#bobby: why do you keep encouraging him diaz

[smilingbuckley]

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My 10 favorite Buddie fics I've written in 2023 (so far)

In random order

I love you a latte

M | Coffee shop/Café AU | 9,391 words

New to Los Angeles, Eddie meets a cute barista at a coffee shop recommended to him by Chimney. Even though he embarrasses himself by being flustered by Buck, he keeps coming back and starts a friendship with him. -- Once Eddie paid, he stays there for a moment. He doesn't want to leave yet, but he has to. Christopher needs to be picked up soon and he also really needs a nap. "Thanks, Buck." Buck’s eyes widen a little, "How do you…" This time it's Eddie’s turn to grin, "Your name tag." Buck glances down. "Oh. Right. Yes. Uh, you're welcome…. Eddie. You're Eddie." "You remember my name?" Eddie asks, surprised. Buck’s smile turns flirty, "I always remember the pretty ones." "Buck, stop flirting with the customers!" A woman yells out from the kitchen. Both their cheeks turn red, but Buck still grins and even winks at him. Eddie opens his mouth to say something, but he's speechless. "Uh… see you around?" "I hope so," Buck answers.

I loved writing this AU so much. I had so much fun. I think this is my first coffee shop or café AU I've written. Might write another one it the future because of how fun it was. I'm also very proud of how it turned out.

God forbid you leave me like all the rest did

T | Presumed Dead | 33,081 words | 10/10 chapters

“Buck!” He looks up. His tears are blurring his sight, but he recognizes the figure standing in his doorway. “No,” Buck says to him. He shakes his head. “No.” “Buck,” Bobby’s voice is soft. “No!” Buck’s voice raises. “He’s not dead!” Bobby walks closer. In that stupid funeral firefighter suit people wear when telling family members about their fallen heroes, not unlike the military. “He’s not dead!” Buck screams. “Go away, he’s not dead! He’s not dead!” Bobby reaches out to him, and Buck fights against his hold, pushing the older man away. “No! Don’t touch me! He’s not dead! He can’t be dead! Eddie is not dead!” -- Buck's life changes when he loses Eddie on a call and his body is never found. A funeral and a career switch later, Buck has to figure out how to live without the love of his life. He has to stay strong though because he needs to take care of Christopher.

I am a sucker for presumed dead fics. It's not the first one I wrote and it definitely won't be the last. They're so fun to write and deliciously angsty to read.

Worth staying for

E | Nurse Buck AU | 40,128 words | 6/6 chapters

But, when he reads the name ‘Eddie Diaz’ on a file a few weeks later, he does recognize it. He doesn’t know why until he opens the curtain and those same brown eyes look up at him. Once again with something against his arm, this time a towel. An elderly woman is sitting next to him. “Mr. Diaz, I’d say it’s nice to see you again, but I’m an ER nurse, so I would be lying,” Buck smiles at him, “Same thing as last time?” Eddie sighs, “Yeah.” “Last time?” The woman asks, looking at Eddie, “Edmundo, you really need to stay out of the kitchen.” -- Years after the truck bombing, Buck has settled into his new job as a nurse. Then he meets Eddie Diaz, a single-parent firefighter who keeps ending up in the hospital. Eddie also happens to work with Buck's old team. Buck's friends and family encourage him to go for it, but he has been burned before. Would it be worth it, the possibility of having his heart broken again? He's not sure. But the universe seems to have some different plans for them.

I didn't even realize that I wrote it this year. I felt like this was older because the idea had been in my mind for so long. And I LOVED writing this so much. Nurse Buck might be one of my all time favorite things I've written and I am so happy with the love it got.

'Cause we belong together now

M | Marriage or convenience, girl dads Budde | 68,866 words | 14/14 chapters

“Buck, are you saying that...” Oh, he picked up on it. Buck sighs, “If it's okay with you, I'd like to take your name as well. I... I've thought a lot about changing my name over the years, you know? And, well, I guess this is an opportunity. And I'll have the same name as my family.” “Of course, that's okay with me, Evan,” Eddie turns, which causes his knee to press into Buck's thigh. He reaches over and grabs one of Buck's hands. Buck finally risks looking at him again. Eddie's eyes are wet and he blinks a few times as if blinking away his tears. Buck feels a little strange that Eddie got emotional because Buck wants to take his name. “You know I love you, right?” Eddie says, Eddie winces and adds, “You're my best friend.” Buck's not sure why his chest feels so weird. Tight. “I love you too, Eds. There's no one I'd rather fake marry than you.” Eddie laughs, “Back at you.” (Or: on a call, Buck and Eddie meet an adorable little girl that they fall in love with and want to adopt. The only problem? They're not together romantically...)

This is my Roman Empire. Holy shit. I still can't believe I managed to write this. All time favorite fic I wrote. Damn. I'm so freaking proud of it.

In the moonlight you look just like an angel in disguise

M | Going on a trip together | 35,743 words | 6/6 chapters

“Yeah,” Eddie also sighs, “I’m not worried about that, just...” “You’re worried about you?” Buck fills in the gaps once he realizes Eddie doesn’t know how to explain his feelings. Eddie nods, “Yeah. How will I survive those three weeks? The house gets so quiet without him, it just doesn’t feel the same. It’s... It feels wrong.” Buck hums again, drumming his fingers on the table as he thinks, “I think I might have a solution.” “What? Be supervisors at camp? Christopher wouldn’t forgive me, I know he loves us, but he’d be very embarrassed to have his dads- to have his dad there.” Buck’s eyes twinkle a little at the slip, but he doesn’t say anything about it. He shakes his head, “No. But, Bobby told me he has an old vacation home that used to belong to his family. He hasn’t been there in years.” Eddie frowns, “You want to ask our captain if we can borrow his vacation home that he hasn’t been to since his wife died?” Now Buck is the one rolling his eyes, “No, smartass. He gave me the keys, said I could use it whenever I wanted.” -- While Christopher is at camp, Buck and Eddie go on a vacation of their own to a small cabin in the woods... It goes as well as you'd expect.

I know I say this about every fic in this list but this was so fun to write! It got me in the summer mood and I still think of this fondly :)

Let me fix it for you

M | 5+1 times | 10,355 words

5 times Eddie fixes or builds something for Buck + 1 time Buck thanks him for it (... sort of) -- “You look like you need a good breakfast,” Bobby says at the sight of Buck, handing him a plate highly stacked with waffles. “You can shave here if you want to.” “And risk being halfway when we get called in?” Buck snorts, “Nah, I’ll shave when Eddie fixes my sink.” “Oh, didn’t know you were a free handyman on the side,” Hen says, stretching to look at Eddie, “You know, we’ve been looking for someone to fix our backyard fence." Eddie, with his mouth full of waffles, shakes his head, “Family only.”

I just love Buck being horny for Eddie doing domestic things. And I love Eddie doing domestic things for Buck in general.

When the world ender comes, baby run for your life

M | Another tsunami | 17,588 words

Another tsunami hits Los Angeles, this time the entire team is caught in it and gets separated, desperate to find their way back to each other. Buck had warned them something felt off... they should have listened. -- "It's quiet," Buck says to him as they walk towards the neighboring building. "Quiet?" Eddie asks him with a laugh. He points at the queue of honking cars lining up behind the firetruck as one part of the road is blocked. There is also still the sound of people talking, or more likely yelling. An airplane flies above them. "It's not very quiet." "I don't mean the humans," Buck answers, looking around. "The animals. The birds have left, normally this area has a ton of squirrels. I don't see any stray cats." Eddie sighs, "So, what, you think Armageddon is about to happen?" "I'm just saying, it's weird," Buck defends himself, "I feel like something's going to happen. I just don't know what." "I'm sure it's nothing," Eddie reassures him and pats his shoulder, "Before you know it we are eating dinner tonight with Christopher. He's been begging for the recipe you found."

I worked so hard on this for months, I was glad I could finally post it. I'm sad this didn't really get as much attention as some of my other fics, but I get that it's different than other things I've written. I'm still proud of myself for finishing writing this fic.

My father's son

T | Different first meeting AU, Buck is Bobby's biological son | 27,314 words | 4/4 chapters

Whumptober day 9: mistaken identity / 2023 prompt: kidnapped After a DNA test, that he took as a joke, Buck's entire life is pulled upside down. Traveling to Los Angeles with the thought of helping a man find his missing son, whose results Buck accidentally got, it turns out that there was no mix-up at all. Buck is that missing son, kidnapped just after birth. For twenty-six years, Buck has been living a lie. He tries to get used to his new life, his new family. He starts a new job. But there's another problem... he's falling for one of the firefighters under his father's command. And the people who raised him, the Buckleys, refuse to confess the full truth.

You might already know that Buck & Bobby are my weakness. This idea had been living in my mind for so long and I finally got to write and publish it!

Since I met you I just can't forget you

M | Veterinarian Buck AU | 10,667 words

When Eddie adopts a cat he rescued on a call, he doesn't expect to develop a major crush on the cute veterinarian. -- "Aren't you gorgeous?" Buck answers. Eddie blushes deeply and turns to look at Buck but- oh. Of course. Buck is talking to the cat. He should've guessed that. Buck opens the carrier and Mrs. Whiskers curiously walks out, sniffing his hand before letting out a 'prr' like sound. Not purring, but talkative. "Hi there, my name is Buck and I'm your doctor, I'm gonna take good care of you, okay?" Buck says to her and pets her gently. He turns to look at Eddie, "I've been a vet for 6 years and this is the most beautiful cat I have ever seen." Eddie bites his lip to stop the proud smile from taking over his face. (AKA: the veterinarian Buck/cat owner Eddie AU)

So this year I figured out that I LOVE writing AU's. I hope to write more in December and then in 2024! This was so adorable and fun to write!!

Under the neon lights, I think we might get married in Vegas

M | waking up married in Vegas | 5,539 words

The arm around him tightens, making him freeze. There's a groan that's somehow similar, but he must confuse this person with someone else. The figure turns around to lie on their back. Buck slowly turns his head to the other side of the pillow to look at them and- Oh shit. Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. It's Eddie. Eddie fucking Diaz is laying in his hotel bed, sheets covering his lower half, the upper half? Naked. Fuck, fuck, fuck. (Or: Buck wakes up married to Eddie in Las Vegas. Neither of them remember how they got here.)

I am a SUCKER for fics like this so I was really happy to write one of my own. I'm very proud of the outcome!

#911 #ao3 #buddie #evan buckley #911 fanfic #eddie diaz #buddie fanfiction #fanfiction #writing

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Tagged by @devirnis for WIP Wednesday! Here’s a whole scene from proposal fic because why not… (vomit content warning)

Bobby shows up on the doorstep before Buck's first PT appointment after being discharged and Buck is hit by sudden intense gratitude for the stupidest possible reason. Ah, he thinks, thank god Eddie isn't going to see what I'm like during one of these. And then What the fuck, Buckley? Eddie did see him after that first session, and it's not like his patheticisms start and end within a 45 minute time frame and the clean walls and persistent disinfectant smell of Dr. Shelley's office. He's spent the last two days in a shivering little lump on the man's bed, sleeping 16 hours out of 24. He's not really sparing him anything he hasn't already seen. What, then? Spread the different facets of exactly how fucked up he is around? Like if no one has to deal with too much they won't get tired of it? Here, Eddie, you can have helping me go to the bathroom because I can't stand up on my own. Maddie, you get me crying whenever I see you or even hear you on the phone because you're my big sister so I get to dump all my feelings on you, that's fair right? Bobby, you can hear me screaming in pain, is that ok with you? You were there last time, I'm sure you'll do fine. It's too much for any of them. It's too much for Buck.

"You ready, kid?" Bobby says, with the softest little smile. God. Buck is going to fall apart into tiny, gross little pieces. Eddie can mop the floor and be done with him.

“Ready,” is what he says, knowing it sounds like a lie.

They have him walking between the parallel bars today. He remembers them, from his leg. They don’t start there, most of the hour is more stretching (ow) and fine motor skills practice (frustrating). But they told him at the beginning they want to get him walking again as soon as they can to avoid any further muscle loss or atrophy, and they want to work with him to see if they can figure out how much of his dizziness is from brain injury and how much is from vestibular damage.

Well, he’s up on the bars now and he couldn’t fucking tell you. The whole world is just spinning around him at a sickening speed as the physical therapist and Bobby both mutter encouragement, tell him to keep taking one more step, he can do it. Buck tries, he really tries, he wants to take these five steps on his own and for the doctor to tell him he’s progressing fantastically and to be tired but happy on the drive home with Bobby, both of them smiling and cracking jokes. Instead he collapses three steps in and vomits on the soft plastic-y blue floor covering. His ear is ringing and he only has a split second to feel humiliated before there are arms around him.

“Sweetheart,” Bobby is saying over the background hum, “Sweetheart, I’ve got you.” There are hands in Buck’s hair and he chokes out a sob. He doesn’t really stop crying until they’re almost back at the Diaz house, how he got from the office to the car a mysterious blur. Bobby is holding his hand on the center console. When Buck squeezes a little tighter he hears him sigh in relief and it almost starts the tears up again. Bobby is out of the car as soon as he's parked, hurrying around to the passenger side to help Buck to the house. He’d protested, days ago, about the need to rent a wheelchair until he could carry a little more of his own weight, but now he guesses getting rolled to the door is more dignified than Bobby having to put him in a fireman's carry.

He’d do it. Buck knows he would, Bobby would pick him up and hold him in his arms and carry him as far as he needed to go. Bobby settles him on the couch, handling him as gently as he would a child at a disaster site, running to bring him mouthwash to get rid of the bitter taste of stomach acid, finding saltines in the kitchen, pouring ginger ale on ice and procuring as if by magic a bendy straw in old fashioned, environmentally unfriendly, single use plastic. He sits on the coffee table in front of him, at attention, ready to appease any want.

"Thanks, dad. Bobby! Thanks- thanks, Cap," Buck slams his eyes shut and drops his head onto the couch behind him. The indignities never fucking end, apparently. He's stopped from withering away entirely by the warm weight of a hand over his own where it lays on the armrest. Buck opens his eyes. Bobby is staring down at their hands, jaw working, breathing through his nose.

"It wasn't even-" Bobby frowns as his voice fails, and clears his throat to try again. "I kept wishing I could be mad at you. Being reckless again, running into danger, getting yourself hurt." He exhales heavily, breath stuttering into a sad little laugh. "But I watched you climb that ladder. I kept playing it over and over in my head. You had three points of contact the whole time. Could have filmed it for a goddamn safety manual. It could have been-" his voice catches again, and Buck turns his hand to grab onto Bobby's. "It could have been any of us. It could have been any of us up there. All the stupid stunts you pull that you walk away from, and it's-" Bobby's free hand waves wildly into the room. "It's a random fucking act of god that nearly-"

"Bobby-"

"That nearly takes you from me," he finishes, squeezing Buck's hand. He's crying, and Buck thinks he might be again, too.

"I'm so sorry-"

"Oh, kid," Bobby says, leaning forward, gathering Buck up in his arms. “Nothing to apologize for. You’re right here. You’re still breathing. That’s all I need.”

Buck weeps again, into Bobby’s shoulder, his captain or father or good friend’s hand rubbing up and down his spine. He is still breathing. He’s still breathing. Bobby’s soft flannel shirt smells like grill smoke and Eddie’s couch is familiar beneath him, and Buck hurts and feels sick and dizzy, and he exists. “Bobby-“

“It’s alright. It’s alright.”

Bobby’s face is wet when Buck pulls away after however long it takes for each breath to stop aching so bad as it rattles in and out of him. Buck wants to say all sorts of things, most of which amount to I love you, but what comes out is a nod towards the TV and “You wanna stay for the game?”

Buck doesn’t even know what sports, if any, are on today, but Bobby seems to hear some of the other words he meant to say because he smiles so kindly at him and says “Yeah, Buck. Anything.”

Tagging @iinryer @bigfootsmom @shortsighted-owl if you’ve got anything to share!

#wip #wip wednesday #proposal fic #thats his dad boogie woogie woogie #was listening to the interstellar soundtrack while finishing this scene up #i remember fuck all about that movie but the soundtrack hits #listen to Stay and cry about how that song feels like a building plea and a desperate desire to answer that plea #stay!! stay with me!! #arms wide open for you

[calyssmarviss]

Okay i got obsessed again with star wars here for a minute, legit started working on tthat one fic again because my vpn was making the episode charge dreadfully slow but now i turned it off and BUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING I MEAN YEAH I MEAN WHAT THE HELL IS EDDIE DOING THERE I MEAN GO IT FOR KING I MEAN NO YOU DON’T DESERVE IT AFTER THAT CATCH YOU LATER BUCK that was bitchy as fuck wow they’re both jealous and it’s incredible

(Much later: well this has turned into a whole ass shoke full of spoilers reaction post didn’t it)

That’s insane dialogue, what do you mean “jumping ship” and “keeping options fluids”, mhm, boys? Like on a surface level Eddie’s asking if Buck is thinking about a new career option, and the metaphor makes it not even sound that deep, but you know they have some history with the concept of leaving the 118 and it either did not go down at all or didn’t go well. So Buck’s answer is like, probably not the best one to hear if you’re Eddie Diaz, but it’s banter in front of a thir party so even if he’s thinking about that he has to let it fly. Then if you put your buddie goggles on, it can be him asking, are you interested in that guy?

HE’S TAKING UR MAN TO VEGAS of all places

*

That’s not Harry. Aintnoway he went through his whole ass puberty in less than a year!

Look, Bobby can spot the impostor too.

*

Ravi!

OH THIS IS SO HAPPENING

Hey girlies how does it feel to be so right and never lose? Ngl feels so good to me.

He’s so revolted this was the perfect moment to pause at

Oh god the next frame tho.

The rope going down the pipe exept they’re both on top now

Eddie now you’re doing it on purpose. Buck just said “you never have enough friends” and you just… piled on top of it. Like. I get you, i really get you. All’s fair. But that’s Buck and you know he has abandonment issues, man.

OH NO

oH NO

oh Nooo

Oh you didn’t didn’t edmundo diaz

WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO HIM LOOK AT HIS FACE

Oh god i stopped to type and didn’t hear the dialogue yet this is insane Eddie you babby trapped him and he was your second choice and it’s your third date with Tommy already. *cough*whore*cough*/affectionate

No fr real Eddie Diaz pettiest bitch in Los Angeles. He’s gonna make Buck come to his senses the haaaaaard way.

Insane shit.

You bet he’s bothered and bewildered.

*

BITCHING TO HIS SISTER he’s so precious (Eddie it’s working)

Revenge of the Sith is the best Star Wars tho Buck, I’m in Tommy and Chris’s camp on this. Guess you’ll have to be the babysitter from now on.

“I didn’t have to (in the bitchiest tone Oliver Stark has ever used). Eddie, on his fridge (!) has a day calendar, under a take out menu: Thursday: BBPU, Double-U, back slash(okay you insane man), Tommy. And it’s circled.”

I’m dying and it’s from pure glee.

“Is it circled with a heart around it?”

*

“We have a problem.”

Yeah, that kid’s not Harry!

Lmao he’s on the run from the cops!

Yeah she can’t recognise her son because that’s not Harry!

Why is the show encouraging me???

Okay, that’s Harry, fine.

*

Oh now who’s inside looking in, looking through the glass closet locker room no less

Wait, isn’t that what leads to those stills i’ve seen of that convo? Are they gonna have a serious talk?

I need all the gifs from that episode.

Making sure he’s in line of sight, uh.

You’re not the one he wants Ravi, sorry.

IS HE FOR REAL

asdfghjkl evan buckley you got it bad

Eddie stop it, you’re not looking but I’m going to have to look at Buck’s face next frame

Bros when no hoes i guess

*

Okay that faceblindness case is genuinely awful

*

Lmao are Eddie and Tommy gonna be there?

Oh yeah, here they are

This is about to get bloody

“So I’m your basketball beard. I feel so bonded.” pffFf

Oh this is both hot and kind of embar at the same time

So, what do you thought of that chest Buck, did it give you insecurities

Ooooouch

You knkw what Eddie, you kind of deserved it FOR ONCE you shouldn’t play with the feelings of a guy that huge

Oh this isn’t good and I’m not talking about Eddie’s foot here

*

“So how’s he feeling?”

“I don’t know.”

That’s what i though you were going to say.

“I felt left out. I was trying to get his attention.” 😭

You know, he’s so valid for that, because Eddie’s attention on him is just… it’s always there, you know? And seeing it being, well, not there, it’s reall day and night. It feels unnatural, which is why i can’t think it’s genuine (but off brand haha). Whether it’s fully intentional on Eddie’s part or not.

*

Where the hell is this going. I mean the one spoiler i saw makes me think Tommy is coming onto Buck, but… look that episode went places that…. Okay I’ll just press play and see!

Buck now you’re the stop stepping a bit too close.

What is this episode guys.

Basically every line is taking me at the knees, this is so awesome.

That’s his flirting smile and i don’t know if i love or hate to see it rn.

They are so petty,

Evan Buckley you liar.

ON MY FUCKING SCREEN

ON MY FUCKING SCREEN

O ye of little faith

911 is delivering

“Please call Eddie.”

And then his face did something complicated idk Buck’s got kissed by a dude and he liked it and we just got delivered an absolute mess of a situation in 42 minutes and i can’t fucking wait to see what’s next oh my god.

#911 season 7 #buck bothered and bewildered #911 spoilers #what the hell did i just watch i’m very positive about endgame but that’s insane stuff #holy shit #lol it very much wasn’t the gym convo episode

[fireladybuckley]

It Isn’t in my Blood

Fandom: 9-1-1 Prompt:  Inspired by @kitkatpancakestack‘s “what if Buck finds the pamphlet“ post Pairing: Implied future Buddie - Evan Buckley (Buck) x Eddie Diaz Word Count: 2,330 Summary:    SPOILERS - A 5x01 missing scene - Buck finds the pamphlet on anxiety and panic attacks given to him by the cardiologist at the hospital and encourages Eddie to tell him what happened. Eddie breaks down and admits that maybe not everything is okay.

Beta’d by @firemedicdiaz​ Thank you babe <3

Read it on Ao3

             “I’ll just be a minute, you staying here?”  Eddie asked, hopping out of the truck and looking over at Buck.

              “Sure, sounds good,” Buck said, yawning.  Eddie nodded and closed the door, hurrying up the sidewalk as Buck settled back in his seat.  It had been such a long, chaotic shift and Buck was exhausted; Eddie just had to drop off a form at Christopher’s school and then they were going for breakfast.  Buck figured he had time for a short nap and shut his eyes, but sleep wouldn’t come.

              After a while it became apparent that Eddie was going to be longer than he’d said, and Buck was getting restless.  He grew bored quite easily of late, so he began poking around Eddie’s truck - changing the radio station, fiddling with the air freshener.  Absently, Buck hit the button on the dashboard that opened the glove box in front of him and looked down into it, wondering if there were any travel brochures left in there from a previous road trip that he could look at.   Instead, he pulled out a very different kind of pamphlet that looked like it had been shoved in carelessly and as he read the front, his eyebrows contracted with a small frown.

              Understanding Anxiety and Panic Attacks - Recognize the Signs and Symptoms

              Underneath the pamphlet were a couple of folded sheets of paper.  Upon quick inspection, Buck saw that they were discharge papers from the hospital dated a few days earlier with Eddie’s name in the patient field.

              Buck’s heart squeezed painfully as he stared at the slightly crumpled papers and then back at the pamphlet, realizing what it must all mean.  Buck had been startled earlier in the shift when that doctor had called out to Eddie, but Eddie had been very resistant to talking about his trip to the hospital.  Buck had dropped it for the time being as they had been chaotically busy the entire shift, but he had always intended to grill Eddie about it later.  Now, he suddenly understood what must have happened.  He knew from experience how scary panic attacks could be, how they could feel like a heart attack, especially if a person had never had one before.  

              He remembered how uncomfortable Eddie had looked when Buck had tried to confront him.  Buck knew how much Eddie relied on everyone thinking he was this stoic, unmoving rock, because it allowed him to hide his feelings and keep everything bottled up.  Buck was well aware that he himself and Bobby were the only two people that Eddie ever opened up to, and it made Buck’s heart hurt as he considered how shaken up Eddie must have been by the whole incident to be so resistant to telling him about it.

              Buck sighed, wishing he had known, thinking about how he could try to help Eddie as he skimmed the pamphlet.  He wanted to help, hating the idea that Eddie could be going through this alone.  He distinctly remembered how Eddie had tried to drag Buck out of his horrible depression and anxiety after the fire truck had crushed his leg and he wanted to be there for Eddie in turn.  Buck knew that Eddie had Ana, but if Buck was right about their relationship, he suspected that Eddie would be uncomfortable talking to her about his emotions.  He’d always had the feeling that while Eddie clearly liked Ana and they got along well, their relationship wasn’t particularly deep and Buck knew that Eddie had to really trust someone before he would open up.

              Lost in his thoughts, Buck was still looking at the pamphlet in one hand, the discharge papers held loosely in the other, when Eddie returned.

              “Alright, that’s all done, let’s go t-- Buck, what the hell?”

              Buck jumped as the driver’s door opened and Eddie swung himself inside, only to freeze when he saw what Buck was holding and reading through.  Buck started to stammer as Eddie snatched the papers and pamphlet out of his hands and threw them back into the glove box, snapping it shut and staring straight ahead, his chest rising and falling quickly, his jaw set.

              “Eddie, I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop, I just found that in the glove box and I couldn’t help looking at it…”

              “It’s fine.  It’s nothing.”  Eddie’s voice was clipped, and Buck could tell he felt vulnerable and was not pleased about it.  

              “I mean, it’s not nothing,” Buck replied cautiously in a coaxing tone.  He hadn’t been planning on talking to Eddie about this before breakfast, but then there was no time like the present.    “Is this why you were in the hospital the other day?”

              Eddie shot him an annoyed look, because it was obvious that Buck had seen the discharge papers so the question was redundant, but then he sighed and nodded.

              “Yeah.  I’m fine though.”

              “Eddie… you’ve been through so much.  There’s no shame in having a panic attack--” Buck began, but Eddie started the truck and cut through his words sharply.

              “I don’t panic.”

              Buck frowned as Eddie pulled away from the curb and began to drive without saying another word.  Deciding to give him some space for a few so he could collect his thoughts, Buck stayed silent as they moved through the streets.   To his surprise, Eddie pulled up in front of Buck’s apartment building and parked, still looking straight ahead.

              “I… thought we were going for breakfast?”  Buck asked slowly, not sure what to expect.  Eddie seemed to steel himself, then glanced towards the building and shut off the truck.

              “I know you’re not going to let this go, and I don’t want to do it in public.  Let’s go up to your loft.”  

              Eddie’s voice was gruff, but Buck was grimly pleased that he wasn’t resisting.  Buck knew that Eddie knew Buck would not let this slide, would not let it rest until he was sure that Eddie was okay.  Taking his lead, Buck agreed and hopped out of the truck, following Eddie up to his building and then leading the way into his apartment.

              “Let’s get this over with,” Eddie said in a resigned voice as he moved into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, Buck pulling himself up and sitting on the counter across from him.  “What do you want to know?”

              “What happened?” Buck asked simply.  “I know you went to the hospital, you were seen by a cardiologist, and now you have a pamphlet on panic attacks.  What actually happened?”

              Eddie gnawed the inside of his lip, still refusing to look at Buck as he mulled over what to say.  He was staring at the lower part of the counter in front of him, Buck’s shoe dangling in his line of sight, though he wasn’t seeing much.  All he could see in his mind was that damn suit store, the feeling of the tightness in his chest making him feel claustrophobic and deeply uncomfortable.

              “I don’t know.  We were trying on suits, and then I just… collapsed.  I thought I was having a heart attack,” Eddie summarized it as succinctly as he could, but he knew it wasn’t going to be enough for Buck.

              “Okay, but what triggered that?” Buck asked, his voice gently prodding.  “Did something upset you, or…?”

              Eddie shifted uncomfortably, and Buck’s lips curled in a small, sad smile.  

              “Eddie, it’s just me.  You can talk to me.  You know you can trust me.  Please tell me what happened.”

              For a brief moment, Eddie lifted his eyes and met Buck’s gaze.  Buck’s expression was earnest, concerned, and Eddie knew he was right.  If there was anyone in this world he could trust, it was Buck.  Still, he hated talking about his emotions, especially ones he felt like he couldn’t control.  And yet, he felt like if he didn’t share it with someone he may explode because he was starting to seriously wonder what was going on in his brain.

              “I… you know I’m not good at this,” Eddie muttered, and Buck nodded.

              “I know, but… you were there for me when everything with my parents was going on.  You told me it was okay to feel what I was feeling, and to share it.  I want that for you, too,”  Buck told him gently, and Eddie sighed.  He felt like a hypocrite; he had told Buck those things, and he had meant it.  But for some reason when it came to himself, he had different rules.

              “The last time Chris and I wore suits was at Shannon’s funeral,” Eddie said, averting his gaze once more as he began to speak.  “I guess that was already putting me on edge.  I couldn’t stop thinking about her death and everything that had happened right before she died.  I just wanted to get out of there.”

              Eddie paused but Buck didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt.  Buck had a feeling that if Eddie stopped talking he wouldn’t start again so he waited patiently, keeping his mouth shut.

              “I think Chris was feeling it, too, but I was too distracted to notice.  And then… then the sales guy called Ana Chris’s mom.”

              Buck tilted his head to the side, looking over at Eddie, slightly confused.  Eddie and Ana had been together for nearly six months, it was only natural that at some point she would be mistaken for Chris’s mom.  But Eddie seemed shaken and Buck wasn’t sure he was going to continue.

              “What happened then?” Buck asked quietly, trying to gently prompt Eddie to speak again without spooking him.  Eddie had gotten a somewhat haunted look in his eyes and Buck could tell he was getting upset.  He was tempted to tell Eddie to stop, not wanting him to be distraught, but he sensed Eddie really needed to get it out there, so Buck would do everything he could to coax it out.

              “I- I genuinely don’t know,” Eddie said, shaking his head.  “Hearing that, it just… it intensified my thoughts about Shannon, and thinking of Ana as Chris’s mom is just - just so far beyond where we are in our relationship, and I- I…”

              Eddie was starting to get visibly upset and Buck slipped off the counter, moving over to stand beside him in case he needed support.

              “It made me realize that m-maybe I don’t want-- maybe things aren’t going so great, or something.  I don’t know.”

              “And then?” Buck prompted gently, feeling his heart break as Eddie glanced at him, clearly upset.

              “And then… I don’t know.  I don’t panic,” Eddie said stubbornly, though as he thought back to what had happened, he let out a long, unhappy sigh.  “But… I guess I panicked.  I don’t know.  I felt overwhelmed, and my chest got tight and I couldn’t breathe… I got really dizzy and fell over, I thought I was having a heart attack.”

              “Panic attacks can be really scary,” Buck told him, trying to reassure him.  “They can definitely feel like heart attacks.”

              “I don’t panic,” Eddie repeated, scowling at the floor.  “I never panic.  Not in the military, not when Shannon died, not when you nearly died several times…”

              “Eddie, you’ve been through a lot,” Buck reasoned, trying to brush off the last part of the sentence, as though it wasn’t a big deal to him that his near-death experiences were one of the things Eddie considered most upsetting.  “Do you think the shooting could be part of this?  Or is it just your relationship?”

              Eddie shifted uncomfortably again, not responding, and as Buck watched him, he saw tears start to pool in Eddie’s eyes, despite Eddie continually refusing to make eye contact.  

              “Are you okay?” Buck asked quietly, reaching out and touching him, gripping Eddie’s forearm lightly in a gesture of support.   This one little touch seemed to have caused him to come undone, however, and Buck saw his expression contort, his lips pressed together tightly as he tried and failed to stop himself crying.

              “No,” Eddie finally blurted out, seemingly completely against his will.  “No, I’m not okay.”

              Buck’s heart broke and he immediately reached out to embrace Eddie, giving him a chance to pull away if he wanted.  When he didn’t, Buck wrapped his arms around him and held him as Eddie choked into his shoulder, trying desperately to stop himself from outright sobbing.  It was rare that Buck had seen Eddie cry - he hadn’t seen it since Shannon’s death - and Buck wished he could take Eddie’s pain away, wished he could make the world right for him again.  

              After a few moments Eddie squirmed in his arms and Buck got the message that he was uncomfortable so he pulled away, but he didn’t go far.  Eddie seemed determined to not meet his gaze, furiously wiping at his eyes, and Buck gently rubbed his back, sensing that he really wanted comfort but was trying to stop himself from allowing it.  They stood like that for a while, until Eddie’s attempts at stopping his tears dissolved and he took a shaky breath, letting them slip down his cheeks as he pulled himself together.

              “It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.  You’re going to get through this,” Buck told him, his hand stilling in the middle of Eddie’s back.  “And I’m gonna help you get through it, if that’s what you want.”

              Eddie swallowed, sniffing, as he listened to Buck speak.  He’d always gone through things alone.  He’d always thought that was the best way to do it.  But in that moment, standing there, knowing he had Buck’s full love and support behind him, Eddie started to wonder if maybe having Buck at his side would be a much better option than going it alone.   Eddie nodded slowly, glancing at Buck for a moment before looking away, nodding again.

              “Yeah,” Eddie took a shaky breath and looked over at Buck, feeling the tiniest flicker of hope in his heart.  “That’s what I want.”

-----------

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#911 #Evan Buckley #Eddie Diaz #Buddie #fanfic #canon compliant #but definitely pre-Buddie #evan buckley fanfic #eddie diaz fanfic #buddie fanfic #buck fanfic #9-1-1 fanfic #Buck #911 fanfic #spoilers for 5x01 #9-1-1 s5 #911 on fox #9-1-1 on fox

[libraryofloveletters]

The Mistletoe Proposal

Eddie Diaz x Reader 

Warnings: fem!reader, kissing, a little bit of friendly bullying with buck. 

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 1.9k

Author’s Note: Based on this request and this request!! this is basically a part 2 to The Parent Trap but it can be read as a stand alone :)

---

It was Christmas Eve and the 3 of you sat on the couch watching how the grinch stole Christmas. Emily and Christopher had spent the day hanging out and playing video games while you put up last minute decorations and did some gift wrapping. Christmas was always super small for the two of you, it usually consisted of you buying gifts for Emily and then tv in your pjs all day but since Eddie and Chris came into your lives this year, you decided it was time to go all out. 

“What do you two want for dinner?” leaning back into the couch as you paused the movie. 

“Pizza” 

“Burgers” 

“How about both ?” 

A loud yes and the two of them getting off the couch to go get their shoes. Your phone buzzed as you tumbled through your bag for your car keys. Pulling it out of your pocket, Eddie’s name popped up on the screen. 

From Eddie: What are you guys up to ? 

To Eddie: Going out for pizza and burgers 

From Eddie: Did you starve them today ? Why both ? 

To Eddie: Haha very funny Diaz, they’re growing children

From Eddie: Swing by the station ? I miss you guys 

To Eddie: We’ll see, I'll message you if we’re coming by 

From Eddie: Bobby’s making dinner but sounds good 

“Kiddos! Can we take a rain check on burgers and pizza ? Eddie just texted and Bobby’s making dinner at the station. Maybe we should stop by ?” 

The two kids nodded, “can we take the cheesecake too ?” Emily asked you, her and Christopher were sitting on the bench by the front door. You headed back to the fridge to grab the cake before heading out. 

-- 

The drive wasn't very long, it was only 15 minutes from your place to the station. Helping the kids out, they went into the station a few seconds before you, you had to get the cheesecake from the car. When you got in, Buck was being smothered with hugs from the kids. “Hey pretty boy” you smiled at him, the nickname making him laugh, he pulled you in for a hug. “Hey yourself, I haven’t seen you in forever” 

“You saw me last week Buck” 

“Yeah but that’s too long, who’s supposed to make me dinner if Bobby doesn't cook ? Plus Eddie won’t share whatever you pack for him” he pouted at you, his arm over your shoulder. 

“Oh you poor baby, I'll make sure you make double next time. One for him and one for you” you chuckled, Buck smiled. Chim and Hen had already come down and helped the kids up the stairs and to the game machine. “This place is so cool!” Emily said to Christopher, Christoper smiled at her, “I know!” 

“Hey, I thought you said you'd text if you were coming ?” Eddie walked over, giving you a hug. “Surprise ?” hugging him back and chuckling, he kissed your cheek. “Did they say hi to you ?” the two of you looked over at the kids who were very into the game they were currently playing. “No,” he laughed, “they ran off. I’m gonna go say hi, make yourself comfortable” Eddie’s hand squeezed your waist softly before letting go. 

Turning to the kitchen, you were greeted by Bobby who was stirring something in a pot. “Is that cheesecake ?” he looks over at the box in your hand, you nodded. “A little something for you guys. Chris and Em helped me make it,” you glanced over at the kids before whispering, “if there’s any eggshells, just bypass that ?” Bobby nodded with a smile. “I’m sure it’s great.” 

“What can I help with ?” you washed your hands and took a look around. 

“You’re a guest don’t worry about that” he told you, you shook your head, “Oh please, let me help. It's a lot” 

“Fine, but only because you insist. The carrots and celery need to be chopped and someone needs to let the table” he said, his attention still on the pot in front of him. 

“I got the veggies. Eddie! Buck!” the two men found their way over to you in a matter of seconds. “Set the table please ?” smiling sweetly at them, Buck glanced over at Eddie. 

“Question Buck?” you glare at him,

He shakes his head, “Oh no, I’m fine”

“Why are you two still standing here ? Go set the table” you nod towards the table, the two men walk away. You can still hear them bickering as they set the table. 

“Is she always that bossy ?” Buck asks him, Eddie nods. “It’s hot though” Eddie replies and Buck agrees with him earning a smack to the arm. “Dude! c’mon that’s my girlfriend” Eddie groans making Buck laugh, “if only I had gone to pick up Chris that day” he jokes, Eddie walks away leaving Buck at the table. 

“You should come around more often. They stopped listening to me months ago” Bobby tells you, “they’re a handful. I don't know how you do it” you laugh, taking over at the stove. 

--

After dinner, Eddie disappears with Chris and Emily for a few minutes only to come back with a suspicious look on all 3 of them. “What's up with you ?” taking a seat on the arm rest of the chair Eddie was sitting in, his arm comes up and wraps around your waist. “Nothing, just a little conversation” he smiles at you, your arm around his shoulder now. 

“You’re losing!” your daughter giggles, Chim groans, “I'm not losing to children!” “You’re losing!” Chris laughs this time. You glance down at Eddie who has a smile on his face. 

Your heart felt like it grew 10 times its size when you saw Eddie’s reaction to them. 

“C’mon!” Buck shouts from the other end of the kitchen, he’s holding a mistletoe above Bobby and Athena. 

Bobby smiles at Athena before kissing her. “Okay Mr. Buckley, get out of here now” Athena pushes him away, Buck gives her a grin and walks away. 

He then finds his way over to Hen and Karen who are sitting at the table together. “What are you doing ?” Hen gives him a look, already tired of him. “Just spreading the holiday love. Come on, give your wife some lovin’” Buck and Karen laughed, Hen shook her head. “Say that again and I'll push you over the balcony” she gave Karen a kiss. Buck seems satisfied with his result, leaving them alone. 

“Hey love birds” Buck smiled making his way over to you and Eddie. “Don’t start” Eddie warned him. “Fine,” Buck walked around the couch to where you sat and held up the mistletoe. “I’ll just give her a kiss myself” Buck leaned down and kissed your cheek. You smiled at him, “you’re a sweetheart Buck, but I think I rather kiss Eddie” you patted his chest and turned to Eddie. Buck gasped, his hand dramatically hitting his chest, “I’m hurt! how could you?!” he pouted, “you’ll find the right one Buck, don't worry” Eddie said, pulling you down onto his lap. His hand cupping your cheek, you leaned in. Eddie’s lips touched yours, every time felt like the first time, you never got tired of kissing him. Eddie pulled away when a chorus of “gross” and “ew” started, you both looked over to see Buck and Chim encouraging the kids. 

Burying your face in the crook of Eddie’s neck, you could feel the heat on your cheeks. “Are you blushing ?” Eddie whispered, kissing your head.

“No, you are” you mumbled, he chuckled, feeling the vibration each time he laughed.  

“Let’s goooo!” Buck picked up Chris and ran down the stairs. “Okay little lady, your turn!” Chim picked up Emily and followed Buck down the stairs. “Where are you guys going !?” you shouted from the chair, “To show them the trucks!” Buck shouts back. You didn't think anything of it, you were glad you ended up coming to see Eddie at work. 

“You know,” you fiddled with the collar of his shirt, Eddie’s arm was around your waist, your legs swung over the other end of the chair. Eddie hums waiting for you to continue, “you look kinda hot in your uniform. I never get to see you in it” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah” 

“Maybe I'll have to wear it more often then” Eddie smiles at you as you get up. He grabs your hand, “where are you going?” he pouts. “C’mon, you’re gonna start pouting now ?” you gave him a look, he kept pouting. You leaned down and gave him a kiss, “would you look at that, the pout’s gone” 

“Let’s go find the kids” Eddie holds your hand, letting you walk down as he follows behind you. As you get down the stairs, you stop in the middle of the station. The kids are up on the trucks. On one truck stood Buck and Chris holding on the end of a rather large banner. On the other truck stood Chim and Emily holding the other side of the banner. Everyone else stood by the truck, watching you as you read the banner. 

“Will you marry me?” 

You turned around to see Eddie, who was down on one knee now. Letting out a gasp, he opened the little velvet box to reveal the ring. “Y/n, I know we’ve only been together for a year but you make me happier than I could ever imagine. You’ve been so amazing with Chris and he loves you so much, as do I and I love Emily so much too,” he glances at the kids and gives them a smile. “Would you do me the honour of being my wife and marry me ?” he let out a breath, looking up at you. 

“Yes! oh my god Eddie, yes” you leaned down, your hands holding his face. He smiled at you as he got up. You admired the ring as he slid the ring onto your finger, “you have excellent taste Mr. Diaz” you hold out your hand, admiring the ring again. “I had some help from Chris and Emily” his arm wraps around your shoulder. 

Everyone comes over to congratulate the two of you, the kids come over to you two. “How could you two keep this from me?” you ask the kids, they smile at you. “He made us promise” Chris said, Emily nodded. “Do you like the ring mommy ?” 

“I love it and I love you both so much” you give the two of them a hug. They run off with Chim to go play some game. Everyone clears out, going off to do their own thing. You and Eddie are still wrapped up in each other, most definitely in the honeymoon phase again. You look up at the kids with Chim when you spot the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling. 

“Hey” you poke Eddie’s cheek, “what?” his brows furrow, his eyes follow your finger to the ceiling. 

“That had to be-” he started, 

“Shut up and kiss me already Diaz” He laughed as he pulled you in for a kiss. 

---

Taglist: @ssa-volturi​ @advicefromnixxxx​ @keenmarvellover​ @takashishiroqane​ (only cause you loved the first one :) ) 

#eddie diaz #eddie diaz x reader #eddie diaz oneshot #eddie diaz imagine #eddie diaz fan fic #eddie diaz fanfic #eddie diaz fic #911 #911onfox #911 fic #911 fanfic #911 imagine #911 reader insert #911 on #9-1-1 #9-1-1 oneshot #9-1-1 fanfiction #9-1-1 reader insert #9-1-1 imagine #9-1-1 fic #911 fox #9-1-1 fanfic #9-1-1 fox

[hmslusitania]

I was scrolling through your blog and got a wonderful idea. Hear me out. The fire fam. But in a leverage plot. They are all criminals playing Robin Hood and evening the score for the little guy. Idk I just love it and both shows have given me all the found family I could ever desire. But just think, instead of joining the 118, they’ve all had moments where they had to make that choice of what direction to go. And instead of being LAFD they turn to crime. And still find each other. Because yes.

So, Anon, my dearest. This is a screenshot of the table of contents in my "Potential AU Ideas" document. Which I created back on March 9th (I started watching the show on March 1st). You may note that the very first entry is, in fact, a Leverage AU.

I am incredibly unlikely to write it at any point because I am 100% sure I would just do an absolute hatchet job with the plots because I am nowhere near as clever as John Rogers et al, so you have given me an excuse to talk about what the details would be:

To start, we have our Mastermind, Bobby, who used to definitely be on the side of right and good, but disaster struck his family, and you know how that building they lived in was 0% up to code, disconnected sprinklers, faulty alarms, highly flammable materials? Well, the company he worked for insured that building, and do you know who faced zero charges and even made money off this tragedy?

So anyway, he is invited to crime, and would necessarily pick up his crew of the following:

Hen Wilson, an extremely talented hacker

of note, her rival hacker in the other team is Karen. They met back in the 90s in a hacker forum and it takes them several jobs as rivals to realise they're in love, it's great

Karen steals Christmas as a way to flirt with Hen at some point (and donates it all, obviously, because she's Karen)

Eddie Diaz, retrieval specialist.

He's also just like...inexplicably good at basically any physical skill? Need him to play baseball for a job? Check. Need him to be a dance instructor? Check. Need him to be a music star? Check. They have found exactly one (1) thing Eddie can't do and it's cook, but fortunately Bobby's got them covered on that

also, Lena is of course the rival hitter. I don't know why, but the scene in the Last Dam Job where the goon is like "Who are you?" "Well, I'm not Eliot" except with Lena saying it has been absolutely stuck in my head since I first had this passing thought of an au so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Chimney, thief

yes his name is just Chimney. No, no other information is available and even Hen can't find it when she goes looking.

Rival thief, appearing both in the Two Live Crews Job, the Inside Man Job, and the Last Dam Job is his little brother instead of his father figure, Albert.

yes this is at least 45% because of John Harlan Kim's role in the Librarians

ANYWAY

They get super duper burned on that first job as a crew and so they need someone new. At which point, Bobby announces that what they really need is Buck. "What's a buck" everyone else asks, and they go to a crap theatre in a dark corner of Chicago where our dear sweet Buckles is just absolutely blundering his entire way through Hamlet. "This is the worst thing I've ever seen," Eddie says, because of course he does.

The story comes out that when Bobby was in his insurance hunter days, he had repeated run-ins with this kid, who had clearly spent way too much of his life deeply unsupervised and turned to art theft on a lark, and Bobby had ended up a sort of surrogate father figure to him (which is why Hamlet instead of the Scottish play because y'know avenge your father rather than encourage your husband to the dark side) and eventually somewhat maybe talked him out of crime! Which leads to the first encounter of the crew as:

Buck: Bobby?!

Bobby: Hey Buck. How've you been?

Buck: Good! Good, I'm acting now instead of grifting, and it's going pretty well actually! You'd be proud of me!

Bobby: I am

Buck: So what are you up to these days?

Bobby: Crime! Want to help?

Buck: oh thank god

ANYWAY (again)

That makes the last addition to their highly effective crew:

Buck, grifter

When Buck has to lay low for a while on account of having to fake his death because of the Freddie Costas thing, he sends another grifter in his place, secretly

he is...a bit miffed when he gets back to find his sister and Chimney have fallen in love, but hey, it means Maddie ends up staying with the Leverage crew on a permanent basis so it's kinda a fifty-fifty scenario

it takes him an embarrassingly short period of time to fall in love with Eddie, which is convenient since it takes Eddie an even more embarrassingly short length of time to fall in love with him. They're just. they're gross. They're absolutely gross.

And where is Athena?

Obviously, obviously, with all her Lawful-Alignment tendencies, Athena has to be the insurance agent-then Interpol agent who keeps having far too amicable run-ins with them. Because she and Bobby used to work together of course, because of course they did. Perhaps they also are somewhat in love? Possibly? Who's to say.

(I've been flipflopping on who would be Maggie for the purpose of this au and I think it might have to be Michael? Bobby gets him into crime -- in frickin' 9-1-1 canon, let alone in an AU -- after he and Athena divorce and it's all so weird between the three of them, but you know, they do all manage to stay friendly despite *gestures vaguely* everything)

So! Yeah! If I felt I had the intelligence to actually write Leverage-style scenarios, this is how I would do it! If you've made it this far, thank you for indulging me.

also, I did sort of write a ficlet on this theme once back when we were all doing the mashup prompts

#the ghost ship scribbles #the ghost ship answers questions #leverage au I will never write my love #9-1-1 #sorry for the long post I got excited #the ghost ship fuses realities

[datleggy]

Totally random thought I had right as I am going to bed but ya know that show "I didn't know I was pregnant"? Buck would be on that show lol the boy is oblivious when it comes to his own body, so like I can perfectly picture him collapsing on the job one day wracked with pain, and then Hen is poking around his stomach where it hurts, her, Buck and Eddie packed into the back of the ambulance as Chim and Bobby drive to the hospital, and she gets out the stethoscope to try and listen for internal bleeding or anything but instead finds an infant heartrate and she's like "Buck, you're pregnant?" And he's like "uh, no? What the hell?" And then his water breaks and he tries to convince hen and Eddie that he had an accident bc even that would be a better alternative to suddenly figuring out he's about to have a baby???? What the fuck???? But Eddie holds his hand all the way through it and by the time they get to the hospital, Buck has a healthy newborn cradled against his chest, Eddie knelt beside him and alternating between kissing buck and the baby on the head, and observing the baby in disbelief. I can also picture Buck like, sobbing his sorry's to Eddie the entire time he's pushing, like "Eddie I swear I had no idea, if I had known, I would have told you!" And Eddie is just reassuring him the entire time like "don't worry about that now, Buck, just concentrate. No one is mad, okay? But you gotta focus on the- on the baby" and buck just sobs and nods and focuses on the delivery again. But for a good while Buck is in denial that any of this is happening and it takes a lot of convincing and encouragement from both hen and Eddie for him to start actively participating in his baby's birth. Anyways, random half asleep thought is finished sorry for the long ask hdshsjjsjdbsjsj

WELL SHIT ok so i actually love that show and i could see buck doing this lmao so i wrote a thing. also ignore all medical inaccuracies, this is my distraction from monday lmao let me have this wildly inept fic pls. 

also just in case, it’s pretty brief, i think, but TW for talk of weight and weight gain

It's nearing the end of their shift now and Buck can almost hear his feet howling at him in pain. Today hadn't even really been all that busy, he thinks, annoyed at his own body's betrayal. He's not even thirty yet, but in the last couple of months he's felt as though he's aged about ten years.

He's put on a few pounds, which isn't too uncommon, sometimes Buck goes through stretches of time where he eats more carbs than he needs and works out less than he'd like and so a little tummy fat is to be expected.

It normally doesn't bother him, except that in the last maybe three months he hasn't felt like exercising much outside of work but he's eaten nearly everything in sight every night. He's up about fifteen pounds, which he wouldn't have even noticed, seeing that he does fluctuate at times anywhere between five to eight pounds over or under what he usually weighs, if it hadn't been for Chimney teasing him about putting down his third Krispy Kreme donut of the day and picking up a barbell earlier this morning.

Chim and Buck poke fun at each other all the time--it's a staple in their friendship and brother ship, in fact--and Buck had flipped him the bird, nothing new there. What had been new was the fact that he'd excused himself to the bathroom right after that and locked himself in a stall and bawled his eyes out as quietly as humanly possible.

Buck grimaces, embarrassed still, by the outburst, even if no one had been there to witness it. He still has no idea what the hell that had been about this morning.

Eddie notices the sour mood and pulls him in close. "Hey, you ok?"

Buck nods. "Yeah, just tired. Ready to go home--shit." Buck feels a shooting pain so intense his knees buckle and Eddie has to hold him upright to keep him from hitting the floor. 

“Woah!” Eddie calls Bobby over, who’s closest, for help, “Buck? Buck, you with me? What’s wrong? What hurts?” 

Buck just shakes his head and grits his teeth, the pain so debilitating he can hardly breathe much less speak. 

The Captain is on his other side in an instant and together Eddie and Bobby help Buck towards the couch, where he collapses in a heap, throwing his head back and letting out an agonized whine. “What’s going on? Did he get hurt during one of the calls?” Bobby asks Eddie, frantic to help put a stop to this. 

Eddie’s helpless, “Bobby I don’t know, one second we were talking about going home and the next he practically fell to the floor in pain.” he turns to face his husband, “Baby, I’m here, look at me, what’s the matter? What hurts?” 

Buck’s face scrunches up and he finally exhales sharply, his grip on the couch cushions loosening, and he opens his eyes, wide like saucers, and says, “What the fuck was that?” 

At this point Hen and Chim, as well as half the crew, have gathered around and Hen is quick to put on her doctors hat and try to sus out the problem. She makes Bobby step aside and Chimney hands her a stethoscope. “Buck, is it your stomach?” she asks, noticing the stiff way he’s holding himself around his midriff. 

“I don’t--kinda? I don’t know. It was just like, this crazy wave of pain, almost like a cramp, but way worse.” he struggles to describe the feeling now that it’s more or less passed for the time being.  

Hen had seen Buck wince when he’d been in the harness on the last call of the day, but he hadn’t said anything and she hadn’t thought too much about it until now. “Did you hurt yourself in the harness earlier? Maybe pulled something when we reeled you back up?” she asks, palpitating his stomach with her fingers, watching him almost retract from her touch. 

“Maybe?” Buck shrugs uncomfortably, wincing when she hits a particularly sore spot. 

Something about this feels familiar and strangely obvious, but Hen doesn’t understand why until she puts her stethoscope up to his belly to check for lack of bowel sounds, indicating maybe some internal bleeding or sorts. 

Hen gasps out loud and sits up like she’s been smacked. 

Eddie frowns. “What? What’s wrong? Is he gonna be ok?” He almost wants to snatch the damn stethoscope out of her ears and check for himself, his eyes darting between Hen and Buck nervously. 

“Buck, you’re pregnant. And in labor, by the sounds of it.” Hen blurts out in disbelief. 

“What.” Buck blinks at her, waiting for the other shoe to drop. This has to be a joke. 

“I heard a heartbeat in there...” Hen informs them, still awed. “Buck, that was a contraction you just experienced.” 

Eddie gapes at Hen and then at Buck. “You’re pregnant?” 

Buck gapes right back at him. “No!” he denies, shaking his head incredulously. “That’s insane, I can’t be pregn--ah--” Buck leans forward in pain as another contraction begins. “Fuck.” 

“Jesus, yeah, no you’re definitely pregnant,” Chim announces, “Your water just broke all over my favorite couch, bud. I’m getting the ambulance ready asap.” he says, before running to do just that, head reeling. He thinks about Maddie and when she gave birth to their daughter and how scared out of his mind he’d been and he sympathizes for Buck and Eddie, who up until now apparently hadn’t even realizes they were expecting... 

Back at the lounge Buck continues to deny any of this is even happening. He whines into Eddie’s chest, “That’s pee, it has to be, because I’m not pregnant. There’s no way.” he lets out a pitiful whimper as another contraction begins and buries his face against his husband to hide the tears springing up in his eyes. 

“Buck, son, we gotta get you to a hospital right now.” Bobby tries, running a soothing hand over the top of his head. 

But Buck shakes his head no, shuddering out a sob. “M’not going.” 

Eddie, overwhelmed, looks to Hen and Bobby for help. 

“Buck, ambulance is ready to go, we need to move unless you wanna have this kid at the firehouse.” Hen grimaces. “I know you’re in pain and I know you’re confused and hurting, but we need to get you into that ambulance and now.” 

Buck cries out when another contraction hits him and Hen gulps. “Your contractions are getting way too close together, we need to move.” she nods at her Captain and Eddie to help get Buck up and together the three of them manage to get Buck onto a gurney and into the waiting ambulance.

Bobby rides up front with Chimney, leaving Hen and Eddie to work in the back with Buck. 

“Buck, you need to start getting ready to push, this baby’s coming.” Hen warns him, but Buck refuses. 

“I can’t.” he sobs. “I didn’t--” he throws his head back, the pain lighting his nerves on fire. “I swear Eddie, I didn’t know. You gotta believe me.”

Eddie takes Bucks hand into his and brings it up to his lips. “I know baby, I know, you don’t have to worry about that. I promise. Nobody is mad at you, ok? I’m not. But right now you need to focus on pushing, you need to listen to Hen, ok? We’re ok, and you’re gonna be ok, but I need you to push, baby. I love you so much, you know that, right?” 

Buck lets Eddie wipe away his tears, leans into the comforting touch, and nods shakily, exhaling. “O-ok, I’m--I’m ready.” 

.

.

.

**************

.

.

.

The baby is so very tiny in Eddie’s arms. 

Olive Buckley-Diaz is born weighing exactly six pounds and two ounces. 

Christopher, who’s curled up against Bucks side on the hospital bed after a very exhausting day, looks up at his Buck, his little brow still knitted in confusion. “So she was a surprise baby? And that’s how come you guys didn’t tell me about her?” 

Buck tries not to laugh. “Yeah bud, it was a huge surprise to us, too.” 

Eddie nods along, smiling fondly down at the bundle he’s holding. Her blotchy red face is slack in sleep and there’s already tufts of brown hair sticking up funnily on her head under her hat. “I still can’t believe you only gained like fifteen pounds during the whole pregnancy.” Eddie chuckles, “Or that you worked through the nine months, God Buck, when I think of the stunts you pulled during calls in the last few months alone I’m--” he shudders. “Actually I’d rather not think about it.” he sighs, “I’m just happy you’re both healthy at the end of the day.” 

Really, it’s a miracle. The doctor had said as much after the delivery. 

“To be fair I never got any of the other symptoms,” Buck shrugs. “I wasn’t nauseous, my feet never swelled, I don’t remember any weird cravings? And you said it yourself, I didn’t really gain all that much weight.” 

Eddie leans down to kiss Buck’s forehead. “You should be on that show.” he grins. 

Buck tilts his head. 

“You know the one, the one Hen made us watch when work was slow that one time. ‘I didn’t know I was pregnant’.” he teases. 

Buck groans. “I regret all the jokes I made at the time. I totally get those people now. Pregnancy is weird.” 

Christopher rests his head more comfortably against Bucks chest and smiles softly. “Yeah, but now our family’s even bigger.” 

.

#mpreg #911 fox #i didn't know i was pregnant #i love that show #lol #ask #ficlet #writing #buddie #established relationship #buck #eddie #christopher #family

[imyourbuddie]

Don't Be A Part Of His (4x05 Coda)

SPOILER FOR SEASON 4 EPISODE 5 “BUCK BEGINS” 

Eddie promised himself if he ever met Buck’s parents that he’d act civil. Not for their sake, fuck no, but for Buck’s. Because after all this time, after everything they did and didn’t do, Buck still somehow needs their approval. He doesn’t say it, and that time when Eddie asked him about it, he outright denied it, but it’s in the way his voice quivers when he talks about them. In the way his eyes light up with hope at the mention of them. In the way his larger-than-life self folds in on itself after the last disastrous dinner he had with them. 

No, Eddie promised himself that he’d be civil because that’s what Buck would want. Because Eddie Diaz is a lot of things, but a boyfriend who ignores his partner’s wishes? He’s not that guy anymore. He imagined this very moment so many times in his head. Imagined himself walking up to the Buckley parents and extending his hand, smiling, and introducing himself as whatever Buck wants him to be, then walking away. 

That, needless to say, did not happen. 

Seeing them sitting there, all prim and proper, it pisses Eddie off. That’s not to say he doesn’t feel sorry for them. He doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost Chris, and he’s no stranger to the countless nights of heartache and panic and guilt and imagining every what-if scenario that could have given Chris a different life. A better one. But the pain of losing a child is no excuse to neglect their other children, no excuse to make Maddie a mom instead of a sister, and definitely not a good enough reason to make Buck feel so goddamn unwanted. 

If there’s one thing he learned since having Chris, it’s that nothing in his life, no amount of pain and anguish will ever be reason enough for his son to feel unloved. To feel like the only way he can get any attention is by throwing himself off a bike or into oncoming traffic. 

Rage thrums under Eddie’s skin, scorching and freezing at the same time, and he clenches his fists as he glares at the Buckleys from across the firehouse. They fucked up. They made Buck feel unwanted, unloved, undeserving, and now they sit there expecting what? To take credit for how well Buck turned out anyway? For him becoming a goddamn walking superhero who saves lives every goddamn day?

No. No fucking way. Not if Eddie has any say in the matter. 

He waits until Hen says her piece to them with a smile on her face that doesn't reach her eyes, then heads toward the kitchen table where Buck’s parents are seated. Hen tries to catch his eyes as she passes him, but he ignores her. She’s not the one holding Buck at night as he sobs himself to sleep. She’s not the one whispering encouraging endearments that fall on deaf ears. She’s not the one left picking up the pieces after every Buckley family dinner. She doesn’t get it, no one does, and Eddie’s done feeling helpless.

He’s too fucking pissed off.

Eddie stops on the other side of the table, body rigid with angry words on the tip of his tongue. He opens his mouth just as Buck’s mom turns and looks up at him, and for a startling moment, it’s as if he’s staring into Buck’s eyes. His mouth dries, his words stuck in his throat like claws, and the silence surrounding them is suffocating. 

“Hi, um,” Buck’s dad starts tentatively. “We’re Evan Buckley’s parents—”

“I know,” he spits, his voice harsh, and he inhales sharply. They blink owlishly at him, obviously confused by his hostility, and Eddie lets out a slow sigh and inhales again, this time slowly. “I know who you are.”

His mother looks to her husband then back at Eddie, a quivering smile on her lips. “Can we help you?”

Eddie stands frozen as he stares at the man and woman who claim to be Buck’s parents. Who should be the two people in the world who love him unconditionally. Who should be there for him, and he’s at a loss for words. All that anger and resentment and betrayal all congregate into one single emotion: pity. 

He pities these two people who don’t even know what they’ve missed. Who have no idea just what an amazing, self-sacrificing person their son is. He pities their ignorance, and he pities their grief-driven blinders. He pities them for missing out on so much of their children’s lives that they hardly know them or the hardship they went through to be here today. 

Something inside him gives, and tension bleeds from him as he exhales. “I just want you guys to know what an amazing person Buck is.”

“We know—”

“No,” Eddie takes a step forward and clenches his fists by his side. “No, you don’t. How could you? You haven’t been around to see it.”

Guilt flashes in Mrs. Buckley’s eyes, and Eddie’s heart aches for her. How would he feel if someone said that to him? Hell, he missed the first years of Chris’ life because he was a coward, but he’s making amends now, and it’s time they did too. 

“Maybe to you, he was supposed to be some miracle baby that can save your other child. But to the rest of us, he’s way more than that.” Eddie takes a deep breath and swallows, willing his voice to stay steady. “That man, your son, is the first guy to run into a burning building. The first one to jump in a car about to explode. He’s the first one to take the most risks, and he’s the last one to give up on any of us or on the people he swore to protect. Everyone here trusts him with their lives. I trust him with—” The lump in his throat is harder to swallow around, and he takes a second to compose himself. “I trust him with my son. Because he’s a good man and loyal to a fucking fault and he’s got the biggest heart and I won’t allow anyone, anyone, to ever hurt him the way you’ve hurt him.”

Eddie bites the inside of his cheek to keep his tears from spilling, because there’s no way in hell he’ll cry in front of these people. No way in hell he’ll let them know just how much their being here hurts Buck, and in turn how much that hurts him. He won’t give them the satisfaction. 

The silence that follows rings in his ears. It’s deafening. The Buckley’s blink at him as if seeing him for the first time, and Mrs. Buckley clutches at her husband’s hand, her knuckles white. 

“From one parent to another,” Eddie continues. “It’s never too late to make amends. And it doesn’t matter what you went through, how much pain you had to endure, how much heartache, Buck’s innocent in all this. He’s got no part in your grief, so don’t be a part of his.”

Eddie turns and swallows as the first tear spills down his cheek. Fuck. He wipes at it angrily, but when he makes to walk away, a soft touch to his elbow stops him. He turns and finds Mrs. Buckley standing behind him, tears swimming in her big blue eyes. Buck’s eyes. 

“You’re—you’re absolutely right.” Her smile is watery and there is genuine remorse and sadness in her expression. “Thank you for loving him.” 

Eddie wants to reply, but there’s nothing more to say. The rest isn’t up to him. He already said too much, and if Buck doesn’t kill him for antagonizing his parents, well, that’s a win in Eddie’s book. He nods at her then at Buck’s dad before taking his leave, and with every step he takes, his heart feels a little lighter. Maybe Buck will kill him, but someone needs to set Buck’s parents straight, and who else better to do that than Buck’s stupid dumb ass boyfriend? 

His lips twitch, and he can’t help the self-deprecating humour no matter how many times Buck tells him to stop. That twitch of his lips turns into a full smile, and Eddie chuckles and shakes his head as he makes his way to the engine bay. They’re both hopeless, as Hen likes to remind them. Maybe they really are meant for each other. 

Bobby pulls into the engine bay just as he steps outside, and Eddie’s heart skips a beat like it always does when he lays eyes on Buck. Since the first day and everyday after that.

“Clean bill of health from the docs,” Bobby calls as he hurries inside the station, a smirk and a knowing look in his eyes, and Eddie wants to hug him and punch him at the same time. 

“Glad to hear it,” he replies, tucking his hands into his pockets, and turns his attention to his second favourite person in the world. “Show off,” he says affectionately, and he knows what Buck’s going to say before he even says it. 

“Had to do it.” 

And that is why Eddie loves him.

#buddie #buck x eddie #9-1-1 spoilers #4x05 spoilers #buck begins #buck begins coda #4x05 coda #eddie speaks his mind #protective eddie #My writing

[mattzerella-sticks]

Buddies, 7.3k words, T, (pre-Eddie/Buck, gay!Eddie, coming out)

(ao3)

After Eddie was shot, there were two big things he had to deal with - recovery, and the near-death realization that he was gay. The latter of which proved more difficult of the two. But as his recovery was aided by a physical therapist, Eddie also found someone to help him come to terms with his sexuality and find acceptance. Eddie wouldn't know where he'd be if Michael hadn't taken him under his wing.

However, the consequences of a failed date - encouraged by Michael - lead to something Eddie didn't think he'd be facing so soon. Coming out to his teammates. Will Eddie find the strength within himself to push through his fears? It shouldn't be too hard... right?

           It’s too stifling for a fall morning in Los Angeles, Eddie thought, as he hopped out of the fire engine and sweat immediately dampened the collar of his jacket. He tugged on the fabric, huffing a tired breath through clenched teeth as he trotted after his teammates. Eddie soon fell into step beside Buck as Bobby began directing them where they were needed along the highway pileup. “Hen, Chim, attend to the drivers who are already outside their vehicles,” Bobby ordered, waving at the few bystanders leaning against cars and cradling different parts of their body, like arms and heads and one visibly bloody side with blood leaking through pale fingertips. Hen and Chimney immediately hurried there before the woman fainted from blood loss. Then, Bobby points at the two smoking cars fused together feet away. “Buck, Eddie, I want you to check on the drivers in each car and assess the damage. If you can get the occupants out safely, you have permission to do so.”

           They nodded, Buck’s face stretching with a grin as he locked eyes with Eddie. “We got this, don’t we Eds?”

           Eddie’s heart skipped at the nickname, and he blamed it on the weather. He blamed the warmth pooling in his cheeks, no doubt tinting his cheeks, on that, too. “Course we do.” He followed Buck towards the wreckage, asking, “Which one are you checking?”

           “I’ll handle the Corvette,” Buck said, “always wanted to have my hands on one, anyway.”

           “Guess that leaves me with the mini-van…”

           Buck shrugged, splitting off wordlessly to inspect the red sports car that, in this moment, resembled an empty beer can littering the floor of a house party. You get what you pay for, in the end. Eddie stifled his giggle, sobering to a more serious expression as he rounds the other, less-damaged, car. He found a young girl behind the wheel, staring straight ahead while white knuckling the steering wheel. An older woman sat in the passenger seat, knocked unconscious by the collision. He wasn’t worried too much, however, aware of the deflated air bags blanketing their laps. Eddie knocked on the door, “LAFD! Are you able to lower the window?”

           He startled the driver from her trance, shaky hands finally releasing the wheel and whipping to her face. She sobbed through her hands, a muffled sound that tugged on Eddie’s heartstrings.

           Eddie knocked again, softer, until she looked at him. He tapped the window slowly, “Can you lower this?”

           She choked on a breath, chest heaving underneath her safety strap as she did what Eddie asked.

           “Hey,” he began, reaching inside to click the safety off, “my name is Eddie Diaz. What’s yours?”

           “Ol-Olivia…” she stuttered, wiping at tears that continued to fall no matter how hard she scrubbed her eyes, “I’m… oh God, I’m so sorry.”

           Eddie unbuckled her seatbelt, checking for any cuts or abrasions because of it. The skin around her neck seemed red and tender from impact, a possible burn, but that was the extent of the damage there. “It’s okay,” he assured her, cradling Olivia’s head in his hands to better assess her injuries. There were scrapes and bruises there, dried blood crusting around her nose. Nothing that screamed ‘emergency’. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

           She sucked in a deep breath, then launched into her story. Eddie listened, running through a mental checklist while she rambled. “I’d gotten my learner’s permit a few months ago,” Olivia explained, “and I’m supposed to go for my driving test in a few months, for my birthday. In the meantime, I’ve been practicing all I can and I… and I thought I was ready for the highway. I mean, it’s not parallel parking, so I thought it couldn’t be that hard. But my mom thought I wasn’t ready and I… I didn’t listen and – oh, oh no! My mom -!”

           “Is okay,” he told Olivia, keeping her eyes on him and preventing any further sudden movement. “I promise.” Eddie surreptitiously scanned Olivia’s mother between beats of her story, noting the subtle rise and fall of her chest. “Is that how you got into the accident? Fighting with your mom?”

           “Well, partly,” Olivia explained, “I…” She hesitated, biting her lip and causing a few more blood droplets to leak past the cut there. Eddie waited, running his hands below the dashboard to check for any strain or damage from the crash that might make extraction difficult. There wasn’t any he felt. “It’s so embarrassing,” she muttered.

           “It’s okay,” Eddie said, smiling, “You wouldn’t believe the kind of calls me and my team have rushed to. I’m sure whatever happened can’t be as embarrassing as a woman stuck in a window because she tried throwing her poop out when the toilet wouldn’t flush.”

           That encouraged a tiny laugh from Olivia, and soon her earlier nerves from the crash disappeared. “I guess…” she sighed, dabbing at drying tear stains with her hoodie sleeve, “I was doing an okay job driving. Better than either I or my mom figured. But then this huge truck barreled by in such a rush that it shook the car and I freaked. I started screaming, and so did my mom, and I didn’t notice that we started drifting and… ugh, I felt like Cher, y’know? From that movie Clueless?”

           Eddie blinked at her. “You know what Clueless is?”

           “It’s a good movie,” she defended, “Plus that’s like… peak Paul Rudd. Although current Paul Rudd is also peak Paul Rudd… he’s really cute for an old guy.”

           He mostly agreed with her, only offended by her closing remark. Paul Rudd isn’t old.

           Paul’s ageless.

           Eddie stood at his full height, backing away to give Olivia space. “You think you can step out of this vehicle on your own?” She shifted, slowly freeing one leg and then the other. Olivia tried exiting, except stumbled after the second foot left the car. Eddie caught her, easing her to the ground. From the corner of his eye, he saw Hen and Chimney approach. “You’re very lucky Olivia,” he said, “you had a great car that shielded you and your mom from some pretty serious damage. My friends are gonna help you two out now. You don’t have to tell them everything, but be sure to answer all their questions and if there’s any pain, okay?”

           “Okay.”

           “Good.” Eddie rose to greet Hen and Chimney, quickly combing through all he learned during his short time with Olivia, stressing the most important pieces of information. “I still have to get her mother out of the passenger side,” he said, jerking his thumb at the car, “once I do that I can carry her to the ambulance so you can do your thing –“

           “Sorry Eddie,” Bobby interrupted, clapping him on the shoulder, “I’m gonna need your help with the other driver.”

           “That bad?”

           “It’s an older car, made with metal instead of plastic,” he said, “guy’s wedged in there pretty tight, cut up, too. And there’s a glass shard running right into his shoulder blade.” Bobby turned to Hen and Chimney, “Once you’re done here we’ll need you on standby to help us. No telling how much blood he’s lost so far, or if there’s any trauma below his waist.”

           “No problem Cap,” Chimney said, “We’re almost done here. Hen, why don’t you go with Eddie and Bobby while I see to Olivia’s mom?”

           “Sounds like a plan to me.”

           “Great,” Bobby led them to the other side of the wreckage, Buck absent from the scene. “He’s getting the jaws,” he told Eddie and Hen. Then, once they’ve reached the Corvette’s driver’s side, Bobby yelled into the open, broken, window, “Sir? Sir, can you hear me? Are you still with us?”

           The man groaned a few indecipherable syllables Eddie couldn’t hope to piece together. He exchanged a short glance with Hen, who appeared similarly unsure. Bobby, meanwhile, continued his one-sided conversation as they waited for Buck to arrive with the jaws.

           “Coming in hot!” he yelled, lugging the jaws over his shoulders, “Where you want me, Cap?”

           “Let’s start with the door,” he motioned Buck closer, pointing at the hinge. “Eddie, grab the middle. I’ll get this side. When Buck snips this free, we’ll gently lower it down and let Hen get in there.”

           “Copy that.” Eddie readied himself, crouching into position. He laid his hands atop the car door, small glass shards crunching under his gloves as his fingers curled. Buck and Bobby talked over his head, working to line up the jaws correctly. During this, Eddie chanced a peek inside at the driver.

           The face he saw, staring back at him, nearly knocked him off his feet.

           Fitting, as that was how it felt when Michael showed him his picture while convincing Eddie to go on a blind date.

           “He works with David at the hospital,” Michael told him, passing his phone over so Eddie would see what David’s co-worker, Dr. Brendan Carmichael, looked like. In the picture Michael found, a selfie from Instagram, Eddie learned more than he needed. That beside the bright, orange hair and freckles splattered across his face like someone flicked a paintbrush over his skin, he also maintained a very strict gym regimen which kept his abs in perfect condition. Eddie’s thumb hovered over the midsection Brendan revealed, careful not to like it on Michael’s account. “He broke up with his last boyfriend a few months ago, and only recently started talking about dating again,” he continued, Eddie tearing his gaze away from the phone to better listen, “David mentioned you, how you were wanting to date again, too, and Brendan’s interested in setting something up. Only question is… are you?”

           It was something Eddie was working himself up to. After breaking things off with Ana during his recovery, and Buck’s focus divided further because of Taylor, Eddie found periods where he was all alone with only his thoughts as company. Because of this, it was harder and harder for him to ignore certain stuff he’d pushed to the back of his mind and crammed into a tiny closet. Namely, his utter sexual indifference to women.

           Almost dying for the umpteenth time put Eddie’s life into perspective.

           He wouldn’t know if the next near-death call might finally succeed where others hadn’t, and Eddie realized how awful it’d be to go without following his heart.

           So he followed it all the way to Michael’s. Eddie knocked on his door late one evening, a fifth of whiskey in his veins dulling the voices shouting how this was stupid, how he and Michael were acquaintances at best and strangers at worst. Then, once Michael invited him inside his empty apartment, Eddie vomited his epiphanies until Michael set his shaking frame down on the couch and forced a glass of water down his throat.

           Since then, Michael had taken on the role as Eddie’s gay sponsor. Michael guided Eddie to a point where he could see his reflection and say ‘gay’ while smiling. He also pushed at the fear that still clung to Eddie, urging him to experience new things, like with this blind-date.

           “I don’t know,” he said, “he does look… really, really nice.” Admitting that never felt like pulling teeth with pliers anymore, thanks to Michael. “I’m just… not sure.”

           “What aren’t you sure about?”

           “I don’t know,” he shrugged, “I… I guess it’s nerves. I’ve never done this before, you know. Is there anything I should know? That makes it different than a date with a woman?”

           Michael shot him a flat look, snatching his phone back. “A date is a date. There’s nothing different about it because it’s with another man. Well… except for when the check comes, and you have to bare-knuckle brawl in the kitchen to decide who gets to pay.” Eddie returned the favor, brows leveling at his friend. Michael chuckled, “Seriously, it’s nothing you need to work yourself up about. Go into it like it was any other date. You’ll have fun – and I’m not laying it on. Brendan is a great guy, from what I’ve heard. He’s got charm and face, which is rare. You don’t find men like us in the wild every day.”

           “Men like us?” Eddie parroted, cheeks straining as he fought against the smile threatening to appear.

           “Me,” Michael clarified, grinning freely, “And Chris Hemsworth. That’s it though.”

           “And this Brendan guy,” Eddie added, “if what you’re saying is true.”

           It wasn’t, unfortunately.

           The night started with Brendan arriving late to the restaurant he chose because of its proximity to the hospital, and only further plummeted as it went on. Brendan criticized his choice in dinner, goading him into ordering an even pricier dish that Eddie hadn’t even wanted. Which Eddie then paid for, although he almost was stuck with the entire bill as Brendan assumed Eddie would cover it. It almost made Eddie reconsider Michael’s earlier crack about brawling. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Brendan’s personality rubbed Eddie the wrong way. He was dismissive of Eddie’s career, unsubtly scrolled through his phone during parts of the evening, and seemed entirely uninterested in Christopher to the point that Brendan interrupted any story about him with an unconnected anecdote, derailing the entire conversation. As the waiter left with their credit cards, all Eddie wanted was to put this date in the rearview behind him.

           Except Brendan’s phone died during dessert, and he didn’t drive himself. “If you could give me a ride?” Brendan suggested, slipping a hand behind Eddie’s button-down and petting his chest, “I’d be very grateful…”

           Eddie wished he could say he drove Brendan home without anything happening, that he was a stronger man. But Eddie gave in to curious temptation. He let Brendan guide him to his apartment bed instead of racing back home to fall asleep in an empty house, Christopher staying over at Michael’s with Harry.

           They jerked each other off in the end; a slight comfort over oral and miles above anal. Once Eddie came, he feigned exhaustion and settled in for a sleepless night. He laid in wait for the morning, where he snuck out of Brendan’s apartment as the rising sun filtered past drawn curtains without a word to his date. Eddie did leave a note, promising he would call soon.

           He hadn’t and had no plan to, either.

           Still, here Brendan was.

           “Cutting in three, guys,” Buck yelled. He proceeded to count down; on one, Eddie heard the snip from the jaws and belatedly realized he needed to move. Bobby swung a second before Eddie, and the momentum of the door made Eddie stumble in his haste to lift the door.

           “Eddie,” Bobby huffed, “You good?”

           “Yeah… yeah,” he nodded, dropping the door on the street at the same time Bobby did. “No need to worry about me.”

           Bobby didn’t believe him, but he stopped questioning Eddie in favor of looming over Hen’s shoulder as she worked on Brendan. Buck leaned against the roof, head ducked inside the cabin, too. Eddie stood apart from the scene as an outlier. He wasn’t sure if it was good to approach. Although, being fully removed meant he wouldn’t know what the other man might say in his condition.

           Only three people knew of his sexuality – Michael, David, and Brendan. Eddie wasn’t ready for that circle to expand.

           Eddie returned, joining the others. He entered to hear Hen finish her line of questioning, her last question prompting Brendan to speak. “The wound on my shoulder is superficial,” he said, gaze unwavering on the side of Eddie’s face. He felt the weight of it, Eddie turned to watch his co-workers instead of Brendan. Bobby’s focus didn’t waver from the crushed dashboard in Brendan’s lap, prodding it in different areas. Buck kept glancing between Eddie and Brendan. “It’s deep, but a clean cut. You can get to that later, because I’m pretty sure there’s something digging into my leg close to my femoral artery.”

           “We’ll get right to it, then,” Hen assured him, “Sounds like you know your stuff, though. You a doctor?”

           Eddie bit his tongue, swallowing his instinctual reply. “Yeah,” Brendan said, “I’m a doctor.”

           “Then that saves us some time.” Hen reached into her bag for a neck brace, placing it around Brendan’s neck while Bobby muttered something to Buck. Buck’s eyes flicked to his briefly before he jogged towards the fire truck. “We’ll have you out of here in no time. Can you tell me where you were headed?”

           “To lunch,” Brendan told her, “We had to push a surgery back a day, and my next one wasn’t until two so I… I thought I’d treat myself to something nice. I already had back-to-back operations this entire morning.”

           “What were they?”

           “Tumor removals,” he explained, “in the brain. Real delicate work. I’ve probably performed over a hundred by now, but I still can’t shake the jitters each time I enter the theater…” Eddie grimaced, hiding it behind his jacket collar. Yes, he knew about Brendan’s job. Hearing it in this context, on the field and not in a dimly lit restaurant, hit differently; like he cared about his patients and didn’t use his position as a point of status. This was not the Brendan he remembered. Regret churned in Eddie’s gut, mixing with the shame and embarrassment already present.

           “I know what you mean,” Hen smiled. She rubbed around the shoulder wound, cleaning it of dried blood to better inspect it. “You can have it all down to a formula, but you will never be sure what might happen when the time comes.”

           “Exactly.”

           Buck hurried back with new tools in hands. He handed a saw to Bobby, “Where do you want me?”

           “Other side,” Bobby said. He tapped Hen on the shoulder, silently urging her off Brendan. “Sir,” he started, “we’re going to be cutting the dashboard off shortly. Don’t be afraid to talk or shout if you feel any pain, okay?”

           “I understand.”

           “I’ll remove the wheel, first,” Bobby said, slipping a pair of goggles on, “don’t move.” He powered the saw on and, in seconds, removed the wheel. Brendan sagged somewhat, breathing stilted and ragged. “Are you okay?”

           “Yeah...” He coughed, “Think my ribs might be bruised, possibly broken. I don’t… I think that’s it. Not sure.”

           “You’re talking, so that’s a good sign.” Hen felt around his chest, then held her stethoscope to hear his lungs. “Nothing out of the ordinary here, Cap. Carry on.”

           Bobby, and Buck now, brought their saws to the dashboard and continued cutting. Hen waited, kneeling, holding a bottle of solution and gauze for when it was her turn again. Meanwhile, Eddie uselessly hovered near her. There wasn’t much for him to do.

           That wasn’t true for long.

           Suddenly he was very much needed, Bobby calling for him and motioning Eddie with the saw. He tripped over his feet, “Coming! Coming!” Rushing to help Bobby remove the dashboard that, along with the glass shard, pinned Brendan to his seat. In doing this, Eddie glimpsed the red-stained leather under his leg. “Hen!” he said, “All you.”

           Hen filled the space where the dashboard had been, attending to Brendan’s wound with practiced speed. As Eddie and Bobby returned, she fixed the tourniquet around his thigh and was partway done with wrapping his leg with gauze. And when Buck sidled towards them, she began removing the glass shard in his shoulder. It was much longer than a passing glance would make you believe. “Yikes,” Buck muttered, “You ever think a windshield could do that?”

           “Old cars like these?” Bobby replied, “Anything’s possible.”

           “He’s good for removal!” Hen yelled over her shoulder, kicking her bag a few feet back. She stands, dusting off her knees, “I’ll go get Chimney and the stretcher, be ready to help us set him down once we’re here.”

           “Buck and Eddie’ll handle that,” Bobby said, “I’m gonna do a final sweep of the area, make sure we didn’t miss anything. Copy?”

           “Understood.” Buck knocked shoulders with Eddie, nodding at the car, “Let’s go get the doctor ready for his ride back to work.”

           Eddie bit his cheek, letting silence give a better response than he could at the moment. If Buck found it odd, like Bobby, he didn’t comment on it. They walked to Brendan’s car again, Eddie going through the motions to get him ready for transit. In that short span of seconds, Eddie hoped his luck might keep his secret safe. That Brendan wouldn’t mention their date.

           He knelt down, waiting for Buck’s signal to lift his legs, when he made the mistake of finally meeting Brendan’s stare. Brendan offered him a tired smile. “This is so not how I expected we’d meet again.”

           …Shit.

           Buck stilled, his hands falling to their sides as he looked to Eddie. “You two know each other?”

           Brendan sighed in the affirmative. “Very intimately.”

           “What…” Buck’s face screwed itself into an expression of confusion, the rainbow wheel in his mind spinning endlessly while he processed Brendan’s innuendo.

           Eddie pounced to fill the awkward silence. “We hung out, once,” he told Buck, “Like, a few days ago, I think? Super casual…”

           “Oh –“

           “Oh,” Brendan interjected, darker than earlier. He coughed, voice straining from the force of it, but he wasn’t deterred. “Oh, really? Hanging out… that’s what you’re calling it?”

           “Uh…” Eddie, taken aback by such an unexpected call out, couldn’t produce more than a few mumbled phrases that didn’t move beyond one syllable nor, when strung together, were comprehensible. Instead he glanced between Brendan and Buck, wasting precious time with silence.

           Brendan, however, formed complete sentences. “So tell me… since I have you, were you even planning on hanging out with me again, or do you leave all your buddies notes like that?”

           In his anger, Brendan shifted and started angling himself towards Eddie. Buck snapped out of his stupor enough to lay a calming hand on Brendan’s shoulder, “Hey! Hey… sir, you need to keep still until we move you.”

           “Sorry, sorry…” Brendan relaxed, albeit his glare was still focused on Eddie. Eddie flinched under the weight of it.

           “I…” Eddie tried, very aware of the sound behind him, of wheels rolling over gravel and measured footsteps. “I was trying to be nice?”

           “Nice?” Brendan spat, “Fuck you, Eddie.”

           “Eddie,” Buck inched closer, drawing Eddie’s gaze from Brendan to him. He spoke softly, like Eddie were one of the many victims they attended to during their careers. Eddie also noted the sharp steeple Buck’s brows, drawn together as if he already filled in the missing gaps of Eddie and Brendan’s story. Shit. “Why don’t you let us handle this?”

           “I…” Eddie found breathing as hard as speaking, managing enough foresight to sharply nod before standing and striding away from Brendan’s car. He passed a curious, concerned Bobby, but ignored his calls. Eddie kept himself tightly wound all the way to the engine. Once he entered, he fell apart. Eddie’s vision blurred, his lungs couldn’t hold enough air, and he melted inside his uniform. All he was able to do before completely shutting down was shoot a quick message to Michael.

           Brendn in acidnt fine but h outd me what do

           Eddie’s grip on his phone tightened considerably when he heard the engine doors open again. Buck slid inside, not meeting Eddie’s wide, panicked stare. There were more doors opening, Bobby and other firefighters climbing aboard. “Hen and Chim are taking that guy to the hospital,” Buck said, “Our work here’s done.” He paused, gnawing on his lip, considering saying more while Bobby slowly pulled them onto the road. “What he said…”

           He missed the rest of Buck’s question. His voice dulled as a sharp ringing in Eddie’s head blocked out every sound around him. Eddie sunk into it, comforted in the simpleness of the noise. He pressed himself against the window, arms crossed over his chest, and watched the scenery blur during their drive to the station.

           Then, when they arrived, Eddie flung the door open and his puddled mass in a jacket spilled free of the engine. He stripped off his uniform in a record-setting pace. And, as he finished, Eddie saw Buck steadily approach, Bobby like a shadow behind him. Both wore similar expressions that warned Eddie of conversations he was not ready for. Because of that, Eddie did something he regret. A course of action so damning it spoke louder than any mangled defense he might put together.

           He hid.

           “Stupid… stupid…” Eddie whacked his phone across his temple, curled into a tight ball outside the building. He snuck through a door in the back, smart enough to not go far but knowing that it’s so rare anyone used this area. It was set aside for the firefighters who smoked, Chimney explained. Those were always a small contingent, never more than one or two per squad. As the years went by, numbers dwindled, and a smoking firefighter became an endangered species. Now, hardly anyone uses this tiny alley that separates the fire house from its adjoining building. Except for Eddie. “I can’t believe I could have such shitty luck…”

           He went to hit himself with his phone again, but a shrill ping cut into his spiraling. Eddie checked his messages – Can I call? It was Michael. He texted back a thumbs up he didn’t mean. Soon his phone shook in his hands.

           Eddie answered, “Hey…”

           “Hi Eddie,” Michael said, tone soft like Buck’s back at the scene. He hated it. Eddie hated how much he wilted because of it, how his nerves started inching away from the edge at the gentle, implied coaxing. “How are you feeling?”

           Eddie barked a short, nasty laugh, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead. “I feel like I’m about to burst into flames.”

           “If you do, at least you’re around people who’ll know what to do.”

           “What if I don’t want them to save me,” Eddie groused, “should I make a break for it before the first spark catches?”

           “Like they wouldn’t race after you…” Michael’s voice trailed, clearly tiptoeing around the words he chose next. “So,” he said, “you ran into Brendan again today?”

           Eddie snorted. “More like some kid ran into his car…” He growled, kneading at his eye with the heel of his hand. “I can’t believe what happened, and how I… how I froze like that. Seriously, what were the odds?”

           “Pretty fucking low,” Michael told him, “But that’s exactly what it was, shit luck. There’s nothing you could have done to not have what happened, happened.”

           “That’s not true,” he sighed, “I could have not gone on that date with him. Or, at least, not let him talk me into his bed.”

           “He’s a charmer.”

           “I had nothing better going on,” Eddie said. He played his words back in his head, silently cursing how brusque they sounded. Was he really the bad guy in this scenario? Brendan hadn’t seem interested in a relationship during their dinner, and Eddie thought his own feelings were on display, too. Buck always said his poker face had more cracks in it than a busted sidewalk. Maybe the note was unnecessary, he can concede. Eddie can’t rewrite history and destroy it, though. “Besides,” he continued, swatting those past regrets away like flies, “Brendan wasn’t all that charming when he outed me, on top of cursing me out in front of the 118.”

           “Man was in a car accident,” Michael reminded Eddie, “He probably had more to worry about than decorum.” Michael coughed across the line, clearing his throat. “That doesn’t excuse what he did.”

           “Yeah,” he said, “I thought it was, like, gay brotherhood that you’re not supposed to out another gay person… or whatever.”

           “I… don’t think he knew. That you weren’t out…” Michael hummed, the noise rattling inside Eddie’s chest. “You’re right, in a way. Any decent gay person wouldn’t out a person before they’re ready. I can’t remember if Derek mentioned your… situation, when setting up the date. I can text him but, Eddie –“ Michael’s sigh caused the line to crackle and break, Eddie shivering as it hit his ear “– Eddie, Brendan and what he might and might not have known isn’t important, isn’t why I called.” Eddie knew. Of course, he knew. “What are you planning on doing next?”

           “That depends,” Eddie mumbled. His free hand tugged on his laces, loosening them slowly. “Do you want to hear what I want to do, or what I’m going to do.”

           “What do you want to do?”

           “Fake mine and Chris’s deaths,” he told Michael, “Start over somewhere new. Maybe on the East Coast, in a small fishing village where I can be a lighthouse keeper and never have to see another person ever again. Just me and Chris and the sea, until Chris leaves or I grow old and die. Whichever happens first.”

           “That’s… dark.” Michael said, “And oddly specific.”

           Eddie shrugged, “I watched the Lighthouse last night. Robert Pattinson jerked it to some mermaid doodle in it. Like… I could do that. Survive off of doodles of hunky mermen, or sailors. Hunky mermen getting it on with sailors… God knows the real thing didn’t work out.”

           “You don’t mean that.”

           “Well, what else can I do?”

           “You can go inside and talk to your friends,” Michael reasoned, “Your team who cares about you, and are most definitely worried because of what happened and how it affected you. Your family, who is ready to accept you for who you are as they always will. But first, you need to trust them and let them in to see who that is.”

           When Michael explained it, the obvious choice also seemed to be the easiest. The tiny seed of doubt, however, planted once Eddie accepted his heart’s leanings and blossomed into a strange bushel of roses with thorny roots strangling his chest, would not let him be. It poisoned his rationality, shredding any confidence Eddie built. “I trust them with my life,” he wondered, speaking barely above a whisper, “why is it so hard to trust them with this? Is it just me?”

           “It’s not you, Eddie,” Michael said. His voice thundered with conviction, startling Eddie. “Believe me, you aren’t the first gay man to feel this way and, unfortunately, you won’t be the last.”

           He sniffed, a wet chuckle escaping past his lips in a raspy breath. “That sucks.”

           “It sure does,” Michael agreed.

           “Does it ever go away?” he asked, “Or… get easier?”

           “I… it’s not a cut-and-dry answer,” he told Eddie, “In some cases, yes. Others… no. It’s situational.” Eddie found this answer unsatisfying. He wasn’t the only one. “Listen,” Michael said, “this might seem scary now, but I, uh – remember that first night. That night you came to my place and confided in me. What did you say?”

           “That I was gay.”

           “Yes…” Michael sucked in a deep breath, hissing his next thought so pointedly it cut through those pesky roots. “Now, imagine you’re me, saying what you said to me, but instead of saying it to me you were saying it to my lovely ex-wife who, at the time, was still my wife, and all this after we’re both a few glasses of wine deep and the kids are asleep.”

           Michael’s past helped put Eddie’s own troubles in perspective. He mentioned as such to him.

           “I don’t want to come off like ‘I had worse’ blah blah,” Michael said, “My point is – you see how good the relationship between Athena and I is. She could have easily kicked me out and then never spoken to me again. But she didn’t. She had every reason to hate me, but she didn’t. Athena loved me when she thought I was straight and continued after learning I was gay. It’s a different sort of love now, and yes, it might have wavered at times, but she stuck by my side like I stuck to hers. Yes, I was scared to tell her, just like you were when you came and told me. Just like you are now. But because I pushed through my fear, I freed us both from being unhappy. Her and Bobby… me and Derek… neither would have happened if I decided to keep my feelings to myself.”

           “Yeah… your life did change…” Eddie rested his head against his knees, remnants of adrenaline from earlier fully fading leaving an exhaustion that set deep into his bones. “I guess that’s what I’m really afraid of. How… acknowledging who I really am, and owning it, how everything will change after.”

           “Eddie, will being gay affect your job?”

           “What?” Eddie yelped, head rising again, neck aching from the whiplash Michael’s unrelated question caused. “No –“

           “Will you being out really make you a completely different, unrecognizable person?”

           “Uh… I – I don’t… no?”

           “Then it sounds like nothing will actually change.” Michael’s tone relaxed and, finally, Eddie let himself do the same. The other man’s speech wrapped around him like a warm blanket. “You didn’t wake up one morning and decide to be gay. It’s something that’s always been a part of you. It’s been there during every call you went out on. You’ll still be Eddie… just a happier Eddie, because you’re allowing yourself to be happy and honest with who you are. That’s what’s important here. Coming out isn’t about other people, it’s about you. You, opening yourself to others to see this part of you, and letting them share in the joy of who you are. And the 118, your friends, will still love you because this… this gay Eddie you have in your mind, is just Eddie. That’s it.”

           Eddie didn’t cry. He wouldn’t be able to hide it, once he went back inside to confront his friends. If they asked, Eddie might mumble a few broken words about allergies then move on. Because he didn’t let his tears fall. “Thanks, Michael,” Eddie said, “I… I’m really grateful for you, being my friend. And that you didn’t turn me away like you should have done when I showed up at your apartment.”

           “I was less afraid of what you’d do,” Michael laughed, “and more afraid what you might do if I didn’t.”

           They ended the call soon enough, with Eddie exchanging a few final pleasantries while Michael’s goodbye was laced with encouragement.

           Eddie stood, riding the aches of pain that came from unfurling his back out of the tight coil he forced it into. He stretched his arms, pointed high towards the sky. Eddie leaned onto his toes, and even lifted his face to better feel the sun shining above.

           Much too warm for fall.

           Despite the heat and his fears, Eddie returned to the firehouse. He slowly crept inside, alert, gaze bouncing around for a sign of his friends. When he didn’t find them on the first floor, not hovering by the truck and newly returned ambulance or biding time in the gym, Eddie passed faceless co-workers on his way to the stairs. Each step Eddie took sounded like beats from a heavy drum, sounding a funeral march. Eddie kept up the tempo.

           As he climbed higher, his head peeked out and Eddie caught a glimpse of the second floor. Like always, his eyes were drawn immediately to Buck. He, along with Bobby, Hen, and Chim, were huddled around the kitchen island. Eddie watched them converse quietly, briefly, the discussion cutting off because Buck, the one currently speaking, turned and saw Eddie. Buck straightened, body taut and tense like Christopher got after Eddie caught him misbehaving. Eddie wasn’t foolish enough to think they were talking about anything other than him. Buck’s face flickers, flipping through emotions like pages in a book too fast so Eddie can’t read. It settled on a steely façade of determination, Buck readying to move. Before he can, Bobby stopped Buck with one hand on his shoulder. He understood.

           Let Eddie come to them.

           He did, slowly, at his own pace. Eddie settled between Hen and Chimney, both firefighters creating a space for him.

           There’s a beat of silence, the air above the kitchen island so weighty Eddie’s shoulders drooped. He fought against it, taking a deep breath. “Hey.”

           “Eddie,” Bobby spoke first, “how are you doing?”

           Michael advised honesty. That’s what Eddie gave. “I’m a little scared,” he admitted with a laugh, staring intently at a divot in the island’s counter, and how his finger repeatedly traced it. “Okay. A lot of scared.”

           “We’re here for you Eddie,” Bobby said, “Whatever it is.” On either side, his friends reached for him. Hen laid her hand over Eddie’s, crushing it in a loving grip, while Chimney soothingly rubbed his back. Eddie glanced at the men in front of him, Bobby looking encouraging at him while Buck…

           Eddie still can’t decipher what it is Buck tries to show.

           If he thought about it too long, he’d lose all the confidence he gathered to arrive at this point. Eddie swallowed past the lump in his throat, attempting to smile. “Thank you,” he said, “really.” Then, without fanfare, Eddie shrugged and told his friends, “I’m gay.”

           Like that, the next breath Eddie took felt lighter. It was unbelievable. No one said anything, but their love and acceptance were visible in other ways. Eddie was almost brought to tears because of them. He reigned his emotions in, maintaining control. If they stayed like this, however, he’s sure to break.

           Eddie cleared his throat, “That’s all. So if we could…”

           “Not so fast,” Chimney said, smirk tainting their tender moment. His hand slunk across Eddie’s back to his shoulder, clamping down and chaining Eddie there at his side. “There’s still the doctor of it all that’s been unaccounted for…”

           “Chim,” Bobby warned lightly, trying his best to play boss.

           Hen waved him off. “Eddie should have his chance to explain,” she argued, “tell us his side of the story. Lord knows Chim and I got an earful about what that man thought of you, Eddie. Filled the entire drive from the wreck to the hospital.”

           “He had a lot of opinions,” Chimney added.

           Eddie sighed. He expected they might have questions, especially about Brendan. He wasn’t unprepared for this. “I went on one date with the man,” he explained, “something Michael set up –“

           “Michael?” Bobby interrupted, tapping his chest, “My Michael?”

           “He’s not just your friend,” Eddie said, “He… he’s been helping me deal with… with all this. This… being gay, stuff.” He shifted, bending forward to press his chest on the counter. “It was Michael’s idea I go on a date with Brendan, sort of like practice. To get more comfortable being… out, in public, with another man. Personally, I didn’t think the date was that special. Brendan was… he had a lot of personality.”

           “Sure was flexing that… personality, despite all those injuries,” Hen agreed, “Kept going on about this – this note you wrote? What was that about?” Hen might have asked coyly, but it was obvious to Eddie she knew.

           He still answered her. “I was going for nice,” he muttered, “I didn’t want to up and abandon him after we… after he invited me over for the night, and we…” They were at work. Eddie couldn’t say more.

           Nothing else needed saying. Even Buck understood, if his rapidly flushing cheeks meant anything. “Oh,” he said, “so you and him… you two…” His pointer fingers on either hand were extended, slapping each other with wide sweeps.

           Hen choked on a snort, shoving Buck’s hands apart. “They weren’t sword-fighting, Buck.”

           “Yeah, I knew that…” Because of his bashful pout, followed by Buck tucking his head into his chest, Eddie didn’t buy his excuse.

           “Okay,” Bobby steered the conversation elsewhere, “besides us and… Michael… have you told anyone else?”

           Eddie shook his head. “Really?” Buck asked, “Not even Chris?”

           “Especially not Chris…” Some of that earlier fear returned, roosting in his chest like a bird returned north from winter. “I never… I don’t know how I would explain it to him or… how much I would have to explain? Like, if I was a single dad from the start, I’m sure it would be easier. But most of his memories are with me and his mom, and I – I haven’t figured out a way to tell him while also not invalidating mine and Shannon’s marriage, y’know?” Eddie agonized over that near constantly. He loved Shannon, truly, and wanted their marriage to work despite not being attracted to her in the way that mattered. Christopher needed her in his life. If that meant Eddie gave Shannon what she wanted, what Eddie pretended he wanted to, it would have been worth it.

           But, in the end, she still went ahead with the divorce. Shannon was more perceptive than he ever gave her credit for.

           “And then there’s the Ana of it all…” Eddie threw out, offhandedly.

           “Wait,” Buck said, “was that why you broke it off with her? When you told me…”

           Eddie’s breath hitched slightly, and he drummed his fingers against the counterspace. “No,” he said, “I… I didn’t have the realization then. I meant it, about us not clicking and… her being another try at giving Chris a mom. Although, being gay would definitely have played a factor in us not clicking.”

           “That’s for sure.”

           Another wave of silence washed over them, this the most awkward of them all. “If that’s it for questions…” Eddie extricated himself from the group, final shreds of adrenaline fading and leaving him exhausted. His mind already set a course for the bunks, planning a lengthy nap as a reward for his vulnerability.

           “Of course,” Bobby rounded the island, moving closer to Eddie. Buck was on his heels, but hung back on the fringes of the group, a few inches behind Hen and Chimney. “I want you to know how proud I am of you, though. I can’t imagine any of what you had to deal with was easy, and if you need anything from us – keeping this information to ourselves or whatever… let us know. We’ll follow your lead.” He then opened himself for a hug, giving Eddie the option to accept or refuse.

           Eddie sagged into Bobby’s embrace, grateful. “Thank you.” Hen and Chimney joined them, squeezing Eddie tighter and tighter. Only Buck kept his distance. Eddie opened his eyes and noticed the younger man watching them, a glint in his eye that struck Eddie’s nerve. Once the others released him, Eddie confronted Buck. “Hey, are you…”

           “Hmm?” Buck blinked, and what Eddie saw earlier disappeared. It vanished like it never existed. Maybe Eddie imagined it? Regardless, Buck smiled in his usual, too-large-for-his-face way and swept Eddie in a giant hug of his own. “I’m proud, too,” he whispered, “And what Bobby said goes double for me. Anything you need, ask… and I’ll be there.”

           Eddie caught himself before he spoke without thinking. Instead, he returned the hug. He rested his cheek against Buck’s shoulder, humming in acknowledgment of Buck’s promise.

           Buck would do anything for Eddie, as much as he would do anything for Christopher.

           Anything… except what Eddie truly desired from him.

           While baring his soul to the group about his sexuality was one matter, confessing to all his secrets was an entirely different sort he hadn’t felt ready for. He doubted he ever will be. Because if he told Buck the reason why he stopped running from the truth, why he couldn’t deny his feelings after being content in doing so for years, Eddie feared Buck would prove the sickening voices in his head right by leaving him.

           Really, Eddie thought, what else was there to do when you learn your best friend is in love with you?

           So he ignored how Buck’s touch skimmed his lower back, the gentle swaying dance they began by hugging longer than necessary, and, as they drew apart, the struck-match feeling of Buck’s lips brushing the outer edge of his ear.

           There was nothing to read into, he reminded himself. He and Buck were friends. Best friends. Best buddies. Buck had Taylor, and Eddie…

           Eddie had hope. Hope, emboldened by his bout of honesty, that there will come a day he found a man he truly loved to share his life with.

           Even if they weren’t Buck.

#buddie #9-1-1 on fox #post-4x14 #eddie diaz #gay eddie diaz #eddie diaz comes out #9-1-1 s5 spec fic #evan 'buck' buckley #buck x eddie #pining eddie diaz #bobby nash #henrietta 'hen' wilson #howard 'chimney' han #michael grant #less about the getting together and more about the character study of eddie if they decided to go through with the gay route

[queerpanikkar]

WIP meme: circles make a man go wild (also polite encouragement for you to write the clipboard buck fic you want to see in the world <3)

hey anon!

circles make a man go wild is the hostage fic i’m working on — aka the BANE of my existence bc i keep. rewriting. i should know better by now. spec fics give me anxiety.

anyway, the premise is has to do with the aftermath of it all. eddie’s relationship with guns over the years. and that time maddie said about Buck. “Yeah, he’s good at that. Seeming fine.”

i’m very excited about the style! it’s written in mixed tenses (flashbacks and present) which was something i always wanted to try but never found the right fic for. it’s gonna be angsty as hell though, and quite longer than i usually go for.

and listen, i don’t even know WHAT i want to see in a clipboard fic. captain buck? buck bringing a clipboard (list) EVERYWHERE — when baking at the diaz house, shopping with eddie, etc? the 118 collectively asking why bobby constantly makes him the power czar while eddies suspiciously silent (finds it hot)? so many ideas! help me out people!

as you can see, i love to ramble. thanks for playing anon!

ask me about my wips!

#ask answered #wip game #em writes #buddie

[nighting-gale17]

HEY BB!!! hope you are well! a buddie fic request: exdie hearing buck scream out to him and talking about it with buck after, and maybe a feeling confessions??? 💖💖💖 love u

<3 this ended up being a little long, but i hope you like it!!!!! i love you too sooooooo much

“Eddie! No, Eddie!”

The scream of raw panic and terror was visceral even from where Eddie was trapped, almost over forty feet beneath collapsed dirt and mud. It was all Eddie heard before everything continued to fall and collapse in on itself, leaving nothing but a deafening silence and the sound of Buck’s despair ringing in his ears.

He thinks he might have been knocked out—for how long, he doesn’t know—but when he comes too, he swears he can still hear Buck screaming for him. He groaned as he came too, his head throbbing painfully even underneath the helmet he was wearing. Eddie’s hand weakly flopped against his shoulder, grimacing when he didn’t feel the radio against his hand. With great reluctance he opened his eyes, blinking a couple of times before his hazy vision cleared and he spotted the radio sitting just within arms reach in front of him.

Eddie reached out, fingers brushing against the antenna and slowly pulling it toward him. He coughed a little, his shaky hands raising the radio up to his mouth. “This is Diaz,” he rasped, his words slurring a little as he tried to get his mouth to work. “Can anybody… hear me?”

The radio remained silent aside from a brief crackle. Terror clutched at his heart and he forced himself to sit up, leaning heavily against the edge of the dirt wall next to him. “This is Eddie,” he said into the radio, struggling to keep his head up. “I’m still…” his head dropped forward a bit, exhaustion and ache in every ounce of his body. “I’m still alive.”

“I’m still alive down here!” he screamed into the radio, desperation, and panic starting to overtake the sluggish calm he’d been feeling. He pounded his fist against the dirt, praying, hoping, that someone could hear him. “I’m still alive down here!”

“Anyone?” he whispered brokenly into the radio. 

xxx

The first time Eddie laid eyes on Buck when he woke up in the hospital, his best friend was asleep.

He was laying passed out on the couch against the wall of the room with Christopher nestled tightly on his chest. One arm was curled protectively over Christopher’s back while the other hung limply off the edge of the couch. He was in a fresh pair of clothes—Eddie’s clothes, which made him swallow hard and try not to think too hard about it—but his face was still grimy with dirt and mud, lines of tension visible even while he slept.

“He was very worried about you, nieto.” his Abuela drew his attention back to her. She was gazing at Buck and Christopher with a mix of worry and fondness on her face. “He refused to leave, so after I brought Christopher here I went back home and got him a change of your clothes.”

“I’m sorry I worried you.” Eddie murmured, reaching out and holding his Abuela’s hand tightly. “Thank you for taking care of them.”

“Of course. He is family.” Abuela said simply, squeezing his hand and leaning forward to gently kiss his forehead. “Sleep, mijo, I will watch over you and them.”

Hearing Abuela call Buck family warmed Eddie’s chest like no heated blankets or warm IVs could ever compete with. He knew Abuela had been quickly enraptured by Buck’s charm—they all had—and it comforted him to know if anything happened to him, Buck would be well taken care of.

The next time he woke up, Buck was holding his hand. His friend was staring blankly at the wall across from him, exhaustion weighing heavy on his face and a haunted look in his eyes. It wasn’t until Eddie gently squeezed his hand that Buck seemed to break out of whatever trance he was in. He quickly looked down at Eddie and the relief that flooded his face knocked the breath out of Eddie’s lungs.

“Oh, thank God,” Buck breathed, squeezing his hand tightly. “How’re you feeling, Eds?”

Eddie hummed tiredly. “Okay, I think. Head kind of hurts. Little cold, still.”

“The doctor said you had a Grade 1 concussion,” Buck said, chewing on his bottom lip absently. He always did that when he was worried about something. “Mild hypothermia, so they wanted to keep you for 24 hours to make sure there weren’t any complications.”

“Hayden?” he asked, hoping Chimney and the boy he’d rescued had gotten to safety before the collapse.

“He’s fine,” Buck assured him with a tired smile. “Thanks to you. They managed to get out right before—” he cut himself off, swallowing hard and looking away.

"I heard you,” Eddie admitted, running his thumb along the inside of Buck’s wrist. It soothed his nerves to feel the steady pulse thrumming with life beneath his finger. “When the well collapsed, before I was knocked out.”

Buck inhaled shakily, looking absolutely wrecked. “I-I thought I lost you.” Fresh tears dripped down his face as he shook his head. “When the lightning struck, I turned my back on you for one second to keep Bobby safe and—”

Eddie reached up with his other hand to gently brush the tears off his cheeks, silent support, and encouragement to keep going. It breaks his heart to hear Buck talk like this, talk about what happened above ground, but it was obvious this was something he needed to tell him.

“Every time I try to help someone I keep losing you two,” Buck said brokenly, his blue eyes full of pain and guilt.

“Buck, what do you mean?” Eddie asked. His mouth twisted into a confused frown at Buck’s words.

Buck hesitated, not looking at Eddie when he quietly started talking again. “During the—the tsunami, I turned my back on Christopher for one second to help someone and he was just gone. And the same thing happened again.” When he finally looked up at Eddie, his heart broke at the pain shining in those eyes. “Why does this keep happening? Why do I keep losing you two? Is this the universe’s sick way of telling me I need to stay away from you?”

“No,” Eddie told him firmly, grasping the back of Buck’s neck and pulling him closer until their foreheads touched. “Absolutely not. Sometimes bad things just happen to good people. It’s no one's fault, Buck.”

“I know why you did it,” Buck said, eyes closing as he spoke. “I’m not mad—I mean, I probably would’ve done the exact same thing. I was just scared, of losing you, of Christopher losing you.”

“I’ll always come back to family, Buck,” Eddie promised, brushing his thumb over Buck’s cheekbone and smiling softly when those baby blues finally met his gaze. “I’m not planning on going anywhere for a long time.”

When their mouths slotted together in the gentlest of kisses, it wasn’t a surprise to either of them. It was natural—just like everything had been with Buck, and Eddie knows he’s loved this man for a long time. The kiss said everything their hearts were feeling but their mouths wouldn’t say, a quiet promise, an affirmation—not a declaration—of the love they held for each other.

When they broke the kiss, Eddie let himself be held in Buck’s arms, relishing in the warmth it brought to his cold and battered body. Buck’s hand gently carded through his hair and as Eddie’s eyes fluttered shut, he felt a small smile grow on his lips. He’s dealt with a lot of complicated things in his life but this?

Nothing was complicated about their love.

#911 #911 fox #eddie diaz #buddie #evan buckley #buck #eddie begins #3x15 #love confessions #kind of #im a sucker for them just falling into falling in love #cait works

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

My dearest darling partner in crime, you know I have a mighty need for "Shannon actually divorced her husband instead of leaving him hanging for two years" S2 FWB Buddie if you are so inclined...*bats eyelashes*

Aha okay so this is now a multi-chapter mess. I have no plan. I don’t know where this is going or how I’m organizing this. But these stupid stupid boys won’t leave me alone, so here we are. Part one of what is sure to be an annoyingly feels-filled saga. You can also read it here on Ao3.

Onward!

The first thing Buck thinks when he sees the new guy is oh no, he’s hot. The world seems to go into slow-motion. He swears he hears music.

The second thing Buck thinks when he sees the new guy is what the fuck is he doing in my station.

Okay, so maybe he’s a little cranky because with some encouragement from Maddie (who arrived in town yesterday) he and Abby had a proper talk for the first time in weeks and officially broke it off. Buck’s not exactly inclined to listen to Maddie on all things, since she did up and be good as gone from his life for years—thanks, Doug—but she was only telling him what his mind had already been whispering.

Doesn’t mean that the break up doesn’t hurt.

So he’s cranky, sure. And Eddie Diaz (that’s the fucker’s name) is confident, and handsome, and funny, and fine as hell, and daring, and pretty, and dedicated, and sexy, and…

Ahem.

It’s a lot for a guy to handle, okay?

Buck’s spoiling for a fight, and the confusing dance his stomach does whenever Eddie looks at him gives him the perfect excuse to be a brat, and even though Chim and Bobby and everyone else is giving him the side eye, he just can’t seem to stop. He fell in love, really in love, for the first time in his life and once again he was abandoned, and he just wants someone to yell at. And if it provides the added bonus of Eddie’s near-constant attention, well. Icing on the cake.

Except Eddie’s not playing back. He’s not posturing, he’s not snapping. Buck feels almost like a dog getting rapped on the nose with a newspaper. In the gym, Eddie doesn’t lose his cool. He seems almost amused. Like he knows what he’s doing to Buck, like he knows Buck’s drowning and just swinging his arms wildly to see who he can punch, like he knows his stupid pretty face is making Buck’s entire body squirm and heat up.

Maybe he’s being a bit of a jerk. Just a little.

A bomb isn’t exactly what most people would call a meet cute or a place to bond, but Buck can tell Eddie warms to him after that. And he can’t help but feel a bit warmer himself, basking in Eddie’s smile.

“You can have my back any day,” Eddie says, and Buck knows it’s probably nothing, but it sounds like more—or maybe he just wants it to be more, since he’s lonely and hasn’t had sex in months and he’s realizing he likes Eddie being pleased with him.

“Or you could have mine,” he blurts out, throwing in a bit of sauciness, just to see, just to test.

Eddie’s gaze flickers, maybe—just maybe—his eyes get a little darker, and Buck wonders if maybe there’s another way to get out all his frustration.

 ___________________________________________________________

 “Another story to tell the family, right?”

They’re stripping down in the locker room, and Chim’s rolling his eyes because they all know how he used to steal their stories for Tatiana.

“I don’t think Karen will want to know about this one,” Hen says, grabbing her stuff. “Have a good night!”

Buck waves at her, then turns to Eddie. “What about you? Anybody to impress?”

Eddie shakes his head. “My kid’s too young to hear about that kind of thing.”

A kid. Buck glances down, tries to be subtle. No wedding ring. “You got a kid? I love kids.”

Eddie pulls out a picture of a smiling, golden-haired boy. Buck can feel himself grinning. He really does love kids and this guy’s adorable. “His name’s Christopher.”

“He’s cute.” Buck hands the picture back. “What about his mom?”

Eddie tucks the picture away and grabs supplies for the showers. “She’s… not in the picture. Divorced.”

“That sucks, man.” Eddie’s single Eddie’s single Eddie’s single—

“It is what it is.” That’s a shut door if Buck ever heard one, but he’s an expert at prying things open. After all, he’s a firefighter.

Eddie heads for the showers and Buck…

Carpe diem.

Buck follows.

“So nobody to brag to, huh?” he asks, quickly stripping off his clothes so he doesn’t get them blasted with water.

Eddie glances over his shoulder, and the look on his face seems to be trapped somewhere between are you fucking kidding me and oh this is adorable. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those guys who uses heroic stories to get into people’s pants.”

Not anymore. “Nah, I just bat my eyelashes.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet that works wonders.”

“Y’know, I do know sarcasm when I hear it.”

“Do you?” Eddie turns to face him fully and it hits Buck like a delayed webpage loading that oh, yeah, they’re both naked.

Go big or go home. “So are we going to do something about…” He gestures between them. “This? Or are we going to keep ignoring it?”

“What, the obvious alpha male posturing?” Eddie asks. “Or the fact that you want to sleep with me? Because I’m gonna tell you I got enough of the former while I was in the military and as for the latter, we’re coworkers.”

“Nothing against coworkers having a little fun.”

“I have a kid.” Eddie puts his hands on his hips and oh, okay, nope, eyes up top, Buck. “I just moved here. The last thing I’m looking for is complications.”

“Well lucky for you I’m a simple guy. As anyone around here will tell you.” Yeah, he’s aware of the joke about his intelligence, but whatever. “I’m great at keeping things uncomplicated.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, then reaches for him. Buck’s heart races—

—and then skips a beat as he’s blasted with cold water. He yelps, ducking out of the way as Eddie finishes turning on the showers.

The look of smug satisfaction on Eddie’s face is not attractive. At all.

“Real funny.” Buck wipes his face off and gets the water out of his eyes.

“Oh, hilarious,” Eddie agrees seriously. His eyes crinkle up at the corners when he smiles.

Buck stands there, not quite sure what to do. The water’s warm, now, feels good, and it sure as hell looks good, sliding down Eddie’s body. Eddie’s not saying or doing anything, but he’s not kicking Buck out, either.

He debates for about ten seconds before he thinks, fuck it. He did the mature thing and waited for sex and did everything right and it still got his heart dashed to pieces. Why not be a little reckless? “You saying you’d object if I wanted to blow you?”

Eddie inhales a mouthful of water and splutters fantastically for a few seconds. The look he gives Buck when he’s finished is impressive. “You really have no shame, do you?”

Buck shrugs. “Don’t have the time for it.”

And he really wants to get his mouth on Eddie’s cock. Like, that’s kind of all he’s been able to think about since the grenade.

Eddie’s eyes narrow, and for a second Buck’s certain he’s going to get hit with a talk about sexual harassment from Bobby in the morning, but then Eddie plants his hand on the tiled wall and says, oh so casually, “Well, if you’ve got your heart set on it.”

Oh hell yes.

Buck’s been very diligently restricting his ogling to Eddie’s face and shoulders (what, they’re great shoulders, broad and tan and perfect for biting during sex), so it’s not until he sinks to his knees—carefully, the floor’s tiled and this is the only pair of knees he’s got—that he looks at Eddie’s cock and realizes it’s hard.

Ha.

Playing it cool and casual and this whole time he wanted Buck just as much as Buck wanted him. Buck is never letting him live this down. He looks up at Eddie through his lashes, a trick he’s learned works wonders when he’s about to eat someone out. “And here you are acting like it’s such a big chore to get your dick sucked.”

“Maybe I just like the idea of your mouth being too full to talk.” Eddie’s hand comes around to cradle the back of Buck’s head, his fingers combing through the short hair, tugging oh so slightly to get Buck’s head in place.

A shiver works through him. Jesus, that feels good. He hasn’t had a dry spell like this since he first discovered what sex was, and just the intimate touch of another person has his cock rising and his blood singing.

He leans in, nuzzling Eddie’s thigh, savoring the scent of another person, the feel of skin beneath his mouth again. And maybe he’s, ah, delaying things just a little, as he eyes the rather impressive dick in front of him, because. Well.

Here’s the thing that Buck kind of didn’t mention to Eddie.

He’s never given a blow job before.

But like hell he’s going to let it stop him now that they’ve reached this point. And besides, he knows what he likes, so it’s just a matter of remembering what that is and replicating it. This’ll be a breeze.

“You’ve never done this before, have you?” Eddie asks.

Buck glares up at him. “Have so.”

“You sure you’re twenty-seven? Because you sound like a five-year-old right now.”

Buck promptly takes as much of Eddie’s cock in his mouth as he can. He nearly takes too much and just barely saves himself from gagging, but Eddie makes a choked noise above him in response and that’s all that fucking matters.

“Ten points for enthusiasm,” Eddie mutters, and oh, it is so on now. He’s going to blow this guy’s mind.

Turns out, sucking dick is simultaneously eager and harder than he expected. Easy? Sucking. Holy shit. He could do this all day, he’s eaten ice cream cones that were more trouble than this.

Figuring out what exactly he’s supposed to do with his tongue? Difficult. Very difficult. It’s not until he has the bright idea of, hey, what if he treats a dick like a really big clit, that he starts to get the hang of it.

He’s never had a woman complain about his oral skills, after all.

Eddie’s hand tightens in his hair and he swears under his breath. “Again,” he orders, a bit breathless, and Buck repeats the little twist he did with his tongue against the slit of Eddie’s cock. He shivers at the order, at the implications of it.

“Oh.” Eddie’s voice is like a revelation. “Oh, you like that. You like when I tell you what to do?”

He can’t really nod right now, so he hums.

Eddie’s grip tights further. “Suck.”

His voice is a full-on growl and Buck’s cock jerks in response, electricity zapping every one of his limbs. Jesus, turns out there’s one place he really does like to be given orders.

“Jesus Christ, you should see yourself.” Eddie’s still growling, and now his hips are thrusting a little into Buck’s mouth, and Buck just lets his jaw go slack, lets Eddie use him. Eddie swears violently at that and speeds up, just a little, like he’s trying to hold himself back so he doesn’t hurt him, doesn’t go too far.

Buck feels like there’s a cat in his chest, purring, like he’d wag his tail if he had one, on his knees and being good and giving someone what they want. His jaw aches and his mouth is stretched but it feels so good, and if he’d known he would like sucking dick this much, hell, he’d’ve done it years ago.

He can feel Eddie tense up, his cock jerking against Buck’s soft palate, and Buck tries to open his throat to get ready—only Eddie pulls Buck off his cock and turns, spilling into the spray of the shower, the evidence washed immediately down the drain.

Buck’s voice is raw when he tries to speak. “I was gonna—you didn’t have to do that.”

“I didn’t want to assume.” As if he’s trying to make up for showing some softness and consideration, Eddie hauls Buck to his feet, a sly look in his eyes. “Now, what are we going to do with you?”

There’s a promise in his voice that Buck really, really hopes he’ll deliver on. He shamelessly plasters himself to Eddie’s front, lets Eddie feel his erection, and combs his fingers through all that thick, dark hair. Buck would kill to be able to run his fingers through it when it’s dry. Eddie’s hair always looks unbearably soft.

“Fuck me?” he says hopefully, grinding slow against Eddie’s hip. “I mean. I get recovery time, so… we can just make out until…”

Eddie’s hands find his waist and Buck whines, trying to catch Eddie’s mouth in a kiss. He wants that tongue counting his teeth, dammit.

“I’d let you,” he says, because oh, God, he would, he really would. Even though it’s reckless to let a guy you just met fuck you when you’ve never done it before. Buck’s gotten pretty far by being reckless.

“You’d let me,” Eddie says, something sparking in his eyes, and the next thing Buck knows, he’s been turned around and pressed face-first against the wall.

“You really think I’d fuck you here?” Eddie’s voice is dark and utterly filthy and Buck’s fucking trembling. “Hell no. If I fucked you, I’d do it right, get you all laid out on a bed and really take you apart. And you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Buck’s nails are scabbling at the wet tile, trying to find a purchase that isn’t there. He’s never felt this raw in his entire life and he vaguely wonders if this is what drugs feel like because if it is, he understands how people get addicted.

“Yeah.” Eddie’s lips are right at the shell of his ear now, his voice a heated whisper. “One look at you, boy, and I fuckin’ knew it. You just want someone to destroy you.”

Fucking yes he does.

Eddie bites at his ear right as his hand find’s Buck’s aching cock and oh, oh fuck. Eddie’s pace is brutal, going from tight and hot to feather light, the tips of his fingers dancing up and down, drawing Buck to the edge and then leaving him there.

Buck’s real glad that he got good at being quiet because of Abby’s mom, otherwise the entire station would probably hear him moaning and begging right now.

Eddie’s plastered to his back, his free arm around Buck’s waist like a band of iron, and Buck feels like everywhere they touch is on fire. “Jesus.” Eddie sounds half in command, half in awe. “You really fucking need this, don’t you?”

“So do you,” Buck fires back. “Or you wouldn’t have said yes to me.”

Eddie growls and bites his neck, like a wolf holding down another so he can mount him, and Buck goes lightheaded with lust. He twists his wrist on the upstroke, sucking on Buck’s skin, grinding against Buck’s ass like he might actually fuck him after all, and Buck comes so hard he goes deaf for a second, his ears going silent and then buzzing like a nest of hornets.

Buck rests his forehead on the cool tile and Eddie licks apologetically at the spot he bit, his grip loosening. “I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you, why you want someone to put you in your place, but next time, maybe try talking to a therapist instead of propositioning your coworker.”

Buck snorts. “I’ll take it under consideration.”

He turns, leaning back against the tile, as Eddie grabs the soap. “Does that mean I can’t come to you? After you made all those promises about… what was it… taking me apart?”

The look that Eddie gives him is incredulous. “You realize what would’ve happened if someone walked in here, right?”

Buck grins. “Ah, but nobody did walk in here.”

Judging by the eye roll he gets in return, his comment is not appreciated.

“This?” Eddie gestures back and forth between them. “Was a one-time thing. We’re not doing this again.”

Buck nods, swallowing the disappointment that’s hot and acrid in his throat. “Sure thing.”

 ______________________________________________________

 Well, obviously by ‘again’ Eddie meant ‘in the station’ because one week later they’re in the back of Buck’s car and Eddie’s mouth is attached to his neck like he’s a fucking vampire.

A car isn’t exactly the best place for maneuverability, so Buck’s not getting the fucking he was sort-of promised last time, but he doesn’t really care when he’s got a leg wrapped around Eddie’s waist and they’re grinding against each other like teenagers in the high school parking lot.

He rucks up Eddie’s shirt, gets is hands on all that smooth, warm skin on his back, and digs his nails in as Eddie gives a particularly hard thrust. He’s so fucking turned on he’s seeing stars and he should probably, y’know, suggest they take this somewhere else but he can’t, he can’t—his cock’s trapped underneath Eddie’s body, inside his pants, and Eddie’s mouth, and his hands, he’s—

His orgasm gives him vivid flashbacks to the less-than-glamorous trysts he got up to as a sixteen-year-old, but he doesn’t care because it feels so damn good. Eddie groans and thrusts harder, frantic, and he once again bites, this time Buck’s chest, as he comes.

Buck’s lying down, but he’s still dizzy. “I demand a proper bed next time.”

“There’s not gonna be a next time.” Eddie’s authority is somewhat diminished by the fact that his face is mashed into Buck’s shoulder.

The next moment, Eddie’s leveraging himself up and off of Buck. “We shouldn’t even have done that this time.”

“Why?” Buck follows him, sitting up, and nearly bangs his head on the roof of the car. “We’re two guys who don’t have time to date—I don’t even want to fucking date right now—you’ve got a kid—why not just use each other, y’know? I’m here, you’re here, I’m hot, you’re hot, our schedules line up, I’m not seeing a downside to this.”

“Of course you don’t see a downside,” Eddie mutters.

They regard each other for a moment, and Buck knows this is a serious conversation, but also his pants are soaked and they’re gonna start feeling tacky and gross any second now. “Look, I get it, you want to be smart. But I’m offering you a no-strings-attached-free-sex-whenever card so.” He shrugs. “If you ever decide you want to help me test out my new mattress, you know where to find me.”

Eddie’s dark eyes watch him for a second, his fingers tapping on Buck’s knee—Buck’s pretty sure Eddie’s not aware he’s doing it—and then he pulls back. “Yeah, I do know where to find you.”

He backs up and out of Buck’s car, and it’s a good thing Buck didn’t have any dignity to start with, otherwise he’d be feeling pretty undignified right about now.

#mads answers things #mads writes stuff #buddie #buddie fanfic #911 fox #911 fanfic #how dare you encourage me into this #and how dare they be so hot and so stupid #this is going to be a complete trainwreck #but a sexy trainwreck #extasiswings

[cirrius-akiyo]

KALEIDOSCOPE MIND

-Sequel to "Hold On (Let's Go Home)" & "Unpack the Baggage"-

____

Eddie has been told that the journey of recovery for his husband is a long one. Buck is still at various state of consciousness, drugged up to the point that he is befuddled in his wake or in and out of nightmare fueled doze.

They are still far from passing the crucial point in determining whether Buck will come out of this without deficit or not. Everyday is a waiting game for them.

Everytime Buck is awake, he will just simply look at Eddie as if he is trying to commit Eddie into his memory. Not a single word has come out from his mouth, just small smiles that have carved his lips and occasional hums. Eddie tries to convince himself that Buck needs the rest. That his brain has been injured and it will take some time to heal.

Eddie just want his husband back. They haven't really talk about the cursed night. Maybe it is his selfish desire to avoid anymore guilt and continue living on knowing that he might be the cause of his husband's death, but Eddie really despise the universe as much as himself for putting Buck in this state. He is so terrified to think that there's a possibility that Buck will die with the thought of Eddie's infidelity to be the last thing on his mind.

Their family and friends have come and go, providing neverending support and encouragement to both of them although he can feel like they are directed to him more than Buck. Carla has been bringing Chris from time to time, letting the boy to cuddle up with his Buck. Between the two of them, he feels like Chris is the pillar of strength that's supporting Eddie from crumbling down now that his foundation is currently fighting for his life in hospital bed.

Holding his husband limp hand in his grip, Eddie sometimes think that maybe...just maybe Buck doesn't want to wake up into this reality. That maybe Eddie had hurt him so bad that it pains him to wake up. Maybe Buck is happy to stay in the solace his mind had created.

"Lover of mine

Maybe we'll take some time

Kaleidoscope mind

Gets in the way

Hope and I pray

Darling, that you will stay

Butterfly lies

Chase them away

Hmm"

///

Eddie is at his side, thumbing the beautiful birthmark that he has comes to love while whispering soothing words into Buck's ears. Buck looks peaceful today and he's so beautiful like that despite the garish surrounding.

"I love you, Evan and I've missed you. I've missed you in our bed, in our home sweetheart." Eddie murmurs to the back of Buck's hand. The house seems like it has lose its colour. Chris had since been staying with Abuela or Carla and Eddie had went back only once to pack a bag for them.

The mind is a complicated thing, Eddie tries to ingrain the mantra into his belief. Buck is scheduled to be transferred out from ICU in day five post surgery. Today is day four of his stay.

Suddenly Buck's hand twitch in Eddie's hold, just like he had done sometimes before. Eddie is expecting to see another bout of Buck silently gazing at him while still swimming in the haze of sleep like he always do in his waking. What Eddie doesn't expect is for the hand to continue twitching and Buck's whole body suddenly jerking in an awful uncoordinated movement.

Seizure, his mind supplied. Buck is having a seizure. Eddie screams for help to the doctors outside while pleading for the twitching to stop. All the little progress Buck has made now might as well be useless.

Doctors and nurses come spilling into the room with one of them pushing Eddie out to the corridor. After a while, the heinous jerking stop and his husband is wheeled out of the room.

"Where are you taking him? Is he okay?" Eddie tries to follow through when a nurse stopped him from doing so.

"We'll do everything in our power to help him," the nurse said, not really a promise.

Just like that, Eddie is left alone again to wait. Unable to follow to where his husband is going.

"Dance around the living room

Lose me in the sight of you

I've seen the red, I've seen the blue

Take all of me

Lead to where your secrets are

Where we've been a thousand times

Swallow every single lie

Take all of me"

///

Buck had suffered another small ruptured aneurysm and now they are back to square one, maybe even backward. Now he is on ventilator again and just like that the timer restarts.

Eddie feels like they were hurdled back ten yards with every ten steps forward they took.

Their family and friends have come running when he told them the news, preparing for the worst.

Chris is a welcomed weight on his lap that is doing a great job at keeping Eddie grounded. While Eddie's one hand is keeping Chris steady on his thighs, the other is playing around Buck's wedding ring between his nimble fingers.

Both weight assuring his tired mind that Buck will come back from this. He must be...he should be because Eddie doesn't know what will happen to him and Chris if he doesn't. Shannon's death had been devastating but Buck... No, he will not let his mind spiraling down there.

Instead, Eddie let his memory drifts to the moment Buck had said yes. The twinkle of his eyes can easily light up the highest skyscraper there is. Eddie knew then that he had made among the best decision in his life at that exact instant. And the twinkles make their appearance again when Buck walked down the aisle with Bobby giving him away. But the twinkles were even brighter when the judge decreed Chris' adoption paper.

The twinkles never really stop. Buck keeps showing them in different ways. When he calls them for dinner. When Chris hums in delight with every bite. When Chris says his goodnight. When Eddie compliments Buck's new shirt or sweater. When Eddie says the 'I love you's.

What he would give in order to see those bright twinkles again.

"I'll never give you away

'Cause I've already made that mistake

If my name never fell off your lips again

I know it'd be such a shame

When I take a look at my life

And all of my crimes

You're the only thing that I think I got I right

I'll never give you away

'Cause I've already made

Already made that mistake"

///

"S'hurt." Buck whines into Eddie's soothing caress. He stubbornly shuts his eyes close with a hand, sluggishly trying to block whatever light flashing at him.

"I know sweetheart, but Dr. Stevenson needs to test your cognitive functions so they will know you're okay." Eddie tries to comfort his distressed husband. Light sensitivity is to be expected but it still hurt Eddie to see Buck constantly flinching in pain.

"Alright Evan, can you tell us your full name again?" Dr. Stevenson then proceed to ask.

Buck huff in annoyance. Why can't they leave him alone to sleep? He already told them his name yesterday. He's so tired, why can't they see that?

"Evan..." Buck tries. Huh. Weird. He should know his name. "Diaz...uh," Buck's face contorted in panic as he tries to jog his memory. "...Buck." He cries in frustration. He should remember his name. Why can't he remember his name?

"Hey, hey Evan. It's okay if you can't remember now. You'll get it right soon." Eddie calms his upset husband while Buck kept whimpering in anguish.

Despite the initial scares, Buck's prognosis has been quite promising. He's off the ventilator and has been moved out from the ICU relatively quick. It took him some time to properly speak and even longer to open his eyes without flinching.

Most of the times he will be asleep, passed out from exhaustion from doing simple cognitive exercises. He is still experiencing memory gap and fogginess but that is all to be expected. His motor function is also improving despite the mild numbness.

"Eddie, m'scared." His voice barely a whisper. Confusion lacing his whole face. His head feels heavy and the fatigue just doesn't seem to go away.

"Come here." Eddie slides into the hospital bed, wary of the wires and IV snaking around Buck. Buck automatically latched himself to Eddie's side while Eddie wipes some stray tears that are staining Buck's cheek away.

"Tired. Hurt." Buck sniffles brokenly, face nuzzling deeper into Eddie's neck.

"I know. I know. But you are doing so much better, sweetheart." Eddie gingerly tracing patters on Buck's back, feeling the warm puff of breath cradling his own neck.

Comfortable silence slowly stretched between them with Buck is finally at the edge of sleep. Eddie pulls Buck tighter into his embrace, anchoring Buck to his chest.

"Don'wanna forget you n'Chris," Buck mumbles, already half asleep.

It never gets easier to see your supposedly strong and healthy husband broke down in tears for not remembering his own name. At how he was defeated by his own mind.

"Lover of mine

I know you're colorblind

I watched the world fall from your eyes

Ooh

All my regrets

And things you can't forget

Light them all up

Kiss them goodbye"

///

After three weeks of camping at the hospital, Buck is finally home. Little by little, the colours are coming back to their little house.

Buck amazingly had come out relatively unscathed after two brain surgeries aside from frequent dizziness, mild exhaustion and occasional numbness.

Abuela has moved in with them temporarily despite Buck's protest, arguing that Carla is still going to be there from time to time and that he'll not be left alone for more than one hour at most. That Chris is also capable to call for help if anything (God forbids) happen.

Meanwhile, Eddie has returned back to work albeit reluctantly. Shifts, long or short are never the same without Buck sitting next to him in the rig or at dinner table. He was mulling over some chores when suddenly his phone pings with new notification. With Buck stuck at home, Eddie never lets his phone out of sight in case if emergency.

The content of the notification put a wide grin on his face. It was a shaky image of Buck sleeping on the couch while holding what seems like Eddie's t-shirt from last night. Which Eddie knows has been put into the laundry basket. Eddie can't really make out the details of Buck's features with the image being so blurry. Not that he'll tell Abuela that if he wants to keep receiving them in the future.

As for now, he has another six hours to go before he can go back to cuddle his awaiting husband.

///

The house is silent when Eddie returns with darkness washing over every corner, save for the night light coming from Chris' room.

Naturally, Eddie skips over to Chris' room first to check on his son and found him safely tucked in bed, deep in sleep. A soft smile cracked on his lips.

He then proceeds to check on Abuela who is residing in the guest room. Abuela is making a habit of leaving the bed room door cracked open a little, in case Buck or Chris need her.

Satisfied, Eddie slowly enters into his and Buck's bedroom, tip toeing on his feet as to avoid disrupting his sleeping husband. Instead, Eddie is met with an empty room. Confused, he checks the bathroom but only to find it unoccupied.

Worry starting to creep into his gut when the couch in the living room is also vacant. He double check to confirm Buck's jeep is still parked beside his truck.

Eddie is ready to tear down the house and even the street to find Buck when from the corner of his eyes, he can see the light in the backyard patio is on.

Lo and behold; there lies Buck, sleeping on the patio swing, snuggled between a thick blanket and fluffy pillow. The book he was reading long forgotten on the wooden deck. Eddie can't help from smiling.

Another side effect that come out from this is Buck's ability to fall asleep almost anywhere at anytime seems to be amplified.

He's lucky the night is not as chilly as usual or he'll get a nasty scolding from Abuela (and Carla, even Athena and Maddie, Hen included, oh and not to forget Bobby's disapproval and Chim's teasing) if he's able to get a cold cause he 'foolishly' slept outside instead in their warm bed.

Eddie steps forward to his husband, expertly avoiding any creaking wooden planks before kneeling in front of the slumbering man. He can't help himself but to stroke the soft curls casing Buck's face. Days without any products bring about the glorious wave of hair. Buck needs a haircut sooner than later, or he'll fuss over his hair being unmanageable.

"Evan." Eddie calls softly, trying to pull Buck out of his sleep.

"Hmm." Buck ends up snuggling even deeper under the cocoon.

"Let's go to bed, darling." Eddie coaxes.

"Don'wanna."

"I promise you, you'll regret it tomorrow." Eddie threatens passively.

"But it's so comf'able, Eddie." Buck whines, all bleary-eyed.

Eddie sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose. Buck can be stubborn if he wants to, no matter how adorable he might look doing it.

Gathering all of his might, Eddie scoops up Buck, still swaddled in his blanket. Surprisingly, no protest is coming out from his husband. Rather, Buck nestles his face into Eddie's chest while his hands embracing Eddie's neck like a koala. Eddie can't stop but to notice how much weight has Buck lost. They'll work on that later.

Eddie then cautiously deposit Buck onto their bed, fixing the blanket and fluffing his pillow. Just like that, Buck is off to his dream land again.

Buck is a constant ball of energy. Bright, bold and loud. Seeing him sleeping so much is disheartening even though Eddie knows he needs it.

Encassed in the deafening silence of the night, Eddie chest tightens whenever he thinks about how he almost lost this. Sense of dread envelopes him everytime he remembers how Buck almost slipped from his hold.

Pulling Buck tighter against his embrace, Eddie renews his wedding vows silently under his breath.

"Dance around the living room

Lose me in the sight of you

I've seen the red, I've seen the blue

Take all of me

Lead to where your secrets are

Where we've been a thousand times

Swallow every single lie

Take all of me"

///

They are in the kitchen, trying to decide on dinner now that Abuela has returned back to her house. Not before leaving lengthy strict instructions for both of them with quarter of them related to their 'rumpy-pumpy'. "That boy needs his rest, Edmundo." She had quipped before leaving.

Giving his husband a quick glance, Eddie feels like it's the time to address the elephant in the room.

"Evan, we haven't exactly talk about that night." Eddie starts, trying to fish out Buck's attention, whose face currently deep inside the freezer trying to formulate the course of dinner.

Buck closes the fridge and slowly turns to face Eddie, expressionless. Eddie can't help but to reminisce how Buck's face was frozen on that fateful night. Tingling sensation suddenly wash over his whole being.

"I know you were in pain, perhaps still are but...please tell me how can I make it up to you." Eddie continues when Buck remains silent. He then delicately pulls Buck waist towards him, embracing into the warmth.

After a beat, Buck lets out a deep breath, returning Eddie's hug and settling against his chest.

"I was angry at you Eddie, I'm not gonna lie." Buck starts. That got Eddie all wide eyed. He tries to loosen the hug, but Buck keeps him at his place.

"When I was under, I thought about how Ana could replace me in your and Chris' life." Buck whispers into the crook of Eddie's neck.

"How easy for her to fit it in. How easy for Chris to love her. How easy for you to love her. How she's able to give you a child or two if you want to. How perfect the picture will be. How easy I am to be forgotten." Buck forlornly confess. The ominous shadow of his mind is not some place inviting.

Eddie frowns with guilt and shame but as he tries to say something, he is quickly cut by Buck.

"But then, I woke up to your voice, your hands warm against mine. And when I am able to see, watching you sitting there beside me, all of my insecurities fly away. I know I must have look horrible but you still stay. Laying in the hospital bed is not exactly sexy, you know." Buck chuckles, tightening his hold against Eddie's strong back.

Eddie laughs lightly but it was hard to imagine how Buck must have felt at that time. Confused and in pain. Unable to control his body and mind.

Eddie then slowly moves his hand upwards to cup Buck's face, short stubble soft against his palms.  

Gazing into the baby blues, Eddie can see the uncertainty storming under the irises. Eddie tenderly brush the bottom of Buck's lips with his. "Evan, no matter what condition you'll be in the future, I promise you, I'll stay. I've made a mistake and I'm going to make it right by you if you let me." Another soft kiss lingers.

Eddie's fingers later find themselves cupping Buck's neck and Buck melts into the kiss. Before they know it, they keep kissing like their lives depend on it.

"I actually thought if I was killing you with my confession. Whether it was better if I just keep my mouth shut." Eddie admits a bit later, with their foreheads against each other fighting for a breather.

"Hey, don't do that to yourself. If anything, I'm partially to blame. I've been ignoring the signs, dismissing them as stress or lack of sleep." Buck tries to balm Eddie's guilt. "And it's better for the news to come out from your rather than hearing it from someone else." 

Nevertheless, Eddie still can't forget how limp his husband body was laying against him in the station's locker room. At how pale his husband has been. No matter how hard Eddie tried to rouse him, Buck's eyes had remained shut.

Easy silence washed over them, swaying together in a tight embrace to the mute music only they can hear. 

"Evan, I am sorry."

"I know."

Eddie paused. "No, seriously. I am so fucking sorry."

Buck smiles fondly. "And I seriously fucking know it."

"Just don't do it again." Buck parroted what Eddie had previously said to him with a sly grin. Oh God, the sexual tension back then had been overbearing. 

Just like that, Eddie feels like the axis of his world sets to right again, spinning gracefully. Not as halted or indented as before.

"I'll never give you away

'Cause I've already made that mistake

If my name never fell off your lips again

I know it'd be such a shame

When I take a look at my life

And all of my crimes

You're the only thing that I think I got I right

I'll never give you away

'Cause I've already made

Already made that mistake"

(Lover of Mine - 5 Seconds of Summer)

#cirrius akiyo's bunkdump #buddie fanfiction #buddie #buddie fic #eddie x buck #buck x eddie #911 fics #911 fic #911 fanfic #Rambler not Writer #evan buckley #edmundo diaz #songfic

[bangzhasanxiety]

Puppy meets Human Puppy

This is one of the works I’ve posted on my AO3, it’s pretty short and not my usual style, but I started appreciating that kind of light writing a lot more! I don’t know how formatting  on tumblr works so hopefully I didn’t fuck it up! You can definitely go and read it on AO3 if you prefer of course, the formatting is better there.

.

Princeton is a happy bastard. He’s the happiest bastard around and Eddie is pretty sure that if he continues grinning like that he’s going to explode. 

They are on a scene, a minor emergency that isn’t dangerous for any of them. The caller is already being taken cared of by Hen and Chimney, Bobby is talking with passerby and supervising the scene and Buck and Princeton are all cosy. The blond firefighter has the prettiest smile on his face, he’s literally glowing and Eddie feels blessed by that sight. Seriously. However, Princeton is here, receiving all of Buck’s attention—which, rude.

Eddie hates it with a passion. He would have preferred to be the one receiving that smile because that’s how it should be. It’s written in the books, the stars, somewhere. Princeton is not supposed to be in the equation. It’s supposed to be Buck + Eddie not Buck + Princeton and right now it’s all wrong. He knows it, Princeton knows it, Hen and Chim—judging by the smirks he can sense— know it, Bobby knows it, everyone but Buck, bless his heart, knows. 

So why the hell is Princeton getting what Eddie should be getting? It does not make any sense whatsoever and he won’t stand for it. But he refuses to make it obvious, knowing it would make Buck frown, or worse, notice, so he glares. He glares so hard that if eyes could kill, Princeton would have died at least ten times and then combusted in fire, but they don’t so the fucker is safe.

Anyway, Princeton is a lucky, smug and happy little bastard, as well as an attention stealer and Eddie wants him gone.

Fuck.

Of course, he would be jealous of a stupid dog.

Ah, yes. Did you know Princeton was a puppy?

.

Puppy meets human puppy

.

It’s stupid. It’s completely, ridiculously stupid. And maybe a little sad too. That’s what Chim tells Eddie once they arrived to the firehouse, Princeton in tow. The puppy is happily playing with their human disaster downstairs. Bobby, Hen, Chimney and Eddie are all seated at the table, talking. Or more like the other three are talking and Eddie is brooding. Now that’s something he would totally deny if asked because Eddie Diaz does not pout or brood. Never. 

Chimney and Hen and Bobby—which, once again, rude—are mocking him, he can feel it. They are totally being little shits, something he will never say out loud, and laughing about his pain. No. Eddie is not being dramatic. Eddie Diaz does not do dramatics, that’s Chim’s and Buck’s scene. He really is in pain. 

“It’s a dog, a puppy. What did you expect?”, Hen isn’t even looking at him, the magazine in her hand more interesting than whatever is going on with him.

“Right? Buck is almost a puppy himself, they were bound to like each other.”, Chimney adds with a teasing smile.

“Princeton is a golden retriever.”, Bobby finishes, as if it means anything. It kind of does.

“He’s a nuisance that’s what he is.”

“Now I know you don’t mean that Eddie, that’s just the jealousy speaking.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Sure.”

Buck appears before he can answer, that pretty smile still on his face and maybe, just maybe, Eddie softens just a little. Maybe.

The blond rounds the table, pats Eddie’s shoulder and flops down in the chair beside him. He steals the cup of coffee in front of his best friend and take a sip.

“You know you could have just, I don’t know, made one?”, Eddie says with a smile.

“I could have but why do that when you made one I could steal?”

Hen and Chimney both snort and Bobby has that soft, teasing smile of his. They all know. Eddie always makes a cup of coffee, not for himself, but for Buck. No he never told him it was for him, he will never tell him. What Buck doesn’t know won’t kill him. Eddie is perfectly fine with letting him ‘steal it’. 

The moment is broken by a small bark, and seconds after, Princeton is there, looking at Buck with his big brown eyes. The blond is won over and already out of his chair, dropping on the floor to pet the happy golden retriever. He didn’t even finish the coffee. 

Eddie hates Princeton. 

“Who’s a good boy? You’re a good boy right Prince? You’re the best boy.”

Buck adores him. 

.

It’s Friday night. Bobby and Athena invites everyone over for a small gathering. Everyone is here. Karen is animatedly talking with Athena, Hen is holding Nia while she catches up with Maddie and May. The children are all running around outside. Bobby and Michael are also outside and Chimney is with Eddie, beers in hand. 

Buck would have normally been right with them, being his happy, loud self and bickering with Chimney at any given chance but no, the man is too busy paying attention to Princeton. Yes. The dog is also here. Eddie doesn’t know how Buck managed to convince Athena to let Princeton at her house. In fact he doesn’t even know why his best friend thought it was a good idea to bring him over but it’s too late to wonder now. The attention stealer is already here and he’s already getting all the Buck love. 

At this moment, Eddie doesn’t only hate Princeton, he also hates Athena’s soft spot for Buck, his friends perceptiveness—because he knows they all know—and Buck’s love for the dog. 

Eddie is definitely jealous of a dog and it’s not pathetic.

(Except that it kind of is and he knows that.)

They soon get to the table for dinner and the golden retrieved, aka Eddie’s arch nemesis, is forced to stay outside, which, good. Buck does pout, but Athena’s soft spot for Buck has a limit and she doesn’t let his puppy dog eyes fool her. If she gives him an extra big slice of pie when they get to the dessert, it’s nobody’s business but hers.

If you must know, during the dinner, most of Buck’s attention was on Eddie and Christopher. Of course, Eddie basked in it, accepted each smiles as the blessings they were, had as much contact with him as he could and talked as much as he could without looking suspiciously needy for attention. All of this to say that Buck’s attention was on him and not on Princeton. 

Eddie counts it as a win. Take that stupid dog.

.

Princeton is everywhere. At the station, at Buck’s loft, at Maddie’s. Everywhere. Eddie draws the line at having him at his house. And by that he means that he pouts the whole day because one, he’s too weak to say no to Buck, two, Christopher is way too happy when he sees the puppy for the first time and three, the image of Chris, Buck and Princeton all happily messing around outside is precious, so precious and so pure that Eddie wants it to be burnt into his retina. The feeling of being a family is very strong and warms his heart.

Eddie still hates Princeton.

.

Princeton is sad today. Eddie is also sad today. The pathetic picture of sadness they make together is as adorable as it is ridiculous. Chimney is terrible for laughing at the two of them and calling them drama queens—how dare he? He went on a whole rant one day because someone drank the apple juice he had brought. Turns out, he was the one who had drunk it and he had forgotten.—. Hen is terrible for encouraging his behavior and taking not one, not two but multiples pictures of the two of them. Bobby is terrible for not stopping them and for participating in their mockery. Eddie doesn’t know when they corrupted him but they did and he doesn’t like it.

“Look at you two, both missing your best friend!”, Hen is way too happy by the way things are.

“First of all, he’s my best friend. Mine. Not his.”, Eddie points at the dog who has his head in his lap, “Understood dog? Mine, not yours.”

Princeton doesn’t even acknowledge him. He’s too sad for that.

“Wow. And Karen calls me possessive.”

“Let him be Hen, he’s experiencing withdrawal.”

Withdrawal. Yes. Buck withdrawal. The reason of his shared sadness with Princeton is the notable absence of one Evan Buckley. The poor guy is down with a very high fever and a terrible cough. Maddie, who thankfully doesn't have a shift today, is currently with him and keeps them updated via messages on the group chat they all share. Princeton, who was brought this morning by Chimney, and Eddie are the one who are suffering the most, both unused to the blond’s absence. So of course the two would pout.

“You know we get off soon right? The moment our shift is over you can go to Buck and stay with him. I don’t recommend it because I don’t need another sick firefighter but knowing you, you don’t care about my advice. You will have to take Princeton with you though.”

And he does. The moment they get off, he’s racing to his car, Princeton on his tail, under his teammates amused gazes. When he arrives, he meets Maddie at the door. She tells him that her brother is awake, wishes him good luck, pats Princeton’s head and leaves with a wide smile.

Eddie is thankful for his Abuela agreeing to take care of Chris tonight, he knows Buck would have love to see the kid but they will have to wait until he gets better. 

Princeton makes a beeline for the top floor and Eddie follows. He’s greeted by the sight of a grinning Buck, buried under a heavy blanket, running his hands over the overly excited puppy. Buck’s grin widen when he sees him and Eddie is quick to join them. 

Yes, Princeton gets a pat or two from him.

Time passes by, Eddie heats up some soup Maddie made earlier, Princeton eating some dog food not too far from him, and brings it to Buck. They end up talking quietly about everything and anything and they are joined by the golden retriever later on.

Buck’s head drops on Eddie’s shoulder, his eyes are glassy and dropping. He’s tired. Princeton is curled up at the end of the bed, already asleep. Eddie is about to leave them be, still debating between staying and sleeping on Buck’s couch or leaving all together. As if sensing his inner conflict, Buck stops him from going anywhere.

“Stay?”

And how can Eddie say no when he looks at him like that?

They all sleep well that night.

.

Eddie kisses Buck on a Sunday. Princeton is here, so are Christopher and all of their friends.

Eddie kisses Buck on a Sunday and it’s perfect. Everyone is happy and smiling and cheering, and Buck is beaming.

Eddie kisses Buck on a Sunday, Princeton is running around, Bobby is tearing up because that’s his pseudo-son finally getting the love of his life, and Maddie is giving Eddie the most ridiculous and weirdly threatening shovel talk—she can’t stop smiling. Athena is getting money from Chimney and Hen and Karen because she won the bet. 

Eddie kisses Buck on a Sunday and knows he will do it everyday.

He doesn’t hate Princeton anymore, he never really did, and now he gets the attention he always wanted. But he does whisper to the puppy that he won. Because he totally did, fair and square.

Princeton is still a happy bastard.

Eddie + Buck is still the better equation. 

And yes, Eddie + Buck = Love.

#911 fic #evan buckley #Eddie Diaz #Princeton the golden retriever #Buddie #fluff #my writing #Leen writes #fanfiction

[set-phasers-to-whump]

psych 101

Prompt: struggling, crying

Whumpee: Eddie Diaz

Fandom: 911

hi unfortunately this is not very good but i am very tired yet again so this is all there is. i hope maybe you can enjoy it anyway but idk lol

The man is trapped, his left leg crushed under several hundred pounds of concrete, courtesy of the collapsed building the 118 is currently trying to deal with. There’s a piece of rebar stuck through his chest as well, affixing him firmly to his position. Eddie is talking to him as he tries desperately to think of some way out of this.

The man - his name is Brian - tells Eddie about his wife, Sonya, and his kid, a girl Christopher’s age. He tells Eddie about how he’d just gotten promoted at work, how he was planning to surprise his family with the news over dinner that night. 

It’s almost hopeless, and Eddie knows it - there’s too much blood on the ground, too much damage. But he’s Eddie and his team is the 118, and if anyone can save this man, it’s them. So it’s not quite hopeless. 

Brian keeps talking, encouraged by Eddie, who is doing everything he can to keep him conscious. 

“Clara - that’s my little girl - she loves dinosaurs, and I was going to take her to the natural history museum this weekend. She was so excited,” he says, coughing between the words. Eddie hates the way he’s saying was. 

“You’re going to take Clara to the museum,” he says, and grips Brian’s hand tightly. “Maybe not this weekend, but you will.”

Brian shakes his head. “I don’t think I’m gonna,” he says, and then he passes out. 

Eddie tries for a second to wake him up, knowing it won’t do much good. He needs to get this man out of here, and fast. He radios to Bobby - “Cap, how’re we looking with getting my guy outta here?”

“Diaz, I need you back out here, now,” is Bobby’s only reply, and Eddie hates it. He can’t leave.

“There’s gotta be something we can do,” he protests. “What if we got the whole team in and lifted the concrete?”

He’s grasping at straws, and they both know it. “We already tried, Eddie, we can’t fit everyone in there, and even if we could, we might not be able to lift it.”

“We can’t just let him die,” Eddie protests, and he hears Buck make a noise of agreement when Bobby returns with the message of, “we are going to do everything we can, but I need you out here right now.”

Buck’s voice comes through his speaker then, adding, “we’re not giving up, Eddie, but Cap needs us to reconvene for a second.”

Eddie finally agrees, sensing that there’s something important that needs to be addressed, and leaves Brian with the silent promise of, I’ll be back. 

He makes his way out of the building, running to where he sees the rest of his team gathered around one of the ambulances. 

“Like I was saying,” Bobby begins, as Eddie joins the group, “we’ve just been notified of a possible gas leak in the building. We’re holding off on anything until we get confirmation that all of the gas in the building has been shut down.”

“But what about the people still in the building?” Eddie asks. “We can’t just leave them in there.”

Bobby puts a hand on his shoulder. “Eddie, everyone else has already gotten out. We’re going to do everything we can to get your guy out too, but we have to wait until the gas is shut down.”

“No,” Eddie says. “No, we can’t do that, we can’t just leave him, he’s got a wife and a kid and-”

“Eddie,” Buck interrupts, moving closer to him. There’s this look on his face, a combination of sadness and caring and something similar to pity, and it makes Eddie shudder.

“No,” he says again, “no, we can’t give up on him, we can’t just-”

And then there is a boom, and the already-partially-collapsed building is suddenly just...gone. Smoke billows into the sky, and small pieces of debris fall to the earth.

They’re far enough away to avoid being hurt by the explosion, and there’s a brief second where they all just stand there, staring at the burning wreckage of something that had not started out on fire.

Eddie can’t think. And then he can, and he looks into the smoke, and some rational part of his brain that he absolutely hates tells him there’s no way Brian survived, and then the other, larger, and far less rational part of his brain takes over, and he runs towards the fallen building.

Or tries to. He makes it maybe three steps before a pair of arms is wrapping around his torso. He tries wildly to shove them off, pushing and kicking and eventually pleading, “please, you have to let me go, he might be alive, you have to let me go…”

But the arms refuse to let up, no matter how much Eddie struggles and pleads. He hears Bobby’s voice from behind him, but he’s in no state to hear what is being said. “Let me go,” he repeats. “You have to let me go.”

When the arms - Bobby’s arms, he recognizes, dimly - still don’t budge, Eddie resorts to yelling, and he feels angry but doesn’t know why, and he pounds his fists against the arms holding him, and Bobby says something again, something he still can’t hear, doesn’t want to hear, and he looks around and realizes everyone else is gone, back into what’s left of the building.

“Let me go,” he insists, for what must be the hundredth time. “Let me go, everyone else is back in there, let me, I have to find him, I have to.”

And then, abruptly, the noise in his ears stops, and for a second all he can hear is his own breathing, and then Bobby is speaking to him again, and this time he actually hears him.

“He’s gone, Eddie, I’m sorry.”

“No!” Eddie shouts. “No, you don’t know, he could still-”

“Eddie.”

He feels Bobby pull him in closer, and then he’s being turned around so the two of them are face-to-face. He tries once again to free himself in the brief motion, but, somehow, feels Bobby’s arms hold on to him even harder.

“I know, Eddie,” Bobby says, and the certainty in his voice sucks the fight completely out of him, all at once.

He goes half-limp in Bobby’s arms, his hands dropping from where they’d been trying to push himself away off of Bobby’s chest. He stands there and refuses to look at Bobby’s face, and that little rational part of his mind is asking, why does this hurt so much, other people have died before, but the thought leaves his brain the second one of Bobby’s hands lets go of him and rests itself on the back of his head, instead. 

He lets Bobby keep holding him, lets his head be gently pulled up against Bobby’s shoulder, lets a gentle hand rub circles in his back, and thinks for a second that Bobby must have been, and must now be, a really good father. 

Then Bobby’s voice is back in his ears, saying, “it’s okay, Eddie, you did everything you could,” and part of Eddie wants to argue, wants to say that there was more he could have done, more he should have done, but the second he opens his mouth a sob forces its way out, and then he is crying on his Captain’s shoulder, something which, in another circumstance, he’d have been absolutely mortified by. But the pain is just too much, and everything surrounding him is soft and telling him that it’s okay, that everyone has those times when something hits them harder than they think it should, that he can break.

So he does, feeling as though his whole being has been briefly split open, feeling every single pent-up emotion he’s been carrying around with him spill out of him, mingling with the grief and panic brought about by the explosion. Then it’s him grabbing onto Bobby with all the strength he has left in him, crumpling his shirt in tightly-balled fists, tears running down his cheeks and soaking into Bobby’s shoulder, his body shaking with the force of all the emotions being pulled out of it. 

He tries to choke out words - an explanation, a plea, he doesn’t know - but they get tangled up in his throat, and Bobby tells him not to try to speak, not right now, and keeps repeating that it’s okay, it’s okay, keeps holding onto him, and it’s not okay and he’s not okay, and everything hurts and he’s not sure how much of it is from this call and how much of it was already inside of him, and he can’t stop crying, and for once he doesn’t force himself to stop.

Hi i kinda hate this but oh well...i guess i planned on writing it better but i had to work tonight and i didn’t think i did so i didn’t write enough of this beforehand which is why it’s Like This. anyway i am very sorry about this but i promise i will do a better one tomorrow!! Thanks for reading anyhow!

#whumptober2020 #no.11 #struggling #crying #911 #eddie diaz #explosion #emotional whump #grief #my writing #i say things

[cherishingstydia]

It’s You

After a call at a local restaurant a beautiful red haired woman approached Buck.

“Evan?” She gasped.

“Hey Gina is that you?” Buck smiled.

“Yep.” Gina smiled.

“What brings you to LA?”

“I want to be an actress,but I’m mostly waiting tables. I’ve just had some smaller parts here and there, but I love it.” Gina said.

“That’s great. Well nice seeing ya.” Buck waved.

“Here’s my card maybe we can catch up later.” Gina smiled passing Buck her number looking him up and down.

After this little meeting the entire 118, well minus Eddie was encouraging him to ask her out. Then Chimney told Maddie, and she started bombarding Buck with texts.

After the shift Buck was over at Eddies and Maddie called. Buck left the kitchen and took the call in the livingroom.

“Evan you were crazy about her all of senior year. Nows you’re chance. Besides it’s time you get back out there.” Maddie blurted.

“Well hello to you too.” Buck scoffed. “Just drop it that was 10 years ago. I’m not interested in her anymore.”

Buck hung up the phone and walked to the kitchen and leaned on the counter next to Eddie.

“Everything ok?” Eddie bit his lip.

“I just-can’t people mind their own buisness. Why does everyone care so much about my dating life. I’m already interested in someone not that it’s anyone’s business.” Buck rambled.

“Oh.” Eddie nodded.

Buck leaned over to whisper into Eddies ear.

“It’s you.”

“What?” Eddie gulped.

“It’s you.” Buck smiled. “You’re the reason I haven’t been out in so long. No one even comes close to the way I feel with you.”

“That’s why I don’t pester you about dating because the thought of pushing you to someone else drives me insane. I’ve tried to play along, but I can’t get the words out.” Eddie sighed.

“Can I kiss you?” Buck blushed.

“I thought you’d never ask.” Eddie grinned pulling Buck closer before kissing him.

“So how do you wanna do this?” Buck asked.

“Buck we aren’t having sex yet.” Eddie laughed.

“No. I mean like are we gonna tell people or keep it a secret?”

“I want the world to know you’re mine, but I don’t wanna deal with everyone at work in our buisness. So secret for now?” Eddie smiled.

“Secret relationships can be kinda hot.” Buck grinned.

A few days later on a shift the pestering began. Eddie wanted to join in and give Buck a hard time too, but he knew that it might seem weird.

“Ok everyone just shut up. Ok? I’m already seeing someone. It’s not Gina tho.”

“Oooh dish.” Chimney said.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Maddie.” Buck laughed.

“Come on Buck!” Hen begged.

“It’s new and I don’t wanna jinx it. I might have found the one.”

Eddie nearly choked on the water he was drinking. Buck shot him a little grin.

With everyone so busy gossiping they didn’t even realize Buck and Eddie had slipped away to the Bunk room.

“So why don’t you tell me about this person you’re dating.” Eddie said pushing Buck against the wall.

“Hey I though we agreed no hooking up at work .” Buck laughed.

“Some rules are meant to be broken.” Eddie whispered.

“He’s kind, incredibly sexy, great sense of humor, great cook,and his boyfriend damn he’s really good looking.” Buck laughed before spinning Eddie around and now pinning him against the wall.

“Yeah he is.” Eddie licked his lips before kissing Buck hard.

“This is a bad idea.” Buck said.

“Really?” Eddie whispered.

“I love bad ideas.” Buck smirked.

Before anything else happened the alarm went off breaking up their secret little rendezvous.

Later that night Chris was staying at Abuelas so Eddie was coming over to stay the night at Bucks.

“What?” Buck asked.

“I’m just thinking?” Eddie replied.

“I messed this up didn’t I?” Buck groaned.

“Did you mean it. About thinking I could be the one?”

“I’m sorry I know it’s too soon for that , but when you know you know. Eddie I fell in love with you the moment I met you. I tried to push the feelings away. I tried being mean,but instead we became best friends and now it’s more and I....I’m sorry I’ll shut up now.”Buck said looking at the floor.

“Hey. I’m not mad. How could I be when I feel the same way.” Eddie smirked.

“Oh.” Buck whispered.

“You disappointed or something?” Eddie laughed.

“No just all this seems so unrealistic...like a dream it seems too good to be true.” Buck sighed.

“Ouch!” Buck jumped as Eddie pinched his thigh.

“See not a dream.” Eddie grinned.

They heard a knock. Buck opened the door to Maddie.

“Hey! Oh sorry I forgot about your date.” Maddie saw Eddie on the couch. “So you’re really just hanging out with Eddie? So you made up the relationship?” Maddie scoffed.

Buck opened his mouth,but no words would come out.

Maddie gasped. “It’s Eddie?! I knew you two were into eachother.”

“Mads don’t tell anyone. Including Chim.” Buck said.

“I promise they’ll all be ok with it.” Maddie said.

“That’s not it. We want one thing for a bit privacy ok. We’re gonna tell soon,but we want it just us...and I guess now you a little longer.” Buck said.

“Fine.” Maddie smiled. “ I am happy for you guys.”

“Thanks.” Eddie nodded from the couch.

“Thank you and I love you and Bye.” Buck said nearly pushing Maddie out the door.

The next shift Buck entered the station and the whole team erupted in laughter. Buck ignored it. Ten minutes later once he was all changed he joined the group and sat next to Eddie. Everyone still seemed to be laughing.

“Maddie told you! Ugh I thought maybe me and Eddies buisness could be private at least for a little bit.” Buck groaned.

“Maddie didn’t tell me anything, but I think you just did.” Chimney said cracking up.

“What? I didn’t say anything....shut up:” Buck blushed.

“Guess the secrets out.” Eddie hopped up off the couch grabbing Buck and kissing him.

“DIAZ! BUCKLEY! A word.” Bobby crossed his arms.

“Hey Cap look I’m sorry, but-” Eddie said before Bobby cut him off.

“You’re not in trouble. I’m happy for you two. We just need to fill out some paperwork since you two are in a relationship.” Bobby smiled.

“Pay up everyone!” Hen yelled

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #cherishingstydiawrites