#blacknovelist rants

[blacknovelist]

I refuse to die in any way that matters

#blacknovelist talks #idk what energy this is but im fucking vibing it #i am baring my teeth at the metaphorical knives i have pointed at my own chest #mine life could be destroyed but my seeds have been planted and i will not be finished here #hmmm this is kind of a #blacknovelist rants #but as a line it vibes so let it go where it will #and on such a note pls excuse my melodrama #sometimes u just fukcin gotta be

[blacknovelist]

y'all ever feel like you want to talk to people and interact w ur friends but also like you have said Everything Wrong in the past 24hrs and if you open your mouth you'll say the worst possible thing and they'll hate you but also like you physically can't stop talking when presented with an opportunity to so it all kind of pinwheels around itself downhill and you don't know where to stand

#blacknovelist talks #blacknovelist rants #....in case i. want to delete later. but this is ok to rb of anyone's vibing #its just a weird sort of day i think #im tryin to pull thru

[blacknovelist]

luv lying abt what I'm doing so I can escape from interacting with someone who just cannot take a fucking hint

#i mean absolutely no offense but also #men who will keep pushing dicks and sex subjects on ppl who have repeatedly expressed a lack of interest (whether ppl r female or otherwise) #are the Actual Worst #please god take a hint #i dont care if you find my rejection funny just fucking. stop #blacknovelist rants #ho ho hoooly shit homeboi #hes alright to talk to in person but god some people are insufferable over text or messaging

[blacknovelist]

anybody know where I can find the settings to change that?

have a fake asofterworld edit on this fine thursday lads

#blacknovelist talks #ok like honestly this was a rant thing but i have transformed it into consumable media so it needn't be tagged that way! hooray technology! #a softer world #asofterworld edit #asofterworld #this is 100000% made up. the picture. the file name. everything BUT the ''e home and j corneau asofterworld.com'' credit and the frame is me #just like......... so people know #hm gotta make a content tag that isn't the talk tag #maybe we'll just stick to #novel draws #shoutout to my pal angel who's the figure on the left lmao

[blacknovelist]

Hi.

really feeling those "someday you've gotta justify the space you took up in the universe" vibes, lads. really feeling that "why are you still here". really wondering why anyone's ever really stuck around. really wondering why it is people think I'm any measure of good.

The question isn't “what about me is worth knowing”, it's “what about me is worth sticking around?"

#blacknovelist rants/ #no im not okay i just had a dream my mom put me on blast for five minutes and she wasnt even wrong #and to be clear here i love my mom and she would never do that to my face but i am now kind of terrified she'd agree #its not a good feeling #to want to defend yourself and feeling like you can't. whether because of something else or because you have no right to. #LLike I'm gonna be fine but. AughL

[blacknovelist]

I’m at that part in Oneshot and I am struggling again with this. just, ramblings from someone who is being emotionally crippled by a video game again, I wouldn’t recommend reading it because its a pile of my emotions and it also happens to be spoilers but hey, I can’t stop you. I... I think I need to go lie down on the ground and feel like garbage for a few hours actually.

But god dammit this is the third time I’m trying to make this choice and I still can’t fucking make it

He just wants to go home... and I want him to go home too... but everyone’s counting on the two of us... they just wanna see the sun again... and even if this world is dying... we can’t just leave them to trail off into darkness, can we..?

I still remember the first words he said to me the first time I made this choice and those words still hit me harder than anything else on planet earth whenever I remember them and oh god im crying again

God I love this game. I still remember what he said to me and now I can’t stop thinking about it and I want to believe with all my heart and soul that he is OK somewhere out there in the world and we can’t see him because our connection with him was cut now that he’s not the ‘saviour’ anymore and maybe he got home somehow, maybe he ended up somewhere else and he’s learning to be happy anyway, maybe he’s fine and even though they thought he couldn’t go home he did I don’t know

I just wanna believe he’s OK, but I don’t want to have to make this choice again oh god... I want to be selfish and let him go home, I want to let him be happy and think this was all just a dream, even if he forgets this world, even if he forgets about me... god, I’d be just fine with that, but...

I can’t... I can’t condemn these people to just die without any hope... without having ever seen the sun again... I just can’t. I can’t take away their hope like that, I can’t I just can’t... not after all that, not after everything thats happened, not after they looked me and Niko in the eye and said to us ‘Please bring the sun back’ but I don’t want to think I’ve left Niko to die, that he doesn’t make it out of that tower and room if we don’t destroy the sun, I don’t want to think I’ve doomed him to wander in a world thats still dying anyway, where he has to wait alone in a world of strangers when he’s just a kid who misses his mom and his village where all the adults take care of the kids and he gets to eat pancakes on his birthday every year because he loves pancakes and now he’ll never get to eat them again, he can never see his mom or his friends or any of them ever again and it’ll be my fault because I would have made that choice to leave him there, but I also made that choice to abandon the people of a hopeless and dying world and left them to keep suffering in the dark until everything just dies

No matter how hard I try... I just can’t justify leaving them to slowly die in darkness... and I know no matter what I choose Niko is going to understand (god of course I know he is) and I want to believe in his promise that He’d be OK. That was what he said and I want to hope will all my damn heart and soul that that is a promise he is going to keep, somehow.

I am extremely emotional about this game. I love it so much and god yet here I am trying to make an impossible choice yet again

#Oneshot #Blacknovelist rants #Oneshot Spoilers #this is one game I'm tagging spoilers for #because there's a difference between spoilers and screaming about the most vital part of the game at the top of your lungs under a readmore #Whoops sorry #I am... so tired and emotionally drained #im such a mess right now good god #And on a vaguely unrelated note I am BEYOND EXCITED for the extended director's cut thats coming sometime #alright thats enough crying for tonight