#both terrifying thoughts .

[heymacy]

IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies #(more thoughts at the end of the tags) #shameless #shamelessnet #shamelessedit #ian gallagher #cameron monaghan #*macygifs #bipolar disorder #hello pals how are we doin #i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags #and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes) #i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation #that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day #world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder #which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life #while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life #and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines #over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful #i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended #hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles #world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder #and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized) #it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all #it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen #so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can. #we are worth it #i promise #anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder #go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives

[fidelishaereticus]

so, old news obvious news blah blah, but i keep seeing people not getting this about my girl gideon nav so have to say: i think at first blush, people get the impression that Harrow’s got all the convolutions and layers and hidden vulnerability whereas gideon wears her heart on her sleeve and is just brazenly herself (a loveable rowdy himbo) & that’s the contrast. and yes, that’s there, but that’s not all. that dynamic itself is a part of their mutual (codependent) front, and like everything else in this book, it gets peeled back. 

i think the real contrast is that they’ve both got masks, and those masks are complimentary. they’re both kids who never got a childhood. they grew up tortured in the same place from very different angles with no one but each other to butt heads against. they both had to play-act grown up versions of themselves with few models for what a well-adjusted adult even looked like. so it’s cartoonish. gideon is the plucky hero of her own adventure story that will totally have a happy ending some day, far far away from her nemesis whom she’s totally not in love with. harrow meanwhile (to grossly oversimplify) has to imagine herself as someone cruel and cold enough to cope with being alive at the price of 200 other people. these two things fit very well together. gideon can play the hero to harrow’s villain, and harrow can enact cruelty toward gideon to make herself feel strong and mean (and generally just to vent anguish). the way they hate one another is a kind of mutual protection - it re-enforces the self-image that each of them needs to get through the day. but that’s the coping mechanism. harrow the ruthless bones overlord. gideon the hapless swords idiot, who thinks of nothing but tiddies & sweet sweet vengence (harrow’s corpse in various states of disgrace ) all day. and behind that they’re both tearing apart at the seems beneath caricatures of themselves that are deeply unsustainable and neither of them feels safe letting on the extent to which that’s the case. their hearts are a goddamned mess. neither of them is wearing that shit on their sleeve.   so yeah, there’s a lot more to gideon than being a swords himbo but that’s not the wild thing. the wild thing is she’s so convincing that she somehow manages to sell people on her no braincells act while being the pov character of entire first novel.

- 

#[whispers] she doesn't want you to know she has enough braincells to feel trauma] #gideon nav #gideon the ninth #tlt #the locked tomb #come on guys #the himbo act is from the heart and that's why it's so convincing #but she's got a lot of other things going on and the scary thing is #she's capable of burrying them much deeper than harrow has ever managed to bury anything #if she ever decided to go Full Awful it would be truly terrifying & i think we're supposed to Feel That #[spreads hands at both gid's parents] #she's very like both of them and that should be an uncomfortable thought

[megsamforever]

I'm reading through the Jinlan City tag for SVSSS on AO3 again (because canon divergences for that are one of my favorite things) and I love that so many authors agree that the best way to fix things is for Shen Qingqiu and/or Luo Binghe to simply burst into tears.

#honestly one of my favorite tropes and I will never be tired of it #they're both going about it the wrong way in canon #luo binghe is angry and slightly menacing #which does NOT help matters when shen qingqiu is terrified of him #so having one of them burst into tears is perfect #because it completely disarms the other and helps them figure out that the situation isn't what they thought #bingqiu #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #svsss

[dykealloy]

luffy getting frozen-hugged to death by a bird harpy woman, so close to giving in and passing out only to be woken up by the very THOUGHT of zoro telling him to get a grip.

#CJ's op watch-through #one piece #abnormal about them. if you were wondering. #adding andaniellight's thoughts here: #sanji saying ''he's so tough of himself'' when zoro said that but what he couldn't understand is that zoro is so terrified #of luffy going above and beyond for the sake of his crew out of zoro's reach #(and the both of them losing their respective fights earlier) #when zoro spent 2 years worrying about luffy after hearing about how he lost his brother #like regardless of how happy go lucky luffy is zoro knows his fear of losing everyone after what he's gone through #is probably the strongest out of the whole crew combined #op #zolu

[marshmcore]

Pondering Sniper with his Emotional Support Scout (AU)

Modern+College AU speeding bullet

Both in their early transitional age (Scout is 19, Sniper is 22), they’ve already spent a handful of years, supposedly taking the steps to build their futures, but are they where they want to be? Are they going to where they want to be? Where is it anyways?

I just had the idea for a more grounded side to their story, slice-of-life in a coming-of-age setting, with themes of existentialism. I aged them down to make it work… Under cut for info dumps about these goobers 8)

Scout took a break right after high school, working for his family business (an unsuccessful one, ran by one of his oldest brothers). This used to be a summer job, a way to get extra money as a kid, but now he’s been a full time worker for 2.5 years, familial obligations exploiting him to stay, while being undermined by his narcissistic brother. He eventually gets out of it, but has to face the hurt from being used, and also the fact that he had to grow up so quickly as a kid (especially when he has to deal with the fallout caused by his Mom’s and Spy’s affairs. He and his Mom are in good terms, it’s just his Mom isn’t a good support system atm). Left to face the real world by himself, he tries to find a way to stabilize by himself, while trying to face his trauma (trauma from a missing father figure, and being treated as the black sheep of his family) as he finds a way to be more himself and be happy. He’s optimistic and responsible when the world calls for it, otherwise he’s most likely to test this new freedom (for better or worse). Eventually Spy comes around to try to reconnect with Scout, there’s no telling how Scout will cope with it when he’s in the midst his new-found freedom.

Sniper went straight to university, never once took a break from the school work, because he thinks that’s the only way to go about in life. He took up a program and career plan that was not right for him, but struggled his way through by retaking course’s countless of times, pulling off impossible all-nighters, etc. At some point he gave up, began to drop classes every semester, and finally quit the program. However, he started working somewhere in the industry he had been studying years for. He thought this could bring him forward, but it kept digging him a deeper grave. He’s a workaholic, impulsive, but lost. At a very young age, he was a subject of a tough custody battle between his neglectful biological parents (Lar-nah and Bill-bel), and his grandparents (who are Mr and Mrs Mundee in this AU). From that, his guardians want him to be better than his parents, and in return he strived for that. However, after giving up, he feels like a failure and is currently going through a period of depression. However, with the money he earned from his job, he wonders if he should take that road-trip he used to fantasize. He told himself doing this will help him find himself, but a part of him wonders if its just him trying to run away from something. Either way, he’s got a deal for a junk RV and he wants to renovate it!

After all that, Scout and Sniper meet, their lives are in the cross roads, and their relationship is a turning point as well. It feels like the world is moving faster than they can cope with, but can they find some respite in this new relationship together? DUN DUN DUUUN

Phew this was really fun to write! I really like their dynamic, romantic or not (idc). Them being the same age range inspired me to write this, because I know myself and some friends have gone through this similar experience aswell, and I just think its fun/interesting to explore that with they have in cannon.

A lot of this projection tho lmao with a loose base derived from cannon, and some embellishments to make this AU work.

#tf2 #marsh stuff #team fortress 2 #tf2 fanart #tf2 sniper #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout #tf2 au #tf2 fanfiction #speeding bullet #sniperscout #scoutsniper #woah this took more thought than I realized #it was 5am and i couldnt sleep #and i was listening to one of my playlists for those kinds of nights #and this happened #HOPE U LIKE HEHE #i ship speedingbullet in this context #i love existential coming of age stories and tgey both fit so well in it #wow i didn’t expect to think so deeply about sniperscout #maybe its because im moving out into a province i dont know #im currently dealing with changing careers rn and going back to school #im a lil terrified tbh so maybe thats why this came to me at 5am lol

[warchord]

guys is this a safe space.

original by ranchuppi

#genuinely terrified to post this lowk. #please tell me someones thoguht about their parallels. #like i knnow mizakai technically has the better parallels AND the rivalry AND he kills kaito /j but guys. #and i know that with vkai kaito has so much grief over losing v BUT GUYS. #theyre both so guilt ridden and theyre both being manipulated. i think about their back and forth in ep 42 alllll the timmeeeeeeee. #this is episode 42 and 57-58 to me. #i have more thoughts. too many for rn in fact. one day i will explain myself. #IVkai #Provokeshipping #my art #yugioh zexal

[thegirlsarethriving]

just finished undertale. ok i see the vision. i now understand yall's Sans-to-Benrey obsession pipeline. and the Papyrus-to-Tommy Coolatta pipeline

#undertale #hlvrai #hlvrai2 #benrey #tommy coolatta #papyrus #benry #hlvrai benry #sans undertale #sans #undertale sans #undertale spoilers #i loved Papyrus so much and the whole time i was playing i was like hmm he reminds me of someone...? TOMMY. HE REMINDS ME. OF TOMMY. #i played pacifist but i saw how if u kill every1 n spare Papyrus Sans tells him every1 else is on a vacation bc truth would be too hard #file under: lies Gordon would tell Tommy if anything happened to Sunkist or his dad Gman #we wanna protect Tommy but on the other hand. the horrors r everywhere & Tommy go ham with a gun (he's terrified & acting on pure instinct) #(even tho Tommy has definitely faced his share of horrors in contrast to how Papyrus's loved ones try to shelter him from bloodshed) #i wanna write a paper psychoanalyzing Sans and Benrey in comparison to each other SOOOOO badly #it's been a hot minute since i last watched hlvrai (have seen it at least 4 times but not recently. did watch bbvrai live tho!) #im so extremely tired rn so i can't form proper thoughts :( but like: #they both have unfathomable otherworldly power and knowledge of their respective universes #but u wouldn't know it bc they're presented as just some chill guy who likes to make jokes and Vibe man #sike! they're a being of elderitch levels of power #they both act in accordance to game code but Sans can control parts of it (can see the timeline) while Benrey is much more subject to it #in some ways they are the antithesis of each other's motives but also contain the same vibes (all-powerful guy laidback n funny final boss) #Sans is judgment but doesn't interfere with the timeline. Benrey takes action that's “i knew this was gonna happen” #Benrey is fought as the final villain whereas Sans is arguably the final hero fight #anyways THEIR VIBES ARE BOTH SO !!!!!!!!!!!!! #idk if they'd be besties or mortal enemies #they can bond over being “unserious” (but they both take their true jobs very seriously. security guard and judgment bringer respectively)

[funforahermit]

oh ffs so the representation in "the star beast" was written badly apparently?? what's wrong with me then that i fucking loved it?

#i genuinely don't know if i'm super annoyed with the people who thought it was bad #or if i'm terrified of being a bad person because i can't tell that it's bad #it's a bit of both i think #but seriously #i was so fucking happy about the episode until i went on twitter #doctor who

[upsilambic]

One thing I unabashedly love is cross overs. I love looking at how two different fandoms can intersect, and of course I'm going to smoosh together my favorites any way I can.

In that spirit, I've decided Tsuna is a Hobbit.

Tsuna is a Hobbit, and I'm thinking specifically of Bilbo. It's funny how much Tsuna's basic story line mirrors the other's. Here's this kid with a very average life. While it is not amazing and there is quite a bit he's not happy with, there is a routine to it. Good or bad, he knows what to expect. Then suddenly, Reborn invites himself into Tsuna's life whether he likes it or not, telling him, "We're going on an adventure, and you're going to be our burglar, I mean, mafia boss." Tsuna's all, "Are you crazy?! I'm not going to do that!" and slams the door him.

Of course the disrupter at the door doesn't go away. He brings more people to Tsuna instead. Before he knows it, Tsuna's home is overrun by a host of strange individuals who is eating all his food, and he is Freaking Out.

"Oh my God! Who are you?! Why are you here? Stop fighting/breaking things! Why are you all like this?"

So Tsuna very unwilling goes on this adventure. Pretty much everyone, including himself, doubts he will be of much use, at least initially. He is constantly being underestimated. Reborn is the one who sees Tsuna's potential from the start and pushes him to see that potential too.

Like Bilbo, Tsuna does not want to fight. He hates the idea of it. Everyone around him will be gearing up to throw down, and he's just waving his hands saying, "Guys wait! Can we just not?" However, he will do what he has to do when his friends' safety is on the line. Tsuna might not be the biggest guy and might not seem all that impressive at first glance, but when things go sideways, he is the one to save the day, and he does it in ways no one else would have considered.

By the end of it, he is changed. There's no way he couldn't be after all the dark and scary things he's seen. But the amazing part is how he manages to hold onto all the best parts of what makes him who he is. He's got all the Hobbit Resilience and the Humility too. The world is offered to him on a plate and he's all, "Nah, you can keep it," because now he has his friends, his found family. What more could he need? Well, besides being left alone so he can stay home and hang out with said friends.

So, that is my nonsense contribution to fandom. Tsuna is a hobbit. (And we all know Reborn would jump at the chance to dress up as a wizard.)

#khr #tsuna #sawada tsunayoshi #There are also rings of power lol #I suppose this would make Xanxus Gollum then #Which is a terrifying thought #The ring rejected them both #I'm so sorry #I'm stopping now #katekyo hitman reborn

[soldier-poet-king]

'fran can you stop being Like That for 5 seconds?'

Unfortunately not. I am a non-person underneath all the masks and personas and the only thing left is an empty void obsessed with depressed christian existentialists, theodicy and the existence of evil, and the nature of suffering

#the duality of fran #be normal be normal be normal #i am. so well. alas #thinking my silly little thinky thoughts #which everyone maybe hates but thats ok #m still thinking #also thinking abt how obvs the early church was like nooo Greco roman paganism bad #but also if u look at the conception of divinity and theodicy in the tragedians and philosophers (and less so in populsr religion) #u see a lot. not the same. but a lot of ideas about like. evil. the nature of the gods as both terrifying and good. both horrible& beautiful #the both/and nature. the awe inspiring in the traditional sense of the word #like obvs it's the influence of platonism and neo Platonism on the church fathers #but also ive given yall my dionysios and jesus ramble before. smthn smthn smthn human and divine #I AM NOT SAYING SYNCRETISM OR HERESY #I AM SAYING. PREFIGURING. I AM SAYING. THE HUMAN SOUL IS ALWAYS SEEKING THIS THING #I AM SAYING THE PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSIONS AND DIALOGUE OF THE PERIOD #anyway. im normal. im sooooo normal about the problem of evil

[wormy-worm]

ok u know what maybe if the world isn't ready for sunrazer post that means that the world IS ready for Amoveous siblings post. This is Milo and Enho and theyre my DARLINGS and i love them SO MUCH. i have. SOOOOOOOO many thoughts abt them but after the previous post massacre i do not really feel like typing all of that xoxo love <3

#THESE DRAWINGS HAVE BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS LOL #meart #original character #robot oc #ily enho ily milo my darlings my angels my loves my funny robot guys. #ive posted abt Andromeda on here b4 if u remember her Enho is her best friend !!!!! #Enhos a battle robot who doesnt want 2 fight people.. #hes the oldest sibling and theres a lot resting on their shoulders! #shes supposed to be this big metal protector but U.U she just wants to hide in his room.. and make music for the internet.. #him and andy have this whole arc abt like. autonomy and identity and junk #being as andy is a government experiment who was raised to be a superhero who. has not yet realized that she HATES being a superhero lol #Enho inspires her! #milo um. does his own thing. he was the second amoveous bot and he is lucky to have been built without the responsibility of a battle bot #which means hes a LOT weaker. doesnt have a million weapons and lasers and such like enho does. no one expects much of him. he HATES IT!!!! #he wants to be POWERFUL! he wants to HURT PEOPLE!! he wants to be USEFUL!!! hes ANGRY ALL THE TIME #its EXSAUSTING. #yk that tinkerbell thing thats like. cuz shes so small she can only feel one emotion at once. and its so big it consumes her entirely? #hes that. he lives entirely in extremes. everything is 100% for him #he jumps to conclusions so quick and so violently.. hes incredibly impulsive and it gets him into a lot of trouble. #hes also a total NERD!!! GOOB!!! says mlady unironically. likes bad computer games. wears a stupid tie everyday. cartoonishly schemes 24/7 #enho for the record is also a pretty angry person. they just dont rlly express it. they dont express much of anything lol. #shes semiverbal on a talkative day. he can be REALLY REALLY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THO. THAT MF CAN BE SO PETTY. GOOFY ASS #but shes TERRIFIED she'll lose control of her emotions and her body and that shell hurt someone someday. absolutely terrified. #enho is as afraid of his strength as milo is of his weakness. theyre both two ends of the same extremes in a lot of ways. #polar opposites and yet exactly the same. they resent each other a lot. they need to learn to meet each other in the middle. #anyway ''i dont feel like typing all that'' and then i ramble in the tags for ten million years lol ToT I LOVE THESE GUYS #theyre my oldest ocs in this universe and i have so many thoughts if you have any questions feel free to ask me lol

[fanworldbuildingfun]

When you add tags like “OR both Ezio and Altaїr being brought back by Desmond (accidentally) during Solar FlareExcept something went... Wrong” in that post I immediately think “yandere time? Yandere time???” (I might have been reading yandere isekai manwhas lately) What if when Desmond activated the device, it needed a way to disperse all the power it received from the Solar Flare, otherwise it would burn Desmond up. (1/?)

So instead, it used the power to make Desmond’s foremost thought a reality. However, Desmond wasn’t thinking of anything ‘nice’. He was in a lot of pain and he just… He remembered the pain and anger of knowing that everything that he has done, his entire life… He had been dancing to the tune of someone else. The Assassins…The Templars… Even those years he spent on the run, being a simple bartender… He had simply been dancing the tune that the Isus had been playing the entire time. (2/?) He wanted someone… anyone… He just wanted to be someone’s priority, for once. For once, he wanted someone who would be by his side, to accept him for who he is and to… Just… make everything stop. And that’s what the device latched into. The cries of a man in pain, wishing for freedom he believed he never had in the first place. Although, it was too abstract so the device made a few tweaks of its own to make it ‘feasible’. (3 of 4) It created two representatives of Desmond’s wish, formed from the two men Desmond had achieved a Synch Nexus with. They were copies with a similar personality to the originals, with the memories that Desmond had thanks to the Bleeding Effect.But they were created with a ‘condition’. They were created to do whatever was necessary to protect Desmond and to grant his every desire and wish.… In whatever way they can. (4/4)

You made me get out my eerie music playlist for writing

See when the Temple went in for the one option it had to disperse the energy, it went at it hard. Creating a body and uploading the memories that Desmond has personally observed was not enough. It would get rid of part of the buildup, true, but not nearly enough to guarantee it’s Admin user (…yeah let’s pretend Isu also used something like that) will survive

Nor could it guarantee the memories would be enough to make the simulacrums function independently

So instead – with the shield the Temple was generating, it looked for everything. It scoured all that could be pulled from the genetic memories Desmond carried. It scoured everything that was left behind from Juno. It scoured all the remnant information that was available to any of the pieces of Eden. And then it used those to create the “interface” for the “protectors”

Altaїr’s replica wasn’t just Altaїr left behind in his descendant’s genome. He was also the memory of every contemporary Templar that handed a piece of Eden. He was the memory of every person who still had traceable lineage that interacted with him. He was every shred of Minerva’s calculation that referred to him

It was the same for Ezio. The only difference being – Ezio had much more “source” material to go with, given that (and let’s go with fanon here) he had many more direct descendants

A lot of people whose recollections went into recreating them didn’t have the same rose-ish tinted glasses Desmond did. They were just this side of sharper, just this side of terrified

Collecting all that data… Was enough to burn off what the Temple was not going to use to reconstruct the bodies

Desmond still suffered through it. Some of him still burned – but not in the way heat charred flesh and destroyed nerves. It was the burn of circuitry, much like that of Isu, etching itself into his body. After all, the Temple had to go by the “parameters” that were “set by the Admin”

When both Altaїкand Ezio came to – Desmond was the brightest, most golden thing either of them had ever seen

This alone was enough to snap them into gathering him, and the Apple, first – there was no time to question each other, not when they had to *act* first

Random thoughts:

They do not leave the Temple. Well, not at once – and Altaїr, being the most familiar and thus most “attached” to Isu tech – makes good use of being able to access the system

Both, at some point before Desmond wakes up, find out they are not the originals and there is a bout of freaking out. Surprisingly, it’s Ezio who deals with it first – for the sheer force of habit. It wasn’t the first time he was yanked around by the “gods”

Sharing body heat is going to be a thing. We ARE talking about meters upon meters of stone. It doesn’t keep heat well

Ezio is also the one who spend more time holding vigil over Desmond. At least since the moment Altaїr managed to divine Desmond’s name from the system

Abstergo still tried to get inside the Temple. They don’t have a good time out of it – not against two Master Assassins who are much more familiar with direct combat. That one of them is semi-familiar with firearms and the other has control over the building they are in becomes stuff of nightmares

At some point, Abstergo deems recovering anything from Temple a lost cause

At least one instance of Desmond thinking he is dead when he wakes up, and speaking accordingly. Ezio freaks out. Which causes Desmond to freak out. Altaїr is the one who ends up having to talk them into calming down

#ask reply #Assassin's Creed #Desmond Miles #Ezio Auditore da Firenze #Altaїr Ibn La'Ahad #I was trying to go with the scary vibe here #Cause other people's memories of either Assassins would be... Off #But still close enough Desmond may not notice at once #And yeah they are made to act out on his desires #Whether Desmond is aware of those or not #Ezio and Altaїr going all haunted house on Abstergo #I think I've lost the train of thought where this was going #Just both Assassins being soft on Desmond and terrifying for everyone Else #Modern Assassins are NOT ready to deal with them

[silenthillbunni]

🐰🌧️

#so on my way home.. #i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future #i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were #bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected #a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati #that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful #and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old #live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :) #you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :) #you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!! #you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u! #whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️ #god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE #i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things #now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao #there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives #by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it. #or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me #only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die #bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything #for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!! #not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right #i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax #but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭 #my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became #bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life

[iguessitsjustme]

I just realized I didn’t show y’all my favorite gift I’ve ever been given please hold

#rae irl #i got it for christmas this year #and its both the most thoughtful and most terrifying gift ive ever been given #you are not prepared

[fellhellion]

god the way miguel intimately understands both desiring the ideal that promises a better future (his spiderman identity is specifically a means to protect, to be a different man than everything else he considers miguel o'hara to be), as well as the notion of being manipulated by the promise of something better (for him, it was conditional acceptance and validation of his worth by those who held power, and by extension, the systems they operated within). anyways! <- falls over and dies.

#sm2099 #i have both of these panels saved to my phone like a dweeb because they give me insane emotions <3 #feeling insane ALSO about how miguel is unable to reckon w the fact that Stone takes advantage of him. #He blames himself for having somehow not predicted Stone would poison him. He doesn't acknowledge the ways in which Stone took advantage of #him as a child. leveraged the safety of Conchata and Gabriel over his head in order to ensure compliance - let alone the effects of #spending a majority of ur formative years in the school designed to be a alchemax employee pipeline. #'im not scared of you' he tells Stone as a boy. and yet it is only when hes so angry at the thought of Stone hurting Gabriel and Conchata #that he can acknowledge how powerless and terrified being drugged made him feel #he NEVER acknowledges fear until that point even though its obvious to the reader. #i just💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥 #tunes talks 2099

[the-grape-entity]

When a bad day at the end of a few bad weeks turns into being terrified you’re getting worse and terrified you’re never getting better

#vent #<? #I’m not doing too hot if you couldn’t tell #disabled #tourettes #mobility aid #when not being able to decide which leg feels worse right now turns into using both canes at once and then spiraling slightly over the #implications of that #I swear I’m normally positive about these kinds of things but the last few weeks have just been hell and the thought of becoming more disabl #disabled than I already am is terrifying to me #as much as I’m usually normal about this. I don’t want things to get worse. I don’t want to have to face the possibility of the things I lov #love being taken away from me because my body has decided it can’t or won’t handle them #I’m so tired. #edit: this is ok to rb btw