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#black sheep. selfish. individualist. loner. inconsiderate. what didnt my parents and siblings call me. every day. what more must i give
winderrific-moved
·
4 years
Text
bro being raised to have to deserve the bare minimum and get punished when i dont give more than the norm did really give me brain damage
#wind howls
#trauma tornado
#its stupid ! i cant accept anything unless ive deserved it ! i want to be able to be a bit selfish at times. and be able to just receive.
#but i cant and its driving me mad i need to give i need to give more so much more
#if its not time its art or money or whatever ! if i dont give enough then i dont get to receive
#i love giving. but i want to give out of my own free will and not because i need to give otherwise i feel so terrible i get sick
#whenever i didnt give enough they called me selfish always selfish i was always the selfish one
#selfish selfish selfish because i wanted to keep some stuff to myself. forced to share forced to return otherwise im selfish selfish selfish
#black sheep. selfish. individualist. loner. inconsiderate. what didnt my parents and siblings call me. every day. what more must i give ?
#ive changed so much just for them. i give them so much time and energy. i stay up until shit hours of the morning listening to my siblings-
#cry about their outside relationships and friends and i never once asked for anything in return. but its never enough
#what more do i need to give them for them to stop calling me selfish ? what more must i to lose for them to gain enough so they can love me?
#why. do i want them to love me still. why am i almost 20 and feel like none of them ever truly loved me still ?
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