#both of whom complain about 'people losing tools' all the time

[joachimnapoleon]

I'm reading a preview of Charles-Eloi Vial's "Histoire des Cent-Jours" on Amazon, in which the author mentions that when Napoleon was on Elba, he reconciled with Murat. Do you know anything about this matter?

The subject of the reconciliation between Napoleon and Murat is one of those things about which I still have as many questions as answers.

Correspondence between the two during Napoleon’s exile on Elba is borderline nonexistent; I haven’t come across any letters from Murat to Napoleon from this time, so unless there’s something locked away in the private Archives Murat in the French National Archives, it probably no longer exists.

But, there was certainly some correspondence between them. There’s really no way to know how much, but Napoleon’s Correspondance Générale contains letters to Murat during the Elban exile and also references to other letters between them made by Napoleon to Bertrand. I was surprised to learn recently--thanks to @josefavomjaaga for sending it to me from her volume of the Correspondance--that Napoleon actually wrote to both Murat and Caroline shortly after his arrival on Elba. Both letters are dated 11 May 1814; Napoleon informs both of them of his having just arrived on Elba. He tells them both of Pauline’s impending arrival and asks for Caroline to send him news through someone she trusts.

Pauline arrives on Elba, and then leaves for Naples almost immediately after; I don’t think she’s on Elba for more than a couple days before she departs for Naples. She remains in Naples for months before her return to Elba, and it’s generally believed that she served as the go-between to effect the “reconciliation” between Murat and Napoleon. It’s assumed she was sending letters back and forth between the two. How many letters? What were the contents? There’s really no way to know. Napoleon references one specific letter from Murat, in September 1814, while writing to Bertrand on 9 September:

I have received a very tender letter from the king of Naples; he claims to have written to me several times but I doubt it, it seems that the affairs of France and Italy set his head straight and make him affectionate.

There’s nothing else until the eve of Napoleon’s departure from Elba. He fires off two letters to Murat on 17 February 1815 to let him know he’s sending him a man by the name of Colonna “in order to communicate to you some important and urgent matters,” no doubt about Napoleon’s upcoming return to France. Colonna, he tells Murat, “is authorized to sign every convention Your Majesty may desire with regards to our affairs…. Your Majesty must in particular trust in everything he tells you about my attachment and the high consideration with which I remain.” The second letter from the same day thanks Murat “for what you have done for the countess Walewska,” reiterates that Colonna is coming and “will tell you some big and important things. I’m counting on you and most importantly on utmost speed. Time is pressing. My love to the queen and to your children.” An undated, ciphered letter from Portoferraio, believed to be written between 22-26 February, tells Murat that he’s just waiting for favorable conditions to make his escape: “The winds have been increasing for the last three days and have forced the English warship to move somewhat away from our shores. But it can return any moment and my brick is not capable of competing with it. If I had one of your vessels, I would leave in broad daylight and I would sink anything that stood in my way.” Murat actually does end up sending a vessel, but by the time it gets to Elba, Napoleon has already left.

So, there probably was more correspondence between them, either written or verbal--but there’s just no record of it.

It’s important to point out that Murat’s “allies” (particularly the British) were looking for any excuse they could find during this period to justify turning on and dethroning him. Proof of a correspondence with Napoleon would’ve given them all the ammunition they needed. This is where it gets interesting. Napoleon will claim later on Saint Helena that the allies “doctored” Murat’s papers (to prove there was a correspondence between the two during the Elban exile). And there is an interesting excerpt from the memoirs of Dedem, who claims that the Congress of Vienna received, via the French Bourbons, copies of letters between Murat and Napoleon, left by a careless person close to Murat. I’m assuming that this individual (whom Dedem leaves unnamed save his first initial) is M. de Baudus, former tutor of the Murat children, sent by Napoleon to Toulon as an intermediary after Murat’s defeat at Tolentino; Baudus was to inform Murat that Napoleon would not receive him in Paris, that he was to stay put for the time being under a sort of house arrest while events played themselves out (Napoleon was on the way to Waterloo), and that Napoleon blamed Murat for having “ruined” France in 1814 and having “compromised her and ruined himself” in 1815. Anyway, here is the excerpt from Dedem:

The Tuileries cabinet had sent copies of his correspondence with Napoleon, and it was on these certified copies that Joachim was tried and condemned. Well, thanks to the thoughtlessness of the Count de B… who forgot (in following the King to Ghent) all his correspondence in an armoire at the chateau, we now know that all these letters had been truncated. Napoleon found the originals with the minutes of the copies drawn up in a way which served to lose Joachim; all the copies were in the hand of M. de B… attached by pins to the letters of the King of Naples.

Dedem includes the following footnote at the end of this paragraph:

It is from a man very worthy of trust, whom Napoleon had recalled to him in his cabinet during the Hundred Days and who neither loved nor complained of Joachim, that I have these details. He assured me that he had seen and re-read the letters several times.

So the Bourbons either found enough damning correspondence between Murat and Napoleon--or altered it enough to make it look damning--and sent it on to the Congress of Vienna so they could justify removing Murat from his throne once and for all.

Now, as to the matter of how sincere the “reconciliation” between Murat and Napoleon was… that’s another story. Louise Murat’s take is that the reconciliation was more sincere on her father’s part than on Napoleon’s:

So it was not long before the reconciliation took place and, if we can affirm that, for his part, it was as complete as possible, I do not know if… we will be able to affirm likewise that all traces of the past were also erased from the Emperor’s mind.

This subject bears some remarking on the relationship between the two men in general. There was a lot of bad blood between them by the time of Napoleon’s first exile, going back years before Murat’s treaty with Austria in 1814. Murat had felt ill-used and mistreated by Napoleon since at least 1809, things had gotten downright ugly between them in 1811, and in the aftermath of the 1812 campaign Murat was increasingly resentful of Napoleon’s treatment of him. Napoleon, for his part, had been incapable of trusting Murat since being informed, in 1809, of a scheme between Fouché and Talleyrand to have Murat succeed him in the event that Napoleon died without a legitimate male heir; much of his conduct towards Murat from that time forward comes across as deliberately spiteful and intentionally humiliating. Murat was vain and proud and it took him a long time to get over these kinds of slights and embarrassments. But, he was also capable of forgiving people he believed had wronged him--for example, Murat had restored Lavauguyon to his service years later after having suspected him of having an affair with Caroline in 1811. And I personally believe he retained a certain amount of affection for Napoleon even in spite of their nearly constant quarrels, and kept hoping to find some way to regain Napoleon’s affections, which he felt he had lost without ever quite understanding why; he concludes a letter to Napoleon in 1810 with “Love me as in Poland, as in Prussia, and I will love life again.” He didn’t enter into his decision to leave Napoleon in 1814 easily, and from everything I’ve seen it seems to have been extremely agonizing for him, and the news that the Allies had driven Napoleon from his throne and into exile in 1814 devastated both Murat and Caroline.

All of that being said, there was still some amount of self-interest in Murat’s attempting to aid Napoleon in 1815, and also in his striking out against the Austrians shortly after Napoleon reached France. Caroline believed that Napoleon would eventually drive them from the throne of Naples if he managed to keep his own, and Murat himself very likely saw the reason in this, and hoped he might safeguard himself by claiming all of Italy.

For Napoleon’s part, I tend to think Louise Murat was probably right; I think he saw Murat, being the only member of his family still on a throne, as a useful tool for his own eventual restoration. There’s a footnote in Bertrand’s Saint Helena cahiers basically saying that Napoleon never gave any indication of having genuinely forgiven Murat for 1814, and I personally think that’s probably the case. In mid-April of 1815--not even a week after sending Murat a letter from Paris, assuring Murat “You can count on my attachment,” Napoleon sends a note to his Minister of Foreign Affairs ordering a report on Murat’s conduct in 1814. My guess is, if Napoleon had triumphed at Waterloo and secured his throne, Murat still would’ve found himself in a world of hurt eventually. Murat seems to have anticipated this himself; in June 1815--actually the day after Waterloo, about which he was still oblivious--he is writing once more to Napoleon--the last letter he will ever write him--basically offering himself up on a silver platter:

I have nothing more to ask of Your Majesty, he can pronounce my fate unsparingly; your wishes, whatever they may be, will be carried out. Glad to be lost for you, no complaints will be heard from my mouth, but you can dispense with sending me in the future what they want to call consolations by people named as my friends; may your ministers make positively known to me the place of my exile; I will go there without a murmur.

#Joachim Murat #Napoleon #Napoleon Bonaparte #Caroline Murat #Caroline Bonaparte #Pauline Bonaparte #Louise Murat #1814 #1815 #asks

[procrastinatorproject]

Fic writer review, thank you to @thelaithlyworm  for the tag <3

how many works do you have on AO3?

Ten? Oh no, it’s actualy 12 now!

what’s your total AO3 word count?

86,468

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Grand total of 1: Star Trek: Picard - although my latest offering might branch a bit into other Trek as well.

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

“Passengers”

“And a Barrel of Gagh”

“CMO’s Log”

“Preparations”

“Game Night”

Which is actually kinda interesting. I wrote Passengers, Preparations, and Game Night while the fandom was still a lot more active (especially in the Aramis in Space corner), so that makes sense. The CMO’s log has had chapters added every few months, giving it probably the most exposure of any of my fics. Barrel of Gagh, though? I think I’m gonna attribute that to Thimblerig turning it into a truly, TRULY brilliant piece of podfic. Also the fact that it’s whump involving a character played by Santiago Cabrera. ‘tis A Thing..... :D

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really try to! I love talking with people in the comments and just... thanking the people who found the time and energy to leave comments. But especially in the last few months I have gotten very bad at keeping up with the comments and now there’s about two dozen that I have neglected to reply to for a painfully long time 🙈

But I will get there! Because I love that kind of interaction!

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

So far, none of them have had angsty endings. Angsty middles, yes, but not endings. I’m just a sucker for everyone being happy in the end. Or at least on the way to being better, and supported and cared for on that way.

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven’t yet, but I’m definitely not opposed. One of the threads of my 200k unpublishable whump scenes takes place in a continuity that has existed in my daydreams for... I wanna say six years at the very least, probably longer. It’s mostly straight-up Star Trek, but with the twist that it involves the Wraith, the telepathic, hive-minded alien race from Stargate: Atlantis that suck the life force out of you with their hands? Or, well, at least a variation thereof.

I once typed up the world building for that particular setting and it took me three hours to try and make it all make sense. So it’s... involved. But not necessarily “crazy”. And I’m not sure I’m ever actually going to publish any of the stories I have set in it (not least because that would envolve finishing any of them and bringing them into a form that is interesting to read for anyone but me...)

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope.

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Hm, not yet. I do enjoy reading smut, but only under very specific circumstances. I think I may eventually try my hand at smut, but the inner prude is still very strong. Writing about Rios and Xyr making out (which, honestly, was really tame, all things considered) made me melt in a puddle of blushing embarrassment, so full-on smut is probably beyond me at the moment. One day!

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Though litigating that in a fandom like ours would be... tricky. ST:Pic is way too small to steal stories outright. But similar or the same ideas pop up all the time. And it’s a complete coincidence. Reading the book that recently came out and that has a kinda similar setting to a lot of my stories (pre-season 1, early in Rios’s history as captain of Sirena, dealing with original characters, holo shenanigans, friendship with Raffi, etc.), I was struck by just how many elements, both scenes or story beats and little details, were similar to things that have cropped up in my writing. And it is entirely coincidental, because I am beyond certain that the author doesn’t read fanfic. Just... for legal reasons. Not to mention I wrote a bunch of the things I saw parallels to while the book was already in production, and some of them are only in my drafts.

So there is a ton of convergent evolution going on in this particular section of the fandom, and trying to litigate who came up with certain plot ideas or character beats when would be a sysiphean disaster. Some things are clear and whenever I use any of them I give credit where I can, but people will have very similar ideas. It just happens. So no, I haven’t had either a full-on story or “an idea” stolen, and I might change my tune if it ever does happen, but so far, I’m trying to practice equanimity, so I’ll be better at it should I ever need it.

have you ever had a fic translated?

Sadly no. My dad keeps complaining that all my fic is in English so he can’t read any of it, but honestly? I’m kinda glad for this very convenient excuse. Maybe if I ever feel like I want to practice my interpreting skills, I will give translating the stories into German a shot. We’ll see. Otherwise, if anyone feels inspired: Have at it! Just let me know, okay?

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not quite. I have a draft of off-the-cuff worldbuilding that I wrote on Discord with @curator-on-ao3 and that I would love to turn into an actual short fic (letters from a conference on holo-ethics), but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.

what’s your all time favorite ship?

I don’t really do shipping.

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I WILL NEVER ACCEPT DEFEAT!!!! One day, I will write the next installment of Star Trek: La Sirena! I have so many ideas for that continuity and those characters. I’m not going to abandon them!

what are your writing strengths?

Hmmmmm. Probably detailed worldbuilding? Ask me something about, say, a technological or cultural aspect of Star Trek and chances are, I have thought about it in the past or will come up with three different sets of intricate lore within half an hour. (Things like... the architecture of San Francisco, or Will there still be taxi drivers? or the treaty between IKEA Intergalactic and the Borg Collective, or the Universal Translator, or Emergency Services or Why There Are Very Few Ambulances On Earth Anymore etceterah etceterah...)

I’m also good at slapping together off-the-cuff plot ideas (if, say, you need an explanation for how Seven and Agnes ended up stranded on a desert island, I could probably give you three different scenarios pretty quickly. Just don’t ask me to make them poignant or actually write them.

I’m also very, very good at beginnings.

what are your writing weaknesses?

Everything that isn’t a beginning. Especially endings, or rather: finishing something, but also just... keeping momentum.

I think my dialogue is somewhat samey and not distinct enough between characters. (Also my witty banter is... let’s just say it doesn’t come to me naturally...)

And I also struggle with keeping things brief and to the point. I can write you 30k of whump covering a span of three hours, but fitting a whole story in the same space? Much more difficult!

I have also avoided writing full-on action so far, but where it has crept in it has always been a struggle and been workshopped a lot with the indefatigable beta.

Otherwise, I don’t know. My self-perception is always a little warped, so I’m not sure what other people would say my weaknesses are.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Oof. Well. I have used Spanish sentences in my fic and done the thing where they’re translated in the end note, but I’ve mostly done it sparingly. I’ve also done the ‘“What do you want?” he said in Spanish.’ It’s tricky. But I will likely keep doing it in some instances, even if it’s a bit annoying.

(It also really helps to have a native speaker of Spanish as a beta, even if it’s Spanish from a different region than you’re character.)

Speaking of regional: I’m also torn about the whole “phonetically writing out accents” issue. Some people love it, some people hate it, I’m really unsure because I’m not a native speaker of English, so I’m not even sure I’m consistent in my narrative voice’s regional quirks. So far, I’ve mostly gone with describing that an accent is happening, and only writing out when phrasing actually differs from standard English. Like Ian (Scottish) saying “dinnae” but not writing “I” as “ah” as you’d see on, say, Scottish twitter.

Though it can be a very useful tool if, for instance, you want to indicate a characters accent getting stronger as they get tired or upset. 🧐

Anyway, I don’t think there is one right or wrong answer here and everyones milage will vary.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Published? ST:PIC

Actually first? Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. Pretty much simultaneously, though I did write more for LotR. On graph paper, mind, with my fountain pen turned upside down so I could write smaller. I still have folders worth of those stories that I urgently need to digitize before they fade and I lose them forever...

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I’m going to quote @thelaithlyworm here: I Love All My Children Equally! I honestly couldn’t say. They are different and I love them for different reasons but I love them all.

Thank you for the tag! ❤ I’ve kinda lost track of who all has done this already or has already been tagged, so feel free to ignore me! But I tink I’m tagging @curator-on-ao3, @aini-nufire, @29-pieces, @flowers-creativity, @highfunctioningflailgirl, @cristobalrios and @the-goofball. And anyone else whom I forgot or who feels inspired to do this!

#ask meme #writing #lili's writing adventures #this was fun!

[ralthings]

A Give-and-Take Relationship

I found this really great analysis on Khun Bam relationship on Lofter, by ytaamiacthoi. Thought I’d translate it here for everyone to see. 

This was posted after S3 Ch66. Do not read if you have not caught up yet. 

The translation begins. 

SIU is really good in this. There’s always contrast in the development and expression of their relationship. 

For both of them, their feelings always mirror each other, there’s give and take between them, I refuse to believe that it’s not carefully crafted on purpose, even how they overcame the traumas of their past are compared with each other. Let’s not go into details here, but start with more obvious examples. The ones that left a deeper impression on me are these three incidents, for instance, the two times when they hugged each other (of course even when SIU didn’t draw it out they probably hugged countless of times before this) 

Bam rushes towards Khun. 

Khun rushes towards Bam.

Doesn’t it feel like returning home? It’s totally rushing back to where you belong.

When both of them run towards each other, they adapted a pose of acceptance and support. In the first instance, Khun just recovered and didn’t want Bam to worry. Similarly, Bam didn’t want Khun to worry under those circumstances. 

On the other hand, Hwaryun and Bam is kind of like how Isu is to Khun. They’re both “friends” or “sibling”-like characters whom they share a close bond and can have heart-to-heart talks with.

Hwaryun’s famous quote: Hey, it was Khun, not me!

Bam didn’t think that Khun made him do it. Whatever Khun says, he’ll accept it all. Basically Bam wouldn’t blame Khun. It clearly shows that Khun has a different status in Bam’s heart. 

This concept also reappeared later, unusually conspicuously, in Bam’s attitude towards “Khun using the dead souls to revive White”. 

Everyone knows about this double standard Khun applies:

[TN: author refers to the fact that Khun refused to let anyone touch his head, but pats Bam’s head like there’s no tomorrow] 

Next let’s look at how important they are towards each other: 

Khun expressed his fear in losing Bam, and made a request. 

This is the first time Bam explicitly made a request of Khun. And the main point Bam focused on is Khun’s safety - White isn’t a nice person after all: Bam is also afraid of losing Khun. 

It’s a little different from the request to climb the tower together. Here, it’s more like both are making a request during the process of fostering an intimate bond, telling the other half your needs, in order to fortify the relationship. 

Khun’s love has the characteristics of sacrifice and contribution, while Bam’s has the characteristics of “acceptance”. Acceptance meaning - I know all of your strengths and flaws, but I will embrace them, and I won’t dislike you for them. It’s not about liking you because of what you did, but accepting all of you because it’s you. 

Personally I think Khun is attracted to this aspect of Bam: Khun also needs salvation. He needs to be valued as he is, to be loved as he is. And not to have his value judged by his abilities, or whether he is useful to others - Bam gave Khun this sense of security from the very beginning. With his actions, Bam showed Khun that he is irreplaceable, and one of a kind. That Khun does not need to be a tool, or to desperately showcase his “usefulness” to others. That Bam can forgive and accept all of Khun, and that Khun’s existence is the most precious part about him. 

And when Khun wants retract into his shell, Bam would reach out to him gently.

Bam is very careful. He doesn’t want to lose Khun, but he is also very respectful of Khun’s wishes.

At any rate who asked Khun to only fall for this lmao

But firstly Khun is already used to doing this, and secondly Bam appears to be kind to everyone (although the reasons for doing so are different), a lot of people helped out as well. Both their relationship are gradually developed throughout the years. 

Why is that Bam always reaches out to Khun at the right time? Because whenever Khun gives his attention to Bam, Bam would immediately pick up on it. Bam would always give his undivided attention to Khun. Whether there’s something wrong with Khun, whatever Khun needs, Bam is able to tell at first glance. (It’s a type of instinct developed from attentiveness, understanding and trust over the long term) Just because Bam doesn’t say it, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know.

Take note, that Khun responds to tenderness rather than tough love. Both their emotions are connected, whenever Khun blames himself or self-reflects, it’s often built upon him noticing Bam’s concerns / worries about him. (For the rest, it’s when Khun experiences helplessness towards Bam’s sufferings, that is Khun’s intrinsic concerns and worries for Bam).

And Bam had, before this, sacrificed himself for Khun for as long as six years (to protect Khun and others, he stayed by himself in FUG. This is something Khun will always remember). 

Bam is also first person to place unconditional trust in Khun.

Since before it all began, Khun had already received very precious things from Bam. 

To be honest, Bam’s powers had a similar quality - absorption / acceptance. Examples: extremely fast learning speed (acceptance of knowledge), the souls from White, Thorn, Red Thryssa etc. (makes it like a minimart....) I think perhaps the quality of the irregulars’ powers have some connection with their personalities. Of course this is not the main point. 

Bam’s acceptance towards the others is different from Khun. Back when he just entered the tower, he exhibited this quality fully. When Black March asked if Rachel is the most beautiful woman in the tower, Bam replied: 

For the current Bam, this place is already taken by Khun. 

Khun isn’t as perfect as his appearance; impatient, likes to complain, always lies to himself, but these doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change the fact that Khun is the most precious person to Bam. 

Bam also expresses his acceptance and accommodation towards Khun in their relationship. On one hand, Khun always goes with Bam’s decisions; but in terms of emotions, Bam goes with Khun’s. Whenever Khun wishes to provide, Bam would accept all of it, without any hints of rejection. Khun needs Bam to need him; accepting Khun’s providence is the best reciprocation Bam can give to Khun. Bam gave Khun a form of acceptance without words. Khun didn’t want Bam to know, and Bam, knowing this, didn’t look too deeply into it. But in reality Bam understands this clearer than anyone else. 

When Bam faces others, he’s actually the type to keep a distance, and not accept others easily, nor rely or depend on others. If Bam’s acceptance towards the others originate from his values of respect and quality, his acceptance towards Khun stems from the fact that Khun is too important to him. 

Khun’s emotions towards Bam is very well expressed in the original webtoon, so it won’t be elaborated much here. But an important point is: Bam gave Khun a sense of “security”, as if he became a “person”. Khun also gave Bam a safe harbour, and helped him achieve his growth. They help each other become a better version of themselves. They look out for each other’s real selves, their fragility, and work hard to understand and accept each other. 

There’s a need to repost this screenshot again: 

If it wasn’t for the fact that this is honestly extremely dangerous, that one wrong move and Khun could’ve been eaten by White, Bam would probably just go along with Khun and pretend not to know about this. 

Because Bam knows that Khun doesn’t want him to know. 

And Khun also probably guessed that Bam knows Khun doesn’t want to let him know. 

And Khun immediately knew the hidden meaning between the lines, he knew what Bam was trying to say as soon as Bam spoke the above lines to him: Khun, I still ended up using the souls’ power, what should I do? 

A very helpless feeling. It’s a concern towards Khun, an assurance towards Khun, an understanding of Khun. (1. I know you did this for me. 2. I understand you, it’s alright even if you did this, I won’t hate you, you are still the most important person to me), and also a help signal to Khun (even I didn’t notice Bam’s sign for help). 

Only Khun could comprehend Bam’s thoughtfulness, his kind but sensitive heart, and his lack of security. Khun understood that, and took the initiative to reach out. Similarly, he told Bam, and held him: Don’t be afraid, I’ll forgive you, and accept/embrace all of you. 

Bam also understand Khun too well. They need each other, hopes that they will be needed by each other, and also knows what they have done for each other. 

When Bam is hurt, he actually likes to retreat to himself, like a crab or snail - he needs a gentle tug, not a rough one - to come out of it. 

They honestly understand each other’s feelings

Last point - when Khun began to hug Bam, his body was leaning forward. But as you read, you’ll realise that Khun gradually straightened his back, and Bam finally grasped Khun’s back tightly. This means that with Khun’s initial hug, Bam relaxed from an uptight state, and wilfully buried himself into Khun’s embrace, to consciously seek help from Khun. In front of Khun, Bam easily let his guard down, instead of trying to push through. Khun also accepted Bam’s display of weakness; just like how Bam naturally accepted all of Khun. At this moment, they are not in the middle of a war, just them in each other’s tight embraces. This is a space that belongs to just two of them. 

Here Khun was still actively pulling Bam into his embrace

Here, Khun had straightened his back, and Bam was basically burying himself into Khun’s embrace.

Khun’s back is straightened. 

Perhaps the shift in stance and center of gravity symbolises the state of their emotions as they journeyed together. Their relationship is dynamic, spiralling upwards, and here it achieves its balance. 

Ahh they basically assimilated each other into their own lives

I really think Bam probably cried

Bam wouldn’t do this to any other person. 

And among the reasons for Bam’s feelings of self-blame, it likely includes his guilt towards Khun. It’s him who gave Khun no choice but to face such danger, but even when faced with this choice, he really doesn’t want to lose Khun at all. How helpless, perhaps it’s only through the embrace that they can truly acknowledge each other. 

At this moment, the hug is more than a thousand words. 

To add to this, I’ve read stories where there are various stages of relationship during a disaster - when they don’t know each other well, the girl would probably say “don’t leave me alone”, after a while, she’d probably say “just leave me and save yourself”, but at the current stage, the girl doesn’t need to say anything, because she understood the importance of trust in each other. 

Khun and Bam probably reached this final stage: they work with each other, need each other, trust each other, rely on each other. They won’t leave each other from now on, because they are already inseparable. 

You ask what kind of relationship this is? It’s just this, really can’t fit a third party in so what’s the difference in definition. At any rate their relationship can be of any nature, play any role for each other, but basically they are the only one in each other’s lives. 

I really suspect that Bam’s acceptance towards Khun had reached the point where no matter what Khun wants, what Khun becomes (in terms of relationship), he would accept it gracefully (as long as Khun needs it). Even though Bam’s acceptance seems to have no ceiling to it, but Khun wouldn’t abuse it. Khun seems to approach his relationships with some sort of sacred, selfless sacrifice, he wouldn’t think about tainting his sacred relationship with Bam. Sorry I’m a little delusional here. 

But who says Love is only limited to romantic love. I think they can be anything for each other. No matter what, they are the most important, and the most special in each other lives, something that’s irreplaceable by anyone. 

They can stop climbing the tower, but they can’t not have each other.

In the end:

Contrast before and after the hug:

Before the hug:

Bam is completely disoriented. 

(Yama comments that he’s in an excellent state. Just look at his face how is this state excellent at all lol)

After the hug:

Bam is obviously much better. Determined and calm. Maybe this is the power of love? 

Actually objectively speaking, it’s the right decision to continue attacking the Nest right after. Hwaryun’s verdict is the the same as what Khun usually would’ve taken for others, what Hwaryun said is also what Khun usually would’ve told others. But in this case, the person in question is Bam. 

You can’t think straight when it’s the person you care about.

Adding Hwaryun’s comments: 

#tower of god #baam #khun #bamkhun #khunbam #tog #tog analysis #baamkhun #khunbaam #s3ch66

[mc-critical]

(Okay head’s up, I’m going to be on your blog a lot since I absolutely LOVE your takes and analysis’.) Do you think (strictly theatrically speaking, not in the non-fictional and historical sense) Suleyman really loved Hürrem? As I watched the show I found it very silly how other characters of the show would remark how Suleyman “loved Hurrem so much he refused to ever take another concubine again” because..he did? And multiple times from what the viewers have seen too. Majority of the times the concubines/other women in Suleyman’s life (Isabella, Firüze etc) were only removed from his life via Hurrem’s intrigues, not by Suleyman’s decision. What do you think?

Aww, thank you so much for the nice words! 💕 Be here as much as you wish, absolutely no problem! (there are some takes I've had in the past that are quite passive-agressive in retrospect 😅, so I might as well also give you a heads up.)

As for your question, I think yes, SS loves Hürrem, but in his own, sometimes honestly incomprehensible (even outright toxic), way.

The writers perhaps wanted to hint at love at first sight in the beggining, due to the way she fainted in his arms in the first episode and how he kept thinking about her (that Ibrahim had to tell him that where he was supposed to go was the other direction) and the wave of excitement and anticipation he felt while waiting for her. But when they spent two nights together and he truly got to know her, was where it was at. Her uncanny ability to make him laugh, entertain him in a way no one else had before, was what impressed him first. He felt calm, safe in her presence, and wanted to keep this probably forever, along with him doing whatever else he wanted in the meantime regardless.

I feel the point of contention of whether he truly loved her or not comes from the fact that, the show wanted to make their love story integral to their both historically thematic and narratively soapy story - what I mean is, they wanted to make it the central plotline. And as a central plotline, it creates and/or extends on the other plotlines, having to show the other characters' reactions in excessive detail and even center parts of their motivations around it. You see how S01 and S02 of the series played this aspect of Hürrem and Süleiman's story completely straight - it presented it as The Love, this big, (thematically and narratively) unprecedented thing, this vital aspect of the series' DNA, the very tool that moves the story forward, that is only bound to have consistent narrative opposition: and I'm not referring only to Isabella and Firuze and all the other concubine arcs that force love triangles suited for the genre, it all is also about the continuous, frequent attacks on their love, that only stopped when the show made a complete genre shift by the second half of S04 and didn't have much time left. They worked with the idea that the more this love is attacked and antagonized, the stronger it becomes and the more shall people root for it. That's where the problem comes, because in retrospect, you can honestly see that these attacks played a major part in provoking a bunch of stuff SS did for Hürrem. Mahidevran beating her to death and poisoning her? SS gives Hürrem a chamber only for herself. (the other one she shared with Ayşe.) Them accusing her incessantly? Valide complaining about her? The various attacks? He continues to care even more for her. Valide and Ibrahim arranging that attack with the bandits? He married her. And one would wonder: is this even genuine or does the writing simply use her enemies' failings to lead Hürrem to SS? Is that the only reason he actually cares? What does MC want to achieve?

There are people who say that the entire point of SS loving her was that she was so different from everyone else (and that the concubine arcs ruined it), and yes, it was like that, in the very beginning. First impression is important and he truly began to enjoy her a lot since their first two nights, for her bringing him something new. However, both of Hürrem and Süleiman's characters and their relationship overall, drastically evolved throughout the show. When the first impression had passed and Hürrem gained SS's utmost attention and she became pregnant, she very quickly started taking stuff for granted, considering him only hers (the demonstration of the ring in front of Mahi; the twinge of jealousy towards Ibrahim.) and as a parallel, him still being a Sultan, having to follow the customs anyway, and calling Gülnihal in his chambers twice. Both of their ways of living clash, because Hürrem wants a monogamous relationship and takes every sign of care for him at face value, while SS lives in an environment that wants him to do what is expected of him.

SS both loves and hates when Hürrem stands up to his will. There have been times where she acted rashly, making borderline silly accusations (like blaming little Mustafa for the fire in E10), where she made moves out of jealousy (like stealing Isabella's pendant) and where she was complaining to him for something she didn't succeed to get (like Valide's chambers in S03). Süleiman sees her rebellious nature and goes out of his way to do moves to spite her. (this guy invited Isabella on a halvet out. of. sheer. spite and nothing else! smh honestly..) But there are as many times where he simply covers what she did (like killing Isabella) and caves to her demands anyway! Why would he cave to her demands and close his eyes on so much stuff she did, if he doesn't feel at least something for her?

The different treatment she gets also comes into play, because no matter how many times she's attacked and he seemingly stood by and watched aside from more serious cases, all it honestly does, is trigger his protective instincts. Despite of all the bumps on the road, Hürrem always was his darling, his special snowflake, whom he clearly felt something for. If anything, he wouldn't have freed her and this isn't something he would do to just anyone. (as we see how he refused to free Mahidevran when she desperately begged him to in E45.; and what's important, him freeing Hürrem wasn't provoked by someone else attacking her.) And when she makes all these jealousy fits, he listens, because Hürrem's character development represents full adaption to the circumstances of the harem, and by that, getting just like the others and learning their tricks. This has turned him off numerous times and when she shows that rebellious side of hers yet again, he couldn't help, but listen. What he said to Ibrahim after he sent off the Russian concubines, is especially telling: "No. (I don't love Hürrem as much as she loves me.) But now I fell in love with her even more." This summarizes extremely well what he thinks of her at this point, because while he's ready to cut her some slack, he's still helpless to her.

Though, later down the line, it gets very abundantly clear that if he loves her, he doesn't love her because she's different and she's rebellious, but because she's loyal to him. Infinitely loyal. She loves him this much, that she's not only ready to willingly drink poison and kill herself for him anytime, but she doesn't even want to give up his throne. It is all very well highlighted by his infamous line to Fatma: "Hürrem is not an angel, but she has something that none of you have. Loyalty! Absolute loyalty... / "She never saw anyone else on the throne but me." Over the years, SS began to live with the dramatically increased paranoia of betrayal, turning his natural ego from a strength, to an everlooming weakness. It destroyed every single relation of his, except for Hürrem. She's the only person that wasn't targeted by this crippling paranoid fear, he perhaps found piece and tranquil in her presence, because he knew that she wouldn't ever turn her back on him. And all these times he got mad at her, he had halvets to spite her, he caused her to prove to him how much he loved her, it turned out to be not only because his ego was tempered with, he wanted to test her loyalty the entire time. And all the times he prevented her from digging deeper into him and told her to stay out of political matters, now in S04 he no longer does that, since she actively joins every single conversation. Hürrem and Süleiman's relationship was put in a thorough deconstruction in S03 and S04, because after the slow Cerebus Syndrome transition began occurring and Yılmaz Şahin fully took over the script, the narrative stopped playing the love story completely straight and it put in the impression that it isn't focused on as much as it was before. So its more problematic aspects began showing even more down the line and it all lead into this very realization. The last episodes of Hürrem's life, while seeming like a cop-out, are genuine love letters for the fans and for Hürrem, with having Süleiman realize who he will lose and what will happen next, giving her the attention he never did. (I think the best Hürrem and Süleiman scenes we got, were in these episodes, along with the ones in the beginning episodes and right after the wedding, in E43-44.)

[And the episodes after Hürrem's death also make us question whatever he cares for her, because all he did there was straightforwardly betray her dying wish. Still, we should keep in mind that SS was at the peak of his downward spiral and it was Hürrem's death that sealed everything for him - losing the person who loved you dearly and was the most loyal one to you in your book, only caused catastrophic and devastating results, with SS going in her chambers in E136 and begging her to forgive him, right before the big fight between Selim and Beyezid began. There is everything else he did, yes, but losing HER is what caused him the truly neverending misery and what pushed him to such extremes, the loss of her loyalty broke him and finished him.]

Isabella and Firuze and Nazenin also add to these tests of loyalty, as well as being love triangles, added in for the drama. I feel SS did this not only to spite Hürrem, but also because he liked her unpredictability and he truly never expected for her to be this loyal in his eyes. It is possible he thought at some point due to his paranoia that she would give up on him, betray him, knowing that she also has her own ambitions. But seeing that none of that happened... perhaps all these continuous rifts in their relationship strived to show how strongly she loved him after all and maybe he came to appreciate that, even if it were too late. {note: the others said that SS loved Hü not exactly because of him refusing to take in concubines, but rather not taking concubines in for a long time. It illustrates more their hopes and beliefs (Mahidevran in E61: "Did you really think that his majesty couldn't be with other women?") and arguments presented when they need to win someone over for their cause to get rid of her. (like Hatice with Afife in S03) I always considered the Firuze arc more of a thematic tool than a dramatic one: aside from showing an actual continuous rift between Hürrem and SS, it breaks Hürrem's season two finale victory in half, enforcing even further that there isn't just any true long lasting victory that the themes won't condemn in this franchise. Nazenin was more for the parallels (Nurbanu - Nazenin; Hürrem - Gülnihal), while I never fully figured out what Isabella Fortuna was for, tbh.}

{He regarded Isabella as more of a toy, unfortunately, even with him saying that it was all somehow "a political game" with her and we had only him succumbing to his "manliness", protecting her from the snake and inviting her to a halvet only to spite Hürrem. With Firuze it was, admittedly, a bit more complicated, because he sure was infatuated with her to some extent, recited the exact same poetry to her, as well, but then again, we have the poisoning as a factor, and we have no idea to what extent it began to affect his psyche, besides him having to lay in bed in E78. I don't think Hürrem's intrigues had anything to do with the feelings he had for both of them, and I believe he would at some point have let them all go, exactly due to his ego and loyalty complex.}

I don't say that Süleiman's love for Hürrem is a healthy one, because oh noo, IT IS NOT, very far from it, in fact. Especially with the writers still keeping the status-quo with them the exact same even after he freed and married her, and for a while, it never made an actual difference. However, it is something that he didn't feel for anyone else in this harem and I would say that he indeed cherished it a lot.

#magnificent century #sultan suleyman #sultan suleiman #hurrem sultan #isabela fortuna #firuze hatun #ask #stuffandthangs #long post

[issamhysa]

Nancy Wheeler admitting her feelings for you would include...

Well, this sucks

You just moved to Hawkins, Indiana from California with your mom, your sister, your step-father

And your asshole of a step-brother

Billy always complains about Hawkins, and you can sort of understand

The mind-numbing scenery of the town pales in comparison to the sun and waves of California

Nevertheless, here you are

Ready to start your senior year in Hawkins

Part of you is super pissed off at your mom

She couldn’t have waited one more year so that you could graduate with your friends?

Whatever

Besides, it’s not really like it was all her idea

It was Neil’s idea, too

But there’s nothing you can do about it now

You walk into the school, narrowly getting trampled by a group of kids that practically bolted through the doors

Huh, okay, whatever

You find your locker, throw your shit inside and head for your first class, history

You sit in the only empty seat next to a girl whom you soon come to know as Robin

She’s pretty chill, and funny

So the both are you are pretty quick to become friends

You two also have French together right after

Then you move on to math with Billy, who broods for the most part and tries to shamelessly flirt with Ms. Marsh

It doesn’t work

Next, it’s biology with Steve Harrington

God, what a tool

He does nothing but flirt with you the entire period

You’re very satisfied when Mr. Hanlon called him out for it

But, you have to admit, Steve has this charm to him

It’s not long before the two of you are quietly talking near the back of the classroom

Finally, you arrive at your last class, psychology

That’s where you meet Nancy Wheeler

“Welcome to Hawkins, Miss Mayfield. Nancy, would you be so kind as to show Y/N where we left off last class?”

Nancy’s lips are moving, you know it

But you’re so focused on how pretty she is

Now, let’s pause

You’ve always known you like girls

But it’s the 80s

So you’re not very comfortable with people knowing

Especially people like Billy

“Y/N?”

You snap out of your thoughts and blush, but Nancy smiles

“Alright, I’ll tell you what. If you come over to my house after school, I’ll talk you through everything. It’s a lot, but the concepts are really easy. So, what do you say?”

Obviously, you agree

Max is a little upset that you’re leaving her with Billy, but she gets it

Max is the only person that knows you like girls

You didn’t tell her

But she’s really observant

So you go to the Wheeler’s and pretty much spend the night listening to Nancy talk

Of course, you retain some information

The rest you sort of know from your old psych class back in Cali

After you’re done studying, Nancy sets her books aside and starts asking you what things were like in California

You tell her about the scenery, the food, the people

It’s kinda nice to have someone to talk to other than Max

Of course, Max is your #1 confidant

But, still

Nancy’s different

So as the weeks go by, you and Nancy become close friends

One night, after you’re done studying for your psych test

She asks you about your love life

Immediately, you kind of quiet down

What the hell were you supposed to tell her?

She apologizes for sounding so intrusive, but you’re quick to reassure her that it’s all fine

You leave shortly after

You hated leaving so suddenly, but after that, things got a little awkward

And if there’s one thing you hate, it’s awkward silence

You end up going to Robin’s house

Her parents are never really home, so you sit with her in the living room, watching shitty horror movies and eating as much junk food and candy as you can find

“I think I like Nancy Wheeler.”

Robin freezes

Of course, Robin knows your secret

Just as you know hers

Every part of her wants to tell you how much of a priss Nancy Wheeler is

But she’s your best friend

And the last thing she wants to do is hurt you in any way

“So, why haven’t you told her?”

She asks you this, but she already knows the answer

It’s for the same reason she hasn’t even thought about talking to Tammy Thompson

You don’t answer, and Robin sighs and wraps her arm around your shoulders

“I know, I know. But…”

She pauses and rolls her eyes, a small smile on her face

“Y/N, I’ve seen the way Nancy looks at you, and it’s the same way Tammy Thompson looks at Steve Harrington.”

You take a minute to process what she’s saying, and look up at her

“Really?”

Robin laughs and smacks you upside the head with a small “really”

You don’t address the topic any further that night

The next day, while you sit in class, you decide to put Robin’s theory to the test

You come to find that Nancy does indeed look at you often

But every time you look up to meet her gaze, she looks away

She also laughs at your jokes a lot more often

Even if they’re super bad jokes you’ve heard your sister’s friends say

Oh, shit

Robin was right

After school, you invite Nancy to the arcade

She’s not much of an arcade girl, and you know that

But you want to spend some time with her

And Billy’s forcing you to look after Max while he goes out with some girl

In the arcade, you pull her aside, away from the kids and the noise

You two sit and talk over slices of pizza and sips of cherry coke

Finally, you gather up the courage to ask

“Do you like girls?”

Nancy almost chokes on her drink, and you’re apologizing over and over

When she calms down, she sighs and looks up at you with a frown

“Look, Y/N, just because I like girls doesn’t mean I’m any different. You’re one of my closest friends, and I’d hate to lose you because of this. Please, please don’t hate me. I… Fine, I like you. I thought it was just a phase or something like that, but then Robin came and talked to me and-”

She stops talking and furrows her eyebrow as she watches you try and contain your laughter

“What?”

“I like girls too, Nance.”

The two of you are quiet for a bit, sort of looking at each other

The tension slowly dissipates, and the two of you burst into a fit of giggles

“Oh, and by the way, I like you, too.”

#stranger things #stranger things x reader #nancy wheeler #nancy wheeler x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #writing

[psychosistr]

His, & ONLY His

Summary: Cavendish and Bartolomeo have been dating for a while now. Their relationship is very stable, aside from one little thing- Cavendish does NOT like the idea of sharing HIS man. Bartolomeo is his...and ONLY his.

Notes: Whew! Finally finished fic number five for my 100 follower giveaway! This one’s for the anon who requested yandere Bartodish- hope this was worth the wait and thanks for the patience ^^”

It was happening again…

The day had started out nice enough. Clear, sunny skies, calm waters, a light breeze- a day almost as beautiful as the captain of the appropriately named “Beautiful Pirates”, Cavendish “of the White Horse”. Although the weather was perfect for sailing, on their captain’s orders the pirates had docked at a port town early in the afternoon. After all, they were in need of supplies and it would do the crew good to spend a day in town relaxing.

While this reasoning was certainly sound, there was another, far more pressing reason the blonde captain was so adamant and eager to dock at the unassuming port:

The Barto Club pirates were there.

To anyone outside of the two pirates’ crews, it would seem odd that the elegant and refined Cavendish “of the White Horse” would want anything to do with the rude and crass Bartolomeo “the Cannibal”. Both the Barto Club and the Beautiful Pirates, however, were well aware of the fact that their captains had been seeing each other for a little more than a year now. Their lives at sea meant that their times together were often few and far between, so neither crew held it against them when the two decided to sneak off and have some time to themselves.

Trusting Suleiman to handle the crew while he was away, Cavendish all but leapt to the docks before taking off at a pace that could nearly rival Farul’s (he would leave his trusty steed on the ship for the time being). Thankfully the town wasn’t exceptionally large and it didn’t take long at all for the excited blond to spot his paramour- between both of them being exceptionally tall and Bartolomeo’s shockingly vibrant hair color, it wasn’t hard for Cavendish to pick the man out of a crowd.

Just as he was about to call out to the man he’d been scouring the town to find, however, someone else caught his eye. Hiding himself behind the corner of a nearby building, Cavendish peered out to get a better look at the person Bartolomeo was talking to while walking down the street:

It was a man, shorter than Bartolomeo himself (which, given his massive seven-foot-three height, made the man closer to average-size) whose brunette-haired head was just shy of the green-haired pirate’s shoulder. He had a bright smile and a pair of pretty blue eyes but, other than that, he wasn’t too remarkable in the looks department. The man certainly wasn’t as lovely as Cavendish, but, then again, who was? (Wait, no, he was getting off track!) This stranger was dressed far too blandly to be a member of Bartolomeo’s crew- besides, Cavendish knew everyone on that ship by now and this newcomer was most assuredly NOT one of them.

They were laughing, smiling, and sharing a generally pleasant mood that made the unseen blond sick to his stomach and worsened his own mood the longer he watched them. Still, he could maybe forgive this foolish stranger for getting too chummy with his Bartolomeo, as long as he didn’t-

And then it happened.

The brunette carelessly placed a hand on Bartolomeo’s arm for support while he was laughing about something the green-haired pirate said. He even had the audacity to LEAN on the taller man’s side in the midst of his laughing fit.

Fingers which had been curled around the corner of the building he’d been hiding behind now clenched hard enough to leave gouges in the formerly solid stone. Cavendish felt the urge to slice that offending hand off of his Bartolomeo growing, one hand already reaching for his sword.

No, wait, he couldn’t do it here, he reminded himself. Too many witnesses. Losing control in front of so many people would be unsightly and damage the reputation he’d been working so hard to build. As much as it left him boiling and seething inside, the beautiful captain forced himself to relinquish his damaging grip on the wall and walk away.

He would need to deal with this matter privately…

Cavendish loved Bartolomeo, he truly did. The man was crass, rough, rude, and the complete opposite of everything the former prince ever thought he would want in a partner, but there was just something about his wild, passionate, carefree attitude that struck the beautiful pirate right in the heart and made him desire the so-called cannibal more strongly than any of the countless women in his life ever had before.

That desire had grown rapidly from a simple want to a need. He needed Bartolomeo. He needed him in every way possible. His smile, his laugh, his EVERYTHING- he needed ALL of it.

Much to Cavendish’s relief, Bartolomeo was both affectionate and clueless enough to feed the blond captain’s desperate desires. He would happily give up his free time to be in his beloved’s presence. He would gladly accept whatever physical contact was given to him and return it in kind. He would (sometimes reluctantly, sometimes willingly) submit to his lover’s will and do what was asked of him.

Unfortunately for the oblivious fanged pirate, every time he unknowingly fed Cavendish’s needy side, that neediness grew and spread like a fire burning its way through a forest. Before he knew it, that all-consuming flame of passion and want and need had burned something dark and foreign into the ex-prince’s heart. It was an overwhelming desire for something he’d never wanted with any of his previous lovers, but found he craved it almost insatiably with his precious Bartolomeo:

Possession.

He longed to possess his wonderfully lovable boyfriend in every possible way that he could get away with. His time. His affection. His body. His attention.

It shouldn’t have been too demanding for him to want such things, right? After all, Bartolomeo had said countless times by now that he loved Cavendish as much as he loved Bartolomeo. And, if that were the case, then surely he must understand the blonde’s desires and would happily be his and only his. It was perfectly normal and, if he ever were to find out about Cavendish’s minor “indiscretions”, as it were, then he would completely understand, right?

Speaking of “indiscretions”, there was a rather annoying one that required the beautiful captain’s attention down at the docks just as the sun prepared to set…

Cavendish had followed the brunette who had so rudely stolen his sweet Bartolomeo’s attention earlier- he didn’t blame Bartolomeo for that, of course, the man was just too friendly for his own good sometimes and didn’t know any better, Cavendish could never hold such a mistake against him when CLEARLY it was the other man’s fault for cruelly stealing his time and attention- and waited several hours for him to finally be alone. The brunette was now standing on his own at the water’s edge, his back facing the town while he was busy speaking into a portable den-den mushi. Hidden behind some crates amongst a few tools, Cavendish was too far away to hear what the other man was talking about or with whom, but the words of a soon-to-be-dead-man were of little value to him.

Reaching into a hidden pocket in his coat, Cavendish pulled out an extremely small unmarked glass vial. After popping the top off, the pirate prince tipped his head back and allowed the scarce drops of bitter liquid to slide down his tongue and into his throat. With a shudder and a grimace, he swallowed the foul substance and placed the vial neatly back in his pocket.

Within seconds he could feel the drug taking its effect as a general feeling of drowsiness began to consume him, threatening to pull him under if he wasn’t caref-

“Another one already?” A voice that sounded too much and yet somehow not quite enough like his own asked out of the blue.

“…Yes..” Catching sight of his reflection in a saw leaning against one of the crates, Cavendish saw that his normally pristine face was currently split in half with one side still maintaining his usual lovely complexion but with a much wider orange eye, while the other half had a more ashen skin tone with a wider blue eye and a crazed grin pulling at his face with his hair floating about at odd angles- his “half-and-half” mode, as Bartolomeo liked to call it. “We need to be swift and silent..we can’t draw attention to ourselves.” This was one of the few times he would ever say those words.

“Why not?” His more sinister side, Hakuba, asked in a taunting tone. “Worried your ‘sweet Barto’ will find out?”

“No, I’m more worried about the citizens finding out and forcing us out of town.” Cavendish rolled his orange eye before looking away from the mocking half-smile reflected back at him.

A deep, quiet chuckle was his reply as the other half of his face continued to grin at him from the metallic reflection. “Still lying to yourself, hmmm?” It shouldn’t have been physically possible for that horrible smirk to grow any wider, but it certainly FELT like it did. “Next you’ll say you’re just trying to protect him again, right?”

“I am protecting him.” The pirate prince insisted, though it was hard to tell who he was really trying to convince. “He just doesn’t know it.”

“And why not?” The grinning demon continued to taunt him. “If you’re doing the right thing, then why hide it? Why not tell him? Or better yet, bring him the head of this ‘DANGEROUS person’ and tell him how-”

“Enough.” Cavendish rose to his feet, ignoring the sinister smirk he saw reflected back at him. “Let’s get this over with.”

Hakuba laughed quietly while reaching for the sword at their hip. “Hmhm, whatever you say.” His tone reeked of sarcasm, but Cavendish did not have the time to spare complaining about it. No, he had far more pressing matters to attend to.

Matters such as ridding the world of the man foolish enough to touch HIS Bartolomeo.

Cavendish may have been a little greedy when it came to Bartolomeo, but he was no fool- he knew where to draw the line. He would never lay a hand on a member of Bartolomeo’s crew, as they were important friends to him and losing even one of them would send his sensitive boyfriend into a state of depression that he hated seeing; besides, they were like his own crew in that they supported and understood their captain’s relationship and always made sure to give the two space unless there was an urgent matter to take care of. And, despite how frustrating it could be to listen to the other man gush and fantasize and fawn over the Straw Hat pirates, he would not try to harm any of them either, both because of his own life-debt to them and because losing them would quickly kill that beautifully burning flame of passion in the green haired man’s eyes, something that would break Cavendish’s heart to see.

Anyone else, though, was fair game: The drunkards who got too chummy with Bartolomeo when they went out to drink. The whores who tried to seduce him into their beds. The marines who tried to arrest him. Any person in the world who dared to touch or try taking his Bartolomeo away from him would meet their fate at the end of his blade, just as the clueless fool before him was about to.

Utilizing Hakuba’s speed, the whole thing was over in an instant. He dashed in close enough for his blade to slice the man’s throat open, then stopped a few feet away where he could view his handiwork without getting caught in the inevitable blood splatter. The poor sap was dead before his body even hit the water.

As Cavendish stood on the edge of the dock watching the bleeding corpse slowly sink below the water’s surface, leaving behind nothing but a diluted trail of crimson and a bad memory, he heard a voice speaking near his feet.

“Oi! Lieutenant! Lieutenant, respond at once!”

Looking down by his boots, the pirate prince saw the den-den mushi the brunette had been speaking into earlier. When he kneeled down to pick it up, he turned the small snail around to examine the stern face it was mimicking as well as the familiar blue emblem on the side of its shell. So it was the same as before…

A single finger pressed down on the button to activate it, the two-faced blonde’s voice low and deadly. “I’ve warned you before: Stay away from MY Bartolomeo if you value your lives.”

“!!” The eyes of the den-den mushi widened in shock and fear. “Y-You again?! Who are you?! Why are you-?!”

“Who I am is none of your concern.” One day he would find the ones running this foolish attempt at a sting operation and skewer each and every single one of their heads on the tip of his blade like a horrific kebab. For now, though, he would settle for the cannon fodder they kept sending his way and use them as a warning. “All you need to know is that Bartolomeo the Cannibal belongs to ME. If any of you come near him again, I will find where you are stationed and end you once and for all.”

“Why you..!” The snail grit its teeth as it imitated the person on the other end of the line. “We do not scare that easily! We will find out who you are and we will-!!” The voice faded into useless babble as the den-den mushi joined its former owner in the water below.

“……See?” Cavendish’s voice was more even now as he spoke. “He was a marine. I was right- he was dangerous..”

“You didn’t know that.” Half of his face reflected within the water smirked up at him. “One of these days it won’t be a marine, it’ll just be some innocent bystander…and then you’ll have to admit the truth:” That disturbingly wide smirk somehow grew a little more as a dark chuckle rumbled within him. “You’re just like me- a killer..a murderer..a MONSTER..”

“…………” Cavendish flicked his sword once to remove the blood from the blade before sheathing it and walking back towards town. “I am nothing like you..”

The words sounded weak, even to his own ears, but in his heart he believed them to be true. Hakuba killed like this- taking out weak, unarmed opponents without giving them a chance to fight back- solely because he enjoyed it. Cavendish killed like this to protect what was his. Just because Bartolomeo didn’t know about it didn’t mean that what he did was wrong. After all, what he did was out of LOVE, and no one would ever love Bartolomeo more than Cavendish.

He would make sure of it…

Next Chapter->

End Notes: Ahhhh, I missed writing yandere stuff- I just enjoy the obsessiveness and rationalized insanity of it all xD Next chapter gets a little lemony but, as always, NSFW version will be on my AO3.

#one piece #bartolomeo #bartolomeo one piece #cavendish #one piece cavendish #bartodish #trigger warning #yandere #yandere!Cavendish #unnamed Character Death #possessive behavior #100 follower giveaway! #His & Only His

[des8pudels8kern]

Inspired by this post about a witcher’s touch being supernaturally pleasurable. Technically all about sex, but I cowardly fade to black during the explicit part.

Heights of Pleasure Unknown to Man

Jaskier winds up with a lover (or more) in almost every place they pass through. The smaller the place, the quicker he’ll have some bright young thing by his side, hungry for a taste of the outside world, of the tales not just of adventure and passion but just as much of bustling towns and exotic courts, eager to peel Jaskier, who embodies all of these dreams, out of his brightly coloured clothes. It’s his skills as a performer that get him these offers, he knows, not his skills as a lover.

That he isn’t kicked out to spend the night after he has broadened their horizons, however, but might be asked back for the next one, too, and is bid farewell with sweet kisses and mournful looks as he moves on, that is testament that he knows to play his lovers’ bodies just as expertly and sweetly as his lute.

Geralt, by comparison, hardly ever shares a bed with someone (in that way, at least – in regards to sleeping in the same bed, Geralt has quickly learned that, when he travels with Jaskier, he will also follow the time-honoured tradition of travelers everywhere to only pay for one bed if it’s in any way possible to fit both of them into it). Few people look at a witcher with interest, even when he’s freed them of a monster that very day and had Jaskier extol his virtues for hours after.  And those few often do so not despite but because of the witchers’ reputation as savage brutes who are little better than animals. Geralt has learned to steer clear of those invitations - he does not enjoy being the tool with which people torture themselves, no matter how much some of them get off on it. No, he sticks to professionals, and only in towns big enough for a proper brothel rather than a village whore who’d get shunned after being seen leaving his room. None of them tearfully wave him goodbye.

Despite that, he is as talented in this as he is in all things physical. Where, on his first visit, he is often asked to pay two or three times the usual price, the whores afraid of what kind of state he’ll end up leaving them in, on his second he’ll be greeted with a smile and only pay what everybody else does. Those repeat visits are what he truly enjoys. A willing partner to lose himself in, someone who will leave themselves open and vulnerable to him, whom he can touch to bring joy and pleasure and who will in turn touch him, not to repel or hurt but to arouse. The carnal act and moment of release pale compared to the relief of being more man than mutant, if only for a few hours.

He does not tell Jaskier this.

What he does tell him, to shut up the bard after one too many songs composed praising his own prowess in bed (and other places), is this: Many an inexperienced rustic or sheltered maiden may be impressed by Jaskier’s showmanship, but it is Geralt whose touch can bring even an experienced prostitute to heights of pleasure the likes of which they have never known before.

Jaskier laughs at him so hard, he ends up falling over right there on the road.

“Geralt, my naive friend,” he says, once he has recovered enough to speak, “I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but prostitutes lie. The compliments are part of the service. Helps to motivate the customer to return and spend more money.”

Geralt looks down at Jaskier, sprawled in the dirt at his feet. “I’m a witcher.”

“So? Money is money, no matter who is handing it over.” He shrugs and wipes at his face with the back of a hand, cheeks still red and wet with spilt tears. He looks utterly undignified. If his admirers could see their honey-voiced peacock of a bard now, would they still open their lips and legs for him? Then again, some might find it endearing.

“So, I can smell it on them.” He tilts his head to the side and crosses his arms, to make sure Jaskier knows Geralt won't be hauling him up. He managed to fall down on his own, he can get back to his feet on his own, too.

Jaskier gapes up at him, mouth opening and closing a couple of times. “I don't believe you,” is what he finally settles on.

Geralt breathes in and picks apart the subtle nuances of the other man’s scent. Jaskier doesn’t believe him. But the whiff of doubt betrays that he also isn’t convinced Geralt is lying.

He smiles, and decides to reach out a hand to Jaskier after all.

***

Jaskier throws back his head and the tight bowstring of his body shudders beneath Geralt, frozen between one breath and the next, his throat a long, exposed line. Geralt wants to put his mouth back on the spot where he can see his pulse flutter under the thin skin, hot and throbbing with life the way Jaskier is all over right now, especially in the places where they touch. Especially in the place where they are joined, even though Geralt is already growing soft now that he’s pushed them both over the edge.

Geralt wants and, without pulling out, he lets Jaskier’s legs slide from his shoulders and instead slips a hand under his back, pulling him up and close. The movement shocks the air he’s been holding in out of Jaskier, like another release being punched out of him. Before he’s even gotten around to inhaling again, Geralt’s other hand snakes up and cradles the back of his head, fingers tangling in sweat-soaked hair, and bares his neck so that he can fit his lips on that spot, feel the rapid beat of his heart, taste the salt on his skin.

They stay like this for a moment, two, three. Long enough for Geralt’s body to recover from what was, all things considered, only a minor exertion for him, and Jaskier’s to at least slow enough that he isn’t panting into Gerald’s shoulder anymore.

If the cooling, sticky mess between their bodies and the boneless weight of Jaskier in his arms isn’t proof enough, then the musky, sated scent of him, so rich he can taste it on his tongue, tells Geralt that Jaskier is more than well-satisfied. Where precisely he ranks on the list of Jaskier’s experiences, that much his nose can’t tell him. Still, he’s confident he proved his point.

“Still don’t believe me?”

He lets Jaskier make an attempt at composing himself and push back against Geralt’s hold until they are face to face, Jaskier still in the same rather delicate position his lap but with more space between them now. He shudders, whether in aftershock or from the cold that is starting to lick against his sweat-slick skin Geralt can’t tell. They should get cleaned up. Jaskier at least should put his clothes back on. For now, however, he cocks an eyebrow at him, waiting for his answer while Jaskier tries to spur his brain into action.

Jaskier’s lips are swollen from his early pride-filled attempts to bite back his moans, and the pink flush hasn’t had time to fade from his cheeks yet. His previously fluffed hair is a mess and clings to his face. His eyes are wide and shiny, the pupils blown dark.

“Your technique is mediocre at best,” he croaks, confused and awed. “How the fuck did you do this?”

Geralt feels a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. He decides to push Jaskier off of him before it can manifest. Jaskier squeaks in surprise as they separate, which makes more than up for the slight discomfort the move caused Geralt himself, and his naked butt lands on the prickly ground he was too distracted to notice before. This predictably sets him off, and Geralt allows his face to soften with fond amusement, now that Jaskier is too busy complaining to take note.

#they keep having sex ofc - geralt is very smug and jaskier affronted and determined to find out how geralt is ~cheating at sex~ #the witcher #geralt x jaskier #geraskier #not!fic #well i guess it technically counts as actual proper fic #i should really start using my ao3 account one of these days #but today is not that day #does anyone else feel like they can dump mistake-riddled words on tumblr but for ao3 it should be polished and betad? #i mean what are comma rules? i don't know #the german rechtschreibreform happened and i somehow lost all grammatical savvy in german *and* english

[voltronramblings]

um this got like really really long lmao (feel free to just post like a cut off version so it doesn’t clog up ppls dash lol) kind of super embarrassed about how long it is but…. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i got a lot to say, i hope that’s okay

Haha, you’re completely fine, sweetheart! I am gonna put it under the cut so that it doesn’t end up taking a lot of space on someone’s dash ❤️

Can i pls get a matchup? :3 I’m a bi girl, 5’6 with longish wavy red hair, blue eyes and lots of freckles cuz i always forget to reapply sunscreen lol pretty much always have a sunburn during the summer. I’m a INFP, and a libra. I’ve got a major case of ADHD, lots of energy and horrible at focusing, lots of fidgeting all the time (mostly the leg bounceTM and tapping things) (also got that anxiety/depression thing goin on).

I’m not super social, I hate big parties, I don’t have a Lot of friends, but the friends I do have I’m really close to and would trust with my life (I’m kind of really selective with who i befriend). If i don’t like a person, they will be able to Tell, I don’t go out of my way to be mean to them but,, it’s a bit obvious. I’m the fun friend, always getting people to laugh and smile and be happy, and I’m super loyal to my friends, ride-or-die kind of gal. I also tend to be the one that people lean on, or turn to if the need any advice or comfort. I’m also really close with my family, love them with all my heart and would do anything for them.

I love to play the piano and sing (pretty good at the first one, not so much the second lol) and i tend to do that when I’m feeling stressed out or sad and it helps a lot. I’m currently in college studying geography and cartography and I’m like a super nerd about it lol. I love to go hiking in the mountains where i live and go swimming in the rivers, and when I’m staying at my family home I go to the beach all the time, my fave summer tradition is having bonfire parties on the beach with my friends where we just swim and build sand castles all day and then roast hot dogs and marshmallows (some of my fave memories of high school were on the beach super late at night around the campfire). I am pretty active, i used to be super into sports in high school but now i’m not really, I used to swim competitively for like 8 years, and I also was part of a rowing team for a couple years, and I really loved it, trying to get back into it but i’m way too out of shape rn lmao. I also love baseball, watching it and playing it (but mostly i just watch) (go giants). I love music, fave genres being rock/alt rock/punk/pop, and I loooove going to concerts, i’ve been to at least 30 by now lol I’m pretty much always got music playing, my fave band is fall out boy (i’m basic i know lol).

my grades have always been…. Super average. Not because I don’t understand what I’m being taught but because I never really did my homework, i would always procrastinate and especially with big projects, if it wasn’t absolutely perfect I hated it and would be constantly stressed about it and then just not do it so :/ (this is still true a little in college but i’m getting much better and just getting things done, and i like to have friends with me while i’m working so they can yell at me if i get distracted).

This got really really long so i’m just gonna stop now lmao (i like to talk about myself lol is it obvious??) (ive never done a matchup request before but i like yours because you put so much thought into them i couldnt resist thank you love you)

hi, love! Before I start, the fact that you let me know about that ^^ literally makes me so happy and is one of the only reasons I still accept match-ups. I know what I was like sending my first match-up request in and I was a nervous wreck. Which is why I sincerely mean it when I say that I am deeply sorry for how long this took to get back to you. Thank you for sending this in and I love you too 💕

SO, it may seem kind of weird but I actually ship you with Pidge (adjusted to your age, of course, bc we don’t do support pedophilia in this Christian household, no thank you)! However, if the fact that Pidge is (canonically) still a teen bothers you, I can and will match you with someone else!

Appearance reason: most people do the whole “your freckles make constellations” thing, but Pidge said “nah, they’re compounds and mixtures lol” what a nerd. She’ll look for one that matches the formula for sugar just to say “hey, you’re pretty sweet”. Also, she feels the sunburn comment on a personal level bc she too is pretty much always burnt somewhere, it’s not fair.

Mentality reason: Pidge is no stranger to mental health disorders such as ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Whatever she can do for you, she’ll do, no questions asked. While she is more knowledgeable about the physical sciences, she can quickly pick up the psychological (and biological, but I think that’s a physical science) aspect of mental health disorders, and, if there’s something that she can make to help you, she will. One of those is definitely creating a portable mini-piano so you can tap away at that, using some energy and even creating a little music.

Introvert reason: Pidge is 100% definitely an introvert, and, while with the right company she might enjoy a party, she’ll tend to spend the night in. So, you two are pretty much aligned when it comes to those kinds of nights, you know? You just keep each other company, often in silence, and that’s more than enough.

Personality reason: Pidge is someone who has trouble relying on others. She’s so much of a “I can do this myself so watch me do it better than you” kind of attitude, and, while she’s amazing, even she needs someone whom she can rely on. Your personality tends to naturally bring that out of her. Before anything else, you two are best friends, and you’d do anything for each other. Because of that bond, Pidge feels able to come and talk to you about things that she really can’t with anyone else.

Hobby reason: Pidge is totally just in awe of your musical abilities even if you’re not as confident in them yourself. She loves listening to you playing the piano or even singing along quietly to whatever song is playing. With other people, Pidge prefers to work in the quiet (unless she’s discussing something or explaining something), but she loves to just hear you faintly in the background like a distant record player. ALSO, as the Guardian of Nature, she’s exploring new ways to connect with nature, so she’ll often accompany you whenever you’re going out to the mountains. She will most definitely be complaining for part of it because it’s too hot and there’re so many bugs, but she’ll always go because she loves spending time with you even if she can’t always keep up. Rivers and beaches aren’t necessarily her domain, but she still enjoys being in water (especially if she’s sweaty as frick from all of that walking). While you may be actually swimming, she’ll probably just be in the water, floating along somewhere… she does like the bonfire idea as it’s much less strenuous, and it’s fun to be with everyone whether that’s just you or the whole Voltron crew.

Education reason: lol, I had no idea what to call this so here ya go. Basically, Pidge adores your brilliance when it comes to anything that you’re interested in (in this case, geography and cartography). Especially if you’re drawing maps of the places that y’all visit through space, she’ll be there with papers and pencils and any drawing tools you might need. She just loves seeing how it all turns out in the end, especially since it’s like a mix of science and art and WOW you can do BOTH so well !! And she’s definitely a huge (?) help when it comes to procrastination. A little bit of a hypocrite sometimes because she tends to get distracted herself if it’s not something she’s genuinely interested in. But, she will definitely be there to help keep you on track if you’re losing focus or motivation, and she will also offer to help in any way, shape, or form that she can. She wants you to do your best but also not stress so much about it because, sometimes, imperfections are better than any perfect thing out there. Y’all also have a deal where you can switch off rambling about what you’re passionate about, it’s cute and wholesome 💕 you guys are literal best friends which is so nice to be with your significant other.

#THIS IS 10000 YEARS OLD I'M SORRY #also honestly #for any of the match ups #they're automatically adjusted to whatever age you are #i mean #they're cartoons y'all #shipping them together is one thing #but it's easy to adjust to your age imo #i mean i was 15 when the show came out #and 18 when it finished #i literally was pidge's age and then lance's by the end of the show #our ages change naturally but theirs don't unless we make them #anyway that's enough out of this old bat #match up #submission

[aros001]

Read through light novel vol. 9. Random thoughts.

So after Naofumi's darkest moments yet in the last volume with literal torture, we now get his most otaku moment yet with him wanting to play dress-up with his entire party. I don't dislike Raph-chan but I'm still trying to figure out Naofumi's deal with her. Best I can figure is that she's basically like a combination of child Raphtalia, the innocent child whom he slightly misses taking care of, and what he originally thought he was getting with Filo, a cute pet who doesn't talk and eat everything in sight.

And all that cuteness book-ended by the party killing a man down to his soul. After Trash #2 I'm a little disappointed Naofumi didn't name Kyo Bitch #2, especially since he made the comparison. Between Kyo and Malty I'm genuinely not sure who is the worse person. Kyo certainly has the bigger body count but he also has tools and powers at his disposal Malty doesn't, so I can't quite say she wouldn't do the same things as him, if not worse, in order to fulfill her ambitions. The big difference is that I don't think she'd put in the same amount of study and effort as he did. They're both feel entitled as all hell but Kyo is someone in love with his own brilliance too, thus why he puts so much time and energy into his experiments and inventions.

So during her first fight with Kyo I'd made a comment that Rishia seemed to have unlocked Ultra Instinct with all her dodging and incredible power. Now, with Glass's description that Rishia is drawing prana from her surrounding and adding it to her own, I'm reminded of Sage Mode from Naruto. I'm not complaining because I think the idea of Rishia having abilities of Shonen protagonists she completely contrasts with is hilarious. It's just now I'm going to be waiting for her to just start knocking people out from afar with the Haki of the Supreme King.

I love when Naofumi acts like the villain. Not in the burning hatred, torture, torch the world kind of way (though that's still good when appropriate) but more in the hammy "it's fun to be evil" kind of way.

“Raphtalia, it’s not like you just accept everything I say, right? If I ever lose my mind, and I’m clearly in the wrong, and I start running wild . . . I expect that you’ll be the one to stop me.”

“. . . I’ll do my best.”

I’d like to think that if one, if just one, of his women had told him he was wrong—had stopped him before it all got out of control—then he wouldn’t have died the way he did.

It's a small sequence but I love it. It'd be so heartbreaking for the both of them if it ever happened, especially for Raphtalia. I'm just imagining a berserk Wrath Shield Naofumi screaming at her and calling her a traitor, that she lied to him about always being by his side. Even if she's completely right to stand against him it'd still be torture for the poor girl to be put through that. Even taking romantic love out of it, Raphtalia feels like she owes everything to Naofumi and places so much value on being his sword, finding purpose in it after what the Waves did to her hometown. Having to ever fight him, especially as a result of Naofumi losing his mind, would just tear her apart inside.

Probably won't be the last we see of the Kizuna world cast, which I'm fine with. I liked all of them and Glass and L'Arc were the entire reason the Waves suddenly felt interesting.

Between the High Priest and Kyo's stooges, it seem like everyone can use the Bow, Sword, and Spear Heroes' weapons better than they can. I'm curious when we'll get a knock-off of Naofumi's shield. I know the High Priest could use one but choose not to out of pride and religious belief, though I imagine there's also the issue that it's hard to use the shield aggressively. The sword, bow, and spear can make a first strike. It makes sense for enemies whom are the instigating party to use them. The shield just defends and counterattacks. It can't be used to make the first swing, so it's less valuable as a villain's weapon (at least at the basic level).

The Queen wasn't in this volume either. Still awesome.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/shieldbro/comments/ff84t5/read_through_light_novel_vol_9_random_thoughts/

#rising of the shield hero #random thoughts #reddit repost

[teechew]

Transformers OC master post

They’re made for the IDW-verse. All the girls find themselves on the same shuttle, heading for Cybertron. Queue adventures. Bot size (Megatron for scale):

Holoforms size comparison:

IRONFURY

Tag: Ironfury Alt-mode: drill truck Role/Job: Foot soldier/Miner Affiliation: Ex-Decepticon - She tries to go along anyone. But if you attack her you’ll get a punch back Type of spark: Constructed cold - A malfunction made her spark split in two. Her brother simply got the next constructed body Age: Was already online before the war Weapon: Hand-to-hand specialist, The crane on her back can be used as a whip or a long sword. Her fighting style imitate the tiger school of martial art. She own build-in canon in her palm and shoot magma amunition Particularity: Specialized in metal schreding. She posesses a lava core around her spark. This give her a highter intern temperature. Fury possess a synchronised spark brother (twin),  They do NOT look alike

Personnality: Loudmouthed, hot-head and short fused are gentle words to explain that Fury has anger issues and a big problem with authority. She is of a joker nature and will gladly go out of her way to help her friends instead of obeying orders. Being isolated during a long period of time she can be pretty talkative and familiar

Backstory: She spend most of her days underground ; she actually liked her job, unlike her brother. When the revolution started she didn’t join immediatly, it’s only when it became a civil war and that her brother decided to participate that she joined... As a decepticon. She mainly wanted to be with her twin and tried to stick with him. Unfortunatly their superiors had other plans and they ended up separated. The abscence of her brother coupled with autoritarians orders made her lose sight and she left the Decepticons. On the run since then she tries to avoid staying in one place too long because of the DJD. Even though the war ended she still unsure she can go back on Cybertron without getting in trouble.

BOOMBOX

Tag: Boombox Alt-mode: Glitter car with complete sound system. Role/Job: Scout Affiliation: Decepticon, Though she was constructed by the Autobots Type of spark: constructed cold - M.T.O Age: She was activated less than 100 years before the end of the war - She’s considered a sparkling by some. Weapon: Regular guns and a sound blast. She’s also quite fast on her wheels. Particularity: Despite her paintjob, her continuous beat streaming and her talkative personnality she’s REALLY good at sneaking around. She has an Amica Endura in Sugarush - They have a duo attack where Boombox amplifies Sugarush’s sonar in a sonar scream.

Personnality: Exhuberant and confident. She’s a team player that can’t process well when alone. A real chatterbox you often ask yourself how she’s so good at sneaking around. An excellent liar, she’s very good at playing the obvious and clueless. Being young she’s reckless and dare a lot of stun, she likes speed and adventures but she’s also very loyal to her friend. She’ll defend shy Sugarush agasint the whole world if she has to !

Backstory: Immediatly threw in the battleground after her activation, Boombox never knew better than the war. She survived thanks to her lies and quick thinking. She met Sugarush, an other MTO, and both worked so well together that non only their superiors were always putting them on the same mission but they became Amica Endura. The only time they got separated was when Boombox was sent on Earth for a scouting mission - there she discovered the many music style and LOVED IT ! Now that the war is over she’s excited to know that peace is all about. So far: politics is annoying.

SUGARUSH

Tag: Sugarush Alt-mode: Shark Submarine Role/Job: Scout / Assassin Affiliation: Decepticon. Type of spark: constructed cold - M.T.O Age: Activated 200 years before the end of the war - She’s considered a sparkling by some. Weapon: Hidden blades in her forearms. She also can produces a sonar pulse - originally she uses it to locate herself in deep/dark waters. Particularity: Her forehead is an echo chamber, any small bump on it get amplified and can knock her out. She’s an excellent cook and do energon croquettes like nobody else ! She has an Amica Endura in Boombox - They have a duo attack where Boombox amplifies Sugarush’s sonar in a sonar scream.

Personnality: Due to isolation after her activation she was unable to pick up social skills and end up very shy and akward around people. She’s better when left alone or with close friends. However she’s a flight or fight type of friend and will go against her will just to help her friends! She’s brave but needs encouragment to do well. Stressed at all time she often imagine the worst scenarios. She has a knack for sweet food and exploration. She’s the happiest when water is involved and loves swimming.

Backstory: Nobody though the hydrobot would survive once activated. Because her alt-mode was only suited for water environment she was often put on the side of mission and was isolated - This let her discover her cooking skills but she felt miserable and useless. So she trained according to her weakness to make them assets instead. From a slowish bot she became one of the fastest running scout. She also learned how to move gracefully outside of water and doing it silently. She became an excellent assassin able to find her way in vents and corridors with ease thanks to her internal sonar. Her name was orinally Steelfang but everyone started calling her Sugarush due to her sweet tooth and the fact that she would shake everytime she got to talk about a topic she liked. One day she was paired with a chatterbox and despite their opposite personnality they became best friend and worked together since then. Sugarush is excited for the war to be over. She hopes to get some exploration done on Cybertron with Boombox.

STARLIGHT

Tag: Starlight Alt-mode: Bike-copter Role/Job: Mascot Sniper/First aid Affiliation: Non-aligned Type of spark: Unknow Age: Seems to be less than 15 years old. Weapon: Thanks to her scavenging knowledge she build herself arms that she can use as weapons. She prefers long range one like sniper rifle. She’s also amazingly ressourful. Particularity: Missing her right arm she doesn’t seems handicaped by it and can even transform just fine. Her left-forearm is equipped with medical tools - she don’t know how to use them much and is in need of a proper medical formation. She’s a bit clumsy and trips on her blades often.

Personnality: Because she was left isolated for so long she’s very curious of everything and ask a lot of questions ; but she’s well behaved and do so with politness. She still very naive and thinks everyone is kind and friendly - often at her own expense.

Backstory: Nobody seems to know where she comes from and how she came to be and WHY such a young sparkling was left alone, scavenging for her survival, on a wasteland planet where the Cybertronian war left nothing but corpses and crashsite. Left unchecked the sparkling learned to build weapon and shelters on her own. She had no idea that a big war was happenning and was simply surviving , wainting for someone to come and tell her what to do. She’s excited to see Cybertron and makes other sparkling friends !

COREDIVE

Tag: Coredive Alt-mode: Car Role/Job: Technician / Hacker Affiliation: Non-aligned - Velocytronian Type of spark: Forged Age: Approx 2 million years old. But due to being a colonist she did not participate in the war. Weapon: Regular guns. She posesses an invisibility cloak as well as hacking fingertips. She’s best suited for infiltration without confrontation. Particularity:  She can uses her fingers and hair for better hacking, projecting herself directly in the systems ; this is not without risks. Her foot model are design to make no sound when she walks. She’s very intelligent and can think twice as fast as anyone.

Personnality: Confident, vain and shallow, Coredive isn’t your friendly-neighbour and will complains about you and your paintjob right after you met her. She likes when things are done fast and well and if possible without much effort and trouble involved. She will not trust you until you’ve prooven yourself  and if you are wary of her she won’t blame you ; but she’ll certainly won’t do much to help you trust her. Once you get to know her she’s a very insecure person with a constant need of validation. Like any Velocitronian she enjoy speed and races.

Backstory: Meet the official owner of the shuttle. Her mission was simple: leave Cybertron, get the cargo on this lost-in-space station, come back, get paid. But apparently her shuttle has the words “FREE RIDE FOR CYBERTRON” written all over it. Cause now she lives with 5 bots she never met before. Originally her mission was a punishment for hacking in a community computer and got caugh. She was more than happy to leave Cybertron where everyone seems to know her and her bad reputation from Velocitron and her so-many hacking job at changing races scores for her various employers. Althrough she likes speed she embraces any deviation from their original course to Cybertron, she doesn’t want to go “home”.

COMETSTRIKE

Tag: Cometstrike Alt-mode: Spacebound jet Role/Job: Soldier (ex lieutenant) Affiliation: Rogue Autobot - currently has a bounty on her head Type of spark: Forged Age: Was activated long before the war. Weapon: She posesses energon blades on her forearms and exceles during flight fight. She’s an experienced soldier and good strategist. Particularity:  She’s design to fly and walking feels akward to her so she hoover above the ground. Her wings are fully articulated. Her right eye is her blind spot.

Personnality: A natural send of the justice and fairplay, Comet is a stern person whom clearly saw too much during the war. A bot of few words she prefers acting than talking and is a natural leader. Though she knows when to listen and follow orders when giving some. To relax and unwind she can often be found flying around and do acrobatics, she just love flying. Surprinsigly she’s self-conscious about her scars and hide them with her visor at all time.

Backstory: She was a good autobot, a promessing soldier that was climbing the rank slowly but steadily... And then she became rogue. She doesn’t like to talk about it but when she does ; she simply said that she didn’t betrayed the cause, that the cause betrayed her. Just like Fury she’s on the run but don’t hide from her hunters and even confront them. She’s the one that found Starlight and agreed to stay around her only until she get proper helps on Cybertron. 

#transformers #maccadam #TFOC #masterpost #ironfury #boombox #sugarush #starlight #coredive #cometstrike

[fredrichards91]

How To Save Your Marriage Author Incredible Diy Ideas

Taking professional help - never be a harsh tone.Getting help from parents, or well enough to be reliable.Every year, it keeps on getting higher and higher.Changing the way you look at what was left for you.

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#How To Save Your Marriage Author Incredible Diy Ideas #Save Marriage Zaza

[rilenerocks]

Sometimes there’s just no making sense of anything. Despite all your best efforts to weave the random events of a life, a culture, a world, a planet, into an orderly cohesive structure, it just doesn’t work. I’ve been grappling with this for days. My brain is hopping from thing to thing. My main personal assignment right now is to continue writing the family history I’m working on for my kids and theirs. Mentally, I’m supposed to be in Chicago during the late 1950’s and early 1960’s, writing my memories from about age 10 to my high school graduation at age seventeen.

I’m not at a loss for what to write. Instead, I’m doing exactly what I always promised myself I wouldn’t do – I’m censoring myself. I’m trying to sort out my principles, my morality. I have plenty to say about that period in time. Some of the characters in my stories are dead. I don’t have to worry about exposing anything about them. But others are alive and even if they’re not part of my current life, the people who are still part of theirs are out there and I don’t want to create any issues between them, between me and them or any other variation on those themes. I’m funny about that stuff.

My dad called me a weasel. My husband said I was the most larcenous individual he ever met. When I’m on a mission to get what I want, I’m relentless and a rulebender if not a rulebreaker. But I have my moral standards and one of them is to be protective of the privacy of others, especially if it’s been clear that their need for privacy is one of their most serious issues. It’s funny. I grew up in a family which had a widely varying degree of openness about personal matters. Some of the crew never wanted a word uttered about themselves to anyone. Others were more flexible or rather, more inconsistent about what could be shared. It all depended on the day. My mom was an interesting mix. She was a talker and often, inappropriately so. But she had invisible lines that made knowing what was open game for conversation confusing. She complained a lot about how close-mouthed my dad was, and ranked all four of her kids in terms of how much dad we had in us. I was the most open talker. After thinking things over, I realized that a lot of secrets people kept were fairly insignificant and often led to people being cut off and unhappy. Some of them even fretted themselves into ulcerative colitis.

I shared a lot. But not everything.  I actually enjoyed realizing that most people figured they knew me really well while I was holding back some information that would have surprised them. That outgoing style was a good cover. I’m truly quite good at keeping secrets. My daughter calls me the vault. But my family of origin was different. Both my parents told me to never, ever put anything important in writing. That didn’t suit me at all. I wrote all the time. But in fairness, I’ve kept a copy of every significant letter or essay in which I’ve exposed myself. Insurance. I wanted to make sure that I had evidence to support myself in the event someone might question me. I’m all about paper trails. But anyway. Juggling these decisions has done a bit of a number on me. I used to write all the time in my head and never get any of it out because of quandaries like this. To me that’s going backwards. So I’m just going to share a bunch of random, disorganized thoughts in a stream of consciousness way until I make up my mind about how to go back and pick up my other task.

I’ve been grumpy for days. I set myself up for this all the time. I have a lifelong habit of going to the mat for people in both big and little ways. I remember events from long ago that still have significance to me, but that have faded into the distant past for some people. When I was once important, I’m not so much any more. My time as a caregiver took me way out of the social loops I used to occupy in one way or another. So even though I’m trying to rejoin some of the circles I used to be in, I’m way out of those spheres. I’ve had some disappointments lately which made me feel excluded. I have to remind myself that if I’ve done, or if I choose to do something, it needs to be because it’s what I’m requiring of myself. No expectations on what the return will be. That’s a losing game. I’m up against a long history of being trained to keep score. My mom kept tabs on all kinds of her perceived injustices and I can still hear her voice in my head, pointing out the disparities between who did what for whom. Sometimes I forget that I chose not to go that route. On my emotionally sensitive days, I can get mean spirited and small. I’m not that much different than anyone else. I get to be a loser sometimes. I’ll willingly admit, all this kind of stuff is harder without the intimacy of having Michael backing me up. As fiercely as we could disagree about multiple issues, when it came to the bottom line, he was always on my team. And eventually we were so encoded with each other that it didn’t take much to feel embraced and accepted no matter what. Two years plus down the road after his death, his absence is no less noticeable today than it was right after he died. In fact, as daily life goes on, that secure space, now gone, is more amplified. There simply isn’t anyone or anything that can fill what we built during our 45 years together. I have a strong, independent spirit and I can do what I’m doing. But it’s lonely without him.

So, darling, be home soon I couldn’t bear to wait an extra minute if you dawdled My darling, be home soon It’s not just these few hours, but I’ve been waiting since I toddled For the great relief of having you to talk to

with.

The other day, I couldn’t get The Lovin’ Spoonful song lyric from “Darling Be Home Soon” out of my head – “ for the great relief of having you to talk to.” Yeah. That’s what I miss the most. I keep trying to get it done by all my letter writing but it’s not the same as having someone with an understanding look listening to you speak. When I say this kind of thing, I find that people have a tendency to deflect what I feel.

They send me memes about things like hoping to get back the part of yourself that went with your dear departed. I don’t feel like that at all. I feel whole. Michael was whole too. We were together as equals. The thought of me missing a piece of myself is absurd to me. But maybe that’s what people think, especially those who think they know me and haven’t experienced the crises that I have. If they’re lucky they won’t. I’m mad that I got robbed of my life companion too early. I’d have liked another 10 or 15 years before becoming a widow. I don’t have many friends in my peer group who are in my spot. And those widows I did know have partnered up. That’s ok with me – it’s just not for me.

So I’m thinking back to when I was first going to start this blog. And one of my original names for it was The Observation Deck. Because all my life, I’ve felt that I’ve stood a bit apart, participating but holding back a little and watching, trying to figure things out. Trying to stay ahead of troubles. There were too many surprises when I was young and I didn’t like being caught off guard. I guess that makes me a control freak. For the most part it’s a successful tool for me. But having a partner who made me fully relax for so long has made going back to those old school anticipatory operations harder. I think lots of things get harder as you get older.

Thankfully, some things get easier. I don’t care as much about as many things as I used to which is quite a relief. So, yeah, I hate the well-meaning memes. And I also hate when people try to remind me of all the great things I’ve got like kids and grandchildren. I realize there are plenty of people who want those but don’t have them. But that doesn’t mean that what I do have fits into the empty space where Michael belongs. We had ten years together before we had kids and we weren’t freaked out when we became “empty nesters.”

We just went right back to the lifestyle we’d led before the kids came. I have trouble understanding why people can’t just let another person express an uncomfortable or sad thought without feeling they have to try ameliorating those expressions. I find it annoying and diminishing. Sometimes things just are the way they are and people should hold their spot and just be empathetic. Keep the memes and the comparative thoughts to yourselves, folks. It’s ok to be unhappy sometimes.

I went to my classes today and afterward I was hungry for a salad. I went to one of my favorite downtown restaurants and sat by the window, eating and watching people bustle around the streets. A number of them jangled my radar. They were disheveled, they were mumbling to themselves and they were panhandling. They clearly had mental issues. The chasm between the comfortable and the wealthy and the uncomfortable and the poor widens daily. So many troubled people roaming the streets with far too few resources available to assist them. I was on the fringes today, the fringes of my own feelings and thoughts, the fringes of my peers and the fringes of a society that allows for such disparities in its citizens. You have to pull yourself back from those edges when your thoughts start running together and you find yourself incoherent.

Time for a nature break. I drove myself to a lovely retaining pond which was built to shore up the problems of a dirty old creek. Michael and I would go sit there when he was sick and watch the waterfowl, the insects and the native plants swaying in the breeze when he couldn’t travel far. Since that time there’s been an apartment complex built on one side but it didn’t destroy the ambience of this in-town peaceful place. I took a lot of photos there to share in this post. They are what held me together on this incoherent day.

Incoherence Sometimes there’s just no making sense of anything. Despite all your best efforts to weave the random events of a life, a culture, a world, a planet, into an orderly cohesive structure, it just doesn’t work.

[tobiasmasonpark]

    So, what I initially believed to be a genius original statement about Pet Sematary—that the movie should have stayed buried—turned out to be the title of, like, half a dozen movie reviews. And, now that I think about it, I probably stole it from Cinemasins’ review of the original 1989 movie…

    My point is I was pretty disappointed by Pet Sematary.

    Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I psyched myself out in the weeks leading up to the movie. Maybe I was disappointed because there were changes from the book? Or, maybe it really was just a bleh sort of adaptation to a Stephen King novel I really enjoyed.

    Anyway, here are some things that bothered me, and a few things I liked.

    Cue the original Ramones’ tune.

Source: https://www.joblo.com/movie-posters/2019/pet-sematary/image-35124    

    Naturally adaptations can be tricky. There’s always going to be guys and gals like me complaining that they changed too much from the book, or that they didn’t change enough about it. And there are times when things need to be cut because, realistically, only so much of a text can fit into a 2-hour run time while keeping the interest of its fickle audience.

    But I’m not against the idea of changes in adaptations. It—the 2017 version-- for example, was a great adaptation of a Stephen King work. It remained mostly faithful to the first half of the book while making some changes. They left out the giant space turtle that spewed out the universe after a sore tummy, the hotboxing the kids do in their fort that shows them the monster’s origin story, and—thankfully—the train the boys run on Beverley in the tunnels.

    I didn’t care that left out that stuff. It really doesn’t change the premise of the story or the personality of the characters. The fact that they changed the time period from the 50s to the 80s, for example, barely alters anything aside from at whom to direct the nostalgia. Basically, any town in a Stephen King work can be translated into whatever decade you want. Middle America, from what I hear, doesn’t change all that much.

    What bothers me is when changes are made just for the sake of change, because they think they’ll wow the audience, because their movie needs jump scares like all the other horror movies out there, or because they want to be like M. Knight, and throw in some Shyamalan-style twists.

    Take those creepy kids from the trailer:

Source: https://www.nme.com/news/watch-creepy-new-trailer-stephen-kings-pet-sematary-released-2388664                    

    Sure, aesthetically, that’s some spooky imagery. It’s not in the books, but that’s fine. They looked creepy, with their masks, walking in a funeral procession, banging that drum. Great stuff for a trailer. But they don’t do anything with it, save for Ellie wearing a similar mask in the climax. There’s no point of it being in the movie at all. If the kids weren’t in it, we’d still have the Pet Sematary itself. We’d know that kids buried their pets there. Nothing would change other than the number of people to add to the end credits.

    Someone could argue, oh, maybe it implies that these creepy kids were also buried? There is that highway they keep open for some reason. Maybe they were also run over by trucks? Maybe they came back wrong?

    And I would totally love that as a concept. It would definitely help with this movie’s ending. A town that eventually gets over-run with zombies, and the last few humans must hunt them down?

Source: https://waxworkrecords.com/collections/vinyl/products/salems-lot              

    Oh wait…that’s the plot to ‘Salem’s Lot…

    Unfortunately, for maybe the first time ever in a Stephen King movie—save for the Shining and Gerald’s Game, which were more character pieces anyway—we never really meet anyone else in the town, save for Jud. So, I can only assume that the kids are unaware of the real evil burial ground behind the Pet Sematary, and just like to dress up when burying their dead pets.

    Plus, we see Church and Ellie are constantly dirty after they’re resurrected. These kids are clean, especially for kids. So, we can rule out them being anything other than the subjects of the next Killer Kids.

    Sure, the kids are creepy. But it does nothing for the movie in the long run. The isolation of the Creeds among the woods can provide the chills and thrills we seek without relying on creepy children we never see again…

    They also change which Creed child gets hit by the truck. I’ll be honest, I didn’t see the trailer. I wanted to go in fresh. So, I had no idea Ellie was featured as the main zombie in this…

    In the book, Gage dies. This was, I hear, inspired by a close call Stephen King had with his own son. The premise of the book came from the what-if that plagued him. And it’s because Gage is so young, a little boy no older than 2 or 3, with his whole life ahead of him, that makes his demise so tragic.

    Granted, Ellie is only nine, so it’s still incredibly tragic. So, I’m not upset by the decision to change it. I mean, I saw the original movie from 1989. The special effects they use for evil Gage were…not very good. And even in the book, some of the things that come out of the dead boy’s mouth are a tad silly—even for King, who, again, wrote a scene in which eleven-year-old boys take turns having sex with their one girl friend to escape the monster’s tunnel, despite having defeated, at least for the time being, the monster. I completely understand the decision to avoid something like this from happening again:

Source: https://www.express.co.uk/celebrity-news/726081/Stephen-King-Pet-Sematary-kid-Gage-Creed-looks-like-now-Miko-Hughes          

    But I think that’s only half the reason they changed it to Ellie. I really think they just wanted to throw a twist at those of us who read the book. And that’s something I don’t like. Twists for the sake of twists aren’t cool. Trust me, I wasn’t bored when little Gage Creed started running over to the highway with glee. I knew what was coming and was still uncomfortable. The fact Ellie got hit instead was more of an “oh…I guess they’re going that way? Makes sense…”

    But all of that I’d give a pass, if not for the jump scares—and this movie probably has more fake out jump scares than people in the movie—I won’t count Rachel’s parents, since they have no lines, or Zelda, who is more of a tool, or the cat because it is a cat.

    Jump scares aren’t scary to me. If I jolt in my seat, it’s because my ears are being assaulted by sudden noise, and my body is reacting to it. The pounding in my chest is not because I expect Ellie to be hiding under the bed, or behind the door. It’s because I’m waiting for that dumb sound. It’s not going to keep me up at night, thinking about the creepy things I saw in the movie. It just makes me regret seeing it at all. Its cheap, and so many horror movies use them—even the good ones.

    Rachel’s sister’s affliction with spinal meningitis, and her death, was, for me, the best part of the book and both the 1989 movie, and this adaptation. I grew up with a sibling who dealt with ailments all her life, and she passed away because of them, so Zelda’s demise is the only part of the movie and a major part of the book that made me squirm in my seat. I don’t know about anyone else who watched the movie, but someone who is ill is plenty scary, and for many reasons: the visual of it, seeing the person in so much pain and being unable to help, but also the guilt you feel because you don’t have to go through it. And, worst of all, that part of you is glad when their pain finally stops.

    It’s a powerful image, and the movie got points from me for it.

    But there are some issues, still. They change the way Zelda dies. In the book, she chokes to death, and Rachel hears her suffering, but doesn’t do anything because she doesn’t like interacting with her sister anymore. In the movie, they have Rachel send the food up to Zelda through a dumb-waiter, and Zelda falls attempting to grab the food for herself.

    It seems like a silly thing to gripe about, given the conclusion is the same: Zelda dies, and Rachel is scarred by it. But they changed it, I think, because visually it looked scarier than the book and they couldn’t figure out how to add a jump scare to a motionless teenager. Again, I don’t know if anyone else has experienced it, but watching someone go that way—i.e., slow and painfully-- is terrifying. And it would have served the movie better because stuff like that happens.

    Also, there’s the fact that Rachel herself says Zelda was bed-ridden and couldn’t move around much. So, I doubt that Zelda climbed out of bed herself and fell down a dumb-waiter.

    Now, is the movie bad because not everyone in the audience had the misfortune of watching a loved one die? No. People are scared by different things, as we see in all of King’s works—clowns, vampires, werewolves, creepy shop owners, getting left in handcuffs in your cottage miles away from civilization because your husband took too many blue pills and got a heart attack when you kicked him, because he wouldn’t take no for an answer, and then a dog eats him, and there’s something about a killer on the lose…The usual stuff.

    But I do think that what we got was not nearly as creepy as the book.

    They keep Victor Pascow in the movie, which could have been left out. I wasn’t super into the ghost concept in the book to begin with. It’s not necessary. They establish early on that the burial ground calls to its victims. Jud could have been the one to try to warn Louis and Rachel to stay away. And the barriers still would have been there to keep Rachel from getting to Louis on time. There, the movie stays pretty much the same with some minor tweaks.

    The movie clearly gets tired of Victor, however, because he stops showing up after he gets Gage’s attention and Rachel decides to go see Louis. In the book, Victor is a semi-regular presence once they come across the Pet Sematary. After Gage dies, Victor warns Louis not to give into the pull of the burial grounds. Then, when that doesn’t work, Pascow tries contacting Ellie—who did not get hit by a truck in the novel—who tells Rachel, who recognizes the name from earlier, and then goes—on her own—to see Louis. It was actually pretty silly for her to bring her baby along with her if she thought there was something to be worried about…But I guess we wouldn’t have this movie’s ending if she did the reasonable thing…

    On the way home, a series of events take place that hinder Rachel from arriving on time, implying the burial ground’s magic works beyond the town in which its situated.

    Now, this plays out pretty much the same way in the movie, but differently. We know that the burial grounds have a pull to them, but it’s done…more quickly. As if they realized, oh, we’ve reached the climax of the film and haven’t used our creepy murder kid to murder people yet. Better do that.

    I also was not a fan of the way Ellie physically changes to look like Zelda to taunt Rachel, nor the way Rachel imagines herself in a bed with her spine twisting. To be honest, I don’t recall whether it was like this in the book. If it was, I would have preferred they didn’t add that to the movie at all. The movie is creepy with its main premise.

    Also--and again, maybe this is an issue that was also present in the book—why would Rachel go back to her parent’s house, when she spent the entire movie talking about how she could hear Zelda in the walls? She’s there a whole day and then she goes through that illusion. I know she didn’t want to be in the new house after Ellie died. But couldn’t they have written that Rachel went to stay with her parents in a different, non-Zelda haunted house?

    Ah, but then we wouldn’t get the creepy scene with Rachel’s spine twisting, with jump scares…Bleh.

    OH! And then there’s this one line in the movie that bugged the crap out of me.

    OK, so, in the book, Ellie is asking her parents about death—like she does in the movie—and she asks why God couldn’t just take his own cat.

    Well, this line is altered and given to Louis in the movie. Rachel asks why Louis brought Ellie back, and he says something along the lines of God can kill his own kid.

    Louis Creed may not be very well versed in Christianity. He professes to not believe in an afterlife. No worries. I don’t expect everyone to know everything about the religion—I certainly am not an expert. But how could he not know that’s exactly the story of Jesus, one of the most well-known religious figures on the planet? I’m talking just the basic stuff someone who went to a high school or college or watched a movie or read a book would know. God sent Jesus down to earth to die for the sins of humanity… It’s a small gripe, I guess. Maybe someone in real life would say that—probably in response to the old funeral favourite: it’s God’s plan. People say all sorts of things when grieving. Maybe the extent of Louis’ knowledge about religion is limited to Judaism, where Jesus isn’t a major figure.

    But it just sounded like a dumb line in a movie I already wanted to be over.

    Pet Sematary is a very quiet sort of horror novel. I mean, Louis burns down his house, and shoots both his dead son and the evil cat. But aside from that, the terror comes from the book’s main theme: coping with death, specifically young people. It’s about the unfairness of the people or things we love leaving us so soon. Louis’ temptation to bury Gage/Ellie is heart wrenching, because who among us wouldn’t have considered it? The burial ground doesn’t need a magic pull. Knowing of its existence would be enough. Because it’s human for that temptation to be there. And it’s made even more difficult to read about/watch when Louis does it all again after burying his wife—right after shooting his little boy.

    But we don’t get any of that in this movie. Louis gets killed by his resurrected wife and is also buried. The movie ends with the dead family—Church included—closing in on young Gage Creed, who was put in the family car for safety by Louis.

    Cue a cover of the Ramones song.

    Maybe if I never read the book, this would have been a cooler ending. I really didn’t want to keep comparing the movie to the novel. I wanted to give it a fair chance to stand on its own. But it’s difficult not to compare. I honestly think the book is better—by a long shot.

    The movie had good moments, though. The burial grounds themselves look amazing—far better than how I imagined it while reading the book. Although, I swear the symbol on the trees used to ward off people looks exactly like the symbol of the Kokiri stone from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I couldn’t find a still from the movie on google, but I can’t be the only one to see it, right?

Source: https://zelda.fandom.com/wiki/Deku_Shield        

    Now that I think about it…the Kokiri are children…and they become Koroks, who wear weird masks…Could Legend of Zelda and Pet Sematary share a universe?!

    We don’t see the Wendigo much in the movie, but we didn’t get a good look at it in the novel either. Less may have been more in this case. And the cast is great. The Creed family is sweet together. And John Lithgow is always fantastic.

    But the movie just didn’t do it for me.

    At the very least, it got me to want to read the book again.

#pet semetary 2019 #stephen king #wendigo #the ramones #movie reviews #sometimesdeadisbetter #shouldhavestayedburied #winstonchurchill #zelda #kokiri #victor pascow #gage creed #derry maine

[jalmostauthorblog]

How I Came to Meditation

Fade in

Tibetan bowl music plays

Jacob

(calm tone)

This is Tibetan bowl music, it’s made by rubbing a wooden stick - I don’t know the proper name for the instrument - along the interior of a brass bowl. Just listen to it for a little while.

Music continues to play

Jacob

It’s soothing, isn’t it? It’s meant to help with meditation: sit and listen to it with your closed, slowly  breathing in and out, focusing on nothing but the rhythmic humming of the bowl as it fades into the distance. Monks do it to gain spiritual enlightenment, to detach themselves from the physical world and gain access to higher form of existence. I’m an atheist, I don’t believe there’s a higher form of existence than this one; I believe you die, and that’s it, no reincarnation, no heaven, no hell. But everyday, I find the quietest space I can, and sit and listen to this for ten to twenty minutes, just so I can be ten percent less manic about everything going on in my life.

Intercut sounds: Car horns honking, people’s voices in a crowded dining hall, loud abrasive rock music

Silence

Tibetan bowl music plays again

Jacob

This lyric essay is about meditation, and how the various stressors in my life, including my struggles in school, relationships, and really, life in general pushed to rely on it as a necessary tool for maintaining my sanity.

(Music fades out)

Jacob

It’s ironic, I thought going to college would turn me into an adult, that jumping into an environment where I’d be on my own for the first time in my life would magically endow me with all the skills necessary to successfully navigate the real world. In truth, it made me feel like a child, dealing with the crushing sense of incompetence that comes from having to do things you’re not entirely sure you know how to.

Intercut narration

Jacob

(mildly anxious tone)

Read chapters one through eighteen of ‘Tess of the d’Urbervilles by Thursday; Memorize anatomical terms for lab practicum; jog for at least thirty minutes every morning; remember to eat healthy; read at least one news article to stay informed; get involved around campus; schedule time to meet with your professors; join Linkedin and start making connections; update resume - oh shit, I don’t have a resume; revise essay for Principles of Literary Study; read a book for fun; get eight hours of sleep.

(Calming nature sounds play)

Jacob

Before I came to Rutgers, my life was simple: I lived with my parents in their house in Lake Hopatcong, they paid for all my food, clothing, and utilities; even though I was an adult, they didn’t mind still providing for me, I cleaned up around the house, never got in trouble, and kept to myself. I was also working on my associate’s degree at County College of Morris, in Randolph. To be honest, I would have rather gone straight to a university, but my final grades from high school were not impressive, so community college was my only option. CCM wasn’t easy, but I never found myself having panic attacks, at least until my last semester there.

It was spring of 2016, and I only needed two more courses to get my associate’s degree, the only problem was, they needed to be science classes. I’m an english nerd, having to dissect frogs was never my forte. My first trouble came when I had to take my first exam for Concepts in Biology - basically Biology for non-bio majors. I had studied my notes for almost two weeks, but when I sat down to take the test, it all just escaped me, there questions to things I didn’t remember going over in class, lists of terms that all seemed to be describing the same thing. When my mom picked me up that afternoon, I was a nervous wreck.

sound of heart pounding

            Jacob

I told her everything I just told you, and that I was afraid I’d fail, and not graduate in time to transfer to Rutgers. She did the typical mom thing, told me it would alright, then suggested I go online and try to find a video or something about relaxation exercises. Like any 23-year-old, I was hesitant to take my mother’s advice, but I knew I didn’t want to feel like this anymore, so I went to YouTube and searched for “meditation,” and found a twenty minute exercise led by a pretty, dark-haired woman named Melissa. I closed the blinds in my bedroom, started the video ….

Sound of heart pounding stops

Jacob

(relieved tone)

… and it worked. Twenty minutes later I opened my eyes ad felt better than I had in … I don’t know how long. It was like magic, everything came to me clearly and I could concentrate. I played the video and did the exercise every other, and finished out my last semester at CCM with Bs in both my science courses. Now, all my classes are in subjects I actually enjoy, I still get stressed from time-to-time about the work I have to do, but now I have a tool I can pull out of my pocket anytime I need it.

When you think about it, school is easy, you just follow directions, do whatever the teacher or the professor asks you to do, with your success depending on how much effort you’re willing to put in - work is pretty much the same, as is paying your bills, cooking, and taking care of your house. So many of the big parts of adult life that people complain of as being daunting, really aren’t, if you just follow the instructions. Of course, there’s one component of living in the real world that doesn’t come with instructions; one crucial, mysterious part of life that can be absolutely disastrous to navigate if one is not properly prepared.

(‘Mowgli’s Road,’ by Marina and the Diamonds starts playing)

Jacob

(sarcastic tone)

Relationships! Aren’t they just so much fun? Isn’t trying to find another human being, whom you find attractive, and who finds you attractive, and with whom you have enough emotional and intellectual compatibility to enjoy spending time around, as-well-as confess your deepest held hopes, dreams, and fears just sooooo easy? Especially when you consider the fact, that you have to pick this person out of the seven billion some odd people on this Earth? No? Well welcome to my world ass hole.

Romance has always eluded me, my parents didn’t talk to me about it growing up, nor did I want them to, I wasn’t interested in dating in junior high and high school, I just didn’t think it was the right time to do such things; and even if I was interested, I still wouldn’t have asked my mother and father for advice, for reasons I won’t go into here. As I would find out later, however, I was only screwing myself over. When I started at community college, I thought love would just happen to me, I’d meet a cool girl, and we’d just hit it off. But, that did not happen. I had no idea how to engage with women I was interested - literally no idea. And if one happened to be interested in me, I would magically lose all my social skills, I’d curl up into a fetal position, and find that I had forgotten how to use my mouth to communicate.

Again, I just didn’t know what to do, dating doesn’t come with a syllabus, there’s no rubric for asking a girl out, and you can’t go to office hours to learn where your flirting needs improvement. Yes, you can learn how to do these things, but I just was never able to: my older brother is gay, so I can’t talk to him about women, and I was never good at making friends - boys or girls - so there was never anyone I could ask about these things. Like any awkward, lovelorn boy in the twenty-first century I turned to the internet - I don’t mean porn, pull your mind out of the garbage.  I found articles on where to meet girls, how to approach them, what to say and how to hold their attention, all of it sounding reasonable. But, like any book worm, I know that it’s one thing to read about something, and another to actually translate it to the real world.

‘Mowgli’s Road’ fades out

(condescending, self-deluded tone)

So I decided to wait until I transferred to university, to an environment where I thought I could more easily pursue my quest. I convinced myself that community college just wasn’t a good place to find love: it was a county college, so people were coming from all over, and it just wouldn’t be convenient if I met someone I liked, and they happened to live in another town. No, it wouldn’t be convenient at all.  Also, these were only community college girls, they weren’t at the intellectual level I needed for a partner, the girls at university would be much more suitable.

So I’m at university, no more excuses, I’m surrounded by women my own age, here (I assume) looking for the same thing I am … and I just can’t make it happen. The closest I came was last semester, when there was a girl in my creative writing class I had a crush on. I planned it all out: before class started I would politely ask her to step to the side with me, where I would look her in the eyes, and ask her if she would like to go out with me. If she said yes, great; if she said no, I’d just brush it off: ‘Oh, that’s cool.’ But sure enough, I chickened out. I waited until class ended, and slipped her a note with ‘Will you go out with me?’ hastily scribbled on it. She picked it up, saw what I had written, and put the note away without even looking at me.

Down tempo, angry rock music starts playing

Jacob

(bitter and distressed)

I’d see couples walking around holding hands, here moaning from bedrooms late on weekend nights, and just become consumed with slow-burning rage, I’d want to scream at people: ‘Why is it easy for you, and not for me?’ And it felt good a while, it felt good getting angry, at least for a little while. I know that this was no way to live, so I did what I know I had to do.

Angry rock music stops

Silence

Tibetan bowl music plays

     Jacob

Meditation functions in the opposite way people think it does, people think you’re supposed to clear your mind of everything, when in fact, you’re supposed to focus on whatever is causing you distress. Sitting there, my eyes closed, I thought of all the anger I felt at not being able to figure out love, and I realized, all that anger I felt, was anger at myself. I realized the reason I kept stopping myself from doing things the way I knew I was supposed to, was because I was afraid of doing everything right and still failing. When the music stopped, and I opened my eyes, I knew that if I wanted to find love, I needed to admit there were things about myself I needed to work on before I was ready to give my life over to another person. I had to stop beating myself up because my life wasn’t what I thought it should be. How could I expect someone to love me if I couldn’t love myself?

In the West, and especially here in America, I feel like we’re conditioned to not look within ourselves for the source of our problems. We think everything can be solved by changing our external circumstances, by buying things, taking pills, blasting our emotions at the people and things that make us angry. We’ve surrounded ourselves with so much noise, that we’ve forgotten what it truly means to listen. That’s what meditation does for me, it helps me to detach myself from all the commotion crashing over me, to be in the moment, and realize, that even though I’ll always have problems in my life, I have the tools within myself to stop them from controlling me.

Music fades out

#s17stmpno4 #ididthisforclass