#books and libraries
Only the dead have seen the end of war
1 note · View note
"Let me go, for if not I might never myself again"
They say, hearts are meant to be broken. Who knew that it would hurt this bad. Maybe it would have hurt less if you would have broken up with me like everyone does instead of cheating on me with my best friend. When this happened, I not only lost you, the one whom I thought was the love of my life but also my best friend. The only person whom I was able to share anything with is no more now. I loved you. I loved you with all my heart but I loved my best friend more than my heart. I was ready to do anything for you. I was so much into you that I even was ready to give up my dreams.
Our memories together had a great impact on me. I lost myself trying to search for you. I broke into pieces when I found out. Memories of us shattered everywhere. I became mad, seeing you in everything I did. From coffee in the morning to the late night talks, everything reminded me of you. I cried everyday wondering if I was at fault. I blamed myself for everything that happened when you were the one who cheated on me. I cursed myself all the time for not being able to be a person you wanted me to be. My heart became weak. I started crying over small things. I started writing stuff so deep that showed my feeling naked. I regretted everything about you later on.
Having being heart broken, I acted strong on outside but was screaming for help inside. I was lost, very much that I sometimes had no idea what I was doing. Eventually I became alone because everyone thought I was weird. I tried making friends with new people, ended up having more people hate me. I tried looking for love in every stranger but it wasn’t that easy. I spent time thinking about everything we did, living in the memories that were left behind after you left even when you promised you wouldn’t. I sit alone and, slumped down and break myself with these thoughts. I stopped opening my heart to people. Leave alone relationships, even for a friend, I was not able to trust anymore. I wished love was perfect as love itself. I was scared that same thing that might hurt me will happen again. I lost the ability to do anything. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had no idea what to do that will help me move on. I drank. It did not help me. Eventually I stopped because I need to get a grip of myself. I can’t let that person know how weak I am. This is what I kept telling to myself the whole time. There was time where I actually thought of making you jealous so I can make you come back to me but you didn’t give a damn. I kept thinking that sadness will wind us together but it didn’t. ‘I need to move on. I will from tomorrow.’ I said to myself and cried every day. I used to cry every time I see myself in mirror. I became quite unsure of who I was. ’ Maybe things would have worked out if I were pretty’ I thought to myself and cried going into deep sorrow from there. I had no one by my side who will understand me, how I felt at the moment. You took away everything I had.
Everyone said it was my fault. They blamed me when you were the one at fault. They said that I didn’t love you properly, that a bitch like me never deserved a gem like you, that I was using you to show off that I had a guy in my grip. I did not care about it in the beginning like I never did about what everyone thought. But I did when I came to know that you were the one who went around telling every other person that I was at fault. I remember that day. I remember how I collapsed in my bathroom, trying to cry without making any sound, screaming loud with my mouth closed with my wet hands till I went completely out of breathe so that my parents wouldn’t hear me. I was not able to do anything about it, how I felt so much pain but was not able to say a word about it. That is what hurt me the most. I remember putting both my hands on my fore head and wondering how long I must go through this because I couldn’t take it anymore. For a moment I think that should go back to how I was, like you did but it wasn’t as easy as they say it is. I was the only one who got hurt. I persistently kept remembering you in terms of the pain you caused me. Vivid memories of us often came by. Nights were particularly hard. I had no one next to me to at least act like. Memories of us that came at night took me away from present back to the days when I as happier only to hurt me more. Memories came flashing, with me screaming inside but that was left un-heard. I was afraid to love again. I was clinging to the past that never let me choose. I kept on wondering what went wrong almost every day but the memory I have left of us gave me answers that I never wanted to believe. I started over- thinking every little situation in hope that something will give me an answer I was looking for but on the contrary, all I was doing was rehashing the past. Sure, yeah I was smiling but I was breaking inside. Letting go of him is harder but knowing that me holding on to him didn’t matter to him anymore hurt me harder. Maybe the thought of him falling in love with me was terrifying because I just wanted everything to go smoothly even I know nothing can work out perfectly and I was just constantly wandering if I were doing the right things and saying the right words and making the right decisions to trust him where had ever chance to break me.
You say that I am unfamiliar to you when you were the one who changed me. Ever babbled into the mirror trying to figure out who you are? I was quite unsure of who I’ve become. I was no more that pleasant, charming, so- called cute, short girl who always gave every one the brightest smile she ever had and you the brightest of the brightest smiles. You took that away from me. I still can’t believe how normal you act when you see me like there was nothing between us. I started panicking every time I saw you. I started hiding every time I heard you dropped by so that I can avoid those anxiety attacks. It feels like someone is choking me every time I see you now. I can’t talk then. I will be out of breath in no time. I start shaking, my whole body will start shaking and it hurts. My heart aches every time I see you. Tears keep rolling down my cheek and I am completely stupefied. I start remembering how I felt the first time I saw you. There were goose bumps, raced hearts, red cheeks, happy in the inside but faking like not caring from the outside. It is depressing how it turned out to be completely opposite now. I always wondered why you started showing up suddenly out of nowhere. I thought it was to see how I was doing. But when I think about it, it is to see how I was suffering. Did that satisfy you? I am stuck between the past and future and suffering in the present because of you. I really wanted to rewind the time and start over so that way maybe I would’ve avoided meeting you in the first place. Everything returns to the past in seconds when I try to find a reason to live in present. Honestly, I never stopped thinking about you, not even a single day but I really want to erase you. I say I want to erase you but I can’t really let you go yet. I want to blame myself like everyone including you did but blaming you hurts less. I tried distracting myself by working my ass off, keeping myself busy, but I still feel the ache in my heart. Maybe I am spending too much time waiting for you to complete the broken me. I am searching for something that I can’t reach. I became the source of my own hell. Our relationship was so beautiful but everything beautiful is ruined eventually. You probably don’t even know that I am living like hell.
Emotionally I am done, mentally I am drained. I hardest thing that I ever did is to walk away when I still love you. Every one including you think I’ve moved on but I just got better at hiding the pain. I got tired of listening to my own tears. I cried and cried and now I have no more tears left to cry. Even my tears left me alone. Now, all I can do is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before falling apart every day because the kindest of hurt have more pain. My journey has been painful and one that hurt me really bad. The way is left explains every doubt I’ve had. As they say, the broken thing that I keep trying to put back together can’t compare with the beautiful thing that’s waiting to be built. I wait for a change that I need. I realized heart breaks are not the ending. They can also be the beginning. Take charge of your life, begin attracting and manifesting all the desire in life because you are beautiful when you accept your flaws.
Why do they ask you the question "why did you choose studying whatever you're studying" I mean I was under alot of pressure that time and whatever came infront of me I just slided into it now stop asking please.
Si alguien puede leerme... Recomiéndame poesía para acompañar estás noches de aflicción.
Me gustaría escuchar un buen poema antes de morir
Por favor que sea pronto, no me queda mucha sangre
Every cycle of life has its own beauty and each cycle differs from each other. The business of life is the acquisition of memories. In the end, that’s all there is because, sometimes you will never know the value of something until it becomes a memory.
STAGE ONE OF MEMORIES:
Childhood is a promise that is never kept. The memories we have of our childhood are very little but the most memorable one. The memories we have from our childhood, today, will make us laugh. From the memory that I have left from my childhood, I was so eager to grow up, so I could do everything elders do. Like go to college. Sometimes, now, we even wish we never grew up. After getting the spice of growing up, no one would want to grow up. From what I can remember, it was just in a blink of eye, I started growing up to what I am today. Memories of what I did when I was younger started fading away slowly as I got busy with stuff I did not even know when I was a kid. The main thing that I remember is how happy I was. I had nothing to care about. All I had to do was to be a good girl so that my parents will be happy and proud, so that they can show me off to my neighbours. That is all I cared about as a kid. I was able to do everything freely which now I have to think thrice before doing.
My memories from my childhood are the best memories I can ask for. Everyone loved me. Everything I did was cute. Everything I saw was interesting and for the fun part, everyone I knew was good people. I loved everyone. There was no hate, no jealousy, no pride, no attitude, I was just me. I loved how everyone used to accept everything I did, how I used to finish my home work as fast as I can and standing in front of my parents proudly, how my parents encouraged me in everything in did, how they never stopped me if I over eat, how I used to try hard and impress my mom so she’ll let me go to the school field trip with my classmates. Those were the days of great fun and enjoyment.
It’s hard to feel like a child again, to feel the magic that surrounded us when we were connected to our heart, how the word ‘impossible’ never existed. It is hard to feel that heart and bring it back to life because only in the eyes of a child, we can see the world how it is meant to be.
STAGE TWO MEMORIES:
Things end, but memories last forever. They say when someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes treasure. But my memories are quite unpleasant. My memories of us keep on flashing in my mind. I remembered how we used to be pillars of hope to each other in moments we needed each other. I till summon those happy times to help re-affirm the love we vowed before but I don’t think I can anymore. Having the memory of unfortunate events that would serve our relationship, we opted not to take the road of supposed relationship, only for me to re-discover pieces of memories that prods me on how love does not happen instantaneously.
I admire how adorable we used to be, but at the same time, I find myself sniffling and diving into the mind of us. Those charming nights, musical streets filled with our loud voices. They still make me smile. It’s funny how those were the best days of my life. I am swinging on the line, living all that wasted time, you didn’t give a damn about. I persistently kept remembering you in terms of pain he caused. De- emphasizing the memories that defined him a complex and flawed human being. Vivid memories of our former relationship naturally come into my mind.
Our memories together had a great impact on me. I lost myself, broken, like a fragile vase. Memories shattered everywhere. I spent most of the time thinking about everything we did, living in the memories that were left behind. Even after everything including him left, the memories didn’t. As they say, memories- good or bad, they will always remain with us. Regret is the first thing that came right after those memories. Everything I did for him, every sacrifice came back at me in the form of regret. The thought of us forever brought me pain. When I believed in forever, he believed in never. It’s funny how I feel so much bit I am not being able to say a word. When memories of him flashed in my mind, I mentally scream trying to stop those thoughts from coming but I’m not heard.
I always wondered what went wrong but the memory I have gave me an answer that I don’t want to know. He made me build a house on the memories we have left. When I wanted to be with him, he wanted to remain in the memories. The memories of us always haunt me. I wanted him to take away his memories from me because all he gave me was pain. I smile all alone now. Life was so beautiful then but then all I was left with were memories of him. I kept on remembering how happy I used to be back then with him. I wanted to live those memories again and again. Memories that came at night took me away from the present, back to the days when I was happier. Morning walks and bedroom talks, cute right? Of the things that we knew, not a dream survived but memories did. All I love he thought he gave me wasn’t true but the memories were. As the song goes, I wanted to take your hand and show you forever so I’ll never have to let you go. But you pushed me away to live in those memories of us…..alone.
I was afraid that all the memories I will have left will be the memories that hurt me more. Who knew this was just the beginning of life and I can still get to live my life filled with memories and joy. I just had to wait for the right time to come.
Usually, a black heart signifies as a symbol for emptiness and a lack of emotion as it looks like a lifeless heart.They say the black heart is used to symbolize cruel and heartless people and it gives out the chills of a dark and lack of empathy. It is often sent out to describe a traumatic experience.
It is the purest form of the heart and the only form of heart that can describe all kinds of emotions in it.
The black heart, at least for me, describes the deep feelings hidden behind a person’s words, used to describe emotions that have been drowned deep down. The emoji shares and expresses feelings beyond the trauma as it is known after.
When felt lonely, when being loved by the wrong person, when desperateness hits hard, when things take a bad turn, when needed to express how you went through every obstacle without anyone knowing, when my parents were proud of me, when realization hit you that your younger sibling looks up to you, when your about one step away to make your dreams come true, when your grandparents comfort you, when you feel like things aren't going your way and much more.
1 note · View note
"The attempt to force human beings to despise themselves is what I call hell."
5 notes · View notes