Haikyuu!! as things my friends and I have said (part 2)
edit: part 1
Once again some of these have been edited slightly to make more sense in Haikyuu context.
warning: My friends and I say a lot of unhinged things which include a lot of swearing and like one sexual joke
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Tendou: Put whatever the fuck you want on pizza, just not in front of the Italians
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Daichi when someone falls asleep during study group: Can you please kick him and wake him up
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Tanaka: Noya what’s with the all caps bro
Nishinoya: I HAVE AN EXCUSE I GOT AN ANEURYSM TRYING TO DO MATH
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Hinata: (stepping onto the court and inhaling) Smell that volleyball scent
Kageyama: (frowning) Body odour?
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Bokuto: I remember I once read that male tits are one of the most useless body parts. But what will gay people bite on when they’re fucking?
Kuroo: The feet? Obviously they would bite on the feet
Kenma: What the actual Hell
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Sakusa: My lap is cold for some reason
Atsumu: Need someone to sit on it?
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Suna: just backwards shrimp
Osamu: that is NOT how you solve scoliosis
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Tendou: If crossing lights are shaped like people, why aren’t traffic lights shaped like cars?
Ushiwaka: (eyes going wide)
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Tanaka (talking about Zyrtec): IT DOESN’T WORK.
Saeko: THEN DOWN THE WHOLE FUCKING BOTTLE, RYUU. TAKE IT LIKE A SHOT (aggressive drinking movements)
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Terushima: I won’t find a shit husband, I’ll find a piss husband
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(texting)
hoshiumi: im amazing. I know everything
hirugami: are you god 😟😟😟
hoshiumi: no
hoshiumi: im a threat start running
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counsellor: has anyone here ever had a disagreement with their parents?
oikawa: I once had an argument with my dad over the existence of aliens
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Do you trust your Captain? - a trust-fall exercise
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Suga: Absolutely! Daichi's great, he'd catch any one of us.
*the most boring successful trust fall exercise in the world*
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Iwaizumi: Mmmm.... Well.... I don't know....
Oikawa: Oh my god Iwachan just fall I'll catch you.
Iwaizumi: .... ngnnnn...
*Genuine shock that Oikawa catches him, like actual, genuine "oh my god you caught me?????"*
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Tendou: Yeah? Of course? This is such a stupid prompt I mean watch this-
*literally doesn't even look behind him to check and falls way too early, forcing Ushijima to leap across the room to catch him, they both end up on the floor.*
Tendou: See? Easy.
Ushijima: Please do not do that again.
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Kenma: Yeah? This is so lame. I dont need a trust exercise to prove I trust you.
Kuroo: Just fall, I'll catch you.
Kenma: Yeah I know, which is why it's not an exercise. You should be doing this with Yaku, I don't think he trusts you.
Kuroo: ... hey Yaku-
Yaku: Absolutely not you bastard you'll drop me on purpose.
Kuroo: ... he's not gonna do it. Come on, Kenma, just do it. Karasuno did it just fine I don't want to lose to them.
Kenma: Fine...
*Another extremely boring and predictably successful fall.*
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Akaashi: It's not that I don't trust Bokuto, just that... well... I don't know, he can be a little...
Bokuto: I'd never let you get hurt! I'll catch you, I promise, no problem at all!
Akaashi: ... okay. I trust you.
*Akaashi goes to fall and Bokuto immediately gets distracted in the .2 seconds he had to be paying attention - Akaashi hits the ground.*
Akaashi:
Bokuto: I am so sorry!!! I promise it won't happen again, let's try again.
Akaashi:
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Aone:
*Crushes Futakuchi (in his defense, he did catch him)*
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Terushima: Wait... nobody?
Terushima: Not a single one of you will do this stupid exercise with me???
Hana: I think... I think they're just being precautious, given your tendency to...
Terushima: to what?
Hana: you know, just... you.
Terushima:
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Kazuma: I'm sorry man, but you literally encourage us to trick the refs I wouldn't trust you with anything.
Daishou: But... but Nekoma did the challenge...
Isumi: Yeah.... sorry...
Kazuma: It's just not gonna work...
Daishou: ...
Mika: I'll trust fall with you...
Daishou:
Daishou: that's very nice but unfortunately I'm not your captain so it won't count.
Mika: Can we do it anyway...?
*The most adorable little trust fall that ends with Daishou giving everyone the middle finger.*
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Atsumu: Hah! Obviously. Trusting Kita is like being asked if you trust that the sun is going to rise.
Osamu: Yeah that's barely a question. Kita's the ultimate reliable captain.
Aran: Yep. I'd do a trust fall with him.
Atsumu: I wanna go first, though.
Osamu: Oh, well, too bad, I was already here.
Atsumu: I'm the older twin, so I should get first go.
Aran: Well... I've known him longer!
Atsumu: I'm his favourite!
Osamu: You're not even mum's favourite, how could you be his?
Aran: Wait, guys - where is Kita?
Suna: Practice ended ten minutes ago? He left. Probably cleaning the locker room as usual.
Atsumu:
Osamu:
Aran: We should probably go help him.
Osamu: I'm getting the strangest feeling that Kita wouldn't trust fall us.
Suna: You think?
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