getting rid of that tint effect if they aren't perfectly aligned :D

(I have no idea how they came up with these angles but that might be something to look into in the future who knows)

SPEAKING OF MISALIGNMENT

I wanted to implement that in my own filter to get some cool effects, and I discovered another reason CMYK is better than CMY for lots of stuff !!

With CMY, you're relying on the combination of 3 color channels to make the color black. This means if you have thin lines or just details in general, misalignment can make those details very fuzzy. Since CMYK uses a single color of ink to handle value, it reduces color fringing and improves clarity a lot even if you have the exact same misalignment as CMY!

Left: CMY

Right: You guessed it! CMYK

(yes these comparisons have the exact same color misalignment, the only difference is using a fourth ink color for black)

ANYWAY I just thought there was a lot of cool information in this tiny little day project, I also just think it looks really neat and wanted to share what I learned :3c

EDITING BECAUSE THERE'S ONE MORE THING I WANTED TO ADD

So, I talked about how to get K in addition to CMY instead of just CMY, but how exactly do you separate CMY from an image in the first place?

Well, CMY is a subtractive color space, meaning the "absence of color" is white, compared to RGB where it's black. This makes sense because ofc ink is printed on white paper. You can use dot product to get the "similarity" between two vectors, and this can be used to separate RGB actually! Using the dot product of a color and red (255,0,0) will give you just the red values of the image. This is cool though because if we get the dot product of our image and the color cyan (0,255,255), we can get the cyan values from our image too! If we first divide our colors by their value to separate the value from them, then separate CMY using those dot product values, and using K for our final black color value, our individual color passes end up looking like this:

While it's called a "subtractive" color space, I find it more intuitive to treat white as the absence of color here, and then multiply all these passes together. It makes it much easier to understand how the colors are combined imo. Notice how cyan is the opposite of red: (255,0,0) vs (0,255,255) and magenta and yellow are the opposites of green and blue respectively! This means you can actually kinda get away with separating the RGB values and just inverting some stuff to optimize this, but this example is much more intuitive and readable so I won't go too deep into that. THANKS FOR READING I know it's a very long post but I hope people find it interesting! I try my best to explain things in a clear and concise way :3

oh thank you I realized I should probably add an eyestrain tag

#halftone #shaders #long post #eyestrain

[paperboy-pb]

"A Very Special Day" [Life Story]

[TW for: ableism against kids, internalized ableism, and mentions of suicidal ideation.]

9 years ago today, in the state of New York on September 5th, was my second day of 6th grade. Being a Special Ed kid, I was upset; my school, a K-8 that I had been with since the start and stayed with until the end, had always treated us so differently. And the world around me had promised that things would change once middle school began. But they hadn't. In fact, barely anything was new at all.

Same old baby talk from adults who saw me every day, but willfully ignored how big I had grown.

Same old bullying from my peers, disabled children who spent their days as pots calling kettles black, because no one had any intentions of teaching us better.

Same Adapted Phys Ed, getting ready to interrupt my morning reading every Monday, Wednesday, Friday; even though they'd promised to let me play in Gym with the rest of my class years ago by now.

Same old kids from the neighborhood filling up the rest of my grade, coming in smiling and laughing and oh so free in their new groups of 30. 30-something of them. 12 of us.

They'd even gotten some new kids from the K-5s around town. All of which seemed really nice. Man. Lucky them. Meanwhile, everything was so same-y that I'd considered running away from the school bus when it pulled up.

September 5th, 2014. Still kinda hot in Brooklyn. Sunny out there.

The day had gone bad. My classmates were talking FNAF, and being mean about things I don't remember. They flicked food at me during lunch while I tried to read and mind my own business. We weren't allowed to change seats, even though the rest of our grade got that privilege. It was supposed to be for all of us middle schoolers, but when I'd asked the day before, our lunch aide had no idea what I was on about. She suddenly insisted it was never a thing! While the rest of our grade was splitting into cliques behind her back, paying us no mind, knowing they'd somehow earned it and we didn't.

10-year-old me couldn't wait to go home.

By the end of the day, I was drained like no other. Head down on the desk and all. I was thinking, 2:20-something. Just a few more minutes.

God, why are things like this? Is it gonna get better later this year? I hope so, it's only the second day. Maybe it just starts bad!

Man, I miss summer already. I wish I spent today home all day eating onion ring chips again and playing Animal Crossi--

"Alright guys, listen up!" Said Mrs. Z, who would pretty much be our only teacher this year. (Meanwhile, everyone else got to have different people for different subjects.)

I don't remember her exact words. But she held up a white booklet with a bunch of kids holding hands and awkwardly smiling at us from the mostly-white cover. She said something about it being very important. And she ended her little stanza with, and I quote, "DON'T read these, alright? It's for your parents."

I think that one line changed the trajectory of my life.

As our para handed them out, my bookworm ass couldn't help but furrow my little brows. I'd had teachers assume certain books were "too hard" for me when they weren't, and get upset at me whenever I summarized the plot of them correctly. I'd had teachers tell me not to read other books during class, which was fair enough, I guess. But a teacher telling me not to read something at ALL?

Now THAT'S a new one...

It felt plasticy, not like paper. It's a packet, not a book. Six kids in a row, but none look like me, as usual. The cover said, "Family Guide To Special Education Services for School-Age Children. A Shared Path to Success." ...I don't think a title should be that long. Why not parentheses that end bit?

After that, we were dismissed. Me & some peers headed into the hallway down to the first floor to wait for our bus, and we chatted about it a little bit?

One was like, "Is this a report card or something?"

Another was like, "I guess?"

The first boy skimmed it, though, and saw nothing about him. Which eased his nerves.

A third asked me what I thought it was since I was the only kid who'd hit a Z-reading level. They figured I could make sense of it. And my first thought was boring adult stuff, or some sort of... after-school? Program? Thing? But I didn't really answer. I was too preoccupied with what Mrs. Z said.

What kind of teacher tells me not to read something? Give it to my parents is one thing, but specifically, "don't" read this? Dude! What doesn't she want me to see?

Everyone else had tossed the damn thing into their bookbags and zipped 'em up by now. We headed downstairs, and I couldn't help but notice that our 6th grade class was on the third floor; with a lot of grades 2-4 around us.

Meanwhile, the rest of the big middle school classes came down from higher up. It turns out that they all had their classes high up on the top floor. A bunch of bright minds floated down from above like they were that summer's fireflies, and we were the tips of night grass. Or maybe even worms, burrowing into the dirt and calling it a day.

...

By the time the bus was moving, I still had the packet in my hands. I was wondering why they all got to be up there and we didn't. We lived pretty close to Coney Island, after all: it must be cool seeing the parachute jump from the hallway window on your way down every day.

I barely had time to stuff the packet in my hands once we pulled up to my apartment.

If you've ever wondered what Kid Jonah was like, imagine some sort of hybrid between a miserable little nerd & the most optimistic goody-goody you've ever met. Like, yeah, I'd been in a few fights by this point, broken some rules behind their backs, but I was also... 10. And known for being "THE good kid" in front of teachers. I didn't like to defy them, you know? Even if they did always make me feel weird, or on-edge, or like I was a part of something bad.

So when I made a beeline for my room, I was like, Oh my God, I'm actually gonna do this...? And I didn't tell my parents a thing. I've kept the packet all this time and they STILL haven't read it!

But I did. I think I hesitated, but I remember opening it on my bed.

"Welcome.

Dear families, we've come a long way since our special education reform initiative, A Shared Path to Success, was launched citywide in 2012... we've also been changing hearts and minds as our core belief- that special education is a service, and not a place- has taken hold in our schools...

Section 1... Children learn at different speeds and in different ways. Some children have physical and/or intellectual disabili..."

WHAT?!

...

It was a really dense packet for a kid. Long, boring, seemed endless. But I understood the words. Especially that D one. And at the time, 10-year-old me knew it was a bad one.

I'd crossed the point of no return by then. I kept reading. And I didn't dare skip a word. "Intervention," "Special," "Disability," "Meeting," "Evaluation," "Eligibility," "IEP,"-- Hey, I know that word! IEPs are the dense things stapled to my report cards!

I remember the anger flaring in my heart, out my nose, widening my eyes once I got to the Eligibility bit. I thought, and I quote, "THEY THINK WE'RE DISABLED?!" I don't think words can articulate how insulted little 10-year-old me was!

...I don't think I can articulate how sad that is now, either. How do you instill such heavy ableism into a little boy like that? How do you live with yourself?

But I couldn't throw the book at the wall or take one of my mom's lighters to it like I initially wanted. Because I realized pretty quickly... Oh my God. This is it. These are THE ANSWERS! THIS IS WHY IT'S ALL HAPPENING!

I couldn't believe my eyes as I took it all in. The 13 disabilities that landed me and my friends in this mess, some of which matched up with certain kids I knew right away. But what really caught my attention were the services. Terms that I KNEW about. Things I engaged with. Things I... hated.

"Occupational Therapy." That nice older lady who takes me out of class every few days so I can play memory games, or play with this hand-gripper, or yank pegs outta this bright green putty.

"Paraprofessional Services"; those weird second-teachers that annoy us and only us, but never anyone else in the other classes. They're so stuck-up sometimes! And they never really seem to know how to leave us alone. Especially certain kids.

The stories I could tell about them all now... good fucking lord.

Physical Therapy; That's the one where the lady is always making me feel bad about things and do sit-ups or run drills in the hallway and stairwell... and do embarrassing stretches like people aren't walking by.

And she got upset with me because I brought a lunchbox every day for years; she told me, "You'll never be a big kid if you keep bringing food from home, Jonah!"

And I told her, "But my mom doesn't even make the sandwiches anymore! I make them for myself!"

And she was like, "But still!"

She also measures her footstep, saying it was a foot of distance. Like, 12 inches. But nuh-uh, it was never a foot! Her sneakers aren't that big. Rulers are longer. Why didn't she just get a measuring tape? What's this lady's problem?

The one that sunk my heart, though, was Adapted Phys Ed. The packet said it was "A specially designed program of developmental activities, games, sports, and rhythms suited to the interests, capabilities, and limitations of individual children who may now safely or successfully participate in the activities of a regular physical education program."

And I thought: ...That's the watered-down gym class I do three times a week.

The one where we do "challenges" like stepping into each hole of an agility ladder mat and doing a squat before moving to the next.

The one where we never play sports like everybody else gets to do.

The one that makes the gym teacher sit me out on the bleachers by myself, and watch literally everybody else I know have fun. And when I ask why, nobody tells me anything.

The one where I ask how I can improve in order to go play with everybody else, but nobody tells me anything.

The one where Mrs. D keeps promising me that I'll get to play with the rest of my class soon... but it never comes true.

This is why everybody acts so weird around us.

This is why we can't even talk to the rest of our grade.

This is why nothing ever changes...!

It all made sense. 10-year-old me couldn't feel the floor or the bed anymore. The back of my mind buzzed like shaken soda, fizzling against the back of my skull. I didn't cry. I didn't have tears. But I did sink down, down into the depths of I-don't-even-know-where.

I went time-traveling back to May of last school year, where a Special Ed kid the grade above me was saying to his classmate, "We're all just the kids nobody wants." But I didn't have context. Was this the context? He sounded like he was about to cry.

I went back to 4th grade when I headed into the bathroom and saw two kids from my grade walk by with papers promoting the talent show to everybody. I saw the text written on them clear as day! And I got excited; Our school's having a talent show? COOL! We must be getting those later today, too!

The papers never came.

I went back to 3rd grade, where paras would hover over our class during lunch, but nobody else's. They always stood tall above and between us, like they were a scarecrow keeping the birds of our grade away.

And there was so much. More. Than that.

...

I still wonder why Z didn't want me seeing that. Maybe she knew I would spiral or label myself. But at the same time... that's a learned behavior. Ableism is a hatred, and hatred is learned. From ADULTS. One that she and the rest of the school could at least try to curb if she noticed.

Z wasn't a bad lady. I think she was trying to protect me? But... we already knew we were being treated unfairly. Why would keeping this secret protect me?

The anger only lasted a little while. Because something else dawned on me.

I can't stay here.

This place had been upsetting me for YEARS. And now I knew that it was happening for a reason. A shitty one, but still... a reason. It's not just bad luck. And that it wasn't going to change unless I removed that reason from their minds.

I had to leave. Sound familiar?

The next day we had school? I was completely shaken up. Kinda surprised no one noticed. I was finally seeing just how deep this all went. The teachers smiling in my face, baby-talking, getting reallll close while having this sense of disgust in their eyes.

The staggering difference in numbers between "normal" classes and ours.

Our class locations.

I even found this board on the first floor that had a picture of every teacher and what they taught. Sure enough, "Special Education" was specified in the label for every teacher I'd ever had. I was even able to find the next teachers I'd have for Grades 7 & 8. And my blood went cold because I knew those two particular ladies were pretty mean.

My school was DEFINITELY failing that, "Special Ed is a service, not a place!" shit the state allegedly wanted to accomplish. It was a place. And I... was trapped.

And I couldn't stay trapped. Because as far as I knew, education was everything. I was a very academic little boy back then. And I didn't know what staying in a place like this could mean for my education later down the line.

I didn't want to find out.

I also didn't want my social life restricted like this. Especially since there weren't many kids who treated me well. I wanted freedom. I wanted independence. I wanted a chance to actually find real friends!

And this is sad, but... I was already very depressed by that age. Due to the nature of Special Ed at school. Had been since 8. And so... I made a plan in my bedroom the same night I found the packet:

I can't carry this environment with me into high school. I have to do anything-- EVERYTHING I can to get outta here by the time 8th grade starts! And if I fail... I can't finish 8th grade like that.

The Verrazzano Bridge and the walkway by the water, the one with the short fence that I can get right over, are only a fifteen minute walk from home. If I don't get out of Special Ed by 8th grade, then... I have to go out there and throw myself off. I have to kill myself. I have to...! Because I know for a fact I just can't. Stay. Here.

And I was serious. Dead-serious. Because I thought about it every day for the next 2 years straight.

...

That packet started it all for PB. And as sad as it is that I technically had to go behind adults' backs just to learn something about myself and where I was, I'm extremely glad it happened. Because it's also what kickstarted my interest in disability topics. My journey in learning who we were, what we were, and what we do & don't deserve.

It led to the first drafts of PB just under a year later, which set my life on a completely new path. Paperboy would not EXIST if it weren't for that day. Hell; I don't even know if my OTHER projects (like Weirder Than Usual) would, either!

That wasn't right. None of that was right. But it did give me a story to tell. One that you guys are finally starting to see!

And one that I'm very, very proud of.

Disability conversations are extremely important to me now. I don't think I'm the beacon of anti-ableism or anything like that. I know I've fucked up as I grew up, especially in my younger years. But this entire situation showed me how hush-hush the world likes to be about it. And while it's better now than it was in 2014, it ain't great yet.

And I think I owe it to 10-year-old Jonah to change that shit. Because when he googled "Special Ed makes me feel bad," he barely found anything.

It was definitely an experience I will never forget. And as you saw above, I still keep that packet with me to this day, and I always will, because of just how heavily it changed my life.

I have no idea where or who I'd be if it wasn't for that.

Happy 9th birthday, SpEd packet. Can't wait for the 10th!

#paperboy pb #disability #disabilities #disabled kid #disabled kids #special education #special ed #disabled writer #disabled artist #actually autistic #autistic #autism #asthma #life story #thoughts #memoir #memories #childhood #childhood trauma #childhood nostalgia #anti ableism #ableism exists #ableism tw #internalized ableism #ableism #ableist teachers #ableist language cw

[boypeggers]

rainy days

pairing: bunny!armin x reader

wc: 1.7k

tags: angst but not like the “SOBBING MY HEART OUT SJSBDJSJ KMSSSS” kind. tiny fluff at the end i think idk

rainy days comfort you on your worst days but you think you’re finding new source of comfort in the hybrid you saved

warnings: mentions of blood but no graphic details

a/n: this is just something i wanted to write cause i was bored. it’s not that good but if you would like me to continue w this lmk!!

the rain outside makes me feel a little better about my day. i’ve always loved the rain, but there’s something about packing up my things to go home to the sound of the rain. it has always bought me comfort. being a hybrid veterinarian is hard work and the sound of rain has always found a way to make my day better. after a day like this one, i needed this.

today, we got one of the worst cases of hybrid abuse i’ve seen. he came to us beaten bloody so much that it made me stomach turn. after we were done working on him. i had to go to the bathroom so my coworkers wouldn’t see me cry. you would think after working in this field after a few years. k would be used to this type of stuff but it never gets easier.

a knock on the door startles me out of my daydream. it sounds panicked. i cant see throught the glass doors because the blinds are down. i have no idea who could be knocking at this time of night. i look down at my watch.

11:00 PM

i start to walk slowly around my desk to the door. As i get closer there’s three more knocks

BOOM

BOOM

BOOM

then, i hear a weak plee.

“please, open the door. i need help.. please.” a weak voice calls out.

do they know someone is in here? i find myself becoming a little scared but nonetheless i take a deep breath and finally open the door. a body tumbles over to my feet from leaning against the door.

i let out a small startled gasp. their face hidden behind the large black hoodie that they’re wearing. i bend down to get a closer look & move the hood from their face. it’s a man but not just any man.

“a hybrid?” i whisper.

a bunny hybrid to be exact. bunny hybrids aren’t uncommon but i’ve never seen one so large but that’s not the problem right now. he needs help. he’s unconscious and has bruises scattered across his face. i try to shake him awake because i’m not very confident i can carry him in myself but he doesn’t budge.

“here goes nothing i guess.” i huff as i try to calculate how i’m going to carry him inside.

i decide to reach behind him and slide my arms under his. i drag him as gently as i can to the back room so that i can have a closer look at his injuries. i somehow managed to put him across the metal table in the middle of the operating room.

i start by unzipping his hoodie that he’s wearing. As i finish unzipping it, i notice blood pooling onto his white ratty shirt. o let out a small gasp. i don’t know how I didn’t notice this earlier. i start panicking slightly because i’m not sure how much blood he’s lost yet.

“calm down, y/n.” i say, as i take a few deep breaths.

i remove his shirt and start working on treating all the wounds that i can.

i sit down with a huff at my desk. i look down at my watch.

2:00 AM

i don’t even think i should even go home now. i have a hybrid who probably doesn’t even know where he is in the back and when he wakes up i need to be here. who knows when that’ll be. he lost quite a lot of blood but thankfully it wasn’t too much to the point he needed a blood transfusion. he should recover quickly especially with his hybrid genes.

i was just about to start finishing up some of the paper work i was packing up before i got that knock on my door but i hear something fall from the operating room the hybrid was in.

i stand up and starting to slowly make my way back to not startle him even more than he probably already was. Once i enter the room i see him backed away from the table into a corner holding a scalpel out toward me. i hold my arms up to my chest to show him i’m not a threat but i don’t think that helps.

“hey, it’s okay. i- i’m here to help.” i say in a shaky breath.

he doesn’t change his position. he still seems tense as i try to comfort him into putting the scalpel down. this isn’t something new, i have been in this same exact position many times before and honestly i don’t blame any of the hybrids that have done this. a lot of them have no reason to trust humans. i would honestly do the same if i’ve been through some of the things they have.

“i’m just here to help.” i repeat.

i point to my badge that i’m wearing on my scrubs. “see, i helped you. i’m a vet here.” i give a small smile. “i even patched up a few of your wounds. you knocked on the door as i was getting ready to leave but when i opened the door you were unconscious.”

i try to stare directly into to his eyes so that he can see that i’m being sincere and honest but it’s hard because his eyes are darting all over the room.

“what city are we in?” he questions softly

“we’re in boston.”

he visibly relaxes a bit and he finally lets the scalpel hit the floor. “i need to leave.” he tries to rush toward the door.

“wait, you still need a couple days to heal.” i try to reason with him. “you could even stay here for a couple days.”

“no, i need to leave now. it’s not safe for me to be here.” he pleads.

“why, we can protect you here. no one knows you’re here.” i reason. “whoever you’re running from doesn’t know you’re here.”

he scoffs and shakes his head. “i’m not running from anyone. i just can’t be here.”

“why can’t you? we can keep you safe here.” i know it’s not my place to beg him to stay especially if he doesn’t feel safe but he’s hurt.

“why would I ever feel safe here.. with humans who do things like this to me.” he looks down at his waist where the bandage lays.

that’s true. why would ever feel safe with me or any other human. he has no reason to believe the words coming from my mouth.

“you’re right. you have absolutely no reason to believe that I’ll keep you safe.” i say looking down at the ground. then, i get possibly the dumbest idea I’ve had all year.

“okay, what if you come to my house for a couple of days. absolutely no one will know.”

“why would I do that?” he questions. “i have no idea if you have any ulterior motives.”

“i swear i don’t. i just want to help you.” i look into his eyes.

“why are you doing this? why you want to help me so bad.” he says this as he brushes his hand through his hair.

i actually don’t know why i want to help him so bad. Of course i always want to help my patients and i will always want what’s best for them but this feels.. different. maybe it’s because of what I witnessed earlier today. that hybrid that came in today broke something inside of me and deep inside i felt guilty. guilty because i felt like k couldn’t help them enough. i obviously helped heal their wounds but i could never heal that trauma that will live on with them for the rest of their lives.

“i- i don’t know. i just do.” i sigh. “you can leave after a couples days. when your wounds heal.” i point to his side. the side i patched up. i notice he’s been wincing in pain and holding his side gently as we sat here talking. there’s no way he’ll be able to make it far if he decides to leave on his own.

“okay, i’ll leave with you.”

-

. after coming home last night i got the spare room in my small apartment ready for him and after that i haven’t seen him.

it’s now 1pm the next day and i took the day off of work just to see how he’ll adjust. i know hybrids can have a hard time adjusting to new places and even if he’s only going to be here a couple of days. i still want him to be as comfortable as possible.

i would be worried even more if i hadn’t been setting food outside of his door and seeing it disappear. i’m glad to know that he’s at least eating well.

i honestly don’t know what i was thinking last night. maybe it was because i was severely sleep deprived but i just felt a strong urge to help him. i couldn’t just leave him there and now i feel a big weight on my shoulders now that there’s another presence in my apartment.

-

as the day passes the suns eventually goes down and i find myself placing dinner at the door. i find myself feeling a little disappointed he didn’t come out today but i also understand. a new place can be scary and he doesn’t even know me.

after, i place the food at his door i start to walk away . his door cracks open and we make eye contact. i just give him a small smile and i continue to walking away but his voice stops me.

“is there anyway i could have more vegetables?” he questions in a small voice.

as soon as i hear the question leave his mouth i instantly feel bad and honestly quite dumb. as a hybrid veterinarian, i should’ve known he would like a mostly green diet. his human side still needs other nutrients but he would mostly crave vegetables.

“oh, of course. we can go get some out the kitchen if you want.”

he doesn’t say anything just picks up the plate i sat on the ground and makes his way towards me. as we make our way over the to the kitchen, he speaks up again.

“my name is armin by the way” he states nervously.

i take it in with a smile and i respond with my name.

#armin aot #armin arlet x reader #armin arlert #armin imagines #hybrid armin #hybrid au #armin arlert imagines

[hawkp]

Keep a Light on For Me, Blue Moon !!

GIRL YOU CHOSE BOTH HOULIHAWK FICS. I DIDN’T TAG THE OTHER JUST TO SEE IF YOU CHOSE IT SKSKSKSKSKSKSK our Houlihawk discourse is *chefs kiss* and definitely feeds my writing.

Keep a Light on for Me

Description: With the last batch of patients sent to Seoul, the 4077th M*A*S*H was officially off of active duty. It’s their last night there, and with his mind spinning from fear for what his future holds, Hawkeye seeks comfort from a friend.

“She’d started down his neck, soft kisses making him hot. He closed his eyes, his head felt like television static, black flecks of pain and white burning passion. He wanted this, he really did, but he needed something else.”

I actually wrote half of this planned one-shot in Blue Moon but the vibes were off compared to what I was going for. I might just push myself to get it done tonight.

Blue Moon

Description: One thing that he loved about being home was the music. Elvis especially. “What a kid!” He’d told Margaret. She’d smiled at him with a curious look in her eyes that he couldn’t quite place.

“Beej,

I owe you fifty bucks.

I’m taking that position at Boston General. Charles is, much to my surprise, taking it better than I thought he would. My guess is that he’s finally getting some after his bone-dry luck back in K in our fraternity days. I couldn’t imagine getting as drunk as we did back then now. Haven’t had a drop of gin in the states! Isn’t that crazy? I’ll go for a good ol’ Pabst now and then though. They sell that over in California? What do you drink now? Do you drink? I miss drinking with you.

Now Margaret on the other hand is a bit of a puzzle. She’s been perfectly nice: same spunk, same sternness but she’s…different? I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe she changed her hair. I’ll ask her after the weekend.

Give my best to Peg and Erin. Let me know Erin’s bedtime so I don’t miss my earful. If I reach you before I start at the hospital, I’ll ask you then.

Signing Off,

Hawk

P.S. When’s Peg’s birthday?”

I actually think I spoke to you about this one! It’s a slow burn, state-side Houlihawk that starts with Hawkeye and B.J. writing letters to each other. The plan is to go from this to daily Boston General life (basically Margaret retired from the military after the war and Charles got her the job and then Hawkeye shows up and chaos ensues haha) and I also want to write a ‘coming-out’ little bit to honor the late and great DOS. Then stuff really picks up when they decide to go to a 4077th reunion at SOMEBODY’S wedding and Hawkeye/Margaret decide to drive there because Margaret has never driven down the East coast. And more and more and more but I’m a slow writer haha. The two first letters are posted on my AO3 already!

Anyone who sees this, PLEASE bully me to write on my AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/users/cpthawkp/pseuds/cpthawkp or my inbox here on tumblr. Thanks!

#I’m unwell #m*a*s*h #mash #hawkeye pierce #alan alda #mash 4077 #hawkeye #benjamin franklin pierce #margaret houlihan #houlihawk #loretta swit #mash fic

[papirouge]

akira toriyama saying he had never seen a black person before designing his black characters is sus. like he'd never seen an international baseball game (baseball is popular in jpn) or basketball or the olympics at least. what about a famous artist like michael jackson? he did redesign some like staff officer black (yeah, he named one of his black characters black).

i remember soul eater had a few black characters. they gave the black nurse blue eyes for some reason, and the black teacher became a zombie when the series started so he stayed blue for the rest of the series. i remember they were promoting this anime made by a black man and his main female protagonist had dark skin but blonde hair and blue eyes. I dont know the obssesion with doing that, specially to brown and black female characters, but it's specially bizarre when it comes from a black person themselves.

i also recall eyeshield 21 also had a black character nicknamed black panther (or just panther), he appeared when an american team came to play with a japanese one and the white coach didnt let him play even though he was the best player because he was black and the coach wanted an all-white team because he was racist (to everyone who wasn't white, as he also looked down the japanese team). he was drawn quite differently to the rest, but so were the white characters, so i don't know if he'd be considered a caricature...

also, papi, have you noticed how characters in anime are getting like paper white, specially female ones? I'm talking they seem to be using the almost literal white color to color their skins, it's so uncanny. the other day I was watching azumanga daioh and the characters had darker tones even though they were still pale, and they actually had different tones between each other. then I watched lucky star and the characters started having that extremely pale skin, but you still had characters with darker tones like konata herself. then there's k-on and literally every single character has the same skin tone except mugi, whos paler since shes supposedly of european descent, and finally I checked bocchi the rock and EVERY single character had that same pale skin color, literally no variation. I think it's interesting how you can see this change with slice of life anime so clearly

this is stupid but something that has always bothered me its when anime and manga authors decide to make a foreign character, they always choose europeans or americans or any other white country, if not they choose a brown country and make them the lightest brown they can manage. like when pretty cure featured international cures, the only ones that werent european or northamerican were the indian ones, and the designed them SO fucking pale like they were applying too much whitening cream, what were they thinking??? then they had cure soleil, a spanish pretty cure, whose skin is literally orange. she looks like she spent too much time at the solareum more than actually being from spain. i think it's kinda funny how pretty cure has featured a boy cure now before a brown or black female cure but whatever.

but yeah, japan doesn't have the best history when it comes to black and brown characters, I guess western animation is better in that regard? i'm guessing french cartoons are better too due to france's multicultural background.

Honestly anon you would gain inner peace to not have any expectation when it comes to a decent representation of Black people from japanese mangaka lol

I grew up watching "Fushigi no Umi no Nadia", and as much it was nice to see a character looking like me, homegirl had blue eyes with non textured hair... The original storyline is she believing she was from AFRICA (when she's actually the king of some Atlantis king but whatever) so it was weird Hideaki Anno thought designing Nadia like that was conclusive in assuming she *might* come from Africa🤔

It doesn't stop me from applauding when Black characters are being done justice

I think the biggest glo up was in Street Fighter : from Elena (SF3) who's supposed to come from KENYA (???) and is a light skinned blue eyed white haired woman

(she looks like a mixed breed south american - not African, idc)

... to Kimberley who looks like an actual West African woman (I LOVE how they clocked the big forehead which is very Bantu lol i'm obsessed)

(and lmaoooo at Manon nose - they did France dirty lmao but it's true french people can have HUGE noses - look at Macron who is quintessentially so french in the face 💀)

The difference? Japanese team finally reaching out a (Black) consultant to pull out a compelling design.

I also checked her in game and I was relieved she was absolutely cute and feminine, and not brash, masculine or aggressive like most Black characters are depicted in pop media.

#answered

[songjo]

Diary: T&K Live in Newcastle

Well, it's been so long since I've been to a PUBLIC EVENT, and I have a relatively small number of friends who are part of this fandom, so I figured I'd write a little summary to send into the tumblr ether (where I lurk among T&K content anyway). And, to be honest, mostly for me to look back on, because it was so fabulous and I do not want to forget the feeling.

Long story short: possibly the best thing I've spent money on this year. Perhaps even on par with Except money spent on travel to see loved ones.

So I went to see the show at O2 City Hall in Newcastle on 8/12, which is located fortunately close to mine, since I knew I would have to go at the end of a working day. It was also the day of the first snow up in the North East, and we got the social-media posts from T&K stuck on the LNER service up from London. Trains have stopped running in the UK for less, and I'm just glad that they seemed to have avoided the fate of rail-replacement buses.

Impression on arrival: very mixed and happy crowd. All a bit cramped in the downstairs bar at the O2 (cramped mostly because of covid-resurgence/strep A/general winter bug concerns). For those who saw the backstage clips/photos from Obsessed where they were getting changed in what looked like a stairwell: the O2 is nearly 100 years old and grade II-listed (and it contains an organ with a Grade 1 certificate), so renovations would have to be highly considered, and I'm guessing that the dressing rooms were too far away for the quick changes.

Then I sat in my seat for about an hour, with Duolingo, watching the ads, hoping nobody taller would sit in front of me, deciding until the very end whether to buy merch now and have to somehow hold it all night or to buy it later. The North East is a place where nothing placed on the floor of a concert venue/club/cafe/shop is safe. Not from theft, but from spilled drinks.

The thing about having tried not to get too spoiled about the show, and failing to a certain degree, is that the anticipation is raised. So when the curtain drops and Trixie is there, it was pretty surreal.

They looked so good. I can't remember exactly where it was that T talked about Katya's performance being influenced by how good she thinks she looks (was it a tour bts clip?)... but the matter of that fact was that they looked GOOD.

Both T&K attempted the Geordie accent, and that was good too.

Whoever does their research for each stop is obviously meticulous - they knew that having Sunderland being the butt of jokes would go down well in Newcastle.

When they needed to gesture to the disco ball they couldn't find it. At first, I didn't even know if it was a gag, but apparently it's usually behind them, but it was in front of the stage (and suspended in the air ofc) this time.

The lighting was amazing? Pretty much every sparkly outfit was fully blingy. I'm sure this is by design, but it's worth mentioning.

Did I say that they looked good yet? Ugh.

The crowd duly cheered for the first outfit changes (black-and-white sparkly mini, which T paraded around; and the shiny red robe, which K modestly said "oh it's just a robe"). And also subsequent outfit changes. Some very VERY loudly. Even when T put on the boa (during the part where they were fighting and angrily throwing the contents of their clothing rails into their trunks), which earned an exasperated "it's a boa. *pose*"

Tbh, I think we just cheered very loudly for allsorts. At one point T went off-script (I think?) and said "are y'all just really drunk??" (crowd: more whooping) This is, for better and worse, very Newcastle.

T joking about being old is always funny since she's younger than I am. But I expect I elicit the same feeling when I joke about being old (and genuinely loving it) to older friends and colleagues.

The dancers are all adorable.

T fixed K's skirt when she's lying down on the stage just before Wind Beneath My Wings again. Maybe this is habit by now? When T first comes out on stage when K is "passed out", and asks where K is, nobody in the crowd actually said anything... T: "Thank you for being dignified enough to not point out the obvious and going 'she's behind you!'" (No idea if this was scripted, but it was a fun interaction.)

The little interlude/scene-change music was so funny, and had the exact right feeling for them?

During the TEDxxx portion, K was just in a black leotard. When T came in to do her talk, K wiggled out each time, and the screen (obviously) zoomed in on the butt.

T in her "T-is-K" get-up, in person, is insane. It already looked amazing on fancams but I guess being in the room heightens everything? Also, I don't know what the sound systems are like in their different venues, but the bass was dialled UP at City Hall, and Rasputin going into Ding Dong was a moment. It nearly became an unfortunate moment because T looked liked she lost her balance a teeny tiny bit and leaned backwards, but she's a pro's pro the number proceeded as usual. (I then played Ding Dong all the way home in my car.)

Seksi was everything I'd hoped it would be.

In fact, every choreographed piece was even better in person.

When T and K are tied up and Kelly Mantle is being the Klarma CEO, the girls are one point say, "murder is illegal in this country right?" Crowd: *crickets... then laughs*. K: "we leave tomorrow right?"

Kelly Mantle is amazing and I want all her suits. When Sandy returned from being locked up in the Klarma dungeon, her bangs were covering her eyes. (T&K both smiling, T stays smiling until she remembers to act again) T: "you gotta uh fix your wig there Sandy?" S: *adjusts hair* "I don't wear wigs, this is my hair."

At some point, when Sandy comes out looking for K, and K is mostly definitely not on stage, the crowd then went, "she's behind you!" And Sandy humoured by having a look behind her and then scolding us for messing about.

Can I just say one more time that the costumes are so fabulous? And the non-full-number music choices equally so?

It was just really, really wonderful.

I had planned to try to only take it in with my eyes, but I couldn't resist recording some of it as well. Clips will come up in due time.

#trixie and katya #trixie and katya live #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #t&k live

[drcalvin]

tag meme

Rules: tag 9 some people you want to know better and/or catch up with, then answer the questions below!

Last song: "Vode An" - Star Wars Republic Commando video game originally, but for me? YouTube.

Three ships: well uh at the moment I'm very 👀 about Obi-Wan Kenobi/Commander Cody (yes, yes I watched my first Star Wars movie when I was probably six and saw The Phantom Menace first week in the cinema and THIS is what I end up shipping? Idk either).

Then I spent quite some time shaking AO3 until I'd read all the John Sheppard/Rodney McKay that looked like it appealed to me... And a fair bit of the minimally tagged one too, because lots of old imported fic. It's a good fandom if you want space adventure with slash, although I suspect watching canon might disappoint in certain ways. But A+ plotting, SGA authors.

Uh and then there are some evergreens. Zoro Luffy Pirate Husbands 5ever... But hey, Kirk/Spock! Had a bit of a revival for me. Which reminds me I need to show a friend The Undiscovered Country, we've been going through the classic K/S moments

Currently reading: Bad Gays: A Homosexual History by Huw Lemmey &Ben Miller. I almost finished then forgot it in a tote bag but now I found it again. Very entertaining non-fiction about "the complicated, the evil, the ill-reputed and the bad" gays through history. What the book adds to the podcast (well, it also removed their frequently shite sound quality issues, it's terrible in the early eps) is their critique of the white cis male-male thing that goes into the concept of homosexuality and gayness currently, and how this was built up historically. Which really nuances some of their person portrait choices well, but also, it's just a good read.

Last movie: Solo - yes, the Star Wars movie. But earlier this week I watched Twilight 3, lol, which was terrrrible but not as bad as Twilight 1 or 2. It's okay, I had friends and we got mildly drunk

Craving: Fresh baked bread

Do I have nine people on Tumblr to tag after my long "eaten by the black hole of irl" uh.... @carmarthenfan @stephantom @janeeyreofmanderley @minipliny @itsyveinthesky @kira-under-pressure @m-madeleine calling the old crowd, all very voluntary and only if you think it sounds fun I guess/awkward wave/

#Tag meme #Ahaha sob I fail at friendships I'm sorry

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

What I don’t get is why all those collabs and remixes with mid/has been artists? JT and Usher now… hello, it’s not the early 2000’s anymore, I’m 30 and all for the nostalgic vibes usually but with those guys? What the heck is Hybe doing. Those artists need JK and BTS way more than he needs them. They should better focus on him solely. I’m so done with this obsession with toping the charts and awards and popularity contest, I get that he’s an artist and wants to be the best but as for me I don’t fucking care about it, I want good music with good concepts and good performances with JK only and screw the rest. Honestly, I know this is a matter of personal taste, but I feel like they should better come back to the roots of kpop. They have to secure the ‘k’, not get rid of it imo. Turning kpop into mainstream pop is a sure path to failure in the long run, but I’m just a kpop fan so who am I I guess.. as much as I was dreading this enlistment period, I hope the boys will be safe and that it will be a time for self reflection for them, especially JK who seemed a bit uncertain about the path to follow for his solo- I think his solo lacked a clear vision and concept, probably the result of his lack of inspiration in the first place. Sorry I’m rambling. That being said him enlisting with Jimin makes me feel better, I’m relieved they’ll have each other. I truly hope we’ll get to witness amazing music when they will all come back.

Well, JT and Usher aren't super popular anymore but they are still famous and somewhat relevant, and have access to different demographics - in JT's case, 30-40s (white) women who were his fans as teens and young adults, and, in Usher's case, I guess it's a similar age group, but also the black community as whole according to an anon. I don't like calling people has-beens although I pretty much called them that myself. In JT's case, his reputation is on the floor right now so it's like Jungkook is on the wrong side of the Britney vs. JT debate, and it's not exactly a good look (even Forbes questioned this collab and they write more flattering BTS articles than Weverse Magazine). With Usher, I don't know. It could be a better decision than I assumed but Usher is certainly not a trendy artist these days and those are the kind of artists that could help Jungkook a lot in the short term. Even Jack Harlow helped JK, simply because people know his name, he's White, and people are way less prejudiced to check out his music, and he also has access to places JK is kept out of despite JK being way more in demand. So, truly, all these artists help JK in some way, with some drawbacks (3D alternate version is a much better song and overall Armys were definitely disappointed in the collab), but there's also no denying there are a lot more impactful artists to have a collab with. I would argue that, of all the collabs, Latto was the best one they chose and I was not happy about it at first. I'm still not sure if the woman is a racist because I saw a few racist tweets about Asian women, which could be really old and I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, but despite not being that famous, she is a) a woman, which in the music industry makes her more interesting right now, b) an up-and-coming rapper, which makes her seem like a more tasteful, music-oriented choice rather than a commercial one, and c) the fact that people don't really know her means no one is immediately put off seeing her name, which I'm sure cannot be said about the other three artists. So, Jungkook collabing with another rising star, perhaps one that has a current hit, would've arguably been a more interesting choice. I don't know, but I think JK's demographic doesn't mesh with JT and Usher fans? Their images don't mesh either? JK is a young, "rising" star, part of a very popular established group, so he needs to be associated with artists that are respected and have a fresh sound imo. I don't know... Ideally, he would partner with established artists with a fresh and current sound.

Putting the k back in kpop... I think English songs clearly do better internationally, but it's very hard for most groups to have a genuine impact abroad, so, to them, making English music only wouldn't help much. It would probably help BTS with the GP, since they are famous globally, but I don't TXT would overthrow even SKZ globally if they only made English tracks. In JK's case, because he's that big, an all English album helped, and, what's more, Koreans liked it, especially Korean celebs, and I think a lot of kpoppies loved it too. Kpop fans complain a lot about English music but usually like very Western kpop tracks (mostly as long as they are not from BTS)... I prefer kpop too, but the distinction between pop and kpop isn't that clear, and atp this debate is very useless and tired.

I think Jungkook didn't have a clear artistic vision for Golden, but he did have a clear vision of the kind of performance and vocals he wanted, as well as visuals and (maybe) impact. I don't think enlisting would change him and make him want to release a kpop-y album. It could be argued that he doesn't have very set opinions either way - English or Korean music is kind of the same to him in many ways, I think.

And, yeah, I'm glad Jikook are enlisting together, I hope they stay together the entire time...

#ask #bts #jungkook #thanks for the ask! #text

[jdmainman123]

#Report we need all the circle K black skin women murdered. For what you guys couldn't take away my money but couldn't take away my monthly checks but to make me sick everyday

I found why Orlando pronounced your daughter here dead. He's not allowed in the store because he stinks now let me remind you the store is full of black skin men and accident 200 and 300 lb women all with stinky vaginas

AND THIS WOULD BE YOUR ACCIDENT SO WHEN WHEN I LEAVE OR IF THEY KICK ME OUT OF THE CIRCLE K BECAUSE IT CANNOT TAKE MY MONTHLY CHECK THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED SHE SAID I STINK IN LAS VEGAS CALLED THIS ONE REAL EARLY AND THEY CALLED THE TRESPASSING CHARGE WHEN YOU GUYS TRIED TO TAKE MY MONEY AGAIN REMEMBER THE DASH AND DINE

But for this dead f****** n***** daughter to protect this white skin daughter why don't you put a white skinned woman in there and tell me I was thinking I'm not allowed in the store because you can't take my money and for me to have recognized and realize you guys only want me here to make me poop everyday to make me sick everyday you got it honey you got it

I realize what was happening they want to throw me out of the stores because they can't stop me from having money and I guess the timeline of what happened was the sunlight when I have my dates I'm going to write down my dates as well as my money and my bank account IT'S WHY THEY THREATENING TO STEAL MY BAG YEAH IT'S THE LAST RESORT AND WE KILLED FOR THEY GOT AS LOW AS THEY STOLE MY BACK AND IN DALLAS WOULDN'T LET THEM STEAL MY SHOES

You know but it's a bunch of bunch of useless f****** men that just obey orders and he'll pay orders 24/7 to try and kill me or take something from me and then they're killed themselves it almost seems like a perfect volunteer system for suicidal men and as I said I'm here for an integration 1-800 suicide number like a therapist or something like don't commit suicide you're better than that

#Report #911 what they have done since my money is tied into this white trash dead daughter family and they couldn't take my money they're too afraid to take my monthly income THEY'VE ONLY BROUGHT ME HERE TO MAKE ME SICKER AND TO SCREAM HURT FOR WORDS AT ME AND TO MAKE ME EMBARRASSED AND AND CONTINUE TO BE IN PAIN WITH NERVES BEING HIT AND AGAIN FORGIVE ME AND FORGET ME ABOUT BEING SHOT BUT THESE TREATMENTS HAVE VOIDED YOU GUYS TOO LATE HE HAS SURVIVED 20 A BROKEN BONES INCIDENTS

Of them trying to remove me from the store and not take away my money is what happened here is what happens here the problem is the nasty the LIE the black skin woman said I stink and again I look behind me in the line was full of black skin men and there was another 400 lb black skin woman there

OH YOU KNOW THE WHITE SKIN WOMAN THE WHITE SKIN GIRL THE CASHIER SHE'S ALREADY DEAD CIRCLE K PHOENIX CALLED IT AND HOW THEY CALLED THESE THINGS BEFOREHAND

I'm just saying satellite maker if you say you want to sabotage me for the rest of the world then take my money you f****** p**** take my money you f****** coward and I'll make sure every white hair white skin man in these cities doesn't get a check NO I SAID HERE I DID NOT CHALLENGE I SAID ANYONE THAT COULD SEE ME THE ANTECEDENT I KNOW MY BOUNDARIES TO OVERSTATE THIS STATEMENT and I said I could also take it from Phoenix 3/4 but that's besides the point I said I'm not going to ask for that I'm just saying if you're if you're a real man you want to do a favor for the rest of the world you want to hurt me beyond belief and instead of having your f****** dead n***** daughter throw me out of the gas station because you can't take my money be a f****** real man you p**** ass coward you p**** ass n***** that has a useless God damn black skin boy Jason that nobody f****** likes

Take my f****** money you f****** useless piece of s*** coward stop threatening people satellite makers across the world and then I need you to kill my kids

My quid pro quo is very specific to why I'm here you couldn't take my monthly income because it's attached to this dead white trash family watching me the antecedent and just to make me sick AND AGAIN THEY THREATEN TO TAKE MY BAG remember the 50,000 troops that flew into Newark to stop one white skin man from having sex outside me yacht fish they also are continuing it with these black cement and I guarantee this is why the white skin boys backed out and quit. To steal my bag IF I WRITE DOWN THE DATE BECAUSE THE ANTECEDENT IS UNTIL HIS MONEY'S GONE THAT'S WHEN WE START DELAYING TIME AND AGAIN YOU GUYS ARE CHARGED WITH MAKING 24 HOURS INTO 72 HOURS CUZ THAT'S HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR YOU GUYS TO RENDER MY MONEY AND YOU GUYS THREATENING THROUGH MY BAG IF I WRITE DOWN THE DATE AND THE AMOUNT OF MONEY I HAVE IN MY BANK ACCOUNT remember all the satellite operations making me bleed outside if I put it in my wallet it will eventually like to receipts erase

So again the only thing they have left is this dead n***** daughter family and is attacking me with this dead white trash family almost seems to steal my bag is their last hope if I write down the date because we noticed one behavior they were playing with the dates in the cities with the sunlight and we know here for a fact your son like cannot stay up long without interrupting your neighbors it would indeed eventually start blinding the neighboring City AND AGAIN OUT OF THE TREATMENT DOESN'T GET WORSE UNTIL THEY ARE TAKE AWAY ALL MY MONEY THAT'S WHEN THE BLACK SKIN THEY GET TOUCHY AND FEELING THEY GET INTO A REAL BAD DESPERATE MODE ALMOST LIKE SMELL MY HANDS I'M JUST GLAD I'M BLACK BECAUSE WE'RE ALL PEOPLE YOU CAN SMELL MY S*** BECAUSE WE ALL EAT PEOPLE FOOD THEY START GETTING INTO A REAL HORNY WHINY DOG SOUND

Then again with no reason and and this is probably why you guys can't take my money there's no reason for 3/4 JUST JUST TO HAVE THE SATELLITE FOLLOW US AROUND WITH THE LIE THAT THE PEOPLE INSIDE THESE TINY HOUSES CAN'T PROVE

So again they're trying to forcefully kick me out of stores offering me an opportunity to steal and I did and I still took the snacks but the problem is they don't want to touch my money and I'm glad they don't want to touch my money the last thing I want is to be left without any money. But for you guys to take this into your own hands and try to have me removed from a store because you guys forced me away from Walmart to spend my EBT and force me to live out of this gas station for the last 30 days AND THE LAST THING YOU HAVE TO DO IS SEND 50,000 F****** N****** IN TO MAKE SURE ONE WHITE SKIN MAN DOESN'T HAVE SEX TO WATCH OVER MY BACKPACK

And again for you guys to take me away from Walmart my EBT shopping and in a happy here living out of a out of a gas station at the only gas station in the city what you guys want to do is drive me up and give me rashes and I'm tired of this f****** family trying to do favors for another satellite maker and the other side of the world just to be like you know you owe me one for yacht and and any act statement as you guys couldn't take my money so stop trying I don't wish you guys should take my money I'm just pointing out the obvious here

And again for you guys to be left resorted and this is why the white skin people quit for satellite protection and has come down to you guys follow me around to steal my backpack and then I just have to go to the store and buy another backpack SO AGAIN IT'S JUST A USELESS CAUSE FOR THIS CITY TO BE FILLED FOR THE BLACK SKIN F****** N****** JUST TO BE HERE TO ATTACK ONE WHITE SKIN BOY JASON IT'S IT'S A IT'S A REAL TRAGEDY WHAT YOU GUYS DID HERE A CHALLENGING PEOPLE'S FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS AND IF THE 3/4 DOESN'T STAND FOR ANYTHING BUT THE SATELLITE LIE THAT WANTS TO STEAL OUR FREEDOM OF WHITE SKIN PEOPLE WALKING AROUND OUTSIDE GETTING B******* FREELY

Then I don't know what does

And again it's not it's the last time I'm going to threaten you guys about my monthly income all I wanted to point out is why they wanted to throw me out of the circle K because I can't afford to bus to go to Walmart and buy cheaper food THAT'S RIGHT WHEN IT TOOK ME OUT OF WALMART I STARTED SHOPPING AT TARGET TARGET HAS ALMOST IDENTICAL PRICES JUST DIFFERENT AISLES WITH DIFFERENT FOOD IT'S A GREAT PLACE SANDWICHES BECAME MY INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES AND POTATO CHIPS I WAS BUYING A LUNCH MEAT AND BREAD WHICH SEEM TO HAVE MADE ME A HERO AROUND HERE AMONGST YOU POOR PEOPLE that's right Dad can't afford food for us but he did what he could to get lunch meat and bread to bring home

John told me that story when he killed our n***** Todd's daughter on the beach and n***** Mike's daughter on the beach

ANYWAYS WE'RE DONE I'M NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE MONEY ANYMORE I DON'T WISH YOU WOULD TAKE MY MONEY I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET THE WRONG IDEA BUT THE QUID PRO QUO OF YOU DOING THE WORST THINGS YOU GUYS COULD DO TO ME AND THAT WOULD BE TAKING MY MY MONTHLY INCOME THAT MEANS I CAN'T REMEMBER TO PNC WE DEVELOPED AN APP JUST IN CASE WORST CASE SCENARIO YOU GUYS TOOK MY WALLET I WOULD HAVE AN APP ON MY PHONE TO BE ABLE TO REMOVE MONEY WITH THE CODE WHICH IS COMPLETELY USELESS BUT AGAIN PNC BANK IS MINE AND IT'S MY APP I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT

Just to take my bag is what you guys have resulted to and again I'm not going to kill every black skin boy and girl every white skin girl in these cities for my bag but I will kill them to prevent 3/4 from ever being made again

[ruvigapo]

Ya so.. I've been into The Penumbra Podcast lately. Y'all should check it out. It's real good. Season 2 of Juno Steel just concluded and it's safe to say i'm losing my mind a lil bit.

#the penumbra podcast #juno steel #rita tpp #peter nureyev #sasha wire #jupeter #just doodles really #i just.. really want to post them #because tbh i haven't been this excited about a show or anything in years #it's really good #my art #black and white because k think it looks better i guess?? #sorry for the poor quality #maybe i'll colour them digitally idk

[matryosika]

Untitled #5

pairing – jisung x reader

word count – 2.4 k

genre – smut

warnings – mentions of hyunjin x reader, free use, graphoerotica, cum eating, use of underwear as a gag, semi-public sex, degradation, humiliation, dirty talk, piv, unprotected sex, creampie.

* for reference, when practicing "free use", it is convenient for the person to wear a specific accessory or article of clothing (previously discussed) to let their partner/s know that they are willing to engage in such practices at that specific moment or day! in this case the black ribbon/bow represents this.

notes – i don't know what happened to me tonight but i just couldn't get this thought out of my head and i had to write it. i haven't read this so i apologize for any mistakes in advance! if you liked it, please let me now ❤️

[12:38 p.m., Jisung] I want you.

[12:38 p.m., You] Right now?

[12:38 p.m., Jisung] Right now.

You should've guessed something like this was going to happen. You should've guessed that from the minute you woke up that morning with the idea of wearing that specific black, satined bow in your hair, one that both jisung and hyunjin utterly adored.

Not because of how it looked on it, no.

But because of what it represented.

[12:39 p.m., Jisung] I am so hard and it is all your fault.

Your hands reached for the hems of your skirt while you felt the skin on your cheeks burning in embarrassment, the perversion of reading his messages while being in class made you feel just the right amount of sinful and the greatest amount of filthy.

[12:39 p.m., Jisung] Meet me at the old library in 5.

[12:39 p.m., Jisung] Or else i will have to look for you and fuck you in front of whoever is watching.

You knew Jisung and you knew better than to make him wait, especially when you were ready to help him relieve his stress like the good, compassionate best friend you were.

So you stood up from your seat, trying to draw as little attention as possible, while you pushed the chair back on its place and walked all the way to the back door of the classroom.

Absolutely no one paid attention to your previous actions, not even the professor who was about to explain the final project for your genetics class.

However, a pair of dark, half-lidded eyes did.

The same pair of eyes that watched you falling apart in between his arms just a few minutes ago.

The same pair of eyes whose owner made sure to leave your whole body a hectic mess for the next man who was thinking about having you for himself.

[12:41 p.m., Hyunjin] Be a good girl and don't clean yourself before meeting him.

[12:41 p.m., Hyunjin] Let him see how pretty you truly look after being used.

You get out of the building.

Then turn left.

Then turn left again.

Then look for a broken, white bench.

The old library is right there, in front of it.

You still vividly remember the very first time you walked all the way to that musty building behind the newest ones. It was old but, ever since you, hyunjin and jisung started to pay it visits, it was anything but abandoned.

Your body shaked in anticipation, your trembling hands pushing the glass door that was once automatic while your pair of curious eyes registered the whole library building, just in case someone was skipping class or smoking inside of it.

However, once you realized there was absolutely no one besides you and the man waiting for you upstairs, you decided to start your way up to the second floor.

[12:43 p.m., Jisung] Study carrel 9.

You walked along the stairs carefully, not wanting to make too much noise just because.

However, the task was rather hard.

Even though it was barely noon, the whole building was dark. Whether it was because of how the newer buildings blocked the sunlight from it or because of the fact that it lacked windows, you liked it. You liked the privacy it provided.

“Jisung?” you quietly whispered, your knuckles softly hitting the cold material of the door while you awaited for your friend to open it.

And just like that, in a span of 10 seconds, you found yourself inside the small, study room with your whole body bent over the desk and your tartan skirt rolled up so Jisung could catch a good glimpse of your arse.

“What where you thinking?” he groaned, brushing his clothed erections against your left thigh and ass cheek, “What made you think it was a good idea to wear that today?”

That being the black ribbon.

“Curious,” you shyly admitted, closing your eyes while one side of your face was against the cold surface of the desk, “I wanted to see your reactions”.

His hands caressed your ass, dragging the tip of his digits along it and preparing you for a painful –but pleasent– spank.

“And how did Hyunjin react?” he queried, right after providing you with another slap that sent a sharp pain throughout your whole body, “Realizing how much of a slut you truly are for even letting us use you in a public place”.

As he spitted the last words, his graceful fingers latched to the sides of your pink, cotton panties while sliding them down and off your legs.

Much to his surprise, you didn't have to talk about how Hyunjin reacted to your mischief for Jisung to realize exactly what his best friend had been up to that morning.

“You got here less than an hour ago and you have cum dripping out of your cunt,” Jisung scoffed, kneeling slightly to get your panties off of you while you were still bent over the desk for him. “And I thought I was the needy one”.

You didn't say a word, but Jisung was fine with it.

After all, he enjoyed doing most of the talking. Especially when the “talking” consisted in him humiliating you for always being ready to get fucked by him, his best friend or any man that wanted to get his way with you.

“You are so easy,” he breathed, one of his hands reaching out for your hair while grabbing a fistful of it in a messy ponytail, “How did it feel to have Hyunjin's cum leaking out of you during class?”

Carefully, he pulled you by your hair and forced you to straighten up your whole body, turning you around in a way that your arse ended up against the edge of the study desk.

“I bet it was hard, wasn't it?” he hummed, his hands dragging along the sides of your body while he pressed his bulge against your tummy. “Trying to differentiate your own wetness from Hyunjin’s cum”.

You licked your lips as the only response, giving him a gaze that he was most likely never going to forget.

A blunt gaze that was basically asking for him to use you as well, just like Hyunjin did that morning.

“Take off your shirt,” He ordered, unbuckling his belt and slightly lowering his black pants, “I want to see your tits bouncing while i fuck you so you better put on a good show for me”.

And oh, little did he know about how Hyunjin got you prepped and ready to give him the filthiest show.

Just exactly like he liked it.

With a swift movement you removed the white shirt off of your body, gracefully keeping it next to you so it wouldn't end up getting dirty by landing on the floor.

And, as you removed your shirt, you revealed Hyunjin's masterpiece, one that was done in a rush but that ended up being just the right amount of dirty for Jisung to grow harder and harder underneath his pants.

“I can only imagine,” he murmured, the tip of his digits tracing the words written on your skin while your nipples hardened under his touch, “What would your classmates say about you if they got a chance to see you underneath those clothes”.

Humiliating, embarrassing, exciting.

Words and phrases like "Slut", "Use me", “Breed me“, “Cumslut”, “I am in heat” and “Sextoy”, along with Jisung's and Hyunjin' names, were written all over your body as if you were some sort of canvas.

Hyunjin liked doing that, and it was Jisung's first time encountering your body like that.

And just as he read word by word, he couldn't help but feel his bulge twitching inside his underwear. Seeing you that vulnerable, that submissive, that ready to be used at any place, any time, provided him with a satisfaction that he couldn't quite describe.

His fingers dragged along a small arrow drawn by hyunjin along with the word Cumdump, the small drawing signaling all the way to your dripping cunt that was almost barely exposed to him.

With a swift movement, he picked your body up from the back of your thighs and rested your ass on top of the desk, spreading your legs nice and wide while he took the time to admire the sinful image of your body.

The only things you were wearing were your tartan skirt, your shoes and that pretty black ribbon on your hair that was now messy because of Jisung's rough grip.

And, of course, the lewd words written all over your body.

“I really can't take another minute without having my cock buried inside that tight cunt,” he whispered, more to himself than to you. His bottom lip got caught up between his teet while he placed one of your legs near his shoulder, his skillful hand guiding the base of his cock to your dripping pussy and, without really pounding it inside you, he made sure to smear over your core any of hyunjin's remains.

“You are so wet that I don't even need to get you ready to take my cock,” he hummed, licking his lips and guidi g bith of his hands to your hips, “After all, you were the one who wanted to wear that black ribbon to school”.

Without giving you a proper warning, he slammed his cock inside you with a rough movement. It was as painful as it was pleasent, but you couldn't really help yourself and a singul groan ended up slipping out of your lips.

“Fuck toys don't make noise, do they?” he questioned you and you only you shook your head in response, your glossy eyes staring right at him as a way of begging for more, “But you are so needy today that i just know you are going to be moaning like the pathetic slut in heat you are”.

As if you weren't humiliated enough by words, Jisung couldn't help but smile once he felt your cunt clenching around him after using that phrase on you.

But, before giving in to his desires and doing what he had been waiting to do all morning, he pulled out your pink panties from his pockets.

The ones that were completely ruined with both your orgasm and Hyunjin's cum.

“I can't afford to have you making any noise, y/n,” he groaned, feeling your tight pussy throbbing against him once you realized what he was going to do next. “Keep them inside your mouth like the well-trained cumslut you are”.

Pushing the ruined underwear with two of his fingers inside your mouth, he continued with his task.

An easy task, one that involved him cumming and cumming inside you while your pretty cunt kept all of it without wasting anything.

“I promise you,” he murmured, clenching his jaw while his eyes got fixated on the way your breasts bounced with every thrust, “that i will never get tired of how good your body is to be fucked and used”.

You closed your eyes in pleasure, resting your whole weight on your forearms while Jisung kept on fucking you while the tip of his fingers brushed your bundle of nerves at the same fast, aggressive pace.

As much as he loved using you as if you were nothing but a toy made to provide him with pleasure, he enjoyed the practice more whenever you got to cum with him as well.

“I don't mean to last long,” he mumbled in between groans, feeling how his digits got coated with your juices instantly as soon as he traced your wetted slit, “so you better cum first or i can't promise you an orgasm today”.

He didn't need to say that though, because the knot in your lower abdomen was just about to come undone just by the sight of his desperate hips bucking against yours in an attempt to fill you up with cum.

You looked at him with teary eyes and dry throat, the taste of Hyunjin still lingering in your mouth while you were just about to be filled with cum again.

Only this time, it was a different man.

You couldn't even tell him that you were cumming due to the overwhelming sensations and the improvised gag that he made out of your underwear, but he quickly noticed it.

Your head falling back, your hardened nipples, the way your hands clasped to the edge of the desk and the way your legs desperately tried to close around him only indicated that you were at the highest point of your arousal.

And oh, he was weak for that.

He was weak for how your legs closed around him everytime he fucked you. He was weak for how, even at times where he rather pull out and cum over your pussy and abdomen, you wouldn't allow it. He was weak for how bad you needed to be filled not only with his cum, but his best friend's too.

You were naturally a slut and he loved every minute of it.

“Fuck-” he breathed, his head falling downwards while his eyes fixed on his twitching cock slowly going in and out of you, your fucked out body asking him for more and more even after a tiring session, “Fuck, y/n”.

You looked at him with big, glossy eyes, grateful for your orgasm. His hands reached out for your panties and, while trying not to loose any more time, he slid them up again to prevent his cum to leak out of your soaking cunt.

“Thank you,” he breathed, giving you a warm smile while he buckled his belt and pants, “Thank you for letting me use you”.

“Thank you for using me” you replied with a soft smile, still half naked sitting on top of the desk.

“Come here,” he whispered after finishing his task, embracing your sore body in a warm hug while he placed an innocent kiss on your forehead, “Hyunjin, did he take good care of you this morning?”

“Mhm,” you replied with a smile again, recalling the last moments you spent with him at the bathroom stall while he helped you getting dressed and provided you with snacks and water afterwards.

“Good,” Jisung mumbled, his hand caressing the sides of your face while he held you tight against him, “You did so good for us today, you must be tired”.

“It's only 1 p.m. though,” you cooed, Jisung's letting out a small scoff at your comment, “And i don't plan to take this ribbon off of me the whole day”.

#stray kids smut #skz smut #han jisung smut #kpop smut #hyunjin smut #han smut #jisung smut #stray kids hard hours #skz hard hours

[nerdwriting]

The Creative Directors Behind Fate: The Winx Saga Must Not Be K-Pop Fans

Also, they have a pretty wrong idea of the role fashion should play in a show.

There are a few words that will stand out across most reviews of Netflix's Fate: The Winx Saga - drab, boring, flop, flat, unimaginative. Critics and audiences consensus is that the show is not only a mediocre-at-best story, but also an atrocious (and ultimately confusing) choice of adaptation of the color pop and fairy magic cartoon it’s based on, 2004 italian cartoon Winx Club.

Fate has plenty of it's own issues - white washing and erasing characters, cringey dialogue, outdated melodrama, etc. But where it truly, unequivocally fails is as an adaptation. Fate misses everything that was magical and lovable about the original series, in all levels, from bizarre writing choices, - such as never actually developing any sense of friendship between the characters, who are based on a cartoon about…..a group…….of friends -, but it's especially and immediately felt in the art direction and costume design.

Winx Club is set on a fantastical world, Magix, where each of our main characters hail from a different planet, à la Sailor Moon. Alfea, the fairy school they attend, is the most common background: a pastel colored, futuristic high tech-meets-fantasy, art nouveau inspired castle. Alfea sets the tone for the whole visual of the cartoon: bright, colorful, futuristic meets vintage, leaning into the technological positivism of the Y2K style, uniting it with magic, DnD worthy monsters and, of course, fairy wings. Often featured are also the Red Fountain school, where the Specialists train, and especially Cloud Tower, the goth and gothic inspired witch school Alfea has an OxBridge rivalry with (How cool would that be in a live action? I guess we’ll never know…).

On Fate, Alfea is the only school we ever see, and it’s another beige boarding school in not-Britain, somehow set in a magical world where everyone has the exact same technology and even social media that we have on Earth in 2021, no transformations and, most egregiously, no fairy wings.

This lack of visual creativity is pervasive throughout the whole show, and its most heartbreaking iteration is in the characters' wardrobe. The styling has the barest bones of a color scheme, - such as 'Bloom has to only dress in red since fire, duh',- the clothes are ill fitting, bland, dark and very dated. These are supposed to be teenagers who enjoy fashion, and yet they look like varying types of soccer moms from 2010.

The series seems to operate on an old and tired vision that women and girls can’t have depth and have adventures and fight monsters while also caring about fashion, a vision that the original show played a big, big role in challenging in the early 2000's. Fashion and costume design sets as much of the tone of a visual medium as the script does; through clothes we can gauge characters’ backgrounds, passions, and personality.

Winx Club has some of the best examples of this in the cartoon sphere - Bloom’s comfortable and bright style, Stella’s glitzy and bold, Musa’s edgy and cool, Aisha’s sporty and fun, Techna’s neon and tech gear inspired, Flora’s earthy and romantic, they all work as extensions of each character and serve a narrative purpose. And that’s not even mentioning how insulting it feels that in their quest to make Winx “edgier, darker” and fit for an older audience, the creators of Fate somehow decided that was in opposition to caring about style and fashion. Most “girly” shows, including the Winx Club are just as much adventure action shows as the ones geared towards boys, and it’s emphasis in fashion, friendship and color does not detract from that. The original run of the cartoon deals with war, violence, grief, abusive relationships and even genocide; leaning into those plotlines would not require Fate to erase any integral parts of what made Winx so beloved, and the fact that they did shows that the Netflix team completely missed the point of fashion in the original show, and really, the point of fashion and costume design in the world building of any show.

That, however, is not a mistake K-Pop makes very often; (This might seem like a bit of wild swerve in topic, but stay with me here). Unlike it's western counterpart, the Korean pop scene never lost the emphasis on music videos and how the visual medium can complete and potentialize music and performance; the K-Pop culture is very album and concept oriented in a way that has been all but lost in many other pop circuits, and the music video, styling and set design of a ‘comeback era’ is a key point of excitement among fans.

As such, music videos that follow storylines, connected universes, boundary pushing concepts and visual effects are the norm, rather than the exception, and a list could be made of works that are beautiful examples of what a live action Winx adaptation could look like. In fact, and very smoothly, here is a small list of exactly that!

A Small List of K-Pop Music Videos That Are Better Winx Club Live Actions Than Fate: The Winx Saga

3. Red Velvet - Psycho

If it was a darker and more somber look that Fate wanted, there was a way to make it actually appealing. While it still feels a liiitle too grown up and elegant for Winx, (maybe this author is biased, as a full proponent for the Y2K fun) Psycho makes a very compelling argument for a witchy, mysterious, fairy tale-esque show that could look scrumptious and definitely not boring, or even a gorgeous example of what the witches in Cloud Tower could look like. Black and white, dark green, pastel blue and pops of jewel tones make Psycho's color palette. To add interest to the understated colors, the styling is heavy on textures; We see plenty of stonework, intricate embroidery, tassels, lace on lace on lace, feathers, bows, opera gloves and lots of glitter. All of that is offset by bold, dark makeup, leather accents and eerie cinematography. Needle & Thread, Marchesa Notte and Self Portrait lend their hyper feminine and intricately detailed tulle gowns, juxtaposed with the creepiness of the lyrics and the dark backgrounds; their deep berry and green fairy tale looks are built with pieces from Zara to Nina Ricci to Dolce & Gabbana to Alexander McQueen.

Red Velvet’s more edgy styling for 2018's Bad Boy would also not feel out of place on the Trix.

2. IZ*ONE - Fiesta

IZ*ONE kicked off 2020 with sweet and fun Fiesta. The MV features rooms with mismatched décor that go from retro to space opera, rocky faux landscapes that feel other worldly, and visual effects that would look perfect on the back of a transformation sequence. Mirroring the set design, the girls wear various outfits by sustainable up and coming brand Chopova Lowena. Their signature skirts made with discarded and repurposed fabrics give a cool and interesting twist on a schoolgirl look that would look very sweet for a band of school fairies that occasionally go off to save the world. Also, wouldn't those bedazzled headphones look great on Musa's fairy outfit?

1. Aespa - Black Mamba and Next Level

Aespa is what fans call a monster rookie. With only three music videos under their belt, they still have some of the most visually interesting work in the industry right now. Their concept is very tied in with high tech, featuring even AI avatars of each member, packaged in a glitzy, fantastical and futuristic aesthetic, candy pop meets cyberpunk. I think I’ve exhausted ways to say that is exactly what a perfect Winx adaptation should feature.

Their debut smash hit, 2020’s Black Mamba is truly a perfect moodboard for live action Winx. Wearing a sequined and colorful mix and match of Dollskill, Gucci, Didu and Balenciaga to a backdrop that features some alien fairy forest realness, a pyschedelic fever dream, rooms straight out of a Y2K catalog or donning lime green and black techwear inside a metro fighting the "black mamba", Aespa look through and through the part of fashion loving fairies who save the world together, while looking fierce, stylish and, most importantly, interesting.

The styling and the sets jump seamlessly from more casual colorful fits with blouses, shirts and baggy pants to barren, darkly lit backgrounds and fringe-and-glitter heavy pieces necessary to fight giant snakes, in a way so fitting to transformation outfits for magical girls we could cry.

In their third MV, 2021's Next Level, the cyber in their concept is taken up a notch (get it. because Next Level-), set to a futuristic urbanscape intersped with a planet made of crystals and the ocasional alien fauna popping up again. We get treated to Monse, The 2nd Skin Co., Johanna Ortiz and The Attico styled to fairy princess standards, sporty sky racers and a white and sequined group styling that is top ten fairy busy saving the world uniform material, or maybe even a specialist worthy getup.

This particular look from Ningning is so Techna that it almost feels as if it's mocking Netflix.

And doesn’t this Karina trapped inside the "black mamba" in Alexander McQueen feel like a perfect Dark Bloom moment?

These are only a few examples of interesting and creative designs that are in line with what a live action Winx Club should have given us. There are so many more I could list, even among other TV Shows, like Sex Education and even polemic dark Euphoria, that know how to have fun with style and design without losing the depth of their stories. In the end, it's hard to justify why Fate creators even wanted to make an adaptation that didn't even try to capture the heart of its source material, and all we can do is watch one more "Restyling Fate: The Winx Saga" video on Youtube whilst mildly dreading season 2.

#winx #winx club #fate the winx saga #fate: the winx saga #tv #tv/movies #cartoons #k-pop #kpop #red velvet #aespa #iz*one #fashion #costume design #art direction

[sir-elyan]

for #spnprideweek day 1: coming out + flags

↳ summary: cas tells sam a secret that he hasn’t (really) told anybody else. surprisingly, sam has one too.  PRIDE series | gen, sam & cas | word count: 1.7k

[READ ON AO3]

Sam’s grimacing a little at the grease from the fries on Cas’ plate. Cas would usually make a comment, here, about Sam keeping his eyes on his own paper, or that it isn’t nearly as bad as the veggie burger sitting on his plate at Sam’s behest. This is the recompense, Cas wants to say, but his mouth is dry and no words are coming out even if he wants them to.

Accompanying the inability to speak is the twisting feeling in his gut that won’t even allow him to pick up the burger. The smell is too much, too, and Cas hates to admit it but it’s probably the grease, so he sits back a little against the peeling seat of the booth to calm his nerves.

It’s just Sam. He can do this. It’s only that this is the first time he’s telling anyone, and that definitely ups the stakes a little.

Well, that’s somewhat of a lie. Cas had told the nice woman at the grocery store check out last week when he’d seen her little pin on her work uniform and asked where he could get one. 

He hadn’t actually bought one, of course, but Cas eyed the small bin full of brightly colored pins on the way out, convincing himself it was stupid to get back in line again for something so small and inexpensive. Still, he’d thought about it on the drive back to the Bunker, and that night in his bed, and the full week following, up until now. 

Now, Sam was looking at him with concern, and wiping his mouth in that way that means he’s about to get serious.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, pointedly looking down at Cas’ loaded plate. He’d barely taken a bite, except for a few nibbles of his admittedly greasy fries. And it was weird because since becoming human, Cas' appetite had grown considerably, much to Dean's delight.

And—Dean. That's what this was all about, wasn't it? Sure, it was more than just Dean, it was all the humans that had made Cas' body ache like it hadn't before, had made him think of what it means to be in this vessel—his body—and be attracted to other...humans.

It was odd. In hindsight, things in Heaven had been so much easier in this regard. Cas had spent most of his life clueless to the capabilities of human attraction, and then he met Dean and it all came crashing down around him. Only then, Cas was ignoring it. He was facing the other way, because though he felt human, he wasn't. Not really.

But everything is different now.

Cas clears his throat.

"Well," he starts, "no. I am feeling what I believe you’d call...anxiety. My stomach hurts, I find I'm unable to eat, a-and my hands are—"

"Cas," Sam interrupts. Shaking. Cas' hands are shaking.

Sam's fully set his fork and knife down now, hands clasped together on the edge of the table. "Talk to me."

Cas licks his dry lips.

"It’s not...it isn’t a big deal, really,” and yet Cas can feel his heart hammering in his chest. He sucks in a breath. “But I’m, uh. I wanted to tell you that...I like men.”

Sam’s expression doesn’t change, but he blinks at Cas once from across the table.

“Okay.”

Cas raises an eyebrow, pulse slowing down a little with his next exhale. “Okay?”

Maybe it was that simple, and Cas was worrying over nothing. It’s just...this feels like it should be bigger. Earth-shattering. Like Sam should either hug him or tell him he never wants to speak to Cas again.

Instead, he just shrugs, picks up his fork and pushes bits of his salad around his plate.

But then Cas’ gaze moves to Sam’s face and...Sam’s frowning. Cas feels his heart thumping hard again, waiting for the ball to drop. It feels a little like when Dean sat him down to “talk,” right after he lost his powers, and, well. Cas knew how that had ended. He braces himself for the worst, schools his features to something more neutral.

“I’m,” Sam clears his throat, “I’m sorry you got nervous over all of that. I-I get that coming out is...” he laughs, “usually a bigger deal, but. You don’t have to worry with me, you know? I get it.”

That makes Cas pause. “You...do?”

Now Sam’s looking at him, eyes a little wide, but he works his jaw and gets the words out. “Yeah. Uh... well I guess now’s a good a time as any to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

The fork is set back down again. The bell over the diner door jingles. 

“In college...you know about Jess,” Sam says, jogging Cas’ memory. He knows, so he nods and Sam continues, “Well we uh. We actually met in a Gender Studies class. I thought, ‘pff, easy A,’ but it was actually way more complex than I originally thought, so she kind of...tutored me.” Cas raises an eyebrow, and Sam rolls his eyes.

“Actually tutored me. Whatever. Point is, I learned a lot—‘cause she was a great teacher—and...not just about the class, but about myself, too.” 

Cas nods slowly, beginning to catch Sam’s drift. “Okay...”

Despite his tone, Sam’s posture stiffens a little, like he’s uncomfortable, or not really used to this type of conversation. Cas does his best to relax into his seat to ease him, unfolding his arms.

“What I’m saying is,” Sam shrugs, “I’m...not...cis. Like, I don’t....I’m not um, a guy, I guess. Well, sort of. I’m non-binary.”

Cas is silent for a second, mulling it over in his head. Eventually it becomes long enough for Sam to say, “Uh...you know what? You can forget it, man—”

“No!” Cas says, almost knocking over his plate in the process. The silverware clatters as it falls onto the table, and Sam flinches a little. “I was just thinking...I want to apologize if anything I’ve said about your gender has ever made you uncomfortable, or if you—”

Sam’s out-facing palm makes Cas stutter to a stop. There’s a weird guilt settling in the pit of his stomach, and the anxiety that he’d thought was gone is back full force again. Cas tears off a piece of his napkin.

“Cas, dude. Calm down,” Sam laughs. He takes a deep breath, and Cas follows his lead. They breathe in and out together for a beat, and when Cas feels fairly calmer, Sam pushes both of their plates aside.

“There’s no need to apologize for something you couldn’t have known about,” he starts, shaking his head a little, “and you haven’t done anything wrong, either. I still use he and him pronouns, and sometimes they and them. And besides, it’s not like I go around telling people. Especially with, uh, the way I was raised...I’ve been hesitant, you know? It was great in college, people were really supportive when I told them. But then when I started hunting again...I don’t know. 

“My dad...uh. I tried telling him, once. Didn’t go too well, so I didn’t try it again. I think that’s why Dean...” he shakes his head, frowning down at the table again. “It wasn’t easy, growing up the way we did. You could probably understand that.”

Cas nods. Under the table, his napkin is shredded into bits. 

“I do. I think, in a way, I also understand being trans.” Sam jerks their head up, intrigued. 

“Angels...we don’t experience gender the same way humans do. In fact, the concept is entirely nonexistent in Heaven. So, when we take vessels...”

“You’re essentially defining yourself,” Sam says in awe. It makes Cas smile to see them back in their element, leaning forward a little to listen better. “I never thought about it that way, not really.”

Cas shrugs. “I’m not sure all of my siblings did, either. Many chose according to which vessel would best suit them and their form. That was definitely a factor in me choosing Jimmy, but I also found the thought of looking like a human man...greatly appealing.”

Sam’s nodding now, gaze darting to different parts of the table. Cas knows that means they’re mentally crafting an essay right about now, or thinking of what books in the Bunker might further help in their research about it.

“Wow,” he says, “that’s—I mean. Wow, Cas. Thanks for telling me that. And uh, the other thing.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

There’s a comfortable silence between them now, and Cas takes it as an opportunity to sip from his slightly-melted iced tea. 

“So,” Sam starts again slowly, “have you told Dean?”

Cas sucks in another deep breath, and Sam nods. “Yeah,” he says, “me neither.”

It surprises Cas a little that Sam hasn’t told him, and he expresses that with an inquiring eyebrow. 

Sam purses his lips and dodges the unspoken question. “Dean’s not a bad guy. You probably know that better than anyone except me. You know he’d still love you if you told him.”

Cas’ heart pounds at the mention of the word. When Sam notices, he feels his ears begin to heat with a blush. 

“Oh,” Sam smiles, “that. I figured. For a while now, but I didn’t wanna say anything.”

Cas tries to will away the heat on his face. He doesn’t say anything, so Sam leaves it be.

The waitress gives them a worried look when she brings the check, eyeing their barely touched plates. They both smile apologetically, insisting that their food was “great” when she whisks it away.

On their way back home, Cas asks if Sam can stop at the store. They don’t ask anything more than, “we need groceries that bad?” and Cas dips inside. He knows this is just like any other grocery run—going in and out as quick as possible with the things they need—yet his heart hammers all the same when he stops in front of the bin near the door. The same employee from last week is working on lane six, and he’s sure to check out at that one with his goods. She gives him a knowing smile.

Cas flops into the passenger seat, a little out of breath.

“That was fast,” Sam starts to say, before noticing Cas’ lack of grocery bags. “Dude. What d’you buy, air?”

Instead, Cas brandishes two brightly colored pins. Sam tentatively takes the yellow, white, purple, and black one, eyes wide.

“For me?” they ask.

Cas smiles, running his thumb over the rainbow one in his hand. 

“For both of us,” he says.

[@spnprideweek]

#b*gen #bookshelf #spnprideweek #sam and cas #rambleoncas writing #roc original #my post #theedorksinlove #userdainty #klinejack #usershey #creativecaviar #userpris #usersully #spnclownpals #hope it was okay to tag!!

[whaleofatjme1920]

Seeing Him Smile and Kiss Someone Else (Hoodie X F!Reader)

[Hoodie/Brian Thomas X F!Reader]

[Warnings: none]

[AN: Howdy! I cross post these on quotev under ‘Elsie I Guess’ and on AO3 under ‘Whaletales1920′ under the title ‘The Places You Shouldn’t Be’. Just thought I’d start uploading them here too.]

Part 2

Proxies aren’t supposed to do a lot of things: speak back to their master, challenge hierarchical roles, have relationships with each other of that caliber, and never, never ever absolutely never have romantic relationships with humans. 

Why? It’s a losing game. Everyone knows that. Should proxies seek any kind of attachment, platonic, romantic, even sexual, their best bet is to stay within their own kind: other proxies. It’s the polite thing to do. It’s the right thing to do. 

When you first came in, you bonded almost immediately to your group of four other individuals. There’s Masky, your group leader. He’s really sweet when he wants to be and seems to care the most about you - it’s probably because you’re new. Toby is akin to the middle child. He’s always buzzing around you a lot like a bumblebee. While he has his jerk moments, he’s got an eye out for you. So too does Kate, once the group’s newbie/runt. She’s the one you replaced. She’s relatively quiet and sticks to herself, but she’s never a stranger to helping you out and immersing you in the culture and world you’ve found yourself entangled in. 

And then there’s Masky’s right hand, a proxy named Hoodie, but you know him as Brian. Out of all your group members, Brian was the hardest to warm up to. He hardly acknowledged you when you were first placed in his group and was amongst the hardest in the hazing process (you’re still technically going through). But, after some time and getting to know each other, the two of you became the closest of friends, even going so far as to rival Masky’s friendship with him. It’s safe to say you got a bit of a crush on him, in simplest terms. 

Three times. Three times you felt you liked him.

The first time was when you were about to head out of your safe house on a grocery run. Proxies don’t have any leads, so cards are absolutely off the table. You walked out of the safe house, yawning slightly, and barely made it down the driveway when Brian had popped back out of the house. 

“Reader,” he called out, slowly moving to lean in the doorway of the empty house the five of you were squatting in. 

“Yeah?” You asked sleepily. 

“Forgetting something?” He holds up his hand - it’s the wallet. 

You feel heat rush to your cheeks as you speed walked back to the front door to retrieve it. “Guess I’m still kinda tired,” you admittedly awkwardly with a small chuckle. 

Brian shrugged slightly and threw you a smirk as he met you halfway, “Think I’ll accompany you this morning,” he said with a wink. 

The two of you began to walk as you mentally mulled over the man walking beside you - his hands in his pockets. You’d never really thought of him like that before, but the way he smiled and that wink… It planted a seed. You weren’t quite sure you were going to acknowledge it or if it was just a fluke, but the thought stayed, and then it remained. 

As the two of you traversed the grocery store for various things your comrades had asked for, you and Brian traded conversation about everything that popped into mind. 

“Oh, like you knew any better in high school,” you wheezed before tossing in a box of brownies. You’d just been discussing how terrible and how gods awful high school relationships can be and how at one low point, you got into one. Brian had said he knew better than to mess around in high school, but you had retorted that ‘we’re all young and dumb once.’ 

Brian raised a brow at the box but allowed it anyway. “I most certainly did and I knew how things were gonna play out before they even happened.” 

“On what basis? It’s not like you have future vision,” You snorted. You watched as he pushed the cart forward as you plucked items you needed from the shelves. 

He shot you a look. “I’m a guy, it’s practically flowing through our veins,,” he said as his eyes raked over the list. “I’d most likely be the reason those things are happening to begin with and knowing that is like it’s own future vision..” He flashed his smile at you. “Come to think of it, I don’t think I ever grew out of the dumb part,” he chuckled. 

Your heart skipped. 

The second time you thought you liked him was when you were in the car with him, heading back to your safe house (in an entirely different part of the country). The two of you were more than exhausted after clearing a house whose occupants the Operator wanted dead for one reason or another and Brian decided to steal a car. So, there you sat in the passenger seat. 

“Something on your mind?” He hummed, arm resting on the console. His hazel colored eyes flicked over to you with interest. 

You shrugged, “just thinking.”

“Dangerous for people like us,” Brian chuckled. “Care to get specific?” 

You sighed slightly and turned your eyes to the passing street lights overhead as the car pulled onto the late night expressway. “Thinking about all the things I’ll miss,” you admit. 

Brian nodded from the corner of your eye. “I think about that stuff too,” he said, a small frown pulling onto his face. “You were finishing up college?” 

“Yeah,” you said. “I mean, I guess I’m getting out of the college loan debt but… Y’know,” you trailed off slightly, your posture changing slightly. “Maybe I would’ve been normal. Get a cool job, live a non murderous life, have a family and a loving partner. I don’t know, like, whatever the American dream says we should have. Anything but this.” 

Brian laughed slightly, “sorry. It’s not - it’s not you,” he explained. “It’s just awfully similar to what I wanted.” 

You turned your attention from the passing lights over to Brian. “White picket fence is your thing?” 

“More or less,” he hummed. “Wanted to live the rest of my life like a normal person.

Certainly died like one, more or less,” he finished. 

You mentally hummed, already knowing what he was referring to. Died and got resurrected. “Don’t think falling from a floor up counts as normal.” 

“Hey, it worked out for…. Something nice,” he quickly chirped. “Fell and met an angel.” 

He briefly turned his head to look at you and flashed a grin. 

“Oh that’s so bad.” 

“You love it.” 

You really do.  

The third time was when the two of you were on the rooftop of some house you’d been spending a lot of time at. It was kind of nice to be able to settle down in one place for more than a month - it’d been going on close to a  year. It was your roof, the one you shared with Brian. Late in the night, when the crickets sang and the stars danced, the two of you snuck up against Masky’s best wishes to talk about the world and life before. 

When summer was giving way to autumn and sending cool breezes throughout the night, you and Brian had been up there once again. 

“You think EJ will be around?” You asked, looking up at the stars you barely knew the names to. “BEN did say he was in the area.” 

“Gonna say yes,” Brian hummed back, momentarily pausing to point out Altair. “He’s always had a soft spot for our group,” he noted. “Why? You looking forward to seeing him?” He chuckled, hand reaching out to ruffle your hair. 

You laugh as quietly as you can and shake your head, “we’ve hardly ever spoken!” You giggled. “I just think he’s cool.”

Brian snorted in response and nodded, “yeah, I think so too. Though, where’d you get the opportunity to talk with BEN?” 

“There’s a little computer cafe in town,” you said, eyes flicking towards the direction of said cafe. “I’ve been spending a lot of time there. Mostly to use the internet,” you admitted, a slight heat coming to your cheeks. Proxies really aren’t supposed to use the internet. “Toby also sometimes tags along.” 

“So that’s where he’s been getting those weird references from,” Brian said with a tone of understanding. “Next time you go, let me know. I’d love to see what you children are up to online,” he teased. 

You laughed again and nodded, “sure thing.” 

The two of you continued to talk before a particularly hard gust of wind came in. On instinct, you shivered - though you weren’t really cold. 

Upon seeing you shiver, Brian took no hesitation in taking off his hoodie, much to your chagrin. 

“Oh, you don’t have to-” you began as you attempted to push it towards him. 

“I insist,” he had said, already popping the thing over you. 

You relented and allowed the giant hoodie to envelop your form like a warm hug. It smelled just like him - something woodsy, smoke, and the faintest of graphite. When you looked back at Brian, he was staring up at the stars, a small smile on his face. His eyes did not leave the inky blueish-black, not even when your hand came within millimeters of holding his. 

All it took was three times. Three times to know you liked him, and once to know you’d lost him. 

As stated before, it is absolutely a losing game to get involved with humans. Humans are frail and prone to panic. They can’t understand the world the way you do, nor are they suited for life the way you are in their current form. In your society, humans are the lowest of the low, akin to cattle - albeit, sentient cattle. Only when they are lifted from their human status are they finally given the time of day. 

He never would have known about her if you never brought up that computer cafe. Truly, it was a mistake on your part. You didn’t mean to, but it had happened anyway. 

“Cute place, right?” You smiled, eyes traveling up and down the rows of tables. 

“The cutest,” Brian agreed with a small chuckle. “Do we go up to a counter and order or..?” He trailed off slightly as he inspected the place and took in all the minor details. 

“Just take a seat, a waiter will be around shortly,” you said, immediately pulling him to your preferred spot by the windows and tucked away into the corner. 

Brian followed your lead and took a seat next to you where he immediately powered on the computer. “It’s kinda weird that they let us have food this close to the electronics, no?” 

“Oh no, it’s super weird,” you nodded as you began flicking open tabs to get to the things you wanted - maybe say hi to BEN. “But, it works. So like, c’est la vie?” You giggled, fingers moving quickly across the keyboard. 

A few moments later, a waitress stopped by. You had already managed to pull up a chat with BEN and were so engrossed in catching up with him that you failed to notice her. You hadn’t even recognized she was there until you heard her giggling at something Brian had said. 

“Never thought I’d be that star struck,” Brian had finished the small anecdote with eyes that practically sparkled. 

Her smile only widened. “You? The star struck kind?” She teased lightly. “Have to see it to believe it.” 

Brian looked up at her, his lips now pulled up into a smile. “You’re looking at it right now.” 

It pulled you so hard out of your conversation with BEN that you’d accidentally sent him a half-baked thought. “Wait what?” 

Your sound of confusion had snapped the two back into reality. “Oh! I’m sorry, sugar,” the waitress apologized with a slight blush rising to her cheeks. “Was there something I could get you?” 

You blinked a few times, your eyes darting between the two before finally managing to stammer out your drink and pastry of choice. You watched as Brian’s eyes followed her out and when she came back in. 

Long after the two of you had finished, the two of you decided to head back. 

“That was fun,” you said. 

“It was,” Brian replied, thoughts drifting elsewhere. 

Ever since that moment, he’d been going to the café with and without you. Sometimes you’d find yourself heading there only to see him entranced in conversation with the waitress, and when that happened, you turned right back around. At first it was to give them space, and then it was to give yourself space. 

You wished you could allow yourself to weather through this one with grace and that it didn’t bother you, that it didn’t get on your nerves, but it did. Slowly but surely, it had chipped away at some odd part of you that you didn’t even know existed prior to. 

Masky was the first to bring it up. 

“Reader,” he began. “Can you wrangle Hood from that café? Operator wants us to do something - I just need him,” he said, barely looking up from his newspaper. 

“I can go if you want,” you suggested before poking your head back out from the refrigerator. 

“Hm?” That got Masky’s attention. “Are you sure?” He raised his eyebrow, giving you an inquisitorial look. 

“It’s no big deal,” you said with a small smile as you plucked your drink out from the fridge. “Besides, I think Hoodie’s busy.” You had to fight the unpleasant feeling that bubbled up in your chest after you said that. 

“Oh,” Masky gave a hum of recognition. “Toby did mention he was getting a little close to someone there,” he said in passing. 

You shot Masky a look. 

He shot one back. 

Internally, you both know that’s not the best thing - but Masky’s not going to stop his best friend. And you know you won’t either. 

Kate mentioned it next, though she seemed to be telling you that you’d get  over it. It came relatively out of the blue. See, the two of you were standing in the living room of a house painted in blood just chatting, waiting for the Operator to give you direction on what he wanted for the man he wanted alive when Kate got weirdly serious. She sat down on the sofa and invited you to sit down next to her. 

“You can’t keep avoiding him like that,” she hummed, her shoe digging into the man’s chest as he wriggled beneath her step. “I know it’s awkward, but he’s your comrade first.” 

You rolled your eyes and lightly pushed at her. “Come on, it’s not that serious,” you said, attempting to play off your feelings that were so gods damn obvious throughout the time you’ve been spending in this area. 

“Are you kidding me?” Kate chuckled. “Look,” her hand is on your shoulder as she digs her heel into the man’s chest, cracking his ribs slightly. “It’s uncomfortable. I get that. It’s why we don’t… Do that kind of thing.” She rubbed her thumb in little circles on your shoulder as she grounded you. “It’s probably for the best, even though you can’t see it right now.” 

You sighed and gave her a look of slight pain. “You’re probably right.” 

“I know I’m right.”

It’s not that Toby is bad at reading a room, but it’s that he’s really bad at reading a room. When the two of you went to the computer café for your outing, he was excited to see the girl Brian was ‘seeing,’ as he somehow managed to miss her from every other precious visit. It was so obvious that they had been - her perfume was practically embedded into his skin now - and his smile was brighter than the sun after seeing her. 

And here you were, not even wanting to know her name. 

It’s Fiona. 

“Toby!” She greeted as she bounded up to your table. “Reader! What a nice surprise!” There was no malice in her tone. She was genuinely happy to see you. “What can I get you two today?” 

“C-Chocolate croissant and some h-h-hot chocolate please,” Toby said. He then turned to you, and as if he read your mind, gave her your order as well. “H-How have t-things been?” He asked. 

“Really good,” Fiona replied. “He’s such a sweetie, got me this necklace.” 

Your eyes immediately left the screen and travelled to her neck. There it was. Beautiful necklace. Silver chain with a hunk of rose quartz at the bottom in the shape of a bullet.You remembered seeing that pendant. It hung on his mirror for such a long time. You once overheard him saying to Kate how it was your possible birthday gift. 

“It’s so pretty,” you smiled, eyes not quite following. 

You were damn certain if you were suffering from hanahaki you would’ve choked on flowers by now and died. The last nail in the coffin? 

Now. Right now. You came back to the safe house just wanting to relax, maybe star gaze for a bit and fall asleep outside - anything and everything sounded better than just being alone in your thoughts after the Operator had some harsh words to say to you on account of your performance slipping ever so slightly from his golden standards. You fix yourself a warm mug of tea and start making yourway to the rooftop. It’s the same path you’ve always taken: head up the stairs to the upper floor, last room on the left side of the hall, go in and open the study windows there and hang out on the roof. 

You make sure to take careful steps as you ascend, not wanting to spill any of your carefully made tea as you seek to unwind. With a deep breath, you start making it through the hallway, thankful no one else is here. Masky is away on business, Kate is doing something with Jeff and Toby left a few hours ago to meet with someone he deems important. Come to think of it, you haven’t had the house free in a while. 

But, as you step closer and closer to the last room on the left, you hear it. Giggling, whispers, conversation that’s so innocent and intimate at the same time. You notice the study door is closed. It’s never closer. You step closer. 

“You’re so sweet,” That’s Fiona’s voice. “You don’t have to get me all these things - I don’t even know where I’m gonna wear all of them.” She giggles. 

“Wear a different one every time I come to see you.” That’s Brian. “Gonna be burning through those things like crazy.” You hear the sound of a kiss. 

“You got a deal,” Fiona chuckled. Another kiss. 

You hear the roof shingles move slightly as they move closer together. Against your better judgment, you push open the study door slightly. Must you be so nosy?

There, sitting on the roof outside the window is Fiona and Brian. She’s wearing his sweater (it’s just polyester) and giggling as he peppers her face in kisses. When she’s decided he’s covered her in enough kisses for an entire year, she presses her lips to his. 

He smiles before kissing her back just as fervently. 

Without a sound, you begin to head back to your room. 

Perhaps tea in your room would be better. 

#hoodie #marble hornets #masky #brian thomas #creepypasta #xreader #reader insert #creepypasta x reader #marble hornets x reader #ticci toby #mh #reader

[nastybuckybarnes]

In a Heartbeat  -  Four

Pairing: Fireman!Bucky X Reader

Summary: You’ve always been careful with your heart. With your condition, you don’t exactly have any other choice. The last time you let someone in, you paid the price. A price you don’t plan on paying again. Until Bucky comes in and shatters your carefully crafted world.

Warnings: Language, Fluff, Almost Smut

Word Count: 2.3K

A/n: hello I hope you all enjoy this!! I’m loving this series and I hope to keep updating it and Of Kings and Beasts regularly. Idk though. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

~*~

“You’re sure I look good?”

Nat groans and climbs off your couch reluctantly, grabbing you by the shoulders and stopping you from pacing anymore.

“You look gorgeous.” You bite your bottom lip nervously, hands itching to come up to your mouth.

Your hair is pushed behind your ears, natural and beautiful, and your makeup is light. Adorning your body is a simple light blue dress that stops just above your knees, as well as a beige cardigan that hangs loosely off of your shoulders.

Nat grabs you a pair of beige heels and shoves them into your hands.

“Put your shoes on and stop worrying. He’s on his way up so even if you didn’t look good there’s no time to change now.” You nod, taking a few deep breaths before crouching down and putting your shoes on. Right as you’re doing up the clasp around your ankle there's a knock on your door.

You freeze in place, looking at Natasha in absolute terror, and she rolls her eyes.

“It’s open!” She calls. You shake your head, one shoe on and the other off as you run to your bedroom.

“I can’t,” you whisper as the door starts to open. Hiding away in your bedroom, you listen to Nat greet Bucky.

“She’s almost ready. Just needs to grow a pair,” The redhead says loudly, her footsteps clomping towards the bedroom door.

She whips it open, ready to give you an earful, but when she sees the genuine fear on your face she reconsiders.

“Beans, you’re gonna be okay. He’s a real gentleman and he won’t do anything that you don’t want to do, I promise.” You take a few deep breaths, trying to hold back tears.

“What if I get hurt again, Nat? I don’t think I could handle it.” The weak whimper that leaves you has her heart shattering in her chest.

“He won’t hurt you. If he does I’ll kill him, I swear I will.” You sniffle and chuckle softly, sliding your foot into your other shoe and doing the clasp up.

“Okay. I think I’m ready.” She nods, taking your hand and giving it a firm squeeze before stepping aside and motioning to the door.

You take a deep breath, lift your chin, then leave your bedroom.

Bucky stands in the doorway, a bouquet of flowers in his grasp. He’s wearing a pair of black jeans and a black button-up, as well as a leather jacket.

“Wow,” he whispers, eyes wide as he takes you in.

“You look... wow.”

You smile shyly at him. “You clean up pretty nice yourself, James.” He chuckles, then, as if remembering he’s holding flowers, offers the bouquet to you.

“I uh... I didn’t know what kind of flowers you’d like... and Steve said to get red roses but Nat said that red roses are for love and I think it’s too early for that because this is our first date and all and I really didn’t wanna scare you away and now I’m definitely talking too much but I’ve been looking forward tot his for.. since we set our real first date and-” Nat interrupts his rambling, hating and loving seeing her usually so confident friend stumbling over his words.

“You’re doing great, Casanova. Keep this up and she won’t even leave.” You glare at Nat over your shoulder, not wanting her to be mean to Bucky.

“Thank you, I love them.”

He got you a bouquet of beautiful lavender roses, white lilies, and an assortment of small little leaves that tie the whole bouquet together.

“Nat, can you put these in a vase for me please?” You hand the bouquet to her after taking a long sniff, smiling eagerly at her. She nods, taking them from you and handing you your purse.

“Now go on. Have fun kids, use a condom and all that.” You groan, risking a glance at Bucky to see that his cheeks are bright pink.

Feeling better at the fact that you’re not the only nervous one, you take his outstretched arm and allow him to walk you out of your apartment.

“So where are you taking me?” You ask, smiling up at him.

“Well, I know this little café that makes these nice little sandwiches. I figured we could start there, grab a bite to eat and see where the day takes us.” You nod, taking a few deep breaths to calm your heart.

~*~

“I’m really glad you gave me a chance, I know things started really rocky but I... I’m glad I get a second chance.”

You smile at him, setting down your cup of tea and nodding.

“Of course. I don’t think I would have ever heard the end of it from Nat if I didn’t anyway.” The two of you share a laugh, him smiling brightly at you.

“I’ll make sure I thank her.” You nod, taking another sip of the decaf tea, heart thundering in your chest.

“I-I’m sorry, I just need to take something. I’m very nervous and my heart-” He reaches across the table and grabs your hand, squeezing gently.

“You don’t need to explain it to me if you don’t want to. Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself healthy, okay? Your health and happiness... those are my top priority.” You swear if it wasn’t beating unbearably fast against your ribs it would melt.

You take your pills as discreetly as you can, but Bucky, being ever the gentleman, excused himself to the bathroom to give you space to do whatever you need to do.

~*~

“I uh... I pushed Steve out of the way when we were in a really bad fire. I saw the beam coming down and it would’ve killed him. So I pushed him out of the way and... took the damage instead. Doctors told me if I had waited a second longer it would’ve been too high up and would’ve got me right in the chest. Instead... it took my arm.”

You sit idling in Bucky’s truck in front of your apartment, the two of you talking for the past two hours.

“Oh James... I’m so sorry.” He shakes his head, smiling at you. “If it hadn’t happened then Steve wouldn’t be alive and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I could’ve done something. Besides, Tommy thinks it’s pretty cool.” You nod at that, fingers tracing small patterns on his metal hand.

“I uh... When I was younger my mom was really careful with me. She wouldn’t let me do gym class... I could never go out with friends... nothing. One day we got into a nasty fight before I went to school. We called each other names and said awful things...

“I stopped on my way to school and bought an energy drink.” He stiffens beside you, eyes wide.

“I’d never even had caffeinated tea before, but I was so... so angry. I thought that... ‘whatever happens will teach her’. And I drank it. The whole can. I started feeling it halfway through class and when I raised my hand to tell my teacher... I just passed out. Collapsed right there in the middle of math class. They rushed me to the hospital and... I’ll never forget the fear I saw on my mom’s face. They said I almost killed myself. My heart couldn't handle the caffeine and I almost died. So from then on I just kinda... listened to my mom. Lived my life in the safe lane.”

He’s quiet for a long moment, eyes on your pretty face as you continue tracing patterns on his prosthetic.

“I’m glad you took a chance with me,” he whispers.

You look up at him, a shy smile on your face.

“I am too.”

His eyes flicker from your lips to your eyes, and you do the same, silently granting him permission.

He leans in, and before you have a moment to second-guess your decision, his warm lips are against yours.

You whimper, hand grabbing his wrist while the other finds his hair. He leans forward, lips moving against yours as if that is what they were made to do.

After a moment he pulls away, eyes wide.

“I-I’m sorry! I should’ve told you. I shouldn’t have done that. I-is your heart okay?” You giggle, pushing him back into his seat and climbing over until you’re seated comfortably on his lap.

“It's gonna take a little more than some kissing to stop me,” you whisper, bringing your lips back down onto his.

He kisses you with newfound passion, hands gripping your waist and pulling you tight against him. His tongue explores your mouth, dancing with your own and making you feel things you haven’t felt in... ever.

When you pull away to breathe he doesn't stop. No, his lips, teeth, and tongue work their way down your neck until you’re quivering on top of him, body desperate for more.

“Come upstairs,” you whisper, panting against his mouth.

He lets out a weak chuckle then sighs, shaking his head.

“I shouldn’t.” You pull away, giving him a confused look. “Why not?” His hands find your thighs beneath your dress and he rubs his thumbs in circles on the soft skin.

“I... I wanna take my time with you. I wanna take you out again and I wanna wine and dine you real nice. If we just get right to it... It doesn’t feel right.” You go to climb off his lap but he stops you.

“This feels right. I didn’t mean that this,” he motions to where you are,” doesn’t feel right. I just... you already deserve so much more than I can give you, and I wanna do everything I can to prove that I’m gonna take care of you. Believe me, I wanna come upstairs and fuck you until you can’t remember your goddamn name.” You shiver at his words and he chuckles, pulling your hips forward a bit. You gasp as you feel his hard length through his pants, pressing up against you.

“I fucking want you,” he murmurs, leaning forward to press a kiss to your neck. “You’ve got no idea how bad I want you. But you deserve to be taken out and treated like a queen.” He pulls away, flesh hand coming up and cupping your cheek.

“I like you, (Y/n). And I don’t wanna ruin things before they get good.” You rest your hands against his chest, fingers splayed on the warm skin beneath his shirt from where you’ve popped a few buttons open.

“I like you too, James. A lot more than I thought I would. And... if I’m being honest... that scares me.” He frowns, looking up at you and waiting for you to continue.

“I just... what if something happens to you?” His heart melts and he leans up, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, and then another.

“Don’t you worry about me, pretty girl. I’m not going anywhere. Not as long as I’ve got you willing to wait for me.” You grin, nodding and leaning down to press a kiss to his chest. Your lips linger long enough to feel the steady pulsing beneath the skin.

“I’m gonna be waiting for as long as you’ll have me.”

“Good.”

He walks you up to your apartment, hand held tightly in yours and a goofy smile on his face.

When you reach your door you feel sad that the night is coming to an end. Slowly you turn to him, eyes filled with things you want to say but can’t explain.

He simply chuckles softly, metal hand cupping your jaw gently.

“Text me when you get home, okay?” You ask softly, eyelids fluttering closed as he leans down. His lips find yours and you never want them to leave.

They fit so perfectly against yours, you could spend all of eternity kissing him.

Unfortunately, he pulls away after another fantastic moment.

You pull your bottom lip into your mouth, eyes on his as he slowly stands up to his full height.

“You can still wine and dine me even if you stay the night,” you whisper, already knowing what his answer will be.

He laughs quietly, shaking his head while smile lines fan out around his eyes.

“You, (Y/n), are gonna be the death of me. But god, what a way to go.” He presses a gentle kiss to your cheek then a lingering kiss to your knuckles before pulling away slowly.

“I’ll see you soon, babydoll. And I promise to text when I get home.” You nod, watching as he walks down the hallway. He shoots a glance over his shoulder when he reaches the elevator, a smile spreading on his face and red coating his cheeks as he sees you watching him.

Only once the door is closed do you unlock your apartment.

You hardly have time to step a foot in when you hear the door behind you open up.

“Next time you put on a show like that let me know so I can make popcorn.” You giggle, turning to Gladys and shaking your head.

“If we had known you’d be peeping on us we wouldn’t have done anything.” She shrugs, smiling at you. “It’s hard not to watch with a man like that standing there.” You roll your eyes at her.

“Goodnight, Gladys.” She’s already back in her apartment.

“So I’m assuming it went well?”

You nearly scream.

“Nat?! What the fuck!” She laughs, throwing her head back and letting out a good belly-laugh.

“You should’ve seen your face!” You glare at her, throwing your purse at her.

“Not funny! Why are you still here?” You kick off your shoes and groan as your toes finally have time to relax after being in heels all day.

“After last time I wanted to make sure nothing went wrong. But from the sounds of it I almost caught something scarring, didn’t I?” You shake your head, sighing and plopping down on the couch with her.

“He’s a fucking gentleman. For better or for worse.” She nods, hand slapping your knee.

“I told you. He’s gonna treat you right, Beans. I promise.”

#fireman au #firefighter au #fireman!bucky #fireman!bucky x reader #bucky x reader fireman au #bucky barnes/reader #James/Reader #james x reader #Bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes x reader au #bucky x reader au #Bucky Barnes x reader fireman au #Bucky Barnes x reader firefighter au

[kusagrasskusa]

Fell! Sans X Reader - "Boss is gonna kill me-"

Here at the Hamilcult, we support fluff fanfics in cringy fandoms that likely implement OOC cannon characters. That was sarcasm but even so, just know that this might be sorta OOC and this is fluff :3

Also, prepare for a Wattpad level written story and a shitty plot. I just got done writing a 7000 worded fanfic and frankly, I need a b r e a k.

Forgive me for I have sinned writing this

~~~~~~~

Y/N yawned, rubbing her tired eyes before laying back on her chair. She sunk deep into her warm coat, the fluffy fur on the hood making her feel more relaxed. The coat was oversized black and red with big pockets, perfect for a human in a place like Snowdin. After all, at the post near the conveniently shaped lamp, Y/N was waiting in the blistering cold. Well, the scenery looked peaceful but it definitely was snowing and the air was terribly cold. The fur on the coat rubbed against her face, making her cheeks turn red from the contrast heat of it and the cold air.

She whined and pulled the coat over her head when a few snowflakes touched her face. "Cold," she mumbled tiredly. Y/N flipped her body to the side and whined again. This time, the problem was how uncomfortable her position was. So she tossed over to the other direction and laid her head against the chair. "...the chair is uncomfortable," she tiredly whined.

"If it's that bad then just fucking leave," a rough, annoyed voice spoke. It was Sans, the slightly taller skeleton with a red sweater on and without his coat. "I want my coat back anyway. You're getting ya' human scent in it and I don't want that kinda trouble," he continued. Y/N huffed and sat up straight. She was around his size to sat the least, but a bit thinner and shorter.

"But I thought you wanted me out here," she retorted. "You clearly get lonely here after a while so I wanted to stay with you."

"Yeah, well stayin' with me hasn't brought more customers, has it?" He replied, turning his head towards the younger girl. His red eyes seethe into her soul basically, but Y/N just giggled at his serious expression. The hood covered half her face so her eyes were widen, which they usually were. It's strange because even without the hoodie, something is always covering her eyes whether it's her hair or not. And without a barber in Snowdin and hundreds of people who want to murder her for being human, Y/N hair is bound to grow out anyway.

"You're so funny sometimes Sans," she complimented with a sweet smile on her face. "You have such a cute look when you're mad...well actually, I don't think I've ever seen you not mad before. I wonder what a genuine smile would look like..." she mumbled sleepily. Sans felt his cheeks light up a bit so he turned away from her, rolling his eyes. He wasn't used to such words at all.

"Huh?–" Sans jumped as he felt the girl's arms wrap around his body softly. She had slipped her arms out of the coat for Sans to out his arms in.

"Put the coat back on. It's big enough for me to fit back here," she giggled quietly as she rested her head on Sans's shoulder. Sans felt his fa e turn red and his body tense; he growled and turn his head towards her.

"I gave the damn thing to you, so wear it properly !"

"But you're cold and you're coat can fit us both."

"I don't care!" Sans hissed back, making Y/N giggled. The two friends often had times like this; wholesome and adorable with Sans getting all flustered. Sans barely even saw her a friend as he promised he would never let anyone get too close to him so he doesn't turn soft. But Y/N's persistent and sweet personality really struck him hard. Of course, he wouldn't go as far as to crush on her, right? No, their just good friends...

Y/N' cheeks puffed out and she pouted her lip like an upset toddler. "Sans, please? Just this once?" She asked as she squeezed him into a tighter hug. Sans scoffed and shook his head.

"No! What am I, some pueny pawn? I will not sink that fucking low," Sans seethed. Y/N was silent for a few moments before simply letting go of her tight grip and going lip against Sans's back. She head remained on his shoulder and luckily his sweater cushioned the feel of his bones, making this a comfortable position.

"I like this much better," she said tiredly with a warm smile on her face. Sans was sitting on a rather large chair that he got in order to find better sleeping situations without sliding off it, but because he was sitting on the edge of the chair, Y/N could easily slide behind him. She sat on her knees that were either side of him and yet it was so comfortable for her. "You're more comfortable than a chair." Her voice got lower and softer each time he spoke but it didn't lose its sweetness once.

"Yeah, well I ain't no damn pillow Y/N. Get the hell off me... Hello?" He asked when he didn't get a response. He turned his head to face the girl and saw her completely emersed into the dream world. It's true that he couldn't see her eyes, but he still could tell. He sighed heavily and turned his head in front of him.

"Huh‐ Ah!-" Y/N shrieked as she was pushed into the freezing snow.

"Ahahaha!" Sans laughed hard as he watched Y/N freak out. "I told you I wasn't no damn pillow!" He laughed as he put his hands on his knees. Y/N whined she stood straight up and glared at him. She walked over to him with a pout on her lip and lightly punched his arm.

"Hmph!" Sans chuckled at her adorable attempt at being angry and bopper her nose rough enough to push her away a bit.

"Was that supposed to make me feel bad, human? Well lemme tell ya', that just won't do," Sans spoke as his smile grew cockier.

"I wasn't even trying to hurt you, so don't start that," Y/N retorted. Sans rolled his eyes while he kept up his cocky smile. He shrugged and pu

"Yeah, sure. You fists are as strong as a fly's. You couldn't hurt me, even if you tried," he pushed. Y/N hmphed and shook her head. She pulled her arm back and punched him right in the shoulder as hard as her tired arm could. Sans just snickered and didn't even flinch.

"Wait, was that the best you got? I heard you humans are supposed to be strong." Sans shrugged his shoulders before pulling his hands out of his pockets and stretching. "Whatever, I guess it doesn't matter all that much. If you ever did decide to attack me, it's not like you'd live long enough to be able to lay a hit on me. And anyone else down here would have no problem given all they got to some little girl."

"I'm 20."

"Doesn't matter," Sans said as he put his hands back in his pockets. Y/N sighed and shook her head.

"You know I wouldn't hurt anyone down here as much as I know you wouldn't hurt me, Sans," her soft replied. To be honest, his name being spoken so sweetly had a good ring to Sans' ears.

"Yeah, well you can't blame me for being cautious. You humans put us down here, remember? You humans murdered so many monsters for no fucking reason then trapped the rest of us down here with your strong souls as aid. Then a few fallen human children came down here and either murdered a little, a large portion, or one of us. Still, you humans seem to be naturally turned to a genocide even though you have fucking everything you can possibly want on the surface. Us monsters have nothing, not even a real sun or moon, to make us happy, so our rage is justified." Sans finished his train of thought with a scowl; he turned his head towards the snow building up on the ground and glared at it. Y/N frowned, holding her arms to her chest.

"...Hey, Sans. It stopped snowing, so we don't have to worry about a blizzard keeping us from going to Grillby's," Y/N said as she looked out of the post, finally noticing the snow had stopped falling.

"Why would I worry about a blizzard? I got a shortcut that'll get us there in no time," he smirked and looked up at her. Y/N cocked her head questioning, humming. "Just follow me, aight," he spoke as he walked behind the post. Y/N caught up with him in no time while holding the sides of the coat close to together instead of zipping it. The sleeves just hung by her sides as she still wanted Sans to wear the coat with her cuddling up behind him, mostly because she could still use the hoode that way.

As they walked up to a tree, suddenly, Sans chuckled. The next moment, they were at the doorway of Grillby's and the absorbed by heat and warm light. Y/N looked around her frantically and confused, "how did you do that?"

"Ya humans got strong souls, us monsters have magic," he explained with a cocky smile. "Now let's go sit down at the bar instead of the booth this time. That drunk bunny annoys the shit outta me," he mumbled the last part as he walked over to the bar with Y/N following.

As she passed the dogs, one of them called out, "wait, is that a human? Isn't that the one we fought before?" It was Dogamy who spoke out, then causing her husband to talk back.

"I think so, yes, the one that turned into a puppy that liked to pet other dogs!"

Y/N giggled tiredly as she sat down at the bar besides Sans, listening on their conversation a few seconds longer before returning her focus to Sans alone. "I want a burger," she mumbled.

"Aight," Sans replied. He signaled for Grillby to walk over after he finished making a drink for another customer. The being of purple fire had what looked like a jagged white frown for a mouth, and he wore a skintight black vest with a white undershirt with rolled up sleeves and black jeans as his attire. He vest was also low cut, so an outline of his chest was visible. Although he had a serious tone, he definitely seemed like he could flirt successfully to any person he wanted.

"What," Grillby's echoy voice rung. The purple fire that made up his body flickered and cracked, making Y/N smile from the satisfying sound.

"Two burgers, put it on my tab," Sans replied, leaning on the counter with a mustard bottle in his hand. Grillby wrote down his order and walked towards the kitchen door with a "fire onlt" sign on it. He walked inside the kitchen and came out with a drink; it was F/D, something Y/N typically ordered when she came to the bar. He set the drink down in front of her.

"On the house," Grillby spoke. Y/N smiled softly at him, thanking him. "Tch," he responded before tending to other costumers. Grillby didn't really like Y/N, but he appreciated the little work and silence she brought him. She only spoke when spoken to, and she didn't order things that were hella hard to make and then complain about it. Sans growled, rolling his eyes.

"Fucking simp," he hissed. Y/N tilted her head, humming.

"Hmm? Why?" Y/N asked before taking a sip if her drink.

"He's losin' money by given out free drinks. And of anyone, to you."

"Well," Y/N smirked sweetly. "I come here a lot and that attracts monsters who want to see the human. So by being tourist attraction, he makes more money," she explained. Sans scoffed, his cheeks reddening.

"Whatever." Aww, our bebe skeleboi is jealous of the big, tall, muscular fire dude! Y/N giggled, patting him on the shoulder.

"I really appreciate you bringing me here with you. When you decide to pay your tab, remind me to contribute enough money to help." Sans shrugged, smirking.

"People like you are too nice down here, really."

"It feels nice to help someone."

"It's not so nice when people try to kill you over it," Sans retorted. Y/N frowned, nodding.

"I guess I didn't grow up down here so there isn't much for me to say, but I can't help but think everyone down here is kind but hurt. I mean, there's a lot about you I noticed that aren't so...pleasant, but you managed to treat me like a person with emotions and opinions. I doubt that of hundreds, you're the only one down here like that," she explained. Sans sighed again, rubbing his eyes.

"Like I said, people like you are too nice down here." Sans finished the conversation this way and then came a long moment of silence. In that time, Grillby came over with two plates with burgers on them. He set them in front of the two.

"Here."

"Thank you, Grillby," Y/N thanked with a warm smile on her face. Grillby silently nodded at her before walking away. She grabbed the ketchup and poured some on her burger, whereas Sans barely acknowledged what was happening around him. He was getting caught up in his thoughts right now, a bit overwhelmed with them actually. Finally, he stood up and walked away from the bar, heading out the front door. Y/N hummed and took a bite of her burger, watching Sans leave.

She set her food down and ran after him, leaving the restaurant right when he did. "Is everything alright?" She asked worriedly, making Sans scowl.

"God, y'know, you gotta stop assuming something's wrong. I'm fine. And either way, I wouldn't tell you some edgy shit no one cares about," Sans replied. Y/N was silent at first, then she took off the coat she still had on. Her hair brushed over her eyes as she did that, making them impossible to see. She put the hood on top of Sans' head before wrapping her arms together coldly. "Why do you're eyes always do that?"

"Do what?" She asked.

"If they ain't covered by a hood, it's covered by your hair. If not your hair, someone's or something's blocking your face. If it's not that, then you're head it turned away from view. It's weird," Sans explained. Y/N hummed, not noticing that until now.

"Well... Do you want to see my eyes?" She asked as she brought her hands up. She was wearing one of Sans's red shirts, which sorta made this moment more cliche but who cares. Sans slowly nodded, curious. Then Y/N pushed her hair out of her face, revealing her normal looking E/C eyes. Well, aside from the kindness and care that laid within them. And it was that feature that hit Sans first.

"Woah," he mumbled, tuning his full body towards her. "That's beautiful!" Y/N giggled, making Sans' face redden. He opened his mouth to form a quick insult to her in order to make him seem like he didn't mean it, but Y/N spoke first.

"Thank you. Your eyes are very pretty as well. It has a nice color to it, too," she replied softly. Sans huffed silently, looking to the side.

"I, uh...thanks," he mumbled as he put his hand in his pockets. He sighed and put coat on right, burying his face in the hood fur. It was obvious that he was pretty flustered right now and reddened, as he did truly feel his chest warm when he was around Y/N. It was strange for him to feel this way so he typically pushed his feelings away and told himself that he was just her guardian per say. But he knew deep down in his heart it wasn't true.

"Look, I got something to say to you," Sans pushed more harshly then intended. "And I don't wanna hear any of this being told or heard by other monsters, got it? This is us and us alone, ya understand? This shit is hard to say, so..." he drifted off. The snow was started to pick up again, making the scene look more aesthetic.

Y/N nodded, listening to him closely when began talking. "This shit isn't said very often down here; no, it's not said at all actually. But you're human, and you have a different heart so..." he trailed off again, scratching the back of his head. He looked Y/N in the eyes and gave her a flustered glare like if he was embarrassed, which she took no offense to. "I don't just give anyone the right to take my coat, waste my time, bother me, stop me from sleeping, and more. It's just you and Boss, and even he has less power than you."

He continued after a deep breath. "And its not because you're human or I pity you. In fact, I couldn't care less if you're soul is strong, since I could still break it; I couldn't care less if you fell down here, since we're trapped down here too. I let you do because... it's like a bandaid, just gotta say it... I care about you. Not even like a sister or close friend, no, I mean if you were about to be shot, I would jump in front of bullet so you could liev put your life happily. I love you."

Y/N was silent, sorta just staring. Her whole body was shook, frozen, and in shock. She didn't even know what she just heard or if she was dreaming. She even forgot that she was freezing due to being too caught up in her feelings. Sans stood there silently for about 10 seconds as well, before he face-palmed and grew red jn embarrassment. That's when a tear escaped the corner of Y/N's eye and a large smile grew on her features.

"Sans," she replied sweetly as she walked over to him. She fell forwards on him and wrapped her arms around the inside of the coat, around his sweater. The embraced him tightly and said, "I love you too!" Sans felt his heart move a little and a new feeling wash over him. Without being able to control it, he felt a genuine smile grow on his face as he hugged her back tightly.

"I'm so...glad," he breathed out heavily, his nerves relaxing. The two stayed in that position for a while before eventually breaking off. Y/N pecked him on the cheek before grabbing his hand.

"We should go back inside, hehe. The food'll get cold," she said as she motioned to the door. Sans nodded nervously, chuckling.

"Yeah, and Grillby will be pissed if we wasted food. I don't wanna deal with that again." The two fo them walked inside the restaurant/bar, they started their way back to the bar. Yet when they got in, the bar was silent. I mean, the restaurant was pitch silent; not only that, but many eyes were on them as they walked in. Y/N completely ignored their exists' and sat down on the barstool, picked up her burger and ate it. Luckily was still warm. Sans on the other hand was hella nervous. No, he was fucking terrified.

Grillby walked over to the two and leaned forward, so than when he whispered, only they could hear. "The bunny chick saw you two hug and kiss. Just play it cool, and they'll forget all about it in a few days." Well shit, Sans thought. Boss is gonna kill me when he finds out.

Y/N just ate her burger in peace, not really caring if other people knew about them. After all, it's their choice to laugh about like a boy kindergartener complaining about holding hands with a girl because it means their "dating," or to hear about it and mind their own business.

#sans x reader #fell sans #underfell #underfell sans #underfell x reader #underfell sans x reader #bad writing #bad plot