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#borderline problems

Ausmerzen.


Ich muss das Böse in mir ausmerzen. Muss mich ändern, meine Persönlichkeit ändern, meinen Charakter ändern. Du bist mir böse. Ja, ich weiß. Es stimmt nicht aber jedes Verhalten, das ich als mir gegenüber nicht als liebevoll betrachte, ist für mich eine Bedrohung. Ein Zeichen, dass ich nicht richtig bin. Ein Hinweis, dass ich nicht gut genug bin und ein Indiz, dass du mich verlassen wirst.

Das Einzige, was ich tun kann, ist mich zurecht zu biegen um einmal Liebe zu erhalten, einmal gut genug sein und behalten zu werden. Jeder kleine Fehler meinerseits kann das Ende bedeuten und ich setze alles daran, das zu verhindern.

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The problem with time is, it can heal our wounds,

Maybe too good sometimes,

Making us forget, what caused that stab;

And so we fall right back,

Back into the lion’s den.

-deby// @halfbloodprincess123

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Me: *is a functional person outside of work for 5 mins*

My brain: look at you :) good job :)

Me: OMG I’m healthy!!!!

My brain: well… You’re taking steps to getting there and that’s more than enough

Also, me, running to my sh kit: since I’m doing so well, I deserve a little safe self harm,,,

My brain: no!! that’s not how it w-

Me: as a treat :3 *self harms*

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If you meet me, you will think: “Oh my god! They’re just like me!”
Yes. Of course I’m just like you. I’m like everyone else. I need others to be someone.

If you are an extrovert loud, Imma be it too.
If you are quiet, Imma be it too.
If yu are sarcastic and funny, Imma be it too.

I manipulate myself, and sometimes even you, that you like me.
I don’t do this, because I am evil or I think it’s fun. I do this, because I’m a borderliner.

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Triggers are a bitch. I have been doing really well mentally.. at least for the passed few weeks. And here we are. Triggered. Fighting the desire to destroy everything I’ve worked so hard to build. How do you stop yourself from shattering.. I’m ready to go on a self destructive binge. How long can I fight it.

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Tu che mi parli dei tuoi discorsi

Io invece penso a tagliarmi i polsi

Quest storia é finita

Adesso mi tolgo la vita

Non soffrire più

Ti veglieró da quassù

Piangerai per qualche giorno

Aspettando il mio ritorno

Ma io ormai ho deciso

Di me rimarrà solo un sorriso

Dipinto sul mio volto

Oramai nel mio corpo disciolto

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Is it just me or…

Does anyone else have small breakdowns spread over the day?

Example:

I just saw an old Pic of me holding a bubble tea and it had no scars on my arm, clean skin and now…I instantly imagined the picture with my arm the way it is now. It has scars and now I am so full of sadness and self hate I wanna cry and isolate myself forever. Not gonna do that tho, I just tear up, look at something different, overthinking and stay quiet. Just like the other times before. And that’s only today.

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Today’s topic on “Stupid Shit I Cry Over Because I Refuse To Take The Medication That Makes My Brain Work” we have a thrilling tale of Cat Litter and 4 Garbage Bags that kept ripping while I tried taking it to the can. Surprisingly, the 7 year old that hates my entire existence was not involved this time. 🙄🖕

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Fühle mich so schwach, so erniedrigt, wenn ich unter meinen eigenen Tränen zusammenbreche. Ich fürchte daran unter der Wucht zu zerbrechen. Und so greife ich zu dem was mich vergessen lässt, was war, was mich meine Gefühle für einen Moment vergessen lässt um eben nicht zu zerbrechen. Doch ich weiß es ist falsch aber um das richtige zu tun habe ich keine Kraft. Die Überforderung lähmt mich, lässt mich ohnmächtig zusehen wie der Tag an mir vorbeifliegt….

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Originally posted by eva-mgs

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