#bonus bonus points if the dude is zach mcgowan just because I don't get to look at zach mcgowan enough

[tearlessrain]

I want to get back to my increasingly masochistic hobby of liveblogging shit-tier movies in the middle of the night but I don’t know how I’m ever going to top Dracula: the Dark Prince in terms of sheer incomprehensible fuckery. like. the playmobile-looking thunderclap castle. the script that was very obviously a first draft and sometimes repeated an entire sentence twice in a scene or had the entirely wrong word in the middle of a sentence and the actors just rolled with it. the awkward random cuts to the ambient lesbians. the way all the actors’ facial expressions seem completely detached from what they’re saying. the “traditional hungarian” meal of a costco roast chicken and the kind of fruit platter soccer moms pick up on the way to a potluck. leonardo. how do I move forward.

#if anyone has recs send them my way #with the qualifier of it can't be weird and bad on purpose #the more seriously it takes itself the better #know what bonus points if it has a dude from black sails in it because that's how I found both dracula and scorpion king #bonus bonus points if the dude is zach mcgowan just because I don't get to look at zach mcgowan enough #like someone recced iron sky once and while it WAS a very weird and unpleasant experience #it was clearly doing it on purpose and was overall far too self aware for me to actually enjoy the misery #but if you give me something like eragon we're golden #honestly I should just round up as many jeremy irons movies as I can find the man has the worst taste #no not the worst that honor goes to david bowie #but I already watched all the worst david bowie movies while coping with my parent's divorce which I assure you made sense at the time #did you know he was in two different completely unrelated things called the hunger and both were super weird #just a gigolo was by far the most uncomfortable and weird to watch though #man who fell to earth was also weird and bad but you will see david bowie naked #in a monkey's paw kind of way where first you're going to see rip torn naked #and both scenes are actually quite miserable to watch #so's the rest of the movie but like congrats movie somehow you showed me naked david bowie and all I felt was surreal despair #do not recommend