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Journal entry #77📝

Date: 3/17/20

Today’s mood:🙃

Amount of water (cups):11

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅✅

Stretch:✅

Exercise:✅

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: Happy St. Patrick’s day🍀 A pretty chill day. I’ve started doing intermittent fasting again and was a little difficult today. I’m also working on eating better and healthier. A little difficult with the food in my house. Body image has also been pretty bad the past couple of days and don’t see if getting better anytime soon. Finished Sex Education with my dad today and I started him on Big Mouth (I’ve already finished it).

After watching Netflix with my dad, I spent the rest of the day watching YouTube and doing homework. Also found out today, classes will be online for the rest of the semester and my work in closing down one facility and our weight room (doesn’t affect me now.) So freshmen year on campus is basically over.

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Journal entry #71📝

Date: 3/11/20

Today’s mood: 😄

Amount of water (cups): 2

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅✅

Stretch:✅

Exercise:❎

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: Long but exciting day. Had my group speech today. The football player that didn’t come to practice last night messed up our intro. I was really nervous about how my part went so I went to my teacher’s office hours to talk about it. She finds it funny that I was freaking out when I did amazing again. My other class of the day was online which was boring as hell because nobody wanted to talk and it was just going over a project that is going to be difficult to do online instead of in person with our partner. After class, I had more filming for the weightlifting club. Today was mainly interviews and a few minutes of b-roll filming.

The university sent a message out today that all classes will be online starting the 16th. So when I got back to the dorm, my roommate was leaving since her classes that week were already online or cancelled. So now I’m alone in the dorm for the rest of the month.

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Journal entry #67📝

Date: 3/7/20

Today’s mood:😁

Amount of water (cups):4

Skincare routine:❎✅

Dental hygiene:✅❎

Stretch:❎

Exercise:❎

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: Another fun but busy day. Woke up early at Dylan’s and we watched Turbo (the movie about a racing snail) until Devin woke up at his house. I got ready and left Dylan’s, drove to Devin’s, and chilled there for a bit. About noon, we left for his mom’s house where we ate lunch (Chiptole) and relaxed there for a couple of hours.

Went back to his house, relaxed, ate a dinner of wings and fries, and then had ice cream and brownies. All foods that I havent had in a while, especially the dessert and I was craving ice cream. We then each drove to my house where I finished homework and he played minecraft. It’s about midnight and I know he’s gonna be playing for a bit longer so I’m gonna go to bed.

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Journal entry #65📝

Date: 3/5/20

Today’s mood:🙃

Amount of water (cups): 6

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅❎

Stretch:❎

Exercise:❎

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: A fun day at first and then went downhill. Went and had breakfast with my mom which was fun. She had a doctor’s appointment so was gone for most of the day. I continued with my homework and website making.

The day went downhill when both parents were home and right before Devin got here. My dad has been pissy lately so he’s set off by everything. Today it was my mom not eating the leftover taco casserole but she can’t because it has milk it in. Just continues to be pissy for the rest of the night which put me in a bad mood. This caused me to feel annoyed by stuff Devin was doing that on any other day I would have been fine with. So I felt awful because I was making him feel bad and I just broke down when we were cuddling. I’m ready to go back to school but I also don’t want to either.

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Journal entry #52📝

Date: 2/21/20

Today’s mood:😀

Amount of water (cups):0

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅✅

Exercise:❎

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: Today was a busy but fun day. I slept in and skipped breakfast because I was exhausted. Today was the last day of speeches for public speaking and they were okay. After that class, immediately got on a bus to go to the museum for a guided tour of it for my body, self, and world class. That was kinda fun. Once that was over, I got back on a bus, went back to my dorm, and tried to repark my car. Was planning to park in the Reitz Union for that afternoon to make filming easier but every spot was taken and they had basically all the “all day” parking blocked off. Managed to get a spot in my dorm parking lot. That took forever so I just watched youtube and had a small snack before getting lunch with BB at 2. Lunch was fun as usual. Right after lunch, I went back to my dorm to get my camera stuff then walked back to Weimer to meet my crew for the day. We were filming the weightlifting club today so we drove to the gym they were at (took a bit of navigating but was fun). Filming was sort of a breeze with a big learning curve with using a piece of equipment. Once that was over, dropped them and all the equipment off, got a pretty good parking spot at my dorm, and currently chilling for the rest of the night.

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Journal entry #50

Date: 2/19/20

Today’s mood: 😴😥

Amount of water (cups): 8

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅✅

Exercise:❎

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: I’m fucking exhausted. Worked at 5:15 until 7:30, got back to my dorm, parking was a fucking nightmare, and started getting ready for class. It was public speaking and I had some trouble paying attention because I was so tired. Went back to the library right after class and started working on my photoshop projects. Once I was done there, I went to the Reitz Union and got Panda Express for lunch. Worked on more homework while eating, didn’t finish the food, and then went to my last class. Then had volunteering, a club meeting, and an interactive screening of Knives Out with Sarah. I’m exhausted and have to be up early tomorrow as well so woo

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Journal entry #48📝

Date: 2/17/20

Today’s mood:🙂

Amount of water (cups):11

Skincare routine:✅✅

Dental hygiene:✅✅

Exercise:❎

Medicine:✅


Today’s talk: An average day. Class happened. Some of the speeches sucked today. Work was slow today but didn’t have to deal with any attitudes. Didn’t have volunteering because the kids didn’t have school today so I chilled at my dorm. Sarah wanted to get dinner at Moe’s so we did that. Feel down right now but the rest of the day was okay.

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I have a confession. I had a secret ana/mia/ed blog. I need help. I want out but my brain is stuck on getting skinny as fast as possible, but I am tired of the side effects. I am tired of the stress. I unfollowed all the thinspo, thinspii, thinspiration, etcetera. But I need to fill the void. Thats where you come in. 

Heres what I need to see on my dash : 

  • NO BODYSPO. That shit is triggering for me because of how much I am envious of other people’s bodies   

Here’s what I’d like to see on my dash:

  • Over 20 years old.
  • Swimming, crew, other water sports, hiking, beginner weight lifting, and blogilates are my faves (but obvs I’m open to seeing other stuff!)
  • Smaller blogs - 100 followers or less (because it fosters community)

Really the biggest one is no bodyspo. You can post pictures of your progress pics, but not other “motivating” stuff.

I look forward to meeting you!

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Today went alright, breakfast was eggs and toast, lunch was leftovers from last night. I noticed a significant positive increase in my overall mood this morning and throughout the day. Granted, it’s a Tuesday, and Monday’s are usually rough, so it will be interesting to see if the trend continues. 

I also started my gratitude journal last night (aiming to document 10 things I’m grateful for each day) and I feel really good about it.

My job just moved to a new office, which has a gym in the basement. I’ve been foam-rolling and stretching the past two days when I’m struggling to focus, and it seems to be helping a lot. Plus I’m being reminded of the way my body positively responds to being pampered and cared for. There is an essence of gratitude in each slow movement.

Moving Differently

When I told Juan that I’d been feeling down, he actually suggested we go ice skating. I actually love skating so much, I took lessons a few years ago–but I was training for long-distance running, and the pressure on my knees made it hard to do both.

Anyway, I loved it, as usual. Even though the Zamboni hadn’t come through in hours and the ice was a bit bumpy, the way gliding quickly on the ice makes me feel in the cold air does bring me joy like few other things do.

Even though my heart is heavier than usual, I’m grateful that I’m able to do the things I love, and be free. Embracing the process feels good. I don’t need to feel better by a specific date, but, still, I’m trying to embrace the good moments as they come along with the rough ones.  

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Oh my goodness, I’m only 3.5 weeks away from 90 days. That’s terrifying from a goal standpoint, because I’m still 3 pounds away from my weight goal… but really exciting from a milestone standpoint! I’m so proud of myself for completely turning around my eating and exercise habits.

Week 2 Weigh-In: 133.8 lbs
Change over 1 week: +1.8 lbs
Change since beginning: +0.3 lbs

Week 3 Weigh-In: 131.5 lbs
Change over 1 week: -2.3 lbs
Change since beginning: -2 lbs

Week 4 Weigh-In: 130 lbs
Change over 1 week: -1.5 lbs
Change since beginning: -3.5 lbs

Week 5 Weigh-In: N/A (away for holiday; didn’t measure)

Week 6 Weigh-In: 131.5 lbs (just returned from holiday)
Change over 1 week: N/A
Change since beginning: -3.5 lbs

Week 7 Weigh-In: 128 lbs
Change over 1 week: -3.5 lbs
Change since beginning: -5.5 lbs

Week 8 Weigh-In: 127 lbs
Change over 1 week: -1 lb
Change since beginning: -6.5 lbs

Week 9 Weigh-In: 128 lbs
Change over 1 week: +1 lb
Change since beginning: -5.5 lbs

The numbers are making me think that I’ve been plateauing since the Week 7 Weigh-In (considering that I’m back to where I was, with plenty of ups and downs in-between). It’s frustrating, but I’ve also kind of accepted it. I’m not giving up, but I’m also not going to be mad at my body for not losing weight faster. It’s on its own timetable. My job is to get into the best physical and mental shape I possibly can - the weight will follow where and when it’s supposed to.

By the way, I already have an idea for what I want to do after these 90 days are over. Stay tuned. :)

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My week 8 weigh in was actually two days ago (and my weight has changed since then) but I’ll give you the breakdown.

Week 2 Weigh-In: 133.8 lbs
Change over 1 week: +1.8 lbs
Change since beginning: +0.3 lbs

Week 3 Weigh-In: 131.5 lbs
Change over 1 week: -2.3 lbs
Change since beginning: 2 lbs

Week 4 Weigh-In: 130 lbs
Change over 1 week: 1.5 lbs
Change since beginning: 3.5 lbs

Week 5 Weigh-In: N/A (away for holiday; didn’t measure)

Week 6 Weigh-In: 131.5 lbs (just returned from holiday)
Change over 1 week: N/A
Change since beginning: 3.5 lbs

Week 7 Weigh-In: 128 lbs
Change over 1 week: 3.5 lbs
Change since beginning: 5.8 lbs

Week 8 Weigh-In: 127 lbs
Change over 1 week: 1 lb
Change since beginning: 6.8 lbs

It’s been a weird week. This may be TMI, but it’s my blog, so whatever. Basically, my last period ended before I started my 90 day journey, and I haven’t gotten it since… until this week, when it finally returned. I’m not sure why. (No, I was not pregnant.) My best guess is that the combination of intense exercise and travel made my body freak out (and I tend to not be the most regular regardless). 

So anyway, ever since my period returned, my weight has fluctuated a lot. Here is the breakdown of the past week:

Day 53: 128.5
Day 54: 129.5
Day 55: 131
Day 56: 129.5
Day 57: 127 
Day 58: 127.5
Day 59: 128

Like, how weird is that? Maybe it’s not too weird - I looked it up, and according to Google, your weight can fluctuate up to 5 lbs around your period. It just so happened that it dipped on the day of my Week 8 weigh-in, but it’s climbing back up again. Who knows. I’ll wait until I’ve stopped bleeding to make any kind of final judgement call.

I also haven’t exercised much this week, again because of my period. I’ve just been more physically tired, and it felt like the right thing to do to let my body rest. 

I’m nervous about hitting my goal - I still have 3-ish pounds to lose (considering that I’m at 128 today) and only about 30 days to do it. But you know what? I’m going to work hard, do my best, and even if I don’t make it to 125 lbs by the end of my 90 day journey, it will still be okay. I’m healthier now than I was, and I’ve still made a tremendous amount of progress. 

And I’m not giving up yet!

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Day 50 of 90 - Over Halfway There!

Alright… I’m not even going to give myself an excuse for the fact that I haven’t blogged since day 28. I’m just going to say that while I clearly didn’t hit my “blog once a week” goal, I’m doing pretty darned well on my other health goals, so I’m not too mad about it. And with that, let’s move on to the recap of the past 22 days.

Due to being on holiday and away from home from day 33 through day 44, I was not able to track my weight daily for that time span. Additionally, because I knew I was going to be busy with visiting family and such for that time span, I didn’t want to force myself to try to squeeze my normal workout routine in every day, so I gave myself a break there. I also didn’t try too hard to stick to my original calorie / macro count, and instead just tried to eat things in moderation, and only eat something that was “unhealthy” or “bad” for me if I really wanted it, not just because it was there. (It also helped that I didn’t have family members actively pressuring me to eat tons of things, like at the previous holiday). And surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly), this really didn’t end up being a bad thing!

Here’s my weight breakdown:

Week 2 Weigh-In: 133.8 lbs
Change over 1 week: +1.8 lbs
Change since beginning: +0.3 lbs

Week 3 Weigh-In: 131.5 lbs
Change over 1 week: -2.3 lbs
Change since beginning: 2 lbs

Week 4 Weigh-In: 130 lbs
Change over 1 week: 1.5 lbs
Change since beginning: 3.5 lbs

Week 5 Weigh-In: N/A (away for holiday; didn’t measure)

Week 6 Weigh-In: 131.5 lbs (just returned from holiday)
Change over 1 week: N/A
Change since beginning: 3.5 lbs

Week 7 Weigh-In: 128 lbs
Change over 1 week: 3.5 lbs
Change since beginning: 5.8 lbs

I’m currently at 128 lbs, which means that I broke through the weight plateau that kept me stagnating around 130! I was trying to figure out the reason for the stagnation, and I’m really not sure what it was. I was eating well, and exercising diligently. There are only two potential reasons that I can think of at the moment. One is, maybe after implementing a drastically different eating and exercise plan for a month, my body was just trying to figure out what the heck was going on. Another is that it could have been stress from work affecting me. Week 2 through Week 4 was a stressful time for me at work (a LOT of deadlines) and it’s possible that my cortisol levels rose and caused me to hold onto weight.

We may never know. But I’m not too concerned about it anymore, because clearly the plateau has broken!! Maybe the physical relaxation over Week 5 was just what my body needed in order to reset and (possibly?) get my cortisol levels down.

I’ve got 5 ½ weeks to go on this 90 day journey. I have 3 pounds left in order to reach my weight goal. I really do think that this is doable - I mean, it’s less than a pound a week, and I’m pretty sure I can smash that! However, I do want to state for the record that I realize my body might just give me a flat-out “no” for whatever reason. I might stagnate, even if I’m doing all the “right” things. And I’m giving myself the grace to say that that is okay. I set my goals based on the knowledge I had at the time, with the understanding that those goals were flexible and could be changed for the good of my body. A good friend reminded me that my body is changing due to these healthy habits - and even if my weight stays the same or possibly even goes up, it could be because I’m building muscle. Weight only tells part of the story. (I’m really wishing that I measured myself (inches-wise) at the start of this journey so that I had another data point, but oh well.)

But putting the weight aside, this journey has been unbelievably healthy for me, both physically and emotionally. Exercising has truly made a world of difference in my mental health. I know everyone always says that, but man - it was like taking a magic pill that suddenly made me happier and more focused. Who wouldn’t want that?? And because my brain is receiving the dopamine it needs from exercise, I’m no longer craving junk food 24/7. Instead, I can have a normal, moderated amount of dessert and less-than-healthy food, and I don’t feel like I’m missing something.

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Happy Monday!

Today’s breakfast is steel cut oatmeal with blueberries and some pineapple. A breakfast of champions for my first day of my new semester.

Today will be day 6 of the Blogilates 2020 challenge, and I’m also beginning a 7 week running for beginners program!

I will try to enjoy my 30 minute walk in the cold and snowy weather.

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