#blamed taking someone away the moment he came into existence and resented for it all his life with nothing he could give or prove to have | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

masterthespianduchovny · 3 years

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I’m going to be honest: I dislike Nate right now.

And that’s perfectly fine.

I understand that this show loves to redeem people, however, as I said in another post, you can only redeem someone if there are negative feelings and/or you believe that person wronged someone or whatever. If you have positive feelings and excuse what they did, what exactly are they being redeemed for?

Despite loving Rebecca’s character, when I rewatch season one, I don’t like her at times. I dislike a lot of what she did back then. It doesn’t matter that I know she tells the truth eventually, the stuff she did was still fucked up. I’m not going to preemptively excuse her actions because I know the end goal.

Take Jamie for instance, his behavior was not okay. We know why he behaves that way, but it still wasn’t justified. We are still allowed to dislike him and what he did then. We talk about the negative effects of the bullying Nate received from the players, yet some try to excuse Nate’s bullying and his actions?

Wrong is wrong. Jamie being verbally abused by his dad didn’t justify how he treated others just like how Nate’s father (and bullying by others) is emotionally abusive doesn’t justify Nate’s behavior.

Although we understand the context, Nate IS being a fucking backstabbing asshole right now. Some may hate to hear that, but this isn’t an unfair opinion or unflattering light of him. This is exactly how he’s behaving.

There are some who has a ton of sympathy for Nate, but I’m not one of them. Please believe, I do hold some sympathy for him, but I have a limit.

So here’s reasons why Nate is on my shitlist and I’ll wait until he’s actually redeemed to forgive him.

1. Calling Rebecca a shrew. It’s not the fact that he literally called Rebecca this, but that he immediately verbally attacked the woman. We can say, “oh no, she’s the owner so he had reasons to think…”

No, Nate literally attacked Rebecca for no reason at all. She had little to no interaction with him and has never disrespected or harmed him in anyway, yet he has these intense feelings of dislike in the moment based off what exactly?

Nate attacked Rebecca because she is a woman. If you disagree, what other reason it might be? The reason I believe it was due to her gender is because she’s been defanged so to speak. So he doesn’t fear her like he used to. But Nate also practices in casual misogyny ie his shoe remark to Rebecca and Keeley. That may not seem like a big thing, but how is that an involuntary response??? With him believing he got fired, he doesn’t wait for answers, he immediately attacks her. And I had to ask myself, would he have done this with a man? With someone like Rupert? No fucking way. Nate can’t even directly challenge Ted who is a ray of sunshine, but attacks someone who he literally ran away from in fear in the pilot. Although Nate respects power, he respects male power the most. He skipped over Ted and Beard and went straight towards Rebecca. The fact that this even happened has always been disturbing to me. And Nate is fucking lucky that he hasn’t said any of his comments to old Rebecca (not age, but personality. 🥺) because she would have fired him. Only due to her relationship with Ted and him getting to let her guard down and find her old self that she frowned and shrugged Nate’s comments off. Most bosses at the very least would’ve talked to Nate and he didn’t get even that.

2. Projecting his daddy issues onto Ted. I understand that nate is going through some tough shit and has been for literally decades, however, that doesn’t mean make someone your stand in dad because they were nice and kind. Ted treats Nate like he does the other coaches, but Nate wants a special and unique relationship that will never exist. Ted is not his father and he didn’t ask for the job or the responsibilities.

I understand that people go through shit and latch onto those who made the rough times easier. I get that. However, all this animosity, scheming, and resentment because Ted isn’t giving the attention he wants. That fucking unfair to Ted. He didn’t ask or sign up to be Nate’s father figure. Yet he’s being punished for not being something he never wanted to be. Never even thought about it.

And because I’ve seen/partially experienced this shit, people getting mad at you for not being who they projected onto, it makes me upset at Nate. Because people like this really do become resentful and manipulative and that is not okay despite their own hurt that they’re dealing with. Why does the person you projected on have to suffer for something they’re unaware of and have no obligation to fulfill?

Nate isn’t just trying to blow up Ted’s professional career, he’s doing it via one of the cruelest ways: using his mental health against him. Thereby exploiting Ted’s trust in him.

Ted has literally changed Nate’s life for the better and rather than have a man to man talk with him, he cowardly tries to sabotage Ted in one of the worst ways imaginable.

3. His cognitive dissonance about how coaching works!!!

This seriously irritates me because, on some level, Nate knows that the very system he’s criticizing is how it works across ALL team sports and with reason.

He wants to be a damn head coach soooo bad—does he think ideas, plans, plays, etc only comes from head coaches???

What does he think assistants are there for?

For those who aren’t familiar with sports and coaching, literally every team sport has a head coach and then assistants under them. These assistant typically specialize in a given thing.

In American football, I believe there are like defensive coaches, strength and conditioning coaches, etc. there are coaches who watch a lot of tapes to learn the opposition and how to make plays to hold them exploit their weakness and tailor plays around that.

Like on the professional level there are so many types of coaches and, hell, not all of them want to be head coaches. Some of the greatest coaching minds aren’t head coaches.

For example, the American basketball team the Chicago bulls fired their coach Doug Collins in like 1989, I think. He was a good coach, but one of his assistant coaches had a basketball IQ out of this world. Doug refused to listen to him, but management fully supported this assistant coach. Now the other assistant coach they were grooming to take over, Phil Jackson, if you’ve heard of him, DID listen to this basketball genius. So much so that when he became head coach after Doug was fired, he continued to implement The Triangle offense that came from this basketball genius, which Phil was known for until he retired.

Nate’s upset that Ted gets all the credit for if they win, he does realize that Ted also gets all the blame for if they lose. Ted has always highlighted his coaching staff and everyone who helped him. He has always stressed that he wouldn’t be where he is without them. And when he loses, he takes full ownership. He doesn’t pass the blame at all.

Does Nate seem like someone who’d take ownership for losing?

Does Nate seem like someone, at this moment, who’d appropriately give credit to assistant or anyone else who helped him?

Would he even listen?

What makes Ted a great coach is that he gives others opportunities to step up to the plate and if/when they succeed, he allows them to shine.

Ted sees the fuller picture, for the most part, and knows how to address his weaknesses and who’s stronger than him in what area. He realized that the team needed a presence like Roy on the team. He knew he needed someone like beard who could absorb insane amounts of knowledge. He saw that Nate had potential coaching ability.

But Nate doesn’t understand the importance or value of this. He also doesn’t understand how instrumental Ted’s philosophy has been in transforming the culture of the team. That this is also a reason why the team is playing better.

So like, yeah, I’ll forgive Nate when he’s redeemed. But these three things are what really irks me about him. Just because I understand why he is acting this way doesn’t mean I have to excuse it when he’s being a dick to others, complaining about shit only due to his ego, and doing fucked up shit like leaking someone’s mental health struggles so he can gain an advantage over them.

Does he think that if Ted leaves/gets fired that he’s getting the job??? I mean hopefully whatever he has going on with Rupert works out (before it inevitably goes wrong) because this isn’t going to turn out how he thinks it will.

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #Nate Shelley #I wonder if Rupert is trying to get Richmond back and has some big master plan #I do not want that to happen of course #but what is he planning #probably trying to steal Nate away #and if that’s the case #good riddance #lol #Nate can come back once he calms down and gets himself together

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theravennest · 3 years

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Let’s Talk About Shang Chi...

I just got back from seeing Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. I had a great time with it. Just a lovely experience.

The fights were dope. The music was rocking. The actors’ performances really sold me on everything. I loved all the Xianxia elements. Y’all know fantasy worlds are my JAM!

But it was the characters that really drew me in. Every one of them were pitch perfect for me. The final act got a little jumbled, imo, but the characters and their dynamics were so good that it was enough for me to completely forgive and overlook the somewhat messy final battle.

The story had a lot of heart. It was so personal and so anchored in real emotions. I highkey fell in love with all the main characters. I love their journeys and their complex and grounded relationships with each other. I really liked the movie’s examination of grief, loss, and pain and the lengths people will go to in the wake of being overwhelmed by those feelings.

Let’s dig into it! This is gonna be a whole discombobulated mess, I just know it. lmao

***Spoilers below the cut!***

I really felt for Shang Chi, Xialing, and Wenwu struggling to figure out how to be a family again after they were all broken in different ways by the loss of Mama Ying Li. And each one of them trying in their own way to heal from it, some to extremely destructive degrees.

How Wenwu treated his kids after being consumed by grief and violence was so utterly messed up but in two completely different ways.

He treated Xialing like she was anathema, like she was literally nothing. Even when they were older and she had grown into an adult, he barely spoke to her in the entirety of the movie, could hardly even look at her. Partially because she looked like her mom and he retreated utterly from the pain of that, and partially because he constantly underestimated her in favor of her brother. This, of course, seeded the resentful tension between Xialing and Shang Chi from the start.

I’m a real sucker for sibling dynamics, as you all know. They’re my favorite types of family-oriented stories. (Side note, I really love the way the MCU has dedicated several stories to sibling relationships. It’s like my favorite thing in the MCU as a whole.)

I completely ate up the harsh and tricky relationship between Xialing and Shang Chi. Shang Chi completely let her down when they were kids, for her POV. (Not really his fault, he was a scared and traumatized 15 year old. Totally understandable.) But there is something to be said about the fact that she was also a child. A child dealing with her mom’s death too AND her dad’s aloofness. Then she was utterly abandoned by her brother. It’s no wonder she never quite forgives him, even though they mostly team up in the movie. They still have a lot to work out between them.

I really loved that she took on leadership of the Ten Rings at the end. The moment Shang Chi said she was “dismantling” their dad’s empire, I knew what was up. Though, the softy in me does hope that eventually they can find true reconciliation between them. I’m excited to see what we’ll see from her in future movies as a potential enemy of Shang Chi. It’ll be really interesting to see how Shang Chi tackles having to go up against his little sister.

And Shang Chi!!! OMG! Let’s talk Shang Chi and Wenwu now. When Wenwu drop kicked him into the ground and started the blame game for Mama Ying Li’s death like bro!!! I was so heated. He was 7 years old. A whole baby! She died because your thousand years of violence and conquering shit finally came home to roost.

But that one line when Wenwu said Shang Chi’s 7 year old self “just stood there and watched” while his mom was killed actually revealed so much about Wenwu’s character. (The cutting way Tony Leung, a literal legend, delivered that was masterful, btw.)

I actually think that it was the first time Wenwu has ever verbalized that he blamed Shang Chi for Ying Li’s death. Like maybe he’s always felt that way and all this time he was partially punishing Shang Chi for what he thinks of as a failure to protect or help the woman who meant so much to them.

Like, yes, he was training Shang Chi to take his place with him in the Ten Rings as an assassin but maybe he also wanted Shang Chi to kill his mom’s murderer as penance for letting her die in the first place.

Of course, it’s clear to see that Wenwu was absolutely shifting his own feelings of conflicting guilt onto his kids. Guilt that his past as a warlord is what got her killed. But also guilt that he put down the Ten Rings in the first place when if he had stayed a warlord, this never would have happened. But also the bone deep knowledge that if he hadn’t put down the Rings, Ying Li might never have stayed with him and loved him in the first place.

When Shang Chi threw it back at him that Ying Li probably wouldn’t love the person Wenwu had returned to, Wenwu looked so shook up. Phew! Perfect emoting from Tony Leung in that moment.

Honestly, Wenwu was having a very tragic and confusing time of it in this movie. Which is probably how that creature from beyond was able to find a crack in his psychic defenses and lure him to the gate. I had a lot of empathy for him even though I disagree so much with what he did to his kids, emotionally.

I really respect the fact that the movie never lost that sense of compassion for all of their feelings including Wenwu. I also respect that the movie really gave them space to grieve not just the loss of Ying Li but also the resulting dissolution of their happy family.

It’s just too bad that Wenwu’s grief made him push his kids away instead of pulling them closer. He completely emotionally abandoned them. A thousand years of power and supremacy yet he was broken because he never in that time fully learned how to process his emotions in a healthier way and his kids paid the price. They could’ve leaned on each other and on the love they found with Ying Li to help them get through but alas that’s the tragedy of the movie.

I really wanted somehow for Shang Chi to make it through to his dad before he went too far to come back again. I genuinely did not want to see Wenwu die at the end. I wanted him to live and see Shang Chi’s changing dynamic with his father continue. I wanted to see him finally acknowledge his daughter as his true heir and see her accomplishments (dark though they will likely become considering the “softer” version of her is the one that ran an illegal fight club in Macao lmao).

Though I am happy Shang Chi got through to him enough at the end for Wenwu to save Shang Chi’s life, willingly pass the rings onto his son, and somewhat accept his own death after a thousand years of life. That was such a poignant moment between them. And I wonder if in that instant, Wenwu had the thought that in dying he’d at least see Ying Li again.

(Side note: I really hope his soul and the souls of everyone that got eaten were freed when Shang Chi killed the monster. I really want them to be able to move on to the next phase of existence. I really hope they weren’t destroyed after being eaten. I want Wenwu to reunite with Ying Li even in the afterlife, gotdamnit! Sue me, I’m a romantic.)

Let’s talk Simu Liu’s performance here for one second. He was incredible throughout. I completely bought into this strange but so real feeling that while he has a lot of anger towards his father, so much hurt, he also felt a lot of heartache and love for who Shang Chi wanted him to be. And the strange desire to want to help a man who emotionally scarred him so badly.

Simu really brought both sides of Shang Chi’s journey to life. Like, he was tying to find his own path, reconcile with the mistakes he’s made in the past (his sister, killing his mom’s murderer), and facing up against his father’s ideals and expectations. But there was also a side of Shang Chi’s journey that was about finally understand both his sister and his father’s point of views, and of learning/embracing his mother’s history.

That moment by the lake when he revealed to Katy that he had actually killed the man who killed his mother. Whew boy! The emotions were so poignant. Simu Liu played it like *chef’s kiss* beautiful.

Speaking of character choices, I really rate this decision to have him actually go through with the assassination. It puts Shang Chi in an interesting position emotionally and somewhat morally. Instead of having his breaking point be him unable to kill as his father wishes, it’s instead the feeling of guilt and shame that he actually did kill the man.

I wonder if he felt a sense of satisfaction before the disgust and shame settled in. Because Shang Chi literally watched his mom die, he probably initially wanted to help his father hunt down the man because of that bit of dark need for vengeance. Until he got it, and felt ashamed to fully face his mother’s memory afterwards.

I’m interested to see how future Shang Chi movies and Simu will dig into and unpack that little bit of darkness these events instilled in the character.

Let’s talk Ying Li for a second here. This woman was incredible. An incredible martial artist, for sure, a mystical guardian and warrior...but she was also just an incredible person in general. Mama Ying Li was so self-assured, so steadfast in her convictions. She struck me as someone who knows exactly what she wants and is never afraid to reach for it.

Fala Chen portrayed her with such grace, warmth, and strength of character. It was extremely easy to see why Wenwu fell in love with her. She met Wenwu, a literal thousand year old warlord, and through shear strength of character led him to put down his weapons and his empire to make a home with her.

This man threw away his entire shadow army of assassins, threw away his whole plan to literally demolish her village in the pursuit of power...in order to play Dance Dance Revolution with her and their kids. (The highlight of their romance and the family flashbacks, for me, tbh.)

And I know it’s not necessarily...positive BUT there is something...hmmmm, crunchy in the fact that Ying Li so completely altered Wenwu’s life by simply loving him that when she died he was willing to raze the whole world to get her back, damn the consequences.

Trying to properly explore toxic and negative turns in previously loving family dynamics is such a difficult task to take on. I really liked the complexity of the Xu family. All the actors really sold the family side of things. It was an almost tangible thing how much you could see how the love they felt had turned bitter and painful over the years.

The final battle was epic and mind blowing (There was a fucking DRAGON flying around for gods’ sake!) but I do wish it had stayed a little more grounded for longer in the beginning of it when the Ten Rings were fighting the Ta Lo warriors. I wanted to see more of that fight before they had the turn to becoming temporary allies against the soul suckers. It became a little too much of a CGI mash, for me, in some parts of it.

Still, the emotional beats held and the core of the story of this grieving family trying to hold on to the tatters of their world stayed consistent even through the final battle. I can forgive a lot because of the strong sense of character and connection there.

Plus, it’s a comic book movie. Spectacle is the name of the game and at least this one had cool fantasy beasts and dope fight choreo.

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. Let’s wrap it up here. Suffice it to say, I had a wonderful time with this movie. I’m ready for the next one!

#shang chi #shang chi and the legend of the ten rings #mcu #xu shang-chi #simu liu #tony leung #xu wenwu #meng'er zhang #xu xialing #ying li #fala chen #mcu spoilers #shang chi spoilers #liveblogging

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h34rtizuku · 3 years

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𝔭𝔦𝔱𝔶 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔶

i hate angst without happy endings, but i’m also self-destructive. therapy is expensive, but ripping your own heart out and bearing your insecurities into a full-fledged story for you and others to read? free.

warnings : angst without a happy ending, insecurities, jealousy, mayhaps toxic behavior?? idk if ur looking for a good time, this isn’t for you bestie <3 also i might misspell uraraka’s name wrong a few times, i’ll fix them later :*

being quirkless had its advantages. with such a small number of us being born without powers, it left a lot of the mundane jobs open.

which is why, as soon as pro-hero deku opened his agency, i came to him with the request to be his assistant.

on the daily, he had people coming up to him asking for internships or to be his sidekick. but he never had anyone ask to be his assistant.

being the number one hero often meant that every day things, things one may take for granted or deem insignificant became just another list of things on the busy man’s to-do list.

therefore the appeal of having someone file his paper work and run to get him coffee in the morning was great enough to hire me.

and i was glad he did.

this is what i have been working for since i was a first year in high school. after watching the freckled boy break limb after limb to defeat his opponent.

yeah, i saw it as irresponsible and stupid that he had to break his own body to save others. but i was willing to overlook it.

my one goal during my remaining years of high school and up to college was that wherever that little green haired boy went, i would follow.

and that reigned true as his assistant. i would shuffle after him like a duckling following it’s mother, wherever he needed me.

if he needed me in a briefing to take notes for him, i was there. if he needed me to put in overtime to help him file the last minute paperwork, i was there. if he wanted a particular pastry from a specific bakery half way across town, i was there.

izuku was never mean, or demanding. always thanking me profusely for anything i ever did for him. leaving me to remind him that this was my job, and any way to make his life easier was good enough for me.

but maybe i should have held onto those blushed cheeks and crinkled eyes as he thanked me for the coffee that he didn’t even know he needed, for a just a little bit longer.

you know how a child will open a new toy on christmas and it quickly becomes their new favorite toy? playing with it non-stop, taking it wherever they go. until one day, they grow bored of it and never touch it again as it grows dusty at the bottom of their toy bin.

i know izuku wasn’t doing it on purpose, he didn’t have an intentionally mean bone in his body. i guess you could say, some other toys came around and took his attention away.

and that toy, was a particularly difficult mission in collaboration with uravity’s agency.

the two spent long hours cooped in his office as they went over notes, plans, intel, etc. until the conversation melted into talk about the old days and the wonderful memories they had together in high school.

i went to work the following days with absolutely no energy to handle whatever would be thrown at me. i hadn’t been able to get much sleep, as when i closed my eyes the only thing i could see was the look in his eyes when he saw her.

my patience was already thin given the events of the most recent week, but when the printer started malfunctioning leaving me unable to fax the papers izuku wanted me send, you could say that was the first domino.

i swatted and kicked and pressed any button on the stupid machine. telling myself i was merely trying to get to stupid thing to work, but deep down i knew that the printer was just my temporary punching bag. an outlet to unleash my anger and emotions onto something instead of letting them fester inside me.

so when one of izuku’s sidekicks came by, giving a snarky comment about my behavior, i was able to brush it off with a roll of my eyes and an equally snippy comment back.

but as the hunk of plastic remained steady in its plan to ruin my day, the lack of sleep and lingering resentment started to bubble within me once more.

i heard footsteps behind me and a joking voice say, “having a bit of trouble are we?”

if it weren’t for the white hot anger buzzing in my ears i may have been able to identify the voice before i lashed out on them. but we already established this was not my day.

so as my hands moved to clutch the machine below me, most likely to restrain my abuse to merely verbal instead of physical. i spit out, “listen i’m fucking trying okay? so how about you get off my ass and do something useful.”

i turned around to face who i thought would be another sidekick sent to push my buttons. but i instead came face-to-face with the green haired man himself.

eyes blown wide, mouth agape in shock, a light blush dusted under his freckles as he fought to handle the situation the best way he could.

but i beat him to it with a deep bow and an endless flow of apologies, opting to only blame my anger on the malfunctioning piece of junk behind me and not the several other reasons i was plotting murder in my head.

with a gentle smile and a soft chuckle he placed his hand to the back of his head, rubbing at the baby jade hairs of his undercut. “i see. bad days happen to the best of us.” he replied, his voice like honey.

i became drunk on the minor interaction he was giving me, bringing me back to the beginning days at this job where we would spend late nights trying to keep each other awake under the only singular yellow light as we finished paperwork. or where sometimes he’d invite me to spend lunch with him as he felt he’d enjoy the company.

i got lost in the intricacies of his face as he tampered with the printer. thin eyebrows furrowed in concentration, bottom lip captured between his thick scarred fingers as he muttered to himself.

i fell in a trance, locked on the slope of his button nose, his gemstone eyes, and chubby caramel cheeks dusted in freckles.

he looked essentially like the same boy i saw on the screen all those years ago, yet matured and hardened by the realities of life.

i wanted nothing more than to reach out and protect him any way my small quirkless body could. to be there for him the same way he was for everyone else.

he eventually got the printer to work with a boyish smile on his face as he told me that despite the good roughing up i gave the machine, he was able to locate and handle the issue. “next time, skip the punching and come find me, yeah? i’ll help with any problems you face.” he joked as he made his way into his office to resume his work.

i didn’t know it was possible to fall harder for that man, but he proved with every day of his existence that the impossible didn’t apply to him.

i was finally able to get some sleep the next few nights as my eyelids filled with the blush on his cheekbones and his gaze of concentration.

but my trip to cloud 9 didn’t last very long as the occasional meeting with uraraka became trips to her agency, and occasional meetings in civilian clothes to civilian places, like coffee shops and corner stores.

to anyone else, those would read as dates. to me, they read as dates. but izuku assured the gossiping sidekicks that it was strictly professional ~ nothing more, nothing less.

i knew that i would end up with more fits of restlessness and sleepless nights as i pictured the two of them laughing over a cup of coffee. so i sought out a replacement.

a moment. a look. a sentence.

anything directed at me that would choke out the ugly thoughts and images my brain would show me of the two of them together.

so that afternoon as i brought him his lunch, i placed the box safely onto the table beside him as he continued skimming through the papers littered across the desk.

he muttered a small ‘thank you’ but it wasn’t enough. as my hand moved to place his drink that i held in my other hand next to his food, a different idea popped in my head.

my hand moved faster than my brain could register what it had just planned to do. squeezing just enough for the lid to pop off and slip from my fingers to tumble into his lap.

as soon as the liquid and ice hit his lap he flew up from his seat and away from his desk.

my hands flew up to my mouth as a string of apologies fell from my lips. eyes watering in guilt as they moved around the room trying to locate something to soak up the mess with.

“i am so sorry, my fingers slipped and before i knew it i had lost control of the cup. i-i can’t tell you how sorry i am.” i rambled as i took my blazer off to wipe at the wet stains starting to form at the bottom of his teal suit.

“hey, hey, hey.” he said softly, taking my tinier hands into his large and battered ones. warmth enveloped my clutched sticky hands as he gently urged me to stand from my crouching position in front of him.

“it was an accident. no harm, no foul.” he said with a soft smile.

i should feel bad, as it wasn’t entirely an accident. but the warm and gentle look in his eyes made what little guilt i felt crumble away.

his thumbs rubbing soft circles to my skin as he worked to get the tears to stop streaming from my eyes was enough to get me to sleep like a baby for a good 2 weeks.

until it became a cycle. he would spend too much time around uraraka, and then i would do something all in the name of garnering his attention back on me.

was it wrong of me to do, to take advantage of his kindness? to take advantage of the fact that he was naive to my true intentions? maybe.

but i felt i deserved it. i felt i deserved to be looked at the same way he looked at her.

i wasn’t any different than she was. with the way she used her big brown eyes to pull him in. or the way her cute behavior made him blush. or the way her sweet way of talking made him laugh.

i can’t be her, or compare to her. so i found my own way around it. and no one could fault me for doing so. they just couldn’t.

at the end of the mission, uravity decided to throw a party in celebration of their win. a nice formal gathering, with everyone she had involved.

when izuku pulled me aside one late night to tell me that he was extending the invitation to me felt akin to a marriage proposal.

i wasn’t involved much in the case, merely being used as the one who provided them their lunch on their long meeting days. or filing and organizing the paperwork and notes that they would compile. i wasn’t out in the field, breaking bones like izuku or saving lives like uraraka.

i didn’t deserve to go, but i didn’t care. izuku had invited me personally and damn it, i was gonna be there.

yet, i shouldn’t have gone.

i shouldn’t have spent the hours on my makeup. i shouldn’t have enlisted the help of my best friend to do my hair as i gushed about how izuku had personally invited me, how he was the most perfect man ever, and how i was undoubtedly in love with him.

i shouldn’t have spent the week leading up to the event going from shop to shop trying to find the prettiest dress that was just the exact color of his eyes. i shouldn’t have spent about half my paycheck on said dress when i found it.

i shouldn’t have decided to face my fears and step out of my comfort zone to join a group of heroes that i knew were old classmates of izuku’s as they whispered about something that clearly was a raving topic.

because then i wouldn’t have heard how izuku was planning on confessing to uraraka. i wouldn’t have heard how this mission caused old high school feelings to rekindle. i should have known my place.

and that was far away from here, from the hero scene. i should have grown up to be an accountant or a chef.

when my father took me to get that checkup when i was 5, to confirm that there truly resides no quirk inside me.

i should have left it at that.

when i was riding my bike that day as a first year and i saw the group of boys huddled around a screen as they tuned into the u-a sports festival, i should have kept riding.

as maybe it would have saved me a lot of pain.

i backed away slowly, heels tapping against the tile floor as i hurried out of the building.

i didn’t realize how suffocated i felt until the chilly autumn hair brushed my face and into my lungs.

my whole body felt hot, i felt numb. i stumbled onto the sidewalk as i looked into the dark azure sky glittered with stars.

the tears finally spilled from my eyes as the stars muddled together into a messy blur. my stomach swirled and tensed as pit of nausea sunk in my stomach.

my chest heaved as it tried to process the crisp cold air into oxygen, but my throat was too tight to let much in.

i gasped and sobbed as my back hit the brick behind me, my legs wobbling unable to carry my weight much longer.

i slid into a crouched position as my tears mixed with the black of my mascara. streaming in pools down my cheeks, neck, and chest.

in the midst of my sobbing and heaving, i called my friend who was still at my apartment awaiting details of that night when i came home.

knowing it was far too early for me to be calling her she picked up the phone with confusion. it didn’t take much words from me, not like i gave her much, to convince her that she needed to come pick me up.

as she hung up the phone, my hand slipped from my ear, falling limp to my side as i placed my head into my other arm resting atop my knees.

this was inevitable and i knew it. no matter how many ways i was able to manipulate a sweet glance from him, it didn’t mean anything.

izuku was nice to everybody. sweet to everyone. kind to anyone.

but with her, it was different. he treated her that way, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

they had years of memories, of laughs. they were perfect for each other, both smart, and kind, and always looking to help others. never acting selfishly or for personal gain.

they shared soft touches like they did old stories. they looked at each other with the same respect and admiration.

i was wrong. uraraka and i are nothing alike. she didn’t have to beg izuku to look at her like she hung the moon, he did so without asking.

unbeknownst to me, as i was manipulating izuku into these fabricated moments of gentle gazes and kind words, i was manipulating myself.

lying to the deepest parts of me that knew that this wasn’t real. that i wasn’t her. that he didn’t think of us the same way.

to him, uraraka is an old friend, who views the world the same way he does, who shares his same passions, who built her quirk to do some good within this world.

to him, i was a coffee-getter, the girl who knew his lunch orders like the back of her hand, the girl who filed his papers. the quirkless little fangirl who practically begged him to give her a job under him.

i heard the metal door open and snap shut announcing that someone was now outside with me. however, i just assumed it was a party-goer stepping outside for a smoke or a phone call so i didn’t bother to look up.

i also wasn’t in the mood for if the person happened to be a drunk girl who was ready to become my therapist as she saw me crouched on the sidewalk wishing to become one with the cement and simply cease to exist.

“there you are, i was wondering where you went?”

i would have taken the amateur therapist over this.

the voice belonged to izuku, dripping with sugar and default kindness.

if i could become one with the bricks just a little bit faster that would be great.

“hey, are you alright?” his tone became worried but i still didn’t dare to look up from my arms.

“do you feel sick? did something happen? do i need to take you home?” there he goes, into hero mode. ready to drop anything to help anyone facing the slightest of inconveniences.

“please just leave me alone.” i mumbled, throat tight and voice wavering as i try to hold the tears that still remain to fall.

“what did you say? i didn’t quite hear you.” he said softly, gently setting his large hands onto my exposed shoulder.

they should feel like welcoming warmth, but instead they felt blistering hot as i shoved them away as quickly as i could.

“i said leave me alone.” i said, slightly louder as i no longer was stuffed in my arms and knees.

he immediately saw the mess my face was in, i could tell by the way he quickly reverted fully into deku.

“hey, what’s wrong? whatever it is, i can help. didn’t i say you could come to me whenever you ne-“

“oh my god just stop! i can’t take it anymore.” i snapped, finally able to look him in the face.

but not for long as i saw the same look on his complexion as the first time i snapped at him.

“you’re too fucking nice. leaving you vulnerable for people to take advantage of you. giving them a reason to be selfish.”

“i dont-“ he tried to start but i cut him off.

“i don’t need a hero, izuku. there are people you just can’t save.”

as he worked to wrap his head around what was happening, my friend pulled up in my getaway car.

i bent down and grabbed my purse, but before i could fully escape this night, izuku grabbed my wrist causing me to stare into his eyes.

now lit aflame with desperation, “please just tell me what’s wrong. let me help you.” he encouraged softly.

but i wasn’t going to fall for it, not again.

i wasn’t gonna be played for the fool as i took the soft look in his eyes for anything but the gaze of a hero hoping to add another save to their statistics.

“god you never know when to quit!” i yelled as i yanked my wrist back. “and i hate that i-“

loved that about you?

no, love that about you.

i shook my head, thankful that for once my brain caught my actions before i spilled and made a mess again.

i walked quickly to the car, opening the passenger door almost as fast in hopes that within its metal sanctuary i could finally escape this hell.

“y/n- i-“

“mr. midoriya.” i just about whispered, my energy long since drained.

he laughed gently and i cursed the way my heart squeezed a little at the sound.

still head over heels for the angelic sound.

“you haven’t called me that in a long-“

“i quit.”

“w-what?” he muttered in disbelief.

i wouldn’t believe it either, not after the way i came to him nearly 4 years ago saying i would even be willing to clean toilets if he asked me to, so long as i got to work for him.

“i quit.” i repeated.

“you don’t mean that.”

he’s right i didn’t, not really.

hot tears started to dribble as my lower lip puckered in a sour quiver.

“no i do, sir.” i shook. “i will send someone to collect my things on monday.”

and with that i closed the door.

“drive.” i whispered to my friend who after a moment of looking at me, trying to read me, silently put the car into drive and started forward.

leaving izuku behind to stumble after the car, mouth muttering, trying to form any sort of sentence or sense.

but i couldn’t see him, knowing not to look at the mirrors situated on the side of the vehicle.

for they too are liars, as objects in the mirror are farther than they appear.

*** my little blue bitch working overtime

🧼 also mayhaps “soap” by melanie martinez fits this story… unintentionally ~ but if i’m wrong it’s cuz i haven’t listened to it in a while

#izuku #izuku midoriya #deku #deku x reader #izuku x reader #my hero academia #mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #izuku angst #deku angst #deku headcanons #deku imagine

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jenomark · 3 years

Text

JANUARY

➔Pairing: Doyoung x Reader (Female) | Jaehyun x Reader (Female) ➔Other Members/ Characters: -.- ➔Genre: Plot (ft. smut, romance, angst, fluff etc.) ➔Warnings: Angst ➔Word count: 4,716

➔Summary: You are dating handsome and lovable Jaehyun. You stay at his apartment all of the time, along with his roommate Doyoung. Doyoung has feelings for you, which he doesn’t quite understand. What begins as an innocent crush changes the lives of all three people over the course of seven months.

AUGUST SEPTEMBER OCTOBER NOVEMBER DECEMBER

Jaehyun sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor, leaning back on his arms, his hair a tousled mess, and his eyes red from not sleeping well. Moving never agreed with him. He hated change and how hard it was to settle into newness. He aspired to keep things as they were, which was why he hardly shopped for new shirts or baseball caps. The older and more used things were, the happier they made him feel. He didn’t want to exist in a world where he had to pick out new things to decorate a new apartment with, to pretend like he cared about separate cutting boards, one for meat and the other for vegetables.

Maybe he was just tired of giving a shit altogether.

He sat for a while on the wood floor that was scuffed after having to move his furniture alone. He kicked a lone sheet of bubble wrap with his foot, trying his best just to pop a bubble with his big toe. He blew hot air out of his mouth and looked around, willing his brain not to stir up old memories.

His phone rang and he ignored the call, something he didn’t often do. Jaehyun was a social butterfly. He liked talking to people, and liked the attention at the other end of the call, the way someone could feel excited just by talking to him. He knew the people he loved would be worried about him, and he resented any of those feelings they might have.

“I’m a grown up, for fucks sake.” he had told his mother before he left to pack up his apartment on his own.

His mother didn’t raise an argument, just let her only son go. So, Jaehyun was left alone to pack up his whole life, or what was left of it. By the time he got to the apartment he used to share, more than half of the things were gone. He hadn’t realized how little material possessions he owned, or how easy it was to pack up what he did have.

Jaehyun got to his feet. He knew he had to make a move and look for a new apartment for one person. It really was time to grow up and be the man he always wanted to be. He took one last look around the apartment before he locked it up forever, crossing that threshold and only thinking about you once.

December

“-I cheated on you.” he said. “I cheated on you the night I went to the bar without you.”

He meant it to sting. He wanted to see how the realization would set in, how the relief would slowly be replaced by repulsiveness. Your pretty little face scrunched up with it until you opened your mouth to berate him. More than anything, he wanted you to blame him for ruining the relationship, to use him as an excuse for your own infidelity.

Instead, there was only relief. It made Jaehyun feel disappointed.

“Do I know her?” you asked.

“No.” Jaehyun said. “She was a stranger. That doesn’t matter. It was just one time”

He was lying through his teeth. Not the best liar, Jaehyun was surprised you bought it. You looked understanding, which made him want to hurt you, really hurt you. The fight left him as soon as you admitted defeat. It was easy to love you but harder to unlove you.

“I have something to confess.” you said, sounding as pathetic as you looked.

He didn’t always know that you were cheating with Doyoung. There was a time, in the beginning, he used to laugh behind Doyoung’s back at his little crush on you. It was like a game for Jaehyun to watch his roommate squirm any time you walked into the room. It gave Jaehyun a mental pat on the back to know that he could get someone like you, someone everyone else wanted, someone Jaehyun’s roommate could not get. Looking back on it, it was wrong of him to think like this. Like everyone else, he was still learning how to be a better human being. He thought it would just take time.

Jaehyun had many crushes throughout his life, so he could hardly blame Doyoung for what should have been an innocent crush. You were pretty special. In a lot of ways, Jaehyun wished he hadn’t taken you for granted so much, because there were aspects to the relationship that were so good for him. He felt stupid to lose them. Also, you were beautiful and the sex was some of the best he’d ever had.

He supposed that he became really suspicious the feelings weren’t unrequited around Halloween. Something felt off at the party, and it had nothing to do with his drinking. You glowed whenever you were around Doyoung, much brighter than he himself ever could make you. That was the profound moment, the one where he tried so hard to convince himself that it wasn’t true. He began to blame himself for thinking negatively. The guilt ate away at him, gnawing at him whenever he was alone with his thoughts.

“Should I be scared of this confession?” Jaehyun asked.

There was so much bitterness dripping from his voice, but he was trying his best to remain neutral. Seeing the way your face deflated made him feel sympathetic towards you, something he was learning that adults could do.

You nodded, the tears falling quietly.

“Say it.” Jaehyun said.

You looked at him. He would always remember the way you looked at him, and how he wished things had turned out differently. In your eyes, he could see how certain you were of the future, how sure you were with your own choices.

“I cheated on you, too.” you said.

Jaehyun didn’t react like you wanted him to, which threw everything off. Your expression was accusatory, and he could see that you were wondering if either of you ever loved each other to begin with.

“Do I know him?” he asked.

“You don’t seem surprised.”

Jaehyun shrugged. “What does that say about you?” He squeezed his fists down by his side to calm down. He tried a different approach and added, “We shouldn’t do this outside.”

He started walking towards the car, hoping you would follow, but you didn’t. He walked back to you, reaching out his hand to touch your arm.

“You knew.” you said, the realization dawning on you slowly. “You knew I cheated on you this whole time?”

Jaehyun let his hand fall down by his side. When he spoke, his voice was thick. “Yes, I knew.”

“Did you cheat on me because I cheated on you?”

“Let’s talk about it in the car, please.”

He started walking, but again, you didn’t follow. Frustrated, Jaehyun turned back around. He looked at the windows to make sure no one was watching the show. He didn’t need his mother or his little cousins knowing what a wreck his life could sometimes be. By then, all the steam had left him. He was no longer angry or bitter, just numb.

“Yes, I knew you cheated on me,” he said. “I didn’t cheat on you because you cheated on me. What level of petty do you think I am?”

“How long have you known?” you asked.

“Does it matter?”

You looked terrified and so small. Jaehyun had to resist the urge to scoop you up and hold you in the cold air. He was still an asshole, but he was becoming a sensitive asshole. He thinks that’s the moment where the true change began.

Slowly, you started walking towards him. You both made it back to the car, a place that was starting to feel too heavy for Jaehyun, too boxed in. Closing the car door blocked out all of the air and sound. It was just the two of you, one person silently crying and the other trying his best not to break down with you.

“Why him?” was all Jaehyun said.

It was a question that had been bugging him for a long time. Sure, Doyoung was more emotionally available. He was outwardly intelligent. His charms were many, and he wasn’t bad looking. He kept most of his promises and could have been a good friend in a past life. People never had the wrong idea about Doyoung when they first met him, either, not like they did with Jaehyun. Their opinion of Jaehyun wavered, but Doyoung always brought forth the same reaction. He was the man a mother could like. He was the one you fell in love with, the one who felt right from the start.

Jaehyun could feel the mood in the car turn even more sour. You didn’t know he also knew it was with Doyoung. Maybe you were going to convince him that it was someone unimportant, some random in a bar, just like his story.

“Am I that awful?” Jaehyun asked. “I know I haven’t been here for you a whole lot. Our relationship hasn’t been the best.”

You cried a little harder. “No, you’re not awful.”

“So, why? Why do this to me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Good to know.” Jaehyun said, starting the car.

He drove away in silence, the only sound coming from the hum of the car. He dropped you off in front of his and Doyoung’s apartment. It was getting harder to remain feeling numb. As he sat in the car in front of his apartment, Jaehyun could feel every emotion flooding through his veins. He gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white.

“I’m not coming inside,” he said. “I’ll find somewhere else to stay until both of you are out of my apartment. Take as long as you need.”

You got out of the car and came around to the side where Jaehyun’s window was open. He opened it to the cool night air in order to breathe in the freshness. It just ended up making him feel ice cold, inside and outside.

Jaehyun leaned out of it and said, “By the way, I never really cheated on you. I just said that to make you admit it. Thanks for saying it.”

The numbness returned and followed him around for roughly a month. You and Doyoung moved out within three days, not bothering to stew in feelings of guilt, like he wanted you to. Jaehyun didn't know what to do with himself, after that.

He would walk in and out of Doyoung’s empty room in the apartment, thinking up memories of you two fucking where Doyoung used to keep his bed. It was tortuous and stupid, and it helped no one in the long run, but he couldn’t stop himself from trying to draw emotions out of the pit of his belly.

Not seeing you had made it harder for him to move on. He thought about going to see you at your job, to casually stop by where he knew your group of work friends would be, but there were people in his life who always talked him out of it. He just wanted to feel something, anything at all.

His own work friends suggested he hook up with random strangers, but he never actually had it in him to go out and do it. Building any kind of relationship with someone wasn’t a great idea, even if it made him feel like he was getting some kind of sexual revenge on you. Walking around his half-empty apartment wasn’t the best choice either, but it helped him pass the time.

He didn’t get to tell you, but it was Doyoung that eluded him to the affair. When Jaehyun had asked him to take care of you, he had never seen someone so confident in his ability to do so. There was love in that man's eyes, a love that can only be felt when the person you love loves you right back. A little after that, when Jaehyun really looked at you and saw you, he confirmed that something serious was going on.

In a way, Jaehyun hoped it was just sex. He could take it if you and Doyoung were sneaking off just to fuck each other when he was at work. Adding love into the mix hurt him a little more, made him aware of the things he lacked.

So, back and forth he went like that across the apartment. He did things he wasn’t proud of. He blamed himself and didn’t blame anyone else but you. He cursed your name in the darkness. He took his aggression out on Doyoung, even going so far as to ring up his work and tell them Doyoung was thinking about quitting. It really was petty, which maybe he definitely was being, but it wasn’t anything he couldn't correct himself for. He was trying. He really was.

Jaehyun took the last box from the top of the stairs, carrying it down in his arms like a delicate baby. On the side of the fridge, the only thing he wasn’t taking with him, was a calendar marking the end days in January. He thought of the next tenants moving in, and how they’d throw it out without hesitation. Maybe they’d have a more solid year ahead of them than he felt he did.

He couldn’t believe how fast time was moving, and he willed it to just slow down long enough for him to catch his breath. Soon enough, it would be February, and he’d have been single for nearly two months. The thought of spending his birthday alone made him sick to his stomach.

He walked down the stairs, looking into the box to see an old picture frame belonging to you on top. It was one your dad had taken of you as a child at the zoo. You were in shorts, your knobby knees sticking out, and your missing-toothed smile making him want to smile back. Jaehyun kept it in his room because it reminded him from time to time of you, of how one person can come into his life and change it all.

Jaehyun didn’t just want to throw it out, so he kept it with him until he moved. He didn’t know what to do with it now, but he figured he should probably return it. You’d want that photograph more than he did, but just barely.

After feeling like he wanted the whole world against you, Jaehyun started to refocus his attention on self-care and self-love. Slowly, he began to unpack his own responses to things, how he could choose to act better in every situation, and how the only person holding him back from a better life was him.

He began to feel better, too. It wasn’t going to cure him, but it was worth a start. He couldn’t stop the pessimism from reaching inside of his shirt and clawing at his bare skin, but he could change some things that didn’t serve him.

When he reached the outside, his heart a little raw from seeing your childhood photo, his mother was waiting for him in her car. Sometimes a momma's boy just needed his momma. He placed the box in the backseat and slid into the passenger seat.

“Are you ready?” she asked, patting his knee.

“I am.”

Bars felt comfortable because they were noisy. He would go to one after work, order a drink and sip on it until he felt tired and went home. He wasn’t there to get drunk or to meet new people. Sometimes, he caught up with his work friends. Other times, he sat there alone, chit-chatting to the bartender on duty. He laughed when things were funny. He let his foot tap away against the floor when the music was good.

“Is this seat taken?”

A pretty girl was standing hesitantly in front of the chair next to him. Jaehyun smiled and shook his head no. She sat down beside him, bringing her purse on her lap and looking at him with curiosity.

“I see you here a lot.” she said.

“Ahh,” Jaehyun said. “I think that’s my cue to stop coming every day. I swear, I’m not an alcoholic.”

Her eyes widened, afraid that she had offended him. “I didn’t mean-”

“-I’m kidding.” Jaehyun said. "It's a joke."

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Jaehyun pushed his empty glass away from him and swiveled his chair to face her more. She looked self-conscious with the way she tucked her hair behind her ear. Jaehyun felt too awkward, so he turned his chair back around.

“Are you waiting for someone?” he asked.

“No.” She said, “I came to talk to you because you looked lonely.”

To that, Jaehyun didn’t know what to say. Instead, he ordered another drink and let her talk his ear off. She talked about everything and nothing the whole night. Jaehyun partly listened and partly let his mind wander. She was nice and interesting enough, but he wasn’t ready to start talking to other women in a way that suggested sex or relationships.

He could have used a friend. He would have liked to have found a friend in her, but she made it clear that she wasn’t interested in him in that way when her hand found her way to his thigh. She moved it upward with each word she spoke, her fingertips dangerously close to fondling him.

“This was fun.” Jaehyun said, feeling the buzz of alcohol running through his system. “Unfortunately, I have work early tomorrow and need a full night's rest. See you sometime?”

The girl looked taken aback at the sudden change of events. Jaehyun got up from his chair, said goodnight to her and sauntered out of the door. He hadn’t even realized they didn’t exchange names.

Jaehyun decided to walk home. The night was cold in the way winter was, but manageable. His jacket kept him warm enough, and if his bones chilled, he hardly noticed. He watched people as he walked, watched them happily walking along the sidewalks and dipping into whatever door they fancied. Slowly, he began to smile and feel more at ease, but maybe it was the alcohol making him feel that way. Or maybe it was a sudden feeling that maybe everything could be alright, only if he allowed it.

He woke up and he was drooling. Jaehyun lifted his head from the pillow, looking to his left and right. There was a knocking sound that felt like it was coming from inside of his head. He hadn’t been that tipsy last night, so he knew a hangover was not the cause. He lifted himself up from the bed in his mothers spare bedroom and threw his legs over the side of his bed.

The knocking continued, more feverishly than before. Jaehyun ignored it and picked up his phone to see if he had any missed calls. There were none.

“I’m coming!” Jaehyun yelled when the final knocks were more forceful. He muttered to himself,” Fucking fuck.”

He walked across the room before realizing he was shirtless. He grabbed a dirty t-shirt from the floor and brought it over his head, letting the hem of it meet his sweatpants. In case it was one of his mothers snooty friends, he looked in the mirror and cleaned up his messy hair. He didn’t need anyone judging him for sleeping past noon on a weekend.

“Coming.” Jaehyun called again.

He walked out of the spare bedroom that was just to the left of the living room and ducked down to see if he could recognize the person standing on the porch. Or rather, people. He saw just a flip of hair before he ran behind the door and held his hand to his chest to get his heart to stop beating.

Doyoung’s voice was low and quiet, but Jaehyun could hear everything he said. “We’ll come back later. He's not home.”

Jaehyun didn’t have to hear your voice to know that you were there, too , that the hair he saw belonged to you. It was dyed a darker color, but it was unmistakably you. Yet, hearing the sound of your voice made his toes curl underneath him. He didn’t think seeing you so soon after the breakup would help him.

“He’s home.” you said, your voice somewhat impatient.

It was smart of you to come when his mother was at work. He thought you might have purposely done it this way, to avoid any more awkwardness. After all, Jaehyun’s mother was sure to ride for her son, to take a look at both of them standing on the porch and curse them out. At that imagery, Jaehyun smiled to himself.

“I don’t know.” Doyoung said, his voice nervous. "Should we be bothering him like this? It's too soon."

Jaehyun backed away from the door. He wondered if he had time to run back into the bedroom and get himself more presentable. He wanted you to see what you had been missing out on. He was a handsome guy, definitely one worth giving a second look to. He suddenly wished he had taken that girl at the bar home and fucked her, so that he could talk to you and Doyoung and have her walk out of the bedroom naked, unaware of what was going on. He'd love to see the look on your face then.

No, Jaehyun thought to himself. I should appear wounded. I am wounded.

The unkempt hair and slightly red-rimmed eye look was working in his favor. Before giving it another thought, Jaehyun whipped open the front door to his mothers house and faced them both down. He kept his face stoic, his voice even. “Can I help you?”

It was Doyoung who spoke first, his voice not as sharp as usual. “You have something of hers. She was wondering if she could have it back.”

“Can she speak for herself?” Jaehyun asked.

The whole time Doyoung was speaking, Jaehyun kept his eyes on you. It was a mistake to do so. There was nothing more heartbreaking than to see how well you were surviving. Your skin was glowing and flawless. Your new hair made you look mature in a way that was sure to make everyone notice you. You were dressed in nice clothes that matched Doyoung’s vibe. Jaehyun couldn't stop the jealousy from taking root in his soul.

“She can.” you said, speaking for yourself. “You have my picture and I’d like it back. Do you, by any chance, have it here?”

Jaehyun wasn’t really listening. He was looking into your eyes, daring himself to get lost in them. Maybe it was the fact that you were unattainable now, but it made him want you all over again. It was hard to let you go.

“Are you two dating now?” Jaehyun asked.

All three were silent, even Jaehyun. As soon as he spoke the words, he began to wish they’d stuff themselves back inside of his mouth. Jaehyun tried to recover and said, “That’s none of my business. Of course, I have your photo. I’ll get it.”

In their faces, Jaehyun shut the front door. He felt like he was going to have a heart attack. He clawed at his own neck and willed himself to breathe. He walked through his mom's house and went down to the basement where he was temporarily storing his belongings. Apartment hunting was going decently well, but he found out he could hardly afford more than a pot to piss in by himself. Having his mother support him had been a blessing, but it wasn’t easy.

After rifling through some boxes, he found the photo in question. The first few days he spent with his mother, he kept it on his bedside table. When he realized it was causing him too much pain, he brought it down to the basement with the rest of his things. He never thought you would come back to get it, or to remember it, or to show your face at his mother's house.

When Jaehyun opened the front door back up, you were gone. Doyoung stood, his eyes struggling to make eye contact. Jaehyun opened the screen door wide and handed the photograph in its frame to Doyoung.

“If you’re here to apologize, don’t bother.” Jaehyun said. “I’m over it.”

It was a lie, one too obvious for either to believe. Doyoung’s grace allowed him to let it go, to open his mouth and shut it right away. Jaehyun sat down on one of the porch chairs and motioned for Doyoung to do the same. Jaehyun shot a look in the direction of where you waited in a car, his face not betraying what he was feeling inside.

“I’ve been thinking about what I should say to you,” Jaehyun said. “But I’ve come up with nothing. All of that anger, and it still feels like I’m a fool with no way to defend myself.”

“You’re not a fool.” Doyoung said.

“You make me a fool by saying that.” Jaehyun said. “I’m a fool who was cheated on and too stupid to realize it, even with my suspicions. By my best friend, of all people.”

“Was I your best friend?” Doyoung asked. He sounded surprised, a little annoyed.

Jaehyun didn’t have an answer for that. Before, he would have answered it quickly. Of course you were my best friend. You were my roommate, my punching bag, and my buddy when all else failed. He had let Jaehyun’s lady live there because he was a nice guy, not because he was secretly in love with her. At that thought, Jaehyun chuckled darkly.

“Maybe not.” Jaehyun said. “It seems I never really had either relationship in the first place.”

“You didn’t want me to apologize.”

“No,” Jaehyun said. “It doesn’t do any good. I could apologize for not being the best boyfriend, but it didn’t matter. I could apologize for being a shitty roommate, maybe a friend, but you would still have made your choices.”

Doyoung played with the ring on his finger. He looked down at the frame in his hands, at the sweet girl looking back at him. “I owe you transparency.”

Jaehyun waited a long time for Doyoung to speak again. He was patient and channeling maturity. All he wanted to do, really, was go back inside and go back to sleep. Still, he waited and looked at Doyoung. When Doyoung didn’t speak fast enough, Jaehyun had to speak his mind. If he didn't, it would bother him too much.

“You’re dating her, yes?”

“Yes.” Doyoung said.

“In love?”

“Yes.”

“For a long time?”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel bad about it?”

“About loving her? No.” Doyoung said. “About hurting you? Yes. I did consider us some type of friends.”

“Not the type that doesn’t steal his boy's girlfriend, huh?”

The dig might have hurt Doyoung but Jaehyun couldn’t tell. Doyoung stood up, deciding that he’d had enough of the conversation. Jaehyun followed, rising to his feet in a way that desperately made him want to appear calm and cool.

“I’ll make this quick, since I have to go.” Doyoung said. “I don’t want to lose you in my life, Jaehyun.”

“Fuck you.” Jaehyun said, the words slipping out.

Doyoung’s lips parted. “I deserve that.”

“And her? Does she want to lose me?”

“I can’t speak for her, but no, she doesn’t.”

“Fuck right off.” Jaehyun opened his screen door. “A timeline where my girlfriend cheats on me with my roommate and they come back because they don’t want to lose me? Unbelievable.”

“Believe it.” Doyoung said.” Because it’s true. She won’t admit it, but there is something codependent about you two. About me, as well. Sometimes I feel like life isn’t the same without you in it. Actually, I know it’s not.”

Jaehyun shook his head as Doyoung turned to go. “I didn’t expect this. I wasn't prepared.”

Doyoung threw his hands in the air. “Me neither. I’ve learned not to expect anything anymore. Life is fucked. I'm trying my best to unfuck myself.”

Doyoung walked down the steps and back towards the car. Jaehyun watched him go, pausing way too long before going inside of the house and closing the door behind him.

#doyoung #kim doyoung #nct #nct doyoung #nct jaehyun #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct 127 #nct fanfiction #jaehyun fanfic #doyoung fanfic #doyoung smut #jaehyun smut #jaehyun fluff #doyoung fluff

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alabasterswriting · 3 years

Text

A Thousand Answers

Because I need more Anakin and Leia content, and I will fill that tag with my own two hands if I have to.

You can find it in AO3 format here, if you prefer that:)

Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She calls to him just once, reaching into the Force with the hesitance of a child and the determination of a grieving mother, and his response is immediate. Standing before her, a shimmering blue spectre of the past. He waits, giving her the courtesy of control. It’s kinder than the one he gave her in life.

He’s not what she expected, achingly young and handsome instead of the blackened monster of her nightmares. She’s not sure whether it helps or not, to see what was. The man she came from instead of the beast she knew. She supposes it doesn’t matter. A fresh body does not a fresh start make, and she doesn’t intend to give him that start. Not yet. Maybe not ever. She’s not the forgiving type and she has the feeling neither is he.

She hates the similarity, but it makes it easier. They know where they stand.

“I have a question for you,” she says. Her gaze rests on the horizon, unable to look at this man who looks so much like her brother and her son, with her chin and her countenance.

He tilts his head, the Force rippling around her with the sensation. “I figured you might.”

Yes, he did, didn’t he? He knew what happened. What she’s lost. How could he not? The dead see all, and all that philosophical shit that never did her any good. “I have tried, for weeks now, to figure out what I did wrong. How I could have made a difference,” so that I didn’t lose him. “And I realized, that no matter what I did, nothing made any sense. I couldn’t change anything because I didn’t even know anything was wrong and I just—” she stops. Swallows her words. Pushes the deluge of emotions to the side and takes a breath. She’s rambling. Rambling to a monster, a man she despises; calling out to a beast for the comfort a father should give to his daughter and hating it.

She takes another breath. A question, she has one question and that’s it. “I need to know. What was it for you? What happened to you? I couldn’t help him, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help you, and I’ll be damned if someone else ever has to face this ugly pit I’ve found myself clawing through. So tell me. What was it that happened in your life that was so bad you turned yourself into a monster?”

He doesn’t speak for a moment. Mulling it over, perhaps. Or maybe trying to find all the problems he’d faced and gift it to her as an excuse. She wonders if she’ll buy it. If it will somehow fill the black hole that’s mawed through her chest and give her some semblance of comfort.

How far she’s fallen. Looking for comfort from a monster.

He shifts above her. He’s too tall and she’s too short, and sitting on the ground gives her no favors in this regard, but the Force paints a picture in her mind of his movements as he drifts along the physical world to sit beside her. He’s not close. He wants to be, but he knows she wouldn’t appreciate it. They’re too alike and she knows that down to her marrow.

It’s a comfort that she doesn’t want, but takes anyway. A monster remembering his humanity.

“Do you want the truth, or a history lesson?” He asks. His voice is soft and boyish, so different from the booming mechanical bark in her memories.

She snorts. “I never liked history. It’s biased and painted over far too often by victors looking to rationalize their crimes.”

He nods. She can feel it like a warm breeze against her cheek. “True. We share that sentiment.”

“And yet you did it anyway.”

He shrugs. “As did you. History is written by the victors and you are a victor.”

“Your answer,” she states, because their victories were not the same and his history a figment of a blackened mind.

He stares at her. It prickles the hair along her neck and pulls her in until her gaze has drifted from blue skies to blue eyes. They’re electric and sad and commanding from one General to another. “My answer? I could give you a thousand answers, Leia, and none of them would be enough. There are no explanations I can give that would give you the answer you want, and there are not enough reasons in the galaxy to excuse what I did.”

“Then why? If there are no reasons, then why? Why did he—” no.

“I said that there were no reasons to excuse it, not that there were not reasons at all.” He leans in and she despises how much comfort it brings her. How warm he feels in the Force, for all that it soothes her because if a monster like Darth Vader can be that warm then surely there’s hope. “But I made a choice, Leia. I did. Not Obi-Wan. Not your mother. Not the Jedi or Palpatine. Me. Just as your son made his choice. Whatever part you played in his reasons are not an excuse for his actions, and wherever he goes from here are up to him.”

She swallows. It’s acid in her throat and a pressure behind her eyes. She hates how he can pick her apart to find the truths she hides from herself. The blame she’s trying to place. She searches his face for something -- anything that she can grab hold of and use to pull herself up from the depths she’s fallen into. “Can he come back? Like you?”

He smiles. It looks like Luke. It looks like her. It looks like her son. “Anyone can come back. It’s just a matter of wanting to.”

“And if he doesn’t want to?”

“Then that’s his choice.” He raises his hand to brush aside the tear on her cheek, before thinking better of it and bringing to his lap. She’s not sure why that hurts. “You can’t make his choices for him.”

“Then what can I do?”

“Fight. Hope. Keep him in your heart and remember who he was even when he forgets, then get up and move forward. You can’t go back, Leia, and you can’t force him to be someone he doesn’t want to be.”

Her throat is scraped raw as she says, “It hurts.”

“It does. But if there’s anything I know about you, it’s that you don’t give up when there’s still work to do.”

“Learn that from the Force, did you?”

He smirks. It’s lopsided and reminds her of a puppy. “Actually, I learned that from a young girl who lied to my face after being caught blatantly performing treason.”

“Yes, well, treason seems to be my middle name.”

“Hm, Leia Treason Organa. Catchy.”

“Fits better than Leia Amidala Skywalker.”

“I don’t know. I’m quite partial to that one.”

“You don’t get to be partial to it. She doesn’t exist.”

“No, I guess she doesn’t,” and it aches, somewhere inside her and inside the Force that that’s true. But the Force isn’t kind, and neither is the past, and Leia Organa has never had the luxury.

“Your mother would be proud, at least. Both of them.”

Her mother, the Queen of Alderaan, who wiped away tears and taught her strength, and her mother, the Queen of Naboo, who loved her despite never knowing her.

“And my father?”

He smirks. It’s sad, twisted with the knowledge of where they stand. “Immeasurably.”

“I don’t mean you.”

“I know.”

But he is. And she did. A little. She’ll give him this, and allow herself the fantasy.

Leia Organa does not spend long in fantasies. She shutters her gaze and pulls back. “Will you help him, then, while I’m off committing treason? Talk to him, or whatever it is dead people do in the Force.”

“I can’t talk to him, Leia. He won’t listen.”

“He might.” She’s not a fool. She knows how her son took Darth Vader into his mind and twisted him into an ideal to strive for. He may not listen to her, with all that hatred and resentment she still doesn’t understand, but he may for a man he thinks he wants to be. “He idolizes you. He wants to be you. And I hate you, but I love him, and if a man like you can come back, then maybe he can too.”

“He has to want it first.”

“So tell him that. Make him want it.”

“Not quite how it works.”

“Luke made you.”

“Luke was a catalyst,” the ghost stresses. “But wanting, Leia. No one can make you want it, except yourself. Because wanting it means accepting you were wrong. It means accepting that all your rationalizations were just that. I means taking responsibility for what you’ve done, and that is significantly harder than just deciding to be good. It’s seeing what you were capable of, taking in all that horror and monstrosity, and accepting it. No one can make him do that, Leia. Not even me.”

“He idolizes you.” “He idolizes my mistakes. He idolizes my shame and horror and regrets. He doesn’t want Anakin Skywalker. He wants Darth Vader, and one does not exist without the other.”

And her son will not accept that. The knowledge stomps the pieces of her heart into powdered glass and she turns away. “So you can do nothing. You are just as powerless as I.”

For once. For the first time. The one time she wants him omnipotent and he’s all too human.

He nods, despondent, with her heartbreak in his eyes. “I can watch him for you. I can be a hand on his shoulder. But I can no more bring back your son than Obi-Wan could bring back me.”

“He has to do that himself.”

“Yes.”

She nods once, pulling together the shavings of her heart and gluing them together. It’s depressing how good she’s gotten at doing so. “I understand. Watch him, then. If no one else can, then...watch him.” Care for him, she wants to say. Love him. No one else will at this point and he will not let her in to do so.

He softens. The Force of him wraps her in a warm blanket and she thinks he understands what she can’t say. “I will.”

I’ll care for him, she hears. I’ll love him, until he lets you back in to do it yourself.

A promise of love from a monster shouldn’t bring her such peace, but if her family is to be made up of monsters and men and gods, then perhaps it’s time she learned to embrace it. She’s spent her whole life running from him and his legacy, and it’s only brought her pain.

Leia bows her head. Not forgiveness, not benediction, not even acceptance, but a chance. Recognition for the man he was and the man he’s trying to be again. “Thank you, Master Skywalker.”

Anakin smiles, like a puppy that has since grown old, and returns the gesture. “Always, Master Organa.”

And he’s gone, as if he was never there in the first place. A hole in her life. But the Force is warm around her, waiting for her to reach out again. She’s not sure she will. She’s not sure she wants to. But the choice is nice.

An olive branch should she ever decide to take it.

Around her, the world pulls back into focus. Naboo roses, fragrant and sweet, waft in from the garden and the crystal waters glimmer under the sunlight. It’ll be dark soon. Already, the air is beginning to chill.

She gets up, picking up her skirts and ambling back inside. There’s work to do and an uncertain future ahead.

Her son made his choices. It’s time she made hers.

#star wars #star wars fanfiction #my fanfiction #anakin skywalker #darth vader #leia organa #princess leia #ben solo #i will fill up anakin and leia's relationship with my own two hands if i have to #give me the father-daughter content i need #explanations are not excuses #yes leia is at the lake house

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mc-critical · 3 years

Note

What are your thoughts on on how Hatice handled Esmanur? Do you think Ibrahim had a right to a relationship with Esmanur given what he had done to Hatice? Do you think there was even a morally correct way to handle the situation? Admittedly until this day I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it. I truly hated Ibrahim for cheating on Hatice and she had every right to feel everything she has felt, and she refused to kill or hurt Esmanur and even allowed Nigar/Ib to see her, but I remember Ibrahim wanting more and it makes me wonder if that was realistic or even possible..

I certainly find Ibrahim's infidelity to be one of his worst actions: I know that despite of Hatice pulling rank on him out of ignorance and not malice, it hurt him a lot to hear what he heard from one of his most loved people and I get why he may feel alienated and want to distance himself from Hatice for a little bit, but he took it way too far at some point, both deluding Nigar and upsetting Hatice in the process. I disliked how he didn't even want to listen to what his wife had to say most of the time and didn't tell her anything at all. It all went way past Hatice pulling rank in that one scene in E29 (in which also Ibrahim didn't answer anything to Hatice's accusations even before she uttered these words - I get that he was simply in shock that she would ever accuse him of infidelity like this, but Ibrahim's silence only made matters worse.) and I'm sorry, but yes, she had the absolute right to feel how she felt and I stand behind her much more than I do Ibrahim in this, even though both motivations are perfectly understandable.

I honestly think Hatice acted in the best way she knew how when it came to Esmanur: in her decision, she regarded both her position as a member of the dynasty and a part of the family and strived to do as little harm as she possibly could. Because according to law, she could've killed all three and Valide Hafsa had the exact same fear and imagined it in her head when she went to SS in E58. Not to mention that SS left the decision to Hatice alone and he said that he wouldn't oppose whatever she decided. She could've freely ended their lives and no one could really judge her for it, but she chose not to. Secretly hiding Esmanur and especially lying to Nigar that her daughter was dead was definetly a shady move, but I guess that she considered that some kind of punishment was in order. The infidelity got to her dynastic pride and dignity in a massive way and that's why she refused to accept the daughter for so long and decided to rather hide her, pretend she didn't exist, yet still have someone care for her far away. Ibrahim also wrote her a letter where he said that he didn't regret anything and that broke Hatice's heart even more and put her in denial in her persistent insistence for him to burn it.

Hatice's arc about forgiving Ibrahim in relation to the Esmanur storyline developed in two levels: first she wanted for them to begin anew by themselves, without anyone else around, then she wanted for them to begin anew with Esmanur, too, hence again, dynastic pride and family values clash once again with each other in Hatice and find their resolve. She let Ibrahim see Esmanur, but it took her a while to do that: because is it easy to accept the daughter of another woman? Not to mention how in some moments Ibrahim seemed to value her more than his kids with Hatice, because he considered her as something out of the dynasty's hand, that could be fully his and that even resembled his own past self to some extent. She was the daughter of Teo, the fisherman in Parga, not of the grand vezier Ibrahim Pasha, the position that puts so many expectations on the person who wields it. That's why he always demanded more and that's also why Hatice showed so much resistence at first: to her, he not only violates the laws of the dynasty, but tarnishes the honor of the family and puts it in such an awkward position. Because Hürrem is right in that Esmanur, the sweet little girl, would be the walking reminder of the infidelity and what Hatice and Ibrahim have gone through, and that's the very thing they want to somehow get over. To Hatice, if the daughter ever comes in her own home, it would make the recovery from the situation much harder. Because she wants to forgive Ibrahim, but to do that, she has to get over some deep seated beliefs of her own.

When some time passed, when both slowly seemed to go back to normal, she was ready to accept her, underlined in her going to see her. Here she fully takes Ibrahim's feelings into account: she realized how much that daughter means to him and since a child is one of the biggest family values, too, to her (as seen in her consistently strong wish to have a child in her desired family throughout S01 and S02, along with her earlier biggest losses being losses of children), she can go as far as accept it in her home, to start over as a new, better, more stable family and have the wishes of both her and Ibrahim be fulfilled accordingly. But the needs of both once again clash and the roles reverse: because now Ibrahim doesn't want to have her in their home, but to have more than that, to go in his own accord in order to still preserve what he values the most about this daughter, along with his fatherly love for her. Hatice and Ibrahim succeed to truly start over only when they find a compromise in the front of Esmanur, as well - for Ibrahim to go see her when he wants (and give her to Matrakcı), but not to have her in Hatice's home and I find that the most moral solution of the issue, when it comes to the time period, his crime and Ibrahim himself.

Still, that's my opinion and I don't think a true moral solution can be offered, again judging by both the infidelity and the time period, which makes the situation even more iffy and complicated. The moral solution I would chose when it comes to Nigar would be for Matrakcı to give her the location of the daughter after Ibrahim's death for her to go there and live with Esmanur in piece. As I mentioned in the ask about Nigar as a whole, I consider this the perfect narrative send-off for her character, as well: a happy ending she absolutely deserves. Her efforts to find and permanetly take her daughter in her arms would finally pay off and she would preserve a memory of what she sees as the best moments of her life. Enough time would have passed for her to have "paid" for her crime, so I think it would be just for her to find happiness eventually.

[Side note: Plot and drama convenience aside, I believe Matrakcı didn't tell Nigar where her daughter is because of deep or maybe already subconscious resentment of Nigar after he divorced her right in their marriage's first night and the whole "horn on his door" situation happening. Yes, he logically has to resent Ibrahim for this, because he caused it in the first place, but I always felt that like Nigar, Matrakcı had such tremendous loyalty for Ibrahim that he idealized him. And even when he called him out on his methods both in the horn situation and the beggining of S03, he eventually let it slide and held no grudge. He refused to talk to Nigar whatsoever after the horn incident and he told her some very harsh words when he was drunk and it's very possible that he didn't let it go completely. They have broken his heart when it came to love (Sadıka) and it's also possible that this may have hardened him or he simply loves Ibrahim that much to blame him for stuff for long or maybe internalized mysoginy? It's solely a theory of mine (and the internalized mysoginy part may be a stretch), but it would make sense.]

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhtesem yuzyil #hatice sultan #ibrahim pasha #nigar kalfa #esmanur #ask #stuffandthangs

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lady-charinette · 3 years

Note

For whenever you have time: Marichat choosing each other over each other (Ladrien) could be hurt/comfort or fluffy/funny but like I just really love it when that happens. Thanks in advance 🥰😉

A/N: Alright, I wrote this at the speed of light because a scenario immediately formed in my mind. I hope you like it anon! If this isn't what you had in mind feel free to specify what you want me to write in another ask and I'll write it better! :3 Get ready for a world of HURT! and fluff

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"Adrien, I'm...sorry." the spotted heroine returned the gift box but Adrien didn't take it immediately.

The teen model's eyes were burning, but he tried not to let the sorrow swallow his heart until he let her speak. "W-What for, Ladybug?"

He knew from the look in her eyes how sad she felt, knew the look well from all the times his lady would despair over whether or not she was a good enough hero to protect Paris.

He wished he could protect her heart too.

"I'm sorry, I...can't. It's not right. I'm sorry." those were the only words her mind was capable of forming on their own and her hands clasped together tightly after Adrien took his gift from her hands.

He gazed at the half opened box, at the letter in it, his letter, and at the red rose tucked safely into its side.

His lips formed into a thin line. "Its okay Ladybug, I understand." the smile was the smile he reserved for his photo sessions, for the cameras who only activated when he seemed happy.

There were no cameras around them now, but Adrien felt like he needed her to know he'll be okay.

Even if that was a lie.

Ladybug's own lips trembled and her eyes shone with unsched tears.

He wished he had his mask to hug her in comfort. Protect her from himself and the pain he caused.

"I understand, really. You're a...hero after all and I'm...just a civilian." the smile was firmly in place, years of careful practicing in front of the mirror ensured that, but he felt his resolve wavering in the face of her despair. "I, um, I better get going. I still have Chinese lessons! Bye, take care Ladybug!"

If she hadn't been preoccupied with having rejected her secret crush, Ladybug would've remembered that Adrien didn't have any Chinese lessons today as he ran back to the mansion.

"Plagg, claws out!" The words brought a wave of freedom to him as he leaped onto the side of the mansion, away from prying eyes, especially hers.

Once he reached the highest point on the roof, he held his gift in his hand. "Cataclysm," the command was a soft whispered order, and the destructive power rushed over the gift box in sickening tendrils of black.

It crumbled to dust and fell from his fingers like sand, the wind carrying the remains of his confession as if it never existed in the first place.

He didn't know when his transformation had dropped, he only felt a familiar warm ball of fur nestle into the crook of his neck, purring loudly to soothe his holder.

Adrien held onto Plagg as the world around him turned dark.

-------------------------------------------------------

Marinette had never expected to feel the crushing sensation in her ribs and her entire body. There was no akuma to punch the air out of her lungs, no Lila who tripped her and she fell down.

Tikki was gently stroking her friend's head, trying with all her tiny might to comfort her chosen as best as she could.

She was so old, so ancient, but the pain of witnessing love breaking before her eyes was always so painful for her. Especially love as pure as Marinette's was.

Tikki could only hug the girl as she sobbed her heart out for rejecting her crush for her duty and all the little kwami could whisper was "I'm sorry, Marinette," over and over again.

Kwami and chosen held each-other close, drawing comfort and strength from one another as the girl's heart lay in pieces.

-------------------------------------------------------

Pots too old and cracked to use were organized into a corner to discard later, new pots were moved into another space on her balcony to relocate her plants.

If Marinette's mind was kept busy, her heart would be too focused to mourn.

Marinette had thought tending to her plants on the balcony would soothe the ache in her chest, but all it did was add aches in her arms as she moved around heavy plants and pots.

When she lifted the large weeping fig into her arms, her legs shook from the weight of it as she tried moving it to the other side of her balcony.

Leg giving out under the weight, Marinette yelped as her hand slipped and she threatened to fall along with her plant.

Closing her eyes to brace for the impact, Marinette froze when the plant in her arms crashed into something else than the floor.

A slight huff was heard from behind the big plant, and Marinette wondered if the weeping fig had come to life to weep with her over her failed love life.

Instead, she saw a shock of blonde messy hair peek over the green leaves. "Careful princess, that was a close call." her eyes widened at finally recognizing the bright green eyes framed by the familiar black mask.

"C-Chat Noir?"

The hero took the heavy plant from her slack arms and effortlessly held it. "Where does this belong to?" almost robotically, Marinette pointed to the place she wanted to put the plant and Chat Noir carefully lowered the plant down onto its designated area. "Phew, that's a big plant, must have taken a while to grow right?"

The lack of puns didn't shock her as much as it should've, his presence on her balcony was enough of a shock to her system. "Chat Noir, what- what are you doing here?"

The bright green eyes, now that she had time to look at them better, seemed a little red and puffy, but he turned his head too quickly for her to be sure. "Patrol. Just strolling by in this Parisian night." he glanced at the scattered bits of earth on the concrete and empty pots near Marinette's feet. "Gardening work at this hour?"

She finally fell out of her stupor, shoulders sagging as her gaze fell to the floor. "Y-Yeah, I uh, I noticed a lot of my plants were um, everywhere so I tried to remove them- no I mean, move them around. But also remove some because some of them were, um, wilted and..."

Chat Noir observed the way her hand clutched at her other arm tightly, the way her shoulders were hunched and her head bowed. She looked like he had felt on the rooftop of his home, destroying the remains of his heart.

"Marinette," the use of her name made her head snap up, "Everything alright?"

That question seemed to be the only thing that had kept her tears at bay, until they finally flowed freely down her cheeks.

-A few moments later-

"I'm sorry for keeping you Chat Noir." Marinette wiped at her tears, her eyes red and puffy as his looked when he first landed on her balcony.

The hero shook his head, hand comfortingly placed on Marinette's shoulder, squeezing now and then to offer the comfort he could provide with his own heart in shambles.

"You're not, trust me princess," He offered her a sad smile. "Actually, I felt the same today."

Marinette's head shot up to him, eyes searching for his amidst the messy blond locks. "The same? What do you mean? Did...did you have your heart broken too, Chat Noir?"

The imperceptible nod of his head made the burn in Marinette's heart worse. How could someone hurt his feelings like this? Despite all the bravado and smugness he displayed whenever they faced akumas, she knew he was a kind boy deep down.

Marinette's own hand found Chat Noir's shoulder, normally held high and proud but now low and hunched. He looked as miserable as she felt. "I'm so sorry Chat Noir." she felt the tears beginning to return and threaten to spill from her eyes again.

Chat Noir smiled, his hand lifting to clasp over her own on his shoulder, squeezing in appreciation. "Its not your fault." Marinette wished it was, so she could take the blame for breaking his heart, that way the resentment growing in her would be aimed at her, not the girl who broke Chat Noir's heart.

She might have had her reasons, but Marinette still felt sad for her partner.

"I'm sorry for getting your heart broken, kitty. If anyone didn't deserve that, its you." Her words were softly spoken but sincere, it made his lips pull up into a genuine smile.

Chat Noir nudged her shoulder with his gently, "On the contrary princess, I know one other person who didn't deserve getting her heart broken."

The meaningful look in his eyes made her heart feel just a bit lighter and Marinette laughed, "I did deserve it, I wished I didn't have to do what I did."

"Then...why did you?"

Marinette bit her lip. "Because...its complicated but...I just had to. There's something else keeping me from being honest with him and...I can't afford to hurt him like that."

Chat Noir wrapped one arm around his knee, keeping the other on top of Marinette's hand on his shoulder, "You know, if I had heard this a few hours ago, I would disagree but...having listened to you, I think I can understand a little bit where my l-I mean, the friend who rejected me came from."

His friend lifted her head curiously, tears dried. "What do you mean?"

"Well...I think you're right, but I also think, if you did tell him the truth, he would've understood. He sounds like an understanding guy to me, at least." Somehow Chat Noir felt like he resonated with the boy whom Marinette had rejected, he hoped the guy understood and didn't resent Marinette for her actions. "Keeping secrets from each-other may be neccesarily at times, and you feel like the only way to keep from hurting people you love is by keeping secrets, but sometimes telling the truth might hurt worse in the end. But it will get better later on, trust me. Even if the truth hurts worse than a lie, I think the truth can be forgiven easier."

He spoke from the heart it seemed, Marinette had to blink rapidly to keep the fresh tears at bay, but for some reason her heart did feel lighter as she listened to Chat Noir.

He was right, hurting Adrien with a lie is far worse than the truth. But she hadn't thought of it like that, she only wanted to keep him away from danger.

Marinette bit her lip, fingers squeezing Chat Noir's shoulder. The hero turned his head to look at her curiously. "Thank you, Chat Noir," Marinette spoke softly, those words alone seemed to heal some of the wounds in Chat Noir's heart.

He nodded, squeezing her hand back.

Marinette had more to say though, "I think... with you too, I think I can understand the girl who...who rejected you a bit better. Maybe she had her own reasons for doing what she did, but thinking that she didn't want to hurt you with the truth, she lied."

Chat's ears sperked up at this, "...You think so?"

She shrugged, "Maybe. Maybe she saw no other way but to lie to keep you safe."

He hummed thoughtfully and stared up at the sky. Yeah, that did sound like something Ladybug would do. Especially since she didn't know he was Adrien and a miraculous holder himself, she would hurt him at the cost of her own feelings to protect him.

He shook his head, who was he kidding? His lady didn't feel that way for him, but he knew it was true that she tried to protect him from danger. His lady was just like that.

Chat Noir gazed back at his friend and classmate, who didn't seem as dejected as when he first saw her on her balcony. "I hope the boy who rejected you knows what he missed."

Marinette laughed out loud and Chat Noir couldn't help but grin, "I doubt that Chat Noir."

He rolled his shoulders, "Well, maybe this tom will have to pay him a visit and teach him a lesson then."

Marinette shook her head, her hand falling away from his shoulder. Chat Noir reluctantly let her hand go, even if he did miss the comforting warmth it gave him.

But the smile she bestowed him with seemed to give his heart all the warmth it needed to melt. "Thank you, Chat Noir. You really are my hero." she grinned playfully, but he took her words to heart, even if they were exaggerated. Chat Noir he couldn't save her from a broken heart, just like she couldn't save him, but at least they could help pick up each-other's pieces.

"Heh, always happy to rescue you, princess." The playful glint in his own eyes was something he hoped conveyed just how deep his appreciation for Marinette's words rang.

She nudged his shoulder playfully and that seemed to spur his next words into action. "Even if you don't have the mouse miraculous anymore, you're still a hero in my eyes."

Marinette seemed to blush at his words, and he marveled at the way she always grew shy at compliments from her friends. He hoped with these compliments that Marinette could grow to see what an amazing person she really was.

"I'm happy to help and, even if I'm just a civilian, you can come to me if you ever need to talk, Chat Noir." his heart felt as light as a feather at her kind offer.

Marinette tried to concentrate on cooling off the sudden inferno in her face.

'No, I'm just comforting him. This doesn't mean anything. He's my friend.' Even as Marinette's thoughts circled around those words stubbornly, her heart couldn't help but pick up speed when Chat Noir's gaze softened while looking at her.

"Thank you, Marinette. I appreciate it." his words sounded so sincere, so soft spoken. This soft side of Chat Noir came out in brief instances, short glimpses between akuma battles and their de-transformation period that allowed for calm and peace.

Even those instances were rare, but here, transformed but not in battle, mask up but a different mask down, he felt so raw to her. Like she caught glimpses of himself he didn't often show to others, not even Ladybug.

Marinette shook her head, trying to will those thoughts away. How could she be thinking that? He was her friend and partner. And she'd just had to turn down Adrien today as Ladybug, had to turn down the dream she'd always had.

Chat Noir noticed her dampening mood and his lips pulled up into a small smile with the idea forming in his head.

He jumped down from the balcony railing, like a cat off a high shelf, soundless and effortless.

"Hey, why don't we watch that movie you mentioned a while ago? The one with the witch and her familiar?"

Marinette blinked, but before her brain could process at what instance she specifically told Chat Noir of her movie preferences, she was already heading towards the hatch to her room.

"Oh! Thats right, I did want to watch that. Wait here Chat Noir, I'll get everything ready." With that, her head disappeared beneath the wooden door, sounds of rummaging through her room audible from the half opened window.

Chat Noir sighed deeply, letting the cool night air fill his lungs and soothe the burn in his heart.

He hadn't planned for his night to go like this, especially since Ladybug had turned him down today. Certainly hadn't expected Marinette to have more than a willing ear to listen and send him on his way.

She listened, and comforted him and offered solace at a place he least expected.

He always thought Adrien Agreste was a boy Marinette Dupain-Cheng could grow to like as a friend at least. He was grateful for their friendship, as distanced as it seemed sometimes. He was grateful she didn't dislike him after some of his social blunders.

Chat Noir gazed up towards the sky, twinkling dots greeting him back. He wished every day would feel as peaceful as he did in that moment.

And it was thanks to his amazing friend.

The hatch opened and his head whipped towards the pile of blankets, projector and white sheet hiding one Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

With a chuckle, he helped her set up everything for their movie, pulling the white sheet taut and connecting the string attached to its ends to either side of the roof and chimney down to the edges of the balcony. It covered up nearly the entire front view of the balcony, but he felt like this was their own cocoon of privacy. Of something that felt like comfort and home.

Even the cookies, croissants and other pastries she brought smelled like the home he remembered being in before his mother disappeared and Chat Noir tried not to let the glistening in his eyes show too much.

Tucked tightly into the blankets and nestled next to each-other, Marinette pressed a few buttons on the yellow beamer and the white sheet came to life with moving pictures and sounds.

Chat Noir had thought his heart would burst simply from this, it certainly felt full enough to, but when Marinette had slowly moved closer to him during the movie, subconsciously on her part, his beating heart felt ready to explode.

Shoulders touching and head nestled against the side of his, Marinette felt safe in a way her suit didn't make her feel and she partly blamed the atmosphere, partly the purring cat next to her.

Chat Noir knew they were friends, but as he allowed some of his weight to settle against his classmate and his chest vibrating with purrs, he couldn't help but feel like this would've felt different if Nino or Chloe had taken Marinette's place.

Marinette's own thoughts swam with much of the same sentiments as the boy nestled against her side was experiencing, her heart warm and alive as it hadn't felt in a while.

She felt like despite all her duties and problems, she could take on the whole world.

Marinette hadn't remembered the fact that she only mentioned that movie to her friends during lunch, to Alya and Nino...

...and Adrien.

As the city of Paris darkened with the passing of time, the little balcony above the bakery was alive with quiet laughter and flickering lights.

Thanks for reading! :)

#miraculous ladybug #ml #adrien agreste #chat noir #marinette dupaincheng #marichat #ladrien #ml fic #miraculous #ask #anon #ml ask #ml request #i wrote this but damn i had tears in my eyes #angst #fluff #hurt/comfort #my fics

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quazartranslates · 3 years

Text

Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH54

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

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Chapter 54: Purgatory Reunion (VI)

At this moment, the world was silent.

Qi Leren stood on a black rock in the middle of the lake of fire, staring at Ning Zhou, who had become a dragon. The dragon also stared at him. The slender and horrible vertical pupils of cold-blooded animals showed the gentleness of recognition.

The fire and rain falling from the sky stopped, and the magma erupting angrily because of the force of destruction also stopped. This dark underground world was immersed in the warm sunshine pouring in from the gap and the holy light from the Prophet's Heart.

For a moment, Qi Leren couldn't say anything, because there were too many words choked in his throat. When he opened his mouth, the words that could be said and could not be said were about to slip away before his eyes.

He held out his hand and wanted to touch the dragon that he was so close to. Even in purgatory, its head was head high rather, not low. But the dragon in front of him gently lowered its head and stopped in front of his eyes.

Qi Leren stroked the dragon’s cold scales, and then hugged him. He didn't even dare to put pressure into it. He just put his face on the cold dragon scales and choked:

"Ning Zhou, I’m back."

This sentence was like a spell. Qi Leren’s tears that had been building finally flowed down. These tears were full of love and joy. He was thankful that he wasn’t too late, and that the tragedy in his nightmares hadn’t taken place. He finally came to Ning Zhou before everything was irreversible.

As long as Ning Zhou was still alive, there was still hope for everything.

It was also with this sentence that the dragon standing in the lake of fire slowly changed back to its human form—a thin, gaunt, but still alive Ning Zhou. When he stared at him with his blue eyes that held too much emotion, Qi Leren suddenly felt that Ning Zhou knew everything, and he understood everything.

Whether it was misunderstanding, deep guilt, or love, when they met again in this hot lake, a pair of loving souls embraced everything.

　　&&&

"Is this who you were talking about, His Majesty's dead lover?" The Witch of Nothingness turned her head. Although she never opened her eyes, she "stared" at the Devil of Evil, waiting for his answer.

All the demons sitting around the long table looked at him. This oppressive gaze made the Devil of Evil feel pressured. He spread his hands: "According to intelligence, he is indeed dead, but the truth of the matter doesn’t seem so simple. I’m afraid even our Majesty thinks he’s dead."

"Whose side is he from?" The Witch of Desperation only cared about this problem.

"The Holy See?" the Witch of Resentment murmured, staring at Qi Leren who was shrouded by the power of a holy angel.

"No, the intelligence said that he’s a foreigner. He came here from another world, and he had no faith. However, his strength is biased towards the Holy See. Which master in their camp gave him an item to borrow strength?" the Devil of Evil mused.

The Witch of Desperation waved her hand, and the magic mirror’s perspective pulled away, overlooking the lake of fire from a distance. The paradise reflected in the holy light covering the sky had the divine beauty of dusk, just as it had been repeatedly described in the Canon, the home of God.

"It’s the Village of Dusk’s Prophet!" The Witch of Nothingness recognized the characteristics of this miracle and revealed it in the same breath.

"It seems that His Majesty's little lover is a man favored by the Prophet. If he doesn't know what his original strength is, he’ll never become a 'guardian' like Maria, right?" The Devil of Evil touched his chin and showed innocent cruelty in his eyes. "Oh, I don't want to see the tragedy of that year repeat itself."

The Witch of Desperation looked at the magic mirror silently and said after a long time, "It's a pity... It’s almost too similar."

The Witch of Nothingness comforted: "There’s no rush for a while."

"Haha, aren't you going to rush out and stop them now? Even if you say yes, I won't go, I still want to keep this life for a long time." The Devil of Evil put his hands behind his head and leaned lazily against the back of the chair.

"Wait and see. It's not time for us to show up yet," said the Witch of Desperation, drawing a pause symbol on the attempted operation.

　　&&&

The two people didn't go far. Ning Zhou was tired when Qi Leren found him, as if he hadn't slept for several days, and he forced him to have a rest. They settled down in a secret cave not too far from the lake of fire, and Ning Zhou set up a barrier to prevent harassment from lower demons.

There were fluorescent fungi and luminous moths like butterflies in this cave, and Qi Leren took out a lantern to make the dim light illuminate their surroundings.

Qi Leren leaned against the cave wall, and Ning Zhou rested on his leg, his body covered with a blanket.

The warm light of the lantern allowed the two exhausted people to briefly escape from this Nightmare World and take a nap in a pure peaceful land. The scarred soul wrapped in its scarred body finally found rest here.

Ning Zhou quietly looked at Qi Leren, but he couldn't close his eyes for even a moment until Qi Leren secretly hooked his hand under the blanket, and their two hands clasped each other. Then, his nervous look eased slightly.

"Can't sleep?" Qi Leren asked softly.

Ning Zhou shook his head gently, holding Qi Leren's hand tightly, as if when he let go, the warmth in his hand would slip away quietly.

"Then let's talk for a while?" Their old estrangement had long since disappeared. At this time, Qi Leren simply had endless questions and endless words. He was curious about everything about Ning Zhou, his childhood, his past, his mood, and he also had a lot of things to tell him, such as how worried he was... He can talk about forever on his own.

Qi Leren couldn't help but talk about it. From the beginning when he had found love at first sight, he talked about his inner struggle and suffering.

"...I'm not afraid to love someone of the same sex, but I'm afraid my feelings will hurt you. At that time, I even thought… if I choose to be patient to let you live better, I would rather… be patient my whole life. But... but, in the end, my love has become your burden. I'm sorry, Ning Zhou... I'm sorry..."

Just as tears fell from his eyes, Ning Zhou wiped them away with his fingers.

"At that time, I wrote a 7 to tell you that I would be resurrected in seven days, but the moment I wrote it, I regretted it. Because... I shouldn't have said this... I never knew it would be so painful to tell the truth. If I hadn't said it, maybe you wouldn't be here now, you'd still be living in Neverland, and you wouldn't suffer so much..."

When Qi Leren had learned of Ning Zhou’s end in that game, besides his great fear, his heart had been filled with endless guilt and remorse.

He instinctively blamed himself for everything, and decided that his existence had made Ning Zhou embark on a road full of thorns, which was indeed the case. Without his existence, Ning Zhou's identity would still be an exorcist in Neverland, instead of... a descendant of the Destroyer.

"Then you would spend your whole life deceiving yourself?" Ning Zhou asked gently.

Qi Leren was silent.

"Calm pain is better than hypocrisy. I should pay for it all my life, but I shouldn't cheat it all my life... I’ve never regretted my choice." Even at the moment when he was determined to end himself, his heart was filled with endless sadness and despair, but there was no resentment or regret.

Even when he sank into the abyss of despair at that moment, he was illuminated by a beam of light, and he had been redeemed.

God gave him a miracle to embrace the light at the end of Hell.

He had courage and determination again. He wanted to give it a try and see if he could control the raging destruction, not sink into the power and become a slave to it. He was willing to try for the person he loved, even if it was an almost impossible challenge.

He was willing to die for this world, but he was willing to live for his lover.

Sometimes it was harder to live than to die.

"Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Those who can endure and overcome temptation will be rewarded." Ning Zhou gently recited the words in the Canon and looked at Qi Leren. "God has rewarded me and he sent you back to me."

Qi Leren could no longer speak. He felt another person's heat on his skin, so warm and pleasant.

He read another person's soul from his eyes, so pure and calm.

He was glad again that he had not missed Ning Zhou.

Qi Leren took out the Canon and said with a smile: "Chen Baiqi gave it to me. I’ll read it to you. If you’re tired, just sleep."

So in the dim light, he read from the first page: "After the destruction of the ancient world, everything was chaotic and asleep. There was no past, no future, no center, no margin, only endless darkness. The gods came from outside, each sowing a seed. Some seeds died before they germinated, while others were swallowed up as soon as they sprouted. Only the seeds of Father God were born within light and darkness, sky and earth, sun, moon, and stars. Father God was happy, for he wanted to bring life into the seed and make it become its own world..."

Ning Zhou closed his eyes and seemed to be asleep.

Qi Leren closed his book carefully and gently stared at Ning Zhou. At this moment, his heart was full of both sourness and sweetness. He was glad that he had arrived here in time, and pulled him out when Ning Zhou was at his most helpless and vulnerable, so that he didn't fall into the abyss of death.

At first, he thought that Ning Zhou's death would be at the hands of others, but when he came to the lake of fire and watched the black dragon roar in despair, he suddenly understood.

What would kill Ning Zhou was not the devils hidden in this underground world, but the devil inside Ning Zhou.

At that time, Ning Zhou's heart was so desperate that he would rather die of guilt than live in the world... This thought made Qi Leren feel sourness in his eyes.

A fluorescent moth, which had stopped on the cave wall, came down lightly and stopped on the blanket that covered Ning Zhou, emitting blue-green light. Qi Leren moved his fingers and drove it away.

"I believe that power has nothing to do with good and evil. You have never fallen," Qi Leren whispered, tracing Ning Zhou's sleeping face with his eyes.

Ning Zhou didn't open his eyes, but he held his hand tightly.

A teardrop trickled down from the corner of his eye and sank into the shadows.

In this dark world where only a lantern shone faintly, they devoutly delivered trust and love, and then received redemption from each other.

The long night road that they had once thought they would never be able to see the end of, all of a sudden, had already revealed the tiny lights between the distant mountains.

Qi Leren suddenly felt deeply touched. When he was trained hellishly by Chen Baiqi, he had rationally understood that all this was for his own good, so deep down, he had no hesitation or complaints. But when he held Ning Zhou's hand at this moment, he suddenly understood everything, and everything he had endured, whether it was hard training or life and death tests, had taught him to grow with every step. He had to keep growing.

What he shouldered was no longer his own life.

To the world, he was only a trivial person, but to the one who loved him, he was his whole world.

——I am willing to create a paradise on earth for you, and I am willing to hold your wandering and painful soul here.

——At this moment, I only wish that you have a good dream.

-----

Editor’s Notes: After nearly two hundred chapters, we finally get to see some sweetness between them :’)

[Here] is some fanart of their reuinion.

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ghostlywritten · 3 years

Text

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Seven

James Potter x OC

Words: 6k

Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six

"Where have you been last night?" Alice asked as I sat down at the breakfast table the next day.

"Eh...with James," I mumbled, stuffing my face with cinnamon rolls as hers, Marlene's and Lily's eyes bulged in shock.

"What?" Marlene exclaimed, dropping her cup, "Already?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Yeah?"

She smirked widely, "You little...who would have thought you to be so quick?"

"Quick with what?"

"Letting him pop your cherry of course!" Alice giggled along with Marlene whilst Lily and I went beet red.

"We did not do that!" I protested, shaking my head vehemently.

"Aww, why not?" Marlene pouted into her cup.

"Because I ain't that easy," I retaliated, shooting her a look.

"What? You think I'm easy?" she asked, peeved.

"Well, you do get along with boys very fast," Alice pointed out matter-of-factly whilst Lily nodded next to her. Marlene grumbled under her breath, "Can you blame me when they basically throw themselves on me?" She flipped her hair and I smiled at Alice's giggling.

"How was your dinner with Potter then?" Lily asked suddenly, keeping her eyes on her porridge with intent.

"Quite nice, actually," I replied, my smile widening as I remembered last night, "We talked about a lot of things until it got way too late."

"Boring!" Marlene commented, causing the red head next to her to snicker. "Is that everything?" Lily asked amused and I raised my eyebrows in confusion, "Have you at least kissed or something?"

"Well, no. I didn't want to," I defended myself.

"Oh please, who doesn't want to snog him or the Marauders in general?" Marlene rolled her eyes, "Except for Lily perhaps." Said person's smile dropped an inch before she composed herself. "Exactly. Seems like he is not that into you, after all." I tried not to frown at her words but that stung quite a lot. So what if we hadn't kissed? Was that even normal on a first date? In fact, I hadn't even known it was a date until the end. I couldn't help but feel insecure now, keeping quiet as Lily awaited my answer. Guilt slowly spread on her face when she noted the hurt I was trying to hide.

"When is your second date then?" Alice asked, breaking the sudden silence between us after she shot a knowing look at her green-eyed friend.

"Not sure," I shrugged, rolling my breakfast around on my plate. I didn't feel like talking about it anymore so I changed the topic, "Marlene, what's up with you and my worst enemy?"

"Oh Adrian!" Marlene immediately perked up and started chatting about her shenanigens, successfully giving me a reason to not talk anymore until breakfast was over and we left for class.

"...and he can be surprisingly sweet. Like that one time we were alone and I was so frustrated because McGonagall scolded me again for not getting a spell right...," Marlene kept blabbering whilst we sat down for History of Magic and I almost regretted opening that Pandora Box of a mouth - just kidding - as she gushed about the boy I resented deeply...on the Quidditch pitch. Outside of it we simply ignored each other, really. I sighed, thinking about how I actually had to get along with him after Christmas when he became a part of Team A.

"Alright there, Cec?" James plopped down on the free seat next to me and I blinked. Glancing back, I noticed Sirius settling next to Remus and Peter sitting beside some Ravenclaw bloke. Weird.

"You're not sitting with Sirius?" I asked in surprise.

"Now, why would I want that when I could sit next to you?" he asked with a grin but raised his eyebrows at the squeals emitting from Marlene and Alice in front of us.

"Cheesy," I commented, trying to regain control of my racing heart.

"Only for you," he winked. What a liar. I knew for a fact that he had always been cheesy. Especially when it came to a certain red head, who right now kept glimpsing over her shoulder at us. Her words from breakfast earlier caught up to me and I wondered once again about our 'boring' first date. I had not even for a second thought about our night that way but what if he did?

Shooting a look at the handsome boy next to me mindlessly chatting about some prank he was preparing whilst taking out his stuff I tried to detect any sign of boredom on his features. He was gesturing animatedly with his hands, which caused him to take longer than necessary to get his books out. It appeared like he was having fun. His brown eyes were sparkling even in the dim light of Professor Binn's classroom and I noticed the golden undertones in his rich-coloured irises. In fact, there were a lot of things I was suddenly noticing in that moment; How his glasses kept slipping due to his excited movements, forcing him to nudge them back up on the bridge of his slightly pointed nose, how his dimples popped up from time to time, accentuating his boyish features in an adorable way and how he ran a hand through his thick hair...every five seconds.

"Oi, Cec. Are you even listening?" the boy in my thoughts complained as he flicked my forehead.

"Ouch, yes I am," I said, rubbing the sore spot. Thank Merlin, he snapped me out of it though, I was getting near obsessed with the analysis of his features.

"Seems more like you were obsessed with my looks," James said with a wolfish grin and I did everything in my power to keep myself from turning into a tomato.

"What? I wasn't!" I almost shrieked, busying myself with my stuff erratically, "You just have a booger on your face, that's all."

"Sure, Cec," he replied offhandedly but I grinned as he tried to inconspiculously rub his nose. "So, I was thinking that the Hogsmeade trip next weekend could be our second date," James suggested and by now I was a master in controlling my spit to stop myself from choking on it whenever he randomly decided to make my heart burst.

'But that meant that he did enjoy our first date, right?' I thought, feeling slightly hopeful as I opened my mouth to agree.

"Hell no," Marlene made a sliding tackle, turning around in her seat, "She can't." I shot her an incredulous look whilst Alice kicked her under table.

"Why not?" James asked, as clueless as we all. Though he looked so cute being clue- Merlin, I was whipped.

"Hogsmeade is a traditional girls' trip," Marlene said matter-of-factly, "You don't want to break a three-year long tradition, James. Trust me."

"I guess not...," he trailed off, probably weirded off by the threatening looks Alice and I were shooting at the brown-haired beauty, "Well, some other time then, Cec."

"Sure," Marlene answered for me again and I was almost speechless.

"What the hell was that?" I immediately bombared her as soon as class ended and I saw the last of James' and his mates' heads leaving for lunch.

"Yeah, what did you do that for?" Alice wondered, "Why would you prevent a second date?"

"Yes, why?!" I asked almost hysterically, "That's probably the only boy in this school, who would be interested in a second date with me," I started slapping her arm with each word, " and...you...rejected...him...because...of...a...tradition-"

"Ouch! Merlin, stop!" Marlene backed away from me, hiding behind Alice.

"-that doesn't even exist!"

"Excuse me, the Hogsmeade trips were always our thing," Marlene pointed out.

"Yeah, as long as you didn't have a date!"

"Irrelevant details," she waved off and I wished I could say her blatant disregard of her hypocrisy would be a new thing, "Besides, I was doing you a favour."

"A favour?" I furrowed my eyebrows, "How does scaring an interested boy away doing me a favour?"

"You are being too easy on him," Marlene said and I could feel the beginning of one of her dating lectures, "You have to make a boy work for you, Cec. Make him prove he is worth your time before you give in. That's what keeps them interested in you. They like a good chase but you were just going to hand yourself in for the next date at the first try."

"You have a great way of making me feel like a slut," I commented dryly.

"You are welcome," she grinned back.

"I wasn't being sirius," I almost groaned, resisting the urge to slap her again. I was being unusually violent these days, "So what if they like a good chase? I've been chasing boys in my dreams for years and quite frankly I'm just glad someone as nice as James wants to go out with me again."

"Nice? James?" Lily snorted, speaking up for the first time since class, "He's rude. And mean. Just look at all the pranks he pesters people with."

"He's just joking," I said, though it was only half-heartedly. I knew he was just joking but even I had to admit through my 'lovesick' eyes that his pranks could be quite cruel. Lily just scoffed, probably having read my mind. With her skills I wouldn't put it past her if she had already managed Legilimency.

"James is the textbook example of boys chasing girls," Marlene continued as if our side-conversation didn't even happen, "Look at how long he chased Lily for without rest-"

"Yeah, and then he gave up," I pointed out, watching the red head shift inbetween her steps.

"-I know, but the point is. He chased her for years! He likes this game." Marlene placed a hand on my shoulder, "I'm telling you; let him chase you a little. Not for too long obviously, but enough to keep him on his toes."

I tried to dismiss her words as crazy but in some kind of twisted way it made sense. And she was more experienced and especially more successful in terms of boys than I ever would. Who was I to argue against her?

"That's the most ridiculous-" Alice started but I cut her off.

"What do I do?" she gave me a shocked look whilst Marlene grinned thriumphantly. Throwing an arm over my shoulder, she started leading me towards the Great Hall for lunch.

"Alright, the first step is called 'Ignoring Him'," Marlene started, walking into the Hall, where the students were busy shoveling their mouths with food and chatting about nonesense, "You don't want to appear as desperate as you have this whole time-"

"I wasn't being desperate," I said indignantly.

"But you were easy," she countered, "Always immediately responding to him. Going on a first date without even a little resistance. Staring at him like a puppy-"

"Okay, okay," I relented before throwing her a look, "I should probably feel creeped out with your stalking."

"But you don't because everyone does a little bit of stalking," Marlene remarked and I had to agree...internally, "Luckily for you, I planted the first step by preventing that second date you wanted to immediately agree on," she gave me a reprimanding look my mother would be proud of, "Now, what you have to do is this: Whenever he tries to initiate any kind of contact, you give him your most disinterested glance that lasts precisely 1,5 seconds and give him the shortest amount of words in only one sentence that you can manage."

I let her words sink in, "Siriusly? 1,5 seconds?"

"I've never been more sirius in my life," Marlene said siriusly and I was strangely convinced.

"Trust me, it works," she said as we walked along the Gryffindor table and I noticed we were nearing the Marauders.

"If you say so...," I muttered, wondering how to do that as James looked up with a grin, turning slightly in his seat.

"Hey, Cec. Do you want to sit-" he started.

"What's up, James?" I waved at him without looking as we passed by to settle a few seats away.

"Oi, that was not bad for a beginner," Marlene praised impressed as we sat down and I almost didn't feel ashamed at the pride that filled me at her words. "Now, don't even dare glance at him once. I will count how many times he looks over."

"Alright." To say, lunch was torture was an understatement. Who knew it could be so hard to not look at someone when you were precisely forbidden to. Human nature; always craving the forbidden. It was natural to say I heaved a huge sigh of relief after it was over.

"Fifteen times!" Marlene squealed as we left, heading towards Herbology, "He was staring almost constantly."

"It actually worked?" I asked in surprise and even Alice nodded.

"Yeah, he seemed pretty confused," she commented and his adorably clueless face from earlier flashed through my mind. I sighed blissfully.

"Of course it worked!" Marlened boasted, tugging my arm into hers, "Girl, I'm gonna make you irresistable."

"Where have you been my whole life?" I asked and we giggled, causing Alice and Lily to shake their heads at us with small smiles.

December came and the first half of the month passed by in a blur of Quidditch, Hogsmeade, avoiding James for fun and dreading the upcoming break. I had yet not received a single letter from my parents as expected but now that the day of my doom was heading closer, I was starting to regret the Gryffindor bravery in me that had decided to write them in the first place, happy that the school would be protecting me from their wrath for at least a few weeks.

"Come on, they can't be too angry," Lily reassured, watching me pace around the dorm. Marlene had started packing a bit of her stuff before bed, which once again reminded me of the school break and I had started to walk around nervously, "It's not like it's your fault that Madam Pomfrey won't take any interns."

"You don't know my parents, Lils," I replied, my voice wavering, "They will find some way to blame me for it." She gave me a pitying look over the book she was reading on her bed.

"But you know that you are not at fault," Alice tried this time as she braided her hair, "That's what counts."

"I don't know, maybe I should have tried harder," I mumbled even though it would have been pointless anyways.

"You bribed her with Honeydukes," Marlene pointed out as a row of clothes were magically folded into her bag. I always wondered why she needed that many clothes if she probably had ten times more at home. "If that didn't work, nothing will."

"I guess, you are right," I sighed, plopping down on my bed and burying my face in my pillow, "I wish I could just stay at Hogwarts."

"Don't say that," Lily reprimanded me, "You should be happy, you have a family to go home to." Her voice softened slightly, "Not everyone does anymore." It went silent as we all let her words sink in. We knew what she was hinting at; people were missing, the newspapers were filled with deaths and strange marks on the night sky. The world outside of school was becoming darker and gloomier, our hearts growing heavy each time the owls flew down from the ceiling of the sky and a student once again ran out of the hall in tears.

No one wanted to talk about it, refusing to let it take over our minds but...we were all scared. Deep down, the fear for our family and loved ones was planted in us ever since we were old enough to know that the word 'War' was not just something you read in books and in past tense. It had been in our presence before we had even started school, a Dark Lord rising up from the shadows.

"I think, I'm gonna head out for a bit," I broke silence, the room suddenly stuffy and lacking air.

"Where are you going? It's past curfew," Lily wondered softly, still in her own mind. She had a lot to worry about, her parents being part of the main targets; Muggles. My heart squeezed harshly at the fear that she couldn't quite mask in her green eyes as she usually did and I wished I knew what to say to help her.

Smiling faintly, I picked up a book, "Just to the Common Room for some reading. You girls go to sleep." They bid me 'good nights' and I waited for them to settle in their sheets before I waved my wand to dim the candles.

The Common Room was empty as usual around this time and I settled down in front of the fireplace, opening the book on my lap. Sighing quietly, I tried to ignore the heavy feeling in my chest as I dove into the story, letting my mind focus solely on it to escape reality for at least a little while.

An hour must have passed before the portrait of the Fat Lady swung to the side, light shedding from the hole. But no one came in. Puzzled, I stared at the hole until I heard the slight padding of several feet, causing my eyes to widen in panic. 'What the hell?'

Suddenly James' head appeared out of thin air and I bit my lip just in time to prevent an ear-piercing scream. "J-James? Wha-"

"Hey Cec," he greeted me sheepishly, Sirius head popping up from behind him and this time I did yelp a little.

"You alright there, Grant?" he asked with a grin as if it was normal to stand around with just a head and the rest of his body missing.

"Can we get out now?" Peter's muffled voice reached my ears.

"Oh, yeah. Sure." James threw off what seemed to be a cloak, revealing three of the four Marauders.

"Uff, finally," Peter breathed out a sigh of relief, "I swear it gets more and more stuffy every time we get under it."

"It's because, your stomach gets wider and wider," Sirius teased, prodding his belly, "Relationships make you lazy, Wormtail."

"Do not," he pouted, causing the taller one to ruffle his hair.

"Come on, let's head to bed," the dark-haired handsome boy announced with a yawn, stretching around comfortably as if it nothing out of ordinary had happened.

"Right, good night, Grant." Peter waved at me, Sirius echoing him as they passed by.

"You guys go ahead," James called after them, his friends waving him off as if they had already known.

"Care to tell me what just happened?" I asked, momentarily forgetting that I was supposed to ignore him.

"Oh, Cec. You should know of our nightly adventures by now," James said off-handedly.

"Not that," I rolled my eyes, pointing at the shimmering cloth in his hand, "I mean that."

"Oh this?" He held the cloth up, light reflecting from it slightly. I wouldn't know how to explain it but that cloth practically oozed magic, "This is an Invisibility Cloak."

"You...have an Invisibility Cloak?" I asked incredulously, eyes shining wide.

"Sure, I do," he said proudly as he came closer, plopping down on the couch next to me. He raised his arm, "You wanna try?"

"Hell yes!" I immediately snatched the cloak from his hands, standing up to dive under it, "Can you see me? Can you see me?"

"Obviously not," James chuckled, squinting in the direction he presumed me to be. I was glad I was only wearing socks as I slowly moved to his other side. "Boo!"

"Woah!" he yelped, jumping an inch as he whirled his head around, a hand on his heart, "Bloody hell, woman!"

I snickered, letting the cloak fall from my head. "This is so crazy!" I remarked as I looked down at my nonexistent body, "No wonder, it's so easy for you to sneak away from any trouble."

"Hey now," James said offended, "It takes a lot of skill to keep quiet under that cloak. Especially if three others are under it with you."

"How does that even work?" I wondered, spreading my arms to test the length of the piece of cloth, "It looks too small for you alone, already."

"Yeah, to be honest our growth spurt has been an issue for a while now," James stated, puffing his chest as he felt his biceps, "Can't help the muscles."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure."

James giggled, his manliness dissovling into nothing and I grinned at his cuteness. "It still works for now." He lifted the hem of the cloak and draped it over himself. My breath hitched at the sudden proximity, his chest only inches away from my face. I had to crane my neck to look up at his only to see him stare down at me with his hazelnut brown eyes, the cloak dimming the lights outside. Sweat was forming in my palms and I hoped he couldn't hear my pounding heart.

"See, you and I fit in here, too," he said softly and I imagined his hand brushing against mine ever so slightly, "We could go anywhere we want now..."

"To the kitchens," I suggested, slightly breathless.

He chuckled quietly and my heart sang in joy at the sound, "Or the Quidditch Pitch."

My eyes lightened up at the suggestion. I had never flown around the pitch in the night. Or over the Black Sea or around the towers of Hogwarts. Just imagining the cool air and the darkness of the night with merely the moon illuminating the world made me sigh blissfully.

"Or Hogsmeade if we need to go to Honeydukes," I thought out loud before I gasped in realisation, "That's how you always got the sweets before the first trip!"

"Busted," James grinned, feeling a sense of pride at the admiring look on my face.

"That's so exciting...," I commented quietly, a smile on my face as I grasped the cloak between my thumb and index finger, feeling the satin touch, "All the awesome things you can do with this."

"You haven't even heard half of it," James remarked with a sly grin before his features softened, the warmth pooling from his eyes, "...We can do all of that together...if you want."

It took me second to detect the slight hint of insecurity in his face as he nervously awaited my answer. Biting my lip to keep myself from grinning too wide I squealed internally. This was probably the first time he kind of asked me out for real instead of just swiping me off to a date as if it were obvious I would say yes.

I wondered if I should decline this time as well like my inner-Marlene was screaming at me to do but one glance at his hopeful eyes made me nod almost eagerly. He rewarded me with a wide smile, his eyes crinkling slightly in excitement. "Shall we go catch up on our Hogsmeade date, then?"

My eyebrows rose, feeling slightly unsure. It was in the middle of the night after all and I had never snuck out of the castle before. "Eh...should we, really? It's late and-"

"Come on, Cec," James soothed and this time I knew I wasn't imagining the brush of our hands as he slightly cupped his around mine, his thumb stroking the back of my hand, "I've done this a thousand times already and never got caught. You can trust me."

I gave in, figuring we wouldn't get caught as long as we stayed under the cloak. "Where could we even go? Everything should be closed by now."

"The Three Broomsticks are always open," James responded as he led me out of the Common Room. I shivered slightly in my pyjamas but welcomed the fresh air in the hallways, the wide open windows letting in a cool breeze from time to time. My heart skipped a beat once again as James draped his arm around me, keeping me close for some warmth.

"Have you forgotten you are a wizard again?" I asked teasingly, pointing at his wand. I knew he could easily cast a Heating Charm. I would have done it myself but my wand was on my nightstand. Come to think of it, it was probably not so smart to walk around without a wand but in my defense I had no idea I would wander around the castle at this time.

"I haven't," James replied easily as he led us down a set of staircases, "But maybe I just want to get closer to you." I blushed deeply. "Especially after it's been so long since you were this accepting of me."

"I do not know what you speak of," I said ignorantly, though I felt nervousness built up in me. Marlene had not told me yet what I should answer if I were to be directly confronted about me playing hard-to-get.

"You've been ignoring me," James stated indifferently but I noticed his jaw clenching as he fiddled around with his wand.

"Not true," I mumbled, quickly changing the subject, "What are we doing on the fourth floor?"

James narrowed his eyes slightly and I knew he would only let me off the hook for now, "There is a mirror at the end of the hallway."

"So?" I pressed as we reached said object, startled slightly that I couldn't see myself in it due to the cloak. 'And here I was hoping to check my appearance,' I thought to myself, brushing a hand through my tangled hair strands, 'Marlene would kill me if she saw me right now.'

"This little mirror hides a way that has led us to a lot of adventures already," James announced gravely as he flicked his wand, causing the mirror to swing to the side and reveal a dark hole in the wall. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, "Does this-"

"Lead us to Hogsmeade? Yes," James confirmed, ducking out of the cloak and casting a silent 'Lumos'. He squinted in my direction before he pulled off the piece of cloth from my head, smiling. "Keep it on, it's gonna keep you warm." And with that he climbed up the secret passageway.

"You could still cast a Heating Charm," I said into the hole before I climbed it up as well, slightly weirded out by my visible hands with my invisible arms. James waited for me, already a couple of feet ahead. I looked back at the mirror. "What about the entrance? One of the Prefects might se- nevermind," I mumbled as he shut it with a swish of his wand.

"When did you learn to cast nonverbal spells?" I asked in wonder as we trudged through the way.

"What can I say? I'm just naturally talented at everything," James boasted unashamedly and I rolled my eyes at the over-confidence oozing from his every pore.

"Alright, Mr. Superwizard," I relented, "Where is this passage leading to exactly?"

"We are underground right now. The passageway will lead us out through a gully near the Three Broomsticks."

"We are going through a sewer tunnel?" I asked, looking down at my socks, "You do realise I don't even have shoes on."

"You do realise I'm a wizard, right?" James retaliated with a grin over his shoulder.

"That's questionable sometimes," I muttered, glad it was dark in the tunnel as my cheeks felt on fire. Finally, after about ten minutes of walking and occasionally dipping into the wastewater (disgusting) James directed the light of his wand towards a ladder. Climbing it up, I was greeted by the sight of snow, wind and the small huts in Hogsmeade.

"Wicked," I breathed, taking James' outstretched hand as he helped me up and took the cloak from me to reveal the rest of myself. I immediately started shivering violently, realising how warm the cloak must have kept me. James took off his robe this time, draping it around my shoulders. "You gonna look dumb to people when you walk around here in pyjamas," he explained before casting a Heating Charm.

I shot him a look, "Who was the one suggesting this out of nowhere?"

"Who was the one agreeing on this?" he asked back as he rolled his Invisibility Cloak into a ball and tugged it under his arm, "Now, come on. Let's get some Butterbeer."

I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as we entered the pub, the wind finally ceasing to smash my hair into my face every five seconds. One glance around showed me how empty this place could be in comparison to Hogsmeade weekends where you could hardly find one empty chair.

"James Potter," Madam Rosmerta, the owner of the pub, greeted us from behind the bar where she was doing some cleaning, "What on Merlin's grave are you doing here again at this time?"

"Madam Rosmerta," James greeted chivalrously as he led us over to her, "Just taking out my future girlfriend for the best Butterbeer worldwide."

"Future girlfriend?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow, trying not to blush at his wink.

"Best Butterbeer worldwide? Well, aren't you a charmer?" Madam Rosmerta commented, shooting a grin towards me as well, "Almost as bad as your other friend. Black, was it?"

"Sirius, yes," James laughed.

The woman shook her head as she took out two pewter tankards to fill them with her infamous butterbeer, "Over-confident, little boy. Too handsome for his own good."

"Sounds like him," I remarked, causing her lips to twitch in amusement.

"Oi that's my best friend you are talking about," James complained as he paid - to my embarrassment - for both of us since I had no money on me. He took the tankards with a thanks before turning to me again, "But you are right." I giggled at his statement before we went to take a seat at the windows, Madam Rosmerta shouting a "If you get caught, I had no idea you were here!" after us.

Settling down, I cupped my tankard with my hands as I glanced at the boy in front of me, suddenly nervous. It had been a while since we had been alone, I was almost not used to it anymore. But James being James knew exactly how to break the silence as he started chatting about how he found out about this passageway and the way he had managed to convince Madam Rosmerta to let them occasionally take a drink here with his friends.

He had begged.

"So, enough about that," he eventually ended though despite his constant talking I had a feeling I could listen to him forever. He had a way with his words and the excitement in his voice that could keep anyone interested in what he had to say. It was an admiring trait actually. I probably sounded like Professor Binn's whenever I talked. "Tell me what's been keeping you so busy that you actually dared to ignore me for so long?" he asked with a teasing tilt in his voice to indicate he wasn't being sirius.

I had a feeling he would confront me about it again, but I had hoped he wouldn't tonight. "Eh, you know. School stuff," I muttered, taking a sip of my drink to prolong my answer. When he still waited for more, I got a little defensive of my lie, "You know, some people have to actually study for their grades."

"Oh please," he waved me off, "You could pass every class with your eyes closed. You are just too scared."

"What makes you say that?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows.

James gave me a look, "Everyone knows you are smart, Cec. Everyone but you," he poked my forehead with a soft smile, "You just get crazy about exams. Like Evans."

I thought back on all the study sessions Lily and I had at the library or the Common Room right before the exams, frantically trying to get everything into our heads. "I guess..."

"It's not like you need to start this early. So, will you just stop studying too much and spend time with me again?" James asked, giving me his puppy look. I resisted the urge to immediately say yes, thinking back on what Marlene had taught me.

"Well..."

"Exams aren't due until a few months. Why would you need to study already?" he almost whined and I cringed at my own lie. Too be honest, I hadn't started studying outside of class besides the assignements we had to do. I was surprised he had actually believed that but then again, I had been spending a lot of time snoozing in the library to escape the onslaught of rumours.

"I guess, I can skip a few study sessions," I feigned a thoughtful look and he beamed, "Or you could just study with me." He deflated.

"Studying is boring though."

I was just glad he thought so, too.

"Not if we make it fun," I pointed out and he gave me a sour look, "You sound like Professor Flitwick," he stated, causing both of us to laugh. We spent the rest of the night talking and catching up on each other's life. We talked about the most irrelevant nonesense but also what had been going on outside of Hogwarts. He stated that his parents were both purebloods but he was still worried they were in danger because they refused to support the Dark Lord. My parents were both magical as well but my mother was Muggleborn, which made me worry for her safety even though she was mostly at work and St. Mungo's could be considered almost as safe as Hogwarts. We ended up trying to reassure the other and I was surprised how good he was at it, filling my heart with ease during the time we spent together as he switched back to a more lighter topic.

I realised how much I had missed these casual nights together and him...I had especially missed him. A lot. It was crazy how much a few months with him made me want to be around him all the time. I had been able to stay away the few weeks due to the exciting imagination of him chasing after me but now that I noticed what I had been missing this whole time I could curse myself for declining him everytime he suggested to hang out or do something together. In a way, what Marlene had taught me had worked against me; now, I was craving his presence more than ever.

"This was great," James sighed, stretching his arms over his head in content as we walked down a hallway to the entrance of the Gryffindor Tower, daringly without a cloak. It was almost 7 am, the others would be starting to wake up. I couldn't believe we had managed to stay up a whole night simply talking.

"Yeah," I agreed, smiling at him as we went through the portrait hole and stopping in front of it. The Common Room was still empty, the fireplace burning with new vigor. The woods must have been replaced sometime over night. I wondered briefly if the Elves were also responsible for that.

"I missed this. Let's do this again...sooner?" James asked almost insecurely and I nodded immediately this time, not wanting to play Marlene's way again. This night showed me that I had just been miserable the past weeks without him.

Looking up at him I opened my mouth to bid him goodnight but his intent gaze made me shut it back tonelessly. His eyes were burning with new vigor just like the fireplace, hazel eyes flickering with gold as he glanced slightly over my shoulder before he drew close, closer than under the Invisibilty Cloak and took my hands in his. I stook stockstill as he leaned down, his forehead grazing mine. "Can I kiss you?" he whispered and hadn't I been so close I probably wouldn't have heard him.

My throat went dry and I barely managed a nod before he placed his lips on mine, blissfully unaware of a pair of green eyes.

Chapter Eight

#james potter x oc #james potter x reader #harry potter imagine #marauders imagine #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #marauders era #marauders #marauders fic #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Lily Evans #marlene mckinnon #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction

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hereticcryptid · 3 years

Text

Read this before hating on me for liking Severus Snape.

Read the whole thing.

Droped a branch on Petunia

Acidental magic, mate. No one can be blamed for that.

Hated the marauders

The marauders were tormenting him on a daily basis. No wonder why.

Tryed to get the marauders expelled

They were tormenting him, one of them had attemped to kill him and sexually assaulted him. No wonder why, in a decent school they would be expelled if not arrested after the werewolf incident.

Came up with sectumsempra

Legit defense. Marauders used illegal harmful hexes on him. And they had attemped to kill him. It's just me, but I would carry around a knife too if someone tryed to kill me. And if he really wanted to harm, he wouldn't bother to make a counter-curse.

Hanged out with future death eaters

You mean his housemates? The people he was living with? He would be even more an outcast if he didn't. Than he would be left with no friends after the mudblood incident. Not to say that, being pro-muggle and a halfblood, he would very likely get killed on his sleep.

Called Lily a mudblood

Yes. In a traumatising and humiliating moment, while being sexually assaulted. And she had to keep herself from smiling. I would call her a bitch, at least.

Believed in blood purity

Haha nope. No, he didn't. "Don't say that word!"

Interested in dark arts

So, if I like seing blood in movies, I am a psycopath? If I like manipulation tecnics, am I a evil master manipulator? If I like war tecnics, will I start WW3? Dark arts are hella interesting. I would study them too.

Joined the DEs

Out of despair and hopelessness. He had lost his only conection to the light, he had all the reasons to resent muggles and they were the only people who valued & respected him. Besides, he was a bullied poor halfblood outcast, the perfect victim of cults. And he defected after a few years, spending the rest of his life trying to bring them down.

Told the profecy

Man was a death eater working for a mind reading madman. Want did you want him to do?

Bullied the students

Maybe he was a little mean. He was the best teacher tho. Never endanged anyone's life, until year 7 where the choice was go to the forest or get tortured. Not like Miss McGonnagal who sent them to the dark forest (and locked Neville in the corridor while there was an allegate mass murderer in the school), or like Mr. Lupin who was a danger himself & covered the said mass murederer.

Attemped to get Lupin fired and outed him

First, he didn't out him. The ministry already knew, the anti-werewolf law already existed, if he had quit without being outed, he would most likely not get a job anyway. Lupin wasn't fired, he quit. Second, no wonder why he wanted him fired! He was already in a triggering place, and then Dumbledore decided to hire the person that almost killed him! Besides, as a werewolf, Lupin was endangering the students. And he covered for Sirius, an allegate mass murderer, for the sake of an old friendship. And you guys should be thankfull that he made Lupin quit, if you don't remember, DADA was cursed. If Lupin didn't quit, probably something worse would happen.

Threw a jar at Harry

Man had lost his temper. Harry had just witnessed the most embarassing thing that happened in his life. Besides, if he wanted the jar to hit Harry, it would've. And not even Harry was mad about this, so, who are we to be?

And now... let's dive into the fanon ocean! Yay...

(Until now this was by chronological order, but with fanon that's hard so it won't be)

Was evil from the beggining

No. At the beggining, he was just a poor abused inocent kid, who was made "evil" by the bullying and lack of support system.

Was toxic

Welp, sorry to ruin your fun, but if there was anyone toxic in that friendship, it was Lily. Dismissing the bullying, not listening to him, ignoring her duties as a perfect to stop that kind of stuff, blaming him for what Mulciber did to Mary, marrying his childhood bullie (and man who harrassed her constantly!). What did Sev do? Hanged out with his housemates? Lily only brought him pain.

Wouldn't give a shit if Voldy targeted the Longbottoms

Can't fight this one. It is true. But you really don't want to play the if game with me.

Told Voldy to spare Lily, but not Harry nor James

You really act like if he told Voldy to kill Harry and James. He didn't. He simply asked Voldy to spare the person he cared about. He would be asked many questions that don't have an answer at all if he asked him to spare James, and straight up killed if he asked for Harry. And I personally wouldn't give a shit about my bullie and his son. Would you?

Would be happy if J&H were dead

This one is the stupidiest. Are you for real? Lily's death made him (further) depressed and suicidal. But dead family and alive Lily? Wouldn't be able to even look at her. Dunno about you, but I would kill myself if I got the love of my life's family killed.

Was obsessed

*annoyed grunt* We've debunked this so many times... 1. If he was obsessed, the obsession would've died with Lily. You don't give your life away for obsession. 2. He was a potions prodigy. He could easely feed Lily amortentia or take felix felicis. But he didn't. 3. He left her alone after the fallout. Just that says everything. 4. So you are not allowed to grieve? To be depressed after someone you loved died?

The classic would r@p3 Harry if he was a ginger female

Haha... I'm scared of you. Genually scared of you. First, having a p3d0phily teory about kids books says more about you than about the target of the teory. Second, what would you do if a miniature of the person you loved and helped killing appeared in front of you? He wouldn't be able to teach with her in the room. Too triggering.

Was a n@zi

Death eaters are not n@zis. They are a terrorist group/cult. But n@zis? They are kids throwing a tantum when compared to them. Never left England, would welcome "jewishes" (muggleborns) or "half jewishes" (halfbloods) if they were particulary gifted or/and shared they beliefs. Oh! And that stupid myth that Hitl3r is half jewish! Does this sound like the nazis? I don't think so.

It wasn't bullying

Yes it was. 4/1. It is bullying. Rich atractive kids against poor ugly kid. It is bullying. No suport system vs no need of suport system. It IS bullying. Sirius didn't deny it. They said James had to change. It is bullying.

James changed

He didn't. He kept hexing Severus on Lily's back. Dieing for your family doesn't mean you're good. Being on the right side doesn't mean you're good.

Did I miss anything, fellow homosnapiens? If I did, tell me so I can add.

#anti snaters #severus snape #snape defense #i support snape #snape discourse #meta #snape meta #snape fandoom #snovers #homosnapiens #snape love #snapedoom #i love snape

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hotchley · 3 years

Note

For your 500 thing: 4 from the angst list with Hotch and anyone else, platonically? I like the prompts you've chosen too. Very angsty haha

Hehe thank you! I chose Reid, because it worked so... yeah. This is not to be seen as me infantilising Reid or as H Crit because it's not. People say things they don't mean when they're hurting. There will come a time when Reid doesn't hesitate and Hotch forgives himself. It's just not written here.

It went over 1.5k... let's just ignore that. Umm... Set sometime between Nameless, Faceless and Haunted. There's no real comfort.

4: "shut up! please. just shut up."

Trigger Warnings: past child abuse, intrusive thoughts, references to canon-typical events and violence

read on ao3!

With hindsight, moving Spencer to the same hospital as Aaron was not the smartest idea the BAU had ever had. Not when traumatic and painful events caused them to react in opposite ways. When Spencer was hurt, he didn't stop talking, so terrified that if there was even the slightest indication that he was weak, everyone would leave. And when Aaron was hurt, he completely shut down, still scared that making his existence known would lead to hurt.

But at the time, they had only been thinking of Derek. He had been running himself ragged, trying to manage the BAU in Aaron's absence, and caring for both his teammates who were in different hospitals, because he was coincidentally, the only person that either of them would listen to.

Perhaps they were more alike than anyone gave them credit for.

So Spencer was moved into the same room as Aaron, because when the team came, they came to see both of them, and it was apparently good for the two patients to socialise with each other and try to maintain their bond. At least, that was what everyone said to them. In reality, it was just easier to only have to have certain conversations once. Especially the ones about Foyet.

Because even though both of them would be out of the field for a while, and had lost so much of the independence they prided themselves on, the situations were not the same and they never would be. Spencer had been shot in the leg trying and succeeding in saving a man, and the perpetrator had been arrested. He had gotten justice.

Aaron had been stabbed nine times in his home, the place he had a right to feel safe in, by a man so evil that there was no chance of ever reasoning with him. Foyet had gotten away, and he'd taken Haley and Jack with him. The only people Aaron seemed to live for, were gone. He hadn't gotten any sort of closure. Nobody seemed to understand that, because everyone kept saying him and Spencer could relate to each other. But they couldn't. And he was sick of hearing it.

But he tried to hide that bitterness. Spencer wouldn't have been shot if he had been there. He would have been the extra set of eyes needed to finish the letters, and they would've worked it out sooner. They would've all been fine, if he had done anything other than frozen when the bullet wedged itself in the wall beside his hair, close enough to make his ear ring painfully. His anger was irrational, and the result of trauma. Everyone else understood his emotions were all-consuming and overpowering, but he didn't. To him, the anger and resentment were just another sign he was becoming his father.

He wasn't. But he would never allow himself to believe that.

Spencer knew that his and Hotch's situations were different. That Hotch blamed himself for what had happened to Haley and to him. That Hotch was hiding how he truly felt, probably to protect him. That things were going to explode sooner rather than later. He just didn't know how much sooner than expected it would end up being.

Rossi had swung by in the morning, and that visit had set Aaron on edge. Rossi was trying to help, he was, but his method of doing it wasn't helpful. It never had been. Not for someone like Aaron, who needed something that was not his best friend telling him how the BAU had been fine without him. Or how the children seemed to be fine. Or how victims could recover.

When Rossi left, Reid took the crutches beside his bed and hobbled over to sit in the chair that he'd vacated. They had both been encouraged to try and be mobile without going beyond their limit. Only Spencer had listened.

"If you want him to stop talking, you can always tell him," he said gently.

Aaron turned away. "He's just trying to help."

"But he's not. I think we can all see it."

"Spencer, I don't know what you're trying to do but-"

"I don't care if you resent me. I care that you're lying."

"I'm not lying."

"Really? So if I asked you whether or not you resent me, you could look me in the eye and say you don't? If I asked you whether you blame yourself for my injury, you would say no, and mean it? If I asked you who was responsible for Haley and Jack going into WitSec, you would say Foyet? If I asked you how you feel, would you say hopeless and angry? Would you?" He snaps.

Aaron stares, and Spencer feels the heat rise to his cheeks. Hotch is still his superior.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line."

"No, it's- you're right. I am lying. But-" he swallows, unused to being so vulnerable, especially with someone like Spencer, "I have to. Lie that is. I can't be honest. Not about this. Not with these feelings."

"Why? You've been put through horrific trauma. I think you're entitled to feel like shit. I feel like crap."

Aaron looks at Spencer, in all his hopeful innocence, and understands the subtle invitation to be honest for once in his life. To let someone else save him. To have a normal conversation, with no ulterior motives or secret conditions. To have someone just care for him because they love him, not because they want anything in return. It's that final realisation that makes him take a leap of faith.

"Because if I let myself feel the anger, I will never stop, and then I will never be any better than my father." The words taste like failure, and he hates himself for saying them as soon as they leave his mouth. Who is he, to do this to a subordinate? To make someone else take responsibility for his issues? He wants to take the words back as soon as realisation dawns on Spencer, but he can't.

All he can do is close his eyes, and pretend he is somewhere else where whatever comes next cannot touch him.

"You know those thoughts don't determine who you are," Spencer says, and nothing about his tone has changed. He still cares about Aaron. Aaron, who has to blink back tears because he always forgets how many terrible things this boy has seen.

He tries to tell Spencer to stop, that he doesn't deserve to be called a good person, but the words won't come.

"I can tell you don't believe me. Well let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a FBI agent that panicked so much during their gun qualification that they failed. And the man that had been practicing them, who had every right to lash out, just nodded and asked if it was his fault. If there was anything he could do to help. And then he trusted that agent with his life. Without hesitating," Spencer said. It felt like he was talking to Henry.

Aaron needs him to shut up. He cannot hear this story. It is his life, so he knows how it ends, but he cannot hear that ending right now. Not when the loss of his family is still so raw and painful. Not when it consumes his every waking moment.

"And after the case was over, he raced to the hospital, and he stayed in the waiting room until his son was born because he refused to leave his wife for a second longer than necessary, even though she had given her blessing multiple times for him to go save people. She said that he changed more nappies during his paternity leave than most men do in their lives."

"Spencer-" Aaron manages to say.

"Abused children can break the cycle. They have broken the cycle. They continue to do so. You said that once. Do you remember? You told Vincent Perotta that not every victim goes on to become a killer. Because some grow up to catch them and you are one of them, you just-"

"Shut up! Please. Just shut up." He doesn't mean to shout. He doesn't mean to make Spencer flinch. He doesn't mean to sound angry. He doesn't mean to say the words. He doesn't mean to do any of those things, but he does, and he won't ever forget how terrified Spencer looks.

He did that. He did that, with nothing more than his words, and he cannot believe what he has done, but he has, and it's a terrible thing. And everything Spencer just said has been disproved. Everything.

"I'm sorry," Spencer whispers, turning away.

"No. No, please don't be sorry. You've not done anything wrong. Spencer, look at me. Please. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did. Don't lie to me."

And Aaron has lied about enough. He won't lie anymore.

"I am sorry," he says, even though it won't ever be enough.

Spencer smiles slightly, but then he goes over to his own bed. He closes his eyes, and pretends to sleep. He carries on pretending when Aaron walks over for the first time in three days, and kisses his forehead, much like he always does for Jack. He carries on pretending as Aaron sighs, and whispers an explanation too honest for repetition.

Aaron truly is sorry. Spencer truly does forgive him. The words are never said again, not to him, but that's the worst part. No matter what either of them do, Spencer will always remember and hesitate, and Aaron will never forget or forgive himself.

#hotchley's 500 #sam <3 #platonic hotchreid #tw child abuse #tw intrusive thoughts

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sjjdkdkwo · 3 years

Text

Based off this prompt (#735) from @ironstrangeprompts

——

“Slick his hair back!”

“No! No! It looks better down!”

“Ugh! Absolutely not! And what’s with that tie!? I thought we agreed all black was the best choice!”

“He’s going to an auction not a funeral, you fool!”

“I say we forgo the suit all together and have him go casual!”

In all his years practicing the mystic arts, Stephen never once thought his vocation in sorcery would one day lead to him standing half naked in a room surrounded by various old men giving him fashion advice.

“All of you, quiet!” Wong called out amongst the commotion, silencing all the residents in the room at once. “Besides, what he wears is the least of our problems. What we need to worry about is his seduction skills, or should I say, lack thereof.”

Wong eyed him disdainfully, crossing his arms and shaking his head at him. Stephen scoffed, spreading his arms out in indignation as the masters around him flittered about.

“Well he’s going to have to learn soon, or we’ll never get the relic.” Master Dee said as he circled around Stephen, leering over him and reaching out squeeze one of Stephen’s biceps. To the other side of him Master Lhamo leaned in to squint at Stephen’s bottom from behind his glasses—and gave it a firm pinch.

“Excuse you!” Stephen cried out, jumping away from them as he turned a bright shade of red. “That’s enough! I will not be subjected to manhandling for a relic that — in case you needed reminding—for all we know could have been rendered nugatory after years of obsolescence!”

“Need we remind you, that regardless of whether or not the relic is still functioning—“ Master Zam growled, his tone leaving no room for argument. “—If whoever gets their hands on it finds a way to get it to work again, they could potentially wipe out all existing life as we know it!”

Stephen sniffed, turning to look away. Logically he knew the masters were right, now that they’d been made aware of the relic and what it could do, it was of utmost importance that they retrieved it before landed in the wrong hands. The only problem was it’s current location and keeper—the Maria Stark foundation. Worse then, they’d come to find out that not only did the MSF hold proprietorship over the relic, they were looking to auction it off to any bidder with enough money to get it too.

The even bigger problem with that was that the order was, for lack of a better word—well, broke. So painfully and terribly broke.

Realizing this is what had brought forth their current plan into fruition—the seduction of Maria Stark’s only son in order to retrieve said relic; Anthony Edward Stark. Unfortunately for all of them however, their plan was proving harder to carry out than they’d at first perceived. First and foremost was the fact that the idea of trying to trick Tony into developing any sort of attraction toward him under false pretenses, didn’t sit well with Stephen. At all. Secondly, there was also Stephen’s shortage of dating from now to all the way back to the days of the accident. It wasn’t really that Stephen lacked the proper skills to charm the pants (literally) off Tony Stark, per say, rather that he lacked the ability to carry them out through his new withdrawn and modest disposition. Which is how he had ended up here, enduring dating tips from people older than the Hindenburg disaster.

Stephen sighed and pinched the bride of his nose, nodding and plastering on a sardonic smile as he looked around the room. “Very well. Please. As Wong said, I need all the help I can get.”

“Bah!” Master Tenzin cried out, smacking his hand across Stephen’s back with a bright laugh and causing him choke on his own spit. “Don’t you worry, Stephen, I’ll have you know I was quite the lady charmer before my days in the order. Why the women practically swarmed toward me like bees to honey!”

“More like flies to dung.” Master Dee sniggered beside him, elbowing Stephen in the side as he laughed—it seemed neither of them new the meaning of personal space.

Stephen could only offer him a wry smile in return as Master Tenzin waved the other man off, stepping in front of Stephen instead.

“Hush, you. Now, pretend I’m Stark, young, handsome and ready for the taking.” He said, reaching up a hand to floof his imaginary hair while sticking his hips out seductively.

“I think you mean ancient, ugly and ready for the grave!” Master Dee called out beside him, trying in no way to hide the obnoxious laughter that followed.

“You shut your mouth! Stephen needs to focus if he wants to score tonight.” Master Tenzin rebuked, shaking his fist in resentment at his fellow master before looking back to wink playfully at Stephen. “Pay him no mind, Stephen. Just focus on me. Now—” Tenzin’s voice lowered down an octave before he spoke again. “What’s a big strong handsome man like you doing here, hmm?”

Stephen shuddered in disgust and turned to glare at Wong who merely shrugged. Maybe the destruction of all life in the universe wouldn’t be so bad after all.

—

After three long tedious hours of role-playing with Master Tenzin, (along with rude commentary from Master Dee) Stephen was even less sure of himself than he had been before as he stood between the crowd of gala attendees. After almost bumping into the fifth person that night in trying to look for Stark, Stephen opted instead to make his way to the bar. Only to actually bump into someone just as he was about to reach the counter. spilling the person’s drink all over them in the processes. Fantastic.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Stephen mumbled, clumsily trying to wipe down the other person’s shirt with shaky hands. He hoped the tremors weren’t too noticeable, but he also knew his sudden nervousness was only making them worse. “I didn’t mean to—let me—if there’s anything I can do?”

Stephen winced at his lack of eloquence.

“Maybe stop trying to do whatever this is? Pretty sure you’re making it worse.” The person chuckled, and Stephen finally decided to look up from his poor attempts at cleaning up his mess, only to find none other than Tony Stark himself. “Another drink wouldn’t hurt either.”

Stephen could only stare dumbfounded as he tried to say something in response. Retracting his hands he finally settled on: “You don’t drink.”

Tony raised a brow, pursing his lips and nodding. It wasn’t a secret these days that Tony Stark held an aversion towards alcohol after years of battling substance abuse. Still, Stephen didn’t think stating obvious facts about the man to his own face could be counted as flirting. It seemed Tony agreed, if the amused expression on his face was anything to go by. “Alcohol, yeah. But…I wouldn’t say no to some water?”

“Right. That was um…” Stephen swallowed and tried to remember what the masters had told him prior to coming to the event. All at once their words swarmed his head in a bewildering mess and Stephen tried to pick out something suitable from the muddle of instructions. “Your eyes are as hard as your body.”

Stephen wished each of the masters a terrible case of bowel obstruction that night.

“Excuse me?” Tony asked, furrowing his brow as he tentatively stepped back an inch. “I think your the one who ought to worry about his own drinking habits, pal.”

“No, please—“ Stephen’s hand lifted slightly before he thought better of it and kept it firmly in its place at his side. “Sorry its just, been a while since I’ve been to one of these things. I guess you could say I’m nervous?”

Tony’s face softened a bit before he placed a gentle hand on one Stephen’s shoulders and guided him to the far off left side of the bar counter, and away from everyone else. “Well, lucky for you I spend nearly half my time at these things. Allow me to help you settle back in.”

“Thanks.” Stephen mumbled, turning to call over the bartender only for Tony to brush him off and order for them himself.

“Water and…?”

“Water.”

Tony squinted dubiously at Stephen, repeating his words to the bartender before looking back at him. A moment of silence passed before Tony started to drum his fingers against the counter. Stephen strategically kept his own hands tucked between his thighs.

“So, not much of a drinker yourself, then?” Tony asked, flashing Stephen a blithe smile.

Not if I want to be in control of my magic, no. Stephen thought.

“Not for a while, no.” He said aloud instead. “Sorry, how rude of me, I just realized I haven’t even told you my name.”

He didn’t reach out a hand for Tony to shake; he didn’t need yet another person’s pity after seeing the state of his damaged hands. “I’m Doctor Stephen Strange.”

“Tony Stark.” The other man responded easily.

“I know that.” Stephen smiled.

“Maybe, but I’m trying not to assume things like that these days.” Tony said, muttering thanks when the bartender came over with their drinks. “Correct me if I’m wrong however, but last I heard Doctor Stephen Strange disappeared off the map completely after a rather nasty car accident. Or am I thinking of another Doctor Stephen Strange?”

To the onlooker Tony appeared to be nothing but carefree and relaxed in his current company. But Stephen could see the way his body tensed just so, and the suspicious gleam in his eye as he smiled tersely at him. Ever the futurist indeed, Stephen wondered if he’d bumped into him on purpose to better survey him. Stephen couldn’t blame him though; he could only assume what kind of paranoia’s followed a man who’d been kidnapped, betrayed and attacked all in half a lifetime. Even so, Stephen found himself unwilling to reply, his own insecurities and fears teetering around the edges of his mind, besides; perhaps it was best to let Tony take the lead in things. Maybe the spurious sense of control would be enough to aid him in accomplishing his task of retrieving the relic from the other man.

“So tell me, what are you doing here, Doctor Strange.” Tony continued after a beat of Stephen’s silence. Reaching over he picked up his glass to take a sip, eyes never leaving Stephen as he did.

“I’m here for the auction like everyone else.” Stephen answered mindfully.

“Really now…” Tony dragged out the words as a heedful smirk made its way over his features before his gaze roamed over Stephen’s face, looking for any signs of ambiguity. “I can’t help but wonder how you’re even going to partake in tonight’s main event, given that you’re broke now and all.”

Stephen sucked in a harsh breath and tried not to let the flippant words get to him. He still had a job to do regardless, and if that meant putting up with Tony’s glib attitude then he had no choice but to accept every word thrown at him. He closed his eyes and counted backwards from ten before opening them again to look at Tony with his best enticing smile. Leaning forward he settled his mouth against Tony’s ear, just scarcely brushing his lips over his lobule.

“If you take me somewhere more private, I could show you.” He whispered provocatively, enjoying the sound of Tony’s breathe hitching as he made out the sight of the man’s body shivering from the corner of his eye. “What do you say, Mr. Stark?”

—

Stephen cried out as Tony all but flung him onto the bed, and leaned over him to press desperate kisses against his neck. Stephen moaned softly, trying to press back against Tony when he felt the other man grind down against him until a sudden feeling of revulsion and erring washed over him.

“Stop.” He cried out weakly, shaky hands pressing up against Tony’s chest. “Stop...”

“What?” Tony murmured against the side of his face.

“I said stop. Please.” Stephen said, louder this time.

In an instant Tony was crawling off of him, moving to his side and giving him ample room away from him on the bed. His face was scrunched up in overt worry but Stephen found he couldn’t look at him in that moment, instead turning to look at the ceiling and reaching up to cover his face in his hands.

“Hey, you ok?” He heard Tony ask quietly from the other side of the bed. Stephen also heard him slide off it after a long pause of silence. “Right, ok. I’m sorry, really, I just want to know if you’re ok. Or…do you want me to leave? Cause I can leave if you need that, just say the word and—“

Stephen let out a pitiful laugh from behind his hands before whining in self-pity. “No, it’s not you. I just—I’m sorry but I can’t do this to you.”

“Um, I’m pretty sure I wanted this.” Tony chuckled nervously. “Like, really wanted this.”

“That’s exactly the problem.” Stephen mumbled.

“How is that a problem?”

“Because I’m using you.” Stephen said, pulling his hands away and pushing himself onto his elbows to look at Tony dejectedly. Tony made a non committal hum, cradling his chin with his fingers as though to appear deep in thought.

“Maybe, but you know, I’m pretty fine with being used by you.” Tony grinned, still flushed from his earlier tumble with Stephen.

“You don’t understand.” Stephen shook his head. “I’m supposed to be getting your mothers vase.”

Tony blinked stupidly at him before slumping back against the wall with a bemused expression.

“Huh, that’s a first.” He muttered under his breath. He nodding like he knew exactly what Stephen was talking about. “So what, you figured the best way to do that would be to sleep with me?”

Stephen could see the mental hurtles he was going through in that moment and decided to take pity on him.

“Not me, it was actually my colleague’s idea.” Stephen said as he got off the bed and bumped his hands twice together before twin mandala’s sparked to life in front of him and submerged the room in a soft yellow glow. Before he knew it, the blue flare of one of Tony’s repulsors’ was merging with the phosphorescence of his magic to illuminate the space around them as well.

“You have about ten seconds to explain before I turn you into dust particles.” Tony bit out harshly, any traces of nonchalance and playfulness long gone as he aimed the repulsor straight at Stephen’s face.

“I’m not here to cause trouble.” Stephen said, his own features taking on a more serious note.

“One.” Tony countered.

“But you have to listen to me, the fate of the universe depends on it.”

“Two.” Tony continued. “Three.”

“Please! The vase you’re auctioning off tonight, it’s not just any antique decoration!” Stephen tried to cut to the chase, but there was so only so much he could explain under Tony’s impossible time limit. “It’s an ancient artifact that could destroy all life as we know it!

“Four, five, Six…”

“Stop that!”

“Seveneightnineten.” Tony finished pointedly before his frown deepened. “Time’s up. Sorry, but that’s a bullshit excuse if I ever heard one. And I’ve heard a lot.”

“Please! Just give me a chance to prove it to you! That’s all I ask!” Stephen pleaded; firm and steady even with Tony threatening his life.

Something in his expression must have exuded some semblance of sincerity—or perhaps it was more like desperation— as Tony lowered his arm some, analyzing Stephen through his suspicion like before.

“Let’s say I do believe you—“

“I should hope so.” Stephen murmured. Tony lifted his hand back again, flashing the light of the repulsor directly into Stephen’s eyes once more. “Right, not the best time to joke around.”

Tony let out a sarcastic chuckle, smiling at him snidely.

“Great observation, Merlin.” He taunted. “Anyway, even if I do decide to go along with this, how the hell are you going to prove to me that, that vase is some sort of evil portal or whatever?”

Stephen fought back the urge to correct Tony’s statement and forced himself to swallow his pride. He offered him a jaded smile in return and lowered his hands in hope of manifesting the appearance of solidarity between them.

“If you take me somewhere more private, I could show you.” He repeated his words from earlier, softer and lighter this time around.

Tony lowered his arm, brown eyes easing with back somewhat into their familiar teasing vigilance. He smirked apprehensively at Stephen, letting his gaze rake over him in intrigue. Almost as though he was being presented with a new and exciting and project. Stephen supposed he was. He didn’t move as Tony walked over and leaned in close to his ear like he had done to him before.

“Do me wrong, and you won’t live to regret it.” He warned harshly before his tone took on a huskier tone. “Do my right, and maybe I’ll let you do me in other ways afterwards.”

Stephen let out a shaky breath. He was definitely going to rub this in the masters, and Wong’s faces once this was all said and done. For now, he’d gladly work with Tony to retrieve the dangerous artifact and move on to more pressing, or rather, pleasing matters.

#ironstrange #Stephen Strange #Doctor Strange #Tony Stark #Iron Man #prompt fill #this is my way of avoiding what I'm writing #because I can't figure out how write it #assume this is an au where they haven't met #or Thanos never happened or something #idk #also I’ve seen a lot of concepts where the masters hate or look down on Stephen #but I thought it be nice for a change if they ended becoming like #his weird funny grandparents or something #who care about him in a #your a big knucklehead but your our big knucklehead kinda way #you know what I mean?

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buntycake · 4 years

Note

Hey I really liked your writing so I decided to send in a prompt. What do you think the brothers would only reveal about themselves to MC after a long time of dating? Maybe a different side of their personalities or an embarrassing interest? Thank you for the hard work 💕

I’m glad you like my writing! I hope you enjoy this headcanon.

What the Brothers Reveal to You After Dating You for a Long Time

Pride:

Lucifer never seems to struggle. True, he has his fits of irritation as he tries to run Devildom while bringing Diavolo’s machinations to fruition. Even so, to an outsider he always seems to have a plan Z for everything.

The first time you saw him in a less than orderly state was when he called you to his office during one of his all-nighters. It was three in the morning and he had asked you to bring him a coffee spiked with poison. (This would have been alarming to you if you hadn't lived in Devildom for quite some time.)

Hunched over his desk and surrounded by paperwork, he looked exhausted. He didn’t even take the time to save his coffee like usual. It was gone in one gulp. When you asked what was keeping him up so late, he told you about Lord Diavolo's new idea. It had him ripping hair out he tried to figured out how to implement it.

Though he tried to shoo you away, you sat with him until 6 am, when he finally called it quits. This became a semiregular occurrence. (You talked him out of his all-nighters when you could.) Just your presence is enough to make the process of figuring out the impossible better.

When you're more settled in your relationship, he'll start asking for your advice and help. It's hard to believe that someone as persnickety as Lucifer would allow someone to do a job that he could do better, but he trusts you.

It's not always about work either. The conversations you two have about his relationship with his brothers are when Lucifer seems the most vulnerable. He wants to be close with them, but struggles. You are one of the few people he allows to know that.

Greed:

Mammon being completely serious is still an uncommon occurrence in your relationship. He has his more reserved moments, sure, but not bouncing off the walls is not the same as having that solemn, focused look in his eyes.

There are really two occasions when this side of him comes out. One, when he's in DEEP trouble with the witches. You'll know that his debt with the witches has become serious when he's pacing the length of his room and muttering a string of numbers and calculations you can't follow.

Two, when he's trying to comfort someone, most often you. (After all, his brothers aren’t the type to admit when they’re feeling down.) There was once you had gotten to ruminating about the past. Those memories had whirl winded into something ugly. All your past regrets and embarrassments built up and weighed down on you until you began to cry.

Luckily or unluckily, Mammon came barging into your room at that time. He was ranting about some new opportunity for making money. In your melancholy daze, it was hard to remember. You must have looked awful because the switch was immediate.

Mammon gathered you in his arms and rubbed your back until you calmed down enough to talk. At first, he seemed agitated since he thought one of the brothers had done something to upset you. However, as you explained what happened he settled down. He was silent as you spoke and his eyes never left your face as if he was trying to gather up your every word and reaction.

Mammon is surprisingly insightful when he wants to be. What he said to you after your rant was thoughtful and wise – completely unlike his typical persona. You knew the typical fun-loving demon had returned when he said, "Anyway, forget about all that stuff. You have the Great Mammon looking out for you now."

Envy:

Levi is extremely capable. Being an otaku shut-in, it's an aspect of him that isn't immediately apparent and that you've probably only seen glimpses of.

Levi's ability to keep up with all things otaku, while perhaps not impressive to anyone outside of the anime community, is a testament to his persistence. And no matter what normies think, Levi isn't without ambition.

It's actually a little while into your relationship that he brings up an old goal of his: creating an otaku podcast. He was timid as he began to explain his vision to you, but about an hour in it was clear that he knew EXACTLY what he wanted to do. He just needed a little nudge.

After many reassures, some words of affirmation, and a pretty drawn out planning session, he got to work. For the next couple of months, he was busy - completely hyper focused on this goal.

He reached out to some smaller creators in the otaku community to find others interested in making a podcast. The two of you went searching for a place and some equipment to rent out. There were many late nights with just the two of you drafting up some beginning podcast topics.

Levi was a nervous mess before the first recording. You sat in on the first one just to be a calming presence, but in the end, you don’t think he needed it. He had a BLAST. Everyone seemed to play off each other so well.

When the podcast came out, it was a modest success. Those that liked it were begging for more. He was practically vibrating from excitement and overflowing with new ideas after that.

Levi undoubtedly did most of the leg work, but he'll insist to his last breath that it was all because of your support. To him, he can jump any hurdle with you by his side.

Wrath:

Satan is disgustingly romantic. For all the rage he can store in his body, honeyed words and sweet sentiments take their place there, too. Blame it on all the romance books he's read over the millenniums.

This aspect of him was probably the clearest during your dates, where he’ll take you to some unknown, but beautiful place. Even as you take in the environmental or astronomical wonders that Devildom offers, his eyes can’t seem to part from your form. It’s as if your existence is even more surreal.

This sentiment bleeds into your daily life the longer you're together. Most notably when you start finding small notes everywhere.

In the morning you found a note on your dresser, scrawled in his neat cursive. It read, “Your smile is as refreshing as the morning dew.” The smile in question appeared on your lips and you could almost see Satan’s amused smile in your mind.

Another note that said, “Your curiosity is something to be admired and feared,” had you giggling in the middle of RAD’s hallways. You got a few odd stares for that.

Surprise, surprise, there were more in your backpack, textbooks, around your room, everywhere. Each contained a small snapshot of his feelings about you.

At the end of the day, you found him tucked away in the library with a book like usual. When you asked him why he hid all those notes, he simply said, "So, that you would have at least one happy moment each day.”

Lust:

Asmo takes pride in his appearance, but more than that, fashion and beauty are a defensive mechanism. If he looks less than perfect, then there might be merit in what people say about him. They might have good reason to hate or resent him.

When he's at his most beautiful, he can pass those reactions off as people being envious of his perfection. It may seem like a small thing, but it's a privilege to see him before all the primping and preening.

So, when you woke up after one of your rendezvouses and found him still in bed, you were surprised. Usually, he was already up and about, wrapped in one of his silk robes.

He always looked like he woke up fashionably messy. Hair that was perfectly mussed, robe that was draped lazily over his shoulders, and eyes that seemed dewy with sleep, but the smell of bathing oils and perfume always gave away his morning preparations.

Seeing him with bedhead, rubbing at his bleary eyes, and yawning out morning breath was surreal. You thought you were dreaming until he pulled you closer and nuzzled into your chest. His lack of pretense went unmentioned for cuddles and an extra thirty minutes of sleep.

Every time he does this, know that he's choosing to be vulnerable with you. And perhaps more importantly, that he's opening himself up to your criticisms. Ones that he can't/won't deflect and will take to heart.

Gluttony:

Beel is rarely angry. As the peacemaker of the brothers, he's often the one pacifying the others. It doesn't leave him much room to express his own anger.

More than that, Beel doesn't like to hold grudges. It makes him feel guilty. There's already so much animosity among his brothers already; he doesn’t want to add to it.

You were really worried the first time he came to vent to you. He had entered your room a bit solemnly and gathered you into his arms. Then, he’d asked your permission to disclose something to you.

At first, you thought he was sad. Beel had commonly shared moments where he felt sad or upset, but this quiet simmering anger was new to you.

He started off quietly. It was lucky his mouth was right by your ear or else you'd have never heard what he was muttering. The whole rant started off with him confessing how frustrated he was with Lucifer for still withholding information and not leaning on the brothers for help.

As you nodded and encouraged him to go on, he got more confident. The conversation drifted away from Lucifer, to his qualms with the rest of the brothers. All of them for condescending his intelligence on a daily basis, Mammon for always going through everyone’s things, Asmo for constantly stealing his cake, and so on.

Beel had completely cooled off by the end of his rant and was a tad bit embarrassed. However, as he gets more comfortable venting, he'll let you know about small things that irritated him that day. It becomes like a daily confessional ritual between the two of you.

Sloth:

Belphie is notably cynical. However, this gets toned down by his aloof, sleepy persona. As adorable and soft as he is, he harbors numerous negative opinions of the world.

He doesn't trust easily and often expects the worst of people - demons, humans, angels, it doesn't matter. To his credit, when he isn’t blinded by his temper, he’s often right in his assessments. However, for Beel's sake, he typically suppresses this response.

With you, he feels he can air out his grievances. The first of these occurrences happened after a post-nap in the attic. The two of you were curled around each other and he began to let his woes slip out into the space between the two of you.

He talked about everything from his brothers to the exchange program to even his reservations about you. The dichotomy of Belphie cuddled into you, surrounded by a mountain of pillows while lamenting the woes of the world was frankly jarring. But when he finished, he seemed to sink deeper into your embrace like a weight had lifted off his shoulders.

As he continues to talk to you about all his less than optimistic views, they become a sort of philosophical debate between the two of you. There’s something satisfying about throwing each other’s ideals around and deconstructing them. More appealing to Belphie is that the two of you can have these conversations without judging each other (too much) or forcing your morals down the other’s throat.

#obey me #obey me swd #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #obey me gender neutral mc

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immortalonus · 3 years

Text

Where You Belong: Chapter 3

A/N: I hate this chapter so, so much. Unfortunately, I also couldn't find any way around it. If I got anything wrong, chances are I just missed it, so feel free to let me know.

Read on AO3 here.

“...Humans with ghost powers!? Crazy, right?” Valerie snorted, then paused.

“Or humans that turn into ghosts, or ghosts that—stay human when they die or whatever. The important thing is that there was a part of Ellie that was real. And if it hadn't been for Phantom, I'd have just left her there with Plasmius, to do whatever—to hurt—to—”

Valerie took a moment, struggling to admit out loud what she had already begun suspect for herself.

“—kill her. he was gonna murder a little girl, mama, and if Phantom hadn't convinced me she still had some human in her, if I hadn't listened to a ghost, I woulda let him.”

Phantom, if she hadn't listened to Phantom, specifically. It was a detail that still irritated her every time it came up.

The ghost boy had been so persistent, for so long in his charade of being a “good guy,” that most days, she simply tuned him out.

And truly, was that so wrong?

Up to that point, Everything Phantom had said in his own defense had been nothing more than talk. Oh, he said sorry, he said he felt bad about it, but at the end of the day, what had he done?

Ruined her fathers job and her life, then fled the scene like the criminal he was.

Stole for the hell of it and couldn't even be bothered to take the blame when he got caught.

(Valerie still had no idea why the ghost thought an “evil mind controlling clown guy,” was a reasonable excuse, at all, for anything.)

Who was always ready to fight, but never to help.

Never, not once, in all the wretched aftermath of the Grey's financial dissolutionment, had Phantom come to their aid. Not in the immediate events that came after, nor during the process of her father's dismissal, when he could well have stayed his expulsion simply by appearing, proving Damian Grey's assertions of spectral interference months before he would have been otherwise believed.

Not during the move from her childhood home to her current residence down in Elmerton. Too strapped to hire assistance, it had been down to Valerie, her father, and Fenton, who had taken his weekend off to help her move instead.

No haunting the creditors who dogged their every step, even now.

Hell, he couldn't even be bothered to tell the public that it was his fault her life was ruined! In private, yes, where he knew no one could hear. But never where it mattered, to whom it mattered, since that would require Phantom to actually give something up for once and admit what he did was wrong. Which he would never do, because Phantom, like all ghosts, was a fundamentally egotistical creature, right down to his very core.

No, Valerie had good reason to believe that she had Phantom all figured out: A showboating prig, full of hot air and false excuses, distinct from other ghosts only in his capacity to fool the masses into believing he was ever anything more.

Then Elle happened.

The ghost girl's mere existence had managed to throw Valerie's world into a whole new tailspin, leaving her reeling even as events conspired to yank more and more of her footing out from under her, teetering on the edge of her own understanding as all her convictions suffered blow after blow.

Living ghosts.

Ghostly humans.

Friends acting as enemies.

While enemies acted as friends.

“I woulda let him kill her.” She repeated, “Just like I let him kill—end—All those other ghosts I gave him, just handed 'em over for whatever freak experiments he had cooked up.”

Just like she had snuffed out who knew how many other specters during her own patrols.

How many of them were still alive in there, she wondered, underneath the ghost?

Her mother's brows seemed to furrow in response, worried, no doubt, over what exactly her daughter had done.

“I didn't mean it mama, it wasn't my fault! It was all Plasmius, you know Plasmius? That knockoff Nosferatu all the time picking fights with Phantom. He used me and he lied, and—“ Valerie licked her lips futilely seeking moisture from a mouth gone dry.

“He played human to do it.”

Valerie felt a flush of rage and shame wash over her at the words. She had been used all over again, played for a fool and manipulated just like her so-called “friends” had used her before, dangling control and importance in exchange for the very essence of her soul.

To learn that she had struck the same deal with a different kind of devil, that all her power was a tool in someone else's hands had curdled into an ache that rivaled the raw burn of a whole new betrayal.

Because unlike the A-listers she'd run with not too long ago, or even Phantom, who she'd always hated, Vlad Masters had been a man she'd seen fit to trust.

“Plasmius was Masters, and—God, they even share the same first name—My sponsor, the guy who gave me my first suit, trained me up, even kept me and daddy off the streets when things were at their worst. And me stupid enough to think it was 'cause he cared.”

A hard exclamation escaped her throat at the thought, to forceful for a scoff, too sharp for laughter.

No such thing indeed.

“Everyone's out for something. Masters—Plasmius, he was out for Phantom, and I was just the pawn that was supposed to get take him out.”

That's part of what scares me too. Why was Plasmius so dead set on Phantom? Why'd he sink so much money into taking him out? Why does Phantom hate him back?”

And it was peculiar, how much Phantom seemed to hate Plasmius. Valerie had thought for a long time that it was some kind of territory dispute, a conflict over a rare and valuable thin spot between realities. After years of chasing after Phantom, however, it became more and more clear that the ghost boy's resentment of Plasmius went beyond that of simple competition.

The mere mention of the vampiric specter was enough to turn Phantom tense and snippy, as though the mere thought of the other ghost irritated him, somehow. After witnessing the two up close, Valerie's suspicions had cemented into certainty: Phantom hated Plasmius, and he hated him personally.

“There's so much I don't know, and no one to tell me. Plasmius doesn't know that I know, and until I get out from under him, that's how it's gotta stay.”

How Valerie was supposed to get out from under Plasmius was another question entirely. Plasmius, in Vlad Master's guise, was the sole reason the Grey family had managed to keep on top of its debts for as long as they had. To make matters worse, he also provided most of the materials Valerie's suit consumed for its more elaborate systems and weaponry.

Even so, the temptation to throw it all away and smash Plasmius' smug face against her boot was a strong one, stayed only by the fear of what would happen to her father if she tried.

“Phantom went squirrelly on me too,” she said. “I thought maybe I could get something from him, since we never ended that truce. But in the end, he was still just a ghost.”

She hadn't wanted to go to Phantom, in those days between Elle's escape and her decision to plunge into the Zone, had felt too much like would be admitting something, somehow, to do so. Had it not been for the fact that Phantom was her sole and only choice, she was sure she would never have asked at all.

Once she'd made the decision to do it, he'd been easy enough to track down. She found him—where else?—but In the middle of a fight, duking it out at altitude with one of the countless animal ghosts that regularly made their way across the paltry excuse for a veil stretched across Amity Park.

The fight had been easy, the conversation that came after it, much less so.

How could someone be alive and dead at the same time? Were they alive and dead at once? all the time? Did they alternate at will? Were they born? Were they made? How many were there? A lot? How did she spot a human-ghost if she saw it? Was there a way to tell? Or did you have to guess?

Phantom had been the one to tell her that these human-ghost, ghost-human things could exist in the first place, which had lead her to expect, rather despite herself, that perhaps he could explain them, too.

So it was only natural, really, that in that moment precisely, he had chosen to clam up. He knew nothing of these miraculous hybrids, could find out nothing concerning them, and as to finding them, he had no clue at all. Nevermind that it had been he who had first told her such beings were possible in the first place, the ghost was a veritable well of ignorance, utterly unable to aid in her pursuits.

“Ghosts are narrow minded and selfish, they go round everywhere like they've got blinkers on both sides of their head. You stick an idea in front of their nose, and they grab it if they like it, and shove it away if they don't. They don't consider where you got the idea from, they don't think about why its there, they don't even goddamn care why you picked it up in the first place. All that matters is somethings blocking their little slice of the world, theirs, specifically, 'cause they wouldn't never consider any other kind.

That was Phantom's problem, he wanted a truce yeah, but his way, not mine. A truce for beating things up, not a truce for trusting and talking or or anything that might give trouble to him. That wasn't how he wanted it to work.

He was even worse with Elle. She's the only other one I could talk to—not counting you, ma—who could tell me anything about anything about what was going on!

And Elle, I couldn't track her down. When she said she had places to be, I thought she meant like Phantom when there wasn't anything fun for him to hit, not just gone! I tried tracking her, I did, but it didn't work. Either staying human hides her, or she's run too far to track.

Stupid Phantom wouldn't help me with that, neither. It was just 'oh she's fine,' this and 'why do you care' that, like I can't worry about a human girl wondering on her own without nobody to make sure she's even fed!”

Not only had he been absurdly reluctant to answer her questions, but even had the audacity to wonder if they were at all related to her continued association with Plasmius. It was an insult, beyond all doubt, as though he didn't know how little choice she had.

As though he wasn't the one who forced her into making it.

“I guess so far as he figured, if Elle wasn't being kidnapped, then she was fine. It didn't matter that she's a kid, or alone, or was stealing apples just to eat. She was strong enough to survive on her own and not melt, and that was good enough for him. He just sat there when she left, too, watching her scat like any other ghost."

Did he know how far she intended to run, or simply fail to understand why he should care?

"No matter how well he thinks he means, Phantom can't help the human parts of her. Just because she could beat any man that tried to take doesn't mean that she doesn't get—scared, or lonely, or—“ Valerie wriggled uncomfortably in her pallet of dust. “—Or that she doesn't need people. Phantom can't give that, and Plasmius is a sick piece of shit, so that left me. Just me. If I let that go, then Elle'd be alone for real.”

The worry in her mother's gaze didn't lighten, exactly, but it did shift, consternation giving way to curiosity mixed with a hearty topping of concern. It was easy to imagine the question she would have asked, if she could but speak.

“Then what is it do you think you're doing all the way out here, hm?”

Valerie sighed. This, at least, she had a clear answer for.

“I'm on a mission. There's this thing called the infini-map. Don't have all the details, but with a name like that?” She scoffed, “don't need 'em. Whatever it is, its good enough to send Plasmius into a fit just at the idea of laying claws on it.

If I could get something like that, imagine, I could find Elle in a heartbeat. No more lookin', no more running blind and hoping for luck. And when I find her, I could use it get out from under Masters thumb for good. Use it, sell it, whatever, with that thing, it would be easy. Me and daddy could be set for life.”

At the time, the idea had seemed brilliant. With her search for Elle stymied, and rental payments approaching their inevitable due, she had latched onto the idea of a Ghost Zone mission the instant her so-called benefactor had brought it up. It was a chance to bleed “Mister Masters” of a little more of his money, without actually having to tolerate his presence for any length of time. Even better, it presented an opportunity to do right by her father while staying far away from the quiet anger, the soft, dispirited sense of regret that had seemed to overtake him as jobs remained scarce, and Valerie continued to hunt.

Perhaps most selfishly, it was the opportunity for the Red Huntress to become what Valerie had had always wanted her to be: A free agent, no puppet masters, no expectations, just the world, and herself within in it.

It was one thing she truly did not regret, even now, lying in the dirt looking up at the memory of a memory ripped to tatters in her hands. Whatever else happened in this strange, wild place, it was her decision, her choice. She was finally in control.

Thinking of control, there was another reason why she wanted to speed up her search for the ghost girl.

“Elle's a good kid, but she <i>is</i> a kid, with a ghost in her she don't even know to fear. I'm not sure how long she can fight it like that without anyone to tell her what's going on. She needs someone who knows about ghosts,who can show her how to fight back, 'cause if she doesn't, I'm not sure how long she'll last until she ends up Plasmius."

“Or Phantom.”

It was an ugly theory, but explained a great deal. The identical looks, the raw antipathy towards Vlad, in particular, or how a full ghost could see himself as related, somehow, to a being that was something so much more.

All ghosts came from somewhere, and Valerie rather doubted Elle was truly Plasmius' only attempt at capturing a hybrid of his own.

“'Cause I think they're the same kinda thing. It explains why Plasmius wanted her so bad, and they change the same way, too. They go from being a ghost, ectosignitures and all, to being alive. Not some fake, but breathing, heartbeats, everything. There's something in them that's really, truly alive.

Plasmius and Elle, they're both alive," she whispered, "but only Elle's human, and I don't know how long that's gonna last.

I can't stay stupid about all this ghost shit, neither. There's so much they won't tell me, and Elle's my ticket to figuring it out. If I can find her in time, I could fix it. Bring her to the Fentons, maybe, take out the ghost before it gets too big, make cash, move out me and daddy and Elle all together. Either way, this is how I do it, right here, right now. This is my chance.”

No more being lead around like a particularly witless donkey for his carrot wielding master, no more suppressing every violent impulse that threatened to take her over any time she chanced to look “Mister Masters” in his insufferable face, no more long, interminable periods of her nose against a grindstone day after day, scraping her fingers bloody against poverty's wall in the way her father seemed convinced was better, somehow, for all the pain it so obviously caused him.

“I know it's risky, but it's worth it, it's gotta be. If I can get the infinimap, then I can fix everything, all at once. I won't owe nobody nothing, and I can start fixing things again, for everyone.”

And perhaps her mother agreed, as the shadow that had gathered against her brow seemed to ease, relaxing back into something more serene.

Valerie smiled, running her thumb over the place where her face once was, pointedly ignoring the sensation of absence in favor of the smiling visage still shining across her display.

“See, I knew you'd see it my way.” Valerie was pretty sure she'd had to have gotten her sense of adventure from somewhere, after all. “It's hard, but I'm fine. And when this is all done, it'll be more than fine, it'll be better.

Just you wait.”

Overlay image: Session end.

The memory of Theresa Grey vanished slowly, victim of her daughter's own reluctance to see her go. But vanish she did, sunshine grew pale and laughter faded, memory crushed into data and erased of meaning, and Valerie was once again alone.

She sighed, finally allowing herself to lower the photograph as she reached over for her other parcels, which she began collecting into a small bundle atop her chest.

Technically, she could reach over to put her mother with her boots and rations instead of the other way around, but found herself suddenly disinclined to do so. Without the stress of the day to keep her going, she found exhaustion pushing down at her very bones, keeping her pressed against the meager comfort of her body warmed hollow of dirt.

No, lifting herself up as little as possible seemed a very enticing proposition indeed.

She grabbed both her boots, then her gloves, peeled off to reveal the same skintight leather which coated the rest of her, the remains of her wallet, and a single, battered bag, too smooth for leather, too thick for silk: All supplies from her earlier run in with the thieving insect from before, pared down to those goods and supplies she could actually use.

She chose not to dwell on how few of them there were.

Her mother came last, placed gently at the head of the pile, where she could look it over one last time.

She should have done this sooner, she knew, perhaps even the moment she entered the Zone. Keeping the photograph on her physical person was too much of a risk, one born of foolish sentiment and thoughtless desire. She had just wanted so badly to keep one good thing with her, somewhere tangible and real, she'd disregarded the threat she put it in.

Because if there was one thing death was guaranteed to do, it was steal everything and everyone it thought was yours.

Valerie placed her hands over the small collection, reaching once again into the inorganic hum prickling ever at the edges of her mind.

Unit_1 selected (Gen_Storage:)

Report

Status: Stable (20% full)

Contents (See details)

Intake request:

Intake selected? (Y/N)

>Yes

Processing…

A flick of her mental fingers, and it was done. Boots, bag, and all turned into their own kind of mist, dissolving into the small pocket dimension that followed her always, shadows diffusing into the surrounding light, the weight of them dissipating until nothing but the memory of their pressure remained.

Valerie brushed her fingers over the space they left behind, a half smile tugged at the corners of her trembling lips.

“Goodnight, Ma,” She whispered. A grief like seaglass hung heavy on her heart, smoothed over edges cut no longer, though the heft of its sorrow lay leaden even yet.

“Sleep good now, you hear?”

No voice answered in response.

Valerie no longer expected it to.

Deep in the realm of the dead, a figure turned on its side, curled against itself on its small outcropping of stone. Legs up to its chest, arms clenched tight around its shoulders as it heaved, breath by mortal breath, seeking some moment of repose.

#Valerie Grey #Danny Phantom #Fanfiction #Where You Belong #Chapter 3 #Writing

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