When I realise my updates are futher apart in time, it makes me sad. I don't have much new to say, I am in the same trance following no time yet feeling every passing second. In progress that I can't feel because of how much I'm used to pain and nothingness. I am okay, finally had the brain power to make words today, the last months were exceptionally difficult as I mentioned the unrelenting near 50° heat. And for the majority of that time I spent it without any means to cool off, which periodically made me sick and kept me in bed too long. Even more bits of my teeth broke off, rendering me unable to smile or eat without jolts of pain. My unstable network provider topping off the misery.
Since I moved to my "sunny room" I couldn't use the net I waste money on for because of the weak signal, so I had not much sources of distractions or solace. Nothing separating me from the continuous good old times; living in absolute isolation. I don't think I have online connections anymore and wouldn't blame anyone for forgetting me. I'm sorry, I feel absolutely disconnected, I don't know what I want or what to do or how to dare be involved. And in all honesty, I am functioning on 1% energy spent on drawing..
I was trying to have a goal to compete that, to keep my faith up and have hope and project it. Wanting a red and black room was one, but I gave up on it because I didn't have enough work to afford it, and really the experience of buying stuff online only to find the advertised color was a lie, specially if its red was a huge waste of time and money. And my guardians fed up with me asking them to return things, ungraciously. I liked my room eventually
After prolonged periods of depression, I found myself longing for my traditional art, flicking through my old diary. I craved to return able to draw on paper again, and the few times I tried, memories, good and bad gushed through. Relived again how it was to draw in secret and to love things you are constantly told are not for you or called it not natural and be punished severely for.. just made me cry over how culture always just hurt for the sake of hurting and uses religion as a loose cape, mourning them using it to exclude while it was something aimed to be harmonious with all and they never focus on being actual good people over keeping appearances.. for the longest time making me wonder if something was actually wrong with me beyond just being different than them.. now there's plethora of mental things thanks to their abuse. Starting with my inability to look at people without feeling quick to panic discomfort. Making me see this isolation as they say, a "blessing in disguise ". I don't know how to take that as, tbh, I still to this day get nightmares of when I used to live in big houses with multiple families, or the endless schools I went to.
I started drawing on paper bit by bit. The minute I find myself overwhelmed I stop. With time I felt I can enjoy it again, and recalled all what passer through my mind as kid, how I fantasised of owning the chunkiest coloring tin or the thickest drawing paper. So decided to get sketchbooks and notebooks and try everything new, I didn't care
I didn't know where to start, so I got randomly selected sketchbook and one lockable journal, so I can hopefully write diary again like i used to. I show everything i get to them but already Guardians couldn't help themselves and flick though it, I didn't say anything but my inside automatically clinched and turned into an angry imp snatching to have it back, like i used to actually react when they searched my school things for doodles.
I changed the lock c:
I learned of the existence of more mechanical pencil sizes so I got every possible one, carefully not breaking my law of owning only red and black things, hehe. Also some essentials so my guardians won't comment on my spending ways. Like a tooth brush, and the best bonnet ever. I also got myself a backpack for my pen people to live in, for the longest time I wanted a shark backpack but this one just screamed Mani (it was cheaper đ). As kid I had a red bag with snoopy's face on it, it was my literal safe zone that I carried it everywhere, pretended to travel in cardboard boxes with and had many garbage things stored in it that ment something dear to me, already that blissful feeling is regenerated when i wore it. And hopefully next month I get work to buy colors..
I got my eyes on those atm
(Also something funny, I can promise you I got the talk about devil worship from them for getting horns, and here's the thing; they know about the actual sketchy devil worship practices, its a common knowledge in our surroundings. To me, having red horns it felt Mani like, style euphoria, I love being a polite naughty gentlethem and that spoke of it clearly to me so I didn't care too much)
I also in my careless defiance rush, bought a shoulder- abaya that resembles more of a cloak, to me at least. To help dim my dysphoria even for the tiniest bit and maybe give me one point of courage to want to go out when possible. 'Cause the only thought i have when I'm out is absolute fear, or brain blanking out on me and i freeze in my place
I was stressed for so long that they might fight me on it because they never allowed me to wear but the cover ups of their choice from the dark ages, one I could not walk in or see where I was headed in (i actually wear glasses to see), but I presented it to them and I don't think they noticed.
Maybe now i can feel comfortable in it, throughout the years I never really adjusted to wearing itâ having almost no occasion to leave the house 3/4 of my life. It was never something i felt connected to, been only a reminder of pure shame and embarrassment. From the very first day I started to cover my face at middle school, was forced to do that the day before, non of my guardians taught me how to wear it. And the minute it fell from my face thanks to my clumsy attempts at tying it, my face was welcomed withâ not the fresh air and 4k sight clarity, but a slap that knocked me back into the car. Followed by an entire hysterical berating, calling me a sl*t and what have you, for everyone who was dropping their kids to see and hear.
I didnt know it at the time, but i was also mocked of how I wore it many times by my peers, while some took petty on me and dressed me themselves. I merely envied those foreign students who wore it just to follow the school rules and offed it the minute they got into their cars to leave. I still have no answer to what I truly want, and thats okay..
I forgot to mention how they can be super pricy, so I got the cheapest I could, resulting it being thick, strings jutting everywhere, way too big on me and all of its buttons fell. So I had to do some long hem shortenings and buttons sewing, I think I started to like it
I now just need someone to hold my hand and never let go, to take me to the hospital and hypothetically be my voice till mine return... manifesting
Oh and i did drew alot of snarry cuz it was my only cure during this time of dissociative routine, ofc endless of sketches that did not make it and 2 did, and still more to come hopefully when I continue to feel better
I wish you all the best in this world my dears, your burdens ease and your heart beats with your desires met , mani loves you â€ïžâđ„đđđ
hi! I donât know if ur still doing chart readings but if u could do mine Iâd be so grateful. If not then I hope u have a good day man :^)
I also have a question about enemy yonis since I found this out. My sun is purva bhadrapada and my moons in Bharani. Their yonis are enemies with each other. Would this particularly mean anything? I know my actual yonis with my Bharani moon but idk what thatâs mean. If u canât answer then thatâs totally fine just curious lol :^4
also the â(1-sagittarius)â things under the nakshatras are the padas, just in case u didnât know already :p !
Hey my dear here you go for your vedic d1 chart interpretation.
You are born in Uttara Phalguni Nakshatra. Uttara Phalguni Nakshatra ruler is Sun.
You may have quality to lift people up. You maybe very active and productive person. You may be someone center of attraction and protector of others.
You may be someone very impressive to others. You may have strong will power( if you decide on something there is no way to shake you from doing that). You may have blessings of being Lively, intelligent and have ability of analytical thinking.
When it comes to hard work, you are never afraid, which fetches you success.
In your chart Sun-Venus conjunction in 7th house in Aquarius. Sun is your Nakshatra ruler, your Atmakaraka (strongest planet), and your Ascendant Ruler.
Sun is the center of the galaxy milky way and it is a Radiant planet. It gives light to other planets. You may be like that in some people's life.
You may be interested in getting government job or may become a good politician because of your criticizing nature.
You have charming personality and may have less or thin hair.
Mars is Exalted in Capricorn sits in 6th house(dushanth house). Mars is also Dk.
You may enjoy the happiness and contentment from land and property. You may get good support from brother along with decent status in society.
You will win over your Enemies. You may face some loss through goverment. This placement make you fighter ( not fist fighter)and courageous person.
Mercury is debilitated in sign of pieces sits in 8th house. You may face difficulty in communication, Learning new concepts and decision making will be hard for you.
This placement may give you a deep interest in occult and mystical subjects and a fascination with hidden knowledge.
Research, investigation and analysis, solving complex puzzles and uncovering secrets.
Moon-Rahu conjunction makes Ghrahan( lunar eclips) yoga in your birth chart.
Your father may have some health problems. You may be attached emotionally to your father or you may be living far away from your father.
You may interested in high level of spiritual knowledge.
You may do foreign travelings.
Now your 7th house is in sign of Aquarius ruled by saturn sits in 11th house. Mars is dk and in sign of Capricorn ruler saturn. Venus-sun sits in 7th house. Venus-sun Nakshatra ruler is Jupiter. Saturn Nakshatra ruler is also jupiter. Mars Nakshatra ruler is sun.
Your fs may be someone dominant in nature, very honest and loyal.
Your fs may be someone very religious or spiritual, versatile, expert in multi-tasking.
Your fs may be someone workaholic, extreme Introvert, mature, older from you.
You may meet your fs through older siblings, friends or team projects. You may do love marriage.
You should marry after 28 years of age.
Advice: Avoid giving loans and never give loans to others. 2) letting go of ego is key for you to have a good relationship. 3) learn to trust your Intuitions. 4) develop your research skills.
About yonis in vedic astrology yonis are important to see while horoscope matching for marriage. Otherwise i don't have much knowledge about it tbh. Have a good weekend dearđđ
I am not professional. Still learning so please take what resonates with you đ
Meditate, do good karma, help who in need, love yourself â€
Saw ur reading that u gave for my ask ! And it was damnnn accurate ~
I have started to work for my dreams really hard so bless me đ«đ€đ€
When i read this reading i got the first thing in my riding a bicycle as a 16 year old without facing negative thoughts about what PPL think đâ€ïž
Two days... I've waited so long and now the opportunity to become an Ayato main!!
Will you be pulling for him? Your Furina pulls went rather well so I hope your luck continues to shine and Ayato blesses you with an early gold! May you win your 50-50s!!!
đ
HES HERE AND REAL (again) đđ im gonna roll on his banner until he goes away and save whatever is left for clorinde ;w;; if i get him early then WOOO and if i lose the 50/50 then i will save the guaranteed for clorinde maybe probably đ«Ą
heya howdy birthday person! đđđđ this guy got his strawberry straw hat and farmer outfit on, he's gonna sing u happy birthday in harmonica- đđwhy?? cuz its your day Happy kaitlyn day! - probably will greet u like "happy birthday kaitlyn happy birthday kaitlyn happy birthday princess kaitlynâ happy birthday to you--!" just to mess w/ u yknow đ
have fun, be safe, and sleep well! Happiest birthday to you, i hope u know you're doing great and ur absolutely amazing the way you are. great things will come to you, ok? so please take good care of yourself and listen to what you really love. best wishes to you â đ
...was that too personal-? im not used to giving greetings like this đbut uh, i wanted to gift u something since last year wasnt nice at all but uh i think i found hope again after discovering ur blog so thank you for continuing on and im sure many others are very glad you're still with us..! have a nice day, kait!
Not only is Saeran wearing purple which is my trademark, he's also got a little farmer get-up. That's as close as can be to my cowboy and I am living for it right now. I'm gonna cry about it. I have no doubt in my mind that he would try to tease me with something like this. He's just that kind of person. That's one of the things that I love the most about him. Personally, I hope that this today is a good day because I deserve a good day after the last couple of months. I hope that you have a very blessed day as well. My wish is simply that everyone has a good day.
I'm happy that you're here and I'm glad to see that you're on the path to feeling better about yourself, dear. Remember, you're cherished by someone out there. Small acts of kindness online mean a lot more to someone than you may ever know. Now, I'm gonna lay down and cry about Saeran. Also, his little overalls with the flower details are just killing me. I want them. PLAY THAT FUNKY HARMONICA, SAERAN.
Hello there trashytoastboi! First of all i love your writing so so much so thank you for blessing us all! I was just wondering that in case ur requests are open, if you could write hcs about how Zoro, Ace, Law and/or Shanks would react to their s/o baking a (very tasty) cake just for them! It would be really cool but if not thats also okay! âșïžđ Have a lovely day!
Thank you so much! đđ and of course!! Sorry for the delay in the response, I hope you enjoy~
Askbox : currently open
(Gender Neutral)
Headcanons for Zoro, Ace, Law and Shanks - Reacting to their S/O baking a delicious cake for them.
Roronoa Zoro
âZoro was looking for his S/O since he was in the mood for a nap and {Name} just so happened to be his nap buddy yet Zoro couldnât find them, deciding to look for them he began his search.
â After his brief search, still being unable to locate them he decides to search the places they arenât commonly hanging out in. He soon discovers his S/O in the kitchen â not casually sitting around, nor eating but instead he finds them baking.
âSlumped against the door as he continues to watch them with a small smile, Zoro watches their intense concentration as they whip the cream, though some seems to somehow get on their face. â Deciding to break his silence, he walks towards them, wiping the cream off their face with his thumb as he licks it off; a slight smirk spreading over his lips at the sight of {Nameâs} surprised and blushing face.
â{Name} turns around, returning to the finishing touches of the cake, {Name} smiles proudly, explaining how happy they are with the cake; finally explaining that it is meant for Zoro.
âZoro smiles, feeling smug at the unexpected surprise from his S/O, stealing a piece with his hand as he enjoys the subtle sweetness of the strawberries and cream, though slightly amused at {Nameâs} shocked and happy face.
âBonus: {Name} complained about his barbaric act against cake by using his bare hand, solving the problem Zoro had drawn his sword to which {Name} had to stop him from using as well.
Portgas D. Ace
đ„{Name} was concentrating extremely hard, focusing on measuring out ingredients and adding them to the correct bowls
đ„Ace had decided to strike with a surprise hug from behind, kissing his S/O on the cheek as he notices what they were busy doing, sneakily, his finger dips into the chocolate batter, swiping some from the bowl. Ace smiled with a cheeky grin as {Name} swatted his hand.
đ„Ace pouts and hugs {Name}, holding them as he gives his best puppy dog face in an attempt to get some more of the sweet batter.
đ„His S/O however, tells Ace to be patient. He continues to hang around watching them as they continue to bake⊠until a bright idea arises â suggesting to speed up the process of baking using his flames, which {Name} epically shoots down, causing Ace to retry the tactic of puppy dog eyes. (Yes, it usually does work)
đ„{Name} finally takes the delicious cake out the oven, looking over at the opposite counter noticing Ace dramatically splayed over it, his tongue hanging from his mouth. Proclaiming he is dying from hunger and needs cake right this moment, as his cries continue he is finally silenced by his S/O shoving a forkful of the freshly baked cake in his mouth.
đ„Bonus: Ace was instantly addicted to the delicious cake, demanding that his S/O feed him and to definitely make the cake again.
Trafalgar Law
đ{Name} enjoyed surprising Law with small gestures or things, and today they had decided to bake a cake for him, understandably Law was not a fan of overly sweet things, keeping this in mind {Name} decided to make him a coffee cake.
đLaw had been searching for his missing S/O, when he discovered them in the kitchen, though being startled as {Name} tripped, noticing the bowl in their hands that was sent flying â Law saved the bowl via some skilful use of Shambles and Tact. {Name} was relieved that their efforts were saved, however Law inquired about what they were doing.
đReluctant to spoil the surprise, {Name} didnât want to say anything. Law looked into his S/Oâs eyes as his hand playfully squished their face. â{Name-ya}, what are you up to?â His eyes continued searching in their gaze until {Name} finally mumbled that they were baking him a cake.
đLaw was slightly taken aback, noticeably âadjustingâ his hat in an attempt to hide his smile and slightly flushed face.
đHe proceeded to watch over {Name} as they continued working, enjoying watching how much effort they put into it. Eventually the cake was finally finished. {Name} watched on nervously, as Law took a bite from his slice of cake, loving the taste as he thanked his wonderful S/O for the unexpected surprise.
đBonus: Law was very protective over the cake that his S/O baked for him, and acting a bit like a selfish child, he refused to share the cake with anyone else. Though Penguin had asked {Name} to bake another one, interrupted by Lawâs arms around them as he refused {Name] baking for anyone else.
Shanks
â Shanks entered the kitchen quietly as he spots them, hard at work.
â Watching them as they are measuring and mixing, being almost a perfectionist with their task. Gripping the spatula tightly as they are mixing, his hand rest atop theirs, pressing his body up against {Name}. A playful grin as he inquires â âNeed any help?â
â {Name} is slightly surprised, smiling as they playfully shoo him out of the kitchen. Shanks surrenders and saunters his way to the other side of the counter where he continues to watch.
â He continues to watch them with his eyes full of love and adoration for his S/O, though {Name} felt slightly shy under his unwavering gaze. Every time they look up, their eyes meet his. Shanks tends to smile and chuckle feeling amused as {Name} blushes and refocuses their attention towards their baking.
â The time seemed to pass by quickly, as the cake reaches completion. {Name} cuts a slice for Shanks, as he holds the fork towards his S/O. {Name} explains that they had made it for him. However, he claimed that he wants {Name} to taste the fruits of their efforts first, as they take the bite â enjoying the flavour of the cake, they are suddenly pulled into a kiss by none other than Shanks, pulling away with a mischievous smirk. âIt tasteâs amazingâ
â Bonus: Shanks was both appreciative and amused by the effort and lengths his S/O went, to find a recipe and bake a cake known as âRed Velvetâ
Congrats on 2k! Youâre one of my fave writers. Blood Moon is what hooked me. Iâm sad to see it discontinued (for now hopefully đ) because I was here when it first started and I remember how excited you were to share it with all of us. Thank you for being honest about struggling to find the motivation to write & continue it. I hope your muse returns to you. But even if we never get back to Ran & his girl, I hope u know we will be with u for ur future stories.Happy St, Patrickâs Day!đGod blessđ
You are so sweet, thank you for reaching out â€ïž
I really was excited for this story, I have so many ideas for it but unfortunately I lost my passion for it. Hopefully it'll be back one day. Thank you for understanding and sticking with me â€ïž
hi belovedddddd, just popping in to tell u i love u and i'm proud of u for all you've accomplished in ur life~~ ur doing so good <33 mwah mwah mwah drink plenty of water and be well i love youuuuuu!!! here's some flowers đđ·đž and letters đđđ and a honey pic because she was sleeping in the sun all day and looked so content
i love you, i love you so much you know that ghostly? i was having a bit of ups and downs this morning, all kinds of đ”âđ«thoughts. im so glad that you popped by here, you're magic my love! see! always making me happy, how are you so sweet to me hm? when you reblog/like my posts i smile everytime and they feel like kisses to me, i love you so much beloved. i'm very proud of the person you are, the way you are, the heart full of love, warmth and happiness that you have and the way you continue to be so so kind, im so proud of you , of all you have done. and i.m very thankful to you for being proud of me, and for showing me and making me believe in the magic of friendship and love and warmth again. you're doing soo good too my love! i love how it comes from you so naturally <3
you eat well, stay hydrated and take it slow okay beloved? i'm accepting your flowers and putting them in the vases, the letters go into my little box of serotonin, with all the previous ones you gave me. đžđŒđđșđđȘŽhere's some plants for u đđđđđȘšand a letter and some little things. i love your cats, everytime you show me them i combust and am filled with this glowing thing inside of me, shjshsjshs. please kiss madame honey when she wakes up, and tell her the sunlight loved kissing her, and is always wishing for her more. and kiss sir douglas too, tell him he rocks in his own way and i will be forever thinking of happy vibes whenever i think of him. all three of you being your special selves made my day beloved. i needed this today , so so much, will forever be appreciative of you, and blessed by your presence my darling. i'm weeping and smiling simultaneously as i bid you a goodbye, hope you stay sometime soon. i love you so much, my beloved. <3
from, your beloved, you are loved.