Luke apologizing to Rosa for keeping his health a secret instead of it being revealed the way it was?
"I owe you an apology."
Rosa lifted her gaze from the ice pack on her hand, and she chuckled softly. "Luke, you've apologized like twelve times already. I know you didn't mean to burn me. It's not even that ba--"
"That's not what I'm talking about."
The words were heavy, weighed down by a guilt that Rosa did not understand. She could almost hear the way Luke's breath grated against his teeth as he eked out another sentence, piece by piece. "This is something I should have apologized for a long time ago."
Usually, when Luke wore such a serious expression on his face, Rosa felt an urge to tease him surge within her chest. But this situation was different from normal. She didn't want to taunt him or distract him, and she almost felt as though an attempt to lighten the mood would be an insult to Luke's feelings.
Feelings that were clearly stabbing his lungs with every breath he took to try and speak them aloud.
"Sit down?" It was more of a question than a suggestion. Rosa wasn't sure about what Luke needed most right now. To sit by her? To stand away from her?
What would make that fierce agony burning in his coral eyes dim into a gentle candlelight, guiding him to safety?
Luke looked almost more uncertain than Rosa felt. After a moment of deliberating, in which Luke bounced back and forth on his toes as he leaned towards and away from the beanbag chair, he finally plopped himself onto the floor in front of her.
"How's your hand?" He asked about her hand, yet his attention was clearly elsewhere. His eyes were unfocused as he gingerly removed the ice pack from on top of her red flesh. His focus suddenly returned, and he knitted his brow in frustration as he turned her hand over and over, examining it carefully. "I'm sorry I hurt you."
A soft sigh left Rosa's lips. She gently moved her good hand to rest on top of Luke's as he cradled her injured hand. "You're not talking about the splash of boiling water, are you?" she murmured, and she began to stroke the back of his hand with her thumb. "Your hands are so rough," she tutted quietly. "You should moisturize them more often."
Luke let out a strangled laugh. "Even now, you're worrying about me?" He finally lifted his gaze to meet hers, and Rosa saw for the first time that tears were welling up in the corners of his eyes. "I... when you cried out in pain, I was terrified," he whispered. "Whether just a small burn, a paper cut, or a bruise from walking into another table..." His mouth turned upward into a grin for a split second, and Rosa subconsciously cursed herself for showing Luke the mystery bruise she had woken up with yesterday. "I never want to see you in pain. The thought of you suffering... is unbearable for me.
"And that's when I realized... if you had never found out about my disease, and I left you to deal with that pain and grief all on your own..." Each and every word came out more strained than the last, as if a sword pierced his heart every time he tried to set his feelings free.
"I would die a second time," Luke gasped finally, "knowing I left you to suffer alone."
A tense silence fell over the room. Luke put his free hand up to his chest to slowly massage over his heart and lungs, as if he needed to help the air and blood circulate. Rosa almost forgot about the burn on her hand until she felt a tingle along the side of her thumb that grew into a sweltering heat. Awkwardly she shifted the ice pack back onto the worst of the burns.
That simple motion seemed to revive Luke, whose eyes once again shifted back to her current injury.
But that did not last long, as Rosa suddenly leaned forward to rest her forehead against his once he was close enough to her again. "What are you trying to say?" she whispered. Of course, she knew. She knew the words that were tearing him apart from the inside. Luke was kind, loyal, and loving, but he could be too proud for his own good. He wanted to save the world alone or die trying, and Rosa refused to let him do either.
He didn't have to struggle alone, but he couldn't move forward until he acknowledged his mistakes of the past.
"I..." Luke's breath hitched in his throat. Rosa could see the lump of words caught in there, and she scowled as he swallowed it. "I..."
"Were you never going to tell me?" Rosa added, her voice barely audible. Now she could feel hot saltwater stinging the corners of her own eyes. Maybe it was Luke's vulnerability, or maybe it was his refusal to give in entirely to his feelings, that pushed her over the edge.
But Rosa had held back her own anger, sorrow, desperation, and fear for far too long, and now the dam was cracking. "Were you going to stay in the capital? Would you have headed back without a word if you hadn't found me in Stellis? Did you plan to die in another city and just never tell me? Your family?" Her voice cracked at the word "family," and she could feel her throat closing. "Me... who loves you..."
"I'm sorry!"
The words burst out of Luke like an explosion, and just like that, the dam inside Rosa's heart burst as well. Tears streamed down her face as he threw his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. "I'm sorry!" he repeated, hissing as he burrowed his face into her neck. "I was! I was going to be a coward! I was going to run! Because I knew... I knew I'd have too many regrets...." He pulled her in tighter, trying to muffle her sobs in his chest. "I messed up. I messed up big time. Because I never considered..." He inhaled deeply, and he lifted his chin just enough so his next words could ring loud and clear.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you the most by never saying anything at all."
36 notes
·
View notes
Keith doesn’t regret leaving for the Blades. Or at least not that he lets himself admit.
He does, however, miss his family. Quite an awful lot, actually. And he doesn’t get to talk to them often, not with his wacky schedule and the near impossibility of transmitting signal at the Blade base, so usually he just misses them quietly, lying in his bunk or looking out a pod window before a mission and fantasising about the things he’ll say when he gets to talk to them again. How he might get to talk to Hunk and Pidge about their latest projects, mock Shiro for anything he can think of until the man gets his twitching eyebrow of rage, geek out with Allura about cool weaponry and fighting manoeuvres, attempt to follow along to one of Coran’s long winded stories.
And Lance. He thinks about talking to Lance a lot. More than what could technically be considered normal, he supposes, but he’s convinced himself that Lance is thinking about him, too, so they’re even. Lance must, after all. Keith knows he has to plan responses to their arguments in his head if he wants to win. And unfortunately Lance had gotten really good at winning arguments in the months they were leading together, so it’s only logical that he must plan them out.
(Sometimes, when he’s feeling particularly lonely, he even allows himself to think about the softer conversations he could have with Lance, away from all the teasing and banter they usually have. He thinks back to the times where they sat quietly at the observation deck together, whispering secrets back and forth, and hopes that they’ll be able to have that again, too. But mostly he thinks about ways to tease Lance until he gets all flustered and scowly, and then about ways to make him smile again. Keith will never admit it under pain of death, but he’s endlessly grateful for the stupid little rivalry Lance cooked up. It’s the most fun Keith’s ever had socialising with another person, including times when he teamed up with Adam to make Shiro lose it as quickly as possible. There’s just something about Lance that makes Keith want to rile him up with every ounce of effort he has in his body.)
He doesn’t spend all his time thinking about his team, though. A lot of it, sure, but he can focus if he really tries. Besides, Blade missions are so batshit crazy that he’s forced to keep his head in the game when he’s in the midst of things. There’s nothing like a goddamn bazooka being aimed at your head to throw your ass into gear, that’s for damn certain. Plus, every mission he completes is one step closer to ending this stupid war so he can go home already.
There’s also the fact that he’s directly helping to liberate thousands of people oppressed by Zarkon’s – Haggar’s? Lotor’s? Well, probably not Lotor because he’s their ally now, but it’s somebody’s – empire, obviously. That’s good for motivation.
But, still – when Kolivan tells him that the Blade he’d originally assigned to team up with Keith for his next mission had to be reassigned somewhere else and there was no one else available to go with him on a mission to some Empire ship placed near a black hole, Keith jumps at the opportunity to call his team and get their help. He spends the two hours it takes to establish a connection with Voltron thinking about how he’s going to ask for Lance’s help without asking, all suave and teasing. He settles on playing it cool, casual, as if he would appreciate Lance’s help, sure, but it’s not really necessary.
Heh. Maybe if he plays his cards right, Lance will be the one asking him. That would land Keith a couple points for sure.
Keith scrambles into a cool, unbothered position as the team blinks into focus on the holoscreen. He has to bite back a smirk.
“Hey, guys.”
“Keith!”
“Good to see you’re not dead, loser.”
“Number Four! It’s wonderful to hear your voice!”
“Hello, Keith. I’m glad to see you well.”
“Hey, kiddo.”
Keith grins at them all, waiting for the inevitable “hey, Mullet,” that he’s sure is coming.
His smile falters when it stays silent. In fact, Lance barely even smiles in greeting, lifting his hand in a small wave from where he stands to the side – almost out of frame.
“It’s good to see you guys, too,” Keith says, shaking his head and trying not to feel too thrown off. It doesn’t matter that Lance didn’t call him Mullet. Keith doesn’t even like the stupid nickname. If anything, this is good.
“I’m assuming this is not a social call,” Lotor drawls after a beat of silence. He stands right next to Allura, maybe a half inch away from basically being on top of her.
Gross. When did that happen?
Trying not to let Lotor’s appearance as a whole sour his mood, Keith shifts a little to look at Lance, although he addresses the whole team.
“The Blade who was supposed to be doing a mission with me got reassigned, and there’s no one else free, so I could use some help.” He tilts his head to face Lance fully, smirk pulling the corner of his mouth.
He practiced. Lance’s lack of greeting may have thrown him off, but Keith is determined, here. He is going to win, and Lance’s mind games are not going to stop him.
“I figured my rival would be a decent enough replacement, since I’m out of options. You up for it, Lance?”
Keith had intended for it to be teasing. To ignite the spark of competition that always lay between them, get Lance rolling his eyes and challenging Keith right back, like they used to do in training. He’d looked forward to the flash of bright determination in Lance’s brown eyes, even, hoped to see his spine straighten and his eyebrows raise.
But to Keith’s horror, none of that happens. In fact instead of rising to the challenge, Lance seems to curl in on himself, hurt scowl twisting his features as his shoulders hunch forward. In contrast, each member of the team possibly howls in laughter, as if what Keith said was the funniest thing in the world, rather than a shameless and playful dig at his and Lance’s rivalry that would usually make them groan in exasperation.
“You sure you can settle for Lance?” Pidge taunts, and Keith is sure she’s only joking but it doesn’t sound like she is. Maybe it’s just been too long since Keith has talked to them, or maybe it’s because it sounds different through a screen, but Keith can’t hear any fondness in her voice. He can’t see it in the team’s laughter, either, in Hunk’s sniggering or Shiro’s chuckles. He doesn’t see it in the hand Allura presses to her face to hide her giggles, and he certainly doesn’t see it in Lotor’s smug grin.
Lance doesn’t see the humour either, shoving his clenched fists in his pockets and taking a small step away from the rest of the team. None of them seem to notice, too busy laughing to themselves.
“Lance – I didn’t mean – I was just –” Keith stammers, but Lance’s face has gone totally blank, emotionless.
“You are not out of options,” he says. “I’m sure Hunk or Shiro would be happy to accompany you.”
Keith feels his heart sink to his knees. Lance only talks so formally when he’s carefully choosing his words, distancing himself from whatever he really wants to say and speaking in carefully controlled monotone.
What the hell is going on?
“No, it’s probably best that you go,” Lotor dismisses, and who the hell died and made him the leader? “We have that training regime planned over the next few days.”
He doesn’t say it, but Keith hears what he means as clear as day – we can afford to be without you.
Lance hears it too, evident in the clench of his jaw and the pause before he speaks. The rest of the team doesn’t seem to notice, all teasing smiles and playful jabs.
“I hope that works for you, Keith.”
Keith is at a loss for words. It takes him a moment to realise that everyone is looking at him expectantly, waiting for his response.
“Yeah, that’s – that’s fine.”
It’s the wrong thing to say, and Keith knows it as soon as the words leave his lips – somehow Lance goes even colder, eyes duller, desperate hope that Keith didn’t realise Lance was holding on to fleeing his expression.
“– and it’ll be great to see you, even if it’s only to give you a quick hug before you two take off,” Shiro says brightly, and Keith blinks back into focus.
“Um – yeah, yeah. Sounds good. I’ll be there first thing tomorrow morning, I’ll send you the briefing after we hang up.” He bites his lip, chancing a quick look at Lance, who still stares forward blankly. “Let’s make the most of this, huh, Sharpshooter?”
It’s a transparent attempt at cheering Lance up. Keith can’t remember a single time when the nickname failed to make Lance smile.
It does nothing. The Cuban only nods once, then turns around and walks away.
Keith doesn’t listen to the rest of the team saying goodbye. He watches Lance’s retreating back as he walks through the bridge’s wide doors, and wonders what the hell was gone wrong in the months since he last saw his team.
320 notes
·
View notes