I must first start by saying Black Lives Matter. That has been the most prominent thing on my mind the past two months. I also have found myself in this strange limbo. Both wanting to educate people (because black voices are the only voices that should be telling black stories) but also wanting to point people in other directions. It’s been emotionally and mentally draining. I sat in my bed sobbing for all of the black lives lost. My empathy has been my worst enemy.
I’m getting ready for the next season of my life. I guess with quarantine I’ve had this weird sense of my life being on pause. What I didn’t realize is that come fall, my life will be moving faster than ever. It’s scary and exciting. I get to apply to graduate school and figure out what I want my future to look like. I never really planned this far in advance. I now have to save money and think if staying in an area for the man I love is a good idea.
I’m in my very early twenties. I have so much life to live but I have so much to figure out before I can.
I guess the past two months have bought a kind of stability that I both adore and despise.
This period of my life has been a catalyst for a lot of subtle growth. At this point, I’m content with any kind of growth.
Here’s a sneak peek of my Camp NaNoWriMo project “The Voodoo Sidekick Diaries.”
Let me make this one thing clear for y’all. If you all are wondering if this will be the typical Lois Lane/Clark Kent-inspired love story with the theme of suuperheroes, then you need to find something else to read. And if you’re one of those ignorant readers who like to root fr the top dogs while ignoring the underdog, then why bother reading this in the first place. No, honey, this story right here is not your typical love story and this is definitely not the typical nerd/bully love story for teenagers either.
Well, it mainly is for the most part- the bully/nerd love story, that is, but there’s going to be a lot of changes since this is mostly an LGBT love story that is definitely like no other. It’s going to be be full of magic, voodoo royals with a lot of sass and magic on hand, stylish misfits, hunky aliens, fiendish-yet-lacking villains, and even a lot of suprises. But be warned, folks. This is going to be full of characters part of the minority.
If you’re part of the extremist-minded-white-supremacy, then this is not for you.
If you’re a homophobe and hate the LGBT, then this is not for you.
If you have anyone who loves to look down on the little guy and favor the underdog, then this is not for you.
And if you like to clown someone just because you like to be better than everyone else, then this is DEFINITELY not for you.
So if you belong in either one or more of those categories, then please (to quote Mama RuPaul herself) sashay away.
But if you like to cheer for the misfits and have an open mind to love the LGBT community and the people of color (Black-Americans in particular) and you want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit, then (again, I’m quoting Mama RuPaul) Shantay, you stay. Because this story right here will definitely make you want to laugh, cry, and read on without putting it down until we reach the final page.
So, are you ready? Do you have your doors locked and windows bolted with the curtains dawn? Do you have your phone muted? Do you have your drink of choice (Coca-Cola if you represent the state of Georgia like I am or any part of the Southeast from Texas to Delaware and from Florida to Kentucky) and your favorite snack to munch on?
If so, then you are just in time for the story of your life.
Now, on with the show.
-Clinton Va’Shawn Davion Bauer.
I am the black girl in that photo
the one in the sea of white faces
the one with the heat damaged hair who won’t smile with her teeth
the one that you point at and say “there’s one!” when you see her
yeah, that’s me
I am the black girl in that photo
the one in the hand me down clothes
the one with the hips and the breasts
that she was so ashamed of
because she thought it was too early
the one who tried to shrink herself
yeah, that’s me
the one who would always say “I’m mixed”
in an effort to feel more like them
the one who would stay up all night at sleepovers
over thinking every detail of the day
the discomfort in the swimming pool
crying over the fact that she had to get her hair wet
thinking she looked ugly compared to them
when they got back from their spring break vacations
they would compare their arms to mine
and listen to their Young Money
and exclaim, “I’m blacker than you!”
and I would feel the sting
but think the assimilation was working
and the boys that liked them
would start to like me
and tell me I’m “pretty for a black girl”
and I would take it as a compliment
I am the black girl in that photo
the one who didn’t quite fit
the one who was replaced by a white girl
the one who deep down knew, “it wasn’t about race”
but couldn’t help but wonder
if my skin were a bit lighter
if my hair weren’t so curly
if my family had a bit more money
would I have been included?
My official summary for my Camp NaNoWriMo project.
If you have ever watched “Big,” “Little,” and “The Change-Up,” then you probably remember the old saying “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.” Boy, if only my “dear friends” that I’m forced to call my bullies from the cheerleading squad had heeded that warning in the first place, it would’ve made my life a whole lot easier. My name is Clint Bauer and this is my story on how one foolish wish changed everyone’s lives…and landed me in a whirlwind of adventures and maybe some romance along the way.
I know that I’ve been away from here for s long time, but I am back. It’s been crazy for the past few weeks with writing and working on my blog and all. But with Camp NaNoWriMo coming up, things are definitely going to be getting wild. But hopefully, I will come out of next month with another successful novel finished.
Tomorrow, I plan to give you guys the summary of my project and even a snippet of what you might expect. I also plan to post chapters on Wattpad on July 6th, so if you follow me there (JayDioncelEvers), you will be updated with the story. With that said, I am officially back in business. See you later.
It’s like being struck by a knife but gentle like a tap. It’s scary as death itself but familiar like a teddy bear. Louder than a speeding jet but silent like the night
🖤 A Raven’s Heart 🖤Angry Sweet pea Imagine
Warnings: Knifeplay, alcoholism,A little smut,cursing, manhandled
I Am Craving Sweet Pea Yall!
“Do you miss me?’
He asks a hint of a devilish grin in his eyes No y/n replied stopping her real feelings from creeping up her throat and satisfied his cruel curiosity as y/n captures her Jack Daniels and the liquid slides down her throat drowning her intensities toward Sweet Pea “Well your body says otherwise ” Sweet pea boomed. His assumption entered your insides as they trembled. Sitting next to you at the white Wyrm bar. Y/n sided eyed him and rolled her eyes. As he tapped the table. The bar tender nodded her head and passed him a glass of Hennessy with a hint of lemon. “And how do you know what I need” y/n spat in venom at Sweet Pea.
Y/n coughed from the smoke of the bar. Sitting there collecting her thoughts. As the SouthSider let out a chuckle. Her and Sweet Pea were an interesting mix. They always had history and affairs with a messy story behind it all. “I always know what you need” As he stood close to her ear as he sipped his alcohol. Y/n felt his dark breath sweep by her ear. His aromatic breathe made her body shiver. Y/n knew she wanted him, she missed the dark affairs from her and Pea. The temptation he placed on both of them was just as mysterious and lustful, she could go for a hit.
“Okay Sweet pea I don’t need your…” Y/n guzzled her liquor and then placed the glass back down and then stood up from her chair and started to walk from him but y/n crashed into Sweet pea’s frame. His towering figure over her modest body. He had something sharpened and gleaming pressed to her cheek. Y/n’s eyes drift at his arm and her eyes observed a blade he had position on her. Y/n’s orbs welled up with tears blinking rapidly. At his switchblade.y/n’s words were plunge in her throat. She took a big gulp and eyes trailed up to a malicious scowl. “Oh look your all choked up” Gliding the point of the blade to your plump lips and presses hard on your lips. He sniggers as your lip quivers under the cold blade. Sweet Pea knew he owned all your begin. Just by his glimpses toward yourself, under his control .
“I remember those lips, a instrument of moaning my name” Sweet Pea close to your lips. adjacent from your face with his. He had you reach up to him and try to kiss him but he raised his head up farther. He wanted his play time. y/n wasn’t going to play this mind game. Not tonight. “Can you please move” Y/n shook at her demand from her mouth.
Sweet pea huffed and removed his switchblade from yourself. He placed it back in his pocket and then he moved an inch from yourself. Y/n strut past him slamming into his side. grabbing your arm and then evolved yourself back into him. She let out a winced. Her head spinning from his trap. “If I don’t ,your gonna scream, maybe even beg hun” Sweet Pea accelerates small pecks on your cheek. He wanted yourself so bad that it hurts, his heart cries out to you. Wanted to prove his tough love toward yourself. His rough palm shifts it’s way up your chubby love handles and up your neck and his ringed fingers finds its way under your soft chin. y/n’s head raises meeting with his dark chocolate orbs. “I miss you and you know it y/n” sweet Pea pointing his index finger at yourself. whispering to a world that is yours and him alone.
He knows he freaked up in the worst way but his love for you will always remain in his heart burning like fire. “So I’m all out of love” Y/n sneer as she planted her heart shapes on his bulky finger. Lingering her kiss a smile creeps on her face while Sweet Pea glares at her action taking in his bottom lip with his teeth. “Not my love, y/n come back, I’m not done” luring yourself toward him. Y/n dive from his board Snow White frame and walked toward the entrance of the club to exit. Sweet Pea followed right behind her. They both were in the parking lot staring at each other. “My love as always been there Sweet Pea I’m done literally” As he leaned against his mustang. Y/n crossed her arms over herself as she bit at her lips. Sweet Pea stood up and made it over toward yourself while kicking a pebble. “Baby doll we are going to have a little chat about this leaving me crap your pulling”
“Crap, nah it’s real” As Sweet Pea was inches from your body. He captured your hand and swung your frame crashing yourself into his hood of his car. she quickly got up from the mustang of the car but he captured your frame up. y/n collided with the top of his hood. Sweet Pea quickly held her down by his bicep on your torso . Legs on both sides of his chubby waist.y/n was exposed to him. As y/n cried out a wince, a heat pooled through her love box. Sweet pea loom over yourself. Sweet Pea was supporting a hard on and y/n could feel it swell by the seconds. Trapped underneath him like all the other times you were with him. “Alright start moving as we chat” “No Sweet pea, p…” “Now”
Sweet Pea furrowing his eyebrows with a clench jaw. A dark deathly bore came toward yourself. As y/n accelerated up and down on his covered torso. His dark jeans cause friction to your love box. As yourself felt the moist that covered your thighs. “ I always love you, my love has always been genuine” Sweet Pea running his thumb along your jawline. He always admired how your foreign features complimented your demeanor. He always loved that you were his queen. The soft glances you gave him as the car shook with your vibrations toward his hip.
“Maybe I wanted to be ruined a little more than I wanted to be loved” y/n moaning half her Phrase. As she grabbed Sweet Pea jacket for leverage. Raising up toward him,driving her hips on him slowly. Y/n capturing his chubby bicep and her head found its way in his board shoulder her breathless moan on his neck. As he placed a soft kiss on your neck. His rough hands perceive to your fishnet covered thighs. smoothing velvety circles on the indents. As he licked your shaft of your neck, nipping a little. “So you’ll always want to be used? is that it ruined and used”
“Yes that’s all I ever was Sweet pea, to you” “Darling I cared for every inch of your heart protected you from everything that the gangs tried to do” His hand streaming down your back. Him granting resistance with your position on him. Y/n leisurely ricochet up and down on him. Sweet Pea groaned a little in your ear. As he planted a kiss on your earlobe. He was knocked back into reality. “Well not as much as Fangs did” Sweet Pea captured your hair and balled into a fist, as your head came in contact with the car crashing .His anger boiled inside of him at the name that spilled out of your mouth. “God,Pea” A wince busted out your lips.
Y/n paused her movement on Sweet Pea. He gritted his teeth as he threatened. “Dang it y/n! You are really going to bring him up” Sweet Pea had no remorse for yourself. His free hand balled up into a clenched fist bashing in to the car, inches away from your face. He knew you had a thing for sweet pea. His face turned red. His vein on his jaw popped out. he didn’t know every sign, every promise, that you toss his way. He couldn’t keep up like sweet pea did, at least he tried to make you feel like a princess.
“Oh Fangs your so big Sweet Pea could never touch my spot” y/n moaned. Sweet Pea capturing your face and cheeks in his hand. as he scrunches up his fingers so does your face compress toward his action.she was on thin ice and the atmosphere thick with tension. He smirked as his tightened his grip around your face. Y/n eyes shut closed and a scream escaped her heartshappes. Y/n knew she went to far. The revenge on Sweet Pea was her award winning effect on him. “Hun I’ll suggest you take that back if you know what is good for you.”
As Sweet Pea grazes his slender finger around the hem of your pants. y/n breathless under him as his other hand slithered around your neck.capturing your petite neck and slightly enclosing his fingers together. y/n’s breathe hitched in her throat.
He slide his finger inside your tights. As he tickled your bundle of nerves. y/n clenched at his Rough finger playing with yourself, A Struggled moan escaped from her lips. Sweet Pea’s Anger was so dark. y/n grew to love sweet pea”s anger as he loved her angelic begin she possessed.
“Since I turned 30, three things that have been constant in my life are dull knee pain, a strong affinity for sparkling water that is not sweetened, and the viable realization that I probably don’t know who I am.”
Let him Nana
Author’s Note PLEASE READ: Hi, this is my very first published fan fiction, and I wrote it because its so rare to find Tony Smut. Everyone wants him as a dad, while I want him as a daddy. Please give this story a chance, and if there are any grammar errors let me know. I proofread the shit out of this, but there’s always the chance that I missed something. When you write something it could make perfect sense to yourself, but 0 sense to the next person. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my story, I really enjoyed writing it! Also as aforementioned (hope I’m using that word right), this is my first story so go easy on me! I only have room to improve. PLEASE DON’T REPOST MY WORK!
Summary: AU where you’re dating Tony Stark’s son, even though it’s Tony you really want. He isn’t ironman in this one guys sorry.
Warnings: Smut, cheating, daddy kink, some other shit I already forgot about. :)
Song: The song I listened to while writing this was Kiss it Off Me by Cigarettes After Sex.
Word Count: 7.4K
Chapter Two here
You and Edward James Stark had been dating for a solid six months before you both declared your undying love for one another. Had you known he was lying through his teeth you would have never said those three words. Not even a month after that, you found him in bed with another girl. You see, he was a serial cheater who didn’t know how to keep his dick in his pants. You can’t say you didn’t see this coming though, you weren’t the best at picking them. Edward was not the first, and he would not be the last to break your heart. Blame it on your daddy issues, or maybe blame it on the shit-head men who insist on eating their cake and having it to. Of course he gave you every bullshit excuse in the book to keep you from leaving. “We were really drunk” is what he came up with when you first caught him cheating. “Those are my cousin's”, was what he said when you found a pair of panties that weren’t yours in his penthouse. Your favorite excuse though, was the one where he blamed your all-night study sessions on his latest fuck-up due to the lack of attention you were giving him.
You didn’t know why Edward was still with you, especially since he could have relatively any woman he wanted. Perhaps it was because you were great for his brand; you were a good girl, straight-A student who made everyone around you fall in love. You could charm the pants off of your professors and peers, and you were one of the nicest people anyone would ever meet. It didn’t hurt that you were easy on the eyes either. Above all however, was your modesty and selflessness. You always put others happiness above your own, which made you completely different to Edward’s arrogance and narcism. You and others often questioned how you even fell for him. You had a theory that he only dated you, because you were what the other guys wanted.
Whatever the reason he chose to stay, could not matter any less than it did to you…because the reason you stayed, was because you were hopelessly in love with his dad.
As a black woman, I was once scared to to become “more black”. Scared to be angry even when it was warranted. Reluctant to eat watermelon or fried chicken when I was out in public. Refused to use slang and listen to rap. As a black person, it is more than okay to not be interested in these things for the right reasons. We are all entitled to our likes and dislikes but hasn’t enough been snatched away from us? So what if I revel in the beautiful sounding slang from Chicago. A sign will not hang over my head saying “I AM BLACK. SEE?” if I decide to eat a watermelon to rehydrate myself. Who cares if one of my favorite songs happens to be on the Rap 100 list? I refuse to put myself into a bubble that only lets phrases such as “You are the whitest black girl I know,” or comparisons to a sandwich cookie that I’ve always hated the taste of, penetrate it. I will no longer take backhanded compliments. I’m worthy of a full compliment not microaggressions disguised with ribbons and wrapping paper. I’m black as all hell (if you couldn’t tell by the deep, dark complexion) and I am proud as hell.
Tho writing this piece served a unique purpose for me, I feel that it’s pertinent in the expression of my experience at all levels.
The more I come back to this, the more clearly I see that it is representative of my experience as a Black Person [both directly and as I bear witness to the experience of those within the Black Community who are far more marginalised than I].
I only ever hold one intention when I write: to speak my absolute truth as it exists in the moment.
I was not thinking about my Blackness when I wrote this, rather I was tackling the negative effects Other’s perception has on personhood.
Too often our brilliance is diminished by those who are afraid to see us succeed; those who profit off of our self-doubt.
We must remind ourselves and our communities that our worth cannot be measured by external bodies and systems.
It’s time we build each other up✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊🏼
When we support one another we all succeed.
“And the common folk danced off of the feat [of their hero] and were very glad. To them, life was not hopeless as long as their champion was in the fight.”
~*Zora Neale Hurston
Photo: Stanley Weston, Muhammad Ali (then Cassius Clay), age 20
I’ve taken up reading again because my own words have been failing me.
We are such clever creatures to divide
Most everything into its different sides
With chaos versus order, dark and light
The stark duality of wrong and right
We even split the very world in two
With human versus human, we and you
But still no matter how much we divide
Each thing has infinitely many sides
Atoms - Shalom Ammé
Who saw who took the milk
The world in turmoil as it turns round and round
We wish we loved beloved clowns
Who can tell what the order means
Our skin shining with the sheen of sweat clean scented of frankincense and Muir
I never meant to leave before I felt
Felt the truth of a world gone dark on my mind lost
Giving hope where all is lost
Waking to songs to spark lies gone wrong
The songs are of a people strong
Can we be
Seeking through the reverie
What does it all mean clinging to hands heavy and worn
We always survive the storm
Within the eye the calm is deafening
We wake merely to play
It was never intended to be this way
We streak through conclusion believing
Our hearts hung from trees evergreen
Sparking dissension within ebony souls yearning to truly be seen
What completes the story gone so wrong
Answers fall as puzzles
Weathered pieces scattered on matted floors
We search for corner pieces in vain
No foundation ever lain
We are abstract people in a world of impressionism
Never listened to
Just beauty disconjointed
Flowing to whims unconventional
Perfection in color and symmetry
How else could it ever be
We walk through foreign territory to known strongholds
Believing it is the true way to go
Again smothered with promise and innuendo
Hope tossed high
Falling as snows melting as soon as it’s warm
We keep moving on
Until true hope is born and words said in melody flow forth concretely
Bringing distinct meaning
Collecting black cool waters to flow regally to quench a nation dying on dust of its own creation