bleachers, like a river runs // benjamin alire saenz, aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe // luca guadagnino, call me by your name // emily dickinson, as imperceptibly as grief // rex orange county, belly (the grass stains) // holly warburton, making amends // taylor swift, august // hrvoje majer, letting it go
when bleachers said “you’ve been waiting your whole life to find someone who will stand in your storm” and when lorde said “baby really hurt me, crying in the taxi, said he made the big mistake of standing in my storm” and when fleetwood mac said “i’d like to leave you with something warm but i have never been a blue calm sea, i have always been a storm” and when halsey said “i’m the violence in the pouring rain, i’m a hurricane” and when the cardigans said “you’re the storm that i believe in and this peace has been deceiving” and when taylor swift said “but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me” and when
take the sadness out of saturday night is like. i am living in the shadow of my mother’s grief. i need to get out of my hometown. i want to fall in love. grief has cut me off from the good parts of the world for too long. the world is on fucking fire. i want to run. come home with me. my hometown looks beautiful with you in the passenger seat. i want to feel everything there is to feel. who will i be if i set down the grief that has shaped me? so many things are bad but this band is playing like it’s their last night on earth. i want to be so big that no one could ever miss me. the only person i ever want to look at me is you. this pain has overstayed its welcome. i loved your shadow and you ran. you’re still running. you’re a stranger i know best. i’m still on your side. i can’t believe i thought loving someone else’s shadow would be enough to save me from my own. this faith can’t fill the canyon grief carved in me, but it doesn’t run as deep anymore. i have so much hope. i don’t feel like i earned any of it. what do i do with it? i am going to hold on.